Sara 2g4n5r

Sara

Marilyn Randall

Copyright © 2016 by Marilyn Randall.

Library of Congress Control Number: 2016915916 ISBN: Hardcover 978-1-5245-4576-5 Softcover 978-1-5245-4575-8 eBook 978-1-5245-4574-1

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only. Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Rev. date: 10/03/2016

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Dedication

This book is dedicated to all my alcoholic brothers and sisters; those who got sober and those who couldn’t and died because of this disease. Alcoholism is cunning, baffling and powerful and is a disease of the body, mind and spirit. Some have learned a new way of living by following the twelve-step program and have been blessed with lives that are completely changed, while there are others who continue to struggle. As long as there is life and breath there is hope and we, none of us, should ever give up or give in to the disease. We are all miracles in sobriety and my prayer is that each person who wants to find and live that sober life, will be so blessed.

Contents

See the Ending to Live The Beginning

Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Six Chapter Seven Chapter Eight Chapter Nine Chapter Ten Chapter Eleven Chapter Twelve Chapter Thirteen Chapter Fourteen Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen Chapter Seventeen Chapter Eighteen Chapter Nineteen Chapter Twenty

From the Author

See the Ending to Live The Beginning

Hold onto tomorrow in tremor Or it will rage beside the beast Watch the ending as it flashes In the mirror upon my flesh Like lightening striking near enough to burn

The pangs of want and need For hunger of truth from other’s graves But liquid never lasts And dreams also evaporate in spirit And for tomorrow upon my wicked breath, I drink again

Tomorrow I die a little more With every ounce I pour Down my thirsty throat And flee to other places beside mine For not standing where I am

I am not here as you are I drink the part of me that bleeds I fill my heart with wine Instead of blood it pumps And keeps me sane for yet another day

Press the glass against my mouth Smell the odor of death Sucked across the tongue Sending me into myself To once again survive for where I am

And no one knows I cannot stop Swirling one day after another More ounces of liquid that will Change everything within me And around me on the outside

I drink from crystal lakes Submerged beneath the wine goblet’s rim I drink from glacier’s edges

Dripping from the last empty glass And each one fills my mind with more

More messages of past surrounding Another day of agony The pain is blasted once again So I can feel myself instead Of numbness everywhere

Again I drink to stay alive Again another to calm my soul And each sip closer to the death That I have forever feared Yet raced toward with every swallow

And if I ever breathe again Free of that which traps my soul I will have looked at the ending Only to see the beginning

When I finally, with humbled grace, become sober

Chapter One

“My name is Sara and I’m an alcoholic.” The first time I said those words aloud I was filled with such shame, regret, anger and defeat. All the emotions of someone beaten down by a disease they had completely lost control over. Alcohol had taken control. My life was in shambles and I had hurt many people along the way. I was devastated that after years of drinking and trying to make myself feel better, something I thought was the most fun in all of the world to do had turned on me and caused me to do unthinkable things and to become someone I didn’t recognize anymore. My life didn’t start out that way. I didn’t wake up one morning thinking “Oh my goodness, I think I’ll be an alcoholic when I grow up.” I was a young person with goals, ideals, values and morals. I had been born into a loving, caring family and had the from everyone, so how did this happen? How did this happy, normal, pretty little girl grow up to become a raging alcoholic with no control over her life or the amount of alcohol she consumed every day of her life? That’s where this story begins. Sara was a beautiful baby when she was born. She was the first child of Evan and Gina, a young married couple who lived in a small Washington community, North of Seattle. Evan wanted to be a carpenter, having grown up in a family of contractors and builders, but in the 1980’s he had some difficulty finding steady work so to better his growing family, he put away his hammer and went to work for a trucking company. That job was steady, afforded him a better income and later he moved from the local, in state deliveries to long haul interstate trucking, which meant fewer days home every month, but more money for his family’s needs. Gina was a very pretty woman who loved being a homemaker and a mother. She had captured Evan’s heart because of her beauty, but also because she was such a kind and caring woman. In the early years of their marriage she worked outside the home at several different jobs, but when the children began arriving she was more than happy to give all of that up and become a stay at home mother to her children. She was a very good mother too. She was loving and caring and as her

family grew she more and more set aside any desires she had to be there for her children always. She often played the role of both parents since Evan was on the road more and more. Eventually, in a seven year period she had provided him with five healthy children. Over time the hard work and anxious times of raising that many children alone most of the time took it’s toll on her and Gina not only gave up her ambitions to do anything one day for herself, but she also gave up her health. In 1999 Gina was diagnosed with diabetes and heart disease and was no longer capable of keeping up all the time with all five of her children and their needs. Evan was home less and less as the expenses of raising that many children was a burden he just could never get ahead of and by the time Gina became ill he had pretty much resigned himself to a life on the road with few times for family life, so he more or less watched his children grow up from afar. Sara, being the oldest, often helped out with her younger siblings. She had two sisters and two brothers and since they were all fairly close in age they formed very close bonds as children and the younger ones relied heavily on Sara at every turn. She was whom they ran to when they were injured and she was who they looked to, to help them with their schoolwork and even their chores. She truly loved all four siblings and rarely tired of being the “big sister” to all of them. She was naturally nurturing and caring for each of them and she often stayed home from her own activities when the younger ones needed her. They all not only looked up to her, but they loved her “to the moon and back” as they used to tell her. Gina was especially proud of her too. She was grateful that her first-born was so loving and willing to sacrifice to help with the younger ones. So often she would tell Evan that without Sara she would never have been able to handle all the children alone, especially after she became so ill. The days were long and always busy with someone needing something extra. The very small town of Coupeville where they lived was on an island and they lived close enough to the little town to walk there once a week to shop at the only grocery store. The town was a very old settlers town having been a port for sailing ships delivering goods and supplies in the 1800’s and the historical value alone made it an interesting walk through the residential areas and into town. Some of the buildings were very old and had been restored and were on the historical , which made them very special. The very old parson’s home and carriage house was painted a welcoming soft yellow while the old, Catholic church and it’s bell tower were painted a very bright white. There were buildings trimmed with gingerbread lattice and trims reflective of the Victorian era when they were originally built and it made for an interesting walk through the streets

and Gina always made sure the children learned about the town’s history and felt a certain pride for their home. At the very end of Front Street a very long dock still stretched into the Penn Cove bay where they had unloaded ships during the early beginning of the town, but today it was mostly used to house businesses that catered to tourists such as a tiny restaurant and shops. The main street of town was also mostly devoted to tourists now and made for an interesting walk for them and the permanent residents also. The family loved to walk into town each week to the ice cream shop located on the main street facing the waterfront and located fairly close to the dock and in the summer they managed once a week to scrape together enough money for everyone to enjoy a single scoop waffle cone after a busy week doing chores around the house. Sara’s two sisters were both lovely girls; Karen and Ginger were two and four years younger than Sara and Tony and Brad came next in that order. Being the youngest, Brad was seven years younger than Sara and Tony was five and a half years younger than she was. The boys were both tall, good looking boys and as they approached their teenage years they were both guys that the girls were always flirting with. Ginger was named for her bright red hair, having been born the only redhead in the bunch. She had grown into a beautiful girl with porcelain, fair skin and strawberry blonde hair. Karen was the tallest of the three girls even though she was three and a half years younger than Sara and a year younger than Ginger. She was a pretty girl, but not thought of as beautiful as the other two were. Sara was about five foot five inches tall and had violet blue eyes with dark brows and hair. She didn’t have to wear makeup for others to recognize that she was beautiful as she had a rare, very natural beauty that boys and later men found very attractive. While growing up she was asked out on many dates, but usually refused them so she could stay at home and care for her family, who by this time needed to help care for their Mother who was becoming more and more of an invalid. More and more the responsibility for her care fell to Sara. She had few friends because her days were spent with the family and there was little or no time for anyone else, especially a social life where she could just relax and have a good time. Sara graduated from high school first of course, but because she was so needed at home she made no plans to further her education. It had always been expected that she would still be helping her mother as by now her mother’s illness kept her bedridden quite a lot of the time. Her heart was failing and weakness kept her much too tired most of the time to be much help. The children weren’t toddlers anymore and they could mostly manage on their own, but someone had to do the grocery shopping, keep the house cleaned, fix school lunches, keep the

laundry done and be there to look after their mother, especially on those days when she was too ill to get out of bed and all of this responsibility fell on Sara’s shoulders. She always said she didn’t mind, but if someone had taken the time to dig deep enough they would have found a girl who desperately wanted a life of her own, but who had resigned herself to doing the right thing for the family. At times she felt trapped, but no one ever knew and at times she felt all alone and again those closest to her would have never guessed because she covered it so well. She loved her mother so much, but sometimes there was a war going on deep inside her soul; a battle between doing the right thing for the family or doing something just for herself and the family always won. “Come on everyone,” she said. “You need to help me get this place cleaned up. She was shouting at her siblings. “Dad will be here any minute and I need to finish up dinner,” she said, “and I need your help with the rest of this please?” she asked again. Karen and Ginger finally started picking up the living room and straightened up for her while the boys continued arguing about who had made the latest run for the Seahawk’s most recent touchdown, neither having any interest in helping their sisters. They were used to the girls taking care of most of the inside chores while they mainly took care of the bedroom they shared together and the outside chores, such as mowing the lawn. While they continued to argue the girls were cleaning around them and Sara was putting the finishing touches on a roast she was putting in the oven for their special dinner. Dad only got home once or twice a month and only for a few hours, when he did make it, Sara and Gina always wanted things to be their best whenever he was home. Evan had matured into a fine looking man, but years of driving truck had left him a bit paunchy and mostly out of shape for anything else. He loved his family, mostly out of a sense of duty, as being on the road for nearly as long as they’d all been alive had left him with a serious disconnect to all of them. They just didn’t relate much to him and neither did he to them. He was loyal and had been the one to financially them for all these years, but he didn’t know any of them nor did they know him. Whenever he came home he spent most of his time with Mama in her room with the door closed to all of them and the time they sat down at the dinner table together enjoying the dinner that Sara always cooked for them was the only time they spent in the presence of their dad until he would return in a few weeks. They used to get so excited when they heard he was coming home, but as they’d gotten older it seemed to mean less to each one

of them. As their mother became weaker and was confined to her room more and more, when he did get home, it was her he wanted to spend what little time he had with. He rarely had time to spend the night, almost always needing to get back on the road within a few hours and those few hours he would always spend with the one person in that home that he knew. He and Gina still loved each other, but their closeness and the physical love they’d shared in their early relationship had turned into mostly a friendship and even though there was a love between them, because of Gina’s illness it had been pretty much platonic for the last several years. They liked each other and he always looked forward to seeing her and spending time with her, but their relationship had changed so much that he barely recognized it anymore. Even so she was still the friend he could talk to about events he had experienced while traveling. She always seemed interested in everything he brought home to talk to her about and it helped him to have someone to share the stories with. The kids didn’t know him and he didn’t know them so it made it difficult to even carry on a dinner conversation with them. They would tell him briefly about what they’d been doing since he’d been home before, but none of them were able to talk about their innermost feelings with each other and the chasm between them seemed to widen as the children grew older. “Ginger?,” Sara asked, “Can you please help me finish peeling the potatoes and carrots for the roast? I’m afraid it’s going to be a really late dinner as it is and I should have already had it in the oven.” Just as she finished, she heard the rumble of her father’s truck coming up the driveway. “Oh good,” she thought, “he’s finally home. It will make Mama feel so much better to see him.” And she and Ginger continued peeling the vegetables for the pot roast. The front door opened and rather than a jovial greeting from his brood, the loud, “Hi, I’m home!” was met with a subdued, “Hi Dad.” from everyone. Sara came out of the kitchen wiping her hands on a towel. “Hi Daddy,” she said. “How was your trip?” “Fine,” he quickly replied. “How’s Mama?” “She’s not too good today, Dad. I tried to get her up before you got here, but she just couldn’t do it. I’m sorry,” she told him.

“It’s okay Honey,” he said. “I’ll go in to see her now. When’s dinner?” he asked. “In a couple hours. I’m a little late today. How long can you stay?” she asked. “Long enough to have dinner, but I’m on a run to New Mexico and have to get started tonight,” and he went down the hall to see Gina. Her room was very small, as she’d chosen the smallest room when they’d moved in since he was gone most of the time, saying the children needed the larger rooms. Last year Sara had found some pretty floral curtains at the annual flea market and they had fit her window perfectly and brought some of the outdoors inside for her. There was no music playing as any sound was noise to Gina and she preferred the quiet. Her bed, which was full size in case Evan could ever spend the night, was shoved against the wall and there was one tallboy dresser on the other wall. The only decoration in the room, were photos of her children, some framed and some not; most of them were school photos scattered over most of two walls. There was her wedding photo with Evan hanging above the head of her bed and one small pink painting of flowers that Sara had painted for her for Mother’s Day when she was about eleven years old. The room was pleasant, but fairly sparse for a room where someone spent most of their life, but Gina was comfortable with it the way it was. She said, “I’m surrounded by all the people I love and I don’t need any more.” Evan opened the door and walked directly to the bed, leaned down and kissed the top of her head. “Hi Baby! How are you feeling today?” he asked her. “Oh Evan, I’m so glad you’re here. How was the trip and I want you to tell me all about where you’ve been and what you’ve seen. Please?” she asked him. He chuckled a little, thinking to himself, “always the same. She lives through me and that’s all she wants is to know is where I’ve been and what I’ve done since I was last home. She’s too sick to do anything herself so she lives through what I tell her and every time I come home it’s the same.” “Let me get these boots off Honey and I’ll lay down beside you and tell you all about it. How were the kids this time? Any problems? He asked her. “No Evan, oh Brad and Tony have had plenty of arguing sessions over little things. They are good boys though Evan and it’s never anything too serious, but it bothers me to hear any of them when they squabble because I so want them to be close. Each other is really all they’re ever going to have and I know when I

think about the future and that they’ll one day be on their own, I just want to know they’ve got each other to depend on. Other than that it’s been fairly uneventful, “she told him. Evan was thoughtful for a moment while he was removing his outer clothes. He carefully crawled over her to the far side of the bed and managed to pull all the covers back and lie down next to her full-length body. He gently put his arm beneath her and pulled her close to him. They both looked forward every time he left, to this one moment when he would return and hold her against him for whatever time they had together, when they could talk quietly and he would tell her of all his adventures on the road. It was a special time for both. Those few, very sacred moments when they were completely alone and could enjoy the closeness of each other physically. Making love was something they hadn’t been able to do for several years, but they still enjoyed this moment that had always been so special to them both and continued to keep them close emotionally. Evan didn’t realize how even he valued this time, always thinking he was the one giving something extra special to his ailing wife, but the truth buried deep within him was he needed this closeness too although not as much as she did. He was the only person in the world that could offer this to her, but because he was out there in the other world it wasn’t the same for him. “I’ll talk to the boys before I leave,” he told her and then he began telling her of all the things he’d experienced since he last saw her. She was at peace laying beside his body, feeling his warmth and hearing his voice quietly telling her all that she wanted to hear. Even the flat tire he’d had to replace and the awful wreck he’d come upon a week ago. He described everything he saw to her; the scenery, the mountains in the distance as he crossed the Nevada desert, the city lights as they appeared on his decent of the Grapevine mountain on his way into Los Angeles and the gorgeous waters of Shasta Lake, now that the rains had brought the much needed water levels back to an acceptable level. He told her about a moose he saw as he was near the Grand Teton mountain range in Wyoming and she listened intently for the nearly two hours he laid with her before they heard the light tapping on the door and Sara quietly pushed the door open to tell him dinner was ready anytime he was. The two hours with Gina had flown by once again and he felt the let down he always felt, knowing he would once again be leaving her. “Do you think you would feel up to having dinner with us today, Honey?” he asked her gently. “No Evan,” she replied, “I think I’ll just lie here for awhile yet. I loved hearing

all the stories so much and time goes so quickly when you’re here, doesn’t it?” She asked him. “It goes way too fast.” He said as he kissed her on the forehead again before he began making the moves to remove himself from the bed and begin to dress once more. As he sat on the side of the bed, pulling his boot on and fastening the laces, he told her he would see her again in a week and when she heard that she perked up because she hadn’t expected he’d be back so soon. “A week?” she asked him and he laughed and said, “Yes. I’ve got a special run next week that will bring me through here on Monday. I won’t see the kids as they’ll all be in school, but I’ll be able to spend a little longer with you.” “Oh Evan, that’s so wonderful. That gives me so much to look forward to. Be safe my love and I’ll be praying for you every day,” she told him. “You keep saying those prayers my girl,” he said, “they’ve kept me safe this long, haven’t they?” He kissed her lips, quickly and softly and she kissed him back the same and he told her he’d have Sara bring her dinner in before he left. “Thank you,” she barely whispered to him and she was asleep, content with the time they’d just shared and tired out from hearing all of his adventures, before he left the room. Evan left her sleeping and pulled the bedroom door closed behind him before walking down the hall to the living area where once again Tony and Brad were arguing about a play they’d just watched on television. Evan sat between them on the couch, grabbed the remote and shut the game off before saying, “I want to talk to you two boys before I leave.” At first the boys were disturbed that he had shut off the television without asking them first. They were feeling a little angry that this man who they only saw occasionally had the audacity to do that to them, but both boys quickly recovered and ed he was their dad after all and this was his home too. “Mom tells me you two have been doing a lot of squabbling while I’ve been away this time. Is that right?” he asked them. Knowing they were going to be reprimanded they both looked at the floor as they both said at the same time, “Yes Dad.”

“Well, I want you both to think about something. Your mother is very ill and she is getting weaker every time I see her. Your arguing and bickering is causing her to feel stressed and anxious for you, which means she is using far too much energy she doesn’t have. Now, I want you to stop the bickering for her sake. Do you understand me? She needs every ounce of energy to live each day without stress and worry so I don’t want her hearing more of that stuff because of you two.” He said. “Yes, Dad,” they both said at once, “sorry”! “Okay,” he said, “now how about we see what Sara has made us for dinner?” and the three guys went into the little dining room where she had set a wonderful table. The pot roast and vegetables were excellent and Evan complimented her on her cooking abilities. “Mighty fine dinner, Honey,” he told her. “I’m always so happy to have a meal here with all of you guys. Your dinners are always so good and I’m very proud of you Sara and all you do for these guys and for your mom.” “Thanks, Dad,” she said, “I like cooking and mom taught me how over the years. How was she when you were with her?” she asked him. “She was very tired. I told her you’d bring her dinner, but she was already asleep when I left the room.” And then he said to everyone at the table, “You all need to watch what you say and do that she can hear. She loves you so much and all she wants is for you guys to be close to each other and get along. It means a lot to her when she believes you love and care about each other. Ginger, how is school? Are you getting along any better?” he asked her. The last time he was home she told him she was unhappy because the kids at school had been teasing her about her red hair. They were saying things that were hurtful such as she was the only one in her family with red hair so she must be adopted. It had upset her and she had asked her dad if it were true. He had been shocked and did his best to convince her that she wasn’t adopted and that the other kids must have been jealous. He told her she was beautiful and one day she would feel differently. Right now the red hair made her stand out which she didn’t like, but someday she would be proud of it. She told him things weren’t any better, but she had figured out a way to fix it. “I’m just going to dye it black, Dad,” she said, “then they won’t hound me anymore.”

“No you won’t do that, Ginger. Your hair is beautiful and I absolutely forbid you to dye it, seriously, Ging. No dying the hair, understand?” he asked her. “But Dad, they tease me all the time. I just want them to stop.” She told him. “I know,” he said, “but you are going to have to wait until you’re eighteen before that happens.” “Oh Dad, you just don’t get it.” She said as she left the table and stormed down the hall to her room, leaving everyone else with no understanding of what had just happened. Sara then said, “Don’t worry Dad, I’ll talk to her later. She’ll be okay. “Thank you, Sara, but no matter what, you make sure she doesn’t color that beautiful hair. Now dinner was great, but I have to hit the road. I’ll be back in a week and hopefully I’ll have more time. Thanks for dinner, Sara. It was wonderful. I’ll be calling in a day or two, when I can. Take care of Mama for me, okay Honey? See you next week.” He told her and just as he’d appeared a few hours ago, he was gone again as quickly. As everyone helped clear the table, Sara was thinking about Ginger and how to help her with her hair problem. As soon as she finished the dishes and everything was cleared away, except the plate she’d set aside for Mama for when she woke up, she went down the hall to find her sister. She knocked on the door and opened it to find her sister laying on her bed, still sobbing her heart out. “Oh Baby,” Sara said and went to her to wrap her arms around her and show her comfort and love. “I’m sorry you’re hurt. Come on, Sis,” she said. “It will all be alright. Let’s talk about it, okay?” Finally, after several minutes of trying to regain control and stop crying, Ginger sat up and looked at Sara. “I hate my hair,” she said and started to cry again. “I know you do, Ginger, but it’s what makes you so special. It’s what makes you stand out from the rest of us. It’s so beautiful and it highlights your natural beauty and the beauty you have inside. It’s like God placed a rose on your head to show the world you are so special. Those kids who tease you are jealous because they have nothing that makes them special like you do.” She reassured her.”

“Really?” Ginger asked. “You really think it’s that special Sara? “Absolutely I do. It’ a way to highlight the beauty in your heart and I don’t want you to change that. That’s what Dad sees too. He just doesn’t know how to say it.” She said. “Wow,” Ginger said, “I didn’t know he thought that too. Thank you Sara. I feel better now. Will you please keep telling me if I forget what you just said. It’s hard to believe it because those kids have been so mean. I didn’t want to be different. I want to feel like I’m a part of this family, not different.” “Ginger,” Sara replied, “you are maybe the most important part because you are the one who shines the most. I love you little sister. Now let’s go see Mama and see if she’s ready to eat yet.” “Okay,” Ginger said, “and Sara, thank you.” As they walked down the hall to their mother’s room they were holding hands and both of them felt a huge love for the other one. It was moments like this that Sara thought, “makes the sacrifices worthwhile.”

Chapter Two

They carefully opened their mother’s bedroom door and slipped quietly inside. Sara walked over to the bed and knew instantly that things were different. “Ginger,” she said aloud, “go get Karen and hurry and bring me the phone. Now Ginger!” she all but yelled. “Go now!” Sara reached for her mother’s hand and knew instantly she was gone. She had left them and Sara was nearly paralyzed with fear. “No Mama, no, you can’t leave us now. Not yet!. Please Mama, not yet.” She said and her tears couldn’t be stopped. She was kneeling now beside the bed when both girls came running into the room and seeing their older sister on her knees, holding their mother’s hand caused them to abruptly stop and they both also now knew their mother was gone. “Oh no, Mama, no!” Karen screamed as she too knelt and wept with Sara now. Ginger who was the youngest of the three girls, was devastated. She collapsed beside her sisters and was sobbing uncontrollably as she ed the phone to Sara. Sara took the phone and realized she had to get control of her emotions. The family was going to need her to be strong and she had to find a way to be the strength that would hold them all together. Their mother would want that of her and she had to do it for her now. As the other two girls sobbed over their mother’s body, Sara stepped away and dialed her dads cell phone. When he answered, she said, quietly into the phone, “Daddy, you have to come home. Mama’s gone.” “What?” Evan shouted into the phone, “I just left there four hours ago. Sara, what do you mean gone?” “Dad, she died sometime after you left her. We just found her Dad. Oh please, can you please come back home Daddy?” she begged of him. “I need you Dad, please?” “Uh, Sara, oh my God. Honey, I don’t know. Its going to take time to get this load transferred and someone else to take over. I will be there Sara, but I don’t

know how long it will take to get it arranged. Sara, you are strong. You can do this girl. Call 911 first and call her doctor. They’ll help you to figure out what to do and I’ll be there when I can. Okay, Sara? Do you understand? He asked her again. “Yes, Dad, but please get here as soon as you can,” she said. “I will Honey. I promise.” And the phone went dead in Sara’s hand. Sara was distraught, but she quickly dialed 911 and told the person who answered that she needed help because her mother had ed away. As soon as the operator had all the required information, she asked Sara to stay on the line until the aid car arrived, but Sara told her no, she couldn’t do that. She had to locate her brothers and tell them and she had to call her mother’s doctor and even though the operator asked her not to hang up, she disconnected the call and went to find Tony and Brad. They were the youngest and they were going to need protection and care and Sara needed to be there for them. When she found them outside in the yard they were tossing the football back and forth. She called them to her and sat down with them on the front steps. Sitting on the front steps, in the fading sun, feeling a gentle breeze blowing through her hair and hearing a siren in the distance, the whole scenario felt so unreal to her. “I have to tell you something guys.” She said. “It’s going to be very hard to hear this, but boys, Mama has ed away. We just found her and I need you guys to be strong for me now and help me to get through this, please?” she asked them, not knowing how else to do this. Both boys were in shock and they both had tears rolling down their cheeks as they began asking her what had happened, if they could see her and when Dad was coming home? She took them both by the hands and led them into the house and down the hall to their mother’s room where they found their sisters kneeling still beside the bed and crying for their mother. When the boys saw her, they too tried to hold her hand and touch her and Tony insisted on crawling up on the bed to lie beside her as he continued to cry for her. They were all devastated. Even though she had been weak and sick for a very long time, they all lived in a world where that was their norm and they thought it would just be that same way forever and none of them were prepared to loose her. She had been the center of their family. The love that always flowed from her was strongly felt by each one of them and ironically, even though she had been the weakest, they had all gained from her a tremendous strength because she showered them all with love. She was never selfish or demanding. She just

loved them and she wanted most for them to love each other. She knew this would happen one day and they would need to be alone without her and her goal had been to provide them with love for each other to sustain them. She wanted more than any other thing on this earth for them to be a close family and depend on each other when she was gone. When the aid car arrived and the medics walked into the room, they were immediately struck by the sadness of five grieving children clinging to their mother who had left them all. Sara knew she had to be able to hold them all together so they could get through this loss with each other. The medics finally were able to get the children to let go and move out of the room and they set about preparing to remove the body as soon as the coroner arrived. When he arrived it fell to Sara to answer all of his questions and make decisions, which she wasn’t prepared for. She had to call her dad back twice as she didn’t know the answers to some of the questions, such as where they would bury her and what funeral home would they use. Sara was exhausted by the end of the day. She helped get all the children ready for bed and it was well after midnight when she herself finally had a few minutes alone to reflect on all that had happened and finally, sitting beside herself after the others had gone to bed, she let it all out and cried herself to sleep on the living room sofa. She was the first to awake the following morning and knowing there was going to be so much to do for the next several days, she got up and began making a list of things that would need to get done. She would have to go to the funeral home and meet with them about the funeral. She would need to call their minister, order flowers and plan a reception with food for guests or at least talk with someone about how to do that. There wouldn’t be a large gathering to prepare for. Her mother had been ill for too long and had very few people who were friends and their dad, being gone all the time didn’t have any friends here either, but there would be teachers and school friends and a few people in the community who would reach out. It was going to take time, but there was so much that she was going to need to do and until Dad got home it was all going to fall on her. He still hadn’t told her when. Evan was in Oregon when he got the call from Sara that Gina had ed. He was now in a huge bind. He needed to get back to Washington and his family, but he had a serious problem and he didn’t know how he was going to solve it. Evan had another family and he had another wife who didn’t know about his first family. Nor did anyone in his first family know anything about his second

family. He had committed bigamy four years earlier when he’d gotten his girl friend of six years pregnant. She often traveled with him in the beginning and only sometimes now that she had a child, but this week she was with him. Her mother was looking after their son while she traveled with Evan for the week. The plan had been to drop her off in Portland next week on his way back to Washington. That’s where Sherri was from and when he had first started seeing her it had been very convenient for Evan and easy to keep them all separate. She was far enough away from his first family to not be a threat, but close enough to be on his way to and from home often. He was in love with Sherri and had been for years. He felt a responsibility to Gina and the five kids, but he hadn’t been in love with Gina for many years, not since she’d become so ill and they had lost their physical ability to show love in their relationship. When he met Sherri he hadn’t intended for it to be a forever thing. She was a young waitress in a truck stop he frequented. She was young, pretty and vital and she was adventurous and loved going on the road with him when she had a few days off. When she became pregnant and wanted to keep the baby, Evan wanted to do the right thing and marry her and he did so without telling her anything about his sick wife and five children. He and Sherri were married in Nevada on a quick trip shortly before their son was born. Sherri and now the baby lived with her widowed mother ever since, while Evan continued to truck all over the country. Sherri was with him when the call came about Gina ing. He explained to Sherri that it had been his niece calling to tell him his sister had ed unexpectedly. He told her he had to go to Washington to help with the funeral and her kids and of course Sherri wanted to go with him. She hadn’t met any of his family and she really wanted to go, but Evan couldn’t take her to Washington with him. He had to take her back to Portland and he had to make up some excuse for not taking her and he had no idea what that would be. He was feeling desperate. He had to get back to help Sara and the kids, but not with Sherri. “Damn,” he thought, “What a miserable mess I’ve created. I never want these two families to meet. They can never know about each other. It would never work.” “Sherri, I’m sorry, but I can’t take you with me. There’s so much I need to do and help the family with and you don’t know them so I would only be distracted taking care of you as well. I’m going to drop you off in Portland and then I can do whatever I have to do to help them. I’ll be back to get you when I’m done, but this is the way it has to be this time.” He told her.

“But Evan, I can help with all those things. I wont be in your way and I can help with arrangements too. Please, Evan. I want to go with you.” She begged again. “No Sherry. I said no. I can’t take you this time and that’s final. We’ll have lots of time to be together, but just not this time.” He said, as he turned the truck around at the next off ramp, called his company boss and told him he’d had a family emergency and that he needed his trailer picked up in Portland while he went on to Washington for a few days. They called him back an hour later telling him where to drop the trailer and he was all set. He took Sherri home right after he’d left the trailer off, told her he was sorry and he headed for Washington. He thought he could be there very late that same night, but he needed some sleep first so the first rest stop he found, he pulled the truck into it, shut down the rig and crawled into the sleeper cab for some much needed rest, but before he went to sleep he called Sara and asked her what was happening? She told him they were doing the best they could. They were going to have a really busy day ahead as all the arrangements for the burial and service had to be made yet. “I don’t know how much of this I can do alone, Dad.” She told him. “I hope you’re coming home soon.” “I am,” he answered. “I’m on my way now. I should be in tomorrow, Sara, so whatever you don’t get done I’ll take care of.” “Oh thank you Daddy. We need you. Drive safe.” She said and when they broke the connection Evan was asleep almost instantly. When Evan finally pulled into the driveway at two thirty the next afternoon, Sara was surprised to see him in an empty rig. She was used to seeing a huge trailer following his truck, but this time he was empty and she hoped that meant he would be home for awhile. She needed help with everything and also with comforting the kids. They were all so upset having lost their mother and they were all struggling with the after effects. The girls didn’t eat at all today and the boys were too quiet. She knew everyone was hurting over the loss, but she wasn’t sure how to help them, any more than she had already tried to do. She hoped having their dad at home would be what they all needed and she hoped he would know what to say to everyone. She also hoped he would stay longer this time. They all needed him. Evan walked into the house to find every one subdued and not able to really get

it together. The two younger girls ran into his arms crying and he was taken aback, not being used to their affection or attention. He hugged them, patted them on the back and said everything would be okay and then he turned his attention to the boys who were watching television with their feet on the coffee table again. He scolded them and told them to get their feet down and again they felt picked on by him. Certainly not loved. Sara was disturbed by all the decisions she’d had to make today without his help or input. She’d decided when the service would be and she had picked out a casket. She had met with the minister and discussed the service and she had ordered flowers on the advice of the funeral home so they were sure to arrive in time. She was worn out from all the stress and really happy he was here now and could start relieving her some, but once they sat down and began to talk about everything she realized he was glad she had stepped up and made the decisions. He was fine with everything she had decided and didn’t want to change anything. He told her he had all the confidence in her and he once more encouraged her to be strong, stay in charge and everything would work out fine. Sara was disappointed. She needed him to be in charge. She was an eighteen year old, barely out of high school and she was overwhelmed with grief and loss and all the extra challenges of planning her mother’s funeral. She couldn’t understand why he was so unemotional and so willing to dump everything on her. She talked to him about the finances and asked him how she should pay for everything and he was a little hesitant, but said he’d work it out and then was a little dismissive of her. She was puzzled. What did he expect would happen once the funeral was over? Did he think she would just continue to be in charge of everything or was he going to take a more active roll as a parent? She knew they were going to have to have the talk, but she was too tired tonight. It would have to wait until tomorrow. Evan went to the funeral home with Sara. He approved all the decisions she’d made earlier and on their way home he stopped at the store and bought a sixpack of beer to take home. It had been awhile since he’d had a few days off and he deserved a beer or two to help him get through all of this. He was sad that Gina had ed away, but the problems that left him and them with were bothering him far more than just loosing her had. When they got home, all the kids were in their rooms except Brad who had walked to a friends house. Everything was quiet so he opened a beer and offered one to Sara. “I’m not supposed to drink that,” she said, “I’m not old enough.”

“I know,” Evan answered, “but after all you’ve been through it will do you good to relax a bit and one wont hurt you. Here, try this.” And he handed her an open bottle. Sara took a sip at first and didn’t really like it much, but she kept it in front of her as her dad opened his and sat down across the table. “I think we need to talk, don’t we, Sara?” “Yes, we do, Dad. I need to know what’s going to happen now that Mom is gone? Who is going to take over and how are we going to manage? What do you expect from me, Dad? I’ve been taking care of the kids and Mom and all of this for so long, but what happens now?” she asked him. “Sara, you’ve done a great job too, but I’m going to need you to keep doing what you’ve been doing. I’m still going to be driving to take care of all of you here, but someone has to be in charge here and you’re the only one I’ve got.” He told her. Sara picked up the beer that was in front of her and took a long swallow, mostly for lack of knowing what to say to him. She was stalling. After the drink, she sat it down, took a deep breath and said, “Daddy, I can’t do this alone. I’ve done everything I know how to do for you and for them, but I want a life too. I need to be able to figure out a life for me; get a job, have friends of my own, all the things that come with having my own life. If I stay here and take care of them I wont be able to do anything for me. I love my family, Dad and I loved Mom so much, but I want to see what’s out there for me now.” Evan took another long pull from his beer and when he sat it down he reached across the table and took both of Sara’s hands in his own before he said, “Honey, I know it’s been tougher on you than on anyone, but I need you here Sara. I can’t quit my job and be here. I need you to keep doing what you’ve been doing. I’ll keep paying for the house and bills, for food and clothes and I’ll buy you a car so you can have a way to get around, but you have to stay at least until Brad gets through high school.” “Dad,” she said, that’s seven more years. I can’t do that. I’ll be old by the time he’s through school and I wont have a life at all.” She pulled her hands away from his, picked up her beer and took another swallow and as the liquid flowed down her throat she realized she was feeling something she’d never felt before. Some people called it a buzz, but whatever it was she liked the feeling instantly. She felt a little more relaxed than she ever had and she felt empowered. She

could tell her dad what she thought and not worry about the consequences and she liked that feeling a lot and soon she’d finished the bottle. She asked her dad if she could have another one and he started to say no, but then he thought to himself, “let her have a little fun. She’s been through so much that a couple of beers will be good for her.” So he went to the fridge and opened another bottle for each of them. As he sat down, he said again, “Sara, I need to be able to depend on you to help me out here for awhile longer. I’ll talk to the other kids and ask them to pitch in and help you more and I’ll let them know this isn’t fair to you. As soon as we get it all working again, why don’t you look for a job outside the house for a few hours a week. If you find something you like you don’t have to spend every minute stuck in the house, Honey, and you’ll have a car so even if you wanted to go to Oak Harbor to work you’ll be able to, but you’ll need to be home after school and at nights to keep things running smooth. I’ll come home like I do now and give you a little break too. What do you say, Sara? Will you do that for us please? Everyone really needs your help and we’ll all do whatever we can to make it easier for you. We just can’t do this without you Sara, so please be on board with this, so I don’t have to worry anymore?” Sara was quiet for a moment and then she said, “Dad, you know I love you and these kids and I loved Mama so much too. You can count on me, I guess. I’ll do the best I can, but there is one thing you have to promise me. If I need help or anything happens and I need to reach you for any reason you have to answer your phone or call me back right away. When Mama was here she could say what to do, but now I might need to talk with you so you have to be more available, Dad, because I can’t do this alone.” “Okay,” he said, “I promise. You can call me anytime and whatever is happening we’ll figure it out together and before I leave this time, I’ll sign papers giving you the authority to sign for me in case of any emergency. That way if anything happens to any of the other kids you’ll be able to make decisions for them without me. If they need a doctor or anything like that you’ll be able to sign for me in my absence. We’ll talk about it, but you’ll be able to handle it. Thanks, Sara, for saying yes. Your Mama was always so proud of you and so am I. You are the one with the level head and the most capable of all the kids. You are and have been a real blessing to us and I know you will be.” “Thank you, Daddy,” she said. “I’ll try. They sat quietly after that, finishing their

second beer, each lost in their own thoughts and once more Sara realized how much better she felt after having these couple of beers. It was a feeling she really liked. It was the first time she’d ever had anything to drink and now she had an inkling of why most adults she knew were always talking about having a drink. She loved the slightly tipsy feeling and she thought then that she wouldn’t be able to buy beer for herself until she turned twenty-one, so for some time yet, she’d have to wait to do this again, but she definitely knew she would one day in her future. Later that evening her dad called all the kids together to discuss what was going to happen, both over the next couple of days and also in the future. The other four brothers and sisters were very concerned when they found out things were going to be all on Sara still. They loved her, but she wasn’t their mother and sometimes she could be really bossy and a pain in the neck. Their mother had always been the mediator and she’d always done that with such love that no matter what her decision was they always knew she loved them, but with Sara completely in charge it was going to be different. In one way they were glad their dad was still going to be on the road. Having him home all the time and having to adjust to his ways would have been torture, even worse than having Sara in charge. Eventually they all agreed they would try to stay out of trouble and help Sara keep the home together. Even though they were very young, each one of them had an idea about what a sacrifice she was making for them, even though they didn’t want her to know they knew. That’s the way it was between brothers and sisters, but they did all know she was being asked to do something for them all that was going to be hard and they knew she was doing it because she loved them. The next day everyone dressed in their good clothes to go to the funeral home. They all only had one set of anything that was considered “good”. They all grew very fast and ed clothing down when they could, but they couldn’t afford to have very much and good clothes were a luxury. Sara had a pretty dress that had been her mother’s dress a few years ago. Her mother had helped her remodel it last year to make it a bit more stylish and Sara was very proud to wear it. Both Karen and Ginger had nice dresses they had found in the thrift store a few weeks before school started. The boys were okay with a pair of nice pants and a dress shirt. Tony didn’t have one so Dad had taken him to town to buy a new one and he had gotten himself a new one also so the whole family felt like they were presentable. They were going to see their mother for the last time as the following day was going to be the funeral and it had been decided to keep it a

closed casket for the service and burial. It was very hard on each one of them as they walked up to view her body lying so serene against the soft, satin lining of the casket, but it was hardest on the youngest boys. No one had told them about what had happened the day she died and since their dad had needed to scold them for arguing where she could hear them they had both taken on the guilt of that and were blaming themselves for causing her to be upset. They had each felt responsible for her death and neither one had anyone to talk to about it and when they saw their mother lying there they were both consumed with instant intense, guilt and a sadness that just wouldn’t go away. Both boys were crying hard when they left the room and although the girls were also crying they weren’t as deeply emotional as the boys. Sara was already trying to figure out how to help them with their grief and she decided to try to talk with them all later when they got home. Dad’s reaction to seeing his deceased wife was surprising to her. She had always thought they’d shared a deep love for each other and she had expected him to be devastated by her loss, but instead he had shown very little emotion. This didn’t seem normal to Sara and she thought he wasn’t a very emotional man or he really didn’t love her mother as much as she thought he had. “Oh well,” she thought, “men don’t always show their emotions or that’s what Mama used to tell her. She would often say to her, Sara, boys and men are very different than girls and women. We have to always that. Females are more emotional and men are more logical and so it’s pretty rare to be able to read a man’s emotions or know what he’s thinking by just what he says. They hide it well, while we show it all. If we’re sad, we cry. We wear our emotions on the outside while they keep them all tied up on the inside where we rarely get a peek. It’s just natural and the way we were made.” So Sara didn’t really know what he was feeling, but she knew it didn’t feel right to her. At the end of the day she asked her dad if he’d buy some more beer. “I really want another beer Daddy. It helped me to relax last night and I know it did you too. Lets stop on the way home.” “Well, I guess we can, but you know girl, in a few days I’m gonna be gone again so you’ll have to suck it up and get on with things like always. You can’t go through life drinking beer every day.” He laughed then and said, “that’s why so many get into trouble with drinking, but this once it wont hurt, I guess.” He stopped at the store and bought another six-pack on the way home. He also bought some ribs and corn and when they got to the house he fired up the old

grill he kept tucked away on the back porch and he cooked dinner for them, something he hadn’t done in over three years. After a couple of beers he and Sara felt better and they were able to open up a little more and talk to each other and Sara once again liked this new feeling and was feeling more comfortable with her dad. “When do you have to leave again this time?” she asked him. “I have to leave Tuesday morning so that gives us two days after the funeral to get everything worked out and Monday we’ll get those papers signed and buy you a car before I leave. I know you’ve got your license since you took drivers training in school, but Monday night plan on a couple hours practicing with me sitting beside you. I want to make sure you’re safe before I leave.” He told her. “Okay Dad, I can do that.” She said. “When will you be able to come home again next time?” and his answer startled her. “I’ll be on the road at least three weeks, Sara. I have to make up for these days I’ve lost here so it will be awhile, but we’ll talk every so often and I know you can handle things here for me. I’m going to have a lot of extra expenses to make up for too, so I’m going to have to haul as many hours as is legal in order to make enough to pay for everything. It will take a little time, but I should be able to do it.” He answered her. “Well if I get a job, maybe I can help out some too. We’ll just have to see if I can find anything that I can be trained to do.” She said. “I don’t have any ideas about what that might be, but I hope I find something that I like.” She told him. “Finding something we like isn’t likely Sara, but finding something that brings in what we need to survive is what’s important.” He replied. The funeral was difficult for all five children. They were still numb from the shock and pain of loosing their mother. They were all dressed in the same clothes they had worn the day before to the funeral home. The flowers on the casket were beautiful pink carnations and white lilies done in a small unpretentious spray, that they could afford. Nothing over the top, but elegant non the less. The minister was gracious with his words, explaining to the small audience what a devoted mother Gina had been and how she had been ill for so long. None of the children could speak about her. They were all so heartbroken that each one was lost in their own thoughts and memories as it all played out

around them, leaving them all with a feeling of being in a play where they were going through the motions and just playing a part. None of it felt real, yet they were all profoundly sad. Evan was the same and all he wanted was to get this nightmare behind him and get back on the road. He had learned a long time ago how to separate the two families in his mind and his sanctuary to do that was his truck. He had missed Sherri and although he had talked to her a couple of times over the past few days, each time had been quick and private, when he had a few minutes with no one else around. She was still upset that he hadn’t taken her with him, still not suspecting anything about another family, but as it became closer for him to come back to Portland she was in a more forgiving frame of mind. The funeral was behind them and Monday, Evan took Sara to buy her first car, after he had signed all the papers to give her full authority to make decisions for her four siblings in his absence. It was all coming together as he’d planned and finally, he thought, “I’ll be on the road tomorrow morning and things will be back to normal.” Sara was excited about her new car and had driven it home, following him all the way from the car lot in Sedro Wooley, where they’d found it. They were going to have a driving session tonight and then she’d be on her own. She seemed excited about the little white Nissan he’d bought for her. It seemed to be the perfect size and although it wasn’t new, it was new enough to be in very good condition for her needs. After they finished driving home she once again asked him to buy a six-pack so they could celebrate one final time before he left. He did as she asked because, honestly, having a couple of beers sounded good to him also. It would be a long time before he’d have the time off and could enjoy a beer or two again so he went back to the store and picked up more beer, which they both later shared. They were sitting across from each other again that night and they talked about the kids, the future, the funeral and what her plans were about getting a job, but they didn’t talk about his job or the fact that he was leaving again in the morning, or when he would return. He just didn’t ever want to talk to his kids about what he did on the road. He’d shared those times with Gina and now he would share them with Sherri, but they weren’t the things he wanted to discuss with his children. They finished their beer finally and decided to call it an early night. He had a lot to do tomorrow and wanted to get an early start. They were

also feeling somewhat of a letdown after the funeral. It was time to get back to the real world. Sara told the others it was time to shut down the television and go to bed and none of them argued with her. They were all asleep by ten o’clock. Everyone except Sara who was lying in her bed thinking about all they had just come through and all they were going to be dealing with in the future and she had to it to herself, she was really nervous that her dad was leaving in the morning and she would be in charge of everything now, and she just didn’t know if she were up to it or not, when she finally drifted off to sleep.

Chapter Three

Evan made the trip to Portland by noon on Tuesday. He stopped to pick up Sherri as he’d promised, then rolled into the yard about two o’clock to pick up his load and by three o’clock he was on his way south. Sherri was so happy to be back in the cab with him and she had a thousand questions for him about his stay with his family, his sister’s funeral and she wanted to know everything about his trip. He told her all about it; about the funeral and her children and all the while he was telling her it was his sister who had died and her children he had helped, he was describing everything he’d done with and for his own five children that Sherri knew nothing about. She listened carefully to everything, learning all about his family whom she’d never met. When he finished he told her his niece might be calling him often for advice or help and he planned to be available to her. He didn’t want Sherri to start getting suspicious about all the calls he might be getting and he also told her again to never answer his phone if it rang. She was always supposed to give it to him to answer. She then said, “Evan, I already know that. It’s what you’ve always told me and I’ve never answered it for you, but if those kids should need your help and you have to go back there sometime I sure would like to go with you next time.” “Sure, Baby.” He said. “Next time you can go, okay? Now tell me how Bobby was this week? Did he give you a hard time about leaving again?” he asked her. “No, he doesn’t mind so much as long as he’s with his Grandma. He was good all week. You know, Evan, he looks more like you every day and he’s such a sweet natured little boy. When he’s a little older I sure hope we can bring him with us once in awhile. I would love for you to know him better and with me to look after him it wouldn’t be any trouble for you.” She said, almost pleading with him. “We’ll see when the time comes, but right now he’s just too young to have on the road. The last thing I need while I’m trying to drive is a crying baby in the cab to be a distraction and an annoyance at that.” And they continued south. This trip would eventually take them to Louisiana after a stop in LA and then

Los Vegas. It was going to be a long trip and having Sherri along was a good thing. He really loved this girl and was hoping he could make her happy and keep her from ever finding out the huge secret he was keeping from her. She’d never understand if she knew the truth and he was determined she never would. Sara was doing everything she could to help her younger siblings adjust to the loss of their mother. She had decided to wait a few weeks before she applied for a job so she could spend more time at home with them and get a handle on how it was all going to work without Mama before she went to work somewhere. She wanted to know they were all adjusting before she wasn’t there for them every moment. She had been spending more time with her brothers as without yet knowing why, she realized neither of them were handling it well. The more she tried to talk with them the more they withdrew from her so she didn’t have a clue they were suffering that tremendous guilt. The girls were actually handling things pretty well. They missed having Mama in the house and being there to give them a pep talk when they needed it, but they were adjusting and didn’t mind helping Sara with anything she asked them to do. They had all promised their dad they would help more and so far the girls were doing a great job for her. Occasionally she walked into town with them where they could window shop for awhile in the little tourist shops lining main street. They all liked to walk out on the long dock that stretched far out into Penn Cove Bay atop very old, creosote soaked, pilings, and look at all the new things in that shop’s storefront, which was at the far end of the dock. There was a restaurant out there too and everyone loved the aromas of garlic and food being cooked for patrons even though they could never afford to indulge. At the most, Sara only had enough money for each of them to have a single scoop waffle cone as they ed the ice cream shop, which always smelled delicious as the vanilla wafted from the fresh baked waffles and permeated the surrounding areas. There was often a line forming out to the street and a wait to get into the shop because it smelled so good. A walk around town and an ice cream was a once a week treat they’d been sharing as a group for years and they all still loved it and looked forward to doing it together. Sara had decided it was an important part of their family tradition and something she would continue for as long as possible. There were several restaurants in town and on the edge of the little town; places where she thought she might be able to go to work when she was ready. There were more than four bed and breakfast establishments, a couple of large restaurants and bars on the outskirts of town and a very large and busy motel, also on the edge of town, so Sara saw many possibilities for her to look for work

when the time was right. Two major changes happened that week. School let out for the summer, which meant she was going to have to find ways to keep them all busy for the next few months before they went back to school. She was glad for Ginger because now she wouldn’t have to put up with those kids who were constantly harassing her although since her mother died they had backed off some. The second thing that happened was Sara decided to move into Mama’s bedroom. The three girls had shared a room for all their lives and now she felt like it was time for her to be able to have some privacy. She was growing up and after all she was in charge and even their dad had agreed that she should make the change whenever she was ready. She hadn’t told the others yet, but she had planned to do that soon. One thing that was bothering her since the funeral was the difficulty the boys were still having. Finally one afternoon she took Tony aside and privately tried to talk to him about what might be happening. At first he denied that he was struggling, even a little, but finally after much prodding he broke down completely and began telling Sara how sorry he was. He was crying so hard she could barely understand him, but she let him cry it out and then she carefully asked him again what he was so distraught about? Between sobs he finally said, “Because she is dead because of Brad and me. If we hadn’t been doing all that arguing that day she would still be here and I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt her, Sara. I really didn’t and Brad didn’t either, but Dad told us earlier that the arguing we were doing was stressing her out and I am just so sorry. It’s my fault she is gone.” Sara was in shock. She had no idea the boys were blaming themselves, but it all made sense now. She told Tony to wait a minute while she went to find Brad and when he came into the room and saw that Tony was crying he was scared now too. “Brad,” Sara said, “Tony just told me he blames himself for Mama ing away. Do you feel that way too?” she asked him. Before she could say anything else, Brad too broke down and was sobbing just as Tony had and she let both brothers cry it out and then she said.” I so wish you would have told me when it first happened. You guys are not to blame at all. Mama was very, very sick and the little arguing you guys did that day had nothing to do with what happened to her. It wasn’t anyone’s fault and no one could have changed it. She died because of her weakened heart and not because of anything any of us did. She wouldn’t want you to be thinking this way. She

would want you to be strong and know that she loved you very, very much and absolutely nothing you did hurt her in any way.” She was trying very hard to get them to believe her. Brad was looking at her now with a renewed hope and when he asked her how she could be so sure, she told him that Mama had known for a long time she was going to . “The reason she wanted us not to argue wasn’t because it upset her so bad, it was because she knew she wasn’t going to be here for much longer and she wanted us to know how to pull together and love each other because we were going to need each other very soon. That’s what she wanted for us. You boys were arguing that day and she told Dad about it because she knew the end was getting close and she just wanted you guys to be close. It wasn’t your fault she died boys, not in any way was it your fault.” And for the first time even Tony stopped crying and was looking to Sara as if he was hopeful that she was right. “Now I hope that you will really think about this and know that I’m right and if in the future anything like this is bothering you, please come to me and we’ll talk about it. I wish I had known weeks ago that this was troubling you so I could have helped you,” she told them. Both boys thanked her and each of them gave her a hug that lasted for a long time and was extra tight. She was beginning to understand the effect of their mother’s ing was going to be different for each of them and she was very glad they had finally opened up to her. She loved them so much and like her mother had, wanted only the best for them. “How about we all walk into town for an ice cream cone?” she asked them, thinking that it would be a good way to get their minds off this for today. Brad didn’t want to go with them. Instead, he said he wanted to go over to his friend’s house again. Sara thought it was a little strange, but then, he was a boy and she knew teenage boys separated themselves from the family earlier than girls sometimes so she said it was okay and with the other three in tow she started their walk into town. As they approached the intersection just a block from the street on the waterfront, she was the first to hear the squeal of the tires and racing engine as it came around the corner, sliding towards them. She tried desperately to shove all three kids aside, but she couldn’t reach Ginger since she was about two steps in front of the group and as the others managed to avoid the sliding car, Ginger was hit and hurled several feet from the impact.

Sara screamed as she bolted towards her. The car came to a stop finally, just beside her crumpled body and there was blood pouring from her head and mouth. “Oh God, no,” she screamed. “Come on Baby, stay with me.” And she yelled at Tony to call 911. Both younger kids were absolutely in shock, but Tony hearing his name, somehow was the first to recover and he grabbed Sara’s phone. There were people gathering now, having heard the screech of tires and Sara’s screams. There was a man trying to help her with Ginger, but she wasn’t responding and Sara was frantic. The driver of the car, a very young man, stumbled from the driver’s seat, saw Ginger and jumped back into the car, put the car in reverse and left the scene, obviously frightened and wanting to get away. An astute older lady rushing to the scene managed to get his license number as he sped away. The corner where this happened was only seven blocks from the fire department and nine blocks from the hospital so Sara heard the sirens coming within seconds of Tony’s call and she prayed for Ginger as she waited for help. “Hurry,” she said over and over, “Oh God, please make them hurry.” It was exactly three and a half weeks since their mother had ed and now Ginger too was gone. When the doctors came out of the emergency room to tell them there was nothing more they could do for her, Sara was in complete shock. “No!” she said as she fell to her knees. “This isn’t true. Please tell me this isn’t true.” But the doctor was certain there was nothing more they could do. Sara was beside herself and as Tony and Karen also cried yet tried to comfort her, she was beyond help with her grief. She knew she had to call their dad. She needed him. This was more than she could handle on her own and she finally asked Tony to hand her the phone. She was still in the waiting room of the hospital when she called her dad and his phone rang several times with no one picking up and strangely it didn’t go to voicemail, but just kept ringing. She disconnected the call thinking she must have dialed the number wrong and she immediately called again. Letting it ring twelve or thirteen times this time she suddenly realized her dad just wasn’t answering. This was exactly what she had warned him about before he left. He did this same thing sometimes when her mother was trying to reach him and although she never complained it used to make Sara angry that he couldn’t always be reached and now he’d done it again and she was very upset. She needed him and she couldn’t reach him. She again ended the call and called the same number again, this time letting it ring for nearly twenty times before someone finally answered.

Evan and Sherri were at the yard in Louisiana where they were switching loads and trailers. Evan was behind the warehouse with the dispatcher when his phone started ringing. It rang so many times that Sherri knew it must be important. She listened to it ring and ring and start over again and even though she knew she wasn’t supposed to answer it, she couldn’t listen to it any longer and she turned it over and timidly said, “hello.” Sara was shocked to hear a female voice answer the phone and at first she thought she must have dialed the wrong number again, but as soon as she recovered she asked for Evan and then asked who it was she was speaking to? Sherri said then, “this is his wife, can I help you? Who is this?” she asked. Sara said, “What? His wife? What do you mean his wife?” “This is Sherri and I’m Evan’s wife. Who is this? She asked. Sara was in complete shock as she said, “This is Sara, his daughter and you can’t be his wife because my mother was his wife. Where is he? I need to talk to him now!” she said. Sherri was now the one in shock and she said he was behind the warehouse, but that he’d be back to the truck in a few minutes. “I can have him call you back if it’s important,” she told her, still trying to figure out what she had just said. “Yes, it’s important. His daughter was just killed in an accident. I’m at the hospital and I need to talk to him so you tell him to call me.” Sara hung up the phone and none of what she’d just heard made any sense to her. Married? Her dad was married already? It had only been three weeks since her mother had ed. How could he have done that to them? There were lots of things that didn’t make sense and she was still in shock and she knew she wasn’t thinking clearly. Sherri was shaking by the time Evan got back to the truck. She knew he was going to be horribly upset with her for answering his phone, but now that she knew what it was about, she knew he was going to be upset because another child he’d had had just died. She had so many questions now and she wanted answers. When he opened the door to the cab and hauled himself up into his seat he knew at once something was wrong. Sherri was visibly shaking and she was holding his phone in her hand. She ed it to him and said, “Evan, call Sara.

Your daughter has just been killed.” That was all she said before she started to cry for him, for his daughter, and for herself. “What did you do?” he bellowed at her. “I told you never to answer my phone Sherri.” “I know you did and now I know why. It’s because you’ve been lying to me. You have other children you never told me about. I want to know what’s been going on Evan, but call your daughter first. She needs you right now.” Sherri told him. He reached for the phone then and dialed Sara’s number. When she answered he asked her what was wrong and she said sarcastically,” Besides the fact that you have a wife less than a month since Mama died, nothing much, except our Ginger was just killed too.” “Oh my God,” Evan said, “Oh no, not Ginger too. Oh Sara what can I do and what happened?” Sara then told him quickly about the car that came sliding at them and that Ginger was the only one hit and that she was gone. “I don’t know what to do and I need you here Dad,” she said. “Okay, Sara. Look I’m in Louisiana and it’s going to take me four days driving non-stop to get back there. You are going to have to take care of this; make the arrangements and make sure the service won’t happen before I get there. Oh God, I’m sorry Sara. I’m so sorry.” He told her again. “Who is Sherri?” she asked him. “Is she really your wife?” “Yes, she is, Sara. I can’t talk about it right now, but I’ll tell you everything when I get there.” he said. “Great,” she answered, “and are you bringing her too?” “I don’t know yet, but I’ll tell you everything when I see you. Look Sara, I’m sorry this happened, but you have to get a grip now and handle things for everyone. We all need you right now and I’ll be there as soon as I can.” He told her.

