We Are Runners g172l

Copyright © 2021 Rebecca Palma

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

ISBN: 978-1-7368405-0-4 (paperback) ISBN: 978-1-7368405-1-1 (ebook)

Dedication

For GodWho continuously shows me what success truly is

Acknowledgements

To Alvin and Anastasia for deg the most beautiful cover I can imagine. Your creativity was the final touch to completing this book. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! To my parents for enduring years and years of compositions, stories, songs, now books. Your has always been with me. I am one of the fortunate ones. Huge thank you to my editor for enduring all my constant ideas and changes. You are wonderful. To the readers, you for taking the time to pick up this book and read it all the way through. I appreciate each and every one of you. Many thanks, forever. Sending so much love and appreciation to my launch team, my ers, my friends.

Chapter 1

Pace Yourself

You have a path, I have a path, she has a path, and your nutty neighbor on your block has a path. Your stride may differ from mine, her path may be not be paved, and that neighbor down the street may run in a hailstorm. Guess what? We are all still running. We are pressing on mile after mile in life. We are running, but not racing. It takes a conscious effort, such as controlling your mind, your breath, and acknowledging what you feel in the present moment. Taking time to recuperate and refocus is essential to your growth. There is a difference between running your life successfully and running yourself into the ground. You may have heard the famous phrase, “Just keep swimming,” stated beautifully by Dory from Finding Nemo. This simply advises one to move forward and keep trying. She never said, “Just keep swimming until you get caught in an undertow.” There is no massive force or pressure attached, but rather the idea of putting a continuous effort into motion. Though I respect how Dory puts it but, I prefer the phrase “just keep running” for a couple of reasons. The first reason—I am a runner, so I am biased. Growing up, my dad was my coach for every sport I participated in. My team would originally start with a community rec leader and, somehow, some way, my father would come in mid-season and suddenly become the new soccer or basketball coach. Even with the switching of community centers and leagues, the result was still the same. At the time, being at the most awkward age and having your dad always pop up with a whistle nearby was weird. I found out later in life that the coaches before him lacked commitment, so my dad would come in for the save. This became my norm, but I gained no special treatment. My dad would bench me if he needed to and made honest calls during our games. What seemed embarrassing then seems honorable now. My dad kept running forward

to ensure I had someone to rely on. He would train me at home with the same routine, regardless of what the sport was. I would go outside, eager for a game of one on one or some secret tips and tricks on how to be better. I would have even been pleased to learn how to shoot a free throw. Instead, he would look at me and say, “RUN!” I would listen, run around the block, and hope to move on to drills or an actual game together upon returning. Nope, not with him. I would come back huffing and puffing, just to be told that what was next was to “RUN!” I had a love hate relationship with running while growing up, I have to say. However, I can apply to just about any situation all the techniques I have learned from running. These are disciplines we can all take and put into practice. If you are wondering what my second reason was for choosing the running metaphor, it is that I do not have the best experiences with water. I will spare you my snorkeling horror stories. For the time being, we are all going to be runners. What the heck am I getting at with the “Just Keep Running” concept? Well, this is the concept of effort. Keep pressing on, keep living, keep going. Upon moving forward, we often have more obstacles than we wish to handle. One of those major obstacles is the expectation for immediate results. We live in a world that showcases instant overnight success, but it is not all what it is cracked up to be. Many opportunities are quickly accessible and convenient, but that does not mean that we throw away patience in pursuit of our goals. Last year, I caved and made a TikTok video. I had unnecessarily purchased a popcorn maker and wanted to feature it on TikTok. I posted a video of my husband and me giving the quickest demonstration of our three-step popcorn machine. I had also previously posted a long, time-consuming video of my family recreating Disneyland’s Pirates of the Caribbean ride. I made my husband search our treacherous garage for all the Halloween costumes just for that video. We all dressed up, even our dog. We created scene after scene and put so much time and work into that theatrical video. It was by far more fun to make than the popcorn video. Guess which of the two TikTok videos had the more popular rating? The dang popcorn machine video! How crazy that the three-step popcorn video with the cheesy country fair background music gained the most views. Why? The popcorn video was one-fourth the length of the Pirates video, and viewers did

not need to stick around to find out the best part of it. Regardless of my fascination for longer videos, many prefer the shorter route. A lot of people are going to prefer an instant, easy, quick, and immediate outcome. I may be guilty of that at times myself. I do not have the same temperament for appliances that I do for TikTok videos. I have found myself yelling at the microwave, which is the most instant form of cooking aside from the Instant Pot. Yes, I yelled and rushed my kitchen appliance, because two and a half minutes just was not fast enough to defrost my dinner. I am also aware that it would have taken a heck of a lot longer had I cooked. The microwave could not even fight back and defend itself from me. I imagine if it did, it would be a ionate Italian replying, “Lady, I’m working here. You want results? I give you results. You are impatient, hangry, and you planned poorly. Bada bing, bada boom, here is your mediocre pot pie. Now leave my kitchen! Ciao!” Maybe, we are all a teensy bit guilty of instant expectations— cooking and other. In Life Hack (2020) Charlene Tops introduces the “Microwave Mentality” and how our world has made it easy to want and expect immediate results. It usually comes along with rushing about as well. That is a not a run, but a sprint type of mentality. Choosing patience is essential to counteract the microwave mentality. We should encourage the idea of practicing patience for when the opportunity presents itself. When was the last time that patience was practiced by choice? Having to practice patience is usually something that we try to avoid. Even in a fastevolving world with its many conveniences, we should still seek to improve. Consider it a skill and not a punishment. Run slower, and give your goals the time it deserves, while also keeping its integrity in mind. This is more effective than sprinting ahead, expecting success in microwaveable minutes. It may not always go your way when you want it to; in fact, many times it will not, but stay in your lane anyways. Faith helps immensely with finding this contentment. Seeking success through a spiritual path with God allows enlightenment and deeper value in all things created in life. Faith is not always spoken freely about, but I believe in giving credit where credit is due. Allowing God to direct your path does not revoke your accomplishments, it enhances them. It frees the burden of running aimlessly and alone. God runs everywhere—both with me and for me.

The one phrase that has and will always stand out to me was said by Cathedral of Faith’s Founder and former lead pastor Kenny Forman. He said, “Delays are not denials.” Just because something takes longer than we would like it to, it does not mean that we are rejected. Many times, there will be a better plan in store— one that is unexpected and generously given. I learned to ask God to open and close doors. When he filters out what does not serve our purpose, it is clear where to go instead. We can gain just as much fulfillment from the elimination process as we do from new opportunities. “why” you have your goals, and the “how” you get there will be revealed. Why we desire something comes before the how of executing it. If we reverse those words and worry ourselves about “how” to make the thing happen verses “why” we have the ion, then we are shooting ourselves in the foot before we have a chance to run. In other words, we talk ourselves into quitting before we even get a chance to try. There is much encouragement in the idea of falling forward. Do not look back. This way, at least you can see what is in front of you and get back up knowing how to improve. The failed attempts do not stamp the word “failure” on you. In fact, it proves you are experienced and unafraid. Thomas Edison said it best, “I haven’t failed. I just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

Key Takeaways

A relationship with God allows the ultimate coach opening and closing doors for you.

Microwave Mentality: Do not expect instant results and overnight success.

Encourage opportunities to practice patience.

Your “why” comes before your “how.”

Fall forward: Learn that what does not work for you gets you closer to finding what does.

Chapter 2

Thinking like an Athlete

Just keep running. What is the first thing that comes to mind? Does it make you feel tired or inspired? Are you picturing the literal form of running or the metaphorical concept? Maybe in reality, you are not an athlete and neither running, swimming nor even cricket does it for you. Metaphorically speaking, we can all be perceived as runners and need to own that. We are all living beings with ions, responsibilities, desires, purpose. As we are living out our lives, many of us are seeking to do so in the best way possible. So how do we get that runner’s mentality to stick? A lot of the same athletic principles also apply to how you think, act, and feel in many circumstances. You can find them in the best of times, as well as the most challenging and gut-wrenching ones. A few of these important principles worth mentioning are—Vision, Desire, Curiosity, and Perseverance. There is no instant flip switch in your mind to obtain these. If there was, then I would be the first person in line. It was not a quick fix for me by any means to grasp these concepts, but I do not regret going through the motions. Instilling principles in your head prepares you mentally for all the trails ahead. Never feel that you need to have it all together on the first try. If we can count on one thing in life, it is that it is always changing. We too can change along the way, feeling differently about certain matters than we may have before. Do not run away from the uncomfortable feelings; run through what you need to work on and experience it, then onward to the next trail. If taken seriously, these principles will take you by storm and spark something in you.

The vision principle is to see not only where you want to go, but where you are in the present moment. Meeting yourself right where you are is like warming up.

