The Redefining Me Series 4x243t

Contents

Dating My Best Friend

1. Peyton

2. Cameron

3. Peyton

4. Cameron

5. Peyton

6. Cameron

7. Peyton

8. Cameron

9. Peyton

10. Cameron

11. Peyton

12. Cameron

13. Peyton

14. Cameron

15. Peyton

16. Cameron

17. Peyton

18. Cameron

19. Peyton

20. Cameron

21. Peyton

22. Cameron

Epilogue

Dating the Boy Next Door

1. Nari

2. Avery

3. Nari

4. Avery

5. Nari

6. Avery

7. Nari

8. Avery

9. Nari

10. Avery

11. Nari

12. Avery

13. Nari

14. Avery

15. Nari

16. Avery

17. Nari

18. Avery

19. Nari

20. Avery

Epilogue

Dating My Nemesis

1. Addison

2. Julian

3. Addison

4. Julian

5. Addison

6. Julian

7. Addison

8. Julian

9. Addison

10. Julian

11. Addison

12. Julian

13. Addison

14. Julian

15. Addison

16. Julian

17. Addison

18. Julian

19. Addison

20. Julian

Epilogue

Dating Nashville

About Michelle

About Ann Maree

2019 Michelle MacQueen and Ann Maree Craven All rights reserved. This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and events are used fictitiously and any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons is entirely coincidental. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review. Printed in the United States of America Cover by Jessica Pierce Editing by Kelly Hartigan at Xterraweb

To the labels that will never define us.

Dating My Best Friend

Redefining Me (Book 1)

1

Peyton

~ Pey, I’m not coming back. You need to forget about me. Cam ~

Cameron is missing. Eighteen months ago, those three little words changed Peyton Callahan’s life forever. Everything that came after was like a punch in the gut, one right after another. Your brother is dead. Our rescue crew found Cooper’s body in the wreckage at the bottom of Defiance Falls. They’d found her best friend, Cameron, the next morning. He went over the falls with Cooper, but he’d made it out of the car first. He washed up on the river bank miles away from the sight of the crash. He was unconscious, with a badly broken leg and a dangerous fever, but alive. After Cooper’s funeral, Julian, his twin, had left to go live with his aunt. Peyton knew it was hard for him walking around with Cooper’s face, seeing the regret in everyone around him, and hearing the wrong twin had died. She knew he needed the escape, but that left Peyton alone to deal with their parents’ grief along with

her own. But the final blow threw Peyton over the edge. After he was discharged from the hospital, Cameron—her lifelong best friend—left her too. His dad claimed they sent him to work with a world-class physical therapist to get him back in shape. She hadn’t even had a chance to tell him goodbye. Now, eighteen months later, Cooper was still dead and Julian was still gone while Cameron was off at some Olympic Training Center chasing his gold medal dreams. “You’ve been polishing that same spot for the last ten minutes,” Peyton’s mother said as she stepped behind the diner counter, taking inventory of the coffee supplies. “Either wipe the whole counter or go clock out for dinner. And cancel your plans. I need you to work the late shift with me.” “Again?” she groaned. “I need to work on my STEM project tonight.” “On a Friday night?” Her mom’s eyes filled with pity. “Don’t you have anything better to do?” Peyton scowled at her mother. Right she may be, but ouch. Once upon a time, Peyton had no shortage of friends and frequent weekend plans. Things changed after that night, and so had Peyton. Her STEM—Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics—project had saved her sanity over the last few months. It gave her something to focus on besides her grief. “Go get dinner,” her mother said in a softer tone. “We have some healthy new salads and vegan meals on the menu. You’ve been doing so well lately. Don’t let all the fried foods here tempt you. I’m proud of you.” Her words were kind, but there was no emotion behind them. Ever since the death of her stepson—whom she’d loved like a son since he was six years old—Sofia Callahan went through the motions of being a mother. She was like a robot, and the only thing that seemed to matter to her anymore was her work at the diner she owned with her husband, Brian, Peyton’s stepfather. Her parents threw themselves into working at the Main Street Diner. The Main was everyone’s favorite restaurant in Twin Rivers, thanks to Sofia’s blend of Spanish and American dishes along with her extensive dessert menu. It made it difficult for Peyton’s diet to be around such great food all the time, but

she was doing so much better these days. She was making healthier choices and felt like the old Peyton was finally resurfacing again. Peyton clocked out and put in her order for a roasted veggie sandwich with goat cheese on whole grain bread with a small side of vegan mac and cheese. It was a high carb day, so she got to pick all the healthy carbs. Tomorrow would be a low carb day of mostly veggies and lean proteins. Peyton had found carb cycling a diet plan she could live with and still achieve good results. And I’m under my calorie allotment for the day! She might even have enough calories left over to squeeze in a dessert of frozen yogurt on the way home. Peyton tapped her iPad screen and launched the app she was working on for the STEM competition she’d entered a few months ago. To enter the preliminary round, she’d had to develop a social networking app or website designed to promote positive online experiences among high school students. The project was right up Peyton’s alley. She was good at coding and had an eye for web and app design. And she had a cause that drove her ion for the project. Four months ago, she’d created the idea for No Body Shame, which she called No BS. The idea was for a social networking app, just for the students of her school. The app would provide a completely anonymous place where students could come to talk about body issues, labels and stereotypes, and how they affected people. Peyton hadn’t expected much, but out of all the submissions in her school district, No BS was chosen, and Peyton had received a small stipend to create her app and submit it to the statewide competition over the summer break. She’d spent most of the summer building her app’s infrastructure and had launched the beta app on the Twin Rivers High website more than a month ago. To her complete surprise, her fellow students were actually using it. She was able to collect enough data and examples to submit for the state level competition and won first place! Now she was gearing up for the national STEM competition next month. She tried not to think about the grand prize scholarship to her college of choice. She didn’t want to get her hopes up, but No BS was gaining in popularity, and Peyton spent all of her free time responding to comments and monitoring conversations. No BS had to maintain a positive experience. That was the whole point. She would not tolerate cyberbullying of any kind, and she was working with her friend Katie and her mother on the security aspects of the app. She wanted to guarantee anonymity, but she still

didn’t have the budget for that. Katie’s mom was helping her build a decent security system. She wasn’t ready for nationals yet. But she was close. Peyton was so proud of her accomplishments, but more than anything, she was grateful for the distraction No BS gave her. When the memories got to be too much, she poured everything she had into the app. And for months now, No BS filled the empty void where her friends used to be.

I love this app! It’s such a relief to come here and see how many girls (and boys!) are dealing with the same issues I’ve dealt with for so long. I used to think I was alone. That there was no way anyone could understand what I went through last year. Some of the boys in my class started calling me “butterface.” At first, I didn’t know what it meant, but it didn’t take long for the humiliation to sink in. Apparently, I have a great body … ButHerFace… I just didn’t realize I had an ugly face. I’m not a perfect beauty queen and I’ve never tried to be anything other than what I am. (I’m certainly not an ogre) The constant jerky remarks about putting a bag over my head had me begging my parents to send me to Defiance Academy next year. But after hanging out here, I’ve decided I will not let them shame me. I’m proud of who I am and I have a lovely face. Thank you No BS! —@MyFaceIsMyFace

@MyFaceIsMyFace Don’t you let those idiot boys run you away from your school. You hold your head high and show them how amazing you are inside and out. —@ChocolateIsLife #EndBodyShamingNow

@MyFaceIsMyFace,@ChocolateIsLife is right #TheFutureIsFemale —@GirlsRock2019

Peyton’s heart nearly burst at the ’s comment and positive replies. It still astounded her that so many people were using her app. No BS was exactly what so many young adults needed. She just prayed she could keep the cyberbullies away.

—@MyFaceIsMyFace #GuysAreIdiots. Especially teenage boys who travel in packs. I guarantee if you showed an interest in any of them, they’d be thrilled. Keep your chin up and don’t let anyone’s words have that much power over you.#WeGotYou #NoBS —@CupcakesAreMyNemesis, @NoBSmod

“Ashley, you’re so bad!” Peyton looked up at the familiar laugh. The hairs rose on the back of her neck at the sight of her former friend. “But you have the best stories.” Addison Parker slid into the seat next to Peyton without acknowledging her presence. Addison was too busy with her cheerleader friends to notice. “Peyton, honey, can you clock back in and wait on your friends?” her mom asked in a rush. “I have two waitresses late for their shifts, and we’re filling up.” “Sure.” Peyton slid off the bar stool where she’d sat, not bothering to remind her

mother these girls were not her friends. Addie used to be one of her closest friends, but not since that night. Gone were the days when Addison Parker fussed over Peyton’s makeup and when Peyton’s slow burn romance with Cameron was the topic of almost every after-school conversation. After Cooper’s death, their friendship fell apart, and Addie moved on to new friends. Meaner friends. “Hi, guys,” Peyton said brightly, forcing a cheerful tone. “What can I get you?” She stood poised with her order pad on the counter, refusing to look at Addie. It hurt too much to see the cold insensitivity there. “I’m starving,” Ashley said. “I could eat a whole plate of chili cheese fries all by myself.” “Gross,” Addison said. “Can you imagine the calories?” Peyton coughed to cover her laughter. She’d seen Addie eat her weight in chili cheese fries more often than she could count. “You’re right. We should do salads,” Ashley agreed. “It would be so nice not to care about our weight like you, Peyton. Just look at that hamburger and mac and cheese she was chowing down on before we got here. It looks so divine. But willpower, ladies. I’ll have a half Cobb salad with ranch dressing on the side.” “Would you like steak, ham, or turkey?” “Obviously, turkey,” Ashley said as if that would make up for the mounds of cheese and bacon she’d neglected to substitute. “I’ll have the same,” the other girls echoed. “Anything else?” Peyton asked in a bored tone, not bothering to point out that her meal had a quarter of the calories of the diner salads they were about to inhale. “Let’s split some breadsticks. One for each of us,” Veronica added. “I haven’t had carbs in ages.” “Just this once,” Ashley agreed like she was allowing it against her better judgment. “We’ve hit the gym pretty hard this week.” She eyed Peyton’s phone.

“I suppose we could have been bingeing Netflix like some people, but we are in peak physical condition. A little bread won’t kill us.” Peyton wanted to defend herself and point out she was the one eating the healthy food here and she was working on building something incredible—something they all used—not watching Netflix on her phone. But it wasn’t worth it. They wouldn’t believe her anyway. She turned toward the kitchen to put in their order when Ashley’s next words hit her like a truck. “We’ll have to watch it over the next few weeks before school starts, ladies. Rumor has it Cameron Tucker is returning from the Olympic Village in Emerson. After more than a year training for the Olympic track team he’ll be looking like a god and it’s our job to help him integrate back into the social world of Twin Rivers High. In a panic, Peyton gathered her dishes, tossing her half-eaten meal in the trash. Her hands trembled as she caught Addison’s eyes for just a moment. For one second, she thought she saw sympathy there, and then it was gone. Peyton raced into the bathroom at the back of the kitchen, her heart hammering in her chest. After eighteen months, Cameron was coming home. She looked at herself in the mirror, and disgust and self-loathing gazed back at her. “I can’t see him like this.” She eyed her fuller figure. After Cooper’s death and the destruction that came after, Peyton, always a curvy girl, had turned to food for comfort. In her grief, she hadn’t cared. By the time she started noticing the world carrying on around her again, the damage was done. She’d gained more than fifty pounds, and none of her clothes fit her anymore. Not even her fat jeans. After months of diet and exercise, she’d lost some weight, but she still had a long way to go. Peyton closed her eyes, refusing to look at herself any longer. She ed how awful it felt the first time she had to buy a dress from the plus-sized department. She’d vowed she’d die before she’d ever shop on the fat side of the store. Now she had no other choice. She couldn’t bear the thought of seeing Cameron again. The last time they were together, their lifelong friendship was turning into much more. But there was no way Cameron Tucker—track god and Olympic hopeful—would ever look at her the same as he had that night after such a perfect first kiss. The girl he kissed that

night didn’t exist anymore.

Peyton jog-walked in the darkness around the school track. It was late, but she couldn’t face going home. Not until she worked off the calories from a dinner of too many carbs. She pushed herself to go faster. Thoughts of seeing Cameron again drove her like she had a demon hot on her tail. She’d thought she had come to with her lot as the fat girl. It had been that way her whole life, and for most of it, Peyton was strong enough to rise above the petty body shaming and find a level of confidence in herself that never wavered. But after gaining so much weight since she’d last seen Cam, how was she ever going to face him? Being the fat girl was nothing new. Peyton was in third grade when she first realized what made her different from everyone else. The thing that made her lesser somehow. She was only eight years old the first time the F word came to haunt her. Now, nearly a decade later, she could still the name of the classmate—a friend—who’d shattered her illusions about herself. Allison. It was ancient history, but her words cut deep into Peyton’s eight-year-old soul. Peyton and Allison were in the girls’ bathroom with a bunch of their classmates. Allison spoke to her from another stall. “How much do you weigh, Peyton?” “Um, I don’t know,” Peyton said. “You know you’re fat, right? Like twice the size of anyone else in our grade?” Young Peyton didn’t have a response to such harsh words. Of course, she knew she was bigger than most of her friends; she wasn’t blind. But she hadn’t realized her size gave others a license to ridicule her. Apparently, that made it okay … because Peyton was fat. Then in sixth grade, PE class with Coach Anderson was a living nightmare. Every day, filled with anxiety, Peyton headed to the gym with her classmates for her ritual hazing … from the teacher who had the best opportunity of anyone to help her overcome her weight problem before it became a lifelong struggle.

Twelve years old and Peyton had to answer to the name “Big Mac” during roll call. She wasn’t the only one with weight issues. Peyton ed a “Pat-thefat” and an “Amanda-big-boned” in her class that year too—all names brought to life by the illustrious Coach Anderson. There were others who didn’t perform well athletically, but they got to respond to their actual names in class. But it was okay ... because Peyton was fat. Coach Anderson started every class with running laps. If you couldn’t make it three laps around the gym without stopping or walking, you got more laps. Some days, Peyton was forced to run-walk laps the entire period rather than play kickball or field hockey with her classmates. And then she went back to class sweaty and ashamed for being ostracized from her friends. But it was okay for a grown-ass man to shame a sixth grader because Peyton was fat and needed to learn that was not acceptable. Peyton hated PE with every fiber of her being. And now, here she was running laps in the middle of the night like her life depended on it. “I have four weeks left before school starts,” she reminded herself, taking the last turn in the track as she slowed to a stop. One more month to lose some of the weight she’d put on in Cameron’s absence. “I can drop twenty pounds in that time if I really push it.” Her calves burned, and she felt a little dizzy, but she had one more lap in her tonight. Peyton refused to be the fat girl anymore.

2

Cameron

~ Cam I want you to know you can do anything. Peyton ~

The stars used to hold every possibility. Cameron Tucker would lie in bed at night watching the cheap glowing stickers on his ceiling. They were childish, but he’d never been able to bring himself to take them down. I want you to know you can do anything. Those had been the words of his best friend, Peyton, when she was ten years old. She’d always been there when he doubted himself. But he’d left those stars behind, and they now felt farther away than ever. He couldn’t do anything. Not anymore. With a sigh, he rolled onto his side. Had his bed always been this uncomfortable? Was his room always depressing? Eighteen months ago, he’d left home and wasn’t sure he’d return. He never even

had the chance to say goodbye to the people who were only sort of his friends. The only guy he’d been close with was dead. And he hadn’t called the girl his absence would hurt the most. Eighteen months. Enough time for the Cameron Tucker who’d lived in their small town to disappear. He closed his eyes, wanting the silence only sleep could bring. It was no use. The memories he’d fought so hard to forget were a constant presence now that he’d returned. Light crept around the edges of his curtains, but he didn’t know what time it was. School didn’t start for a few weeks yet, and he was perfectly content staying in his bed until then. A knock on his door ruined that possibility. Before he could answer, his mother poked her head in. The tentative smile on her face was just another reminder of how much things had changed. His parents hadn’t known what to say to him since he’d arrived home the day before. “Hi, sweetie.” Her sad eyes swept the bare walls of his room. The first thing he’d done when he got home was remove the posters belonging to the kid who’d lost everything in a single night. Her smile tightened. “I made you a smoothie. You didn’t eat dinner last night, so I expect you downstairs in five minutes.” She shut the door without waiting for a response. Five minutes? Was she kidding? Cam was no longer in the “roll out of bed and throw on some pants” stage of his life. It took him much longer than that to pull himself together enough to face the world. But she didn’t know. How could she? His parents had only visited him once during his time away. Twenty minutes later, he entered the kitchen. His father sat at the table with a newspaper hiding his face. He didn’t lower it or acknowledge Cam. Unlike Cam’s mother, his father wasn’t an actor. He couldn’t pretend things were as they’d always been. And Cam was grateful for that small mercy. He didn’t know how to speak to his father anymore either. For most of his life, their relationship was based on running. They were coach and athlete, both with a dream of making it to the Olympics. When the only dream you had died, part of you went with it.

Cam’s mother handed him one of her healthy smoothies. He definitely hadn’t missed this. He’d spent so many years choking them down he just couldn’t do it anymore. This time, as he took a sip, he cringed at the chalky taste of too much protein powder. It was worse than he ed. He attempted a smile. “Thanks, Mom.” He grabbed his keys off the hook on the wall. “Where are you going?” She wiped her hands on her apron. “I thought we could do some school shopping today.” Nope. He couldn’t do it. She tried so hard to treat him like he was still her normal son, and it made him feel like he was anything but. He only shook his head and left his parents behind. Outside, he dumped his smoothie into a bush and threw the empty cup into the back of his car before climbing in. He hadn’t planned where he was going, but there was a route he knew better than any other. Sun beat down on him through his windshield. It must have been ninety degrees. He wiped sweaty palms on his black sweatpants and gripped the steering wheel. Twin Rivers never changed. The whole town was stuck in some nightmare time warp. Two streets over from Cam’s house was Main Street where residents and tourists walked from crappy knickknack store to crappy antique store. The Anderson family had owned the hardware shop for three generations. Even the Main Street Diner… He averted his eyes as he ed the familiar building. Grandpa Callahan opened it four decades ago and ed it to his grandson when he died. Cam knew every inch of that restaurant. He wondered if Peyton Callahan was in there serving the early customers, her smile brightening their mornings. Cam had once told her she smiled too much. He hadn’t meant it. He’d just been teasing. She’d laughed and asked him why she shouldn’t smile. He hadn’t had an answer other than he’d secretly wanted her to reserve her goodness only for him. He’d been selfish that way. But he’d never told her how he felt, not until it was too late.

He slowed and finally let his eyes rest on the diner. Through the window, he saw Mrs. Callahan standing at the counter probably poring over receipts. Being a part of their family was another thing he’d lost. Peyton would never forgive him for the way he’d left when she’d needed him the most. Even if she did, she deserved more than a best friend who was broken beyond repair. His breath clogged in his throat as Mrs. Callahan lifted her head and peered out the window as if she could sense him. Those eyes… That woman… She’d always had kind words and a warm home for him. She hadn’t deserved to lose her son. He tore his gaze away and continued down the road, turning out of the downtown area—if you could call it that. The road wound down toward the tumultuous convergence of the two rivers before inching up toward Defiance Falls. Cam suddenly couldn’t breathe. Drowning. He was drowning. He sucked in a breath as if it would expel the imagined water from his lungs and pressed the gas pedal to the floor. The car lurched forward, taking the narrow road at a speed he knew was too fast. But he had to get past it. He had to get away from the dark water and frothing falls. The droning of his car overcame the crash of water below. After a few minutes, he slammed on the brakes, coming to a screeching halt. He rested his forehead on the steering wheel, hearing their voices in his mind. We have to get out of here. Cam, get Avery to the shore. I’m not leaving without my brother. But he had. Cooper Callahan had still been in the car when it went over the falls while Julian Callahan made it out. Cam tried to help Cooper. After getting Avery to shore, he’d jumped back into the water, but the current was too strong, and he hadn’t made it back to the car before it tumbled over the edge. He slammed his head against the hard leather of his steering wheel, and his horn blared. Calming his breathing, he reached behind his seat for the box that was always there. The last time he’d been with Peyton, she’d given him a small wooden box containing notes she’d written in her girlish handwriting. She’d said they were encouragement for when he needed it. That was before the accident that changed their lives. He’d left the gift behind, but Peyton brought it to the hospital. Cam’s dad refused her entry but accepted the present.

Cam hadn’t been able to make himself look at a single note, but he’d kept the box with him always. First, in his many hospital rooms and rehab facilities. Eventually, when he could drive again, it lived on the back seat, almost as if she too was there. He ran his fingers over the carved wood, letting it soothe his nerves as he always did. Breathe, son. Breathe. The paramedic’s words that night never left him, and he did as he was told. Keep breathing. Don’t let yourself disappear. It will be okay. He set the box on the seat beside him and pulled his BMW back onto the road. The car had been a present from his parents. They thought it would make him feel better. Normal people sent flowers or maybe a balloon. What they didn’t understand was nothing could replace what he’d lost. Nothing could fix him. The school came into view. In a few short weeks, he’d be there for his senior year. If it was up to him, he’d have continued his online schooling. But nothing was up to him. He parked in the small lot next to the football stadium. A track wrapped around the field, and the familiar scene sent more pain through him than he thought he could feel anymore. But he couldn’t walk away. A few people lingered nearby, and some ran morning laps. Cam didn’t know if he was just paranoid or if their eyes really followed him. With any luck, they would barely notice his return. But he wasn’t the lucky sort, and the accident had changed their small town. On the field, the football team ran suicides. He hated football, yet he envied them. The black Tartan turf of the track held a familiar peace under Cam’s feet. He used to think it was where he was meant to be. Now, it represented a past he wanted to forget. Cam walked around the track to the bleachers and climbed up a few rows before sitting down. He recognized a few kids from the track team but didn’t approach them. He wasn’t one of them anymore. In truth, without running, he didn’t know where he fit anymore.

He bowed his head and ran a hand through his shaggy brown hair. At the far end of the bleachers, a girl ran the steps. Cam lifted his eyes to watch her, a familiar yearning in his gut. Peyton. He knew he’d eventually see her but wasn’t prepared for it to happen so soon. The last time he’d seen her had been the best night of his life…until it turned into the worst. And now, he couldn’t separate the memory of finally itting the feelings he’d had for years and the accident. A big part of him had been relieved he was in the car with her brothers that night instead of her. But it was hard to feel that relief when he had to live with the consequences. He closed his eyes, picturing the rickety tree house behind Addison Parker’s house. It had just been the two of them. He’d had so much to apologize for that night. Avery and his football buddies had been making fun of Peyton’s weight, and like an idiot, he didn’t defend her. He still hated himself for that.

“Peyton.” He wiped a tear from her face with his thumb. “You know I could never think…” He couldn’t actually say it, and he knew he’d been wrong to avoid it the moment he stopped speaking. Peyton shrank in to herself. “Believe me, I know what people think of me.” Her voice was quiet, but it wrapped around him like a cloak of sadness. “I’ve lived with it most of my life. I just thought…” She shook her head. He leaned in. “What did you think?” When she lifted her eyes, they shone with unshed tears. Her emotion slammed into him, stealing his breath away. Peyton had always kept her feelings carefully guarded. It wasn’t the first time people had made fun of her. Their school was cruel. But she’d always kept a mask of uncaring coolness firmly in place. Now it had crumbled into dust, revealing the girl he’d only seen a few times throughout their childhood. Vulnerable. Fragile. And just as beautiful as the strong girl he’d always known. Her eyes pleaded with him to take back his question. She couldn’t lie to him, and something told him she didn’t want to give him an answer. He needed to know. His eyes scanned her face as it reflected the shadows of the night. Silver moonlight bounced off the curves of her cheeks and the bridge of her nose. Her pale, frozen lips parted to release a puff of air. “What did you think, Peyton?” He wasn’t letting her avoid the question. Not this time. Her brows pulled together as silence stretched between them. After a few tense moments, Peyton shocked Cam by leaning forward and pressing her lips to his. He didn’t respond at first as his mind worked faster than his body.

Peyton pulled away, rejection in her eyes. Cam wanted to erase every bit of hurt he saw there, so he did the only thing he could. He pulled her back to him, melting her icy lips with his kiss. A sigh escaped her. Cam rose up on his knees to change the angle and deepen the kiss. His hands wound through her hair, tilting her head up as he took control. Something clicked into place inside him, a rightness. His feelings for Peyton had been so confusing for months, and now, he knew why. She hadn’t simply been his best friend, not in a long time. She’d been Peyton, the girl who owned a piece of him, who’d always cared for him. “Cam,” she whispered against his lips. “Is this real?” Her hands skimmed the width of his chest as if exploring him for the first time. Maybe it was the first time. They’d slept in the same bed for years and curled up against each other for movies. But now they were strangers, getting to know new sides of each other. “Yeah, Peyton.” He leaned back, running his fingers down her face until they rested on her swollen lips. “This is real.” “You’re still my best friend. You know that, right? This doesn’t have to change anything.” He rested his forehead against hers. “This changes everything.” His eyes slid shut. “Sorry it took me so long.” She laughed, and he snapped his eyes open, enjoying the sound. “I’m glad you find me amusing.” “Cam.” She shook her head. “You’re the most oblivious guy in the entire world. You don’t know how wonderful you are. How many girls you leave brokenhearted by refusing to date. It’s one of the things I like about you.” “Do you want to know what I like about you?”

She grinned. “Yes.” Honesty. He could be honest. Just this once. He’d never been good at sharing his feelings. Most people at school thought he was a robot, only caring about his next running time. They were wrong. He cared…so much. He just didn’t know how to express it. No one had ever taught him. His parents gave him their singleminded drive, their ambition, but little else. “You’re kind,” he began, a slow smile spreading across his face. “The kindest person I know. You can make me feel like the world isn’t such a bad place, like I’ll be okay if I don’t achieve everything I’ve been working toward. When I’m with you, I see different things. My future isn’t only clouded by Olympic rings. I don’t know what’s going to happen or if I’m going to make it, and that terrifies me sometimes. But every time you tell me it’ll be okay, I believe it.” He cupped her cheek. “You make me fearless, Pey.”

Fearless. He shook his head. All he’d known since that night was fear. He should have spent the following months dreaming of Peyton and spending his days lost in her. Instead, his sleeping hours held nightmares of raging water and dying friends while his days held hard reminders that everything he’d felt before was now tainted with pain. A loud thud ripped him from his dark thoughts, and he jumped to his feet as Peyton slammed face-first into the bleacher steps. “I’m okay,” she groaned, rolling onto her back. At one time, he would have laughed at her clumsiness. Peyton had never been exactly graceful. But as he rushed to help her up and she lifted her eyes to meet his, he couldn’t breathe. Because Peyton Callahan was angry. And she hadn’t changed at all.

3

Peyton

~ Peyton, We aren’t friends. Move on. Cam ~

Peyton stared up into a pair of blue eyes she knew better than her own. The warmth of his hand wrapping around hers sent her heart hammering in her chest as Cameron Tucker helped her back on her feet. Her face flushed hot with embarrassment, both for her clumsy face-plant and for running into him at the worst possible moment. I was supposed to have two more weeks! She wasn’t ready to see him again. Not like this. Hot and sweaty, wearing her crappy yoga pants and with unwashed hair —it wasn’t fair. Not when he looked better than ever, and she’d only lost six pounds since she found out he was coming home. He was different. Older now. Taller, if that was even possible. His sandy-brown hair fell across the more mature plains of his face, and a light blond stubble covered his jawline. But those eyes. The way they looked right through her walls to see everything she was now. She drifted toward him, like her body refused to listen to her mind. She ached to be near him again. To feel his arms around her.

How is it remotely fair he’s even hotter now? She wanted to stamp her foot, but Peyton just stood there on the bleachers, staring into his eyes as a wave of white-hot rage swept over her, washing away all the feelings she used to have for him. She suddenly wanted to shove him and scream at him for abandoning her at the worst moment of her life. The old Peyton would have, but this Peyton wanted the earth to open up and swallow her so she wouldn’t have to experience all the feelings seeing him again brought back. “How could you leave me like that?” The words vomited out of her mouth before she thought about what she was saying. Embarrassment engulfed her once more as she turned to flee. He’d moved on over the last year. She couldn’t let him see she was still stuck in her grief. Still stuck on him and that night. That kiss that no longer meant anything. “Peyton, wait!” he called behind her, but she tucked her earbuds back into her ears and ran for her car. She wasn’t ready to face him. Too much had changed.

Peyton’s empty stomach gurgled as she filled it with ice water. She eyed the contents of the refrigerator, looking for anything that had fewer than a hundred calories. “I’m so sick of thinking about calories.” She sighed as she grabbed a triple protein Greek yogurt that tasted like butt. It would tide her over to her next bland meal. “Peyton? That you?” The yogurt slipped out of her hand at the sound of Cooper’s voice. The sight of her dead brother’s smiling face sent a flood of tears to her eyes. Constant hunger made her vision a little blurry, but seeing ghosts was never a good thing. Then she noticed his blue eye, and a light switched on inside her. “Julian?” she screeched as she ran across the kitchen to hug her very much alive brother. Cooper’s twin was his identical match in every way except one. Julian had heterochromia which affected the color of his eyes. He had one brown eye and one blue. Cooper’s eyes were both brown. It was the only way to tell the twins apart when they were trying to fool you. She clung to him like a lifeline. “I’ve missed you so much!” Her tears leaked onto his shirt as he wrapped his arms around her. “Me too, little sis,” he whispered, dropping a kiss on top of her head. “Are you home, home?” She leaned back to get a good look at him. He looked good. She couldn’t deny the time away was probably what he’d needed. But what about what I needed? The selfish thought took root in her mind, freeing the anger she’d felt toward Julian for more than a year. Yes, Cooper was his twin, but they’d both lost a brother that night. It didn’t matter to her they weren’t her brothers by blood. In her heart, they were her family. Losing Cooper had crushed her as much as it had Julian. “Looks that way.” He sighed. “What about college?” She frowned. Julian wasn’t the best student, but he’d planned to do a year at the local community college before trying to transfer to a

state university. “Gotta finish high school first.” “What?” “I didn’t do so well last year, so it looks like we’ll be seniors together this year.” “Oh, Julian, I’m sorry,” she said. “You should have told me you were struggling with school. I could have helped.” “You kind of have to go to school to find out what the assignments are.” He shrugged, taking a seat at the kitchen counter. “It’s so good to see you, Peyton.” He pulled her into the seat beside him. “I have a surprise.” He pulled a white bakery box from under the counter. “Oh no,” Peyton said. “Whatever’s in that box is not my friend.” “What?” Julian gave her a look. “I’ve never known Peyton Callahan to say no to Mom’s strawberry cheesecake cupcakes.” He pulled the adorable pink cupcakes out of the box emblazoned with The Main Street Diner logo. They were ooeygooey and pink with flecks of real strawberries in the mile-high icing. “Do you know how long I’ve been dreaming about these?” He was almost drooling, so he didn’t see the look of terror on Peyton’s face. “I take it Mom made them for your homecoming?” she asked nervously. “I had to talk her into it. She doesn’t like making them.” “Because they’re so fattening.” “Because they’re so delicious.” Julian dove into his cupcake, the pink icing smearing his upper lip like a milk mustache. “Come on. I’ve been waiting for you to get home so we can share the joy.” “I’m not eating that,” Peyton insisted, but she couldn’t take her eyes off the tantalizing cake. It was like waving heroin in front of an addict, but Julian had no idea this particular cupcake was her drug of choice.

“You have to, sis.” He shoved a cupcake under her nose, smearing the icing on her lips. “You’re such an jerk.” She smiled and took a small bite. Just half won’t kill me. “Yeah, I am. Welcome home, right?” He grinned at her, tapping his second cupcake to hers like a toast. “Why didn’t anyone tell me you were coming home?” she asked, trying to keep her focus on him and not the oh-so-stupid-good cake that just tanked her calories for the whole day. Because Peyton Callahan couldn’t just eat half. She sighed, wishing for the days when moderation in everything was her motto. She’d been happy then. Even if she wasn’t a size two. “I wasn’t sure I was coming, to be honest.” He leaned back against the chair. “Part of me just wanted to get my GED and move on. Get a job and forget about…everything.” “I know that feeling,” Peyton agreed. “You weren’t there, kid,” he said, shaking his head. “Bull, Julian,” she snapped. “I might not have been in the accident with you, but I lost everything that night. Even you.” She picked at the empty cupcake wrapper. And it’s all my fault. I’m the one who sent them away that night. She wouldn’t blame Julian if he never forgave her. “I’m sorry I left you like that. I just couldn’t deal with being in this town wearing his face, knowing everyone—even our own parents—wished it had gone the other way.” “That’s not true. I know you were hurting, but so was I. I needed you, and you just abandoned me.” She reached for a second cupcake without thinking. “You lost a brother that night, but I lost both of my brothers, my parents…and every friend I ever had. What happened in that car, Julian?” She turned pleading eyes on him. “Nothing.” Julian shoved his chair back. “Absolutely nothing.” He stalked off toward his bedroom, slamming the door behind him.

4

Cameron

~ Cam, You know the best thing about having Cameron Tucker as a best friend? You always know exactly what I need. Peyton ~

The red-brick building shone in the blazing sun as students ran across the grassy lawn. People sat around picnic tables, buzzing with excitement as friends reunited after a long summer apart. Cam had been gone for more than a summer, yet the idea of being around the kids he’d gone to school with since he was six years old held no appeal. Twin Rivers was a town where every student knew each other. Their parents knew each other. Even their grandparents in many cases. He caught the eye of a group of girls he’d always had to avoid before. They constantly wanted something from him, the Olympic hopeful. This time, they didn’t approach, but their eyes followed him across the grassy expanse. He hiked his backpack farther onto his shoulder and stopped when he

reached the stone pathway. Something hard rammed into his shoulder, sending him sprawling forward. He caught himself before eating pavement and cursed. He dropped his backpack and made sure his pant leg didn’t ride up as the crowd of jersey-clad footballers laughed and continued walking. Just what he needed—for them to see how damaged he’d returned. He picked up his bag and slung it over his shoulder as his eyes found the one jock who wasn’t laughing. Avery St. Germaine had always walked the line between jerk and friend. One of those, it seemed, had won out over the other. Avery shook ash-brown hair out of his eyes and looked away, his lips pressed into a thin line. Cam shouldn’t have expected any different. Being in an accident together wasn’t exactly a bonding experience. If anything, it did more to tear them apart. He clenched his jaw and started forward, yet again, only to stop as he took in the sight at the table nearest the door. He stumbled back, shaking his head. After squeezing his eyes shut, he opened them again, unable to look away from Julian Callahan. Cam had heard from the letters their friend Nari insisted on sending him that Julian had disappeared from Twin Rivers just as he had. That wasn’t what had Cam’s chest constricting. Julian and Cooper were identical twins, only set apart by their eyes and their personalities. Every other little detail had been the same. Tears gathered in Cam’s eyes, but he refused to let them fall. He’d cried once right after the accident and then never again.

“Cam, get Avery out of here. Get to shore.” Julian wedged his feet against the door for leverage as he pulled at the strap across his twin’s chest. “We’re getting too close to the falls.” Cam held Avery’s unconscious form above the rising water in the back seat of the car. Panic raced through him, but he couldn’t just leave. “You need my help.” The roar of the falls drowned out Julian’s next words, but he gripped the crowbar he’d used to get into the car and raised it above his head in clear threat.

Julian hadn’t been in the car with them, but he’d followed behind and hadn’t hesitated in jumping into the river to help them. He hadn’t saved his brother, but Cam knew the only reason he and Avery were walking around school today was because Julian threatened to hit Cam with a crowbar if he didn’t leave the car. And yet, he couldn’t stop imagining it was Cooper sitting at that table, head bent over a book. Inky hair fell into Julian’s eyes, and he brushed it away without ceasing his reading. No one approached him, and he didn’t lift his head. Cam’s breath came out in short bursts as if he’d run the entire way to school. His heart hammered against his chest, and sweat dotted his brow. Cooper was gone. Cooper was gone. He had to repeat it to himself over and over to stop the panic from consuming him. The crash of water rang in his ears. He shook his head. “I can’t do this.” “Yes, you can.” He hadn’t sensed her presence until the voice of Nari Won Song overcame everything else. He turned to find the tiny girl standing behind him. She pushed thick-framed glasses up her narrow nose and stared at him with those dark all-knowing eyes of hers. His heart rate slowed. Nari had been Peyton’s best friend and, by extension, his. “Hey, Cam.” She smiled and pushed her straight black hair behind one ear. Her other arm clutched her books. He opened his mouth to speak but couldn’t find the words. Nari had been the only one of their group who knew where he was the past eighteen months. She’d badgered his mother to get his address. Her letters came every month like clockwork. A normal person would have written emails, but she wasn’t normal. His therapist found out about the letters and made him read them in front of her. She’d thought reconnecting with his old life would help with his recovery.

“I got your letters.” It was all he could think of to say. Nari smiled. Not wide like Peyton once did. Her smiles were shy, small. “I’m sorry I didn’t respond.” He fixed his eyes on the ground. She shrugged. “I didn’t expect you to, Cam. I just didn’t want us to lose you too. We all used to be so close, but now, it’s like we don’t know each other at all. After the…” She paused. “After that night, you and Julian both just disappeared. Peyton may as well have for how much she retreated into herself. Avery acts as if he never knew us. Addison has become everything she claimed she never would. And Cooper…” She didn’t finish that sentence. Cam scrubbed a hand over his face. “You can’t fix us, Nari.” “Why not?” She stuck her lip out. “I want to try. It’s been over a year, and this is our last year all together here in Twin Rivers.” Cam’s eyes tracked a girl as she ran across the lawn, trying to avoid being late. She stopped when she caught sight of them, her feet frozen in place. Nari’s gaze followed his, and she sighed. “Have you talked to her?” Cam didn’t take his eyes from Peyton. “You want to know why you can’t fix us, Nari?” He turned away. “Because there’s nothing left to fix. Every bond we all had with each other now lays at the bottom of the river.” He walked back the way he’d come, and Nari didn’t follow him. He thought he’d be able to face school, but he’d been wrong. It would still be there tomorrow. His bright red car stood out in the parking lot like a beacon, calling him to better places. He threw his bag in the back seat and climbed in. This time, when he reached the river, he didn’t speed past it. Instead, he pulled off the road, slowed to a stop, and got out, slamming his door behind him. The sounds of the road faded as he walked toward the edge of the rushing water. The falls weren’t far. A breeze whipped through the clearing, bending the thin reeds at the edge of the water. The panic Cam expected to feel never came. He lowered himself to the

grassy bank, his eyes transfixed by the swift current. A mile upriver, the second river crossed this one in a wide and rocky convergence. Cam had always preferred the narrower parts where large trees lined the banks, hanging their branches over the water. As kids, they’d spent their summers boating and swimming in the river. Most people in town had. One of Nari’s letters told him the town forbade swimming in the current the summer after the accident. Cooper Callahan had been the town golden boy, Twin Rivers’ chance at glory as he would have gone on to play college football for Ohio State. He’d been a junior when he died and already recruited. “Coop.” Cam rested his forearms on his knees and leaned forward. “I miss you, man. Nothing is the same without you here.” He closed his eyes, imagining Cooper giving Peyton and Julian endless trouble. None of them had any illusions what kind of man Cooper had been, but Cam only wanted to the good. The way he could amp up any party. The way he and Julian protected Peyton. For a long time after the accident, Cam had tried to figure out exactly what happened that night. Why they’d been in that car with a drunk Cooper driving. Cooper had been kicked out of the party, but why? He wanted to blame Peyton for telling Coop to leave, but she hadn’t started the fight. Yet, blaming a dead guy seemed pointless despite Cam’s need to pin his hurt on someone. Rationally, he knew Cooper shouldn’t have driven. Avery had been in no shape to argue, but Cam had. Was it his fault for not insisting he drive? Even though he hadn’t realized Coop was drunk until it was too late. So many questions swirled in his mind. He’d probably never know all the events leading up to the accident. Maybe he didn’t want to. He was pretty sure Cooper had done something bad before getting into the car, and he didn’t want to him like that. “I need your help, Coop.” Cam lifted his eyes to the clear sky above. “I don’t want to be this angry forever.”

He absently rubbed his hand down his pant leg until it hit metal. “None of them know, buddy.” He lifted his pant leg to reveal the workings of the prosthetic leg they told him would one day feel like a part of him. News flash: It didn’t. He still had a foreign object attached to his body. Other than the doctors, only his parents knew. Not the reporters who’d followed his Olympic training so closely. Not the people he’d once called friends. They didn’t know why he left after the accident and if he had any say, they never would. But he needed to talk to someone, and at least Cooper didn’t interrupt. “I woke up in the hospital three days after the accident, and part of my leg was gone. They’d amputated below the knee. I don’t much from my time in the water, but they say I had a deep laceration when they found me the day after going over the falls. Infection had spread through the tissue of my calf. The amputation was lifesaving, they claimed.” His back shook. “You’re dead, Coop, and yet when I woke, I felt like I’d lost my life as well. How horrible am I?” He shook his head. “I’d appreciate if you didn’t tell anyone.” He wiped his face, and a small smile appeared almost as if he’d forgotten he had no reason to smile. Cooper couldn’t actually hear him, but it eased some of the burden to let someone else hold his secrets. He got to his feet, letting his pant leg drift down to cover his false leg. When he got back into his car, the air didn’t feel as thick as it had before. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes. He’d faced the river, faced Cooper, and he’d survived it. Tomorrow, he resolved, he’d face school and all the people he’d left behind.

5

Peyton

~ Peyton, I think about you, a lot. And I don’t want to. I don’t want to miss you. It hurts too much. We can never go back. Cam ~

Peyton rushed to get to her locker before first period. The first week of her senior year wasn’t going so well. She’d avoided both Cameron and Julian whenever possible, but her energy was dragging from her twice daily workouts, too little food, and not nearly enough sleep. Peyton was doing all the unhealthy things she swore she’d never do to lose weight. And it wasn’t even working. I just need to lose thirty more pounds, and I’ll be back to my regular pudgy self, and then I can work on maintaining. She slammed her locker door, taking a bite of her tasteless, organic, ninety-calorie protein bar and turned around, practically running right into Addison and her mini-mes. “Jeez, Peyton,” Addison said. “Can’t you stop eating for once in your life?” Peyton scrambled to heft her backpack on her shoulder so she could remove the foil-wrapped breakfast bar hanging from her mouth.

“Honestly, you should be more careful about what you eat,” Ashley said, giving Peyton a disgusted look. “It’s only a—” But the girls wouldn’t let her finish. “Seriously, it’s for your own good,” Veronica said with a snicker as they drifted off to their first period classes. Peyton struggled to swallow the bland offensive bite. “Silly me,” she muttered. “I forgot I’m not allowed to eat in public.” She wiped her mouth, staring at the perfect slim figures of Twin Rivers High’s resident mean girls. It didn’t matter she was starving. It didn’t matter she was eating something healthy on the go. Fat people didn’t get to eat like other people. In peace and without shame. “How much weight have you lost, Peyton?” Peyton winced at the sound of a kind voice. Katie Whitmore. Undoubtedly, the quietest girl in their school—but she still somehow managed to also be one of the nicest people Peyton had ever met. “Twenty-eight pounds,” Peyton said. “And apparently not enough.” “You look great,” Katie said. “Keep up the good work, and don’t let the mean girls tear you down. You’re almost there.” She beamed a big smile at Peyton before she left for her first class. “Thanks.” I think. Almost there? What did that even mean? Almost small enough to be considered a real person again? Where was that invisible line between normal and unacceptably fat? In Peyton’s grief, she’d missed the day she’d crossed that line. It was like she’d fallen into the twilight zone. Somehow her weight gain had pushed her into an alternate world where it was suddenly okay to insult a person to their face—for their own good. A world where even the nicest people, with the best intentions, gave backhanded compliments. With a sigh, Peyton tossed the other half of her breakfast into the trash, wishing she lived in a simple world where it was okay to just be herself, no matter her

size.

“You’re late,” Ms. Miller snapped when Peyton shuffled into her second period English lit class a moment after the bell. “Take a seat.” “Sorry.” This was the worst part of her school day. As luck would have it, she was stuck sitting between the two people she wanted to avoid like the plague. Neither Cameron nor Julian met her gaze as she slid into her seat between them. They each worked hard not to speak to one another throughout the period, but it ruined her favorite subject. Halfway through the class, Peyton’s stomach growled, and she had trouble focusing on Ms. Miller’s lecture, thinking about the banana and almonds she had stashed in her locker for her afternoon snack. Finally, she raised her hand. “May I have the hall ?” With a nod from Ms. Miller, Peyton darted into the hall. She grabbed her snack from her locker and ducked into the bathroom. She was going to regret this later when she was starving again, but she had to put something in her stomach, or she wasn’t going to make it to her bland lunch of dry tuna and a small salad with a tiny portion of avocado and no dressing. Peyton propped her feet up on the bathroom stall door and let out a sigh. Munching on her banana and almonds in peace. Score! There’s no fat shaming when you eat on the toilet. She thought about eating lunch in there later, just for the peace and quiet, when she heard the bathroom door open. She saw Addie through the crack in the stall and stilled her movement. She wasn’t in the mood for another humiliating slap in the face from her former friend. Retching noises surprised her as Addie coughed and gagged in the next stall until she finally threw up. Oh, Addie, what are you doing to yourself? Addison had always demanded perfection in her life. She was the ideal beauty in every possible way, but it never seemed good enough for Addison. Was this how she attained that level of perfection? Peyton stared at her banana, thinking for a moment that maybe she

was doing it wrong. Seriously, Peyton? She chastised herself for even thinking about it. No amount of skinny was worth that price. Just when Addie came up for air after purging the contents of her stomach, Peyton’s bag of almonds slipped off her lap and onto the floor. No! “Who’s there?” Addison demanded, charging out of her stall. “Sorry.” Peyton sighed as she stepped out. Addison rushed to the sink to wash her hands and wipe her mouth. Peyton eyed the telltale teeth marks along Addison’s knuckles. “Addie,” Peyton whispered, taking a cautious step forward. “What? I don’t feel good.” She shrugged, refusing to meet Peyton’s gaze. “Seriously, Addie? Why are you doing this to yourself? It’s not worth it.” “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She focused on reapplying her lip gloss and then caught sight of the bag of almonds in Peyton’s hand. “Oh my gosh, really? You skipped out of class to eat in the bathroom?” She laughed, grabbing her purse off the bathroom counter. “You’re pathetic, Peyton.” She shoved past her, leaving Peyton alone wondering if maybe she was right.

After another silent lunch sitting with Katie Whitmore, Peyton was exhausted. The only person who seemed to be having a harder time of it was Julian. He sat alone in the cafeteria while his fellow seniors pelted him with paper, bits of food, and hateful comments. But Julian maintained an uncaring aura, reading his book with his feet up on the seat beside him like he didn’t have a care in the world. They couldn’t touch him. If only she had it that easy. As Peyton left to dump her trash, wishing for a cup of coffee to get her through the rest of the day, she heard Ashley’s hateful voice. “Why did he come back? I can’t believe he’s even showing his face here. We are all still mourning Cooper’s death, and he’s just an unwelcome reminder of what we’ve lost.” “Yeah,” Addison absently agreed. “What a loss.” Peyton’s blood boiled. She was so angry with Julian for leaving and for refusing to tell her anything about that night. But he was still her brother, and she still wanted to come to his defense and put Ashley in her place. How dare she try to own even a portion of the loss Peyton’s whole family suffered with Cooper’s death? But Peyton wasn’t strong enough for that kind of confrontation, so she put her head down and rushed for the cafeteria exit just as the bell rang. Her hands clenched into fists at her sides, she charged through the swinging doors and barreled right into Cameron. He grabbed her arms, steadying her on her feet. “You okay?” he asked. For a moment, the last eighteen months vanished, and Cameron’s touch made her shiver in anticipation of his kiss. And then something broke inside her, freeing the rage she’d fought to suppress only moments before. “No! I’m not okay.” She shoved him back a step. “Not that you even care!” she shouted as students poured into the halls. She shoved him again. It felt good. “How could

you do it, Cameron? Huh?” It felt good to scream. She stepped toward him, but he clutched her arms. “Peyton. No,” he said. “Not here.” “Really? Not here?” She shouted louder this time. “What? You don’t want everyone to know how you kissed me that night? How you told me you loved me, and then you just left? For eighteen months?” She pulled away from his grip, her eyes filling with tears. “You were supposed to be my best friend, Cameron Tucker.” Her voice trembled as the hallway grew quiet and everyone stared. “My brother died! Julian left, and my entire world fell apart.” She took a step back. “And you want to know the worst part?” She shook her head in disgust. “I learned my best friend—the boy I’d loved my whole life—was nothing but a coward.” She stumbled back, unable to bear the hurt look on his face. Peyton whirled around and walked away, careless of the stares and murmurs following her. She’d had enough for one day.

6

Cameron

~ Cam, Please don’t hate me. Peyton ~

Nothing but a coward. Peyton didn’t know the truth in her words. Cam stood frozen in the hallway as students poured from the lunchroom, their cacophony of laughter keeping him in place. He wasn’t one of them. He didn’t know if he’d ever feel like one of them again. Coward. Coward. Coward. The word latched on to the synapses in his brain, firing over and over until it was all he heard. Coward.

His gaze lingered on the end of the hall where Peyton stood, her face hidden behind the door of her locker. When his parents first told him he couldn’t come home all those months ago, he’d been relieved. He hadn’t been ready to face the town, face Peyton. His best friend needed him, and he’d abandoned her. As time went on, the training and rehab hardened both his body and his mind. He’d been taught to ignore the pain constantly rocketing up his leg. But that hadn’t been the only feeling he’d learned to avoid. Being away got easier until the distance gave him a sense of peace, a sense of calm. The best way to keep from having to face everything he’d lost was to stay away. When his trainer told him there was nothing more they could do to help him, his mother allowed him to return home. The facility he’d lived at for eighteen months was never meant to house anyone indefinitely. Especially when the athlete no longer had the promise they’d known him for. Cameron Tucker had once been meant for greatness. He hitched his bag higher on his shoulder and ducked around a group of girls congregating outside a classroom. “I’m not a coward,” he mumbled to himself as he walked through the atrium and pushed through the heavy glass doors. At least, he didn’t want to be. There was only one thing he could do to prove to himself he was better than that. His leg ached as he walked across the empty lawn of Twin Rivers High. Students weren’t allowed outside during the school day. He scanned the parking lot for the rent-a-cop usually on duty, but she wasn’t there. His too-bright car sat near the back. He’d been late for the third time in the first week of school, but he couldn’t tell anyone why. He still hadn’t managed to streamline his mornings. Before leaving the training facility, they’d fitted him for a new leg, one that could be covered completely by any pair of pants. It even had a foot that looked real if you didn’t peer too closely. It didn’t have the same functionality for running as blade runners, but at the

time, he’d been faced with the prospect of seeing everyone he’d left behind. Being able to hide the extent of his injury seemed more important. Pulling his bag from his shoulder, Cam unzipped it and fished around for his keys. As soon as he found them, he used the electronic fob to unlock the doors and wasted no time in climbing into the back seat. Peyton’s box sat in the carpeted foot well as it had since the day he got the car. Cam ran a hand over the smooth wood, letting his fingers drift under the latch. Not a coward. Not a coward. The repeated phrase replaced Peyton’s words in his mind. He lifted the lid. Three bulging envelopes rested in the unfinished oak interior. Each was labeled. He read them aloud. “You. Me. Us.” A note sat below the envelopes. He pulled it free, recognizing Peyton’s familiar scrawl. A smile tilted his lips. As he read the note, he could almost hear Peyton’s voice in his mind.

If you’re reading this, I’ve already itted how I feel about you. I hope you don’t hate me. Please don’t hate me. You’re my best friend. I know you don’t feel the same way, but we’ve always been honest with each other.

She’d been wrong. He had felt the same way when he’d kissed her that night. But she’d written the note before that. He rubbed his eyes, willing away the images of her in that tree fort, her cheeks red from the cold.

You probably think this present is stupid, but it was this or some dumb tie, and I’ve never seen you wear a tie. Oh my gosh, I should have gotten the tie, right? Well, I’m sorry, but I spent weeks on this, so no turning back now. You’re going to do amazing things, Cameron Tucker, but only if you believe it as much as I do. That’s what this present is about. Whenever you’re down or fighting with your dad, when you get a bad running time or lose a sponsorship, read one of the notes in these envelopes. There are three kinds. You: These are the things I think you need reminded of about yourself and what you can do. Me: These are the things I love about you. Us: I just want to make you smile with our favorite jokes or memories. That’s it, I guess. Again, please don’t hate me. I can take it if you don’t have feelings for me, but I can’t take losing you. Love, Pey.

Cam’s hands shook as he folded the letter once more. I can’t take losing you. Yet she had. But she wasn’t the only one. Cameron Tucker lost himself. And he didn’t know if he could ever return. He reached for the envelope with “You” written across the front. Inside were many tiny slips of paper. Each said something different. “Just one,” he whispered to himself. He wanted to prove he could face

everything he should have confronted eighteen months ago, but it wouldn’t happen all at once. Baby steps. He held the slip out in front of him. The words jumped on the paper until his vision cleared and the words hit him.

Behind all the stress of the competition and your crazy dad, this: above all, you love to run.

He closed his eyes, picturing himself in the last meet he’d ever competed in. The feel of the icy wind slapping him in the face. The vibrations racing up his legs with each step. When he ran, he never saw the finish line until he was there. At least, that was how it used to be, before the Olympics became a possibility. Before his father, a failed Olympic hopeful himself, took over Cam’s training. Even after the accident, he’d rehabbed and trained at an Olympic facility. Everyone present was there for one reason: to win. While getting used to the new leg, running only brought pain. Eventually, Cam stopped associating it with anything good. It was only something that had been taken from him. The final bell rang, signaling Cam was once again late for class. He slid from the car and slammed the door, the slip of paper still clutched in his hands. Shoving it in his pocket, he re-entered the school. By the time his last class was over, Cam had read Peyton’s words more times than he could count. He wouldn’t a single thing taught in class that afternoon, but it didn’t matter. Above all, you love to run.

He did. Once upon a time, he’d loved it. It was a part of him. He stepped into the locker room and changed into a pair of sweats he’d insisted on wearing for gym—despite the teacher’s protests. There was no way he’d have worn shorts. He left his bag inside, but he took the note from his pocket and stretched it flat against his palm as he walked outside and around the corner of the field house. The track sat like a beacon, calling to him with its chaos. That was what running was to him. Complete and utter chaos. Pounding hearts. Dripping sweat. Thundering feet. The din blocked out everything else. He’d been wrong when he thought he wanted the peace distance brought. He’d never been made for calm. He opened the gate in the chain-link fence and crossed the grassy area next to the long jump pit to where the bleachers shone in the sun. He propped his false foot up on the bottom step, making sure his balance would hold, and began his stretches. Once he felt loose, he stepped onto the spongy track. A few football players had already made it to the field in the center of the track, but Cam barely noticed them as he set his feet against the familiar white line of the starting point. He could hear the announcers in his head. Cameron Tucker, Twin Rivers own running superstar, makes his way around the curve, letting the pack envelope him before making his move. The entire state has been behind this young man, and we expect big things from him. During his first few weeks of rehab, Cam had watched his most recent meet incessantly. He’d been unable to grasp the simple fact that it was over, gone in the space of a single night. But now, all these months later, as he stood on the same starting line he’d known for years, preparing to run the familiar course, the announcer’s voice faded away, and it was just him. He bent forward, inhaling as he prepared for the chaos he craved. He closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, all he saw was the path in front of

him. As if a starting horn blasted through his mind, he jolted forward, his feet crashing into the lane. Pain seared up his thigh from where his prosthetic connected, but it only increased the havoc he’d wanted. Anything could happen out on a track. Nothing occurred the same way twice. There were no predictions, no assumptions. Cam curled into the turn, his heart pounding like a jackhammer trying to crack his chest. And it only served as a reminder that his heart was still there. He’d often wondered if he’d lost the ability to enjoy anything anymore. Maybe his heart had drifted to the bottom of Defiance Falls in the crash. But there it was. Above all, you love to run. A cool breeze blew the hair from his forehead. As he powered down the straightaway, his eyes found familiar blue orbs. She didn’t smile or acknowledge him, but she continued to watch him. He didn’t know what she saw. Did she wonder why his speed was so diminished? Did she see that his stride was out of balance or that he needed to use more force to push off his false foot? He shook his head and kept going, turning his back to her. He may have loved the chaos of running, but Peyton brought that chaos into every other part of his life. One step at a time. He let the running soothe him, take him to a place where everything was as it had been when he was a kid. His parents loved him as nothing more than a child, not their ticket to fame. His friendship with Peyton had been so simple, so easy. His running began in her backyard, racing the twins to impress her. Julian hadn’t been very good, but Coop always gave him a challenge. Then they’d laugh and go steal Mrs. Callahan’s cupcakes to bring to Peyton.

By the time he stopped running, Peyton was gone. The football team had finished their drills. of the track team ed Cam but didn’t acknowledge him. He’d never been close with them, seeing them only as competition, never friends. He’d been single-minded in his pursuit of the Olympics. Basically, an idiot. But there was one girl who’d always seen through him. “Cameron Tucker.” Her voice made him smile despite the exhaustion in his bones. He turned to find Cara Jasper with her hands on her tiny hips. Daughter of the track coach, she’d always kept a close eye on him. “Hey, Care Bear.” His smile widened. She crossed her arms. “Don’t you ‘Care Bear’ me. Where have you been?” She hesitated for a moment. “Jerk.” Cam shook his head. Cara was a ten-year-old dictator. Her mother homeschooled her, and she never missed one of her father’s track practices. Cam’s eyes took her in from her familiar springy blond curls to her small frame and the wheelchair that held it up. When he didn’t respond, she unfolded her arms and gripped her wheels, pushing them toward him. “Where have you been?” It wasn’t the first time he’d been asked the question, nor would it be the last, but it still sent a chill through him. If anyone could understand, it would be Cara. Three years before, she’d been in a car accident and had her spine crushed, an injury she never fully recovered from. She was paralyzed from the waist down. But if there was something worse than the embarrassment, Cam knew it would be the sympathy he’d get. His parents might be uncaring jerks, but at least they didn’t pretend. They never told him it would get better or that life would ever go back to normal. Cam rubbed the back of his neck. “Ah…my dad sent me to a training facility.” She nodded as if that wasn’t a surprise at all. He was Cameron Tucker, after all. State running phenom.

“I was worried about you after…” She didn’t voice it, but he knew what two words came next. The accident. Cam ruffled her hair. “Ah, kiddo, I’m fine.” He pasted on a fake smile. She narrowed her eyes and swatted his hand away. “Are you coming back to the team?” “I…” He blew out a breath. He hadn’t been ready for that question. He loved running. He loved being a part of something. But the team? Competing? The Olympics weren’t an option anymore. Didn’t that mean he was done? Cara nodded as if she understood his hesitation. “I get it. You’re on a different track than the rest of the team now. You probably have too much training to do to hang around a bunch of mediocre runners. You’re too good for us now.” “Cara—” he protested, but she cut him off. “Gotcha.” She grinned. “Well, I’m glad you’re back. I know my dad would want you on the team, but you do you. ’Kay, dude?” She held out her fist. Cam couldn’t help the laugh that escaped. “Okay.” He bumped his fist to hers. She wheeled herself away, shooting him one final smirk over her shoulder. He shook his head and stopped at the drinking fountain inside the field house. A group of footballers exited the locker room as he looked up and wiped water from his lips. Cam pushed into the locker room, stopping short when the only person present turned. Avery. It seemed it would be a day of people he’d left behind. At least Cara spoke to him as if nothing had changed. Cam went straight to his locker and pulled out his bag without saying a word. He waited for Avery to leave as his friends had, but the other boy just stood frozen in the middle of the smelly room. Ignoring him, Cam stuffed his jeans into his bag. He couldn’t change with Avery in the room. He slung his bag onto his shoulder and stepped past Avery. Before he could escape the charged room, Avery finally spoke.

“You shouldn’t have come back.” Cam straightened his spine and turned. He peered at the boy who’d been his friend and didn’t recognize the wild look in his eyes. Cam’s leg itched, but he wouldn’t give Avery the satisfaction of seeing what the accident had done to him. It destroyed all of them. Did Cam have the same ghosts in his eyes he now saw in Avery’s? “Avery…” He scratched the back of his neck. Avery shook his head, his jaw flexing. “Why are you here, Cam? We don’t want you. This town… what you did to us…” Cam stepped back. What he did to them? “Avery, I don’t understand.” Avery’s eyes blazed. “The accident,” he spat. “You were driving.” He breathed out through his nose. “You killed Cooper.” Cam stumbled back until he hit the bench in front of the lockers. He sank down. “Avery, I wasn’t—” “I don’t want to hear your excuses!” He ran a hand through his brown hair, pulling at the ends. “We shouldn’t have been in that car. You shouldn’t have been driving. This is a warning. Don’t cross us. Those of us on the football team, Coop’s team, will never forget what you did. Keep your distance, and just maybe, we won’t pound your face into the dirt.” He turned and stormed from the room before Cam could get another word in. Cam bent forward, letting his face sink into his hands. Images from that night flickered like a movie, telling the story of the tragedy of Cooper Callahan. But Cam hadn’t been behind the wheel.

“Coop, slow down.” Cam leaned between the front seats, trying to make Cooper hear him over the thumping music. Cooper’s foot sank down on the gas, and the car lurched forward. They whipped around icy curves, the car fishtailing. “Coop!” Cam latched onto his friend’s arm before glancing sideways. “Avery, talk some sense into him.” Avery only slouched lower on the seat as his eyes slid closed, and his body heaved again. He mumbled something unintelligible. How much had the two of them drank at the party? “Coop, you need to slow down before we reach the bridge.” Cooper shook his head. “My brother is following us. We need to lose him.”

Cam lifted his face as other athletes flooded the room. He stood, grabbed his bag, and walked out into the late afternoon sun. He thought of everything Avery had said about the accident, and the truth struck him in full force. Avery St. Germaine didn’t that night. He didn’t see images of a dead friend in the spaces of his mind. There was no guilt for anything that happened because he didn’t know. He hadn’t seen Julian desperately trying to save his twin in the moments before the car plunged over the falls. He didn’t know what the drop felt like. There was no moment in his mind where he knew with clear certainty he was going to die only to wake up days later. Was Avery the lucky one? Or did the blank screen of that night hold a different kind of pain?

7

Peyton

~ Peyton, I’m sorry about that night. I’m sorry I kissed you and started whatever this was supposed to be. But you have got to forget about me. Cam ~

“Ugh, are you the only waitress who works at this awful diner?” Addison looked up from her menu. “Well, you’re sitting in my section.” Peyton shrugged. “The counter has been my section on this same shift for, like, three years. You’re welcome to sit here or anywhere else.” She stood, waiting for Addison to make up her mind. It wasn’t often Addison came into the diner alone. It wasn’t often she did anything alone. “Whatever, I’m waiting on some friends.” Addison waved her away. “Sure, you just let me know when you and your friends are ready to order from this awful diner.” Peyton went back to filling the salt and pepper shakers at the

waitress station behind the counter. “Really, honey?” Peyton’s mom whispered. “What was that? You two used to be inseparable.” “We used to be a lot of things, Mom.” “Oh honey, losing Cooper was hard on everyone. Especially those who loved him and knew him the way you and your friends did. He’d be crushed to see you all scattered to the winds now.” Julian gave a disgusted snort as he rushed past them to bus tables to make room for the growing crowd. “I think it’s hardest for Julian.” She shook her head. “That one still has a lot of anger he’s not dealing with yet.” “It’s Julian, Mom. When is he ever not angry?” “I know it’s hard, Peyton, but he needs you. Honestly, you two need each other. Try to be a little more understanding.” Peyton nodded. In theory, her mom was probably right. But in reality, Coop and Julian had never gotten along. The twins were like oil and water. Unless that was what had Julian in such a foul mood since his return. Maybe he was feeling all kinds of guilt for hating his brother all those years? A crash of breaking dishes and clattering silverware pulled Peyton out of her thoughts. “Watch where you’re going!” Addison’s shrill voice rang out across the noisy diner. Peyton looked up to see Julian trying to help Addison up from the pile of dirty dishes and the slop of leftover food on the floor. Peyton suppressed a laugh when Addie slipped and fell again. “Easy now, I got you.” Julian said, taking her by the arms and pulling her to her feet. He held her close, trying to keep her from slipping again. She stared at him

for a moment in surprise—the way people often did when they confused him with Cooper. “No.” She struggled to move away from him, slipping and falling once again in the mess. “It’s okay, Addie.” Julian crouched beside her. “No. Get away from me!” She scrambled across the floor, smearing ranch dressing across her red dress. Peyton frowned, stepping out from behind the counter. Something wasn’t right. She knew Addison Parker better than most people. She wasn’t mad or embarrassed. Addie was…scared. “Let me help you, Addie,” Julian said, taking another step toward her. “Don’t touch me.” Her voice shook as she threw her hands up in front of her face as if to protect herself. “Hey, Addison,” Julian said. “Look at me.” He crouched down beside her. “Look at my eyes. See? One brown and one blue. I’m not him.” He sat next to her, careful not to touch her as she took a deep breath. Her hands fell back to her lap. “Right,” she whispered. “Julian.” “Sorry I ran into you with this crap. Send us your dry-cleaning bill.” He made light of the stressful moment as he got Addison back on her feet and away from the slippery mess. The moment she looked up to the sea of faces watching their exchange, Addie’s face flushed bright red, and she bolted for the door. Julian took a step to follow her. “Don’t,” Peyton called as she grabbed Addie’s purse and keys from her seat at the counter and followed her out the door.

Why on earth would Addison Parker be afraid of Julian? “What was that?” Peyton jogged across the parking lot to where Addison leaned against her car. “Nothing.” Addison straightened, wiping her eyes. “Addie, are you okay?” Peyton’s voice softened. “Fine,” she snapped. “What happened to us, Addison? We used to be friends?” “Friends? Addison glared at her. “Friends don’t abandon their friends when they need them the most.” She snatched her purse and keys from Peyton’s hands. “Friends don’t let a stupid guy eclipse everything else going on around them.” “What are you talking about?” “You! You were so wrapped up in your own little world that night…” She shook her head in disgust. “A lot of people have failed me in my life, Peyton. I just never thought you’d be one of them.” She stepped into her car and slammed the door, leaving Peyton bewildered.

“Oh my gosh! They’re here. They’re here!” Addison’s voice hit a piercing note, making Peyton cringe. “Calm down, girl. You’re trying to play it cool, . We don’t care if the cheerleaders show up to your party or not.” Peyton adjusted the adorable string of Christmas lights woven into Addie’s hair. “Right.” Addison nodded. “Go hang out with Coop,” Nari suggested. “They’re all half in love with him even if they won’t it it. It’ll impress them to know you hang with him and some of the guys from the team.” “Good idea. I’ll see you girls later.” She turned to go but whirled back around. “Peyton Lillian Callahan, why aren’t you off seducing Cameron?” “Julian crashed our date when he hitched a ride with us, and it was weird when we got here. He’s off with Avery now.” “Ugh, Julian’s such a jerk. I didn’t even invite him.” “You know he doesn’t care about stuff like that,” Nari said, frowning at the way Addison swayed on her feet as she took another sip of her drink. “You should slow down, Addie.” She took the cup from her friend. “The party is just getting started.” “I didn’t eat anything today, so it’s hitting me harder than usual.” Addie ran her hand over her clammy brow. “Go find Coop and tell him to feed you,” Peyton said. “I’m going to find Cam and get this date back on track.” “Look for the mistletoe!” Addison called. “I hung them everywhere!” Addie stumbled, clutching Nari for . “Thanks.” Peyton waved. “Don’t be such a lightweight, Addie! Go find a

sandwich or something with actual carbs.”

Peyton shook her head, mopping up the mess Julian had made when he ran right into Addison heading for the bathroom. It doesn’t make sense. Nothing about that Christmas Eve party more than a year ago ed for Addison’s behavior just now. How did I fail her? Addie was just as excited about finally getting Peyton and Cameron under the mistletoe as Peyton was. She’d hung the stuff everywhere just for them. “How can I fix something when I don’t even know what’s broken?”