Sara could barely comprehend what had just happened to Ginger and what he had just told her about having a wife. “This is absolutely crazy!” she was thinking, “and I don’t know what to do first.” She was still sitting in the hospital waiting room and someone was asking her about her sister and who was responsible for her and who they should call to take care of the body? Sara could only think for them to call the same funeral home that had handled everything for their mother, so she gave them the name and she took Karen and Tony with her and they started walking home. “Nothing would ever be the same again. Mama was gone and now Ginger was gone too. Beautiful, sweet Ginger with her bright, red hair. Oh, God,” she thought, “I still have to tell Brad. He doesn’t know yet.” As soon as she arrived home she found his friend’s phone number, called and asked Brad to come home as soon as possible because they had an emergency. She went to the refrigerator and found the four beers that were left over from when Dad had been home and she opened one and began to guzzle it. She wanted to calm down and feel that safe feeling again and she wanted it to happen fast. As soon as she finished the first one, she opened a second, but this one she didn’t chug. She sat it on the table in front of her and waited for Brad. Tony and Karen had gone to their rooms and she was alone, waiting to give Brad the horrendous news that now his sister was gone also. Evan was visibly shaken. How had something so awful happened to his family? They had just lost their mother after years of illness and now piled on top of that they all had to face this. Ginger was gone. She had been the beauty of all his children; the bright light in all their lives. She had a fierce, fiery temper to match that beautiful red hair, but it rarely surfaced except for the quickness of a flare when she was agitated, but she got over things just as quick. She was a loving child with a bright smile and everyone she came in with loved her. The kids in school who teased her about her hair were jealous and actually were in awe of her beauty. They didn’t tease her because they hated her; they teased her because they wished they could be just like her. Only now she was gone. How had that happened? Sara said something about a hit and run? “My, God,” he thought, “I’m going to miss that beautiful spirit.” He looked over at Sherri and saw that she was still crying and she wanted answers. Finally, he realized it was time to come clean with all of them. Leading a double life had been awful for all of these years and he regretted he’d lied to her and now he had to tell her the truth. He owed her that much and the time had

finally come. “Sherri, I am so very sorry.” he began, “it’s true, I have another family and I didn’t want you to know because I didn’t think you would understand. My wife was sick for years and years. I hadn’t been in love with her for a very long time, but because she was sick, I couldn’t just leave her and we also had five children together and I couldn’t abandon them either so I continued to them. I only went home every few weeks for a day and sometimes only a few hours. It was my wife who died a few weeks ago, Sherri, not my sister. I’m so sorry. I know this has to be very hard for you to hear now,” he told her. “You mean you’ve been married to two women at the same time for all this time, Evan? That would mean our marriage wouldn’t even be legal?” she asked him. “Yes, that’s what happened, Honey. I fell in love with you and I wanted you with me so I didn’t tell you the truth. I was afraid you wouldn’t want me if you knew everything and I loved you so much that I didn’t want to loose you. I know our marriage is legal now, Sherri. When she ed, it automatically made ours legal. I’ve been able to take care of you and Bobby and also take care of all of them too. It’s been a struggle at times, but I always wanted the life we’ve made together, but I couldn’t just leave them. They didn’t know about you and Bobby until you answered that phone, but now they know. I have to go back there for my daughter’s funeral, but I don’t think you should go until I’ve had a chance to talk with them and explain everything. I can drop you in Portland and go take care of everything there and then we’ll never have to do that again.” He told her. “No!” Sherri said. “They know about me now and I’m going with you. They might as well get used to me as I’m going to be part of their lives now too.” “Sherri, Honey.” He said. “That’s just not a good idea. I just can’t see that making it any easier on anyone. They are already dealing with so much, loosing their mother three weeks ago and now loosing their sister. I don’t think they can deal with all of this and I don’t think it’s fair to ask them to. Once they recover from this, we can go for a visit and they can meet both you and Bobby, but they are going to need some time, Honey.” “Evan, I don’t care. It’s either that, or you can say goodbye to me. I am not someone you should be hiding. I’m very sorry about their mother and about your daughter, but if I’m going to be a part of your life, it starts now.” She told him.

He was thinking hard about what to do, but in the end, the last person he wanted to loose was her, so eventually he agreed and he fired up the truck and pulled out of the yard, headed back to Washington State as fast as he could make it happen. All of the arrangements had been made for Ginger and they were only waiting now for their dad to get home so they could have the service. The neighbors, school friends and parents and even people who didn’t know them had all reached out to them. Most of them knew by now this family of five children had lost their mother, but now that they’d lost a little sister too, they all pulled together to help in any way they could. Families brought pre-cooked meals to the house, flowers arrived from perfect strangers and someone had started a ‘go fund me” page on Facebook to help raise money to help pay for funeral expenses and there was already almost eleven thousand dollars in the fund from generous contributors, for which they were very grateful. Sara had stayed away from the beer after that first night, but there were still two left in the refrigerator and she decided she would have them tonight while waiting for her dad. He should be home soon and she was hoping he wouldn’t bring that woman with him. They had enough to deal with without having that thrown in their face. She opened a beer and took a couple of swallows, set it on the table in front of her and waited for the feeling she liked so much to mellow her out, when she heard the familiar rumble of her dad’s truck coming up the driveway. Once again she could tell by the sound that he was running empty. “Good, she thought, “maybe he planned to stay awhile and help her this time.” He brought the truck to a stop and set the brake before shutting it down. When it finally quit running and the quiet settled around them, he turned to Sherri and asked her to wait for him. He wanted to talk with Sara and the kids first before he brought her inside and she agreed to wait in the truck for as long as he needed to be with his children. A few minutes later the front door opened and her dad walked in. The two boys had been watching television, but when they heard the truck they turned it off and waited for him. Karen had been in her room, but she also heard his truck and came down the hall just as he came in the door. He gave everyone a hug and then he saw Sara sitting at the table drinking a beer, but she had opened one for him too and had set it down on the table across from her. “Have a beer, Dad.” She said. “It’s the last one, but I figured you’d go out and get us some more once you got here.”

“What are you doing, Sara? He asked her. “You’re drinking again?” “I’m trying to feel a little better than I do. If you don’t want that one, save it for me and I’ll drink it too. I need to feel a little better right now and this helps some.” She said. “I get it, but like I told you, this isn’t any way for you to be doing. We need to talk, Sara. Kids,” he said to the other three, “I need to talk to your sister for awhile. Will you give us some time alone, please? Just for a little while?” “Yes, Dad.” They all said as they went down the hall to their rooms. “Now I need to ask you,” he said to Sara,’ have you told them about Sherri?” “You mean your new wife?” she asked him with a tone of disdain. “No, I haven’t told them. I didn’t know how to so I left that for you to do.” She told him. “Thank you and I will do it tonight. You need to know that she’s not my new wife, Sara. I actually married her four years ago before our son was born. She and I have been together for six years and when she became pregnant, I married her. I never wanted you to know what I’d done or her to know about all of you, but now that it’s happened it’s time to come clean with it all and tell the truth.” He told her. “My God,” Sara said,” it’s even worse than I thought. You have another kid and a wife and none of us knew about each other? Well, I bet she’s really happy with you right now. Where is she anyway, Dad? Didn’t she want to come and meet your family?” “Actually, she’s here Sara. She’s waiting in the truck and I’m going to bring her in to meet you in a little while. I wanted to talk to you first.” He told her. “You are not bringing her in here, Dad. No way! This is my mother’s house and you are not bringing her in here.” Sara shouted at him and since she’d finished her beer she reached across the table and took back the one she’d given to him. She tipped it up, took a long swallow, wiped her face and said again, “No, I won’t let you do that.” Evan then said, “Sara, this is my house. I pay for it and it is still mine and I am going to bring her in and you are going to be polite. Do you understand?”

Sara, glared at him, so angry now she couldn’t answer him so she continued to drink the beer that had been intended for him and she didn’t say any more. It was not easy for Evan to tell all the kids what he’d done. He knew they would probably never trust him again, but he had no choice now and he told them everything. Sara was really angry and she let it be known to the other three. Brad was the only one of the four who finally said. “It’s okay, Dad. I know you didn’t mean to hurt us, but who is she?” he asked his Dad. “She is someone I met several years ago. She’s a really nice woman and I think you’ll like her and I just want you to give her a fair chance, okay?” he asked them, but Brad was the only one who answered, “Okay, Dad.” Sara was even more angry when Sherri walked into their living room. “She was very young. Not much older than I am.” She was thinking. “This just isn’t right. If I had somewhere to go, I would be out of here.” Sherri was very reserved as she came into their home. She knew this was going to be difficult, but she was determined. She didn’t want to be in the closet any longer and she wanted to know these kids who were so important to Evan. When he introduced her, he said, “This is my wife, Sherri. Sherri, this is Sara, my oldest, Karen, Brad and Tony.” Sherri started to step towards Sara, but Sara had a wall up that Sherri knew she wouldn’t penetrate tonight. She looked at each one as she spoke, saying, “Hello, I’m glad to meet you.” And when she had finished she then said, “I’m so sorry about the loss of your sister and I hope there will be something I can do to help you. If you need anything, all you have to do is ask.” The three younger children all said, “hi,” very quietly, but Sara could not bring herself to speak to this woman She was still very angry that she was here and that she was being forced on them. Finally their dad said, “Sara, we need to talk about the service for Ginger and I want you to tell me what happened to her. Sherri and I are going to run to the store to pick up a few groceries. We haven’t had a real meal in four days, but we’ll be back in a little while and we’ll talk about everything. Do any of you need anything?” He asked and everyone said, “No!” except Sara and she said, “Will you bring back some beer, Dad? We’re out and I think I’m going to want a couple tonight.”

He looked at her at her then, quickly realizing she was asking for more after already drinking two. He didn’t think it was a good idea, but he had to try to get her to relax so she could maybe accept Sherri and try to get to know her and if it was going to take a few beers to accomplish that, then so be it. He and Sherri left for the store and the brothers and sisters were alone again to talk about what had just happened. They once again felt like their life had been turned upside down. Everyone, but Sara thought Sherri was okay, but Sara was adamant. She wasn’t going to make it easy for them. Dad had deceived everyone and she thought, “He needed to pay.” Karen said she thought Sherri seemed nice enough and she also thought she was very pretty and then, realizing that her sister was still very upset, she reminded Sara that it wasn’t her fault this all happened. It was their dad who had lied to them and he itted he had tricked her the same as he’d tricked them. Sara had no choice, but to think about that after Karen said it out loud, but she was still angry and quickly dismissed what Karen had said. When they arrived back home after their trip to the store an hour later they both went into the kitchen to put the groceries away. Sherri wasn’t shy about pitching in and helping and when Sara came into the kitchen to get a beer, she suggested that Sara and Evan go sit down at the table and talk while she finished their dinner. She handed Evan a beer and said, “Go talk to Sara. I know you have a lot of questions about what happened. I’ll be fine and if I need anything I’ll come and get you.” “Thanks, Honey.” He said, and Sara flinched as she heard him call her, Honey. That just wasn’t right. She got her own beer and didn’t offer one to him, since Sherri had just handed him one. “Now, go you two and talk,” she said. They waked into the dining room and once again sat across from each other. “This was getting too familiar,” Sara thought. “Too much tragedy to have to talk about.” “What happened to Ginger, Sara?” Evan asked her.

Chapter Four

Sara told her dad about the accident and also that the police had arrested a kid the same day for felony hit and run. It was all such a waste and hard for the whole family to understand and to accept. The funeral was the same as the one they’d arranged for their mother only this time there were lots more people who came by and were offering help. It seemed the whole community had stepped up to help this family and they had even raised enough money to pay for Ginger’s funeral and some of the costs of their mother’s funeral also. The outpouring of love had overwhelmed Sara and she at times didn’t know how to handle it all. She had asked her dad not to sit with Sherri at the funeral and not to introduce her as his wife to anyone. She said it was too soon and though he didn’t get it at first it was Sherri who finally convinced him she should sit behind the family and be introduced as a friend to avoid any embarrassment to the kids. She reminded Evan that his children had to live in this town and it mattered to them what other people thought, while she and Evan would be gone in a few days and not have to experience any of it for themselves. They had been there for five days and Sara just wanted them to leave. She had put her foot down about allowing them to sleep in the house in her mother’s bed. She said no and threatened to leave the family to him if he did that, so Evan and Sherri had been sleeping every night since they’d arrived in the sleeper cab of his truck. It was fine with Sherri because, as she told Evan, this way they would have a little privacy and time to themselves while they were here and since it was still summer it was plenty warm without having to start the truck up for heat. They were planning to leave early the following morning and everyone had said their goodbyes. Sherri had tried many times to penetrate that wall that Sara had surrounded herself with, but to no avail and when she told her goodbye she tried again. “I hope if you need anything, Sara that you’ll call me. I will absolutely do everything I can to help you and the others at anytime and if you ever can’t reach Evan, please call me. I’ll always do whatever I can to help. I hope one day soon you’ll get to meet Bobby. He’s a great little guy and I think he’s going to love having a whole family of big brothers and sisters.” While Sherri talked, Sara continued looking down at the ground, knowing that she was the last person she would call if she ever needed anything. She told her dad

goodbye with very little emotion. She wanted them gone and for everything to get back to what would be normal for them, if that were ever going to be possible again. After they left, Sara was again in charge and she tried hard to think up things they could all do together to keep them busy during the weeks that were left of the summer. She had driven them to the south end of the island a couple of times to spend afternoons at Double Bluff where they went clam digging and beach combing. Twice she’d taken them to the only drive-in movie theatre left open on the island to watch whatever movies were playing. They all had a good time doing that together and loved being out late at night. She made Sloppy-Joe burgers for everyone and when they got to the outdoor theater she placed the foil wrapped sandwiches under the hood to keep them warm until the intermission. This was a great distraction for everyone and they were grateful to her for thinking up these things to keep the family doing things together. All Sara cared about was keeping the kids with her and keeping them safe and she worked hard to make sure everyone was as safe as they could be while under her care. She had a tremendous amount of guilt about loosing Ginger and she was determined that something like that would never happen again while she was in charge. When it came time to buy school clothes, she made it an adventure for them and for the first time in their lives, she took them to the mainland to an outlet mall and bought them all a few new items. They were all very excited because rarely had they been able to buy new school clothes in the past. Most of their clothes came from the local thrift stores so this was a special treat that they were especially excited about. She didn’t buy herself anything new and instead, she made sure that everyone of the others had some nice clothes and shoes to wear on the first day back to school. They were all beginning to feel a little better about their situation even though each one of them missed their mother and now Ginger a lot. They all knew how hard Sara was working to do things for them and they appreciated her and all she was doing. They seemed to be getting past the sadness and loss and Sara was feeling better about things also. The boys were finding things to do during most days with their friends and Karen was staying very close to Sara. Karen was nearly sixteen, while Tony was fourteen and Brad was twelve. Sara knew that she was going to have her hands full trying to keep teenagers occupied and out of trouble, but she wanted to do that so badly. Loosing Ginger had been really hard on her. She still felt quite a lot of guilt because she hadn’t been able to save her, but she was determined she

would keep the others safe. Karen, Tony and Brad all started school again on September seventh and it was the first day Sara had had to herself since her mother had ed away and as she wandered around the empty house and the quiet settled in around her, she knew she needed to find a job; something that would get her out of the house, even a few hours a day and so she could start having a life of her own too. Her dad and Sherri had been home twice more during the summer and she didn’t like Sherri any better than she had at the beginning, but at least they didn’t come often and when they were there her dad was willing to buy beer for her so she could mellow out some while they were around. It had become something she needed to do in order to tolerate them. She applied for several jobs, but always let them know she was available to work any hours except when the kids were out of school. She had to be at home for them and also to get them up and off to school in the mornings, but the rest of the time she was available to work and she was hopeful someone would need her and be willing to work with her hours in order to have her. She would have to be trained for any job as she was totally unskilled, as they called it, and most everyone said taking care of a houseful of kids didn’t prepare her for work outside the home. She always let them know she was willing to do almost anything to be given a chance in order to get a job right away and two weeks later she was in shock when she answered the phone one afternoon. The lady on the other end of the call told her who she was. “Hello Sara. This is Mrs. West. I don’t know if you’ll me, but I own the Purple Caterpillar Bed and Breakfast on the north edge of town and I am in need of someone to work here. I was very impressed when you stopped by that afternoon and when one of my young ladies turned in her resignation yesterday I thought of you right away. Would you be interested in coming by tomorrow morning to talk about coming to work here, My Dear?” she asked her. “Oh my gosh, Mrs. West, of course I would.” Sara replied. “I would love to do that. May I come about nine thirty tomorrow morning?” Mrs. West said, “That would be perfect Dear and please let’s start this off on a more personal note. You may call me Emma if I may call you Sara.” She told her. “Oh yes, Mrs. West, I mean Emma, thank you so much. I’ll be there in the

morning then.” She replied. Mrs. West laughed a little and said, “I look forward to seeing you then, Sara and thank you.” After that call, Sara was excited and so nervous. She really wanted a chance to prove herself to someone and show everyone she could and would work really hard. “Oh my gosh,” she said out loud to herself, “I’ve got a real job.” The next morning she pulled into the driveway at the bed and breakfast and could barely contain her excitement. All night long she had tossed and turned with nervousness and excitement for what this day might bring, and here she was. She had dreamed of all sorts of ways this could all go wrong and she wouldn’t get the job after all, but here she was, all dressed up and keeping her fingers crossed for this to work out well. She first rang the doorbell, which turned out to not be functioning and when she realized it wasn’t working she knocked on the glass, hoping someone would hear her soon. When the door of this beautiful, old, Victorian home opened, Mrs. West was standing in front of her in her floor length skirt and looking every bit the part of the lovely, older matron that she was. Her white apron was stiffly starched and matched her perfectly coiffed white hair and her sweet smile complimented her rosy cheeks and blue eyes. She was a delightful and happy woman and played the part of the welcoming, matronly, owner of the inn to perfection. She invited Sara to follow her in once again to the parlor where she offered her a seat and Sara was instantly reminded of why she had been so impressed when she saw this room before. It was a lovely, restored Victorian home and was furnished with antiques everywhere including the furniture, dishes and beautiful porcelain figurines placed on each little table tucked in special places around the room. It was charming and authentic and Sara was once again impressed. “Sit down, Dear.” Emma said, “and I’ll explain the position I’m hoping you’ll accept. It’s very nice to have you here again.” And Sara felt like she really meant it. “Thank you,” she said and Mrs. West began explaining then what she wanted her to do and all about the schedule and chores involved. Sara was excited and even more so after she learned what would be needed from her. She thought the job would be perfect. “I know I can do this.” She was thinking. Mrs. West said she would need to arrive by eight thirty in the morning and be prepared to answer

the phone, schedule dates for guests, invite guests downstairs when breakfast was being served and help clear away the dishes after breakfast, all the while answering questions the guests might have about the area and be someone who could occasionally fill in if Mrs. West was away for the day. Her days would end at two in the afternoon each day and she could work as many as five or six days a week if she wanted. Sara was feeling so happy. She thought this would be a cinch, after all she’d been looking out for teenagers and a sick mother for a long time so she was certain this was something she could do. Mrs. West said she would like for her to start right away and Sara was beside herself with happiness when she drove home after the interview. Her very first job and she was overjoyed. She had only been working there a couple of days when she met Emma’s son, Craig and after that meeting she was even happier about the job. Craig was twenty-three, absolutely gorgeous, if men could be gorgeous, and she almost instantly felt that animal attraction to him; that chemistry that sometimes happens between two people when there is a mutual attraction. Craig was a son who loved his mother and spent lots of his extra time helping her with the bed and breakfast. He was always available to do the yard work and the heavy jobs and since his dad had ed away when he was young, he had grown up as the man of the home and felt a huge responsibility to help her whenever he could. He happened to be there to prune three of her trees the day he saw Sara for the first time. He was single and hadn’t met anyone in a long time that he was remotely attracted to, but Sara was very different and he liked her at once and she him. Emma had hoped they would like each other and if truth be told, the first time she met Sara she thought her son might really like her and she hired her with that thought in mind. Emma was delighted when she saw the sparks between the two of them and she felt very good about her choice in Sara also. She had already proved to be a good worker and she was learning everything very quickly and had become a valuable employee in a very short time. Emma could not have been happier to have her. It wasn’t long before Craig asked Sara if she’d like to go out some night with him. Sara hadn’t dated much at all through the years as she always put the family first. Even now that she really wanted to go out with him, she had to put them first so she had to tell him about the kids at home and that she didn’t go out because her job required her to be with them when they were home from school. Once she had explained to him about the kids and told him of her mother’s death as well as Ginger’s accidental death, Craig was even more impressed with this

young woman and the maturity she showed in being so responsible. He suggested then that he could come over to her home one evening and they could get better acquainted there without going out. He told her he would love to play some games with them all. He had been an only child and had always wanted brothers and sisters so he looked at it like an adventure and that made Sara very happy. Sara was thrilled he was willing to date her this way. She thought it was a great solution and she thought he must be a very special guy to have suggested it. So that was how their relationship began and it had proved to be a very good thing for them both and soon Craig and Sara were falling in love. They quickly became a couple and even her sister and brothers liked and approved of him. They enjoyed those nights when he would come over to see Sara because he spent most of the time playing games and being entertained by them. They loved the attention and so did he. It was a great match and they dated for months, all the while allowing their friendship and relationship to smolder. They were both very old fashioned and believed in the traditional courtship and spending time with families were an important value that they both appreciated. Craig loved whom she was and that she looked after these kids alone and never complained. He experienced the love they had for her also and wanted someday to be able to help her with it all. By Christmas he was ready to ask her to marry him so he planned a night that would be very special for her, which would take place a few days before Christmas. Having brothers and a sister around all the time was very new to him, but he had fallen in love with the kids also and knew that they were a package deal, until the youngest, Brad, finished school, but Craig wanted to marry Sara next June and be a real part of this amazing family. He knew she was often stressed having to deal with all the problems that came with having teenagers, yet she shoulders it all with maturity and little complaining and he ired that a lot. December twentieth was the date he had chosen to ask her to marry him. His mother was going to prepare a great, candlelight dinner at the Purple Caterpillar. She had planned to accept no guests for that evening so she could do a private dinner for them and she planned to prepare the dinner, but escape out the back door to leave them alone for a couple of hours. Craig was excited and planned to ask her and give her his grandmother’s ring as an engagement ring, which Emma had saved all these years for that purpose. She loved Sara too and also wanted her to say yes. No one else was going to know what his plans were although he

would have liked to have asked Evan for his permission before he actually asked her, but Evan wasn’t planning to be at home again until Christmas and Craig wanted them to be engaged for the holiday. Craig picked Sara up at six thirty, having told the other kids they were going to be alone for a couple of hours while he spent time with their sister. She had dressed in a pretty little blue dress that she’d had since last year, but had only worn once to church and she felt very pretty when he picked her up. “Hi Honey.” He said. “Oh my gosh, you look beautiful.” “Thank you.” She replied, demurely. She had no idea what he had planned, only that he wanted to take her out to dinner. When they arrived at his mothers place, where she also now worked, she was a little surprised, since she had expected to go somewhere else, but when they went inside she was charmed at the setting they’d created. There were candles everywhere and the light was very dim and very romantic. He kissed her quickly and seated her at the smaller of the two dining tables. The whole house looked and smelled wonderful with aromas of garlic and herbs that Emma had used to prepare their dinner. There was even wine chilling in an ice bucket on the table, which they thought would be fine to serve Sara since it was such a special occasion. There were flowers on the table and more candles and as soon as Craig was seated he poured them both a glass of wine to have with the appetizers already on the table for them. “Craig, all of this is so special.” She said, “I had no idea you were planning something like this. Where’s Emma? He told her that his mother wanted them to have some privacy so she had gone to visit her friend, Carol for a few hours. After they tasted the wine and the appetizers, he got up, reached into his pocket and pulled out the ring box and dropping to one knee, in truly traditional style, he told her he loved her. “Sara, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?” he asked her. Her hands were covering her mouth, holding back the squeal of excitement she was barely able to contain. He opened the box and she gasped at the sight of the beautiful, antique diamond ring he was showing her. “It was my grandmother’s.” he said, “and Emma and I want you to have it. Will you marry me, Sara?” “Oh my gosh, yes!” she almost shouted. “Of course I will, but Craig, what about the kids? How will we take care of them?”

Knowing they would be her first concern he quickly assured her he loved them and would move in with her and help her until Brad was through school. We can save money for our own home while we’re there and after they are grown we can move into a home of our own. “Oh Craig, it’s a perfect plan. I love you so much and so much more that you want to take on all of us and not just me. I am so excited. I can’t wait to tell them because I know they love you too.” She told him. He stood then, pulled her to her feet and embraced and kissed her long, deeply and ionately. When he finally pulled back he said he would get dinner while she sat for a few minutes and he poured her a little more wine before he left the room. She sipped her wine, loving the warm, mellow feeling that was washing through her. She loved looking at her new ring, turning it, iring it and feeling absolutely in love and so happy. She was going to marry this wonderful man. It was amazing to her that she could feel so much happiness and she wished her mother was here so she could share this with her or Ginger. She would have loved for Ginger to know also. Somehow she had been so devastated a few months ago and now she was feeling so happy. “Life wasn’t always predictable or fair.” She thought, and when Craig came back from the kitchen with their dinners she once again felt the love surge through her at just the sight of him. Karen, Tony and Brad were excited for her when she and Craig came home after their dinner out. They had spent months getting to know Craig and he had become like a big brother to them all and they were happy for Sara. The kids had been alone for two and a half hours. Something Sara rarely did was leave them on their own because they were teenagers and she knew all too well how quickly things could happen when they weren’t being watched and as happy as she was about her own situation, she was now concerned about the boys. When she came in the house she smelled something strange that she didn’t recognize and the smell was stronger near their bedroom. The door was closed, but she definitely knew there was something wrong and she felt concerned. She had never smoked pot before, but she had heard others talk about the smell and she was suspicious that’s what she thought she had been smelling and if it was, there was going to be some serious discipline ed around. She was going to talk to Craig about it tomorrow and worse come to worse she could call their dad, but she didn’t want to do that if she could figure out how to handle it herself. If she told Dad now, he’d just want to come home and she didn’t want

him home again if she could handle it without him. By the next day she had decided to confront the issue with the boys head on, so she called a meeting with them for four o’clock and both of them were sitting at the kitchen table when she walked in. She sat down across from them, looked first at one and then the other and said directly to them both, “Have you been smoking pot?” Both boys were shocked that she had figured it out so quickly. They didn’t think she’d have a clue what they’d been doing and were really surprised by her question. They were both having trouble with an answer and as they stumbled over words Sara said, “Don’t lie to me. Just tell me the truth,” Brad, being the youngest was the first to cave to her authority and he itted he’d “tried it,” as he put it. Tony just glared at his brother. He was enough older to know that a strong denial was sometimes enough if there was no actual evidence so he was pretty angry that Brad had caved so easily and told Sara even that much. Finally he realized his predicament and told Sara the truth. “Yes,” he said, “we’ve smoked it, so what?” And his defiance was definitely showing. “Well, it’s going to stop now.” Sara said. “If I find out you do it again, I’ll call Dad and have him come home to deal with you. That’s one thing I won’t tolerate in this home, Tony. There will be no drugs, do you understand?” “Awe Sara, what’s the big deal. Everyone does it and it doesn’t hurt anything. It makes you feel a little more mellow is all and after what we’ve been through this year, it’s a good thing for us to be able to just forget about everything for a little bit. It’s actually not going to hurt you as much as the beer you drink, so what’s the difference to you?” Tony asked her. “I’ll tell you what the difference is. You are way underage and you don’t even know what will happen if you use that stuff. It can lead to other things, Tony. Why do you think they call it the “gateway drug? Because it leads to using other stuff and I don’t want that for either of you. Now go get whatever you’ve got and bring it to me or I call Dad and ask for his help. Neither boy wanted Dad to come home so they went down the hall and into their rooms. A few minutes later they brought her a baggie filled with weed. She took it from them and put it away in her bag. She was going to destroy it, but for now, since there was no fireplace, she had no way to burn it. “Now,” she told them, “I don’t want to ever

see this stuff or any other drug stuff in this house again. Tony, if I do it will go really hard on you both. I know what this can do to you and what it can lead to. If you don’t do what I say this time, its going to be a rough home to live in around here. Now go, both of you and stay out of trouble.” After the boys left the room she was still shaking. “How was she going to get through this?” She thought. “Drugs of all things. I just don’t know what else to do about it. I don’t want to bring Dad into this, but I might have to if they don’t listen to me.” Later when she talked to Craig, he also was not sure, but advised her to keep a close eye on them and wait and see if she saw any more signs of trouble. She was going to have to be vigilant, because this could be very serious. “Oh, I wish Mama was here to help me.” She was thinking. “She’d know what to do and what to say to them to make them want to do the right thing.” Sara was a great mother figure to her brothers and sisters. They all loved her and didn’t want to be a problem, but they were kids. Most of the friends the boys hung out with had tried pot so they really believed it was no big deal. One of the guys even had a dad who regularly supplied his son. He was the friend who made sure everyone had as much as they wanted. What Sara didn’t know was the little baggie of weed they had given to her was a drop in the bucket of what they actually had in their possession. They weren’t going to stop smoking, but they would be more careful not to do it around the house from now on. Sara didn’t know about pipes and bowls. She just assumed the boys had smoked it rolled into a cigarette so she hadn’t thought to ask for pipes or any other paraphernalia and they hadn’t offered to give any of it up except for the little bag of the actual dope. The boys made a new hiding place outside under the back porch, where they felt she wouldn’t suspect. Once they found it and stashed their weed and stuff under there they were back in business. It was simple for them to slip outside every afternoon and no one thought it was suspicious. They would take turns, picking up the pouch and walking further out to the back edge of the property where the woods ed their back yard. They only had to take a few steps more into the dark, wooded area to be completely out of sight of the house and there they could light up a pipe full, smoke it and be perfectly alone and private. By the time they finished a pipe, they would simply walk past the porch on their way back to the house, slip the pouch back under there before coming back inside the house. Sometimes at night before going to sleep they would sneak outside after everyone had gone to bed and do the same thing, using a small flashlight to find

their stash and their way to and from the wooded area. They were both staying stoned now pretty much every afternoon after school and evening and so far Sara hadn’t figured it out until one day she received a call from their school. The boys had both been detained because they’d been caught receiving pot from another student on school property. Sara was once again distraught and when she arrived at school she was really angry. Evan and Sherri had been home for one day at Christmas and she hadn’t told them the boys had been caught smoking dope so they were completely unaware that there was a potential problem developing at home. When she got the call from the school she knew she was gong to have to bring him into it now. She was going to need help. “The both of you,” she said, “go get into my car now.” The meeting at school had been embarrassing and troubling. Sara was at a loss what to do except ground them, but if they were getting it at school she couldn’t do much about that. When she got to the car, she told them she was very disappointed in them both. They had both received a warning from the district and if they were caught with any substance in the future it would mean an automatic expel. “What am I supposed to do if that happens?” she was thinking. When her heart slowed a little and she felt like she was in a little more control, she said, “You are both grounded for two weeks and you are both going to do your chores and Karen’s chores every day for that time, plus I am calling Dad tonight to tell him what you’ve done and if he wants to add anything to that, I’ll agree. He will probably come home or at least I hope so. I gave you a chance and you did this so I know now I can’t trust you and you’ll have to pay the consequences now.” They both asked her not to call Dad, but she said it was too late for that and she drove them directly home. When they arrived she went in their room with them and looked through all of their things, looking for any signs of drugs and when she didn’t find any she did feel relieved, but at seven that same evening she called Evan. “Dad,” she said when he answered, “I’ve got a problem and I need your help. Both boys have been smoking pot and today I got called to school because they were caught accepting it from another student on the school grounds. They were given a warning, but if it happens again they’ll get expelled.” “Oh Lord,” Evan said, “what next? Will you take the phone in there Sara,

wherever they are and put me on speaker?” he asked her. “Yes, Dad,” she said. “Hold on a minute. Tony, Brad?” she yelled to them. “Dad wants to talk to you. Okay, they’re here, go ahead, Dad.” She said. “What’s wrong with you two?” he bellowed at them. “Sara just told me what happened at school today. What do I have to do, come home and use the belt on both your backsides?” he asked. “No, Dad.” They both answered in unison. “You are both grounded for a month. No movies and no television and you’ll do the chores and believe me when I tell you that if I get another call about drugs I will be home to wear this belt out on both of you. Understood? He asked. “Yes, Dad,” they said, “but Dad,” Tony added, “Sara already grounded us for two weeks so we understand. A month isn’t necessary.” “Good,” Evan said, “add the month to her two weeks. No movies, no TV and you can come directly home after school to do chores. Got it?” he asked. They both barely answered, “Yes, Dad.” Before Sara took the phone and left the room. “Sara,” Evan said, “you make sure they don’t have a chance to smoke anything again and if they do call me right away. We have to try to stop this now, before it goes any further,” “Okay, I will, Dad. Talk to you later.” She said and the call was over. She was vigilant watching the boys every move. She checked their room every other day and asked them when they got home if they had anything on them and she thought things were going a lot better. She was very happy she hadn’t found any more signs of it, but a couple of weeks later everything changed when she got up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and ran into Tony coming down the hall in his pajamas. “What are you doing?” she asked him. “Nothing.” he said, but she knew something wasn’t right. He didn’t seem very alert so she asked him where he’d been? “I just went

outside for a minute,” he told her. “Why, Tony?” she asked, “and don’t lie to me.” “I went for a walk, that’s all.” He answered her. “Well, go back to bed and we’ll talk tomorrow.” She told him and when she heard his door close she slipped down the hall and out the back door quietly. As soon as she got outside she started looking around for something they could have stashed and a few minutes later she found a pouch pushed back under the step to the back porch. As soon as she opened it, she knew what she was smelling. It was a bag of pot and there were two funny looking glass things in there too. She didn’t know what they were, but she knew they had something to do with the dope. “Damn,” she said out loud. She pushed the bag back under the porch step and in a flash decided she needed to catch them with it, not just find it. She went back inside and down the hall to her room. Later, when she couldn’t sleep she was wondering what in the world she should do now? Those boys were in trouble and she was frightened for them. The next night Sara left the house after everyone had gone to bed. She slipped down the hall and quietly out the door with a small flashlight to help her find her way. She positioned herself in the far corner of the backyard and sat down in the grass where she could lean against an old downed tree for back and she waited to see what would happen next. She’d noticed earlier in the evening that both Tony and Brad, at different times had gone outside to go for a walk. They were each only gone for a few minutes before returning inside so she knew now what they’d been up to and she was furious. Within fifteen minutes she heard the door to the back of the house open and someone; she couldn’t see who, came outside and a couple minutes later walked across the yard to the edge of the tree line where they lit something and began smoking. She didn’t move, as she wanted to see if both boys were involved or if it was only one; the one who had just lit up, quickly finished and went back to the house. After a quick stop to deposit the pouch, they quietly returned inside and then after ten minutes, the door opened again and another person came outside and repeated the same. She waited until he returned to the house before this time, going to the porch herself and with the light of the flashlight, finding the pouch and confiscating it. She took it inside to look inside of it and when she did, she had no idea what these two funny looking glass things were, but they must be some kind of pipe, she thought. They were smoking this stuff in a glass pipe and somehow that seemed

worse to her than if it had been a cigarette because to her it meant they had progressed to this apparatus. “What a shame.” She thought. “They aren’t afraid of the consequences enough to stop on their own. Well, when I call Dad tomorrow, I know all Hell will break loose. Those stupid boys.” She was thinking. “They are going to ruin everything.” She called her dad the next morning before she left for work. The boys would discover their stash and pipes were gone when they got home from school and she wanted him to know before that happened. He was livid, as she’d known he would be. They had deliberately defied his authority and he wouldn’t tolerate that she knew. He was in Boise, Idaho and told her he’d be home as soon as he dropped a load in Spokane. It would be at least a couple of days and Sherri wasn’t with him on this trip so he’d be alone. He told her to tell them she had their stuff when they discovered it missing and to tell them he was on his way home and he’d be there soon. “Dad,” she said, “they’re getting it at school from someone. I think I’ll keep them home until you get here. “Good idea, Sara. I’ll be there soon.” He told her. When the boys got home from school they acted as if nothing was wrong, but soon Brad went for a walk out the back door and returned inside very quickly. He grabbed his brother and took him down the hall in a rush and a couple minutes later, Tony said he was going for a walk, before he headed out the back door, only to also return shortly. Both boys were perplexed and upset. Their weed was all gone and so were their pipes, their prized possessions. They went into their room again together, obviously with something important to discuss. Sara let them fret for about twenty minutes before going to their room to confront them. She knocked on their door, pushed it open and asked, “May I come in?” “Sure.” Tony said. Sara walked over to Tony’s bed and sat down before she asked them, “Did you boys loose something?” They both realized at the same moment she had found their stash and their faces fell. “Well, you should know I was sitting outside in the yard last night when both of you snuck out of the house and went to the woods to smoke your pot. I

saw you both, first one and then the other so there’s no use denying it. You’ve been caught.” Tony was enraged, even more than Brad was. “You had no right to take our stuff.” He shouted at her. “No right? she asked, “Tony, whether you like it or not I’m in charge here and you’ve disobeyed me. I have plenty of rights to do whatever I want.” She shouted back at him. Before she could react, Tony lunged at her, screaming, “You’re not my mother. Give it back. It’s mine.” He shouted over and over. He hit her first with both hands on her shoulders, knocking her backwards on the bed. He was already bigger than her and she knew instantly she was no match for him, so she rolled, trying to protect herself from what might be coming. He hit her twice more before Brad grabbed him and pulled him off her. “Tony no, she’s a girl. Tony, stop.” He yelled and finally Tony retreated, but not before he’d hurt and frightened Sara. She wasn’t hurt bad, but she was in shock. She had not expected that outburst from Tony. She got off the bed once Brad had come to her rescue and backed towards the door as Tony said through clenched teeth, “And don’t you dare call Dad. This is our business, not his.” “I’ve already called him and he’s on his way,” she said as he lunged for her again, but this time she escaped out of the door and he didn’t follow her. “What was she supposed to do now,” she was thinking. She was afraid of her brother for the first time in her life. She went outside to her car, locked herself inside and called her dad. When Evan answered he was beyond livid hearing about what she had just told him. “Tell them I am on my way.” He told her, “and if he so much as looks cross eyed at you again Sara, call the police. We’re going to put a stop to this, by God!” he said and she felt somewhat protected. She knew Craig was going to be furious too when he learned about all of this. She wanted him to know because she might need his help before Dad arrived so she phoned him and began telling him what had just happened. Not only was he angry and upset, he knew that Tony had overreacted and he was livid. There was never a reason to ever touch a woman in anger and Craig decided he needed to let Tony know he would protect Sara at any cost. He told Sara to stay in her car until he got there and by now,

Sara was crying as the reality of all that had happened had just settled in on her and she was terribly upset. When Craig arrived, he opened the car door, pulled her out and held her. He soothed her and told her everything would be okay and when he had her calmed down he told her to wait for him and he went into the house to find Tony. “What the heck did you think you were doing when you hit your sister, Tony?” he asked as soon as he saw him. “It’s none of your business.” Tony grumbled at him and before he could finish Craig had him by the shirt, jerked up in front of him, looking him right in the eye and he said, “It is absolutely my business and if you ever touch her again I will beat you to a pulp. She’s going to be my wife, Tony and I won’t tolerate you or anyone else hurting her.” And with that he let go and Tony dropped back down to the couch. “Now whatever this is all about, you can work it out by talking about it, but you never again lay a hand on her. Understood?” He asked Tony. “Yea,” Tony said, “but she stole my stuff and she needs to give it back.” “Tony, it’s not legal for you to have that stuff and you know it. If you get caught with it, because she’s the adult in charge of you, she could be arrested for contributing. Did you know that? And besides that, if Child Protective Services get wind of this, they could get involved and the three of you who are under eighteen could end up in foster care. This is serious, Tony and Sara knows that. Did you?” he asked him. “No,” he said, “but it’s no big deal.” “Yes it is a big deal and your dad will be here soon to show you just how big a deal it is. Now it’s over Tony. No more pot and no more hitting Sara. Got it?” he asked and Tony, who was still seething finally replied, “Yea, okay.” And Craig went back out to see Sara. “Honey, I don’t think he’ll do that again, but I want you to be really careful around him for awhile. He’s a kid with a pretty messed up mind set and there’s no telling what he might do. He’s feeling pushed into a corner and feels like he needs to come out swinging. I think it wasn’t just you, but it would have happened to anyone in that position, but I want you to be very careful for a while. He also has raging hormones so he is volatile and I don’t want to risk

another confrontation right now.” He told her. “Dad wants me to keep the boys home from school for a couple of days until he gets here. Would your mom be okay with me staying here for a couple of days and not working just until Dad gets home?” she asked Craig and he said he was sure that would be alright, “and I’m going to be here part of that time too. I don’t feel like you should be dealing with this all alone right now.” He said. “I’m sorry, Craig,” Sara said then. “Thank you for helping me. I love you so much. How about you come for dinner tonight. You can bring some wine and I’ll cook and we’ll relax a little.” “Sounds great, Honey. I’ll be back about six o’clock then. I love you.” He said and kissed her quickly before he left. Sara thought about how fortunate she was to have met him. She had all the responsibility alone here for so long and it was really nice to have someone looking out for her now. She decided then to go back into the house and see if Tony had calmed down and maybe she could talk to him. If not, she’d just wait and let Dad handle him. When she walked in the door, Tony was sitting on the couch. The television was on even though they were still grounded and weren’t supposed to be watching it so Sara walked past the table, picked up the remote and turned it off. “Tony,” she said “this set isn’t supposed to be on while you’re grounded and you and Brad are staying home from school tomorrow until Dad gets home. Before she could protect herself, Tony jumped up and tried to grab the remote from her. She pulled back to keep him from reaching it and he hit her in the jaw with his fist. She fell backwards, hitting her head on the way down and she was out cold. Blood was pouring from her head and she wasn’t moving and all at once Tony regained his senses. He screamed for Karen and Brad and tried to revive Sara, but she was out cold. Brad called 911 and the three kids tried to help her and as the aid car and the police came rushing into the driveway with sirens blaring, she was finally beginning to come to. Tony was so upset with himself. He’d hit his sister and this time he’d hurt her and for a couple of seconds he’d thought she had died and it had truly scared him. He had no idea why he’d become so angry. This was Sara and he loved her, but the events of the last couple hours had enraged him and he’d completely lost control and he was so sorry.

He told Sara over and over how sorry he was and she believed him so when the medics asked her what happened, she said she tripped over the rug and fell and hit her head, but she kept telling them she was fine and would be okay, but they weren’t having any of that. She needed stitches in her scalp and she needed to find out if she had a concussion before they would leave her alone again so finally she had to agree to let them transport her. The other three kids went with her, riding in the patrol car and after she was stitched up and finally released, the officer was nice enough to offer them all a ride home. By this time it was after four and she just ed that Craig was coming for dinner, but there was no dinner and she didn’t feel like cooking since her head was still throbbing. She asked Karen to call Craig and tell him what had happened and while she and Brad were in another room, Tony said, “Sara, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what came over me. It was someone else who did that, not me and I’m really sorry, Sara. Thank you for not telling on me. Please don’t tell Dad. Sara. He’ll kill me if you do. “Tony,” Sara said, “I have to tell Dad and Craig the truth. I believe you are sorry, but there are consequences to every action we take and I’m sorry, but I do have to tell them. I didn’t tell the others today because I didn’t want them to arrest you and they would have if they’d known. You hit me and if you ever do it again, Tony, I will let them take you away. You can’t be doing that, even if you are mad at me. You never should be hitting anyone, Tony and I want this to be the last time you ever do. Understood?” she asked him. He was still upset, but he said he did and he said again he was very sorry and he went down the hall to his room. “He what?” Craig shouted when Sara told him what had happened, but Sara tried to calm him telling him he was sorry and remorseful and she thought he had learned his lesson. “He didn’t mean to really hurt me, Craig and I think now he’ll be okay and he is sorry.” She said. “That’s just not acceptable, Sara,” Craig told her.” I already told him there would be consequences if he touched you again. I’m going to have another talk with him.” “Let it go, Craig.” She said. “Please let it go and see what happens. Don’t make it worse than it is, please. Dad will be home soon so let’s just let him handle it, please, Craig?”

Chapter Five

When Evan pulled the truck up the long drive to the house, everyone heard the truck and everyone was instantly nervous. The boys had behaved for the past two days. Sara, being really hurt and having to go to the hospital had shaken everyone, especially the boys who knew they were really in serious trouble this time. Sara was feeling better, but she had a dark bruise under her left eye and on her jaw line where Tony had hit her, was another bruise developing and it was very obvious that she had been struck. He really felt bad about it, but he was still upset she had taken their pipes and weed. That was their personal property and he didn’t think it was right, but he had stayed home from school the last few days and along with Brad, had done what was expected. They didn’t know what Dad would do to them, but they were expecting the worst. When Evan walked in the door both boys were nearly shaking they were so scared and Sara thought that was a good sign. Evan was strict, but he was a fair man so after saying hello to everyone he asked everyone to sit down and start telling him what had been going on. When no one wanted to start off the conversation he turned to Sara and said, “Okay, Sara why don’t you tell me and I want to know everything. Sara began by telling him about the pot she’d found under the porch steps. This was after she’d grounded the boys and so had he. She told him about watching them both go into the edge of the woods that night to smoke and then about taking the pouch and getting rid of it. She told him about the first confrontation with Tony and then about the second confrontation, which had ended with her going to the hospital. When Evan heard this part of the story, everyone couldn’t help, but notice he was clenching his jaw and they all knew he only did that when he was really mad. “Tony,” he said, “What do you have to say for yourself?” Tony didn’t say anything for a minute or two, but when Evan pushed him to start talking he erupted with anger directed at both Sara and Evan. “She didn’t have the right to take my personal stuff. She stole it and that’s not right. That’s why I got so mad. I’m sorry I hurt her, but she shouldn’t have stolen my property.”

“Your property?,” Evan roared. “which is illegal to have in this state, let alone by a minor. Your property, Tony? Where is your head right now? What in the world gives you the right to hit anyone and what gives you the right to think it’s okay for you and Brad to be smoking dope at your age?” Tony just stared at him and then he said, “It won’t hurt us, Dad. It just makes us feel a little mellow and everybody does it. I’m almost fifteen and all my friends smoke it because it won’t hurt you.” “Where in the world did you ever get that idea? It’s dope! Do you know why they call it dope, Tony? Because it changes how you feel; because it puts you in an altered state of mind and when you are using you are not using your full brain to think or make decisions. You are too young to know if it will hurt you or not and you are so young and stupid you are doing something against the law and you are putting both Sara and I at risk. We are your legal guardians. That means we are responsible for you and if you do something illegal we can be held responsible.” He told him. “You’re never here so how can you be held responsible?” Tony asked him. “I’m gone because I have to make money so you have a home, food to eat and clothes to wear and I am responsible for all of you legally and as long as you are living under my roof you are going to live by my rules whether I’m here or not. “Sara, did he hit you where I see that bruise on your face?” he asked her. “Yes, Dad.” She said. “Then Tony, you are coming on the road with me for the next two weeks. You are going to work with me, sleep in the truck and find out what it’s like being on the road and if I don’t think you’ve learned your lesson by the end of the two weeks, it will be for longer. Brad, you are still grounded. There will be no television, movies or play station games for two months. You can go to school, but you are to come home after school and do both yours and Tony’s chores. You do not go anywhere with friends and if you are caught anywhere near those people who do dope I will take you out of school also and you will be home schooled from now on. Do you understand?” he asked him. “Yes, Dad.” Brad said. “Tony, we leave tomorrow morning early. Pack your bag and be ready at four

thirty. Now, what’s for dinner, Sara?” He asked. Everyone was shocked at Dad’s decision to discipline Tony by taking him on the road. They had never been allowed to do that before and they had all thought it would be fun to go with him, but as Sara pointed out to Karen and Brad later, “Tony is going to work and it’s not going to be fun so I don’t think I’d want to be in his shoes. It didn’t take Tony long to realize that being on the road with Evan was no picnic. There were long stretches between showers; sometimes several days, and bathroom breaks were few and far between. There was hard work to do when they arrived at a yard and had to unhook trailers and hook up new ones and the hours of driving were long and boring. It was hard to sleep in the cab because they usually pulled into truck stops where it seemed trucks were coming in or starting up and going out all night long. Evan had to sleep so many hours between hauls and Tony didn’t know how he did it because Tony heard all the noise and rarely slept or rested. He was tired, dirty, bored and miserable three days after they’d started out and he hated that he might be stuck here two weeks, but at the end of two weeks, Evan didn’t think he was ready to go home yet so he extended his stay another two weeks and Tony was devastated. He wanted to go home, but Dad said no. By the time the month was over Tony was willing to do what he was supposed to do at home to not have to do this again. He said he’d learned his lesson and Evan gave him the choice, “You can either go home and behave or you can ride with me until you’re eighteen. It’s up to you, Son.” He said. He had made it as miserable on Tony as he could. He wanted to break him. To show him who was boss and it seemed to have worked. “I will be good, Dad, but I want to go home. No more trouble, I promise.” He told him. Sara, Karen and Brad, especially Brad, were all glad to see him when Evan pulled into the driveway a month later. He was in a hurry as he hadn’t seen Sherri in a month and a half and he was headed to Portland to pick her up. He said to Sara, before he headed out again, “If these guys give you any more trouble you call me. I’m not going to put up with any more nonsense from any of them.” He said it in front of everyone so they would all know that Sara was in charge and had his complete . He asked about Craig before he left. He’d met him only once, but he liked him for Sara and Sara seemed happy. He told them,” goodbye,” and once more he was gone

Tony told everyone he was glad to be back home and he had decided he didn’t want to go back on the road. He was going to try to buckle down and catch up with his month of school that he had lost and he was happy to do his chores now as long as he could be home. He knew the next month would go quickly and then he and Brad would be able to watch television again. He tried to explain to Brad just how tough it had been to have to be in that truck twenty four hours a day and as much as he tried he knew Brad just didn’t get it. Much later he told Sara he thought Brad might have to spend a month with his dad in his truck to really understand and to be grateful for his time at home and school. He told Sara he had finally realized how hard it was for Dad to do what he did and he had a new sense of gratitude that he wished Brad also had. Sara was impressed with this new Tony and she told Craig over and over what a pleasure it was to be with him again. She felt like she had her brother back and soon she was able to begin to relax being around him again and that really made her happy. The wedding was going to be in the garden at the Purple Caterpillar and as the day approached everyone was excited and even a bit nervous. Karen was going to be Sara’s bridesmaid and only attendant. Tony had agreed to be Craig’s best man; they had become really close after Tony came home from his road trip, as he often referred to his time on the road with Evan. It was going to be a small wedding with only close family and a few friends. Both Sara and Craig were happy and excited and Emma was more than excited to have Sara become her daughter-in-law. She couldn’t have chosen better, she was known to say with a giggle followed by “well, I guess I did!” and then she would explain about meeting and then hiring Sara and she was especially happy that the kids were going to marry soon. She was planning all the food for the reception buffet she was having after the ceremony. She knew there would be about fifty people attending and although it was going to be some work, she thought she could handle it. She had rented tables, chairs, arches and everything they’d need to serve all the guests outside. The ceremony was going to be in the furthest part of the garden close to the large fountain, which flowed over large stones into a lovely pool surrounded by huge begonias that bloomed all summer. The setting was going to be beautiful and romantic and after the ceremony everyone would wander closer to the house where they would have tables and chairs sitting around the large patio. The buffet would be set up on long tables just outside the door and it should all work conveniently. Emma was hiring two extra people just for the day to help serve and tend bar, but the rest she and her regular staff had planned to take care of.

The only overnight guests were going to be staying and attending the wedding. Sara’s aunt and uncle; her mother’s younger brother were coming from Utah and would stay with Emma and so would Aunt Karen, her dads sister from Arizona who Karen had been named for. Sara hadn’t seen her since she was a little girl, but she heard such nice things about her all of her life and she was truly touched that she was coming for the wedding. There were a few of Craig’s relatives coming, but they all lived within driving distance. Evan and Sherri were coming with little Bobby and it was going to be the first time the family had met their little half brother. Sara had finally softened the resentment towards Sherri and accepted that she was going to be a permanent part of their family. She had come to finally accept what both Karen and Craig had said about her and that she really was a nice person and that it wasn’t her fault because Evan had lied to her also. They had spent a couple of days with the family in May after Tony had come back from his road trip and Sara and Sherri had finally become friendly, mostly because of Sherri’s willingness to be understanding and persistent in trying to get Sara to take down the wall and one day it had finally happened. They were going to stay at the house in their mother’s old room and Sara was going to stay overnight with Karen in Emma’s last available guest room so she could dress and make her entrance down the long staircase in the authentic, old Victorian home. She would be met at the bottom of the stairs and escorted by her dad to the outdoor area where he would hand her off to Crag for the ceremony. Emma had done an outstanding job decorating the large, old bed and breakfast and transforming it into a richly, romantic dream, completely filled with flowers and scented candles everywhere. She had added crystal globes and tall cylinders filled with more sparkling crystals and pearls surrounded by white orchids and carnations. On the day of the wedding it all looked absolutely beautiful and Sara thought it was like something right out of a fairy tale. She was delighted with everything and thanked Emma over and over for providing them with such a fabulous venue for the wedding. On the day of the wedding, there was music playing softly throughout the house and yard and as guests arrived they were escorted around the house, down the brick walk and into the back yard that had been transformed into an open chapel, complete with a flower draped arch where the couple would stand when they took their vows. There were chairs in rows in front of the arch and an aisle was formed between them where Sara and her Dad would walk. There were baskets

of flowers standing at each end of the rows of chairs and everything smelled like the sweet smelling garden that Emma had so lovingly created. Sherri and Bobby were the last guests to be seated before Craig escorted his mother to her seat in the front row. She was a lovely woman, with pure white hair pulled up in a softly curled bun on the top of her head and she was plump in all the right places, looking comfortable and loveable. Her dress was long and was a soft lavender color and Craig kissed her cheek as he seated her before going on to wait with the minister for his bride. She smiled up at him with her sparkling blue eyes that were filled with pride and love for her only child. Soon Sara appeared at the top of the staircase beside her sister who started down the stairs first. Karen looked so grown up in her long, deep aqua colored gown. She took Tony’s arm when she reached the bottom and they began the walk to the garden ahead of the bride. As Evan looked above at Sara standing on the landing he had tears in his eyes and was wishing that Gina could have been here to see her on her special day. She was a beautiful bride and Evan felt an immense swelling of pride for his oldest child. When she reached the bottom step, she took the arm he was holding to her, smiled at him and he couldn’t resist leaning over and kissing her cheek, something he hadn’t done in many years. She reminded him of Gina and for an instant he felt the pang of guilt that Gina wasn’t here to witness this event and to see what a beautiful young woman she had become. He knew what a huge help Sara had been to the family and he was happy she was marrying a man who he thought would make her happy. She was a special child and he couldn’t have been prouder of her. She continued to smile from under the white mist of her veil that surrounded her face. Her dress was stunning in its simplicity and suited her perfectly. It flowed along her body in simple lines, flaring gently around her feet. The fitted bodice covered her up to her long, slender neck and down her arms to a point on each wrist. It was a simple gown, that complimented the Victorian setting perfectly and Sara was definitely the star of this gathering from the moment she appeared on the staircase landing. As they walked out the door, there were gasps from some of those waiting to see her gown. Emma had insisted on going with Sara when she shopped for her dress and she paid for it too. She knew the moment Sara stepped out of the dressing room that this was the perfect dress for her and Emma wanted it to be her gift to her. Sara at first had objected, but Emma’s protests brought her around and she was very grateful to her future mother-in-law. She had never had such a

beautiful dress nor had she ever felt so beautiful. As she and Evan approached Craig, Evan kissed her again before handing her to her future husband. He couldn’t keep from spilling a tear down his cheek as he stepped away from Sara and as he did, Craig whispered to her, “You take my breath away, Sara.” And she smiled up at him knowing she had pleased him also. She handed her bouquet of white orchids and pink roses to Karen and the minister began the ceremony. Afterwards, everyone was overjoyed celebrating the marriage of this young couple. They all knew of the terrible loss Sara and her family had suffered in the past year, but there wasn’t a person at the wedding who wasn’t very, very happy for her and to see her beginning her new, wonderful life with Craig. They all thought Craig was the perfect partner for Sara too. He was mature and offered her a life of, not affluence, but certainly stability. He was a pharmacist at the only local pharmacy so his ability to be a provider was more than she had ever hoped for. He hoped they’d be able to help raise her two brothers and sister and give them a solid start in life also. Craig was definitely one of the good guys and everyone thought they made a fine couple and Sara, although not very experienced where men were concerned, felt very lucky to be marrying a man like Craig. Tony and Karen had done their jobs perfectly and even Brad had stepped up and was a great usher for the guests. Evan told Sherri much later that he was proud of his family and he was very glad she was becoming a part of their lives now also. The kids had progressed enough with their relationship with Sherri that when the photographer was taking family photos, it was Sara who invited Sherri and little Bobby to be in them. It had taken time and Sherri had been patient, but eventually they had all decided they liked her. They didn’t like that she had been with their dad before their mother had ed away, but they all recognized that it had been Dad’s fault and Sherri hadn’t known about them either so they finally were able to accept her. Little Bobby was such a charming character that they all had loved him at first sight and had treated him with the protective love that comes from having older brothers and sisters and he adored them as well. Evan would continue to the kids in the home, but they would now be sharing it with Craig and Sara both, so financially it was going to be easier for Evan to three kids than before when he was ing five children and a wife there. In their future he would be able to do more for Sherri and he was

happy about that. For a long time Sherri had wanted a home of her own where she and Evan could live and Evan was getting closer to being able to provide that for them. She also wanted to have one more child while she was still young enough and he had finally agreed that they would try to make that happen now and in a few years when Brad graduated and was on his own, Evan hoped to be able to give her everything she wanted. He really loved her and was so grateful she’d stayed with him after she found out about his other family. Once she found out, she had struggled at first, but soon she was able to understand and set aside the negativity and just love him for who he was, including the mistake he’d made. She never forgot that he made that mistake because he loved her and wanted her in his life and that made it easier to accept what he’d done. Sara and Craig left for a three-day honeymoon later in the day. Evan and Sherri were staying with the family while they went away and Sara was so happy she was finally going to have a few days without the responsibility she’d had since she was old enough to . She and Craig had never been alone nor had they crossed the line of becoming intimate before they were married. Sara was very nervous about what was expected of her, but she trusted Craig and she loved him and she was excited to finally be alone with him. They had toasted their wedding with all of their guests, but Craig, knowing he would be driving them when they left, switched to cola quickly, but Sara had continued to toast and drink champagne and she was very intoxicated when Craig finally pulled her away and got her to leave. It had surprised him, but he wasn’t alarmed, instead he was laughing at her and understanding that she was probably feeling a tremendous relief knowing she was going to be free of the responsibility of the kids for three days. She was drunk enough that she quickly fell asleep in the car and their five hour drive to the ocean beaches turned into a lonely drive for Craig with only some music to keep him company for the duration. While he was driving he constantly looked across the seat at his beautiful bride. “She really was gorgeous” he thought each time he looked across at her. He also had to laugh as she was leaned against the door, her mouth open and snoring noisily. He decided to take her picture with his cell phone to keep as evidence to tease her with later and began snapping pictures of her. He thought he’d disturbed her once when she stirred and acted like she might be waking up, but she settled against the door again and once again began snoring and all he could do was chuckle at his circumstances. The honeymoon turned out to be wonderful and they had had a great time together. They spent three days in a beautiful log cabin with a fireplace near the

Pacific Ocean at Kalaloch, a rather remote resort on the beach. It was a perfect place for a honeymoon with lots of privacy, a large fireplace and a romantic view of the ocean pounding on the beach in front of their cabin door. At low tide there was a wonderful, isolated beach where they could go for walks together during the day and after dinners were spent in the resort dining room, their evenings were delightful, cuddled up together in front of a roaring fire in their private cabin. The location on the Washington Coast was too remote for television, which was perfect for honeymooners as they could spend their time together focused totally on each other. After Sara finally slept off her champagne consumption from that first day, they had a romantic and very loving honeymoon. Craig was very gentle with her and kind and soon they had consummated their marriage, which made them both extremely happy. Sara asked Craig on the second night to buy a bottle of wine, but he didn’t think it was a good idea since she was still under the legal drinking age, so although she was very disappointed she accepted it and continued to enjoy every moment they had together at the beach. When they arrived back home on the third night they found everything was good with the family. Evan and Sherri were leaving the following morning so Sara got to spend a little time with her new little brother after they arrived home. She thought he was adorable and told Sherri that if they ever needed a place to leave him while she traveled with Evan, she would be happy to have him with her. Sherri told her she would keep that in mind and thanked her, “but,” she said, “his Grammy loves to take care of him for me when I’m on the road so unless she gets sick or something that might not happen, but it’s sure nice of you to offer and to know its an option.” School started again in the fall and everyone was ready to go back. Sara and Craig had spent the summer adjusting to married life and trying to keep everyone happy with projects over the summer so they’d stay out of trouble. Brad still hadn’t learned the lesson his brother had, so they were all keeping a close eye on him. Even Tony was helping with that and in October it was Tony who came to Sara to tell her that Brad was headed for serious trouble. “He’s been hanging out with the wrong kids again, Sara and I think he’s been smoking weed again with them after school.” He told her. Sara didn’t waste anytime calling her dad and he agreed they needed to nip it in the bud. He told Sara he’d be home in four days and he’d pick Brad up and take him with him for a month like he’d done for Tony last year. It had worked so

well that he was hopeful it would also work for Brad. He told Sara not to tell him or anyone he was coming to get him. “I want it to be a surprise. “He’s almost fourteen,” he said, “and I don’t want him prepared. I want to just take him so he can’t plan anything different.” “I think that’s the best way.” Sara said, “but I will tell Craig before you get here. He’ll agree with us when he finds out, but I don’t want to keep him in the dark, Dad.” “I think that’s fair. Just make sure he understands that we don’t want Brad to know.” He told her. “How’s Tony doing?” “Dad, Tony is a different person. He’s helpful, he’s studying, he’s really being nice to everyone and he’s worried about Brad too. He’s the one who came to me and told me what was going on.” She said. “Great, well I’m hoping we’ll accomplish the same thing with Brad. See you in four days.” And he ended the call. When Craig got home, Sara took him aside into their room and explained what was happening. Craig had been noticing some things too and he agreed they needed to do something and the sooner the better. He thought he’d smelled smoke on Brad a couple of days ago when he’d given him a ride home. He didn’t say anything at the time because he wanted to be sure, but he thought this was a good idea for Evan to take him on the road. It had sure worked out good for Tony and he and Sara were both hopeful it would be good for Brad also. Karen loved school and every morning she was the first one up and dressed and always the one who looked forward to school days. Sara sometimes called her the families ray of sunshine because she was almost always the happy one and did help to uplift the others when someone else was a little down. She just had a positive attitude and always looked at the glass half full. Sara had been closer to Karen since Ginger had ed away. It was natural for the girls to become closer. They had lost the two female figures in their lives and they turned to each other for , but more often than not it was Karen who was helping Sara by keeping up the cheerful attitude and not letting her stay down for too long. Karen found out that Brad was going away with Evan the same way that Brad did. Dad showed up on Thursday night about seven o’clock and told Brad to pack his bags and be ready to leave the next morning.