You are in tune with what is going on internally. It is good to see where you want to run, map it out, or use multiple GPSs, if you are like me. I completely understand why so many prefer to plan ahead in general. Absorbing the present does not take that away, it just adds a step before the planning and mapping that we so often miss. It is proactive to examine your energy and your state of mind in the here and now. To tap into awareness is a key factor in vision. Examining what you see happening and what you feel about it is a necessary check-in. Once you see where you are in the now, you can see how to navigate toward those goals later. It adds a preparation element to what you are doing. Always check to see if your feet are on the ground before you start running. Desire is a principle that is not small by any means. Everything we strive for starts with having an interest, and interest often evolves to pursuit. When a person desires to better themselves and devotes the time, rather than immediate expectation, it usually has a higher success rate. With desire comes patience in accepting the journey. Enjoy, share, celebrate the little victories along the way. If you rush yourself, those desires are not able to prosper and go where they are meant to go. Experience your desires fully, and recognize the small but important stepping-stones that are the result of that desire. How much appreciation do you have for your desires and the growth you gained from them? Curiosity is a principle which involves venturing out and learning. With allowing curiosity to guide you, you may surprise yourself. A lot of wisdom can be gained from curiosity. Curiosity is usually the starting line, with discovery being the finish line. Allow new ideas along your route, or just a new route for that matter. We are never going to have a perfectly predictable life. It is okay to go off routine for the greater good of learning something new. There is mystery in taking new trails. Embrace new opportunities, or at least have the willing mentality to do so. Whether you take the path that is memorized or the one less travelled, be open. Or be open to being open. If I had to pick a favorite principle, it would without a doubt be perseverance. How irable it is to see someone who is hardworking, driven, with a “stop at nothing” attitude. Also, how secretly annoying is it too, especially when we do not feel as motivated and energized ourselves? Let’s be honest—seeing someone out there pursuing something that we were once ionate and on fire about is not always easy to watch. Perseverance is the bridge between ion and results. When I think of perseverance, I think of running toward something despite delays or uncomfortable conditions. You may have a run that involves

uphill climbs, but it comes down to running forward anyways.

Do the thing and you will have the power. —Ralph Waldo Emerson

How often we think of how to do the thing instead of simply doing it is astounding. I could plan for a leg day at the gym or mailing something at the post office (both of which are hard for me) and talk myself out of it the longer I stay in planning mode. It could have been done ten times already in the time I spent ransacking my pantry and was alone with my conflicting thoughts. Those uphill climbs in life take a lot out of us, and we need recovery probably more than we allow for ourselves. Not many people want to rest, imagine that. What is more common nowadays is to burn ourselves out from all the excess movement. It is as if we run, sprint, climb—doing it again and again until our legs fall off. Then, once our legs fall off, we roll down that hill we worked so hard to climb, just to end up on our own front door where we started. Running yourself into the ground will be a setback in the long run, which is counterproductive. Run, but not to the point of depriving yourself the one thing society seems to dread—resting. In Science Daily (2020), Dr. Mike Oliver explained, “There is a growing trend nationally for large numbers of people not taking their breaks at work, with surveys reporting that between 66% and 82% of workers don’t always take their breaks.” Many have it in their head that we are unworthy of taking breaks. As if, somehow, that makes us lazy, unproductive, or restless if we take some down time. Now yes, if you are potato chip Patrick, (sorry if your name is Patrick) on the couch, mooching off others, taking all-day naps from being hungover day in and day out, please shower and leave the house. The rest of us moving at full speed ahead all too often are the ones who need down time the most. Whether that movement is working, studying, managing the house, or a mix, overachieving people who do not stop are in for a rude awakening. Eventually, there will be a need for rebalance. Why not sooner than later? We are running the course we call life, sometimes insanely hard friends,

and it hurts to watch. It becomes trying when we never feel like we are doing enough in our day. There is an expectation to reach the stars from the time we wake to the time we sleep—if we even sleep. This is especially self-defeating— not being enough for ourselves. We need to undo a lot of added pressure to make room for new habits.

Maybe the journey isn’t about becoming anything. Maybe it is about unbecoming everything that really is not you, so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place. —Paulo Coelho

You may have thought there was no time to consider what restoration can bring to you. Or maybe you believe you do not have the time to consider it. Consideration or not, when your body and spirit want something that the mind does not, the first two usually win. In this book, we will examine thought process and strategies to cope with anxious thoughts or expectations. You ever watch a movie a million times and still always catch something new? Watching the Harry Potter series is like that for me. I know that series well and still always pick up a new observation or detail on watching the movies. Well, I am hoping this book is that for you. Let me be your Harry Potter. You may refer back for strategies and catch something that was skimmed over the first time around. There may be something here that applies to you later, as life keeps on moving. One thing that is mandatory to self-development is knowing that we can do the thing. This belief comes even before the running. You need to know you can and will run before you set out to do so. Mentality before the action. How can you move forward with an “I can’t” mentality? Imagine if you thought sarcastically, “I am going to fall on my face and eat dirt, but just keep running!” That would be insane. So, if no one has told you this so far, I want you to know that you ARE capable. This is the first thing that you need to grasp hold of. If nothing else sticks in your brain from this book, then just this one thing, because that is where you take off. That is everything.

We can all assume that without knowing where the starting line is located, we cannot get very far. It does not matter if your path is exactly aligned with your peers; in fact, it should not be. What good would it be being the replica of another, taking on their struggles and successes, which are not meant for you to handle? You have YOUR path for a reason. We too have our own trials and triumphs that are not meant for anyone else but us. That is not to say that we do not experience jealousy, resentment, or frustration at times. It is not abnormal to get off course and want what is not ours. Chances are that a certain person also desires what we have, and so on and so on. Did you ever grow up wanting the same color or flavor popsicle as your sibling or friend? I throwing a fit if I did not get the same one as the person I was with. How was that flavor always out when it came to my turn? My brother would get cherry, and I would get stuck with lime, not even grape, the middleman. Upon growing up, it does not get any easier. At one time or another, we have desired what is not and will not be ours. It becomes problematic when this prevents us from staying in our own lane. In our society, there is much comparison to others. According to Psychology Today, “As much as 10% of our thoughts involve comparisons of some kind.” Some claims believe that competition is good, and that comparison to others can be motivational. We can acknowledge the good that can potentially come from healthy competition, but also be cautious. If you find it gets out of control, recognize the warning signs. When striving to be kind to yourself in the long run, this does not require outside competitors. We are working on positive mentality, and the only way I can see it truly involving others is when you get to a point of sharing what you have learned with ive people. In everything you do, you will have opportunities to transform your mind. Your mentality impacts the places you go, the people you influence, and the distance you run. What good is knowledge if it is not shared? It starts with knowing that you are capable and putting that into practice. This may be your first or your hundredth self-investment book. I am going to write the opposite of what most of those books are all about. I am going out of the box here by advising you not to do more, but to do less. It is a wild concept, I know, but it will have tremendous results depending on how much you invest in the idea.

Many of us find we pile on the tasks, knowing we overload ourselves. Friends, “Rome wasn’t built in a day.” In fact, I challenge you to use that phrase sometime this week to give yourself a reminder. I am sure it can be used at least once this week appropriately in a conversation. Use it or lose it. The message here is simple: Do not crush everything at once. Yet, we rebel. Every fiber of our being says to juggle while jumping through fire hoops, because more equals productivity. If this is you, you are not alone! The goal is to feel free enough to live an enhanced life—all parts of it. There is always that one part of your life that seems to take most of your time and attention away from the other, equally important, aspects of your life. It may seem like a force field is around you, and the idea of doing less of that one area is unfathomable. We usually know when we need to level things out, but doing so is a whole other debacle. A balancing act may seem like more work, so it is easier to neglect time with ourselves, our circles of influence, and our ions. Truth be told, doing less of what does not move us and more of what does is not more work, it is priority recognition.

Key Takeaways

We are all runners and can apply athletic principles everywhere: Vision, ion, Curiosity, Perseverance.

You are capable, and your starting line is owning that.

Each of our paths will differ from one another. Embrace your own flavor, especially if it is lime.

Check to see if your feet are on the ground before you start running.

Chapter 3

Reexamining Success

“The more I accomplish in the day the better it will go.” “I shouldn’t take a break because I don’t deserve one yet.” “I have free time, so I need to figure out a way to fill it.” “I should take up another job, then I will really have it made.” “My social life is not a priority.” “Success equals work.” Have any of these thoughts come to mind? Did you believe any of it? I have— every single one, in fact. These overwhelming thoughts were my definition of success at the time. Have you thought about how you define the word success? Does your mind naturally go to career or finances? I will share with you a few responses from my close friends (not really), when I was casually sitting with them in my living room and picking their brains (I wish).

How would you define success?