8

Cameron

~ Cam, I know you’re better than they think you are. Peyton ~

“No,” Cam groaned. Water filled his lungs as he struggled to break the surface. His left leg had gone numb before the water even pushed him over the falls. He sucked in a breath as his head emerged from the frothing water. Cam’s eyes snapped open, and he bolted upright, the blanket falling from around his waist. “Cam, honey. You’re okay.” His mother sat at the end of his bed. Her voice didn’t calm him as a mother’s should. As it once had. He slid back until he rested against his headboard. His pillow had fallen to the floor at some point during the night. He never ed the exact dreams, but the ice they left in his veins remained. “Cam,” his mother tried again. “When was the last time you slept through the night?” Cecilia Tucker liked to believe she took care of him. She liked to think

he needed her. But over the years, her fitness empire left little time for unimportant family life. The day after the accident, she’d gone back to work making her celebrity fitness videos and letting his father arrange to send Cam away from home. Her eyes scanned his face for only a moment before traveling down to where his stump now lay uncovered. Her eyes widened only a fraction, just enough for the anger in Cam to bubble to the surface. Eighteen months later and now his deformity surprised her? The psychologist they had made him see at the training center would have chastised him for the term deformity. She always told him his loss didn’t make him weaker or less than but only unique. Everyone had their own set of challenges, she’d say. This was his. He yanked the blanket back over himself and met her sorrowful gaze. He had no illusions that her sorrow was for him. She hated what she’d lost. There was a time when their family was on the rise. She was the fitness guru who had a son destined for the Olympics and a husband who’d get him there. “Cam.” She sighed, moving past the awkwardness. “Your father and I need to speak with you. Please come downstairs.” Without another word, she rose, flattened the creases in her dress pants, and left the room. Cam leaned his head back, lifting his eyes to the stars above. He shifted sideways and scooted his legs over the edge of the bed. Peyton’s wooden box sat on the table beside it. He’d brought it in from the car for the first time, thinking it would help chase away the darkness in his mind. But some darkness was absolute. He rubbed his tired eyes and leaned down, reaching for the silicone socket that sometimes felt like it had become part of him. He rolled it on, taking his time, before grabbing the prosthetic and aligning it with the pin before pulling it up. All the air from the socket left almost like it had been placed in a vacuum. When Cam first started training how to walk with the prosthetic, the limb had

felt foreign on his body. Now, it was as if it had always been there. For him, at least. The people of Twin Rivers wouldn’t see it that way. He pushed himself from the bed and managed to get dressed without falling like he still sometimes did. Down in the kitchen, his parents sat at the small white table, waiting for him. Matching timid expressions greeted him. His smoothie sat ready on the counter, but he didn’t touch it. Instead, he went to the cabinet and pulled out the box of pop tarts he hadn’t bothered to hide. When he was training for the Olympics, he’d never imagined himself indulging in sugar and carbs. Now, he didn’t care. If he was going to sit down with his parents, he’d need the boost. His father drummed his fingers on the table as Cam sat. His mother shifted her eyes away, unable to look at him after seeing his stump. Fine. He bit into his pop tart. His father scowled. “Cameron, you shouldn’t eat such things if you’re going to train.” Cam almost choked on his food. He swallowed. “Excuse me? Train?” He did realize what had happened to him, right? Even the coaches at the center couldn’t get him to a point where he’d had any hope of succeeding. That was why they sent him home after so long. His father sighed as if the answer was obvious. “Coach Jasper told me you’ve been running on the school track. I don’t know why you didn’t tell me.” One time. He’d been to the track once, and word reached his father. “Unbelievable.” He tried to push back from the table, but his father gripped the back of his chair. “You will stay until we’re finished.” Cam shook his head but didn’t try to leave again. Allen Tucker never backed down until he got his way. At least, not anymore. He’d once been like Cam, an Olympic hopeful with big dreams. Cam’s dreams had been crushed through no fault of his own, but his father lost his chance by making the wrong choices. The

name Allen Tucker became synonymous with performance-enhancing drugs. He’d spent every moment since then trying to get back to the show. For a while, Cam was his ticket. His father was quiet for a moment before uttering one word. “Paralympics.” Cam sat back, the full force of the word striking him in the chest. His father had always claimed the Paralympics weren’t a real competition. He’d been wrong. Those men and women earned every one of their medals. They were the strongest athletes in the world. But Cam’s father was a jerk. Cam considered his next words carefully. “I’ve tried this, Dad. For eighteen months, you sent me across the country to a training facility. It. Did. Not. Help.” Cam’s mother placed a hand on his arm. “We didn’t send you, dear. You needed time to recover away from this place. You chose to go.” This was too much. If they believed that, they were delusional. His parents paid a lot of money for him to spend so long there. His father pulled in favors to keep him there after he refused to train for months on end. He’d even sent a threatening letter to Cam when he heard Cam wouldn’t run once his rehab was complete. That was when the psychologist visits began. Eventually, he’d started running again. But he’d refused to change his prosthetic once he’d gotten used to it. He hadn’t cared that others would allow him to increase his speed. “We need to get you blades.” His father’s voice cut through his self-pitying inner argument. He snapped his head up, meeting the stern eyes of his father, his coach. “No.” His father rose from his chair, towering over the table. “What do you mean, no?” Cam stood to face him. “I don’t want to do it anymore. I’m done competing.” “I didn’t raise a quitter, boy!” Red veins snaked up his father’s neck.

“No, you raised a machine and then threw me away when I broke. Let me ask you something, Dad. I’ve been training to make it to the Olympics for years. Have you ever once wondered if I wanted to do it? Did you even consider that a teenage boy might not want to wake up at five AM every morning? He might want to be able to keep friends without feeling like it was only a distraction?” He glanced from his father to his open-mouthed mother. “That he might have wanted to recover from the worst night of his life surrounded by his family instead of a bunch of therapists at some unfamiliar clinical rehab facility.” Cam stepped back from the table. “When I left here, I’d lost everything, but I was still me. Still Cam. Do you want to know what eighteen months of pain and strangers and abandonment did to me? Just look. Do you see your son standing before you.” He turned his back on them, shaking his head. “I didn’t think so.” He climbed the stairs to his room and stuffed a pair of sweats and a T-shirt in a duffle before sliding in Peyton’s box. He couldn’t be in his house for a moment longer. At least tonight. After he grabbed his keys and opened the front door, he froze. A man stood on the doorstep, lifting his hand to knock. Cam scanned his ill-fitting suit and toocharming grin. “Cameron Tucker.” He stuck out his hand. Cam only glared at it. This was just perfect. He could spot a reporter anywhere. The man dropped his hand, seemingly unfazed. “I’m here to talk to you about your return to the Olympic chatter.” Cam glanced back over his shoulder to where his father now stood in the entryway. “Talk to him.” He pushed past him and hurried to his car before anyone could stop him. Tossing his bag in the back seat, he climbed in. He needed to see the one person who’d understand. The one person he’d pushed away. You’re a coward.

He had been. He’d given everything he could to his father. He’d let him try to live his dreams through his son. Cam didn’t know what lay in his future, but he couldn’t go back to training. Not yet. Not when there were other pieces of himself he had to find first. Above all, you love to run. And training stole that love. He wanted it back. A few minutes later, he pulled up in front of the house that had felt more like home than his own. Peyton might be mad at him, hurt, but she’d never turn him away. Not when he needed her. He breathed deeply and opened the door. The front lawn leading up to the large red-brick house was manicured to perfection. Flowering bushes sat along the front underneath large bay windows. He forced himself to keep walking despite the nerves in his stomach. His fingers gripped the cold bronze knocker. Before he could stop himself, he knocked it against the door three times. At first, no one came. He was about to turn around in defeat when the door swung open and Cooper’s face greeted him. His breath came out in short pants until his mind cleared. Not Cooper. Julian. Julian’s eyes held the only bit of emotion he showed. Shock. Did he want Cam to leave? He probably did. An image of Julian on the hood of the car, crowbar in hand, knocked the air from Cam’s lungs. He shook his head and met the other boy’s eyes. As he peered closer, he could see little changes. His face had lost any bit of softness he’d once had. Dark stubble coated his jaw. But it was the way he held himself that spoke of everything they’d been through. Julian had always had a carefree grace about him. Both twins had. Now, his posture was stiff, almost as if he considered each movement before making it. “Cam,” he finally said, his voice gruff as if he’d only just woken up.

“Julian.” They stared at each other a moment longer before Julian finally sighed. “What are you doing here?” That was a good question. Suddenly, Cam didn’t know anymore. He hadn’t been friends with Julian since they were kids, but they’d spent a considerable amount of time together with Peyton and Coop. Yet, seeing Julian felt like looking at himself. The same grief he’d been carrying reflected back at him. No one else knew what it had felt like to be in that car. No one except Cam and Julian. Avery didn’t . Cooper was gone. Cam rubbed the back of his neck. “I…uh…” “Cameron?” Mrs. Callahan appeared behind Julian and slapped him on the back of the head. “Why didn’t you invite him in?” She turned her kind eyes on Cam. The kind of look Peyton always hated because she felt her mother approved of Cam more than she did her own daughter. “Cam, honey.” She smiled. “Why don’t you come in? Peyton is in the shower, but you’re welcome to wait for her.” She pushed Julian out of the way. “We’ve missed you around here.” He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t cross that threshold while she stared at him expectantly. He took a step back. “Mom,” Julian grumbled. “Leave him alone.” Mrs. Callahan frowned. “Julian, weren’t you practicing your guitar?” He took the hint and threw his hands up in surrender before walking away. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Callahan.” Cam stumbled back. “This was a mistake.” He turned, mumbling to himself. “Everything was a mistake.” She watched him get into his car, and she was still there when he drove away.

Cam slammed the door of his car and walked toward the hill that sloped down to the falls. He clutched Peyton’s box under one arm as he tried to descend to where the rushing water crashed against the rocks. He’d been to the river since returning to Twin Rivers, but he’d avoided Defiance Falls. But no matter how far away he stayed, it never left his mind. In the distance, the bridge shone in the sun. Concrete pylons rose up to embrace the busy road as it meandered over the water. He averted his eyes, choosing instead to focus on his footing. He’d grown used to the prosthetic over the months, but some skills were still a struggle. Going downhill, for one. His toe hit the grass, sending him pitching forward. The box crashed to the ground, but someone gripped his arm before he could follow it. He released a breath and steadied himself before glancing down to make sure his leg was still covered. Satisfied, he finally glanced at the person who’d save him from tumbling down to the path at the bottom of the hill. Nari released him with a smile, her eyes crinkling behind the thick frames of her glasses. “Hey.” She stuck her hands in the pockets of her jean shorts and kicked her toe against the ground. Cam hadn’t expected company at the falls, but only a cold-hearted person could turn Nari away. As shy as she was, she was still one of the nicest girls in their school. When he didn’t respond, she raised an eyebrow and bent to pick up the box he’d dropped. “Are these the notes Peyton gave you that night?” No one who’d been there needed to ask which night she was referring to. Some of the notes had spilled on the ground. One lifted into the air as the breeze struck it. Nari jumped forward and snatched it before it blew away. She stared at the note and then jerked her hand toward him. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have read that.”

Cam hesitated before taking the note. It wasn’t until his eyes fell to the words that he knew which of Peyton’s envelopes it had come from.

I know you better than they do.

It was a “me” note with an arrow at the bottom. He flipped the slip of paper over.

I know you’re better than they think you are. You’re my best friend, Cameron Tucker.

She was wrong. He wasn’t any different from his parents. They’d abandoned him after the accident by sending him away. He’d abandoned Peyton by leaving without a word. He opened the box and stuck the note inside before slamming the lid and tossing it onto the grass. She’d given him the present when she thought her words would help him through everything. When she knew him better than anyone else. He brushed the hair from his eyes and focused on the churning falls. It was strange how the worst day of his life happened right there, yet he felt a kinship to the thrashing water. It never calmed, never settled. It was as if it took hold of him that night and continued to rage inside him. Nari stood silently next to him. Cam could have forgotten she was even there if he didn’t crave company so much. Her presence was a welcome distraction. For all the time he’d spent alone over the past year, he’d never felt the crushing weight of loneliness. Not until returning to Twin Rivers. Not until he tried to step

back into his old life only to feel his own absence. Like he was a shadow, desperately trying to grasp onto something, anything familiar, before fading away. Cam descended the rest of the way down the hill to where the walking path meandered by the falls, sloping up toward where the two rivers converged on the north side of the bridge. A rail divided the walking paths from the flowing water. That hadn’t been there before. Neither had the warning signs marking the edge of the water. As if reading his thoughts, Nari spoke. “They put those up after the accident.” “But this isn’t where the accident took place.” He lifted his eyes in the direction of the bridge though he couldn’t see it from where he stood. “There’s a sign on the bridge too, but they put more up when there’s ice.” Cam nodded. Ice. Right. Because the bridge wasn’t a dangerous part of the road, not normally. The road leading to it curved and wound down alongside the river, but the speed slowed as you reached the crossing. That night, the bridge became deadly, but it wasn’t through any fault other than the boys in that car. Cam released a breath and sat on the bench near the rail, leaning forward with his elbows resting on his knees. Nari set the box aside for a second time and took a seat beside him. “How did you know I’d be here?” Cam asked. Nari pulled her long ebony hair over one shoulder and tucked her hands under her thighs. “I didn’t.” She chewed on her lip for a moment of hesitation. “I was pulling up to Peyton’s as you were leaving, so I followed you.” Cam lifted a brow and peered sideways at her. “Why?” “Why?” Confusion flickered across her face. “Yeah, why? You seem to be the only person in this stupid town who doesn’t stare at me every time I’m near.”

“Maybe I just don’t find you all that pleasant to look at.” She pressed her lips together to suppress a smile. Cam shook his head, the beginnings of a genuine smile tilting his lips. He’d almost forgotten what that felt like. “You talk to me as if nothing has changed. I don’t understand. It seems like everyone else wishes I’d just stayed gone so I didn’t have to come home and remind them of what happened.” Nari’s smile fell. “If by everyone you mean Peyton, you have to cut her some slack. You’re not the only one who suddenly returned. Julian is back, and believe me, if you think you have issues in this town, you don’t know the half of it. You’ll eventually move on, eventually get over the accident. But Julian… He has to see Cooper every time he looks in the mirror. Peyton has to see him every time she’s near Julian. And their parents…” She shook her head. “It’s been eighteen months, Cam, but this town still hurts.” Cam rubbed the metal of his leg through his pants. Nari didn’t know that he too had a constant reminder. Nari sighed. “Pey was doing okay. Sort of. None of this has been easy for her.” She poked his side. “And you coming back only made it harder.” He rubbed a hand over his face. “I know. But I just can’t…” He shook his head. Nari was quiet for a moment. “Why aren’t you running?” He shrugged, but Nari didn’t let that be enough. “Everyone thought you were back to take the track team to state one final time before ing the Olympic team. Or at least trying to make it. You’ve spent the last eighteen months training, haven’t you? Why stop now?” Cam lifted his head to look at her. “Nari, just say what I know you truly want to say.” Nari didn’t know the entire truth, but she knew more than anyone else. She’d sent Cam letters every month. He didn’t know how she’d pried the address out of his mom, and he’d hated receiving anything from home. At first. But she spoke mostly of Peyton, and it helped him get through everything. But, it meant she knew the kind of facility he’d been in. Training, yes, but also rehabilitation. And the look she gave him said she knew more than she’d let on.

He rubbed the back of his neck and let his eyes drift to the water again. “You know.” She nodded. “I haven’t told anyone if that’s what you’re worried about.” Her words came rapidly. “Peyton was having a really hard time, so I wanted to figure out when you were coming home. I went to your house and found your mother…drunk.” Cam snapped his eyes to hers. “My mother doesn’t get drunk.” She’d always been so careful with her image, saying letting alcohol control one’s actions was sloppy and undignified. Nari shrugged. “She missed you.” He shook his head. Another thing that didn’t sound like his mother. “When was this?” “A few months after the accident. She answered the door, and I knew something was off right away. Your father wasn’t home. I called Peyton, and she came. We got your mom to bed and then stayed to make sure she was okay. Peyton stayed the entire night, but as I was leaving, I found something on the table by the door. It had tears soaked into the page, and I wanted to see what it was that could make a woman like your mom break down.” She brought her hands into her lap and wrung them together. “My mother always tells me I’m too nosy for my own good.” She laughed nervously. “But it had your name on it. I just wanted to help your mom and help Peyton.” “Nari.” Cam clenched the edges of the bench. “Spit it out.” “It was a progress report from a physical therapist. That’s how I got the center’s address. They detailed how you were doing with your…prosthetic.” Cam closed his eyes, waiting for the feeling of shame to go away. A pressure on his hand made him opened his eyes. He didn’t know what he expected to see in Nari. Pity? Was that why she was the only person who accepted him back into her life? The only one who didn’t make him work for it?

“I think you should tell her.” It took a moment for Nari’s words to in his mind. He stood and turned away to pace toward the rail. “Why didn’t you?” “Because it would hurt her to hear it from anyone other than you.” Cam turned. “Hurt her? I’m missing a leg, Nari. How does that hurt her?” Nari stood, uncharacteristic anger rising in her eyes. “So what?” He clenched his jaw. “I think you should go.” She crossed her arms. “Peyton is my friend. I won’t leave until I’ve said what needs to be said.” “And what exactly is that?” “I’m sorry you were injured, Cam. I am. It sucks. I’m sorry your parents are dicks and that your homecoming has been…not great. But you know what? It’s a leg. Just flesh. You got a replacement. And running… I know you could still do it if you wanted. You lost your dream. Again, so what? None of that matters!” She sighed, the tension leaving her shoulders. “We are what matters. Not our legs or any other physical thing we could lose. Pey lost herself when Coop died and Julian left. She lost you. That’s worse than any leg. I’ve watched that girl be in love with you the entire time I’ve known her. And yet, you’ve made her feel unlovable.” A tear slid down her cheek. “How could you do that, Cam? After everything that’s been taken from you, how could you give away the one thing that was irreplaceable?” She turned to trudge back up the hill and paused. “Peyton won’t care about the leg, Cam. It doesn’t make you damaged. It doesn’t change who you were before. I hope you can find him, the Cam we all knew. When you do, please bring Peyton back to us. We all need her. Not everyone sees that. Coop is gone. Julian is…something else. Avery blames all of us. And Addison… Something happened to her that night to take her from us too. Peyton is the glue, or the metal, used to fill the holes on our cracked surface. And you… You’re the crazy old guy on the beach with a metal detector, trying to find the treasure that’s been buried in the sand.”

She turned her head to meet his eyes and smirked. Cam couldn’t help his smile. “Crazy old guy on the beach, huh?” She nodded. “Completely crazy. But you’ll find her. You always do.” She climbed the rest of the way up the path to her car. Cam sat back down on the bench, Nari’s words rolling around in his mind. She was usually the quietest among them, the self-proclaimed nerd of the group. But maybe she saved her words for just when they needed to hear them. She’d done it before on the night of the accident. She’d said the words that gave him the courage to face his feelings for Peyton. It doesn’t make you damaged. It doesn’t change who you were before. He fumbled open Peyton’s box, pulling out the envelope marked “Us.” The note he chose was longer than the rest. Peyton’s words rolled off the paper, cloaking him in their memories.

Do you when we were kids? We thought nothing could ever hurt us. We were wrong. But every time I hurt, Cam, you’re there. No matter what happens, we’ll always be there for each other.

“No matter what happens,” he whispered, folding the note and slipping it into his pocket. Nari was right. Cam’s leg wouldn’t change the way Peyton saw him. She was better than that. He had to tell her before she found out some other way. Could he fix them before it was too late?

9

Peyton

~ Peyton, You’re going to be okay without me. You have to be. Cam ~

“Listen to this one,” Katie said.

“The pursuit of perfection is an illusion none of us will ever attain. No matter how thin, pretty, or rich we are there will always be something society tells us isn’t good enough—something we’re supposed to be ashamed about. Two days ago at lunch, one of my ‘friends’ said she’d rather kill herself than be fat—and she looked right at me when she said it, like I should take her advice! Luckily I’m strong enough not to care what she says, but there are plenty of girls out there who would let a comment like that affect them. But you know what’s sad? According to my doctor I am at the perfect weight for my height and age. I’m a healthy weight and I have people telling me I should

kill myself for being fat? Is that really what our reality is like? Why do we do this to each other?” @Healthy&HappySoLeaveMeAlone

“Yes! That’s so perfect,” Peyton said. “I need to pull that quote for the project portfolio.” “You’re so going to win this scholarship, Peyton,” Katie said. “I can’t believe people at our school are really using my app. I kinda thought the initial interest would fade after a few weeks.” “Now that we’re back at school, No BS is even more popular.” Katie tapped a few more keys on her computer, checking the latest app activity. “I’m kind of obsessed with it myself.” She laughed. “I check it all the time.” “I couldn’t have done it without you and your mom’s help,” Peyton said. “I wish I could pay your mom for all the work she’s done helping me get the security system in place. No BS would never work if we couldn’t guarantee absolute anonymity to our s, or at least work toward that. And I would have fallen flat on my face without your mad coding skills.” “We make a good team,” Katie said. “I don’t have the creativity to do what you’ve done with the app. It’s really amazing, Peyton. I’m thrilled to be a part of it behind the scenes.” “I wish there was a scholarship in it for you too.” Peyton felt bad that Katie had spent so much time volunteering to help with Peyton’s summer project when there wasn’t much in it for her. The grand prize was a full ride to Peyton’s choice of STEM-focused universities. Peyton had a talent for coding, but there were some aspects she was still learning. That was where Katie’s mom swooped in and saved the day. “I’m happy to help. It’s so rewarding to see so many people dealing with the same issues and coming together on this app to each other. It’s phenomenal.”

“It really has opened my eyes in a way I never expected,” Peyton itted. “When I started planning No BS, I had girls like me in mind. The fat girls who never get a voice. Do you know how hard it is to listen to people ridicule a girl with a weight problem and then watch her brush it off like it’s no big deal because she’s really not allowed to defend herself. Girls like me see that harsh judgment in everyone’s eyes wherever we go, but our bodies are all anyone ever sees. People don’t see my GPA or how I speak two languages and can code circles around our STEM team. They don’t see how kind I am or how creative I am. They don’t see the things that make me the person I am. All they see is the imperfection I wear for the world to see every day of my life. Other people can hide their imperfections, but fat girls don’t get that luxury. So, I made No Body Shame to give them a small community where they could vocalize their deepest hurts and fears to like-minded listeners. But then I discovered this whole other world of secret hurts and shames that we all deal with no matter how big or small, and I realized No BS was for a much larger community.” “I’m glad you opened it to the whole school and not just a beta group.” Katie started packing her things. “It’s opened my eyes too. I always thought I was alone in my struggles. Few people give the weird girl with the odd fashion sense much credit either. I’m easy to mock, and I know it. I used to think I should conform just to get the targets off my back. I tried for a little while in ninth grade, but I hated me, and everyone else was just as indifferent as ever.” She shrugged. “So I promised myself that I would just let my freak flag fly and be happy with who I am. Having No BS has shown me there are plenty of other weirdos out there who feel the same way. I’ve made a few new friends on the app, and we’ve even met IRL, and it’s been great. Your app gave me the kind of friends I never thought I’d have. And that includes you.” Katie leaned in to give Peyton a hug. “You deserve whatever good things come from No BS. I can’t imagine you won’t win. No Body Shame is exactly the kind of online social experiment the competition was made for. You’ve got this in the bag, Peyton.” “We’ll see.” Peyton sighed. “The final submissions are due this week, and I’m so nervous!” “When will you find out if you won?” “The grand prize will be awarded right before the holidays.” And that was the reason Peyton had entered in the first place. No matter how small her chances were, if she made it all the way, she could count on having a great distraction

during the worst time of year for her and her family. And if she actually won, then this time next year she would be far, far away from Twin Rivers and all its bad memories. “I’ll have my fingers crossed for you,” Katie said as she left. Peyton sat at her laptop, engrossed in the No BS comments from the past few days. She attempted to respond to everyone, but the more popular the app got, the harder it was for her to keep up. Her STEM studies teacher, Mr. Hale, was really impressed with her project and wanted to present it to the state school board after the winners were announced. He thought the app should be available statewide to all public schools. Peyton smiled at the very idea of so many schools participating in something she created.

“I had an argument with my best friend over a stupid dress! She borrowed my favorite dress for a date she was really excited about. But she’s way more chesty than I am and accidentally split the bust seam. I was upset, and I called her a fat slut, like just because she has big boobs that automatically makes her a slut? I don’t even know why I said that! What’s wrong with me? How do I fix this?” @GirlsBeKindToGirls

@GirlsBeKindToGirls, Unfortunately us girls have inherited some bad habits from previous generations. Somehow the busty girl is supposed to be the slut and the mean girl has to be mean in order to stay on top of the rest of us, the girl with glasses is always the smarty pants nerd and the cheerleader is the snobby rich girl. It’s like we’re programmed to think this way and make these snap judgments that have no real basis in truth. We have got to be the generation that stops this madness.

If she’s really your best friend, she will forgive you. True best friends forgive and forget—no matter what. But you’ve got to own up to your mistakes and really talk about what you said and why you said it. Talk it out with your friend and then make a No BS pact to never body shame each other again. Best of luck @CupcakesAreMyNemesis, @NoBSmod

Peyton clicked send before her own words really resonated with her. True best friends forgive and forget—no matter what. Did that include surviving the death of a brother and the disappearance of said friend? Since his return, Peyton had avoided Cameron as much as possible. Facing him, facing everything that had happened, was just too much. But what kind of friend was she if she didn’t give their friendship a chance? Didn’t give Cam a chance? She’d gained weight since that night, and she hated herself for it, but the Cameron she knew would never judge her. He was better than that.

10

Cameron

~ Cam, Do you when we were kids? We thought nothing could ever hurt us. We were wrong. Peyton ~

Son, we think you need to see a shrink. Of course, because his father would only use the term that belittles their profession. It was how he operated. The appointment must have been his mother’s idea. His father was more of the “man up” kind of guy. Cam let the appointment card fall into the trash can. He’d seen a psychiatrist during his entire stay at the Emerson facility. They’d claimed it was necessary for his recovery. Maybe it had been, but all he ed about it was sitting in front of a complete stranger being asked to spill his innermost thoughts. He’d never even been someone who’d shared how he felt with the people he trusted. He replaced the appointment card that had been in his hand with another one of

Peyton’s notes.

Potato Pancakes.

Just two words and Peyton could help him forget about another crummy conversation with his parents. Potato Pancakes. During freshman year, Peyton’s mother was hospitalized with exhaustion. Peyton’s father wouldn’t leave the hospital, which meant the diner either had to close or be run by four teenagers. Mrs. Callahan told them to close the doors and turn customers away. She even called the cook herself and told him not to come in. But, Peyton, being Peyton, decided they could handle it. She enlisted Cam to help her cook while Cooper and Julian waited tables. It wasn’t until they got there that she learned the only thing Cam knew how to cook was a potato pancake recipe his grandma taught him. She didn’t panic though. She still trusted him in the kitchen more than her brothers. So, she put out a sign that called it potato pancake day. The four of them perfected the pancake flip—sending a potato pancake flying from the griddle to a plate held by one of the twins. They were such a hit Mrs. Callahan had them do it again the next year. She also made them clean every inch of that kitchen for disobeying her order to close. He read the note again. Potato pancakes. The memory of the four of them together put a huge smile on his face. Who needed therapy when they had Peyton? But he didn’t have Peyton. Not quite. He wanted her back, like they used to be. Lazy weekends in the diner. Hanging out by the river. . Friendship. How

could he have given all of that up? He shook his head and walked across the track to where his second-favorite girl sat next to the bleachers. He dropped onto the seat beside her and looked over her shoulder at her phone. “What’s up, Care Bear?” She shoved her phone in her pocket as if he’d caught her doing something she shouldn’t be doing. She looked sideways at him. “Cam Jam.” He raised an eyebrow, but she only shrugged. “Trying it out.” “What were you reading?” He nodded to where her phone stuck out of her pocket. It lit up with a new notification. “Nothing.” She spoke too quickly. For once, Cam wasn’t the one hiding something, and he enjoyed the feeling. “Was it a boy, Cara?” He suppressed a grin. “Ugh. Gross.” She screwed up her face. “Like I want to go anywhere near a smelly creature like you.” Her cheeks blazed red. A few months before he left, Coach Jas pulled him aside and told him he worried Cara had a crush. He’d wanted Cam to be careful with her feelings. Coach hadn’t needed to worry. Cam wasn’t like the other jerks on the team who ignored the kid tagging along. He liked her. But coach had been wrong about the crush. She’d only wanted a friend. Cam recognized that now because the same loneliness existed in him as well. He wished he’d seen it at the time. She studied him for a moment then let out a sigh. “You really want to know?” He gripped the arm of her wheelchair. “Only if you want to tell me.” She lifted her eyes to the gray afternoon sky. It was only a matter of time before rain overtook their Saturday. “Fine.” She pulled her phone free and unlocked the screen before handing it to him.

Cam could feel Coach Jas’s eyes on them as they talked. It wasn’t unusual for the team to have Saturday practices on off weeks when there wasn’t a meet. None of the runners paid them any mind. His eyes fell onto the logo at the top of the screen. “No BS. What’s this?” “No Body Shame.” She clutched her hands in her lap. “It’s supposed to only be for the high school but all the kids at the lower school have found a way to the app.” He scanned the paragraphs of text, each attributed to a different screen name.

Sometimes, when they tell me I should hate the hijab on my head, I believe them. @BeingDifferentSucks

Why can’t I look like everyone else? Nothing works to stop the breakouts. I don’t blame them. I don’t want to look at my face either. Their words hurt, but they’re nothing I haven’t said to myself a thousand times. @HidingInTheShadows

Cam scrunched his brow. “Care Bear.” He rubbed the ridge of his nose and scrolled down.

Damaged. That’s what they tell me I am. And they’re right. I am broken. My body doesn’t work the same way as anyone else’s. I can’t even walk without having trouble. There are times when I can’t get a single one of my muscles to work. I fell down a packed stairwell last week. And the sad thing is that isn’t even the most embarrassing thing that has happened to me because of this stupid illness. @TheBrokenDoll

When Cam let the phone fall into Cara’s lap, she touched his arm. “How…” He shook his head. “I’ve never seen this app before.” “It’s new. Apparently created by a senior. No one knows who. I heard some of the team talking about it. Everything on it is anonymous. Cam…” He met her soft brown eyes. “Yeah, Care?” “Can you tell me the truth?” “About what?” She let out an exasperated breath. “About you. You come back after a year and a half and claim to have been training for the Olympics, yet something isn’t right. I saw you run. Your gait is off. Most people don’t have a near perfect stride, but you did. Something changed that. And you’re slow. Like, ungodly slow. The Cam I knew would never have let himself run like crap.” Cam sat back. “You’re ten. You shouldn’t be able to see all of this.” She tore her eyes from his. “Eleven, actually. You’d know that if you’d been here.” Cara had always been like the little sister Cam never had, and he suddenly needed someone to get him, to know what he was going through, and tell him it was okay to deal with it in his own way. She was a kid but more perceptive than any adult he knew. There was no curiosity in her gaze. She wasn’t a gossip who

wanted to know the latest news. She was worried. He pushed himself from the bleachers, feeling Peyton’s note still in the palm of his hand. Potato Pancakes. A time when he’d been happy, content. He wanted that again, and the first step was telling someone, anyone, what had happened to him. Facing his greatest fear. “Can you come with me?” he asked. Cara nodded. “Sure, Cam Jam.” He gripped the handles of her wheelchair and pushed her around the side of the bleachers where they wouldn’t be seen by those on the track. He stopped and turned her to face him. “This isn’t a very good abduction,” she smirked. “You aren’t supposed to stop.” “Cara…” He choked out her name as fear seized him. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t show her. His mind drifted back to the app she’d shown him full of people facing the same kind of fear. They all worried about showing anyone who they really were. “Just tell me, Cam.” The story spilled out of him, and he wouldn’t have been able to stop the words if he tried. “I woke up days after the accident, and it was gone.” “What, Cam? What was gone?” He closed his eyes. “Half of my leg.” A tiny gasp escaped her lips. She reached for him, but he stepped back. “Can I…” She paused. “Can I see it?” He’d expected the question, but he hadn’t been prepared for it. The air rushed from his lungs. Breathe, he told himself. Keep breathing. His lungs finally expanded again, and he nodded. This was his first step to telling everyone else. Peyton. Nari. Even Avery and Julian.

They would all see what that night took from him. He bent and pulled up the pant leg covering his artificial leg. Cara’s eyes slid over the metal surface, taking in every inch. “You’re just like me,” she finally said, shooting him a grin. “A robot.” He let the leg of his pants fall just as a loud gasp sounded behind him. He felt her presence before he turned. As the dread built in his gut, pain rocketed up his leg. He grit his teeth, trying to ignore it as he met Peyton’s wide eyes. The look he saw there was one he’d never forget.

11

Peyton

~ Peyton, The accident… It broke me. It took something from me, but I’m not going to bring you into my pain. Cam ~

Peyton turned the volume up on her “get your butt moving” playlist. Jogging at a pace that barely qualified as running, she pushed herself for one more lap around the track. “Past Peyton is an idiot.” She panted, trying to resist the urge to rip her Spanx off right there in the middle of the field. Who wears Spanx under workout clothes? It sounded like a good idea at the time. Normally, before her workouts, Peyton threw on whatever wasn’t dirty and headed out the door with a water bottle and a protein bar, but not today. Past Peyton had decided she needed to look her best.

Current Peyton rolled her eyes at herself. She’d been determined to come here and run into Cameron and let things fall into place. And she’d wanted to look as much like the Peyton Cameron ed. With a brand-new pair of slimming black leggings over her Spanx, she’d donned a cute purple tank top with a soft gray off-the-shoulder sweater over it. She even took the time to braid her hair and put on eyeshadow and mascara—to work out. Peyton was not one of those girls who could work up a sweat and still look gorgeous. She wasn’t at the size she wanted to be for this, but it was time. She had to talk to Cameron and try to salvage their friendship. She couldn’t—wouldn’t—expect more than that. That was a recipe for a broken heart. Fat girls don’t get the hot jock. If anyone said that on her app, she would tell them they were wrong. Things looked a lot different on this side of the situation though. She had to that harsh reality when responding to No BS comments. But after all her careful preparation, he wasn’t even there when she’d arrived. Cameron Tucker had never met a Saturday morning that didn’t start with a few hours at the track. He should have been there. What was I thinking? Rather than going home, she’d gone for a run, regretting her wardrobe choices almost instantly. As she made the last turn on her final lap, mascara running down her face and her hair flying free of her braid, she spotted him on the bleachers with sweet little Cara. With a pang, she ed how he called her Care Bear, how adorable they were together. Cameron always made the little girl feel special, like he couldn’t even see her wheelchair. Peyton slowed to a walk, watching the way he was with the eleven-year-old. “There it is,” she whispered. The smile she missed so much. She hadn’t seen it in ages. Cameron wasn’t always liberal with his smiles, but Cara could usually pull them out of him. She couldn’t go over there now. Not looking like a hot mess. She took a step toward her car, her shoulders slumping in defeat. “Why do I care so much about the way I look?” She’d never worried about those things before. Before the kiss under the mistletoe.

It’s been eighteen months. We’re not the same people we were that night. But Peyton was ready to figure out who they were now. This wasn’t about romance or trying to get back what they’d almost had. This was about a friendship she’d always counted on. A friendship that had nothing to do with appearances. Peyton watched as Cam wheeled Cara around to the side of the bleachers. She wasn’t letting him leave again. It was now or never. If she wanted her best friend back, she had to make the first move. She knew Cameron Tucker better than he knew himself, and he would always be too dang slow to deal with his emotions. And that was okay. She was ready to do this for them. Fussing with the hair escaping her braid, she took a deep breath. Cameron stood, talking with Cara, his face now far too serious for a chat with a kid. Where had the smile gone? Just as she was about to announce her presence, Cam leaned over and lifted his pant leg. She saw it—the metal where his leg should be. His beautiful, powerful leg. But it wasn’t there. Nothing her eyes saw made sense to her mind. The very thing that defined Cameron Tucker’s entire existence was gone, and she was the last to figure it out. Peyton always thought she was the one who’d lost everything that night. That she was the one needing the comfort only her best friend could give and that he’d selfishly abandoned her to go train for the Olympics in her hour of need. She shook her head with a sob. Peyton was the selfish one. If she’d truly been his friend, she would have known that nothing short of this would keep Cam away for eighteen months. In her own grief, she’d never stopped to think of his. She knew without a doubt that losing his leg had destroyed him. And it was all her fault. She was the one who made the boys leave that night. How he must hate me… Peyton tore her gaze from his prosthetic, her eyes wide with shock. Meeting his gaze and seeing so much pain reflected in their depths, like the coward she’d accused him of being, she turned and ran.

Peyton absently drizzled melted butter and warm maple syrup over her stack of gluten-free wheat berry pancakes. Sitting alone at the kitchen counter, her emotions were on autopilot. For once, she ate without thinking about calories. She ate for the comfort it gave her because, more than anything, Peyton needed something to find comfort in. Her mother was still asleep from another late night at The Main and her stepfather was working the insane Saturday morning shift. Who knew where Julian was. Not that they were talking much these days, anyway. Cameron lost his leg. She couldn’t process it. She could not reconcile the Cameron she’d always known with the Cam she saw today. Why didn’t he tell me? How did they drift so far from each other that something this huge and life changing had happened to her best friend in the entire world and he didn’t feel like he could tell her? She’d always thought he hadn’t wanted to see her when he was in the hospital because he’d blamed her for the accident. She blamed herself for the accident even more now. Cameron wasn’t going with Cooper and Avery that night, not until she’d asked him to get them out of there.

“What’s going on down there?” Cameron asked. The shouts below the treehouse burst the warm happy bubble they were in. “It’s Julian again.” Peyton sighed, watching her brothers fighting like mortal enemies in the middle of what was supposed to be a fun Christmas Eve party. “How can two people who look so much alike hate each other so much?” “Let’s go.” Cam offered his hand. “Avery’s already breaking it up. They just need to cool off.” Except by the time they climbed down from the old treehouse, Julian and Cooper were still going at it, and Avery wasn’t making much headway with either of them, drunk as he was. “Julian, just get lost already,” Avery slurred. “You weren’t even invited.” But Julian didn’t listen. He broke free from those trying to hold him back and took another shot at his brother. Peyton grimaced at the sound of Julian’s fist cracking against Cooper’s jaw. “There’s blood!” She cried. “You idiots! Stop this right now.” She lunged between her brothers, but Cooper shoved her out of the way, and Avery stumbled to make a grab for Julian again. “Get out of here! All of you.” She shoved Avery toward the driveway. Cameron’s arms wrapped around her as he pulled her away from the fight. “Be careful,” he said. “Get them out of here, Cam? Please? Before Coop kills Julian this time.” Cameron nodded, pressing his car keys into her hands. “I’ll drive them home in Coop’s car. You get Julian. He’ll calm down once we leave.” Peyton nodded, grateful for his help. “Be safe, Pey.” He gave her a brilliant smile before he lunged into the fight,

grabbing Cooper around the middle. “Come on, Avery. We’re leaving.” “What?” Avery gave him a confused look. “More beer, dude. We’re going to get more beer.” “Right, shotgun,” Avery called, following behind them. “Get in the back, Avery.” Cam leaned a drunken Cooper against the enger door, shoving Avery toward the back. “Peyton, give me the keys!” Julian demanded, prying them from her fingers. Peyton looked up to meet Cameron’s worried frown just as Julian took off running to the street for Cameron’s car. Before Cam had time to react, Cooper lunged into the driver’s side and slid behind the wheel. Cameron barely had enough time to jump in the front seat before Coop took off down the driveway into the icy night with Julian hot on his trail.

That was the last time Peyton saw Cameron whole. A few hours later, Addison’s parents came home to give Peyton the bad news about the accident. They didn’t know anything, but they took her to the hospital to meet her parents. That was where she found out Cooper was dead and Cameron was missing. Julian had disappeared in Cam’s car. There was nothing for them to do but go home in the wee hours of the morning. But Peyton couldn’t sleep, not knowing Cameron was out there somewhere, hurt, possibly dead. They brought him to the hospital early the next morning when rescuers found him along the bank of the river a mile downstream from Defiance Falls. By then, Peyton had pieced together what happened. Cooper was driving too fast and slid on the bridge and into the river. Cameron had fought to get everyone out, but he couldn’t get Cooper out of his seat belt. Somehow, he’d gone over the falls with Cooper, but because he wasn’t in the car, the current took him downriver. After a night out in the elements, he was in bad shape when they brought him in. Mr. Tucker had refused to let Peyton see Cameron once he was stable. He’d claimed Cameron didn’t want to see her. She’d haunted the hospital waiting rooms for days, waiting for Cameron to ask for her. He never did. In the end, she’d left his Christmas present with Cam’s father and went home to prepare for her brother’s funeral. Peyton shoved her half-eaten pancakes aside and poured herself a fresh cup of coffee, adding a splash of fat-free cream. Images of that night ran on a loop through her mind. There was still so much she didn’t understand, but she should have known something wasn’t right. She should have fought harder to see Cam in the hospital. She couldn’t help but think if she’d forced the issue and found out about the extent of his injuries then the last year and a half might have played out much differently for both of them. The back door creaked open letting in a cool blast of air into the kitchen. “You’re up early,” Julian said, closing the door behind him. “It’s almost ten, you’re just getting home?” she replied. “What have you been up

to all night?” “None of your business.” He took a bite of her pancakes and made a face, turning to rummage through the fridge for something more palatable and less gluten free. “Don’t be like that, Julian.” Peyton snapped. “Like what?” He stood to his full height, facing her with a sneer. “Like Cooper.” She regretted the words as soon as she said them. Her brother’s face fell. “When did you get to be so cruel?” He didn’t wait for her to answer. The slamming of his bedroom door was the only reply she was getting this morning. For a moment, she wanted to cry. Everything was just so wrong. The brother she loved was finally home, and they couldn’t even figure out how to have a conversation. And Cameron… She couldn’t even imagine what he’d been through. From the second she saw his artificial leg, it gutted her. She knew if she let the tears come, she might never stop. Peyton shoved her chair back with a surge of anger. She needed to rage at something. She’d lost so much time with Cam. It wasn’t fair. Without thinking about it, she grabbed her keys and drove the short distance to Cam’s house. Cam’s mother worked most weekends, but Peyton was hoping she’d catch her before she left for whatever workout video or infomercial she was supposed to be filming today. As she rang the doorbell, Peyton’s anger exploded. “I know you’re home, Mrs. Tucker!” She shouted, slamming her palm against the polished wooden door. “Open this door, darn it!” Peyton might have been the reason Cam was in the car that night, but it was his lousy parents who sent him away to recover alone. Who does that? “Peyton, what on earth?” Mrs. Tucker opened the door, wrapping a dressing

gown around her fancy workout clothes. “We’ll be filming today, it’s not a good time, and Cameron isn’t home. Why don’t you come back later?” “You threw him away?” Peyton shoved past her best friend’s mother into the glamorous foyer of their perfect home. But it wasn’t a perfect home, far from it. Behind all the glitz and shiny expensive things, it was just a showpiece. A vapid, empty shell Cameron grew up in. “How could you do it?” she demanded. “Do what? What are you talking about?” Mrs. Tucker folded her arms across her chest. “Do you even know your son? Do you have any idea what the last year and a half has done to him?” “How dare you come into my—” But Peyton wouldn’t let her finish. “If you knew him at all, you would know how much losing his leg would destroy him! And you sent him away? Alone?” “He wasn’t alone, dear. He had an army of physical therapists to whip him back into shape. He’s been training at a world-class rehab clinic. There was absolutely nothing Cameron lacked in his recovery.” “What is it with you people?” Peyton ran her hands through her hair, the tears finally coming. “It’s always about things with you. You give him shiny playthings, and you think that’s enough. He didn’t need therapists and strangers taking care of him. He needed family. He needed me!” “We visited.” His mother fussed with the belt at her waist, clearly uncomfortable with this conversation. “We didn’t think it prudent to tell everyone our business.” “You’re trying to hide it like it’s some dirty secret.” Peyton shook her head in disgust. “My family has always been Cameron’s family. My mother loves him like a son. He’s spent more time with us than in his own home. Every birthday, every celebration, every…Christmas, he spent it with us, and you took him away from that? How could you be so cold?” “Cameron needed tough love, Peyton. You don’t understand. He was in such a

bad place after the accident. We didn’t know what to do with him.” “So, you stuck him in a clinic? To let someone else put him back together? That should have been my job. You have no idea who your son is and what he needed then or now.” “He’s recovering, Peyton. He’s doing really well now. We’re even talking about the Paralympics.” Peyton laughed through her tears. “You people really know how to crush his spirit. You took something he loved more than anything in this world, and you made him hate it. Nothing he does is ever good enough. And now he probably thinks he’s broken. He’ll never be your ticket to the Olympics, and you’re still shoving him into something he doesn’t want.” “Cam loves competing—” “You need to back off, Mrs. Tucker!” Peyton’s voice rose as she took a step toward the startled woman. “Give him time to learn to love it again. And if Cameron never runs again, never competes, you will do whatever it takes to show him you love him, anyway.” “He knows we love him.” “No, Mrs. Tucker,” Peyton scoffed. “He doesn’t. And leaving him with strangers during the worst time of his life was a real great way to show him exactly how little you care.” Tears welled in the woman’s eyes, and Peyton felt a stab of guilt. But this woman and her husband had done enough to hurt their son. “From now on, I will be there for Cameron. I will help him discover who he is without running. And if he ever learns to love running again, you will let him find his own way back to competing if and when he decides. Are we clear?” Peyton was surprised when Mrs. Tucker nodded. As she turned to go, her anger deflated. How was she going to be there for Cameron when they weren’t even talking?

12

Cameron

~ Cam, You always fight for what you want. Peyton ~

Why did he always end up back here? It was like the river called to him each time the pain became too real. Each time Cameron was reminded of just who he was now. The rushing waters had taken a lot from him, and yet, it was the only place he could think—the only place he didn’t feel like he had to hide. He leaned against the railing near the bottom of the falls and closed his eyes, picturing Peyton’s face in her moment of realization. She’d finally learned the boy she put on such a pedestal wasn’t as perfect as she thought. Cam used to hate how much Peyton idealized him. In her mind, he could do no wrong. It came from a good place, but it only made him feel the need to hide the slightest imperfections. But now? This wasn’t some feeling of anger he squashed so she wouldn’t see that side of him. It wasn’t a simple dislike of his rise to running fame.

He couldn’t keep this truth from her. Not anymore. He hung his head, letting the sound of the crashing falls wash away his self-pity. Only, it didn’t work this time. He’d never expected Peyton to be the one to make him feel more broken than he already had. He pulled his phone from his pocket and pressed his thumb over the No BS icon. He’d ed the app before driving away from the school. Knowing so many people at their school were struggling should have helped him feel less like an outsider, but it didn’t. They bravely told their stories. Sure, they were hidden behind screen names, but their words still had an impact. Cam only shared his problems with a dead guy and a kid. He didn’t know how long he’d been scrolling through messages when he finally turned and found his mother standing a few paces behind him. With a sigh, Cam lifted his eyes to hers. She wore one of her expensive workout outfits and looked so out of place in the park along the river it would have been comical if he was in any mood to laugh. Joggers weren’t a rare thing, but his mother wasn’t the typical jogger. She didn’t strap on fifty-dollar running shoes and discount spandex. Every workout of hers was calculated to further her career. Cam was the first to speak. “I thought you were filming a new video today.” She waved her hand as if to say that didn’t matter. Cam crossed his arms, not trusting her reason for coming. To her, the only things that mattered were work and appearances. “Cam.” Her voice wobbled on his name. He hadn’t noticed before, but dark mascara smudged under red eyes. Had his mother, the ice queen herself, been crying? “Mom, what happened?” He stepped toward her, alarm ringing in his mind. “Is it

Dad? Is he okay?” She ran a hand through her perfect curls. The makeup. The hair. She’d already been prepared for the camera. Why was she there? “Cameron, do you truly hate competing?” Cam froze. What was she talking about? “I’m not sure what you mean.” “All these years, we’ve pushed you, but I thought we were only helping you get to where you wanted to go. Did you ever want to be an Olympic runner?” “I need to sit down.” Cam walked to a nearby bench, buying himself time to think. He rested his arms on his knees as she moved to sit beside him. “How did you find me here?” “I checked the track first, but you’ve been coming to this river a lot since returning home.” She’d noticed? For years, he’d lived his life as if his parents neither noticed nor cared where he was. “Can you please answer my question?” She straightened her spine to prevent herself from slouching. The vulnerability in her eyes might be new, but she was still the same person she’d always been. Cam sighed. “I don’t know.” “You don’t know?” He’d never had to explain this before, not even to Peyton. It was his best kept secret. “I’ve been running and competing for so much of my life that I never stopped to consider if I enjoyed it. The races, at least. I did love the running. But it was just my life, something I always did. Sure, I dreamed of the Olympics, but I don’t know if it was a true dream or one that just seemed like the logical choice.” She was quiet for a long moment. “And now?” Cam reached down and lifted his pant leg enough to feel the cold metal

underneath. “Now, I don’t know what’s logical anymore.” She pursed her lips. “Logical.” She shook her head. “Maybe it’s time we all stop thinking about what’s logical and start figuring out what’s you.” “Who are you and what have you done with my mother?” He’d meant it as a joke, but sadness entered her eyes and she shifted them away. “Your father and I…” She sighed. “We’ve made a lot of mistakes. Do you know what saddens me the most?” He shook his head. “I’m not sure you even know how much we love you.” Cam focused on the tumbling falls and shrugged. His mother put a hand on his arm. “We’ve only ever wanted what is best for you, son. When your father had his Olympic dream taken away, it nearly killed him. He never wanted you to feel like that.” “It wasn’t taken away, Mom. He gave it up when he took the drugs. All I’ve ever been to him is his ticket back to the show, his chance at redemption.” She squeezed his arm. “I’m sorry we’ve made you feel like that, honey. And I’m sorry it took your friend to make me see it. She has quite the sharp tongue, that one. I’m glad you’ve had her looking out for you.” “My friend?” “Yes, the chubby one. Peyton.” Cam ripped his arm away from his mom. “What is wrong with you, Mom?” He stood. “You’re just like the rest of the world. You only see what’s on the outside. You fail to look close enough to notice Peyton has a bigger heart than you could even dream of.” Even as he said the words, he pictured her shock when she saw his leg. There had to be an explanation for her reaction. “She’s the best person I know. She cares about people. Do you know how many emails I received from you and

Dad while I was gone? Two. Do you know how many Peyton sent? Three hundred sixty-five. She emailed every day for a year until finally stopping because I didn’t respond. She deserved better than your words, and she deserved better than me.” He turned to walk away. “And for the record, Peyton isn’t chubby. She’s beautiful even if she doesn’t fit the image of perfection in your superficial world.” He spared one last glance at his mother only to find her smiling. “Son, I have now been yelled at by both you and Peyton in a single day defending the other. For two people who aren’t speaking, you sure do care.” “Of course, I care. Even when I was avoiding her messages, wanting no reminders of the crash or this stupid town, I cared.” “Then why am I the only one who knows that?” Since when did his mother give him advice? He shook his head and turned to walk up the grassy hill to where he’d parked his car. The day’s note from Peyton’s box sat on his dashboard. He’d taken it from the “You” envelope.

You always fight for what you want.

When she’d written it, she’d been wrong. He’d always let other people tell him what to fight for. Not anymore.

13

Peyton

~ Peyton, I’m a jerk. A jerk who took advantage of your kindness for far too long. I’m sorry, but you need to forget me. Cam ~

Peyton eyed the top shelf of her closet. “Don’t do it, Peyton,” she whispered. “Don’t go down that rabbit hole again.” Last time was so close though. She tugged the jeans from the bottom of the pile of taboo clothes. The ones that were her favorites but no longer fit. Maybe this time. These used to be her favorite jeans. They used to be her baggy comfy, I don’t care jeans. Then last year, they became her fat jeans. And now, they were her “I can’t wait to be skinny again so I can wear these” jeans. But if she put them on and they didn’t fit…if they were tighter than the last time she tried, it would send her spiraling again. She wasn’t sure it was worth the risk.

I lost three more pounds. I can’t get mad at myself for that. The temptation was too much. Peyton held her breath as she slipped the jeans on. They fit! Peyton sucked in and tugged the zipper up. They were still snug, but as she turned around in the mirror, a triumphant smile lit her face. She was really doing it. All these months of diet and exercise were worth it to get to this moment. She couldn’t a time when she’d felt so…light. Like with the weight she’d lost an even greater weight had lifted from her shoulders. Peyton finished dressing for school and headed out the door. For the first time in ages, she felt like things were going to be okay. She’d find a way to make things right with Cameron. And then she’d figure things out with Julian. Somehow they would all heal and move on. They’d never be the same people they were before, but maybe that was okay.

“Did you see the new data I sent you last night?” Katie met Peyton at her locker during their morning break. “Yes, I can’t believe how many s have ed in the last month.” Peyton slammed her locker shut. “This thing is taking off in ways I never dreamed. I created it for people like me who desperately need an outlet to talk about these things, but I never expected it would reach so many people dealing with so many issues.” “It’s so rewarding to see such honesty and positive communication. Scholarship or not, you should be proud, Peyton.” “I am. I just really need that scholarship money.” Peyton worried constantly about how she would ever pay for the kind of college education she wanted. Schools like MIT and Caltech were far beyond her parent’s meager college savings. “Peyton, if this thing keeps snowballing, you’re not going to have to worry about money for college.” “It’s a free app, Katie. And it’s always going to be free. I don’t want to charge s.” “You don’t have to.” She beamed, pulling a folder from her backpack. “My mom helped me with this.” “What is it?” “Everything you need to monetize No BS. After you win.” She winked. “Monetize?” “ advertising and local sponsors to start. s will be accustomed to seeing this type of advertising from Facebook and Instagram, and they’ll think nothing of it. It won’t make you rich, especially not now, but eventually, when No BS takes the next steps to include more schools in our district, and then the

state, you’ll generate an incredible ive income. And then… the world.” She threw her hands up. “Sky’s the limit, Peyton.” “I don’t understand half of what you just said.” Peyton flipped through the folder. “But I’m going to figure it out. Thanks for this, Katie. You’re a great friend.” “Anytime, Peyton. I don’t have many friends, so it’s been wonderful hanging out working on No BS with you.” “You know, we don’t need the excuse of work to hang out, Katie. We can hang out anytime.” “Deal. gotta run, see ya!” she called as she headed down the hall to her next class. Peyton darted back to her locker for a book she’d forgotten. Rushing to make it to her next class before the bell, she dropped the folder Katie had given her. As she bent over to gather the papers, she heard the absolute worst sound in the world. The ripping fabric echoed like a boom, and laughter erupted behind her. No. Nope, not possible. She did not just split out of her skinny jeans in front of the entire school. “Mooooo!” Peyton whirled around at the sound. “Did you just moo at me?” Her cheeks flamed bright red, but she did not deserve this kind of ridicule. Today was a good day, and she hadn’t had many of those in recent months. “Yearbook pic,” Andrew, one of the jockiest jocks, said as he snapped a selfie with her and her ripped pants. Her cute pink panties with hearts on display for everyone’s entertainment—not to mention her dimpled butt cheeks. Humiliated, Peyton whirled around, looking for an escape as half the football team mooed at her. Her eyes swam with tears as she heard a familiar voice in the crowd. A voice that belonged to someone she once counted a friend. “Come on, guys, you Coop’s fat sister, Peyton.” He laughed. “Maybe just not quite so much of her.” His eyes drifted to her pink-clad butt as she tried

to tug her shirt down to cover herself. “Jeez, Peyton, get some bigger jeans,” Meghan Lewis said with a look a disgust. “No one wants to see that.” This is not happening. Peyton’s blood boiled with rage. She was so sick of it. Sick of it all. “Seriously, Peyton?” Ashley wrinkled her nose. “Why don’t you try some mom jeans with the elastic waist?” She giggled at her own joke. “Shut up!” Peyton screamed, her voice bouncing off the concrete walls. “Shut your mouth before I shut it for you!” She took a step toward Ashley and Meghan. “What the hell is wrong with you people?” She ran her hand through her hair in frustration. “Yeah, I’ve struggled with my weight since my brother died. Cooper was the golden boy of this school—he was your friend, but he was my brother. Give me a freaking break and stop trying to kick me when I’m down.” She glared at the crowd staring back at her in silence. “I know I need to lose weight, but do you all have to rub my nose in it every chance you get? I’m sorry I wear my biggest imperfection for the world to see. I don’t care anymore.” Peyton’s heart pounded in her chest as the anger and resentment that had built up all her life spilled out of her. “But take a good look at yourselves, and think about your imperfections. The ones you’re able to hide. The things you wish you could change about yourself.” “Avery the jock.” She whirled on him. “Maybe you wish you weren’t such a bad drunk. That you had the willpower to say no so you don’t end up like your loser dad.” She didn’t even feel bad when all the color drained from his face. “You’re dating the most popular girl in school. Well, bravo. Do you even care that your girlfriend makes these halls a nightmare for the rest of us?” She couldn’t even summon the words for his girlfriend, Meghan Lewis. That would have sent her into a rage, and this wasn’t about being as mean as them. “Addison the cheerleader, maybe you can hide all the ways you manage to make yourself look like that. But what if you couldn’t? What if the one thing you know you are was tattooed on your forehead and that’s all anyone ever saw about you?” She wouldn’t say it. She wouldn’t embarrass her onetime friend by calling her a bulimic in front of the entire school. It was enough that Addie knew what she was talking about.

“Ashley, Ms. Popular herself. How would you feel if the only thing anyone ever saw in you was your worst flaw? The thing everyone whispers behind your back but they’re too scared to say to your face? What if you walked down this hallway and everyone yelled exactly what they really think of you to your face?” She wouldn’t say the S word. No one, not even the meanest mean girl deserved to be called a slut. She stared at their outraged faces and wanted to disappear. All the mooing and laughter still echoed in her mind. “Now, ask yourselves what the hell gives you the right to do the same thing to me?”

14

Cameron

~ Cam, You make me brave. Peyton ~

Coop’s fat sister. As Cam walked down the hall, Avery’s words had their classmates laughing. Mooing. Were they freaking mooing? Avery had once been one of them. There was a time he’d have protected Cooper’s sister from his own football team and every one of their awful classmates. Those times were gone. It brought Cam back to the night of the accident when one of the football players called Peyton names, and Cam hadn’t defended her. At least not until it was too late. He wouldn’t make that mistake again. He ran down the hall, pushing through the crowd who’d gathered to watch one of their own try to hide her ripped pants, just glad it wasn’t them. Peyton stood, fire blazing in the depths of her gaze, as she scalded each person before her. Cam showed up mid-rant. As Peyton spoke, the laughter continued.

“I’m sorry I wear my biggest imperfection for the world to see.” Her words echoed down the hall until she started naming names. The laughter died away as they realized she wasn’t stopping. Peyton Callahan held every bit of power in the palm of her hand. She could have ended it. Everyone had secrets, and Peyton knew them. As they’d ignored her, taunted her, she’d watched them. Addison sent a panicked look to Avery, and Cam’s rage intensified. Where was her panic when her old friend was bullied by her new friends? Cam barely heard the rest of Peyton’s words as his heart thudded in his ears. Peyton had never wanted to be popular, to be one of them. She’d only ever wanted to be free to be herself, and they wouldn’t let her. If there was one thing No BS had taught Cam, it was that they were all hiding something. Picking on Peyton was an outlet for their own insecurities. “Now, ask yourselves what the hell gives you the right to do the same thing to me?” Peyton’s final words snapped Cam back to attention. He waited, knowing she hadn’t seen him yet. She didn’t know there was an ally at her side, someone who never saw the imperfections she claimed she had. To him, she’d always been perfect. One of Avery’s football buddies broke the silence with a snort. “Take your preaching to people who want to hear it.” Snickers surrounded him. Avery stood stoically by, letting his friends continue to laugh. Cam didn’t care what they did, and he knew neither did Peyton. But Avery? Before Cam processed what he was doing, he stood in front of Avery. Avery’s angry eyes burned into him. His jaw twitched. “Look who has come to Peyton’s defense. Cooper’s killer.” Cam narrowed his eyes. No matter what the police report said or what witnesses had told the press, Avery would never see the truth of that night. That his beloved best friend almost killed all of them. Whoever said don’t think ill of the dead had never been in a car with a drunk driver.

Cam no longer cared about Avery’s fragmented memory of that night or the fact that he’d lost his best friend. Not when Peyton stood pressing herself against the lockers as if hoping she could melt right into them. He turned his back on Avery and shrugged out of his sweatshirt. Peyton’s eyes widened as he approached her. He held out the sweatshirt. When she didn’t take it, he cocked his head. “Wrap it around your waist.” Relief visibly relaxed her as she realized what he meant. Her pants. He didn’t dwell on the fact that it was the first kind interaction between them in the six weeks since he’d been home. Not when she looked at him as if he was her savior as if he could still be perfect in her eyes. She tied the sweatshirt and stepped away from the wall. The warning bell for class rang over their heads, but the charged atmosphere held everyone in place. “You think by helping her you can bring back her brother?” Avery stepped closer. Cam turned to face him, wishing he could see something of the boy he’d known. “Nothing will ever bring Coop back. Not your torment of Peyton or your hatred for me. You lost your friend, we get it. But do you even know what the Callahans have been through?” Avery leaned down. “You certainly don’t. We all stayed behind to pick up the pieces, and you ran.” Cam’s fist collided with Avery’s face before he even ed what he was doing. Pain shot through his knuckles, but it was nothing compared to Avery tackling him to the ground and slamming his head into the tile floor. Cam kneed him in the groin and shoved him to the side, but he didn’t get up. Instead, he lunged for Avery, taking out every bit of anger he’d had since that night on his old friend. Blood trickled from Avery’s split lip, and Cam was sure he looked just as rough. Yet, neither boy seemed to be able to stop fighting the other.

Cam vaguely ed Peyton screaming at him in the background, but he couldn’t make out her words over the rushing in his ears. All at once, Avery froze with Cam still pinned beneath him. It wasn’t until Peyton’s gasp rang out from the crowd that Cam realized why. Avery’s hand snaked over his leg, feeling the hard metal underneath. Cam lay unmoving as Avery gripped the bottom of his pant leg and pushed it up, revealing Cam’s secret to everyone in the hall. “You deserve what you got.” Avery shoved him again. “Cam.” Peyton’s voice trembled on his name. “Break it up!” The principal sprinted down the hall with two teachers on her heels. Cam jerked his fake leg up, kicking Avery sideways. Then Peyton was there helping him to his feet. “You’re bleeding,” she whispered. She felt for a cut at the back of his head, and her fingers came away red. A rush of dizziness overtook him, but he gripped Peyton’s shoulder and stayed upright. Avery still kneeled on the ground. His wide eyes hadn’t left Cam since finding the leg. All anger had receded as the three of them remained abandoned by their classmates. Classmates who’d never understood what they’d gone through all those months ago. They’d whispered about it and read the reports in the paper, but trauma like that didn’t just fade as the news cycle changed. It altered the course of their lives, made them into people they’d never wanted to be. The principal reached them, scanning over their various cuts and bruises. The two male teachers stood behind her as if they were bodyguards, waiting to be called to action. Cam knew Mrs. Stevens, though. She could handle herself, and she would handle them. To her credit, no anger flashed across her face. She sighed. “Stand up, Mr. St. Germaine.”

Avery did as he was told. He wiped blood from his lip with his thumb. Mrs. Stevens turned to the two teachers. “You can head to your classes. I can handle these three.” They only nodded and left. When Mrs. Stevens faced them again, she crossed her arms. “First, are you two boys okay? Are you hurt?” “I’ll live,” Cam answered. Avery only grunted in agreement. “Ms. Callahan?” Peyton wound her arm around Cam’s waist, and he was grateful for the standing. “Not like these two idiots, Mrs. Stevens. So, no, I’m not hurt.” The principal nodded. “Good. Then you’re all well enough to march straight to my office. We need to have a chat.” They followed her through the now-empty halls. The secretary looked up with a smile as they ed her. Mrs. Stevens stopped outside her office door. “You three wait here. I was in the middle of something when they called me for the fight.” She disappeared inside. Peyton helped Cam into one of the wooden chairs outside the door and then sat next to him. Avery took a seat at the opposite end of the row. Cam touched the back of his head where his hair was sticky with blood. “The cut isn’t too big.” Peyton gave him a tentative smile. “It should heal on its own.” Cam only responded with a nod. He’d wanted to fix things with Peyton so bad, but now as she sat beside him, he couldn’t think of a single thing to say, so he took her hand in his, smiling when she squeezed his in return. A few minutes of silence ed.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Her voice was small. “I mean, about the…about the…” “About missing half my leg?” A harsh laugh burst out of him. “How would that have gone, Pey? Hi, I’m sorry I ditched you for eighteen months, but now, I’ve returned broken. Want to put me back together? Great pickup line.” Peyton’s brow creased. “Broken?” The word was only a whisper on her lips. “Is that how you see yourself?” “I’m the disabled guy now.” He shrugged. “It’s how the world sees me.” “Cam.” She reached for his hand. He tried to pull it away, but her grip tightened. “Look at me.” When he didn’t, she added a soft “Please.” Finally, he lifted his gaze to hers. “When you saw it…when you saw who I am now, you ran.” She closed her eyes, a single tear escaping. “I made you get into that car. I asked you to get my brother home. Until that moment at the track, I hadn’t realized just what I’d done to you. I hadn’t known why you hated me so much.” “Pey. I could never hate you. The accident wasn’t your fault. When Coop took the keys and jumped into the driver’s seat, I didn’t have to get in the car with him. That was my choice, I knew he’d been drinking, but I didn’t know how much.” He wiped the tear from her cheek, and her eyes opened. “You aren’t broken.” He shifted his eyes to his covered leg. “Part of me is missing. I think that’s the definition of broken.” Peyton reached down, keeping her eyes locked on his as if asking permission. When he nodded, her fingers wrapped around the metal. Still, she didn’t take her eyes from his. “Your body is not who you are, Cameron Tucker.” When Cam didn’t respond, she pulled her hand away. “Cara can no longer walk. Have you ever considered her broken?” Cam reeled back. “Of course not.” When he was with Cara, he barely even saw

the wheelchair. All he saw were bright smiles and a fiery attitude. She’d never let it define her. Peyton’s expression softened. “Then why do you think that about yourself?” She dropped her free hand to their entwined fingers, covering his completely. “We’re always harder on ourselves. It’s obviously different. I won’t deny that. But what’s so wrong with being different? You never wanted to be like those jocks, anyway.” Peyton’s words went straight through him, entering every part of his mind. Your body is not who you are. All the notes he’d read from her box over the past weeks had only made him want this moment to come sooner. The moment when he no longer hid. The moment Peyton came back to him. He lifted a hand to her face and brushed a strand of dark hair behind her ear before leaning in and kissing her soft lips. He waited for her to respond, for her to do something, but she’d frozen. Finally, she pushed him back. “You can’t do that.” “Why not?” She huffed out a breath. “Because, Cam, this isn’t two years ago. I haven’t spent the last year pining over my best friend. I’ve spent it mad as hell that he left.” She placed her hand against his chest. “I want us back, Cam, but not like that. I can’t do that to myself again. The only thing I can offer you right now is friendship.” It was a start. He’d do anything to get her back into his life, even if it meant crushing any kind of non-platonic feeling. He nodded. “Friends. I can do that.” A smile lit her face as if she glowed from the inside out. She pulled him into a hug. He rested his chin on her shoulder and inhaled the familiar scent of strawberry shampoo. There was very little he’d forgotten about her.

When he pulled away, he caught Avery watching them out of the corner of his eye. The hatred he’d bestowed upon them earlier was gone, replaced with… longing? There’d been a time when their group of friends had been forged together in steel, unbreakable. Cooper, Avery, Nari, Addison, Peyton, Cam, and even Julian. Things had seemed so easy for them, so simple. Cam wanted that back, but he knew nothing could be the same as it was. They’d all changed. Once fitting together like pieces of the same puzzle, now they’d been damaged, their edges warped by the water of Defiance Falls. And once a puzzle got wet, there was no putting it back together.