“What? Why?” Brad asked when he heard what his dad told him. “What did I do? You can’t do this? I don’t have to go with you.” He yelled at him. “Son, as long as I’m ing you and you are living under the roof I provide for you, you do have to do what I say. I don’t think you even have to ask me why, do you? I told you before that if I heard you were hanging out with the wrong people I would take steps to stop it. I’ve had people watching out for you and they’ve told me who you’re hanging out with and what you’ve been doing after school. Now, I meant what I said. Be ready in the morning. We leave at four thirty and I don’t know when you are coming back.” He finished saying. “Awe, Dad. This isn’t fair. I didn’t do anything. I have a right to have my own friends. You can’t pick my friends for me.” He whined. “You’re right,” Evan said, “I can’t, but I can remove you from hanging around them if I don’t approve until you’re grown up enough to know what’s good for you and what isn’t. Now go pack or you’ll be on the road with nothing.” Brad slammed down the hall and everyone heard him banging drawers and making all kinds of angry noises as he packed his belongings. He was furious with his dad and with everyone else in the house. “Who had betrayed him?” he wondered. “Who had been watching me and telling Dad? Whoever it is, is going to pay when I find out and get home again. This isn’t fair.” He was angry and he’d only smoked weed five or six times in the last couple of weeks. “It’s no big deal and I’m old enough now to decide for myself. I’m nearly fourteen and all of my friends smoke all the time so I don’t think its such a major issue that I did a few times with them.” He was thinking all the while slamming drawers and making noises as he packed a few things. Karen was really shocked when she heard what Dad had said. She was surprised because she hadn’t seen any signs that Brad wasn’t behaving, but someone must have seen something she hadn’t. She felt sorry for Brad. She really liked him and was going to miss him if he had to go away. She knocked softly on his door, pushed it open a little and asked him if she could come in? He answered gruffly, “Yea.” And she slipped into the room and closed the door behind her. “Brad, I’m so sorry. I don’t understand. What have you done to have Dad so upset?” she asked him. “I don’t know. The only thing I’ve done is smoke a little weed with some of my

friends a few times. Dad is acting like it’s a major deal and it’s not. I can’t even have my own friends now either. I’m really mad at all of them right now. You better be careful who your friends are, Karen. If they don’t like them they’ll just haul you off for God only knows how long. Watch over your shoulder girl or they could come after you too.” He told her. Karen started thinking then. She had a boyfriend that no one knew about. She was after all, fifteen this year and she liked Brian a lot, but she couldn’t tell anyone about him and after hearing what Brad just said she knew she wasn’t going to tell anyone. They had been seeing each other at school only and he usually met her after school to walk part way home with her. She really liked him, but if there were any chance at all that anyone at home would be upset because she had a boyfriend she wouldn’t say a word. She gave Brad a hug and told him again that she was sorry and she’d miss him and she left his room to let him finish his packing. Evan and Brad left the next morning before anyone else was even up and when the rest of the family did get up they all noticed how different things were without Brad. Sara was thinking to herself that somehow she had let them down because she was the one who was supposed to be looking out for everyone and another one was now in trouble. She tried to think of anything she could have done differently that would have prevented this, but nothing came to her mind. When the month was over Evan didn’t feel like Brad was in a much better place than when he started. He knew Brad hated being in the truck twenty four seven, but he thought he was just counting the days until the month was over and he would go right back to his old ways. Evan didn’t think he’d learned a thing yet so when the day came and the month was over Brad said to him, “Okay Dad, are we going home now? It’s been a month so I figure it’s about time.” “No,” Evan said, “it doesn’t matter how long it takes Brad. Until I think you’ve figured things out you’re going to be riding with me. I made some calls yesterday and I’m picking up some school books for you and you’re going to start doing your school work here from now on and you’re riding with me until I know for sure there will be no more trouble from you.” Brad was devastated. For a month he’d been his dad’s gopher doing everything he was supposed to do and now Dad wasn’t taking him home? That wasn’t right and Brad was furious. “No, you can’t make me stay here. I want to go home.”

He told his dad. “You’ll go home when I think you’re ready and not a minute before and all the smart mouthing you’re doing to me is adding on days, Brad. You should know that. Now, quit complaining. We’ve got work to do.” Evan told him. Brad was seething. He hated this man. He felt trapped and he didn’t understand why he was being punished so much longer. Tony had only been on the road a month and he got to go home. “So why was is it going to be so much longer for me?” He was thinking. He was barely civil to Evan after that, snapping at him and becoming more and more angry. It wasn’t at all fun for Evan to have him with him, but he was determined not to give up. He knew if he quit too soon it would be disastrous for Brad. Quitting was not an option. Karen missed Brad the most while he was away. She had ed his words and had kept her secret about her boyfriend from the family for weeks now. Instead of telling Sara she was seeing someone she was now telling Sara a lie whenever she wanted to meet Brian. She would just tell Sara she was meeting a girlfriend or her girlfriends were getting together, but she never mentioned there was a boy involved. So when he started pressuring her to do more and be intimate with him, Karen had no one she trusted enough to talk with about it and by Thanksgiving when the family was finally all together for the holiday she was totally in love with someone and she couldn’t tell anyone. She and Brian had started having sex a few weeks before. He had convinced her of how much he loved and cared about her and they were now having unprotected sex every time they could get away together. Brian’s parents were out of town a lot so they had plenty of opportunity to be together at his house. Karen just told Sara she was going to Tricia’s for a couple hours to study and Sara hadn’t questioned her because she trusted her and had no reason yet not to. Thanksgiving was a wonderful celebration this year. Sara and Craig decided they wanted to prepare the dinner for everyone. Sara had cooked for the family for years so she knew a lot about cooking a turkey and since she’d been cooking for lots of family , the thought of them all being together again didn’t scare her one bit. Evan was bringing Brad, Sherri and Bobby and they had invited Emma to them also. This would be the first holiday in many years that Emma hadn’t cooked a huge turkey dinner for guests, but she had been cutting

back on bookings for a while now and she hadn’t booked guests for this Thanksgiving. When Sara offered to cook this year, Emma was delighted to be asked to them. Sara had worked hard for days ahead of the holiday. She’d made table decorations with pinecones she’d gathered and silk flowers she’d bought at the last flea market sale and when she finished, the table looked beautiful and festive and everyone was impressed. Evan and Sherri arrived the night before so that Sherri could help Sara with the last minute preparations, but Sara had once again proved to everyone that she was capable of cooking a wonderful dinner and being a terrific hostess. Everyone praised her for the dinner, especially Craig who was more in love with her all of the time. She had asked Evan to buy some wine and she served wine to all of the adults before dinner, including herself and Craig once again noticed she’d had several glasses throughout dinner and afterwards until it was all gone. She didn’t get as intoxicated this time as she had after the wedding, but she had enough to cause him a little concern so he decided to try to talk to her about it after everyone left later. Dad had decided to take Brad back on the road for another two weeks at least. He knew Brad would be disappointed, but he wasn’t yet convinced he’d made the same headway with Brad as he’d made with Tony the year before, so, as he told Sherri, “I know it’s hard on us to be separated Sherri, but if having him with me for a few months, saves him from a life lost to drugs then it’s worth the sacrifice.” Sherry had to agree, although she had been looking forward to traveling with Evan again as soon as this was over with Brad and she was anxious for things to get back to normal. Bobby was growing so fast and would start school next year and Sherri was still not pregnant. She just wanted to be with Evan more, but right now Brad had to be their priority. When the family left again after the holiday, Sara noticed how quiet Karen had been. “It wasn’t like her,” Sara thought, so after everyone left she decided to talk with her alone to see if there was anything bothering her. Monday afternoon when Karen and Tony got home from school, Sara asked Karen to come into her room where they could talk privately and as soon as the door was closed, she asked her, “Karen, I noticed you were especially quiet all weekend while everyone was here. You are usually the bubbly one of the group so I just wanted to know if you’re okay? Is there anything going on that you want to talk about,

Honey?” “No,” Karen said. “I’m okay. Nothings wrong either, Sara.” “You don’t seem quite yourself, Honey. Don’t forget, I’m here for you so if you ever want someone to talk to, you can talk to me.” She said. “I’m really okay,” Karen told her. “School is lots harder this year and that’s probably been bothering me a little. It’s not as easy being a junior and I just wish it wasn’t quite so hard. They give us lots more homework too and I don’t want to get behind. I have some to do tonight and I’m going to go over to Tricia’s and we’re going to work together, if it’s okay with you, Sara and I won’t be late. I should be back by eight o’clock. Is that okay? She asked. “Sure, Honey. I’m sorry school is tough, but wait until next year. My senior year was the hardest, but I know you’re a smart girl, Karen. You’ll do okay. If you need my help you can always ask. I’ll leave a plate in the fridge for you in case you want to heat it up when you get home,” she told her before she gave her a quick hug and said, “You’ll be okay, Sweetie. Try not to worry.” “Thanks.” Karen replied before leaving the room and then heading out the door to Tricia’s. She wasn’t going to Tricia’s though. Tricia was a made up friend. She was going over to Brian’s and he was the reason she’d been so quiet over the holiday weekend. She loved seeing her family together again. He was also with his family and there was no way they could find a way to be together until tonight. She missed him so much when they weren’t together and he told her he missed her too. They were just two teenage kids who thought they were madly in love. Their emotions were like roller coasters, up one minute and down the next and being that their relationship was now sexual it was doubly hard for them to be apart. It felt to Karen like the world had ended when she couldn’t see Brian every day and he was having the same trouble. It was all so intense, new, secretive, exciting and now for Karen, scary too. Her period was late and she was worried. They hadn’t given a thought about the possibility of getting pregnant. They never talked about it, so if that were the case she didn’t know what that would mean for them. She knew she had to talk to Brian tonight and find out what he thought about that being a possibility. She wasn’t too worried because he told her over and over that he loved her and she believed him, but a baby would kind of be a problem for them right now.

After he made love to her and while they were still lying together in his now unmade bed, she said, “Brian, I’m afraid I might be pregnant. My period’s late. I know we never talked about it, but I need to know what you think about it now.” When he didn’t say anything right away, she rolled over to look at his face. He was white as the sheet he was lying on and the look on his face startled her. “Brian,” she asked, “what’s wrong?” “What’s wrong? What’s wrong? What do you mean you might be pregnant? How can that be? We just started having sex. Aren’t you on the pill? I thought all girls your age were on the pill. Why did you do this, Karen?” And he pushed away from her. “Why did I do this?” she asked. “Why did I do this?” She was raising her voice by the second. “In case you don’t Brian, it takes two. You said you loved me. What’s gotten into you?” She almost screamed at him. “You can’t be pregnant,” he said,” and if you are you’re going to have to get rd of it. I’m not going to be saddled with a kid. I’m too young and that won’t work for me.” And as he told her that he stood up and started to get dressed beside the bed. “I think you’d better leave now, Karen.” He said. “Leave? Brian, what’s gotten into you. I love you and you said you loved me. Why are you acting like this? Stop it, Brian. Please, just stop.” She pleaded with him. “I’m just telling you. I don’t want anything to do with any kid. I assumed you were smart enough to be taking the pill. If you aren’t, then it’s your own fault. Now, just get dressed and leave. I need to think for awhile.” He told her. Karen was crying. She was having a struggle believing what she’d just heard him say to her. “Have you gone mad?” she asked him again as she got up and also began to dress. “I think you are being terrible, Brian. If I’m pregnant then you are as much at fault as I am. I’m leaving, don’t worry, but you’ll hear from me Brian. If I am pregnant you are responsible and whether you want to or not, you will have to help me.” “No way.” He said. “I didn’t do this, you did.” And he left her to find her way out of his parent’s home on her own. Karen was tortured with the reality of what she’d just heard. She was crying

harder when she finally left his house. How could he have done this? He told her many, many times how much he loved her, yet he had done this to her. She would have to walk home alone and it was very dark outside and she was distraught. She was late getting home too. Something she was always careful not to do to her sister. She never wanted to worry Sara. She knew how hard it was for Sara to be in charge all the time and she always tried not to add to her problems. “This isn’t good.” She thought as she walked faster in the drenching rain. She was soaked by the time she got home so she was hoping no one would notice that some of the wetness on her cheeks were tears and not rain drops. It was eight thirty when she opened the front door. Sara saw her come in and asked her why she was late and she said she was sorry, “we were studying and we lost track of the time. I hurried as fast as I could when I discovered it was late. I really am sorry. It won’t happen again.” And she went to her room and closed the door behind her. She got undressed, cried into her pillows and was still sobbing an hour later when Sara knocked on her door. “Karen, may I come in for a minute?” she asked her. “Uh, okay.” Karen answered. “What do you want?” Her head was so stuffy from all the crying that Sara knew at once she’d been upset. “Honey, what’s wrong?” She asked her. Nothing can be this bad, can it? Did someone hurt you? Please, I need to know what’s going on Karen. Trust me, please. I’ll help you with whatever is wrong, but I can’t until you tell me.” She said. “Oh, Sara.” She sobbed, “I’m so sorry. I think I’m pregnant.” And with those words, Sara’s whole world turned upside down.

Chapter Six

Christmas was coming fast and Sara was beside herself trying to figure out what to do for Karen. She was pregnant. She was going to be a mother at sixteen and Sara felt as if she had completely failed her. She blamed herself for not paying more attention to what she was doing when she left the house. Instead she had been focusing on her wedding, then on making Craig happy and getting Brad the help he needed and she had completely missed the developing problems with Karen and she felt like a failure. The family would all be home again for Christmas and she hadn’t told Evan yet or for that matter she hadn’t told Craig yet either. She kept hoping it wouldn’t be true and no one would ever have to know, but after the doctor’s appointment on December eighteenth she and Karen knew for sure. She was expecting a baby and it was due August first and she was scared to death. Karen had tried to hide who the father was, but finally Sara had convinced her to tell, so now they were trying to figure out what to do next. Brian wouldn’t talk to Karen and was avoiding her whenever possible. She was feeling like some kind of outcast and she was terribly hurt because she had believed him when he told her he loved her. The family would all be home for Christmas in a week. Sara had the house to decorate, the tree to decorate, a few gifts to buy and Christmas dinner to plan and she had no idea how she was going to get it all done in time. Evan was bringing Brad home finally and he was going to leave him at home this time and trust that he would straighten up and follow the rules, but he wasn’t sure. He was picking Sherri and Bobby up in Portland on his way home and then he would take Bobby back to stay with his Grandma and he and Sherri would finally be on the road together for a couple of weeks, something they both needed. “You’ll have to watch Brad very close, Sara,” he’d told her, “and if you notice anything you think is suspicious. I’ll have to come back for him. I’m not willing to loose him to drugs. He’s really a good kid and very smart too, but man is he ever stubborn.” And he chuckled a bit when Sara replied. “I wonder where he got that from, Dad?” she asked him. “Well, whatever, but you’ll have to really pay attention and maybe Tony will

help again. Is he still doing good?” he asked her. “He’s really doing good,” Sara reported thankfully. “Thank goodness we’ve got such a good girl in Karen. We don’t have to worry about her. She is such a happy child. I’m glad one of them has turned out to not be a problem for you, Sara.” And after he said that to her, he told her he’d see her for Christmas and the phone call was finished. “When he finds out Karen is pregnant he is going to go ballistic. Oh my God. I don’t want to tell him.” She was thinking. “Poor Karen, what a mess she’s in. The worst mess of all and I feel so bad for her.” Christmas was a holiday Sara usually looked forward to, but everything was weighing heavily on her this year and she just struggled every day to get everything ready. She and Karen decorated the tree together after Tony and Craig brought it home. They’d driven to Oak Harbor where the selection was better and picked out a beautiful fir that was six and a half feet tall. It was proportioned beautifully and filled the house with that Christmas scent that everyone loved so much. She and Karen were nearly finished when Karen said, “I had a call from Brian today. He wants to talk to me, Sara. What do you think I should do?” Sara was thoughtful for a couple of minutes and then she said, “Karen, I don’t know. I don’t think he deserves to have you in his life ever again after the way he’s treated you, but he is the baby’s father and if you want him to know the baby, then I suppose you should talk to him. His family needs to understand that you expect financial help from him no matter what. It’s the very least he can do, but it would be awful if you forgot how awful he’s been to you and let him back into your life again. I wouldn’t like seeing that at all because I’m afraid you would be setting yourself up for more hurt.” She told her. “I don’t plan to ever be in his life again. I hate him. He told me over and over that he loved me and then he told me to get out when he found out I might be pregnant and he hasn’t talked to me since. I really don’t even want to talk to him, but he is the baby’s dad, like you said. That’s why I asked you. I just don’t know what I should do. I know when we tell Dad, he’s going to be angry and he’s probably going to want to hurt him. I just didn’t know what I should do now,” she said “I know,” Sara told her, “Dad is going to be furious, so don’t plan on him being

around ever when Dad’s here. You do what you have to, Honey. I don’t have very good advice for you, I know. If it were me, I would get an abortion, but you’ve already said, no to that and for heaven’s sakes, I don’t understand that either. Karen, you can’t take care of a baby and work too. I can’t afford to help either and Dad’s not going to want to another child, so what are you going to do with a baby? I don’t think you really get it yet.” She told her again. “I won’t have an abortion. This is my baby and I don’t want to get rid of it. Brian is going to have to help me with the expenses, that’s all, and I’ll do the best I can, but I wont have an abortion.” She was angry now because she had already told Sara this and it’s like she didn’t hear her. She hung the last ornament on the tree then and told Sara she was going to lay down for awhile. She went to her room then and closed the door and while she was alone, she called Brian back, but he didn’t answer so she just left a message. “This is Karen. What do you want?” It didn’t seem right that he could get away with this. He gets me pregnant and then leaves and acts like I don’t even exist. “He’s a selfish monster.” She thought.” I am so stupid. I thought I loved him and now he leaves me to do this alone? Sara’s right about one thing. He doesn’t deserve me. He will never deserve somebody like me.” And once again for what seemed like was a thousand times before, she cried herself to sleep, wondering why he had called her at all? Evan, Sherri and Bobby arrived about three o’clock on Christmas Eve. They brought Brad home too and he was so happy to finally be home. He had promised Dad, if he’d let him stay this time, he would stay out of trouble so Evan had finally agreed to let him stay, but it was with a warning. “If there’s just one report of you not doing as you’re supposed to, hanging out with those kids that do drugs or doing them yourself, you will be on the truck with me until you’re eighteen and that’s a promise so its up to you now, son.” And Brad knew he meant it and was determined to try to stay out of trouble because he did not want to go back on the road, Ever! Sara turned Christmas music on while everyone got settled in. She and Craig had moved into Karen’s room and Karen was going to sleep on the couch while Evan and Sherri were going to stay in her room. Bobby was bunking with his older brothers and he was so excited. He looked up to them and had talked about nothing else since they’d told him. They were going to have a light buffet supper

tonight and open gifts tomorrow morning with the family and Emma and then Emma had invited everyone to the Purple Caterpillar for Christmas dinner. Sara was thankful for her mother-in-law’s help with this holiday because she was still feeling overwhelmed. She knew she was going to have to tell Evan about Karen soon, but she just didn’t know how she was going to do it or when and Karen wasn’t helping matters now that she was talking with Brian again. After everyone settled in and came back out to the kitchen, she asked Evan if he would please go buy some wine so they could have a Christmas toast before dinner, “and Dad, please pick up an extra couple of bottles so we can take them to Emma’s tomorrow to have with dinner over there?” So Evan left shortly after to go to the store for her. Craig was just coming down the hall when Evan went out the front door and he asked Sara where he was going. Sara had asked Craig to buy wine earlier in the day, but he’d said he didn’t think they needed it, so she didn’t want him to know she had asked Evan. “Dad wanted wine with dinner so he went to get some.” And Sherri, having heard the conversation, knew it wasn’t true and was more than a little surprised. When Evan returned with the wine, Sara quickly opened a bottle and poured them each a glass and then raised her glass with all of them for a toast. When the wine went down her throat she felt the warmth almost immediately and the anticipation for the mellow feeling was quickly fulfilled as it began to slip over her also. She loved to finally be able to relax after these weeks of stress because of needing to keep Karen’s secret and she was very grateful for the relief she felt when she was finally able to drink some wine. Her problems would disappear for a short time and she would be happy and relaxed. Just that few hours break that came when she was able to drink made her feel wonderful and was always something she looked forward to. She quickly finished her first glass and poured herself another. She didn’t think anyone had noticed that she’d emptied the first bottle into her empty glass. She was feeling better and that’s all she wanted. Everyone enjoyed the buffet she’d prepared and when she offered all the adults a re-fill of wine during supper, everyone ed. So she retreated to the kitchen by herself with the newly opened bottle and filled her glass again. Craig walked in at that moment, saw her full glass and made a comment about how she should go a little easy on that stuff and she was instantly furious with him. She told him she had been so stressed the last few weeks that she wanted to and needed to unwind a bit and there was nothing wrong with doing that. He was taken aback by her tone and her defensive nature so he decided to not

say anymore. He still hadn’t talked to her about drinking too much at Thanksgiving and he didn’t want to embarrass her in front of her family, so once again he decided to wait and talk with her about it later when they were alone. Sara was very upset that Craig had questioned her. “I’ve never embarrassed him or been drunk or disorderly so how dare he try to control me like that,” she was thinking. “I’m a grown-up now and I can drink a little if I want to and nobody can stop me.” She thought to herself. After dinner, while clearing the dishes, she poured herself another glass of wine. She did want it, but she also wanted to show Craig he wasn’t in charge of her and so she started drinking her fourth and then her fifth glass of the night. She couldn’t how many she had, but she didn’t really care. After the dishes were finished she was feeling way too relaxed. It seemed to hit her all at once and she was slurring her words a little and soon everyone realized she was a little drunk. Craig asked her if she wanted to go lay down for a little while and she instantly became defensive with him again and said something not at all like she would ordinarily say. “You can’t tell me what to do, Craig. I might be a little tipsy, but I’m finally feeling really good so just leave me alone.” She told him. Just at that same moment, Karen came down the hall to tell everyone she was going to go for a short walk and Sara asked her in front of everyone, “Are you sneaking out again to go see your boyfriend, Karen?” Karen looked stunned, and then said, “No.” in a hesitating manner and was looking at her sister like she’d lost her mind. Sara was obviously drunk and by now everyone realized it, but no one, least of all Karen, expected her to say what she did next. “Don’t you think it’s time you told Dad your little secret, sister?” and Karen was again dumbfounded. This wasn’t Sara talking. This was someone she didn’t recognize and she glared at Sara as she said, “Don’t Sara, you’re drunk! Please don’t do this.” Karen begged. “I’m not either drunk.” Sara spat back at her. “All I want you to do is tell everyone what Santa is bringing you for Christmas this year. Now’s the time to tell them or do you want me to do it for you?” she finished. “Sara, please don’t.” Karen begged her again.

“Then you tell them.” She said. “She wasn’t going for a walk folks. She was going off to meet the father of the baby she’d going to have.” She mumbled, but everyone understood her. Karen was as white as a sheet as she said to her, “No Sara. How could you do this? I trusted you,” she screamed at her as she bolted out the front door. The room was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop as everyone was trying to make sense of what had just happened and no one understood at all. Sara was a little too drunk and they all realized that, but why would she lie to them about Karen? No one could figure that out at all, but when Evan spoke they all knew something about it must be true. “What did you just say, Sara?” His voice boomed across the room as he had just heard what she had said and it was sinking in. “Karen, pregnant? Is she pregnant?” He bellowed. “Who did this to her?” He commanded to be told. By now Sara realized what she’d done and she was horrified. She had gone too far. “Oh God.” She thought. “Why did I just do that? Oh my God, I just told Karen’s secret.” And she stumbled sloppily from the room to the room she and Craig were sharing. Craig followed her down the hall. He was, for the first time since being married, embarrassed for her and even somewhat ashamed that she had done something to hurt her sister and it had been deliberate. “What were you thinking?” he asked her as soon as he entered the room. “How could you have done that to Karen, Sara? Even having too much to drink, which you obviously did is no excuse for what you did to her. Is it true?” he then asked her. “Yes,” Sara said. “I’ve known for over a month and I’ve been under so much pressure to help her and to keep her secret that I guess I just snapped. Oh, Craig, I’m so sorry. I’ve ruined everything. I had planned to tell Dad tonight, but not like this. I don’t know what happened to me When Karen said she was going out it just made me so angry with her. She just started talking again to the father of the baby. He dumped her as soon as he suspected she might be expecting. I’ve tried to talk her into an abortion, but she won’t hear of that and now I’ve gone and done this. Oh, Craig, what should I do?” She asked. “I think you need to come back out there and explain the truth to your Dad and Sherri. We should decide as a family what to do about this. You try so hard to

handle everything alone, Sara and you shouldn’t have to do that. The kids are all old enough that their problems are not little problems and you end up feeling like you’ve got the weight of the world on your shoulders. The last thing you need to do is drink any more wine, Sara. You should be able to see after what happened tonight that it’s not a solution to solving problems. It often contributes to making them even greater. Now lets go talk to the family and see if we can’t make this better before Karen gets back.” He told her. “If she even comes back. Oh, Craig, she must hate me after what I’ve done to her. I’m so sorry.” She said. “It’s her you need to say that to and to the family, Sara. Come on. Let’s go out there and get started.” He told her. She was so embarrassed. She didn’t want to go out there and face the others, but she knew she had to so she followed Craig down the hall to the living room. She was feeling very nearly sober now. The intensity of what she’d done had helped to straighten her up. She was mortified and humiliated, but she wasn’t drunk now. The first words out of her mouth to everyone were, “I’m so sorry. I hadn’t planned for that to happen and I’m mortified that I got carried away with the wine and this was the result. “Dad, I didn’t tell you what was going on with her before because she wanted to keep it a secret for as long as possible. I’ve tried to help her decide what to do, but she won’t even consider an abortion and the guy who did this to her is the same age as she is and he’s been a real jerk to her too. It’s just such a mess. I’m so sorry, Dad. I feel like I’ve let you down again. I didn’t even know she was sneaking out to see a boy. All the time she was telling me she was with girlfriends and I believed her and I didn’t check. She’d only been with him about a month when she realized she might be late and pregnant. I took her into the doctor as soon as she told me and he confirmed it. I’m so sorry. I feel sick about this. It seems I’ve let all the kids down in one way or another and I’m so ashamed.” She was crying now and it was Sherri who came across the room first and wrapped her arms around her and told her it wasn’t her fault. “Oh Sara,” she said, “you’re just a girl yourself and you’ve had all this responsibility put on you way too early. This isn’t your fault, Honey. Everyone of these guys knows right from wrong and if they’ve chosen the wrong path along the way, that’s on them, Sara, not on you.” Her dad got up then and he too came over to hug her finally realizing the

tremendous pressure she must have been feeling for so long and thanks to Sherri, understanding a little more of how this had affected her. “It’s not your fault, Sara. Now we have to talk to Karen and see if we can make this better.” And with that he turned to the boys and said, “and you two are not going to say a word to anyone about this, do you understand? You behave yourselves with her too until we figure out what we can do. Sara, where did she go?” He asked. “I don’t know, Dad. She may have gone to meet the boy who did this. He hasn’t been talking to her for a month, but he called here two days ago and she might have gone to see him.” She said. “Well, lets see if we can find her. Sherri, you, Sara and Craig can come with me and we’ll start looking. You boys stay here with Emma in case she comes back and if she does, one of you can call us. Emma, I apologize that all of this happened in front of you tonight too. Family matters shouldn’t be aired in front of everyone.” He said. “Evan, I am family now too and I should know because I might be able to help her too.” And with that, she stepped over to give Sara a hug also. “It’s all going to be okay now Honey. We’ll all do what we can for her.” Emma said. They all left then to try to find Karen and everyone was determined to find her. It was a small, quiet community and nothing would be open for Christmas Eve. Sara said she might be at Brian’s house, but probably not since it was Christmas and he wouldn’t want her there if his family were home so they thought maybe they’d find her walking somewhere to meet him and then Sara ed the dock off the main street in town. There were stairs that went down the fifty foot cliff to the beach and they might find her there she told them. They all followed Sara’s lead and headed for the dock. It was very difficult to see because it was so dark and since the sky was heavily clouded that night as was usual in this island community, there was little to no moonlight. Evan had grabbed a flashlight out of the truck cab before they started, so this one beam of light was all they had as they picked their way, one at a time, down the old wooden staircase to the beach. The beach was, as they expected, for the most part deserted, but when they stood quietly for a few minutes they could barely hear two voices in the distance. They were hoping it was Karen as they headed in the direction of the voices. They were all proceeding as quietly as possible, not wanting Karen to know yet they were approaching. As they got closer they were sure it was Karen’s voice they were hearing arguing with a male voice. A few minutes later, Evan, with the

flashlight now off, approached two people sitting on a rock with their backs to the approaching family. “Karen.” Evan finally said, loud enough to carry the short distance and startled, Karen turned to see four family behind her. “Go away.” She said.” I don’t want to talk to you. Not to any of you and especially you, Sara. Just leave me alone.” Brian was so scared he was shaking. He didn’t want this confrontation either, but he was trapped so he didn’t try to leave. “Karen.” Sara said then, “I’m so sorry, Honey. I don’t know what happened to me tonight. I am absolutely sick about what I did, but everyone knows now, Sweetheart and we all want to help you figure this out. We’re all here to help you. Please let us do that?” She said. Karen had just been arguing with Brian. He too wanted her to have an abortion. She had told him the same thing she had told Sara. “No, I won’t do that.” She told him and now here was the whole family who probably wanted the same thing. She was distraught and she felt ganged up on. Sherri stepped up from the group, “Karen,” she said, “if it were my baby, I wouldn’t do it either. I think you’re right to fight for your baby, Honey and I understand.” No one expected that to come out of her mouth and Karen started to cry as she leaned into Sherri’s arms. “Thank you Sherri.” And she let Sherri wrap her in her arms and hold her while she released some of the guilt and fears in the form of tears. “What are we going to do then?” Sara asked her Dad. “If she keeps it someone’s going to have to help her and I cant. Craig and I want our own family some day. I’ve taken care of yours for years and I can’t do it for her too.” Sherri tried to save the day again when she said, “We’ll all pitch in and help her, Sara. We can all give up a little of our time to help so she can keep the baby and then when she’s through school she can do what other mothers do. It will work; we can make it work for her.”

Brian was beside himself. He wanted no part of becoming a father and he made sure everyone understood. “I can’t help her. I don’t have a job or money and my folks are going to kill me when they find out.” He said spontaneously and Evan used it as an opening to address him. “Oh you will help, young man. For the rest of that child’s life you will help or you’ll have me to deal with if you don’t and I assure you I will be your worst nightmare. I suggest you tell your parents what’s happened when you get home tonight because I’m coming to visit them tomorrow afternoon and I’m sure they’d appreciate knowing about this before I get there. You are all going to help Karen and that baby, so don’t think otherwise. Now, Karen, lets get you home and we can have Christmas and celebrate a new member of our family. I’m very sorry you have to deal with this Karen. You should know that I am going to be there for you, we all are and I love you. And Karen I know Sara is really sorry about what happened earlier, but it’s going to be okay and so will you.” Brian left them at the dock and headed for his home. He was going to have to talk to his parents tonight because he knew Evan meant what he said and would show up tomorrow to talk to them. He had stalled for a month and not told them, hoping Karen would come around and have an abortion, but he knew now that wasn’t going to happen. He wanted nothing more to do with her or this kid. He knew his parents would make it right for him as they had the money to make this go away. It was going to be hard telling them he’d made this mistake, but they cared about him and would do their best to help him clean this one up. They wouldn’t let one silly mistake ruin his whole life. As the family headed for their home, Evan reached for Sherri’s hand in the dark and then leaned down close to her face as they walked behind all the others. “Thank you Honey,” he whispered to her, “you are right and I’m glad you handled this. That’s why I love you so much. You have a natural instinct that can make things right in a flash and I appreciate you.” And she squeezed his hand to let him know she appreciated his words. When they all arrived back at the house, Karen was feeling some better. She was finally feeling ed and like she had someone on her side and some of the fear was dissipating. Sara continued to apologize to her, but it mattered less and less because she was finally realizing that her family was really pulling together for her and they weren’t judging her like she thought they would. Even Emma told her she’d help her with the baby also and since she was cutting down on the

numbers of guests next year, she expected to have lots of extra free time. Karen was very grateful to everyone and for the first time since she found out for real that she was pregnant, she was able to relax a little, smile and think about the joy of having a baby growing inside her. She was even able to forgive Sara for her outburst earlier. She knew she was truly sorry for what she’d done and Karen didn’t hold a grudge after she saw how the family had rallied around to her. She was finally able to experience what it was like to have a loving family and protect you when you had a serious problem and she realized Brad had been wrong when he told her not to tell anyone about her life or that Dad would make her go out on the road with him. She knew now that wouldn’t happen and later when they had a few minutes alone she told him he’d been wrong to think that. “You’re a girl,” he said, “that must be the difference because its sure not true for Tony and I. He’ll haul our ass off as fast as he can say it if we do anything wrong.” Knowing how lucky he was to finally be home. Everyone did exactly what they said they would do and when the baby was born a few days early, in late July, they were all more than happy to pitch in and help out at first. As time wore on, most everyone became busy again with their own lives and more and more, taking care of the baby fell to Sara. Karen had named her daughter Meghan and everyone called her Maggie right from the start. Brian had not seen her. His parents had offered to pay all the medical expenses and five hundred dollars a month child with the stipulation that Brian did not have to participate in the child’s life if he chose not to. Karen was only too happy to agree as she had long since realized he was a spoiled child and she wanted no part of him nor did she want him round Maggie. She was happy for the financial help, so she could buy formula and diapers every month and she wouldn’t be saddled with huge medical bills either, which she was thankful for. She was able to start her senior year in the fall with Sara and sometimes Emma’s help and she was hoping to graduate next June and then find work as soon as she could solve the baby sitter problem. She now knew how difficult it was to care for a tiny baby and keep up with school. It wasn’t easy, but she was determined to make it work for little Maggie. Sara was glad to help Karen now also, when she could, but she had a life now too and it wasn’t always easy to find the extra time. She was doing everything possible to look out for all the kids and make sure they stayed out of trouble and for the most part the boys had been very good. She’d seen no signs of anyone doing drugs and she had watched closely for the signs. Both boys, being another year older had seemed to take the warning seriously and they were staying away

from people who could lead them in the wrong direction and they were bringing home better grades this year, which pleased their dad as well. Sara spent some of her time after work each day, cooking for everyone, doing laundry, house cleaning and when it worked out, taking care of the baby to give Karen a break, but she stayed true to what she had told Karen before. She really didn’t have a lot of extra time to care for the baby on top of everything else so for her it was a very real balancing act. Once again, Emma had been a blessing, nearly always being available to look after Maggie when Karen had tests to study for or when she needed the help. Emma had become like a Grandma to the baby and both Karen and Sara were grateful. Sherri still had not become pregnant like she’d hoped so she was sometimes feeling a little envious that Karen had the perfectly beautiful baby girl and she began making the trip from Portland to Washington at least once a month. She left Bobby with his Grandma as Sherri didn’t want him to miss school and she would drive up alone while Evan was on the road, to spend three or four days with Karen, helping to care for Maggie. It was a blessing for Karen to have the help and although Sara was glad for her sister, it always meant an extra person to cook for and look out for and after a few months of this Sara was becoming a little resentful. She didn’t think Karen needed that much help with Maggie and she thought Sherri was doing it more for her own selfish reasons anyway and not just to help Karen. Sherri loved being around babies and this tiny baby girl was becoming a surrogate baby for her since she hadn’t been able to get pregnant again. She hoped every month that this would be the month she would be pregnant with her own, but since it hadn’t happened she became more attached to Maggie. Since she was Evan’s wife she was also Maggie’s Grandma, but she was so young that role didn’t suit her. One day she announced to everyone that she wanted Maggie to call her Nana and her new position in the family was born. She was Nana to everyone after that and since it didn’t sound so matronly she came to love it when they called her that. Sara wanted to say something to both Evan and Karen about the relentless trips Sherri was making to Washington. She kept hoping they would cease or at the very least become less frequent, but so far she’d remained quiet. She liked Sheri well enough by now, but these trips were more of an imposition for Sara than a help to Karen and she hoped that with the holidays fast approaching again, Sherri’s trips would become less and less. If not, she had decided to approach the subject over the holidays.

Chapter Seven

Maggie had a fever and had been extra fussy for the last two days. She hadn’t felt well so Karen had taken her to the doctor and found out she had a bad virus, which there wasn’t much they could do about, except give her aspirin and fluids and try to keep her comfortable, but a fussy baby was difficult for a young, teenage mother to cope with. Karen was trying her best, but she was in the middle of end of term exams so she was struggling trying to juggle her time between a sick baby and studying. Sara was needed to spend more time than usual relieving Karen and as the time drew closer for Thanksgiving she realized she was running out of time to get it all done this year. The baby was definitely taking up more and more of her time and Sara was resentful. “This isn’t my baby and I tried to tell them all it was going to be this way, but would anyone listen? No! And here I am trying to take care of it all again. Just what I told them.” She was thinking. Craig was spending more time at the Purple Caterpillar helping his mother to keep up the repairs and the yard work. Now that fall had arrived there were lots of projects she needed help with and he was more than happy to help her just as he always had. Sara was still working there during the days and she had learned a lot about antiques and the business of tending to guests and all their wants and needs. She loved Emma and she loved working for her, but every day now after work, she was going home to take care of everything at home and more often than not, taking care of Karen’s baby now too and sometimes she was feeling overwhelmed again with all the responsibility. Since Craig didn’t get home until very late these days, she had no life of her own and she was beginning to resent the time he was spending helping Emma now. They were still newlyweds and he was at the Purple Caterpillar more than he was home with her. When he did get home, it was usually late; too late to do anything with her, except eat dinner and go to bed and it was getting harder for her to not complain to him about it too. One night she was especially weary of everything, and said to him as he came in the door, “Craig, you spend so much time at Emma’s that I never get to see you anymore.”

A little shocked, he replied, “Sara, you knew when we married that I always help Mom as much as I can. I’ve done that for as long as I can so there’s really nothing new about it. She’s getting older and its getting harder and harder for her to do the things she used to do, so I’m going to need to help out more every year from now on. You shouldn’t let that bother you.” “I know all of that,” she replied, “but I didn’t know you wouldn’t be spending any time with me. It’s just that we never get to do anything because somebody always wants something from us and we don’t even have a life of our own, between Emma needing you and the kids needing me. It just doesn’t seem fair.” And after saying that, she turned and went down the hall to get ready for bed. She was through talking about it and he was just as glad. He’d worked eight hours at the pharmacy and five hours at his mom’s and he was tired. “I’m too tired to argue with her again tonight,” he was thinking, before he sat down to eat the plate of leftovers she’d fixed for him to heat up when he got home. He poured himself a glass of milk just as he heard little Maggie start to cry. “She must be in her crib,” he thought then, “but someone should tend to her,” and after a few minutes, when no one had, he got up from the table and went into Karen’s room where he found the baby soaked through and sobbing her little heart out. He was furious when he saw that this baby was being neglected. “Where was Karen?” he thought as he looked throughout the house for her and when he couldn’t find her he went into his room finally, looking for Sara. “Sara,” he started with her, “this baby is wet and has been crying for twenty minutes. Where is Karen?” “She went over to a friend’s house to study tonight. She was supposed to be back an hour ago, but just like always, she’s late again.” She told him. “So you just leave this baby unattended because she didn’t come back on time? You can’t do that, Sara. This baby needs care. She needs you, so will you please come and take care of her? We’ll talk to Karen when she gets home too,” He said. “No!” she snapped. “I told everyone in the beginning she wouldn’t take care of this baby and nobody would listen. She expects me or someone else to do it and I’m tired so if you think she needs changing, then you can do it.” And she rolled over in the bed, facing away from him.

Craig was really angry. This wasn’t the wonderful, caring girl he’d married. This person was being selfish and childish. She was resentful of her sister and this innocent little baby and he never would have expected that of her. He turned then to take the baby back to Karen’s room to change her. “Poor little thing. She needed better care. No, she deserved better care.” He was thinking and when Karen came home a few minutes later, he jumped all over her about neglecting her baby. “Karen, where were you? This baby needed changing and probably needs to be fed. She was crying for over twenty minutes alone before I found her and realized you weren’t here. You can’t do that, Karen. She’s your baby.” He told her. “Where’s Sara?” She asked. “She was here when I left so I figured she’d do it if I were late. Come here little girl, Mommies home now Sweetheart.” She said to Maggie as she picked her up to snuggle her a little. “She is not Sara’s baby, she is your responsibility, Karen. Sara is worn out from all she does every day and so am I and it’s not our job to take care of her. It’s yours, so from now on you get back here when you say you’ll be here and as soon as your exams are finished this week you’re going to take care of her and help Sara get ready for Thanksgiving.” He said as he left the room to finish his dinner. “Boy!” Karen thought then, “What’s wrong with him? She took Maggie to the kitchen while she fixed her a bottle. As she ed Craig, sitting at the table, she said, “I’m sorry for being late, Craig. I’ll try not to let that happen again.” “Thank you.” Craig said abruptly and Karen left him alone to finish his dinner. When he was finished he rinsed his dish and put it in the sink. He then went down the hall to take a shower and go to bed. As soon as he entered the bedroom he saw that Sara was now fully awake. The light was on and she was reading a book. He was truly disgusted with her, but he didn’t want to start a fight, so he grabbed clean underwear and headed for the bathroom to shower. When he finished and returned to the bedroom, she was waiting for him and she wanted him to hear her. “I have enough to do all day and night without having the added chore of the care of that baby on my shoulders, Craig, and I’m not going to let her take advantage of me any longer.” She said in her still sharp and sarcastic tone.

Craig was instantly irritated again, but he listened and then said, “I understand that, Sara, but to let that baby go unattended and cause her to suffer because of something between the two of you is absolutely wrong and it better stop. I won’t allow that little baby to be neglected, not while I’m here and you should be ashamed that you would.” “Me?” she all but screamed at him. “Ashamed? Who is her mother and who should have come home on time to take care of her? I can’t believe you’re siding against me, Craig. I can’t believe you’re telling me I should be ashamed. She’s the one who should be ashamed.” “I’ve already talked to her, Sara and I’ve told her she’s never to be late again. But my point is, it was you who laid here and wouldn’t go help that little baby just because Karen didn’t get home on time and when she told you she would. That was not right and that’s what you should be ashamed of. Now, I’m tired and I’m not going to argue anymore about it.” He turned off the light and rolled away from her to try to fall asleep. But, Sara was really angry now and she wasn’t done fighting. She turned the light back on and began telling him again she was upset that he hadn’t ed her. “All you ever do is work at your mom’s every night after work. You never come home to spend any time with me. I’m alone to take care of this house, these kids and now Karen’s baby and it’s still not good enough. My, God, Craig, what do I have to do to get you to realize this isn’t the life I want forever? I’m sick of taking care of everyone else and being alone all the time. I might as well be single again because living with you is almost the same thing.” She shouted at him. Craig had had enough this time. He was exhausted and he had to be at work at the pharmacy the following morning and he couldn’t do that job with little or no sleep. He picked up his pillow, pulled a blanket off the bed and headed out the bedroom door saying he was going to sleep on the couch. He closed the door and Sara was alone, crying hard. “He doesn’t understand all of the stress I’m under all of the time. He just doesn’t get it.” She was thinking. “He isn’t being ive of me and he’s ashamed of me? Well he can just sleep out there alone. I’m not going to beg him to come back to bed. I might as well not be married as have to put up with this.” And she cried herself to sleep finally, and yes, missing him lying beside her, but she was too proud and he had gone too far for her to ask him to come back to bed tonight.

The next morning everyone was very quiet as they each prepared for their day ahead. Craig tried to kiss Sara goodbye before he left for work, but she pulled away from him and without saying a word, turned and walked down the hall, leaving him to leave for work alone. After he’d gone she came back out of her room, now ready to leave for the Purple Caterpillar to spend her day working for Emma, but before she was out the door, Karen came out of the room with little Maggie in her arms. “Sara, I’m sorry I was late last night. Craig told me what happened and I’m sorry. I’ll try not to let that happen again. I know you’re stressed with all you’ve got going on too, so I’ll try to do better.” She told her. Sara turned on her unexpectedly then, “I told you it was going to be hard with a baby here and would you listen? No! And now you waltz in and out of here any time you please expecting me to take care of her for you. Well, I’m not doing it anymore, Karen. She’s your kid, not mine and you need to be here and take care of her yourself. All she does is cause trouble here and now even Craig is mad at me because of her. From now on, if you’re not going to be here, you make sure someone else is, because I won’t do it anymore.” She said. Not only was Karen shocked, but Tony and Brad, who had also heard her, came out of their room to see what was going on. They were both shocked also and Tony said, “What’s wrong, Sara? She’s just a little baby and it’s not her fault.” Sara turned on Tony then and said, “Then you can take care of her, but I’m done.” And she picked up her keys and bag and left for work, leaving everyone stunned. The three of them were shocked at what they had just heard from Sara. This wasn’t at all like her and they were all concerned. “Tony, did you hear Sara and Craig fighting last night?” Karen asked him, “and did you know he slept on the couch? I think that’s what’s wrong with her. She’ll get over this once she settles down a little. I know she loves Maggie and I don’t think she means she’ll never look out for her again. You boys better get breakfast and get ready for school and I’m going to feed Maggie too.” When Sara arrived at Emma’s she was still agitated, but she tried to settle down so no one would know she was upset. Emma noticed she was more abrupt than usual with the guests at breakfast and she wondered what was wrong and what could have caused her daughter-in-law to be so irritated. Finally at about eleven,

after the guests had left for a sightseeing tour, Emma asked her if there was something bothering her and she was shocked at Sara’s sharp reply. “If you consider that your son slept on the couch last night because he’s ashamed of me, something to be bothered about, then yes, I guess there’s something bothering me.” She told her. Emma said quickly and with concern, “Oh, my dear, I’m so sorry. Well, newlyweds often have little spats in the beginning so I’m sure it’s something you’ll get worked out soon.” “I don’t want to work it out,” Sara nearly shouted, before she could stop herself. “I want it to change. He needs to me and stop blaming me before anything will be different.” “Oh dear,” Emma was thinking. “This isn’t something I want to even know about. She shouldn’t be talking to me about my son.” So without saying another word, she turned and went back to the kitchen to give Sara some time to realize she’d made a mistake. Sara did realize she’d made a mistake when Emma walked away. She knew at once that she was another one who wasn’t ing her. She had no one who would say to her, “I’m sorry for you, Sara. They are wrong to do this to you.” Sara needed to settle her nerves and calm down, so for the first time ever, Sara went to Emma’s liquor cabinet, pulled out a small bottle of brandy that was sitting on the second shelf, opened the cap and took a long swallow of the biting, yet smooth liquid and let it absorb. She felt the warming, soothing effect almost at once on her rattled nerves. She replaced the cap and set it back in the cabinet, but she had gone back twice more during the rest of the day for more swallows as she tried to maintain that calmer, mellow attitude it allowed her to feel. When she left to go home, early that afternoon her attitude was much more serene. She told Emma goodbye and apologized to her for blurting out her problems to her earlier and Emma instantly forgave her, realizing she had been stressed in the moment and now seemed more like herself. What no one knew was Sara had put a bottle of Brandy from Emma’s pantry into her bag and was taking it home with her. She decided she needed to get control of her emotions and the brandy helped her today to do that so for a few days she would use it to help her to feel calmer.

And it worked. For the next several days, Sara was more like her old self and everyone thought the crisis had ed. Even Craig was feeling better and now they were all looking forward to Thanksgiving, which was happening in four days. Evan, Sherri, Bobby and Emma were all coming for dinner again and Sara was going to be cooking dinner for everyone. Sara had been much calmer since she’d had the brandy to sip on for the last few days, but she was nearly out of it and wasn’t sure what to do. She still had a year to go before she turned twentyone so she couldn’t buy it for herself. She didn’t like to do it, but it had made such a difference to her that she decided she needed to get another bottle from Emma’s just to help her get through the holiday and then she wouldn’t do it again. When she was at work on Wednesday she slipped the last bottle of Brandy on the shelf in her pantry, into her bag and took it with her when she left. She hugged Emma and said she’d see her tomorrow for dinner and headed home to get ready for her dad’s arrival with his family and to start all the preparations for the Thanksgiving dinner they were having the following day. She heard the truck as it rolled slowly up the drive and a few minutes later Bobby came bursting in the front door looking for his big brothers, Tony and Brad. He loved being with the boys. They treated him like a little prince, taking him with them everywhere and protecting him each time they were together and he looked up to them and loved spending time with them. Sara gave him a hug and sent him down the hall to find the boys and then Evan and Sherri came through the door loaded with boxes, some food for tomorrow and their luggage. They were going to sleep in the truck cab this trip, so Karen and the baby would be able to stay in their own room. Bobby would bunk with the boys in their room and Evan and Sherri would use Sara and Craig’s room just to change clothes. “Hi, Dad.” Sara said as she greeted her dad and then, “Hi Sherri.” She said as she hugged her. “Dad, did you bring some wine for us to have with dinner this time?” she asked before he’d even dropped his packages. “No, Sara, not yet, but I thought we’d run into town when I’m finished unloading. I can pick it up then if you want?” he told her. “Please, Dad, that would be great to have it with dinner and Dad, would you buy me some extra. I want to have a nice, romantic dinner as a surprise for Craig occasionally and it would be so nice if we could have a little wine too. I want to be able to surprise him with it so maybe you could just put some extra in the cupboard where I can get it when I want. If you could do that for me I’ll give

you some extra money?” She asked him. “Okay, we can do that, but be sure you don’t overdo with it. Just make sure you’re careful because you’re still not of legal age, Sara and I don’t want any trouble nor do I need it.” He said as he laughed, trying to lighten the mood a little too. He then asked about the baby as they’d brought lots of new clothes and gifts for her and everyone was excited to see her again. “Karen is feeding her right now and then she’ll nap for awhile, but she’ll be up after that. She’s really growing. I know you’ll be surprised when you see her. Of course Sherri’s seen her several times since you have. She’s very cute and you’ll love her. I’ll tell Karen you’re here and maybe she’ll want to bring her out before she puts her down for a nap.” She said. “That would be great and I want her to see all the pretty things Sherri brought for her too.” He told her. “I don’t know where she’s going to put all this stuff.” Sara said and that comment startled both Evan and Sherri. “She’s still got all the things you brought her last time. She doesn’t need so many clothes and toys. You guys are really spoiling her.” She told them. Sherri replied then, “Maybe not Sara, but we do this to help her and because we want to. I’m sure Karen appreciates it.” “Yeah, well, Karen is getting really spoiled too and doesn’t understand that the baby is her responsibility because everyone is doing so much for her. I’m done having her dump the baby on me. She needs to learn what its like to do it all instead of expecting she can do just whatever she wants and someone’s going to do it for her and spoiling her doesn’t help anything or allow her to figure out how to do for herself. You guys don’t need to be doing so much, that’s all I’m saying.” And when she finished she went into the kitchen to continue getting the prep done for tomorrow’s dinner. “What was that all about?” Evan asked Sherri. “I’ve never heard her sound like that before. She sounds like she resents her sister and the attention she’s getting with the baby. That surprises me and I hope that gets turned around soon.”

“Me too.” Sherri said. “It sure doesn’t sound like Sara does it?” Evan brought six bottles of wine back when he went to the store. Two were for dinner tomorrow and he thought Sara would have the other four to serve occasionally to Craig when she wanted to have that romantic dinner for the two of them. He thought it was sweet that she wanted to add a little romance to their new life together and knowing all of the responsibilities they shared he understood how important it was for her and for them, but Sara opened a bottle that same night and when she offered the others a glass, no one wanted any so she drank alone. She fixed a light buffet supper again for everyone while she continued to work on tomorrow’s meal. Craig noticed she was drinking wine, but he didn’t say anything to her, as he didn’t want to start a fight or give her reason to be upset. Evan was drinking a beer as he’d bought a six-pack and he offered one to Craig, but Craig declined and Sara noticed. After dinner while Sara was cleaning up she poured herself another glass of wine and this time Craig did say something to her. “I hope you’ll go a little easy on the wine tonight, Sara. I don’t think you’ll want to feel bad tomorrow and before he had finished the last of his sentence, Sara whirled around, slammed her glass on the counter and said to him. “You don’t tell me what to do, Craig. It’s no ones business what I do, especially yours, now leave me alone.” After saying that in a voice loud enough that everyone could hear her, she stormed off down the hall with her glass of wine in hand, leaving a shocked Craig, Evan and Sherri gaping after her. Craig was so embarrassed and tried to explain to Evan when he said, “I’m sorry you had to hear that. She’s just not been herself for the last couple of weeks. It seems everything sets her off these days and I don’t know what’s wrong or what to do.” He said. “Don’t worry, son. I don’t know what’s going on, but we saw it earlier too. I just hope she settles down and gets back to normal before this goes too far.” Evan said. “So do I, Craig replied, “but this isn’t right and I’ll talk to her tonight and see if I can find out what’s really going on.” Karen spoke up then. “She was really upset and rude to me this morning too, Craig. I’m sure there’s something going on, but I don’t know what it is either.

She yelled at me again about being late last night when all I did was apologize and then she said she wanted nothing more to do with Maggie. It’s really strange.” She finished. “I’ll talk to her.” Craig said again and everyone went into the living room to spend time together. Karen brought Maggie out when she woke up and her Grandpa delighted in spending some time with her and the rest of the evening was uneventful as Sara spent it in her bedroom and didn’t re- the family. She was definitely pouting in her room. She was re-playing what Craig had said about the wine over and over in her mind. “Who does he think I am?” She was thinking. “He’s not my keeper and how is it he thinks he can say anything like that to me. Not only does he not me, but now he’s criticizing me by cautioning me in front of my own family. He’s really out of line and I’m not going to let him do that to me. If I want a glass or two of wine, I’ll have it and he can just leave me alone about it. I’ll be twenty-one next year and I’m old enough to decide if I want a drink or two and when I do reach the legal age, I’ll buy my own.” Emma’s week had been hard and she was very glad there were no guests coming tonight or tomorrow and Sara was cooking dinner again this year. She was very tired and wanted to have a nice quiet evening by herself; maybe have a small glass of brandy and just relax. She went to the pantry and opened the cabinet to get the bottle and was surprised that it wasn’t there. She had only opened it a week ago and had had two small glasses this week so she knew there should be a nearly full bottle as well as two other bottles. She had replenished the liquor stock last month when she bought three new bottles and now she saw they were all gone. She thought back over the week about all of her guests, suspecting someone must have stolen all of her brandy, which was the first time this had happened to her and she was shocked. She checked the other bottles of bourbon, vodka and gin and everything else seemed fine. It seemed to be just the brandy that was missing. She made a mental note to ask Craig to put a lock on the cabinet tomorrow. If she wasn’t able to trust her guests she would have no choice, except to keep it under lock and key and she felt terrible she was going to have to do that and then she went to the refrigerator and found a partial bottle of rose wine which she poured into a glass and carried it back into the parlor. “Now,” she thought, “I can finally relax.”