Response 1:

How to be used in the greater service to life. Ask this question, and the answer will be returned and rewarded to you with fulfillment, which is the major definition of success to me. —Oprah Winfrey

Response 2:

I measure success by how many people love me. —Warren Buffet

Response 3:

It is a bad thing for a nation to raise and to ire a false standard of success; and there can be no falser standard than that set by the deification of material well-being in and for itself. —Theodore Roosevelt

If you still are not sure how you would define success, consider the following— let faith be your guide when acquiring purpose. Maybe you have no idea what is ahead of you in any area of your life. Your beliefs and your perspective will shape how you enter into the unknown, how you find meaning, and ultimately that fulfillment will reveal purpose. That kind of fulfilment is one that is not temporary; it is not a project or a short-term goal. Fulfilling a purpose in what you were created for is one of the greatest discoveries.

Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase. —Martin Luther King

What leads your life may look different from the person near you—to each their own. We can get excited when we agree on things, sure; finding things in common allow for relatability and connection. Those differences contribute

something as well, such as mutual respect. What you will do in your life, even with similarities to others, will have a new and unique outcome. Say you have a friend who has played piano as long as you have. With having that in common, can they create the same song with the same style, keys, speed, and emphasis as you? No. Differences are inevitable, and acceptance pairs well with it. Imagine what the world would look like if everyone lived their own life and spent less time wrapped up in another’s. What would it look like as a whole if each runner embraced theirs and their neighbor’s path? I have shared many definitions of success, all but my own, which I find in scripture.

Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed. —Proverbs 16:3

If I have a situation bigger than me, I bring it to an even bigger God. Whether trouble or opportunity, giving my trust in times when I do not understand is exactly when faith is needed. It has carried me through greater heights and opened new doors pertaining to success. Focusing more on God and less on the situation has been a journey. I am reminded that I am not in a battle with it being the world versus me. I have a real God fighting with me and for me to succeed in all that I do. I have tried many times to do things my way and on my own, as I like control. But if it comes down to trust or control, I choose trust. What seems gigantic to us seems little for him. That has and will always be. God has taught me more about what success feels like versus what I believed success looked like, and it all comes down to love. A great deal of success is found in relationships. I am not just referring to romantic ones, but every important one that helps to make you who you are. Those whom you choose to surround yourself with and how often you do that will affect your energy, your health, and your relational success. The people around you inevitably take some of your energy and vice versa. In many circumstances, that can be a great thing. Lifting someone up and sharing a bit of extra strength that you carry around can benefit them greatly. You too may find that, when you are down, you want to be around those who you ire, who

always seem to have a cannot-skip-a-beat attitude. If a pattern arises to the point where you feel dragged down, you may want to ask yourself: Is the positive energy shared or is there a little more give than take? That is going to take a lot of positive energy on your part to give. No matter how strong you are, we all have our limits. It is not a bad thing if you need to spend less of your time satisfying people’s needs. It would be wise to restructure the amount of time you spend with those people if it is a chore to be around them. Do you have a friend that complains about the same bad choices they make, talking your ear off, making the conversation one-sided? Maybe that relationship is far from equal as far as effort goes, and you are both going round and round in circles. I am not saying cut them off and blame this book for the reasoning. Though that would be a very interesting conversation, and I am curious how that would go. Instead, if you happen to feel that your relationships are chores, those may be the ones to reexamine and spend less of your time with. With that extra time you just got back, you finally have time to think and maybe later want to talk to them about it. In another scenario, maybe there is a person in your life with a contagious smile whom you do not spend enough time with. You may have focused so much on the unnecessary people in your life that the motivational ones get only whatever time is left, if that. The ones who boost you up and bring out the best in you should not be the ones you push aside and see last. Those are the people to go on trips with or have weekly reflections with over dinner. Ponder that thought the next time you are about to go out. Healthy time spent with others has a lasting effect on us. Health is no small subject, but for the moment we will break it down briefly. The main areas of our health are spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical. Write down or just take real time to think about what your first thought or feeling is toward each one of these. Success in your health overall is vital, so examine the areas you feel alive and thriving, but also the areas that need progress. What do you at your healthiest look like? Rather than go through each term and define them one by one, I would rather have you self-reflect. I will just say this—when you prioritize your health, you make for a more balanced world around you. It influences how you perceive your environment, your relationships, your work, and just about everything in between. Take a minute. I challenge you to write what lifts you up in each category and where progress can be incorporated.

Spiritual:

Emotional:

Mental:

Physical:

There are more people who would link success to a career before they would associate success first to their health. When someone asks what your successes are lately, your improved mental clarity or record speed mile in your physical health just do not come up in conversation as easily as work does. Work is where many look to for personal achievement. It is great to have something you are good at and somewhere to showcase those achievements. Work comes in all forms and in all places. From profession or ion, to a certain cause or volunteer work, it is all a working, moving, bustling part of our lives. If you are a stay-at-home mom or dad holding down the fort and keeping everyone alive, that is absolutely work. It is ten jobs in one. Whether you work from home, a facility, or on your laptop, you are serving the economy in your own unique way with your work ethic and your abilities. One feels a great sense of accomplishment from that, sure. Often, we stay focused and driven, wanting to better ourselves, and that is a great thing when balanced with the many other important things. When we realize that work is a part of our lives and contributes to a part of our happiness, things are in order, and we make room for more that life has to offer. Give yourself permission to shift the percentages around in your pie chart of success because there is more going on. Success is not merely in work accomplishments alone. It is far too general a topic to be pin pointed to one subunit. Sure, it is worth celebrating once you

receive a promotion or start off in the mailing room and move up five floors to the big office overlooking that view that you have always wanted a better glimpse of. You should, without a doubt, take happiness in the fact that you have hit goals or milestones in your job. though, this is a fraction of your life. Take happiness, but do not get obsessed. Recognize if you are giving more to your career versus the success of your faith, purpose, health, and relationships. If there is not enough room for those other things, then what is keeping you going? How long can you function at one-fifth of yourself? Receive and bask in the goodness you are given from your job, but recognize if you are giving more to it than it is giving to you. These subunits accumulate into a well assorted, balanced, and healthy sum total of success. Success in your faith, purpose, health, relationships, and profession has much value when it is all ed for. Too much focus in one area leaves unsteadiness that is not sustainable. So how do you undo all the previous misbeliefs and generalizations on success and free the mind?

Do not conform to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. —Romans 12:2

Reprogramming your brain is work, but hey, we are all used to that! If we are going to work at anything in the productive territory, let us work on a healthy state of mind. A good start is by holding thoughts captive, then inserting a new behavior, because the only thing more powerful than thinking is doing.

Step 1: Hold Your Thoughts Captive When a thought arises such as “I don’t deserve a break,” do not ignore it. Be sure to not dismiss it every time, but do not give it power either. I used to think, when thoughts arise, that I can obsess about it or ignore it. I never fully allowed myself to find a middle—which is to hold those thoughts captive. Switch the hot

seat around from you to them, taking those thoughts to trial. Do not dismiss them, take them to court. If it helps, go ahead and visualize a courtroom and your ideal judge. You can have a celebrity judge if you wish. Use some critical thinking to counteract the anxious thoughts. Are these thoughts serving you, yes or no?

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. —2 Corinthians Ch. 10:5

Step 2: Observe Is this what the world shows or maybe your own bubble perhaps? Are the pressures around you leading you to believe that you do not need a break? Pinpoint it and get specific. Where and who exactly gives you the impression that you do not need a break? Or is this an idea you learned long ago from a mentor, a parent? You may have carried it around, perhaps unknowingly? Recognize when you feel stress from the environment around you. Observe if these thoughts are causing you to conform your beliefs or not. It seems sometimes that there is an unspoken code that seems to praise stress and busyness, which teaches us that it is normal, good even, to run around and never stop.

Step 3: Replace the Negative Thought with Opposite Action Insert a new positive behavior that goes against the lying or negative thought. Example: If your brain tells you how inefficient your day is and makes you feel that you cannot take a break, then take that break. That opposite action is: “I will take a break right now and every day,” and though it may be a struggle at first, do it. Share it, write in on a post-it note, and stick it in the bathroom mirror, on the cookies in the pantry, in your wallet, on your forehead . . . so long as you then do it. Maybe verbal learning is more your thing instead of written learning.

Bring it up in conversation to yourself or to others to bear witness that you are taking a break. Voice your intention aloud so that it becomes real. Make this opposite action a habit, because only you can. I can feel your glares and sighs. You have heard it before. You do not want to write affirmations or maybe you have, but walk right them, without reading and without doing. Consider the next strategy. Start small with your rest time, perhaps with a song break. How about five minutes or less for yourself? To those who find themselves overly focused, you may lose track of time and skip the breaks you need. Some of you may dread stopping what you are doing, and taking a break seems like a disturbance in the force. This is when you need it the most. Start with an unintimidating break of listening to a whole song. However long your one song lasts, that is your break. Lay down, or just stop moving a million miles a minute. Even if it is three minutes forty-five seconds, it is a longer break than you may have allowed yourself before. After your song is up, you can go back to running around. I release you! It will be hard at times to even think of taking a regular song break, but work at it, stick with it, and, before long, you will have the willingness to allow rest to enter your spirit. Add on time by two-minute increments at a time. If that is not possible at work, try it at home. The goal is to get to a place of allowing rest time to be spiritual time.