15

Peyton

~ Peyton, I don’t want to be your friend. Please stop being mine. Cam ~

“I know why I got Saturday school,” Cameron said. “But remind me again why you deserve to be here?” He walked up to the school entrance with Peyton early Saturday morning. “Well, right before you swooped in on your white horse to defend my honor and shut Avery up with your fists, I kinda screamed at the entire school and lost my cool.” “I don’t know why I thought you needed defending.” Cameron’s eyes lit up with his smile—a genuine Cam smile she hadn’t seen in forever. The sight of it sent her heart skipping. “You can clearly take care of yourself.” His hand slipped into hers, the gesture familiar and foreign at the same time. Friends, Peyton. She reminded herself. She didn’t want to screw this up by

moving too fast. She’d get her heart broken for sure if she let her emotions run away with her now. “Well, it’s always nice to have backup.” She bumped her shoulder against his. “This morning’s going to suck, but why don’t you come over for dinner tonight. Mom and Dad have missed having you around, you know.” “I’d like that.” Cameron grinned, but his smile faded as they watched Avery stomp toward the principal’s office where Mrs. Stevens herself waited for them. In jeans and a sweatshirt, she looked more like one of her students than the principal of their school. Avery stood with his arms crossed over his chest, refusing to look at either of his former friends. “I’d normally leave Saturday school to one of your teachers,” Mrs. Stevens began, “but you three idiots are fortunate you’ve got a principal who not only knows her students but cares about them too. You three used to be friends. I know you’ve all been through a lot since your sophomore year.” Her voice softened. “You’ve experienced a terrible loss, but I hate to see how that’s torn you apart.” “Can we just skip the lecture and get to work so I can get out of here?” Avery interrupted her. “Watch it, son.” Mrs. Stevens crossed her arms over her chest. “It’s clear you’re mad at the world, Avery St. Germaine, but I am your principal, and you will speak to me with respect.” “Yes, ma’am,” he muttered. “I heard everything that was said in this hall before you boys started acting like heathens. Peyton said a lot of things she shouldn’t have. Screamed them, from what I hear. But she had a point. We let simple words have so much power over us when those words are wielded like weapons against us. Those bathrooms are full of the kind of vitriol you kids spew at each other on a daily basis. I’m sick of hearing it, and I’m sick of seeing it scribbled on the bathroom walls.” She pointed toward the boys’ and girls’ bathrooms where the doors were propped open and ready for them. “Peyton and Cameron, grab a scrub brush and get to work scrubbing the walls. Avery, go behind them and wipe down the walls. I

don’t want to see a single slanderous remark or offensive doodle on my walls after today. What you can’t clean, paint over. I want pristine bathrooms before you leave today. And I want you working together.” Mrs. Stevens pulled a desk out of the nearest classroom and took a seat. “If you need me, I’ll be right here working on budgets.” Cameron grabbed a scrub brush and a bucket and headed for the boys’ bathroom. Rolling his eyes, Avery gathered up paint rollers and brushes and set off for the girl’s bathroom. “Boys’ bathroom first, Mr. St. Germaine.” Mrs. Stevens pointed after Cameron without looking up. Peyton was the last to gather her supplies. “Don’t listen to them, Peyton,” Mrs. Stevens said. “You are a beautiful, bright young woman with an amazing life ahead of you. The name calling and belittling hurts now, but it will never define you unless you let it.” “I know,” Peyton sighed. “But it’s not fun. I’m sorry I flipped out in the hall like that. I know you don’t like it when kids swear.” “Your principal had to punish you and hold you able for your actions, just like the boys, but your friend, Mrs. Stevens, is so proud of you for standing up for yourself.” She smiled. “If there’s ever a next time, try not to shout or swear so much.” She winked. “A calmly worded comeback can be more effective than a freak-out. “I promise.” Peyton turned toward the boys’ bathroom. “It stinks in there.” She wrinkled her nose. “Can’t I stick to the girls’ room instead?” “You’re a smart girl, Peyton Callahan. You’ve come a long way since Cooper died. You’re healing, sweetheart. I need you to help those two.” She nodded toward the bathroom. “I Lysoled the crap out of that room before you guys got here.” She tossed a pair of rubber gloves at her. “Thanks, Mrs. Stevens.” Peyton followed the boys into the bathroom, clutching her cleaning supplies.

“No one even reads this stuff,” Avery muttered as he slathered the cinder block walls with cleaning solution while Cameron moved behind him, scrubbing the worst of the graffiti with a scrub brush. “You’re a popular guy, Avery,” Peyton said. “You have friends and girlfriends. Football and good grades—you’re who most guys want to be in high school. You might not deign to read this stuff, but there are plenty of people who do.” She went to work on a lewd drawing of a cheerleader on her knees in front of the football team. Almost anyone would recognize the cheerleader was meant to be Ashley Richardson. No matter what her sex life was or wasn’t, she didn’t deserve to be the butt of a joke on the boys’ restroom wall. Not when she couldn’t even defend herself. As Peyton scrubbed, the marker faded. She didn’t like Ashley, but a feeling of sister solidarity wouldn’t let her leave this bathroom until every inch of that drawing was gone. They worked quietly for a long time, the scrape of bristles against concrete the only sound. Peyton’s mind filled with all the hateful callous things the boys of Twin Rivers High had to say about the girls. “Don’t go in there, Peyton,” Avery said as she moved to the handicap stall. “What? Why?” She went anyway. It took her a moment to comprehend what she was seeing. Four lists. Freshman, Sophomore, Junior, and Senior. The lists ranked the girls of each year, but Peyton focused on the senior list.

Top Tens of Twin Rivers High: Senior class

1.) The hot/mean girl - Meghan Lewis 2.) The cute girl - Mallory Pierce 3.) Hot nerd - Nari Won Song

4.) The dumb girl - Jenna Jacobs 5.) The ugly girl - Leslie Barns 6.) The fat girl - Peyton Callahan 7.) The weirdo - Katie Whitmore 8.) Best boobs - Peyton Callahan 9.) Best butt - Addison Parker 10.) Best kiss - Ashley Richardson

“I forgot about this.” Cameron frowned. “I never gave it much thought before.” “How long has this garbage been here?” Peyton’s eyes burned with tears of fury. Not because she saw her own name up there twice, but for every girl on these lists who didn’t even know about it. “It’s tradition,” Avery said, standing behind her. “What’s wrong with you?” She swatted him with her rubber gloves. “Hey, I didn’t do this.” He took a step back. “Don’t take it out on me. That’s been up there for years. It gets painted over, and someone always puts it back. New classes come in, and it starts all over again.” “You guys are disgusting. For gosh sake, women do not exist for your entertainment. We aren’t here for you to ogle and rank like prize livestock at the county fair.” “We didn’t do this, Peyton,” Avery insisted. “Then man up and put a stop to this before another class of freshman girls ends up disrespected on this wall.” “She’s right,” Cameron said. “Half of us sit back and let this happen. We’re as bad as the jerks who did this. Now let’s clean it up and make sure it stays that

way.” “Fine.” Avery sighed. “But you really do have nice boobs.” He nudged Peyton playfully, chancing a smile at the joke. Peyton rolled her eyes, reaching into her bucket to grab her brush and slinging the nasty soapy water at him. “Ooh, Callahan, that’s not nice. You’re going to pay for that.” Avery took a step back to grab his own bucket. “It was a compliment.” Murky water slapped him in the face. “You too, Tucker? I see how it is.” Avery flung water back at Peyton and Cam. “Oh, that’s so gross!” She squealed. “The toilet water’s probably cleaner.” She flicked her brush at Cameron. “Hey foul! I’m on your side, Pey.” He splattered her with water, and suddenly, the bathroom filled with laughter and dirty water. They were all soaked by the time their buckets were empty. Avery gave Cameron a friendly shove, but Cam’s prosthetic foot slipped in the water, and he went down hard on the ground. “Hey, man, I’m sorry.” Avery’s voice wavered as he stared at Cam’s leg. “Whoops!” Peyton laughed, not paying attention to the way Cam’s face flushed when he realized his pants leg had shifted to reveal his artificial leg. She smiled down at him, offering her hand like she would for anyone. He smiled back as he took it. She loved the way his eyes shone when he really smiled. It was so good to see a glimmer of her best friend again. “Hey, would you look at that?” Peyton pointed at Avery’s nearly transparent white shirt. “Avery’s got nice boobs too.” Avery smiled, flexing his pecs. “Too bad the one girl I actually like doesn’t give a crap about appearances.”

Peyton looked to him in confusion. His girlfriend cared about appearances more than anyone she knew. Was Meghan not the girl he was talking about? Maybe Avery wasn’t such a lost cause after all. She snapped out of her thoughts, wanting to enjoy the small moment between them. “She sounds like good people.” Peyton laughed. It felt so good to laugh with her old friends again. After all this time…maybe they were healing.

16

Cameron

~ Cam No matter what happens, we’ll always be there for each other. Peyton ~

Peas were an interesting thing, weren’t they? All green and round. Cam stared down at his plate, pushing the tiny green orbs around, trying not to feel the glances from each member of the Callahan family. To say dinner was awkward would be an understatement. Eating at the Callahan house used to be a normal occurrence for Cam. It happened more often than he sat down with his own family. But the last time he’d eaten with that family, Cooper sat across from him. There’d been laughter, fun never lacking in that house. Now, the same face stared at him across the table, but it belonged to Julian. He didn’t look angry, or even scornful, only confused by Cam’s presence. If he were being honest, Cam was confused too. How had he let this family become strangers?

Cam lifted his gaze to find Mr. Callahan smiling at him as if he couldn’t quite believe his eyes. “Would you like some more potatoes, Cam?” “No.” Cam set his fork down. “Thank you.” Mr. Callahan set the bowl back on the table. “Sofia will be so sad she missed you, son. She couldn’t get away from the dinner rush at the diner tonight.” Cam offered him a tight smile. “Thank you for having me.” He’d already said that twice, but he didn’t know what else to say. Surely, the Callahans thought differently of him now. Had Peyton told them about his leg? Julian would have heard the truth at school. It had already spread through the student body. To Julian’s credit, he hadn’t brought it up. Cooper would have. He’d have given Cam endless ribbing about it, assuming Cam wouldn’t mind. But Cooper’s jokes had always held a bit of criticism in them. He’d mastered the art of masking disdain with humor. “Dad.” Peyton shook her head. “You’ve already offered him more food almost a dozen times. Cam doesn’t want to waddle out of here.” “I’m sorry, honey.” Mr. Callahan rubbed his chin. “I just can’t quite believe Cam is sitting here with us. We’ve missed you around here, boy. Losing one son in the accident was hard enough, but losing Julian for a while, and then a third son too…” He swallowed and closed his eyes. “Ignore me, kids.” He opened his eyes, his gaze landing on Cam. “Tonight is a good night. I won’t ruin it with thoughts of the past.” Peyton’s smile lit the room, and Cam allowed himself a small one as well. He’d known the Callahans thought of him as family, but he’d never considered what his disappearance would do to them. When his own parents kept a cold distance, he’d had Mr. and Mrs. Callahan to turn to. He cleared his throat. “It’s good to be back.” Peyton turned her megawatt smile on him. Julian lowered his eyes to his plate as if it was some work of art he couldn’t look away from. He’d barely said a word the entire meal. For the first time, Cam truly thought about how empty this big house must have been in all the time both he and Julian had been away dealing with their grief.

Peyton and her father looked to each other as if they couldn’t believe their luck. Cam once thought leaving was the hardest thing he could ever go through, but maybe it hurt more to be left behind. His thoughts were cut short by a banging on the front door. It stopped for a moment before beginning again. Julian slid out of his seat. “I’ll see who it is.” He left the room, and they heard the door open. Avery’s slurred voice filtered in to them. “I know he’s here.” “Avery, have you been drinking?” Julian paused. “Did you drive here?” Mr. Callahan got up, and Cam and Peyton quickly followed him to the door where Avery swayed on the front step. “Avery.” Mr. Callahan was calm. He knew Avery almost as well as he knew Cam. “Are you all right, son?” Julian stuck his head out the door, his eyes sweeping the darkened street. “His car isn’t here.” “I walked.” Avery crossed his arms. “S’not far.” Cam’s brow creased. Avery lived a few neighborhoods over, about a mile from Peyton. Mr. Callahan placed a hand on Avery’s arm. “What can we do for you, son?” Avery stepped back. “I know Cam is here. I saw his car.” His angry eyes found Cam standing behind Julian. “We need to talk.” Mr. Callahan stepped in front of Cam. “I don’t think that’s such a good idea in your state. Come, let me drive you home.” “Not before I know.” “Know what?” Julian shouldered his dad out of the way. “What could you possibly want with Cam? We all know about your fight. I won’t let you hit him

again.” Julian’s words surprised Cam. It was almost as if he was defending him. “The truth!” Avery demanded. “I want the truth.” Cam studied Avery’s swaying frame. His rumpled clothes. His hazy eyes. Everyone deserved the truth even if it meant altering the way you once saw someone you’d idolized. “I’ll talk to him.” Cam stepped forward. “Cam.” Worry tinged Peyton’s sigh. He gripped her hand, squeezing once before dropping it. “We’ll be fine.” Mr. Callahan gave him an approving nod. “You three can talk on the front porch.” Three? Cam had planned to get Avery alone to hash everything out. He hadn’t considered that Julian deserved to be there as much as he did. Mr. Callahan pulled Peyton back into the house as Cam and Julian stepped by Avery, taking up positions on opposite ends of the porch. As the door shut, Avery stuck his hands in his pockets. “You’re an idiot, Avery.” Julian’s words hung in the air between them. “What, are you just a drunk meathead now? Teasing people in the halls, fighting those you once considered friends, and getting drunk by dinner time?” Avery dropped to sit on the steps and buried his face in his hands. “I’m not… This isn’t…” “What? Spit it out.” “Until tonight, I hadn’t touched a drop of alcohol since the night…” He didn’t need to finish that sentence. They all knew the night he was referring to. Others tried to understand. Peyton, Nari, and Addison had been at the party. They too dealt with the pain of what happened. But none of them had been in

that car. They didn’t hear rushing water every time they closed their eyes. Their grief wasn’t controlled by nightmares of drowning. They didn’t know what it was like to feel as if their life was about to end. They hadn’t seen Cooper in the end, been unable to save him. Cam’s eyes traveled from Julian to Avery. Julian had left town like Cam, but Avery stayed. He fielded the questions and suffered the stares. He claimed he ed nothing, but the pain in his eyes as he lifted them showed his lies. “How much?” Cam asked. “What?” Avery twisted his body to face Cam. “How much do you truly ?” “Nothing.” It was Julian who spoke. “He’s been claiming to not the accident at all.” “It’s a lie.” Cam crossed the wooden planks until he stood looking down at Avery. “Isn’t it?” Avery’s shoulders hunched forward. “I thought…if I could claim you were driving, if I could make myself believe it, then there was a reason. There was someone to blame.” He rubbed the back of his neck, refusing to look up at Cam. “Someone who wasn’t Cooper. After a while, I really did start believing it. My memories are hazy, I wasn’t lying about that.” Cam grit his teeth. “How much?” Avery’s voice held no emotion. “We were crossing the bridge when we hit ice and went over. I that.” He closed his eyes. “We hit the water, and the impact sent a jarring force through us. The last thing I can see is water flooding into the car, and I hear Julian’s voice, screaming from the bridge, before he jumped into the water after us. I see it every time I close my eyes. But that’s it.” Cam lowered himself to sit beside Avery. “I wish I had been driving. Then I’d have someone to blame as well. Then I wouldn’t have to try so hard to keep

myself from hating Cooper.” He sucked in a breath. “You and I got out of the car. I got you to shore but went back to help Julian and Cooper. I didn’t make it back to the car before going over the falls.” Julian had been silent through most of the exchange. “I was on the hood of the car, trying to get Coop out. But I was thrown off before hitting the falls. Cooper was still in the car.” He rubbed his face. “It’s okay to blame him, you know. I do.” Avery shook his head. His words no longer slurred as he sobered quickly. “It’s not. One accident can’t change everything we knew about Coop. He was my best friend, the best man I knew.” No one spoke for a moment before Julian sat beside them. “I wish I knew that version of him. I wish he was the person you thought he was.” Avery scowled. “What are you talking about? You were his brother. You’re supposed to miss him as much as I do.” Julian leaned forward with his elbows resting on his knees. Cam studied him. He’d known the brothers well enough to see when there was something one of them wasn’t saying. Avery had always hero-worshipped Cooper, failing to see any flaw. What had Julian seen? “That’s the problem.” Julian refused to look at them. “I do miss him, and I don’t want to. You say you want the truth of that night. There were other things happening besides the crash. Cooper wasn’t the man you thought he was. There was a darkness inside him, and I saw it at the party before he even got behind the wheel. If I told you the truth, Avery, you wouldn’t believe me.” He climbed to his feet, ready to walk away from them. Avery jumped up, shoving Julian back. “He’s dead! What more do you want from him?” Julian stepped forward, his face inches from Avery’s. “I want him to turn back the clock. I want to erase everything that happened that night. You aren’t as ignorant as you seem. You were there at the party. The only reason you didn’t see the real Coop that night is because you chose not to see it.”

Avery reeled his head back and snapped it forward, slamming it into Julian’s. Julian twisted his hands in Avery’s shirt, ready to punch him, when Mr. Callahan opened the door. All three boys froze. “Do you boys really think Cooper would have wanted this for any of you?” He placed a hand on Julian’s, forcing him to release Avery. “Julian knew Cooper better than even I did. I don’t want to know what happened that night, but I do know it shouldn’t put you boys against each other. Whatever his actions were, they were his and his alone.” Julian blew out a breath. “You’re right, Dad.” Cam fixed his eyes on Avery. “We all lost a lot.” Avery’s gaze drifted to Cam’s leg, and all anger drained out of him. Cam continued. “I thought I was alone. After the accident, I felt like no one would possibly accept me, no one would understand.” When he didn’t continue, Mr. Callahan spoke. “You should have helped each other. You were all such good friends. I can’t begin to imagine what you all went through, but that night broke this town and this family. It’s taken us a long time, but nothing is gone forever. Nothing is unfixable. Even a group of friends who’ve suffered more than they should ever have to.” Avery shook his head. “We weren’t just broken. Part of us is missing. We can’t ever come back from that. I’m sorry, Mr. C, but we are different people now.” He walked down the steps and paused, his back still to them. “I…” He sighed, hanging his head. Without another word, he left the way he’d come. Peyton appeared on the porch. “Are you going to come back inside?” Wordlessly, Cam walked to her, ignoring her father’s or brother’s presence. He wrapped his arms around her, needing the comfort only she could give. She returned the hug. “Please, come in.” He shook his head. “I’m sorry. I need to go.” But he didn’t let go, not yet. Mr. Callahan and Julian entered the house, leaving the door cracked open.

Peyton’s hands rubbed circles on his back, calming his frayed nerves. Every time he had to recount the night of the accident, it all came back to him. And for once, he didn’t feel trapped in that car. The bubbling waters didn’t rise above his head. For once, he could breathe.

On Monday, life seemed almost back to normal. Cam’s classmates avoided him, whispering behind their hands. He’d always been talked about, but now life was split into two eras. BA—Before Accident—and AA—After Accident. Before, they’d discussed him in reverent tones. He was the boy who’d rise above their small town to do great things—namely the Olympics. He’d never been interested in popularity and generally ignored most of the other students. Now, their gossip had turned from his bright future to his tragic past. Eyes bounced from his face—once beloved by the girls of Twin Rivers—to his leg. He was a curiosity to them. A sideshow. And he didn’t care. Not anymore. All he’d ever needed was Peyton, and now he had her. Maybe not the way he wanted, but he’d take whatever she’d give him, and at that moment, it was her soft smile as he ed her at her locker. He leaned against the cold metal row as she hid her face behind the swinging door. “This is good, Pey.” He pushed her locker halfway shut so he could look at her. “Like old times.” “Why, whatever do you mean, Cameron Tucker?” She flashed him another of her heart-melting grins. “This is just a normal day.” She leaned closer. “I know nothing of a year and a half where you didn’t walk these halls, let alone over a month of you avoiding me in them.” He shook his head with a grin. If she wanted to forget about everything, who was he to argue? She slid her books into her bag and slammed the locker shut before slipping her arm into his. Peyton had always been a toucher. Whether it was a hug or just a squeeze to the arm, it was how she showed she cared. And he loved that about her. She may not be more than his friend, but being this close to her still felt right. As they started walking, she looked sideways at him.

When he met her gaze, she shifted her eyes away as if she hadn’t meant to be caught staring. He suppressed a smile, realizing she was just as happy as he was to be back together. As friends, he reminded himself. Together, they were able to ignore all the eyes following them. They’d always existed in their own world, a world Cam had once thought gone forever. Peyton jerked Cam to a stop as a roar of laughter filled the air. A few guys from the football team stood huddled together. Their stares made it evident who they were talking about. Peyton tensed, and Cam knew she was waiting for the words that cut like a knife. “Look who it is.” Carlson Rogers, star linebacker, began. He bent forward, making a loud “riiiip” sound. His friends laughed, and it was only then Cam saw Avery. He didn’t in the joke as he met Cam’s gaze for just a moment before shoving Carlson back against the lockers. “Cut it out, man.” But Carlson wasn’t done. His eyes fixed on Cam, and he grinned. “Figures the fat girl would be the one to take pity on the gimp.” Cam stood stock still as that word bounced around his mind, trying to do as much damage as possible. Gimp. Gimp. Gimp. He barely ed Avery decking Carlson or his shouted “Don’t ever say that again.” Peyton’s hand found his. “It’s just a word, Cam.” Cam’s breathing evened as he looked at her. He’d never understood how much words could hurt before, but she had. Peyton had been picked on for years, even when Coop was around to put a stop to it. Cam had never known how strong she truly was. “Just a word, Cam,” she whispered. “You’re the only one who can give their words the power to hurt you.”

He released a sigh and stepped toward where Avery had Carlson pinned to the locker. “Let him go, Avery. He isn’t worth it.” Avery released his friend, not meeting Cam’s eyes. Julian stepped up beside Peyton, appearing ready to step in if need be. Cam shook his head. Peyton pulled Cam back. “Let’s just go.” Cam waited one beat longer, but Avery and Julian remained silent. Finally, he let Peyton drag him down the hall. He no longer cared about Carlson’s words. Avery had defended him. He wasn’t delusional enough to think it meant anything more than Avery finding the conscience he’d once had. But it was a start. Maybe the Avery he’d known back then was still in there somewhere and only needed a reason to come out.

17

Peyton

~ Peyton, I need you. But you’ll never know that because I won’t send this email. I like to believe that somehow you can feel it. Cam ~

“You’re looking lovely, Peyton,” Mrs. Jones said. She and her husband were frequent flyers at The Main during the senior citizen rush. “How much have you lost dear?” “Oh, last time I checked, about thirty-eight pounds.” Peyton smiled as she refilled their iced tea glasses. These days, Peyton wasn’t constantly obsessing over her weight loss. She was feeling more and more like her old self, happy to live her life with moderation, healthy foods, and regular exercise no matter what number the scale happened to say. She’d get back to her normal weight soon enough. “Losing some weight before prom season, eh? Good plan, kiddo,” Mr. Jones— never a man with much tact—gave her a wink. “The young men will be lining up

at your door in no time.” “Eh, I’m not worried about dates or boys.” She smiled. “As long as I have my friends, I’m a happy girl.” She glanced over her shoulder to where Cameron and Nari sat at the counter, arguing about video games while they waited for her shift to end. “Well, young Cameron can’t keep his eyes off you,” Mrs. Jones said in a hushed voice. “The Tucker boy? I’m sure he’s beating ’em off with a stick, a good-looking athlete like that.” “That’s not something we say anymore, Richard. Girls like Peyton have so much more going for them than we did back in my day. Lots of choices that don’t involve boys. Isn’t that right dear?” “You know it, Mrs. Jones,” Peyton said. “I’m working my butt off for a scholarship to MIT.” “MIT?” Mr. Jones gave an impressed nod. “You keep your mind on the books, young lady.” “Yes, sir.” She smiled as she handed him the check. “Have a good night.” She finished clearing their table and took the dishes back to Julian in the kitchen. “Peyton, honey, was that your last table?” her mom asked from her spot behind the grill. “Yeah, I just need to finish my side tasks and I’m done.” “Go ahead and clock out, I have your dinner ready. Nari and Cam look hungry, and I know they’re waiting for you.” Peyton’s mother put the finishing touches on the three dishes in front of her. “Hey, thanks! I’m starving.” Peyton punched her timecard and washed her hands. “I worry you’re not eating enough.” Her mom frowned. “You’ve been leaning toward the vegan dishes lately, and that’s fine, but I want to make sure you’re

getting enough protein and a healthy calorie intake. You look fantastic, but you’ve lost a lot of weight in the last six months. You should think about maintenance over loss soon.” “I’m good, Mom.” Peyton squeezed her mother’s hand. “I had a hard time finding the balance I’ve needed in my diet, but I’m in a good place.” “Tofu or chicken?” She asked. “For what?” “I’m trying some new healthy recipes, so I’m testing you and your friends. I’ve got avocado, brown rice, and salmon street tacos for Cam and Tahini-Lemon Quinoa with asparagus for Nari.” “Ohh, that sounds good. Can I have that too?” “I made you light alfredo with spaghetti squash, mushrooms, zucchini, and I can add crispy tofu if you want to keep it vegan or chicken if you want more protein.” “I’ll do chicken tonight.” “Good choice. I also made some cauliflower garlic bread and cinnamon churro bananas with vegan chocolate for all of you.” “That all sounds divine.” Peyton took the huge tray from her mother. “We’ll let you know how yummy everything is.” She flashed her mom a smile, eager to try the new dishes. “Peyton, honey. It’s so good to see that beautiful smile of yours again. Tell Cam he’s on my list if he messes things up again.” She winked as Peyton rolled her eyes.

“Your mom is a culinary genius.” Cam tossed his napkin aside and stretched. “That was definitely some of her top-shelf cooking,” Peyton agreed. “I don’t even like bananas.” Nari shoved her glasses up her nose. “But that churro stuff was amazing.” “I mean, my mom has made a fortune hocking her protein drinks and exercise videos to athletes and health nuts, but Mrs. C could run circles around her with this food. She should package that cauliflower bread stuff.” “She’s taken on some vegan catering jobs lately, and I think she really enjoys getting away from all the diner food for a change of pace.” Peyton glimpsed Cameron’s phone screen over his shoulder. “Hey, what are you looking at.” Is he using my app! It gave Peyton a little thrill every time she saw someone using No BS, but to see Cameron smiling at the screen, she couldn’t imagine how the No BS community was helping him deal with his loss. “It’s this app I’m obsessed with,” he said. “It’s called No BS, and it’s so motivating. No matter how hard things get, there’s always someone out there who understands.” “You’ve been posting?” Peyton’s heart did a little tap dance. “Yeah and commenting on other posts. It’s great. There’s a rumor that someone from Twin Rivers developed the app as a safe place for students to talk about the issues they’re too afraid to tackle on their own—too afraid to ask for help. I know it’s just chatting online with random strangers, but it’s done so much to help me deal with my anger at losing my leg. I’ve talked to people who’ve experienced all kinds of life-altering things, and they’ve helped me understand that I need to come to with who I am now and it’s okay to look at my new life as a blank slate. I can do anything I want now, and it’s up to me to decide what that is.” “That’s incredible, Cam.” Tears pricked her eyes. This was what she’d wanted

No BS to be. Even if she didn’t win the competition, she was so proud of her accomplishments and even more proud of the online community that grew from her ideas. They were the true winners. “You should it.” “I’ll check it out.” She smiled as a girl approached the counter. “Hey, Julian, you have a customer,” Peyton called to her brother behind the . Normally, she’d help out even after clocking out, but not when the customer was Meghan Lewis, the meanest of the mean girls and the most popular girl at Twin Rivers High. Peyton could never understand why the mean girls were always popular. “Hey, Meghan,” Julian muttered as he stepped up to the counter wiping his hands on his apron. “What can I get for you.” “Wow, you really do look like Coop up close,” Meghan said. “Yeah, identical twins usually do.” He heaved a sigh, refusing to meet her gaze. Peyton felt bad for her brother. People said stuff like that to him all the time, not knowing how it kept the pain of his loss so fresh in his mind. No wonder he’d needed to get away from Twin Rivers. “What can I get for you?” “Party tray.” She tossed her order receipt at him and turned away. Clearly having Cooper’s face wasn’t enough to capture her attention for more than a moment. “Cameron.” She eased onto the barstool next to him, her short skirt riding up her thigh. “What are you doing here on a Saturday night when I’m having a party?” She pouted her cherry red lips at him. “Hanging out with my friends,” he said politely. “Who? Fatton and Nerdi?” she said in a singsong voice. “I know you’ve lost a lot, Cam.” She pressed her hand over his. “You poor thing, not able to walk when you used to run better than anyone.” “Uh, he can walk just fine,” Nari said. “He’s not paralyzed, he just lost a leg.”

“Whatever, that doesn’t mean you have to hang out with these losers.” She leaned in with a whisper. “The people that matter are still here for you, Cam.” Peyton watched as Cameron’s face turned bright red and anger kept him silent. Cam never was very good at the quick comeback. “Um, thanks,” Peyton said. “But you know, we’re the ones who have been here for Cam no matter what. Whether he was an Olympic hopeful or not.” “I am already with the people who matter the most to me.” Cameron’s voice came out strained, like he was trying not to lose his cool. “But where were you with your fake concern when I was in recovery for eighteen months?” He glared at Meghan. “I uh—” Meghan stuttered as Cameron stood up. “See, he has two perfectly good legs,” Nari quipped. “One’s just bionic, and we’re cool with that.” Cameron flashed Nari an amused smile. “You think I care about you and your popular friends when I’ve been through hell and back with mine?” He gestured over his shoulder at them. “Peyton has always been there for me. She is always in my corner. Every single day I was gone, she was there for me giving me the encouragement I needed to get through the most difficult time of my life. And Nari has been there to give me the tough love and the kick in the balls I’ve needed to get my life back. You have no idea how amazing they both are. I count myself lucky to have them as my closest friends.” “It’s okay, Cam.” Peyton stood beside him. “She doesn’t know what it’s like to have friends like that.” Peyton took his hand. “I feel sorry for her.” “Can’t you see she’s hopelessly in love with you,” Meghan said. “It’s pathetic. You’re reaching too high, Peyton. You should stay in your lane. The wide lane.” “If she is in love with me, then I’m the luckiest guy in the world. Your perception of beauty is warped. Peyton is gorgeous. Always has been and always will be.” “Whatever.” Meghan laughed.

“She’s not worth it, Cam,” Nari said. “Absolutely, she’s not.” “Your fat jokes are old news, Meghan. Just because I don’t have the body of a flat-chested eleven-year-old boy doesn’t mean I’m not healthy and beautiful in my own way. I know that now. I lost sight of that for a long time, but I’m figuring out how to be me again. “Here’s your order.” Peyton’s mom dropped a party tray on the counter. “On the house.” Meghan looked at her in surprise. “Nari and Peyton are both beautiful, sweet girls. If I ever hear you call my daughter ‘Fatton’ or her friend ‘Nerdi’ ever again, I’ll be having a serious talk with your mother. Mrs. Lewis and I go way back, and I know she would be mortified if she knew her daughter was a bully.” “I-I’m sorry. I-I didn’t realize you were there.” “It shouldn’t matter if I’m here or not.” Peyton’s mom fumed. “You know they call you ‘The Meg,’ right?” She crossed her arms over her chest. “Uh, everyone calls me Meg,” she said, rolling her eyes. “My name’s Meghan.” “No darling. Surely, you’ve heard them call you ‘Megalodon’ behind your back? I’m just a PTA mom, and even I know that.” Meghan’s cheeks flushed pink. “Megadone rhymes with megaphone. I’m a cheerleader, it’s cute.” “Oh, honey, no.” Peyton’s mom shook her head. “Meg-a-lo-don. Google it. The Megalodon is a big giant of a shark. They call you ‘The Meg’ because you’re bloodthirsty and mean, just like a shark. I don’t allow bullies in my diner. The Main will always be a safe place for the kids in this town. Now get out and don’t come back.”

18

Cameron

~ Cam, We’ll always be us. Peyton and Cameron. I hope that thought makes you smile. Peyton ~

Cam had a secret. One that could ruin the newfound friendship with Peyton. For a year after Cam left, Peyton emailed him. Every day. Three hundred sixtyfive emails. He’d felt her fading away with each email, finding less to say as the gap between them widened, as she came to the conclusion he wasn’t going to write her back. Her final email came on the anniversary of Cooper’s death, of the accident. It had been filled with more profanity than he’d ever heard come out of her mouth. She was angry. He’d been glad when he saw it. So many of the other emails were emotionless, and the girl he knew felt everything deeply. It made him happy she hadn’t lost that. He wanted her to hate him, to move on. He hadn’t thought he’d be returning to town until six months later when his parents suddenly decided to stop paying for a training facility for a son who refused to

train any longer. But that wasn’t his secret. He’d responded to every email. It was sending his response that had been impossible. The “send” button had been the mountain he hadn’t been able to climb. It had taunted him every day. Not just for the first year he was gone, but every day after that as well. He scrolled through the draft folder on his email program. There they were. Every email. Some pleaded with Peyton to stop. Others told her he wasn’t coming back. And one… Well, that one said everything. He clicked on it. It wasn’t the first time he’d read his own words, and he knew it probably wouldn’t be the last.

Peyton, It’s been a while, yeah? I’ve wanted to talk to you so many times, but haven’t been able to. I’ve been gone now for 230 days. If this were last year, you’d make fun of me for counting, but we aren’t those people anymore. I heard Julian left. That sucks. You don’t deserve to lose anyone else. But, Pey, I’m not coming back. You need to forget about me. The accident… Pey, it broke me. It took something from me but I will not bring you into my pain. I want you to stop writing to me. Stop thinking about me. I’m trying to forget. Forget the accident. Forget Twin Rivers. Forget you. You can’t be part of my life anymore. It hurts to think of you and I don’t want to hurt anymore. I can’t be happy when you’re in my life. We aren’t what we were. We aren’t friends. I don’t want to be your friend. Please stop being mine.

He hadn’t signed it. He hadn’t sent it. Instead, his own words sat like an albatross on his computer. How could he have ever wanted to forget her? Peyton was everything. She didn’t cause the pain. She made it disappear. He’d been in such a dark place, and her daily emails only made it worse. He’d continued to respond to each of her emails after that, but none were so dark. In her final email, she told him it was time to stop missing him. He should have been happy. It was what he’d wanted. For her to move on. His last unsent response was only two words.

I’m sorry.

He had been, but it hadn’t changed his decision. If he was done with Twin Rivers, he couldn’t allow himself to miss anyone there. He hadn’t known where he planned to go. He turned eighteen the summer before returning home and could have found a job somewhere had his mother not shown up in Atlanta telling him it was time to come home. One of his trainers had called her, or maybe his psychologist. Whoever it was, they’d told his parents he was not going to train for the Paralympics. That he refused. His parents thought they could convince him to change his mind by allowing him to come home. He looked at the clock on his computer. He’d avoided being home much, but today there was someone he was expecting. A knock sounded on his door. Would his parents have allowed them to come up to his room? He didn’t bother closing out of his email. He had a few to respond to once he finished the conversation he’d been preparing for. He walked across the room and opened the door, his mouth going dry when he found Meghan Lewis leaning

against the doorframe. He’d been expecting someone else. “Meghan.” He backed up. “What are you doing here?” He flicked his eyes to the empty hallway behind her, expecting someone to jump out and tell him it was all just a prank. Meghan only laughed and pushed him back so she could step into his room and shut the door. Her eyes scanned the room. “Cute.” He crossed his arms over his chest as if it provided some kind of defense. “Again, what are you doing here?” She turned her gaze on him. “I wanted to see you. Is that a crime, Cameron Tucker?” She said his name as if it still meant something. Meghan had been one of the girls always trying to catch his attention back when he’d been an Olympic hopeful with two working legs. Since his return, she’d barely acknowledged him. “Ummm.” He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. Meghan was probably the most popular girl in school other than Addison and Ashley. She was a cheerleader, and he wouldn’t deny her attractiveness. Most of the guys in the school would kill to have her standing in their bedroom. Yet, Cam backed away, hoping she’d get the hint and leave. She didn’t. Instead, she followed him until they reached the edge of the bed. Cam swallowed as she stepped way too close. “You…you should leave. Go and find your boyfriend, Avery.” She peered up at him through her long lashes. Blond hair fell in waves down her back, never out of place. “Why would I leave?” She brushed a hand down his arm. “You and I could have a lot of fun together. Avery probably wouldn’t even care. Our relationship isn’t exactly serious.” Cam tried to turn away, but she followed him, still not allowing him any space to think. He had to get rid of her. “Cammy.” Her voice was breathless as she flattened a palm against his chest. Her other hand snaked down the front of his jeans and into his pocket.

And he couldn’t breathe. Not because she was a popular, attractive girl throwing herself at him. No, Cam’s current state of freeze was due to the anger he tried to keep from exploding out of him. No matter what kind of person she was, he didn’t want to embarrass Meghan. He’d have to extricate himself delicately. Meghan pulled his phone from his pocket and pressed the home button. He’d turned off his lock code after getting annoyed with it not working. Meghan held the phone up. “Picture.” Before Cam could react, Meghan snapped a photo of them. “Aw, it’s so cute. I’m sending it to myself.” Her fingers worked over the keyboard so swiftly. When she was finished, she threw it down on the bed and reached for his hand. He snatched it away. “Meghan, you need to go.” “You don’t really want that.” Her arms slid around his waist. He jumped when she squeezed his butt. “I won’t tell anyone.” The anger Cam had been trying to repress finally rose to the surface, and he pushed her away. “This isn’t going to happen, Meghan. I’m sorry, but like I said, you need to go.” She narrowed her eyes. “Oh, right, I forgot. You only like fat chicks.” She crossed her arms. “We all see it. The only person who doesn’t believe you like Peyton is that chub herself. She’ll never be with you. You’ve been friendzoned.” She lowered her voice. “Frankly, she’s probably a lesbian. Which is cool and all, but also means you’ve got no shot.” Cam’s face reddened. He stormed to the door and ripped it open so fast he was surprised it didn’t fly off the hinges. Before he could shove her through it, his mother’s voice called up to him. “Cam, someone is at the door to see you.” He’d almost forgotten what he’d been waiting for. He shook his head. “Meghan, I don’t know what game you’re playing or if this is some elaborate ploy to get back at Peyton for embarrassing you. But I won’t be a part of it. You’re nothing but a vapid witch. Nothing you say can hurt Peyton because she is the strongest person I know. You want to know why I’m so in love with her? Because she is everything. Strong. Beautiful. Kind. And you are nothing. I’m going to walk

away, because I would rather be just about anywhere else right now. When I get back, if you’re still here, I’m going to throw you out the freaking window.” He turned and smiled to himself when he heard her tiny gasp as his words sank in. He might regret them later, but he didn’t have time to dwell on the fact that he’d just said he was in love with Peyton. One day, she’d know it too. But today wasn’t about Peyton. He left Meghan in his room, believing she’d take his advice and slink out the way she’d come. He pushed her from his mind and entered the living room where a man in a blue sport jacket stood talking to his mother. A few moments later, the front door slammed as Meghan left. “Jesse Evans.” Cam walked forward, his hand outstretched. Jesse turned with a grin. “Cameron.” He grasped his hand. “It’s good to see you, boy. The last time was—” “After I broke the state record about two years ago.” Jesse nodded. “That was some feat, kid.” Cam nodded. “And some article you wrote about it.” “I only wrote the words you said to me.” Cam raised an eyebrow. “With your own spin.” Jesse chuckled. Cam’s mom had watched the exchange curiously. “I Mr. Evans, here. But what I don’t understand is why he showed up at our door today. We’ve turned down every interview request.” A heavy set of footsteps sounded in the hall moments before Cam’s father entered the room and froze. His mother regarded her husband. “I thought we agreed to Cam’s request for no press.” Confusion marred his features. “A request I didn’t agree with but adhered to

nonetheless.” He turned hard eyes on Jessie. “Mr. Evans, what are you doing here? Cam is not doing interviews.” Cam couldn’t believe his father was protecting him. “Dad.” All three adults turned to look at him. “I asked him to come.” “You asked him here?” He shook his head as if to clear it. “You realize he’s a reporter, right? For Running Life? That’s a thing people read.” Cam’s lips curved up. “Did you just make a joke, Dad?” There’d been a time when Cam’s relationship with his dad hadn’t been so intense. Before he became the coach. As a kid, Cam idolized his father. He wanted to be him. That was why he started running—to make him proud. Somewhere along the way, they’d lost their father-son relationship. Cam clapped his dad on the shoulder. “It’s okay. We won’t tell anyone.” His dad stared at him like he was seeing someone he hadn’t laid eyes on in a long time. He shrugged. “Your old man can be funny.” “Dad, no one is funny when they have to say they’re funny.” “Maybe you’re not.” “Ooo.” Cam cupped his hands around his lips. “My father just made another joke, ladies and gentlemen.” Jesse laughed, not knowing how rare smiles in that house were. Cam caught his mom’s eye and winked. Her smile widened. Maybe she too was ing a time their home was filled with jokes. It had been a long time. The lightness wasn’t only within those walls, Cam felt it inside him. Ever since getting Peyton back into his life, the darkness had faded away, and he realized he didn’t want anger and past hurts to control him for the rest of his life. For so long, he’d allowed his family to change as they all chased his dream of the Olympics. Take the dream away and they’d had nothing left. Or at least that’s what he’d thought in his time away from Twin Rivers.

If Peyton could forgive him, could trust him again, then why couldn’t he do the same with his parents? Jesse cleared his throat. “Are you ready to begin, Cameron?” “Begin what?” Cam’s dad asked. Cam met his gaze. “The rest of my life.” He turned to Jesse and gestured to where a couch and two chairs sat in the center of the room. Cam’s mom put a hand on his shoulder. “We’ll leave you two to talk.” Cam put his hand over hers. “Will you stay?” He glanced to his father. “Both of you?” His father cleared his throat. “Of course, we will, son.” The four of them sat, a silence hanging between them. Jesse pulled his phone from his pocket and set it to record their conversation. “Cameron, you said you were finally ready to tell your story. To let the running world know where you’ve been. I’ll let you speak freely without interruptions as was your request.” Cam nodded, swallowing. He reached down to pull up his pant leg. Jessie’s eyes widened, but before he could ask questions about the leg, Cam began. “My family had a dream.” As he spoke, his other problems seemed to fade away. He forgot about Meghan’s antics only minutes ago. The tension that had existed within his family evaporated. It was only him and the rest of the world. Easy, right? It was. He knew what he wanted to say just as well as he knew how to take his next breath. It came more natural than any interview he’d ever done. He leaned back into the couch, not meeting anyone’s eyes. “When I was at the training facility in Atlanta, I thought the accident took everything from me.” He smiled. “I have a good friend, better than I deserve. She let me see that I wasn’t broken. That maybe the dream I’d worked so hard for wasn’t what I wanted after all.” His eyes fell on his father.

Unlike previous conversations about this topic, his father didn’t interrupt. He didn’t scowl. In fact, it seemed as if every part of him was listening, was finally hearing him. So, Cam continued. “I don’t know what I want. That’s the truth. Running gave me so much over the years, and I will always be grateful for it, but I need to figure out life off the track. I’m not who I was before, but I’m still here. Not everyone from that accident can say the same.” He leaned forward. “Cooper Callahan was my friend, and he died while I lived. I’ll never be able to make sense of that. I didn’t lose my leg. I was given my life.” As if the words drained him, his body sagged, exhaustion sinking into him. He hadn’t known the words he planned to say before he spoke and, as they rolled back through his head, he felt them in every cell. Jesse whistled through his teeth. “I have to be honest, Cam. I didn’t expect that story when you called. I sort of thought you would use me to announce your return to competition. It’s amazing this has all been kept under wraps.” Cam smiled at that. “My parents made every trainer I worked with sign confidentiality agreements.” He met his dad’s eyes once more. “They wanted me to be ready to reveal the truth on my own .” His father might have tried pushing reporters on him, but he’d never let anyone else reveal the truth. Cam hadn’t seen it before, but his father wasn’t ashamed of his broken son; he was protecting the son he loved. When his father was disqualified from the Olympics for drug use, he’d never been given the chance to tell his own story, his side. He hadn’t wanted the same for his son. Jesse turned off the recording app on his phone and stood. “You’re a remarkable young man, Cameron Tucker. My readers can learn a lot from your story. I’m sorry for everything you’ve lost.” “Haven’t you heard anything I’ve said?” Cam laughed. “I just went on this elaborate hour-long tale just to say I haven’t lost anything.” “But the running? Don’t you miss it?”

“I can still run and love it for the sake of the sport. I’m just a bit slower than I used to be. I don’t need the competitions.” Jesse grinned. “That’s a brilliant way to put it.” He walked beside Cam to the front door. “Can I ask you one final question?” “Shoot.” “Why now? This all happened over a year and a half ago. Why did you call me this week?” Cam scratched his chin, trying to come up with an answer. The truth was, he didn’t know. It had just seemed right. For the first time in so long, he’d truly felt like the boy he used to be. Maybe it was learning he could feel anything other than self-pity. Maybe Peyton’s words had broken through to him. Your body isn’t who you are. His love for her had never left, but he’d pushed it down so far he’d forgotten it was there. Now it was back. He turned to Jesse and shrugged as he opened the door. “A girl.” Jesse laughed. “A girl?” A wry smile spread across Cam’s face. “Doesn’t it always come down to a girl?” “She must be pretty special, this girl.” “She is.” Jesse only shook his head with a grin, mumbling “a girl” under his breath as he walked out to his car. Cam shut the door and ed the living room on his way to the stairs. He stopped when he saw his parents still sitting there. “Mom… Dad…” “Yes, Cameron?” His mother lifted her face to his. His father turned in his chair. “Thanks.” He nodded to each of them before climbing the stairs, feeling as

though he was finally moving forward. As soon as Jesse wrote the article, the entire running world would know what he went through. They’d know he was retiring from a running career that hadn’t even started, yet once held so much promise. They’d know he was going to be okay. Eventually. There was one more thing he had to do. He hadn’t been lying when he said he couldn’t be Peyton’s friend, or at least not just her friend. He didn’t want only pieces of her, he wanted it all. Every smile, every kiss. She was the best part of him, and he was a fool to think he could have ever let her go.

19

Peyton

~ Peyton, I’m sorry. Cam ~

Peyton didn’t see them at first. She was so focused on talking to Katie. So excited to share the good news. But then she saw the snide looks and the staring. Everyone in the halls avoided Peyton’s gaze, letting their eyes return to the letter in their hands. Pink paper covered the lockers and carpeted the halls in the same nauseating shade. Peyton looked down at her feet, and she saw it. Her name was everywhere. They were emails. Private emails she’d never received. She leaned down, sifting through the pages. She could feel Cameron’s pain leaping from the text.

Peyton, Give it a rest. Your emails are worthless to me. Just stop. The Cameron you knew

died in that car with your brother. Cam

Peyton, We aren’t friends. Move on. Cam

Peyton, Ignoring you isn’t working. Nothing’s working. I just want to stop feeling… anything. I need you to stop badgering me with your daily emails. Cam

Pey, I’m sorry about that night. I’m sorry I kissed you and started whatever this was supposed to be. But you have got to forget about me. I’m not interested. I’m not

sure I ever was. Cam

Peyton, Today was a bad day. Your email made me smile, and I haven’t done that in months. It’s strange the way a smile feels on my face now. Like my face might crack from the unfamiliarity of it. I know you’re trying to be the same friend you’ve always been. But I need you to let me go. I’m not worth it. Cam

Peyton, Just shut up, already. Just shut up and leave me alone!

Peyton, I’m a jerk. A jerk who took advantage of your kindness for far too long. I’m sorry, but you need to forget me.

Cam

And on and on they went. Every feeling Cameron experienced. Every angry word he’d spoken. Every knee-jerk reaction to her daily emails lay across the floor where the students who didn’t really know either of them could trample the words. That’s how she felt now. Like she’d been trampled. These were his most private thoughts and feelings. He didn’t deserve this. She could hear the laughter behind her. “So pathetic.” “Poor Cam. Who knew she was such a stalker.” “To think she would harass him at a time like that? She should be ashamed of herself.” “Crazy.” “Psycho.” “Dude needs a restraining order.” Peyton barely acknowledged them. They could think what they wanted. With tears in her eyes, she sorted through the emails, wondering how many times he’d responded to her and then decided not to send it. Every time, she finally realized. Peyton stood, letting the emails flutter to the ground. She’d written him every single day for a year. For three hundred sixty-five days, she’d sent her best friend gentle reminders that she was still there for him. Sometimes, she’d vented her own sorrow and anger in her messages, but she’d never failed to remind him that he wasn’t alone. And then after a year had ed without a single response,

she’d stopped sending them. But he responded to my emails. Peyton shook her head in confusion. Why wouldn’t he send them? How could he keep all of that bottled up inside? How could he read her emails and choose not to let her know he shared her feelings? That he was mourning a loss of his own. How could he do that to them? “Peyton!” She turned at the sound of his voice. “Let me explain.” He rushed down the hall toward her. “Explain?” She shook her head. “I can read, Cameron. I have eyes.” “I don’t know how this happened, Pey. I don’t know who did this or why, but I will find out. I will make this right.” He grabbed her arms, pulling her toward him. “Make it right?” There was no coming back from this. She shrugged out of his arms. “What are you looking at?” Cameron barked at the gawking students, sending them rushing off down the hall. “You could have done something about it,” Peyton whispered. He could have put them both out of their misery. A year and a half they didn’t speak. A year and a half of heartache. For nothing. “I swear, I couldn’t. I don’t know who did this to us.” “To us?” She took a step back. “You did this to us.” She turned to walk away but stopped when her phone dinged. Pulling it free of her pocket, she glanced down. The tears she’d held back so carefully before spilled over her cheeks as she stood frozen with a picture of Cam and Meghan on her screen. They were in his bedroom at the edge of the bed. Meghan looked pleased with herself, but Cam, he looked as if someone had been running their hands through his hair as Peyton had wanted to do so many times. Twisting back to face him, she shoved her phone at his chest. “Guess we don’t have to wonder who did this.”

His eyes widened as he took in the evidence that he was just like every other stupid boy at that school. “Peyton, listen to me. This isn’t-“ “Anything. It isn’t anything, right?” She snatched her phone back and took a step to widen the distance between then. “Just like us. When you didn’t speak to me for a year and a half, I should have known. But like the idiotic girl I am, I still hoped one day you’d see me as someone other than an outcast at this school. Sure, I was good enough for secret kisses in hidden treehouses, but what then? I always knew you’d hurt me, Cam. I just cared about you too freaking much to care. It’s time I grow up, yeah?” She wiped her face, ignoring the stares of her classmates. They didn’t matter when her heart was breaking into a million tiny pieces. She dropped her voice. “All you had to do was respond one time. Just once.” She shook her head and turned without another word. Cam didn’t even try to run after her. He let her go. Now she would do the same.

“Want me to kick his butt?” Julian lay sprawled across Peyton’s bed, sorting through a pile of pink papers. Peyton slammed her bedroom door behind her. “What are you doing here? She tossed her backpack and a stack of folders onto her bed, wishing he would just disappear. “I’m worried about you, kid. This is some heavy stuff you’re dealing with.” “It’s private.” She yanked the pile of Cam’s emails out of his hands. “Does no one have any respect for the private pain of two people who’ve been through hell?” “Just two, huh?” Julian picked at the loose threads of her comforter. “That’s not what I meant, Julian. This pain…” She lifted the stack of emails. “This isn’t about losing Cooper.” “I know. You two have been through a lot, and you deserve to be happy. But in the end, it all circles back to Coop and his selfish behavior that night. Deep down I loved my brother, but he made it hard. And he ruined a lot of lives when he decided to go to that party.” “What happened to set you two off that night?” Peyton sank down beside him on the edge of her bed. “Please, just for once, give me the truth.” “I don’t have all the answers you want, Peyton. All I can tell you is he deserved to get punched, but he didn’t deserve to die. He’d had way too much to drink, and he was so angry. I don’t know if you ever realized how unhinged he could get when his anger was out of control.” “That’s when he was cruel. He’d hide his anger behind snide remarks and backhanded sarcasm.” “Yeah, and that night he was more angry than I’d ever seen him.” “Why?”

“I don’t know, Peyton.” He sat up, absently shifting her things to the floor. “When he got behind the wheel, I had this moment—call it a twin thing—but I knew he was going to get hurt. So, I took Cam’s keys from you and followed. I was trying to stop him.” “He wouldn’t have let you.” Peyton sat beside her brother, really feeling his pain for the first time. For months, she was so caught up in her own problems she didn’t have room for his. As much as she was hurt by their absence, Peyton was finally seeing how much they’d all needed their own space to deal with their losses. “When the car went over the bridge, I didn’t hesitate, Peyton. I dove right in, but I couldn’t get him out of the blasted seatbelt. When the current pulled the car toward the falls, I thought he’d survive it and I could get help, so I went back to shore, and the ambulances were already coming. Avery was good for that much, I guess. I watched them pull his body from the wreckage, Peyton. After seeing my brother…dead, knowing we’d never have the chance to grow out of our differences and be real friends, I had to go. I’m just so sorry I left you behind, sis.” His voice was raw with emotion, and his eyes clouded with the pain of his loss. “I know.” Peyton moved to drape her arm around his shoulder. “I know you only did what was best for you. We all had to do that in our own ways.” “I missed you.” He nudged her shoulder. “I missed you too.” “Seriously, do I need to kick his butt for saying all this to you?” He rolled up the stack of emails like a weapon he would use to beat some sense into Cameron Tucker’s head. “What is this anyway?” “While Cam was away, I wrote him every day for a year. I never got a single response until some jerk got their hands on Cam’s email and printed them – a jerk named Meghan.” “His responses?” Peyton’s mouth turned down in a frown. “Every single one he never sent.” She took the emails from him and tossed them in the trash.

“So, you’re mad he didn’t have the balls to actually say these awful things to you?” “I’m mad he didn’t have the balls to communicate with me. He just kept all this bottled up inside and left us both hurting and alone when a simple conversation would have started our healing a long time ago.” “He wasn’t ready, Peyton. He needed an outlet to say all this. To get it out. You were that outlet, Peyton. His safe place. That means a lot more than some senseless ranting he never let you see. This stuff is about him and the loss he suffered. And your incessant daily reminders probably drove the poor guy bonkers.” His smile was the first real one she’d seen on his face in so long, she’d almost forgot what it looked like. “Let’s go get some food. I’m starving.” Julian stood up with a stretch. “Mom and Dad are at The Main tonight, so we’re on our own for dinner.” “Let me change real quick, and we’ll go.” Peyton stepped into her bathroom to change into jeans and a fresh t-shirt—her standard after school wardrobe. She was excited to spend some time with her brother like old times. She would always miss Cooper, but at least she still had Julian. Julian might be right about the emails, but why had Meghan been at Cam’s house? Why had she been in his room? Peyton didn’t have a right to be jealous. They weren’t together like that. But she’d thought Cam was better than falling for the girl who’d made her life a living hell. Besides, wasn’t Meghan dating Avery? Peyton wasn’t too fond of her old friend anymore, but that didn’t mean he deserved for his girlfriend to cheat on him. She shook herself. It wasn’t her problem. She needed to forget about Cam. “Ready to go?” Peyton grabbed her clutch purse. “My little sister is the mastermind behind the No BS craze?” Julian crouched in the middle of her room with the entire contents of her presentation scattered across her floor. “Stop going through my stuff, Julian.” She thumped him over the head with her clutch.

“I’m speechless,” he said, flipping through Katie’s research for monetizing No BS. “Impressed. Who knew my baby sister was a genius?” “Not sure how to take that, Julian.” She tapped her foot. “I’m darn proud of you, sis.” He stood, still clutching Katie’s research. “I could help you with this marketing part. You’re not thinking about selling this are you?” “No way.” Peyton snatched the folder from him. “I wouldn’t want some investor or corporation messing it up.” “Or robbing you of the serious cash flow potential. Come on, let’s go get dinner and talk marketing goals. This research is a great start, but we need a long-term plan too.” “We?” She grinned, following him into the hall. “Who said anything about we? “Hell yeah. I’m your first employee, sis. And I’m cheap too. I work for pizza.” “I can’t—” “Don’t say it, kid. You’ll break my heart. In this family, we like pizza, and we like cupcakes, and we don’t count calories because we’re all hot. Get a salad if you must, but you’re having one slice.” “All right, I can do that.” “Seriously, Peyton, you’re beautiful at any size so please stop it with the vegan, gluten-free, no-calorie, no-taste phase?” “But Mom makes it taste good.” “Mom does, you don’t. Those pancakes you make are terrible.” “It’s a mix. And they’re not that bad.” “Yeah, they are, I’d rather eat the box they came in. More fiber.” “Oh my gosh, you’re ridiculous.” She laughed as they headed out to his car. Things might be off the rails with Cam, but she was thrilled to finally reconnect

with her brother.

20

Cameron

~ Cam, You’re a good guy, Cam. I believe it even when you don’t. Peyton ~

Cam’s own words flooded his mind. Every time he thought he was moving on, getting past the emotions that trapped him in his year away, he ended up right back where he started—feeling sorry for himself. This time, though, it had nothing to do with the leg. That was something, at least. No, this was just about him. Who he was. He knew how his words sounded to Peyton. It was one of the reasons he hadn’t sent them. He’d needed to vent, to pretend like he’d said all the things he was feeling. Because that was the problem, wasn’t it? He had felt them. He’d wanted nothing more to do with Peyton. He’d prayed she’d just leave him alone, forget he existed. The first day no email arrived from her, three hundred sixty-six days after leaving Twin Rivers, he’d thought he’d have been relieved, happy even. It didn’t work like that. He’d only felt empty, like he’d lost the one thing grounding him

—Peyton’s words. As long as she continued emailing him, she’d still cared. He hadn’t known how much he needed to know someone was there until he lost her. He didn’t know why he’d kept them. Maybe a reminder of the guy he wouldn’t let himself become again. Maybe just out of some masochistic need to the pain, both physical and mental. He lifted his eyes to the empty track. He’d been standing there since class ended, letting the guilt brew inside him. What did he expect to find on a track where he no longer belonged? Where did he belong anymore? With her. He’d blown that. She hadn’t even given him a chance to explain the picture of Meghan in his room, but he wasn’t sure he even deserved a chance. He wanted nothing to do with Meghan, but he knew that wasn’t what Peyton was really mad about. He’d hurt her. His words cut her deeply. He set his hand on the wooden box sitting on the bleachers beside him. He’d retrieved it from his car. An October wind sent a chill through him and he glanced up at the ominous clouds overhead. Fitting, he thought. He opened Peyton’s box, needing to feel like some part of her didn’t hate him— the part that had written these notes. I don’t feel that way about you. I never did. He’d lied. When he’d kissed her for the first time, it hadn’t been a mistake. That memory haunted him alongside the accident that occurred only an hour after. How could the worst moment of his life follow so quickly after the best? There were only a few notes left in the box. He’d been opening them frequently, using them to find the boy he’d once been. He held the final three notes in his hand for a moment of hesitation before opening them. Once he read the words, there would be no more notes to comfort

him or make him smile when he so desperately needed it. But he didn’t need the notes. Not when he had Peyton herself. She had to forgive him. They were best friends. She was the only person in his life who pushed him, who made him think everything was going to be okay. He reached down to scratch his leg where it met the prosthetic. Now or never. His eyes settled on the first note.

You’re a good guy, Cam. I believe it even when you don’t.

He released a breath. Good guys didn’t say such hurtful things to people like Peyton. He was about to read the next note when footsteps sounded against the concrete. He lifted his eyes to Nari’s tiny frame. She pushed jet-black hair out of her eyes and pinned him with her selfproclaimed “Korean Kill Factor.” The look she said could make people fear her. In truth, she was just about the least frightening person he’d ever known. Large framed glasses constantly slipped off her narrow nose, hiding wide, innocent eyes. Besides, she was too nice for her kill look to work. But she also didn’t know when to mind her own business. “Nari.” Cam sighed. “I’m not really in the mood for one of your pep talks.” She climbed over the bleachers until she reached his side and plunked herself down with a huff. “Then it’s a good thing I’m not here for that.” She snatched the note from his hand before he could protest. “Still reading these? I thought you’d have torn through them already.” He only shrugged in response as her eyes settled on the words.

Nari bumped his shoulder. “She’s not wrong, you know. You are a good guy.” “I thought you weren’t here for a pep talk.” She set the note back in his hand and tried to twist her face into a mask of serious condemnation. It looked so odd on her Cam laughed. “Hey,” she protested. “I’m trying to be mad at you here.” “Oh, well, in that case, carry on.” He suppressed his smile. He didn’t deserve to laugh when he knew how Peyton must be feeling. In that moment, he wished Nari had it in her to be truly mad. He wanted someone to yell at him, and that wasn’t in her. “You’re kind of a jerk, Cam.” He reeled back in surprise, trying not to laugh again at how funny that phrase sounded coming from her mouth. She huffed in exasperation. “Fine. You’re a butt. Is that more Nari-like? Ugh, you’d think I spit rainbows and ride unicorns for how you guys see me. Stop being a jerk, Cameron Tucker.” “I’m sorry.” “I don’t mean to me, numb nuts. You really are impossible, aren’t you? When they chopped off your leg, did they mess up and get your brain as well?” He flinched. A smile broke out across Nari’s face. “Too soon to joke about it?” He shook his head. “I guess not. It’s not the worst thing happening to me right now.” “Nothing is happening to you. You did this. I’m not going to say you didn’t. I know you didn’t plan for Peyton to ever see what you wrote, but the fact stands. You wrote really mean words whether you sent them or not. And then you kept them? Ever heard of the delete button? Lordy, I’m surrounded by idiot men in my life.”

“Plural?” She sighed. “Avery was suspended from the team for a week for that fight the two of you thought was such a grand idea.” That surprised Cam. Avery was the star of the football team. “How do you know that?” He hadn’t heard it around school, but his drama with Peyton was still all anyone was talking about. “His mom told mine.” She leaned forward against her knees. Nari had the misfortune of living next door to Avery. When their group of friends was still speaking, it worked because they could all hang out in their connected backyard. But now? Cam hadn’t been over there, but he imagined it was tense. “Stop distracting me.” Nari turned to face him. “It’s been five days since you last spoke to Peyton.” “How do you know that?” Her only answer was a stare with one eyebrow raised. Right, it was Nari. She seemed to know everything. He scratched his jaw. “What am I supposed to say to her?” “Anything. Everything. Stop being so clueless. You’re better than that. I know the whole Meghan thing isn’t what it seems, and if Peyton really thinks about it, she does too. But that’s not the only thing you have to answer for.” She tapped the side of his head. “Use this brain of yours. Once upon a time, you knew exactly what Peyton needed. Always. That can’t be gone.” He met her gaze. “Can I ask you a question?” She nodded. “Why do you care so much? Since the accident, we’ve all barely spoken. Even you and Pey aren’t as close as you were.” She hugged her arms across her knees and looked away. Her hair fell to hide her face, but her words were clear. “I want us back, Cam. All of us. The past year and a half…” She sighed. “It’s been hard. So freaking hard knowing we don’t

have each other. But not only you and Pey. Avery. Julian. Heck, even Addison. It never used to matter who we were, the labels. No one cared that we came from different social circles. And now…that seems to be all that matters.” He was quiet for a moment, letting her words sink in. “Our differences make us who we are.” She nodded, her voice lowering. “But they didn’t use to.” “I want her, Nari, more than I’ve ever wanted anything. Not just as a friend. She’s everything.” She smiled. “I have watched you love her for a long time, probably before you even knew what love was. But, Cam, you can’t just tell her. Peyton has always struggled to believe she was good enough. It’s crap, because she’s better than those losers who make fun of her. You have to make her believe in you enough to believe in herself.”

Nari was right. Cam couldn’t just tell Peyton how he felt. Not after the damage he’d done. She was once again the talk of the school. He needed help. Sending a text to a number he hadn’t used since the accident, he waited. It was Saturday, and he’d spent the entire night before trying to figure out how to show Peyton he was serious, that he hadn’t meant the things he’d written. The only thing he’d figured out while lying in his bed was how the emails had gotten out. Meghan. She’d wanted to get to Peyton, and she’d succeeded. Cam didn’t have the energy to try to expose her. It wasn’t worth it when Peyton was hurting. She was all that mattered. He’d printed out every unsent email, the ones that had been shown at school and the ones that hadn’t. He didn’t know when he’d decided to show them all to Peyton, but he couldn’t keep them from her any longer. He just needed a plan as to how. The response to his text came a few minutes later.

Meet me at the diner.

The diner? He wasn’t ready to see Peyton yet, but he found himself in his car a few minutes later and heading that way, anyway. He slung his backpack over his shoulder and stepped out of his car. Mrs. Callahan was at the counter when he entered. She offered him a warm smile. “Cameron.” She stepped around the counter to wrap him in a hug. He’d once thought she loved him more than his own mother, but his mother was trying, so he made himself stop thinking like that.

“Hi, Mrs. C.” He stepped back, his eyes scanning the diner. Mrs. Callahan’s eyes softened. “She’s not here today.” He could lie and say that wasn’t who he’d been searching for, but she knew him better than that. He may not have come to see Peyton, but he still found himself hoping she was there. “I thought she worked Saturdays.” At least she used to. Mrs. Callahan turned back to the counter to continue wiping it. “Peyton is at her award ceremony today.” “Award ceremony?” Mrs. Callahan faced him once again, a question in her eyes. “She didn’t tell you?” She shook her head. “That girl… Something tells me she didn’t tell anyone what she created. I don’t understand her sometimes.” She wiped her hands on her apron. “Julian!” Julian appeared through the kitchen door. “I didn’t think you’d be here so quickly.” He studied Cam, his lips pursed. When Cam decided to text Peyton’s brother, he’d had to force himself to hit send. “Jules.” Mrs. Callahan waved him forward. Julian had always hated her nickname for him, but he indulged her. “Get your phone. Show Cam here that app of Peyton’s.” Pride bloomed on her face. “She worked on it all summer and entered it in a state technology contest. She could win a college scholarship. All the finalists get to demonstrate their apps in front of professors and tech experts from various companies before a winner is announced.” Her face fell. “I wish we could be there.” She sighed. “My cook called in sick, and Peyton’s father is due back in town today after visiting his sister. His flight was delayed, but Julian is going. He was just about to leave. And no matter if she wins or not, we’re having a surprise bonfire party for her tonight.” Julian handed Cam the phone. Cam’s eyes widened when he realized he knew the app that appeared on the screen. He’d been on No BS many times as had many of their classmates from the looks of it. The amount of posts surprised him every time he opened it. He scrolled down. “Peyton made this?”

Mrs. Callahan placed a hand on his shoulder. “She had help, but the idea was hers.” Nari had been wrong. Peyton didn’t need Cam, she didn’t need him to make her believe in herself. She just didn’t know it. No BS helped him come to with his injury, his limitations. It made him see that everyone had something broken inside of them. He wasn’t alone. Had Peyton created this to give herself that feeling? To have people who understood? No, that wasn’t Pey. She’d made it to show others, people like him, that they mattered. She hadn’t done it for herself. He handed Julian back the phone. “What time does the award ceremony start?” Mrs. Callahan looked at her watch. “In about two hours.” “Where is it?” “The state technology center.” He nodded. That was a two-and-a-half-hour drive. He didn’t have enough time. “We’d better go if we’re going to make it.” Julian’s low voice snapped him out of his panic. He met his eyes, the only physical part of him that differentiated him from his dead twin. Cam nodded, all words suddenly failing him. Mrs. Callahan smiled wide and gripped Cam’s arm. “Peyton is special.” He sucked in a breath. “I know. I’ve always known.” She nodded in approval and released him. Cam followed Julian out the door and down the street to where he’d parked along the curb. Twin Rivers disappeared behind them as they drove away. Two and a half hours. He’d be late for the ceremony. He only hoped he wasn’t too

late for everything else. “What are you going to say to her when we get there?” It wasn’t like Julian to be nosy or curious, but he’d always been protective of his sister. Cam relaxed back against the seat. “I don’t know.” Julian raised a brow and focused on the highway before them. “Better figure it out.” Cam tapped his fingers against his leg as the silence stretched between them. Half an hour ed, then an hour. The landscape changed, but he didn’t notice any of it as an idea came to his mind. He slid his phone out of his bag and pressed his finger against the No BS app. It opened, revealing all the newest posts. The ones with the most views and likes stayed at the top. Posters could choose whether or not to turn on the commenting feature. Most didn’t. He started his post.

Hello. My name is Cameron Tucker, and I’m a fool. You see, there’s a girl. It always comes down to a girl, doesn’t it? This girl has been my best friend since before I was old enough for her smile to make me speechless. She was everything to me. Let me tell you a story about a boy who thought he had everything, a boy who lost a lot, and the girl who never gave up on him. This app is supposed to be anonymous, but for you to truly understand me, I can’t hide behind an internet wall. I have to be honest. The car accident that took my friend Coop changed my life. Not because I’m now a robot (That one is for Cara), but because it altered how I see the world. I was angry, really angry, for a long time. You may have read some of my anger when my words were spread around the school this week—thanks to whoever did that by the way. You’ve made this possible. You’ve forced me to finally it the

things holding me back. This girl I mentioned, she’s the bravest, strongest person I know. She’s also smart and kind and so beautiful it makes it hard to breathe. Oh, and one more thing. I love her. I’m in love with her. I have been for a long time. And I was afraid. Afraid she’d never feel the same way. Afraid she wouldn’t forgive me for the words I never said to her. But I don’t want to be afraid. That’s what No BS is about, isn’t it? Getting over our fears. Shedding the labels we place on ourselves.

Cam paused for a moment. The last part needed to be just for Pey, not their classmates.