Chapter Eight

“Sara,” Craig said quietly while lying in bed with his wife. Dinner was over and for the most part the Thanksgiving holiday had gone pretty well, but now he needed to have a serious talk with her. The meal she had prepared was delicious as usual, but once again she drank too much wine and her disposition had changed and everyone had noticed. He finally decided he had to have a talk with her before this got completely out of hand. “Sara.” He said again. “I need to talk with you. Do you hear me, Honey?” he asked her. “Yes,” she mumbled, “I hear you. What do you want, Craig? I’m really tired and I just want to go to sleep.” “I know, Honey, but can you talk with me for a minute, please? I really need you to hear me and what I’m saying.” He said. “Okay,” she said finally and she started to sit up in bed so she could be more alert.” “It sounded serious.” She was thinking. “I’m awake now, so what is it?” “Honey, I don’t want to upset you, but I need to talk to you about the drinking you’ve been doing. I don’t like it, Sara and I don’t want it to get out of hand.” He said. “When we got married it was the furthest thing from my mind that it might become a problem for us, Sara. I never told you, but I have an aunt who’s an alcoholic and I watched what my uncle had to deal with and put up with for years. I said all my life that I wouldn’t do it. I never said anything to you before we were married because I never saw you drunk, but since the wedding day and every holiday when your dad’s here to buy it for you, you are drinking more and more. Sara, I don’t like it because I know what it can lead to and besides, you’re already hostile to me when you’re drinking and I really don’t like that either. I really want you to stop drinking, Sara. Please, before it becomes a problem for you and for us.” He all but begged her. Sara was seething. She was furious even though she waited until he was finished to respond, but then she let him have it full force. “You dare to compare me to an alcoholic aunt when the only thing I ever do is have a couple of glasses of wine over the holidays. Craig, that’s ridiculous and it’s just not fair. I work hard

around here for everyone else. I don’t have any time to myself or just to be with you. I don’t have a life of my own at all and I haven’t since my mother died. At least when I have a couple of glasses of wine I can escape from some of the stress of all that and all the darkness swirling around inside my head for a little bit. I can relax a little and now you want to take that away from me too? No, Craig! I won’t stop and as soon as I turn twenty-one I will be able to buy my own and do what I want and I intend to do it as much as I want to. I deserve to have a little fun and be able to relax a little some of the time and that is the one thing I can do for me and you or no one else can stop me.” Craig was once again very surprised that she was so adamant about not stopping the drinking. He could see that this was already a problem and that it was going to become an even bigger problem in the future if she refused to stop now and he shuddered thinking about what that might mean for their marriage. He loved Sara, but he wasn’t willing to sacrifice his life and live with someone who drank no matter what the reason was. He’d seen the damage done to his aunt and uncle’s marriage and he wasn’t willing to live with problems like that, so he said very sternly, “Sara, I won’t live in a marriage with someone who drinks excessively. It’s just that simple. I love you, but for me, that’s a deal breaker. Your attitude already changes when you drink and it’s not a happy change. I am not willing to do this forever. I understand that as of now you only drink over the holidays, but be assured I will not stay in this marriage if you begin to drink excessively on a regular basis.” “What are you saying, Craig? You’ll divorce me if I don’t stop drinking?” she asked, and his answer surprised them both. “Yes.” He said. “That’s exactly what it means.” He rolled over then and tried to go to sleep, but he struggled with his mind racing over the conversation he’d just had with her. He tried to settle down, but it continued to take him into places he didn’t want to go and it was several hours before he finally fell asleep. Sara was having the same problem, but hers didn’t last quite as long as she was asleep before he was. The following day he was helping Emma at the bed and breakfast when she ed to ask him to put a lock on the liquor cabinet. He asked her why she thought they needed a lock and when she told him he knew at once that a guest hadn’t stolen the brandy bottles. He immediately suspected that Sara was the

thief. Her actions and attitude recently had caused him to be very suspicious of her nearly at once. He decided not to tell Emma yet, but he was definitely going to confront Sara. He was furious with her and if she’d already progressed to stealing alcohol he knew they were in real trouble and when he arrived home later that evening he was going to ask her what had been going on? Evan, Sherri and Bobby had left early that morning so the kids and Sara were alone when he got home. He knew as soon as he saw Sara that she’d been drinking wine and he was once again very upset. He had hoped she would have respected him enough to at least not drink tonight, but she had kind of rubbed his nose in it with her insistence that she was going to continue to do as she pleased. “Sara, will you come down the hall with me for a few minutes, where we can have some privacy? I need to talk to you.” He said. “Again?” she asked, “I thought you pretty much said it all last night.” She blurted out. “No, I need to talk with you about something different. Please, lets do it now.” He asked her nicely. “I guess I really don’t have a choice.” She snapped in front of the others. This brought them all to alert status and they were all thinking that things between Sara and Craig weren’t getting better like they’d hoped. Sara followed Craig down the hall and into their room where he closed the door behind them. “What is it this time?” she asked him, obviously with very little interest and his answer startled her. I just left Emma and we’ve discovered someone has been stealing brandy from her liquor cabinet. Whatever you do, Sara, do not lie to me. I want to know why you took it?” he asked her in a very straightforward question. “Uh, me? Why in the world would you think it was me, Craig? I would never do that to Emma.” She said, innocently. “I told you not to lie to me, Sara and I meant it. He turned around then and opened the closet door and began pulling his clothes out and laying them across the bed.

“What are you doing?” she yelled at him. “Craig, have you lost your mind? Why are you doing this?” and finally he stopped, turned towards her and she was shocked at what he then said. “I’m leaving, Sara. I will not live with someone who lies, steals and has all the symptoms of the beginning of a problem with alcohol. I told you not to lie to me. When I came home tonight, I went through the trash from this past week and do you know what I found? Two empty bottles of brandy. Do I have to say anymore?” he asked her. “Okay, so I didn’t tell you the truth. I planned on replacing them one day, Craig. I was so stressed the last week or so with Karen, the baby, you, having to do the big dinner; all of it. I used it to help me relax and get through all the rough spots. I’m sorry, Craig. I won’t do it again. I promise and I’ll go talk to Emma and tell her it was me, but Craig, please don’t leave. I promise I’ll do better.” She finished. “Sara, I love you. No, I love the young woman I met two years ago. You’ve changed and I don’t like what I’m seeing. You need to fix whatever is wrong, Sara, but using booze to do it is not the answer and now I can’t trust you. I can’t live like that. I know you’re sorry this time, but what about next time and the time after that? No, I can’t look at a future that looks like what happened to my family. I’m going to move back to Emma’s and I need time to figure out what I want to do. I’m going tonight. If you hadn’t lied to me, I would have stayed and tried to help, but you broke every bit of trust when you didn’t tell me the truth. I’m sorry. I’m leaving.” He said. Sara was in a panic now and she was crying as she begged him over and over to not do this. She knew she’d gone too far, but she was still hoping he would change his mind and not go through with it and so, in her thinking, desperate times called for desperate measures and she was desperate. She didn’t want to loose Craig. She didn’t want to have a failed marriage and she realized at that moment that she loved him and her life would be awful without him in it so she did what she thought she had to do to keep that from happening. “You can’t leave, Craig.” She said, “I’m pregnant. That’s why I’ve been so upset the last couple of weeks. My hormones have been surging. I just realized today I was late and so I did a test this afternoon and I’m pregnant. Please don’t leave me now. I promise, now that I know what’s going on things will get better. Please, Craig? Please don’t leave me?” she said again.

Craig was now the one in shock. “Are you sure, Sara?” he asked and as she shook her head yes, he realized that he couldn’t walk out on her now. “Then you absolutely can’t drink anything more, Sara. It could hurt the baby if you do and we just can’t risk that.” He said. “I know, Craig. I won’t drink anymore. I promise.” He relented then and walked across the room and wrapped her in his arms as he said, “Wow, a baby.” “I don’t want anyone else to know yet, please, because it’s just too early. Not even your Mother, but after I’ve been to see the doctor we’ll tell the world.” She said. Over the next several days Sara was truly distraught. She had lied to Craig. She wasn’t pregnant and she didn’t know how it could happen, but she knew if Craig found out he would leave her. She immediately quit taking her birth control and began the difficult dance of trying to win back his affection so she might be able to get pregnant right away. She tried her very best, but after eight days when her period arrived she felt completely defeated. When Craig asked her when her doctor’s appointment was she once again had to be deceptive in her answer, telling him that she’d made the appointment for three weeks away. He didn’t question her and he continued to be concerned for her welfare and was somewhat fearful of making love to her, not wanting to do anything that might disturb her pregnancy. He was certainly more attentive and affectionate and she was loving all the extra attention, but she knew it was imperative that she get pregnant immediately or he was going to learn of her deception and that possibility really frightened her. She continued working for Emma and they both decided there was no reason to tell Emma she had taken the brandy so Emma was completely in the dark about what was happening. When Sara reached the date she’d told Craig was the doctor’s appointment she was frantic to be pregnant, but another test was showing negative and when her period arrived the following week right on time, she was terribly upset, depressed and worried Craig would still leave so she told him she had suffered a miscarriage, knowing that he wouldn’t leave her in that condition. They had become more loving and affectionate with each other in the past few weeks and Sara was hoping that wouldn’t change. When she told him she’d miscarried he was devastated for the loss of the baby and for her also and he made up his mind to be more comforting and attentive to help ease her through this loss.

When Sara didn’t get pregnant anytime during the next several months they began to slip back into the same routine of their life as it had been before and it wasn’t long before Sara was thinking about drinking again. She knew she could drink some of the wine that was put away after the holidays and no one would ever need to know. In six months she would be twenty one and she could replace the bottles of wine at that time if she needed to so once again she began sneaking wine to drink by herself, usually in her room in the evening before Craig got home from Emma’s and as soon as she started that old behavior began to surface and her personality began to change and it wasn’t long before everyone noticed how snappy and intolerant she had become and how difficult it was for anyone to be around her. It was only a couple of weeks later when Craig began to suspect she might be drinking again, probably not a lot, but certainly enough that she was having difficulty being nice to her brothers and sister again. She was very sharp to Craig and he was determined this time to figure out quickly what could be causing the change. He came home earlier than usual one night and as soon as he arrived he began looking for Sara. He went down the hall without calling out to her first and when he opened the door to their bedroom, he found her sitting on the edge of their bed with a half full glass of wine and the rest of the bottle was on the night table. He wasn’t surprised, but she was. She tried to hide it at first, but quickly realized it was too late and that she’d been caught. She wasn’t surprised this time when he continued on into the room and began pulling clothes from the closet and from his dresser drawers without saying a word to her. She knew he was leaving this time and there wasn’t anything she could do about it. There was no need to say anything either, as she knew instinctively that nothing she could say would change his mind this time so she waited and just before he was finished packing she said, “I’m sorry Craig.” His reply was an honest, “So am I, Sara.” When Craig left later that night everyone was in shock. No one had seen this coming and everyone was devastated. Tony and Brad were especially sad as they had come to love Craig as another brother and so had Karen, who also was feeling the loss deeply. Little Maggie couldn’t talk yet, but if she could have, even she would have asked him to stay, but Craig was determined that he could not continue living in or with the turmoil caused by an alcoholic and he was pretty sure she’d already reached the level where that title was appropriate. He wanted the others to understand he’d given her several opportunities to

straighten up and since she’d shown little desire to do that, he felt he’d had no choice, but to leave her. It was the most difficult decision he had ever made, but like he told Emma when he moved back to her home, it was what needed to happen. He hoped and prayed that now she would want to get some help and felt strongly that she needed help. Emma was in shock. Since Craig hadn’t told her before that it was Sara who had taken the brandy, she had no way of knowing or foreseeing this might be coming. She was so very sad for these two wonderful kids. She still loved Sara and didn’t know what she was going to do now. Sara had become a daughter to her and as she sat across from Craig, listening to him explain everything that had happened she was confused about what she should do. “Craig,” she said, “should I still let her work for me or should I let her go now?” she asked him when he’d finished his story. “Mom, from everything I’ve read about this problem, she is into something that isn’t good and the sooner she recognizes it and gets help for it, the sooner she gets well. She stole from you, Mom, so I think you should let her go. You wouldn’t be able to trust her now. That’s why I left,” he said, “because I can’t trust her and I’m not going to make it easy for her to continue. I’m so sorry, Mom.” “And so am I,” Emma replied. “I’ll let her go tomorrow, but oh my goodness, Craig, that’s going to be so hard to do. I still love her and care about her.” “I know, Mom, so do I.” He said and then he went to his old room to unpack and get settled in. He had hated to come back here and to disappoint his mother. Somehow it felt wrong to him; like a little boy running home to mommy, but he’d had nowhere else to go and he knew Emma still needed his help here so it just made more sense to move back here and be available to her. He knew the reality of his split from Sara hadn’t completely hit him yet and he also knew when it did he was going to feel terrible. He still loved Sara; the old Sara, the young woman he’d married who was beautiful, caring and so selfless and who sacrificed so much to care for her siblings, but this new person who had emerged recently, he didn’t like so much. She had changed. She had become angry, resentful and now even untrustworthy and Craig knew from all he’d watched growing up with a terribly sick alcoholic aunt that this was only the beginning for Sara and he was frightened for her and for what she might have ahead of her.

After Craig left the house, Sara continued to finish the bottle of wine before going back out to face the family. No one said anything to her at first, when she walked into the living room where the entire family was sitting watching something on television. She went on to the kitchen where she was going to wash out her glass and put it away, but after she tossed the empty bottle in the trash, the thought, “Oh what the heck.” and opened another bottle and poured herself another glass full before going back into the living room. Brad was the first one to speak to her when he said, “What are you doing with that, Sara? You’re not supposed to be drinking. You’re not old enough yet.” Sara was instantly angry and she turned on Brad quickly, reminding him that it wasn’t his business and she would be twenty one in a few months so it was no big deal, but before she could finish, Tony ed in with Brad and reminded her it was she who had ratted them out to Dad for smoking weed when they were under age and he said then, “how is it any different for you to be doing this than it was for us when we got in so much trouble?” “It’s not your business, Tony.” She shouted at him. “It’s none of any of your business. I’ve taken care of all of you, of this house, of everything since Mama died and I deserve to be able to relax once in awhile, so just leave me alone.” Before she got out of the room and back to her room, one of the boys said, “Well, wait until Dad hears about this, especially that Craig left. He’s going to be very upset with you, Sara. He might make you do a road trip with him too,” and that last comment was enough to tip her over the edge. She screamed at them, “You mind your own business and don’t tell Dad anything. I’ll tell him what I want to and when I want him to know too. You guys have all been a thorn in my side for years. Now back off and leave my business to me.” And she stormed down the hall to her room and slammed the door shut. Everyone sat silent for a few minutes until Karen finally spoke. “She’s blaming this all on us. It’s not our fault our mom died. I think we should tell Dad no matter what she says. He might be able to help figure this out. She’s obviously hurting because Craig walked out, but I think she’s really angry about a lot of things. She doesn’t even act like she likes Maggie anymore and I haven’t seen her hold her in weeks. No, you guys, I think we should call Dad.” The boys agreed with her and they all decided Karen should call in the morning.

“Okay,” she finally said, “I’ll do it, but we are all in agreement, right? We all agree it needs to be done?” and both boys said yes. The next morning after Sara left for work, Karen dialed her dad’s number and she was really happy that he answered it on the second ring. “Hi Dad,” she said and after he greeted her he asked why she was calling and Karen then relayed the story about Sara and Craig breaking up and about Sara’s drinking and Evan was very concerned. Another family crisis was not what he wanted to have to deal with and he tried to sugar coat it and make Karen feel like she’d probably exaggerated and it would all blow over soon, but Karen held firm. They had a serious problem developing with Sara and they needed his help. When he finally accepted it, he told Karen he would come home in a few days and check things out. “Try to ignore the remarks and whatever she’s doing until I get there, Karen and I’ll try to figure out what’s gong on with her when I get home.” “Thanks, Dad.” Karen said. “See you soon.” Just as Evan and Karen ended the call the front door opened and Sara came stomping into the living room. She threw her purse down next to the couch and began ranting about Craig and his mother ruining her life. Karen waited for a long while before finally asking Sara what was wrong, but as soon as she did, Sara began telling her that Emma fired her from her job because Craig left her and the next sentence out of her mouth startled Karen and hurt her. “This is all your fault you know. If you hadn’t had this baby none of this would have happened,” she almost screamed at her sister. “How could this be my fault?” Karen yelled back at her. “I’ve done nothing to cause you to say such a hateful thing, Sara.” “Ever since you had Maggie you’ve dumped her on me or on one of us until we’re all worn out and stressed. You just go on doing whatever you want and expect me to pick up the pieces. I’m tired and worn out and when I tried to relax by drinking a little wine, you’d have thought I’d committed a crime the way everyone acts about it. I get no relief at all while your life continues just as before. And now Craig’s gone and I’m fired because I’m always doing what you should be doing. That’s why this is your fault, Karen. If you’d never had this baby none of this would have happened.” She all but yelled back at her. Karen could barely believe this was her sister. She was so bitter and resentful

and it was a side of Sara she had never seen before. She was speechless and was just staring at Sara with her mouth open as her sister stomped into the kitchen to open the last bottle of wine that was still stored there. She opened it, poured it into a glass and took a long swallow and almost instantly felt the relief that followed. It flowed through her and she already felt so much better. “Thank God,” she thought, “at least I have a little relief left before it’s all gone.” She took another long drink and poured more into her glass before she walked down the hall to her room once more. She needed to figure out what she was going to do now. “Fired.” She said out loud. “How in the world did this happen to me? Now Emma knows about the brandy, thanks to Craig.” She was so very angry with him now and was thinking, “Why in the world would he betray me? All I did was drink a little wine yesterday. Everyone does it and no one gets this upset. I don’t understand why he’s made such a big deal over this?” and as she had begun doing in the last few months, she once again blamed everyone around her for her problems and could not see what her role was in everything that had happened. She finished the glass of wine and fell asleep laying comfortably on her bed while hoping that she would soon wake up from this bad dream everyone else was creating for her. When she heard the truck roll up the driveway a couple of days later she was instantly upset. “Dad was home? Oh no.” she thought. “Why in the world would he be home? He didn’t tell me he was coming and she ed that she hadn’t told him yet that Craig had left. Oh darn, darn, darn! I don’t want to tell him yet, but now I’ll have to.” And just at that moment she heard the front door open “Sara.” He called out. “Sara, are you home?” “Yes, Dad. I’m here.” She said as she came out of the kitchen, drying her hands on a dishtowel. “What are you doing home? We didn’t know you were coming.” “The other kids did, Sara.” He said. “They called me. What’s going on, Honey? What’s happened to you and Craig and what’s going on with you?” he said bluntly, letting her know exactly why he was home. “What?” she asked. “They called you? Why in the world would they do that? What a bunch of trouble makers.” She yelled then. “Does no one appreciate anything I’ve done for them?”

Evan could tell at once this didn’t sound like Sara and he realized they really did have a problem, but before he could answer her she stomped off down the hall and slammed her bedroom door shut. She had sacrificed her own life for years and years and now everyone was turning on her. “Ungrateful!” she was saying out loud to no one, but herself. “They are all ungrateful. They have no idea how hard I’ve worked for all of them. They don’t deserve me. If they hadn’t had me all these years they would have all been in foster homes. Ungrateful is what they all are.” She continued to rant to herself. Evan could hear her as he was standing outside her door. He knocked once and opened it and walked inside. “Sara, we need to talk. I want to know what’s been happening here and what’s going on? Now let’s sit down and calm down and talk. Where is Craig?” he asked her and then she knew they had told him everything. “He’s gone, Dad.” She said, and finally for the first time since he left, the tears began to stream down her face and she was crying. It wasn’t long until she was wracked with sobs as all the emotion she’d been stuffing for so long came boiling out of her. Evan reached over and wrapped his arms around her and she leaned into him and let him hold her as she finally acknowledged the pain she was feeling and let the emotion pour out of her. When she could finally get control again she straightened up and began apologizing to her dad. “I’m sorry, Dad, I didn’t mean to fall apart. That’s really not like me to do that. Okay, here’s what happened. Craig and I have been having trouble for the last several months. I’m worn out and mostly it’s because Karen dumps Maggie on me whenever she wants to do something. She just doesn’t come home when she says she will and she expects whoever is here to just take care of her. I tried to tell all of you she was too young and immature to have a kid, but no one would listen and it’s all falling on me to pick up where she lets down. She won’t listen and I get stressed and then Craig and I started having trouble. He actually got mad at me for not attending to the baby when she is the one who didn’t come home. We’ve been fighting more and more so a few days ago he moved his things back to Emma’s and Emma fired me yesterday because she doesn’t think it’s a good idea for me to work there now that he’s living there. That’s about all of it, Dad. It’s been awful hard.” She finished. “I’m so sorry, Sara.” Evan said. “I’m just really shocked about all of this. I didn’t realize Karen wasn’t holding up her end of this or that it was causing problems. I’ll talk to her when she gets home today and we’ll see if we can get this fixed

for you, but I don’t know what to do about Craig. That really disappoints me that he would leave.” “I know.” Sara said. “I’m so upset about it. Daddy, do you think you could buy me some wine before you leave? I really could use a glass of wine right now, just to unwind a bit. How about you?’ “Sure, Honey. I’ll run into town and get us something. It won’t hurt you to be able to unwind and relax after all this stress you’re under. Why don’t you wash up while I’m gone and we’ll talk more about this and Craig when I get back and see if we can figure something out. Where’s the little one? Is she with Karen? He asked her. “No, she’s napping. She’ll be up in about a half hour and if Karen’s not back, I’ll get her up for you. You’re going to be surprised to see how she’s grown since you last saw her. You know in a couple months she’ll be a year old?” she asked him. Her dad said, “Yes, I know and you my girl will be twenty-one about the same time. Are you excited about that?” “Yes, I am because then I wont have to ask you to buy me a little wine every time you come home. I’ll be able to buy my own.” She said. Evan thought that was a strange answer. But then he quickly forgot about it and left for the store after he asked her if there was anything else she needed him to get for her. “No,” she said, “just some wine, please, Dad. I really want to relax and I know that will do it and if you want to buy some extra for me, I’d appreciate being able to have some when things get rough these next few weeks.” She hadn’t said one word to him about Craig being upset because of the drinking and she didn’t tell him that Emma fired her for stealing brandy. She was hoping he wouldn’t find out while he was home. She really hoped no one would mention it to him and if she could keep him from seeing Craig and Emma while he was here, maybe she could keep him from knowing about it. Craig was being so unfair and she was sure Evan would see that. Evan liked to have a few beers too, when he could, so what was so wrong about her having a little wine to calm her nerves? But she wouldn’t risk telling him yet, because she needed him to buy

wine for her until she turned twenty-one. Thank goodness that wouldn’t be for too much longer. Very soon she could do as she pleased and boy was she going to love doing that.

Chapter Nine

When Evan returned with the wine and some beer for himself they sat down together at the dining room table to talk about everything that had happened and try to figure out what they could do to help fix things. Sara continued to express to her dad that other than the extra stress Karen’s baby had caused for her, she didn’t think there was anything else that needed fixing and she held firm with her decision not to tell him about the fact that it was the drinking, the lies and stealing that was the reason Craig left. Sara got Maggie up to spend a little time with her Grandpa before Karen arrived home. She didn’t show her the nurturing love and affection Evan had expected to see from her, which made Evan more acutely aware that Sara was feeling resentment towards the baby and probably Karen too and it all had him concerned, but when Karen arrived home he didn’t at all like what he saw was happening. The sister’s who had once been close weren’t acting at all like they were close. Sara was feeling serious resentment towards Karen and he sensed also that Karen was feeling some anger towards her as well. “Hi, Dad.” Karen said as she came in the door. “How is school going?” Evan asked her after she put her books away and came back to pick up Maggie. She cuddled her, kissed her and soon Maggie was giggling and cooing at her mother and Evan was relieved to see the strong bond between those two. “It’s okay,” Karen said, “We have tests again and then only a couple more months and I’ll be finished. I’m really excited about that.” She told him. “I know and I’m proud of you for finishing, but I think we need to talk about the extra time you’re expecting Sara to look after Maggie for you. It’s not exactly fair that you expect her to take care of her all the time while you go out with your friends. She shouldn’t have to be responsible for this house and the baby too and now that Craig has moved she’s going to need to get a job again and be able to herself.” He told her.

“What has she told you, Dad?” she asked. “Has she told you I’ve been leaving Maggie all the time? That’s just not true. I go to school and I come home and once in awhile I go to Tricia’s to study with her, but only if Sara doesn’t have anywhere else to go. Dad, I’m the one who takes care of my baby. I rarely go anywhere and only if I need extra help with my studies. If I could do it alone I wouldn’t even do that. No, Dad, she didn’t tell you the truth and that’s just like her these days.” She looked at Sara then and said, “That’s why Craig left her, Dad, because she lied to him. She’s angry all the time and she’s been drinking more than we think she should too and that’s the problem. No one can get along with her. She’d mad all the time and we’re all sick of it.” She told him. “That’s not true.” Sara shouted at her. “You’re the one who takes advantage of all of us and I have the right to drink a glass or two of wine if I want to. It’s nobodies business, Karen” “It’s my business if I don’t feel safe leaving my baby with you anymore. A few weeks ago Maggie was crying for so long that Craig finally went in and changed her because Sara wouldn’t do it. I was studying and I was late, so Sara left her in her crib crying until Craig took care of her. That’s what’s been going on, Dad, and Craig got sick of it.” She was shouting now and it was directed at Sara. “Okay you two,” he said, “that’s enough.” You’re both not doing the right thing, but Sara is Karen telling the truth. Did you lie to Craig? Is that why he left and what about this drinking she’s talking about? I know I only left four extra bottles of wine here when I left last time and a few beers. I know they’re all gone, but it’s been three months since I’ve been home. What is really going on here? What is she talking about and why did Craig really leave, Sara?” He asked her. “I already told you. I’ve been under all the extra stress and work having this baby to look out for. Craig got upset because I drank some wine after he told me not to, so he left and went to Emma’s.” Sara was crying now and went to get some tissue to wipe her face and blow her nose. “Oh and you, Karen, have left Maggie with me even when I said I didn’t want you to and it’s all been too much. I work all day. I come home, cook dinner, take care of the house and all of you and I get cranky sometimes, but I told all of you it would be like this and no one would believe me. No one knows what this has been like for me.” She finished and blew her nose again. Karen interrupted her then with, “Sara, this is my baby and I take care of her

almost all the time. I don’t dump her on you. I was late one time getting home and I tried to apologize to both you and Craig, but you wouldn’t listen to me. Dad, what she’s telling you isn’t right. I’m going to take Maggie now and get her ready for her dinner.” And she left the room to take Maggie into the kitchen to feed her. “Like I do every night.” She finished as she left the room. Evan didn’t say anymore. He just looked at Sara and watched as she took another long swallow of her wine and he was only beginning to realize that she was pretty young to be developing a dependency on alcohol. They finished their drinks, he his beer and Sara her wine and he watched as she got up, went into the kitchen, poured another glass of wine and brought him another beer. “Thank you.” He said as she handed it to him. He decided at that minute not to say anything more to her, but he knew he needed to talk to Craig and Emma before he left town again. He would try to do that tomorrow and he was hoping they’d be available. When Tony and Brad came home a little while later they were glad for once he wasn’t home because they were in trouble. They both told Evan privately that what Karen had told him was all true. They didn’t want Sara to know they’d told on her so they asked him not to tell her, but he now had a better idea of what was going on. The next morning he got up and offered to take the boys to school. They were really surprised as he didn’t do that very often, and in fact he hadn’t done it in over two years, but what they didn’t know was he wanted an excuse to leave the house so he could see Craig and Emma before Craig left for work. After he dropped the boys off at school he went directly to the Purple Caterpillar. Craig heard the truck when he pulled up out front and met him outside as he was getting out of the cab. “Evan.” Craig said, hugging him, “I didn’t expect to see you.” “I was hoping you’d have time to talk with me for a few minutes before you left for work. Can you spare me a few minutes, Craig?” He asked. “Of course, Evan,” He said. “Come on in and we can talk in the kitchen. Is this private or can Mom sit in too?” He asked. “It’s up to you, Son. I want to talk to you about you and Sara and what’s happened.” He said.

“Then she can sit in. I’ve told her everything and there are no secrets.” Craig told him. “Good.” Evan said as he followed him into the kitchen. He greeted Emma and the three of them sat down at the table together. “What’s happened, Craig? Can you tell me what this is all about and what’s going on?” “I don’t know what to tell you. I’m sure you didn’t know that I’ve told Sara about my relative, an aunt who was an alcoholic. I watched my uncle’s life destroyed because of that disease. I’ve seen signs that Sara is headed down that road, Evan, and I finally told her I didn’t want her to drink anymore. The very next day I walked in early and found her drinking in our room and trying to hide it. I walked out that night because I can’t trust her anymore.” He told Evan “I had no idea, Craig. She’s asked me to buy wine for her whenever I’ve been home. I didn’t think a little here and there would hurt her. If I had known there might be a problem I would never have bought it for her. I feel terrible. Are you sure she’s really heading for trouble with this, Craig? She seems to feel the stress of the family and the baby was more stress than normal and I thought being able to relax a little was probably good for her.” He told them. “I would agree,” Emma said, “but Evan, she started stealing from me and hiding it from us. I came up missing three bottles of brandy from my liquor cabinet and Craig found two empty bottles in her trash after he found out, so I have to agree with my son about this. It’s looking like it might be a real problem.” “Christ!” Evan said. “I missed that completely. I’m really sorry, Craig. I just didn’t know. I never would have bought wine for her if I had known. In fact, I bought extra for her yesterday and I’m going to pour it out now before I leave. The trouble is, she’ll be twenty-one in a couple of months so this might be just the beginning, if she really does have a problem. Well, I won’t keep you any longer. I’m really sorry and I hate that you felt you had to leave, but I understand, Craig. I guess we’ll have to wait and see what happens. We sure can’t predict the future. Emma,” he said as he hugged her goodbye. “I really am sorry. You were so good to her and you sure didn’t deserve this from one of my kids. I just can’t tell you how sorry I am.” “Please, Evan, we don’t blame you so please promise you’ll come to see us whenever you’re in town. There’s lots for them to work out, but I sure don’t

want to loose all of you because of this.” She told him. “Thank you, Emma. Craig,” he said, “take care son and if you ever need anything you can always call me. He turned then and walked back to the truck, climbed in and started it up and as he was slowly moving down the street, heading towards home, he was thinking about everything he’d just been told. “God!” He thought. “This just can’t be happening and what next? Of all the kids I actually thought Sara was bullet proof. I never thought she’d ever have a problem like this to deal with. She’s always been so strong and always been the one I could count on. What are we going to do now?” When he arrived home he found Sara sitting at the dining table looking through the job ads. He didn’t tell her he’d been to see Craig and Emma. He knew that would only upset her more, but he knew before he left he was going to have to talk with her and he wasn’t looking forward to that one little bit. “Where’s Karen?” He asked her. “She’s at school. I told her she could leave Maggie here so you could spend a little time with her and since I didn’t have anything to do today, I told her I’d watch her.” She told him. “Good. I want to get to know the little sweetie before I leave tomorrow.” He told her. He went into the kitchen then without saying any more and while he was fixing breakfast for himself, poured every bottle of wine down the drain and then he poured out all the beer he’d put in the refrigerator too. “There’s going to be some mighty drunk fish out there.” He was thinking as he poured the liquid away and was actually chuckling at his own little humorous thoughts as he was imagining what a too drunk fish might look like trying to swim while inebriated. When he finished making his breakfast he took his plate into the dining room and sat down across from Sara, who still didn’t know he’d poured all the alcohol down the drain. It was later in the day, almost three o’clock when Karen came home and went right in to find Maggie asleep in her crib. She thanked her sister for watching her, but Evan didn’t know she’d made Sara promise not to drink anything before she’d agreed to leave her with her sister. Sara had promised and it seemed to Karen that she had kept her word or as best that she could tell. Shortly after that, Sara went into the kitchen to start dinner and she had also planned to have a

glass of wine while doing so. She was perplexed when she couldn’t find it and went back into the living room to ask Evan where he’d put it. “I poured it out this morning while I was fixing breakfast.” He told her with absolutely no emotion. “What?” She hollered at him. “Why did you do that?” She yelled at him again. “Sara, calm down.” Evan said quietly. “There’s no need to yell about it. I dumped it because I’ve heard and I’ve witnessed what you’re doing and I think we’ve got a problem here, Sara, so I dumped the alcohol. Let’s see if we can get things back on track for you? You don’t need that stuff, Sara and , it can come back to bite you if you start using it for every little mood change.” “Dad, how could you?” She continued to yell at him. “Now you too think I’ve got some kind of drinking problem? What’s wrong with this family? I have a couple glasses of wine a few times and you all think I’m an alcoholic. Wow? This is just too much. I’ll be twenty-one in two months so I’ll buy my own then. I can’t believe you’d do this to me. Who did you talk to today? Craig? Did you talk to Craig? Dad, what did he tell you?” She was practically hysterical now. “Yes, I talked to Craig and Emma. It was Emma who told me about the brandy, Sara, not Craig, and young lady, you lied to me by omission and your Mama and I taught you better than that. I am completely disappointed in you. For the first time ever, you’ve let me down. No, Sara, you let yourself down. Now, I want you to hear me. I am leaving tomorrow and you are forbidden to have any more alcohol in this house until you turn twenty-one and after you are of legal age you are still forbidden to have it in this house. Do you understand? You have three younger siblings and you’re supposed to be the one who will set an example for them. They aren’t doing drugs and you aren’t going to drink anymore either. And I want you to hear one more thing. If you were smart, you’d go to both Emma and Craig, fall on your knees and ask them both to forgive you for what you’ve done and then try every way you can to get Craig to come back to you. You’ll never find another man who is as good a man as Craig. It might not be too late, but you’d better mean it if you go to them because they’ll see right through you, if you don’t. And, I want you to help Karen with the baby more until she gets out of school, Then you can look for work, but for now I want you to help her. That’s going to be your discipline for lying to me.” He was finished then and she knew she was too.

Sara knew at that moment that he was absolutely serious and it would do no good to try to argue. If she wanted to continue to be a part of this family she had to accept his decision and do it his way, at least for now. She didn’t know what she would do about Craig and Emma. She needed time to try to figure out everything, but she was willing for now, to accept that her dad was in charge. She was still needed as before, to take care of the family and now little Maggie also and in that moment she decided to try. She loved her family. She knew that and all the anger she had been feeling recently was just that, anger and resentment that would go away if she wasn’t trying to manipulate everything around her and make excuses so she could drink. “No more drinking here,” she thought then, “but when I turn twenty-one they won’t be able to control my life quite so much. I can do this until then and then it will be my turn.” The following morning Evan was back on the road headed for Portland to pick up Sherri. She was going to be on the road with him this week while her mother watched Bobby for them. Evan liked it when Sherri could travel with him. He always had loved having her next to him, right from the beginning. Sherri was fun and brought a little sunshine to his life whenever they traveled together. She loved to laugh and did it by poking fun at herself. He loved her sense of humor, but she also had a tender heart and truly cared about others and he loved that about her also. Once she found out about his other family she had embraced them as her own and he would always be grateful to her for the way she’d handled that whole situation. She loved little Maggie and had been the biggest reason everyone had rallied around Karen and ed her decision to keep the baby and after seeing Karen with Maggie this time, he truly felt they had all made the right decision. There was no doubt in his mind about Karen being a good mother and he couldn’t wait to tell Sherri all about what he’d just experienced with all the kids. He hoped she would agree with his way of handling everything and he knew if she didn’t or if she saw a different way to deal with things, she would tell him. She was packed and ready when he pulled the truck over to the curb. She ran down the walk with her little travel case as excited as she always seemed to be, whenever she was going with him. She climbed up and into the cab like a pro as she had since she’d first started riding with him, tossed her little overnight bag into the sleeper cab and snuggled up against him to touch him and feel that he was finally here. It was always the same. She loved being with him and knew exactly how to make him feel like a man who was ired and loved and each time they were together, the feelings they had for each other were the same. It

made him so happy and proud that she still felt this way and that she could make him feel how important he was to her. He smiled from ear to ear, wrapped an arm around her, kissed her soundly before reaching for the gear shift, easing on the throttle and slowly moving that big cab away from the curb and back into traffic. He was headed to the yard to pick up another load and then they would be on their way to Napa, California first and then on to Phoenix. It would be a shorter run this trip unless things changed while they were on the road, which often happened these days, it seemed, but he was very happy to have Sherri sitting beside him again on this run. They talked non-stop for three hours. Sherri wanted to know everything about his trip home to see the kids and she made sure he didn’t leave out one detail of what he’d found when he got there and after he finished she told him she’d actually seen the signs of this coming before, but hadn’t said anything because she wasn’t sure. She was hoping she’d been wrong, but now that she knew what had happened she really wasn’t all that surprised. “I’m so sorry for Sara, Evan.” She said. “Loosing Craig and her job had to be a very hard lesson for her, but you know, Honey, I don’t think this is the end of it either. Why don’t I plan to go up and spend three or four days with them in a few weeks. I’ll be able to tell right away if Sara is doing okay and it will help us to know how all of them are adjusting.” “That’s a great idea, Honey. It’s so good of you to care about them too. The boys love it when Bobby’s there and Bobby will be over the moon to spend a little time with them and I know Karen would be happy for the extra help too. I’ll check my schedule when we get closer to the time and maybe I can even run you up there and pick you up and bring you home. That’s a great excuse to get to see you too.” He said and squeezed her hand when he did. “Have I told you how much I love you today?” he asked her. “In more ways than I can count, Evan, and I love you too, my husband.” She said, and for the first time in hours, they were quiet and not talking, as each was lost in their own thoughts about the rest of their family. Once Evan left, Sara kept busy cleaning the house, cooking meals and whenever she could, taking care of little Maggie. She was feeling a little less resentful of Maggie now that she had quit fighting the fact that she would need to help Karen more. It was getting closer to Karen’s graduation which meant there would be

lots of tests and papers she’d need to turn in and there were going to be social events like the prom and graduation parties she would probably want to attend. Sara was going to try to be available to take care of Maggie so Karen could do some of them. Sara herself had given up most of her social activities when she graduated because her mother had been so ill and she’d missed most of them, so she really didn’t want that same thing for Karen and Karen was touched when she told her and it helped to start the real healing between the two sisters. They were starting to feel close again and both appreciated that a lot. When Sherri arrived with Evan a few weeks later, Sara and Karen were doing much better, but having Sherri step in and begin taking charge with Maggie irritated Sara. “She didn’t have to come here.” She was thinking. “I know Dad just brought her here to spy on us and it makes me so mad. Thank goodness it’s only for a few days because when she’s here to help I have to work that much harder than ever.” After Evan left that afternoon, her resentment grew when all Sherri wanted to do was hold, cuddle and play with Maggie and she didn’t offer at all to help with anything else. Sara fixed dinner for everyone and she did the cleanup afterwards, on her own. Since Sherri was there to entertain Maggie, Sara decided to walk into town alone. It had been a long time since she’d had a minute to herself to even just go for a walk alone so she told Sherri she was going out for awhile. Karen would be back from her study time with Tricia in another hour so Sara said goodbye to Sherri and Maggie and went out the front door. As she was walking the few blocks into town she was thinking about Craig and Emma. She hadn’t seen Craig since he’d left which was very hurtful. He didn’t know she’d stopped drinking or that she was taking care of Maggie for Karen now. She was resentful because Craig hadn’t once called to ask how she was or ask if she needed anything. She thought he lacked character not to have called to find out how she was doing and she was thinking he had a lot of nerve demeaning her for her problems when he wasn’t acting like she had expected he would. She shrugged it off, telling herself again that she didn’t care. He had failed her in her time of need and walked out on her. He wasn’t the person she thought he was either. She did miss her job and Emma a lot and she had genuine remorse that she no longer saw her. She had decided that very soon she would go to see her and she would apologize for what she’d done to her. She knew it had been wrong and she’d been waiting until a little more time ed, as she wanted Emma to know she was being genuine and she didn’t want her to think it wasn’t real. She loved Emma, maybe more than she loved Craig and she was hoping

one day she would believe her when she told her that. She had decided that she had probably married Craig because to her he was a way out eventually of the tremendous stress of being solely responsible for her large family. She had come to believe that she hadn’t been in love with him, but had needed what he’d offered her. She was too young and inexperienced to even know what love is and she thought maybe that was why she wasn’t totally devastated that she and Craig were separated. She didn’t really care that much about him anymore although it still stung that he’d dumped her, but the truth was she had been pretty close to dumping him so it was not as big a deal as it might have been. She was now walking down the main street that ran along the waterfront. This was the area that was nearly completely competing for the tourist’s dollars and on both sides of the street were little gift shops, numerous restaurants, a great, old building housing antiques gathered from around the area, and a tavern and pool hall that looked and sounded like it was a really fun establishment, when she walked past. They also served fast foods and it seemed noisy and jovial as she listened to the voices and music coming from inside. As she walked past the ice cream shop, the smells of the freshly baked waffle cones were still mingling in the air and it reminded her of all the summers when all her siblings were younger and of their weekly treks into town for their ice cream cones. A very real sadness settled over her as she ed her mother and her sister Ginger and how quickly everything had changed in their lives in such a short amount of time. She tried to shake off the sadness as she continued across the street to the dock and the staircase that led down to the beach and as she began climbing down the old, wooden staircase again, memories of her childhood crowded her thinking. She decided to walk on the beach for awhile to try to clear her head some. She had a light jacket on over a t-shirt and jeans, but the sun had already gone down and the temperature was dropping pretty quickly. The tide was on it’s way out and she noticed a couple of empty moon shells it had left behind on the sand and as she reached down to pick one up she realized someone she hadn’t seen before was also reaching for it at the same time. She pulled her hand back, quickly. “Whoops. I’m sorry! I didn’t see you. I thought I was the only one out here.” She said, as she straightened up and actually got her first look at the guy she’d nearly crashed into. “Hi!” he said, when their eyes finally met. “Not a problem, really, you go ahead. I was just looking for a few treasures to send back to my nephews.” He told her. “Back to where?” she asked a little too quickly, “but what the heck!” she

thought. “He’s pretty good looking!” “Back to Nebraska.” He said, openly and friendly. He looked to Sara to be pretty close to her age and he was open, friendly and had a great smile. “What brings you to Whidbey Island?” she asked him. “I’m with the Navy, stationed at NAS Whidbey and I was doing a bit of sightseeing this afternoon when I found this quaint, little town with easy access to the beach. Are you a local?” He asked her. “Oh yes, I’ve lived here most of my life.” She said. “It’s a pretty nice area to live, but I hope one day I get to see more of the world too.” She told him. She handed him the moon shell then and told him to send it to his nephews “I can get one anytime. They’ll think it’s very special if you send it to them and tell them all about our area.” “Thanks, I’ll do that.” And as Sara turned to continue her walk, he said, “”Uh, wait! My name is Tom. Tom Larson. Would you like to have a beer with me? There’s a great little tavern back there in town.” He told her. “Hi Tom,” she said. “I’m Sara and as much as I’d love a beer with you, I don’t turn twenty-one for three weeks so that’s out, but you’re welcome to me for this walk and maybe we could stop at the deli for a cola when we get back,” she said. “I’d like that.” Tom told her and they started walking down the beach together, talking, laughing and getting acquainted. It wasn’t long before they both knew their friendship was going to be something special and when Sara finally left him to walk home, he asked for her phone number and said he’d like to see her again when he was on his off time. She gave him her number and said she would like to see him too and he leaned in for a quick kiss before turning and strolling off to find his car. “Wow,” Sara said out loud. “I like him. I’m so glad I went for a walk tonight.” And when she arrived back home she was glowing when she walked into the house and everyone noticed. It was Sherri who was the first to say, “You look like the cat that swallowed the canary.” And Sara decided at that moment to tell no one about Tom. He was

going to be her secret. Sherri stayed five days before Evan came back to pick her and Bobby up. Bobby had loved staying with his big brothers. They’d taken him to their school to play basketball on the outdoor court and to the beach to hunt for shells and the day before they were leaving they took him for an ice cream cone, like they’d done when they were little and he loved it. He looked up to them and was like a perfect little, shadow, following them around everywhere and imitating everything he saw them do. They thought he was a great kid and didn’t mind that he wanted to tag along and when he left with Sherri and Evan he was very sad. He really loved being with his big brothers. Sara was glad when Sherry and Bobby went home. Tom had called her twice since she’d met him on the beach and he was going to have a day off over the coming weekend and he wanted her to go out with him. She knew Karen’s graduation was the following week and this weekend coming up she was going to be getting ready for that. She told Tom she would try to get away, but it would probably only be for a couple of hours if she could. She suggested she meet him somewhere and he said that would be great. He didn’t care where or for how long, he’d be there, so she said she would call him when she knew what Karen’s schedule was and he told her to just leave a message if he didn’t answer and he would meet her wherever she thought would work for her. The rest of the day she was in a great mood. She was very excited that this guy wanted to see her. She had not had much experience with men before Craig, but now she was thinking, “It’s about time I had some fun for myself.” She had chosen Saturday because she knew Tom had it off and when she talked to Karen she had planned to be home with Maggie all day. She had been asked to a pre-graduation party for seniors so she’d asked Sara if she would watch Maggie for three or four hours so she could go. Sara told her she would do it, but she said she’d like to be gone for two to three hours earlier in the day, if she wasn’t needed and Karen told her it was fine with her for her to be gone. Later when she was alone she called Tom and got his voicemail. “Hi, Tom. It’s me Sara. I can meet you on Saturday at eleven o’clock in the morning. I only have a couple of hours, but I thought we could meet at Fort Ebby in the parking lot. It’s a large park where we can spend a little time. I’ll bring a picnic if you’d like and meet you there. Hope to see you Saturday. Bye.”

And she ended the call. Sara was excited for Saturday to arrive. She knew she was going to have to tell him about being separated from Craig and all about the kids she was responsible for. Since they were meeting on Saturday she thought that would be a good time to tell him everything. “I just hope he’ll understand.” Karen was so excited. She was going to graduate and she was so proud she had continued on with her school and she knew it would have made her mother very proud. She would now need to find work and would probably have to pay for child care, but she was hopeful. She continued to receive child from Maggie’s daddy, but she hadn’t talked to him since before she was born. She was actually happy that he had decided to not be involved in Maggie’s life and she was very happy she didn’t have to deal with him. Karen had appreciated the extra help Sara had been the past few weeks, but more than that she appreciated the change in her attitude. She had been more like the old Sara; the sister she loved and ired. Karen was beginning to trust her again and that made her really happy. She was very excited about the pre-graduation party she’d been invited to. She hadn’t dated anyone since Maggie’s dad and she had broken up, but this Saturday night, a very nice young man, who was also a senior, had asked her to go to the party with him so Karen was very excited. Since she had decided not to attend her senior prom she thought she deserved to go to at least a party before school was over. She planned to spend the day Saturday getting ready while spending time with Maggie. She would do her own nails, hair and makeup and press her dress. She was wearing a pretty, yellow strapless dress that her friend Tricia had loaned her. She couldn’t afford to buy a new dress so this one would be new to her and she hoped she would feel beautiful when she finished getting ready. Sara packed a couple of ham and cheese sandwiches, a bag of chips and some homemade cookies in a brown paper shopping bag. She also included napkins, a couple of clear plastic plates and she had folded a large sheet to spread out on the ground. Tom had said he’d bring something to drink and she was more than excited when she put everything in her car and pulled out of the driveway. She lived only five minutes from the old military fort that overlooked the shipping lanes that all ships used on their way to the ports in Seattle, Tacoma and Everett. The park was large, grassy and green surrounding the remnants of the once powerful fortress that protected the entrance to the Puget Sound. Children of all ages loved climbing the stairs, touring through the concrete barracks and finally

seeing the cannons positioned that could protect us from unfriendly ships intruding into our waters. The views from the top of the bunkers were spectacular in every direction as well as from the magnificent lighthouse positioned to offer safety for all traffic. There was history and scenery everywhere and Sara was hoping Tom would appreciate seeing and experiencing this historical sight. She was sitting in the parking lot, watching every car as it came into view entering the large area, driving slowly and acting as if they were looking for someone. Finally, she spotted him and as he drew nearer she was sure it was Tom and her heart was pounding in her chest. She waved, letting him know she had seen him and he was excited to see her. He parked his car beside hers and couldn’t wait a moment longer. He jumped out of the car and ran to her car and as soon as she was in front of him, he said, “Hi there beautiful! I was so anxious to see you again that I could barely stand the wait.” He said. He leaned forward to kiss her and she leaned to him at the same time and they were quickly wrapped in a ionate kiss and embrace. Both hearts were pounding and the excitement and ion was fierce. When they pulled apart, she said, coyly, “Hi yourself. I’ve brought a picnic. Want to give me a hand?” “Of course.” He said. “That would be my pleasure. I hope you won’t mind, I brought a couple of cokes for you, but I brought some beer for me.” “That’s great.” She said to him. “I don’t mind. In fact, I might have one with you. I’m going to be twenty-one in a week anyway so what can it hurt? She asked him. As they turned around to walk down the grassy knoll there was a large sign posted telling everyone what the park rules were and it clearly stated, “NO ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES ALLOWED.” “Well,” Tom said, “I guess that settles it then. No beer for us. The last thing I want is to be arrested for a rules infraction. The Navy wouldn’t look kindly on that. We’ll save it for later and celebrate your birthday and then you can drink some with me legally.” “That sounds like a great idea,” she said as she watched him toss the beer back into his car and with the colas and picnic bag in hand they walked down the hill

to be closer to the water. They found an area that was away from others who were also enjoying the park and he spread the sheet for her and they sat down beside each other and began to talk. Their conversation was as easy with each other as it had been the first time they had met and it wasn’t long before Sara told him about her past with Craig and he accepted it well and without question. He said as long as she didn’t have plans to go back to Craig, he would be fine with it, but he wouldn’t get involved with her if she were in any way still involved with him and she assured him she wasn’t. Tom was affectionate. He liked to kiss and touch her and she loved the attention from him. They finally pulled the lunch out and he was pleased with the sandwiches she’d made and told her lunch had been a real treat. He especially loved the cookies. They found several things they had in common and the two hours with him seemed to fly by. Neither of them wanted their time together to end and Sara ended up being with him for four hours, which was much longer than she had planned. She was gong to be late getting home for Karen and Maggie so she was trying to hurry and gather everything up to get to the car. She and Tom parted after promising to go out again very soon and they both left each other with very strong feelings of attraction and they were anxious to make plans again to be together. When Sara arrived home she was feeling really good about her date with Tom and she was looking forward to seeing him again. She knew she’d been gone longer than she’d thought she would, but was feeling like she hadn’t caused Karen to be concerned since it was still early, but when she walked into the house she saw at once that Karen was upset. She asked her what was wrong and Karen snapped at her unexpectedly, “I thought you weren’t coming and I was scared I was going to have to cancel my date. Where have you been, Sara? Have you been drinking again?” she asked her. “I have not been drinking and I’m surprised you would even ask me. My, gosh, Karen, I’m here like I said I would be, I’ve had nothing to drink so what’s your problem?” she asked her. Karen regretted her words almost immediately and realized she had been unfair in her thinking. “I’m sorry, Sara. I shouldn’t have said that. I’m really sorry and I’m sorry I was upset.” She told her. But Sara was offended and was thinking that she would never live it down. She liked to drink. That was a fact, but she’d kept her word and yet they couldn’t give her credit for trying. They were expecting that she would drink now

whenever she had the chance and this made her very sad that they didn’t trust her.

Chapter Ten

Sara and Tom continued to meet after Karen’s graduation, but it was more difficult now because Karen was working and because of the expense of child day care. She had to ask Sara to help more with Maggie’s care because of the added expense and she had even accepted Emma’s offer to look after her occasionally to give Sara a break from time to time. Karen just didn’t make enough money to pay for the day care so she had no choice, but to rely on these two women for most of her care while she worked. Craig had tried twice to see Sara, calling and asking her to meet with him. She had turned him down, which greatly surprised him and when she turned him down a second time he became very concerned. He had calmed down a lot and before filing any paperwork for a divorce, he wanted to see her and see if anything had changed with her or if she still wanted him to go forward with filing and get it over with. When she turned him down the second time he decided to ask one of the brothers what was going on with her. He called Tony because he was the oldest and would probably be the least biased one of them all and after talking to Tony he was visibly shaken when he told Emma what he’d learned. “I can barely believe this, Mom, but Tony said she’s seeing someone else. He is a Navy guy from the Naval Air Station. I am shocked.” He said. “Even more than shocked. Wow, I didn’t expect her to do this. I guess I have no choice, but to file for the divorce. Mom, how could I have misjudged her so badly? I didn’t think she was someone who valued her marriage vows so little. She’s not shown one sign of remorse since I left over the drinking and now that she’s of age who knows what she’s doing.” He told her, full of agony over what he had found out. “Oh, Honey,” Emma said,” “I’m so sorry. I never expected this from her either. I just don’t know what to tell you, but if she’s already seeing someone else, I don’t think you should delay filing for the divorce. It doesn’t look to me like she wants to work it out with you. I’m so sorry, Craig.” Craig went to his attorney the next day and asked him to file the divorce papers. They hadn’t been married long and his attorney didn’t think there would be a

settlement, which would involve any large amounts of money, so he suggested to Craig that they just file the divorce with no alimony payments or monetary settlements involved. If she agreed, she only had to sign the papers and the divorce could be over in six months. Craig was sick about it, but he had no choice and he was determined that he would never forget how quickly a person could change. He still loved Sara, but now that another man was involved it was definitely over and there would be no fixing it. When Sara received the papers the following week, she signed them, agreeing to not ask for alimony or any monetary settlements and mailed them back the same day. She just wanted the divorce over with, now that she had been seeing Tom. They had been having so much fun together and Sara really didn’t want to loose him. “So it was over,” she thought, as she sealed the envelope and dropped it into the mailbox. “Now I don’t have to worry about that anymore. Craig and I just weren’t right for each other. Tom and I have way too much fun and that’s what it’s supposed to be like.” Tom had taken her to the local tavern to celebrate her twenty-first birthday and whenever they went out since then they always went to the same place. She loved it. She loved the music, the noise, the friendly people and mostly she loved that she could now drink wine or beer whenever she wanted to. Tom had been teaching her to play pool too and whenever he had any time off from the base, they were together. She had told her family about him, but she hadn’t brought him home to introduce him yet. She wanted to wait to do that, but for now she was completely happy meeting him at the tavern whenever they could. They had made love a few times in the back seat of his car, which wasn’t the best situation, but after several glasses of wine, it didn’t much matter to her where they were. Afterwards she would go home and usually she felt disgusted with herself, but she would just remind herself that if they wanted to be together that was the only choice. She couldn’t go to the base with him and she couldn’t bring him home with her, so for now it would have to be in the back seat of a car, which felt degrading sometimes, but she liked Tom enough to keep doing it. She usually drank too much when they were together and after driving the few blocks home a couple of times when she was way too drunk to have been driving, she started walking to the tavern to meet Tom and would walk home afterwards too, which helped her sober up some before she got there. Somehow she’d avoided the other kids seeing her when she was drunk and she was glad for that. The last thing she wanted was for one of them to tell Evan. She hadn’t bought any alcohol to bring home and so she’d not broken Evan’s rules, but she knew he’d be upset if he

found out she was spending her time and money in the tavern. At the end of August, everything changed and Sara was shaken. Tom received orders that he was shipping out and since he was going overseas for at least the next year, she was going to be on her own and she was really upset. “No, Tom,” she said. You can’t leave me. The divorce won’t be final for four months so there’s nothing I can do about that and I don’t want you to go. Please tell them no.” She begged him. “Sara, you don’t tell the Navy no. In a year or two I’ll be back stateside and we’ll be able to see each other again, but for now, I’m signed up and I’m going.” He told her. “But, Tom, we’ve only had about three months together. I didn’t even think about the possibility of you leaving. I guess I never really thought it would happen and I thought if they wanted you to go somewhere else, either you’d say no and stay with me or you’d take me with you.” She told him. “Whoa, Sara, no! I’ve never told you we were a forever thing. No, Honey. You’re a great girl, but I’m not at all ready for a serious or even a relationship. I’m sorry if you’ve thought otherwise because we never talked about it. I like you a lot and we’ve had a great few months together, but now it’s time for me to go. I have to move on now and if you didn’t understand that then I’m really sorry, but that’s how it is.” “That’s how it is? That’s how it is?” She was really angry now. “Of course we didn’t talk about it, but I don’t sleep with someone unless I’m serious and I thought it would be that way for you too. I don’t understand this person sitting in front of me at all. You’re acting like I’m not special to you; like I’m just any old girl on the street. Look, Tom, I finalized my divorce with no alimony or settlement because of you. I thought I’d found someone finally that I really had fun with and we’d be together and now you’re acting like this? What’s wrong with you, Tom? Aren’t I worth more than a few weeks playing pool and sex in the back seat of your car? That’s pretty awful if that’s all I am to you.” She finally finished ranting at him. Tom was stunned. “Sara, like I said, I like you, but there’s nothing more. We’ve had fun and I want to remain friends, but nothing more than that. I’m really sorry you thought it was going to be more. I think I’d better just leave.” He said then

and he pushed himself away from the booth they’d been sitting in. he pulled a few bills out of his wallet to cover the beer and wine they’d had and a tip to Crystal, their waitress and he leaned down then, kissed her forehead and said, “goodbye, Sara.” And he walked out of the tavern and somehow at that moment, Sara knew she would never see him again. “Oh my God,” she was thinking, “he just dumped me. He just told me I wasn’t special and he didn’t care about me, he was leaving and he didn’t even care.” She was in complete shock. She simply had never thought this could happen to her. It had never occurred to her that he wasn’t feeling the same way about her that she felt about him. “Why hadn’t she once thought this might happen? They had never talked about a future, but he acted like he really loved her, didn’t he? They laughed, drank, played together, danced and every minute they were together, was the fun she’d always missed in her marriage to Craig, so why wasn’t it the same for him? Why had he been so okay to just leave me? Craig had wanted to marry me as soon as he got to know me so I don’t understand what just happened with Tom?” She was thinking. She had been totally blindsided by what Tom had done to her and when Crystal came back to the table to check on her she ordered another glass of wine. “Well, what else was there to do?” She thought. “I might as well just get drunk.” And she began to drink her way into her first night of being totally drunk and out of control. She had enough money on her to buy a couple more glasses of wine and she’d walk home when it was gone, but for now all she wanted to do was get drunk and forget the fact that a man had just dumped her. She drank her second glass of wine, the last one she had money to pay for, when she noticed a man who she’d seen here in the tavern before, sitting at the bar, was watching her in the mirror. When he saw her look his direction he turned around and asked her where her boyfriend was and he saw Sara flinch at the question. He thought he saw pain on her face so he quickly decided to make his move. He picked up his glass of beer and walked to her booth and asked her if he could her? “Yes,” Sara said, “sure you can. I’d be happy for the company. Where’s my boyfriend? He dumped me an hour ago.” She said and then looked directly at him and smiled. “I’m Sara.” She said.