Key Takeaways

Undo harmful thinking—hold thoughts captive. Do not obsess, do not ignore. Instead, question what these thoughts are serving and replace them with an opposite, positive action.

Success comes in many forms, not in one subunit alone.

Examine these different areas and write how you are on track and how you can improve.

Spiritual:

Emotional:

Mental:

Physical:

Chapter 4

Doing More by Doing Less

Now Potato Patrick. He has an enemy and her name is Do it All Danielle. If Danielle had an online dating profile, her content would send a computer into overdrive until it malfunctions. Danielle goes and goes in every area of her life, and it is never enough. I was her. I have worked since I was eleven and started out as a tutor. Later, after college, I worked five jobs. I was a behavioral therapist, babysitter (multiple families), dance instructor, and agency performer on the side. If that wasn’t enough, I found a weekend gig being a brand representative. Just glancing at my calendar gave my peers anxiety. I was like the White Rabbit from Alice in Wonderland, always late, always on the go. The fact that I was enough and doing more than enough never sank in. I gained my worth in my work. I thought the more work I had, the better off I was. Here is where the realization that doing more by doing less sunk in. I was giving about 20 percent of myself to each job. I would literally have to write down and schedule “fun” time which I over-planned until it was not fun at all. I was tired of the fact that as much as I was doing, I never once invested all of myself into any one place. It was time to stop running around partially filled, partially engaged, but never truly there. Many of us find our sense of achievement simply by how much we can shove into a day. There is a Danielle in many of us. The concept of doing more by doing less is intended for you to focus on quality verses quantity. If you are at a tedious job, struggling with unimaginable tasks, how long can you honestly keep that up? I am sure you are aware that choosing a selected few activities to consume your energy will allow time for what truly calls you. Awareness is great, acts of service are better. In this case, these acts are either serving you or they are not. Take either a small leap, like rearranging your schedule, or practicing a better thought process. The big steps, like finding a more fulfilling

use of time or moving somewhere more affordable, are also options. A leap is a leap, a victory, nonetheless. If the small ones seem insignificant, just try comparing them to the act of doing nothing. It will seem significantly better versus overloading oneself and not doing anything about it. Following these steps allows you to eliminate the stress that we have so long accepted as normal. You are eliminating that heart-dropping panic of being late, skipping meals, not leaving yourself transition time in between places. With the few tasks at hand, you are also eliminating the accidental half-effort tendencies. I was guilty of being the quantity over quality kind of gal. I can go into a store with a gift card, ready to spend, and I think of how many things I can take home. Sustainable purchases were not priority, so long as something was available. How often does society as a whole think that way? How much production made in the time available falls under the quantity category. What exactly is the quality outcome? Living life is not piling a great number of duties just to say we did it. The more we have the urge to do, the more we need to be still.

Be still and know that I am God. —Philippians 46:10

We are not truly experiencing what we are meant to experience when we on opportunities time and time again because we are too busy moving to see them. Lacking time for stillness, reflection, and appreciation takes away the chance for enlightenment. What we miss on a regular basis from the teachings to the encounters staring us in the face can be many, because we leave little room for God to work in us. God is not going to be penciled in by the secretary, but, the good news is that it goes both ways. Restoration with him and ourselves allows for newness and greatness to stir in us.

“The Rebirth of the Eagle” Minnesota Bound

In their natural habitat, wild eagles usually live 20-30 years, which is longer than most birds. The oldest eagle documented was 32 years of age. Some believe that eagles can live even longer, up to 70 years old. To accomplish this, the eagle is left with a difficult task. By the time the eagle reaches its forties, it cannot latch onto its quarry with its talons like it is used to. Talons and beak are made of keratin, which make for toughness and sharpness. Compare how long it takes to grow your nails, made of the same keratin, and an eagle is not far off. An eagle has a hooked beak so it can rip through its food better. This unique hooked beak stays with the eagle throughout its life. Talons and beak are essential to eagles’ skill in hunting and eating. They would not be able to stay alive without a beak or talons. In older age, the feathers stick to the eagle’s chest and their wings seem heavier when flying. The replacement of feathers in an eagle’s life is referred to as molting. Losing feathers happens over time, slowly until the feathers are completely new. It is at that time that the eagle has only two choices: either to lose its life or go through an excruciating time that takes 150 days. This process involves the eagle flying up to a mountain to sit and be still on its nest. It also awaits new talons to grow back, as the eagle needs both to stay alive. When new talons are fully grown, the eagle then plucks out its older feathers. After the duration of five months, there the amazing eagle emerges and is reborn living another 30 more years.

Being still gives us the rest and rejuvenation we need to have a longer and better run at life. It may take some new choices and getting comfortable with the uncomfortable. Once you get there, everything after that decision will be your new comfortable—just a more fulfilling one from discovering a new wingspan. You are not merely surviving, you are living. Just be glad that you do not have to pluck out all your feathers to attain that. It is the little big things, like not silencing your inner voice when it says, “Don’t overcommit!” It is keeping inventory on the days where you did not over pile your calendar and are having a great day with more noticeable energy. Place that inventory, those notes, or

positive discoveries where you can see them each day. Or simply add an exclamation mark on the calendar, symbolizing an over piled day. Do a thirtyday check on yourself. How many of those do you have? You know it is funny how quickly we are able to keep tabs on a diet for our physical health—logging and weighing and conversing. Yet, doing the same with our mental health does not seem to get equal concern. Writing on a post-it or journaling your energy and thought process gets overlooked, yet our fitness journal or how many pounds we have lost gets logged. Your mental health, spiritual health, and emotional health cannot be ignored. A balancing act may be in order. Even taking a moment to the benefit of being still is a start. Who would it benefit in your life from your stillness and peace, besides you of course? Your family? The work circle? Friends? Spouse? Be specific. Being mindful of how often you are still and how often you are overwhelmed does in fact have an impact on the energy put out. It also influences how much energy you have left for everyone else. Those people may find us interesting, charming, not a lunatic . . . that sort of thing. Periodically, it is good to examine relationships around us. Are we contributing? Are they? How can we strengthen the bonds that are worthwhile? Is there a group of people weighing you down, making you anxious or complain? Are they encouraging of stillness and a healthy routine? It’s time to think about tidying up your social life. Relationships are work, and if career is the only work priority, then there is little to no room to keep the good people around. You then push them to the back of your mind. Don’t put baby in a corner. You can go years without checking in and noticing those who need noticing. Put in work to these other categories in your life and examine the influence that goes both ways. Now what on earth would you do with yourself if you were “doing less” of that one overworking category. Or should I say, what wouldn’t you do? Practice not doing something you really do not need to, nor want to do. Social media breaks have been a popular option for many. I am not asking you to delete your —just be still on your break instead, because that phone does not own you. Pray, tell God how your day is going, look at his creations around you, observe your breathing, eat your lunch in peace. We do not need to constantly be entertained. Practice not obsessing with time as you perform an activity. It is important to set realistic goals for what gets done at work, around the house, on your day off, whatever. Do not let the grind over pile your day and alter your reality of what

should get done. Many things can be accomplished in the day, but SHOULD they? Can it wait? Is it dire? Is it worth your compromising this new stillness and habit in the making for something that should get done later? So, what are your “should get done later tasks”? We all have them. What can you add on that list now? Feel your shoulders drop from the relief. If you keep your stillness time as a priority and hold on to it, not giving it up, I highly doubt that it will throw off your life; in fact it will be quite the opposite. For me, it was always, “I need to get everything done before I can relax” or “I just keep thinking about tasks even when I relax!” Now I have learned to listen to my mind and body, and take breaks not when I can take control and pencil them in, but when my spirit needs that recharge. Because if not, then I may experience a nervous breakdown that I also did not pencil in. Beat the storm and take the umbrella when the time calls for one. In other words, prevent the nervous breakdown. Be still daily for five minutes even, because there are 1,440 minutes in a day, which is .003 percent of your day. Do it. Let us be clear, doing less does not mean going rogue. I am not advocating that you stop paying your bills, get evicted, and throw in the towel. Most of us have real routines and responsibilities; I get that they cannot be ignored. Please also realize that *they *do *not *own *us. These tasks may be what we do, not who we are. Do less of what does not fuel you, drive you, serve you, and, especially, what does not serve your purpose. Being still and doing less presents opportunities that you probably have always had available, but have never fully seen. Let us look at a possible day, say a drive home. Maybe the “should get done later task” is a call in the car that could instead be quiet time. Maybe even skip the crazed freeway and take a different route altogether. You will save your horn and your frustration. Discover the back-country road that you have told yourself takes longer than the freeway, but really it does not. You have a chance to check in with yourself, think straight, maybe even get home sooner. Then, feeling more grounded, you recommend that route to a friend and help their state of mind. Sometimes, you cannot rearrange things or predict how demanding a task will be. What if you cannot change your route and or predict your calls? Then consider sneaking in stillness time in a quiet space before you leave work or in your car, but before you even start the engine. Show up ten minutes early to work the next day for your stillness and just do it. Hey, if you already work