So, Peyton Callahan, I’m saying you don’t scare me. Not anymore. I love you. I’m coming for you. You told me we could only be friends, and if that’s truly what you want, I’m still on my way to you. @CameronTucker

Cam’s thumb hovered over the post button that would let the entire school see his words. He’d never been one to let people in, to show them what he thought or how he felt. He’d been content with his few friends and the solitude running brought him. But the biggest mistake he’d made with Peyton was not letting her in. She deserved to have received those emails. The pleading ones. The ones where he itted he missed her. Even the mean ones. She could have taken it. Julian glanced at him out of the corner of his eye. “If you hurt her again, I’ll end

you.” The Julian Cam knew before didn’t have the darkness inside him that Cam saw now, but maybe that was the point. They couldn’t go back. It was time to move forward. Cam tapped post. His stomach clenched, and he leaned his head back against the headrest, closing his eyes. “If I hurt her again, she’ll end me herself.” “You got that right.” Julian chuckled, the sound filling the car and making Cam feel almost normal, like the past eighteen months hadn’t happened, like maybe they wouldn’t be tormented by everything for the rest of their lives. By the time they pulled into the almost-full parking lot of the state technology center, the sun had begun to set. They parked in the first open spot they could find and sprinted across the lot. A banner hung on the outside wall welcoming all contestants. As Cam stepped into the entrance, it hit him. This was the biggest day of Peyton’s high school career, and he’d almost missed it. The ceremony had already begun by the time they reached the conference room. A stage stood near the front, and a white-haired man stepped up to the podium. Cam didn’t hear anything he said as his eyes searched for Peyton, finding her sitting with the other contestants across the room. He found a spot near the back wall and stood next to Julian, breathing in the excitement. His eyes snapped to the stage when he heard the two words that set his heart racing. “Peyton Callahan.” He couldn’t lift his hands to clap along with the rest of the audience as he watched her step onto the stage. Her face glowed with excitement as a screen dropped down from the ceiling. The audience laughed at something Peyton said, but he was too focused on her to hear what it was. Blood rushed in his ears as an image appeared on the screen. Peyton’s demonstration.

The No BS logo stretched across the top with the top post below it. Cam swallowed the bile threatening to rise in his throat as a room full of strangers focused on what was before them. It wasn’t until he could breathe again that he noticed Peyton had frozen, her eyes locked on his.

21

Peyton

~ Peyton, This is my final unsent email. I’m coming home, and I’m not quite sure how to face you. Do you still think about me? One day, I’ll be on the receiving end of one of your smiles again. I promise. Cam ~

“Peyton Callahan,” Dr. Peterson announced. Peyton stepped forward, a sheen of sweat covering her face. What was I thinking entering this thing? Public speaking was not her forte. She took a deep breath, stepping up to the podium to the polite applause. She glanced at her notecards, but the words jumbled around on the page in her panic. I’m having a stroke, right here. Get it together Callahan! “High school sucks, am I right?” Peyton blurted to the amusement of the crowd.

“I mean, we’ve all heard the grown-ups say ‘it gets better.’” She held up her hands in air quotes. “I sure hope it does, but that doesn’t really help us in the moment. Sometimes we just need a friend. Maybe someone we wouldn’t normally consider a friend. I sure needed that two years ago. One night changed my life forever. My brother died in a terrible accident, and our friends scattered to the winds after. We each needed to deal with our loss in different ways. But I found myself alone and in need of a distraction. Thus, No Body Shame was born.” Peyton gestured up at the screen where the home page of her app showed for all to see. And then Katie’s frantically waving hands caught her attention behind the stage. She pointed at the screen, and Peyton’s heart thundered in her chest as she read Cameron’s words—the beautiful words he’d written for her— flashing at her captive audience. And then she saw him. Standing at the back of the room with Julian. The look on his face said sorry-not-sorry. Did Cam really just say he loves me? Right in the middle of my presentation. I’m going to kill him! “My guy, ladies and gentleman.” Peyton beamed a sheepish smile at the audience. “He has the worst timing ever. It’s supposed to be anonymous, Cam. Way to defeat the entire purpose of the app while I’m presenting it.” She rolled her eyes, desperately trying to get her brain back on her presentation. And there he stood, looking handsome as ever, shrugging his shoulders and smiling at her like she’d hung the moon just for him. “Well, answer the poor guy. Do you love him?” someone shouted. She was pretty sure it was her brother. “Of course, I do. I always have. Cameron Tucker has been my best friend since we were five years old, and it’s only taken him thirteen years to figure out we belong together.” She smiled shyly as the audience laughed. “But I have to give him a break on the last two years. The accident that took my brother Cooper changed the course of Cameron’s life too. Once on the Olympic track, he was a rising star. But the accident took that dream away from him. I think No BS has helped Cam accept his new reality. See, in high school, it’s all about the labels. The jock, mean girl, nerd, slut, fat, skinny, weirdo, loner, disabled…and the list goes on. We find ourselves trapped behind these constricting labels, desperately trying to claw our way out so the world can see the real person behind that ridiculous nonsensical label. And that is what No BS

is all about. Providing a safe place where labels don’t exist. Where the kids of Twin Rivers High can talk about real issues we all deal with every day without fear of rejection or ridicule. Because no matter what we’re going through as individuals, we are all dealing with something, and we all deserve a chance to redefine ourselves on our own . “I am proud to say the response to No Body Shame has blown me away. As of last night, over ninety percent of the Twin Rivers student body are No BS s. And of those ninety percent, seventy percent are actively involved in this amazing growing community. We have a strict no cyber bullying policy that removes all negative comments from the discussion threads. And for that, I must thank my good friend Katie Whitmore and her incredible mother, Emily Whitmore, for dedicating their time and mad coding skills to the security system for No BS. Together, we have created a streamlined system for monitoring the community and maintaining the complete anonymity of our s.” Peyton paused, glancing at the screen to see dozens of real-time responses to Cam’s post. So much love and a positive sense of community poured out of those comments. “It’s like this all the time.” She took a deep breath. “No matter how the competition goes, I’d like to thank the board for sponsoring the program. STEM studies are so important for our future, and I’m thankful to be a part of such a dynamic community. This program was like a light in the darkness for me. It saved me at a time when I thought my strength was gone. “And before I wrap this up, I’d like to thank my partner once again, Katie, can you come me?” Peyton called to her friend backstage. Katie looked like she’d rather do anything else in the world than come out on that stage, but she deserved this. As Katie shuffled out from behind the curtain, Peyton took her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. “A few weeks ago, I filed a petition with the board to make an addendum to my original project proposal. No BS started off as a solo project, but it grew from my original ideas, and I could not have made it what it is today without your help.” Peyton lifted a certificate from her folder on the podium. “This is for you, Katie. It says you have served as my project analyst and research assistant. I wanted you to have the credit you deserve for helping me create No Body Shame.”

“Thank you, Peyton. It’s been a blast working with you.” A flushed smile lit Katie’s face. “This will look fantastic on my college applications!” “Who knows, maybe we’ll share a dorm room when we get to MIT.” Peyton nudged her playfully. “Caltech.” Katie rolled her eyes. “We’ve had this argument before.” Peyton smiled at the crowd. “Can I leave the stage now?” Katie whispered, and Peyton nodded. “To wrap this up, a big thank you to the board and also to our competitors. Er… may the odds be ever in your favor.” Peyton thought her face might crack from the smile stretching her lips. She was so relieved to have her presentation behind her, yet right now, all she wanted was to find Cam. But he was nowhere to be found.

“Congratulations, Peyton.” The crowd of well-wishers swarmed around her backstage. “Your presentation was amazing!” “Thank you.” Peyton’s gaze drifted across the sea of faces until she saw the one face she was desperate to find. He looked so proud she almost laughed, not sure if he was more proud of himself or of her. “You did such an amazing job!” Katie came up beside her. “I can’t believe you called me on stage. I was so nervous I barely ed what was going on. You have no idea how much I appreciate the gesture.” “Gesture, nothing,” Peyton said. “That certificate was well deserved and the least I could do. I’m just glad the board let me do it.” “People at school are freaking out about this, Peyton. Everyone is on No BS right now wishing you luck. Oh, and Cam. How adorable is he? I better let you go talk to him. I’ll see you later.” “You’re so going to win!” A bubbly brunette with the biggest glasses Peyton had ever seen leaped to shake her hand just as Katie left her. “I’m so inspired by your work.” “Thank you so much.” Peyton smiled patiently at the girl when she really wanted to shove her and run. Cameron was waiting for her with the biggest smile and a cheesy bouquet of pink carnations in hand. “You left to get flowers?” Peyton smiled nervously, not sure where to go from here. She only knew she was happier in this moment than she’d been in a long time. “I was going to get roses. You deserve roses. Big fluffy pink ones…but the store was fully stocked with the worst flowers ever.” He was adorable when he was nervous.

“Well, for future reference…” Peyton took another step toward him, closing the small distance between them. “I generally prefer my flowers in the form of fluffy pink icing.” “Icing?” He smiled, relaxing. “Right on top of the cupcake.” She reached for the carnations. “But these are pretty too.” “You were amazing, Pey.” He leaned down and pressed his lips to hers. A sweet kiss but not the kiss they both wanted. As he pulled back, his heated gaze sent her knees wobbling beneath her. “I hope you don’t mind my declaration kinda hijacked your presentation. I had no idea it was going to end up on the screen like that.” “I loved it.” “You recovered like a champ.” He reached to brush a loose curl behind her ear. “For a second there, I thought you were going to murder me where I stood.” “Try not to let it happen again,” she teased. “Listen, there’s a lot I want to say. And…” He coughed, his cheeks going red. “A lot I’d like to do, but this is your moment. You are going to win this thing, Pey. And I don’t want to distract you, so I’m going to—” “Cameron Tucker, don’t you dare leave.” She tugged his hand into hers. “Do you know how much I’m freaking out right now? I could actually win this, Cam. I need my best friend right now. Stay with me?” “Of course.” He draped his arm around her waist, pulling her close in a way best friends Peyton and Cam never had before. “When will we know the results?” “In about an hour. There’s at least one more presentation, and then the judges will deliberate. Right now, they’re serving refreshments backstage.” Peyton darted a look around the room. “College recruiters will be here, and I heard a crazy rumor there are reps from Google and Apple here too.” “Then let’s go mingle.” Cam pulled her toward the crowd. “I believe you have

some adoring fans who want to talk to you.” He gestured at a group of girls waiting nearby. “I’m right here with you, Pey, but this is your moment.” Peyton squeezed his hand as they approached the fringes of the crowd forming backstage. “Peyton!” One of the girls stepped forward with a shy smile. “We love your app.” She looked back at her friends. “And we were wondering if you have plans to make it available to other schools?” “That is definitely a priority,” Peyton said. “But it might be a while before we get there.” “We’re big fans. It’s so great to see girls creating a real presence in the STEM studies world. My friends started a Girls Who Code group at our school, but we’re just sophomores. I hope by the time we’re seniors we’ll be as awesome as you.” “You guys are amazing, working together as a group. Keep up the good work, and I’m sure we’ll see you all here in a few years.” “Great meeting you!” The girls scrambled away giggling at Cam as they ed by. “That was so cool.” Peyton grinned. “I have fans. Who knew?” “Looks like you have a lot more waiting to get your attention.” He held her hand as they walked farther into the crowd. “They’re all looking at me.” Peyton suddenly wanted to be anywhere but in this room. “You’ve got this, Pey. I’m right behind you.” Cam gave her a little shove. “Ms. Callahan, Mike Reynolds.” A tall man in a suit reached to shake her hand. “Impressive presentation today. I’m here from Georgia Tech.” He pressed his card into her hand. “Have your parents call me, we’d love to show you around campus and talk about that scholarship you’re going to win.” “Thanks.” Peyton pocketed the card as the next college rep swooped in behind

Mr. Reynolds. Pretty soon, well-wishers surrounded her and Cam, and Peyton had a fistful of business cards. “This is unbelievable.” Peyton floated on cloud nine as they continued to walk through the crowd. “Ms. Callahan.” Peyton turned to find a familiar face. “Mrs. Stevens!” Peyton flung her arms around her principal. “I’m so glad you made it.” “I wouldn’t miss this for anything. Here, I want you to meet Mrs. Milburn, she’s from the state board of education.” “Hi,” Peyton said shyly, shaking the woman’s hand. “Lovely to meet you, Peyton. And your boyfriend too. Cam, right?” She smiled. “Yes, ma’am.” Peyton’s breath stuck in her throat. That was the first time anyone called Cam her boyfriend. That’s right, Cam’s my boyfriend! “The state board of education would like to talk to you and your parents about getting No Body Shame into every high school and junior high school in the state.” “Wow,” Peyton stuttered. “That’s amazing, but you should know I don’t want to sell the platform. I want to keep creative control.” “And we want that too. No BS needs a young perspective. We believe kids will respond to your app knowing one of their own created it and continues to run it. We can talk specifics when your parents are present, but we have been looking for a platform like this for a long time. Your partner, Katie, will be invaluable for such a big project, so keep her close.” “I certainly will. That all sounds wonderful. I’ll have my parents call you this week.” Peyton took Mrs. Milburn’s card and placed it at the top of the pile. She had cards from Google and Apple too, but she wasn’t sure she wanted to go in that direction.

“You’re dying, aren’t you?” Cam laughed at the look on her face. “I can see it in your eyes, you want to dance around this room and sing at the top of your lungs right now.” “You know me so well. Can you believe this?” Peyton clutched his hand, so grateful he’d never left her side for one second through the madness of the last hour. “Time to go find out you won.” “Are you crazy! Don’t jinx it.” “I think they’re ready for you to get back on stage. I’ll go find a place to sit.” Peyton grabbed his hand. “I’m scared, Cam. What if I don’t win? “There’s no way you didn’t win, Pey. You hit that out of the park.” “Yeah, I did, didn’t I.” She threw her arms around him. “I love you, Cameron Tucker.” “You’re amazing, you know that, right? Like, mind-blowingly amazing. You’re beautiful, smart as hell, and you have the kindest heart of anyone I know. And you’re going to win this. But even if you don’t, you’re still amazing, and the platform you built with these two hands saved me. Now go get that big trophy.” He gave her a nudge toward the stage. Peyton couldn’t wipe the smile off her face as she stood with the other finalists on stage. Cameron and Julian grinned back at her from their seats in the audience. To see them getting along brought tears to her eyes. She found herself thinking about Cooper. He wasn’t always the best brother, but if he were here right now, he’d be cheering louder than anyone. I miss you, Cooper Callahan. But I’ve got to let you go now. I’ll always love you. Her heart stalled in her chest as Dr. Peterson stood behind the podium to announce the results. “This year, the national STEM Studies Scholarship Program yielded the largest participation rate ever. It’s exciting to see a near fifty percent increase in female

participants. I know that makes our male participants happy. Most of us STEM guys are all thumbs and stutters around the fairer sex, so the arrival of our smart and geeky counterparts are about a hundred years overdue.” The audience laughed at his banter. “But on to the awards.” Peyton couldn’t hear over the loud pulse pounding in her ears, and she was sure she was going to be sick right here on the stage. “Peyton Callahan with her incredible social networking platform, No Body Shame!” Thunderous applause roared, and someone nudged her toward the podium. “It’s an honor to present this award to you, young lady.” Dr. Peterson handed her an elaborate first place plaque. First place! I won! She turned bewildered eyes toward the audience, looking for her people. Julian, Katie, and Cameron were standing on their chairs whooping and clapping for her. “Peyton will receive a full scholarship to the STEM program of her choice, and I’m sure she won’t lack for options. Congratulations, dear. I’d also like to ask Ms. Katie Whitmore to come up on stage please.” Peyton watched Katie’s face turn green with nerves. She hated to be the center of attention. “You’ve got this,” Peyton mouthed to her, giving her a nod. As Katie came up the steps to Peyton, she stumbled and fell flat on her face. Dr. Peterson leaped to help her up and guided her, red-faced, to stand beside Peyton. “Not to worry, Katie. Not a one of us science and math geeks haven’t face-planted a time or two.” “It’s okay, don’t worry about it,” Peyton whispered, wanting to give Dr. Peterson a good long lecture about the labels he was so fond of. Instead, she wrapped her arm around Katie’s slim shoulders. Poor Katie trembled like a leaf but managed to give Dr. Peterson a smile.

“Now then, Katie, the board has reviewed the work that has gone into the making of No BS, and while Peyton has spearheaded the project, making it her own, she is right, she could not have done it half so well without you. So, we would like to present you with a twenty-five-thousand-dollar scholarship as well.” “Shut up!” Katie gasped, taking the envelope he’d offered her. “I mean, thank you. Thank you so much!” “Congrats, Katie, you deserve it, now let’s get off this stage,” Peyton said, guiding her friend to the safety of backstage.

“I told Katie’s mom we’d take you home. Ready to go?” Cameron asked with a smug smile. “Why? What are you up to?” Peyton narrowed her eyes at him. “I can’t get anything past you.” He shook his head. “I picked this up at the flower shop. It’s a bit early in the season, but it’s brought us luck before. He held a sprig of mistletoe over her head. It was a good memory from that night. Before the accident tore them apart. Addison had hung mistletoe everywhere, just for Cam and Peyton, determined they would finally get together at her Christmas Eve party. “Congrats, Pey.” “And here we are again.” She smiled up at him. After all this time, they’d come full circle, and now it was time to move forward. “Here we are.” Cameron pulled her closer, settling his hand on her hip as Julian honked for them to hurry up. They ignored him. “You need to know… the Meghan thing… she showed up at my house and barged her way in, and I-“ Peyton covered his mouth with her hand. “I know. I didn’t really think you could like someone like her. She’s mean, a bully, and you are the nicest guy I’ve ever known.” “Nice, huh?” He smiled against her fingers. “Sounds boring.” Peyton shook her head. “Nope. Not for this girl. Nice is perfect. I don’t know about you, but I’m done thinking about the past, Cam.” She looped her arms around his neck. “Let’s just focus on the here and now.” “I’m entirely focused on those beautiful lips of yours.” His hand moved to cup her cheek, the pad of his thumb trailing across her lower lip. Peyton, ever the impatient one, pressed her lips to his. Tilting her head back, she stepped into his embrace, relishing every moment of his kiss. With his hand

splayed across her back and the other tangled in her hair, Peyton felt just right. They fit together so easily. In his arms, she wasn’t too big, or not good enough. In his arms, she was just Peyton, and he was just Cam, and all those labels others used to define them didn’t matter. They never mattered.

22

Cameron

~ Cam, We are perfect. Peyton ~

Cam smiled as he let his eyes drift around the bonfire party. There weren’t a lot of people there, but Peyton had only ever needed a few friends. She stood at the edge of the group talking to Addison of all people. Cam didn’t know why Addie had come, but he trusted Peyton to take care of herself. He wasn’t the only one watching the pair. Julian stood near them like a bodyguard or an eavesdropper. Cam wasn’t really sure which. At first, he’d thought Julian was protecting his sister from one of the school’s mean girls, but the longer he watched him, the more he saw it. Julian’s eyes weren’t on Peyton. He’d focused them on Addison with a mixture of longing and worry in their depths. Interesting. Cam moved on, skimming his gaze over Peyton’s parents who carried the plaque she’d won, showing it to all of their friends with matching grins. It was nice to

see the Callahans happy. They stood with Cam’s parents. Cam watched the stiffness with which his parents interacted with the Callahans. They’d never made an effort to know the family who had become a second family to Cam. It surprised Cam when they showed up. Despite the discomfort they displayed, the fact remained. They’d come. Cam walked around the house to where he’d parked his car on the street, stopping as he came face to face with Avery. Dusk had fallen, but there was still enough light to make out his old friend’s hardened features. Avery stuck his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels as he gazed up at the house he’d once spent most of his time in. He didn’t speak, but he had to know Cam was there. There was still so much unsaid crap between them, but that night, Cam didn’t want any of it to matter. He approached Avery. “You coming around back to the bonfire?” Avery blew out a breath. “When Mrs. Callahan invited me, I said no.” He dropped his eyes to Cam. “I didn’t think I could set foot in this house, that yard where we played football and had parties.” “But you’re here.” Avery’s eyes drifted to the house again. “I was in my car and didn’t realize where I was going until I got here.” He paused for a moment. “Did…did Peyton win?” Cam nodded. “Yeah. How did you know about that?” “The school posted online this morning about her being a finalist.” “So, everyone knows? About the app?” He nodded, running a hand through his unkempt hair. “It’s good. That she won.” He scrunched his forehead. “She’s…a good person. She didn’t deserve what Meghan did to her.”

Cam raised an eyebrow. “Avery, you’ve known her your entire life. App or not, she’s always been a good person. Your girlfriend on the other hand… do you even like the girl you’re dating?” “I don’t know.” He sighed before coughing and changing the subject. “I don’t think I can do this alone. Be here surrounded by the memories, I mean.” “You’re not alone.” A soft voice drifted toward them as Nari appeared. “He’s right.” Sympathy flashed in her gaze. “You still have us, Avery. We’ll walk into that yard with you.” Avery’s shoulders dropped in relief, but he shook his head at the same time. “Okay. But this doesn’t mean we’re friends.” Nari laughed again, sarcasm entering her tone. “Of course not. You’re a jock. I’m a nerd. We aren’t allowed to be friends.” “Again with the labels?” Cam lifted a brow. “That’s not why we’re not friends, and you know it.” He lifted one shoulder in a shrug. “It’s because of Avery’s big mouth. He’s too loud for my sensitive ears.” That finally got a laugh from Avery. “I mean it. Just tonight. I’m not going to start showing up here to hang out. I have my own friends, and you guys have… things.” “Nari,” Cam started. “I think Avery is saying we don’t have friends?” Ever since the award ceremony, Cam had felt lighter, more ready to smile and joke, even if it was at Avery’s expense. Nari crossed her arms. “But we have him.” “We’re not—” Cam cut Avery off. “Friends. We know. Wait here. I need to grab something from my car, and then I’ll escort my non-friend into the only party he’s probably ever been scared of.” As Cam walked to his car, he heard Nari behind him. “Must be a strange feeling

for you, being just like any other high schooler nervous about walking into a party. Don’t worry, I promise we won’t make you do beer bongs or kiss anyone in closets. We know how hard it is for you just to lower yourself to hang around us. I promise our loser won’t rub off on you.” Cam almost laughed at the comment. Nari said it sweetly enough, but there was the bite of honesty behind her words. She disliked Avery more than the rest of them. She’d been closer to him besides anyone other than Cooper until he decided he didn’t need any of them after the accident. Cam listened to them, preparing to play mediator. The thing about Nari, though, was she didn’t fight. Honest to a fault, she was still too nice to take it further than that. Avery stood stiffly beside her. Cam retrieved the folder he’d brought and reed them. As they walked through the swampy side yard and neared the party, Avery only grew more tense. Nari moved past her earlier comment as if it hadn’t been said and talked to Avery in a low voice, soothing his nerves as best she could in her Nari way. Cam sensed he wasn’t needed. He’d promised Avery he’d stay by him, but Nari held Avery’s full focus. Cam suppressed a smile and left them to go find Peyton. She stood near the flames, the orange glow flickering across her face, giving her an ethereal look. Every time he saw her, she stole the breath from his lungs. He couldn’t quite believe everything that had happened that day. He’d woken up with the knowledge that she wasn’t speaking to him, yet not knowing how to get her to trust him again. It turned out, all she’d needed was honesty. He slid his arms around her from behind, reveling in how well she fit him. How was it possible that he was the one who got to touch her, kiss her? Even after everything he’d been through, he didn’t feel as if he deserved her, but he’d work to change that. If there was one thing Peyton and her app taught him, it was that he deserved whatever he chose he deserved. He was worthy. If he wanted others to stop seeing him in a poor light, he had to make the first step. He wasn’t the dreaded D word. Disability didn’t define him. He wasn’t quite sure what defined him yet, but it wasn’t some stupid label. And no one else would see that if he didn’t see it himself.

Peyton leaned back into him. “Is this real?” He smiled. She’d asked the same question the first time he kissed her almost two years ago in that tree house. “Yes, Peyton. It’s real.” “You’re still my best friend. You know that, right? This doesn’t change anything.” He turned her in his arms. “This changes everything.” He leaned in. “Sorry it took me so long.” He pressed his lips to hers, and unlike the last time those exact words were spoken, he wasn’t going to stop. Ever. She pulled away to catch her breath, and her eyes fell to the folder in Cam’s hand. “What’s that?” Cam stepped away from her and glanced down at his hands. “Uh…this feels so stupid now.” “Cam.” She took the folder from him and flipped it open. He shifted nervously from foot to foot. She lifted her gaze to meet his. “What are these?” He rubbed the back of his neck. “The emails. I printed them. Every single one. You only saw a handful posted around school, but you deserve to know everything I wanted to say to you. Some of it is pretty ugly, but I don’t want to keep anything more from you.” “How many are there?” Her voice shook. “Five hundred forty.” Her mouth fell open. “But I only sent emails for the first year. I stopped, Cam.” “I didn’t. When your emails stopped coming, I kept writing. Every day.” He met her heated gaze. “You…” She shook her head, dazed. “And you want me to read them?” “I was going through a lot, Pey. But it all led me here. You deserve to see. I want

you to know all of me.” Peyton closed the folder. Before he could stop her, she tossed it into the flames. The paper folder caught fire, curling in at the edges. Cam wanted to lunge for it. This was his big gesture. His moment to show her how far he’d come. He didn’t realize he’d still been staring into the flames until Peyton slid her hands into his. “I do know all of you, Cam.” He turned to her. “You—” “Nothing in those emails will tell me anything new.” He pulled her against him. “I love you.” She smiled and lifted her face to his. “Good.” “Good?” “Did you make it through all the notes from my box?” His brow creased. “How did you know—” He shook his head. “Nari.” “You didn’t answer my question.” He flashed her a sheepish smile, suddenly embarrassed she knew he’d been reading her words so often. He couldn’t count how many notes he’d already made it through, but he knew how many were left. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out one final slip of paper. He’d been carrying it around, hesitant about reading it. It wasn’t that he was nervous, but he knew as soon as the words sank into his mind… “I didn’t want them to be over. Pey, you wrote these notes almost two years ago when things were different, yet they’ve felt like everything I’ve needed to hear recently, like you were showing me who I was, who I thought I’d lost.” Her answering smile warmed him from the inside out. She slid the paper from his hand and unfolded it. He’d imagined her voice each time he read one of her notes, but here, now, she was finally in front of him.

“You’re not perfect.” She stifled a laugh. “Gee, thanks.” “Hush, you.” She pressed a hand across his mouth so she could keep reading. “But us, we are perfect. I may be outing myself here and setting myself up for a world of pain, but some day, I hope you see it to.” Cam stuck his tongue out, licking her hand that still covered his mouth. She ripped it back with a shriek. “Ew, Cam!” He caught her around the waist before she could widen the space between them. “No world of pain. I promise.” Red tinged her cheeks. “The girl who wrote those notes knew she’d never be good enough for you. She didn’t think she was pretty enough, worthy enough. But she also never thought you’d actually read all the notes.” “Pey.” He put his fingers under her chin and tilted her head back. “You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” Cam wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “I do have a confession to make.” “I’m listening. Cam confessions are my favorite.” He chuckled. “Well, you see, you were wrong.” “When?” A defensive tone entered her voice as if she could never be wrong about something. It only made him laugh more. “Your first note to me. It said ‘Above all, you love to run.’” “And?” She chewed on her lower lip. “I enjoyed running, but I always loved you more. Even when I was a kid and my feelings were solely about friendship, it was you, not running, that pushed me toward my goals. Running is only a sport, a competition. Maybe all this time, I was only running to get to you.” She released her lip. “Man, you’re cheesy.”

He raised a brow. “The only question is, does cheesy work for you?” “Hell yes.” She rose up on her toes, claiming his lips with hers. He pulled her body flush against his. For a blissful moment, everything else disappeared. There were no old friends struggling to find each other again. There was no robot leg, no crushing pain of loss. Theirs was a world inhabited by two people who’d rid themselves of every ounce of self-doubt. It didn’t matter what anyone thought of them. Not anymore. A few whistles broke them apart, and the real world crashed down on Cam. Pain shot up Cam’s leg, telling him he needed to sit down, but he couldn’t. Not yet. Not when Peyton felt so right in his arms. Julian and his dad catcalled toward them. Nari whistled again. Cam’s parents wore matching pleased expressions. Mrs. Callahan walked toward them. “About time.” She smiled and wrapped an arm around each of them, breaking them apart and leading them away from the fire. “Now, let’s talk about some ground rules. We all love you, Cameron, but I’m far too young to be a grandma.” “Mom!” Peyton screeched. Cam laughed before covering it up with a cough, his face turning serious. “Of course. I know what protection is for.” “Cameron!” Peyton covered her eyes and shrugged away from her mom. “I hate you both.” “No, you don’t,” Cam called as Peyton rushed away, taking refuge with Nari. “You love me. No take backs!” She shot him a smile over her shoulder, a true, honest to God smile. The kind he used to wish she reserved only for him. But bottling up her joy would be like clipping a bird’s wings, holding it back when it was meant to fly. And more than anything, he wanted to help her soar.

Epilogue

Cameron

~ Cam, Some day, I hope you see it too. Peyton ~

Cam couldn’t continue to dwell on the accident. Almost two years had ed, and it was time to move on. They wouldn’t move on from Cooper—he’d forever be a part of them—but living in the past only brought pain. He’d once thought his future had been taken from him with his leg, that he’d never be the same. He hadn’t known then that his injury changed nothing. He was still the same boy he’d always been with big dreams. The dreams had changed. He would no longer run—at least competitively. He’d probably never be able to give it up entirely, no matter how uncomfortable it was. Peyton sat on the front stoop of her house when he pulled up. A soft white fleece was wrapped around her shoulders to protect her from the autumn wind. She’d pulled her long hair back away from her face, giving him a clear view of peachy skin and wide eyes.

His heart stuttered as he shut off the engine. She got to her feet and skipped across the expansive lawn, throwing her arms around him. “Cam,” she breathed. “I missed you.” He chuckled, the sound muffled in her shoulder. “It’s only been a few hours.” They’d stayed up late the night before, making up for lost time. He wanted to kiss her for hours, so he had, never tiring of her lips or the breathy sounds she made. They’d moved past any weirdness they felt about kissing after being friends for so long and had spent the past week wrapped around each other. At school, most of their peers had gone back to ignoring both of them. It was strange to return to normal life after something so monumental happened. No one else cared that two teenagers had professed their love for one another. They were just another couple, faceless nobodies in a sea of people trying to get through high school. If they’d had any illusions about their old group of friends reuniting, they were broken as soon as school began that next Monday. Nari sat with Cam and Peyton at lunch, but Avery and Addison acted as if nothing had changed. Occasionally, Cam would catch one of them watching him and Peyton across the lunch room. He’d give a small wave and then return to the friends who were in front of him. Julian was another matter. Cam rarely saw him grace the halls of Twin Rivers High. He’d gotten rid of the surly attitude, though. At least around Cam. Cam opened the car door for Peyton. As she slid in, another car pulled up behind him. Nari got out and froze as she realized he was there. “Cam.” Her eyes widened. He flashed her a smile. “Hey! You here to see Pey? We’re heading to the river.” She flicked her eyes to the front door where Julian had appeared. “Um, no. I can’t. Sorry.” Cam shrugged. “Okay. Catch you later.”

“Later.” Cam climbed into his BMW and pulled onto the street. As they drove away, he saw Nari in the rearview mirror pulling a bag from her car. He didn’t know what was going on, but she’d tell them, eventually. Peyton twisted in her seat, watching Nari and Julian until the car rounded the corner. “I’m sure everything is fine.” Cam reached across the center console and took her hand. She relaxed in her seat. They parked near the one place Cam had yet to go. He’d visited the falls many times and driven over the bridge, but he hadn’t stopped at the place where it happened, where the car spun across the bridge on ice before plunging into the water. Peyton hadn’t asked any questions when Cam asked her to come with him. She hadn’t said anything about it at all, and he’d been grateful. “Can I…” He cleared his throat. “Can I have a minute?” “Of course.” She leaned toward him, her lips grazing his cheek. “Take all the time you need.” He brushed the bangs from her forehead and stared at her for a long moment, letting her give him the courage. Sucking in a deep breath, he got out of the car. A few cars drove across the bridge in either direction. It wasn’t usually a busy road, but it was the only way to get to the other side of town. Two years ago, there’d been only a small metal rail dividing the bridge from the drop off into the water. Now, a wall of concrete had been erected on each side. Signs telling drivers to be careful stood where none had before. Would it have helped? Probably not. A narrow sidewalk sat between the road and the concrete wall going across the

bridge. Cam took the path until he reached the midway point. He could still hear it. Crunching metal. Squealing tires. The unstable car hadn’t plunged off the edge right away. It had hung suspended, rocking back and forth before tipping over. It wasn’t a far drop to the water, but it had been enough. A car whipped by, and Cam felt the wind on his face before peace set in. He’d never felt at peace about the accident. It had taken him a long time to stand there without the crushing weight of guilt and sadness clouding his mind. “Hey, Coop.” He smiled, wondering how it all worked. Was Cooper still around? Did he watch them, listening when his name came up? Or was he just…gone? “I still don’t know everything that happened that night.” He ran a hand over the rough surface of the wall. “I had to come. To stand in the place where everything changed.” He breathed out slowly. “Julian is keeping something about that party from us, but I think it’s okay. I think maybe I don’t want to know. You’re gone, buddy, but I’m still here. It’s taken me too long to see that. I’m sorry I’ve taken it for granted.” He glanced toward the end of the bridge where Peyton leaned against his car watching him. A smile curved his lips. “You’d kick my butt for the thoughts I have about your sister.” He chuckled. “I know you loved her. You loved Julian too in your own way.” He gestured for Peyton to him. “I’m going to prove to her just how beautiful she is every day for the rest of my life. Inside and out. That’s my promise to you, Coop.” Peyton ed him, sliding her arms around his waist. He sighed in contentment. “We’re going to miss you forever, man.” Peyton rested her chin on his shoulder, her eyes glassy. “I love you, brother.” Cam kissed the top of her head. “I’m sorry for everything that had to happen to

bring us here.” Those words were for Peyton, not Coop. She lifted her tear-stained face to peer up at him. “Don’t you dare start with the guilt, Cameron Tucker. None of this happened because of that stupid accident. that night?” How could he forget? “We were going to do this whether tragedy hit us or not. If anything, the accident made it take us longer.” He held her tighter. “I wasn’t feeling guilty.” Her lips pursed as if she didn’t believe him. “Scouts honor.” “You were never a scout.” He grinned. “Fine, but I’m telling the truth. No guilt. I’m…happy.” “You say that like it’s the most incredulous word that’s ever left your lips.” He shrugged and looked to the sky once more. “Close your eyes, Coop.” Peyton yelped in surprise as Cam dipped her back, plastering his lips to hers. She laughed when he finally pulled her up. “You think Coop would have approved of that?” Cam pulled Peyton’s ponytail, and she swatted his hand away. “Oh, totally.” Her lips stretched into a smile. “He loved us both. We can miss him, but he wouldn’t want us to let that control our lives.” Cam pulled Peyton back toward the car. “Come on. It’s Saturday. Let’s make a deal. The past can’t haunt us anymore. Who knows what the future holds? But, right now, Peyton Callahan, well, right now, I just want to enjoy the moment with the girl who makes every moment worth it.” She suppressed her grin, muttering under her breath. “Cheesy.”

They reached the car, and he spun her around, pressing her against the enger door. “Good, I think you like me cheesy.” She ran a finger over his bottom lip. “Cameron, I like you any way I can have you.” He pressed a quick kiss to her lips before pulling her aside and opening the door. “Vamonos. We have so much to do together.” She got into the car and shut the door. Cam ran to the other side and slid in. “I know you, Cam. How many of these things involve our lips?” Peyton crossed her arms in mock onishment. Cam shot her a wink before starting the engine and pulling away. He watched the bridge disappear in the rearview mirror. “Bye, Coop.” They’d never escape from the memories in Twin Rivers, but as time went on, they didn’t have to hurt so much. Cam once thought leaving town, leaving the place where everything changed, would help him move on. But that was the thing with fear and pain. It magnified the more you try to hide from it. The only true way to rid yourself of the past is to face it head-on, to stare it down until it no longer stared back at you. A smile slid across Cam’s face. He’d finally fought the battle. And he’d won. He’d won everything.

<><><><> Want more from Twin Rivers? Dating the Boy Next Door tells Nari’s story. Flip the page!

Dating the Boy Next Door

Redefining Me (Book 2)

1

Nari

Nari Won Song, nerd extraordinaire, was a secret rock star. Or at least that was what she told herself. A bead of sweat trailed down the curve of Nari’s cheek as the bright lights blared down on her. A steady drumbeat pulsed through her, shooting a wave of energy down her arms. Her fingers pounded into the bone-white keys of her keyboard, sending its song out over the audience, mixing with the sounds coming from her bandmates. Julian stood to the right, a grin stretching his lips as his nimble fingers shifted between the strings of his guitar. She’d known Julian for a long time now, but she hadn’t seen true joy enter his gaze until stepping onto the stage for the first time with him a few months ago. Wylder kept them on beat with her drums at the back of the stage. And Becks. He looked over at Nari from his place at the microphone. His guitar hung on his back, and his long fingers wrapped around the microphone stand. He winked as he belted out the chorus of their current song. Nari leaned into her mic, her voice ing his as they’d done so many times before. The bar they played in tonight was larger than their usual spots. It sat outside their hometown of Twin Rivers, drawing a crowd from the neighboring towns. It always made Nari nervous to use the fake IDs they needed to book gigs like this one. Julian was the oldest band member at nineteen. Becks and Nari had both already turned eighteen, but Wylder was three years younger. Together, they were known as the band, Anonymous.

Nari let her voice fade off, allowing Becks to take them home. Adrenaline pumped through Nari as they said goodnight. Even after months of being in a band, she didn’t think she’d ever get used to feeling so…free. On stage, she forgot about the expectations of her family and the struggle to keep up with school. Memories didn’t assault her, reminding her of the pain she’d once faced with her friends. Under the bright lights, no one cared who they were or that the four of them would barely acknowledge each other come school on Monday. On these nights, just for a few short moments, they belonged together. Becks wrapped an arm around Nari’s shoulders and let out an excited howl as they rushed from the stage. Julian and Becks had their guitars, but the drum set and keyboard belonged to Charlie’s, the bar that was home to the drunks currently calling for more songs. But, that was the thing. They never did encores. Not if they were going to make it home in time for their parents to remain in the dark. Twin Rivers was a small town. Nari wasn’t from a well-known family, but if people heard Julian Callahan and the two Anderson children spent their weekend nights playing music in bars, it would be all anyone talked about. They pushed into the storage room where they’d left their things. Julian pulled the cord attached to the single bulb overhead. Becks gave Nari one final squeeze before releasing her and picking Wylder up from behind. She squealed at her brother as he whirled her around. “That felt so darn good.” Becks was always the most excitable of the group, and his joy was infectious. They all enjoyed performing, but he was made for the stage. People didn’t come to see Anonymous; they came to see Becks. Nari brushed a hand through her sweaty hair, hating herself for retreating into her shell the moment she stepped off the stage. But she couldn’t help who she was. At school, she only talked to those she knew best. As the lone Asian girl at Twin Rivers High, she was often overlooked yet also overestimated. They all expected her to be something she was not. A genius. Instead, she struggled just to get through senior year. But she wouldn’t tell them

that. She’d let her peers see her glasses and think “smart.” It beat the other term they had for her. Nerd. Julian was as quiet as Nari but not out of shyness. There was a darkness to him. But Becks… he was the opposite. Standing beside his sister—the only one of them who looked the part of rocker daily—he seemed the ultimate good boy. Boy next door good looks. A strong, lean frame that excelled on the football field. Blond hair. Big grin that never seemed to go away. As Nari pulled a hoodie from her bag and slipped it on over her head, the door to the storage room burst open, revealing Mick, the weekend manager of Charlie’s. A scowl marred his face. “Come with me,” he growled. Becks rubbed his hands together. “Payday.” Nari wasn’t so sure. She was always good at reading people, and something in Mick’s face chilled her. Becks pulled her against his side as they walked. “Can you believe we’re getting paid for this, Nar?” She raised an eyebrow, unable to count how many times she’d said that wasn’t a nickname for Nari. Becks didn’t mean it as anything other than affection though. He was harmless, unlike his best friend, Avery. After getting to know Becks, Nari was confused about the two of them and how they could possibly be friends. She’d once been in his position with Avery, but that was before he turned into a jerk. Before the accident that changed all their lives. One problem at a time. Memories of the accident could be pushed away, just as she’d done for the last two years. Mick’s obvious anger could not. They entered Mick’s office behind him, hanging back near the door. He didn’t invite them to sit. Instead, he lifted the IDs they’d given him from his desk and dropped them into the trashcan next to it. “I have a friend at the police department run all IDs of performers for me.” He pinned them with a stare. “Fakes.”

Nari swallowed thickly and glanced at Becks who’d gone white. Not only had they lied to get a gig in a bar, but Becks calmed his nerves before the show with a beer. Only one. He never went overboard. Mick moved around his desk. “Have a seat. The police are on their way.” Nari noticed Becks edging toward the door and pulling Wylder along with him. He counted under his breath. “One.” Step. “Two.” Step. “Three.” All hell broke loose as the four of them turned and sprinted through the crowded bar. Julian and Becks were the only ones with instruments, but they made it out the front door before anyone could stop them. A bouncer ran after them. “Get to the car,” Julian ordered. He pulled the keys from his bag as he crossed the full parking lot. The lights of his Jeep Cherokee flashed as he unlocked it. Nari and Wylder jumped into the back. Julian ed his guitar to Nari while Becks hopped into the enger seat, holding his guitar in his lap. A police car pulled into the parking lot as they peeled out, leaving the bar behind. Nari could hardly breathe. Becks rubbed his face. “What just happened?” He glanced back at the girls, bewilderment in his eyes. Julian shook his head. “Dude, I think we just ran from the cops.” A laugh burst from Becks, and before long, all four of them were gasping for air between their fits of laughter. Nari leaned her head back on the seat, reveling in her last few minutes of living a different life. With these people, she got to be someone else. They’d made a pact not to tell people about their band. They knew what the kids at school would think. Everyone at Twin Rivers High had a label. No one escaped the judgment. Becks was Mr. Popular. Wylder was the wild child. They called Julian the loner. And Nari, well, she was the nerd. But with no one else around, they were a team. Few people understood how much she needed that. It took them half an hour to reach the Twin Rivers city limits. The cops hadn’t

followed them, but they’d never be able to perform at Charlie’s again. Julian dropped Becks and Wylder off at their small craftsman home, its wide front porch giving it a homey quality Nari had always loved. She climbed between the seats to sit on the enger side as Julian pulled back out onto Main. They only lived a few streets apart. Now that the gig was over, there was very little to be said between them. Almost two years ago, Julian lost his twin brother, Cooper, to a car accident. Cooper, driving drunk, hit a patch of ice and went over the Defiance bridge. His friends, Avery and Cameron were in the car, but they survived. Julian had been driving behind them and jumped into the river to try to save his brother. He failed. He left town after that, returning eighteen months later with parts of himself missing. Gone was the boy who’d held an intensity she’d always been curious about. Now, there was only sadness. They pulled up outside Nari’s palatial home. It had always felt too large for just her and her parents. She didn’t have any siblings, leaving her the sole focus of her mother. With a sigh, Nari pulled the hood up over her hair to hide the pink clip-on highlights she wore for each performance. If she was lucky, she’d get into her room to wash the makeup off her face and remove her s before her mother saw. “You okay?” Julian asked. She nodded. “I just… I’ll see you later.” “Yeah. Later.” She jumped out of the car with her bag slung over one shoulder. The freezing wind slapped her in the face, reminding her of the oncoming winter in Twin Rivers. It was never pleasant. She’d forgotten her winter coat despite it being the end of November. Hugging her arms over her chest, she stopped when she saw a figure huddled on the steps next door. For a moment, she thought it was Avery, but the boy lifted his head, and she breathed a sigh of relief. Nari didn’t know why talking to Avery gave her such anxiety. He’d stopped being mean to her over the last few weeks, but he was still Avery St. Germaine, Twin Rivers football god.

“Nicky,” she called. He stood and jogged toward her, hopping over the low stone wall that stood between their houses. With his cheeks rosy from the cold, he blew out a breath, letting the steam float between them. “Hey, Nari.” His smile was kind. There was nothing similar about Nicky and Avery. Nicky was just…easy. Two years younger, he held his vulnerability in front of him like a shield to keep people away. But, he’d never pushed her away. “What are you doing out here?” she asked. “It’s freezing.” He blew into his hands and shrugged. “Pop’s at it again.” She sighed. Grayson St. Germaine, former NFL player, was a drunk. A mean drunk. Nari’s family could sometimes hear him yelling, but they pretended they didn’t. Her heart ached for Nicky and even Avery. “Come on.” She grabbed Nicky’s arm. “It’s too cold out here. You can hang out with me for a while.” Despite her exhaustion, Nicky’s grateful smile made it worth it. It was late, but her mother had a soft spot for the St. Germaine children and wouldn’t make him leave. Sometimes, Nari thought she preferred those two boys over her own daughter. She flicked her eyes to Nicky’s house once more where the front door had opened. Avery crashed into the night, but he didn’t acknowledge them as he raced to his car. He was probably headed to his girlfriend Meghan’s house to get away from his dad. Stepping into her house, Nari glanced around for her mom. Nicky’s eyes widened when he got a look at her in the light. “Did you have a gig tonight?” As a friend of Wylder’s, he was one of the few people who knew about the band. She held a finger to her lips and led him through the house, turning off lights as she did. Her parents must be asleep. She’d hear about her late return the next morning.

Slipping into her room on the ground floor, she shut the door behind Nicky. “It was at a bar outside town.” His eyes scanned her from head to toe. “You look awesome, Nari.” He reached out and pushed her hood back, his grin widening. “Why don’t you wear the makeup to school?” Self-consciousness took hold, and she stepped away from him. “Because this isn’t me.” She turned away to rummage in her dresser. “It’s just an escape.” As if sensing the irritation in her tone, Nicky softened his voice. “I didn’t mean anything by it.” She knew he didn’t. Nicky wasn’t like the other kids at school. He didn’t care about her appearance. When she’d first become friends with him, they were tentative around each other. For so long, she was just his older brother’s friend, and he was the kid brother tagging along after them. Then he came out as gay, and he looked outside his family for the they didn’t give him. As his neighbor, Nari had been there to listen to everything he needed to say, and they’d cemented their friendship. She pulled a pair of sweats out and threw them toward him. “You get the floor.” He saluted. “Yes, ma’am.” She smiled to herself as she changed into her pajamas. After the accident that tore her group of friends apart, she’d had no one. Her best friend, Peyton, kept everyone at arm’s length in her grief over her brother, Cooper’s death and Julian’s abandonment. Cam left town. They all assumed he was at an Olympic training center since he was expected to make the Olympic track team in the coming years. They never imagined he left because infection had taken his leg. And Addison… she’d turned to her cheerleading squad for , becoming one of the girls she’d always hated. Someone who treated others as if they were beneath them. And Avery. Nari sighed. He’d blamed all of them for Cooper’s death. The two boys had been closer than any of them. She tried not to hold his douchebagness against him, but it was freaking hard.

Moving to the closet, she pulled a blanket and pillow out, tossing them to Nicky. He settled onto the floor as Nari sat at her vanity, pulling the pink hair extensions free, leaving only ebony locks behind. She cleaned the makeup from her face, watching the girl she truly was reappear. Her vision blurred as she removed her s and set them beside the thick-rimmed glasses. Standing, she crossed to her large four-poster bed and climbed beneath the heated fleece blanket, clicking it on. The performance had taken every bit of energy she possessed. As heat wound through the blanket, her body relaxed into the mattress and relief flooded her. “Alexa,” she said. “All lights off.” The lights flickered off. Nicky chuckled. “Lazybones.” She rolled onto her side to look down at him in the dark. He’d pulled the blanket to his chin, hiding his small frame. “Nicky?” “Yeah?” She hesitated for a moment, her gaze going to her window. Behind those blinds, she’d have been able to see Nicky and Avery’s house. When they were younger, Avery, Cooper, and Cam would show up at her window to scare the girls when they were having sleepovers. But that was a different world. She rolled onto her back, trying to quell those thoughts. They wouldn’t do any good. “Your brother…” She let the silence stretch between them. Nicky seemed to read her mind. “He’s okay, Nari. Not like he’d ever tell me. But he takes everything with my dad better than I do. He’s able to escape into football and his life among all the pretty people.” Just like she did with her music. But, as overbearing as her mother could be, Nari knew she was lucky. Her parents cared. They didn’t even yell. Ever. She could just picture Avery’s sneer if he knew she worried about him. Cam and Peyton eventually started moving on from everything that happened. Even Julian returned. Avery hadn’t physically left Twin Rivers, but some part of him had. They’d all been waiting for him to return, for him to be the boy they knew. Maybe that boy died along with Cooper.

That thought had a tear rolling down her cheek. “Nari,” Nicky said, his voice quiet. “Huh?” “What’s it like?” Just as he had, she knew what he meant. Performing. Becoming someone else. She closed her eyes. “It’s everything, Nicky.” She couldn’t imagine her life as it had been before the band. Music had always been a part of her. Her mother forced her into piano lessons from a young age, but she’d never loved it. Not like she did now. The classical music she’d known her entire life didn’t speak to her as Becks’ songs did. She could almost hear Nicky’s smile. “You’re lucky. Not all of us have a way to escape the stuff in our lives.” She didn’t respond because she’d already known. As much as she hated walking into school each morning during the week, she had the weekends to get her through.

“Nari Won Song!” Her mother’s voice pierced her veil of sleep, and Nari shot straight up in bed. A sharp pain stabbed through her skull, and she gripped the side of her head. A dark curtain of hair fell in front of her eyes to shield them from the light her mother switched on. “Umma,” she groaned. She may have never visited South Korea where her family was from, but she still had the Korean words and tendencies she flipped on around her family. “What time is it?” Her mother flicked her eyes to her watch. “Early, Nari. Very early.” Korean flew from her mouth as if she didn’t know she’d switched languages. She probably didn’t. Ji-a Won Song always ranted in Korean when she was angry. Nari leaned back with a sigh. Her mother was so predictable. It was way too early for her to attempt picking out the words she knew. Nari had grown up in a Korean household, yes, but also in a town where they were the only KoreanAmerican family. She spoke the language, but only roughly in a mixture of Korean and English they called Konglish. When her parents immigrated, they’d had nothing. They were newly married, but young and full of dreams. Nari was proud of what her parents built. Her father made it through university, creating a life for his family that he’d never imagined. But it made them want the same for Nari. They held on tightly to their Korean heritage but also bought into the American dream, wanting Nari to have every opportunity. And for them, that meant focusing more on English and the lessons of American schools than her Korean roots. From a young age, her parents spoke more English around her than anything else. She knew it made her father sad, but he wasn’t one to argue. Her mother stopped speaking and stood at the end of the bed, fuming. Ji-a was a tiny woman with a slim figure. Dark hair stopped at her ears, curling toward sharp cheekbones and an angular jaw. Her small almost black eyes bore into her daughter’s. A groan came from the floor. Nicky. Nari had forgotten he was there.

Her mother’s face softened when she noticed Nicky’s disheveled hair peeking out from under the blanket. Nari put all her strength into not rolling her eyes. Her mother would adopt the St. Germaine boys if she could. “Young man, you should probably be getting home. Your mother will worry.” Nicky scrambled off the floor, leaving the blanket in a pile near the pillow. “Uh, yes, ma’am. Thank you for, uh…” He turned his reddened face to Nari. “Letting me stay.” She offered him a tight smile, knowing as soon as he left, she was in for a world of hurt from her mother. She had to prepare her verbal boxing skills. “See ya, Nicky.” He walked by Nari’s mother into the hall. A moment later, they heard the front door open and shut. Nari’s mother narrowed her eyes. “You missed curfew.” Her words came in slow, controlled Korean. Nari resisted the urge to sigh. Her mother set a ridiculous curfew of ten at night even on the weekends. “I’m sorry, Umma.” “I don’t know what to do with you. Your final exams are coming fast. You shouldn’t be out at night. I want you home studying. You will not leave this house the rest of the weekend.” Nari didn’t tell her mom she didn’t have anywhere to go, anyway. Her mom didn’t care that she was only just now getting her friends Peyton and Cam back after the loneliest two years of her life. Or that they were her only true friends other than Nicky, who was two years younger. Even her bandmates weren’t exactly people she’d call friends. Her mom didn’t want to hear about her social life. If it was up to her, Nari wouldn’t have one at all. She’d spend all her time studying and preparing for colleges she’d applied for but had no desire to attend. Because here was the truth. Nari was an idiot. Okay, not really, but she felt like one. School wasn’t exactly her strong suit. Surprise, right? Behind her “smart girl” glasses and quiet, seemingly studious demeanor was a girl who couldn’t

understand some of the most basic principles of math or science no matter how hard she tried. Her father was an engineering professor at the prestigious Defiance University in Twin Rivers. Her mother could probably do Nari’s homework in her sleep. Nari hated the thought of spending the rest of the weekend slamming her head against her desk in frustration, but that was her life. Her phone dinged from its place on her dresser. Raising one thin brow, her mother walked toward it, taking the phone in her small hand. Her eyes bounced between the words on the screen, because yes, it was unlocked. Nari, of course, wasn’t allowed a that wouldn’t let her parents watch everything she did. “Peyton wants you to hang out today.” She met Nari’s gaze. “No phone. I’m taking this.” “Umma! I have to respond to her.” “You children. You always think everything needs to be so immediate. Peyton can wait. I want you dressed and in the kitchen. I’ve prepared several banchan for breakfast.” “Can I just have cereal instead?” She preferred the sugary breakfast she was allowed to eat during the week before school to a traditional Korean one. “No, you may not. Once you eat, you will practice piano before starting your studies.” Her mother left, and Nari fell back against her pillows. Piano to her mother meant difficult to play pieces from long-dead composers. Nari couldn’t tell her of the songs she played with the band that were a combination of rock and country. The kind of music that made her want to continue playing. But who was Nari kidding? Her life had never been her own. She dragged herself from bed and readied herself for another day of living for someone else.

2

Avery

“You suck, St. Germaine!” Avery ducked the flying beer can as the disgruntled fans raced past him in the parking lot after the last game of the season. At least it’s over. That was the last high school game Avery would ever play. And the way he’d played it, it might be his last game, period. Not that he was even sure he wanted to play college football. It was always just a given that he would. “Ask your daddy to teach you how to throw the ball!” Avery St. Germaine, son of the NFL legend, Grayson St. Germaine—three-time Super Bowl champion—was not allowed to make mistakes on the field. But Avery single-handedly lost the final game of the playoffs in a bonehead move that was sure to end up on YouTube before the night was over. With only thirty seconds left in the game, Avery, the quarterback, had the ball on the fifteen-yard line at fourth down and three to go for a first down. The score was tied, but a touchdown would win it. It was an easy play, they had it in the bag, but Avery’s mind was already in the locker room celebrating. He threw the ball right into the hands of the defense linebacker when his own wide receiver was wide open just a few feet away. The linebacker ran the ball from the two-yard line all the way in for a touchdown just as the clock ticked down to zero. Game over and Avery was persona non grata in all of Twin Rivers, much to the amusement of the opposing team. His only excuse was the game was moving so fast he struggled to keep up. “You’ve gone viral, babe.” His long-time girlfriend, Meghan, leaned against his black Lexus sports car. She slipped her phone into the waistband of her cheer uniform, crossing her arms over her chest. Her disappointment was clear.

“Don’t care.” Avery shoved his duffle into the trunk of his car and slammed it shut. He didn’t need to see internet videos of his screwup. His pop would see to it he never forgot. “Better luck next year, St. Germaine!” some grown-ass adult shouted across the emptying lot. “Oh, right, you’ll be in college… If any of them will have you!” “Don’t listen to them.” Meghan rolled her eyes. “You’re the guy, Ave.” She slipped her arms around his waist. “The guy everyone wants to be. You’re a legacy in this town, and that’s what’s going to get us both out of here. We’ll recover from this once everyone re you have buckets of money and that pretty face.” She patted his cheek. She meant it to be a loving gesture, but Avery often found her attempts to boost his confidence condescending. Still, he cared about her a lot. Between them, they had dozens of friends, yet she was the only one here for him after a bad night. “We have a party to get to.” “Let’s not go tonight.” Avery’s shoulders slumped. He hated these parties. They were all the same drunken fests week after week. And they all reminded him of the night two years ago when he’d lost his best friend, Cooper. Avery had barely touched a drink since that night. Before then, he and Coop were the life of the party. But he’d never been able to recapture those glory days without his best friend. “We have to. Everyone expects us. There’s a reason they call us the golden couple of Twin Rivers High. And Ashley will be crushed if we aren’t there. Besides, I need my loyal DD.” She smiled, tugging him toward the car. Is that all I am to her? A designated driver with a great car and deep pockets? Oh wait…the pretty face too. Can’t forget that. Avery climbed into the driver’s seat. “I guess we’re going to a party. Again.” Meghan clapped her hands and slipped into the seat beside him. “Can we stop for burgers before? I haven’t eaten all day.” “Why do you do that?” Avery scowled at his girlfriend. “Do what?”

“You never eat before a game. You know that’s messed up and really unhealthy, right?” “You try looking good in this scrap of fabric every week.” She pointed at her flat stomach. “It takes work to look like this, Avery.” “You know, wrestlers will fast all day and binge eat at night to bulk up. This starvation thing you do, it’s not doing what you think it’s doing. And it’s not going to make a difference in how you look, babe. You’re gorgeous no matter what.” And the hilarious part was he really meant it. Meghan was one of those girls who would always be beautiful no matter her size. It killed him to see her starving herself and skipping meals to force herself into some ideal mold no one could hope to maintain long-term. He wanted to love her. But sometimes she made it too dang hard. “Not all of us can eat five thousand calories a day and still look like a football god.” “You’re an athlete, Meghan. It wouldn’t hurt to study up on healthy diets.” Avery pulled into the drive-through wishing his car wasn’t so conspicuous. He nodded and waved to fans who had already shrugged off the loss, avoiding the angry stares of those who hadn’t. Avery fished out his wallet, once again more than a little irritated that Meghan never offered to pay for anything. He was happy to pay for things, but he didn't like how she just expected it. It wasn’t like she didn’t have her own money. “I’m freezing.” Meghan reached for the heat settings as she inhaled her burger. “Would you run into Walmart and get me a hoodie or something?” “I’ve got a hoodie in the trunk you can wear.” “Ew, no.” She wrinkled her nose. “It’s clean.” “It’s huge. I need something that actually fits, and the store is right across the parking lot. It’ll take you two minutes.” “Why didn’t you bring a coat?”

“I forgot.” Avery tossed his half-eaten burger back in the bag and drove across the parking lot to Walmart. Without a word, he stepped out of the car to do her bidding. This relationship is so one-sided. How hadn’t he seen it before? Sure, she was quick to stroke his ego when he was down, but Meghan’s words were often empty. Especially when whatever Avery wanted differed from what she wanted. This is not how a relationship should work. It shouldn’t be this hard. Avery flipped through the rack of sweaters in the corner of the girls’ department, hoping no one would recognize him from his bonehead performance at the game tonight. He wanted his girlfriend to be the kind of person who could read his mood and understand when parties and drinking and stopovers at McDonalds and Walmart were the absolute last things he wanted to do on a night like this. Why couldn’t she see he needed a quiet night after a game? He was young and athletic, but when you were the star player on your team, football games could be exhausting. But Meghan never enjoyed quiet nights at home. She wanted to be the center of attention as often as possible, and when it was just the two of them, his attention wasn’t always enough. “I’m not doing this anymore,” he muttered as he used the self-checkout to purchase the thirty-five dollar hoodie. Thirty-five dollars? At Walmart? For something Meghan would wear one time. Avery marched out of the store, ignoring the stares and laughter that followed him. He tossed the bag in her lap. “Oh, this is so ugly,” Meghan whined. “It’s the only one they had in your size.” She shrugged into the sweater, complaining about how it clashed with her school colors. “It’ll keep you warm tonight.” “I’ll just return it tomorrow.” She fished the receipt out of the bag.

Avery shook his head, knowing he’d never see that thirty-five dollars again. “I’m getting de-runk tonight.” Meghan sighed. “It’s been such a long week, and I’m exhausted from cheering all night on an empty stomach.” Avery pulled to a stop in front of Ashley’s house. “You can park around back,” Meghan said. “I’m not going in,” Avery said. “Yes, you are, Avery St. Germaine. After that awful game you just lost, I am not going in there alone.” “No, Meghan. I’m going home.” “What are you, a coward?” “No. I’ve just had enough.” “What about me? What am I supposed to tell people?” “What about you, huh? That’s all you ever worry about, and I’m tired of it.” “What are you saying?” She glared at him. “I’m saying I’m done. We’re done. I’m tired of…” Avery rubbed his hand over his face. “I’m just not feeling it anymore, Meg.” “Are you for real? You’re breaking up with me?” “Yeah. I am. Go drink with your girls, and if you need a ride home, you can call me. I’d like to be friends, but I need this…relationship to be over.” “You don’t get to break up with me. I break up with guys like you.” “I think I just did.” Avery leaned over her to open the door. “I’m sorry, but you need to go.” “This isn’t over, Avery.” She stepped out of the car. “Not by a long shot.”

“I’m sure you’ll find another pretty face with even deeper pockets in no time.” “You bastard!” Meghan screamed, slamming the door. Avery drove off feeling like he’d lost a hundred-and-five-pound noose around his neck.

“What in the hell is he doing?” Avery parked his car in the rear driveway of the too large mansion he’d called home most of his life. The four-car garage was lit up like the Fourth of July, and the lights from the workshop flooded the lawn. “It’s almost midnight.” He sighed, letting his hands fall in his lap. The last thing he needed to deal with after the day he’d had was his drunk-ass excuse of a father. Horrible nineties alternative music blared from the speakers, nearly drowning out the sounds of the power tools coming from his father’s workshop. Avery jogged around to the back of the garage hoping his dad hadn’t injured himself. “What are you doing, Pop?” Avery shouted. “The neighbors are going to complain about the noise.” “What?” His dad whirled around, a beer in one hand and a length of oak plank wood in the other. Avery crossed the sawdust-covered floor to turn the music down. Grayson St. Germaine used to spend all of his free time in the workshop, building the most beautiful things for their home. There was a time when Avery spent his weekends here, helping his pop—his hero and best friend. But that was a different world. One that didn’t exist anymore. “Avery, my boy!” A goofy grin spread across his father’s face. “That was some game you played tonight.” He shook his head with a chuckle. “Can’t say I ever made a disgraceful play like that, but it happens. Chin up, kid. It’ll be old news in a week or two.” “Thanks, Pop.” He hadn’t seen happy-drunk-and-ive Pop in a long time. He usually got mean-drunk-asshole Pop instead. “What are you doing?” “I’m building your mother some new shelves for the bedroom. Been promising her I’d do it, so no time like the present. Help your old man here a second.” He ed his empty beer bottle to Avery, turning to place the wooden plank across the custom-built table saw. Grayson stumbled over his own feet, and Avery rolled his eyes heavenward. It would be a miracle if they didn’t end up in the emergency room tonight.

“Take it easy, Pop.” “Grab my pencil, would you?” He gestured at his paper-strewn desk in the corner. Avery slipped past the table saw, pocketing the safety key on his way to the desk. Angry Pop was a good two to three beers away so Avery still had time to make himself scarce; he just needed to make sure his father couldn’t do much damage on his own. He watched his pop attempt to handle the tape measure. He was shaky and awkward, not at all the confident craftsman he’d once been. With his pop’s attention on the table saw, Avery reached behind him to the breaker box, flipping the power switch that supplied the larger machines. “Found it, here’s your pencil.” Avery laid the flat carpenter’s pencil on the table saw. “Stay and chat with your ol’ pop.” Grayson gave up his futile fight with the tape measure in favor of another beer. “I’m really tired.” Avery stepped toward the door. “It was a tough game. I’m going to grab a shower and get some sleep, but I’d love to help you tomorrow.” “Sure, son. Just like old times.” He swayed on his feet. “Night, kid.” “Night.” Avery breathed a sigh of relief. He needed to get away from the workshop before Grayson discovered nothing worked. Hopefully he’d have another beer or two in him and would forget Avery’s quick visit. The house was quiet. Either his mom was already in bed or she was at her sister’s house again. His mom spent a lot of time there these days. He couldn’t blame her. They all had their own escapes. They’d never survive without them. Avery trudged up the stairs to the third floor he shared with his brother. It was kind of ridiculous for two teenagers to have what amounted to their own apartment, but he wasn’t complaining. He and his brother, Nicky, had their own bedroom suites on either end of the top floor and they shared the living spaces between, including a game room, movie theater, and a small kitchen. Pretty much all of their friends once liked to hang out at the St. Germaine house. They used to have friends over all the time, but both Avery and Nicky stopped bringing friends around a long time ago. “Hey, Nick—” Avery froze at the sight of his baby brother making out with

some guy on their couch. He knew his brother was gay. He just wasn’t used to it yet. And if he were honest, he probably wasn’t the most ive big brother he could have been when Nicky worked up the courage to come out last year. “Hey, sorry, bro,” Nicky’s face flushed pink. “Thought you and Meghan would be at Ashley’s party tonight.” “I broke up with Meghan.” “Really? It’s about time you dumped that freeloading piece of—” “Sorry, Nicky.” The tall, athletic dude sucking face with his brother not five seconds ago shot to his feet. “I gotta run.” He turned away, shielding his face from Avery. “It’s okay, Ke—” Nicky tried to say. “I have to leave.” “Hey, I know you,” Avery said. “You play for Defiance Academy Knights.” They were known for their hockey team. Twin Rivers High didn’t have a team, so they frequented the Academy games during the season. Who knew his brother was dating their star centerman, Kenneth Montgomery? He was a pretentious jerk, but if Nicky liked him, he couldn’t be that bad. “Nicky, you promised,” Kenneth said frantically. “Avery’s not going to say anything.” Nicky shot Avery a glare. “Right, Avery?” “What would I say?” Avery gave his brother a confused look in response to his unspoken reprimand. “See?” Nicky crossed the room to his date’s side. “Relax. I’ll call you tomorrow.” “Oh.” Avery finally got it. The kid didn’t want anyone to know he was into guys. “Hey, man, no one cares if you’re gay.” “I’m not gay.” Kenneth’s face turned bright red.

“Okay, it’s all cool.” Avery shrugged. “Avery, stop talking.” Nicky sighed, walking his skittish date downstairs. Avery crossed the room to the kitchen, his stomach growling for something more nutritious than the half-eaten burger from earlier. He made quick work of some eggs and avocado on toast and was just about to head to his room when Nicky came back. “What the hell is Pop doing in the workshop this late?” “Don’t worry, I stole the safety key to the table saw. He won’t be able to use it tonight. And I shut down the main power line to the big power tools when he wasn’t looking. He shouldn’t be able to hurt himself.” “Well, that’s a relief.” Nicky sat down on the bar stool at the counter. “Is there more of that?” He nodded at Avery’s plate. “I’ll split it with you.” He reached for a second plate and scooped some eggs and avocado onto a third piece of toast. Avery leaned against the counter, eyeing his little brother. “Sorry about you walking in on us,” Nicky said, stuffing a bite into his mouth. “I’m sure you didn’t want to see that.” “You say that like I’m some kind of homophobe.” Avery frowned. “Well, you kinda looked like one when you walked in.” Nicky shrugged. “It’s not that. I have no problem with you being gay—” “Oh, well, lucky me,” Nicky interrupted. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just… that’s what you like? That guy’s a douche. You deserve better than some closet case who seems ashamed to be with you.” “Well, thanks for that. I guess.” “You can do better. That’s all I’m saying.” Avery didn’t like this weird awkwardness with his brother. They were always close. But for the last two

years, he’d pushed Nicky away—along with everyone else except maybe Meghan. But over the last few months he was finally finding his bearings after Coop’s death. It was like he was coming up for air after a long time with his head under water. Things had changed. His brother had changed. “I could say the same about Meghan. Glad you’re rid of her.” “She is not too pleased with me.” “Bet not. If you did the dumping, she’s going to want revenge. Watch out, she’s the queen of the mean girls.” “Is she really?” Avery knew she had a temper, but she wasn’t mean-spirited. Selfish, maybe, but not mean. “It must be nice to live in that popular bubble with the rest of the pretty people.” Nicky hopped up to place his plate in the small dishwasher. “I guess the rest of us on the outside see things through a different lense. Night, bro.” Nicky crossed the living room, cringing at the sound of their father singing at the top of his lungs in the backyard. “Jeez, he’s going to get arrested if he doesn’t stop that crap.” “I’ll take care of Pop. You go to bed.” Avery watched his little brother retreat to his room on the other side of the house. It might as well have been the other side of the world for all the things that stood between them.