“Eddie,” he said as he reached across the table to shake her hand. “And your boyfriend is a fool to let a beautiful, young lady like yourself get away from him. He’s a real dumbass if you ask me.” And finally he saw a twinkle in her eye as she smiled at him again. “Want another?” He asked as he pointed to her nearly empty glass. “If you’re buying?” she said, “because, I’m broke.” Eddie motioned for Crystal to come over to their table and he asked her to bring another round for them both. He handed Crystal a couple of twenties and asked her to cover Sara’s tab. “Thank you.” Sara said. “I decided I was going to get drunk tonight, but I ran out of money before that happened. She laughed at her own joke with him and then asked if he liked to play pool? He said he did so she challenged him to a game and the lonely and miserable night she was facing a half hour ago, suddenly became a night of fun again with reason to laugh and smile and because of Eddie’s attention she was actually feeling special again and was having a good time. At midnight he thought she’d had enough to drink so he suggested they leave. She told him she would walk home, but he wouldn’t let her do that. “No, young lady. You are not walking home alone at this time of night. I will insist on driving you or if it’s not too far, I’ll walk you, but it’s not safe for you to be walking alone in the condition you’re in. So, which will it be? Walk with me or ride with me?” “Walk.” She said and he said it was a good choice and they began the walk home, but not before he reached over and took her hand, pulled her to him and kissed her slow and sensuous, something he’d been wanting to do all night. She kissed him back, at first shyly, but soon she was feeling it like he was and the butterflies were sailing around her stomach. She wrapped her arms around his neck and he pulled her tight against him where she instantly felt his manhood and knew he was already excited to be with her. She continued to kiss him, touching his tongue with hers lightly at first and then slipping her tongue all the way into his mouth and running it along the roof of his mouth in a sensual, smooth stroke. She heard him breath deeper and felt him enfold her in his arms even tighter and then slide his hands down her back and cup her bottom as he

pulled her hard against his hardness. As he kissed her deeper still he knew he was starting to loose all control so reluctantly, he finally pulled away from her, unwrapping her arms from around his neck and not allowing his body to touch hers. “Man, Sweetheart, you make it really tough on a guy. I’m thinking I should have said we’d drive home.” Sara leaned into his neck and kissed him there a couple of times and whispered into his ear, “what kind of a car do you have? Is it big enough for both of us to get into the back seat.” She asked him. “Oh, baby,” he all but groaned, “it sure is. Are you sure you want that too? He asked her. She was drunk, but she still knew what she was doing and immediately replied, “Yes, please, lets go to your car.” Eddie moaned as he kissed her again, knowing now he’d sure picked the right woman for tonight. He was going to have his way with her, and he was thinking he was going to enjoy every second of it. She was very pretty, had a great, sexy body and she obviously enjoyed a romp with the opposite sex. It was going to be amazing, he was thinking and he couldn’t wait to get started. He showed her to his car, unlocked it for her and closed the door after her. There were too many streetlights around where he had parked and he needed to get them to a darker more private place for what he intended to do to her. After a short drive through town and a few minutes beyond, he pulled into the parking lot of a local park where there were lots of trees, a dark lot and lots of privacy, as not another car was in sight. He shut the car off, went around to her side and helped her get out and then into the backseat and they proceeded to start kissing, touching, and undressing each other with a fervor. Sara was groping him as much as he was her, and it excited him greatly to have her as interested in him as she seemed to be. She made it obvious that she wanted him and he was only too happy to comply. Afterwards, when they had both satisfied their desires and frantic yearnings, Sara pushed him away and began pulling her clothes back on. Once the sexual encounter was over there was nothing left between them. Sara was beginning to sober up a little and reality was hitting her in the face. She had just bedded a perfect stranger. It was not love, it wasn’t even like. It was purely wine and sex and she began to feel self disgust like she’d never felt before and all she wanted

was to go home. Eddie was feeling very nearly the same way, although being a man he was only too used to this actuality, having experienced it several times before. It was the perfect scenario to satisfy the physical needs of a man with raging testosterone. He didn’t know Sara well enough to know if he even liked her very much and for him it didn’t matter. He recognized that this was purely a one-night stand. There would be no tomorrow and tonight had been all about two people who wanted to have sex. Period. Once they were dressed, he offered to drive her home so she directed him and once they arrived in front, she thanked him for the ride and he responded, “Sure, Honey. Anytime. I had a good time tonight.” He said. “Thanks!” She didn’t say anything more, just opened her own car door and pushed it closed. She unlocked the front door to the house, went inside to find the rooms were all dark except for a night light burning softly beside the sofa and she went down the hall quickly and directly to her own room. She closed the door behind her and leaned back against it and the tears began to flow down her face and finally, after all these months, Sara let go and the emotions she’d been stuffing for months surfaced one at a time and slammed into her as she ed first, Craig leaving her and the anger she’d felt over his betrayal. She ed the resentment of having to watch Karen with a new baby and the hurt of having no from anyone over that issue. With her sobs, also surfaced the anger she felt for all the years she’d sacrificed her own life to always help out the family; always giving up anything she might have wanted to do, to make sure they were cared for and looked out for. She had put her own life on hold again to make sure Karen and Maggie got a fair start in life and then the most recent pain of all hurled itself to the surface as she realized she’d never see Tom again. He’d left her forever and she hated him now for the pain he’d caused her by dumping her tonight. No real remorse; just “sorry, Sara, I thought you knew we were just good pals and it was all fun and games.” “And now Eddie.” She thought, “Oh my God, what have I stooped to? I can’t believe I did that. I just can’t believe that was me.” The sobs wracked her body and although she tried to stop them, nothing would work. Finally, she threw herself across her bed, still fully clothed and she literally cried herself to sleep. She finally slept and didn’t wake up until Karen was beating on her door at seven thirty the next morning. “Sara!” She yelled at her, “Sara, I have to leave now. Please get up so you can

take care of Maggie for me today. You said you would, Sis, did you forget?” She was saying as she opened the door and found Sara fully dressed, just waking up as she was coming out of her stupor. Her face was red and swollen from the crying, her clothes were a crumpled mess and Karen was shocked to see her in such a state. “What in the world happened to you, Sara?” she asked her as she came closer to the bed. “Get away!” Sara snapped. “I’ll be up and out in a few minutes. You go on to work and I’ll look out for Maggie.” She said, a little more controlled. “I’m fine so please, just go and leave me alone.” Karen was torn. She needed to get to work, but she needed to know what was wrong with her sister, but finally she left the room and started out the door for work. She was concerned about Sara and she would have to have a talk with her when she got home tonight. Sara was miserable when she got up and began her day looking after Maggie. Every noise and sound the fifteen month old made reverberated in her head. She had a doozie of a hangover and for the entire day her head throbbed and she felt like she’d been run over by a truck. By four o’clock she had started to feel a little better and Maggie’s antics weren’t bothering her quite so much. She hadn’t even put makeup on today or styled her hair all day, so when Karen and the boys arrived home she was still looking pretty rough. Karen asked her right away how she was feeling and she shrugged her shoulders and told her she was fine. “Well you don’t look fine, Sara.” Karen said. “Better than this morning, but still not fine. Was Maggie good for you today?” “She was okay. She sure has gotten to be a noisy one though. She talked and babbled the entire day and if she wasn’t making those noises she was crying. I finally put her down for a nap at noon because it was too much for me and she seemed better after that.” She told her. “A nap at noon?” Karen asked her. “She usually doesn’t go down until two or three.” “I know,” Sara said, “but the noise was driving me crazy so I put her down early. She was fine, so it’s no big deal.”

“The big deal is, Sara, because you were hung over from last night, so you just put her to bed early. Not because she needed it; because you did and that’s not right.” Karen said in a little louder voice. “Hung over?” What makes you think that, Karen? I’ve had the flue all day, that’s all it is. I’m certainly not hung over.” She said. “Sara, we’re not stupid. Ever since you came of age you go out with your boyfriend all the time and when you come home you’ve been drinking and sometimes, way too much. You’ve never been this bad before, but you were definitely a mess this morning. You aren’t fooling anyone, Sara. We all know what’s been going on and you need to stop it for all of our sakes, especially Maggie. If you are messed up like that again, I won’t let you watch her ever again. I’ll take her to Emma before I leave her with you or I’ll hire someone to come here and look out for her while you sleep it off. You are not fit to look after a child in this condition and I don’t want her to have to be put to bed early because of something you’ve done.” Sara was seething with anger, but she decided not to say anything to Karen at that moment. Instead she went to her room, made herself presentable and left the house without telling them where she was going or when she’d be back. “It was not their business,” she thought, “and I don’t have to put up with that from them.” She drove to the store and bought two bottles of wine and put them in her car trunk then she went on to the tavern where she liked to hang out and she walked in the door looking for either Eddie or Tom, but neither were there, so she sat at the bar and asked Crystal to bring her a glass of wine. The late night crowd hadn’t arrived yet, so things were still very quiet. She was comfortable now sitting at the bar even alone since she’d been doing it so much lately with Tom. Coming into the tavern alone would have been hard for her to do in the beginning, but not anymore. She knew Crystal and a few of the other regulars and she felt like she fit in here better than she did anywhere else, even at her own home. As she drank her wine, she thought about all that had been happening to the family and to her in the past couple of years. She was so tired of always having to be the one to be strong and responsible for everyone else. Now they were making her care for Maggie who wasn’t even her own child and she was sick of it. “I deserve a life too.” She was thinking. “When is all of this ever going to end and when am I going to get to do some of the things I want to do, just for myself?”

She had started her own pity party again. It had become a habit for her to feel sorry for herself and to feel like everyone else was ganging up on her and making her life miserable. “They don’t understand me, none of them. All I want is to be able to have a little fun away from all of the stress and pressure and be able to relax. Surely if they cared about me at all they’d want that for me too, but no one seems to care what I think or what I do until or unless I can’t do for them and then they act like I have no right to a life of my own. If they really cared about me they would be able to see that.” She finished her glass of wine and put the money on the bar for Crystal and thought she’d probably better get back to the house before they sent out a search party and found her here. She didn’t want to leave, but she also knew she had to drive home so she better not have more than one glass tonight. As she was heading to the door two sailors came in, “Obviously from the NAS base like where Tom was from.” She was thinking. The one in front said to her, as she ed him in the doorway, “Leaving so soon?” Sara turned then and looked at him and since he was in uniform she smiled at him and said, “Yes, I’m afraid I only had enough for one glass of wine tonight.” The shorter of the two guys said, “Well, if you’ll stick around, we’ll buy the drinks. I’m Mike and this is Shorty. We call him that because he’s nearly six foot five and he loves it, but his real name is Kevin.” “Hi,” Sara said, and shook hands briefly with both guys and said, “Sure, I can stay for a little while. Want to sit in the booth? Crystal will bring drinks and I’m Sara.” She told them. “Please, us, Sara,” Mike said and motioned for her to take a seat first and then he slid in beside her, while Shorty slid in across from them. Crystal appeared quickly and both men ordered another wine and they began getting acquainted. “Are you both Navy?” Sara asked them. “Navy Air,” Shorty said, “Mike is a pilot. Me, I’m a lowly mechanic, but I’m his wing man when we drink.”

Hearing the word pilot impressed Sara and she turned to Mike to ask him about his service and flying, but he was modest and wanted to know about her and very quickly he had her telling him about her life with the kids, loosing her mother and sister and how it all fell on her to care for the house, etc. She briefly mentioned a short, failed marriage to Craig, but said nothing about Tom or Eddie. Mike liked Sara right away. He thought she was very pretty and he liked her outgoing personality and openness. She was a little feisty too, probably the result of having raised all those kids, especially brothers, but he liked her. When she finished her wine and said she really did have to go this time, Mike asked her for her number and asked her if she’d go out with him sometime. “I’d like that.” Sara said and gave him her number and then thanked them both and after Mike stood up she scooted out of the booth and, waving to them, walked out the front door feeling better about herself than when she had walked in a couple hours ago. She drove herself home and since she was so early, everyone was still up watching television when she walked in and Maggie was still up playing in her little swing that Emma had bought for her. Everyone said, “Hi” to Sara and she was cordial to them. She went to her room to put her things away and before she came back out there was a knock on her bedroom door and Tony said, “”Sara, can I come in?” “Sure, Tony,” she answered him and when he opened the door and walked in, he hesitated, looked at her a little shyly and waited for her to ask him what he wanted. “Sara, are you okay? You don’t seem the same at all and I’m really worried about you.” He said. “Oh, Tony, you don’t have to be worried about me. What’s got you so concerned because I’m really fine?” She asked him. She was grateful he was being kind and caring about her and she was touched. “Well, Sara, we’ve noticed all the times you’ve been out. You aren’t home with us very much anymore and when you come home its always after you’ve been drinking. Even tonight, Sara, I know you’ve been drinking. I can smell it on you. We all could when you came in the house and I’m really worried. Craig’s gone because of the drinking and we haven’t even met this Tom guy you’ve been

going out with, so what’s up with that, Sara? Maybe we wouldn’t be so worried if we met this guy.” He told her. “Well, little brother. For your information and I assure you it’s none of your business, I’m not seeing Tom anymore. We stopped seeing each other and he’s no longer an issue, but I did stop and have a glass of wine on my way home. Dad forbid me to drink here anymore, so I stop and have something before I come home and Tony, it’s my business. I’m of legal age and I’m not hurting anyone and I don’t plan to do it differently. There’s nothing to be concerned about anyway. You three are getting old enough to look out for yourselves and I didn’t get pregnant. Karen did! It’s her responsibility to take care of Maggie, not mine, so I’m doing nothing to cause you concern. Any more questions, Tony?” “No, Sara, I just thought you should know we don’t want you to get into trouble. You know Dad was right when he showed Brad and I that we don’t need drugs and I think you ought to be thinking that you don’t need to be doing this drinking either. Do you know that two of my friends were arrested for drugs last week and another one overdosed three weeks ago and nearly died. I don’t want anything like that to happen to you, Sara. I’d really like to have my sister back because Sara, you’re not the same as you were and I feel like we’re loosing you.” He told her and with that he turned and walked out of the room and closed her door behind him. A few minutes later Sara’s phone rang and she pulled it out of her purse to answer it. “Hello!” she said. “Hi there. Is this Sara?” a very, deep male voice asked her. “Yes.” She answered. “This is Mike. Shorty and I are still having a few beers here at the tavern. I really liked you, Sara. Are you sure I couldn’t talk you into coming back down here for another drink with us. If you do, I promise I wont bother you again tonight.” He finished. “Well,” Sara said, “I was just going to get ready for bed. I have to baby sit my niece tomorrow, but,” she hesitated a moment and Mike said. “Please?” There was a moment of silence and Sara answered him with, “Okay. I’ll be there in about twenty minutes. Will that be okay?”

“You bet,” Mike told her. “That’s great. I’ll have Crystal set up some wine for you if you want. Thanks, Sara. I’m looking forward to seeing you.” “See you soon.” She said and then clicked off the phone as she began to do her hair, makeup and make sure she looked okay. “Wow, she thought, “What a nice surprise and nice guy too.” She went through the front room as she was leaving. “I’m gong out for awhile with some friends. I’ll be back in an hour or so and I’ll be just fine so don’t worry about me. Okay guys?” she asked and went out the door without waiting for an answer. Sara walked to the tavern this time. It wasn’t that far to walk into town, only a few blocks and the streets were quiet this time of night so she felt very safe. When she reached the main street she smiled because she could hear the music playing from a half block away and she loved being around the people, the noise and the fun that she always found there. She opened the door and several people spoke to her as she walked back towards the booth where Mike was sitting, but only he was still sitting there this time. “Where’s your wing man?” she said as she arrived at the table. Mike jumped up to let her slide in beside him before telling her he’d left for awhile to go see what was happening at a place at the other end of town. “When you said you were coming he wanted us to have some time. He’ll be back in no more than an hour.” He told her. “Thank you.” She said, “and thank you for calling me. It was a really nice surprise.”

Chapter Eleven

Sara’s life continued to spiral downward. She had to baby sit for Karen four days a week and the rest of the time she spent at the tavern, meeting men, mostly sailors from the Navy base and a few local men from the island. As time ed, Sara began to develop a reputation for being a good drinking partner and a woman who was out for a good time. When she wasn’t taking care of Maggie she was sitting at the bar in the tavern, drinking wine. She occasionally played pool with anyone who wanted a game and she rarely had to buy her own drinks. She had learned quickly how to get men to buy her drinks whenever she wanted. Sometimes she slept with them in the back of a car and sometimes she didn’t, but very quickly she had become completely addicted to alcohol and the life that comes with spending, many hours a day in a tavern, laughing, drinking wine and playing the flirt with every man who came through the door. She was well known by now in the town and was often seen stumbling home very late at night, alone, since she walked home alone most nights after the tavern closed. She never let the men, any of them, take her home, as she didn’t want anyone to know where she lived so when the night was over for her, she would leave alone and walk home alone and so far she had maintained this rule. Karen and the boys were still worried about her. She thought, because they didn’t say anything to her, they hadn’t noticed what she was doing. She just thought because they didn’t nag her all the time that she was fooling them and completely getting away with the lifestyle she had chosen. She hadn’t been hung over badly enough to miss caring for Maggie for a long time, when she was needed, so they had all agreed not to call Dad or bring him into it as long as she was functioning and keeping fairly well maintained. They continued to hope that now that it had become legal for her to drink, she would soon ease up and get some control of her situation and her life, but so far it wasn’t happening. No one wanted Dad to get involved because they all knew how tough he could be and they were all worried his solutions might do her more harm than good so they had agreed to wait and see what happened before they brought him in. As the days ed for Sara, this new life became a habit for her. She really loved what a few glasses of wine did for her. It transported her to another world

where she didn’t have to be responsible for all the kids, where she felt attractive, but inside she was feeling more and more out of control. Even she had to acknowledge from time to time that she depended more and more on the alcohol to help her to feel better and to block out the ugly, blackness that accompanied a specific memory from her childhood. She had a sick, dark, secret and it was eating her alive, but she couldn’t talk about it. She had never talked about it. She had never told anyone and she carried it deep within her soul. The alcohol she drank helped. It allowed her to forget and it allowed her to feel lighter and happier for awhile each day. It didn’t last permanently and it always came back like a bad dream when she sobered up, but for a few hours every day, when she drank, she could forget what had happened to her and she could forget for a few hours, the ugliness that had been her life for years. When Sara was nine years old, she was a happy, outgoing, pretty child that was ired and loved by everyone who met her. There was an elderly couple who lived next door that had become very close to her family. They were a sweet and seemingly caring couple and they seemed like they wanted to be helpful and often offered to look after the kids when Gina needed them to. They were aware of her illness and that she often felt too tired to look after all those children alone, so they would offer to try to make it easier on her. Tess and Mark were like any other elderly couple and they both seemed to love children. Tess was seventy years old, while Mark was a few years younger at sixty-four. They were married and had been together as husband and wife for seventeen years. Tess had two children by an earlier marriage, but Mark had never had children. He was especially happy to form friendships with the children of Sara’s family and often volunteered to look after them for Gina anytime she needed help or to go somewhere, like a doctors appointment where it was difficult to take all five children. Mark said he loved looking after the kids and always seemed to everyone like a caring and loving, elderly man; someone who would never hurt a child. There had never been anything that would have caused anyone to be alarmed by him, but Sara knew differently, she knew the real Mark. He had sexually molested her when she was nine years old and twice had actually raped her. It was something that had permanently injured her body and soul. He always told her to never to tell anyone and often threatened to hurt her if she ever did tell. He also threatened to hurt her mother if she told anyone and this frightened her more than anything because she knew her mother would have been too weak to have protected herself. She loved her mother, knew how weak and sick she was and believed that Danny would have actually hurt her if she

ever told on him. Mark molested Sara for a year and a half. She was terrified of him and the day he became disabled after suffering a stroke, she was finally able to see that he wouldn’t ever be able to molest her again. She was relieved, but she was still afraid of him and believed that if she told anyone, he would somehow find a way to hurt her mother and make good on his promises to her, so she continued to remain silent and live with the memory of the disgusting things he had done to her and made her do to him. Each day of her life Sara ed except for the few hours when she would drink enough to wipe those memories away and give her a little relief from the helplessness she felt every time she ed what he’d done. It was an ugly secret she still lived with and for her the drinking became a coping tool; a way to forget for just a little block of time each day. Those memories always came back the next morning, but for a time she could function without ing and she loved to drink enough to kill the pain. No one knew. She had never told anyone. The other kids probably wouldn’t Mark now. He hadn’t touched any of them and they were all younger than Sara at the time. No, there was no reason for her to tell anyone now. He was gone; he died three years after the stroke he’d had and she became afraid that no one now would believe her, so she stuffed it all and never shared with anyone what had happened to her and because of that, she became sicker and sicker with that huge secret she was packing and never knew that it was part of her problem. She desperately needed counseling and help, but she didn’t know that, because she had learned to cope by drinking herself silly every day and not allowing those damaged feelings to come anywhere near the surface. It was one more reason why Sara couldn’t stop drinking once she’d started. Many times she’d wanted to, but she’d experienced the alcoholic stupor enough times to know that she had relief during those times and it helped make her life more tolerable. She continued to drink, even though it had cost her Craig. She needed to drink to keep all the ugly memories at bay. She had never told Craig nor had she ever told Evan. It was her secret and she would take it to her grave, even though inside she was feeling more and more out of control. She loved being at the tavern every day. She loved the music, the other patrons, especially the regulars who became her friends, so she thought, and she loved the drinking, even though she had to acknowledge to herself from time to time that more and more she was depending on the alcohol a little too much. She had found a way to drink every day, even if it was only a couple of glasses of wine or

a couple of beers, but it was usually more. It wasn’t long before her judgment began to suffer also. One night she and Crystal, with whom she had now become good friends, decided to go to Oak Harbor on Crystal’s next Friday night off. The girls had heard about a nightclub where they had live music and dancing every Friday night and where it was rumored there were lots of sailors who were looking for women to hang out with. Sara decided she would take her car and drive and they were very excited when they made their plans. It was going to be the first Friday night Crystal had off in weeks and she and Sara were beyond excited. Both girls bought pretty new tops to wear with their too tight jeans. They fixed their hair up extra special and when they left Sara’s house headed for Oak Harbor that night, they were like giddy teenagers. Sara rarely drove out of downtown Coupeville, so she wasn’t as experienced a driver as some other girls her age, but having Crystal with her helped give her the confidence which she ordinarily wouldn’t have, to do this. She had already decided to limit herself to two glasses of wine for the night, since she would be driving and she felt confident that she could do that. They rolled the windows down on the drive north and cranked up the music, which was blasting as they sailed along, singing and trying to keep up with the rhythm of the music. They were laughing between songs and having a wonderful time just being young, free and happy women. When they arrived at the club it was still daylight out when Sara parked the car and they prepared to go inside. They hugged each other quickly before they entered the club and were ready to have a great evening of fun. The Hangar, as it was called, was a nightclub, set back from highway twenty with a large gravel parking lot in front and double doors that opened into a small foyer where people waited to be checked before they entered. Beyond the next door was a very large dance floor in front of the open stage where the live bands entertained. The dance floor was circled by many table and chair groupings and the whole place looked like it could seat about two hundred fifty people easily. The bar was located at the back against the right wall while on the left of the room were screens that protected the doors to the restrooms from anyone being able to look directly into them. The room was very dimly lit and it took the girls a couple of minutes for their eyes to adjust to the darkness of the room before they picked a table where they were going to sit. The music hadn’t started yet, so Crystal told Sara she would go get their drinks at the bar and she left Sara sitting

alone to observe her surroundings. There were quite a few empty tables yet and although there were some sailors sitting at the bar, the groups of people sitting at other tables were somewhat mixed. Sara quickly realized they were going to have competition for the guy’s attention as there were probably as many women around the room as there were men. Sara didn’t know how to dance very well and she was very nervous about that, but she had decided to take Crystal’s advice and try to just fake it as best she could. She had never had the time growing up to go out, to date or to learn to dance as most of the other girls had so she had some catching up to do. She was nervous and realized her hands were actually sweaty and she was hoping Crystal would get back to the table with the drinks soon, so she didn’t feel quite so conspicuous. Crystal soon came back to the table with two glasses of wine, one for each of them, Sara took a long sip of hers and instantly began to feel a little better. “I don’t think two of these is going to be enough,” she said to Crystal and they both laughed realizing she was probably right. “Don’t worry. It will wear off before I have to drive home. I’ll be okay.” She said, trying to reassure her friend. “Don’t worry about driving, Sara. We’re going to have us a really good time tonight. I’ll order you some coffee if you need it before we leave. You’ll be fine.” Crystal told her. At that same moment the front door opened and the band had arrived and began bringing their instruments in and setting up for tonight’s evening. “Oh good,” Crystal said, “the music is here and wow, that drummer is too cute and look at that guitar player, Sara, he is gorgeous.” She said. “I see him. Crystal. This is going to be amazing. I’ve never been to anything like this before. I’m so excited I can hardly stand it.” She told her. Crystal laughed then as the doors opened again and seven men came into the club headed for the bar, she poked Sara in the arm and said, “Oh my God, Sara. These guys are all beautiful. Wow!” They were very obviously from the Navy base and Sara was all but drooling. “We should have come here weeks ago.” She said. “This is amazing, Crystal. I can’t believe we haven’t done this before.” She finished her first glass of wine and told Crystal she would go get them another drink. Crystal gave her some money and settled in to watch the band set up while Sara was gone.

As Sara approached the bar a couple of guys stepped aside to let her reach the bar first to place her order. All the men were checking her out and were impressed with what they saw. Sara was still a very pretty, young woman and these guys were appreciating her every curve. “Hi Sweetheart,” one of them said to her. “Are you here by yourself?” “No,” Sara said. “My friend and I are here together. She’s still at the table while I get the drinks.” “Will you save a dance for me?” the same guy asked her. “Sure,” she replied. “Come and see us as soon as the music starts.” Several of the guys said, yes, okay, great or that’s good and Sara took the glasses and headed back to their table. When she got back she told Crystal they were going to have dancing partners and Crystal wanted to know all the details. Twenty minutes later the band was all set up and began to play. There were two guitar players, a drummer and a lead singer. They played country music and as soon as it started two guys came over and asked the girls to dance. They both accepted and Sara learned quickly that all she had to do to dance to the slow music was lean in close to her partner and let him lead her. Her partner wasn’t a very good dancer either, but he could keep time to the music and enjoyed more just swaying back and forth and holding her close against him and she was enjoying the same thing. Crystal had a little more dancing experience and she and her partner were actually dancing. The floor quickly filled up, the lights had been dimmed even more and Sara truly loved the feeling of being in the arms of this strange man. She was in heaven, swaying to and fro, closer and closer as he drew her in and rocked to the rhythm of the music with her. When the song finished the guys walked the ladies back to their table and then they both went back to the bar where they’d left their drinks. As soon as the next song started they both came directly back to the girls table and asked them both again to dance and once more they were all four on the dance floor. When this song was finished, Sara’s partner asked if they could them at their table. Sara looked at Crystal, and Crystal smiled and shook her head yes to Sara and Sara told them “Yes, we’d love for you both to us.” The rest of the evening they spent their time with these same two men. Between songs they talked and were trying to get acquainted and all four were having a great time together. The

men began ordering and paying for the girl’s drinks as soon as they ed their table, which delighted both women. Sara’s partner was named Rich and Crystal’s was named Mark and both men were obviously attracted to these two women. When the music was slow the guys were cuddling with them, moving slowly and touching their entire bodies against them. When it was fast, Crystal could keep up and could truly rock it out with Mark. Sara was struggling some with the fast music, but Rich wasn’t a great dancer either so they were a good match. It wasn’t long before she opted to sit out during the fast songs and when Rich agreed they spent the rest of them sitting together and kissing and cuddling at the table as if there were no one else in the room. After several hours of this, both women were very drunk. They had both had more to drink than either of them could . The guys had hopes of getting the women to agree to spend some time alone in the back seat of their cars. Rich wanted to go out to Sara’s car and Mark wanted to take Crystal to his. All four of them had had a lot to drink and at first Sara was saying, “No!” but Crystal was the first to give in and agree to go out to the car with Mark. After she left with him, Rich began pressuring Sara to go out with him also. Sara was attracted to him and was also sexually aroused after several hours of dancing, cuddling, and kissing and finally, she agreed to go with him. When they got into the back of her car he immediately began groping her and he wasn’t being romantic at all; instead, he was being crass and ugly in his attempt to undress her right away. Sara was just drunk enough to think this was a good idea and began helping him and as he fumbled and touched, pulled and pushed and eventually got her into a position where he could accomplish what he wanted to, neither one was sure he had been successful and very soon they were both pulling their clothes back on and adjusting things so they could get out of the car. It was late and Sara was beginning to come down from her wine high and her patience was now beginning to run a bit thin waiting for Crystal and Mark to finish what they were doing in his car. Sara was ready to go home. When Crystal still hadn’t emerged fifteen minutes later, Sara asked Rich to show her where Mark’s car was. He finally agreed and they began walking across the parking lot to the light green car parked in the last row. Sara knocked on the window and shouted to her friend, “Crystal, come on. I need to get home. It’s time to leave. There was no answer from within so Rich tried to open the door and it was locked. “They must have gone back inside the club.” He told Sara.

“Well, come on then,” she said, “let’s go get them.” I have to get home.” You’re not in very good shape to be driving, Sara. You shouldn’t get behind the wheel with as much as you’ve had to drink tonight.” He said. “I know when I shouldn’t drive and I’m alright, but I need to get started. Let’s find Crystal so I can get going.” She said again. They went back into the club. The lights were still very dim and they began searching around the room trying to find their friends. The music was still playing and many couples were still dancing, swaying back and forth to the rhythm of the guitars and drums. Sara finally saw Crystal and Mark seated at a different table than they’d left earlier and Sara went directly to the table and told her she needed to leave and that she wanted her to get ready to go back to Coupeville with her. Crystal was drinking another beer and she and Mark didn’t want to leave just yet. “Can’t you just relax a little, Sara?” She said to her. “I’m not ready to leave yet. Please, just have another glass of wine and we’ll leave in a little while.” “No, Crystal. You said we could go when I’m ready and I need to go now so come on.” Sara told her. “Sorry Sara. If you have to go, you go. Mark said he’d take me home later. I don’t want to go right now.” She repeated. “Are you kidding me? That wasn’t the deal, Crystal. You said you’d leave when I wanted to. Do you expect me to drive home alone?” she asked her. “Yes, if you leave now, I do. If you’re going to be so stubborn then you’ll have to drive home alone because I’m staying.” She said. Without saying another word, Sara turned and told Rich good night and started for the door. “Sara, no, don’t leave yet.” He said. “You’ve had too much to drink tonight. You shouldn’t drive anywhere.” Rich said. “Good night, Rich.” She said. “It was fun.” She turned then and left to drive home alone.

Earlier in the evening Evan, Sherri and Bobby had arrived for a visit and it was unexpected and a surprise to all the kids. It was a Friday morning when Evan found himself in Portland with three days off so he called Sherri and asked her if she and Bobby wanted to drive to the island and surprise the kids. Sherri said yes without hesitation. She couldn’t wait to see Maggie again and Bobby was jumping for joy at the thought of seeing his big brothers again. It was around seven thirty when they pulled down the driveway in the truck cab. Evan would pick up a load in Seattle Monday afternoon and on his way south drop Sherri and Bobby off in Portland. When Karen heard the truck coming she told little Maggie she heard PaPa’s truck and soon the three were coming into the living room and greeting everyone. The boys were happy to see Bobby and it wasn’t long before they piggy-backed him off to their room to help get him settled in. After everyone began to feel comfortable, Evan asked Karen where Sara was? He had noticed her car wasn’t in the drive when they arrived. “She’s out with a friend, Dad.” Karen said. “She has a girl friend and they were going to a dance in Oak Harbor tonight.” Evan didn’t say anymore, but he was hoping she wouldn’t be drinking and driving. He hadn’t forgotten the discussion they had about drinking months earlier and he then asked Karen how she’d been doing? “I’m hoping she’s followed my rules and hasn’t been drinking like she was before.” He said to Karen. She doesn’t drink here, Dad, not since you told her she couldn’t, but she hasn’t stopped. She goes out nearly every night and when she comes home we all know she’s been drinking. She’s of age now and I’ve told her as long as she doesn’t drink or have a hangover when she’s watching Maggie, it’s not my business.” She told him. Evan was shocked. He hadn’t expected to hear that she was now going out and drinking nearly every night. That really surprised him and he was definitely going to talk to her when she got in tonight. Sara pulled out of the parking lot about twelve-thirty. She knew it was late and she also knew she wasn’t really sober, but she thought she could make it if she just paid attention and didn’t speed. “Focus.” She said out loud, over and over.

“Focus. Don’t do anything stupid.” She said and pulled out of the parking lot, onto the highway that would take her back to Coupeville. She ed then what a windy road it was, in places hugging the shoreline of the Puget Sound, but she was committed and decided to keep driving. She did all right for the first few miles, but as she progressed she began to struggle keeping the car in her own lane. It was wandering a little and when she realized she had crossed the centerline a couple of times, she quickly jerked the wheel and caused the car to jerk back as she over corrected. She was having trouble straightening it out and from a distance anyone could tell she was having trouble. She wasn’t driving fast, in fact, she was actually driving slower than the speed limit, which experienced drivers knew could be just as hazardous as a speeding driver and it also raised a red flag for police officers on patrol and sure enough after about ten minutes of this erratic driving she heard a siren behind her and then the woofer of the police car. When she looked in her rear view mirror she couldn’t believe her eyes. She was instantly scared and knew instinctively that she was in real trouble. “Oh, God! Oh, damn!” she said out loud as she realized she was being pulled over. She quickly tried to find a place to pull over, but in her impaired condition she couldn’t tell for sure and was misjudging the wideness of the highway’s edge. Again, the woofer sounded as the officer began to get impatient that she wasn’t pulling over immediately. There had been two wide driveways she’d ed already where she could have stopped, but she had failed to see either of them. Finally, she pulled over and brought the car to a stop. She was visibly shaken and when the officer approached the driver’s side of the car, she began immediately making excuses to him about why she couldn’t find a place to stop quicker, but that wasn’t the bigger problem for the officer. The fact that she was slurring her words and seemed to be very drunk was his biggest concern. The phone rang at the house about three-thirty in the morning and Karen heard it even though she had been sleeping soundly. Since she and Sara each had their own cell phones, it was very unusual for the house phone to ring. She jumped out of bed and sprinted down the hall to where she found the ringing phone in the dining room. As she grabbed it on the seventh ring she was thinking she was glad Evan and Sherri were sleeping in the truck or she’d have been frightened something had happened to them. “Hello,” she said and then everything around her was silent as she just listened to a voice she didn’t recognize at first. “Who is this?” she asked.

“Karen, it’s me Sara. Who do you think this is?” and Karen listened closely and although at first she hadn’t recognized her sister’s voice, she knew something must be terribly wrong for her to be calling at this time of the morning. All she could hear was crying and occasionally a word that she could not understand. “What’s wrong, Sara?” She asked again. “Where are you? You have to calm down, Sara. I can’t understand a word you’re saying.” “I can’t calm down,” Sara said. “Oh, Karen, I’m in trouble. Now listen to me. You have to call Dad and tell him I’m in the Island County jail. I was arrested tonight and I need him to help me. He needs to bail me out, Karen. I had been drinking so they also impounded my car. Oh, God. It’s so awful. Please call him and ask him to help me?” She asked her sister. “Sara, Dad and Sherri are here. They surprised us tonight and they are asleep in the truck outside. Is there a number where he can call you back?” she asked her. “No, Karen, he has to post my bail tomorrow or I have to stay here until Monday. Please, Karen, tell him and ask him to come and help me? Please? I don’t want to stay here all weekend and this is the only phone call they’ll let me make. Oh, God, Karen, please have him get me out of here. It’s awful here.” She said and began crying again. “Okay, Sara. Hold on now. We’ll be there in the morning. I’m sure Dad will help you. Try not to get any more upset, Honey. It will be okay.” She told her sister. As Sara sniffled again, she said, “Thank you, Karen.” And the phone went dead. Karen was shaken. “Arrested and in jail? Oh, my God, poor, Sara. I hope she’ll learn her lesson this time and stop this drinking every day.” She was thinking. “How am I ever going to tell Dad about this? Thank, God, Dad’s here and he’ll be able to help her.” Karen decided to wake Evan up and tell him about the phone call. He would know what to do and she needed to tell someone else. It was too much to carry alone. She went out the front door as soon as she hung up the phone, walked to the cab and knocked loudly on the door. “Dad,” she yelled. “Dad, please wake up. We’ve got a problem. Dad, wake up. I need to talk to you.” And she knocked on the door again.

The door of the truck opened then and Evan said, “What’s wrong, Karen?” “Dad, Sara just called. She’s in jail and she needs your help to get her out. Can you come and help her please, Dad?” she asked him. “Sara? In jail? Is that what you said? What time is it?” he asked. “It’s nearly four in the morning, Dad. She’s at the Island County jail here in town. Will you help?” Karen asked him. “Give me a minute to dress. I’ll meet you in the house in just a little bit.” He said. “Okay.” Karen said and she went back in the house to wait for Evan to get up, once again, feeling gratitude that he happened to be here to help. A few minutes later both Evan and Sherri walked into the house. Karen had made a pot of coffee and she offered a cup to them both as she also poured herself one. “Thanks.” Evan said. “Now what did she tell you, Karen?” “She said she’d been arrested and they’d also impounded her car She said she’d been drinking when they stopped her and if we don’t post bail this morning she’ll have to stay there until Monday. She was crying a lot, Dad, and she said she was really scared. She wanted me to call you, but I told her you were here and she seemed relieved when she heard that. She really wants to get out and come home, Dad. I think we ought to go now and try to see her. We could be there with her until they let her out,” she told him. “I have another idea, Karen. I know this is going to be hard for you to understand, but didn’t you tell me she’s been drinking every day since she turned twenty-one?” he asked her. “Yes, that’s what’s been happening.” She said. “Well, I think we should leave her in there until at least Monday. She needs to pay the consequences for her actions. If she drove after drinking tonight then she needs to suffer a little. If I go bail her out she won’t learn a thing. Nope, as sorry as I am for her, she got herself into this and I think she needs to just sit there and

think about it. I’ll tell you another thing, Karen. I don’t have that kind of money to just throw around either. She’s lost her car, which will cost her several hundred to get back and if she’s been partying and playing every night she won’t have the money herself to get it out and I don’t have it right now either. Her bail is probably going to be at least a thousand dollars and I’m not even sure I can raise that much on a moment’s notice. No, I think she’s going to sit this out for a couple of days and if she’s unhappy enough, maybe she’ll learn there are consequences to this bad behavior. Sherri, what do you think, Honey?” he asked her. “I know it’s a tough lesson, but I agree with you. I don’t think we should just go bail her out either. I’m sorry Karen. It’s going to be hard on you, but I agree with Evan. I think she needs to learn everything there is to learn from this before she kills herself or someone else. If she’d been in an accident that could have been the call we got tonight.” She said. “She is scared right now. I know she’s learned from this. If she has to stay until next week she’s going to be very upset.” Karen said. “I know, Honey,” Evan said, “but it’s better she’s a little upset than we get a call in the future that she’s dead because of drinking and driving. I’ll go into the jail in the morning, but I’m not going to bail her out and I hope you’ll understand my reasoning.” He told her.

Chapter Twelve

When Saturday Morning arrived Sara was still distraught. She’d heard nothing from anyone in her family since she’d talked with Karen during the night. She had completely sobered up by now and hated where she was. She had never been in trouble before and had no idea what being in jail would be like and she thought it was terrible. It not only smelled bad, but there was absolutely no privacy. There were three other women in her cell and one of them, like her, was extremely upset. The one woman, who looked like she was a little younger than Sara, had been crying uncontrollably since she had been brought in. She had called her husband when she was allowed her one phone call and her husband had acted like he didn’t care at all about getting her out. In fact, when she was arrested for her DUI she had her little dog, Patsy with her in the car and her husband had bailed Patsy out of jail this morning, but had left her in jail to stay until she got to see the judge on Monday. She hadn’t stopped crying since that had happened. The other two women had been arrested for theft and as they explained to Sara, they were used to it and it didn’t bother them any more. They had been caught stealing from a department store in Oak Harbor and since they were living on the streets, this was a way for them to have a dry place to sleep and a couple of meals before being turned loose. Sara had never met anyone like them before and she just wanted out and to go home. She had always been the good child; the one who always took care of everyone else and she didn’t like being in this trouble. She had misjudged her situation so badly the night before too. She had thought she could make the fifteen-minute drive back to Coupeville without anyone suspecting she’d been drinking. She certainly didn’t feel like she’d been a danger to anyone else, yet an officer had stopped her because she was having difficulty keeping the car steady and when he walked up to her open window he had also instantly smelled the alcohol and he insisted she do a field sobriety test, which she failed. They had even taken her car into custody and she was terrified that she might not get it back. Even though she had argued about the car it had been to no avail and here she was sitting in a jail cell and wondering where everyone was and why no one had come to get her out?

She was thinking about them and why they hadn’t come to get her, when she heard an outer door clank as it rolled open and there stood Evan in the outer hall, watching as someone came into the cell area to bring her to the room where she could talk with him through a glass partition with the use of a telephone. When she first saw Evan she wanted to run to him. She wanted to feel his arms around her, reassuring her that she was going to be okay, but instead they were leading her into another room and she soon saw him come into that room where she could only talk to him through the glass. He walked up to the window, sat down on the seat across from her, picked up the receiver and waited until she picked up the receiver on her side before saying, “Hello, Sara.” “Oh, Daddy,” she said into the phone between grateful sobs. She was grateful to be talking to someone familiar. “I’m so glad you’re here. When can you get me out of here, Dad?” she asked him. “Sar,a you are going to have to spend the weekend in here. I don’t have the kind of money it’s going to take to bail you out. You know I don’t have that kind of money lying around. I’m not even sure if I can post it on Monday.” He said. “What? No, Daddy. I have to get out today. Please. Dad, I need help. I’m sorry, but please, Dad, don’t leave me here all weekend. I can’t do that, Dad. Please get me out of here. Daddy, please.” She said as her crying and sobs increased even more as the realization hit her that she might not be getting out right away. “What happened, Sara? How did this happen?” Evan asked her. Between sobs she told him all about going to the dance with Crystal and about Crystal deciding she wasn’t ready to come home. She told him she thought she was okay to drive, but that she began to have trouble keeping the car steady and the next thing she knew was they pulled her over and she ended up in here. She then told him about the car being impounded and towed also. “Well this is a fine mess you’ve created for yourself, isn’t it?” He asked her. Do you have any money saved to pay for the car impound or for your bail?” He had guessed what her answer would be and although he felt sorry for her, he had to ask. He wanted her to feel the impact her poor decision was causing her. “No,” she said, “No, Dad, I don’t have any money saved.” “Well, I don’t either Sara. You Know how hard I work just to you kids

and there is never anything left over. I really don’t know how I’m going to manage enough for your bail and I already know I can’t afford to get the car out too. Yes, I’d say this is a pretty big mess you’ve gotten yourself into this time. It’s just another reason I didn’t all that drinking you’d been doing. I thought if I didn’t let you drink at home that would solve it, but your sister and brothers tell me you’ve been drinking nearly every day at the tavern. Is that right, Sara.” He asked her. Sara was embarrassed. She had done this to herself. They’d all tried to tell her and she didn’t listen. “Yes, Dad.” She said as she looked at the floor. She was too embarrassed to look him in the eye. “Well, then I guess you’ll have to pay the consequences for your poor decisions. I’m really sorry, Sara. I’ll try to get you out Monday, but you’re going to have to figure out for yourself how to get the car back. Sherri’s waiting for me at home so I’m going to leave now and I’ll see you sometime Monday.” He said as he hung up the receiver, stood up and began to walk towards the door. Sara still had the dead receiver in her hand as she laid her head down on the short counter in front of the glass and she was crying hard as her dad walked out of the visiting room. She couldn’t call anyone else. There was no one else to help her get out of jail until Monday and she had no idea what she would do. She had never felt so defeated in her whole life and as the officer came through the door to take her back to her cell she felt like her whole world had fallen into a dumpster and someone had just shut the lid for the last time. When Evan arrived back home he sat down at the table with Sherri, Karen and the boys to tell them all about Sara. They were all feeling sorry for her and Tony was angry with his dad for leaving her in jail. “Dad,” he said, “I know you think she needs to learn a lesson, but I think that it’s not right to leave her in there. She made a mistake, Dad, and just getting arrested and loosing the car is pretty severe punishment. I think we should bail her out and get her home where we could help her through this. It just seems pretty cold to me to leave her there.” “I know you think I’m being too hard on her, Tony. I get that, but how would you feel if we got a call that she’d killed someone that night or that she’d killed herself. No, I don’t think sitting a couple nights in jail alone is going to be too much, considering what she’s done. She’ll know she’s loved when she comes home Monday, but tonight she needs to feel the pain of making a terrible

decision. We need to show her she has to get a grip on this and stop all of this drinking before it’s too late to stop. It will be the best way in the long run and I hope you’ll trust me on this, Tony.” He said. Tony wasn’t convinced. He had an idea and he excused himself from the table and went out the front door. He was now on a mission to try to get help to get Sara out of jail today and he started the long walk to Emma’s bed and breakfast. It was Saturday and he hoped to find Craig working around the Purple Caterpillar helping with some of the chores. He had no idea what they’d think of all this, but he felt like he had to try to help his sister. He simply believed that his dad was wrong and leaving Sara in jail was going to do more harm than good. When he knocked on the front door he was second guessing himself and almost turned and left, but as all of this was going through his head the door opened and Emma was standing in front of him with a surprised look on her face. “Tony,” she said. “What a wonderful surprise. Do come in dear.” And Tony followed her through the front door into the foyer. “Is Craig here?” He asked her quickly, before he completely lost his nerve? “”Yes, Tony, he is. I think he’s out back spraying some of the fruit trees. Would you like me to call him to come in? She asked. “No, but would you mind if I went out there to talk to him, Miss Emma? He asked her. “Well of course you can, dear. Why don’t I show you the way and you can let him know you’re here.” She said. “Thanks. That would be great.” He said as he followed her through the house to a utility room where there was a door Emma told him would lead to the yard where Craig was. “Thank you again.” He said as he went through the door to find Craig. He saw him working in the outer yard near the gardening shed and when Craig saw who was walking towards him, he put the sprayer down, pulled off his gloves and as Tony approached he reached out a hand to him. “Tony, it’s good to see you brother.” Craig said. “Hi, Craig, it’s good to see you. I hope you don’t mind me coming over without notice, I know I should have called.” He said, realizing this might not be such a

good idea after all. “Of course I don’t mind. I’m glad to see you. How’s the family, Tony? He asked. He wanted to know about Sara too, but he wasn’t sure how to ask without it seeming strange so he left it at family. “Everyone’s pretty good, Craig, except Sara. Craig, can we talk please. A problem came up with Sara and I want to know if you can help us? I understand this is awkward, but I just don’t know what else to do or who to ask.” He said. “Of course we can talk, Tony. Let’s go inside and sit down. Do you mind if Emma hears this also? She knows just about everything about everything so maybe she could help if it’s okay with you.” He asked. “I’m fine with it. I know she cares about Sara too, so sure. Maybe she can help too.” And both Craig and Tony walked towards the house together. They were soon inside and all three were sitting at Emma’s dining table with a glass of lemonade in front of them. “Okay, Tony,” Craig said. “What’s this all about.? Tony then began explaining to them about Sara’s drinking and being in jail and he told them about the car too and then he told them that Evan wouldn’t bail her out and Tony asked them if they would help him get her out of jail. “I think it’s wrong to make her sit in jail for the whole weekend. She’s my sister and she’s always taken care of us. I can’t just leave her there, Craig. I have to try to get her out. Will you help me?” He asked them. Both Emma and Craig looked at each other for a long time. Neither could think of how to say no to Tony. Here was a brother trying to do right by his sister and his heart was breaking because he couldn’t help her. Finally Craig said, “Man, Tony, I just don’t know what to say. You know the divorce is final and I’ve asked Sara to see me several times before it was final and she wouldn’t do it. She’s never once come by to see Mom either. What makes you think we should help her now?” “Craig, Sara is changing. She’s not the same sister she’s always been. I know that, but I’m really hoping this is what she needs to bring her to her senses. I know she loved you, but when she started drinking she lost herself. I’m hoping this will be what it takes to bring her back to us. I know you loved her once and

probably don’t now, but if you could help me get her out of jail maybe we can save her. Can you help me, please, Craig?” He finished. Craig looked at his mother again and she saw the pain on his face. She knew this was going to be hard for him whichever way he chose. “Where is she?” he asked Tony. “She’s right here in town at the Island County jail,” Tony said. “Okay, I’ll go see her, but I won’t promise anything. I’ll try to talk to her and then I’ll decide what to do.” He said. “Oh, thank you, Craig. Thank you so much. I just know it will be all right now. I appreciate it,” he said again as he got up from the table. “I’m not going to tell Dad you’re going. Just call me, will you, and let me know how it goes, please?” “Sure, I’ll call you after I see her and Tony, thanks for letting me know. You are a really great brother to her. I’m proud of you.” He said. “Don’t forget to call.” He said again as he shook Emma’s hand and said goodbye to her and then made his way out the front door for the long walk home. Craig got cleaned up right away and headed into town to the jail. The courthouse and jail were adjacent buildings and located just before the street intersected with the street that ran parallel to the waterfront. Coupeville had a historical feel to it since many of its homes and structures that were built during a more profitable time in the late eighteen hundreds by an architect named Love, still stood along the main street today and were also included in the town’s historical . Even the churches were still being used since they had survived all the generations of residents who had called this quaint village their home, but today, Craig’s mission was difficult and he was skeptical that Tony’s idea would even work. When he arrived at the jail later that afternoon he was uncomfortable and after seeing the waiting room, he was sure Sara would be disturbed to be in here and not be able to get out. It wasn’t unclean, but it had a used, shabby look to it, not a place where comfort for anyone would be a concern. When they called his name and told him to follow the officer who would take him to the visiting area, he suddenly became very nervous. They slid a barred door open and then closed it again after he entered and he immediately had the feeling of being trapped. The

glass , a stool to sit on and the phone receiver were in front of him, but Sara wasn’t yet in the room on the other side of the glass so he sat down on the stool to wait for her. The time dragged on as he suddenly realized she might refuse to even see him and at that same moment he heard the loud clank of a lock as the door to her side opened up and there stood his wife. Officially she was his exwife, but to him she still felt like his wife and his heart dropped. She was disheveled and her pretty new top was wrinkled and looked as if she’d been wearing it for days. She had remnants of makeup on, left over from yesterday, but only smudges and smears because of all the crying she’d obviously done. Her hair was a mess also, having not been even been combed since the night before. He felt so sorry for this Sara. This woman wasn’t the bright, smart, sweet girl he’d fallen for when they first met. This was a deeply troubled woman and he felt sympathy for her plight. He watched her as she, shyly, entered the room. Her demeanor was timid and ashamed and he could tell she had been desperate or she’d never have allowed him to see her like this. She slowly picked up the receiver and could not make eye with him as she said quietly, “Hello, Craig.” “Sara, I’m so sorry this happened to you. Can you please talk to me and tell me what’s going on?” He asked her. “Isn’t it obvious?” she replied. I’ve been arrested, Craig. They stopped me while I was driving home last night and I couldn’t the field sobriety tests so they handcuffed me and brought me here and I’ve been here ever since. Why are you here and how did you find out I was here?” She asked him, suddenly realizing he shouldn’t know about this. “Tony came to see me Sara. He said your dad wouldn’t bail you out today. He didn’t think that was right so he asked me and Emma if we could help you and get you out today so you didn’t have to be in here all weekend. He really cares about you and wants to help you. He’s a very courageous kid going against your dad like that so I thought the least I could do was come down and see if you wanted my help or if you’d even talk to me. He’s really scared for you, Sara and he loves you a lot too. So, my question for you is, do you want my help?” He asked her. Sara was nearly speechless as she was digesting everything Craig was saying and finally, after thinking about it for only a short moment she replied to him. “I need your help, Craig. I’m so sorry for everything and I really want to get out of

here. If you can get me out today I would be so grateful. I don’t have any money, but I could pay you back a little at a time if you’d help me. They impounded my car too and I don’t have the money to get it out, but if you could do it I would pay you as soon as I can. I’m through drinking, Craig. I’m so sorry. I’ve made such a mess out of everything. I should never have let you leave. I should have quit drinking a long time ago, but this has taught me such a lesson and I’m done with it. I’m so sorry about everything.” She said as the tears rolled down her face again. “Oh, Craig, I’m so sorry.” This was the girl he had married so long ago. This was the person he thought she was and he clearly saw that she was sorry for everything and he really wanted to help her. He still loved her and had decided he probably always would, but she had been so lost that until today he thought he would never see the real Sara again, but today he had hope that she wanted to stop drinking and that was what he knew had to happen if she ever had a chance to get better. Thank goodness Tony had come and asked him to help. He might have missed seeing this girl who he now knew more than ever that he still loved. “I can post your bail today and get you out, but your dad is not going to be happy about it, I’m afraid. Why don’t you plan to come over to Emma’s with me tonight and we’ll work out a plan to help you get the car out and I know Emma will be happy to have you there for awhile if you want to stay with us until we get things figured out too. What do you say? Will that work for you, Sara?” He asked her, all the while hoping she’d agree. “Yes, oh, Craig, yes! Thank you so much.” Was all she could say between the tears. “Okay, I’ll go make bail and we’ll try to get you out. Hang on for a little while longer, Honey and I’ll take you home.” He told her. Sara could only stare after him as he hung up the receiver and motioned for the guard to open the outer door. He turned once and waved to her before heading out the door and Sara was still sitting on her stool, staring at the empty room he’d just left with the quiet receiver against her ear. “What had just happened?” she was thinking. “Craig is going to help get me out of here? Thank, God.” She was terribly grateful to him and she had meant what she had said. She was through with drinking.

Craig bailed her out later that same afternoon and as soon as she had greeted Emma and apologized to her for everything, Craig called Tony for her and when he answered he ed the phone to Sara. “Tony, it’s me, Sara. I’m out of jail and I’m at Craig and Emma’s. Thank you, Tony for talking to Craig. I’ll never forget that you did that little brother and I love you.” She said. “I’m glad you’re out, Sara. Is there anything you need?” he asked. “Yes, could you please, go in my room and get me some clothes, Tony? I’ll need some of everything; you know, undies as well as some tops, pants and shoes. I need my makeup too which I keep in the top drawer of my night table. If you could bring me those it would be a big help. I’m going to stay here until Dad leaves. I’m so upset with him and I don’t want to see him. Thank you again, Tony. Will I see you after while?” She asked him. “As soon as I can get there.” He told her, and the phone went dead. He was so happy. Craig had gotten her out and he was hoping, maybe, this would be what it would take to get Sara and Craig back together again. That would be the best because he really missed Craig and he knew the others did too. Evan was furious when he learned Sara was out of jail and that Crag had done it after Tony had asked him to. He felt truly betrayed by Tony. It should never have happened and he was also upset with Craig. Why would he interfere in this? He was after all, divorced from Sara and as he saw it she wouldn’t learn a thing from all of this if she didn’t have to suffer the consequences of her actions. He told Sherri they were going to leave tomorrow instead of Monday. He was really angry with Tony and he didn’t want to see Sara either. This would be her problem from now on and not his. Later that night he asked Karen, Tony and Brad to sit down with he and Sherri at the dining room table for a talk and when everyone was seated at the table, he started off the conversation by saying that he felt betrayed by Tony’s actions earlier today with Sara and that he’d made some decisions about going forward that he wanted them all to hear. “Just like when you boys were having trouble with drugs, I wanted to show Sara that she had to pay a price for her drinking problem. She is officially of legal age, but she let it become a problem very early in her life and I wanted to show her she needed to stop. Now that she got out and Craig is taking care of her she

doesn’t have to be responsible for what she did as I wanted her to be. I’ve decided that from now on and for as long as I’m financially ing this family, I will not do so if there’s going to be these kinds of problems with alcohol and drugs. If you get into trouble because of these issues with any of these substances, don’t even call me because I won’t bail you out nor will I help and you are old enough to understand that if Sara continues with the drinking like she’s been doing, she will have to find another place to live because I will not that in this house. Is that understood?” He asked them. All three children were shocked. That he would consider kicking Sara out of her home or any one of them angered all three of the kids, but it was Tony who spoke up first. “I don’t get it, Dad,” he said, “you and Sherri were married before my mom died. You’ve made lots of mistakes that we’ve forgiven you for. You’re not perfect, but you’d kick your own daughter out because she made a mistake? I think that’s being a hypocrite and I don’t respect that.” “It doesn’t matter to me what you think and hearing you say that makes me realize you don’t have much respect for Sherri and I either. You better watch what you say or you’ll find yourself out on the street too. It costs me plenty to work as hard as I have to, to keep this place afloat and I’m just telling you all I will not tolerate any of you using or drinking any more. I want to put a stop to this kind of trouble now. So if you want to live here while you go to school and you want me to you, don’t use or drink. It’s just that simple. And that goes for Sara now too. Sherri and I are leaving tomorrow, but I’ll be coming back and I’ll be checking on you more often. Just so you know, I will be coming here without notice and I will expect to find everything as it should be or there will be consequences. All three kids were shocked that their dad could be this hard on them. They thought they’d done a pretty good job of being a family, considering he was always gone, always on the road and they all resented that he would now be spying on them, trying to catch them doing something wrong. They were disappointed in him and they didn’t think they deserved such harsh treatment from him. Tony and Brad hoped Sara would come back home soon. Both boys had missed her. Karen missed her also, but she now had a baby she was responsible for and

she also needed Sara’s help and she was really hoping when Sara came home she would follow the rules so she could still help her with Maggie. No one had seen Sara since last Friday before she left to go to the dance. It was now Monday afternoon and Karen had to work the following day. Evan and Sherri left on Sunday and Sara was still staying at Emma’s. Just as she was thinking she was going to have to call her, the front door opened and Sara walked into the house with all of her clothes and belongings.