overtime, what’s ten minutes more if that ten minutes is the most impactful part of your day? Take that moment of stillness before everyone else wants a piece of you. That will affect the course of your day. If you are comfortable, ask God what he has on the agenda that day. By starting early, you are setting up your mind for success before the long day. We are more likely to help other people willingly when we are well and have helped ourselves first. If you are not a morning person, maybe ending the day with peace of mind suits your soul better. You could take that quiet time when you get home in the evening. Maybe stay in the car a few minutes after pulling up to your house. Before getting out and walking to the front door, take a few moments. I have had some good driveway moments myself. Do not simply go from work mode to home mode, or errands mode to cleaning mode. Pause, breathe, connect, and feel good about what follows afterward. If you have your kids with you all day, car included, consider teaching them to take two minutes with you to be still and quiet. Even if you get forty-five seconds out of them, I applaud you. Another stillness moment for yourself could be when everyone is asleep and you are in bed. In bed, right before you sleep, is a great time to gather your blessings; it relaxes the body and mind. Maybe your time of stillness before bed helps you lose some of that anxiety so you sleep better. Whenever and however, you are worth the investment.

Key Takeaways

Get comfortable taking a “should do later task” away from your day.

Try to be still before moving in a hundred directions and do this daily. If morning stillness really does not work for you, do not just give up. Find a time when it does work.

Keep track with a calendar or journal of overloading days (!) and the healthy and energized days for a week. Spare ten seconds a day.

Chapter 5

Unexpected Breaks

I hope I am not the only one who has believed to have it all under control when that is not the case. Scheduling and then rushing breaks or waking early just to be rewarded by staying up late. Sound familiar? The pursuit of accomplishment, any accomplishment, is so thrilling when it is on track. But what happens when there is an abrupt halt to everything you are working so hard on? What happens when an unexpected break shows up like an unwelcome house guest? The thought of not scheduling something and having it force its way in anyways seems unfathomable. But it can happen to anyone. A few summers ago, I got the shock of my life. I was in the prime of working my many jobs, and I thought I was doing pretty well for myself. I was not breaking a sweat, or at least not in front of anyone. People around me were only used to seeing the caffeinated me always two steps ahead. I loved waking up and having somewhere to be. I enjoyed coming home late and knowing the whole day was spent with dedicated time and hard work. That to me was how it should be; I was all about the character building and believed that was the only way. I realize now, I simply wanted to feel important, and working made that easier. I pushed myself to the limits to see how much I could earn by filling up every bit of time and giving every ounce of potential. The ego and the income consumed me and became my modus operandi (MO) unknowingly. I used to think my MO was to help others. The MO being what you are known for can change over time— that is possible. It is something that seems obvious, but I guess I did not realize how fast it changed for me. I did not take careful notice as to where my focus led me and where I ended up. All I knew was that drive was drive, focus was focus. I moved quickly, always rushing to what was next in the day, and never actually

made it anywhere on time. This became my new norm of going and going until I crashed, literally unfortunately. I crashed smack into a car one day, rear ending them and getting rear ended myself. I was the cause of a three-car crash. That was when I crashed mentally. Everyone was fine, but of course the damage was done, and I had to pay for it with all those ego bucks. Also, in that very same week, I got slammed with the highest speeding ticket of my life. Sadly, my speeding ticket was due to rushing somewhere that I did not even need to rush to. I was just so used to being late and on the go, I would rush myself instinctly even when it was not necessary. I could have lost my license. It was an expensive week, but what it cost my pockets was not nearly as close as what it cost me mentally.

If you don’t make time for your wellness, you will be forced to make time for your illness. —Marios Shialos

If only I had kept count on how many times in my life I was told to “slow down.” At the time, the more I heard it, the more I did not want to do so. It just made me want to be better and draw less negative attention to myself. I wanted to prove I had it all under control and was the wizard of success. I carried so much pride, as if it was a good thing.

When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom. —Proverbs 11:2

I wish I could say it was then that my eyes opened, and that I came to my senses and finally did less. But, I would be lying, because it took more unexpected breaks in my life to add up before it eventually sank in. Some people are just slow learners. It truly is a challenge to unlearn the things you thought would set you on top. What are these so-called “unexpected breaks?” I am not referring to

my car accident as a relaxing break, but it was an unexpected one. When you are forced to stay still, and it was not your intention, that is an unexpected break. The accident was something that caught me off guard and forced me to be still. When you hear “taking a break” in the usual sense of the word, you may picture the emoji face that wears sunglasses and has “Hakuna Matata” vibes. However, an unexpected break is more of a halt, a change, or a forced break. It can be anything that throws off your plans for the day. This may appear in the form of a mental breakdown, an emergency, or even an argument. Something that is not ed for is going to have more of an impact, because you are surprised and thrown off your game. We receive the unexpected break usually in this order:

The Surprise Effect: I cannot believe this is happening to me. (Who would you prefer it happen to?) The After Math: What am I going to do now?! (“This too shall .” 1 John 2:17) You went from one hundred to zero. (Worst time to be surprised, I get it.) You are thinking of how to go back to one hundred. (Red light!)

We are all human. So yes, the phrase, “Why me, why now?” s through most brains after a surprise. We are angry when we have unexpected breaks. It sends us in a million directions on top of the ones we were previously going toward. Because of these unexpected breaks, it takes something from us. Our mojo. Our accomplishments. Our time. Our money. But also, our relationships. After a mental breakdown, car accident, a totally unwelcome surprise—how are we most likely to treat others? It does not take a genius to know that we are not going to be a walk in the park. How will you treat yourself? What does the typical aftermath of a shock or surprise look like for you? Typically, we beat ourselves up and have little to no good energy to contribute to others that day. That probably seems like the worst time to have stillness, but it is the best time. The answer to, “What am I going to do now?” is: You are going to do better because you know better. Now that this unexpected break occurred, it

is only up from here. Now that you have been stopped in your tracks, it is time to take that break and make the most of it. Going from one hundred to zero is a nightmare. It takes so much to get to the high place of moving and striving toward something, so to have to start over after all that time is terrible. Maybe you were high piled in laundry and fishing your child’s book report out of the fishbowl while starting dinner and taking the dog out and that is when you have an unexpected break. The busier you are, the worse it is going to feel. Moving at high speed is only going to make the drop to zero that much harder. It will feel longer for a comeback. It happens all the time to all groups of people. The stay-at-home parents, the single parents, office professionals, students, working class, etc. No one likes being disrupted and knocked down. After all the fiasco from our unexpected break, we still cannot help ourselves. We think, “How can I get back to what I was doing before?” What do you think is going to happen? Is the comeback worth another setback? What we want more than anything is to get back to one hundred, picking up from where we left off. It is better to work up to where you should be versus where you were when you got into the mess. Surely, asking for help cannot be worse than a possible breakdown. You are not alone and do not need to rely on opportunities to be worthy. In Roy Lessian’s Meet Me at the Meadow Moments with God he writes, “Some teach that our destiny is found when we fulfill certain opportunities God gives us to achieve greatness. Our destiny is not fulfilled through opportunities God gives to us, but through our relationship with his son, Jesus Christ. No one’s true destiny can be realized without Christ. In 1 Corinthians 8:6, Paul defines our destiny in two distinctive ways—“We exist for Him” and “We exist through Him.” Being in Christ means that you are where you need to be, you do not need to look anywhere else or do anything else to “arrive” at your destined place.”

What I love about this is that it shows that you “cannot take the creator out of what he has created.”

Key Takeaways

We are not always in control; make peace with that and you will be free.

Should an unexpected break occur, avoid going from zero to one hundred again.

Creator and creation belong together.