3

Nari

Nari stood in Addison’s driveway watching the snow flurry around her. The expansive property ran all the way to the edge of the river. If you squinted, you could even see Defiance Falls with its roaring waters and the Defiance bridge in the distance. Back in the house, the party continued on as if the boys had never been there at all. She wasn’t sure why Julian and Cooper had been at each other’s throats this time, only that Peyton was right to throw her own brothers out. Cam and Avery were a packaged deal with Coop. As much as Nari wanted Cam to stay, to finally figure out what he and Peyton were, she knew he wouldn’t abandon his friends. Especially when Avery was so drunk. Coop had a few drinks as well, but he was better at hiding his inebriation. He’d had plenty of practice. Nari wrapped her arms around herself as the cold wound up through the sleeves of her fleece jacket. A flake landed on her lips and melted under her hot breath. She hated parties, never quite feeling as if she belonged. Addison invited the cheerleading squad, and the football team followed them like a pack of rabid dogs. Addie would be pleased, but sometimes, Nari didn’t know how they were all friends. Peyton, she understood. Both outcasts, they had a lot in common. But Addison was a cheerleader, Coop and Avery both ruled the football field, Cam was destined for the Olympic track team, and Julian…was the loner always on the edge of the group but never quite part of it. They were an odd bunch. She turned to retreat to Addison’s house, the promise of warmth winning out over

a desire to be alone. Out of the corner of her eye, she caught headlights coming to a halt on the bridge in the distance. A second car ed it. Nari took off running across the snowy lawn, stopping as she made out the horrific scene. She couldn’t see any people, but the shadow of a car hung over the edge of the bridge, threatening to plunge into the icy current below. She pulled her gloves off and fumbled her phone from her pocket, dialing three numbers she hoped would help. “9-1-1,” the operator answered. “What’s your emergency?”

Nari leaned her head on the lunch table, her eyes sliding shut. She’d had the dream again. The one where she was an unknown bystander in a stranger’s crash. It wasn’t the first time. Only, maybe it wasn’t a dream, but simply a memory. They hadn’t been strangers, though she didn’t know that at the time. In her panicked brain, she’d never once considered the engers hanging precariously off the bridge had been her friends. She didn’t yet know how that night, that crash, was going to change them forever. “Nari.” Peyton’s voice reached her. Nari lifted her eyes, not bothering to raise her head. “Hey.” Peyton’s brow crinkled with worry. “I’ve been trying to get your attention for the past minute.” Nari yawned. “Sorry. I’m just tired.” Peyton’s lips drew down. “Are you sleeping?” “Yes, Mother.” It wasn’t a lie. Nari could fall asleep easy enough, but some nights the dream would come back. She couldn’t say that though. She’d never told anyone she was the one to call in the accident. She should have done more. Cooper died and Cameron lost his leg. Part of her couldn’t help but think if she’d known it was them on the bridge… No, she couldn’t let herself go down that rabbit hole. Not again. “Nari.” Peyton shook her head. “Maybe you should go home.” Nari closed her eyes again. She couldn’t afford to miss any school. When her dreams weren’t causing a fitful sleep, it was her anxiety over the grades she couldn’t seem to raise. “You know my mom would never allow that.” With a sigh, she lifted her head from the table, removed her glasses, and scrubbed a hand over her face. If she were honest with herself, she preferred being at school than at home. There were fewer expectations here. People took

one look at her and assumed they knew her and never questioned their perceptions. Setting her thick-framed glasses back on her nose, she dug in to the lunch her mom sent her with. For years, she’d begged to be allowed to buy lunch at school rather than enduring the strange looks for being a senior still carrying a rainbow lunchbox. Peyton smiled when Nari set the box on the table. “I’m sorry, I just love that thing. It’s so you.” Nari only shrugged. If it wasn’t for their judgmental classmates, maybe she’d like it too. She pulled out a seaweed wrap filled with egg and vegetables, eyeing Peyton’s pizza longingly as she did. Mondays were always pizza day, and she envied the kids in the long line waiting for their greasy goodness. Peyton looked down at her tray. “Ugh, I don’t know if I can stomach all this grease.” Most people probably assumed Peyton dieted because she wasn’t rail thin like the cheerleaders, but Nari knew the truth. She just preferred healthy food. With a grin, Nari slid her wrap toward Peyton and swapped it with Peyton’s pizza. Peyton’s eyes lit up, and Nari laughed. “You could have just asked. You know I’ll never turn down anything slathered in so much cheese.” Peyton raised a brow. “Your mother would have a heart attack seeing that.” Nari responded with a closed-mouth grin, her mouth full of deliciousness. “I don’t know how you’re so tiny.” Nari shrugged. “Probably because I’m Asian.” Peyton choked on her next bite. “You talking about Asians without me?” Cam dropped his tray onto the table and sat beside Peyton, kissing her cheek as he did. If Nari didn’t like them so much, she’d have been sickened by their sweetness.

She swallowed her bite and reached for her water bottle, taking a swig. “Just that all the Korean t'aekwŏndo I do burns a lot of calories. You know, the typical stereotype stuff.” Cam nodded. “I knew it. Every stereotype we’ve ever heard is true.” Nari shrugged. “It’s what Hollywood demands of us. We Korean Americans have to conform to what they want to portray in their movies. We practice martial arts while singing K-Pop in front of our screaming fans and doing our super brainy math homework all at the same time.” She couldn’t hold her serious expression anymore, her face splitting into a grin. She loved her friends. As the only Korean American at Twin Rivers High, she stood out. People expected things of her that were nothing more than a stereotype. Even popular kids she never spoke to sometimes asked her to tutor them in math or science. She’d laughed in more than a few faces. She might be nerd-like—their word, not hers—but she’d be no use to anyone as a tutor. Cam and Peyton never expected her to be anyone other than herself. Cam dug in to his pizza, shaking his head. He pointed his slice at her. “The kickass Korean martial artist and the robot. Sounds like a great movie.” He started calling himself a robot since revealing his artificial leg to his friends. In the accident that took Cooper’s life, Cameron went over the falls with a badly broken leg. He managed to get himself out of the river, but he ed out more than a mile from the accident. After a night out in the elements, infection set in, and amputation ultimately saved his life. But then he left town. It wasn’t until he returned eighteen months later that they learned what the accident really cost him. Feeling more energized with some food in her and the joking with her friends, Nari scanned the lunchroom. People talked behind whispered hands, their eyes bouncing between a single table and the phones they held in front of them. Nari saw the video over the weekend. Avery St. Germaine lost Twin Rivers High the playoffs with an epic bonehead play. It looked as if he’d forgotten what team he played for when he threw the ball to the wrong player and lost the game. The man in question sat at the same table he did every day, his shoulders

hunched forward. She watched him for a few moments, noting how none of his friends even spoke to him. Meghan, the girl he’d apparently dumped over the weekend, sat at the other end draped over one of his teammates. Someone ruffled Nari’s hair as they walked by. She pushed the dark strands out of her eyes, looking up in time to catch Beckett’s wink before he slid into the empty seat beside Avery, slapping him on the back. “Earth to Nari.” Peyton didn’t sound annoyed, only amused. Cam chuckled to himself. “Since when are you friends with Becks Anderson?” She shrugged. “Oh my gosh, Nari.” Peyton grabbed her arm. “Are you into Beckett?” She couldn’t stop the laugh from bursting past her lips. Beckett? What would they say if they knew she spent her weekends singing on stage beside him? No, she didn’t like Becks Anderson. Not like that. They were from different worlds. Plus, he was more like a brother. Her eyes drifted back to Avery. At least Becks talked to him. She watched Avery shake his head and stand before storming from the lunchroom. Nari sighed. She’d been on the receiving end of her fair share of judgment at their school. Avery was just another one of the kids who made others feel unwelcome, unwanted. So, why did her gut twist in sympathy for him? Avery was nothing more than her jerk neighbor, someone she’d once considered a close friend. A few kids sitting at the other end of Nari’s table giggled over their phones. She heard the telltale sound of the announcers. “He ruined the entire season on that play,” an underclassman she didn’t know said. “Yeah,” another agreed. “He deserves everything he gets today.” The accident came back to Nari. Avery had been in that car and could have died if Julian and Cam hadn’t been there to help him back to shore. Maybe that was

why she’d always felt protective of him. He tried to act as if nothing bothered him, but she saw through the bravado. She pushed her chair back and stood, gathering her trash into her lunchbox. Before she could second-guess herself, she turned to the underclassman. “Do you really think a high school football game matters? Everyone knows Avery St. Germaine has already received dozens of offers from high-profile colleges. This will be old news by next week. But you, you’ll never get over your petty bullcrap.” She hadn’t realized she’d raised her voice until the surrounding tables went quiet. Someone laughed, and she knew it was probably over the term bullcrap. Her classmates used to make a game out of trying to get her to swear, but it just wasn’t her. Beckett met her eyes curiously, but no one else dared. Nari swept a scowl around the room. “Don’t we all have a hard enough time without shining a spotlight on every stupid mistake we make? Last month, it was Peyton’s ripped pants, and now this?” “Yeah, let’s not bring that back around,” Peyton whisper-shouted. Shock flashed across many of the faces. That’s right. Nari Won Song, quiet nerd girl is sick and tired of the way people are treated at Twin Rivers High. She knew the minute she walked out of that cavernous room Avery would no longer be the subject of their conversations. After doing her best to stay in the shadows for almost four years, Nari had stepped into the spotlight. Nausea swirled through her, and her confidence swept away on the current of whispers. She yanked her lunch box from the table and ran from the lunchroom, finding peace in the blissfully quiet hall. Peyton would look for her. She’d worry. But Nari didn’t have the capacity to think of that when her pulse pounded in her head. What had she just done? Creeping through the empty halls, she went to the one place she could be sure to hide from the brain-dead idiots of her school.

The library. Nari might have trouble with most of her classes, but when it came to books, she couldn’t get enough. She stepped through the doors into her sanctuary. Mrs. Laurel looked up, giving Nari a knowing smile. As Nari expected, few students meandered through the stacks. A couple sat at the row of computers along the far wall by the large windows looking out on the football field. The sight only reminded her of her little speech in the lunchroom, and her cheeks heated. Why had she done it? She couldn’t take it back though she wasn’t sure she wished she could. Each word was true. Twin Rivers High had a problem. Every perceived flaw was outed by their classmates. It was like a jungle, divided by predators and their prey. The strong ate the weak. And Nari had always been one of the weak. Needing something to take her mind off what happened and to shake the exhaustion from her body, she ducked behind a tall shelf. Her fingers skimmed the spines of the books until she came to her favorite author. David Eddings wrote tales of magic and adventure, stories she could lose herself in. As she pulled a book free, someone slammed into her, gripping her arms to keep her from falling. “Sorry,” he grumbled. Nari lifted her eyes to find Avery staring down at her, dark circles under his eyes. He ran a hand through his chestnut hair, messing it up more than it already was. They tried to step around each other at the same time and just ended up colliding again. “Nari.” He sighed, placing his large hands on her shoulders to hold her in place as he moved around her. Pity tugged at her, and she knew he’d hate it. But it wasn’t like she couldn’t help her feelings. “I didn’t know you knew where the library was.” It was meant to be a joke, and Nari winced when it came out sounding more like a condemnation.

Avery’s brows tugged together. “We can’t all be geniuses like you, nerd.” He called her nerd even when they were friends, but back then, he said it with a great deal of affection. Now, it only felt like a label he stuck across her forehead like everyone else. She crossed her arms. “Oh, right, you have better things to do like mes football plays.” She hated herself for the words as soon as they crossed her lips. In recent years, Avery brought out the worst in her. She didn’t know why. He tensed. “Yeah, okay.” He lowered his head and walked away. Nari turned, following him with her eyes. “Avery, wait.” He didn’t stop, so she jogged to his side, and they rounded the corner into a new row of books. “I’m sorry.” This row dead-ended into a concrete wall. Avery reached it and stopped when his phone dinged in his pocket. Pulling it free, he pressed his thumb against it to unlock the screen. Muttering a curse under his breath, he dropped down to sit with his back against the wall. Nari twisted the fingers of her free hand in the hem of her yellow shirt, curling the others around the handle of her lunch box. “Are you okay?” He threw his phone with another curse, and it skittered across the floor. “I’m going to take that as a no.” She leaned over to pick up his phone. The screen showed a picture obviously taken at lunch. Meghan sat in the lap of Andrew Bradley, broad-shouldered fullback of the football team. Their faces were plastered together in a kiss. The caption read “Are you going to let her show you up like this?” Nari glanced behind her, wondering if it was time to make her escape. She wasn’t the person Avery needed right now, but there was no one else. Releasing a breath, she sat on the ground facing him and held out his phone. He took it, his fingers grazing hers for a fraction of a second. “You can go.” He refused to look at her. “I know.” She rested her arms on her legs. “I thought you broke up with her.”

Finally meeting her gaze, he shrugged. “I did.” “Well, whoever sent that to you obviously thought it would bother you.” “Everything bothers me today.” “Do I?” “Yes.” He didn’t even hesitate. Nari knew one of the reasons Avery didn’t like her. She knew more about his life than anyone at school. He was revered as the son of an NFL player. His team followed his lead because of it. They didn’t hear his father screaming drunk every night. They’d never overheard his mom telling theirs of money problems. Although, she was pretty sure Avery didn’t know about those problems either. She stayed silent for a long moment, letting him think. He fiddled on his phone, his eyes going wide as he started a video one of his friends sent him. Nari froze when she heard her own voice. The video was of her rant only minutes ago. Avery lifted his eyes to hers. “Why would you defend me? I’m a jerk.” “Yes.” She huffed. “You are. And you’ve never had to live as the butt of your stupid clique’s jokes before. I have. My friends have. I didn’t do that for you.” That was only partially true. She’d felt sorry for him, but in that moment, she was also angry. “Good,” he grunted. “I don’t want to owe you anything.” Something sparked in his eyes. “Wait, I have an idea.” She groaned. “That sentence is how the world ends. With Avery St. Germaine actually having an original idea. Then we all explode.” To her surprise, he laughed. A true, body-shaking laugh. She raised a brow. “Go on. Tell me this brilliant idea.” “Kiss me.” Now it was her turn to laugh. “See? I knew the world was ending.”

“No, hear me out. If I send my friends a picture of you and me, it’ll get back to Meghan. After your little display at lunch, they’ll all believe it, and it would get them off my back.” Nari got to her feet. “You’re delusional. I wouldn’t kiss you if I was dying and you were the only cure.” He stood to face her. “That’s a little extreme.” “I’m an extreme person.” “Oh, I exactly who you are, Nari Won Song.” She hated that he knew her so well. They’d been friends for too long, but that was in the past. For two years now, he’d done nothing but cause all their friends pain. He’d become one of the people they once vowed never to be. Shoving her glasses up her nose, Nari turned. “Please.” Avery sounded so pathetic, but the idea was ridiculous. “I’m not going to let you use me to make your ex jealous. If you know me so well, you should have known not to ask.” She started walking away. “I just thought you’d want to help me like old times, Nari.” “We’re not friends, Avery. You’ve said it yourself. Many times.” She shook her head at the insanity of his suggestion. Kiss Avery? She wasn’t about to it to the king of the jocks that she’d never kissed anyone before. At eighteen, she was a kissing virgin. But Avery St. Germaine was not going to be her first. She had better sense than that. She didn’t look back at him again as she made her way out of the library. The bell rang, signaling the end of lunch period. As Nari opened her locker and stuffed her lunch box inside, she realized she wasn’t tired anymore. The hilarious conversation with Avery energized her. She pulled out her pre-calculus book and slammed her locker, preparing herself for an hour of complete and utter torture. Despite her abysmal math grades, Nari’s parents insisted she take all the top math courses offered at Twin Rivers High.

Sliding behind her desk at the back of the classroom, she watched Avery enter the room, ing his friends at the far end as if they hadn’t spent the entire lunch period ignoring him. She shook her head. How could they treat each other so poorly and then act like they were okay? Avery didn’t glance back at Nari once, and she didn’t know if she was grateful for his usual aloofness or annoyed that she once again ceased to exist.

4

Avery

"Come on, Pop. Time to go." Avery nudged his father with the toe of his boot. "Get off me." Grayson shoved him away. Avery just stared at the lump of useless, drunken flesh that used to be his father. "You ed out on the garage floor again, Pop." Avery crouched beside him, cringing at the mess of vomit beneath him. If Grayson St. Germaine had ed out on his back, he'd probably be dead right now, asphyxiated on his own puke. He could see the headlines now. Former NFL all-star found dead on the floor of his own garage, swimming in a puddle of booze and vomit. "It's freezing out here, Pop, and I can't get my car out of the garage until you move. Or I could just run over your sorry behind,” he added under his breath. "Worthless," Grayson muttered. "One son's a queer and the other's a worthless waste of time." Grayson struggled to sit up, his eyes bloodshot and unfocused. "You could have been just like your old man, you know? If you'd ever learned to throw the ball like I taught you...tried to teach you...you'd be well on your way to the NFL right now." "There he is, mean-drunk father of the year right here, ladies and gentlemen." Avery gripped his father around the waist and lifted him onto his feet—no small feat there. Grayson might be a drunken has-been, but he was still built like a brick wall. "You're looking real good too, Pop. Just the man I want to be when I'm all grown up." "You couldn't walk in my footsteps if you tried." Grayson swayed on his feet,

oblivious of the example he was setting for his sons. "NFL Hall of Famer." He lifted his fist, shoving one of his Super Bowl rings in Avery’s face. "You can flash your former glory in my face all you want, Pop. It doesn't change the fact that it's all former. Look at you." Avery shook his head in disgust. "Do you even know how many times I’ve had to drag your butt back into the house and make sure you weren’t going to die before I could even leave for school? Do you know how often Mom has had to meet with the guidance counselor to explain why me and Nicky are always late?" "Bull." Grayson spat. "Don't blame your lazy habits on me, kid. I've seen you shirk your duties. Never practicing hard enough, never making team captain. You'll never amount to anything now. Not after that last game. You'll be lucky if you make it into a Southeastern Conference school now. The Big Ten are going to pull back their interest any day now." Avery managed to get his pop across the driveway and up the few steps to the back door. He’d already received tentative offers from several big football schools, but he didn’t expect his father to things like that in his state. "Football isn't everything, Pop." But in their family it was. Once upon a time, all Avery ever wanted was his father's approval. And he'd had it in spades. His father was always proud of both his sons. He was a great father, coach, and friend, and Avery worshiped the ground he walked on. But that father was long gone, replaced with this alcoholic shade of Avery's hero. Grayson's drinking spiraled out of control a few years ago, and now they lived in this awful world where Avery had to take care of his father at his worst. He tried so hard to shield his mother and Nicky from seeing him like this. He peeked into the kitchen, grateful Nicky wasn't downstairs yet. "It was all you were ever good at but never good enough." Grayson shook his head. "Just leave. I don't need your help." He tried to shrug away from Avery's hold, but he went down like a dead weight, pulling Avery with him. "Darn it, Pop. I don't have time for this." Avery cracked his fist against the expensive tiled kitchen floor in frustration. He rolled away from his father's reach and climbed to his feet. "I should just leave you here." But he found himself lifting his father's weight again and dragging him to the study to sleep it off on the couch. He didn't want his mother to have to deal with him when she

came home. Avery left him on the sofa, retreating to the laundry room down the hall for a blanket and pillow. He returned to find his father drinking from a flask he'd found in the side table beside the couch. "Come on, Pop, haven't you had enough?" He pried the drink from his hand. "Give it back," Grayson slurred. "No." Avery easily pushed him back down on the couch, propping his feet up on the armrest. "Sleep." He pulled a trash can next to the sofa. "If you have to puke, get it in the can. And don't leave it for Mom to clean up later." Avery shoved the flask into his back pocket. Deep down, he knew his father was looking for an escape at the bottom of a bottle. He'd done that enough himself to know it felt good for a while. Until it didn't. It took losing his best friend to make Avery see he was heading down the same path as his father. And the last thing Avery ever wanted to be was Grayson St. Germaine. In the last two years, Avery rarely drank. He wasn't about to go down that road again. As tempting as it sometimes was. "If you're keeping my stash for yourself, at least bring me some water." "I have to get to school, Pop." Avery stood to leave. “Who's in the kitchen? Is that Nick?” Grayson leaned over the edge of the sofa to peer through the open door, and Avery thought he might murder his own father if he fell on the floor again. “Nicky!” Grayson shouted. “Bring your old man something to drink.” "We have to go, Pop. Just get some rest. I'll get your water." No matter how strained his relationship was with his brother, he still wanted to shield Nicky from seeing their father like this. "That little queer son of mine can at least get his old man something to drink." Grayson tried to sit up again. "Pop, seriously. Just stay down already." Avery paced to the doorway. "And if I hear you call Nicky that again, we're going to have words. When you're sober. If you can ever manage that long enough to have a conversation."

"Here." Nicky tossed a bottle of water at their father. "Us queers are good for something, I guess." He turned on his heel and marched out the back door. “Aw, Nick-Nick don’t be so sensitive!” Grayson shouted after him. "Nicky, wait," Avery called, leaving their father to fend for himself. "It's just the booze talking." Avery slammed the door behind him, furious with his father for sucking the life out of this family and hurting everyone he once professed to love. Avery grabbed his keys and backpack and followed Nicky to the car. Nicky always rode to school with Avery, refusing to drive the so-called “chick magnet” his father bought for his sixteenth birthday. It was a flashy, bright yellow Chevy Camaro Nicky called the douche-mobile. Nicky never wanted to take anything from their pop if he could help it. He only drove the car when he went somewhere without Avery. Avery sighed. They were going to have to get their mom to call in an excuse for their tardiness again. Avery shot off a quick text to her and slid into the driver's seat. "He doesn't mean it." "Then why does he say it? The booze just removes the filter, Avery. It lets him say exactly what he thinks." "He's a jerk, Nicky. A lousy drunk, but somewhere inside, he's still the father we had growing up. And that father would die before he'd ever say those things to his sons." Avery didn't even know why he was defending him. "I guess you just have more good memories of him than I do." Nicky shrugged. "Come on, we're already late, and I'm supposed to have a test first period." Avery drove in silence, wishing he had the words his brother needed to hear. He didn't have them for himself either, but it gutted him to think of how much their father's words hurt Nicky.

"Your mom called ahead." Mrs. Hildebrand raised her hand to stall Avery's excuses. "Sorry we're late again," Nicky said, turning on the charm. "I swear you two could win an award for the most excused tardies. What was it this morning? Your mom said the dog was sick?" She quirked a brow at them. "Yeah, the dog," Avery said, trying not to roll his eyes. "Poor thing was puking everywhere, we just got her to the vet and came right to school." Nicky went on, babbling about a dog they didn't even have. Mom must really be running out of excuses if she'd resorted to making up blatant lies to cover the real reason they were always late. "Oh, Avery," Mrs. Hildebrand called him back as he was about to leave for first period. "You're going on the senior ski trip, aren't you?" "Yes, ma'am." He was looking forward to spending a long weekend away from home, hanging out with his friends...and avoiding Meghan now that he'd dumped her. "Tell your mom you need to pay by this week to secure your reservations." "I can pay now." Avery fished his wallet out of his back pocket. Oh crap! The flask was still there. He slid his debit card across the counter, not even glancing at the invoice she'd printed for him. It didn't matter the cost. He'd pay just about anything for a chance to get away. "Funny." Mrs. Hildebrand frowned. "The card declined." "What?" Avery wasn't even sure that was possible. "Can you run it again?" "I did, three times. Just talk to your mom this afternoon, and bring your payment in before the end of the week." "Sure, okay." Avery nodded, embarrassed. He felt like a fool. His parents put

money in his every month, and there was always more than enough to pay for the things he needed. Maybe Mom just forgot I needed extra this month? Avery left the office and waved at Principal Stevens on his way to the bathroom to dump the contents of the flask. The last thing he needed was to be caught with alcohol at school when he didn't even drink the stuff. Mrs. Stevens would expel him without batting an eyelash. Avery shoved through the doorway, expecting the bathroom to be empty, but he heard voices coming from the last stall. "No, man, Alisha should be number eight, and Maggie’s number four. Read the stupid list and hurry up." Avery rolled his eyes. He'd spent a good Saturday afternoon scrubbing the bathroom walls with Peyton and Cameron over a month ago. Mrs. Stevens had given them Saturday detention for fighting in the hall—at least that was why he and Cam were there. Peyton was there for cussing out the whole school. The boys’ bathroom was the worst. He'd tried to hide it from Peyton, but she'd seen the Twin Rivers High lists. The ones scribbled on the walls of the handicap stall, ranking the girls from each year from the most beautiful to ugliest. He and Cam got an earful from Peyton about that. Even though it wasn't like either one of them wrote the darn lists. It was a stupid tradition, but Peyton was right; the girls on that wall didn't deserve it—including Peyton who showed up on the list twice. He cringed at the memory of seeing his own girlfriend at the top of the list. At the time, it hadn't bothered him too much. It was juvenile and no one cared, but Nari was also on the list as the hot nerd—and right now, that really angered him for reasons he wasn't even sure of. Avery ducked into the first stall and dumped the flask, flushing the toilet and shoving the empty container to the bottom of his backpack. "Come out, you little jerks." Avery tapped on the stall door. "We're almost done, man, hold on." Not in the mood for idiots, Avery kicked in the door. "Whoa, dude. What's with the violence?" One of the three underclassmen glared

up at him. The other two held sharpies and were in the middle of re-creating the lists. "You know the tradition, man. We're just fixing it since some jerk painted over the old lists." "I'm the jerk who painted over them, and it's going to stay that way. Those girls on that wall don't deserve to be treated like garbage." "Oh, come on, St. Germaine, don't get your panties in a twist." "Stop making girls—and their panties—the butt of your jokes, it’s 2019, douchebag. Let's go." He held the door open for them, marching them right into the hallway where Mrs. Stevens stood with her arms crossed over her chest. "Window's open, boys." She glanced up at the old clerestory window above the bathroom door. She frowned at them, pointing to her office. “Now.” "I'm not painting over it this time," Avery said, taking a step back. "Nope, these three are going to do it, and we're going to see to it everyone watches. I might even put it up on YouTube. This tired old tradition is going to die this year if it's the last thing I do. Get to class, Avery." "Yes, ma'am." "Glad to see you've learned a good lesson," she shot over her shoulder. "Eh, I just don't like to paint." Avery grinned. At least his morning wasn't a total waste.

5

Nari

Nari sat in the basement of the Anderson house wondering how she got there. A few months ago, she’d never imagined herself spending time with Beckett Anderson. He was a golden boy, destined for great things. He wasn’t one of the more talented guys on the football team, but no one at school seemed to care. If he’d made Avery’s recent mistake ten times in a single game, everyone would have said it was okay to have an off day. And Nari knew why. His smile sucked the air from people’s lungs. Girl, boy, it didn’t matter. When Becks looked at you, something clenched inside. Plus, as she’d gotten to know him, she realized he was just nice. Nice to her, to his family, to every single person he met. How could a guy like him be such good friends with Avery? As Avery invaded her mind again, her fingers danced more furiously across the keyboard, music pouring out of her. Sweat dotted across her brow as she lost herself in the song. It was a Becks original and probably her favorite. She swayed on her stool, closing her eyes. It wasn’t until she opened them she realized the rest of the band had stopped playing. Wylder’s jaw hung open, and Becks grinned while Julian only raised a brow. “Want to talk about it?” Julian asked. Nari’s cheeks flamed. No, she didn’t want to talk about Avery’s ridiculous request that she kiss him—even if it had been a joke. Plus, their band didn’t get serious. They didn’t confide in each other. It was about the music and the escape.

Wylder tapped out a beat on her drums, and Nari shook her head. “No, I’m okay.” Julian looked as if he wanted to say something else, but he refrained, instead opting for “We should head out.” Nari pulled her phone from the backpack at her feet, her eyes widening when she saw the time. Dinner in the Song house was promptly at six every night. She couldn’t be late. Becks picked up the keyboard and set it along the wall as Julian packed up his guitar. Nari didn’t own an electric keyboard, but Becks had any instrument a musician could need. He’d told Nari she could take it with her, but she couldn’t imagine the look on her mother’s face if she brought it home. No, Ji-a Won Song only wanted her daughter playing what she called a “real” piano. Whatever. Nari pulled her glasses from her face, cleaning them on her shirt before replacing them and following Julian upstairs and through the now familiar house. Beckett’s parents were at their family hardware store all day, so no one knew of their band practices. No one knew that for two blissful hours the four of them could forget the roles they’d had to play all day at school. She slid into the enger seat of Julian’s car. He was silent as they pulled onto the main road. Leaning her head back against the headrest, she closed her eyes. She’d almost drifted off by the time Julian spoke. “Nari.” His voice was soft. She cracked one eye open, taking in the fading sun. “We home?” He nodded, and she turned her head to stare up at her house. Standing next to the monstrosity that was the St. Germaine mansion next door, it didn’t look like anything special. Blue siding with a pale stone facing and large windows that let in the sunlight. The grass in the front yard had been replaced with tiny pebbles

that looked a bit off to Nari, but her mother loved it. Despite her constant need to control her life, Nari loved her mother. She did. It wasn’t always easy to show when they fought nonstop, but she knew she was lucky. Her eyes drifted to Avery and Nicky’s house. At least her parents weren’t belligerent drunks. Julian turned in his seat to face her. “Nari, I’ve known you a long time. You can’t tell me something isn’t bothering you.” All Nari wanted to do was crawl into her bed and sleep, but lately, the dreams had been too much. It happened the year before as well. The closer to Christmas Eve they got—to the anniversary of the accident—the more real the dreams felt. “Julian, do you ever feel like the only thing you can control are your secrets?” Pain flashed in his eyes, and Nari knew. Julian Callahan understood exactly how she felt. She didn’t know what secret he kept, but did it really matter? The burden was the same. “Nari—” “I did it,” she blurted. “I was the one to call 9-1-1 the night of the accident.” Julian froze. Nari continued, barely stopping for a breath. “But I didn’t know it was you guys. If I had…maybe we could have done something. We were so close. I saw a crash in the distance, and all I did was call it in.” Julian pulled her into a crushing hug. Nari tensed at first. Julian wasn’t a hugger. He was just about the most standoffish person she knew. They weren’t the touching kind of friends. But then a sob bubbled out of her, and she wrapped her arms around his back, burying her face in his shoulder. “I keep dreaming about it,” she whispered. “We’re still a few weeks out from the two-year anniversary. How am I supposed to take much more of this?” Julian wasn’t the person she should be crying to. His brother died in the accident. She hadn’t even been in the car. What right did she have to be upset?

To lose sleep over it? She pulled back. “I’m sorry.” Wiping her face, she moved to open the car door. Julian reached out to stop her. “Don’t be sorry, Nari. I…” He scratched the back of his neck. “This will be my first anniversary back in town.” She was so stupid. Julian was the one who should need comforting, not her. “I didn’t even think of that.” He shrugged. “It helps to know I’m not the only one still dealing with it. That I’m not alone.” “Julian.” She gripped his hand. “Of course, you’re not alone. Do you even see us? I’m bawling my eyes out in your car. Cam and Peyton spent most of the semester denying their feelings because it hurt too much. Addison will barely look at any of us. And Avery…” Julian sighed. “Avery has changed more than any of us—except maybe Addison.” Her eyes drifted to Avery’s house again, and she thought of their talk days before in the library. “I don’t know. Part of me thinks he only wants us to believe he’s changed.” Julian lifted a shoulder, studying her face. “You always had a soft spot for the lost causes.” “Avery isn’t a lost cause, Julian.” She opened the door. “And neither are you.” He waited until she’d opened her front door to drive away. Nari stepped in out of the cold and removed her coat and scarf, hanging them both in the front closet. She toed off her boots and followed the smell of mandu to the kitchen. Her mom stood near the stove making the Korean dumplings. Nari’s favorite. She didn’t look up as Nari entered. “Nari Won Song, school ended hours ago. Where have you been?”

“Hi, Umma.” She ignored her mom’s biting tone and pulled herself up to sit on the counter and look into the boiling pot. Her mom swatted at her with a long wooden spoon, issuing curses in Korean. “Off my counter, girl.” “What is this commotion?” Nari’s father appeared in the doorway from his study. “Bapa.” Nari jumped down and approached her father, rising on her toes to kiss his cheek. If Nari got her stubbornness from her mom, she got just about everything else from her dad—except his brain. He was head of the engineering department at Defiance University, a prestigious program. If he knew of Nari’s struggles in school, he’d have been disappointed. But who was she kidding? Si-Woo Won Song, Si to most, was too preoccupied to notice much. He always had his head in some book or brilliant lesson he couldn’t wait to teach. “Si-Woo,” Nari’s mom scowled. “Tell your daughter not to waste her time with her friends when there is homework to be done or lessons to be learned.” Nari knew her next words before she spoke them. “Colleges don’t want a social girl, only a smart one.” Growing up, Nari hadn’t been allowed to play with friends as much as she liked. Instead, she spent her spare time with tutors or piano teachers. Surprise, Umma, she still sucked at school. What would her mom say if she saw her daughter playing keyboard in a band? “Ji-a,” her father said softly. “Leave her be. Nari is a smart girl. She will always do what is best for her.” He walked across the kitchen to kiss his wife’s cheek. “We must trust in her decisions.” Nari smiled at her father before heading down the hall to her room, not in the mood to fight with her mother any longer. Her mother’s voice trailed after her. “Get cleaned up. Supper is ready.”

Supper in their home was always a quiet affair. Nari’s dad measured his words, never using them unnecessarily. Her mother spoke of her day with Rebecca St. Germaine as she often helped her neighbor with her party planning business. At the mention of his mother, Nari’s mind drifted to Avery once again. There was something about him that was just so…sad. She cleaned up from dinner, doing the dishes by herself before retreating to her room. Flipping open her Mac, she dropped it on the bed and pulled up the No BS app. Peyton created the app over the summer, and now everyone in the school used it to speak anonymously about the things that caused them pain. On the front page, someone had recently posted the video of her rant in the lunchroom. It would be gone in a matter of hours. Peyton had strong feelings about bullying, and part of what made her app so successful was the security system that had strict parameters for negative posts. Nari stared at herself in the video before scrolling through the comments. Most were ive, but some… she couldn’t help reading the bad ones.

Poor Avery. This girl is obviously obsessed with him. —@ArtObsessed16

As if Avery St. Germaine would ever look twice at a tiny, flat chested, glasses wearing nerd. —@CoffeeIsLife

And on and on they went. Tears blurred her vision, and she almost didn’t hear

the knock on her door until her mom entered. Slamming her laptop closed, she sat up and wiped her face. Her mom didn’t look mad, she rarely did, but she’d perfected the disappointed parent face. The face that made Nari feel as if nothing she did was ever good enough. “Nari, you’re grounded.” She shot up off the bed. “What? Why?” “You know you’re supposed to come straight home after school.” Nari crossed her arms, knowing the defiant pose wouldn’t be taken kindly. “So what? I’m not allowed to have friends? I spend my entire life doing everything you ask.” Her mother’s eyes narrowed dangerously. “We only have our eyes on the future.” Nari snorted. “Right. I can’t have a present when the future is so freaking bright.” “Don’t you use that tone with me, Nari. We care about your well-being.” Nari sank back onto the edge of her bed, helplessness setting in. Her mother saw college and a great career when she looked at Nari’s future, but Nari didn’t know what she wanted. The only thing that brought her any joy was her music, but there was no future in that. Even she knew it. She sighed, brushing dark strands of hair over her shoulder. “I’m sorry, Umma.” Her mom’s face softened. “I know. You’re a good girl. You’ll do the right thing.” She stepped toward the desk. “But for now, I’m taking this.” She plucked Nari’s phone off the smooth oak surface. “Only for tonight. I will return it.” Nari leaned back against her pillows and watched her mom walk from the room, scrolling through her phone. At least she wouldn’t see anything Nari didn’t want her too. Her parents were regular intruders on her privacy, so Nari deleted anything she didn’t want them to see—basically, all texts relating to the band.

Her room suddenly felt too hot, and she stood, walking to the window. She slid it open. Despite the December chill, she breathed in the fresh air. Her lungs stung, but she didn’t step away as she heard raised voices from across the stone wall next door. “You worthless piece of crap,” Mr. St. Germaine screamed. The sound of glass breaking ripped through the air moments before Avery stormed from the house and got into his sleek black car. He sped away without looking back. Mr. St. Germaine stood in the doorway wearing nothing but a robe. His feet were bare as he stepped into the freezing night and made his way across the lawn to his workshop. Nari couldn’t move as the buzz of power tools overcame the silence. Mr. St. Germaine retreated to work on his projects most evenings after he’d had too much to drink, but he never seemed to produce anything. Nari couldn’t help but wonder if it was safe. She’d seen Avery out there with him a few times but never Nicky. Another figure stepped onto the front porch, his lanky frame illuminated by the light hanging next to the door as he sat on the step. Nicky shook shaggy brown hair out of his eyes and fixed his gaze on the workshop door. Without thinking, Nari slipped on a pair of sneakers and shrugged a sweatshirt on over her head. Pulling herself onto the windowsill, she let her legs hang over the other side before dropping down. She landed in a bush that was already smashed from all of Nicky’s visits. Picking herself up off the ground, she eased the window closed and sprinted across her side yard to the low wall separating the houses. She scrambled over the wall and onto the St. Germaine’s front lawn, stopping in front of Nicky. He lifted sad eyes to meet hers. Nari had always had a soft spot for Nicky. She liked to think they were friends despite him being two years younger. He had none of Avery’s coldness or smooth confidence. His vulnerability matched her own. She sat beside him and leaned into his shoulder. “You heard?” He released a breath. “I heard,” she itted. A beat of silence ed. “What happened, Nicky?”

What she’d really wanted to ask was why Avery stormed off. She’d only ever seen him take care of his father. Nicky’s shoulders dropped, and she put an arm around him. Both their bodies shook in the evening cold, but she didn’t suggest they go inside. Suddenly, every problem she’d had with her mother didn’t seem to matter anymore. Nicky rubbed his hands up and down his arms, holding them tight against his body. “Pop… He isn’t right. He wasn’t always like this, but over the last few years…” He blew out a breath, steam swirling in front of his face. “I don’t know what’s going on, Nari. Things were good. For a long time, our family worked. Then Pop and Avery both started drinking. Avery stopped after the accident, but it was as if almost losing his son only pushed my father further along that path. Avery tries to handle him. When my mom checks out, Avery is the one who makes sure Pop gets into bed at night. He watches him, afraid he’ll hurt himself in that stupid workshop.” He leaned his head on her shoulder. “I don’t always like my brother. He’s kind of a jerk, and he doesn’t understand anything about me, but he’s always protected me whether he meant to or not. Tonight, Pop came after me, screaming his head off about something that didn’t make any sense. I’m not sure he even realized it was me. Avery came home and found me curled up in my room. Pop didn’t hit me, he never does, but he leaves scars all the same.” “What did Avery do?” Nari was almost scared to hear the answer. “He took one look at me and turned on his heel. I just thought he was leaving. He ignores me half the time, anyway. But then I heard yelling and ran down the stairs to find Avery facing off against my father in the kitchen. Avery held a knife, but when he saw me, he put it down. Pop tried to grab him by the shirt, but Avery ducked away from him and slammed his fist into Pop’s jaw.” “Nicky…” “My brother hit my father, Nari.” He buried his face in his hands. “Everything is so screwed up.” Nari stood and tugged on his arm. “Come on. We both need to get out of here.” She glanced back at her house. Her parents had gone to bed. They wouldn’t notice she was gone.

Nicky rose with a sigh. “Yeah. Yeah, okay. Hold on a sec.” He took off toward the workshop, slipping in the back. He returned after a few moments. “I had to shut off the power to the main power tools.” His lips drew down. “The lights will stay on, but the only tools he’ll be able to use are the ones with batteries. He’ll be too drunk to figure out why.” “That’s smart, Nick.” He shrugged. “Avery usually does it, but…” “Yeah.” They walked to Nicky’s yellow Camaro. It was showy and so unlike him, but Nari ed when his father gave it to him for his sixteenth birthday at the beginning of the year. She sat and buckled her seatbelt as it purred to life. “Where are we going?” Nicky thought for a moment. “Umm…my sort of boyfriend is having a party tonight. Parties aren’t really my thing, so I wasn’t planning to go, but…” A grin spread across Nari’s face. “You have a boyfriend?” Nicky’s cheeks reddened. “He doesn’t want me telling anyone.” “Why not?” “He’s not exactly…out.” She nodded, getting the whole picture. Nicky was this boy’s secret. It didn’t sit well with her, but she kept her mouth shut. They drove in silence across town before pulling into a gated community. Nicky punched in the gate code as if he’d been there a million times before. She saw the house before they reached it. Cars lined the street, and a few people lingered on the porch. Through the wide front window they could see a living room jammed full of people. Nicky parked and led her up the long drive. Stone pillars marked the entryway as they ed under a large arch and entered the house without knocking. The last

time Nari had gone to a party, it ended in tragedy. But she refused to think about that. It was a Friday night, and she sneaked out of her house. She should at least try to enjoy herself. Nicky searched the many rooms, his steps quickening across the marble floors. They reached the expansive kitchen, and Nicky froze. A girl sat on the counter with an insanely attractive boy standing between her legs, his lips pressed to hers. They didn’t notice their company. They’d have to come up for air to see anyone else. Liquor bottles littered the countertops. In the corner, a keg sat with a crowd of people waiting near it, holding their red plastic cups. “Nicky,” Nari hissed. He continued to stare at the couple, and Nari squirmed awkwardly. Finally, the two broke apart. The girl giggled when she saw them, and the boy jerked his head around, his eyes going wide when they landed on Nicky. “Nicky,” Nari said under her breath. “What’s going on?” “Nothing.” He yanked a bottle from the counter without stopping to see what he’d grabbed and stormed from the room. Nari followed him as he pushed through the crowd to get to the front porch. He paused long enough to take a long drink from the bottle, cringing at the taste. Nari snatched it from him and scanned the label. 151 rum. Yikes. She eyed Nicky as his chest heaved. “Give that back, Nari.” He lunged for it, wrestling the bottle from her grip before tipping it against his lips again. “Slow down, Nicky. Do you realize how strong that stuff is?” It wouldn’t take much to affect someone of Nicky’s size. He offered it to her as if she’d want a sip. She only shook her head and pushed out the front door. Thankfully, he followed her.

Instead of walking back to the car, she took a stone path that meandered along the side of the large house until it reached the back where a deck spanned the width. A vast lawn sloped down to wooded property, but Nari’s eyes caught on a pair of swings hanging from a huge oak tree and she walked toward it. “We used to play here when we were just kids.” Nicky sat in one of the swings, taking another long gulp from the bottle. “That was him, wasn’t it?” Nari lowered herself into the other swing, not taking her eyes from Nicky. Nicky nodded and took another sip. “I knew he wasn’t totally sure about the gay thing…but I thought we’d figure it out together. He called himself my boyfriend.” He closed his eyes. “He kissed me like he was.” Nari reached out and took his hand. A cold wind blew over them, sending an icy chill through her sweatshirt. If she hadn’t had to sneak out, she could’ve grabbed a coat. “He’s a jerk. It’s his loss, honestly.” Nicky shook his head, opening his mouth to say something more. Before he could, he lost his balance, falling backward and landing on the packed dirt with a grunt. The bottle landed beside him, spilling out onto the ground. Nicky tried to stop it, but Nari grabbed his arm. “You don’t need that stuff.” A sob ripped through him. “I know. With Pop the way he is, I shouldn’t want a drop. But after that… Just for one night, I didn’t want to feel anything.” She got off her swing and crouched in front of him. “It doesn’t make you stop feeling, Nick. It only makes you stop caring how others feel.” He wiped his face and wobbled as he got to his feet. Nari gripped his waist to stabilize him. “You’re going to have to drive us home.” Nari pushed her glasses up her nose and peered up at him. “Um…would now be

a bad time to tell you I don’t know how to drive?” A sound between a laugh and a sob burst from him. “Yeah. Terrible timing. I’d rather you have told me after you crashed my stupid car.” She shook her head, a small smile appearing. At least his sense of humor was still intact. “Hand me your phone. My mom has mine.” Once he did, she debated who to call. Certainly not her parents. Peyton and Cam had gone out of town for the weekend. That left only one person. She navigated to Nicky’s s and pressed her finger over Avery’s name. It only rang once before his voice was in her ear. “Nicky, I can’t really talk right now.” Voices sounded behind him as if he too was at a party. “Avery!” Meghan said, her words slightly slurred. “What is it, Nicky?” Avery asked harshly. Nari realized she hadn’t said a word. “It’s not Nicky.” “Nari?” Surprise rang in his tone. How did he recognize her voice? “Yeah. Look, I know you’re probably out having whatever kind of fun you golden people have, but Nicky is drunk and can’t drive us home, and I never learned how to drive.” He barely waited for her to finish before jumping in. “Text me the address. I’m on my way.” Avery arrived ten minutes later, but he wasn’t alone. Meghan sat in the enger seat, her eyes closed as she leaned against the window. Nari lifted a brow as she helped Nicky in and sat beside him. Nicky immediately curled up against the door and fell asleep. Nari met Avery’s eyes in the rearview mirror.

“Why is my brother drunk?” There was a coldness in his voice. “I don’t really think it’s my place to tell you that.” His nostrils flared. “He’s my brother.” “And he’s fine. He just had a rough night.” “Nicky doesn’t drink.” She shrugged and looked out the window. They drove through the sleeping town. It was the weekend, and still, Twin Rivers showed no life after eight o’clock. Typical. “Glad to see you and Meghan are back together.” She didn’t know why she said it. Avery flicked his eyes over his shoulder before focusing on the road again. “We’re not. She’s dating one of my teammates now.” But he wanted her back. She could tell by his posture. “Yet you’re the one driving her home.” He only shrugged. Nari wasn’t Avery’s biggest fan, but she knew he deserved better than the blond in his front seat. She sighed. “When you two were together, she tried to seduce Cameron just to hurt Peyton.” His shoulders tensed. “What’s your point in telling me now, Nari?” Had she wanted to hurt him? To hurt Meghan? The girl that caused so much pain on a daily basis. “I don’t know. Thought you should know, I guess.” “Well, at least you’re honest.” Yep. That was her. Honest Nari. Nothing more. She leaned her head against the cool glass of the window. “Thank you.” The words were so quiet she almost missed them. She met his eyes in the mirror again. “For what?”

“For taking care of Nicky.” Her lips tipped up. “He’s my friend, Avery. What was I supposed to do?” He sighed, the sound seeming to come from deep inside him. “Not every friend is like you.” Her eyes flicked to Meghan. “You are.” He shook his head. “Don’t start thinking I’m better than I am, Nari.” “Why not?” “Because you’d be wrong.” It was only then she realized they were outside her house. She didn’t know where he was taking Meghan, but at that moment, the only thing she cared about was getting as far away from Avery St. Germaine and the weird feeling inside her as she could. She slid from the car, not allowing her eyes to rest on him. “Thanks for the ride.” Running across the pebbles, she stopped at her window, stepping on the bush for leverage as she pushed it open and pulled herself through. An empty bedroom greeted her. After changing into a pair of old sweats, she crawled onto her bed, praying for a dreamless sleep.

6

Avery

“When you two were together, she tried to seduce Cameron...” Nari’s words ran on a loop through Avery’s mind as he drove to Meghan’s house. Nicky snored in the back seat, and Meghan was out cold. “I’m such an idiot,” he muttered. She made a play for Cameron almost the moment he’d returned. He knew Meghan had some strange vendetta against Peyton, but was that the only reason? Or was Cam just another potential deeppocketed mark? He didn’t know which would make him hate her more. And now she was dating Andrew, the son of a wealthy governor, and behind Avery, one of the best players on the team since he’d transferred from Defiance Academy last year. Drew was going to play for Ohio State, and it seemed Meghan was just looking for a free ride right into the spotlight. Avery gripped the steering wheel when what he really wanted to do was wrap his hands around Meghan’s shoulders to shake some sense into her. Meghan had good grades. She was beautiful and athletic with a talent for gymnastics, and her family had plenty of money. She could make her own future. Why was she hellbent on riding coattails right out of Twin Rivers? He watched her now in the red hue cast by the traffic light, her face pressed up against the window, her mascara and most of her makeup running down her face. Was that what he really wanted in a partner? Someone whose greatest aspiration in life was to be a trophy girlfriend to the guy with the fattest wallet? Avery shook his head, pressing on the gas pedal. For a long time, Avery saw Meghan as a sweet girl with just the right amount of sarcastic humor to fit his personality. They were great together. But now he wondered why it had taken

him so long to see past the illusion she presented to him. Even now, he almost didn’t recognize her without her flawless makeup and hair. He didn’t know who this raccoon-eyed, drunken mess was, but he knew one thing for certain. He was over Meghan Lewis. He just wished everyone else would realize that. His phone vibrated as he came to a stop in front of Meghan’s house at the end of the cul-de-sac. He glanced down at his texts to see several pictures of Meghan and Drew all over each other. Avery’s shoulders tensed in frustration. He was over this, too. The way his friends sent him these pics out of some kind of bizarre concern. It was total crap how he’d broken up with Meghan, but in the end, everyone saw him as the pathetic one. The last text was from Becks.

Beckett: This is who you’re pining over? You can do better than this hot mess.

He’d attached a video of Meghan puking her guts out in the bathroom at the party they’d just left. Drew stood in the doorway recording her misery and laughing and drinking with his stupid buddies. Not long after this video, Avery found Meghan trying to borrow a friend’s car to drive herself home. That was how she’d ended up ed out in Avery’s car. He wasn’t about to let her get behind the wheel. I should have just called her an Uber. But at the time, he’d wanted one more chance to be the hero. To see if there was enough of their relationship left to salvage. That was before Nari forced him to see the truth. There was nothing worth saving. “Come on, Meghan, wake up.” Avery shook her shoulder until she moaned and clutched her head. “What? Avery? Ugh, what are you doing here?” She sat up, rubbing the gunk from her eyes and the dried puke on her mouth. “I found you trying to drive yourself home.” He shrugged. “We’re at your house, so you can go in. Drink some water, and sleep it off.”

She gave him the smile that used to get her everything she wanted. It no longer had the same effect on him. “Why don’t you come in and put me to bed like old times?” Her tone lowered, and she moved across the seat closer to him, stroking his thigh through his jeans. “We’re not together, so no, I’m not carrying you into your house like I used to.” Avery moved her hand and clicked the auto locks so she could get out. “Are you serious right now?” She sat back, a bewildered look on her face. “You’re turning me down?” “We broke up, Meghan. You should leave.” “You always were a weak-ass excuse of a boyfriend.” “Listen, Meghan.” Avery’s voice grew serious. “Setting aside all the crap between us, you really need to do a better job of picking your boyfriends. When you’re this drunk, you need to be with someone who cares enough about you to get you home safe. Not some jerk who takes videos of you puking over the toilet.” “Mind your business, Avery St. Germaine.” She shook her head. “You think you’re so much better than everyone else.” “Zip it, train wreck,” Nicky groaned from the back seat. “Your shrill voice is like an icepick in my brain. I think my brother said you should go.” He sat up, his hair sticking up on end, and blinked at Meghan with her ruined makeup. “Who let in the clown?” “Ugh, I’m leaving.” Meghan grappled with the door handle and stumbled out of the car, slamming the door behind her. “You should take your own advice, bro.” Nicky stretched out across the back seat with a yawn. “Do a better job of picking your girlfriends. Maybe I’ll take the same advice and choose a better boyfriend.” “Mind your business, Nicky.” He groaned as he used the same phrase Meghan had. “And don’t think we aren't going to have a long talk about you drinking. Wait, please don’t tell me we’re talking about that douchebag from Defiance Academy. What did he do? Do I need to go have a chat with him?” Avery shot a

glance over his shoulder, but Nicky’s loud snore was his only response. He was probably right. Avery could do a lot better than Meghan—and he wasn’t just talking about appearances. He needed something else in a girl, but he wasn’t exactly sure what that was yet. Avery’s thoughts drifted to Nari and the way she’d dropped everything to help Nicky get home safely. He didn’t know what was going on with Nicky or why he’d had such an awful night, but he was glad his brother had someone like Nari in his corner.

“Son of a….” Avery slammed on the brakes in their driveway. “Shake it off, Nick. The police are here, and Mom’s trying to drag Pop back in the house. Looks like he’s arguing with the cop.” “What?” Nicky sat up, looking like he wanted to puke. “If you hurl in my car, I will kill you.” Nicky watched their mother struggle with their unconscious father. “As long as I live, I will never take another drink again.” He turned his anxious eyes to Avery. “How is this our life?” “This is not your life, kid. You’re not going to let that man mess with your head. Go inside, take a shower, and get to bed. Sleep it off.” “I’m not letting Mom drag that sorry sack of crap into the house by herself.” Nicky bolted out of the car. “Nick, you’ve been drinking,” Avery reminded him, following him to the back of the house. “Just stay away from the cops. I’ll handle this.” “Evening, Officers,” Avery said politely. “Hey, Pop, what’s going on?” “Oh, your silly pop had a few too many drinks down at the pub and got a little overzealous when the bartender cut him off,” Rebecca St. Germaine said, her cheeks flushed with embarrassment. “You boys go on inside.” “Mrs. St. Germaine, we’re happy to help you get Mr. St. Germaine into the house,” the young officer said, clearly thrilled to meet the famous NFL player. “It’s no trouble, we’ve all been there.” “Why don’t you wait in the car,” the older officer said, waiting for the reluctant rookie to leave them in private. “I can’t keep doing this, Rebecca.” The officer said. “Next time, I’m going to have to arrest him for drunk and disorderly.”

“I understand, Officer McManus. Maybe that’s what he needs to get it through his thick skull.” “Stop talking about me like I’m a child!” Grayson shouted. “Can’t a man have a drink in a bar anymore, or is that against the law?” “Come on, Pop,” Avery said. “Let’s get you in the house.” He eased his father’s weight off his mother and tried to shoulder him toward the house. “I can do it on my own.” He shrugged out of Avery’s grip, almost knocking his mother to the ground. “Easy there, St. Germaine,” Officer McManus said. “We’ve got this, Officer,” Avery said. “Thanks for bringing him home. Avery shot a look over his shoulder at his brother’s white face. He was furious and embarrassed over their father’s behavior. “Let him sleep it off out here, Mom,” Nicky said after the cops left. His voice trembled with anger. “I have half a mind to, but he’ll just freeze to death.” She let out a frustrated breath. “It’s supposed to snow.” “He wouldn’t freeze with all that alcohol in him. No one would miss him.” “Nicky, I’m not an idiot, you’ve been drinking just as much, haven’t you?” she shot back at him. “I thought my boys were smarter than that. He’s your father,” she added in a softer tone, her shoulders slumped in defeat. “Is that supposed to mean something to me? He calls me his queer son! Let him rot in the street.” “Go in the house,” Avery said, shoving Nicky toward the door. “This is such bull.” Nicky shook his head, tears bright in his eyes. “Next time, tell them to take him to jail.” “Go on, Nicky,” their mom said. “We’ll handle your father.” She had tears in her eyes too. Tears of shame.

“Whatever.” Nicky stormed into the house. Avery couldn’t handle his mom’s tears. He threw his head back, searching the stars for a reason why their lives had ended up this way. How were they this family? Once upon a time they’d had everything, and Grayson St. Germaine was a good man, a great husband, and the best father. How did we get here? He ran his hands through his hair in frustration. “Avery, help me get him into the house before he es out,” his mom said. “He’s going down like a rock any minute now.” Avery tossed his father’s arm around his shoulder and gripped his waist. “Come on, Pop, move your feet.” “I just hate that Nicky had to see this.” “Me too.” Avery moved to loop his forearms under his father’s arms as he stumbled. “I got you, Pop.” Avery started dragging him to the house. “Get the door, Mom.” “Be careful.” She held the door open for them. “He’s too drunk to feel anything.” “I meant you. Don’t hurt your back. He’s a heavy dude.” “You want him in the study?” Avery asked, hauling him up the last step and into the kitchen. “Put him on the sofa in the living room. He can sleep it off there. I’m working in the office tonight and I don’t want to look at him.” Avery dropped his father onto the sofa and rolled him onto his side in case he puked. He left his mom standing in the living room and returned with a bottle of water and some aspirin to set on the coffee table. “I hate this.” Rebecca draped a blanket over her husband. “I hate it when you boys have to see him like this.”

“It’s okay, Mom. I can take it.” “You’re good with him. You don’t take his crap. But Nicky… It breaks my heart. The man your father was would never…” She choked on a sob. “Nicky knows that.” “Sometimes I don’t think he does.” She wiped her face. “Go check on your brother. I’ll finish up here.” Avery watched as she placed a pillow under her husband’s head and moved a trash can to the edge of the sofa. He left her there with her shoulders slumped, a knife in his heart. He could deal with his pop’s crap, but it tore him up inside for his mother and brother to have to deal with it too. Avery took the stairs two at a time and called out for Nicky when he reached the third floor. But Nicky lay sprawled on his bed still in his clothes. Avery maneuvered him out of his jacket and sweatshirt and tugged his boots off. He went back to the kitchenette and grabbed a bottle of water, some aspirin, and a glass of orange juice to place by Nicky’s bed. “This better be a one-time deal, little man,” he whispered, moving a trash can beside the bed. He draped a blanket over his brother and turned off the lights. Back downstairs, he found his mother in the study, working on one of her party planning projects. She ran a successful part-time side business all on her own, but lately, it seemed to be turning into a full-time job. “You get your brother up to bed with some aspirin for that massive hangover he’s going to have?” She eyed him over her reading glasses perched on the end of her nose. “Yeah.” He ran a hand through his hair. “That’s not a norm for Nicky.” “I know. Both my boys have a good excuse to drink, but I’m happy to see them making better choices than their father. On most nights anyway.” She tapped some numbers into the calculator, frowning as she recorded her calculations in a spreadsheet. “I’m sorry you boys had to see that.” “I’ve seen a lot worse.”

“I know, and I hate that too.” She took her reading glasses off and set them aside. “I try to keep Nicky out of it, though. He takes it so hard.” Avery moved to sit on the sofa in front of her desk. “I hope you don’t think I love him more because I try to shield him—” “Mom, no. I get it. Nicky is young, and Pop is an extra-special kind of bastard toward him. I don’t want him to see Pop like this any more than you do. It’s getting worse, Mom. Should we try sending him to rehab?” “It’s not going to work until he’s ready to do it on his own. You can’t make an alcoholic stop drinking. He needs to hit rock bottom. Then he’ll either do the work and get sober or he won’t make it.” “Isn’t this rock bottom?” Avery asked. “If it’s not, I don’t want to be around when it happens.” “I want my boys thinking about their futures, not this depressing present we’re all stuck in. Focus on having a fun senior year and on getting into the college you really want.” “Speaking of fun senior years. I’ve been meaning to ask you about the ski trip coming up. I need to pay soon.” “Just use your Venmo card,” she said. “I tried, but I don’t think there’s enough in there. It declined.” “How much is the trip?” She turned back to her screen. “I don’t know.” He shrugged. His parents rarely asked how much things cost. “I’ll check. I’m sure I have an email here somewhere.” She scrolled through her messages. “Are you sure you really want to go?” “Of course, I’ve been looking forward to this trip for months. It’s only four days, and you know how much I love skiing.” “It’s just, I could use your help getting ready for Christmas. You know your

father isn’t much help.” “Nicky can help you until I get back. And then I’ll have almost a week to help you before Christmas Eve.” “I don’t think it’s a good time, Avery.” She continued searching her email for the most recent reminder from the school. “Good Lord, it’s almost a grand plus airfare, where are you kids going, Paris?” “Aspen.” Avery felt his hopes sinking. She wasn’t going to let him go. “We’ve been there a bunch. It’s great.” “Listen, Avery.” She set her phone down. “Your father is such a handful these days. Tonight was really scary. If it happens again, he’s going to jail, and the scandal will just kill him. You’re going off to college soon, and I don’t want you to take a second look back at this town. But until then, I really need you to stay close to home. I know that’s asking a lot, but I’d really appreciate it if you could stay home over the break. We can spend some time together as a family.” Avery hung his head. He wanted to lash out, to yell at his stupid father for ruining everything. But he wouldn’t do that to his mom. “Sure. I can stay. But Mom, what are you going to do once I’m in college?” “I have plans. Don’t you worry about your mom.” “Easier said than done.” Avery stood and crossed the room, circling the desk where she sat. “Love you.” He dropped a kiss on top of her head, glancing at the screen. “Thank the lord for my boys. I’d go crazy.” She leaned into him. “What are you working on?” Avery frowned at the screen. “Just some budget stuff for a fundraiser I’m helping with.” “You’ve been working a lot more lately.” Avery crossed his arms over his chest. “Are you thinking about leaving him?” “No.” She took her glasses off. “Not unless he gives me no other choice. I’ve been working extra because I need the distraction. Grayson is a hard man to

love, but I do love him. He’s just going through some stuff right now. He needs me, and I intend to stand by his side…as long as I can.” “Don’t make excuses for his bad behavior, Mom. Pop could get his crap together if he wanted. Promise me you’ll think about yourself too. I don’t like the idea of leaving you and Nicky in this mess when I go to school.” “You’re a good boy, Avery. So much like your father.” “I’m nothing like him.” “Your father wasn’t always an alcoholic. You the way he used to be. That was your pop. Don’t let the man he’s struggling with right now cloud your memories. And you are like him, Avery. In all the very best ways.” “Thanks Mom.”

7

Nari

Distance formula. Midpoint formula. Standard equation of a circle. from the semester swam in Nari’s brain as Mr. Nadine went over everything they’d learned over the past few months. She hated Mondays, but this was a short week with winter break beginning on Thursday. “Pop quiz, everyone.” Mr. Nadine said the three words that sent terror spiking through Nari’s heart. “Just a simple problem before we adjourn for the day.” He turned to write the instructions on the whiteboard behind him. “Use the distance formula to find an equation of the perpendicular bisector of the line segment between the points (4, 3) and (-2, 5). I’ll even give you a hint.” Mr. Nadine kept writing. “Solve for the point (x, y), which is on the perpendicular bisector if it is equidistant from the two points, so the perpendicular bisector is defined by the equation. “Don’t forget to show your work and graph the lines on graphing paper. You have twenty minutes left, more than enough time to finish. Begin.” Everyone around Nari scrambled to write down the equation while she tried to make sense of the numbers on the board. Folding her arms across her desk, she lowered her chin to rest on them, praying for a clue on how to get through this quiz. Math had always been a mystery to her, much to the dismay of her parents. Exams were coming. A week after winter break ended, they’d drown in tests covering months’ worth of useless knowledge. Yes, useless. When was Nari going to use calculus or algebra? When was she

going to need to do chemical equations or recite quotes from the great American poets? She understood the poetry thing to an extent. Being a musician, it could come in handy. But freaking calc? She groaned, stifling the sound in her sleeve as she typed the equation into her graphing calculator. No one seemed to notice her obvious distress except for one person. Avery sat sideways in his desk along the far wall, one leg crossed over the other. He leaned back against the arm of the desk as if he didn’t have a care in the world. The graph paper in front of him was already filled with numbers with a neat little graph of the lines they were supposed to be focusing on. Hers was still blank except for the equation, written in her perfect penmanship, as if that would score her extra points. She glanced at the notebook beneath her paper, placing her hand over the lyrics she’d jotted down right before quiz panic killed her brain cells. Her mind drifted to the band. They didn’t have a logo, but Becks had named them Anonymous, a nod to the fact no one in their lives knew about them. Avery leaned forward, peering through a few rows to see what she tried to cover up. He lifted a brow. She averted her eyes, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of knowing his attention had any effect on her. Why didn’t he care about anything? School. His family. Even an ex-girlfriend shoving her new relationship in his face. It all seemed to roll off his cool exterior. The bell rang. When Nari glanced up, Avery had turned away from her to shove his books in his bag and turn in his quiz. He stood without looking her way, chatting with Becks. As they ed Nari’s desk, she realized the lyrics sat exposed on her desk. Becks paused, grinning down at her as he leaned closer. He dropped his voice. “I’m going to want to see those.” She laughed and shook her head. He shot her a wink. Avery watched the exchange, his posture stiffening. Nari doubted he’d heard

Becks’ words, but he saw his familiarity with her. For a moment, Nari had forgotten the school didn’t know Nari and Becks weren’t supposed to be friends. She’d forgotten they didn’t live in the same world. But Avery hadn’t. His stiffness said it all. Becks was one of them, not supposed to cross the battle lines. Don’t start thinking you’re better than you are, Nari. She met Avery’s dark gaze as his words stung her once again. Maybe he’d been telling the truth in the car. This was a guy who was still in love with the meanest girl in school, after all. “Well.” Becks clapped Avery on the back. “I’m out, man.” He leaned down again, his voice dropping. “Bye, Nari. Will I see you later?” She knew what he meant. Band practice. But the way he said it made her think he was just trying make Avery mad. Was Avery really that worried about his best friend stepping out of line? Screw it. She beamed her most charming smile—if she had a charming one— fixed wide eyes on Beckett, and giggled. She couldn’t believe she giggled. Resisting the urge to puke, she went all in. “Sure, Becks. Your place?” His smile widened—if that was possible. “See ya later, beautiful.” Her cheeks heated, and she ducked her head as he laughed. At the door, Avery pulled him back, dropping his voice probably in hopes Nari wouldn’t hear him. News flash: she heard every word. “You’re not hanging out with Nari.” Beck shrugged off Avery’s arm and darted into the hall where his booming voice could still be heard. “Nicky!” he called. “Just the kid I wanted to see. I need some outfit advice for my date with Nari later.” Nicky stopped at the door. “You do realize not all gay guys dream of fashion every night.” Nari could practically hear him rolling his eyes. Nicky was like her, though. They both had giant soft spots for Becks. She craned her neck to see Becks wrap an arm around Nicky’s neck and pull him down the hall.

Avery cast one more indecipherable look over his shoulder before stepping out the door. Nari turned back to her quiz, frowning at the empty page. She scribbled some half-hearted attempt at solving the equation and then copied the answer her calculator spit out. It was never right. Even when it was, she never showed the work correctly and never received full marks. She tossed her calculus book and notebook into her bag. Only the teacher remained in the room. “Nari,” Mr. Nadine said in his thick Indian accent. “Can I speak with you for a moment?” “Um, I’m going to be late to chem.” He waved off her concern. “I’ll write you a note.” She carried her books under her arm as she approached his desk, her free hand fiddling with the ends of her hair. He folded his hands on top of his desk and stared at her quiz work in disappointment. For a moment, she felt like she was standing in front of her mother after mes the newest attempt at a Bach masterpiece on the piano. At least then, she’d know she’d get it right, eventually. Music was in her blood. Calculus, not so much. “Nari.” Mr. Nadine sighed. “You’ve been struggling all semester in this class.” She focused on her hands. Such interesting hands. “I’ve spoken to a few of your other teachers, and they have similar concerns to mine.” “What concerns are those?” He waited a beat to speak. “Exams are coming up after the break.” She knew that. It was all any of their teachers were talking about. “You need at least a C to my class.” She jerked her head up. Just a C. It sounded so simple. Only, she’d failed his last

test. He unclasped his hands, shuffling through papers on his desk. “Now, with your father in such a prestigious position at Defiance University, I know you don’t need to worry about acceptance as long as you this year. Your GPA for all four years of high school is still able. But if you wish to get out of this town and make it on your own merit, I suggest you spend your break studying. Maybe find a tutor.” Make it on her own merit. He meant get into college without parental help. What would he say right now if she told him she didn’t want to go to college? Teachers were pre-programmed to think more school was the only way to make a life. He handed her a packet of papers. “What are these?” “An extra study guide I made for the students who need the help.” “Oh.” Her mouth pursed as she stared down at the math problems she already knew she wouldn’t be able to solve on her own. And a tutor? She didn’t even know where to get one of those. It couldn’t be another student because then the entire school would know the nerdy Asian girl sucked at all things academic. As if she wasn’t enough of a loser already. She straightened her thick frames on her face. “Um, thank you.” Mr. Nadine nodded. “We all want you to succeed here, Nari. We care.” She knew they did…to an extent. They also didn’t want her dragging their precious averages down. As soon as she walked across the graduation stage, they’d forget all about the quiet, glasses-wearing idiot. Even as she thought it, she chided herself for calling herself an idiot. Enough people would do it for her. There was no reason to bring herself lower than she already felt. As she took the late excuse he offered her and stepped from the room, she tried

to shake the fog from her mind and wasn’t watching where she was going. She slammed into something hard, and strong arms gripped her shoulders to keep her from falling. “Darn it, Avery.” She stepped back, uncomfortable at his proximity. “What are you doing skulking around out here?” “I’m not skulking.” He crossed his arms, a small smile appearing on his lips. This boy was going to give her whiplash with his changing moods. In the car after the party, he was tense. With Becks a few minutes ago, he was angry. And now? Well, she didn’t know what his smile meant now. After spending nearly two years pretending she didn’t exist, it was a change. Maybe it would be easier if they could go back to that. “Nari, you’re staring.” She’d zoned out, her eyes tracing the contours of his chest. His gray shirt clung to him, showing her every dip and curve. No, she couldn’t think like that. Avery St. Germaine was a douche. He was not sexy. Not adorable with his little half smile thing he had going on. There were enough girls in their school to fawn over their football star whether he made ridiculously bad plays in major games or not. “I wasn’t staring.” She focused on her feet. “I’m just waiting for you to get out of my way so I can go to chem. I’m already late.” “Then being more late doesn’t matter, does it?” She tried to push past him, but he was a brick wall. Her eyes darted around the hall, realizing no help was there. Their classmates now sat inside classrooms preparing to learn more boring crap. Nari had never skipped a class in her life, but after her talk with Mr. Nadine, she couldn’t stomach the idea of sitting through another day of preparing for exams that scared the crap out of her. Her shoulders dropped and tears pricked her eyes. She would not, could not, cry. Not in front of Mr. Golden Boy himself. “Hey.” Avery dipped his head, forcing her to look at him. “I heard.”