Chapter Thirteen

It had been nearly six weeks since Sara had been in jail. After she moved back home her family told her what rules her dad had decided she would have to live by to continue living with them and she had followed the rules to the letter. She thought her dad had been completely unfair for not helping her when she asked and she remained grateful to both Tony and Craig for standing up to him and helping her when she needed it the most. She was completely upset even still that after all she’d done for her family for all the years they had needed her, for all the times she’d been both the mother figure and head of household for her dad and brothers and sisters, he had seemingly forgotten all that she’d done and when she needed them, her dad had deserted her and left her to flail on her own in a jail cell. She was thankful Craig had helped her and since that time she had looked at him and their relationship differently than she had when she allowed him to go through with the divorce. They had finally started talking again about what had happened and all that had gone wrong and Sara was finally beginning to understand him more and why he had been so adamant about her drinking. She had come to realize that he really did still love her and he wanted her to try to make their relationship work. Sara had learned many things about herself too and she now understood that the drinking was but a symptom of something much deeper and more powerful going on inside her and she had very little control over it. It seemed to control her and that concerned her greatly. She hadn’t had a drink in six weeks, but every single day she still wanted one. She still craved the feeling that swept through her when she drank. It was a powerful feeling of empowerment; it allowed her to forget about all the responsibilities for a time. It allowed her to forget the painful past she had experienced when she was a child and allowed her, for a time, to become another person; someone who could laugh, dance, play, talk to anyone about anything and feel like she was important to everyone around her and she loved the feeling. If she were completely honest with herself and she was trying to be, that was the person she wanted to be at least some of the time and she knew it was only a matter of time before she started drinking again. She knew she had to follow Dad’s rules for awhile, until she could get a better paying job, get her attorney paid off and get the car back. Craig had gotten it out of impound, but he’d insisted she had to repay him for the cost, plus her bail money before she could have the car back. She

was now working two jobs. She was taking care of Maggie part time and she had gotten a job as a checker at the local market and although she had only been doing it for little more than a week she already loved it and she also loved the fact that it was a job that was close enough for her to walk to work from their home. She knew that between the two jobs she would be able to pay off all her debts in about six months and she was looking forward to that day. Tony was going to be graduating from high school next year and he’d already decided he was going to the Marines as soon as he was through school. Sara was so proud of him and loved him deeply and she worried about what his life would be like in the military. Brad still had another year of school to finish, but he also was already talking about the Air Force. He had some dreams now of one day becoming a pilot and he thought the military would be a great jumping off place for him also. Karen was finished with school and she was working part time and taking care of Maggie the rest of the time. She was getting enough child from the baby’s grandparents to allow her to stay at home more to look after her. Recently she had met a young man who she thought she might like to go out with and so far she had kept that news to herself, waiting for a better time to talk with Sara about it and learn what her sister thought she should do. She and Sara had been getting close again in the last few weeks since Sara had stopped drinking and both girls were appreciating it and also treading lightly as neither wanted to do anything that would rock the boat. Sara’s life was better, much better and even though Evan and she had still not talked, he had kept in touch with the others and he began to relax a little with the way everything seemed to be going. It was Saturday night and Sara was staying home to watch Maggie while Karen went to a movie with a girlfriend. Craig had stopped by as he occasionally did to spend time with Sara and the two of them had just put Maggie to bed with her teddy bear when the phone rang. It always startled them when the house phone rang because it sounded so shrill and ominous to both Sara and Craig. Sara jumped up and quickly walked into the dining room to answer it. “Hello,” Sara said, “Yes, this is Sara. Yes, he’s here. Just a moment.” Sara turned slowly to Craig and handed the phone towards him as she said, “Craig, it’s the hospital looking for you.” Craig took the phone from her and said, “This is Craig. Who is this?” There was a long silence on Sara’s end as she watched Craig’s face turn white and then crinkle with pain. “I’ll be right there,” he said. “Thank you for calling.”

“Craig?” Sara said. “What’s wrong?” “It’s Mom. Sara. She’s at the hospital and it’s really bad. I have to go.” He said. “You go now. I’ll get Karen to come home and as soon as she gets here to be with Maggie, I’ll meet you there. I’ll be there as soon as I can. I’m so sorry, Honey. Go! Go now and I’ll see you in just a few minutes.” She said. “Okay, Sara, thank you. Please come as soon as you can get there.” He said and he was out the door and gone before Sara could make the call to Karen. When Sara finally reached Karen she told her what had happened and asked he to come home. Karen was actually with her new boyfriend and she was on a date and didn’t want to leave to go home. “Can’t you ask Tony and Brad to stay with her tonight, Sara? I just need this time to myself. If the boys aren’t busy with anything and if she’s asleep please leave her with them. I’ll be home about midnight. Please, Sara?” she asked her. It upset Sara. She needed to be with Craig. This wasn’t her baby, it was Karen’s and once again Karen wasn’t being responsible. “I’ll ask Tony, but if he can’t do it, Karen, you’ll have to come home. I have to get to the hospital.” She told her. “Okay, but please ask him first.” She answered. Sara hung up and went down the hall to Tony and Brad’s room. She knocked on the door before she opened it. “Tony?” she said. “Emma has been taken to the hospital and it’s very bad. I need to go to be there for Craig and Karen doesn’t want to come home. She asked me to ask you if you could stay here tonight and keep and eye on Maggie until she gets here at midnight. Will you do it, Tony, so I can go to the hospital to be with Craig?” “Of course I will. She’s asleep, isn’t she?” he asked. “Yes, she’s asleep and she should sleep all night, but just keep an ear open in case she fusses for any reason.” She said. “Then go, Sara, and tell Craig we are thinking of them and hoping Emma will be okay.” He hugged her quickly before saying again. “Now go!” “Thank you Tony.” She said as she turned and headed down the hall and then out

the front door. Over her shoulder she said as she went out the door, “I’ll call you when I know anything too.” And she started to walk the few blocks to Whidbey General Hospital, where Emma had been taken. As she neared the hospital she couldn’t help, but Ginger and how they had brought her here also. As soon as she went through the entry lobby at the hospital, she stopped at the large information desk and asked how to get to the emergency room. The lady at the desk in the pretty pink jacket asked her who she was and who she was there to see. Sara told her all about Emma and Craig and that she was supposed to meet Craig. The lady was polite, but asked her to take a seat while she went to find Craig, explaining that they couldn’t let her go back there without permission from a family member. “I am family.” Sara said a little defensively, but she’d already told the lady Craig was her ex-husband so that wasn’t going to work. Sara was frustrated, but she had no choice except to do as she was told and she sat down and began to wait for Craig to appear. It was nearly a half hour before he came down the hall and he was visibly shaken. “She’s gone, Sara.” He said. “She’s gone. Oh my, God, what am I going to do without her?” “Oh no, Craig.” Sara said as she wrapped her arms around him and cried with him. “I’m so sorry, Craig. What happened? She seemed so healthy.” “I know, he said, but they think it was her heart. They will know for sure shortly, but oh, God. I can’t believe it. She had guests at the Purple Caterpillar and they found her where she collapsed in the kitchen while preparing dinner. They called 911 and the aid car transported her here, but they said she had ed before they even got her here.” He was still crying as he tried to tell Sara what happened. “I have to go back there and make sure the guests are okay for the night and I’ll have to cancel everything going forward. Oh, Sara, it’s going to be so hard without her.” He said. “I know, Craig. I’ll help you. I can come back to the Caterpillar with you. I know where everything is so I can help you until you figure out everything. I’m just so sorry. She was such a special lady.” Sara finished saying as she got into the car with Craig and they left for the bed and breakfast that was Emma’s legacy. When they arrived she went inside with Craig to find the guests still sitting up in the parlor. Craig told them that she was gone after he introduced himself and

thanked them for calling for the aid car when they found her. They in turn, expressed their condolences and said they would be leaving the following morning and both Sara and Craig began calling the guests who were scheduled to arrive over the next two weeks, canceling all the scheduled arrivals. It was after ten o’clock when they finally finished and Sara called Tony to tell them the sad news. Tony sent his condolences to Craig and said he would call their dad. They were pretty sure Evan would want to come home for whatever memorial service Craig would plan for her and after Sara thanked him, she told him she would be home the following morning. She was planning to stay with Craig tonight to be there for him. She knew this was going to be very difficult for him and after what he had done a few weeks ago for her, she wanted to return the favor and be there for him too. Tony was right. He managed to reach Evan on the road somewhere near Salt Lake City in Utah and when he told him what had happened he said he and Sherri would plan to be there for the memorial service and asked Tony to let him know as soon as they had figured it out. “How’s everything else going, Tony? Is Sara still on track and doing what she’s supposed to? He asked him. “Yes, Dad.” He said. “She’s been doing great. She’s got another job too and she’s working hard to get everything paid off. She’s really doing good and I’m proud of her.” “That’s good, Tony.” Evan said. “I’ll be seeing all of you soon then and thanks for letting me know about Emma. She was a very special lady. We’ll all miss her, won’t we?” He asked. “Yes, Dad, we will. He said. “I’ll talk to you soon.” And the phone disconnected. The memorial service was going to be in ten days at the church in Coupeville where Emma and Craig had attended for many years. Her burial would be private and only Sara and Craig would be at the cemetery for that, which would be a week before the service. Sara ended up staying with Craig and helping him make all the arrangements. She was as ive of him as if they had been still married and Craig was very grateful to her. He felt so lost and alone without Emma and having Sara with him helped so much. Sara was busy day and night between working at the store, taking care of

Maggie when she was needed for that and every other minute she was devoted to helping Craig with all the arrangements and cancellations. The night before the service they were sitting together in the Victorian dining room that Emma had furnished and cherished, going over the list of things that still needed to be done. Emma had a will and had left everything to Craig of course, but there were attorney meetings and appointments with their ant that needed his attention. He had no idea what he would do now with the bed and breakfast. He had also gone back to work at the pharmacy again and had finally decided to ask Sara if she would like to stay and run the Purple Caterpillar for him. Sara was shocked when he asked her. He had said she was the perfect choice because she had worked with Emma and knew what needed to be done. He knew she could do it and he wanted her to say yes; otherwise he would have to close the doors as he couldn’t keep it open alone. “But I love my new job, Craig. I don’t know if I could do this on my own. With her here to direct me it was easy, but on my own, wow, I just don’t know.” She said. “I know you could do it if you wanted to. You’re smart and Mom loved you. She would be happy if you would fill in for her and keep this open for her too. Please at least say you’ll think about it. You don’t have to answer me right now. I would like to know by next week if possible and I would make it worth your while financially, Sara, so please think about it.” He told her. The next day was busy for everyone. The memorial service at the church was at ten-thirty and it was followed afterwards with a reception. Sherri and Evan had arrived the night before and Sara hadn’t seen them to talk to them, before she saw them seated in church for the service. She spoke to them as she was seated next to Craig, a couple of rows in front of all of her family, who were attending. She knew she would have to talk to them after the service and she was feeling nervous about it, especially having to face Evan for the first time since he had left her in jail. After the service everyone was mingling and visiting as they offered condolences to Craig, while filling their plates. When Sara found herself standing in front of Evan and Sherri, she looked at him and said only, “Hi, Dad. Thank you both for coming.”

“How are you holding up?” Evan asked her, “and how is Craig?” “We’re doing okay. It’s been a crazy couple of weeks, but now that the service is over things will get back to normal, I think. It’s been really hard for Crai,g so I’ve been staying with him as much as I can to help him.” She said. “Are you back together then?” he bluntly asked her. “No, Dad, not that way, at least not yet. No, but he was a huge help to me when I needed him and I want to be there for him too.” She answered. “Well, I must say I hope it works out that you two can get through this and be together again. I always liked that young man for you, so I hope it happens and now that you’re better I know Emma would have wanted that too.” He said which completely startled her. “I am doing better, Dad, but I have a lot of things to take care of. My bills are outrageous, but I’m determined to pay everything off as soon as I can. I don’t know exactly what I will do after that, but I’m trying.” She said. “As well you should,” he snapped back and then added, “Well, let us know how you’re doing. We’re leaving in the morning so there will be no time for a visit this trip. We wanted to be here to show our respect for Emma and Craig, but that’s all the time I can afford.” “Well, thanks for coming, Dad,” She said, “and you too, Sherri.” She added. “Of course we’d be here,” Sherri said and reached over to hug Sara quickly before they left the church. When Sara and Craig arrived back at the Purple Caterpillar that afternoon, Craig was exhausted and wanted to lie down for a little while. “Will you lie down with me?” he asked her with a pleading expression on his face. Sara didn’t answer, but instead reached for his hand and held it as she led him upstairs to his room. She helped him undress and then he began to help her. She had missed his touch as much as he had missed hers and it wasn’t long before they were embraced in a long, deep, ionate kiss and were wrapped around each other, completely undressed and feeling the excitement they had once felt for each other. “Sara, I’ve missed you so much.” Craig said over and over. “I still

love you, Baby and I need you so much.” Sara responded to his maleness with an almost desperate ion, something he wasn’t familiar with from her. He began making love with her and she gave back as much as he gave to her until they were both completely spent as they were lying beside each other. “I’ve missed you, Baby.” He said again. “We need to get this fixed between us. I want you back here with me so bad, Sara. Please tell me you still love me and we can make this work.” “I do love you Craig, I always have, but I’m not that same innocent girl you married, Craig and I don’t think I ever want to be again. I’m really not sure what we should do, but I know I’ve missed you and I’m really glad to be with you again, no matter what the future brings. I know that I’m different now Craig and I don’t know if you would want to know that about me or if you did, if you’d still want me. I can’t undo what’s happened and I don’t know if I’d want to. Maybe we should just wait and see if we can figure out what we want in time.” She told him honestly. Craig rolled against her and held her tightly against him and it wasn’t long before they were both sound sleep in each other’s arms.

Chapter Fourteen

Sara finally decided to try to keep the Purple Caterpillar open for Craig and for the last several weeks she had been doing a spectacular job for him. She was learning the ordering and she was learning how to make the huge breakfast’s Emma had been famous for. Most guests had re-booked as soon as they learned they were going to re-open again and she had been very successful so far. She had quit her job at the store and was now working full time at the bed and breakfast and she was spending four nights a week staying with Craig and only staying at home the other three. Karen had had to hire someone to look after Maggie as Sara just didn’t have time anymore and she was reasonably content to be doing this, but she soon recognized that she was once again doing it for someone else. This hadn’t been her dream to have this place; it had been Emma’s dream and she had only agreed to do this to help Craig out. She had already occasionally, begun to feel some resentment because she wasn’t living her dream. She didn’t know what her dream was, but she knew it wasn’t to be an innkeeper for the rest of her life. She wanted something someday, for herself, that would be more exciting and something that was fun. Craig had been very generous in what he’d been ready to pay her to keep the Caterpillar open, so she knew her debts would all be settled in a few more weeks. She would need to make a decision at that time, whether she would stay and continue with this life as it was happening around her or maybe she’d venture out on her own again and see what excitement might be waiting for her. Craig never wanted to go out. He didn’t like to dance and of course he didn’t drink so everything was pretty much the same as it had been before with him and she was once again feeling bored and restless. She had just finished changing the bed in the master suite when she heard a car pull into the drive. She grabbed the sheets that needed laundering and started down the stairs and when she was only about halfway down, the front door opened and there stood the most handsome man she had ever seen. She was almost speechless as she stammered and tried to regain her senses. Finally her word’s all came rushing out. “Can I help you?” she managed to ask this stranger. “Jeff Read.” A deep, masculine voice replied. “I have a reservation for the next

three nights. You were expecting me, weren’t you?” He asked her, somewhat amused by her obvious dilemma. “Sara was simply star struck, but she finally managed an, “Oh yes, Mr. Read. You’re a little earlier than I’d planned, but we can work with that. Please, come in. I’ll just get this load started in the laundry and I’ll be right back to check you in.” she finally got out in a couple of sentences without stuttering. Jeff was amused because he had often had this problem with women. He knew he was good enough looking because women often threw themselves at him when he traveled especially. The women in his home-town were used to him, but when he met new ladies for the first time, he often had this effect on them and it always made him chuckle when it happened. Sara realized her heart was pounding loudly in her chest and she was very nearly shaking. “What in the heck just happened?” she asked herself, “and who the heck is he? She thought. “My, God, he is gorgeous!” She finished putting the sheets in the washer and when she had started the machine she checked her reflection in the window of the washer, patted her hair into place and walked back into the entry where she found her new guest waiting patiently for her to return and check him in. He seemed to be about thirty, had gorgeous thick, dark hair, a heavy beard that had been shaved back to just a shadow,” which was very sexy!” Sara was thinking. She was checking him out as she was checking him in and noticed at once that he wasn’t wearing a ring. “Good,” she thought, “he’s still single. Good for me.” She was still thinking as he smiled at her. Her heart flip flopped as he looked at her and she knew instinctively he was flirting with her and that was enough to encourage her to do what she did next. She offered to fix him a drink and bring it upstairs to his room while he was settling in. He thought that it was especially thoughtful of her and told her so. She didn’t think she’d ever seen such a good looking man in her life and she couldn’t wait to learn more about him and why he had come here to Coupeville. She would find out and she was already plotting her strategy for how she would get him to open up to her, but for now she would be satisfied with small talk. He soon went upstairs to find his room while Sara went into the dining room to make him a drink. He had asked for a Gin and Tonic and she had promised it to be completed quickly. He had practically purred at her when he thanked her and her knees began to feel weak as he looked her squarely in the eye. “God.” She thought again, “I have to seriously get control of myself before I make a fool of myself.” She turned then and concentrated on the project at hand, rather than on him.

When his drink was ready she took it upstairs to his room, knocked gently on his door and as soon as he’d answered she opened the door and carried the tray to his bureau where she set it down. “Here’s your drink, Jeff.” She said as soon as she entered the room. “Thank you, Sara, but aren’t you going to me?” He asked her. “No, no thank you.” She quickly replied. “I’m working and I don’t drink while I’m working.” “Well then, I guess I’ll just have to ask you again when you are off the clock. How about tonight, Sara?” He could tell she liked him and he thought she was very pretty. A bit of a small town girl, but he liked that type much better than the super chic, city girls he usually met. He too had noticed she wasn’t wearing a ring, so he’d risked asking her out right away. “I’d love for you to show me something of your little town. It has such a charming feel and since you don’t offer dinners here, I would love the company for dinner too. Do you have anywhere special you’d recommend?” He asked her. “Well, there’s a terrific dinner house that sits near the water and has an awesome view a little north of town. I think you might like it there. I’m really not supposed to go out with guests, but I suppose I could meet you there for dinner. It would be an accident, if you know what I mean?” And she smiled, coyly at him. “That works for me, Sara. I tell you what. You write the name and directions down for me and I’ll meet you there about seven o’clock. I’ll look forward to that.” He said. “Thanks, Jeff, so will I.” She said as she turned then and left the room. She immediately started thinking about what she could tell Craig and how would she get to the Inn? She still didn’t have her car back, but maybe, just maybe Craig would relent and let her use it tonight.” She called Craig at the pharmacy first and their conversation went pretty well. “Please. Craig. I really need to go see Carol tonight. She’s not feeling well and I need to check on her. I’d really like to use my car, if you’d let me and since I’ve nearly got you paid off, I thought that maybe you would?” She asked him. “Sure you can use it. How about you come over and stay tonight after you see

Carol. We could spend a little time together and you’d be there to fix your guest’s breakfast in the morning?” He asked her. “Oh, Craig, not tonight. I need to be home for a few nights, but next week we can do that if you want to. Thanks for letting me take the car tonight. I’ll bring it back to you tomorrow and leave it at the house until I get you paid off.” She said. “You know, Sara, you’ve been doing so good these past few weeks and I’m really proud of you for that. You can keep the car with you and finish paying me off as long as you’ll continue being responsible.” He added. “Oh, Craig, really? Thank you so much. I promise I won’t let you down. Thank you again, Craig.” She said. “Sure, Honey. By the way, who are the guests for tonight?” He asked her. “Oh, there’s only one. He’s a guy named Jeff. He seems very nice. I don’t think he’ll be much trouble for you tonight. I heard him say something about going out to dinner. Well, I’ll see you tomorrow then and thanks again, Craig.” She told him. “You’re welcome. See you then.” And the phone went silent. “That was pretty easy.” Sara thought. “I’m so glad he gave me my car back, Yea! Now I’ve got a little more freedom. When Dad hears what Craig did for me, he’s not going to like it, but I don’t much care what he thinks anymore.” Sara went out later that afternoon and drove to Oak Harbor to shop for a new dress. She knew she really shouldn’t spend much money, but she wanted to look nice for her date with Jeff tonight. He really was the most handsome man she’d ever seen and she wanted to show him she was a little more than a small town girl. She drove to the little boutique located on the north end of town, parked out front and excitedly went inside with expectations of finding something she could afford. The first little dress she found turned out to be perfect. It was a dark lavender color with an open, plunging neckline, little cap sleeves and tiny pearl buttons on each shoulder. She loved the way it fit her figure and showed off her curves. The price was over what she should have spent, but she justified spending the money by reminding herself that this was a very special date and she deserved to look and feel pretty for this guy who had asked her out. The

Captain Whidbey Inn, where they were going to meet for dinner was very special; expensive, romantic and very special, so she had to look nice for this date. She finished her purchase and drove home, arriving at her house about six o’clock. She didn’t have much time, but she was determined to hurry and be ready in time. Karen was in the living room with Maggie when she came into the house. Her sister greeted her and asked her how she managed to get the car back so soon? “Craig let me use it tonight, but then he decided I could keep it and still pay him back later. I’m really happy to have it back.” She kissed her little niece on the cheek and then told Karen she was going out tonight to meet a friend. “I’m going to see Carol. She hasn’t been feeling good so I’m going there to visit. I wont be home until late so I don’t want anyone to worry about me.” “Okay.” Karen said. “I hope Carol gets better and it will be good for you to be able to go out on your own for a change. I’m happy for you.” Sara knew she meant it. She hurried past them then and into her room and spent the next forty-five minutes getting herself ready. She did her hair, make-up and when she stepped into her new dress, she felt like a million bucks. She grabbed her bag. Checked to make sure she had everything she would need and started through the living room to the front door. When Karen saw her she knew she wasn’t going to visit a sick friend. Karen knew instantly she wouldn’t have dressed like this for anything less than a date with a man. “Whoa! You look fabulous, Sara! You look too nice to be visiting a friend. So whose the lucky guy?” She asked. Sara glared at her as she walked past her and without saying a word to her she had just confirmed to Karen that she had guessed right. Immediately, Karen was concerned. She said a little prayer under her breath as the front door closed behind her sister. “Lord, please don’t let her start drinking again tonight.” When Sara walked into the restaurant, Jeff was already seated at a table in front of a window with a spectacular view of the water and the Penn Cove Bay as well as the island and beach across the cove from where they were. Jeff stood immediately when he saw her come in and he was pleased at what he saw. “My, God, she is pretty.” He was thinking as she walked towards him. He held the chair out for her to be seated across the small table from him and said to her,

“Sara, you look beautiful tonight. I’m so glad you could me. I had no idea when I drove into your little town I’d be meeting such a lovely woman. My luck seems to have turned for the best.” “Thank you, Jeff and thank you for asking me.” She said, but inside her heart was racing and her belly felt like butterfly wings. There was instant chemistry between them and Sara was immediately aware of the strong pull she felt at just the sight of him. “I didn’t know what you’d like so I didn’t order yet. What would you like to drink? I’m having another Gin and Tonic, but please, order what you’d like.” He said. Sara thought about it all of about eight seconds. She knew she shouldn’t do it. She knew all the reasons why, but this was a special occasion and she wanted to have one glass of wine with him. She couldn’t allow him to think she wasn’t friendly or there was something wrong with her. “White wine.” She said quickly. “I’ll just have a glass of white wine, please.” Jeff motioned for the waitress and ordered their drinks. The young lady who would be serving them left large, heavy leather menu covers on the table, but Jeff pushed them aside, not wanting to open them until much later. He wanted a chance to get to know who Sara was and he didn’t want to rush their evening. There was a large, stone fireplace located across the room from where they sat, but it wouldn’t be lit on a warm night like this one. Still, the fireplace added an ambiance to the room, which made everyone feel a bit more comfortable. The view out the window was gorgeous. “I’ve never been to your island before and I must say I am impressed with the spectacular scenery everywhere and also with the beautiful woman sitting across from me. It seems I’ve been missing out on some pretty special things.” He added.” “How nice of you to say that. Where are you from and what brings you to the island. If you don’t mind me asking?” she asked him. As the waitress delivered their drinks, Jeff began telling her about himself. He was from a town in Montana and it was business and him wanting to expand his line into new areas that brought him to Washington. His company, which he had started when he got out of college, stitched embroidered designs and he traveled to new areas, showing his capabilities and hopefully gaining new customers. He

could now take any design that could be drawn and put it on shirts. Some of the new s were amazed at the quality of garments they produced and he was the main sales representative as well as the owner. His goal while on Whidbey Island was to try to sell his ability to the Naval Air Station and be able to stitch their logo and name, onto shirts, hats, jackets and anything else they could think of, and they in turn could sell them in their commissary to their own people. He had an appointment with the officer in charge of purchasing tomorrow and he was excited to show them what he could do and was really hoping the base would, eventually, become a good client and maybe one of his largest s. “Before I bore you anymore with this stuff about me, let’s hear from you, about Sara? How is it you are running a bed and breakfast in this place? Did you grow up here and do you have family here?” He asked her, wanting to know everything about her. She started off telling him about her family history, about her brothers and sisters, her dad and step family and about her mother. Jeff was very interested in everything she told him and when she told him about loosing both her sister and her mother he felt a strong empathy for her and a deep connection as he also lost his mother at an even earlier age than she had so he could relate. Their conversation flowed easily and they both knew they had met someone very special and as the evening progressed they were both even more interested in each other. Sara didn’t stop after one glass of wine; she had three over the course of the evening and when the night was over and she knew she was going to have to drive, she ordered coffee and a coke, hoping she could get completely sober, quickly. It worked some, but she also knew it was going to be risky for her to drive home. She was very scared. Finally she asked Jeff if he would drive her. “A few weeks ago I got a DUI and although I’m not proud of it I also can’t risk that again. I shouldn’t have had that last glass of wine, Jeff. I’m sorry, but could you just drop me off on my street where I can walk home? I can pick my car up tomorrow if you won’t mind?” She asked him. “Of course I won’t mind. I’ll even take you to your door and how about I pick you up early in the morning and bring you out here to pick up the car?” He asked her. “Jeff, that would be wonderful. Thank you so much.” Sara had a very strong feeling that she and Jeff were going to get to know each other well. There was something powerful happening between them and she felt that strong animal attraction for him, but even more, she really liked him and she felt that he really

liked her too. She hoped she wasn’t wrong about this guy. She truly wanted to learn more about him. When he stopped in front of her house, all the lights were off. It was late and everyone was already in bed sleeping. Sara thanked Jeff again for the wonderful night together and for bringing her home. He got out of the car first, walked around and opened her door and helped her out and when she was standing in front of him he put one hand slowly behind her head and pulled her closer to him and he began to kiss her slowly and sensuously, deeper and stronger. When she moaned and leaned into him he whisked his tongue across hers and then pulled her whole body against him. The desire he felt for her was instantaneous and incredibly powerful. She felt his manhood pressing against her and she responded with equal fire as she kissed him back. Finally, he pulled back enough to say, “Wow, Babe, we need to see where this is going to lead us. I’ll see you in the morning at six-thirty to pick up your car. Don’t worry about breakfast for me tomorrow because I’ve got an eight o’clock appointment at the base.” He kissed her lightly on the tip of her nose as he pulled away from her, turned and walked to his side of the car. “I’ll wait until you get inside before I leave.” He said. Sara turned and walked to the door, unlocked it with her key, waved goodbye to Jeff and disappeared behind the closed door. When Jeff got back to the Purple Caterpillar he was still re-living the strong feelings he’d had with Sara, re-playing everything over and over in his head. When he arrived at the bed and breakfast, he saw that the lights were still on so whoever was in charge at night was awake and waiting for him. As he walked through the door he was met by a seemingly, very nice man who seemed to be about the same age as he was. He held out his hand. “Hi, I’m Jeff Read.” He said. “I’m the guest for tonight.” “Craig.” He said as he reached to shake hands. “I’m the owner. Welcome. I hope you’ll be comfortable here. Can I get you anything before you retire?” he asked. “No thank you. I’ve had everything I could possible want already tonight, I’ll just go on up to my room. It was nice to meet you. I won’t want breakfast in the morning either as I’ll be going out very early.” He said to Craig. “Oh fine, I’ll tell Sara when she gets here in the morning. I hope you have a nice night then. Sleep well.” He said, not realizing for a moment that this man was

going to have an impact on all their lives in the very near future. “Good night!” The following morning Jeff picked Sara up and drove her to her car. “Good morning sunshine.” He said when she got in his car and closed the door. “How are you feeling this morning?” “Good morning.” She said. “I’m great and thank you so much for picking me up this morning. I had a wonderful time last night, Jeff, and thank you for that also.” “So did I, Sara. Would you be interested in another date tonight?” he asked her. “I’d love it,” she answered right away. “What did you have in mind?” “I’ll be finished with my appointments early this afternoon and with all my paperwork probably about five. We could drive down the island and take the ferry across to the mainland. There’s a show tonight at the Paramount in Seattle and I was hoping you might like to see it with me.” He told her. “That sounds wonderful. I think I can be ready by about five-thirty. I can take off a few minutes early from work today and be ready by then. It sounds like a very nice evening and I’d love to go.” She said. “Great, Sara. I’ll pick you up at five-thirty at your place if that’s okay. You know, I had a really good time last evening and I would really like to spend my free time with you while I’m here. I couldn’t stop thinking about you last night and believe me, I can’t wait to hold you and kiss you again tonight. You blew my mind, Sweetheart.” He said as he reached for her hand to hold while they were driving. “Oh Jeff, Yes it was wonderful. I wasn’t expecting to meet someone like you, but I know we have a very special connection and I’ll spend as much time with you as I can.” She said. “And enjoy every minute of it.” She squeezed his hand tightly as she said it. They were both obviously smitten and Sara was thrilled. Jeff was exciting and he liked to do great things. She couldn’t help comparing what it was like being with him in just two days compared to Craig. It wasn’t really fair to compare, she knew that, but she also knew she was really liking being with Jeff and she couldn’t wait for tonight to get here. As she started to get out of the car when they arrived at the Inn where her car had spent the night, he reached across the

seat and stopped her with his hand on her arm. “Wait a second, please.” He said and she slid back into the seat as he proceeded then to reach for her, pull her close and kiss her again the way he had last night. It wasn’t long the way the last one had been, but it was as intense between them and soon they were both allowing their ion to unleash for each other. He kissed her deeply and then tenderly and she was giving back everything he was giving to her. “My, God, Sara, you are an amazing woman. You’ve certainly got my attention. The more I see you and touch you, the more I want you. “I know, Jeff,” she said, “I’m feeling it too. Unfortunately though, we’ve both got busy days ahead today, but I will so look forward to tonight.” She said as she started to pull away. “Me too pretty girl. I’ll think about you all day and this will be continued tonight, for sure.” He told her as he smiled at her, kissed her quickly again on the lips one more time and she got out of the car this time. “See you tonight.” He said again as she closed the door and waved. “Wow!” She was thinking as she got into her car. “Not only is he gorgeous, he’s a great kisser, he’s ionate and he’s interesting to talk with. Oh my goodness, I really like this guy. He’s the whole package, I think.” When she arrived at the Purple Caterpillar, Craig was getting up and around and as he heard her come in the door he called, “Good morning,” down to her. When he didn’t hear a response he went to the top of the staircase and called to her again. “Good morning, Sara.” He said loudly, but still there was no answer, so he walked downstairs to find her. She was already in the laundry room, taking sheets from the dryer. She tried to always change the guest’s sheets every morning, like Emma always did, even if they were staying multiple nights. “Good morning.” He said again and when she heard him this time, she jumped as if she hadn’t known he was even downstairs. “You’re pretty jumpy and lost in thought this morning. I’ve been hollering at you for some time now. I guess you didn’t hear me shouting.” He told her. “Oh no, I guess I didn’t. You just startled me.” She said and then, “Good morning to you as well.” “So how is your friend, Carol?” he asked her. “She’s better, thank you.” She said quickly, trying to dismiss the subject.

“Well, I missed you last night.” He said as he moved closer to her and started to draw her into a hug, hoping for at least a kiss from her, but she was having no part of him this morning, stepping quickly away and making it clear she wasn’t interested. “Anything wrong, Sara?” He asked. “What? No, nothing’s wrong, Craig. I’ve just got lots to do today and I want to get started.” She told him briskly. “Okay,” he said as he retreated and started to go back upstairs. “I’ll see you later then.” “Yes, later, Craig, oh and Craig, I’m going to leave a half hour early today. Even if you can’t be here, I’m sure it will be okay with out guest. He seems very nice and should manage fine on his own for a half hour.” She said. “Okay, well, I’ll try to get here a little early. I don’t think it’s such a good idea to leave guests on their own if it can be avoided so I’ll take off early at the pharmacy.” He told her. “I don’t think you need to, but something important came up and I need to leave early. Sorry, Craig.” She said. “It’s okay, Sara. I can handle it this time,” he said as he was going up the stairs. The rest of the day went by slow for both Jeff and Sara. Jeff was a little late getting back to Coupeville after his appointments and after a quick, “Hello,” to Sara he went upstairs to work on his paperwork. By the time he came down again, Sara was gone and Craig was there. “Can I fix you a drink?” Craig offered Jeff after their greeting. “I’d love a Gin and Tonic please, if it’s not too much trouble.” He replied. “No trouble at all.” Craig said. “Do you have plans for tonight? He asked him as he handed him the drink. “I do.” Jeff said, “I managed to score tickets for a show in Seattle for tonight, so I’ll be going over to the mainland. I won’t be back until very late, so I’ll try to be

quiet and not wake you when I come in.” “I’m sure that will be fine.” Craig replied. “I hope you have a good time and don’t worry about time. I’m a sound sleeper.” Jeff left shortly after to go pick up Sara. Sara had gone home to dress for her date. She chose to wear a basic black dress she’d had for a long time. It was a dress she could wear to funerals or dress it up with jewelry and wear it for a night out. She’d only worn it a few times, but everyone in the house knew when she walked out of her room wearing it that she was going somewhere special and they began throwing questions at her left and right, wanting to know her plans. Tony finally broke through the wall and she told him she had a date to go into Seattle for a show. They were all oohing and aahing and assumed it was with Craig, since they’d been spending more and more time together, but when they saw Jeff pull up outside and Sara went out the door before he could even knock, they realized it was a date with someone new and they were all disturbed. Karen was the first to say something after they’d driven away. “Did you see him? My goodness,” she said, “that was the most handsome man I’ve ever seen. He is gorgeous!” Her words were still reverberating when Tony turned and went down the hall to his room, obviously upset that she was going out with someone other than Craig. When he got to his room, he phoned Craig and after beating around the bush for what seemed to them both forever, and when Craig finally became suspicious, Tony came clean. “Why is Sara out with another guy tonight. Craig? I thought you two were getting back together?” he asked him bluntly. Craig was stunned at first. “We were or at least I thought we were.” He finally replied. Who is she with, Tony?” “I don’t know him. He’s a really good, looking dude. She didn’t bring him in to introduce us, but she did tell us they were going into Seattle to a show or play or something. I’m sorry, Craig, but I thought things were going good with you two.” He told him. “So did I.” Craig replied. “Damn,” He thought. “Jeff. That’s who she’s with. She

must have agreed to go out with him. I thought everything was good with us and now she’s lying and sneaking around again. Damn! What do I do now?” He thanked Tony and told him not to worry. He’d find out what was going on and when he did, he’d let him know and they ended their conversation.

Chapter Fifteen

From the moment Sara got in the car with Jeff they began talking and they were both comfortable with each other and instantly having fun and enjoying each other’s company. Jeff complimented her on her dress and all he saw was this very nice, very attractive young woman sitting beside him. He knew he really liked her and he was already thinking about how he could still see her after he left Washington to go back to Montana. He knew already that she was someone he was going to want to continue seeing and he hoped she would want that too. It had been a long time since he’d met a woman who had attracted him this much and he really felt like what they had together was worth keeping, even if it meant there would be distance to overcome for a time. When they were parked in the line, waiting for the ferry to arrive from the mainland, he began kissing her again and instantly the ion he felt turned into an intense yearning for her and by the way she was responding, he knew she was feeling the same. After they’d loaded on the ferry and while they were crossing the waters of the Puget Sound, they were ionately wrapped in each other’s arms. It was raw, sexual heat and there was only one way to satisfy it, but that was going to be impossible to do sitting in a car on a public ferry. When they arrived on the mainland and began the drive into Seattle, they were once again happy and playful and enjoying their time together. The show turned out to be a funny, entertaining comedy and they both laughed and laughed, obviously enjoying every minute they were together. After the show, Jeff took her to dinner at a little Bistro that had been recommended by the ticket agent who had sold him the tickets. It was nearly midnight when once again they were sitting in the ferry line, waiting for one of the last ferries that could take them back to the island. While waiting in line once again, Jeff began kissing Sara after pulling her closer to him across the front seat of the car he was driving. They both felt the ion ignite while it had been smoldering all evening and Jeff told her how much he wanted her, but he knew he couldn’t take her back to the Purple Caterpillar because her boss didn’t want her to date guests. “I have an idea,” Sara told him. “I come into work early tomorrow morning and Craig leaves at eight o’clock for work. He’ll be gone all day and if you have any

time tomorrow we could spend time together there before Craig gets home from work and no one would have to know.” She said. “Oh, Baby,” Jeff replied. “That’s perfect. I have an afternoon meeting tomorrow, but it’s not until two thirty so we’ll have all morning and early afternoon to be together. Oh, God, Sara, I can’t wait. I want you so darned bad.” “I want you too, Jeff. I really want you. I can’t wait to feel all of you. I know it’s going to be amazing.” She told him and when he dropped her off at her home once again he got out and held her against him so she’d feel just how badly he wanted her. Their goodnight kiss was almost, but not quite indecent and as they finally pulled apart and said goodnight, they both knew they would be able to finally satisfy their ion in the morning and they reluctantly parted for the night and said goodbye. Craig hadn’t been able to stop thinking about Sara and what was going on since Tony’s earlier call. He knew it was late, but he couldn’t stop thinking about her. It just kept whirling around in his thoughts and he couldn’t quite figure out why she would do this? He’d forgiven her; he had decided to trust her again and he had let her know he wanted them to get back together. He had given her this great job and completely opened himself back up to her and she had done this. She was sneaking out with a guest from here. She knew that was against the rules to start with, but to sneak out on him too; that was unforgivable. He didn’t yet know what he would do, but he would do something. He couldn’t ignore this and pretend like he didn’t know, but he hadn’t yet figured out how he would handle it. He heard Jeff’s car when it pulled in the drive and a few minutes later he heard him open the front door. Craig was still dressed so he decided to go down and talk with Jeff. Maybe he’d understand better if he talked it out with Jeff so he went down the stairs and asked him how his night out had been? “Did you have a good time?” he asked. “Oh yes,” Jeff answered. “It was a great night. The show was worth seeing too and I laughed myself silly for most of it. I had dinner after at a little, late night, Bistro recommended by the ticket agent and it was excellent also.” “Would you like a nightcap?” Craig offered him. “I think I’m going to have one.” He said.

“Sure, I’ll have one with you. Thanks.” Jeff said. “How about Brandy, that sounds good to me, if you have it?” “Coming right up.” And Craig went to the dining room to get them both one. “Jeff, I should tell you that I know you took Sara with you tonight and I’m not happy about it.” Craig said as he handed him the Brandy. “Oh, man, I’m sorry. She told me she wasn’t supposed to date guests and I talked her into going. I don’t want her to get into trouble for having broken the rules and I’m really sorry, but we have a very strong attraction to each other, Craig. I like her a lot. This isn’t just a little out of town fling thing for me. I want you to know that and I’m very sorry we broke the rules.” He repeated. “It’s not just that she broke the rules, Jeff. Did she tell you about me? I’m her husband, well technically her ex-husband and we’ve been seeing each other again and we were trying to put our marriage back together.” He told him. Jeff was speechless. “No! Oh no, Craig. She never said a word. Oh, man, I’m so sorry. I had absolutely no idea. She never mentioned that she had been married either. I’m shocked and I’m really sick about this. I would never try to move in on another man’s woman. She presented herself as being single. She said she had no ties to anyone and we went out a couple of nights. That’s all Craig.” He told him. “A couple of nights?” Craig asked. “You mean tonight wasn’t the first date for you?” “No, we actually went to dinner the night before. We went to the Captain Whidbey Inn. In fact she’d had too much wine and couldn’t drive home so we left her car there while I drove her home, then I picked her up early this morning and took her to her car. We’ve gone out twice now and I’m really very sorry, man.” He said again. “Well, I guess this tells me everything I need to know. I can’t ever trust her. Thank you for being so open with me, Jeff. I’m going to have to let her go in the morning and it’s for sure that I’m done with her on a personal level now too. I will never be able to trust her again.” He said. “Wow, Craig. She is a great employee. I’m sure not happy that I’m part of the

reason she is going to loose her job. I think that’s really too harsh for you to fire her. She needs this job and it’s too bad about the personal stuff, but why don’t you give her another chance with the job at least?” He asked him. “No, if I can’t trust her, I can’t trust her. That’s the consequences she has to pay. You don’t know the history we have and I’m not going to be the one to tell you. You need to ask her if you want to know, but I will tell you that you should be very careful if you’re going to get involved with her. She has a history of not being trustworthy and you should at least know that. Well, I’m going to bed now. It’s late and tomorrow’s not going to be easy. Help yourself to another Brandy if you like and I’ll see you tomorrow night if you’re staying another night. Good night.” He said and went back up the stairs to think about everything he’d just learned and about what he was going to do. He was so terribly disappointed in her and he knew she had destroyed whatever feelings he had ever had for her. The next morning, Sara was up early and was so excited about the forthcoming day. She would be with Jeff in a few short hours and she was beyond excited for what was ahead. All she had to do was the last couple of nights with him and her heart would start beating fast and her insides felt like nothing she had ever experienced before. She knew that she had never felt this way for anyone before and she could barely wait to show him exactly how she felt about him. It had happened very fast, but she didn’t care. She knew she was completely fascinated by him and could not resist being truly excited over the possibility of a future with him. She finished dressing and fixing her hair, did a quick check in the mirror and left the house to drive to the Purple Caterpillar, It was seven thirty when she walked in and she went directly to the kitchen where she was going to start fixing breakfast, but as she walked into the room she saw that Craig was already sitting at the small table in the corner where Emma used to sit to rest a bit when she was cooking for guests. “Hi, Craig. You’re up early, aren’t you?” she asked him right away. “Yes, I suppose I am. I want to talk with you for a few minutes. Will you sit down, please, Sara?” he asked her. “Sure, what’s up?” She said, still not realizing the seriousness of what was about to happen. “It came to my attention that you are now dating one of our houseguests. Is that

true?” He asked her calmly. “No, well, uh, well I did go to a show with him, but it wasn’t really a date. Who told you anyway, Craig? What’s going on here?” She asked him rather indignantly. “Don’t lie to me, Sara. There’s no need for that again. I’ve already talked to Jeff so I know what’s been going on. Why in the world have you been leading me on all these weeks if you didn’t want to come back to me? I trusted you and you’ve again betrayed me. You’ve lied to me, you’re drinking again and I am done. I want you to remove all your things from my room and you no longer have a job and Sara, I want the keys to the car until you’ve paid me for all the money I’ve paid out for you. When you pay me off you can have the car. You don’t work here anymore so please get your things and go now.” And when he finished he started to get up and leave the room, but Sara finally found her voice. “Craig, what in the world is the matter with you? So I had a date with Jeff. How is that such a big deal? I just wanted to go to a show in Seattle. Something I never get to do. I didn’t think it was such a big deal. How can you want to fire me for that and how will you keep this place operating without me? You know I’m the only one who knows it. You can’t fire me, Craig. I need this job so I can finish paying you off. You know that. Please.” She begged. “No, Sara. I’ve already thought about it. I’m going to close it and sell it as soon as Jeff is gone. He’ll be the last guest we have. I’ve already started calling the others and canceling and by the way, Jeff told me about your dinner night before last at Captain Whidbey’s. You lied to me about Carol being ill and you just lied to me again. No, Sara, I’m done. You’ve broken my trust for the last time. Now gather your things and go, please.” He added. She turned then to see Jeff standing in the door behind her. She could tell by his look that he was angry with her now also. He’d probably heard her too. “Jeff, please don’t listen to him. I didn’t tell him I was going out with you for exactly this reason. I knew he’d fire me and I need this job. Please, let’s talk, Jeff. We can go somewhere and talk, can’t we? She asked him. “No, Sara, because you didn’t tell me he was your ex-husband or that you had been married. You put us both in an embarrassing situation. It’s too bad because I liked you a lot, but I have to be with someone I can trust too. I’m sorry.” He

said. “Craig, I’d like to settle up and check out now and I am sorry for everything.” He told Craig. “Of course. I’ll take care of you at the front desk while Sara goes upstairs to get her things. Please, come this way, Jeff.” Sara was more than distraught. Her whole world had fallen apart again in less than thirty minutes. She was going to fall completely apart and she didn’t want to do that in front of these two men. “Oh God,” She thought, “What am I going to do now?” She ran past the men, up the stairs and grabbed the few items of clothing she had left in Craig’s room. She stuffed them in an empty pillowcase and carried it down the stairs and out the door without saying a word to either of them. She walked the few blocks to her house, went in without speaking to anyone and to her room where she closed her bedroom door behind her. She threw herself across the bed and cried harder than she had cried in months. Her life was a mess and she didn’t know how to fix it. She knew she couldn’t drink if she wanted to live here, but right now she really didn’t care. A drink was the only thing that was going to make her feel better so after a couple of hours, she pulled herself together and walked into town and to the tavern. When she walked through the door, Crystal was the first to greet her. “Well, hello stranger. We haven’t seen you in a long time. What can I get for you?” She asked. “Rose, please.” Sara said. “I’ll have some wine, thanks.” When Sara left the tavern it was very late and she was very drunk. She stumbled back down the street and finally made it home. The house was dark and it was a sure sign that everyone was asleep. She let herself into the house as quietly as she could and started down the hall in the dark. When she got to her room, she opened the door and as soon as she walked in, she knew someone was in her bed. “What is going on here,” she said as quietly as she could. “Damn, who is in my bed?” she asked a little louder. Before she could turn the light on and figure it all out, she suddenly realized she was in the wrong room and she’d just woken up Brad. “Oh, crap,” she muttered and tried to get out of the room, but it was too late. “What are you doing in here?” Brad asked her. “What’s wrong with you, Sara?”

And of course his louder voice woke up Tony and he was now sitting up in his bed looking at her too. “Sara?” He asked her. “What’s going on?” “Shhhhhhh,” she said. “Be quiet! I don’t want to wake anybody up.” She said. “We’re already awake and you’re drunk, aren’t you?” Tony asked her. “Damn it, Sara. Why did you do this again? You’d been doing so good. So darned good.” And he got out of bed and started helping her to get back to her own room. “Let’s get you to bed, Sara.” “Don’t push me, Tony. I can find my own way.” She all, but shouted at him. “If you could have you wouldn’t have ended up in here. Now let me help you.” He said, more than a little frustrated with her. He helped her into her room and onto her own bed, but he left her dressed and even with her shoes still on and she was asleep and snoring loudly before he left the room. When he got back to his room, he was upset. “Brad, we can’t tell Dad about this, please. I’ll talk to her tomorrow and see if we can help her get straightened out again, but if Dad find’s out he wont let her live here anymore. We can’t let that happen to her, Brad, so promise me you won’t tell Dad.” He said. “Okay, but if he calls and asks Tony we have to tell the truth or we’ll be in trouble too. I won’t call him, but I won’t lie for her either.” He told his brother. Tony laid awake for a couple of hours trying to figure out how he could help her. Sara felt terrible the next day. She felt sick and had a terrible headache. She needed to hydrate and replace the sugar to feel better, but she didn’t know either of these little tricks yet, so about two in the afternoon she was once again headed back to the tavern. She needed more wine to level her out and make her feel more normal. The truth was her brain was screaming for more alcohol to calm the centers of cells that when they are deprived for long periods of the substance they’ve become used to and then in one binge episode are flooded with that same substance they are withdrawing all over again and are screaming to be attended to. That’s what was happening to Sara only all she knew and felt was she craved a drink because a drink would make her feel normal once again. It was a vicious cycle that once one was in it, was extremely difficult to vacate, especially while trying to do it alone.

Sara drank for several hours that afternoon and evening, but this time she came stumbling home earlier than the previous night and when she opened the front door her siblings and her niece were all together in the living room. It was obvious at once to everyone that Sara was drunk again and this time, Tony was really mad at her. He’d been waiting all afternoon, since he got home from school, to talk to her and he wanted her to be sober when he did, and here she was drunk all over again. When she tried to engage with everyone as she entered the room, Tony just finally told her to go to bed. “Just go to bed, Sara. We can talk tomorrow, but not tonight.” He said Sara wanted to talk now and began to try to talk with first Karen and then Maggie, but she was making little sense and slurring her words so badly they couldn’t understand her. “You’re just embarrassing yourself, Sara. Just stop it and go to bed, please?” He asked her again. When no one wanted to hear her or talk to her she finally went down the hall to her room. The door was closed when Tony went down the hall to check on her, so he opened it and saw she had fallen onto the floor and was having trouble getting back up so he went into her room to help her. “Don’t touch me,” she screamed at him. Just don’t touch me, Tony. I can do this myself. Now get out and leave me alone.” He retreated from the room thinking once more that she was once again in serious trouble and she wanted no part of his help. He decided to let her sleep it off for the night, but he was going to stay home from school tomorrow and talk to her. He had to try to get through to her before their dad found out what had happened. He had to get her back on track because he knew their dad meant what he had told them about kicking anyone out that got into trouble again. Tony loved his sister and didn’t want that to happen to her. He felt like time was running out to help her and he had to try. The next day Tony stayed home from school like he had planned. He waited until noon for Sara to wake up and she hadn’t stirred so he decided it was time for her to wake up and talk to him. He knocked on her door first and then opened it only to find her under the covers on her bed, her clothes dumped in a heap on the floor. He surmised she must have awakened during the night and gotten

herself into bed. “Good.” He thought. “Maybe she’ll be ready to talk to me now.” But just as he started to shake her awake, he heard something that sounded all too familiar and his heart sank. “Oh, God, no!” He thought. “Please don’t let that be, Dad.” But it was his dad’s truck he’d heard coming up the driveway and he knew Sara was in no condition to face this. “Sara.” He shook her and tried again. “Sara wake up.” “Mmmmm!” She murmured before rolling back over and going right back to sleep. “No! Come on, Sara, you have to wake up. Dad is home. Listen to me. He can’t find out you’ve been drinking. Come on, Sara, wake up.” He shouted now. “I’m going to tell him you’re sick with the flue and that I stayed home to look after you. Do you hear me?” He asked her. “Yea, yea. I hear you Tony. Okay. I don’t want to see him. Just tell him I’m too sick, okay?” She asked him. “Yes, now stay here and don’t come out until you feel better, got it?” He asked again. “Yes, Tony. I’m okay now. Just keep him out of here, please?” She begged. “I will.” He said as he left the room to go see what his dad was doing home. Evan was suspicious as soon as he heard Sara was home and in bed sick with the flue. She was a strong, healthy, young woman and for her to go to bed with a case of flue didn’t seem likely to him. He knew she and Craig had been seeing each other again so he decided to go over to Craig’s that same evening to talk with him and see how things were going. He’d learned a long time ago that he would get more information from others than he would his own children, so at about seven o’clock he was knocking on Craig’s front door. Craig shook hands with Evan as soon as he opened the front door and invited him in. They did a little small talk dance for a few minutes and then Evan asked him how things were going with he and Sara. “You know. I was pretty upset with you when you bailed her out of jail against my wishes, but it seems to have worked out okay for her. I’m really glad for that as I’ve always considered you like my own son, Craig.” He said.

Craig was uncomfortable, but he knew he had to tell him the truth. “I didn’t think you were right about that decision, Evan, and I’m really sorry I didn’t listen to you. I thought I could help her more by getting her out and then when Mom ed I hoped she would be happy here, but I was wrong.” He said. “Why? What happened, son?” He asked. Craig then told him everything that had happened. He didn’t know she’d been drinking again at the tavern, but he told everything else and Evan sat quietly and listened to it all. “I’m really sorry, Craig. I really had hopes that it was working for you two. Well son, I had better get back and have a little talk with my daughter. I came home today to find her sick in bed with the flue, or that’s what Tony told me. He even stayed home to help her today, but now I suspect she’s been drinking again. Damn! I hate that for her, but she’s got some hard lessons to learn.” He said. “Tony loves her so much, Evan. Don’t be too hard on him. He’s just being a great brother to her because he cares so much for her. I can never fault him for that.” He told Evan. “No, I know that too, but the darned kid better realize that protecting her might make the situation worse. I need to have a long talk with him also, I’m afraid. Well, son, whatever you do, I want you to stay in touch. As far as I’m concerned you’ll always be a part of our family and I wish you only the best.” And he stood and shook hands with Craig before going out the front door. As Evan drove the short distance home he contemplated all his choices and he knew what he had ahead of him was going to be tough. He placed a call to Sherri and explained the situation to her and they discussed his choices. Sherri didn’t envy him as she also knew this was going to be hard for him to do. When they finished, Sherri told him how much she loved him and Evan said, “I love you too, Sweetheart. I’ll call you later.” It was eleven o’clock when Evan arrived home. Sara was still in bed so he asked Tony to go for a ride with him alone. Tony had been dreading this all morning and was hoping it would all blow over, but he now knew that somehow Evan had figured out there was a problem at home. He grabbed his jacket and he followed his dad out the door and to the truck and they both climbed into the cab and waited while Evan started it up.

“Where are we going?” Tony asked him. “Just for a short ride. I want to drive over to the lookout and watch the ships for a time. We haven’t done that together since you were really little. Do you ?” He asked. “Yea, I , Dad. Those were some great times too.” He said and was then lost in thought until they pulled into the large, empty, parking place they’d nicknamed the lookout. It offered a sweeping view of the Puget Sound shipping lanes on the west side of Whidbey Island. In the daylight, like today, the views of the water and the Olympic Mountains against the horizon on the Peninsula were spectacular, but at night when the ships were all lit up for their approach through the sound to the huge waterfront docks in Everett, Seattle and Tacoma it was simply magnificent. The stillness of the nights when no other sound could be heard, allowed the sound of the ship’s engines to travel across the water and as they ed closer and then receded from sight, so did the sound of their engines, as the children played games guessing what kinds of ships they were and what they were carrying in of goods. The kids could recognize the difference in super tankers carrying oil or the container ships carrying all kinds of items from the Orient. They knew the sounds of huge tugs that pulled barges to Alaska and the smaller tugs that pulled log booms through the sound to mills in multiple areas. They loved to see the large yachts lit up as they traveled north headed to the San Juan Islands and as they got older they tried to guess which movie star or important person might be on the yacht traveling past them. Over the next few days they would scan the newspapers trying to see articles and pictures of a famous person who was visiting the islands and then they would tell everyone they’d seen them sail past the lookout. It was all exciting and great fun and Tony was still lost in those memories when Evan parked the truck and shut off the engine. “Son,” he said, “we need to talk about Sara.” And Tony knew this was going to be difficult. “What about her?” He asked his dad. “I had a long talk with Craig tonight,” Evan said, “and he told me what’s been happening and that they are now finished. Is Sara drinking again, Tony? Is that why she was in bed when I got there today? I want the truth, Tony.”

“Dad, I don’t think it’s fair for you to ask me that. I shouldn’t have to tattle on my sister. If you suspect that and you think that’s happening, I think you should ask her or be here for time enough to see for yourself what’s going on, but don’t expect me to tell you something like that, Dad. It’s not fair to put one against the other. Sara has been like a mother to us. She was always the one who gave up everything in her own life to help when Mama was so sick. She didn’t have a normal life because of us. Instead, she had to be a grownup all the time and she was always there for Mama and for us. She never complained at all, ever and she always took really good care of us. That’s why I love her so much and that’s why I don’t think it’s fair for you to ask me that. I want her to be well and I’d do just about anything in the world for her.” He finished then. “Fair enough, Son. I’m sorry because I didn’t understand until this minute that I was doing that and you’re right. I’m not being fair to you, but one thing I want you to know is I love her too. I only want the best for her and any decision I might have to make, although it might seem harsh to you, I will only be doing it because I want her to get better. Tony, if she’s drinking again I have to be the strong one or she’ll never get well.” He said. “I know you think you’re right, but if you follow through with your threats to her, you’re going to ruin her life. Please don’t make her leave our family. It might destroy her and I couldn’t sit back and watch that happen. I just couldn’t.” He told his dad. “What would you do, if I choose to do that, Tony?” he asked. “I’ve already decided. I’ll quit school and the military and I’ll be gone. I hadn’t planned on going in until after I graduate, but if you do that, Dad, I will leave too.” And when he finished, Evan knew he meant it. “Son, if you were to do that it would be a huge mistake. You really need to think it through and know just what the consequences of that might be for you. You also need to understand that I have to do what I think is right and even if we don’t agree it ultimately is my decision to make, regardless of what you think and if I do make that decision for her it will be done out of love for her and not anger. Now, I guess we’ve about talked this subject over enough so it’s time to go back. I’m glad we talked about it though and no matter what, Tony, I want you to know I’m really proud of the man you are growing into. I’m proud of my sons.” He said and Tony could only reply with, “Thanks, dad.”

So Evan stayed for two more days. When Sara finally came out of her room on the second day she still looked pretty awful and Evan sat down with her at the table and decided to ask her what was going on. “Dad, I really messed up again.” She told him. “I thought things were going along okay with Craig, but it wasn’t long before I started feeling the same way about him as I did before and I began to resent that he wouldn’t go out or do anything fun and exciting, so when I met, Jeff, well, he just knocked my socks off, Dad, so I said yes when he asked me out. I know it was wrong, but I really liked him and he was exciting, so I went out with him and I hurt Craig and he fired me. So now I don’t have a job, a boyfriend, a car; nothing and I’m trying to pull it together, but it’s really hard.” She told him. “Have you been drinking again, Sara?” he asked her straight out. She knew she couldn’t lie to him, so she sat there looking down at the table without saying a word. “Sara?” He asked again. “Have you been drinking?” “Yes.” She answered after a long pause. “I had some wine the first night I went out with Jeff and then the last two days after Craig fired me I went to the tavern and had a few. I’m sorry.” She told him. “Well do you what I said about the drinking and drug problems with you kids? I’m sure your brothers and sister told you the plan like I asked them to.” He said. “Yes, Dad, I do.” She said, still looking down at the table. “Well, you have a choice to make, Sara. I am willing to help you once more, but be assured it’s my only offer. I will send you to a rehab facility where you’ll do a twenty-eight day, in patient rehab to get sober or you can pack your things and leave here and find another place to live. I’m not going to you while you don’t help yourself and watch you drink yourself to death. The choice is yours and I want an answer by the end of today.” He told her and afterwards he stood up and walked outside to call Sherri. He wanted her to know what he’d told Sara.

Sara was hurt and she was angry. “All the years I’ve taken care of everyone and it doesn’t make any difference to him at all. I’ve given up my entire life to take care of all of them and now if I don’t do it his way, I’m out? He’s mean and doesn’t care at all about me. They’ve just used me for all of these years and now I’m expendable. It makes me so angry. I wish Mama was here. She wouldn’t let him do this to me. She’d make sure I was okay, but not him, and his new wife. Well, I can take care of myself. I’ll show him.” She was thinking. “I’m not going to a rehab facility. I don’t need that. I stopped drinking when I got out of jail and I didn’t have anything to drink for all those weeks. I don’t need some treatment program. Okay, I’ll just pack my things. I’ll try to get a job again and my own place. I’ll show him. He doesn’t love me or care about me after everything I’ve done, so fine. I’ll make it on my own. All I need is a few days to find a job and find a room somewhere where I can live. I can do it on my own.” Later that same night she told her dad she was moving and not going to treatment. She told him she only needed a few days to get a job and a place to stay and she’d leave. “No, Sara. If you’re not going to rehab then I want you out tomorrow as soon as you get your things packed.” He said. “Dad, I can’t do that. I need time to get a job and a place to live. Are you seriously going to throw me out with no time to figure this out?” She asked him. “That’s your problem. You broke the rules so you’re on your own. I’m very sorry, but that was the choice and it was yours to make.” He said. “How can you be so cruel? I thought I knew you, but I’ve not ever known you at all.” She shouted at him. “You were willing to leave me in jail and now you’re throwing me out of my own home? I hate you. You’re not my father anymore. I’ll leave tomorrow, but once I do you’ll never see me again.” She yelled again as she stormed out of the room, down the hall and slammed her bedroom door. Tony heard her and came out of his room to see what was going on. When he found his dad at the dining room table he asked him what all the noise was about and his dad told him what Sara’s choice was and that she was leaving in the morning. He heard what his father was saying and he still couldn’t believe his dad was going to follow through with this and make Sara leave. Without saying a word to his dad, he turned and went directly to Sara’s room and knocked on

her door. He knocked loudly and opened the door. “Sara,” he said. “Are you seriously leaving tomorrow?” “Yes, Tony.” She said between sobs. He wants me to go to some treatment facility and if I don’t I have to leave. He’s not my dad anymore. I hate him, Tony. I’m not going to live here anymore. I have to get a job and somewhere to live, but I’m going to leave tomorrow even if I have no place to go because he says I have to. Damn him, Tony. How can he be so mean?” “I’m leaving then too. I’ve already told him if he did this to you I would quit school and go into the military too. I guess he wants us both gone.” He told her. “No, Tony. Don’t do that because of me. Oh, no, you can’t ruin your life because of this, Tony. You have to finish this year so you can graduate. You only have a few months to go. Please don’t do that, Tony. Not for me. It’s not what I want you to do.” She said. They embraced each other and held on tight. They both knew their lives were going to be different from this moment on and they held to each other with a desperation and fear, but also a determination that they would always be close as brother and sister. It was an unspoken bond they would share forever, a love for each other that no one would ever break apart and they stood together in that embrace for a very long time.