Chapter 6

Expected Breaks

With expected rest there is much happiness. Predictable breaks, not the blindsided ones, are the breaks that we choose and make happen. Choosing to rest is smart, but that does not mean it is easy. Maybe it is not that it is hard to carve in some rest time, but rather it is the restlessness you experience when having that rest time. It may start to feel overwhelming, like it is too much time. First off, realize that the best and ultimate gift we are given is time. Having extra time can seem like a new ballgame. Uncomfortable to some degree? Sure. If you enjoy planning, plan some, but get comfortable with not having it all figured out. Do not over plan to the point where it feels like everything is a timed chore, especially rest. I like to choose three things that I know I will do and feel good about, then I wing the rest. I also apply this strategy when I go on vacation. I like to book the breakfast here, take excursions there, and then I pump the breaks. I allow discovery and stillness the rest of the time. That is how you stay curious and create some of the best memories—the ones that you cannot plan or predict. Before this concept, I would take my same work grind mentality on vacation, telling me vigorously to go go go! By the time I would arrive at the beach, trying to relax was a joke, because this stillness time was unheard of to me. It was defeating to fly all the way around the world, take time off work, just to find that nothing has changed—my mind was still working and spinning. I had no clue how to switch gears in my mind. Balance was so foreign to me. Maybe after a few steady weeks of being still, you can increase the length of time in which you do it. When the mind is not as anxious, meditation can be a possibility. My meditation consists of me inhaling what I need and exhaling the opposite that does not serve me.

Example: “Inhale Light, Exhale Dark. Inhale Faith, Exhale Fear. Inhale Patience, Exhale Insane Impatience.”

I notice I choose this over meditation apps because it is more personal to how I am feeling and what I need to get rid of. I respect any style of meditation, even the tech apps. When you are not rushing, prayer or Bible study can be more satisfying. Stillness can be reflective. You can check in with God, check in with yourself, and examine what you are feeling, instead of pushing it aside and wondering later why it is that you are so stressed. Taking time for affirmations and self-empowerment is essential. When finding your stillness, be honest when in your day you need it and can achieve it the most. I personally need to exercise early in the day. I compare myself to my dog, who has an unreal level of energy. I am his spirit animal, and he is mine. Once I break that sweat, I feel a release of tension and overactive energy. I notice I am more willing to stay in one spot. I also feel a readiness to check in and rest with God. What the day holds—good, bad, or changing—will not seem as intimidating when you have prioritized that rest. Suddenly, it seems the stillness has provided acceptance and strength. Stress is not at its highest, and balance has been the filler. So again, do not treat stillness as a chore. If you need to do a couple of things in the day first to have more patience and be less restless, listen to yourself. The order in which you do things matters. I tried to meditate before my run, and it is not the same. Metaphorically speaking, you too can run, then stretch or walk before the run. Find your stride. Just keep running. Now about resting. What to do with that time? Practice asking and then listening. Asking for guidance is not a bad thing. After all, prayer is conversation. Asking how to use your time is wise. Listen, but also observe. Maybe what is revealed to you is through someone in your life. This can be an invite, fellowship, a way to use your gifts, a leader, a flyer you suddenly see. Have the openness and patience to see God’s creativity.

Keep on asking; and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and the door will be opened to you. Matthew 7:7

*Sometimes it takes more than one knock. I know if I got locked out of my house, I would not try knocking just once. I would pound the door, ring that bell. Now, let us say you have used your time to be still, and are still restless. You are not alone. You may still be wanting to put in that extra time somewhere else or be the “yes” person to _________________________ (fill in the blank). Do not be discouraged; there are things to keep in mind. Creating a new habit comes with challenges, struggles, emotions, effort . . . feel it all. I want to talk about another good use of our time which is transitions. Transition time is the time you give yourself to get to and from somewhere or something. This aids in slowing down our tasks, therefore enhancing the result of rest when the time comes. This can be as simple as giving ourselves a few minutes more to make some food and eat it while it’s hot before an appointment. Not in the car, not smashing it in your purse or briefcase for later, but sitting down and not rushing a meal, or at least a snack. What will it take to be two minutes early in the car for the commute? Or for driving within the speed limit and singing to the radio? Doesn’t that beat staring wide-eyed at the GPS and yelling at the traffic you knew would be there? Or even just calling a loved one five minutes before we go to work or before errands or picking up the kids? Or, even ing to grab a coat and a fill up a water bottle for yourself? We know these things, and yet we end up frustrated, late, hungry, thirsty. Start small, but start soon to benefit from transition time. What in your life is a realistic start to transition time? Whatever it is—pick a small win. Give yourself that. Do not go trying to make eggs Florentine and call friends all at once. That defeats the purpose. What is the least intimidating thing you can do with your transition time? Prioritizing transition time means you care about yourself and the mental state you are in for the next activity and whoever is involved. Do you think you are

doing anyone any favors by rushing from back-to-back appointments, forgetting to eat, squeezing in a workout still scrambling (no transition time in between), and then on to a hot date? This in between time affects those around you too and they would much rather feel that time with you is not a burden and adding to the chaos. What kind of energy do you want to bring forth? Whether or not it is intended, energy is shared. Pausing to collect yourself after one commitment and preparing yourself for the next is not a new concept; it is an unused concept. We can change that.

Key Takeaways

Ask God what you can do with your time that aligns with your gifts and purpose.

Plan a little, discover the rest. Start incorporating this to your usual routine, so that you are not struggling when you get to the beach.

Consider increasing the length of your stillness time. *Be honest when in the day this is possible and suits your needs best.

Allow transition time—for you and for the world.

Chapter 7

You Accomplish More Than You Know

We go-getters work so hard to get things done all day long. We set our alarms, ignore our alarms, assault our alarms, then inevitably get going. There is so much pressure to accomplish the world from the time we wake up to the time we go to sleep. If not, many times this is viewed as an inefficient use of our time, or so we believe. Yet, we are getting things done even while we sleep. We are unknowingly accomplishing goals, whether intended or not. For those who are not a fan of forgetting bills, you probably have set up automatic payments. As you sleep and dream away, you can rest easy knowing you are also being responsible by paying bills in that time. Also, those who are monthly donators to a charity or non-profit have this automated option, so you are contributing without needing to manually type your card each time. Let’s not forget one of my favorite features—automated texts and e-mails. While I doze away, I have peace of mind that a pre-written text or e-mail to a friend, relative, or colleague is set up on my behalf. Other programmed devices such as alarms are of good use to get us going without waking up in panic, most of the time at least. These alone are small victories, so take them. That right there is waking up your body, contributing to the economy, maintaining good communication, enhancing your credit, and may even be changing a life somewhere far away. Imagine if you had a giant life-size credit tracker in your house, and you can see every time your credit went up even a digit. You would most certainly have that small victory moment. Or, if your ongoing charity contribution showed you the very moment or reaction when a child had a meal or someone received medical treatment because of your efforts, you would feel elated. We do not always get to see these wins the moment they happen, but they are happening nonetheless.

While we sleep, we are still making a difference. We are unaware of what is getting processed during our third dream in the middle of the night. So, rest easy; you are still doing a big something. For those who are thinking smarter and not harder, you may have heard of or even tried overnight recipes. I personally like the convenience of mixing five or less ingredients together— that I stick in the fridge—and not have to sit around and wait for. As I enter REM sleep, my chocolate oatmeal strawberry surprise rises, and the flavors soak. It is as if I cheated the system of hangry rushed 7:00 a.m. cooking, which is not the life for me. This way makes for an easy, breakfast the next morning, ready as soon as I awake. If you have done nothing at all today but change from one set of pajamas to the next, take the wins that automatic payments, charities, e-mails, texts, alarms, meal prep accomplished in our sleep. I think it is safe to say that upon waking, we have more goals in mind that we hope to accomplish in the day. We have all had a main goal in our lives, maybe even currently. Have you ever considered the linked accomplishments attached to that main goal? Think of those links like bonus goals that you also achieve alongside the main goal. The main goal and the linked accomplishment(s) have something in common or are in the same category. Therefore, when you hit the main goal, you also hit the linked accomplishment, whether intended or not. Maybe that linked accomplishment is something that seemed out of your reach or like you are asking too much, but it is not. Before my wedding, my goal was to continue fitting into my wedding dress. I ran, weight trained, ate relatively healthy, and achieved that main goal. That was exciting enough, but more got achieved along the way. I felt calmer and less anxious by getting more serotonin on those runs. I discovered that my mental health had improved, which helped me on my wedding day and the days after. I also time managed my meals and workouts along the way. By achieving one main goal having to do with my physical health, the other parts of my health were improving as well. I consider those my linked accomplishments. I started with one main goal and a plethora of healthy habits were the result. There is probably something in your life that you do not give yourself enough credit for. I invite you to look at both the main goals and linked accomplishments in that picture. Perhaps there is a goal to be a more social person. The first effort to accomplish that may start with the thought, “I will pick up this call from my friend. They took time out of their day to ask about mine.”