She almost asked him what he’d heard, but the sympathy in his expression told her everything she needed to know. Perfect. Avery St. Freaking Germaine knew the one thing she hadn’t even told Peyton. Nari Won Song was a fraud. A nerd in name only. A whiz kid in reputation only. “Come here.” He wrapped his fingers around her upper arm and guided her into a bathroom. “Avery,” she protested. “This is the girls’ bathroom.” He shrugged. “And your point is…” He kicked in each of the stall doors. “Good, we’re alone.” Nari moved to the sink and set her glasses beside it. Turning the water on, she cupped it with her hands and splashed it over her face. “Aren’t you going to mess up your makeup?” Avery’s tone only sounded curious. Nari shot him a scowl before pulling the lever on the paper towel dispenser and drying her face. “Not all of us come to school with so much gunk on our faces that you can’t even tell what we really look like.” Avery held his hands in front of his chest in surrender. “It was just a question. You’re a touchy one, aren’t you?” There was no judgment in his voice. He tilted his head to the side. “I don’t think I’ve seen you without your glasses since we were kids.” Nari’s hand darted toward where she’d left the frames and slid them on her face as she mumbled under her breath, “I’m surprised you’d it you were friends with us once.” “What was that?” His smile widened. “Nothing.” She stepped toward the door. “Are we done here?” “Not even close.” He pulled her back until she was molded against him, her back to his front. Her skin tingled as he ran his hand down to hold her wrist, keeping her in place.

“Avery.” She tried to sound more annoyed than flustered. He lowered his lips to her ear. “I have a solution.” “A solution to what?” She swallowed. “You’re dying, baby, and I’m your cure.” She twisted out of his grasp and turned to glare at him. “Turning my words against me now?” She snorted. “I don’t know if I even want to know what you’re talking about.” “Oh, you do.” He stepped forward, and she stepped back. “Don’t use your flirty stare on me, Avery St. Germaine. It won’t work. The only reason you’re even talking to me is because you need something. Just spit it out.” A look of bewilderment crossed his features for a moment before the confidence was back. “Flirty stare?” he chuckled. “You’re funny.” “I know what funny means to your crowd. Weird. Yes, Avery, I’m weird. We done now, or you going to tell me what you think you need from me?” “Fine.” He blew out a breath. “I wasn’t lying about the cure thing. I heard everything Mr. Nadine said to you. Let me tutor you.” A laugh burst out of Nari and then another. She couldn’t stop it as she gripped her stomach. “You?” she wheezed, trying to catch her breath. Avery clenched his jaw. “What? You think the only things I can learn are football plays?” Her laughter stopped abruptly, guilt working its way in. “Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to imply you were stupid or anything. I just—” “Just because someone doesn’t do well in class doesn’t make them stupid.” She knew he was talking about her, and a part of her appreciated the statement. She never thought of anyone else as stupid, but when it came to herself…

She crossed her arms over her chest, shrinking in on herself. “Nari.” He put a finger under her chin and tilted her head up. His free hand brushed the dark hair from her face. He froze like he’d realized what he’d done and jerked both hands back. “I’m good at this stuff. Calc. Chem. All of it. I’m acing all of my classes.” She stared at him, struggling to believe a word he said. He held up two fingers. “Scouts honor.” “So, you want to…tutor me? Is this before or after you tell everyone that the only way a college would ever accept me is if my dad pulls strings?” “I won’t tell anyone, I swear. Honestly, I don’t think they’d care.” She snorted. “Must be nice to live at the top of the food chain where even screwing up during the final playoff game is forgotten after a few days. The rest of us down here on earth have to live with our flaws being picked apart every time we walk into this school.” She uncrossed her arms and clenched her fists at her sides. “Why do you want to do this, anyway? Since…that night…” Avery closed his eyes, his throat bulging as he swallowed. When he opened them again, they blazed with the pain they both carried. She tried again. “It’s been almost two years since the accident, and you barely talk to me or to Cam and Peyton for that matter. For a while there, you were a complete dick to us.” His nostrils flared. “I know.” As he rubbed the back of his neck, the confidence he’d perfected over the years began to slip. For just a moment, he was the little boy next door who’d run across the lawn, climb through her window, and play dolls with her. What would people like Meghan do if they saw those pictures? “Avery, what’s the cost? You’re not just offering to do this out of pity. That isn’t your style.” His cheeks reddened in a way she rarely saw anymore. Was Avery embarrassed?

“One tutoring session…for one kiss.” She stood stock-still, staring at him, knowing she must have heard him wrong. “Kiss?” she squeaked. When he spoke again, his words came rapidly. “Meghan is dating Drew now and doing everything she can to parade him in front of me. My own friend. I can’t even think when she’s around, let alone when everyone from school sends me pictures of them making out at parties. I broke up with her in anger, not realizing how much I’d miss her when she was gone. And you, Nari, she hates you.” “I take pride in that fact, but I still don’t get it.” He sighed. “I want to…uh…take a picture of us kissing and have it get back to her.” “Wait.” She stopped him, ignoring the kiss part for the moment. “You actually want that girl back?” He nodded, but there was something in his eyes she couldn’t decipher. It surely wasn’t a guy in love with a girl. Nari took another step away from him. She couldn’t kiss Avery. If she did, she was pretty sure she’d only end up hurt. “I can’t,” she whispered. “Why not? It’s just one kiss. I promise you’ll learn more in a tutoring session with me than any class.” She eyed her bag she’d left on the counter, wondering if she could snatch it and make a quick escape before itting to him her real reason. She didn’t want her first kiss to be fake. Something in her face must have given her away because Avery’s eyes widened. “Nari, have you ever kissed anyone before?” “Of course, I have,” she scoffed.

“No. You haven’t. How is that even possible? We’re seniors in high school, and you’re—” “I’m what? Nerdy? Uncool? I know that, Avery, but thanks for the reminder.” She turned toward the door again, pausing at the counter to gather her things before shoving the door open and practically running into the hall. Avery followed her, and she’d never wished for anything more than for him to leave her alone. “Wait.” “Stop following me.” “No.” She twisted on her heel, and he stopped to avoid running into her. “What is wrong with you? Do you enjoy hurting others?” “What? No! I asked you to kiss me. How does that hurt you?” “I’m not a prostitute, Avery. You can’t pay me to kiss you. That’s not how it should work. Besides, Meghan would never believe you wanted to kiss a girl like me.” “She would.” His voice dropped, and Nari barely heard his next words. “Because it’s true. I do want to kiss you.” Nari couldn’t handle it anymore. She left him standing there, and he didn’t follow this time as she rounded the corner, not bothering to stop at her locker for her chem book. She wouldn’t let Avery use her to make some other girl jealous. No, she’d find another way to her exams. She didn’t need him. The only problem was once he’d put the idea of kissing him into her head, she couldn’t think of anything else the rest of the day.

Nari managed to make it through her afternoon classes without any of the teachers trying to talk to her until the stupid poetry class that capped a crappy day. Mrs. Locke didn’t wait until the end of class. She set everyone working on new sonnets and wandered toward Nari’s desk. Nari sensed her before she spoke. Poetry wasn’t quite as bad as pre-calc. She understood it, she used it to write her lyrics, but the teacher bored her to tears, and she always found herself unable to pay attention. “Ms. Song.” Mrs. Locke clasped her hands behind her back and leaned forward to get a look at Nari’s work. A single line was scrawled across the top of the page. The teacher lowered her voice, but Nari knew the classmates on either side of her could hear. “Your grade is depending on the midterm exam. Would you like me to find someone to work with you over break?” What was it with these teachers and tutors? Nari looked up at her through her glasses. “I think I can handle it.” Mrs. Locke pursed her lips. “I’m not sure you understand the importance of this test.” Yeah, Nari thought. Because one test was going to be the end of the world. But she pasted on a smile. “I understand it perfectly.” Mrs. Locke clucked her tongue. “We want you to succeed, dear.” Of course, she did. They all wanted her to succeed. Her parents. Her teachers. They just didn’t care what she saw as success. A familiar anger curled in her gut, but, as always, she held it back. It wouldn’t do for the small, quiet girl to unleash everything she thought of them, of this town. Peyton glanced at her through a curtain of hair as she bent over her work. Worry lit in her gaze. The final bell rang, and Nari didn’t wait for Mrs. Locke to say anything else as

she grabbed her books and bolted from the room. She needed it to end. Their worry. Their looks. They all said the right things, trying to make her think they believed she could be better than she was. But they didn’t. Not really. School had never been her thing. The book was written. The movie was done. They thought they saw the ending coming. But they didn’t know her. She’d give them a twist to the story. She’d ace every last one of their stupid tests if she had to study the entire break. She ed her locker without stopping. Avery stood a few rows down, his back to her, as he laughed at something one of the cheerleaders said. Nari stopped and cleared her throat. Avery didn’t notice. “Avery.” She clenched her jaw in determination. He turned slowly, the smile he’d had for the cheerleader dropping. She tapped her foot, showing her displeasure at losing his attention. “Bye, Lyndz.” He didn’t even look at her as he dismissed her. Lyndzey let out a huff and turned on her heel, practically stomping away. “Time’s a-ticking, Song.” Avery glanced at his nonexistent watch. “I can see biting words just bursting to get out. Please tell me what I’ve done wrong now.” She breathed in deeply. “I’ll do it.” His entire body stilled except for the slow smile spreading across his lips. He shut his locker and leaned his shoulder against it, crossing his legs at the ankle. “Do what?” He was going to make her say it. She couldn’t. “Never mind. This was dumb.” She turned, but he gripped her wrist to make her face him again. This time, there was no humor in his dark eyes. “Nari,” he growled. Her voice dropped to an almost inaudible whisper. “I’ll kiss you.” Her first kiss. She scrubbed a hand across her face. What was she doing?

Avery grasped her chin and tilted her face up. It seemed he had a habit of doing that. Feeling the eyes of their classmates on her, Nari stepped back, widening the space between them. “One kiss,” she whispered, not wanting anyone to know how pathetic she was. “You can take a picture. But I want two tutoring sessions.” He crossed his arms. “And here I was thinking my winter break was going to be boring without the ski trip.” “No.” She shook her head. “I want this over this week before school is out. Then everyone can forget about me and our”—she swallowed—“kiss while they’re on vacation.” “Okay.” He reached forward and took the books from her arms. “What are you doing?” “Being nice?” “I thought you said you weren’t a good guy,” she blurted as he walked toward her locker. How did he know which one was hers? He stopped, waiting for her to open it. “Maybe I want to be.” He shrugged. Nari didn’t believe him. She didn’t know what game he was playing, but she’d figure it out. Maybe he wanted to show Meghan he wasn’t the tool who dumped her. Maybe… Ugh, she didn’t know. What she did know was she couldn’t trust this side of him, the side she’d searched for in the two years since Cooper’s death. This version of Avery was not the same boy who’d begged his mom to make her cookies when she was sick at eight years old or the one who chased Cooper through the yard because Coop made fun of her glasses. Now, she didn’t know who he was. The boy next door was more a stranger than he’d ever been. A stranger she now had to kiss.

She closed her locker and turned to him. “Um…so…when…” “Tonight.” “Tonight,” she repeated. Yippee.

8

Avery

Nicky: Catching a ride home with a friend.

Avery rolled his eyes at his brother’s text.

Avery: K, let me know these things before I wait on you for a half hour.

Nicky: Sorry. Distracted. TTYL.

Now that Avery didn’t have football or Meghan as an excuse not to go home, he

found himself racking his brain for something to do after school. He’d told Nari he wanted to get Meghan back, and part of him did, just so he wouldn’t be alone. But that wasn’t what he really wanted. Avery had no idea what he wanted anymore. His mind kept drifting to thoughts of his tutoring session with Nari. For some reason, he was nervous about their deal. “Get it together, man. It’s just a kiss.” Just a way to get everyone off his back about Meghan moving on so quickly after the breakup. But it was going to be Nari’s first kiss ever, and he was making a complete mockery of it. Why was he even doing this fake kiss thing? He could get just about any girl to make out with him and take pics. Why was he so insistent that it should be Nari? Because you want to kiss her, you idiot. There was nothing fake about it. Avery wanted Nari’s first kiss to be with him. And he wanted to make it special. But it was never going to happen naturally. Nari hated his guts… And he needed that photo. It would anger Meghan more than anything else would. It would tell his friends he wasn’t sitting at home licking his wounds. Avery drove aimlessly around town wondering what people without social lives did with their time. He thought about going to the Main, but it brought back painful memories of hanging out with Coop and all their friends there. And Nari would almost certainly be there waiting with Cam for Peyton to get off work. Avery ended up back home well before he wanted to be there. As he pulled down the long drive, he heard shouts from the garage. “Great. More drama with Pop.” “Come on, kid, give your old man a ride into town. It’ll be fun.” Avery shook his head, watching Nicky try to get their father out of his car. It wasn’t even four o’clock, and he was already drinking. And driving. Nicky never drove his flashy yellow sports car unless he had to. He’d left it at the party neither of them spoke about, but he must have gotten a ride from someone else to pick it up. The car stayed in the garage most of the time, but it looked like Grayson had tried to take the car out for a spin. It sat parked half on the paved driveway and half in the shrubs planted along the edge of the house. Another few feet and he’d have plowed right into the brick house.

“Let’s take this chick magnet out for a spin, Nicky. Let your ol’ pop show you how to pick up girls. You just need a little tutoring.” “Jeez, Pop, leave him alone.” Avery slammed his car door. “What? He’s a handsome kid. He should be beating them off with a stick..” “One, that statement is just gross and archaic. And two, you know Nicky is gay. Why are you such a disgusting homophobe?” “What? I love my little Nick-Nick.” Grayson’s shoulders fell. “I just want him to be happy. We just need to toughen him up a little.” Oh great, we’ve got emotional-drunk Pop today. “Nicky, go to your room. I’ll handle him.” Avery sighed. This was not how he’d wanted to spend his afternoon. “No. I’m sick of this.” Nicky shook his head. “Why are you always trying to change me, Pop?” Nicky asked. “You think because I like to kiss guys that somehow makes me less of one? News flash, Pop, gay doesn’t mean girly. It’s about the person, not stereotypes.” “Don’t talk to your father like that, Nicky. You’re too young to be making such a big decision.” Grayson’s hands trembled as he sipped from his hip flask. “I’ve seen how hard it is for the gays. I don’t want that for my boy. Nicky just needs to meet the right girl.” “You should hear yourself,” Avery said, leaning against the hood of his car, legs crossed at the ankle. “You sound like a bigot.” “No, he is a bigot,” Nicky said, hugging his arms around his middle like he needed to protect himself from his own father. “If you think it’s a choice, you’re even more pathetic than I thought.” “Nick…” Grayson swayed on his feet, looking lost. “I just don’t want that struggle for you, son. I want you to have a normal life. You’re just…too young, and you can’t come back from something like that. I’m a good dad. I am. I love my boys. I make sure you have everything you could ever want, and you throw it back in my face like you don’t even want it.” He flung his hand out at the car to

make his point. “Normal?” Nicky’s face went bright red. “What makes you think the gays aren’t normal?” “Why don’t you drive your car, Nicky? I went to so much trouble to find it for you. I thought it would help.” “Help with what, Pop? I’m not broken. There is nothing wrong with me, darn it.” “Stop, Nicky.” Avery held up his hand. “There’s no use arguing with him. He’s just a drunk.” “I am not a drunk.” Grayson’s eyes grew wide, like his son had just slapped him. “You need to sell this car, Pop. Nicky hates it. If you knew him at all, you would know he prefers simple things. And if you care about him at all, you will stop treating him like crap for being who he is.” “You don’t like the car?” Grayson turned toward Nicky. “I thought you’d love it.” “You let me pick out my car, Pop,” Avery reminded him. “You took me car shopping on my sixteenth birthday and let me choose.” “But when it was my turn, you rolled up in this douche-mobile talking about how all the girls would be all over me,” Nicky said. “Who wants a date who only likes you for your car? Do you even know me, Pop? That is not what I’m about.” “But you loved the movies when you were a kid,” Grayson said, scratching his head in confusion. “What the hell is he talking about?” Nicky looked to Avery for answers. “Oh,” Avery said, pushing off the side of his car. He got it now. “Nicky, Pop didn’t buy you this hideous yellow car because he thought you needed help getting girls. He bought it because you loved the Transformers movies when you were a kid. You were obsessed with Bumblebee.” It was kind of sweet in a weird way. It was totally something their father would have done sober, but drunk Pop had managed to screw it up.

Nicky’s face paled, and he looked like he was going to be sick. “I’m sorry, Nick-Nick. We’ll sell the car and get you something you like.” Grayson’s shoulders slumped in defeat. “Pop, when are you going to do something to help yourself?” Nicky asked. “I’d take that any day over a car or anything else you could buy me.” “I’m all right, Nick. Just going through a rough patch.” “No, Pop. You aren’t,” Avery said. “You haven’t been all right in a long time. What’s it going to take to get through to you? What’s your rock bottom going to look like? You don’t have that far to fall, so what’s your plan when you get there? Because I don’t think we’re all going to be there to pull you out. We’re just tired. So freaking tired of this mess our family has become.” Grayson stared at his sons, blinking in surprise before he turned and shuffled back into his workshop and slammed the door. “Come on, Nicky. Let’s get out of here. Take the keys to Bumblebee with you. The last thing he needs is another DUI.”

“Where are we going?” Nicky asked, his voice hollow. He sat with his eyes downcast and his hands twisting in his lap. Avery paused at the red light not sure what to do anymore. He wanted to protect his brother, but when his worst enemy was their own father, how could he possibly shield Nicky from that? Their home was supposed to be a safe place. There was one place that had always been his safe haven. Avery picked up his phone and typed out a quick text before the light changed.

Avery: Bad day at home, can I hideout at your place for a while? Me and Nicky?

Beckett: Sure, you know you guys are always welcome. I’ll meet you there in a few. Just left work.

“We’re meeting Becks at his house,” Avery said, taking a right turn at the light to head back across town. “Sure. Whatever,” Nicky said. “You know those things Pop says,” Avery started. “Don’t try to tell me he doesn’t mean it.”

“I don’t even pretend to know what goes through his head anymore. I just… You don’t think I think that way. About you?” Avery winced. He wasn’t any more articulate than their drunk father. “I guess, until the last couple of days, I didn’t really know what you thought.” Nicky shrugged. “You never said much about it when I came out.” “Nicky. I…” Avery gripped the wheel as he drove, trying to think of the words his brother needed to hear. “When you came out last year, I was barely keeping it together.” “You lost your best friend, I know you were dealing with your own stuff.” Nicky sighed. “That night… I lost Coop in more ways than one. And I was so angry. So freaking angry I pushed everyone away. I couldn’t anything about that night. Between the booze and the accident, the whole thing was a blur. Nothing in the papers matched what I thought I knew about what happened on that bridge.” “You changed after Coop’s funeral,” Nicky said. “You turned into a first-class douche-nugget. Especially after you started dating Meghan.” Avery laughed. “Yeah, I suppose I did, but these last few months, It’s like I’m finally coming up for air. I feel more like me again.” “What changed?” Nicky asked, shifting in his seat to face Avery. “You a couple of months ago when I had Saturday detention?” “Yeah, Mom grounded you for two weeks for fighting at school. She was so mad you hit Cam.” “Well, I had detention with Peyton and Cam, so I was forced into this situation with two people I used to be friends with that I hated.” “Why would you hate them? They’re like the nicest people in the world.” “Peyton kicked us out of the party that night. We wouldn’t have been in that car if she’d kept her cool. But all this time, I blamed Cam for Cooper’s death. I

Cam was the one driving that night. I it so clearly, but I overheard Peyton and Cam talking in the principal’s office and found out Coop was the one drinking and driving that night. My best friend put all of our lives at risk without a second thought. It’s his own fault he died and ruined Cam’s shot at the Olympics. It just gutted me, man. I have a lot of lingering bad stuff in my head when it comes to Coop. We were best friends, but he wasn’t always the golden boy of Twin Rivers like everyone thought he was. Coop had a darker side, especially when he drank, and that night, he was worse than I’d ever seen him. It was one reason I was so drunk at that party, I didn’t know how to handle him anymore.” “Why are you telling me all this now?” Nicky asked. “I want you to understand where I’ve been, so caught up in my own pain, I didn’t have anything left over for you, Nicky. And I’m so sorry for that.” “It’s okay, man. I get it.” Nicky fiddled with his jacket zipper, looking out the window. “No, it’s not okay, little man. But knowing what actually happened that night has helped me get my crap together—well, at least I’m working on it now. I wasn’t there for you when you came out, but I’m here for you now, and I will never let Pop talk to you like that again.” Nicky nodded. “Thanks, bro, that means a lot.” “You’re one of the bravest people I know. But if you ever need me, I’ve got your back.” “Okay, we’re good, Ave.” Nicky laughed. “Enough with the emotional stuff already.” “All right, let’s go find Becks.”

“What’s your poison, boys?” Becks asked, his head buried in the refrigerator. “We’ve got some fresh-brewed blueberry Kombucha.” He popped his head back out of the fridge. “Don’t listen to him, Nicky, it tastes like crap,” Avery said. “It’s an acquired taste, and it’s good for digestion.” “That doesn’t change the taste, Becks.” Avery took a seat at the kitchen counter beside Nicky. “Okay, I’ve got sparkling water, Diet Coke, and I think there’s some Kool-Aid in here somewhere. And beer, but I’m guessing that’s a no for you guys.” “Definitely a no,” Nicky said. “How about water?” “I…don’t have bottled water.” Becks’ shoulders sagged. “I have iced tea?” “Tea’s good.” Avery laughed. There was something about his friend that always set him at ease. He could already feel the tension of the afternoon leaving his body, and Nicky seemed more relaxed too. “Nice outfit, but what’s with the apron?” Nicky asked as Becks poured three glasses of iced tea. Becks was sporting black sweatpants and a blue T-shirt with an orange apron that read ”Kiss the cook.” “You are in for a treat, Nicky, my friend. You’re in the presence of an awardwinning grill master.” Becks took a bow. “A junior blue ribbon at the county fair three years ago isn’t exactly award winning,” Avery said. “Liar.” Becks brandished his barbecue fork at him. “It was second place.” “He does cook a good steak.” “That’s more like it.” He turned his fork on Nicky. “Don’t break my heart and

tell me you’re a vegan or some sort of pescatarian—whatever that is—because I don’t think we could be friends.” Becks winked. “Okay, we probably could be, but you’d go pretty hungry in my house.” “I’m starving,” Nicky said. “And I’ll eat just about anything.” “First a toast.” Becks raised his glass. “To our awful parents and their even more awful ways.” “Cheers to that,” Nicky murmured. “I have a deadbeat mom, so I get it,” Becks said in his serious voice. “She likes the pills. She once left me and Wylder in the car to go meet her dealer and then forgot where she parked. Took her an hour to find us. Dad took us and left not long after, and I now have a pretty awesome stepmom. But bio mom comes around every so often claiming to be clean. It’s usually BS, and she’s just looking for money.” That was the thing Avery liked the most about his friend. He knew what having an addict for a parent was like, and he never asked questions when Avery needed an escape. Becks was always there to take his mind off everything. “Let’s go boys, I got the fire pit going out back, and we have the house to ourselves while the parents are clo the hardware store and Wylder is off doing who knows what with her little brat pack.” Avery and Nicky followed Becks to the rear deck where lounge seats circled a blazing fire in a stone pit. “Avery, have a seat while I throw some steaks and veggies on the grill. Nicholas, I need your assistance—I can call you Nicholas, right?” “It’s not my name, but whatever.” Nicky’s face flushed pink, and Avery wondered if his brother might have a little bit of a crush on Becks. “What’s Nicky short for?” “Uh, Nicky.” He shrugged with a laugh. “I’m going to call you Nicholas,” Becks continued. “I need you to make the

veggie kabobs while I work on the steaks so everything gets done about the same time. I’d make Avery help, but he isn’t allowed near my grill. He almost blew us up last time.” “Did not.” “Did too. I was in the kitchen and asked him to come light the grill. I look out the window and your brother is inside a freaking fireball.” “What?” Nicky laughed, spearing the veggies on kabob sticks. “It was just a flash,” Avery said. “A flash that singed your eyebrows and darn near gave me a stroke. I’m too delicate for that kind of stress.” “Delicate, sure.” Avery swatted his friend with a dishtowel. “Okay, so I have one rule—” “Besides the one about Avery not using the grill?” Nicky asked. “Okay, I have two rules,” Becks said. “This is steak club. No one talks about heavy stuff at steak club. No awful parents or even more awful ex-girlfriends.” He pointed his fork at Avery again. “This is a stress-free zone for at least a few hours, so I just have one question for Nicky.” “Shoot,” Nicky said, wiping his hands on the dish towel. “What is with that ridiculous car you drive?” “Pick another question, Becks.” Avery and Nicky laughed. “All right then, this one’s for Avery. What are you doing tutoring Nari?” “What?” Nicky turned to face his brother. “Where did you hear that?” Avery frowned.

“A little birdy told me. You know I hear everything.” “That’s none of your business.” “Wait,” Nicky said. “Nari doesn’t need a tutor—and even if she did, she sure as hell wouldn’t pick you.” “We’re not talking about this.” Avery moved to put another log on the fire. “End of discussion.” “Avery, she is my friend. I swear if you do anything to hurt her—” “Then me and Nicky are going to have words with you, man,” Becks said. “Nari is a sweet girl. She’s not like those girls you date. Chicks like Meghan act like they’re eighteen going on thirty, but Nari is the real deal. She doesn’t deserve to be used to make Meghan jealous. She deserves a guy who wants to treat her well, and you’re just not that guy, Avery.”

9

Nari

I have to do something today. Something I’m not sure I want to do. In fact, it downright scares me. See, I’ve always wanted to stay invisible. If no one sees me, they won’t notice how I stumble over my words or how I’d rather live in a fictional world than the real one. But now, everyone will look at me. They’re going to laugh, and I’m not sure I can handle that. I know, I know. I’ve told you before that I have a secret identity that puts me in the spotlight. No, I still won’t say what that is, only that it’s different. It isn’t me. During those times, I get to be somebody else. But today, when I’m doing this thing I don’t want to do, there won’t be another life to hide behind. I guess what I’m trying to say is wish me luck. If you don’t hear from me again, it’s probably because I’ve died of embarrassment. —@KeyboardingIsLife #AlwaysHiding

Nari read over her words one final time before hitting the post button. As it did every time she used the No BS app, the tension wriggled free of her body. She’d gotten in the habit of posting often even before knowing her best friend created the safe place to say anything on her mind. The people behind those screen names understood her. Yes, yes, she wasn’t an idiot. She knew they were the same kids who walked

through the halls of Twin Rivers High. Some of them might have been her tormentors themselves. But it didn’t matter because the words they wrote in their posts were real, honest, raw. She leaned her head on her arm as she scrolled through posts on her home page. She didn’t know how long she’d been lying on her bed before her mother burst in. “Nari.” She threw a dish towel over her shoulder and crossed her arms. “If you aren’t working on schoolwork, then you’re just wasting time.” Nari sighed. Yes, far be it from her to read and try to feel as if she fit in. If she voiced that thought to her mother, she’d get some response about how she wasn’t meant to fit in. She was special. Nari didn’t feel special. When she’d told her mom Avery was coming over to tutor her, she swore her mom almost leaped for joy. That would’ve been a sight. Apparently, those St. Germaine kids could do no wrong. She’d never even questioned Avery’s ability to teach Nari. Becks had. She didn’t know why she told him, but it was better than letting Peyton and Cam know she was about to hang out with the guy who’d ditched them two years before. Beckett had dipped his head to meet her eyes, searching for something she didn’t know. She almost lost herself in the beauty of his gaze. She didn’t have feelings for Becks, but he was sure something to look at. And he was worried, protective, even though Avery was his best friend. Maybe Nari had just wanted someone to know in case she didn’t come out of this tutoring session—this kiss—alive. Okay, now she was just being dramatic. She glanced at the clock, realizing Avery was half an hour late. Rolling from her bed, she faced her mom. “I’m sorry, Umma. Would you like some help cleaning up from dinner?” She’d excused Nari from her chores, claiming schoolwork was more important.

“No. You have a piano piece to practice before Mr. Chen comes back in two days.” Mr. Chen was the ever-serious man who’d taught Nari everything she knew about classical music. It was in spite of him, not because of him, that she loved playing so much. Not his dry, technically advanced pieces. No, she preferred Becks’ more vibrant songs. Nari had even written the piano pieces for a few of them. She’d never tell her mother that, though. Trudging through the house, she entered the front room. A velvet carpet sat in the center over the hardwood floor. The most uncomfortable couch they owned rested up against a wide window across from the piano. Nari plunked her butt down on the piano bench and slid the fallboard back. She shuffled through the basket of sheet music beside the bench before pulling free the piece she’d spent too little time practicing. She could only imagine Mr. Chen’s pinched expression when she played it for him later this week. Settling her fingers against the bone-white keys, she warmed up with a simple melody before diving into the harder piece, cringing when it didn’t sound as it should. She let her arms relax as her fingers flew over the keys. It might not sound as good as it should, but her playing was effortless. Playing piano was the only time Nari felt as if she was good at anything. She knew she had talent. For once, she wasn’t the bumbling nerd, the girl who wasn’t going anywhere in life. She didn’t have to try so hard just to be mediocre like in her classes. Stillness moved through her, a peace not even Rachmaninoff’s difficult concertos could take from her. It was how she felt on stage. Like she could do anything. A floorboard creaked behind her, and her hands froze, the music cutting off. Releasing a shaky breath, she turned on her seat, her eyes finding Avery standing stock-still in the doorway, his eyes burning into her. His brow furrowed as if he was confused about something. Nari shifted, sliding the fallboard back into place. Avery took a step into the room. “That was…” He shook his head. “I didn’t

know you could do that.” Nari focused on her hands. “I…um… That wasn’t very good. I haven’t been practicing. Rachmaninoff is above my talent level.” She chewed on her lip, unable to look at him. “It was beautiful.” Finally, she lifted her eyes to his, the intensity of his gaze making the hair on her arms stand on end. The moment broke when Nari’s mother bustled in, her eyes lighting up at the sight of Avery. “Avery, welcome to our home.” She shot Nari a look. “I’m sorry about my daughter. She seems to have forgotten her manners.” Avery shrugged, turning on the charm. “No worries, Mrs. Song. Nari doesn’t need manners when she plays like that.” “It would be better if she practiced.” Nari had said the same thing, yet embarrassment washed over her at her mother’s critique in front of Avery. “Nah.” Avery grinned, placing an arm around her mom’s shoulders. “It was perfect. Just like that smell. Are you baking?” An uncharacteristic blush crept up Nari’s mom’s cheeks. “I’m making maejakgwa.” Avery fist pumped the air, still not releasing Nari’s mom. “Ginger cookies. My favorite.” “I . You used to eat my entire batch.” She laughed, and Nari wondered what alien had replaced her mom. “Come, I’ll show you to Nari’s room. You can wait there while she gets some cookies and drinks.” “What am I now? His servant?” Neither of them heard her as they continued to chat and walk down the hall. What just happened? When they were kids, she and Avery made a habit out of sneaking around to steal her mom’s cookies. It became a game. Her mom always knew, and Nari would be chastised. But never Avery.

She walked into the kitchen and transferred some cookies from the tray to a plate before grabbing a bottle of seltzer water for herself and a root beer for Avery. Some things you never forgot. The dread she’d felt earlier entered her stomach again. When would he kiss her? How would he kiss her? Nari was going to kiss Avery St. Germaine, the boy she’d known her whole life who she was supposed to hate. She waited for the revulsion to come as she pushed open her door, but it was annoyance that hit her as she saw Avery sitting on the edge of her bed next to her open computer. That’s right. Avery was nothing more than an annoying neighbor. She dropped the plate and plastic bottles on her desk. “Were you on my computer?” “No.” She couldn’t read the look in his eyes enough to tell if he was lying. Closing her laptop, she picked it up and moved it to her desk before dropping into her desk chair. Avery’s brow creased. “You can sit on the bed. I promise I won’t bite.” “I’m fine here.” She wished her voice didn’t sound so squeaky. “Suit yourself.” He sprawled out across her bed. “Oh crap, that’s comfortable.” “Can we, uh, start?” He lifted his head to look at her. “Not yet, okay? I’ve had a perfectly craptastic day and could use a few minutes just to chill.” Nari rested her chin on the back of the chair, watching as Avery closed his eyes and released a breath. “Why was your day so…crappy?” She didn’t know why she asked. It wasn’t the kind of thing she talked to Avery about. Schoolwork, that was why they were here. Yet, she couldn’t help wondering what could possibly put so much tension in the face of a boy like him. “Stop looking at me like that.” He sighed.

“Like what?” “Like you don’t believe someone like me could have a bad day.” Something popped into her mind. His father. Although, everyone fought with their parents. Nari couldn’t the last time she’d had a real conversation with either of hers. Her dad was too lost in his own brilliant mind, and her mom couldn’t go more than a few sentences without some sort of criticism. But she never had a doubt they loved her. Avery rolled onto his stomach to look at her, his shirt riding up to reveal his toned back. “I really don’t want to talk about it.” Nari averted her eyes. Avery was not attractive. Only, he was. She’d known that since he hit puberty. She just hadn’t allowed herself to truly look. His high cheekbones gave him a European look. Emerald-green eyes watched everything, saw everything. And his hair…just shaggy enough, making every girl in school want to run their fingers through it. “Kiss,” Nari blurted, not quite believing herself. “What?” Avery grinned as if he found her highly amusing. Nari had to think quickly. “Um…do you like KISS? I was going to put some music on.” Avery didn’t bother to hide his laugh. “Nari, you don’t like KISS.” “Um, of course, I do?” “Was that a question?” He raised an eyebrow. Nari turned away from him to open her computer and pull up Spotify. She typed in KISS. She’d never actually listened to them before, and she cringed as a scream echoed out of her speakers. Hands landed on her shoulders, squeezing lightly. Avery leaned down, his lips

near her ear as he reached forward to type on the keyboard, changing the music to Parachute. “Much more my speed,” he said, lingering over her. Nari couldn’t control her own actions as she shot from the chair, her head colliding with his chin. Avery released a curse. “I’m so sorry.” Nari couldn’t believe she’d done that. “I swear, I’m a hazard to all mankind. I’m such a poop.” A laugh burst from Avery’s lips as he continued to rub his chin. “A poop?” He laughed again, clutching his stomach as he bent forward. “You talk like you’re five years old.” “I wasn’t allowed to say poop at five.” “Oh, I .” In her house, they’d had to call it the P word. Surprisingly enough, it was one of the least ridiculous rules her mom had. Avery flopped back on the bed. “When the rest of us were discovering curse words, you were still not saying bodily functions.” He lifted his head to meet her gaze. “Do you still do lingual gymnastics to avoid cursing?” She sat back in her chair and hugged her arms across her chest. “No.” “You keep lying to me, Nari.” He sat up. “Go on. I want to hear you curse.” She shook her head. “Nari. They’re just words.” “Yeah, words with bad meanings.” “Nah, they mean whatever you want them to. If you’re talking about a female dog, would you say—” “Stop.” Nari squirmed in her seat. She wouldn’t give in. She sucked in a breath, clamping her lips shut. He grinned at her refusal. “There’s time to corrupt you yet.”

Nari leaned back against the edge of her desk. “What if I don’t want to change?” At that, Avery’s face shut down. No more laughs. No more smiles. His entire body stiffened. “Sometimes, we don’t get a choice.” What just happened? Nari twisted her fingers in the ends of her hair as she studied Avery who suddenly wouldn’t meet her eyes. He’d changed a long time ago from the sweet boy who didn’t care about status or image. He’d only wanted his friends. Then he lost one of them. That had to be it. Cooper’s death, the accident, it forced change on all of them. He stared at the ceiling, his face hard as stone, as she stood and slid onto the bed beside him. “Avery.” She didn’t know why, but a part of her had to make it better for him. For two years, she’d watched him become a different person. Images of that night flashed through her mind. An accident she saw but hadn’t known would change the lives of people she loved. Avery didn’t move, so she spoke again. “Avery, look at me.” Still, he wouldn’t. It wasn’t until she slid her hand into his that Avery turned his head. Ghosts lived in his eyes. She knew Avery only ed bits and pieces of the accident. He’d been too drunk. But it still haunted him. “Are you okay?” He squeezed her hand. “Yeah.” Sitting up, he moved from the bed to the chair she’d vacated. “Avery, we used to be friends. I won’t pretend we’re anything more than neighbors now, but just know you can talk to me. If it’s about that night…” “Jeez, Nari,” Avery snapped. “Do you have to bring that up? You’re right. We aren’t friends, and I don’t want to be. Maybe we should just study.” He stuffed a ginger cookie in his mouth and eyed her textbooks. His words bit into Nari, and she no longer had any desire to study with him. Avery was a jerk of the biggest kind. “I think you should go.” He swallowed. “What? We had a deal. I’ll help you study.”

“No. You’re right. This isn’t going to work when we can barely stand each other. You can take the cookies with you. I don’t care. Just go.” She climbed off the bed and walked to the window, keeping her back to him. “I…” “Leave.” She didn’t know where her anger came from, but at that moment, it was all she had. Avery could barely stand to be in her presence. He made that clear. She was just the nerdy girl he seemed to think he could use to make the cheerleader jealous. “No.” His voice was rough. Nari turned on her heel, ready to confront him, not realizing he stood behind her. Her chest collided with his, and she sucked in a breath. His green eyes bore into her as he reached a hand up to straighten her glasses. “Avery.” She hated the desperation in her voice, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as the tears building in her eyes. He’d abandoned her once Cooper died. Not only that, he’d turned into a person she didn’t recognize. One who made fun of people like her. She hated him for it. An angry tear tracked down her cheek. “I want you to go.” Avery gave a tiny shake of his head, inching closer. His pupils dilated. “Not before I do this.” His mouth descended on hers so fast she didn’t know what was happening. Nari’s lips stilled as he pressed a soft kiss to them. When she didn’t respond, he started to pull back. Her hands moved of their own accord, winding around the back of his neck. She had no idea what she was doing, but her lips mimicked his movements, parting just enough for him to take control. His hands ran down her back, stopping just above her butt, as he held her in place. She pressed herself closer, and a moan sounded low in his throat. Avery’s tongue touched hers, and Nari jumped back out of his arms, her chest heaving. What was that?

Avery’s bewildered eyes met hers, looking just as unsure as she felt. “Uh, we forgot the camera.” His voice shook. Oh, right. The camera. That was why he did it. Nari had almost allowed herself to forget Avery’s self-serving reasons for kissing her in the first place. She removed her glasses, not wanting to see him, and cleaned them on her shirt. She resisted the urge to touch her lips, to let herself think about her very first kiss. Avery St. Germaine. It would take a while to wrap her head around the fact it was him. Avery crossed the room to where he’d put his phone on her desk, returning to her only a moment later. “I know the deal was one kiss, but…” “But you need a picture.” She sighed. He nodded. Nari pushed down her nerves, focusing on his lips and the way they tugged up into the sexiest half smile. No! Avery was not sexy. He was a means to an end. ing her exams. Graduating high school. Getting out of Twin Rivers. She nodded once and planted her feet in front of him. Avery held out his phone to capture them both and shuffled closer, his free hand gripping her hip, and pulled her to him. This time when he kissed her, it contained none of the fire she’d felt moments before. There was no desperation. No groans or need to be closer. They pressed their lips together just long enough for him to snap the picture and then jumped apart. Avery typed into his phone, probably sending the picture to the girl he really wanted to kiss. Nari sat on the corner of her bed, feeling more inadequate than she ever had. Avery slid his phone into his pocket. “Ready to study?” She only shook her head.

“Nari.” “Not tonight, okay? Another night.” Avery’s lips pursed, and he looked almost…disappointed? “You still want me to leave after—” “Yes.” His jaw clenched. “Sure, Nari. Whatever you want.” He didn’t even bother to take the cookies she knew he loved as he left her room behind. Nari laid back, flinching at the sound of the front door slamming shut. She had to be imagining things. Avery had seemed…hurt. And she didn’t know why. There was a time she could read him better than anyone. But those kids grew up. They became different people, ones who had nothing in common. She barely heard the music anymore as every word Avery said over the last hour rang in her ears. It was beautiful. There’s time to corrupt you yet. Sometimes we don’t get a choice. She didn’t bother to change into pajamas or wish her mom goodnight. She wanted to just forget the entire evening and let herself sink into sleep. She didn’t know what time it was when the ringing of her phone woke her. She groped around the bed, looking for her phone. Once she found it underneath her pillow, she answered it without looking at the screen. “Nari!” Nari groaned at the volume of Peyton’s voice. “Yeah?” “Were you going to tell me?” She huffed.

“Tell you what?” Nari rubbed her eyes, noticing the light coming in from her window. “What time is it?” “Don’t you change the subject, Nari Won Song.” She could picture Peyton twisting her hands in her long hair and tapping her foot. Nari held the phone away from her face, waiting a moment for her eyes to focus on the screen. Six a.m.. Too early. She had at least another half hour before she had to get up to dress for school. “Peyton.” She groaned. “It’s way too early for me to guess what you’re talking about.” “You and Avery.” She said it as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “What about me and Avery?” She sat up at that, her mind clearing. “Check Facebook, and then tell me you’re not hiding anything from me.” Nari sighed and scooted to the end of her bed to reach toward her desk for her computer. Flipping it open, she pulled Facebook up. “What am I looking for exactly?” “Meghan’s page.” That sent a wave of unease over Nari. “I don’t think I’m friends with Meghan.” “Oh, don’t you worry. She made it public.” Nari’s hands flew over the keys, and as soon as Meghan’s page came up, she saw it. The picture of her and Avery kissing was posted front and center at the top of her page, and she’d tagged Twin Rivers High, meaning everyone would see it. Her blood ran cold. This wasn’t the deal. They were supposed to make Meghan jealous, not show the entire school. “Do you see it?” Peyton asked. Nari had almost forgotten she was there. “Yeah, Pey, I see it.” “I’m annoyed you wouldn’t tell me you had the hots for Avery, but that isn’t the

issue at hand. I want to shove that comment from Meghan down her throat and make her choke on it.” Nari almost told her to calm down. Violence wasn’t like Peyton. But then she saw the words she hadn’t noticed before. Under the photo there was a caption.

Avery has always loved community service. #BeautyAndTheNerd #WashYourMouthOut

Nari slammed the computer shut as soon as she saw the number of comments under the picture. She wouldn’t let herself read them. “Peyton.” A sob clogged in her throat. If anyone knew what it was like to be ridiculed at Twin Rivers High, it was Nari’s best friend. “I’m sorry, Nari. Even if I think you’re insane for letting Avery anywhere near you… Even if I want to lock you up and knock some sense into you for wanting to date him—” “Pey, I don’t want to date him.” Peyton was quiet for a moment before she spoke again, her voice low. “Did he force you to kiss him?” “No! It wasn’t like that.” Nari buried her face in her hands even though Peyton couldn’t see her. “It was…” Should she tell her? Show her just how pathetic her friend really was? If anyone else at school found out… “It was what, Nari?” Nari sighed. “A mistake. It was a mistake. He doesn’t see me that way.” Peyton made a sound in the back of her throat. “Well, I always knew he was an idiot.” She paused. “You didn’t say you don’t see him like that.”

“I don’t.” The words came too quickly. Nari didn’t think she liked Avery. He was arrogant and could be downright cruel. And he knew just how to push her buttons. But that kiss… She’d never forget that. The second one was clinical and dry, but the first was something else entirely. She touched her lips. Had that really happened, or was she imagining the heat between them? “Nari, did I lose you?” Peyton sounded amused. “No, I’m here.” Meghan’s caption came back to her. A charity case. That was what the entire school would think of her. “I don’t think I can go to school today.” “Perfect. I’m coming over. We can do a girls’ day.” “Peyton, you never skip.” Peyton’s voice was chipper. “Exactly. It’s almost Christmas break of our senior year. I’m going to miss my best friend when I’m at MIT next year. We need a day.” Nari smiled. She didn’t know where she’d be after graduation, but she did know she’d miss Peyton. A lot. And right now, she needed her friend to make her forget about the boy messing with her mind. “Yeah, Pey. Today is just us.” Peyton squealed, hanging up without another word. Nari relaxed back against her pillows, eyeing her computer as if it was the enemy. All she had to do was avoid Facebook and school for the day. It would all blow over, and people would forget the nerdy girl who’d let herself be used as a pawn to make a prettier, more popular girl jealous. Easy, right?

10

Avery

Avery has always loved community service. #BeautyAndTheNerd #WashYourMouthOut

Avery sat on the edge of his bed, staring at his phone, horrified. “What did I do?” The picture he took with Nari was supposed to be for Meghan and a few of their friends. He just wanted them off his back. It never occurred to him the whole school might see it, or that Meghan was hateful enough to turn it back on Nari. “What did I just tell you?” Nicky barged into his room. “Fix it. Fix it now, Avery. She doesn’t deserve this.” “I know, I know.” Avery groaned. “You don’t think Nari will see it, do you? I doubt she follows Meghan’s social media.” “That rampaging evil…pom pom…jerkface tagged the school so everyone has seen it by now.” “Have you been taking anti-cursing lessons from Nari?” “You can’t joke your way out of this. Fix it.” “How?” Avery threw his hands up. “I never meant for this to happen. I just

wanted everyone to shut up about Meghan and Drew.” “I don’t know, but you need to think of something quick.” Nicky sank down into Avery’s armchair by the window. “Why Nari? If you wanted to make Meghan jealous, you should have hooked up with Addison or Ashley.” “They’re all the same.” “Except she’s going to turn Nari into the year’s biggest joke by the end of the day.” “How did I never see this side of her?” He couldn’t imagine that the girl he’d once cared for could be this conniving, hateful jerk. “I think you were blinded by the boobs. You and every straight guy in our school.” “I’m more of a butt man, myself,” Avery said, thinking of the way Nari’s tiny waist flared her hips. She hid her body behind her modest clothes, and he found that far more intriguing than the skintight, too short kind of clothes Meghan always wore. “Where’d you go, man?” Nicky snapped his fingers. “Focus, we have a problem here. How are we going to fix it?” “We?” Avery asked. “She’s my friend. You’re my idiot brother who would never hurt a girl like Nari on purpose, so let’s find a way to turn this back on Meghan.” “Right. Get ready for school,” Avery finally said, rubbing his face in frustration. “I’ll talk to Nari first and do damage control there. Then we’ll figure out what to do about everyone else later.” As Nicky left the room, Avery grabbed his phone, launching the No BS app. He scrolled until he found what he was looking for. “I am such a jerk.” He clicked on the name —@KeyboardingIsLife. It was such a violation, even worse than what he’d already done, but he’d seen Nari’s post on her computer yesterday, and he wanted to see if she’d posted again.

I’m talking to the pretty people today. You know who you are. You’re the golden boys and girls of Twin Rivers High. What must it be like to be one of you? You fall on your face and you get up, taking a sweeping bow with that brilliant smile and by the next day, no one re you were ever not perfect. But the rest of us, way down in the caste system? We fall on our faces, and you NEVER let us forget it. You never fail to shove our faces in the dirt, standing on our backs to remind us of our place. That must be how you stay way up there among the clouds with all the sunshine, rainbows, and fresh air. Now I’m talking to the rest of us. The plebs and lowly untouchables. Why do we let them do it? Why do we care so much what they think? Oh right, the only way we survive unscathed is to let them have the spotlight while we do our best to remain in the shadows. —@KeyboardingIsLife #AlwaysHiding #SaferAmongTheFacelessMasses

Avery stared at her words, finally understanding her reluctance to kiss him. Taking a photo of it was just brutal on his part. Nari knew this would happen. So why did she do it? He’d dragged her into the spotlight with him, never realizing that was the last place she ever wanted to be.

Avery: Take the pic down. Now.

Meghan: No

Avery: I’m not kidding, Meghan. Now.

Meghan: You made sure I got that pic from Addie. Don’t act like you didn’t want me to post it.

“Darn it.” Avery tossed his phone onto his dresser, grabbing a pair of jeans from the floor. He had some groveling to do and a bitter ex-girlfriend to deal with. “Meghan really is awful,” Avery said, ing his brother in their living room. “See why I like boys now? Not nearly as much drama,” Nicky said as they headed down to the first floor. “Little man, you may have stumbled on to the most perfect reason to be gay. No girls.” “Unfortunately, boys have drama too.” Nicky sighed. “But at least yours is entertaining. For me, anyway.” “Glad my pain amuses you.” Avery grabbed his keys, glancing across the yard to Nari’s house, hoping to catch a glimpse of her on her way to school.

By second period, Avery realized Nari had skipped, and the whole school had lost their minds over that stupid kiss. Shouts of “where’s your charity case, Avery?” and “what were you thinking?” followed him everywhere he went. Even the nerds seemed appalled that he would step out of his lane with one of their own. Did these people not see the real Nari? She was beautiful and kind in such a genuine way—a way someone like Meghan would never be. He could not understand how their peers could react so aggressively about something that was none of their business. Except you made it their business when you took that photo and sent it to Addison to send it to Meghan. Meghan had evaded him all day, but by lunch, he was ready to kill her. “Take it down, Meghan.” Avery sent the girl sitting next to Meghan running for another chair. Fuming, he sat beside his ex-girlfriend. “Not going happen, Ave.” She sipped her Diet Coke through a straw, giving him that innocent wide-eyed stare that used to get her anything she wanted from him. Avery slammed his fist down on the table, making her flinch and the rest of the cafeteria fall silent. “You’re just mad I broke up with you!” “And you’re just mad I moved on without a backward glance.” “I don’t care who you’re screwing now. So why do you care so much about who I kiss?” “Oh, please, she’s nothing. You just picked a random nobody to make me jealous so I’d come crawling back to you.” That was how all of this started. Avery had wanted to make her jealous, and he knew Nari would be the one to get Meghan’s back up. But that was when he’d

wanted her back. Looking at Meghan now, he couldn’t find an attractive quality beyond her pretty face, but even that was a mask of makeup she hid behind. “Right, because I was the one to break up with you, I wanted you to come crawling back?” Avery stood, looking down on her. “I am not interested in being your boyfriend ever again. I don’t care if you make your way through all of my friends. I’ll even tell you who has the money and means to your lazy butt. But take your vicious claws out of my girlfriend’s back, and take the photo down. Now.” He shoved her phone into her hands. “Oh my gosh, you’re so ridiculous right now.” Meghan rolled her eyes, forcing a laugh to cover her humiliation. “I’ll take it down, but it’s all over the internet now. People have shared it a million times. It’s even up on that No BS app thing.” she tapped a few times and deleted the photo from her Facebook timeline. “Yeah, because you put it there.” He shoved her phone back into her hands. “You’re not done yet. Take it off No BS, Instagram, Twitter and wherever else you posted it.” “Ugh, you know I don’t use Twitter.” She tapped her phone, her face flushing as the whole school watched. “There, it’s done.” She threw her hands up. “Happy?” Avery took her phone and searched through her photos, deleting the one of his kiss with Nari. “We’re done.” Avery tossed her phone back on the table. “Leave me and my girlfriend alone.” “You can’t be serious?” She shrieked. “You expect me to believe you’re dating that little string bean after you’ve had this?” She gestured at her perfect body. “Come on, Avery, no one’s going to believe that.” “What can I say, I recently developed a taste for nice girls with killer butts.” Avery turned to leave. And I just made it worse. Avery walked out of the cafeteria, wondering what Nari would do when she found out he’d told the entire school she was his new girlfriend. He didn’t even do it on purpose. It just slipped out. Yep, she’s going to scratch my face off.

“That was brutal, man,” Nicky said, thumbing through his social media at all the replays of Avery’s tirade in the lunchroom. They sat in their t living room, something they hadn’t done in a long time. “I was too harsh.” Avery felt bad about the comments that were now focused on Meghan after her public freak-out. Nari was safely back in the shadows where she was more comfortable, but he still hadn’t talked to her yet. “No way. Meghan deserves it. She’s tortured countless kids at our school. It’s time she learns what it’s like to be the focus of attention for all the wrong reasons.” “Nari is going to kill me.” “Probably,” Nicky agreed. “But if you want my honest opinion, Nari would be good for you. You like her. It’s obvious.” “I don’t think she likes me like that. She hates the ‘golden people,’ and she thinks I’m one of them.” “You are.” “I don’t feel like it. And after today, I don’t want to be one of those a-holes.” “So, show Nari you can be real. She needs to know that being with you doesn’t mean she’s going to have to be the next Meghan. The next ‘it girl’ in the spotlight. That’s what she doesn’t want.” “I have to do something. And fast.” “No time like the present.” Nicky gave him a shove. “Just rip the Band-Aid off and tell her how you feel.” “Boys?” their mother called. “Can you come down here? I need to talk to you.” She sounded like she’d been crying.

“Uh-oh. You think this is it?” Nicky asked. “What?” Avery frowned at his brother. “You know, the talk.” “What talk?” Avery stepped into the hallway with Nicky right behind him. “The ‘I’m divorcing your drunk-ass father’ talk,” Nicky whispered. “Maybe,” Avery sighed, not in the mood for any more drama. “Where’s Pop?” Nicky asked as they filed into the study. “Asleep.” She cast her eyes down at the desk. “What’s this about, Mom?” Avery sat on the couch opposite the desk. “I have some difficult news to share with you boys.” Avery studied her face. She looked tired and stressed. “If it’s about leaving Pop, we understand,” Nicky said. “No, this isn’t about your father and me. Pop has problems, but I still love him, and I hope you boys do too.” “He makes it hard,” Avery said. “Listen, boys.” She moved to lean against the front of the desk. “We’ve tried to keep things from you. To protect you so you wouldn’t worry. Your father was in the NFL for years. He suffered so many physical injuries over his long career. He’s had surgeries and physical therapy. It’s hard on the body. Harder than most people even realize. But the concussions your father experienced did the most damage. Pop has something called CTE, Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy. It’s a progressive degenerative disease of the brain that happens to a lot of retired athletes. The drinking is a result of the CTE—among other things—and I’m trying to be patient with him. Though, Lord knows, he does make it hard.” “So this CTE is what makes Pop an jerk?” Nicky asked.

Their mother nodded her head sadly. “Some of the symptoms of the disease are confusion, depression, impaired judgment, impulse control problems, memory loss, and addictive behaviors. CTE can lead to dementia if not treated properly.” “So there’s a reason he’s turned into this person we don’t recognize?” Avery asked. His mom listed some scary symptoms, but if it could be treated… If it wasn’t his fault, Avery couldn’t help the surge of hope he felt at the idea his Pop might get better. “But he’s not following treatment, is he?” Nicky asked. “No, but he’s trying. He needs to quit drinking, and he knows it. Your father just has a hard time controlling the impulse to drink because of the CTE. But that’s not why I asked you in here—at least not the only reason.” She dropped her gaze. “Is Pop… Is he going to be okay?” Nicky asked. “I don’t know, kiddo. He has to want to get better. I just… I know you boys have every reason to be angry with him, but I’m asking you to please understand, it’s the disease. It’s not your father.” “Go ahead and drop the other shoe, Mom,” Avery said. She took a deep breath. “The addictive behaviors are the most significant of your father’s symptoms, and it doesn’t stop at drinking. He has a gambling problem too. I didn’t know about it until recently, but it’s bad.” Her eyes filled with tears. “The money is gone, boys. We have to sell the house.” Avery took a deep breath, trying to control his urge to blame his father for things that were out of his control. “I never cared about the money,” Nicky said. “I’m afraid we will have to sell your cars too.” “We all know I hate that yellow eyesore, so knock yourself out.” “I’m almost eighteen,” Avery said. “Can I take the money out of my trust fund from Grandma and buy the car from you?” Avery could learn to live without the

money they once had, but he loved that car. “It’s all gone, Avery. Even Grandma’s money. I’m so sorry. Your father managed the trust, and I just didn’t know what was happening right under my nose until it was too late.” “What about our college funds?” Nicky asked. “There’s more than enough in there to let Avery keep his car. He’s got scholarship offers for more than a few college football programs. Their mother just shook her head. “I’m so sorry, boys.” Her cheeks flamed red with embarrassment, and her shoulders shook with sobs. “I’m so sorry.” Neither son could stand the sight of their mother’s tears. “It’s okay, Mom.” Nicky and Avery went to her and wrapped their arms around her. “We’ll figure it out,” Avery said, resting his head on top of his mother’s. “I have scholarships. I’ll be okay. And Nicky is smart as hell, he’ll get a scholarship too. “Avery.” His mom was sobbing now as she grabbed his hands. “I know it’s asking a lot. But you have to give up football. I’ve seen the damage it’s done to your father and his NFL friends. It’s not worth your health. We’ll find a way to send you to any school you want, but please, can we take football off the table?” “I don’t know, Mom.” Avery was stunned by this revelation more than any of the other hard truths he just learned. “Let’s talk about it some more when we’ve had time to think.” She nodded. “I’m dead serious about this, Avery. I can’t watch my son willingly hurt himself for a sport.” Avery would have promised his mother anything in that moment. Truth be told, he never really wanted to pursue college football like his father had. But if Avery didn’t have football, what did he have?

11

Nari

Nari had never once been nervous going to the Callahan’s house, but this time, it wasn’t to see Peyton. Julian promised no one would be home, that the band could practice uninterrupted. The thought of anyone finding out Nari spent her weekends clipping pink extensions into her hair and standing under the hot lights of a stage shouldn’t have freaked her out so much. It shouldn’t have made her palms sweat. What was it she’d posted on No BS after their last show? I have a secret identity. As if she just needed to say it. She was like a freaking spy—except a spy who traded her secrets codes for lyrics and her weapons for a keyboard. Her fingers itched to play something, anything, and the Callahans didn’t have the keyboard she craved. They did have a piano, however. It once belonged to Peyton’s grandmother. Peyton and Julian both took lessons as kids but quickly moved on to other things. Their parents didn’t play. Noise came from the kitchen where Julian had left to get them drinks. Nari moved around the baby grand piano, her fingers skimming the smooth top. She sat on the bench in front of it and settled her fingers on the keys, playing a few notes before delving into a familiar, yet simple song. Her mother and her piano instructor always pushed her toward the more complicated pieces, but Nari relaxed into the easy melody, enjoying the music rather than the skill it took to play it. By the time she finished playing, she looked up to find Julian watching her. He gave her a half smile. When they first formed the band, none of them knew how

to be around each other. Becks was the popular kid nobody could quite figure out. Wylder was a wild child—no pun intended. And Julian was…sad. She hoped the music was as healing for him as it was for her. “Sometimes I forget how talented you are.” Julian walked forward and handed her a bottle of water. She shrugged. Accepting compliments wasn’t Nari’s strong suit. She rested the bottle on her knee and stared at it, her hair shielding her face from Julian’s scrutiny. “I’m not that good.” Julian huffed as if he didn’t believe her. “I’ll go get my guitar. Becks and Wylder will be late. They had to do dinner with their dad and stepmom.” She shrugged in acceptance. The day with Peyton had been exactly what she’d needed after the Avery kiss fiasco. Her best friend was always good at taking Nari’s mind off everything. They’d spent most of the day wandering around the mall, only stopping when they ran into a group of kids from Defiance Academy. Their winter break began a few days before. Kenny was among them, and Nari avoided his gaze, unsure if he’d recognize her from his party. The only thing she could think about was the look on Nicky’s face the night of the party when he walked in on Kenny kissing some girl. Nicky had stood frozen at her side and there was nothing she could do to shield him from it. She hated Kenny for hurting the sweetest kid she knew. Around four, Peyton had gone to the diner for a shift and Nari went to meet Julian. She tapped her fingers against her leg, waiting for him to return. Her phone sat heavy in her pocket, but she refused to check social media to see what her classmates were saying about her. Charity case, no doubt. What would they think if they knew Avery had been the one pleading for the kiss? She could still picture the gleam in his eyes as he looked down at her, their bodies too close together. She’d tried to avoid how crazy attractive her neighbor was for a long time, and she’d managed just fine until recently. It helped when he was a jerk. Now,

though… He wasn’t a jerk anymore; he was just…trouble. As in—she was in trouble. “Nari.” Julian waved a hand in front of her face. “Earth to Nari.” She snapped out of her thoughts with a flinch and pushed Julian’s hand away. “Are you ready to practice?” He set his guitar against the wall before walking around the bench and taking a seat next to her. “Is something wrong with you?” “Excuse me?” She shifted away from him. He laughed nervously and ran a hand through his hair. “Sorry. I’m not good at being a friend. That’s Peyton’s domain. But I’m trying not to be so…distant. It’s taking some time.” “Are we friends?” Her question had his tentative smile dropping. “I’m not really sure.” “That seems to be going around.” He lifted an eyebrow at that. “This about Avery?” “No.” She sighed. “Maybe.” Julian studied the piano keys, his fingers skimming over them. “People at school suck.” She wasn’t quite sure what that had to do with Avery unless he meant the picture. Were they still making mean comments about her? She pulled off her glasses and cleaned them using the bottom of her shirt. “Yeah. They do.” Silence stretched between them. Julian understood her in a way few people did. He wasn’t popular like Avery or Becks. He was an outcast—maybe even more so than Nari herself. It was why Nari was so close to Peyton and Cam. They got each other. She couldn’t help but wonder who Julian had. The front door opening had them both turning to find a surprised Peyton

standing in the doorway. “Uh.” Peyton glanced between them. “The diner was slow, so Mom and Dad sent me home.” Nari jumped off the bench and rushed toward Peyton, her hip colliding with the corner of the leather sofa on her way. “Pey, I can explain.” Peyton glanced over Nari’s shoulder to narrow her eyes at Julian. “Uh-huh. You better.” She pulled Nari toward the kitchen. Gleaming marble countertops and high-end stainless steel appliances greeted them. Nari never understood why they had such a nice kitchen when they rarely used it. Most of the time, the Callahans just ate at the diner or brought food home. Peyton turned on her as soon as they reached the far island. She crossed her arms. “Do you have a thing with my brother?” Her face scrunched up in disgust. “Just tell me the truth, Nari. I promise not to puke—or at least I’ll try not to.” In true Peyton fashion, she kept rambling, not letting Nari answer the question. “I don’t know what to be mad about. That you didn’t tell me, that you’re dating my brother, or that you kissed Avery last night while dating my brother.” Nari couldn’t stop the laugh from exploding out of her. She dissolved into a fit of giggles. “I’m sorry.” She tried to catch her breath. “It’s just…” She laughed again. “You think I’m dating Julian?” She hunched over the kitchen island, her entire body shaking. It wasn’t long before Peyton ed her. Wiping a tear from her eye, she got control of herself. “Then why are you here hanging out with him? You can’t be waiting for me when you thought I’d be working all weekend.” Nari froze. What was she supposed to tell her? Keeping the band a secret from the rest of the school made sense, but why hadn’t she told Peyton? Julian might get annoyed if she spilled the beans to his sister, but Peyton was her best friend. She tucked her hair behind her ears and lifted her chin. “We’re in a band.” Peyton didn’t react right away. She just kind of stood there in stunned fascination. “Am I supposed to laugh again? I’m not sure if you’re joking.” She cocked her head to the side.

“I’m not. There are four of us. Me and Julian along with the Anderson siblings.” “Wait, hold up.” A grin stretched across Peyton’s face. “Are you trying to tell me you’ve been hanging out with Beckett Anderson, and yet Avery is the one you kissed last night?” Nari didn’t know why annoyance shot through her so suddenly. Everyone was in love with Becks. He was good-looking, athletic, and just so freaking nice. Avery had the first two down, but most of the kids at school wouldn’t exactly vote for him for Mr. Congeniality. They hadn’t seen the way he took care of his brother or how he always complimented Nari’s mom. Why was she thinking about Avery? “Ugh, Peyton. That is sooo not helpful. Becks is just a friend and Avery is…not.” “The flush in your cheeks would say differently.” She smirked. “I spent all day with you, Nari. You told me of your deal with Avery and how the kiss went down, but you never itted you actually like the guy.” “I don’t.” “But you do.” Peyton’s smile widened. Nari hugged her arms across her body. “Not true. But just hypothetically, if I did, why do you seem so happy about it? It’s Avery.” “Because, oh best friend of mine, I can’t the last time you had a crush. You’re always hiding behind your music lessons or your parents’ strict rules. Sometimes I don’t think you we’re teenagers who are supposed to have a million crushes and break rules and get hurt.” “I don’t see you having a million crushes.” Peyton’s smile grew. “Because I have my forever crush, and that’s worth a million temporary ones.” Not for the first time, Nari was envious of what Peyton and Cam had. Both of them were each other’s first everythings, and the plan was to be their lasts. Nari wasn’t delusional. She knew high school relationships weren’t meant to last, but they seemed like one built to beat the odds.

And her? She wasn’t sure she was built for crushes at all. Crap. She had a crush on Avery St. Germaine, didn’t she? Peyton gave her a knowing smile and turned to re Julian. They found him tuning his guitar. He didn’t look up. “Everything okay?” Peyton laughed. “Everything is great. Now I know you aren’t hitting on my best friend, I want to hear your music.” Julian didn’t have time to question how she knew about the band because a new voice came from the front door. They hadn’t heard it open. “Someone say music?” Becks beamed, turning his grin on each of them. “Peyton.” He crossed toward her and threw an arm over her shoulder. “My dream girl. When are you going to dump Cameron and hitch a ride with me to Vegas? We could be married and make beautiful babies.” Wylder walked in behind Becks and snorted. “Do you know how NOT to hit on people, brother?” Peyton smirked. “Once our 2.5 kids are born, though, and we have our white picket fence, I’ll be forced to fall in love with the gardener while you’re off jet setting around the world selling the newest brand of feminine products and starting a relationship with your male flight attendant.” “I could sell the heck out of feminine products.” Peyton patted his cheek. “Of course, you could, babe.” Nari laughed more at the fact he only mentioned the product Peyton claimed he’d sell and not the fact he’d fall for a man. But that was Becks. Nothing bothered him. Why couldn’t she have a crush on him? It would have been so much easier. Julian clapped his hands together. “Now that you two have your future all planned out, can we get down to business?”