Chapter Sixteen

Karen, Brad and Tony cried when Sara left home the next day. None of them wanted her to leave and they were all really mad at their dad who had finally left to go back on the road very early that morning. No one got up to tell him goodbye as no one thought what he was doing to Sara was fair, but if they wanted him to continue ing the household they were going to have to do things his way. Neither Karen or Brad could themselves on their own and even though Tony was going to go into the service right away it still was going to take time for that to happen. Sara didn’t know what she was going to do when she left. She had put some clothes, shoes and makeup in a suitcase and other than a few pictures of the family she didn’t take anything else so as she walked away and began her journey down their long driveway, she was very scared, but also determined. She was over twenty-one and now that they didn’t need her anymore she was being put out, something she was sure she’d never get over. She had her cell phone and her dad had said he would keep it on for her for two months for emergency and safety reasons, but after that she would have to be prepared to pay for her own. Karen pressed four twenty dollar bills into her hand when she hugged her and told her to take it and use it for whatever she needed. She tried to say no, but she needed every cent for the days ahead and she knew it. She had saved one hundred and thirty dollars from the money she’d made working for Craig and he still owed her three days on the next payroll, so she would have that, but it wasn’t going to go very far and she was going to need every cent in the near future. As soon as she got away from the house where the others couldn’t see her, she sat down beside the driveway on her suitcase and once again, cried her heart out. After a few minutes of weakness, as she called it, she scolded herself and tried to shake it off and focus on what she needed to do first. She needed a job and a place to sleep and change clothes, right away. She went to the store and picked up a local paper and began looking for what might be a beginning for her. She looked through the jobs and didn’t find anything she was qualified for and then she started looking for a place to stay, but soon she realized she didn’t have enough money for rent anywhere. She decided then to go to the tavern and ask Crystal if she had any ideas for her. She knew she wouldn’t be able to drink

anything, but Crystal was the only person she knew who might be able to help her. Before she went into town she went by the Purple Caterpillar. It made her really sad to see the closed sign Craig had placed on the front door. It just seemed so final to her. She needed a place to stash her suitcase until she found somewhere to live and she’d decided to put it on the back porch temporarily. There was never a lock on that door so she knew she could pick it up when she needed it, She didn’t want Craig to see it so she shoved it in behind some boxes that were stacked in the corner and left to go on to the tavern. When she arrived at the tavern, once again, it was Crystal behind the bar who greeted her and before she could stop her she sat a glass of wine on the bar in front of her. “On the house,” she said before Sara could say no. She thanked her, but didn’t take a drink right away. “Crystal,” she said, “I need help. I need a job and a place to live and I need it today. Do you know of anything?” Crystal looked at her for a moment and realized she was serious. She was in some kind of trouble and needed help. “Wow, Sweetie.” She said.” That’s kind of short notice, isn’t it?” “I know. My dad found out I was drinking again and he made me leave and I don’t have a job or a place to stay,” She told her. “Oh, man,” Crystal said, “I’m so sorry. Well, I know they were looking for someone to fill in here part time. I can ask Joseph, the guy who owns it if he’d consider you. It’s not too hard to learn. You’ve been in here enough to know the routine, but you couldn’t drink anything when you’re on shift. Do you think you could handle that?” She asked her. “Yes, oh sure I could do this. Oh, Crystal, I’d be so grateful. When would you know if I could do it?” She asked her. “I’ll talk to him this afternoon when he comes in. He might want to interview you this afternoon so I wouldn’t drink more than that one glass of wine before he gets here. If he hires you, you could start tomorrow. It’s not much for wages, but the tips can be pretty decent and you get to keep whatever you make.” She explained to her.

Sara was so excited at the prospect of getting a job so quickly and her hopes were off the charts that she could once again do what she needed to do to take care of herself. “Now I need to find a place to stay until I can get my own place. Do you know anyone who might let me sleep over for a few nights? Just until I can get my own place?” She asked her. There were two men sitting at the bar a few stools down from her that she had never seen before and the one sitting closest to her had heard her conversation with Crystal. He didn’t say anything right away, but about twenty minutes later he walked over to her, and sat down next to her. “Hi.” He said as he sat down. “I’m Mark. I overheard you say you needed a place to stay for a few days. You seem like a really nice young woman and you’re pretty too. I can’t imagine what’s happened that you’re in such a predicament, but here’s the deal. I’ve got a pretty big house that no one, but me lives in. My wife and I split up over two years ago and all the kids are grown. You could stay at my place until you get on your feet. I know that might make you nervous, but I assure you, I’m safe. I’ve lived here all my life and the owner of this place, Joe, will vouch for me as will Crystal here, so you think about it. Oh, and its close to town too so if you don’t have a car everything’s within walking distance.” Sara was blown away. Here was an answer to her prayers. This nice man, a perfect stranger was offering to help her and she might have a chance at a job this afternoon. Things were starting to look up really fast and she smiled at Mark, the first smile she’d made all day and it was genuine. Sara got the job at the tavern later that same day and after talking to Crystal and Joe about Mark she decided to chance it and stay at his house for awhile. She was very grateful to Mark because at least she had a place that was safe where she could sleep and shower and she knew how lucky she was to have met him at the exact moment she needed his help. Mark was like a father figure to her, being nearly as old as her dad and she was very grateful. She set about trying to save enough money to get her own place, but after being at Marks place for some time she realized this was an opportunity for her to pay off the car and what she owed Craig first. As long as she was safe and had a place to stay she could continue staying at his place, saving money and eventually she’d get her own place to live. Mark was only charging her twenty-five dollars a week to stay at his house. She’d never have this opportunity again. He was a nice enough man and he was good to Sara so it was all working out fine.

Sara had been living at Mark’s for a month. She was only drinking a few glasses of wine when she got off shift and so far she had been able to maintain some level of control. She knew they wouldn’t tolerate it if she got drunk where she worked, so she was very careful. One evening, when she was off shift, she was home early doing laundry when she heard Mark come in the kitchen door. She knew it was him, because he always used that door so she went to the kitchen to say hi and tell him she would cook dinner for him tonight if he were going to be home, but when she said hello to him, she immediately knew something was wrong. He was very drunk, something she’d never seen before and he seemed angry about something. He began ranting at her about someone he’d been drinking with in the tavern and she was having trouble understanding what he was saying. She realized quickly that she might be in danger and she began to back away from him, but he kept moving towards her. He was yelling something at her now about a woman named Susan and Sara ed he’d once told her Susan was his ex-wife. He became even more agitated and angry and he grabbed her by her shoulders aggressively and began shaking her. Sara was no match for him physically. Mark was a bigger man than even her father was and he was strong. She tried to pull away, but he wouldn’t release her. He kept shaking her and yelling things at her and he wanted to know why she’d left him? Why she’d run off with that no-good man she’d met and before Sara could convince him she wasn’t Susan, he hauled off and slapped her across the face. He knocked her backwards into the stove and Sara hurt her left arm as she tried to brace herself from the fall. She tried again to get past him, but he wouldn’t let her go and he hit her again, this time with his fist, first in the face and then in the stomach. She was bleeding and she was screaming at him to stop. “I’m not Susan,” she screamed. “Mark, stop!” she begged, but he hit her again and this time, her knees buckled and she went down. As she was sliding to the floor he kicked at her, called her a miserable whore and finally turned away from her and the beating stopped. Sara was out cold on the kitchen floor and she was bleeding from her mouth and nose, not a lot, but definitely there was blood. Mark went past her into the living room and collapsed on the couch. He was in an alcoholic blackout and had lost complete control and he had no memory of what had just happened. As Sara came to she could barely bring herself to her hands and knees. She was bruised badly and she could taste the blood in her mouth. She didn’t think anything was broken, but she was terrified of this man she was living with. She had to get past him and to her room to get to her phone. She had a lock on her bedroom door, so

she knew if she could get there she could lock him out until she could call someone to help her. Finally, she was able to get on her feet and carefully she tried to walk. She was light headed and felt like she’d been in a street fight. She was already becoming very sore, but she kept thinking she had to make it to her room. As she tried to get past Mark, who was still collapsed on the couch, she accidentally bumped his foot, which was dangling off the couch and his eyes instantly popped open and he now saw that she was in front of him. In his blackout he had forgotten completely what he had just done to her. He saw her in front of him and he still thought he was seeing Susan and instantly the anger returned. He jumped up and grabbed her again, but this time he wasn’t wanting to hit her or pummel her with his fists. This time he was determined to have sex with her. He wanted his wife again. It had been two years since she’d left him and now that she was back he was going to show her who was the better man. He was ripping and tearing her clothes off of her. She was trying to stop him, but she was very weak still from the beating he’d given her only a few minutes before. She begged him to stop. She told him over and over she was not Susan and finally, completely exhausted, she collapsed and he won the battle, raping her after stripping her completely naked. When he finally finished he rolled off her, completely worn out, while she was still in complete shock. This man who she had thought was a friend, who had taken her in and offered her his protection had just raped and beat her. She was devastated and broken and her faith in people, all people everywhere, was destroyed. She tried to pull herself up off the floor. She was hurting everywhere. “What am I going to do now?” she was thinking, “I have nowhere to go and there’s no one I can ask to help me. I’m living in his house and no one will believe me if I tell them he raped me. Everyone will just think I deserved it because I probably led him on. I didn’t know he had an anger problem when he got drunk. I know he won’t even any of this when he wakes up. Oh my God, what can I even do? I need my job and I need this place to live where I can still save money.” She managed to get to her room where she closed the door and locked it behind her. She was a mess, but she had to get out of here. She fixed her hair and makeup after she washed up and cleaned herself the best she could and after getting dressed she went back through the living room where Mark was still ed out on the floor. She managed to get past him without disturbing him and

she left the house and walked swiftly to the tavern where Crystal was tending bar. When she arrived, she ordered a glass of wine and nearly drank it in one swallow and quickly asked for another. She needed to get drunk and she was on her way. All she wanted to do was block this terrible event out of her mind. It had brought back all the horrible memories she had carried inside her for years about Danny and what he had done to her and after this she had no idea how she would ever recover. She hated what men had done to her. They had all the power and had used and abused her for too many years and she truly felt broken inside. Crystal knew the minute she saw her that something terrible had happened to her, but she was busy with a full tavern to serve and she didn’t get back to talk to Sara for nearly an hour. When she did ask what was going on, Sara was finally calmed down enough to realize she didn’t want to tell anyone what had happened. “Mark probably wouldn’t it when he came to and if I don’t tell anyone I could still have a cheap place to live and have the time I need to pay off the car before I have to move. No, I’m not going to screw this deal up. I’ll never find a place to live that is this cheap again and from now on all I have to do is protect myself if Mark ever comes home drunk like that again. If needed I could hit him in the head with a frying pan and knock him out until he sobers up. Or pepper spray is another option I can use to stop him. No, I can’t leave there now so I can’t tell anyone. I need to just be prepared to protect myself at all times in the future until I can afford to get my own place.” She was thinking. “Everything is fine,” she told Crystal. “Everything is just fine.” She said again as the new plan began to take form in her head. Later that afternoon her phone rang and it was Karen. She had only talked to anyone from home a couple of times since she left. They wanted to know at first if she was safe and had a place to stay and after she assured them she was doing great they stopped calling. She found it hard to call them because whenever she talked to them she got so homesick to see them it was nearly unbearable. “Karen?” she said as she answered the phone. “What a nice surprise my sister. What’s up?” she asked her. “Hi, Sara. How’s it going?” Karen asked her. “Are you doing okay?” “Yes, I’m fine.” She answered. “How’s everyone there?” “We’re all good here too. Sara, Tony has ed the Marines, like he said he was

going to do and he’s leaving next week for boot camp. We’re going to give him a going away party this Sunday. You know, a barbecue and a huge feast. Will you come, Sara? I mean if you’re free? We really want you to come.” She told her. “Uh, I don’t know if I can, Karen. I might have to work. Who is coming for the party?” She asked. “Who all will be there?” “Well, Dad and Sherri will be here and we’ve asked Craig too. Tony really wants you to come, Sara. Please say yes for him. I know it might be hard for you, but we really want to see you.” She told her again. “Oh, Karen. I don’t know if I can. I’m not really in a very forgiving place yet with either Dad or Craig. I don’t think I should show up, Honey. I’ll probably just cause trouble and that wont be fair to Tony,” she said. “No, but it wont be fair to him if you’re not here. You know how much he loves you. He would be devastated if you don’t come so please think about it, Sara and say yes, okay?” she asked her. “I’ll think about it, but I can’t promise. I will have to let you know in a few days, Okay?” she asked. “That’s better than a no, so thanks, Sara. You know I’ve really missed you too and you won’t believe how big Maggie has gotten. I really hope you can come. We need some time together, Honey. It will be great.” She said “Okay, Karen. Well thanks for asking me and I promise I’ll call in a couple of days. Give little Maggie a hug for me. By for now.” And she clicked off the connection. “I really don’t want to go to a party at the house. I really don’t know if I can do that. I have to see Tony before he leaves, but I don’t know if I can do it in front of everyone. Damn! I hate this so much, but I really don’t want to see Dad and Craig. I don’t care if I ever see them again and how is it they would invite my exhusband like he’s a part of the family? They have no regard for my feelings at all. No, I don’t want to do this, even for Tony. I don’t think I can do that.” All of these thoughts were spinning in her head and all she needed was another drink so she put her cell phone in her purse and walked back inside the tavern, the only place on earth that felt like home to her these days.

It was two days later when she ran into Mark again. Just like she thought, he acted like he had no memory at all of what he had done to her and she was sure he didn’t. He acted the same to her as he always had and she was completely sure that he’d been in a blackout and would probably never . She’d had a couple of blackouts so she knew what could happen. They’d talked about it in the tavern too, usually joking about it, but it was real and it did happen to many people. Not everyone became mean and angry, but some people did. She was sure as long as she kept the pepper spray close at hand, if he came home in that condition ever again, she could protect herself next time. That’s all she cared about because she didn’t want to give up this living situation before she was ready to. She’d almost paid Craig off and soon she’d be putting money aside for renting a place of her own. She thought a lot about the party and she finally decided she would go, but there was going to be a condition, so when she called Karen, she told her what the condition was. “I will only come if you let me bring my own bottle of wine. I won’t be able to survive the nerves if I don’t have something to calm me down. So, if you want me to come you have to agree not to get upset when I drink my wine.” She told her. “Deal!” Karen said. “I’m just happy you’ll be here, Sara. I can’t wait to see you and it will mean everything to Tony.” She told her. “Okay, sister, I’ll see you Sunday.” And the phone once again disconnected. When Sunday came, Sara was a nervous wreck. She’d been berating herself for three days for agreeing to go to this little get together and if it weren’t for Tony she would have bailed long before now. She walked to her old home alone and was completely filled with nerves and trepidation for what she was getting into. She had stopped at the store and bought two bottles of wine because at the last minute she decided one wouldn’t be enough to quell her nerves and if anyone else wanted to share a glass she wanted to make sure there was plenty to go around. She arrived only a few minutes later than the planned three o’clock only to see her dad’s truck already parked in the driveway as well as Craig’s car so everyone was already there. She knocked on the door, feeling for the first time ever that she didn’t belong here anymore and when the door opened, it was Tony who wrapped his arms around her in a long and loving hug and with that hug she was

finally glad she’d come. “Sara, I’m so glad you’re here. My God, how I’ve missed you. You have no idea how happy I am to see you. So, you know I’m leaving in a few days, right?” He asked her. “I was afraid I wouldn’t see you.” And he hugged her again before he stepped back so she could come inside. “Look whose here, everybody.” He shouted to all the others. Karen and Brad jumped up and were the next to hug her and tell her how glad they were that she came. Next came Sherri, who was holding Maggie and Karen had been right, she had grown a lot. Little Bobby came running to her too. “Sara,” he shouted at her as he ran to her and she bent down to hug him also. When she stood up again it was her dad who was standing in front of her this time and he looked as uncomfortable as she felt. “Good to see you, Sara.” He said and she nodded her head and said, “Hello, Dad.” The next person was Craig. He didn’t get up, but did wave at her and he said, “Hi,” from across the room. Karen grabbed her arm, helping her with her jacket and led her into the kitchen where she had already placed a wine glass on the counter for her. “Here, you can use this. I’ll put your bottle in the fridge to keep it cold.” She said. “I brought two in case anyone else wants any,” she said as she poured herself a glass of wine. “I don’t think the others will, and if they don’t and its still here you can take it with you when you leave.” She said. Sara picked up her glass and walked back out into the room where the rest of the family, were hanging out. There were more people coming in as Karen had asked some of Tony’s friends so it was going to be a good sized crowd. She found a place to sit, sipped her wine and waited to see what was going to happen and who might talk with her first. It wasn’t long before Sherri came over and sat beside her. “Hi, Sara.” She said.

“How are you?” Sara took another drink of her wine and said a little sarcastically, “I’m about as well as I can be, considering.” “Considering?” Sherri asked her. “Considering what, Sara?” “Considering that I’ve been thrown out on the street by your husband. I lost my job and a place to live all in the same couple of days and I had to try to put my life back together all alone. That’s the considering.” She said. “I’m very sorry about all that, Honey, but you did have the choice.” She said back. “Choice? What choice was that, Sherri? Oh, yes. I forgot. I could have gone into some rehab facility with a bunch of drunks that couldn’t stop drinking on their own, you know, the really bad ones; the ones who live on the street and drink their booze out of a brown, paper sack. Some choice, Sherri.” She snapped back. “Sara, we all wanted to help you stop drinking before that happened to you. That was your choice.” She said quietly and then she tried to change the subject by asking her if she was working yet and if she had a nice place to live? Sara answered both questions with a very sharp, “Yes,” and nothing more. She didn’t tell any of them what she was doing or where she lived. “It was none of their business and they didn’t really care anyway.” She was thinking. Sherri realized she wasn’t getting anywhere with her so she started to get up, so Sara quickly said she was going to have more wine, as she had just downed the last of what was in her glass. She got up to go to the kitchen to pour another glass. While she was doing that, her dad walked in, stepped up next to her and asked her how she was? She was more than a little surprised hearing him ask her this and after she filled her glass, she put the bottle back in the fridge, closed the door, took a long drink of the wine and said, “Fine,” as she looked her dad in the eye with anger for the first time ever. “Well, I’m glad to hear it.” He said and started to turn away from her, realizing how angry she was.

“Are you really?” She asked him. “If that’s really true, why has it taken you over a month to ask me after putting me out of my home with nothing; no place to go, no job, nothing and you put me out. I really am surprised that you’re glad to hear I’m fine, Dad, because you sure could have fooled me.” She said and then finished what liquid had been left in her glass and reached into the fridge for the bottle to pour another glass. “Are you sure you want to drink that, Sara” he asked her. “Yes,” she said. “I’m sure and you have no control over me anymore, ? You don’t me and I’m over twenty-one, so I do as I please.” “Sara, I wish you could understand that I did what I did hoping to help you. I can only hope one day you’ll understand and believe that. I don’t want the kind of life you’re headed for if you keep doing what you’re doing. I see all the signs and believe me I really wanted you to choose rehab and get some help with this before you have to go down that ugly road. I do love you, Sara and I’m very sorry you chose this path.” He said. “Sorry my ass.” She snapped back at him, picked up her glass, walked past him and went back to the other room where the group was. She asked Karen if she needed help with anything and she said everything was ready to set out on the table as soon as the boys had the meat ready. It would all need to be set out in a half hour and Sara said she would help. “Thank you, Sara,” Karen replied and then hugged her again. “I’ve missed you so much, sister. I wish you were home again. Are you really okay where you live now?” She asked her. “I’m okay there, Karen. It’s not forever, but at least it’s a place to live temporarily and one day I’ll have you over and we’ll catch up. Maggie is getting so big. I don’t want to miss her growing up.” She said. She finished another glass of wine and all of a sudden it hit her hard. She was slurring her words and when she started to walk back to the kitchen she stumbled. “Oh, damn,” She thought. “I can’t do this. I don’t want them to see me like this. I have to get out of here now.” “Where’s Tony? She asked Karen. “I have to say goodbye Karen. I’m leaving. This is just too hard and I don’t want to do this anymore. I want to tell Tony

goodbye first though.” “Oh, Honey. You don’t have to leave, do you? Tony is in the backyard with his friends. I’ll go tell him you want to see him. You wait here, please.” She said. “Okay.” And Sara put the second bottle of wine, the unopened bottle, back in her bag and waited for Tony to come in. When he did, she told him goodbye and that she loved him. “I’m sorry, Tony, but I have to go. It’s just too hard to be here, but I wanted to say goodbye to you. Stay safe, Tony, and when you come home on leave be sure to call me. We’ll have a nice, long visit.” She said. He hugged her hard and said he would do that. “Sara, I worry about you every day and I love you so much. I’m sorry Dad did this to you. I tried so hard to get him to change his mind, but I couldn’t.” He told her. “I know, Tony. I know you did. Now you take care and stay safe. I love you and I’ll see you when you get home on leave, okay? Now I have to go. Bye, Honey. I love you.” She said as she started to leave the house. She was nearly in tears saying goodbye to Tony, but she wouldn’t let them see her cry. “No, they couldn’t see that and think that I am weak. I have to get away from them now.” “Bye, Tony.” She said again as she stumbled towards the front door. She left the house just as the tears started running down her face. She wiped them off once, but kept walking. “They can go to Hell.” She was thinking as she walked down the drive again with one bottle of wine in her bag. “Good.” She thought. “I can drink this by myself when I get home.”

Chapter Seventeen

The following month, Sara paid her bill off with Craig and he gave her the keys to the car. She was proud of herself that she had been able to completely pay off what she owed him and when she handed him the envelope with all the cash inside she held out her open palm to him until he kept his word and put her keys there. “I’m glad you were able to do this.” He told her” Where are you working? Someone told me you were working at the tavern, is that right?” He asked her. “It’s no concern of yours anymore, Craig. You have your money and that’s all I owe you. Thank you for helping me though when I really needed it, but I figure we’re even since I kept your place running after Emma ed and you never paid me for those last three days I worked before you fired me.” She said. He just stared at her for a moment before what she said really sank in. “Oh my gosh, Sara. You are right. I’m so sorry. I completely spaced that. Here.” He said. He opened the envelope and took out two hundred dollars and handed it to her. “Take this, Sara. I am sorry because I really forgot about those days. I’m really sorry.” She accepted the money and thanked him.” You have no idea how badly I needed this two months ago. Thanks, Craig. Now we’re even.” She said, turned and got in her car and drove off. She was so happy to have the car now and she was determined that she would be responsible with it. Not having the car had been really hard for her. There were a couple of times she needed to go to Oak Harbor and she had hated standing at a bus stop and riding it up there and back. What was normally a ten-minute drive turned into a half hour with the bus and all the stops and she just didn’t feel safe around some of the people that rode the bus. She was clearly more alert and constantly stressed so she was very happy to have her car back. She finally had a call from Tony. He called her when he got a short leave during his basic training and Sara was so happy to hear from him. She blamed herself that he had quit school to go into the Marines and she felt guilty. She told him

again to stay safe and stay in touch. She loved him and would forever be close to him, He was her hero and had helped her so much. She would always what he’d done for her. She was counting the days until he got to come home on his first leave. “Tony we are going to celebrate when you get home, Buddy. It’s going to be a party time for sure. He always laughed at her and agreed and told her he’d found her a Marine. “He’s a really cool guy, Sara and I’m going to bring him home to you. He’d be perfect for you so don’t go getting involved with any more losers. I’ve already told him about you so be ready because he is.” He told her. “Oh little brother, you are too funny. Okay I’ll wait for him, but you better hurry because I’ve got guys hanging around everywhere.” She laughed. “Okay sister, I’ll see you soon. Love you and be good until I get there.” He told her and the phone call ended. Sara could have had many dates, but since she started working at the tavern she wouldn’t date a customer. There weren’t many opportunities to meet men anywhere else, but she held firm and even though she was lonely at times she didn’t date. Crystal invited her to go to Oak Harbor to the dance again the following week. Sara agreed finally to go, but she said she wasn’t going to drive. Sara also insisted on rules before they went this time or she wasn’t going. Rule number one was no matter what they were going and coming home together and if Sara thought Crystal was too drunk to drive they would take the bus or call a cab, but they wouldn’t risk getting a DUI. Crystal agreed and so Friday night the first Friday night both girls had off together in weeks. They got all dressed up and went to the dance and both girls had a great time. They ended up drinking a little too much, but they both were asked to dance many times and when the guys tried to move in on either of them for a hookup, neither girl gave in to them, and they went home together. Both girls had given their phone numbers to a couple of guys, but neither had left the other one and it had turned out to be a fun night for them both. They drove home talking about wanting to go again when they both had time off together. They were becoming friends and Sara was beginning to trust Crystal again and it felt really good to trust her once more and feel like she had at least one friend in this world. Sara had managed to stay out of Mark’s way and she was relieved as each day ed that he didn’t come home drunk out of his mind. He had never

ed what had happened and she was even happy for that. She just needed things to stay the same for a few more months while she continued to save most of her earnings. She had been very careful to put as much as she could away every week. One day she was going to be able to get out of here and move somewhere she could start over. She still drank every day, but because she worked at a tavern it cost her very little. Every night when she finished her shift she could have two drinks on the house and after that there was almost always customers who would buy her a drink or two also. She never drove her car to work, even when it was cold and raining. She would put a hoodie on under her jacket and always walk to work and home. A couple of times she had met one of the guys after work for a romp in the backseat of their car, but it wasn’t something she did very often. She soon realized that most guys wanted the same thing she did; a quick hook-up, the feel of another human being who would touch and hold her for a short time and make her feel a little bit special, but it was only that she ever wanted; nothing more. She didn’t want to date anyone. She didn’t want a relationship with anyone. She didn’t trust men and she knew she didn’t like them much either so a quick romp in a back seat was good for her occasionally, or so she thought. She always tried to be careful who she did that with. She wanted the risks to be minimal, but when she was drinking she couldn’t always trust her own judgment either, no matter how sure she was of her ideals and one day, a few days after she had hooked up with a new guy from the Navy base, she knew something was wrong. She felt sick, had terrible pain in her abdomen very similar to cramps and the following day she was running a pretty high fever. She tried to work through the pain and fever, but by the end of the third day she knew she was in trouble and needed to see a doctor. Sara had no medical insurance. She’d always been healthy and until she’d been kicked out of her home she had been carried on her dad’s insurance, but once he made her leave he also took her off his medical. She put off going to a doctor for as long as she could because she couldn’t afford one. She didn’t want to use the money she’d saved to move on doctor bills and every hour she waited she became more and more ill. When her fever spiked she knew she had to go and she decided to go to the hospital emergency room. They were a county hospital and couldn’t turn a patient away for non-payment, so she drove herself there on the third night of her illness. After all the tests were completed the doctor finally came into the cubicle where she was waiting to give her the results and he chose his words carefully at first.

“Sara, have you been sexually active with more than one partner recently?” he asked her. “Well, only with a couple of guys over the last few weeks, why?” she asked him back. “What’s wrong with me?” “Well, you have a sexually transmitted infection and it’s very serious Sara. It’s called Chlamydia and yours has had a chance to be pretty advanced. Usually when it’s been let go this long it creates scarring in the fallopian tubes that can make getting pregnant very difficult in the future. I am starting you on an antibiotic tonight and it’s very important that you take every single pill that I send home with you. When you start feeling better, don’t stop taking it. I want you to take the whole prescription. Do you understand?” he asked her. “Yes.” She said, still in shock about what he was telling her. The pain had, at times, been very bad, but she hadn’t thought it would be this serious. “Sara, I don’t know anything about your lifestyle, but you could have avoided this if you’d been using protection. This is transmitted usually between people who have multiple sex partners I want you to think seriously about this because it is serious. It is true that if you’ve scarred your tubes you will have difficulty conceiving in the future. From now on I strongly advise you to use protection to help protect yourself from what’s out there. You know HIV is still being ed also and it’s a much more difficult disease to treat, so , prevention in the first place is the key to keeping yourself disease free in the future. Have you heard all I’ve said, Sara?” He asked her. “Yes.” She replied, still upset with everything. “Good, and I want you to follow up with your own doctor in a week. They’ll do more blood work to make sure the infection is gone. If it’s not you’ll have to take another antibiotic. This is a nasty infection and it does do damage so be vigilant about your treatment and Sara, be more careful about your sexual partners in the future. This is highly contagious and is easily transferred so any guy whose active with multiple partners can be spreading this to any number of women.” Sara was shaking now. She was physically sick, but she was also mentally sick now. She felt so dirty, like she had done something horrible and she felt ugly and alone and she was scared.

“I want you to pay attention to this, Sara so we can get this cleared up, okay?” He asked her. “Yes, uh, okay.” She said. “I’ll be careful. Thanks doctor, but I don’t have a doctor of my own. Can I come back here for the follow up?” She asked. “No, this is an emergency room so you need to follow up with a GYN. I’ll have the nurse give you names of a couple here on the island. I want you to call tomorrow so someone will see you next week.” He told her. “Okay, Sara said, “thank you for helping me tonight.” “Take care.” He said and was gone, leaving Sara alone with her thoughts. She wasn’t feeling any better than when she came in, but she knew she would after she started taking the medicine. Still, all she could think about was “sexually transmitted disease.” And she felt sick all over again. Sick and dirty. She needed a drink and was anxious now to get out of here with the prescription and go home and get drunk. She needed to feel better and she knew that a few glasses of wine would help her to do that. She was feeling better a few days later when the phone began ringing in her purse behind the bar. She rarely had phone calls so she reached for it as soon as she had helped her newest customer open his beer. When she looked at her phone she was excited to see that it was Tony calling and she turned her back on her customers to take the call. “Hi, Tony. I’m at work right now, can I call you back in a little while?” she asked him. “No,” he said, “but you can turn around and help your newest customers.” Sara turned around to see her brother standing in front of her in his uniform. “Oh my God, Tony!” she squealed, and she ran around the end of the bar to hug him tightly. The other customers, seeing her so excited and hugging a handsome Marine began applauding and soon the whole place was whooping, laughing and thanking both boys for their service. Sara tried to get control of her emotions. She knew she couldn’t serve Tony anything stronger than a coke, but she wanted him to stay where she could see him until she got off shift. Tony introduced her to Kevin, his buddy from boot camp, and Sara was surprised that Kevin was definitely older by several years than Tony. He seemed closer to Sara’s age than Tony and he was very handsome.

“I told you about my friend that I was bringing home to meet you.” Tony told her and Sara actually blushed From that day on, Kevin and Sara were a couple. She opened up her heart eventually and Kevin was in a position to give her all the time to do so. He loved her, but he was in the military now and would only be able to be with her when he could get leave. He had no family of his own. His own parents had died in an automobile accident three years ago. He had been an only child so he was alone until he met Tony. They had been good for each other and Tony quickly became the little brother Kevin never had. He knew Kevin was a good guy and they quickly became good friends and Tony wanted to bring him home to meet Sara on their first leave and it had worked out perfectly for Sara too. She liked Kevin right away. He was respectful and he gave her the time to get used to him and to finally believe he was who he said he was. They married in August, even though they both knew there would be long separations due to the Marines. Sara felt he was the man she wanted. He was exciting and fun and he didn’t mind that Sara drank with them when they were all together. He thought she was funny and sexy when she drank and Kevin liked to drink as much as she did. They planned to keep things the way they were. Sara had finally been able to get her own apartment a few months earlier. She would keep it and her job at the tavern and it would be their home base, while Kevin was in the Marines. She was now going to receive his dependent benefits, which would help her living situation a lot and she had increased her hours at the tavern, which increased her income also. She was becoming more and more financially independent and able to really look out for herself. She loved Kevin differently than she had Craig. Kevin was fun to be with and when he was home he liked to party so for the first time in her life she had someone who liked exactly what she did and he seemed to understand her too. He never criticized her or pushed her too hard to do anything she didn’t want to do. She actually liked that he only came home on leave and wasn’t there all the time because she liked her independence and didn’t want to give that up for very long. She found it difficult to share her space with him when he was there and she always looked forward to when he left to go back to the service. Both he and Tony had been stationed together at Camp Lejeune in North Carolina for the first year, but after that they were sent to South Korea for two years. Sara wasn’t prepared for both her husband and brother to be overseas for so long though and she was really upset when they both left after their last visit home.

Kevin was good about calling her and at first that worked well for them, but after six months of his being gone things began to change. Sara met another man at the tavern who showered her with attention and it wasn’t long before she was involved with him and having an affair. He became a regular, both at the tavern and in her bed. She felt guilty, but she would have a few glasses of wine and all her values and good intentions would fly out the window. Kevin was gone and she was lonely, so she started doing things she wasn’t proud of. As the time got closer for Kevin ad Tony to come home after their tour in South Korea, Sara began to panic at the thought of him coming home and finding out what she’d done. Soon she was starting fights with him, subconsciously pushing him away because she was afraid if he came home he’d figure it out. Kevin was beside himself with worry. He just didn’t understand what was happening to his wife so he finally went to Tony and told him he really needed to talk to him. When Tony heard what Sara was doing and how she was acting it didn’t take him long to figure it out. He’d been there when Sara had cheated on Craig and as much as he loved his sister he knew there was a side to her that couldn’t be trusted. He’d never told Kevin this about her because he had hoped she wouldn’t do that kind of thing to him, but now that he had come to him wanting advice, Tony felt obligated to tell him the truth. “I’m sorry, Buddy,” he said. “There is a side to Sara that I saw a long time ago that I didn’t like and what you’re describing sounds a lot like what she might be up to again. She can be selfish, Kevin and really self-centered. She was never like that when we were growing up, but after she began drinking and went out on her own, she wasn’t faithful to her husband. She wants to play, Kevin and if you’re not there to play with her she’s probably found someone who will. I’m really sorry to be the one to tell you, especially with you being stuck over here, but I don’t want her stringing you along either. I was really hoping she was past it, but maybe she’s not. We’ll be going home in three weeks, but be prepared. She might be different than when you married her.” He told him. “Well, if she is, I’ll divorce her, Tony. She can be the life of someone else’s party. If she’s cheating on me, I’m done.” He said and Tony completely understood how he felt. Tony would always love Sara, but he knew she had some quirks about her that were difficult to understand. Karen and her boyfriend, Eddie had married in May. They had a very nice wedding with just the families in attendance. Maggie adored Eddie too. She had

spent time with her paternal grandparent’s occasionally, but she had never seen her daddy, so when Karen started seeing Eddie seriously, Maggie fell in love with him and he became her daddy. They moved into their own apartment the first of June and Brad left for the Air Force the following month. The home they’d grown up in was finally empty and Evan put it on the market to sell it right after Brad left. There wasn’t going to be any more kids to there so he could now afford to focus more money and attention on Sherri and Bobby and it wasn’t long before he bought them a house in Portland. Sherri’s mom moved in with them a few weeks later so Sherri still had help with Bobby when she wanted to travel with Evan. It had all happened so fast, Sara thought, as she realized her family home was gone. The Purple Caterpillar had been sold also so the two homes she’d known the best were both in other people’s control and it felt very strange to her. She just didn’t feel a connection now to anything in her past. Oh, her sister and brothers were still very important to her, but once Karen married and moved and Brad went into the Air Force everything was different. They rarely saw their dad and Sherri anymore, something Sara didn’t mind so much. She still felt a deep resentment towards her dad for kicking her out of her home and she doubted she would ever get completely over it. “Now, Kevin will be coming home and I don’t know what I’m going to do. I seem to have a penchant for getting myself into bad situations. I don’t want to loose Ted and all the attention he showers on me. I like this guy, but he doesn’t know I’m married so what am I going to tell him when Kevin and Tony get here? Darn and now there’s no home for Tony to go to again either so he’s planning to stay with Kevin and I. Maybe if I tell Ted that my two brothers are coming home on leave and will be here for a few weeks, he’ll leave me alone. That’s what I’ll do and I’ll tell him I can’t see him while they’re here. That’s brilliant!” She was thinking and she said out loud then, “It will surely work for the two weeks they’re here on leave!” So that’s what she ended up doing. She explained it to Ted that both her brothers were coming from South Korea and would be staying with her now that the family home had been sold. They wanted her to go to Portland with them to see their dad for a couple of days and whatever time she was off, she wanted to spend it with them while they were home. Ted said he understood and would stay away those two weeks, “but I’m going to miss you.” He told her. “I would like to meet your brothers too so anytime you would want me to do that, just

give me a call.” He said. He didn’t understand that she wanted him nowhere near her brothers. “Oh, I will, but we’re going to be so busy. You understand, I’m sure, so don’t count on meeting them this time.” She said. “Maybe next time they come home, Ted. I don’t know where they’ll be going next, but they’ll only be here a couple of weeks and I’m going to make every minute count.” She told him. They finished their usual tryst at his place late that night and Sara was getting ready to go home, but Ted said. “Sara, come here, Honey. Why don’t you stay with me the night and go home tomorrow. It’s going to be a long couple of weeks without you. Please, snuggle up here with me and don’t leave this time?” She continued dressing as she said, “No, I can’t do that tonight, Ted. I’m sorry, but I want to be home tonight. I’ve got so much to do to get ready for company and I’ll probably get an early start tomorrow. They’ll be in tomorrow night, Ted, and I’ve got too much left to do.” “Okay,” he said, sadly, “well, I’m sure going to miss you. Will I still see you at the tavern?” he asked her. “Yes, but like always, don’t act like you even know me there. They might come in some night and I don’t want them to know I’ve been seeing someone yet.” She told him. “I know the rules, Sara. You’ve made that clear and I’ll follow them, but I’m beginning to feel a little left out of your life. We’ve been involved now for nearly a year and a half and I would like one of these days to feel like I was a real part of your life and not just always hidden away.” He answered. “Don’t push me, Ted. I’ve told you I’m not ready for that, yet.” She snapped back at him. “I’ve got to go. See you soon.” And she leaned over the bed and kissed him quickly on the forehead and started out the door as she was thinking, “I sure hope he doesn’t start being a problem.” As Ted continued to lie there, thinking about all she had just said, one thing kept bothering him. How was it both her brothers were stationed together in South Korea and were coming home at the same time? He didn’t think they allowed brothers to be together in the military because they didn’t want them to ever be killed or injured while serving together. It had been a ing thought and he as

quickly forgot about it. When Kevin and Tony arrived the next night, they didn’t get in until nearly midnight and both guys were out cold when Sara came home from work. She was tired so she didn’t much care that they were asleep. She went first to the fridge and grabbed a cold beer, popped the top and drank a long pull before she walked back out to the living room. Kevin was asleep in her bed and Tony was in her tiny guest room. It was actually not much bigger than a small den, but she’d managed to buy an inflatable twin mattress at the thrift store along with all the bedding and it had barely fit in the room, but she was sure Tony wouldn’t mind. He was just excited to be coming home. She had the fridge stocked up with beer and wine for them this time. Tony would be twenty-one in seven months, but he was already a man serving our country, “So he deserves a beer, if he wants one.” She had told him and she’d provided plenty. She knew Kevin would drink whatever Tony didn’t. She had also bought two boxes of wine for herself. She’d discovered boxed wine was lots cheaper and would go further so she made sure there was plenty of that too. She had planned a get together with Karen, Eddie and Maggie. She was going to fix all the food, but they were going to have the dinner at Karen’s where there would be more room for everyone. Sara liked Eddie and as long as he was good to Maggie and Karen he was certainly going to be accepted as a part of their family. Karen was expecting again and although she wasn’t showing yet she and Eddie were very excited. It would be a great time to share all of that with her too. As she finished her beer she heard a rustle from the guest room and soon the door opened and Tony wandered into the living room. When he saw Sara he was obviously excited to see her, but he told her to hold on a second as he held up one finger to her. “I have to piss.” He said and he headed for the one bathroom she had. She smiled from ear to ear at finally seeing him again. “My God,” she thought, “I’ve missed him so much.” When he came out of the bathroom he strode quickly to her, wrapped his arms around her tightly and just held her and rocked her back and forth. “I’ve missed you so damn much.” He told her as he held her. “Oh, Tony. I’ve missed you too. I’m just glad you and Kevin have each other over there so you’re not completely alone.” She told him.

ing the trouble brewing between she and Kevin, he pulled away finally, went into the kitchen, got two beers out, opened both and brought one back for himself and one for Sara. “Here, Sis,” he said, “let’s talk. Tell me how you are and what’s happening in your life?” He asked her. “Everything is just the same. I go to work and I come home. I’ve been fixing this place up a little at a time, you know, buying furniture, dishes and that’s kept me busy on my time off. Nothing more than that.” She told him. He stopped asking her questions then. He knew if there was anything going on that she was hiding from them, he’d find out soon enough. He knew Sara well enough to know when she was lying and he already suspected her. “We’re all going to Karen’s this weekend. You’re not going to believe it when you see Maggie again, Tony. She’s gotten so big and she is the cutest little girl. She reminds me of Ginger when she was little with that red hair too.” And after a short pause she told him, “Karen’s expecting again.” “Oh, wow. That’s terrific!” he said. “Is she happy now Sara?” “Yes, she really is, Tony.” She answered him just as her bedroom door opened and there stood her husband who she hadn’t seen in two years. There was definitely some awkwardness between them, but Sara did get up and go to him. He hugged her and they embraced and kissed each other for a moment and then Sara pulled back and said, “Tony, get Kevin a beer, please?” “Coming up.” He said as he left the room. “Oh, Sara, I’ve missed you so much.” Kevin said to her. “I’m so glad to be home. My, God, two years is an awful long time to be away.” “I know.” She said and pulled away to go back to her chair while she waited for Tony to bring back his beer. He was startled by her coolness and suspecting at once that he’d been right. There was definitely something wrong here at home and he was determined to find out what was going on. This wasn’t right and it didn’t feel right. His wife should have been way more excited to see him and he had no idea why she wasn’t.

Tony brought the beer back to Kevin and they all three began talking about all the things they’d experienced over the past two years. Sara had the least to say, mostly she just listened to the guys laugh and tell stories on each other and finally at five-thirty they were all a little drunk and ready to go back to bed. When Sara got in bed beside Kevin, he immediately reached for her, but she started to pull away. She didn’t want to make love with him. She was completely satisfied having been with her lover the night before and she was resisting getting emotionally close to Kevin again. When she pulled back, he asked her what was wrong? “I’ve waited two years to be with you and to hold you and I know something’s wrong between us. Will you please tell me the truth, Sara? I deserve to know the truth. Is there someone else?” He abruptly asked her then. “No, Kevin.” She lied to him. “I’m not seeing someone else. What kind of person do you think I am? It’s not that, Kevin. It’s just that you’ve been gone for two years and I don’t know you now. I’m not used to you. I’m sorry, but it will take me awhile to get comfortable again.” “Well isn’t that great?” He asked sarcastically and rolled away from her. “Why did I even bother coming home?” “Kevin, don’t please?” She said. “Don’t what?” He asked. “Want my wife to show me she missed me. Don’t what, Sara? Let you know I’m disappointed in you. This wasn’t exactly what I expected it would be like, you know. I thought my wife would want me as much as I wanted her. Shit! This wasn’t supposed to be like this, Sara, it just wasn’t. I’m still not sure what this is all about.” He was trying to be quiet because Tony was in the next room and he was embarrassed. He knew what Tony’s opinion was and he didn’t want him to know about this too because he didn’t want him to say again what he’d said before. He just wasn’t sure what was happening and he really didn’t know what he was supposed to do about it either. It was all very confusing. “Kevin, I’m sorry. I don’t want to hurt you. I didn’t know it would be like this, but you feel like a stranger to me. I was scared when you said you were coming home and I didn’t know how to tell you. Just give me some time, please?” She asked him. He didn’t respond and he didn’t hold her. He laid on his side and tried to figure

out what to do, but he finally fell asleep from the effects of the beer and so did Sara. Sara had cooked all the food to take to Karen’s and everyone was excited to spend the day together. Tony couldn’t wait to see little Maggie. He’d brought her a little Korean doll and he knew she was going to love it. He hugged his sister and shook hands with his new broth-in-law. Both he and Kevin spent some time getting to know Eddie while the women fixed dinner and got it all ready to serve, When Sara came back in the living room she had a beer for Kevin and Tony and wine for herself. Eddie didn’t drink and Karen was pregnant though she wouldn’t have even if she hadn’t been. She walked in behind Sara and Tony said, “What’s this I hear about you, sis, you’re expecting” “Yes,” she said, “I’m about three months now so you’ll be an uncle again when you come home next time. I keep hoping Sara will catch me one of these days too.” She said. “Kevin, you’ve got your job cut out for you while you’re home.” She thought she was being funny, but neither Sara nor Kevin laughed or encouraged her and her attempt at a little humor had fallen flat. Sara was looking somewhat shocked at what she’d said. She’d never told Karen about the disease that had probably ruined her ability to have children. She hadn’t been using protection since she and Kevin got married, nor had she been using it with Ted either. She didn’t think by now that she could even get pregnant after having had that infection. She’d researched it some and from everything she had learned it probably wouldn’t happen. She was thinking now she should tell Karen one of these days so nothing like this would happen again. Her sister should know so she wouldn’t be expecting her to be pregnant. That was just one more thing she was so angry about. She had hoped one day to be married and have her own babies and it wasn’t going to happen for her. For her it was just one more reason to keep drinking. It just didn’t matter to her anymore. Sara went back to work the next day. She was actually glad to get away from Kevin and the pressure she felt every time she looked at him. He and Tony were having a few beers when she left and she told them she would be them when she got home. She didn’t ask them to come to the tavern, as she really didn’t want them there and she was hoping they wouldn’t decide to surprise her. It was five days later when it all fell apart again. She was working, it was getting fairly late, nearly ten-thirty, Ted was finishing up what he said was his last beer

for the night. He’d stopped by just to see Sara. He’d missed her and although he played by the rules and didn’t act like he knew her very well when she served him, he just wanted to see her for a little while and remind her he was still waiting in the wings. The front door of the tavern flew open just then and in walked Tony and Kevin. Both of the guys were a little tight. They’d been drinking off and on since she’d left that morning and someone, neither one could which one, had suggested they surprise her and walk her home tonight when she got off shift. Sara and Kevin had finally slept together the night before and Kevin was feeling better about his situation; not a lot, but some better. They both came into the tavern a little boisterous, greeting Sara and making it clear to everyone that they knew her well. Ted assumed they were the brothers she had talked about and he was glad when they sat down on the stools next to where he was sitting. He would get to know them a little without them knowing he also knew Sara. He spoke to them by simply tipping his beer towards them and saying a friendly, “Hi.” It was perfect, he thought and even though he’d had a couple of beers he knew he had to be careful. Sara glared at him, the look that meant don’t betray our deal and as soon as he saw it, he turned away from saying anything more to either guy. Kevin was sitting on the outside and Tony was next to Ted. As soon as he turned slightly away from the brothers Sara came over and asked them what they were doing there? Tony was the first to say, “We came to see you, sis, and walk you home. We’ve been there all night and decided we needed to get out for a little while. Can you please get us both a Bud Light?” he asked her. “You are not staying, are you Tony? I can’t serve you anyway because you’re not of age. And you know how I feel about having my family here where I work.” She told him sharply. “Yes, I’m staying. I can have a cola, can’t I? We want to play a game of pool while we wait for you. What’s the big deal, Sara? Are you ashamed to be seen with us?” He was making a joke and he laughed and slapped Kevin on the back. “Come on Sis, how about a cola for your brother and a beer for your husband?” he blurted out. Sara turned white and she looked at Ted to see if he’d heard what Tony had said. The look on his face told her he’d heard and he was livid. As he returned her glaring look she knew she was in for some trouble and needed to do some damage control really fast. “You are such a tease, Tony. You both are. You’ve

always made terrible jokes. Now why don’t you go play pool with Kevin? Here,” she said. “The first game is on me.” And she handed him the four quarters for the table and set their drinks in front of them, even though only one was getting a beer. “Lets see who is the best between you two.” She said. They didn’t waste any time then and both guys went to the table to wrack the balls at the same time Ted motioned for her that he wanted to talk to her. When she turned her attention to Ted and leaned forward so he didn’t have to speak loudly, he said in a quiet voice, “Husband? What in the Hell gives, Sara?” “Oh, he was teasing, Ted. They are both my brothers. Now please, keep the deal we made. I don’t want anyone to know yet, Ted.” She said impatiently. “I’ll just bet you don’t.” He stood up then, turned towards the table where the two guys were involved with their pool game and said, loudly enough that at least half the occupants of the tavern could hear him. “Well, Gentlemen, I hear you’re both Marines. Thank you for your service. I’m also a Jughead,” he said and rattled off the name of his unit and year of his discharge. “Now that I know you’re both Sara’s brothers, I thought we should get acquainted since I’ve been dating your sister for the last year and a half. She’s been trying to keep me a secret for all this time, but heck, I figured you’d want to meet a fellow Marine.” He then picked up his beer and finished it in one, long swallow, saluted Tony and Kevin before setting the glass back on the bar and slowly walked out the front door. Both Kevin and Tony were still standing there staring after him when the door closed behind him. “Damn it Sara.” Tony said when he turned around and looked right at her. “Why in the Hell would you do this to Kevin?” He asked her, nearly shouting in disgust and anger. Kevin hadn’t moved. He’d felt more confident in their relationship after she finally let him make love to her last night, but now he was just sick at his stomach. He felt like the guy had just sucker punched him and when he looked at Sara, all she could do was turn away. “Aren’t you even going to say you’re sorry?” he asked her. “I asked you both not to come here while you were home. I never mix my personal life with work. Now if you’ll both leave I’ll talk to you at home. Not here.” She said before turning away from her husband and brother and letting

them walk out of the tavern too. She was sick about what had happened, but she kept telling herself over and over that they brought it on themselves. “They should have never come in here tonight. If they’d just listened to me this wouldn’t have happened. Damn that Ted! What a big mouth he had. Even he couldn’t be trusted either. Men!” She was thinking. “I can’t trust any of them.” When she got off her shift she went outside and was going to start her walk home. She had stayed after work and had her usual two glasses of wine on the house, all the while wondering what was going on at home. She wanted to have another drink and face whatever was in front of her, get it over with and move on. She hadn’t taken a dozen steps when she heard the footsteps of someone coming up fast behind her. She slowed and turned to see Kevin approaching her. She could tell he was very upset before he said a word. “Kevin?” She asked, “can’t we talk about this at home? I don’t want to do it here.” She told him. She was still a little bit tipsy from the wine she’d had and although Kevin had been pretty high earlier, he was very sober now. “Why, Sara?” he asked her. “Why in God’s world would you do that to me? I loved you so much and I can’t believe you’d do that and why? Why is actually the more important question?” “Leave me alone, Kevin. Just leave me alone. I’m going home now and I don’t want to talk about it.” She told him. “Well, that’s too damn bad what you want this time, Sara. Tony told me you’d done this before and I didn’t want to believe him, but now that I know the truth I want to know what is wrong with you? Why did you ever marry me? Was it really just for the paycheck? Even that seems too shallow for you, but maybe that’s all I ever was to you. Another paycheck. Well, guess what, Sara? As soon as I get back to the base you’ll never receive another dime from me. I’m going back to your place tonight because I have nowhere else to go, but I’ll leave tomorrow and you’ll never see me again. What a waste of life this has been.” He finished.

Chapter Eighteen

When Tony and Kevin left the next day they were heading to Afghanistan. Kevin hadn’t wanted to tell Sara before his visit was over that that’s where they would be going after their leave, but Tony was so mad at her he told her that night where they were being sent. Sara was very upset. She was more upset that Tony was going to war, but she didn’t want Kevin to go either. She might have been a terrible wife, but she didn’t wish him harm. She hadn’t even thought that he might actually do duty in a combat zone and for once she was sorry for what she had done to him. She tried to talk with him before he left, but he had had enough and only wanted to leave her behind and out of his life. She had more than disappointed him. She had hurt him and he had meant what he’d told Tony. If she was cheating he would divorce her and that was exactly what he planned to do. It was going to take some time he found out. His commander told him there wasn’t time to get it done before he left for the Middle East so he had to leave for Afghanistan knowing he wasn’t going to be married for long. Tony and he were still close, but he’d already told Tony he didn’t want to ever hear about her again. Kevin was still like a brother to him and Tony loved him, but he also loved Sara. No matter what she did, he knew she’d had a rough start in life and he knew she had a decent heart inside and nothing would make him not love her. He promised Kevin he wouldn’t talk about her to him again and he and Tony went off to war. Sara was still working at the tavern. She no longer was having an affair with Ted. Once he figured out she was married and to a fellow Marine he wanted nothing more to do with her. He had stopped in the tavern a few days after the boys had left and he had let her know they were finished. One thing he never did was move in on another man’s woman. He considered it the ultimate betrayal to be having an affair with an active Marine’s wife or even girl friend. That was not a line he would knowingly cross and Sara didn’t much care after that if she ever dated anyone again. “I can take care of myself.” She thought. “I just don’t need a man around as all

they do is create problems.” She still liked to drink and had begun drinking a little at work before she got off shift, “to steady my nerves.” She once told Crystal, but don’t tell anyone. It’s just that some days are harder than others to go that long without a drink. “I need it to steady my hands and once I have a shot or two, I’m fine.” She told her. She had started buying whiskey, pouring it into a small pocket flask and having a sip or two out of it in the rest room every hour or so. It did help her to maintain control and she didn’t shake as much. Recently, she’d been shaking when she got up in the morning and a shot of whiskey fixed that and then in the evening when the shakes returned she needed it again to stop them. It had been three and a half months since Tony and Kevin went to Afghanistan. Tony called her once on her cell phone to let her know they were okay, but he had described a Hell hole of a place and she knew they were in danger every single day and she tried not to think about it or it drove her crazy. Brad was in the Air Force learning how to fly and she knew one day she’d have him to worry about too, but they’d never been as close as she and Tony had been. Kevin still hadn’t divorced her although he had planned to as soon as he got back to the states, but since he was overseas he couldn’t yet. He never asked Tony about her and Tony had not mentioned her name again, just as he’d promised. It was nine-twenty at night and Sara had just looked at the clock on the wall at the tavern. She needed to go to the restroom for a shot from her flask so she asked Crystal to cover for her while she took a quick break. The girls often covered for each other, as they’d become pretty good friends by this time. When Sara came out of the ladies restroom the first thing she saw were two soldiers in uniforms talking with Crystal and Sara recognized them as Marines in their dress uniforms. When she saw them, at the same moment both of them and Crystal turned around and looked at her and her heart nearly stopped. She simply froze and could not move as both men turned and began walking towards her. Crystal was coming with them also and she had a pained expression on her face. The moan that came from deep within Sara’s chest was more animal than human and the scream that followed broke the rest of Crystal’s heart. She reached for her friend and held onto her for dear life. Sara knew these two strange men were there to deliver horrific news and she didn’t think she was strong enough to bear it. “No, no, no,” She said to them as they stood in front of her. “Don’t tell me.” She

yelled, “don’t tell me.” Joseph, the owner of the tavern, came out of his little office and seeing the scene in front of him, rushed to take over the bar. He told Crystal to take Sara home and Crystal tried to walk her out the door, but Sara’s legs were like rubber and she couldn’t make them work. Finally, she looked again at the older Marine and she said, “It’s about my husband, isn’t it?” she asked him. “Are you Sara Philips?” the same Marine asked her. “Kevin Philip’s wife?” “Yes.” She said in a barely audible voice. “Yes.” She said again. “I’m so sorry to inform you, Ma’m, but your husband died two days ago.” He told her. “How?” she asked. She had to know the details. “Oh my God,” She said again. “How?” The officer told her then, “The vehicle Kevin was riding in was struck by and IED and there were no survivors, Ma’m. I’m so very sorry.” Sara was in worse pain than any of them realized because at that very moment she knew Tony had been in that rig with Kevin. They were buddies and in the same unit and they were always together, so if Kevin was dead, Tony was too. She looked at Crystal who was trying hard to keep her composure for her friend. When she looked back at the Marine she asked him then, “I’m Tony’s sister. Is he gone too?” and as he nodded his head yes, Sara lost consciousness after a very loud and mournful scream. Crystal was beside her in her apartment when she began to come to. The two Marines had helped her move Sara to her apartment and Crystal was doing all she could to help her recover. She didn’t want to come to, she didn’t want to know her brother was dead, but finally, a little bit at a time, she regained her senses and the first thing she asked crystal for was a drink. Sara stayed drunk for a week. No one could comfort her or get through to her. She hated herself for what she’d done to Kevin and she couldn’t stand that she had also lost her brother. Her insides were a mess. Anytime she was close to

sobering up the tremors took over and she would pour herself another drink. Everyone was very worried about her. Even her dad made the trip to Coupeville and was staying with Karen while he continued to try to reach Sara and be a comfort to her. She was angrier with Evan now than she’d ever been. Tony wouldn’t have gone into the Marines when he did if her dad hadn’t thrown her out, so she was well on her way to blaming Evan for Tony’s ing too. Evan was devastated. He’d lost two children and it was completely true, a parent should never have to bury their own child and he was having a difficult time with his own guilt. Tony had been a good kid. Oh, he’d been a handful once, but deep down he was decent and knew right from wrong and he seriously loved his sister. The guilt he felt over his part in Tony’s decision to go in the military was consuming him to a large degree, but he was also watching his oldest daughter kill herself with alcohol and he didn’t want to loose her too. He was lost himself and desperate and even Sherri couldn’t seem to help him with this one. No one knew that the deep pain he was feeling was an extension of the pain that had consumed him when his wife was dieing. He had eventually taken solace in a new relationship with Sherri and it had saved his life, but once again he was floundering and didn’t know how to save himself or his daughter. Finally, he went to see her again, determined to try one last time to reach her. He knocked loudly on her apartment door, but when she didn’t answer after the second knock he turned the handle and was surprised when the door swung open. He called her name loudly, but heard no response, so he stepped inside. “Sara?” he hollered again. ‘It’s Dad. I want to talk with you. Where are you?” But no one answered. Just as he turned towards the door to leave, thinking she wasn’t home after all, she stepped out from the bedroom and seeing her like this was shocking to him. Her hair was a mess. Her face was swollen and she was wearing no makeup. She had on an old, worn, very sloppy robe, untied at the waist and hanging open. She was wearing only a sports bra and panties under the robe and she seriously looked terrible. She looked like she’d lost weight and she was obviously drunk and it was only eleven-thirty in the morning. “What the Hell do you want?” She spewed venom at him when she spoke although her words were barely understandable. “I don’t want you here now. Just leave me alone.” She all but screamed at him.