From there, progression continues from once-in-a-while phone calls to frequent in-person hangouts. The main goal gets achieved when suddenly Friday nights become the social hour. The linked accomplishment here could be helping a friend through a hard time simply by showing up and listening. Maybe, deep down, it has always seemed important for you to make a difference, but there was never a clear way as to how. Well, consider that linked accomplishment achieved from being there at social hour. A main goal does not necessarily have to be a huge goal. Let us take mindful eating, for example. I love food more than Joey Tribbiani from Friends. My usual tendency used to be shoving food in my mouth, reloading the fork with more food as I chewed my current bite, just to inhale that forkful again and again. I do not coming up for air. What was that habit telling me? Holding it captive, I realized I was the opposite of a mindful eater. I rushed, which was not good for my time, my enjoyment, or being good company. Realizing this, I listened to a podcast about mindful eating, and practiced not loading up my fork and inhaling like the barbarian I tended to be. I ate slower and more diligently, enjoying every bite. That main goal was achieved, but wait, there is more. I hit some linked accomplishments along the way! By being a more mindful eater, I was a better dinner date when dining with my husband. I carried on a conversation, made eye with more than just my entrée, and achieved better quality time during our meals. Also, when you do not inhale your food, you digest better . . . go figure. You even appreciate the food more and are less likely to overeat. Most of my transition time was eating before going from one place to the next. I had learned to allow enough time to mindfully eat, and found I was less stressed and properly fed. I had linked accomplishments coming out from all over the place! Just as exciting, I had reduced my amount of rushing around for even non-food related activities. Starting with a simple main goal has its perks, just as much as the gigantic main goal. It is important not to think that we only do ourselves favors by making big moves. Sometimes the biggest moves are the ones that start with a functional main goal. From there, we can look out for those links, those bonuses we gain from that first initial effort. When that main goal does eventually get accomplished, do not merely celebrate a little. Those linked accomplishments need some recognition too, so live it up. You are doing more than you even know.

Key Takeaways

You are probably getting things done in your sleep. Be easier on yourself during the day.

Main goals are what you start out working toward. Linked accomplishments are unexpected bonuses linked from your main goal.

List below an example of a main goal you had previously accomplished and linked accomplishments that also got achieved along the way.

Main Goal: ______________________________________

Linked Accomplishments(s):

Chapter 8

Get To Do List

Some time ago, I heard a new take on lists that I will never forget. It was introduced during a sermon by a guest speaker Minagrace Drake at my home church. The sermon mentioned things that we do on a regular basis and how it typically begins by making a list. The grateful spin on list making is to title it “Get to Do” versus simply “To Do.” We get to do all these things, alive and able. I will be honest; I never put a grateful spin on my lists before hearing that concept. I thought that a list was just a list, and I disliked much of it all too often. Everyone has that dreaded chore on their precious weekend that they cringe thinking about. We anticipate an abundant amount of energy and time soon to be taken. My one dreaded, time-sucking chore happens to be laundry. Any laundry load that exceeds one is too many. It never ed that it is a gift to do my chores or my tasks, or maybe I lacked the right attitude for it. If I did not like something, my attitude would show it. I would write the tasks on the list, do them or not, and move on. However, it is kind of a mediocre approach to carry on this way. When we make the title to our list as “Get To Do List” we are choosing to begin with a good attitude. That is more significant than I can put into words. The reason tasks in our day get done or not is our attitude. It shapes our mental clarity, our energy, our determination, and, ultimately, what we accomplish. How many gifts we have had in this very day can be of the many embraced or the many ignored. By treating your list as the many embraced, we decide how the rest of the day goes. You invite more of the good to find its way to you. Choosing to go through life humbly and with appreciation is always going to be a better look then stress and entitlement. Stress is too often picked up quicker than it deserves. It may be our initial response, but then it hangs around as a familiar choice we settle upon because we know it all too well. Stress has been

allowed through the door day in and day out, that it even has its own key to our home. We do not have to combat everything with stress. A good attitude, even to the things you do not want to do, will suit your needs better. Start evicting stress from your space and make room for gratitude, because you have a choice in the company that sticks around. If this is a habit in need of breaking, start by adding the more trying tasks first or when you have the most energy to do them. Followed by that achievement should be less grueling tasks ahead. When in doubt refer to your “why.” Why is that task even on the list? Why will you feel relieved when it is over and done with? Surely it is there for a reason in need of your attention. You can get through it with a good or bad attitude, but it is still there in your writing, waiting. You get to do the very thing you are doing right now. Read that again. We do not always have control of what is on or off our list, but what we can control is far more significant, because that develops into your future approaches. I believe becoming a grateful person in life is more important than the mere things we do in a day. Which one has been the focus lately? Granted, it is not so easy to keep an even temper or happy-go-lucky attitude equally for all tasks. Hard habits take hard practice, but that is true with anything. Simply switching your “to-do list” to “get to do list” is the first positive change, but then the rest is the continuous practice. Doing so will feel different for the better. Will being grateful solve everything? No, but being mindful of our attitude breaks us of our ties to choose stress first. That then translates to our responses in more ways than one.

What is even on your “get to do list” anyways? Make sure it is not longer than the number Pi. I am not telling you to not get things accomplished, quite the opposite. Being honest with what can and should truly be done in a day means your full effort is put into each of those goals. our “should do later” tasks? Those will look different compared to a priority task. Do less in that moment if it does not belong there. This is not an excuse to only put easy tasks on our lists as our goals or as our lifestyle. Put the hard stuff on there too; just balance it out so you are not choosing stress and running everywhere with half potential. Have a “come to Jesus” talk, literally. “Does this belong in my day? God, what am I able to handle? How can I refrain from smothering the day?” Do not stop

trying, stop piling. Run your life, not the rat race. It is easy to be inspired, but harder to remain there. That is why these regular check-ins, rest, and connection to our creator allows creation to be more appealing. We all deserve that. If I have a huge project at the top of my list, then the rest of my “get to do list” needs to be realistic so that I remain human, or rather humane. Think of these as hills to climb. Big hill, small hill, medium hill, small again. Not every task will be equivalent to the next, and that is perfectly fine. Ambition is beautiful, and so is drive. If you do not drive yourself off the road, it works even better. Honesty needs to have a strong voice ringing in our ears, reminding us to do today’s today and tomorrow’s tomorrow. What does today’s today and tomorrow’s tomorrow look like for you? Checking off a million bullet points is exhilarating at first. Quantity over quality has its perks, until it really does not. One day on an island, you may find that because of all your overbooked excursions, you are floating out to sea alone on your surfing tour (not speaking from experience). And while you’re off at sea, you realize you long for realistic vacation standards. When we go full speed ahead in our normal routines, we tend to carry that mind frame to vacations, to our days off, to our yoga class, and so on. Life is not a video game that promotes moving at full speed ahead. Those games usually have a few game overs, and we cannot afford that. You can time manage various things going on; just check in and see how fast you are running from one task to the next. Who exactly is doing the managing? Are you managing the tasks or are the tasks managing you? One thing that should be clear is that your rest time is not a task. Being still is a lifestyle. I strongly discourage the bullet point “be still” to go underneath “work project” or “e-mail Bob.” Being still is more valuable than that. Instead, try to think of it more as a golden goal than anything else. If you want, you can have a “get to do list” for your tasks and a separate reminder for your rest time, so long as it gets the energy it deserves. Make it an eye-catching written or phone reminder letting you know to stop where you are at some point today. Let that time be prioritized and not rushed. You choose when and you choose how. Once you add it to a list with all your other chores, that is what it becomes, a chore. Suddenly, it loses the significance it deserves and is just something to check off with the rest. Do your best to not let this happen. This is not under the same category as laundry, though you can be still as you wait for those loads.

That check-in time with your spirit, having a conversation with God, with yourself, listening to your breath, setting intentions . . . it is all so powerful. I have had conversations that are uplifting, as well as the ugly cries. I have even had the “why on earth is this happening to me?” talks, as well as the “my day is swell, thank you” talks. They all stir up something in the spirit that makes for becoming something more. Let us get comfortable with the cool down that comes along with our run.

Key Takeaways

“Get To Do List”: You are alive and able to do everything you are currently doing. Make a new title to those lists. Whatever is on your list, do it with gratitude.

Add the challenging things on the list that will make you better, while being mindful of what else is written there. Be honest about what can be accomplished today and what becomes tomorrow’s deal.

Quantity over quality is not all what it is cracked up to be. It is not worth being lost at sea.

Being still earns its own valuable place in your life. It is unrushed, unchecked; it is not a thing. It is THE THING, regularly inspiring.

Chapter 9

Your Uncompromisable

At the end of the day, it all comes down to the quality of life that you wish to not only have, but to fight for. Surviving is not living. The quandaries that hold us back, even those we know are not worth continuing, still find a way of hanging over us. Sometimes, they hang around longer than they should. Circumstances are left unchanged, because that change seems too big a move to make. We feel we are better off compromising our needs to stay comfortable, when, in fact, it is the most uncomfortable place to be. Action is not taken because we cannot be sure what action will bring. The unknown is avoided for as long as possible. It is avoided until, say, hitting rock bottom because there is nowhere else to go. Why does it take being at a breaking point to realize that we have compromised for far too long? Wouldn’t it be more satisfying to simply make a change when we sense imbalance versus when it all hits the fan? Hold those thoughts, activities, occupations, and influences captive. Are they serving you? If not, take a transition period to create a new plan for yourself or to find some . Consider this the bridge between unnecessary compromise and action. Then, you will see a healthy balance may be working its way in you, simply by checking in and itting if change is in order. Recognize today’s today and tomorrow’s tomorrow. You will find it gets easier to decipher and execute little by little. The stressful desire to do everything loses importance once our “get to dos” are realistic. Best of all, becoming a regular at daily stillness invites a freer, peaceful spirit in you.