Becks and Wylder sat on the couch while Nari and Julian took the two armchairs facing it. Peyton perched on the arm of Nari’s chair, and when Nari shot her a question look, she shrugged. “Don’t mind me. I’m just being nosy.” She leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees. “I can see it now that I know. The four of you fit in some weird way. Go on then. I want to see this whole ‘band practice’ thing.” Becks could go from joking to serious in record time when it came to his music. He pulled a notebook out of the bag he’d brought. “We’re not playing today.” Peyton let out a grunt of disappointment. Nari wasn’t surprised. She’d suspected as much when Wylder and Becks showed up without instruments. Becks pulled a stack of paper from the center of his notebook and began ing them out. “I’ve been working on some new stuff.” He said it with no nervousness, and Nari envied his confidence. She’d been working on some music too. Her newest song sat folded up in her pocket, but she wasn’t ready to show it just yet. Instead, she glanced down at Becks’ pages and pages of not only lyrics but the guitar and piano music to accompany them. “We’ll have to figure out the drum section.” He gave Wylder an apologetic look. She shrugged. “I can do that.” Nari scanned the words. She shouldn’t have been surprised at Becks’ talent, but he continued to blow her away. Everything he said in these lines was something she felt deep inside. “It’s more country than we usually do,” Becks explained. “I’m down with country.” Julian whistled. “These are good, man.” The first song was titled “All the Little Pieces.” The lyrics spoke of searching for parts of yourself, the pieces that made you

whole. It was sad but ended up hopeful. In fact, a lot of the songs had a sad tone. They were the kinds of songs people went crazy for. “Want to hear them?” Becks asked. They all nodded, and Julian ed him his guitar. The moment Becks’ voice picked up the lyrics, Nari sat mesmerized. She’d never heard him sound like that. So sincere, but also a little lost. If he was on a stage in Nashville, the girls would go crazy for him. His voice broke on the last few notes, and as it faded away, they sat in stunned silence. Peyton reacted before the rest of them, clapping furiously. For the first time since showing them the new songs, Becks’ cheeks reddened. He sang each of the new songs for them—five in total—before asking Nari to in with him as the background vocalist. Julian borrowed his dad’s guitar, and Wylder made a steady beat on the table. It was the most fun Nari had ever had with her music, and she didn’t want it to end. They didn’t stop playing until Mr. Callahan came home and they realized it was time to go. Nari lingered for a few moments with Becks on the front porch as Wylder went to start the car. She blew hot air onto her freezing hands. Becks didn’t seem as if he was ready to go. “Those songs are amazing.” Nari nudged him. One corner of his mouth tipped up. “I may be disappointing a lot of people lately, but at least I can still do right by the band.” Nari’s brows drew together. “I’m sure you aren’t disappointing people.” He let out a humorless laugh. “I don’t know. You should talk to my dad. ‘Son, we are Andersons, and Andersons get their education.” “You aren’t going to college?” He pulled his coat up over his mouth to protect against the icy wind. It muffled his words. “I got a full ride to a division three school. They’re calling it an

academic scholarship, but they really just want me to come play football.” “And you don’t want to?” He lifted one shoulder in a shrug. “I don’t love it. Not like I love my music. I tried telling Dad that, but he thinks I can get my degree and do music on the side as I work some corporate job or take over the hardware store. He doesn’t get that I want music to be the job.” “What are you going to do?” He lowered his jacket, revealing a smile. “I turned down the scholarship. As soon as graduation hits, I’m heading to Nashville. I owe it to myself to see where this thing takes me.” “I can’t wait to see you in concert one day.” He barked out a laugh. “Maybe.” Gripping the rail to avoid falling, he walked down the icy porch steps. Nari followed him since he was her ride home. He paused when they reached the car. “You’re probably good enough to make it there too.” Now it was Nari’s turn to laugh. “And be responsible for killing my mother? I couldn’t live with the guilt.” He shook his head with a grin as they got into the car. Wylder sat in the back seat, typing on her phone. Nari held her hands in front of the warm vent. As Becks pulled onto the street, he glanced sideways at Nari. “I’ve been meaning to tell you…” He hesitated. “I’m glad you’re dating Avery. He could use someone like you in his life.” Nari snapped her eyes to the side of his face. “Excuse me?” Becks seemed like he barely heard her. “Avery is a good dude who makes some bad decisions. You’re a good decision for him, Nari. A nice girl.” Nice? What did that even mean. “Beckett Anderson, I don’t know what the heck you’re talking about. I am not, have not, and will not date Avery of all people.”

Confusion crossed Becks’ face, and Wylder popped her gum in the back seat. “Told you he was lying, brother. Avery doesn’t date girls like Nari— no offense. I like you, Nari, but Avery likes his girls kind of mean. And easy. Can’t forget easy.” She leaned forward between the seats “But if you’re not dating, why were you kissing him? Not like I can blame you. That boy is delicious.” Nari shrank away from her stare, uncomfortable under the weight of it. She was in the band with Wylder, but they rarely spoke to each other. Wylder didn’t have the charm of her brother that made people want to trust him. They pulled up outside Nari’s house. “Becks, outside the car. Now.” “It’s cold, but I’m doing this for you, Nari bug.” He grumbled a few unintelligible words as they stepped out into the cold and away from Wylder’s curious gaze. Becks looked like a model as he leaned back against his car with his hands deep in the pockets of his dark wash jeans, his hair lifting off his forehead in the chilly wind. And she hated him for it knowing she probably just looked like a popsicle. “Spill it, Becks. Why would you think I’m dating Avery?” Becks lifted one shoulder in a shrug and wouldn’t meet her eyes. “He, uh, kind of told everyone you were.” “What!” She turned on her heel, pacing up over the curb and halfway across the lawn before turning back and retracing her steps. “I don’t…” Her hands shook and not from cold this time. “I don’t understand. It was just supposed to be one kiss.” “He just said it to get people off his back. It doesn’t have to be a thing.” “Of course, it’s a thing! He’s Avery. Oh man, I am so dead. Meghan is going to skewer me.” Becks jumped away from the car and up the curb to grip her shoulders and hold her in place. “Forget Meghan. This will all blow over.” “Easy for you to say. You and Avery are kings at that school. You make a fool of yourself and everyone forgets the next day. But if one of us—if a…nerd—makes

a mistake, it’s what we become known for.” “But, Nari, you didn’t do anything here. I don’t know why there was a picture of you and Avery kissing online, but this isn’t you making a fool of yourself.” “Isn’t it?” She turned on her heel. “Forget it. You aren’t the person who needs to answer for this.” He called after her, but she ignored him as she marched across the crunchy grass spanning the wide yards between her and Avery’s houses. Anger. It was a foreign feeling for her. Normally, she just felt bad for herself, but this was different. Forget about the crush she’d itted to having. Avery didn’t deserve an ounce of her feelings. He was a liar, and this time, his lies went too far. Beckett didn’t get it. Becoming Avery’s ‘nerd’ girlfriend made it open season on Nari and her friends. They’d been trying to fly under the radar since the drama earlier in the semester when Peyton basically yelled at the entire school. It was their final year in Twin Rivers before they went their separate ways, and they wanted to avoid dealing with their classmates’ scorn. Fat chance of that now. Stepping onto the St. Germaine’s front porch, Nari slammed the knocker against the door. No one came. The light in the garage where their dad worked was on. Maybe he’d know where Avery was. Nari had barely ever spoken to Mr. St. Germaine, but she knew of his football legacy. He was the town’s claim to fame. The great Grayson St. Germaine with three Super Bowls under his name. His hulking frame bent over a machine as he guided it to saw through a length of wood. He turned off the machine and stood. Nari cleared her throat. Mr. St. Germaine straightened and turned, his eyes wide at finding her there. “Um, hello.” Nari did her best to meet his eyes. He only stared, and the longer it went on, the more anger seeped from Nari. She

tried to hold on to it. She wanted to stay mad at Avery, but she saw him in the planes of his father’s face. The major difference was their eyes. Where Mr. St. Germaine's were cloudy, confused, Avery’s held a clear intensity. He always knew what he wanted. Nari kicked a rock on the ground. “Mr. St. Germaine, I was wondering if Avery was home.” He shook his head with a grunt before speaking with slow words. “No. Get out of here. Now!” Shocked into movement, Nari ran and didn’t stop until she reached the front of her house. Her breath came in gasps. What just happened? As she neared the porch wrapping around the front of her house, a figure came into view. Avery sat on the top step, his head buried in his hands. She stopped in front of him, but he didn’t look up. His back shook with a silent sob. Every bit of anger she’d held for him slipped away into the night. “Avery.” She put a hand on his shoulder, and he finally lifted tortured eyes to hers. It no longer mattered that he’d lied to their entire school or that his dad yelled at her. Not when he looked at her like something was breaking inside. She’d never seen anyone look so lost. “I didn’t know where else to go,” he whispered. Her brow creased. She didn’t know what had happened to him, but he came to her like she was the one he could count on. She liked that. “Stand up, Avery.” He did as she told him, holding her eyes in silence. “Open your arms. I’m going to hug you, okay?” Hugging was not something they did. “Why?” “Because I think you need a hug.”

He only hesitated a moment before spreading his arms. She stepped into them, wrapping her arms around his waist and resting her head against his coat. It took him a moment before he wrapped his arms around her. She couldn’t hear the beat of his heart through the thick coat, but she imagined it sped up at their proximity as hers did. That was probably wishful thinking, though. Pulling back, she looked up at him. “Does this help?” “Yes.” A look ed across his face like he was surprised by his own answer. She smiled and released him, considering her options. Avery wasn’t Nicky. Having him stay in her room wouldn’t be the same. But could she really send him back over to that house where his father yelled at unsuspecting visitors? No, it wasn’t even a choice. “Go around to my bedroom window,” Nari told him. “You can crash on my floor tonight like your brother does sometimes. I’ll come open the window once I appease the parentals.” He started toward the side of the house and paused, glancing back over his shoulder. “Thanks, Nari.” She only nodded, not sure what she was really thinking. Now the boy who’d claimed she was his girlfriend would be sleeping in her room. What could go wrong, right? She watched him amble around the side of the house before she climbed the steps and opened the door. Inside, her parents both sat in the front sitting room. Her mother didn’t look up from her place on the couch as Nari entered. Instead, she held one hand up to tell Nari to wait as she kept her eyes glued to her Kindle. There was something Nari wasn’t even sure her dad knew about her mom. Sure, she was a conservative, sometimes hard woman, but the woman enjoyed her heated stories. Nari picked up her ereader one time just out of curiosity to see what could distract her mom, and she wished she never had. She read about werewolves who liked to get it on. A lot. Nari hadn’t been able to look her mom in the eye for a week. Her father, on the other hand, was the predictable one. His kind eyes were a bit glazed from staring at the student essays in his lap as he looked up and smiled at

Nari. “Did you have a nice time with Peyton?” Nari glanced down the hallway to her room, knowing Avery stood out in the freezing cold waiting for her to let him in. She exaggerated a yawn. “Yeah, Pey wore me out with her constant chatter.” Her father smiled. Both her parents had known Peyton for years, and in all that time, nothing had changed. Pey was the talker, and Nari was the listener. What would her parents think if they knew she was singing in a band? Who was she kidding? They wouldn’t believe it. Nari’s mom finally set her Kindle aside. “I’m sorry. I had to finish the chapter.” A flush stained her cheeks. Gross. Nari did not want to know why. Her husband smiled at her. Nari didn’t always get along with her parents, but she thought of the family next door and realized how lucky she was. The Won Songs loved each other. They never yelled. Yes, they had high expectations but only because they wanted their daughter to reach her highest potential. Nari hadn’t realized she’d moved when she crossed the room and bent down to wrap her mom in a hug. Her mom made a surprised sound and patted Nari’s back. Nari straightened and kissed her father on his cheek. “I’m a little tired. I think I’ll go to sleep.” Neither of them answered her after her uncharacteristic displays of affection, but she didn’t need them to. Rushing into her room, she shut the door, locked it, and went to unlatch the window. Avery climbed through, tracking snow on her carpet. He slid the window shut and kicked off his boots. “Thanks.” Nari scanned the immaculate room, looking anywhere but at him. What now? He was in her room…again. The last time they’d stood in those same two spots… Nari backed away, feeling his eyes on her as she turned. “Are you hungry?” she asked. “No, I’m okay.”

But he wasn’t okay. He might have tried to erase the emotion she’d seen as he sat on the front porch waiting for her, but she wouldn’t forget it. He’d looked so…broken. Moving her laptop from her bed to her desk, she toed off her shoes and shrugged out of her coat. “Um…I need to change.” “Right. I’ll just turn around.” As she slid out of her jeans, his presence sent goose bumps along her olive skin. She pulled on yoga pants and an old football T-shirt, not realizing until she turned away that it was one Avery left at her house back when they were friends. He’d removed his coat, leaving him in a form-fitting black tee that left little of his chest to the imagination. Nari swallowed. She didn’t know when she’d started noticing every little thing about Avery, but she couldn’t figure out how to stop. His eyes fell to her chest or, more accurately, the shirt. But he didn’t smile, and she wondered once again what happened to bring him there. So, she chose a safe subject as she sat on her bed. “Is Nicky going to need a place to crash too?” Avery shook snow-speckled hair out of his eyes. “No, he went to his boyfriend’s.” Nari’s jaw dropped open. “Not Kenny?” Avery shrugged. “That’s what he said.” Nari tried not to be disappointed in Nicky for returning to the boy who’d hurt him, but she knew what it felt like to want someone, anyone, to ease the loneliness of being on the outside. Avery went to her closet without bothering to ask her and dug around on the floor for a blanket and spare pillow. He didn’t speak to her as he laid them out and lay down, turning onto his side so she couldn’t see his face. Nari pulled her own covers back and snuggled beneath them, letting the warmth

thaw her frozen limbs. “Alexa, turn all lights off.” Her lights flickered, and the room went dark. After laying in silence for a few minutes listening to the sound of Avery’s breathing, Nari couldn’t take it anymore. “Avery,” she whispered. “Yeah.” He sighed as if knowing what she was going to ask. “Will you tell me what happened?” He hesitated for a moment. “Why?” “What?” “Why do you want to know? Do you want to hear that Avery St. Germaine’s life is just as messed up as anyone else’s? That the golden boy you’ve put on this pedestal isn’t so perfect after all?” Nari rolled onto her side to look down at him. “No, I—” “Don’t say you care, Nari. We both know we’re from different worlds. I shouldn’t have even come here, but I truly had nowhere else to go where my mom wouldn’t find me. I didn’t want her to make me come home. Not yet.” He was hurt. That was how Nari rationalized the harsh words coming out of him. It wasn’t Avery. It was the pain. She thought he was done, so she closed her eyes. “I miss Cooper.” He was still whispering. “There, I said it. My best friend died two years ago, and I can’t move on. Everything in my life is falling apart, and I need him to tell me to get over myself. I need the doucebag to slap some sense into me and tell me what to do.” Avery rarely talked about Cooper Callahan, the kid who died in the same accident that took Cam’s leg, the same accident Avery only ed pieces of. Nari didn’t know what made her tell him. But something in his voice made her need to say the words. “I was the one who called 9-1-1.”

Avery sat up, his eyes finding hers in the dark. “What?” Nari sucked in a breath. “I was out front at Addison’s party that night and could see the bridge in the distance. I saw the accident. I just didn’t know it was you guys at the time. Maybe if I had…if we’d gone straight to the bridge, we’d have been able to get to you before the ambulances. We’d have been able to help.” Nari closed her eyes and didn’t notice he’d moved until the edge of her bed dipped from his weight. “Hey.” He tapped her chin. “Look at me.” When she met his gaze, they were close, too close, but she couldn’t look away. “Nari, I’ve tried the blame-everyone-you-can thing. Trust me, it doesn’t make the pain go away. For the longest time, I blamed Cam. I made myself believe he was the one drunk driving that night because my spotty memory couldn’t . Peyton was the one who kicked Coop out of the party. Then I blamed Julian and eventually myself. Never Cooper. I didn’t want to see him that way. But I know there was nothing I could’ve done to keep him alive that night just as I know you couldn’t have either. And with you calling for ambulances so quickly, who knows, maybe you saved the rest of us.” Nari hunched forward as the weight of his words bore down on her. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her into his side. She didn’t know how much longer she could take Avery’s sudden mood changes. Lifting her hand, she slapped his chest. “Hey,” he protested. “What was that for?” “Slapping some sense into you. Get over yourself. Cooper isn’t here anymore, but maybe I can handle his job for a bit.” He laughed, resting his chin on her head. After a moment, he sighed. “My family is broke.” Nari pulled back to look up at him. “Broke?” He nodded. “Pop drained the finances with his drinking and gambling habits. Mom says we have to sell our cars and the house. Even our college funds are

gone.” Nari felt sick. How could someone do that to their own family? Avery wasn’t finished. “And you know what’s sad? That’s not even the worst thing I learned about my family tonight. Dad has CTE.” “CTE?” “When he played football, he sustained a number of concussions which messed up his brain. Memory loss, confusion, headaches. To an extent, it explains the drinking and the complete personality shift. For the past few years, I’ve hated my father.” He released Nari and rested his elbows on his knees, hanging his head. “And it’s not even his fault.” Nari didn’t know what to say or how to comfort him. She’d hated Mr. St. Germaine too, wondering if each time he drank would be his last. She’d never considered there was something else going on—a medical condition changing his brain. “It’s over.” Avery lowered his voice. “Football. Mom is begging me not to play college ball. She doesn’t want to see me end up like Pop too. The schools scouting me, the scholarships—it’s all off the table.” “How do you feel about that?” Nari asked. “I don’t know. Relieved. Furious. The last few years I’ve thought about leaving football behind when I go to college, but it’s what was expected of me. And now it’s the only way I can pay for school, but my mother—I can’t stand her tears, and I’d do anything she asks. But…it’s like I lost my entire future in one day.” “Avery.” Nari scooted closer and took his hand. When he looked at her, the silver moonlight filtering through the window made the tears on his face shine. “You don’t need football to be who you are. It doesn’t define you.” For a moment, she thought he was going to kiss her. For a moment, she wanted him too.

But she forgot who she was and who sat next to her. Avery stood from the bed and paced across the darkened room, stopping at the window. “You’re going to hate me, Nari.” “Why?” He turned to face her. “I sort of told the entire school it was more than a kiss. That we were dating.” Nari crossed her arms. She’d already heard it from Becks, of course, but it didn’t make her any happier about the situation. “Was Meghan jealous?” She had to know if their plan to get Avery back in Meghan’s skinny arms was working. And if it was? Well, that would hurt. “Yeah,” Avery breathed. “Which is why I think we should continue.” “Excuse me?” “Well…” He scratched the back of his head. “I just broke up with Meghan a few weeks ago. I dumped her, but that’s not how she twisted the story. If we end things too soon…” “You’ll end up looking as pathetic as you are?” He laughed at that. “Maybe I am a little pathetic. But I’m asking you to please consider it. Just until we’re back at school. Let everyone think we’re truly dating. It’ll increase your popularity.” “I don’t care about popularity.” Avery blew out a frustrated breath. “I know. Of course, you don’t. Sometimes, I forget it’s you I’m talking to.” Because he’d rather be talking to Meghan. Nari didn’t voice the words. Instead, she did as he asked. She considered it. “What will I get out of it?” “Tutoring.” She narrowed her eyes. “All through break? You get me to our exams when

we get back no matter how long it takes for my stupid brain to absorb the material.” “You’re not stupid, Nari.” “As much tutoring as I need for the next two weeks.” He shifted where he stood. “I guess it’s not like I have anything else to do. Wanna kiss on it?” She imagined if the lights were on, she’d see his patented smirk. “I’m not kissing you again, Avery.” But she wanted to. “I’ll settle for another hug.” Before she knew what was happening, he’d climbed onto her bed once more and engulfed her in a hug she wished would never end. But it did. He pulled back after too short a time. “Are you going to be okay, Avery?” She couldn’t help but think of the way he’d looked when she’d found him out front. He shrugged with a nonchalance she doubted he felt. “I’m always okay. It’s not me I worry about.” Nicky. The best thing about Avery was how he protected his brother. “I think I just needed someone to talk to. You’re a better listener than Coop ever was.” Nari laughed. “I can’t picture Cooper Callahan having a serious conversation.” “That’s because you didn’t know him like I did. Few people really knew Coop. He was an a jerk of the greatest proportions. He did stupid, sometimes hurtful, things, but he always had my back.” “I can have your back now.” The words slipped out before Nari could stop them and she scrambled to explain. “I mean…we used to be friends, and if we do this whole fake dating thing, we should probably try to get back to that and—” Avery covered her mouth with his hand to cut her off. “I would be honored if Nari Won Song had my back.” She relaxed and let out a laugh as he uncovered her mouth.

Avery slid from her bed and resumed his spot on the floor. Neither of them said another word as they drifted off to sleep.

The sound of chatter coming from the kitchen had Nari opening her eyes. What time was it? She sat up slowly, shielding her eyes from the blinding sunlight filtering through the window. Images from the night before returned to her, and she pulled the comforter up to her chest, suddenly shy about the clothes she’d slept in the night before. Avery had been there in her room begging her to date him. It was fake, she reminded herself, but for just a moment, she let herself believe he wanted her, that he’d choose his nerdy neighbor over the beautiful cheerleader he was trying to get back. But who was she kidding? Meghan was every boy’s dream. Long legs, blond hair, and a kind of confidence Nari could only imagine. With a sigh, she peered over the edge of her bed. Avery was gone. She didn’t know what she expected. They weren’t a real couple. Of course he wouldn’t stick around her house on the first day of their winter break. Her phone buzzed on her desk, and she jumped toward it, her heart sinking when she realized it was the wrong St. Germaine brother calling her. Shoving the disappointment away, she let guilt replace it. Nicky was a friend, and she should be happier talking to him than his too-hot-for-his-own-good brother. Swiping her thumb across the screen, she brought the phone to her ear. “Hey, Nick.” “Nari,” he started, his voice panicked. “Have you seen my brother? He didn’t come home last night, and I’m worried.” She stared at the discarded pillow and rumpled blanket on her floor, wanting to keep their night together to herself for some reason she couldn’t explain. “I’m sure he’s fine.” “You don’t understand. Some…stuff went down at my house last night.” “I know.” The words slipped out before she could stop them.

Nicky didn’t say anything for a long moment. “You…know? Avery told you?” “About your dad? Yeah.” He blew out a breath, the sound like a rush of wind coming through the phone. “You two really are dating, aren’t you?” “I guess so.” She hated lying to anyone, let alone Nicky, but she’d agreed to help Avery and wouldn’t go back on her word. “Nari, I’m…glad.” “Glad?” “Yeah. Avery… Part of me is worried he’s just going to hurt you, but the other part wants him to have someone he can count on. My brother doesn’t always have the highest opinion of himself, but he has spent our entire lives looking out for me. If anyone can show him he’s a better guy than he thinks he is, it’s you. I want him to want to be a good guy. People like Meghan only bring out the worst in him.” Nari couldn’t take it anymore. Nicky was the first person she lied to about the relationship, and it was already too much. She wasn’t going to be the person who made Avery St. Germaine want something more in life. She wouldn’t be his conscience. Instead, she was just the girl he was using. So, why hadn’t she told him no? “I need to go, Nicky.” She hung up before he could get another word in. Her hands shook as she set the phone down and grabbed the sweatshirt from the back of her desk chair, shrugging it on. Tying her hair into a ponytail, she left her room. Her mom always made a big breakfast to celebrate the first day of any school break. It was a tradition in their house and one of the few times her mom let up on the pressure she put on her daughter. Nari walked into the kitchen and froze. Avery stood at the stove next to her mother, spatula in hand as he prepared to flip the pancakes. The two of them talked as if they were old friends, laughing as they cooked.

Bowls of scrambled eggs and crispy bacon sat on the table next to a pile of a banana and apple salad. How long had they been up and cooking? “What’s going on?” Nari asked, suspicion in her tone. Her mother turned to her with a smile, the usual tension absent from her face. “Good morning, Nari. Your boyfriend here just stopped by this morning for breakfast.” “My…” She swallowed. “Boyfriend.” Avery flipped the remaining pancake onto an already crowded plate and turned toward her, closing the distance between them. He smirked at her confused expression. “Sorry, I spilled the beans to your mom.” He didn’t sound sorry at all. “Nari,” her mom chastised. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you were seeing such a nice young man. You know your father and I have always loved Avery.” As if on cue, her father appeared from his study, giving her a genuine smile as he seated himself at the table. He was a man of few words, but he didn’t need to speak to show his approval. Guilt curled in Nari’s gut. Avery leaned down, pressing a kiss to her cheek and dropping his voice. “Don’t worry. I left through the window and went around to knock on the front door.” That made sense. They didn’t know he spent the night. She wondered if her parents hero worship would dim if they knew Avery had spent the night in their daughter’s room. Nari backed away from Avery, needing to avoid his heated gaze. She didn’t know how he could make her feel like he felt something for her when she knew he didn’t. “What are you kids up to today?” Nari’s dad asked as they all sat and ed around the food. Nari shrugged, sticking a forkful of pancakes in her mouth with a groan. She lifted her eyes to find Avery watching her across the table, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed. Dropping her eyes back to her food, she tried to ignore him.

That was impossible when he spoke. “We’re spending the day together.” Nari’s eyes snapped to his again. “We are?” “Of course. You’re my girlfriend, and I want to show you off.” Her parents looked to each other as if they were both so proud their daughter caught someone like Avery. But she hadn’t caught him. He only wanted to show her off to sell their fake relationship. Still, she nodded, unable to say no to spending the day with the boy she’d once spent every day with. They might never date for real, but maybe they could get back to what they once were. Besides, after everything Avery told her the night before, she got the feeling he needed her as much as she needed him. She almost laughed to herself. Spending the day with Avery St. Germaine, golden boy himself—what could go wrong?

12

Avery

Avery’s first day as Nari Won Song’s fake boyfriend was a disaster of epic proportions. She almost called the whole thing off after they ran into Meghan and her pack of mean girls at the mall. Avery wanted help finding a Christmas gift for his mother —something great that he could actually afford with his new budget. Nari spent most of the afternoon laughing at him while she tried to teach him how to bargain shop. Her family had money too—just look at their house—but she didn’t like to flaunt it. It was frustrating how ignorant he was about how much things cost. He picked up an Hermes silk scarf at Neiman Marcus. It was perfect for his mom, but when he looked at the price tag, his stomach sank. “That can’t be right. Is this in dollars?” He turned his wide eyes on Nari. “As in four hundred bucks? For a yard of fabric?” “I told you we’re in the wrong store for this mission,” Nari said, turning her nose up at the price tag for a pair of Marc Jacobs sunglasses she clearly adored. “They don’t call it Needless MarkUps for nothing.” She returned the sunglasses to the display case. “You could afford those, why put it back?” Avery frowned, thinking she might feel bad about buying something for herself in front of him. Nari shrugged. “They’re adorable, but I refuse to pay that much for a pair of sunglasses I’m just going to lose. I don’t really buy into labels either. It’s all overpriced and just not me, you know?” “I like that you don’t care about this stuff. It reminds me that there are much

more important things. It’s just, this was Mom’s favorite store.” Avery’s shoulders slumped. “And she’s had a really rough year.” “You know they have some of this stuff at Goodwill for practically nothing?” Nari said. “We should go there and see what bargains we can find.” “Goodwill?” Meghan’s familiar mocking laughter rang out behind them. “The St. Germaines wouldn’t step foot inside a Goodwill unless it was to donate something they couldn’t give away.” “Meghan,” Avery said her name like a curse. “What are you doing here?” “Same as you, silly. Shopping…with friends.” She cast a disgusted look at Nari. “We’re stocking up for the ski trip. I still can’t believe you’re not going.” “You know very well Nari is my girlfriend, not just a friend,” Avery said, taking a step closer to Nari’s side. “Whatever.” Meghan plucked the Hermes scarf from his hand. “Your mother will love this. You should buy it.” “I left my wallet at home,” he rushed to explain. The warmth in his face gave him away. The last thing he wanted was for Meghan to find out he was broke. But the look of disappointment on Nari’s face shamed him even more. He just wasn’t ready for people to know the money was gone. Senior year was half over. If he could make it to graduation without losing face, he’d be home free. Nari couldn’t understand what it was like to be at the top of the social hierarchy at Twin Rivers High. He had a long way to fall, and it scared him. “I’ll get it for you.” Meghan shoved the scarf at the nearest sales girl behind the display case. “God knows you’ve paid for enough things for me. Least I can do.” She plunked down her dad’s credit card to pay for the ridiculously overpriced scrap of fabric along with a dozen other things for her ski trip—including the sunglasses Nari had ired. “No thanks.” Avery took Nari’s hand and turned to walk away. “Everyone feels sorry for you, Ave,” she called after them. “You’re spiraling. Better watch the company you keep, or you’re going to be a nobody just like your girlfriend.”

“I felt sorry for me too. So, I started watching the company I keep the night I broke up with you,” Avery shot back, wrapping his arm around Nari’s waist. Avery held Nari close to his side all the way to the parking lot. Meghan knew how to push his buttons, but he wasn’t fooled. She was furious he was moving on with someone like Nari. If he’d chosen one of Meghan’s friends, she’d likely let it go. She was at the top of the chain at Twin Rivers High, so in her opinion, there was nowhere for Avery to go but down. That was why he chose Nari—at first. Nari was everything Meghan wasn’t, and it would drive her insane trying to figure out why he’d dumped her for Nari. “You need to work on your communication skills,” Nari said, staring out the window. “How so?” Avery asked, gripping the steering wheel. How could she be so hateful, talking about Nari like she wasn’t even there? “Your tactics for making her jealous might need some rethinking. If you want to get her back, you can’t talk to her like that.” Avery cranked the engine and backed out of the parking spot. “Who says I want her back?” “Oh.. Um.” Nari frowned. “I thought that was the whole point of this. I guess… I just don’t know about this whole thing, Avery.” “Don’t ditch me yet, Nari.” He forced a smile. “I’m not done messing with her. And next time, speak up for yourself. Don’t let her treat you like that.” “I don’t want a next time. I’m not like you, Avery. I can’t think of the perfect comeback right away. I’m more about flying under the radar so people like Meghan don’t notice me.” “And then I dragged you into the spotlight with that dumb picture idea. I’m sorry about that. All of this.” He drove across town and away from all the expensive shops. “I just… I never knew she was so horrible. She hid that side of herself for a long time. I just want her to know she can’t treat people like garbage.” “I don’t know if I want to be the one to teach her that lesson, Avery. This world you come from... It’s not me.”

“And thank God for that,” he said, chancing a glance at her. “I’d rather spend one day being your fake boyfriend and hanging out with you than another minute with that callous, hateful witch. You have more genuine kindness in your little finger than she has in her entire body.” “Then what are we even doing with this fake relationship if you don’t want her back?” “Teaching her a lesson and getting everyone to stop obsessing over our stupid breakup.” Avery wanted to say more, but he didn’t want to worry Nari. The truth was, he needed this relationship to last a while longer to make sure it didn’t backfire on Nari again. If they broke it off now, he was afraid Meghan and her minions would make Nari’s life a living hell, and he wasn’t going to put her through that again. “Where are we going?” Nari asked. “Goodwill. I still need a gift for my mom, and I am hopeless at this bargain hunting thing.” “You have to think of it like a sport.” Nari grinned, turning in her seat toward him. “Shopping is not a sport.” Avery laughed, happy to get back to their date the way it was before Meghan showed up. Fake date, Avery, he reminded himself. “Yeah, not the way you do it. You have to be in it for the long haul and the reward for all the hard work is the awesome things you get to buy at the end of the day.” “The day? No, we’re spending like a half hour here, tops. Then it’s my turn to pay you back with some tutoring.” “I’d rather go shopping,” Nari insisted. “It’s saying a lot that I’d rather study on holiday break than spend an entire day shopping.” “I need at least an hour,” Nari countered.

“Then I’m going to need food afterwards before we study.” “Deal. I shop, you teach, and I’ll get us lunch.” “I can get us lunch,” Avery said, thinking he had just enough cash to cover the gift and lunch for two. “Well, that’s not fair to you. I get lunch and tutoring?” “Okay, then you get lunch and I buy you a Christmas present while we’re here.” “Deal. You need a Christmas present for your fake girlfriend anyway.” “Deal.” He could get used to their easygoing relationship—or whatever this was happening between them.

“Blah-blah, blah-blah. Blah. That’s what I hear when you try to explain basic algebra.” Nari threw her pencil down in frustration. “I’m in pre-calculus, and I can’t even do pre-algebra. This is a nightmare.” “I swear if you could get the order of operations down you would find everything else easy.” Avery scrubbed a hand over his face. It was Christmas Eve, and they’d hit the tutoring hard over the last week. She was a decent student in most subjects; she just needed to learn how to study more effectively. All the stress of getting her grades up had made her overthink everything. And then, there was math. She was awful. He’d never seen anyone this bad at math. It was impressive. “Order of whats-its?” “Order of operations. It’s like the ground rule of all things math, and you don’t know it.” “You say that like you’re surprised.” She blinked her dark eyes at him. “I believe I told you I don’t know math.” “I guess I thought you were exaggerating.” He cracked a smile, trying not to laugh. “Go ahead, laugh it up, big guy. But if you can tell me this order of operations crap is some kind of magic fix, I’ll kiss you this time.” “I will take that bet.” Avery grinned. “That wasn’t a bet, bet.” Nari rolled her eyes. “Just tell me what this order of operations thing is.” “PEMDAS.” “Bless you.” Nari frowned. “It’s a mnemonic device. Parenthesis, Exponents, Multiplication, Division,

Addition, and Subtraction. PEMDAS.” “Sounds like a lot of work.” “This is the most basic math, Nari. You should have learned this in eighth grade. How did you make it all the way to pre-calculus?” “Don’t make me feel worse.” She shoved the textbook across the kitchen table. “My parents insist I take all the advanced classes Twin Rivers High offers. They meet with the guidance counselor every year to plan my schedule.” “Well, it’s not your fault, Nari. It’s your teachers who should be ashamed of themselves for letting you get this far without realizing you needed a little extra attention.” “I’m usually okay in class. Most of the time, it makes sense, but then when it comes to homework and tests, it doesn’t make sense anymore. So, they just think I don’t study.” “Well, we’re going to fix this.” Avery scooted the textbook back in front of her. “This rule works for every algebra-based problem you’ll ever do. No matter how simple or complicated the problem is, you start with what’s in the parenthesis and then move to the exponents and each of the PEMDAS rules in order. When you move through the problem, breaking it into its simplest parts, it gets a lot easier. Here try this one.” Avery pointed to one of the lengthier equations. “Ugh.” Nari’s shoulders grew tense as she copied the problem onto her paper. “Relax. It’s not going to kill you.” “Okay, so just the parenthesis first?” She gave him a skeptical look as she started to work through the problem. Avery held back his laughter as he watched her agonize over the simple math. She was just so irresistibly cute sometimes. “I get forty-two, but it’s wrong.” “No, you got it!” Avery smiled so big it was like he’d done the impossible.

“No, I didn’t. I never get it right.” She pulled the book back in front of her to look up the answer in the back. “Avery! I got it right!” “Told you.” He loved the way her eyes lit up when something finally made sense. “You’re not bad at math, Nari, you just have overworked teachers too busy to notice when someone falls behind.” “It’s a fluke.” Nari snatched the textbook and scribbled out the next two problems. She flew through the work and got them both right. “See, you totally got it.” “It can’t be that easy?” “It gets harder, but now that you know this fundamental rule, you’ll be able to keep up. We still have a lot of work to do to get you doing high school math, but this is huge progress. And…I think you owe me a kiss.” Avery sat back in his chair, arms folded across his chest. “That was a joke. Not a real bet.” Nari slid her chair back. “No way.” Avery reached for her hand and pulled her out of the chair and onto his lap in one quick move. “That was a fair bet.” Her arms settled around his neck, but she sat ramrod straight, unsure of herself. “Relax. I don’t bite.” Avery let his hand rest at her waist. “You did good today.” “I think you mean I did well.” She gave him a playful shove. “Exactly.” He smiled. “Don’t ever let anyone make you think you’re not smart or not good enough. You’re perfect just the way you are.” “Thanks, Avery.” She dipped her head, hiding behind her shiny black hair. “Thanks for explaining math in a way I can finally understand.” He glanced down at the way the slit of her long red skirt crept up to the top of her thigh. The old Avery wanted to run his hands along her exposed olive skin.

But the old Avery dated more experienced girls, and he had to remind himself to take it slow. Nari was terrified just sitting on his lap, and he didn’t want to scare her off. “I’m waiting for my kiss.” He pressed his forehead to hers. “And I don’t mind waiting right here all day.” “Oh fine.” She placed her trembling hands on his shoulders and leaned down to press her lips lightly against the corner of his mouth. It was the most chaste kiss he’d ever received. But the way her cheeks flamed as she leaned back sent his heart racing. “Now was that so difficult?” He pulled her a little closer, wrapping both arms around her. “I suppose not.” She shrugged out of his arms, putting a safe distance between them. Nari was like a startled deer, and for whatever reasons, she looked at him like he was the hunter. He was determined to erase that look of fear and distrust from her eyes. If he could stop screwing up long enough to earn her trust. “I’m hungry.” Avery stood, letting the chair scrape across the kitchen floor. “You hungry? Let’s go get some food.” “It’s Christmas Eve, nothing’s going to be open late.” “Oh right.” “Except the Main. We could go there,” Nari said tentatively. He’d go anywhere she was comfortable with, but the Main… He hadn’t been there since Coop died. He just couldn’t go without his best friend. But tonight was the anniversary. Two years since his death. He couldn’t think of anywhere more fitting to spend this night. “Let’s go,” he finally said. “Your mom won’t mind, will she?” “Please, she’d let me go to Mars if you were going with me. I swear she likes you more than she likes me.”

“She loves you, Nari. And only wants the best for you.” He opened the door for her. “That’s why she’s so happy you’re dating me.” He gave her an arrogant wink, enjoying one of Nari’s spectacular eye rolls.

Stepping inside the Main was like stepping back in time. It hadn’t changed at all except it looked like someone hosed the place down with Christmas decorations. “Merry Christmas, Nari!” Peyton rushed to greet them. Right, Peyton is obsessed with Christmas. Dressed head to toe in Christmas colors, she could easily be the proud winner of every ugly Christmas sweater contest in town. “And Avery,” she added with a smile. “Good to see you here again.” “We’ll just sit with Cam.” Nari grabbed Avery’s hand and dragged him across the restaurant to their old table. They still sat in the same circular booth they used to practically live in when they were kids. “Can we get two snickerdoodle hot chocolates and Christmas cookies to start?” “You still order dessert first?” Avery slid into the booth beside her. “Every time,” Cam said. “It’s the best part of the meal,” he said at the same time as Nari. “One of these days, I’m going to get you to try the vegan chocolate zucchini bread.” Peyton set two mugs on the table and poured them each a cup of hot chocolate, leaving the carafe on the table. “Not going to happen, Callahan,” Nari called as Peyton left to check on her other customers. “She made me try it.” Cam shrugged. “It’s actually pretty good.” “Yeah, but you love her, so you’d tell her it’s great even if it tasted like feet.” “True.” Cam smiled. “It does taste like feet,” Julian said, placing a basket of cookies on the table and dragging a chair over to the booth to them. “Her taste buds are just half dead and don’t know any better.”

The hot chocolate was delicious, and the cookies were even better than Avery ed, yet he couldn’t help the tightness in his chest. Nari was so comfortable with her friends, but he wasn’t. Not seeing the one Callahan he wanted to see more than anything, he struggled to look at Julian. Julian was the image of Cooper, but the twin brothers couldn’t be more different. “Sorry, man. I know it’s not easy today of all days. I can go.” Julian moved to leave. “No, don’t go.” Avery raised his hand to stop Julian. “It’s nice, being here with you guys. It’s what Coop would want if he could be here too.” “Only one missing.” Peyton sighed as she slipped into the booth beside Cam. “I worry about Addison. Something is up with her lately.” “It’s been a tough two years for all of us,” Nari said. “But Addie changed the most after we lost Coop.” Avery glanced down at his phone, typing off a quick text to Nicky and Becks.

At the Main. It’s weird, especially today. Help.

“Do you when we were like eight and Cooper tried to put purple dye in Addie’s shampoo?” Cameron laughed. “Addie’s bathroom looked like a purple bomb exploded.” Avery snorted at the memory, laughing at all the planning that went into that prank. “He tried so hard not to get caught, and then he got the dye all over his hands and face. He looked like a grape for almost a week.” Still laughing, Cameron reached for a cookie. “I always wondered what possessed him to try to turn Addie’s hair purple.”

“Go big or go home,” Julian said. “Every one of his pranks had to be epic.” “So he opens Addie’s shampoo and dumps in the bottle of dye,” Avery said, a stupid grin stretched across his face at the memory. “But the bottle was new, so there was like a tiny space for the dye, but he just kept going. Then he screws the cap back on and shakes the stuff out of the bottle. I was only seven, but I saw that mess and bolted. I heard a loud pop and kept running, all the way home. I guess the dye reacted with the soap in the shampoo, and it exploded everywhere, all over him and the bathroom.” “Addie was furious,” Nari said. “They had to repaint the bathroom. I don’t think she ever forgave him for that stupid prank.” “What about the time Cooper swore he taught himself how to swim in the deep end?” Peyton grinned. “Dad knew he was lying, so he was in the pool when Coop took a leap off the high dive and went straight to the bottom of the deep end.” “He sank like a stone.” Julian shook his head at his twin brother’s antics. “Dad had to drag him out of the pool and force him to keep wearing the water wings on his arms,” Peyton said. “He was so mad.” “Your dad?” Cameron asked. “No, Coop. He hated those things. Said they were just not cool.” Avery couldn’t the last time he’d laughed so much. It was nice, reminiscing about Coop with the people who knew him best. “What’s so funny?” Becks called across the restaurant, stamping the snow off his boots and holding the door open for Nicky. “I just got here, so it can’t be all that funny.” “This guy.” Nicky pointed at Becks. “Doesn’t have a big head at all.” Nicky grabbed a cookie and slid into the booth next to Avery. “Oh, waitress?” Becks stared at Peyton, batting his lashes at her. “I’m freezing. Can I please have some of that chocolaty goodness to warm my insides?”

“Me too,” Nicky added. “And I think we’re going to need more cookies, please?” He gave her his best smile. “Got it, anybody want anything else?” Peyton asked. “I could go for a burger,” Avery said. “Oh, me too,” Nari added. “With hush puppies.” “Hush puppies?” Avery raised a brow at her. “That’s weird.” “It’s delicious. He’ll have some too. With that sweet chili sauce I like.” “Hold on a sec.” Peyton grabbed her order pad and started scribbling. “Okay, go.” She looked at the others waiting for their orders. Nicky nudged him under the table. “You okay, bro?” Avery nodded. “It’s weird, but I could get used to this.” “Julian, you have a customer,” Brian Callahan called from the kitchen. “Sorry, Dad.” Julian hopped up from his chair to help the girl waiting by the counter. “Addie?” Peyton scrambled out of her seat. “What happened? Are you okay?” “I’m fine.” Addison balanced on her crutches against the front counter. “Come sit down.” Peyton guided her across the restaurant to their booth. “No.” Addie shook her head. “I don’t really know why I’m here.” Her voice lowered, and she gave Julian a wary glance. “I think I’ll just order something to go.” “Nope.” Becks hopped out of his seat, letting Peyton and Julian get her settled beside Nicky. “Prop that foot up here.” Becks brought a chair over for her and moved to the other side of the table to sit next to Peyton. “Skiing accident?” Avery asked.

“I wish.” She sighed. “I had a mishap with the ski lift.” “Do tell,” Becks said. “It was horrible.” Addie’s cheeks flamed bright red. “I was getting on the lift with Ashley, and my ski got caught before I could get settled, and I fell out of the darn thing, but my foot was stuck. So there I am hanging upside down from the lift as it gets higher and higher. I reached up to loosen the buckle on my ski boot, thinking it would be better to fall a few feet down to the snow, but my foot got stuck again, and I tore a bunch of ligaments. I’m probably going to be out for the cheer championship.” “Oh, Addie, I’m so sorry.” Peyton reached for her hand. “Yeah, that’s just terrible.” Becks said, not trying very hard to hide his laughter. “Did anyone get that on video?” Avery asked. “Avery, that’s not nice,” Nari said, also trying not to laugh. “Found it.” Becks held up his phone triumphantly. “It’s on YouTube.” “Let me see.” Nicky and Cam both leaned forward. “You guys are a-holes.” Addison crossed her arms over her chest, an amused smile on her face. “We’ve missed you around here,” Peyton said. “I don’t know how I ended up here.” Addie shook her head. “It’s this night. I just went out to grab dinner, and here I am. Looks like you all did the same thing.” A camera flash startled them. “Mom, what are you doing?” Peyton rolled her eyes. “It’s like seeing a rare bird,” Mrs. Callahan said, tears in her eyes. “Seeing you all together like old times. Don’t mind me.” She retreated back into the kitchen. “What happened to us?” Cameron asked. “How did we become strangers?”

“I don’t know, man,” Avery said. “But how about a truce? At least for this one night.” He didn’t know if it could last, but being here with his old friends was like someone had forced him to take a look at his life with his current friends, and he didn’t like what he saw. After that night when Cooper died, Avery walked away from everything, creating a new life for himself. And it was all as fake as his relationship with Nari. This was real, and it was heartbreaking to have one of their number missing forever, but Avery felt like he’d come home. “Truce,” they all echoed around the table. “It’s weird,” Addison said. “But I have a massive craving for chili cheese fries.” “Coming right up.” Peyton smiled.

13

Nari

Was everyone staring at her? Nari felt them—the eyes—following her as she entered the lunchroom. Winter break was like living in a different world, one where none of these people mattered. She’d spent almost every day with Avery. Peyton, Cam, and Julian were around too, and it made Nari feel like they were growing back together for the first time since the accident changed all their lives. No one would ever replace Cooper, but Becks slid into their group, lightening the mood as Coop had always done. For once, they’d felt almost whole. Even Addison spent Christmas Eve with them. She was noticeably absent the rest of break, but Nari knew it was harder for her than the rest of them. She’d changed the most. Whispers filled the spaces of Nari’s mind, but she couldn’t tell what her classmates were saying. Only one word reached her ears again and again. Nari. Nari made it a point in her life to avoid being the center of attention. She preferred people to not think about her at all. Her heart thundered against her ribs as she stood frozen in the doorway. A hand pressed into the center of her back, and she relaxed as Avery’s voice overcame the whispers. “You okay?” He leaned close so only she could hear, and she inhaled his scent, pine and something sweet. It calmed her. She nodded. “Hey.” He wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “I’m here. Just ignore them.” She leaned into him without thinking, and he held her tighter, pressing a kiss to

the side of her head. It seemed almost…normal, as if they truly were a couple like everyone thought they were. But it was all for show. “Breathe,” Avery whispered, his lips grazing her ear. “I’m sorry they’re talking .” She looked up at him. How could he be sorry? Wasn’t this what he’d wanted? “I need to find Peyton.” What she really needed was for Avery to be able to take back the lie he’d told the entire school. When they were away from these halls, it hadn’t seemed like such a big deal. Nari hadn’t realized just how it would feel for people to think she was Avery’s newest girl. Her eyes went to the lunch table where Peyton and Cam sat watching her and beckoning her toward them as if they were her sanctuary, her only safe place. She hadn’t told them the truth about her relationship with Avery, and they were worried for her, worried she was going to end up hurt. No matter if it was a real relationship or not, she knew they were right. There was no way this ended with her not getting hurt. She took a step toward them, trying to shrug off Avery’s arm. He tightened it around her. “Nari, you should probably sit with me and my friends.” There was an apology in his tone, but if he was really sorry, he’d have let her escape to the few people who wouldn’t stare at her as if she had two heads. And if she was stronger, she’d have told Avery exactly that. Instead, she pushed her glasses up her nose and gripped the bag hanging off her shoulder as she let Avery lead her toward the opposite side of the cafeteria. Every person at Avery’s usual table looked up as they neared. Expressions ranged from curious—like Addison—to the downright hostility coming from Meghan. “Hey, guys.” Avery slid into an empty seat, clearly oblivious to the tension around the table. He raised an eyebrow at Nari and gestured to the seat beside him. “You going to sit?” She sat and busied herself pulling her lunch out of her bag. Meghan’s glare burned into her.

“What is that?” Addison asked, gesturing to the small containers Nari set on the table. Nari searched for any hint of disdain in Addie’s tone, finding none. Avery was the one who answered. “Banchan, right?” He slid his arm casually over the back of Nari’s chair. Nari nodded. “Banchan is just a bunch of small dishes.” She pointed to each Tupperware container. “Spicy cucumbers. Boiled spinach. Kimchi. Potato pancakes.” “Ugh.” Meghan leaned forward, staring at the food in distaste. “Can’t you eat American food so we don’t all have to smell that?” Another presence appeared behind Nari. “You’re just jealous because Nari actually allows herself to eat.” Becks leaned over her, plucking a sliced cucumber from in front of Nari and popping it in his mouth. “Mmmm. No wonder Avery fell for you if you always have food like that.” Becks shot her a wink as he took the last remaining seat at the table—which happened to be on her other side. He was the only person who knew the relationship wasn’t real. His grin widened, and he gripped the edge of her seat, scooting it closer to him and farther from Avery. “Avery, I’m stealing your girlfriend. Besides, she was my friend first.” Avery practically growled as he pulled her back toward him. “Actually, Avery and Nari have known each other since they were kids.” Addison lifted a brow as she watched the three of them. Meghan’s lips twisted to the side as she raised her voice for the entire lunchroom to hear. “Yeah, weren’t you guys like brother and sister once? Honestly, Avery, have you exhausted all the girls in this school that you had to dip into the kiddie pool?” A few of Avery’s football buddies laughed at that. Addison sent her friend a scowl but didn’t say anything. Tears burned the back of Nari’s eyes as she fought to keep them from falling. The worst part was, she knew Meghan wasn’t wrong. Nari wasn’t exactly on their level. Avery chose her for his fake relationship for that very reason. It was

only then she realized Avery knew all of this would happen. He knew what his friends would do to Nari, and yet he just sat there, no words leaving his mouth. And she hated him for it. She hated him for making her agree, for coming up with a deal he knew she couldn’t say no too. He’d been true to his side of the agreement. They spent most of winter break studying together, and she finally felt like she could handle their coming exams. But was it worth this? The simple answer was no, but this wasn’t anything resembling simple. “Do you have to be such a jerk, Meghan?” Becks reached over and gripped Nari’s hand. She squeezed back, grateful he at least stuck up for her when Avery seemed frozen in his chair. For all she cared, Avery and Meghan could have each other. Why should she care about someone who could lust after the girl who made high school a living hell for so many people? “I need to go.” Nari stood, shaking off Becks’ hand when he tried to keep her there. Tears blurred her vision as she gathered up the plastic containers, shoving them in her bag to make a hasty escape. As if they’d watched for her, Peyton and Cam showed up at the table, and she’d never been more grateful for her friends. She blinked away tears as Peyton wrapped an arm around her and led her toward the door. Nari tried to ignore the gazes of their classmates. They were almost free when Avery’s voice called her back. “Nari.” He jogged toward them. Nari wiped her face and turned back to face him. “What do you want from me, Avery?” “We had a deal.” His voice was so quiet no one other than Nari, Peyton, and Cam could possibly hear. “You can’t break it already.” She sighed. “Avery, can’t you find someone else?”

He shook his head. “It has to be you.” “Why?” She met his eyes, and the expression flashing across his face gutted her. She ed how broken he’d been the night he spent in her room when he’d felt as if his entire life was crumbling down around him. She knew the feeling. He kicked a toe against the ground, breaking their eye . “I don’t know.” “That isn’t good enough.” “I held up my end of the bargain. Please…” He was right. He had. If she backed out now, it wouldn’t be fair. Her shoulders dropped. “Avery.” Peyton stepped forward. “I don’t know what’s going on here, but can’t you just leave Nari alone?” “No.” He rushed forward, pulling Nari into his arms. She barely had time to think about what was happening before he pressed his lips to hers. The kiss held every bit of energy as their first one had, yet also the calculation of the second. She tried to keep herself from getting lost in the feel of him as cheers sounded around them. When he groaned and held her tighter, her tears broke free. To Avery, a kiss was nothing. He’d kissed many girls before. It was fun. But Nari had only had three kisses in her life, each with this same boy. And to her, it would never be nothing. Avery brushed the tears from her face and skimmed his lips over her heated cheeks to bring them to her ear. “Please. Don’t give up on me.” She closed her eyes, not wanting to let him see how those words affected her. He thought if he could make Meghan jealous it would show his friends he wasn’t hurt by Meghan moving on so quickly with Drew. “Okay.” She took a deep breath, unable to say no to him. At least for now.

She wasn’t sure how long she could keep it going before the weight of their fake relationship crushed her, splitting her in two, but for the boy who’d once been her world, her childhood best friend, she’d try.

Nari didn’t know how she’d gotten through three weeks as Avery St. Germaine’s girlfriend. The hand-holding, the physical , the expectations—yet, she kept going. He’d kissed her a few times, but never more than a peck. He didn’t spend any more nights in her room, and their conversations stayed on a superficial level. She didn’t ask how his family was doing. Nicky told her they were working through a lot, but Avery never brought it up. After the first day in the cafeteria, Peyton and Cam knew the truth. They didn’t approve, but they ed her. Nari sat with Avery’s friends every day at lunch. He started defending her against Meghan, and even Addison was on her side more often than not. Becks was the only person who made her feel truly welcome though. Nari lived for the weekends when she ed Becks, Julian, and Wylder for gigs at various bars and parties. She didn’t know how Becks secured the gigs, but she was grateful for the distraction. Peyton, Cam, and Nicky came along often, but Nari hadn’t told Avery about her alternate life as a keyboardist. She almost laughed at the thought. He wouldn’t understand her need to be someone else. Becks dropped into his seat at the lunch table three weeks after the new semester began. “Isn’t today the one-month anniversary of Navery or something?” He grinned, enjoying making Avery uncomfortable. He might be the only one at the table who knew the truth, but he constantly drew the attention to Nari and Avery out of some sense of amusement. “Navery?” Avery shook his head. “Six weeks, actually.” He slipped his arm around Nari’s waist and pulled her from her own seat onto his lap. He kissed her neck, sending shivers down her arms. Meghan and Drew scowled at them, but the rest of the table had started just ignoring Nari over the weeks. It was better than the scorn they’d given her at first. Becks made gagging sounds. “Get a room, you two.”

Uncomfortable, Nari escaped from Avery’s lap, taking her own seat once more. Avery’s lips turned down, but he didn’t comment on her need for distance. They’d grown too close, and she wasn’t sure how much longer it was going to last. Each day, she waited for Avery to tell her it was time to pull the plug on their lie. And each day, he just continued pretending. They’d taken their exams, and for the first time, Nari felt like she might have done okay on them. That was because of Avery, so she owed it to him to keep going until he wanted to stop. Still, it didn’t mean she’d grown any more comfortable with his touchy nature. As if she called a savior forth, Nicky appeared. “Nari, can I talk to you?” She glanced at the clock on the wall, noting only a few minutes until the bell. Gathering her stuff, she stood to follow him. Avery grabbed her wrist, pulling her back down and placing a soft kiss on her lips. She pulled away, not looking him in the eyes as she followed Nicky. “What’s up, Nick?” He sent her an impish grin. “Nothing. You just looked like you needed a rescue.” Looping her arm through his, she sighed. “You have no idea. I don’t think I can do this much longer.” Nicky’s sad eyes found hers. “You’re going to break up with him?” She shrugged. “You know this isn’t real, right?” “I may have guessed that, yeah.” He led her into the hall, away from prying ears. “Just…don’t hurt him.” “Nicky, didn’t you hear me? We aren’t real.” He pursed his lips. “I’m only going to say this once because the thought of you dating my brother makes me worry for you… When he was dating Meghan, he’d do anything to get away from her. His eyes didn’t follow her as she walked away. He didn’t touch her any chance he got.” “That’s ridiculous. All he can think about is making her jealous.”

Nicky shrugged. “Only reporting what I see, Nari. You do what you want with it.” He left her at her locker. As she turned the dial and opened it, his words ran on a loop through her mind. Nicky was only seeing what he wanted to see. Her phone chimed with a notification from the No BS app. Peyton had a new post up. She scanned it before beginning her own.

I used to think I wanted people to see me. I wanted to be anything other than the girl I was. The saying ‘be careful what you wish for’ has never been more true for me. Now that the spotlight has found me, all I want is to sink back into the shadows. I’m not sure anyone is worth leaving behind my anonymity for. Certainly not a person who expects me to be able to fit into a world I never wanted to be a part of. —@KeyboardingIsLife

As it always did, posting on No BS soothed Nari’s nerves. When she was on the app, she could believe she wasn’t alone. She waited for people to comment with or agreement, needing to know she wasn’t crazy for feeling the way she did. Solidarity was a powerful thing, and in high school, it was better coming with anonymity. Slamming her locker closed, she slid her phone into her bag and walked toward another classroom where she’d have to suffer being the subject of curious glances that all asked the same thing. Why her? What did Avery St. Germaine see in the quiet girl who had little to offer other than average grades and a nervous disposition?

14

Avery

I used to think I wanted people to see me. I wanted to be anything other than the girl I was. The saying ‘be careful what you wish for’ has never been more true for me. Now that the spotlight has found me, all I want is to sink back into the shadows. I’m not sure anyone is worth leaving behind my anonymity for. Certainly not a person who expects me to be able to fit into a world I never wanted to be a part of. —@KeyboardingIsLife

Avery stared at the honest words on his screen. I’m making her miserable. He felt like a voyeur every time he stalked Nari’s posts on No BS, but she kept her thoughts and feelings so closely guarded it was the only way to see what she was really thinking about their fake relationship. The fake relationship that was more honest and genuine than any real one he’d ever known before. But if being with him made her miserable, maybe he needed to let her go? The thought of losing her crushed something inside him. Avery shuffled down the hallway, browsing through the ive comments for Nari on No BS.

—@KeyboardingIsLife No one is worth making yourself miserable and if they can’t even see you’re not happy, then you’re with the wrong person. —@Wallflower17

—@KeyboardingIsLife, @Wallflower17 is right. Sounds like you’re an introvert trying to date an extrovert. It’s not easy to find a balance in that kind of relationship. Keep your chin up and if he/she really cares for you, you’ll find a way to make it work. —@JustAnotherIntrovertInAnExtrovertWorld

“Morning.” Avery leaned against the lockers beside Nari’s. “Do you have to walk me to class every day?” Nari slammed her locker shut. “I guess I don’t have to.” Avery shrugged. “I just like to see your smiling face first thing in the morning.” “I rarely smile in the morning.” Her shoulders sagged, and she let her messenger bag trail on the ground at her feet. “Maybe this will get me at least a smart-ass smirk.” He handed her an iced coffee just the way she liked it. Strong and sweet with lots of hazelnut flavoring. He tasted it once. It was disgusting. “The Kool-Aid of coffee for the grumpy face.” “I suppose I can be seen with you now.” Nari gave him a genuine smile as they walked along the busy corridor to their homeroom. Avery paid attention, this time, to the way everyone watched them like they were

fascinating bugs under a microscope. He was so used to the attention he didn’t even notice it anymore. But for Nari, it was all new. He watched the way she walked beside him, hiding her face behind the curtain of her hair as she sipped her coffee. He finally saw it. She wanted to be anywhere but here. And that gutted him. “Wait, Nari.” Avery stopped just outside their homeroom. “I’m sorry I dragged you out of the shadows.” He lowered his voice. “It was never my intention to make you uncomfortable with our…arrangement. It’s just, so many people want to be popular I let myself think you’d be thrilled at the chance to the inner circle.” “Avery—” “No, I’m fully aware I sound like an idiot. I just never meant to steal your anonymity. I wish I could make it all go away—” “Steal my anonymity?” Nari’s eyes narrowed to slits, and he realized he’d said too much. The sound of the bell sent students scattering into their homerooms before Avery had a chance to say what he was trying to say. “You read my posts on No BS? How did you know my name, Avery?” When he didn’t answer her, Nari stalked past him into the classroom and took her seat on the opposite side of the room from his. He wanted to tell her he’d give it all up to be anonymous with her. That no matter what, she was always the best part of his day. But he screwed it up. Again. I shouldn’t have peeked at her name. He sent off a quick text

Avery: I can explain

Avery didn’t see her again until lunch, and she wasn’t answering his texts. As soon as the bell rang, he waited for her outside her history class. “We need to talk.” Avery followed her down the hall filled with noisy students. “I don’t think we do,” Nari said. “Please.” He reached for her shoulder. “I can explain.” She whirled around on him. “You can explain? Please, tell me what could possibly make it okay for you to read the thoughts no one was supposed to know were mine?” Her voice echoed down the hallway. Avery blanched at the look on her face. Everyone was staring. “Let’s go talk somewhere quiet.” “Oh, now you don’t want to be the center of attention?” “I saw your name that day in your room when your computer was open on the bed. I didn’t go looking for it, it was just there.” “You didn’t have to look at my posts, Avery. But you did. You’ve been reading my posts this whole time?” “I’m sorry, Nari. It was stupid. I—” “We’re done.” Nari backed away from him. “We are so done.” She turned into the crowd of gawking students and left him standing by himself. It was the most alone he’d ever felt.

“Let’s go,” Avery said, ing Nicky waiting for him outside. This day couldn’t get any worse, and he was ready to see it end. “Don’t you have your appointment with the guidance counselor today? I was prepared to wait for you.” Nicky scrambled to follow Avery across the parking lot. “Oh right.” Avery laughed. “That’ll probably take two seconds.” He tossed the keys to his brother. “I’ll be right back, you can wait in the car.” Avery headed straight for the guidance counselor’s office, not in the mood to hear how bleak his future looked without football. “Avery, good to see you,” Mrs. Fletcher said. “Have a seat, this should be pretty easy since you have multiple athletic scholarships already.” “My family and I have decided I won’t be playing football in college,” Avery said. “Long story, but it’s just not in the cards.” “That’s…unexpected, but I understand.” Mrs. Fletcher reached for his file. “So, I can just go now.” Avery stood to leave. “Sit down, Mr. St. Germaine.” She pointed at the chair he’d just vacated. “We aren’t done yet. Unless you’re telling me you aren’t going to college?” She peered at him over her thick lenses. “No, I guess I’ll figure that out once I figure out how to pay for it.” He leaned forward, studying the carpet to avoid her stare. “I see. So you’ll be needing an academic scholarship then?” Avery snapped his head up to see if she was serious. “You think I can get one of those?” “Avery, you’re one of the best students in your grade. You’ve carried a 3.8 GPA for nearly four years. It wouldn’t take too much to get that up to a 4.0. You have

time. But your test scores are incredible. With your academic and athletic record, on paper, you’re every college’s dream applicant.” “They’ll just want me to play football.” Avery’s shoulders fell. “You’ll need tell them you will not be playing college football but that you might be open to other sports. Safer sports?” She gave him a knowing look. “Pop has CTE,” Avery said. “It’s from all the concussions. Mom doesn't want that for me.” “I figured as much. Football is a hard sport. Especially professionally. I’ve followed your father’s career, like most of us here in Twin Rivers have. It’s no secret he’s sustained a lot of injuries. If you were my son, I wouldn’t want that for you either. So, let’s explore your options without football. If you could go to any school you wanted, where would it be?” “I—I don’t know, honestly. Football was always going to be in my future, so I’ve never really considered choosing a college based on what I want from a school.” “Let’s start with something easy then.” She moved across the room to her filing cabinet and shuffled through the contents. “Fill these out and get them back to me by the end of the month.” “What are these?” “Merit scholarship applications. I’ve pulled five I think you have a great chance of getting. Start looking at schools, Avery. We still have lots of time to get you where you want to be, but we need to be working on this from now until you graduate.” “Yes, ma’am.” Avery stood with a hesitant smile on his face. “You really think I can get an academic scholarship?” “You have a bright future, Avery St. Germaine, and you don’t need football to get you there if that’s not what you want. I’ll help you find a way.” “Thank you, Mrs. Fletcher.” Avery felt like a five-hundred-pound weight lifted off his shoulders, and he headed across the empty parking lot to the car he now

shared with Nicky. Everything was bad right now, but there was a light at the end of the tunnel.

“You messed things up with Nari big time,” Nicky said. “I heard she dumped you in front of the whole school.” “That pretty much sums up my day.” Avery paused the video game he was playing. “I don’t know how to fix it.” “Maybe it’s time you let her off the hook, man. You’ve successfully made Meghan mad, and now the whole school is like in love with you two.” “They are?” Avery frowned. “They call you Navery.” “Ugh, I heard, but don’t tell Nari about that, it’ll make her crazy.” “Do you even go to the same school as the rest of us? Of course, she knows. She hears it all day. And now she has to hear the whole school mourn the breakup of your fake relationship.” Avery frowned as he stood up and paced to the window. “What is she doing?” Avery watched as Nari climbed out of her bedroom window, pulling a duffle bag behind her. His blood ran cold when he realized who was waiting for her at the end of the driveway. “Why is Julian Callahan picking up my girlfriend?” “She’s not your girlfriend.” Nicky clapped him on the back. “Just leave her alone.” Avery whirled around on his brother. “You know something.” Avery grabbed Nicky’s shoulders. “Where is she going with Julian?” “It’s none of your business, and she’s not your girlfriend. What’s with the possessive reaction? Haven’t you hurt her enough?” “I don’t want to hurt her, Nicky. I want to be with her for real. I’ve been trying to

tell her that, but she won’t listen. I need you to tell me where she’s going. Please.” Nicky shook his head in disbelief. “Fine. But you have to see this for yourself.” He dropped his voice as if speaking to himself. “This’ll be good.”

15

Nari

Parties weren’t Nari’s scene. Yes, she was in a band and spent her weekends playing in crowded bars in the towns surrounding Twin Rivers, but she dreaded walking through the front door of the kind of party she’d never been invited to. Everything nearby revolved around the two rivers cutting through towns, hence the name River. River was similar to Twin Rivers in a lot of ways, one of which being the wealth. Nari’s family was well off, but she still felt inferior in the presence of the kinds of kids who attended Defiance Academy rather than one of the public schools in the area. Defiance Academy was a boarding school drawing kids not only from River and Twin Rivers but across the country and Europe as well. And they all seemed to be at this party. It took half an hour to drive from Becks’ house, where they’d met up, to the monstrous house before them. Nari tried to push away the nerves she felt before each gig and tried to silence the voice in her head saying this wasn’t the girl she was supposed to be. It wasn’t until she was on stage that it all went away, and she knew she was in the one place she belonged. Becks took the keyboard he always let her use from the trunk of his car and handed it to her. Together with Becks, Julian, and Wylder, she crossed the lawn, ignoring the number of expensive cars lining the street. If she thought about how many people were behind that front door, she’d throw up.

They pushed into the party. A heavy bass pumped through Nari, setting her heart thumping inside her chest. She hadn’t wanted to come tonight. She’d even tried to get out of it, wanting to stay home instead. She’d ended things with Avery in front of the entire school, and she knew it shouldn’t hurt so much. Nothing about their relationship had been real, yet it sucked all the same. He’d betrayed her when he went on her computer and found her No BS screen name. Then he’d continued betraying her each time he searched out her words. She could have kicked herself for putting such private thoughts on No BS for people to see, but they were supposed to be anonymous. Posting on the app was the only thing that kept her going some days. Talking to others who felt the same kinds of things made it all a little more bearable. And now Avery had taken that from her. He’d taken everything and twisted it. All she wanted was to go back to her life before knowing what it felt like to have Avery St. Germaine by her side, before she knew how much she enjoyed kissing him. That wasn’t the worst of it though. She missed just talking to him. He’d been her best friend once, and she’d thought they were getting that back. She’d thought everything they’d said to each other actually meant something. A part of her had thought Avery knew her better than anyone else, that, for the first time, someone saw her for who she really was. But it was all a joke to him. She didn’t fit with his friends or his high octane life. He was going to have an exciting future, one of status and popularity, and she wouldn’t be a part of it. She couldn’t. No matter how much pain she imagined she’d seen in his face when she ended things, she knew the truth. Avery would never see her as anything other than the nerd she’d always known she was. She ran her hand through her hair, conscious of the pink highlights that made her feel like someone else, someone new. Her face was exposed without the thick glasses hiding her eyes from view. The s gave her confidence she didn’t normally feel. She wore ripped jeans and a tight black V-neck shirt underneath her puffy coat. Removing the coat, she tried to ignore the eyes on her. At school, the gazes were scathing, and she could handle that.

But here, among people who didn’t know her as anything other than this version of herself, they were something else. Appraising? Appreciative? Someone sidled up beside her and grinned down at her. “Let me help you with that.” He reached for her keyboard, but she jerked it away from him. “I’ve got it.” Where had Becks and Julian gone? She searched the crowd for them, but they’d gotten separated. The boy wasn’t deterred. “Whatever you say, beautiful. You in the band?” She lifted a brow. What a stupid question. She wanted to tell him that, but her voice wouldn’t cooperate. “Um…uh…” His grin widened. “You’re adorable.” “No.” She settled her eyes on the ground. “I’m not.” When she met his eyes, recognition sparked. She searched for a name in her mind. Where had she met him before? Her eyes widened as a memory sparked. “You’re Nicky’s boyfriend.” He froze. “I don’t know anyone named Nicky.” Yes, she was sure of it. Kenny. That was his name. Of course, he was here, surrounded by Defiance Academy kids. She hated that Nicky took him back after finding him kissing a girl at a party, and now he was hitting on her. He backed away, and Nari opened her mouth to say something else before a hand landed on her shoulder. “You okay?” Cam asked as Peyton stepped up to her other side, eyeing Kenny warily. He hurried away from them, and Nari turned to her friends, relief washing over her. “You guys came.” “Of course.” Peyton looped her arm through Nari’s. “This is the first time I get to see you and Julian on stage.”

Nari smiled. She didn’t know what she’d done to deserve friends like Peyton and Cam. They’d been with her as much as they could since the blow up with Avery. When she’d gotten her exam grades back, they’d celebrated with her as if they were their own Bs and Cs. And the entire time, she’d wanted to run to Avery and tell him how well she’d done. He was the only person who knew just how much she’d struggled. She shook thoughts of him aside as she led Peyton and Cam to where the rest of the band was setting up. “I can’t wait to see this,” Peyton squealed. She scanned Nari from head to toe as Nari threw her coat onto a chair along the wall. “You look hot, girl.” Nari’s cheeks flamed. Cam nodded in agreement. “You look beautiful.” Compliments from Cam weren’t anything new. He was the nicest guy Nari knew, but he wasn’t the boy she wanted to hear those things from. And she hated herself for that thought. She wanted to be stronger than she was, to move on and forget the last two months. Julian took her keyboard and set it up for her as Becks approached, pushing himself between her and Peyton to wrap his arm around Nari’s shoulder. “You ready for this?” She nodded, swallowing. “As I’ll ever be.” He squeezed her to his side. “Forget about him, Nari. At least for tonight. These performances aren’t about him or anyone else. They’re for us. When we’re on that stage, I want you to look at me. I’ll keep you focused.” She smiled up at him, grateful for his words. Becks was Avery’s best friend, yet he’d been a friend to her as well. He leaned down, dropping his voice. “I wish he could see you now, Nari, like this.”