“Sara, please?” He started to say. “Please hear me out. We need to fix this.” “But before he could finish, she screamed at him again. “You had your chance to fix things and now it’s too late. Tony’s dead because of you and I hate that you’re still alive, instead of him. Now get out of here.” He felt tremendous pain at hearing her words out loud. It was even more painful when she said them than when he thought them. “God, Sara. Can’t you see I’m in pain too? I’m so sorry Tony’s dead and I know I’ve made mistakes, but I don’t want to loose you too. Please, Baby, listen to me. I love you. Let’s make this right between us, Sara and let’s start getting you well so we can be a family again.” He told her. “A family?” She yelled. “Most of my family is dead, thanks to you. I hate you. You couldn’t even wait until my mother was dead before you were sleeping with someone else. She loved you and every day that she was sick all she wanted was for you to be home with her. And where were you, Dad, while I was taking care of her? You were on the road with someone else. Thank God she died before she had to find out she wasted her whole life loving a man that couldn’t wait to replace her. She deserved better than you. If she would have lived to know what you had done it would have killed her anyway. You screwed her over, Dad, just like you did me and Tony and I will always hate you. Evan couldn’t hold back the rage he was feeling. Never had one of his children ever dared speak to him like this and before he could stop himself, he slapped her hard across the face. “You have no right to judge me like that. I’m here because you are a falling down drunk and I want to help you get well, but all the pain in the world does not give you the right to speak to me this way girl. You have no idea what you’re talking about. I loved your mother and took care of her even when I wanted another life with Sherri. She didn’t know because I cared enough to protect her just like I cared enough about you all to take care of you and keep a roof over your head.” Sara had lost her balance when he hit her more because of how drunk she was than how hard he’d slapped her, but when she straightened up she said through clenched teeth. “Get out, Dad. Get out now before I call the cops and put your ass in jail where you left me to rot by the way. Father of the year you are not. I hate you for what you did to all of us. Just because you contributed money does not make you a father. You were never there for any of us. I had to do your job

with those kids for all those years and when you threw me out alone and penniless I suffered a horrific beating and rape because of it. Where were you, Dad? And where were you when I was nine years old and that old man Mark who lived next door was molesting me and raping me? Where were you, Dad? You were off playing trucker and house with Sherri. You’re not my father and I want no part of you and what you’re trying to peddle here. Now, get out!” She said again as she turned her back on him. Evan was sick inside. He had failed her and he knew it. Watching his daughter filled with such hatred was almost as painful as knowing he’d played a part in Tony’s death. She was never going to feel anything, but hatred towards him. He accepted that now, but he couldn’t stop himself from saying. “Sara, I’m sorry for all the pain. I never meant to hurt any of you and if I had known someone was hurting you I would have protected you. No matter what you think of me though, that if you ever want to get sober, you can and we’ll get you into treatment. No matter what, you are and always will be my daughter and I love you and if you ever want help I hope you’ll ask for it.” He turned and left her standing alone in her living room, but he heard the door slam shut behind him after he’d gone through it and he knew she didn’t want anything to do with him. He was really scared for her, but he was also feeling the pain of all the words she’d thrown at him. All the hate and anger rested squarely on his shoulders and somewhere deep inside he knew some of what she’d said was true and he was overwhelmed with guilt and shame. He’d failed so many people who he’d been responsible for. He’d lost his wife and two children in his lifetime and now he was loosing Sara too and he was hurting deeply when he got back to Karen’s. He told Karen and Eddie he was sorry for everything, but he had failed to reach Sara and he was going to leave and get back on the road while there was still some daylight. He kissed and hugged little Maggie and then Karen. “I’m so proud of you.” He told her. “I want you to stay happy.” And he kissed her cheek and was gone. Karen told Eddie she was worried about him. “I don’t know what happened with Sara, but he seemed beaten somehow and I’m really concerned.” She said. “I’m going over to see Sara tonight. I know she’s not eating so I’ll go after dinner and take her a plate of our leftovers and see if I can get her to eat something. I’ll talk to her about what happened with her and Dad too.” Sara was still drinking when Karen arrived later that evening. She was barely

able to answer the door and Karen, just like her dad earlier, was truly surprised to see just how bad she looked. Karen knew she was in real trouble and decided to try again to talk her into getting some help. “When are you going back to work, Sara?” she asked. “I don’t know. I haven’t figured it out yet.” She was mumbling somewhat, but Karen could still understand her. “Joe told me to take off a couple of weeks if I needed to and I do.” She told Karen. “Well, I think the sooner you go back the better you’ll feel. You’ll start getting out around people again and it will be good for you. How did things go with dad today? Did you have a good visit?” She asked her. “I never want to see him again.” She said. “I hate him Karen. It’s because of him that Tony’s gone and I hate him so much.” She cried. The more she drank the more everything was someone else’s fault and the more sloppy she was too. “I love you and Brad, Karen and I don’t want anything to happen to you two so you better stay away from him too.” She said again. “Oh, Sara, you can’t mean that.” She said, trying to be the voice of reason. “I do too. He all, but shipped him off to that place over there, where the bomb blew him up. Dad did that, Karen.” She cried. “No he didn’t, Sara. Tony made his own choice to leave. Dad didn’t force him out and you need to stop this. All you’re doing is feeling sorry for yourself and drinking yourself to death. If that happens, Sara, it’s not Dad’s fault. It’s you whose choosing to drink this stuff.” She told her. “Come on, lets get you to bed. You can sleep this off and maybe things will be better tomorrow and you better start thinking about getting back to work too. You’re not going to have Kevin’s check any more to help you so you have to earn your own way now. Come on. It’s time for bed.” She said again. Sara slept nearly all night, but about five in the morning she woke up to the same guilt and terrible thoughts and she went right to the kitchen and filled her glass again with whiskey. She needed more than wine these days to kill the pain. When her phone rang an hour later she wasn’t yet too drunk or self absorbed to answer the phone. “Hello.” She said., wondering who could be calling at this

time in the morning. “Sara?” A voice she didn’t recognize said. “Sara, it’s Karen. Sherri just called me. Sara, Dad’s dead. Oh God, Sara, now he’s gone too.” She was crying and waiting for Sara to say something, but there was a long very tense silence on the phone. “Sara?” She asked again. “Did you hear me?” Finally Sara muttered something to let her know she was still there. “What happened?” She asked Karen, but the pain and guilt was once more ripping through her as she ed what she’d said to him the day before. “Karen?” she finally screamed. “What happened to him?” Karen waited a moment more before she repeated what Sherri had told her. “He had been on his way home to Portland last night. She had talked to him about an hour after he’d left my place and he had been horribly upset by the argument with you. He was blaming himself for all sorts of troubles and was struggling to deal with the guilt. When he got to the bridge that crosses the Colombia River on Highway 205 where drivers go from Washington to Oregon, he somehow lost control of his truck and flipped over the bridge into the river below. It was several hours before a crane was able to pull the truck up and they said he had died instantly in the wreck. His body was recovered when the truck was recovered. Sherri is in shock and so am I. Sara I need you to straighten up and go to Portland with me. We have to go and be there to help Sherri now and I need you to go with me.” Sara still hadn’t said anything. She was in shock and didn’t really know how she felt. In a week’s time she had lost her husband, her brother and now her dad. All she could think to say to Karen was, “No, I’m not going and don’t ask me again.” She said. “Sara,” Karen begged her. “Please, I need you. Brad is going to fly in to Portland too and we need you to be with us. Please, Sara. I’m pregnant and I don’t want to do this alone. Sara you can’t say no. Please?” She asked again. “I said no and that’s final. I didn’t wish him dead, but he wasn’t my father anymore after what he did to Tony. I hated him for that so you go play the dutiful daughter, but I’m not going. I’m not going to be a hypocrite.” She said and Karen was shocked. She quietly said, “Sara, I’m leaving in an hour. If you change your mind, call

me.” But somehow she knew she wasn’t going to call and Karen hung up. Sara refused to attend her dad’s service. Sherri was completely devastated and had no idea what she was going to do. She was very grateful for Karen and Brad. They stayed with her until the service was over. Evan had left everything to Sherri including an insurance policy that would go a long way in helping her raise Bobby, but she knew she would never get over loosing him. He had been the love of her life. When Karen came home she went to see Sara the first day and she was very upset. Sara was still in the same robe and looked like she hadn’t showered or in any way done anything except drink since she left and Karen was very concerned about her. “Sara.” She said. “This has to stop. Look at you. You’re a mess. You can’t live like this any longer. Now go in and get a shower. I’ll wait here until you do. Now go!” She told her. Sara knew deep down inside she had to start pulling herself together, She was nearly out of wine and whiskey again and she was going to have to go out to get some soon so she finally agreed with Karen and went into the shower to get herself cleaned up. Once she finished and was dressed she told Karen she had to it she felt some better. She told her she needed to go to the liquor store and Karen was saddened to realize it seemed to be the only thing she even cared about. “I really want to tell you about Dad’s service and all about Sherri and Bobby and you haven’t asked about Brad yet either.” She said. “I don’t want to know about the service, Karen. I already told you that. How is Brad?” she asked. “He’s really good. He loves his job. He’s still grieving Tony’s loss, Sara, just like we all are and now he has Dad’s too. It’s awful hard on him.” She said. “Well it’s too bad for all of us, Karen, but don’t forget, I lost a husband too. It’s been the hardest on me, little sister.” She told her. “I know that, Sara. That’s why I’m so worried about you. I really want you to slow down with this drinking now, Sara, before you kill yourself.” Karen said. “What difference would it make to any one of you. , I am the outcast?

I’m the one that didn’t conform. It doesn’t matter to anyone now what happens to me. Everyone that cared about me is gone so what’s the big deal?” She asked her again. “Sara, it is a big deal to me and to Brad. You’re our sister and we love you so get off your pity party and re- life. Don’t you want to see Maggie grow up and what about this new baby. One day you’ll have a baby of your own too, Sara. You’re still young enough to have a family one day.” She told her. “I can’t have babies, Karen. I should have told you a long time ago so you’d stop bringing it up. I got a disease a couple of years ago that ruined my insides. It left them scarred so badly I can’t have kids so what more do I have to want to stop drinking for?” She asked her sarcastically. Sara went to the liquor store and got her supply before they closed for the day and since she was out she also stopped at the tavern after parking her car on the street near the door. When she walked in the door both Crystal and Joe came around from the back of the bar to greet her. They told her how glad they were to see her and hugged her before offering her a glass of wine. She sat down and while she was drinking it, Joe asked her when she was coming back to work. “I need to know, Sara, because I’ve been filling in for you, but if it’s going to be much longer, I’ll have to get someone else.” He told her. “No, I’ll be back next week.” She said and everyone was relieved that she had finally begun to re- the living.

Chapter Nineteen

As his wife, Sara received Kevin’s death benefit from the military. It was a nice little nest egg for her although not nearly enough to compensate for the loss of her husband. She also received Tony’s death benefit as he had named her as his beneficiary and it had been a huge surprise when she received that. She also had both men’s flags from the military and she used them along with their photos to make a small memorial to both men in her apartment. Every night when she got home from her job she would toast both Tony and Kevin and spend long periods of time talking to them until she drank herself into a stupor at which time she would out, sometimes in the living room and sometimes in bed if she could make it in there. It was a sad, pathetic life she had and as time ed she became more and more sick and more and more isolated, drinking more and more alcohol. She was tipping the flask at work more often now and one day Joe noticed that she smelled strongly of alcohol when she came out of the bathroom. He pulled her aside and asked her if she’d been drinking? “I need to, Joe, to calm my nerves.” She told him. “Ever since I lost Tony and Kevin, Joe, I can’t stop the shakes so I take a sip. It doesn’t hurt my work, Joe, I promise, but I need it.” Joe felt very sorry for her. He knew the tragedy she had suffered was a terrible loss, but he had a business to run and she had broken the rule. No drinking while on shift. “I’m sorry, Sara. You know you’re not supposed to be drinking while you’re working. I know the terrible loss you’ve had, but rules are rules and if I find you’ve been drinking again I’ll have to let you go.” He said. “I understand.” She said looking down and remorseful, but inside she was really scared. She knew she couldn’t get through a shift without drinking to calm the tremors and she needed this job, She had hit a wall with very few choices and it didn’t feel good to her. She decided at that moment she would have to be more careful when she drank from the flask. She could also take breath mints or mouth wash to cover up the smell of alcohol. She knew she would have to be careful from now on as she couldn’t loose this job.

It was later that same night that she overheard a customer who was sitting at the bar, laughing and talking to a guy next to him. They were telling stories about the effect pot had on them and both of them were in agreement that it was the best for making them mellow. Later, Sara started asking questions. She was careful not to arouse anyone’s suspicions, but she was genuinely interested in finding out more about it. “Maybe that would be the solution for me to stay calmer at work.” She was thinking. She didn’t smoke and she hated the thought of having to smoke something, but these guys had been talking about edibles, which was something new to her. Washington State had only recently voted to legalize recreational use and now that shops were open the guys were talking about all the different edibles available. She was definitely interested now and the next day before work shift, she drove to the south end of the island where the first shop had opened up. She was hoping no one would recognize her while she went in and started browsing around. She was astounded at all the different products that were being sold. There were of course all the different buds that people smoked, but there was a large variety of baked goods and candy and she was hoping this might work. She started a conversation with the couple behind the counter. They were very helpful, explaining about it all and about the strength of the amount she might need to stop the shakes while at work. They were helpful and confident that it would work and they made several suggestions to her and before she left she’d made her first purchase of edible pot. She was a little anxious ing it, but realizing she needed something to help her so she didn’t loose her job, she was convinced this was the perfect solution and she was excited now to try it and see if it worked. It did work and before long, she was back at the shop, making larger purchases and very soon it was a part of her regular routine to spend part of her paycheck every week on alcohol and part of it on pot. It took her awhile to figure out the best dose and when she needed to take it, but once she figured out what worked the best for her, it became an easy adjustment and was part of her regular, daily routine. A few months after all the losses in her family, Karen gave birth to another beautiful, baby girl. Her daddy, Eddie was dark haired and this little one had a full head of very black hair when she was born. Maggie had been a little red head and had grown into a red headed personality, for sure, being feisty and quick tempered like the reputation that followed most red heads. They named her new baby sister Elisa Sara and Karen was hoping it might be special for Sara to know they all loved her enough to name their baby after her. When she learned the baby was named after her she was touched, but other than

come to see her a few days after her birth and hold her for a few minutes, she never became any more attached to her than she had been to Maggie or even little Bobby. Since she couldn’t have her own children she had a difficult time letting down the wall she’d so long ago put up around her to protect herself from becoming too close or too attached to other people’s children. She had a fear of that when Maggie had been born and between that and her resentments that had crept into her heart she had not allowed herself to feel really close or loving towards her. She knew it was wrong. It wasn’t Maggie’s fault as she was the innocent child, but Sara couldn’t stop the negative feelings from creeping in and she had finally acknowledged that she felt the same way about the others also and this included the new baby who was named for her. Over the next few years the mistrust and anger she had towards men continued to follow her. She sometimes met someone in the tavern that she felt a strong, physical attraction for and occasionally she would meet them after work for a fairly quick sexual fling, but she wanted nothing to do with having a relationship with anyone and in her mind a once in awhile encounter on her own time was all she needed to feel okay. She didn’t want or need the attachment or involvement that usually happened when two people became involved romantically. She preferred a benign intimate fling with absolutely no attachment. For almost three years now it had worked for her to follow this lifestyle and she had no reason to think this would ever change. And then someone came into the tavern one night whom she’d never met or seen before and for the first time in a very long time, Sara became interested in a man. It had been a long time since this had happened to her and it had surprised her that it had happened so fast. She was not expecting anything like this to ever happen to her again as it was similar to the first feelings she’d had for Jeff when he walked into the purple Caterpillar many years before, but that hadn’t ended well so this was a huge surprise for her and in the beginning she was afraid of her own feelings. His name was Danny and he was new to Coupeville. He was thirty-four and very good looking. He was six feet two inches tall and very strong and muscular. His sandy, reddish hair and freckles made him look like an older Huck Finn. He was an EMT and worked for the local hospital on one of their aid cars and when he wasn’t on shift he was a volunteer fireman at one of the outlying stations that were manned totally by volunteers. Danny was fun, outgoing and loved life. He’d been married when he was in his early twenties, but the marriage fell apart

within two years and with no children to , he divorced her and moved to Bainbridge Island, which was another Puget Sound Island located south of Whidbey and west of Seattle. When an opening became available at Coupeville he thought it would be good for him to make a change so he quickly applied for and was hired on the aid car crew. Danny liked a cold beer after or sometimes between shifts, just like all the other of the crew, but so far he maintained control and hadn’t yet crossed the line where he’d lost control like Sara had. When Sara first met him she actually felt weak kneed after she took his first order for a beer and from that moment on she found herself looking forward to seeing him when he would come in for a beer and a game of pool. She just liked to look at him and watch him have fun. He had a laugh that was contagious and so far she liked everything about him. She flirted with him right from the beginning and a serious flirt was something completely new to Sara. Oh, she’d learned to flirt to get the guys to buy her drinks a long time ago, but flirting with Danny was something very different. Even Crystal had noticed how her behavior changed whenever Danny came in and she encouraged Sara to act on her infatuation and ask him out, but that was something Sara would never do. It was a summer night in late August when Danny came in the tavern just before closing. “Sorry!” She told him, “We’re just locking up. We nearly always close at midnight on Sunday’s Danny.” “Darn, we just got back from a transport to the mainland. I knew it was late, but I usually need time to unwind after I get off so I thought I’d stop for a beer before heading home. Well, guess that idea will have to wait.” He said. “I’m sorry.” She said again as she was turning off the lights. She grabbed her keys then and followed him out the door where he waited as she pulled the door closed and locked it. “Do you do this alone every night?” he asked her. “Not usually. Usually Joseph, the guy who owns it is here to lock up, but he had a wedding to go to tonight so I volunteered.” She told him. “Well, lucky me.” He said back. “So what do you usually do when you get off shift, Sara?”

“I usually go home. I always walk because I live close and then I have a drink or two to unwind too.” She answered him. “Well, I’ve got an idea.” He said.” “How about you take a walk with me on the beach tonight? We won’t be gone long and then I’ll walk you home so you’ll be safe.” He asked her. “Okay, Danny, we can do that I guess. I know a shortcut to the beach that’s just at the end of the block. Okay with you?” She asked him “Perfect.” Danny said and when they got to the stairs Sara’s thoughts flashed to the times she and her whole family used to come into town for ice cream. She ed the walks on the beach also, when she was younger and as she and Danny went down the steps she was thinking about all of the past. She had to shake her head a couple of times to come back to reality because her memories were so vivid tonight. She was very excited to finally be doing something with Danny too. He seemed like a great guy and certainly the first one in a long time to grab her attention. When they reached the beach at the bottom of the stairs they began walking side by side. There was some moonlight providing enough light for them to see their way along the water’s edge and keep their feet dry. Every once in awhile a little crab scurried out of the way of their feet. Danny began the conversation by asking her about her past first. He asked if she’d ever been married and when she said, “Yes, but it didn’t work out.” He said, “Me too. It’s not fun, but life happens.” And Sara felt instant relief that they had that in common. She didn’t tell him she’d had two failed marriages. “If they were going to be friends she could tell him later.” She thought. He asked her then about family. “I had two sisters and two brothers,” she said. “my mom was sick for years so I helped raise them, but one sister died in a car accident when she was very young and my brother, that I was closest to, was killed three and a half years ago in Afghanistan, so there’s just three of us left. My sister and her family live in Coupeville, but my brother is a pilot in the Air Force. How about you?” She asked him. “I’m so sorry you lost so many in your family. What about your dad, Sara?” He asked her as he reached for her hand and continued to hold it as they walked. Sara’s heart flip flopped as he did and she could barely say the words next, “My

dad died the same week my brother did. His truck went off the bridge between Washington and Oregon into the Colombia River. He was very upset about loosing his son because he was feeling guilty about it and we still don’t know if he accidentally went off or if it was intentional. We’ll probably never know for sure, Danny.” She told him. “Wow, girl. You’ve sure had your share of tragedy, haven’t you? I’m sorry. I’ve got a great family. They all live over on the Peninsula. My sister is a nurse. My mom and dad own and operate a little mom and pop store out in the country and I grew up in the country and that’s why I like smaller towns. I really like Coupeville. I’ve wanted to ask you out, Sara, ever since I first saw you, but I didn’t know if you had a boyfriend. You don’t, do you?” He asked her. She laughed and said, “No, I’m totally single, Danny. I haven’t dated anyone in over three years.” “Why in the world, not?” he said, “I would think you’d be beating guys away all the time.” “I just haven’t been interested, until I saw you come through the door.” She said, almost too quietly, but Danny had heard her. He stopped her then, turned her towards him and said, “Boy am I glad for that.” He pulled her to him and kissed her very gentle at first, but as she responded to him, he deepened the kiss and the ion between them was soon red hot. “Wow!” he said as he pulled back. “I need a breath. My God, girl, that was nice.” “Yes it was.” She replied and they continued walking and talking. When they got back to the stairs, she turned to him and said, “Danny, I’ve got a cold beer at my place. If you’ll walk me home, it’s yours.” “That, Sara would be my pleasure. Show me the way.” He said and they continued to walk to Sara’s apartment all the while laughing and talking. Sara was really enjoying what was turning out to be the best night she’d had in years and so was he. They were learning things about each other and for the first time, Sara was opening up and telling him things she’d never told anyone before. She told him about her two marriages and about Kevin ing with Tony and just a few days before their dad. Danny was feeling comion for her and a strong

desire to protect her, They were both becoming emotionally involved and it was happening really fast and they both seemed to want that very much. That was the beginning of a great time between these two people. Sara had been alone and closed off to others for so long that she thought it would be harder for her to ever open up to anyone again, but it had started that very first night so easy and it continued without a hiccup. Danny was impressed with her. When he walked into her apartment for the first time and saw the little memorial she kept in the corner for her brother and husband, he was doubly impressed. He thought he’d found a woman who was devoted and true and he hoped he was right. He liked her and only wanted to know her better. What started out as a very nice evening turned into a wild crazy ionate night of love making between two people who didn’t know twenty-four hours earlier that they were missing something so important in their life. Making love with Danny wasn’t just sex. She liked him and when they made love that first time it felt like making love. Danny knew how to take control, but his desire was to please her first. He knew enough to know how to coax her into relaxing so she would allow him to take care of her needs first. He was a perfect lover; by far the best she’d ever had and he loved that she could be ionate and sexual all the while making him feel like he was perfect for her. She encouraged him by just enjoying him and after that first night together they both wanted more. Sara had gotten through the whole night without getting totally drunk for the first time in ages. She only had a couple glasses of wine, while Danny only had one beer, which was average for him. She felt good the next morning when she got up too. So good, in fact, she’d gone to the store, shortly after they woke up and while he was in the shower to get all the ingredients to cook him breakfast. When she got back from the store she took him a cup of coffee and as he stepped out of the shower to take it from her, he pulled her into the shower with him while he began kissing her and stroking her as the hot water hit their backs. He lifted her onto him and with her legs wrapped around his waist he once again took her. The pleasure for them both was extraordinary and Sara was feeling a happiness begin to bubble within her she had never felt before. She wanted nothing to screw up what she’d found with Danny and he was feeling the same. Breakfast was great and Danny so appreciated the trouble she’d gone to. She had even popped a bottle of champagne she had picked up at the store and they had each had a glass with their meal. One was enough for Danny, He had to be back

on the aid car at one o’clock today. He was going to go home and change into a clean uniform and go to work, but he wanted to come back after work. “I’ll be home about midnight,” She told him. “If you get off sooner you can pick me up at the tavern and if not, come by whenever you are finished and I don’t care how late it is.” Danny kissed her goodbye and he was gone. Sara felt like a whirlwind had exploded around her over the last nine hours and her heart was really happy and excited. She didn’t have as much to drink during the day. She still took her edibles to work to keep herself calm, but she was happy and smiling at all her customers and Crystal wanted to know what was going on with her. She was giggling like a school girl when she told Crystal she had been with Danny last night and Crystal was really happy for her, wanting to know what took her so long too. It was great to see her friend so happy for a change and she was just glad it had finally happened. But the happiness Sara was experiencing didn’t last forever. She and Danny had fallen in love hard and fast, but as time went on Danny became more and more aware of just how much Sara drank every day. He soon realized that she had a serious problem and he loved her enough that he wanted to help her get well, but he was smart enough to know getting her to the place where she wanted to get well for herself was going to be a major struggle. He knew she had a problem, but he didn’t realize how serious it was until the night she tried to get him to try some of her edible pot. He knew at once what it was and had told her no, that he didn’t want any, but she was drunk enough by then that she tried to trick him into trying them. It had at first made him angry, but then he realized she was really into this stuff too deep and he didn’t know what he could do to help her. He already loved her, but he wasn’t sure that would be enough to stick it out with her. He wanted her to get sober. He loved her enough to see the wonderful, loving, caring and fun, brave, woman she was inside. He wanted her to be able to see that. He wanted to give her the strength to say no to the alcohol and drugs, but he hadn’t had any success so far in their relationship. He’d been with Sara for four months. They were practically living together although he still paid rent on his place, but he spent nearly every night with her at her apartment, and he loved being with her, but nearly every night she got way too drunk and finally would out. Recently she also began to argue with him more after a couple of drinks and it has started to annoy him. She was a beautiful woman, but the

years of alcohol abuse had begun to take a toll on her looks also. He had studied alcoholism as a part of his training as a medic on an aid car and he knew the eventual result of drinking as much as she did and it scared him. He finally decided he would get through Christmas and New Years with her, but after the holidays he was going to try again to reach her. He wasn’t sure how yet, but he was trying to figure it out. He found out there was a hospital on the mainland in Everett that had a twenty-eight day treatment program. He made an appointment with a counselor for January seventeenth. He was going alone and hoped to glean information that would help him help her. Sara was excited about the holidays for the first time since she had left her home. It finally felt to her like she had something to celebrate. She was so in love with Danny and was secretly hoping he would give her an engagement ring for Christmas. It would be the perfect gift. She knew he was in love with her. She didn’t doubt that for a second. They had had the most amazing love life since they began dating and there was no way she could imagine her life without him in it now. She decorated her apartment with new decorations she’d found at the thrift store and Danny was bringing a small tree over on Saturday and they were going to decorate it together. Sara bought gifts for both Maggie and Elisa and she was even looking forward to sharing Christmas Eve with her sister’s family and they were all excited because Brad would be home also. “Wow.” She thought. “I can’t believe how much better my life seems because Danny’s in it.” She had fallen so hard for him and truly believed he would ask her to marry him soon. Danny wanted her to go with him Christmas Day to the Peninsula to see his family too. She hadn’t met them yet and was nervous about it. She didn’t know how they’d feel about her drinking and if they would object to it, it would be hard for her to be around them. She told Danny she would go with him and she asked him if she could take the wine for dinner. He told her then that they didn’t drink, but he thought it would be okay if she did. “As long as they don’t mind if I drink Danny, but if they object you know I won’t be comfortable and won’t want to be there.” She told him. “Yes, I know, but I think it will be okay as long as you don’t overdo,” he told her, “they won’t mind if you have a couple of glasses of wine with dinner, but please, Sara, refrain from drinking too much around them. I know they wouldn’t appreciate that if you did.”

“So that’s supposed to make me feel comfortable, Danny? I have to be on guard with what I drink?” She asked. “Now that sounds like a great time to me.” She was being sarcastic and Danny didn’t want to argue with her, so he just said nothing and soon he left her at home to go pick up his uniform and head for work. “See you tonight.” He said as he went out the door. She was going to try very hard not to let it all get her down. If she needed to she would just snack on her edible candies all afternoon and no one would know the difference. It wasn’t long after Danny left that she was happy again, thinking about the holidays and what she was going to buy Danny for Christmas. She wanted to get him something that said, “I love you so much.” And she was thinking about a new watch. If she decided on doing that it was going to cost an awful lot and seriously set her back, but she was thinking that she could maybe make payments so she could get a really special one. She was having fun this year with making plans and dreaming about the future. For the first time since she left her home she was also enjoying sharing her personal space with a man. That had been awful for her, even with Craig because he was always after her about her drinking and later, checking up on her. Then Kevin was tolerable for awhile, but she soon realized she only wanted him around for short periods of time because even though he was fun at first, he became boring later when she was having the affair. She would rather have been alone than have to explain herself to him or have him around her in her own small apartment, but Danny was different. She loved being with him and had wanted him to move in with her early in their relationship. He spent a lot of time with her, but preferred to keep his own place where he could still have some privacy and where he could go when he needed that quiet time; that time to think, especially think about Sara and what to do for her. He was sometimes terribly confused and he knew he really loved her, but he still had serious trouble when he watched her pour the drinks down her throat and he just knew that in the near future she was headed for trouble. Christmas Eve with the family was a lot of fun. Sara and Danny played with the little girls, watched them open their packages and helped them put a couple new toys together. The dinner was outstanding as Karen had become a really good cook since she’d married Eddie. They both liked Danny also and thought he and Sara were perfect together. Brad was home too and after he met Danny he told Sara she better hang onto him. Brad had grown up so much since being in the

Air Force. He was smart, mature and seemingly just a bit aloof as some pilots were. There was something about becoming a pilot that gave them a sense of power and a feeling of being just a tad bit above everyone else. He loved his two little nieces though and as often as they’d let him, he would be on the floor with them showing them how airplanes flew, but he knew little about the toys and dolls they, being girls were interested in. Everyone gave him huge points for trying though and everyone, especially his sisters were so happy to have him home. He was leaving early Christmas Morning to drive to Portland to spend one night with Sherri and Bobby before he flew back to his base. He had brought Bobby a model of the plane he flew for the Air Force and he was excited to give it to him and tell him all about it. As the youngest sibling he felt closer to Sherri and Bobby than the others did and he remained close to them after their dad had ed. When Sara and Danny left late on Christmas Eve, Sara was a little bit drunk, but not too bad. She hugged and kissed Brad goodbye and then hugged her sister. “I had the best time ever on a Christmas Eve, Karen. Thank you so much. I’ll never forget what a great time this was with all of us together. Thank you for everything and Merry Christmas.” She told her. “Oh, Sara, me too. The girls loved their gifts too. I hope they said thank you before they went to bed.” She said. “It was wonderful for everyone.” Danny wished them all merry Christmas again as he helped Sara into the car. It wasn’t snowing, but it felt cold enough and everyone was telling him to drive safely as he waved one final time. “That was a great time, Honey.” He said to Sara on the short drive home. “Yes, it was.” She answered. “I hope we have a nice time tomorrow with your family. What time do we have to get up to leave?” “I thought you knew.” He said. “We’re going to have to leave by ten in the morning so depending on whatever time you need to get ready is when we’ll get up.” He told her. “Okay, she said. “I’d like to give you your Christmas present tonight so I don’t have to get up quite so early to do it in the morning then. Okay with you?” She asked him.

“Of course, Honey, and I’ve got a little something for you too. Lets do it tonight as soon as we get home?” He said then. So, when they got home, Sara fixed herself a glass of wine and opened Danny a beer. “Here.” She said when she handed it to him. “Isn’t it nice we neither of us have to work tomorrow so we can drink as much as we want tonight?” “Well, I don’t want more than that tonight, Sara, since I have to drive in the morning.” He told her. “Party pooper.” She called him before she took a long drink of her wine. “Well, I don’t, so there’s nothing stopping me.” She said. A few minutes later she handed Danny his gift. It was beautifully wrapped from the jewelers in a silver box with a large blue, satin ribbon on top. “My gosh,” he said, “that looks too nice to be for me.” “I hope you like it.” She said as she watched him open it. Danny was mesmerized when he opened the box and saw the watch. It was a beautiful, gold Citizen’s watch that was solar powered so all it ever needed was daylight to charge it. It had all kinds of wonderful settings, was completely waterproof and was a lot more than a simple timepiece. “My God, Sara, this is too much. I can’t accept this. It must have cost you a fortune and it’s much too fancy for me.” He said. “You don’t like it?” she asked him. “I love it,” he said, “but it’s way too much, Sara. I can’t accept it.” “Danny, this is our first Christmas together and it was what I wanted to do for you. Please just accept it and wear it. I really want you to have it.” She told him. “Wow, girl. I’m just overwhelmed. Well, it makes me look like some kind of cheapskate. I didn’t get you anything so extravagant. I hope you’ll understand. I still love you, Baby, but this makes me uncomfortable for sure.” He said. Sara knew from what he’d just said that she wasn’t getting a ring and she couldn’t hide her disappointment from him. It’s okay.” She said, trying to cover up her emotions. “I didn’t expect anything much.” But he knew she was really

disappointed. When he tipped her face up to kiss her at that moment, a big tear slid down her cheek. “Oh, Baby, I’m sorry. Don’t cry.” He told her. “I did get you a little something though.” And he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small box from the jewelers also. She couldn’t help herself when she saw the box and she squealed with excitement when he handed it to her. “I hope you like it.” He said, and as she opened the box she was puzzled when she saw what was inside. It was a ring, but it wasn’t an engagement ring. It had five different colored stones across the top. It was beautiful, but she was confused. “Sara,” he said, “this is a memory ring. Each stone is the birthstone of the people you’ve lost that you loved. There’s one for Ginger, Tony, Kevin, and your mom and dad.” As Sara realized the importance of what he’d done for her she looked up from the gift and said, “Oh, Danny, it’s just beautiful. Thank you so much. This is the most thoughtful gift I’ve ever received.” She said. “Merry Christmas, Sara. I really hope you like it. It’s so you can always keep them close to you. I know things weren’t perfect with your dad and Kevin when they ed, but they were family that you lost and I know someday you’ll only the good things and you’ll have this to keep those memories alive. I love you, Sara.” He said again. “Merry Christmas.” They made love as soon as they went to bed. The Christmas music was playing softly throughout the house and after their ion was spent, they lay together quietly, each lost in their own thoughts. Sara was thinking about the fact that she didn’t get an engagement ring. She loved her gift from Danny, but she had hoped he would ask her to marry him and Danny was thinking about trying to get Sara some help after the holidays. They were both lost in those thoughts as they drifted off to sleep having spent their first Christmas together and they knew they had found that very special person to love and neither one wanted to loose what they had, ever.

Chapter Twenty

Danny drove to the ferry on the south end of the island the morning of January seventeenth. He was alone and he was nervous about this visit. The counselor he was scheduled to see was named Frank Adams and other than his name he knew nothing about him. He did know they were a treatment facility located in a major hospital and he also knew there was a long waiting list to get in, partly because the abuse of alcohol and drugs had reached epidemic proportions and partly because there just were not enough credible treatment centers to treat as many patients as there needed to be. It was an extremely sad and dangerous state of affairs where the ratio of patient verses accommodations was on a level that was deadly for many. When an alcoholic or addict reaches that short window when they were open to get help for their disease and there is a waiting list to get them into treatment, too often we are loosing them and many times that open window never becomes available again. It was a frightening, but true statistic and one that was often not known until a family wanted help for a loved one, only to be told there was no room available and there could be up to a six week waiting period. Most who found out about this were appalled that this epidemic was so dreadfully under funded and that this situation had been so neglected by our society and Danny was one of those. When he’d called and found out the situation he had decided not to tell Sara until he had her on a waiting list and until there was an opening so for her there would be no wait, but in planning for this he knew that timing would be crucial for her success. If he failed, she might die before she wanted help again and he also knew that for help to be successful, she had to want that help and want it for herself. The ferry was on time and Danny had lots of time to contemplate what he was doing while on the ride across the water. After they docked on the mainland it had only been a fifteen-minute drive from there to the hospital and when he arrived he was ushered into Frank’s office with no delay. The two men shook hands and soon Danny was explaining about his girlfriend and all about her addiction and use of alcohol and pot on a regular, daily basis. Danny held nothing back and shared a lot of information about Sara and then he asked Frank for his help in advising him what, in his experience was the best

way he could help Sara to get into treatment and get help. “I really love her and I don’t want to see her doing this to herself. She’s going to die very young if I can’t get through to her, but I don’t know how, Frank.” Frank then began telling him that what Sara probably would need to get her to want help was for her to loose the things in her life she most cared about and to loose them because of her drinking and using. “We call it hitting a bottom and that can be different for everyone. She might hit that point if she thought she was loosing you or maybe her job, but it’s usually a crisis like that that brings them to the point where they’ll ask for help.” He told him. “So I can’t make an appointment for her to be here in six weeks and expect that she’ll want to? Is that it?” He asked. “That’s right.” Frank answered. “Now, if she begins to loose things then that could happen at anytime, depending how far down she has to go.” “It seems to me I might be able to speed that up some by seeing to it that she started loosing things in her life. That maybe then she might want to make a change. If I tell her I won’t be around anymore if she continues to drink and use, that might work, but for Sara I think another DUI or loosing her job is what it will take.” He said and Frank agreed. “As long as she’s functioning, and by that I mean keeping a job, husband or boyfriend, family, etc., she’ll keep right on doing what she’s doing and for everyone helping her to keep doing it, we call that enabling, but if her boss no longer tolerates her drinking on the job, or her family wont let her be around the kids if she’s drunk or if you say no more to associating with her while she’s drinking or if her life falls completely apart, she’ll hopefully, recognize that her life is a mess because of the drinking and she will finally want it to be better and she’ll be willing to do the work to get sober. It’s hard to imagine this, Danny, but she has a disease where her brain is telling her she needs the exact same thing that is killing her. Alcohol! And if she is drinking the amount you’re telling me she’s using, she’s very sick and not that far away from recognizing the symptoms herself. Symptoms like the shakes, for instance; the tremors when she can’t drink to sooth the nerves,” he told him. “She’s already there.” He told Frank. “That’s why she started eating the edibles from the pot store. It seems to calm the shakes when she’s in a situation where

she can’t drink, like her work or my family. “Then it’s already taking a serious physical toll on her and she’s going to need detox and professional help to get her through withdraw because without it, she could go into what’s called DT’s and they can be fatal. The shakes she’s experiencing already when she doesn’t drink are the mini DT’s. It’s her body screaming for alcohol and if it doesn’t get it and she doesn’t feed the addiction those tremors become serious and life threatening seizures.” He said. “Damn,” Danny said, “then it’s already to a very serious level. I’ll do my best to get her where she wants the help, Frank. I don’t want to loose her. I see a very beautiful soul beneath the layer of alcohol and I want to know that Sara more, and not so much this one.” He told him. “You have my blessing.” Frank said as he stood up to shake hands with Danny. “I hope this works and if you have any more questions, please call me. When she’s ready for help or even getting close, call me, Danny and I’ll do my best to get her help. I just can’t promise it will be the same day, but I’ll make it happen as soon as I can. Let’s save this young woman’s life.” He said and Danny could only shake his head, yes. He agreed. The first thing he did when he got back to the island was go to see Karen. He explained everything he’d learned about the disease to her and all that Frank had told him. “We need to make this really hard for her to keep doing this, Karen.” He said. “We need to take away all that gives her reason to get up in the morning and stop enabling her. Every time she says she’s bringing her own booze to be with you and the girls you need to say no. You don’t want the girls around the drinking all the time because they are to the age where they shouldn’t be seeing it.” He told her. Karen said, “Danny, I can’t say no to her wanting to be with us. That would kill her.” “No, that’s what’s going to save her life. What we’ve been doing by allowing her to do all this drinking around us is what’s killing her and we’re enabling her to drink herself to death. We have to stop doing that to her and start forcing her to really look at what she’s doing or we’re going to loose her. I know you love her, Karen, but this is the only chance we have or we just stand back and watch her die. Either her liver, pancreas, kidneys or brain will fail and it will be too late so

please, say you’ll help me with this?” “Okay, Danny. I’ll try. I know you’re right, but it’s going to be so hard to stop her and I think it’s only going to make her angry and want to drink more, but I’ll try.” She said. “Great, thanks Karen. I so hope this works.” He told her. “Because I want her to get well.” The following day he went in early to the tavern where she worked, hoping to talk to Joseph before Sara came in. Joe invited him into his office and Danny began telling him everything about what Frank had told him and then he told Joe the truth about Sara’s drinking and now using dope while she was working. Joe was surprised. He hadn’t smelled alcohol on her while she was on shift since he warned her, but now he knew why and he was disappointed, but like Danny now that he realized how serious this was becoming he wanted to help save her too. He understood about alcoholism; owning a bar he had to. He rarely drank himself and anytime he had to throw someone out because they couldn’t handle it, he always felt bad. It was the way he’d chosen to make his living, but he did have empathy for those that became addicted. “I can’t fire her unless I actually see or find cause, Danny, so I’m not sure I can help you,” he said, “but I will be watching her more closely now that I know what to look for. I really want to help her before we loose her so I’ll do what I can.” “That’s all I can ask and I so appreciate your time and your help,” he said as he stood up, “and it goes without saying that I don’t want you to tell Crystal or Sara that I came to see you. I don’t want anyone to warn her what’s coming, please?” He said. “You have my word, Danny.” And both men shook hands. Something happened a few days later they hadn’t counted on and it helped start the ball rolling for Sara. She had driven to Oak harbor, a rare occurrence for her to drive her car out of town., but she needed some makeup and items she couldn’t buy in the little town of Coupeville so she asked Crystal to go with her. She said after they shopped they could stop somewhere for lunch and so, Crystal, agreed to go, mostly just for the ride because she really didn’t need anything. They eventually stopped for lunch at a small Mexican restaurant tucked between businesses in a strip mall. They served drinks of course so both

girls ordered a Margarita. The drinks arrived in a giant glass and they were both shocked at the size of the drink. They had accidentally ordered the giant drink, a house specialty that was priced at nearly ten dollars each. When they realized what they had done, they asked the waiter to take them back because they couldn’t afford to pay that much for a drink and it had been a mistake. The owner came out of the kitchen to talk with them and he realized quickly that they had made an honest mistake, so he gave them the drinks. “On the house.” He said, rather than just throw them away. Both young women thought it was very nice of him to solve their dilemma so generously and they started sipping their drinks. Before their lunch arrived they were both feeling the effects of the drinks, yet they both continued to drink. Neither of them wanted to waste perfectly good, free alcohol, so they both eventually finished their giant Margaritas and when they stood up to leave, they both began to giggle because they suddenly realized they were very drunk. “Uh Oh,” Sara said. “I think we’re in trouble here,” she said as she laughed again at their predicament. “We are supposed to be at work this afternoon. I don’t think I should drive and Crystal, I really don’t think we should go to work like this.” She said. “Don’t worry about work. We’ll get there. I can drive. I’m okay, so give me the keys.” She said as she walked to the driver’s side of the car. Sara wasn’t sure about it, but she knew she didn’t want another DUI, so she tossed the keys over the car to Crystal. They dropped on the ground and slid away from her foot, but she was finally able to pick them up, unlock the car and they were both soon ready for the trip home. But just like what happened the night Sara drove home after clubbing with Crystal, Crystal began having trouble keeping the car on the right side of the road. It was a windy and crooked road between Oak Harbor and Coupeville and even though it wasn’t a long trip, for anyone who was slightly impaired, it could be very difficult and Crystal was about to learn that lesson. All of a sudden, she shouted, “Shit!” and Sara thought, “Oh my God, no! This can’t be happening again!” But it was. They were being stopped by a State Patrol Officer who had noticed their car was weaving across the center-line. It didn’t take him long to figure out, he had two very drunk women on his hands. Neither of them were sober enough to be driving and he had already arrested Crystal and had her cuffed and waiting in the backseat of his car. He had also

called for a tow for Sara’s car and now he was trying to figure out what to do with Sara. “You can call someone to come and pick you up, Ma’m, he said, “and I’ll wait until they get here, but you can’t drive the car. The car is being impounded and you’ll have to pay the fees to get it out.” Sara just barely understood what this meant and she was still arguing with the officer. “This is my car.” She told him. “I wasn’t driving so you can’t arrest my car.” That’s not right and I can’t afford to pay to get it out of jail again. That’s why my friend was driving. I wasn’t driving so how you can take it from me?” she kept asking him. “Ma’m, your friend was driving so the car she was driving get’s picked up also. That’s the law.” He told her again, trying very hard to explain with patience; more patience than he was feeling. “Now are you going to call a friend to come and get you or am I going to have to haul you in too?” He asked her. “You can’t arrest me. I wasn’t driving. I told you I was only a enger.” She said. “Look Ma’m, he said. “If I can’t get you to call someone, I’m going to arrest you for being drunk in public so I can haul you into town myself.” He said. “Now, which is it?” She stomped her foot, said, “No, I wasn’t driving this car.” And the officer had reached his limit. He told her to turn around, he cuffed her and told her to get in his car. She continued to yell at him for what he was doing, but when she saw Crystal sitting in the back seat of the patrol car that he was putting her into, she decided to shut up. She stopped yelling and seemed to finally understand the seriousness of what was happening to them. “Crystal,” she said as she crawled in beside her. “This Bozo just arrested my car.” Crystal said in reply. “Yes, he did, Sara, and you and I too. This is a fine mess we’re in now Sara. I knew I should have stayed home. Damn it girl. We are in serious trouble.” And Sara finally realized that she was right and she finally shut her mouth and for the trip in to the jail she was completely silent.

When they got to the jail, she learned quickly that she was being released. She had been brought in on a misdemeanor, more for the officer’s peace of mind. They processed her pretty fast and told her she could leave after they gave her back her belongings. She was very close to home so she decided to walk there first and call Joseph. She was going to tell him Crystal was in jail. She was feeling some better, but as she began to get sober she knew she needed another drink to calm down. It was a vicious cycle she knew, but it was her choice to do this a long time ago. She didn’t want to go to work the way she was feeling, but she had to try. Crystal wouldn’t get out of jail until at least tomorrow and now she was going to have to get the money together to get her car out again. She was really upset about everything. When she walked into the tavern, Joseph was visibly angry. She had called him to tell him what happened and he was angry that these two women had made the choice to drink on a day when they were both scheduled to work and now one of them wouldn’t even be coming in and he knew Sara would still be under the influence of either the booze or pot and he was unhappy. He told her he wanted to see her in his office and when she sat down in front of him, he started by telling her how disappointed he was in both of them. “Sara, I can tell you’re not sober yet, are you? Did you drink something before you came in here?” he asked her and then told her she better not lie to him or he’d make her take a breath test. “Yes, Joe.” she said. “I had the shakes pretty awful after everything that happened and I had a couple shots before I got here. I’m sorry.” “It wasn’t that long ago that I warned you, Sara about this. I’m sorry, but you no longer work for me.” He shoved an envelope across his desk and told her it was a week’s severance pay and she was no longer welcome to be in the tavern. She was in shock and started crying. “Joe, I’m so sorry. I need this job, Joe, Please? I’ve been a good worker for you for years. Why would you do this to me? She asked him. “I want you to see what this drinking is doing to you. I’m not going to watch you kill yourself any longer. If you ever go into treatment or go to AA and get sober, come back and see me, but for now, it’s over with us.” With that, he stood up and so did she. She was still crying as she went out the door and he felt so sorry for

her, but he also hoped she’d finally seek help for this. As soon as she left, he called Danny. “It’s done here.” He said. “What are you talking about?” he asked. “I just fired Sara. She came in after drinking today. I don’t know what she’ll tell you, but I told her not to come back unless she got treatment or went to AA and was totally sober.” Joe told him. “Thank you so much, Joe. Thank, God. Okay, I’ll take it from here. Thanks again so much.” He said and ended the call. As soon as Sara left the tavern she called Danny on her cell. “Danny. I need you. Can you take off and come home for awhile?” She asked him. “Are you okay Honey? What’s wrong? I can only leave if it’s an emergency.” He said. “Danny, I’m okay, but I need you.” She said again and Danny had to tell her he was sorry, but he couldn’t get off early to come home. So Sara hung up and began walking to her apartment trying to figure out what she could do now. She was going to need a job. Her rent would be due in two weeks. She had one month rent saved ahead and now her car was also impounded so until she got it out she wouldn’t have a car to look for work. “What am I going to do now? She was thinking and then she said the same words out loud, as she started walking home. She felt scared and at the same time defeated. “It always happens to me.” She thought. “Just when things are good everything falls apart.” And once again, her pity party had begun. When she got home she slugged down a couple more shots before calling Karen. She thought maybe she could baby sit for her until she got another job, something to bring in a little extra. When Karen answered they began as always with small talk and then Sara said, “How are the girls?” and before Karen answered, Sara asked her if she could maybe baby sit for her. “Karen, I lost my job today and I’m going to need something to fill in the gap and I thought maybe you might need me part time or something.” “I’m so sorry you lost your job.” Karen said. “But, Sara, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something and I guess this is as good a time as any to do it. I’m sorry Sara, but Eddie and I have decided we don’t want you around the girls any

longer when you’ve been drinking. The girls are getting old enough to know what you’re doing and we really don’t like it, so to answer your question about baby sitting, I’m sorry, but its no, unless you can stop drinking, Sara.” And just as she finished Sara hung up on her without saying a word. “It’s just like my family. Ever since the beginning whenever I needed them they always shut the door on me. Well, I don’t need them. If that’s the way it is, then fine. I’ll take care of myself. What have I ever done to deserve this treatment from them? Nobody tells me what I can and can’t do. Well, I’ll show them all.” And as she was saying these things out loud to only herself, she downed two more shots, clearly needing to feel the effects to calm her down again. When Danny got off shift at eleven-thirty, he drove straight to Sara’s. He let himself in, thinking she might be asleep and as he came in the door he found her ed out on the couch and an empty wine glass sitting on the floor beside her. She was too far gone to try to talk to tonight so he lifted her off the couch and took her to bed. He then crawled in beside her and held her as she slept. She never woke all night and after a couple of hours Danny finally fell asleep also. Danny woke up at eight with daylight pouring into the room through the curtains that hadn’t been pulled closed last night. He rolled over and tried to wake Sara by shaking her gently and almost whispering. “Hey pretty girl, it’s morning, Time to wake up.” He told her. “Sara? Good morning.” He tried again. She had had way too much to drink last night and she was definitely struggling to be conscious and awake. “Hmmmmmm,: He heard her moan before she rolled over to him. When she opened her eyes she smiled, happy to see him lying beside her. “Sorry I couldn’t get here earlier, but I had to finish my shift and when I got home you were way too far gone for me to wake up.” He said. “I know,” she told him. “I guess I had a little too much last night. Killing the pain, you know how I am.” She said. “What pain, Honey? What happened?” He asked. “Oh, Danny. I’m so sorry, but Crystal and I got in some trouble yesterday. We had too much to drink and she decided she was okay to drive home, but she wasn’t. Long story short. She’s in jail and they brought me into town too, but

they impounded my car. Danny, I didn’t know they could take my car if I wasn’t driving.” She said. “I’m afraid that’s true.” He told her. “Well, I know now. Then when I went to work, Joseph got all bent out of shape because Crystal was in jail. I had a couple of shots to steady me out before I went in for my shift and he fired me, Danny.” She said, expecting he would be comionate and tell her how sorry he was, but he didn’t. Instead he waited quietly for her to finish. “And then,” she said, “I called Karen because I thought maybe I could baby sit the girls to fill in a little and she said she and Eddie didn’t want me around the girls anymore if I were drinking. I’m not surprised. It’s what my family has always done to me.” She said. When he still didn’t say anything she got up, padded into the kitchen, poured herself a shot and swallowed it before going back to the bed. “God, I feel awful!” she said and when Danny still didn’t say anything, she finally said, “What’s wrong with you? Don’t you have anything to say.” He looked her straight in the eyes and said, “Sara, you know I love you, don’t you? “Yes, Danny, thank God, because you’re the only one that I trust. I know you won’t hurt me. I’ve really come to believe that.” She told him. “Well, Sara, there’s something I want to talk to you about. I know you hoped I was going to ask you to marry me at Christmas and I would have, Sara, but I couldn’t do it because of this drinking you do every day. I can’t be a part of this anymore and I want you to either go into treatment, Sara or somehow get sober or I’m going to leave. When we first got together I didn’t know how bad it was, but the more I’m around you the more I’ve seen and the worse it’s gotten. I love you too much to watch you do this to yourself any longer, Sara. Now that you’ve lost the car, your job, your sister’s kids and now me, I hope you’ll see that it’s time to do things different. If you get sober, I’m in this for the long haul and I’ll you every way I can, but if you don’t, I’m gone.” It was probably the hardest thing he’d ever done and he could only hope it would work. She was stunned. She had trusted that of all the people in her life Danny would

never do this to her. But now, he had. She was hurt deeply at first and then she was angry and she began to take out all the anger she’d felt for so many years on him and she dumped it squarely on his shoulders. “You never loved me.” She screamed. You’ve been using me. You’re no better than they are, using me until things get a little rough and then you want to dump me too. Get out! Get out of here!” She screamed at him. “I never want to see you again. You’re no better than the rest of them. Kicking me when I’m down and always wanting me to change. I told you from the beginning that I liked to drink. I didn’t lie to you. I told you and you said it didn’t matter, that you would love me anyway and that was a lie. How could you?” she screamed again. “Just go! Get out of my sight. I hate you!” Danny got dressed and left then. He knew she was broken and he only hoped she would want to fight for herself now, but all he could do was hope and wait. She was the only one who could decide. If it was going to work, it had to be because she wanted it. So he left her that morning not knowing what was going to happen. He loved her. He would always love her, but he wanted the real Sara, not this boozed up, burnt out Sara who was a shell of the real person she could be. Sara stayed drunk for two weeks by herself in her apartment. She went out twice to walk to the liquor store and right back home and after two weeks of drinking alone all day and night she was very, very sick and she knew it. She had difficulty getting up in the daylight. She had nothing or no one to look forward to. She didn’t have the money to get her car out of impound and no one she could ask to help her. Everyone had deserted her. Everyone had finally said no to the alcoholic she’d become and she was on her own. She’d even tried to call Craig to see if he could help her only to find he’d moved and no longer lived in Coupeville. The pharmacy said he had left three years before and she had no idea where he was. She called Brad, but Brad had talked to Karen and she had told him the plan so when Sara asked him for a loan he told her he was sorry, but he didn’t have it to loan her. Crystal came by to see her once when she got out of jail. She had gone back to work at the tavern, but Joseph had told her, the only reason he would let her come back was because she never drank on shift. If she ever did, she would be gone too. She felt let down that Sara hadn’t tried to help her get out of jail or even come to see her once while she was in jail and it soon became apparent to both women that their friendship was definitely in trouble. Sara missed Danny

and she cried every, single day thinking about him and everything she missed about him, like the uplifting attitude he always had and the way he made her feel more loved than any other man ever had. She missed everything about him and what they shared together and she knew loosing him had been one of the worse things she’d ever had to go through. She still loved him and she grieved for him as much as she had her mother, Ginger, and Tony when they died and it was so hard for her to think about never seeing him again, but she knew he meant it when he said he wouldn’t be back if she was still drinking. She had only paid half of her rent for the first time since she had lived in her apartment and she only had two weeks to figure out what to do before she would be thrown out, but all she could do was drink every single day. She was such a mess, both physically and mentally, that she knew, in the shape she was in, no one would hire her and mentally she was preparing herself to be on the street, but she was terrified of that prospect. Finally, after a month, feeling completely alone and broken, physically sick from all the alcohol she’d consumed and not having any more money for either booze or rent, she broke down one night and called Danny. “Hello.” He said when he answered the phone. “Danny, it’s Sara.” She said. “Hi, Sara, how’s it going?” He asked her. “Danny, will you help me please? I want to get sober, Danny. I want to quit drinking. Please help me, Danny. I’m so sick.” She said. He could barely hear her, but he could hear enough to know she was ready for help. “I’m on my way, Honey,” he said. “Just hold on until I get there, Baby.” He told her and the phone went dead. “He had Frank’s number in his wallet and he called him first thing. Frank said he had just had a cancellation for someone about an hour earlier. If Danny could get her to the hospital by morning they would it her to treatment. Danny quickly called Karen as he was on his way to Sara’s to tell her what had happened and he asked her to call Joseph and let him know. Everyone who had played a part in helping her with tough love deserved to know that she now had a chance at getting well.

When Danny got to her place he was distraught at what he found. Her skin was sallow and looked old; her hair was a mess and she hadn’t showered in at least two weeks, but she was alive and she wanted to live. He had to go to the store and buy a bottle of whiskey because she had run out of alcohol and had started having the DT’s. Danny knew enough to know until he got her into the hospital where they would detox her with medication she needed alcohol fast. She didn’t want to drink it, being afraid he’d leave her, but he finally got her to drink just enough to keep her calm until he could get her into the hospital the next morning. Sara was so happy to see him. She felt loved and protected and finally she never wanted to loose that feeling. She would do anything and work very hard to get sober and stay sober and the next morning on February sixteenth, she was itted for treatment. Her entire life began to change in little baby steps that day and over time she learned a lot about herself during the counseling sessions they provided, but when she really started feeling safe and that she finally belonged somewhere was when she walked into her first AA meeting after treatment. She was home. She was loved and accepted and she was with people who understood her and whom she could relate to. It was a miraculous gift and she was grateful every single day, for her sobriety, and she came to love being sober more than she’d ever loved being drunk. She loved Danny too and he had done exactly what he’d promised. He ed her in every way as she got sober and six months after her first year, sober birthday they were married in that beautiful, old, white church on the main street of their little town. And this is not where Sara’s story ends. It’s only the beginning. For in sobriety, she was truly re-born into a life of faith, love, service and humility, all because she’d finally had the courage to ask for help and get sober and walk into an AA meeting and say the words, “My name is Sara and I’m an alcoholic.”

From the Author

By the grace of God, my own sober life began in 1990 after years of the similar alcohol abuse that Sara experienced. I too went to treatment and then to AA and my life changed completely. It wasn’t always easy, but I learned to do life a day at a time and sometimes a minute at a time. I made my share of mistakes, but I never felt judged, only ed and guided into learning a new way to live. I lost relatives to this disease and if I have one regret it was that I couldn’t save them from their alcoholic deaths, but life continues and we all have our own path to walk. Today the spirituality inside me that I treasure so much began with what I learned from my fellow alcoholic family and for that I am so grateful. Each day that I remain sober, my unwavering gratitude continues to be my lifeline and allows me to live each day to the fullest, with the humility and grace that comes from the personal relationship I have with my Higher Power.