It always seems impossible until it’s done. —Nelson Mandela

Can you a time in your life where your inner peace and balance was at its best? Or maybe this is the closest you have been to it right now. If you are just starting to get the hang of balancing faith, relationships, health, responsibilities, and restoration, ease in and be proud. It takes time to broaden our perspective that was once so narrow. Success in all areas in life matter. When we are stuck, “Ask, seek, knock.” (Luke 11:5–13) The same goes for when we are on top. Our creator knows what he is doing. He has created the course and the runner running it for that matter. We have the ultimate coach advising us on all matters of life and success, especially when we show up for our cool down—the stillness. For the trials are just as ed as the victories. You are not doomed to run this race alone. Knowing this leads to overall success simply by trusting God and by expanding your view of success in all areas. Your success in your health, your relationships, your thought awareness, your parenting, your profession, your cause . . . they are all deserving. If this has been a second, third, or thousandth trip to arriving at balanced success with hopes of staying there, consider how you have come into and out of this state of mind. Were there speeches, books, retreats, influences that inspired you and lifted you up? Did changes later erupt and shake things up, leading to a downward spiral of overdoing life? During the fluctuation of life’s balance going up and down, were there any activities that seemed to add to your growth? Think of that one healthy part of your routine and consider if it is not worth giving up. In which case, that would make it your “uncompromisable.” Your uncompromisable is something so significant to your well-being that it is not worth throwing away or rescheduling for later. It is the one thing that relaxes and inspires all at once. Your uncompromisable is worth ignoring a call, rescheduling a meeting, moving errands around, and even telling the kids they can have grape and lime popsicles for the time being. This differs from stillness, which is our daily spiritual break. Stillness is restful, with less moving around. There is connection and reflection with our creator. The uncompromisable is more of an activity and adds to your character building. It should not be stressful or make you feel overly busy. While stillness is daily, your uncompromisable may be weekly. This can be in the form of a once-a-week dance class that you just cannot miss out on. Perhaps this class aids in boosting

your confidence and self-esteem, on top of other linked goals. Or it might be a Saturday morning café visit, where you order a usual, chat with the owner, and find it to be a place to do your reading. From being a regular there, you may find that you are continuously making time to learn and finally finish books that you started long ago. Linked accomplishments here could be the social encounters with the owner and simply getting out of your shell. Another bonus perhaps is ing that small, family-owned café. Have a time and a place for your “uncompromisable” activity. It usually works well to have consistency, though depending on interest, it may shift. Do not allow anything the power of undoing this, because you are in the process of forming a self-investment habit. What is not worth compromising and giving up? You may have found what works for you, but that does not mean it is effortless from there. You will have to fight to keep your uncompromisable in your life. It will be easier to break a habit than to form it. Prevent the urge to steer off course by telling yourself that it will only happen once. If not, then slowly something else will take over your time and attention. Say your 8:00 a.m. class does not work out because Little Junior is screaming his lungs out. Or your dishwasher breaks and takes your whole next morning as customer service puts you on hold. Your client can only have a meeting during the 8:00 a.m. Tuesday class you take and asks if that works for you. Life happens, folks. Eventually Junior will stop screaming, the dishwasher will get fixed, and that meeting will have a resolution. So, your kid, whom we call Junior is screaming during the time of your uncompromisable. Do you let him continue to belt it out and ignore him? Yes and no. Obviously, the parental urge is going to steer you toward him, if you are there listening to him scream that is. If it is not the parental urge, then it is knowing you will not be able to quiet your mind with the screaming. Either way, assume you check on him and can ease the crying and leave the room only a tad late to your usual uncompromisable. Great. If not, and there is teething or something wild going on, finding coverage in that moment may be impossible. Find that coverage before it hits the fan. Beating those interruptions to the chase is needed in order to press on. If you know that your time slot is always 8:00 a.m. on a certain weekday, plan ahead when you need to. For that client trying to take your 8:00 a.m. uncompromisable slot, it is hard to believe that out of all the hours in seven days they can only meet then. Get creative, suggest a video call, or tell the truth and say you have an appointment. You can leave out the part that you are your own client in that

appointment if you wish, but you have a duty to yourself. Be prepared for the possible disruptions that may prevent you from pursuing your power hour. The rest of life’s obligations will be there when you return. That broken dishwasher from earlier will be there when you return, still broken but, hey, at least it is not you. Not compromising your duty to yourself may put you in a better mood to tackle it when you come back. Compromising one less thing will not set your world off orbit. Chances are that you already compromise many things throughout the day. Why, then, give up your uncompromisable too? Is one hour a week not worth protecting? Selfishness and self-worth often get confused. To be clear, it is the second one that we are going for here. They are in no way the same. To know we are deserving and worth the investment is important. It does not make someone selfcentered for wanting more for themselves. Outside of day-to-day responsibilities, there is more out there. Denying that and only thinking of others seems like we are doing others favors, but that is not so. You can only deny yourself so much until all the feelings come out, sometimes smoothly, most times not. why it is that airlines advise you, in the case of an emergency, to put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others. If you out, what good are you? Stay conscious, stay aware, and be honest. A lot of times, the fear of being a selfish person indicates how overly selfless one is instead. My uncompromisable is a weekly walk and meet up with my dear friend, her sweet son, and my rambunctious pup. We meet at the same time, same place, and it works splendidly. Having something to count on, and with someone reliable, brings a sense of comfort and stability. Whether I am having a good, bad, or busy Wednesday morning, I stop what I am doing at precisely 11:00 a.m. to meet her. Sometimes, the busier I am, the more I need to be pulled out of my hole to rebalance. This single power hour always leaves me in better shape than before. Some things are not worth giving up; this is mine. I gain free therapy, spiritual fellowship, and exercise rolled into one. I feel there is a positive investment with many linked goals popping up in the aftermath. The enhanced mood, the revival of energy, the de-stressing, it all makes me a whole lot more pleasant and willing to take on the day. Finding an uncompromisable not only sets you up for current self-development, but for future development as well. Deciding for yourself what matters enough to hold on to is not an easy skill. Practicing that with weekly growth is the first

step to building assuredness, which is later used for future decision-making. Knowing what to and what not to give up leads to a type of precise and unique confidence. You can take that kind of sureness wherever you go, it is universal. I once had a job where I had to wake up at 4:00 a.m. and leave my house by 5:00 a.m. to get into work at 6 a.m. It was the earliest I had to wake up and the furthest I had to commute, but I loved every minute of it! It was a great and impactful job, with loyal people and constant motivation. I was good at what I did, and it never went unnoticed. However, I was also working several side jobs at the same time, and that is where it got stressful. The rushing eventually began, as well as the multi-city commutes, the hangry episodes, and lack of sleep. No sleep and skipped meals are the worst combination. For me, I was a mix between a Zombie and Veruca from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I wanted it all now, now, now. However, having an “uncompromisable” even then had taught me that I can apply that thought process to my work predicament. I realized that something had to go, and it was not going to be my early motivating job, at least not then. I was not ready to give that up, so I quit nearly everything else that was not beneficial to my growth and health. Realizing how much I could earn swept me up for a while, but the need for regaining my sanity won in the end. Be a go-getter, have ambitions, work hard. These are great attributes when we monitor our speed. When we examine the steps that we take and pace ourselves, we are unstoppable. When we do not lose who we are in the process of opportunity, we can rest assured that our feet are on the ground. It is not that we need to be less ambitious. No one is asking you to throw in the towel, become lazy, and take the easy roads. Instead, it is about acquiring more mindfulness so that the right goals are reached. Do less of the things that bring you down. The situations that prevent you from rocking your God-given gifts, talents, and purpose can go. Incorporate awareness and succeed in everything because you can. Invest in all parts of your beautiful life instead of just the few. This is your life to live. You get to live it. Have the vision, desire, curiosity, and perseverance for the right things. You are more than capable of moving forward. We all are. We are runners.

Key Takeaways

Find your uncompromisable. Find a time and day for what matters to you and will add to your growth. Protect it and do not give it up.

The uncompromisable activity not only serves as self-investment, but also helps our deciphering skills, and can be a functional skill for all aspects of life.

We do not need to wait for the shoe to drop to decide that rebalancing is in order. Once you sense it, take transition time, and get a better long-term game plan to keep you on course.

We have the ultimate coach advising us in our run at life from start to finish.