She sighed, not denying her feelings anymore. Becks could see right through her. “That’s the thing, Becks. This is the girl he’d want, not the one I am every other day of the week.” She gestured down at herself. “This isn’t real.” “Bull, Nars. This is just as real as that other version of you. I know because I feel more like myself on that stage than anywhere else. There are different parts of you, but it doesn’t mean one is fake.” He shook his head. “And for what it’s worth, I’m pretty darn positive Avery wants the girl who hides behind glasses and books, the one who stumbles over her words and doesn’t know just how awesome she is.” “I wish I could believe you. I know you’re just trying to make me feel better. Even if it was true, I can’t trust him. Not now.” Becks blew out a frustrated breath and released her. “If you really think that, then you aren’t as smart as I always thought you were. Avery tries to be the jerk everyone expects him to be, but I know him better than anyone. Watching him around you made me think he was finally realizing he was worth something. You may not really have been dating, Nari, but you two made sense in a way few things do.” She pulled at the ends of her hair, meeting Peyton’s worried gaze. She’d heard everything Becks said, Nari was sure of it. But Peyton wasn’t team Avery, and Nari couldn’t blame her. She’d been so sure Nari was going to get hurt, and look what happened? Nari sucked in a breath, trying to push away every doubt inside her mind. She didn’t need Avery to feel good about herself. Becks gripped her arm. “Come here. I want to talk to you about something before we play.” He pulled her away from Peyton and led her toward the corner behind the makeshift stage. “What’s up?” She glanced back at Julian and Wylder who she knew was waiting on them. “I got a call earlier today from my cousin in Nashville. After graduation, I’m going to live with her for a while. She works for a well-known label and wants to introduce me to some people.” He paused, running a hand through his hair nervously. “I want you to come with me.”

Nari stared at him in disbelief. “What?” He couldn’t have said what she thought he had. Nashville? She’d never considered leaving home. The plan was set. Her dad would get her a spot at Defiance University. She’d struggle through college and then get some job. As much as she wanted music to remain a part of her life, she never imagined it could. When Becks spoke again, the words poured out of him. “Think about it. I’m not sure if you’ve noticed how great you and I are together. When we play, people listen. Nari, I know you want to do what’s expected of you, but screw expectations. You’re born to play music, to write it—hell, to live it. It’s a part of you. I’m going to Nashville no matter what, but I really don’t want to do it without you.” He took her hand in his. “Please, think about it.” All Nari could do was nod as she pulled her hand away from him and returned to the stage. She couldn’t just go to Nashville, could she? She’d never really considered what she wanted to do after high school. Her future had never seemed like her own. She looked out on the living room. The furniture was pushed up against the walls, creating a massive open space for people to dance to their music, music she’d helped write. Was she really good enough for a town centered on music? “We need to start.” Julian plugged in his guitar, strumming it to test the sound. As soon as Nari sat on the bench behind her keyboard, nothing else mattered. She rested her fingers on the keys, going over each song in her mind. They were playing Becks’ new songs for the first time tonight, the ones Nari helped him with. She’d never played her own music for anyone else before. Becks shot her a grin as if he hadn’t just tilted her world on its axis. He gripped the microphone and introduced the band. The name Anonymous held a different meaning to her now. Was it possible for anyone to truly be anonymous? Nari barely heard his words, and when the music began, she lost herself in the notes, letting them flow through her. She leaned forward, singing into the small mic over her keyboard, her voice ing Becks’, the melodies intertwining, molding together. Apart, they sounded good, but together, she knew they were unstoppable. Before Avery, before this band, she wouldn’t have considered anything so big.

But she wasn’t the girl she was before, the one who could barely speak let alone sing in front of people. She’d entered the world of the elite and survived, leaving with her dignity intact. She’d learned to navigate her parents’ expectations, realizing they weren’t the only ones she had to make happy. She owed it to herself to hold on to the one thing that made sense to her. The band transitioned from one song to the next, holding the rapt attention of the crowd of boarding school kids. Peyton and Cam watched her as if seeing her, the real her, for the first time. Even her friends had this idea in their minds of who she was. Maybe Becks was right. That girl and this one weren’t two different people. They were only different sides of her. And she was ready for them to come together. Her fingers flew over the keys seemingly of their own accord as she let her eyes drift over the crowd. A familiar face caught her gaze. Nicky grinned from his spot near the back in that familiar way of his that had always been able to put her at ease. She didn’t know how he went through everything he did with his family and the kids at school and remained so full of joy. She wanted that. And when her eyes snagged on the boy stepping up beside him, she felt it. For a moment in time, everything made sense. And then that feeling shattered inside her as realization cracked the bubble she created around herself each time she played. Because Avery St. Germaine was there, and the two parts of herself collided as his eyes settled on the girl she’d never let him see.

16

Avery

“What is she doing in River?” Avery glanced over his shoulder as they crossed over the Rocky River Bridge on the east side of town. “Would you relax? We’re just going to a party.” Nicky had insisted on driving, claiming Avery was too anxious to get behind the wheel. “A Defiance Academy party?” Avery ran his hand through his hair. Maybe Nicky had a point. “Is she dating someone there?” “No. And will you chill out? You’re going to see a different side of Nari in a minute, but you’re going to have to keep a low profile.” “Yeah, those jerks would kick us out faster than I could say Defiance Academy sucks.” Twin Rivers High and Defiance Academy were sworn rivals. The students generally hated each other simply because it was tradition. “We’re just going to watch.” “Watch what, Nicky? You’re killing me.” “Will you just shut up, Avery? We’re here.” Nicky rolled to a stop in front of a huge mansion. It was even more pretentious than their house. Avery grabbed a hat from the back seat and pulled it down low over his face. As a sophomore, Nicky wasn’t as recognizable as Avery was. He could hear the pulse of the music even before they made their way inside. “Just in time,” Nicky said, guiding Avery through the crowd and toward the back

of the huge living room. It was just like every other high school party on the planet. Kids were drinking beer from red Solo cups, and most of the crowd danced to the live music. Avery searched the crowd for Nari but couldn’t find her anywhere. This was so not her scene. He’d never taken her to Twin Rivers parties because he knew she’d hate it. “Where is she?” Avery asked his brother. Nicky pointed to the stage with a grin. “Up there.” Avery did a double take. First, he noticed Becks. It wasn’t a huge shocker to see his best friend up on stage. He was the kind of guy who would do anything. But when Avery’s gaze landed on the keyboard player, his heart nearly stopped. Nari didn’t look like Nari without her glasses. Dressed in ripped jeans riding low on her hips, a tight black T-shirt, and pink highlights in her hair, she was hot— like smokin’ hot. Avery always thought she was pretty but in an adorable, girl next door kind of way. “What am I even seeing right now?” Avery said. “This is the one thing she loves,” Nicky said. “It doesn’t make any sense, and it doesn’t even seem like her up there, but she’s incredible. I don’t think she knows how to reconcile the Nari we know with this girl.” Nicky nodded to the girl on stage. “No. It’s still her.” Avery shook his head. “When you really know Nari, this… this makes sense.” He couldn’t explain it, and he sure as hell hadn’t expected it, but Nari was a rock star—and it suited her. But she was also the shy, sweet girl next door too. And he loved that about her. “She’s amazing.” Avery couldn’t take his eyes off her. Her fingers flew across the keyboard and her voice … was sexy. She had this sultry bluesy vibe to her voice that fit with Becks’ like a glove. They were killing it on stage together. “@KeyboardingIsLife,” Avery muttered to himself. “It all makes sense now.” Her No BS name stumped him in the beginning, and he wasn’t sure it was even her. This quiet, beautiful girl lived for these few precious moments she had

to do what she loved. And she didn’t think anyone would understand. “She’s going to kill me for bringing you,” Nicky said, but Avery was barely listening to his brother. As she gazed across the audience, Nari’s eyes landed on Avery. For a moment, she gave him the most stunning smile he’d ever seen. And then her face fell, and she locked her eyes on her instrument. Some of the life had gone out of her, and he hated himself for being the reason she hurt. “Thank you! You’ve been a great audience tonight!” Becks shouted into the microphone. “We’re Anonymous, and we’ll be back in a bit.” Avery took one step toward the stage, and Nari bolted. “Give her a minute,” Nicky said, but Avery was already following her onto the back deck. “Are you okay?” Julian asked, his hand resting on Nari’s shoulder. “Yeah, I’m fine.” Nari leaned into him. “What is this?” Avery charged across the deck, anger and jealousy warring inside him. Avery wanted to rip Julian’s throat out. After all this time, he thought they could have something real and all along, she’d had a thing for Julian? His hands curled into fists at his side. “You’re not good enough for her.” “Yeah, and you are?” Julian shot back. “Hey, douchebag?” Becks shouted through the back door. “Yeah, I’m talking to you, Avery St. Germaine. You’re way off.” Becks pulled him away before he could do something he’d regret. “They’re just bandmates, Avery,” Becks whispered. “Now get your stuff under control and apologize to Julian before you lose the best thing that’s ever happened to you.” Avery glanced at Nari who was looking at him like she didn’t know him at all. “I’m sorry, Julian.” Avery pulled away from Becks’ grip. “I overreacted seeing you two together.” Nari stood behind Julian, her arms crossed over her chest and her breath coming out in a puffy white cloud.

“Nari, you were incredible up there. I know I’m the last person you want to talk to right now. But I get it. You feel like no one would understand this side of you, but I do, Nari. You were born to play music. Every time I hear you play, it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard. The people who love you would never hold you back or make you think you can’t be this bad-ass rocker girl and the sweet quiet girl who’s terrible at math and refuses to swear.” “Avery,” Nari murmured. “I—I don’t think I can talk to you right now. You were so angry. Over nothing. I was just standing here with a friend and you… You looked just like your dad, and that scares the hell out of me.” “Nari?” Avery stumbled back. Her words gutted him. “Let’s go, Avery.” Nicky pulled him back inside the party. Once inside, Avery darted through the crowd, his thoughts reeling with the echo of Nari’s words. You’re just like your dad. It wasn’t the first time he’d heard it, but it was the first time he believed it. Most people said it as a compliment. But Nari was right. He was just like his dad—in all the worst ways. Avery stumbled into the dining room where a makeshift bar was set up on a long, glossy dining room table that could easily seat twenty. He poured himself a double shot of whisky and downed it in one gulp. He filled the cut glass tumbler with ice and more whisky and shuffled through the crowded living room to the empty foyer. What did it matter that he’d quit drinking after Cooper’s death? If he was destined to be just like his father, he might as well let it happen. “Avery, what are you doing here?” A familiar voice cut through the loud music pumping through the speakers in the hall. “Addison.” Avery shrugged, dropping to sit on the stairs beside her. “Selfdestructing, how about you?” Avery took a long sip of his drink. “Why are you out here all alone? At a Defiance Academy party?” “Put that down, Avery St. Germaine. You don’t need alcohol to screw things up for yourself. You do a fine job of that on your own.” “Tell me about it. Did you see my girlfriend run away from me? Apparently, I’m just like my drunk father.” He lifted his glass up before taking another sip. “I scared her.”

“You’re pushing her too hard, Avery,” Addison said. “I’ve been so patient. You have no idea.” “You are such an idiot.” Addison smacked him on the back of his head and took his drink. “Nari hates our world, but you drag her to that lunch table every day. You’re expecting her to acclimate to your world when that’s the last place she wants to be.” “What am I supposed to do, Addie? I want to be with her, but I don’t know how to make this work.” “ the Nari we grew up with? The sweet little girl who would rather stay home with her best friends than go anywhere else. She clammed up whenever other people were around, but with us, she was a riot. She needs to be comfortable in her own environment, and if you really want to be with her, you might need to acclimate to her life and stop trying to make her into Meghan.” “What? Meghan Lewis is the absolute last thing I want.” “But you expect Nari to step into her role as your girlfriend in the spotlight, while nothing changes for you, but everything changes for her. She is good for you, Avery. But she needs you to be good for her too. I saw it on Christmas Eve at the diner with you guys. She was happy. In her element with a guy she really likes. Be that guy for her, and give her some time to step into your world on her own .” “It might be too late for that.” Avery hung his head. “I really screwed things up tonight.” “Our little Nari grew up to be a bad-ass little rock star, didn’t she?” Addison said. “Who knew?” Avery threw his hands up. “There you are.” Nicky shot across the foyer to the stairs. “We need to go.” “What happened, we get kicked out?” “The guy who lives here is a little angry we gate-crashed his party. He hired

Becks because apparently Anonymous is the best, but he made it clear we aren’t welcome.” Nicky stooped to help Addison up and Avery helped her with her crutches. “Thanks, guys. I guess chivalry isn’t dead yet.” “You need a ride, Addie?” Avery asked. “Not if you’re driving.” “I’m driving, and I’m sober for life after the last time.” Nicky herded them toward the door. “Wait, who were you here with?” Avery asked, turning to Addie on the front porch. “No one important.” She hobbled down the stairs. “The a-hole was mad I couldn’t dance.” She held her crutches out. “I thought that was rather obvious given the state of my foot. So, I ditched him and was waiting on an Uber when you showed up.” “So, crappy night all around?” Nicky asked. “So crappy,” Addison and Avery said together.

17

Nari

Too many people knew. Nari waited all morning to hear gossip about the nerd girl who liked to pretend she was something else on stage. She knew the words they’d use would be vicious, but she’d promised herself not to let them cut her. If only her heart would listen to her mind. As she imagined what the kids in the halls would say when Addison or Avery or one of the many people who knew her secret told them, her stomach clenched. She’d sat at the back of each morning class wishing she could be anywhere else, but none of it was the same as walking into the lunchroom. Even if they didn’t yet know of her extracurricular activities, there was that stupid nickname for her and Avery. Navery. What was that? They’d been together a few weeks. To her face, the golden people of Twin Rivers High acted like she didn’t belong. But behind her back, the regular people rooted for their relationship? She called that The Avery Effect. Even her fellow nerds wanted to watch the jock’s romance play out in front of them. News flash, people. It wasn’t a romance. Or, maybe it was. Before Friday night, Nari thought she could melt back into obscurity. That Avery would finally leave her alone to get over the stupid feelings she didn’t want to have. But then he’d shown up at the party. He could have gotten himself beat up just for being there around Defiance Academy kids. Yet, he hadn’t seemed to care. She leaned against her locker and closed her eyes, trying to shake the image of

his blazing irises as he approached Julian. Had he been jealous? She shook her head. No, jealousy implied he felt something for her too. Her gut twisted when she thought of how she’d treated him. Before Avery, Nari had rarely been mean to anyone. She hadn’t meant for the words to come out so harshly, but she couldn’t seem to control herself around him. That was when she’d made up her mind. She had to apologize. It was the only way for them both to get over her dumping him in front of everyone and then yelling at him at a party. She didn’t want to feel guilty anymore. Once she apologized, she could move on. Simple. She closed her locker and turned on her heel, marching toward the lunchroom and preparing to meet the curious, maybe scornful, gazes of her classmates. As she drew closer, nausea overcame her, and she bolted toward the bathroom instead, throwing open the swinging door and barreling into one of the stalls before bending over the toilet. Nothing came out, but she stayed in her position, trying to control her breathing. Footsteps came her way, and she slid the stall door shut, not wanting anyone to see her this way. “Really, Addie,” Meghan said. “I don’t know why you didn’t stay at that party on Friday. Your date was totally hot, and I heard it was an awesome party. Had a good band, right?” Nari froze as Addison chuckled. “What’s so funny?” Meghan asked. Nari could almost hear her scowl as someone turned the sink on. “The band was amazing.” Addison sighed. “My date, not so much. He was a bit too handsy, especially when I couldn’t do much dancing. He tried to get me to go upstairs with him.” Meghan laughed, the sound piercing Nari’s ear drums. “I don’t know why you’re such a prude, Addie. If he’s hot, why does it matter where he puts his hands?”

Addison was quiet for a long moment. “Maybe he’s not the one I want.” “What was that?” Meghan asked as one of them shut off the water. “Nothing.” Addison sighed. “Well, I have news. I’ve decided to get back together with Avery.” Nari sucked in a breath, hating how much pain those words caused. Addison hummed low in her throat. “Sure.” She didn’t sound as if she believed it. “What about Drew?” “Oh, he was only a way to get back at Avery for dumping me. I think he’s served his purpose well. Anyway, I’ve got to jet. Can’t be late to see my man at lunch.” When she gained control of her breathing, Nari straightened and stepped from the stall, freezing as she caught Addison’s gaze in the mirror. Addie only raised a brow as she finished fixing her lip gloss. Nari turned to the door, but Addison stuck out a crutch to block her way. Nari ran a sweaty hand over the top of her ponytail and down the arm of her green sweater, just needing to do something. Addison tapped her foot, leaning on her second crutch. Finally meeting her gaze, Nari sighed. “What do you want, Addie?” “I want you to stop listening to people like Meghan.” Nari took a step back, her words faltering. “Um…w-what?” “Look, Nari, I know we aren’t friends anymore, and I know that’s my fault, but I’d like to think you can still trust me.” “Can I? You’ve kind of turned into one of them.” She gestured toward the door Meghan left out of. Addison pursed her lips. “So has Avery.”

“I know. And Avery and I aren’t friends. We aren’t anything.” “That didn’t look like nothing when you were eating lunch with us for weeks or kissing him in the halls.” “It was all fake.” The words tumbled out of Nari before she could stop them, and she clapped a hand over her mouth. “What I mean was—” “You were pretending to date Avery?” Addison raised a brow. “Do I look like an idiot? There was a time I knew you two better than almost anyone.” Nari lowered her hand. “But you don’t anymore. You don’t know anything about me.” “Did you know that Cooper used to make fun of Avery for spending so much time with you? He called you guys Navery long before the kids in this school did.” Nari’s brow creased. She hadn’t known that. Addison continued. “And you know what Avery would tell him? He’d say you were going to do a lot better than him one day.” She dipped her head to lock eyes with Nari. “But right now, I’m not sure there is anyone better than him. At least for you. You have feelings for him, don’t you?” Nari lifted one shoulder in a shrug. “I’m trying not to.” “Why?” “He’s Avery St. Germaine. I’m nobody.” “You’re Nari Won Song, secret rock star and the most important person to Avery right now. You didn’t see him after he talked to you at the party. Everyone has heard about the No BS thing. It’s crushing him that you don’t trust him.” A tear slid down Nari’s face, and she brushed it away. “I don’t know if I can, Addie. But I also don’t know if I want to lose him from my life. He was my best friend once, and I’m not sure anyone understands how nice it was to have that again.”

Sadness flashed across Addison’s face. “I probably get it more than you think I do. You and Peyton were my best friends. Christmas Eve at the diner was…” She shook her head. “No, this is about you.” “Addie.” Nari stepped toward her, but Addison put a hand up. “Let’s fix this Avery thing first, then maybe one day we can fix the rest of us.” Nari nodded. “The only thing I know right now is I want to be his friend.” “Then be his friend. Show him you’re there for him no matter what. And for God’s sake, tell him it’s an idiotic idea to get back together with Meghan just because he’s hurting over you.” “Do you really think he would?” Addison shrugged. “Come on.” She nudged Nari with a crutch and gestured to the door. “You can start being his friend by sitting with us at lunch.” Outside the bathroom, an underclassman waited with an armful of books and a backpack Nari recognized as Addison’s. Nari looked to Addison in question. She sighed. “Meghan is forcing poor Garrett here to follow me around and carry my books.” “For how long?” Addison shrugged. “I guess as long as I’m on crutches.” She smiled at Garrett, and Nari would have sworn the kid was going to out. Any pity she felt for him was gone as she watched his cheeks heat. The kid was enjoying his book duty. Addison moved as quickly as she could on two crutches, leading them to the lunchroom. She used the poles to push through the swarm of students. Garrett followed close behind. The usual people were at the table when they arrived. Everyone except Avery. Nari looked to Becks in question, but he only shrugged and pulled out the chair

next to him for her to sit. Meghan scowled. “Ugh, can’t we go one day without charity work?” Her words reminded Nari of the comment under the picture of Nari and Avery’s first kiss. But she didn’t let them bother her. Not today. Not when she wanted to find Avery and tell him she was sorry, that she forgave him, and that she wanted to be friends. Addison slammed one of her crutches against the table and leaned forward. “Like you would ever do charity work. Leave her alone, Meghan.” Everyone at the table stilled. Meghan’s face grew redder and redder as she stared at her friend. “Watch what you’re doing, Addie, dear, or you’ll find yourself a few rungs lower at this school.” Addison laughed. “As if I care. I was happier before I started following you around like a demented dog.” A few of the football players barked out laughs. Meghan rose from her chair. “You mean before you rejected Cooper so he left a party and got himself killed?” Nari’s eyes widened. She’d never heard about Addison rejecting Cooper before the accident, but she didn’t know if she could believe Meghan. She did, however, believe the tears in Addison’s eyes. “That’s enough, Meghan,” Becks snapped. Addison opened her mouth to speak again but shut it when no words came. Her knuckles turned white where she gripped the rubber handles of her crutches. Two boys came up behind her, probably having heard the high-pitched keening of Meghan’s insult. Julian said something to Addison no one else could hear, but Avery’s eyes burned into Meghan. “Avery.” Meghan smiled her soul-sucking smile. “Where have you been, baby?”

She rounded the table to stand at his side and grip his arm. He took his hand and removed her hold finger by finger. “I’m not your baby. You need help, Meghan.” He shook his head, scanning the rest of his so-called friends at the table. “And the rest of you sit there and laugh. Classic. You know what? I’m done.” He blew out a breath. “I tried to fit into this world after Cooper died, but it’s not worth it.” He threw his hands into the air and stalked from the room. Nari didn’t hesitate before running after him. Once in the empty hall, she called his name. “Avery.” He stopped, keeping his back to her. “I’m sorry, Nari. I had to get out of there, but I’m so sorry for everything I’ve done to drag you into this mess.” She caught up to him and crossed to stand in front of him. “I’m sorry too.” His brow creased. “You have no reason to be sorry.” “I do. I was a…a…” “Poop?” He grinned, using her lame term. Her lips curved up. “Yeah, a total poop. I shouldn’t have just stopped talking to you. I know seeing my screen name was an accident.” “But I should have told you.” “Yes, you should have. And I should have never said you were like your father. Because you’re not, Avery. I used to think you’d turned into this jerk, but I was wrong. You’ve just been in pain like the rest of us.” He laughed at that, and Nari’s brow furrowed in confusion. “I’m sorry, it’s just… Today, I did the most un-jerk-like thing, and you didn’t even get to see it.” “What did you do?” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, it wasn’t my idea. Addison said I’d made

a mistake making you feel like you had to come into my world completely, so I decided to enter yours.” “She said something similar to me.” He shook his head at that. “I went to sit at your lunch table.” Her grin widened. “While I was sitting at yours.” “Great minds think alike?” “Or Addison just assumes one of us won’t take her advice.” “Probably me.” He laughed. “Yeah, probably.” It felt good to smile with him again after so much uncertainty. She didn’t want it to end. “So, I was thinking… I want to be your friend.” She could’ve sworn his face fell at that, but he smoothed his expression so quickly she could have imagined it. “Friends.” She nodded. “I’m a pretty good friend.” Something about it didn’t feel right, but she pushed the feeling aside. “I know. We have a history, ?” “I .” He nodded. “I can do friends.” They stared at each other for a beat of silence, awkwardness setting in. “So…” Avery cleared his throat. “What do we talk about as friends?” Before she could respond, the warning bell rang, and students poured from the lunchroom. “I’m just going to…” Nari pointed behind her toward the hall where her next class was before turning on her heel without a goodbye. She sucked in a breath. Friends. Why was she so freaking awkward? She wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t truly want to be friends with her. She’d seen it in his face. The uncertainty.

When she entered her next class, Addison sat at the back with Becks, avoiding the whispers of Meghan and Ashley near the front. Nari slid into the seat on the other side of Addison. Normally, she sat in the back with the loners while Addison and Becks sat with the others who wanted people to see them. She shot Becks a smile. Addison’s eyes were rimmed red, and Nari reached over to grasp her hand. When her brain caught up with her body, and she thought about what she was doing, she tried to pull it back. Addison’s grip tightened in thanks before she released her. Nari spent two years without a single friend to call her own. But that was a different time full of pain and regret. Now she not only had Peyton and Cam back but Avery and Julian as well. Even Addison was returning to them. By the end of the year, maybe their once solid group would be stronger than it was before.

18

Avery

“I’m so glad I’m not doing the college thing,” Becks flopped down next to Avery on the couch. “I will provide the entertainment portion of this evening by playing video games while you fill out college applications.” “You’re a real gem,” Avery said, revising the final paragraph of his entrance essay for Ohio State University. He didn’t really want to go to OSU—or any other Big Ten school, but since he had the scholarship offer already, he was hoping they would extend it as an academic scholarship instead. “Where do you want to go?” Becks asked. “I have no idea.” Becks hammered away at the remote, tongue sticking out as he blew up zombies on the screen. “What do you want to be when you grow up?” “No idea.” Avery thrust a hand through his hair. “What about sports medicine?” Becks suggested. “Or coaching.” “Definitely no on the coaching. And I don’t think I’m smart enough for sports medicine.” “Die, you dead piece of crap!” Becks yelled at the screen. “You’re a lot smarter than you realize. Book smart, I mean. Common sense?” He shook his head. “You were absent the day they handed that out, my friend.” “You are not helping.”

“I’m just saying, you’re smart enough to be whatever you want to be. And sports medicine would be cool. You know, if you’re not going to be an NFL Hall of Famer someday.” “That has…some appeal.” Avery thought about a future where he might get to help other athletes. “I’ll research it.” “Make a list.” “Coming from you, that’s hilarious.” Avery grabbed a notepad from the table. “I don’t need lists. I know what I want to be when I grow up.” Becks shot him a grin. “Rock star, baby! Actually, country music star, but it just doesn’t have the same ring to it.” “You hate country music.” “Not so, my friend. They’re just doing it wrong. I’m going to Nashville to set them straight.” “They have no idea what’s about to hit them.” Avery laughed. “You should come with.” Becks paused his game. “We could get a place together. You go to school, and I take the country music stage by storm.” “Nashville.” Avery frowned. It was tempting to think of going away to school while still having his best friend with him. “What schools are in Nashville?” He typed in a Google search. “Vanderbilt,” Becks said. “And let me guess,” Avery laughed. “They have a sports medicine program.” “They do. And they’re a Southeastern Conference school too. You know, in case you change your mind about playing football.” “Vanderbilt football sucks.” “True, but you probably wouldn’t get sucked into the insanity of the football world. You could fly under the radar and focus on school on an academic

scholarship and let football come second. And you probably wouldn’t get hurt as much either. Just sayin’.” “Just sayin’ you’ve planned my future for me?” Avery gave his friend a playful shove. “Seems like you could use the help.” “Nashville?” Avery shook his head, pulling up the Vanderbilt website. “And rooming with Becks. Sounds like the makings of a plan.” “Don’t forget Nari,” Becks said. “She’s coming too.” “Well, that makes Nashville out of the question.” Avery threw his head back against the couch. “You two might benefit from some good old-fashioned meddling. How is it you’re still not together?” “She just wants to be friends.” “No she doesn’t.” “That’s literally what she said today. ‘Avery, I just want to be friends.’” “No, she said, and I quote—‘So, I was thinking… I want to be your friend.’” “What, were you spying on us?” “Yes.” Becks gave him a blank stare. “You two need all the help you can get, and I want things to go my way. I want my amazing, talented singer-songwriter friend to come to Nashville with me, and I want my best friend to get his head out of his butt and come with us so she won’t be so freaked out by the whole thing.” “You with your ulterior motives.” “Exactly. And she did not say ‘I just want to be friends’ she said ‘I want to be your friend.’ These are two different things, my friend.” “I sense a Becks translation coming my way.”

“She wants to be friends for a little while before she dives into anything too serious. This whole fake relationship thing threw her in the deep end. Let her come to this relationship on her own this time. Be. Her. Friend. Douchebag.” He thumped Avery on the back of his head. “I can do that.” Avery punched Becks’ shoulder and ed the Vanderbilt application. “Just don’t tell her I’m thinking about going to Nashville too. I don’t want to freak her out.” “Dude, everyone knows you’d be coming there for me, anyway.”

“What’s he doing now?” Avery groaned at the sound of something shattering downstairs. It was late, but Avery was still up working on college applications. He took the stairs down two at a time, worried his father might hurt himself. “Pop?” Avery followed the sound of his father’s muttering toward the study. An overturned urn in the hallway ed for the noise. The tiny flat black stones that filled the urn lay scattered across the floor. “Pop?” Avery peered through the doorway of the study, not sure what he would find. “It’s not worth it.” Grayson stood behind the desk, shoving the contents of the wall safe into a bag. “None of it’s worth it.” “Pop, what are you doing? It’s the middle of the night.” Avery stepped into the room, prepared to deal with his drunken father like always. Grayson turned around, placing a duffle bag on the desk. “I’m ready.” His bloodshot eyes held the barest hint of the father Avery ed from his childhood. He was stone-cold sober. “Ready for what, Pop?” Avery asked. Grayson’s hands trembled as he lifted the bag off the desk. “Rehab.” Grayson closed his eyes. “Will you take me before I change my mind? I know it’s late, but I’m scared I won’t go if I wait any longer, and I don’t think I can drive myself. My hands are shaking too bad.” Avery nodded. “Let’s go.” He took the bag from his father and held the door open. He didn’t want to make a big deal about it, but inside, Avery was freaking out, afraid if he made one wrong move his father would back out. “It’s time,” Grayson said. “I can’t lose your mother. It’s time.” He babbled his way across the driveway, but he was definitely sober. Avery tucked his father into the front seat, helping him with the seatbelt.

Grayson’s hand shot out, gripping Avery’s wrist. “You’re a good son, Avery. I don’t deserve it.” His red-rimmed eyes reflected the terror Grayson likely felt. “If you’re serious about this, I am with you the whole way. You got that, Pop? I’m with you.” Avery clutched his father’s hand. He checked his phone for the nearest rehab clinic in River and dialed the number to find out what he was supposed to do in this situation. The nurse on the phone told him to get his father there right away and they’d take care of everything. Avery shot off a quick text to his mother who was staying at his aunt’s house again.

Avery: Taking Pop to the rehab clinic in River. His idea.

Mom: Meet you there. Don’t let him change his mind!

Avery: We’re already in the car

Avery slipped behind the wheel of the new-used-crap car he now shared with Nicky and cranked the engine. “I’m so sorry.” “Don’t apologize, Pop. This is the best decision you’ve made in years.” Avery had to remind himself not to drive like a maniac. He needed to keep his father calm and talking. “I’m sorry about the car. I know how much you loved the Lexus LC.” “I don’t need a ninety-thousand-dollar car, Pop. Sure, I loved it, but I can live without it. I can live without a lot of things, actually. I’m taking a page out of Nicky’s book these days. I’m not about the things so much as the people in my life.” “Nicky.” Grayson sighed. “I’ve really messed things up with Nick-Nick.” “There’s time to fix it. You just have to show him you love him no matter what.” “I do. I’ve just screwed up saying everything all wrong. I don’t care if he’s gay, straight, or one of those pan people. Whatever, as long as he’s happy.” “Tell him that, in those exact words. And it’s pansexual, Pop. Not pan people.” “Right.” He nodded. “He’s going to be angry with me…probably always.” “And you need to let him be angry.” “I just want my family back. I can’t lose your mother.” “She didn’t…leave, did she?” “No. Not yet, but it’s only a matter of time before she does. I know it’s coming. After you graduate and go on to college. There’s no reason for her and Nicky to stay. She’s given me every opportunity to get better, and I keep spiraling out of control.” “You know the CTE is partly to blame?” “That’s what she keeps telling me. Your mother swears it’s not my fault. But I’m

the one who ruined our family.” “You didn’t ruin us, Pop. We’re still here. We still love you. But you have to get better.” Grayson nodded. “I will. I promise. And I’ll get the money back too.” “None of us care about the money, Pop.” “But your college funds. Your trusts funds.” “My guidance counselor says I’m a shoo-in for an academic scholarship. I’ll be fine.” “You always were smarter than me. I don’t want you playing football, son. I know I pushed you into it all your life, but I don’t want this for you. It’s not worth the damage it’s done.” “But you loved it. Your time in the NFL was the time of your life. I just don’t know if it would ever mean that much to me.” “Then you don’t need football in your future. Football was all I was ever good at, but you—you can do anything.” “Thanks, Pop. You ready for this?” Avery slipped into the parking space at the front of the clinic. “Here already, huh?” Grayson took a deep breath. “I don’t suppose one last drink would hurt anything.” He glanced at the gas station across the street. “You don’t need it, Pop,” Avery said softly. “You’re right.” Grayson nodded, opening the car door. “Let’s do this.”

Avery drove home alone, leaving his mother at the clinic to handle the paperwork. He didn’t think he’d ever forget the last look his father gave him. He was terrified. Scared to face his demons and fight his way through this disease. But Avery knew his Pop had the strength to move mountains. He just needed to what he was fighting for. Parking the car in the driveway, Avery didn’t even think about it before he drifted over to Nari’s house. It was nearly dawn, but he needed his friend. Tapping on the window, he wasn’t sure she’d wake up until she finally threw the covers aside and stalked to the window. Flinging it open, she scowled down at him. “Do you know what time it is?” Her voice sounded like it did when she sang, kind of raspy and, at the moment, adorable. Her frown deepened as she drew her eyebrows up, creating a crease along her forehead. Her hair was still in a ponytail, but some of it fell down around her shoulders. “Can I come in?” She squinted at him without her glasses on. “Sure, but I’m going back to sleep.” She turned around and stalked back to her bed. Avery climbed through the window. “Wait a second before you out on me. “This is not the hour for civilized conversation. You have about thirty seconds before you’re going to lose me.” She blinked up at him from her perch on the edge of the bed. “I need us to not be awkward anymore. I just took my father to rehab, and I could really use my friend, Nari, right now. I need one of your hugs, and then I’ll let you go to sleep. “Rehab? Avery, that’s great.” Nari stood and wrapped her arms around him. “I know it’s got to be hard seeing your dad like that, but was it his idea to go?”

“Yeah, I found him packing his bags, and he asked me to take him before he changed his mind.” “I’m so glad. This is a good thing, Avery.” She leaned back to look up at him. “And you know, no matter what happens with us, you can always count on me as a friend.” “Thank you, Nari.” He pulled her close, resting his chin on top of her head. For the first time in years, Avery felt hope stirring in his chest.

19

Nari

Friends. Nari shook her head as she looked out her window, watching Avery and Becks stand on the sidewalk talking and laughing. If she was really okay with the friends thing, she’d go out there and them. Eyeing the coat draped over the back of her desk chair, she chewed on her bottom lip. Last week, Avery showed up at her window saying he didn’t want the awkwardness between them. She didn’t either, but she didn’t know how to be any other way, not when she wanted him to see her as something other than a friend. So, why had the stupid idea been hers? Probably because she didn’t actually believe she could have more and being the first one to realize it was better than rejection. She turned from the window. There wasn’t time to hang out with them, anyway. Her dad was due home any minute, and she’d asked her parents if they could talk this evening. She’d expected it to be over dinner, but her dad had a late class and hadn’t made it home. The slam of the front door echoed through the house, and Nari sucked in a breath. She’d practiced what she wanted to say, but preparation didn’t make her any less nervous. She twisted her hair into a messy braid, letting it hang over her shoulder with strands breaking loose to fall into her face. Now or never. Leaving the safety of her room behind, she walked through the house, feeling as

though she made her way toward her own noose. Morbid? Yes, but she couldn’t help thinking of how they’d suffocate her with their words. What was the worst they could say? No? She was eighteen, and once she graduated high school, she could do what she wanted. But she didn’t want to do it without them behind her. No matter her sometimes strained relationship with her mother, she loved her parents more than anything, and it would kill her if she had to go to Nashville when they were against it. In the front room, she stood back watching her mother greet her father after his long day. He let out a contented sigh as he kissed her, and it tugged at something in Nari. Her parents might be a bit odd, but they loved each other. The best part of her dad’s day was seeing his wife. The only thing close was seeing Nari. He always let her know that with the smile he sent her way. Si-Woo Won Song was a quiet man, not because he had nothing to say but because he said it all without words. And Nari hated the thought of disappointing him. He released her mother and loosened his tie as he set his briefcase on the table by the door. Nari approached him, and he opened his arms to give her a long hug. “Hi, Bapa. Did you have a good day?” “It was a day, Nari. And now I’m home where I want to be.” She looked up at him. “Do you…ah… me asking to talk to you this morning?” He nodded. “I don’t forget the words you say.” He gave her a pointed look like she should know this. Nari’s mom stepped forward. “Nari, let your father at least relax when he first gets home. He’s probably hungry and tired.” Her dad shook his head. “No, Ji-a. If our daughter wanted to talk to us, there

isn’t anything else I want to do first.” Nari stepped back, nerves clenching in her chest. She wrung her hands together. “Well,” her mother said. “Let’s at least sit down.” Nari followed her parents into the sitting room. They sat on the couch across from the piano, but she couldn’t still her movements as she paced in front of them, her eyes flicking from them to the piano. What were they going to say when they learned what all the piano lessons they’d forced on her led to? Would they regret them? “Nari,” her father said, his voice calm. “Why are you nervous? You know you can tell us anything. Even if you’re…pregnant—” Nari cut him off when a laugh bubbled out of her. “You think I’m pregnant?” Her father’s brow creased as he looked to her mother. “Well, that St. Germaine kid is rather good-looking.” Her mother nodded. “He’s a very handsome boy.” Nari almost couldn’t breathe through her laughter. “You two think Avery is hot?” Her father shrugged. “We wish you would have waited, but we love you. If you’re pregnant, we will figure it out.” He stood and kissed the side of her head. “We’re not mad, Nari. Just worried about what this means for your future.” Nari stepped away from him. He tried to move past her to the door as if the conversation was over, and that was the last straw. “For God’s sake, Bapa,” she yelled. “I’m in a band.” He turned. “A band?” Her mother said the word as if it was more incredulous than her being pregnant. “Nari, we never gave permission for you to be in a band.” Nari rubbed a hand across her face and sank onto the piano bench. “And you gave me permission to get pregnant?”

Her father let out a loud breath. “How are you going to be in a band when you’re pregnant?” “This can’t be happening.” She groaned. Might as well go for broke. “I’m in a band, and I don’t want to go to college.” There. She’d said it. The words were out in the universe. Her mom’s mouth opened and closed like a fish. Nari jumped off the bench and ran to the front door before they could stop her. Hopefully, the boys were still outside. She sprinted onto the porch. “Becks,” she yelled as soon as she caught sight of them. He lifted his head upon hearing his name. “Hey, Narisaurus!” “I need you.” He said something she couldn’t hear to Avery and then left him. Avery went inside while Becks ed her on the porch. “I need you is what every boy wants to hear from a shorty like you.” She sighed. “Don’t say shorty, Becks.” He grinned. “I’ve always wanted to, and this seemed like my opportunity.” That pulled an indulgent smile from her. “Inside this house, my parents are waiting for me to explain what I meant when I just told them I’m in a band.” He cursed. “Yeah, drat.” “Come on, Nars, this situation calls for a strong word.” “Shut up. They also think I’m pregnant. You have to help me convince them I’m not.” He grinned but didn’t agree. She didn’t know if she should be suspicious or not. “Will you come sing with me? If they see it, see us, they may understand why I

have to go to Nashville with you.” He slung an arm over her shoulder. “So, you are coming with me?” She shrugged. “I think I need to.” He nodded, his expression turning serious. “Let’s do this.” When they entered the house, her parents were sitting on the couch talking in low tones. They both looked at her at the same time, their eyes taking in Becks’ arm that was still wrapped around her. Her father spoke first. “I thought the St. Germaine boy was the father of the baby?” Becks deadpanned them. “You didn’t know Nicky was gay?” Nari elbowed him. “They mean Avery, you jerk.” “Oh, right. I knew that.” His grin widened. “I still can’t believe she’s pregnant myself. I, for one, am excited. I can’t wait to be an uncle. So, they’re a bit young, and Avery is…well, Avery, but the kid will have me, so he won’t need anyone else.” Nari scowled at him as her father leaned forward. “Isn’t it a little early to know the sex? She isn’t even showing.” Nari opened her mouth to speak, but Becks cut her off. “I’m just hoping it’s a boy. I do not want to change a little girl’s diaper.” He shivered. “I’m not pregnant!” Nari’s scream had them all looking at her in shock. “Nari, dear,” Becks started. “Don’t get your blood pressure up. It’s not good for the kid.” Nari sat at the piano and banged her head on the keys. “What is happening right now?” Becks put a hand on her shoulder. “Everyone is just trying to be ive.” She looked up at him, and he winked. The jerk was enjoying himself.

Turning to face her confused parents, Nari breathed in deeply. “Umma, Bapa… I’m not pregnant. Please believe me. I’m not even dating Avery, so we certainly aren’t having a baby.” “But why would your friend lie to us?” her mom asked. “Because he thinks this whole thing is funny. He’s not even really my friend. Right now, I kind of hate him.” Her father frowned. “That isn’t a nice thing to say.” Becks sat beside her and threw an arm around her shoulders. “It’s okay.” He placed a hand over his heart, his voice growing sad. “Even though your daughter hurts me here, I still love her.” Nari elbowed him, smiling when he grunted in pain. “What I said before is true, Bapa. I’m in a band. Becks is the lead singer. I play the keyboard and sing backup. Julian Callahan plays guitar, and Becks’ sister is our drummer. We’ve been playing gigs in River for months.” Her mom opened her mouth to speak, but Nari put a hand up. “I need to get all of this out.” She clutched her hands together in her lap. “I’m not…good at a lot of things. School has always been a struggle for me. I don’t draw or play sports. My social anxiety keeps me pretty much out of everything. But this—playing keyboard, singing—this, I can do. For the first time in my life, I feel like I belong somewhere. Not in a classroom. On a stage.” She looked to Becks, and he nodded in encouragement. “After graduation, Becks is moving to Nashville. His cousin lives there and works for a record label. She’s letting him stay with her, and she’s offered me a room too. I want to go. No, I think I need to go. I need to do this for me. I don’t know what will come of it— maybe nothing—but that’s not the point. I have to try.” Her chest heaved as if she’d just run a lap around the track, and her parents’ bewildered eyes told her they still didn’t understand. But they would. That was why she’d asked Becks to come. She swiveled on the bench to face the keys. It wouldn’t sound the same as her keyboard, but it would do in a pinch.

“What song, Nars?” Becks asked. She thought for a moment. “Who I Am.” If they were going to get it, they’d have to see everything she could do. Nari wasn’t confident in most things, but the song she’d had a part in writing was good. They hadn’t performed it, but she showed it to Becks at their last practice, and if she knew anything about him, he’d already memorized it. She laid her fingers against the bone-white keys. It was familiar to her. It was home. She tested the first note, letting it reverberate through her. Without another thought, her fingers traveled over the keys, playing the melody she knew in every part of her soul. It was her song, her story. Becks started the first verse, his voice like a warm breeze on an icy day, soothing, the kind of sound that touched somewhere deep inside the listener. At the chorus, Nari ed him, their voices coming together as if they were always meant to be one. She’d questioned her decision to go with him, but in that moment, certainty struck her. No matter what happened, she needed to sing with him. It wasn’t love —or at least not a romantic kind of love—but on stage, they had chemistry. As the song came to a close, Nari stilled, letting the final notes carry her to a place of peace she only knew from music. Counting to five in her head to calm the nerves in her stomach, she turned to her parents. This was it. They now knew she’d been sneaking out to perform in bars and at parties. At least, she assumed they’d realized that. But there was no disappointment on their faces. Instead, tears dampened her mother’s eyes. Her father sat impossibly still, a look of pure awe on his face. “Please say something.” Nari twisted her fingers in the hem of her shirt. Her father moved first, standing and crossing the room. He pulled her up and into a hug. “I’m sorry you didn’t feel like you could tell us, Nari.” He pulled back and glanced at his wife. “But we are so proud of you.”

Her mother nodded. “I always knew you had talent. It’s why we pushed you into piano lessons. You just seemed to understand the instrument in a way we never could. The day we had it delivered, you were three. You walked over to it and pressed a key down so gently as if you thought you’d break it. When the note rang out, a look of pure joy shone in your eyes. I’d never seen anything like it.” Nari sniffled, trying to hold back her own tears. “But I don’t want to play classical music, Umma. I want to play the songs I write.” Her mom’s eyes widened. “You wrote that?” Nari nodded and gestured to Becks. “With him.” “It was beautiful.” Becks jumped in. “I asked her to come with me to Nashville not because I can’t do this on my own—I probably could—but because she makes me so much better. I promise we will take care of each other. I’d never let anything happen to Nari. She’s like a second sister to me, and I love her.” Few people ever got to see the serious side of Becks. He showed the world his smirks and his winks but never the depth in his eyes or the courage he had in going after what he wanted. It was a long shot, but one he would take no matter the odds. She reached over to take his hand. “I’m going to go. A few months from now, I will drive out of Twin Rivers for something that terrifies me.” Her eyes drifted back to her parents. “And I want your blessing. I want you to tell me not to be afraid, because if I fall, I’ll always have somewhere to come back to.” Her mom stood, stepping up beside her dad to face her. “Nari, we love you. A parent only ever wants their kids to be happy. That’s all. Maybe we’ve put too much pressure on you, but we’ve wanted you to be the best Nari Won Song you could be.” “This is how I do that, Umma.” Her father nodded. “We know that now. No one could hear you two and think otherwise.”

A sob escaped Nari’s lips, and she fell into her mom’s open arms. Her dad encircled them both in a family hug. Becks got to his feet and ed them, wrapping his arms around the outside of her family, and probably feeling no awkwardness about it at all. That was just Becks. Nari laughed as her parents released her. “You’ll get used to him,” she told them. Her dad smiled. “We’ll you in this, Nari. But we want you to have a backup. Online classes at least. Not full time, but I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t want you at least working toward a degree.” She nodded, realizing it was a compromise. “I can do that.” “Good.” He wiped the moisture from his face. “Well, it has been quite the exhausting conversation. I think I’ll retreat to my study for a bit.” Her mom followed him from the room. Becks met Nari’s gaze. “What now?” She looked to the door, knowing who she wanted to share her excitement with. As she started toward it, she called back over her shoulder. “I need to tell Avery.” Becks laughed as he followed her. “Be careful. I don’t want to have to tell your parents we were wrong about the pregnancy after all.” She only shook her head as she took off running down the front porch steps and across the brick wall separating their yards. Mrs. St. Germaine’s car wasn’t there, so she burst right into the house without knocking. Nicky appeared in the doorway to the kitchen, a sandwich lifted halfway to his mouth. “Nari?” She searched each room, not finding Avery. “Nari, he’s in his bedroom.” Nicky followed her, stopping when the door opened again and Becks slipped inside.

Nari paid him no mind as she ran up the staircase. “His room is the third on the left,” Nicky yelled up after her. “I know,” she called back. There was a time she’d spent hours upon hours in Avery’s room playing video games and GI Joes. He’d even let her bring her Barbies. The last time she’d climbed these steps was years ago. New pictures hung on the wall in the hallway. A different color carpeting muffled her steps. Yet, it felt the same. Avery’s door stood open, and he rose from his desk chair when he saw her. He started to ask a question, but she kept moving, running into his room and launching herself into his arms. He caught her with a surprised grunt, holding her against him. “Avery, I did it.” He pulled back to look at her. “Did what?” “Told my parents about the band. After graduation, I’m going to Nashville with Becks, and they’re letting me. I never thought…” A tear tracked down her cheek. “I can do this. It feels like the beginning of something big.” Still in his arms, her eyes shifted between his gaze and his lips. There was no one she wanted to tell more than him. Every time she felt happiness, she wanted him to be a part of it. When she was sad, she wanted him to pull her back to the surface. He’d saved her that first day he kissed her. Even if none of it was real, it had broken the shell she’d been living in, allowing her to climb out. But that was the thing. It had been real, at least for her. She was moving to Nashville in a few short months, and the only thing she could think of was how good Avery’s arms felt around her. His room no longer looked the same as when they were kids, but it still made her feel like they were connected. Back then, she’d thought they’d be friends forever. Then the accident happened and Cooper died. They broke.

But maybe they needed to shatter in order to be put back together as something new. To move past comfort and on to… She kissed him. With everything she had, she pressed her lips to his. If she had the courage to tell her parents about the band, she could tell Avery how she felt—or show him, at least. After only a moment of surprise, Avery held her tighter against himself, taking control of their kiss. It was different from the others they’d shared, and she realized why. It wasn’t about who would see them or what other people would say. This kiss was real. Nari lost herself in the feel of him, in the knowledge that it was her first true kiss. But it wouldn’t be her last. She wanted to kiss Avery again and again every day for as long as he let her. He groaned, breaking to catch a breath. “Nari,” he breathed. “What…” She’d never seen him speechless before. She laughed, running a finger over his swollen lips. “This friends stuff is crap.” His lips stretched into a grin. “Did you just curse for me?” She matched his smile. “I figured you’d appreciate that.” He shook his head. “No, Nari. I don’t want you to change anything. Not for me.” “Can I change one thing?” “What?” “The things I said. I don’t want to just be your friend, Avery. That was stupid. I was just scared and didn’t think you wanted me the same way I wanted you.” He leaned his forehead against hers. “Gosh, Nari, I want you so much I can finally breathe.” Confusion clouded her eyes. “Don’t people usually say someone makes them not be able to breathe?”

“For so long after Coop’s death, after being in the accident, I’ve felt like nothing I do makes sense, like I couldn’t force breath into my lungs to keep me alive.” He cupped her cheek, running his thumb in slow circles. “But with you… With you, I can breathe. You make me breathe, Nari.” He kissed her again, taking his time to taste her. When he pulled back again, he sighed. “I have a confession. I never wanted Meghan back. At first, I wanted to pretend to date so people would stop looking at me like I was wounded even though I’d dumped her. It was stupid, but I couldn’t help it. Then, I just wanted to keep spending time with you. To keep holding your hand and kissing you. I never meant to break your trust or go all jealous a-hole on Julian. I read your No BS posts because I couldn’t stop myself from getting a look into the thoughts I knew you’d never share. You were so cautious with me.” She stepped back out of his arms. “I wasn’t used to people wanting to know me.” He stepped forward, taking her hand to stop her retreat. “Get used to it, because I’m not going to stop, Nars. I want to know everything.” “My little virgin ears can’t take any more of this,” Becks said from the doorway. Avery and Nari both jumped, but their hands didn’t part. “Virgin,” Avery scoffed. “If you’re a virgin, then I’m— “A douche?” Nari laughed. She loved how close Avery and Becks were. It reminded her of her friendship with Peyton. Although, Peyton was nicer than Becks. “Maybe if you didn’t eavesdrop, your virgin ears would be fine.” Avery dropped Nari’s hand and crossed his arms over his chest. Becks gave him an affronted stare. “Then how would I hear what’s going on? It’s Nicky’s fault, really.” Nicky appeared from a nearby doorway where he’d been listening too. “How is any of this my fault? You literally stood behind me and pushed me up the stairs so we could snoop.”

Becks shrugged, turning to Nari. “You tell him you’re pregnant yet?” He grinned at Avery. “Congratulations, Daddy.” “Nari’s pregnant?” Nicky asked, his eyes wide. Becks walked toward him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, guiding him to the stairs. “Let’s give these two some privacy like I told you we should’ve done in the first place.” Nicky snorted. Becks ignored him. “And I’ll tell you about the birds and the bees. I’m sorry, I would change the story to the bees and the bees to be all accepting and stuff, but then you’d never be able to explain to your coming nephew how he came to be.” “I know how straight sex works, Becks.” “Of course, you do.” Becks patted his arm. “But do you know how two straight people make a baby?” Nari couldn’t hold in her laughter as they disappeared down the stairs. “What’s the difference between making a baby and sex?” Avery asked. “Does anything Becks says make sense?” “Good point.” He pulled her back toward him. “Now about this pregnancy story.” Nari groaned as she told him everything that had happened that night. By the end, Avery’s laughter rolled out of him. She collapsed onto his bed, a silly grin on her face. Avery lowered himself next to her so they were laying side by side. His hand drifted down over her arm to grip her hand. He brought it up to his lips. “Nari Won Song, will you, um… Do you know how I feel about you?” Nari leaned her head on his shoulder. “Yes, Avery. I’ll be your girlfriend.” He rolled toward her, pressing a kiss to her lips. “This time, there’s nothing fake

between us.” She nodded in agreement. “You and me, Avery. Nothing has ever felt more real.”

20

Avery

One Month Later

“Grab a box on your way out, Avery.” His mother steered him toward the heavier boxes in the foyer. “I thought we were downsizing.” Avery hefted the box onto his shoulder. “But you’ve got like six zillion boxes on the truck already.” “At least three zillion are going to Goodwill.” “And how small is this new house?” Avery frowned. He and Nicky had to downsize too. In some ways, it was sad, leaving their things behind. In other ways, it was liberating. “It’s a normal-sized house with normal-sized bedrooms. I really hope you boys like it.” She folded a set of towels Avery had never even seen. “Are you sure—” “We’ve been over this, Mom. You’re not allowed to ask that question anymore.” He leaned down to kiss her cheek. “I’m totally on board with this move, so stop worrying.” “Be at the new house by three, son. I need to put those muscles to good use unpacking all this stuff.” “Can’t wait to see this mystery house.” Avery smiled, feeling lighter than he had

in years. His family was on the mend. Pop was getting help. They were choosing to see the move as a fresh start rather than a sad end to their previous life of privilege. Avery loaded the box into the moving van already nearly bursting with the things they couldn’t bear to part with. It was a good thing he was going away to school soon. One less person in the new house would likely be a relief for his parents. “You excited for the big move?” Nari asked, leaning against his car. “Yes and no,” he said, tugging her belt loops to bring her closer. “I’m excited for my family.” He caught her lips in a warm kiss. “But not excited about not living next door to my beautiful girlfriend.” He kissed her again. “I’ve grown quite fond of climbing in through your window to kiss you goodnight.” “Ahh.” Nari leaned her head back with a smile. “With the St. Germaine boys across town, I might get some actual sleep.” “Where are we going?” Avery asked, holding the enger door open for her. “Just hanging out at Peyton’s.” Avery crossed to the driver’s side feeling apprehensive about visiting the Callahans. That house brought back so many memories of Cooper. But Avery was moving on from the pain of losing his best friend. It was time to let the past stay in the past. Time to live in the moment, and right now he had some important news to share with Nari. “I have news.” Avery said, backing out of the drive. “You’re...ing the band?” Nari grinned. “Definitely not.” Avery laughed. “You’re…ing the circus?” Her eyes lit up as she teased him. He would never get tired of seeing her so happy. “I have a full academic scholarship waiting for me,” Avery said. “If I decide to take it.”

“Take it, crazy.” She brushed the loose strands of her hair from her face. “What school?” “Vanderbilt University in Nashville,” he said softly. “Oh.” Her eyes widened in surprise. “It just sort of happened. Becks—the meddling meddler himself—talked me into applying. I visited the campus two weeks ago and talked to a financial advisor. They want me to play football, of course. They have a decent team, and they’re part of the Southeastern Conference. But they said they are happy to have me either way. As an academic recruit to their sports medicine program, with my background in sports and Pop’s history in the NFL, they’re thrilled to have me. And I talked to the coach. He invited me to try out. He understood my desire to stay out of the limelight and let my academic responsibilities come before football. He said there’s no reason I couldn’t have both, letting football come as a second priority.” Nari turned toward him and just stared, her cheeks flushed pink. “It’s a great school, Nari. And it’s only a few hours from home, so it would be easy to come home on the weekends to check on my family. I know we really just started dating, and it’s too soon to be thinking about our future—” “Shut up, you big goof.” She shoved him playfully. Her beautiful smile lit him up on the inside. “This is great news, Avery. I’m so proud of you. And so relieved you’ll be in Nashville too. You’ll be able to bail me out when I try to kill Becks, because it’s going to happen. You’re like the Becks whisperer. If you want him to survive, you have to take this scholarship. And Vanderbilt? Mr. Smarty Pants! That’s not just a good school, that’s where all the geniuses go. You don’t say no to a school like that.” “So, it doesn’t freak you out that I’m like stalking you by going to Nashville too.” “Oh, please, this has Becks written all over it. He’s played us both like puppets.” “He does like getting his way.” Avery grinned, pulling up in front of Peyton’s house.

“Oh, I’m such a poop.” Nari clapped her hand on her forehead. “Is this weird for you? Coming to Cooper’s house like this?” Avery tried to hide his laughter by getting out of the car. “You’re not a poop, Nari.” “You’re laughing again.” She ed him on the curb. “You know I’m going to laugh every time you say it.” He shook his head, unable to wipe the smile off his face. “It should be getting old by now.” “That will never get old.” “You’re here!” Peyton called from the porch. “We’re sitting out back, come on, we’ve got virgin margaritas and tons of food on the grill.” It was like stepping back in time. The last two years vanished, and Avery felt like he’d come home. Home to his friends and the person he was meant to be all along. “Avery’s going to Vanderbilt!” Nari announced with a little bounce. “Sorry.” She winced. “That was your news, but I’m just so excited.” “It’s our news.” Avery wrapped his arm around her. “Congratulations, man.” Cam reached to shake his hand. “We know Peyton’s going to MIT in Cambridge, so I’m looking at schools in the Boston area. I was accepted to two but can’t decide between them.” “Cam’s going into orthopedics,” Peyton said proudly. “I want to work with amputees, particularly athletes and veterans,” Cam said. “I’m thinking about med school too. I’d love to work with cutting-edge prosthetics for athletes.” “So, no paralympics for you?” Avery asked. He’d always assumed that was where Cam would end up.

“The Olympic dream just doesn’t have the same appeal as it once did. I don’t need to be the best. I just want to run, and I’m excited to get back into the sport. I’m hoping to run track for whatever college I attend.” “That’s great.” Avery slapped Cam on the back. “So, Julian, you going to Nashville with the band or off on the college track?” Nari asked. “I still haven’t decided.” Julian rubbed the back of his neck. “College was always the plan, but I don’t know if it’s in the cards. I know I won’t be going to an MIT or a Vanderbilt. I’ll probably just go to a state school or community college, so I still have plenty of time to figure it out.” “Come to Nashville with the band,” Nari pleaded. “We’re so good together.” “You guys are the real talent. I just like playing in the background, any half decent guitarist could do that for you.” “But we like you.” Nari gave him a playful shove. Avery wasn’t sure, but Julian looked surprised at that. “Burgers are ready,” Mr. Callahan announced from his place at the grill. Everyone swarmed the table where Mrs. C had the food spread out. It was just like old times. Avery could recall a hundred afternoons just like this one when they were kids. The only one missing was Addison, but she was inching her way back to them. And Avery might be the only one who knew just how hard that was for her. “You both have your own bedrooms, but you’ll have to share a bathroom. I hope that’s okay.” Avery’s mom clasped her hands as she took them on a tour of the new house. It was nothing like he’d imagined. For one, it was still a big house, just not the monstrosity they’d lived in before. “Are you kidding, this is great,” Nicky said. “I don’t mind sharing a bathroom with Avery for a few months. Once he’s in school, it’s all mine.” “, I’m coming home on the weekends.”

“Sure, you are. Once you get settled, you, Nari, and Becks will be too busy to bother coming home. So I’m just going to have to come hang out with you there.” “There’s one thing that might bring my boys back from school at least on a semiregular basis.” Their mom smiled. “I have a surprise in the backyard. Go check it out.” Avery and Nicky raced down the stairs and through the huge kitchen to the back door. “Yes! It’s a pool.” Nicky gave a fist pump. “We’ve wanted a pool for years,” Avery said. “This house was the right size, in our price range, and it had a pool, it was begging to be our new home.” Their mom ed them on the deck. “I’ll definitely come home for this.” Avery draped his arm around his mom. “But how is this downsizing?” “Yeah, I thought we were broke,” Nicky added. “We’ve made some changes. Sold some things. We’re okay, boys. I don’t want you worrying about finances. Your father did a brave thing the night he checked himself into rehab. He’s doing great, and he knows he has a long road ahead of him. But, he loves his family.” Her eyes brightened with a sheen of tears. “He loves his boys so much.” “We know, Mom,” Nicky said. “We’re just glad he’s getting help.” “He doesn’t want you to know this, but I’m going to tell you anyway. I think you deserve to know. Your father sold two of his Super Bowl rings. He kept one, his first one. He says that’s the one that matters, but he doesn’t care about everything we’re losing because his family means more to him than the NFL ever did. But with the money from the two rings, along with selling the house, the cars, boats, and all the things we never really needed, we’re going to be more than okay.” Avery was so angry with his father for so long, but deep down inside, under the

CTE and alcoholism, his father still managed to be his hero. “When’s Pop coming home?” Nicky asked. “Soon. And we need to make this a stress-free environment before he gets here. Can I count on my guys to help me make sense of all these boxes?” “We’ll always be here for you, Mom.” Nicky wrapped his arm around her with Avery on her other side. “It’s good to be home,” Avery said.

Epilogue

Nari

Three Months Later

Why did Nari let Becks talk her into this? She bounced on her toes, nervous energy keeping her from standing still as she peeked around the edge of the thick velvet curtain blocking the crowd from view. Five words. End. Of. Year. Talent. Show. “I wish this was a competition,” Becks said as he stepped up next to her to peek around the curtain. “We’d crush it.” “The best thing about you is your modesty, Beckett Anderson.” Nari shook her head. Just having Becks with her calmed the nerves, infusing the kind of confidence she’d experienced so few times in her life. Would this be what it was like when they did gigs in Nashville? In one month, they’d be on their way to a different life. Becks thought they were headed for stardom. Nari would be happy playing in bars while doing her degree online and writing songs with Becks. Anything to keep her playing music. She didn’t need fame. But he did. She grinned up at Becks. With a face and a voice like his, it was only a matter of time.

His smile matched hers. “What use is modesty, Nar-Nar? It won’t keep us warm at night. It won’t fill our bank s. Sometimes, when you’re good at something, you need to own it, believe it, tell it.” He shot her a wink. “Well, show starts in five. I’m off to tell everyone else how amazing I am.” She only shook her head at his retreating form. How could he be so calm when they were about to reveal their band to the entirety of Twin Rivers High? The show happened every year. Only seniors got to be in it, but the rest of the student body filtered into the auditorium instead of their fifth period classes. Nari smoothed a hand over her pink highlights. What were they going to say? For most of the year, four of their peers had been performing together, and they hadn’t known. Four people from different echelons of high school society were now—dare she say it—friends. Becks, the golden boy, beloved by each person in those velvety seats. Julian, the loner, a mystery few people even tried to solve, the boy who reminded them too much of his more popular brother—the friend they’d lost. Wylder, the only one who looked like she belonged in a band, but as a sophomore, she would be the youngest person on the stage. And Nari. What did they think of her now? The quiet, glasses-wearing nerd who’d jumped above her station and fallen in love with the boy all of them wanted. Wait…love? Arms came around Nari’s waist. She’d recognize Avery’s woodsy scent anywhere. He buried his face in her neck, and she leaned back into him. “You aren’t supposed to be back here.” “I had to see you before you went on.” A small smile played on her lips. Yep, she was so gone for this boy. If anyone told kid-Nari that she’d one day feel her best friend Avery’s soft lips moving along her skin, she’d have gagged before running away. Months ago, if anyone told Nari she’d turn into enemy-Avery’s arms and boldly claim his lips with hers, she’d have died from laughter. But now… now, it seemed like the most natural thing in the world. And in one

month, there wouldn’t be high school trying to trip them up at every turn or their pasts staring them in the faces as they drove through the streets of Twin Rivers. They’d leave everything behind, all their baggage. “Oy,” Becks called. “Lover boy, let my girl go. I need those pretty lips of hers and the sound that comes out of them.” Avery rolled his eyes. Becks constantly said things to try to get a rise out of them. “These lips are mine,” Avery whispered, pressing soft kisses against them. Nari hummed in the back of her throat. “Actually, they’re mine. But I’ll let you borrow them after the show.” He grinned, giving her a final kiss. “Deal.” It took every ounce of willpower to skip away from Avery. The current talent show act was wrapping up and Anonymous was next. That name wouldn’t work for them after today. Julian squeezed Nari’s arm. “You ready for this?” “Yeah.” She pushed her hair out of her face to give him her biggest grin, because she realized it was the truth. She was ready. This was going to be her life for the foreseeable future—performing, giving in to the adrenaline. And she was so ready. This time, when she bounced on her toes, the excitement rather than nerves propelled her movements. All four of them faced each other, one final performance. After this, Julian and Wylder would go their own ways while Becks and Nari headed to Nashville. Anonymous would be no more. It was the end of something special but maybe the beginning of something too. “One last gig. No fear.” Becks met each of their gazes. “No fear,” they repeated. “Let’s show this school why nothing they say matters to us. We don’t play by their social rules. Let’s show them we get to define ourselves.”

They all nodded as the announcer spoke. “Next up, we have Anonymous!” Nari followed behind Becks, not looking out at her peers as she made her way to the keyboard and adjusted the mic for her height. This performance wasn’t about the people in those seats. Anonymous’s final performance would consist of only one song, but they’d make it count. “Hello,” Becks said. People called his name. Some hooted and hollered. Becks gestured to Wylder. “Wylder Anderson on drums.” He pointed next to him. “Julian Callahan on guitar.” His eyes met Nari’s. “Nari Won Song on keyboard.” He paused, sending a wink toward the crowd. “And I’m Becks. Buckle up, because we’re pretty darn good.” Nari couldn’t help but laugh. Her eyes found where Cam and Peyton held up a sign with her name on it. She loved her friends. The music started, and it seemed as if all air left the room, like everyone held their breath, not knowing what was coming for them. Then Becks started singing, and they cheered. Nari’s fingers crashed down on the keyboard, and she knew she could do this for the rest of her life. Energy buzzed along her skin, making the hair on her arms stand on end. The Nari known in this school melded with the one she held in her heart. The nerd and the musician who wasn’t afraid anymore. The girl who never felt like she fit and the one who belonged right where she was. She leaned into the mic to her voice with Becks’, and the crowd grew louder. Her eyes shifted toward the side of the stage where Avery waited, concealed from the crowd. She’d never seen him smile so big. He caught her watching and wiggled his hips in a little dance. Tearing her eyes away, she let the music fill every part of her, realizing there weren’t as many empty spaces for it as before. Once, she’d felt like this band held her together. It was everything when nothing else made sense. Now, she held herself together. The music would always make her happy, and she couldn’t wait to get to Nashville, but it didn’t have to be everything for her anymore.

The song faded away, and the crowd quieted for just a moment before the roar of applause. Nari didn’t wait around for her final bow. Their praise didn’t matter to her. For so long, this school treated her like an outcast. They would soon be part of her past. She sprinted from the stage and hurled herself at Avery. He caught her in midair with a grunt as if she knocked the air out of him. Her legs wound around his waist, and she looked down into his eyes. “That was amazing.” She grinned. He settled his hands under her butt to hold her up. “You were amazing.” Her thoughts jumbled in her mind as the rush from the stage buzzed through her. But there was one thing she knew. She’d known it before, but then when the music ended, and she realized the only person she wanted to see was waiting backstage, it became clearer. Music was in her future, but it wasn’t the love of her life. “I love you.” Her chest heaved from exertion. “Oh, thank God. Nari, I think some part of me has been in love with you since the first night you let me sleep on your floor.” She tapped a finger against the corner of his mouth. “And the other parts of you?” “Oh, well, this is embarrassing. Those are still holding out to meet Carrie Underwood in Nashville.” She pinched his arm, and he laughed. “Nari Won Song, my little ninja—” “Ninjas definitely aren’t a Korean thing.” He shrugged and continued. “Well, everything I am loves everything you are… even if you can’t be a ninja.” This time, when she kissed him, it filled every part of her the way music always

had. A hand landed on her back, and she pulled away from Avery. “You two,” Becks started, “are disgusting.” Nari slid down until her feet hit the floor. “One day, Becks, you’re going to meet someone who makes you want to be a little disgusting too.” His eyes widened, and he rubbed the back of his neck. “Why would you say such blasphemy? Relationships are too much work. I see how this guy mopes when he’s not with you.” He jabbed Avery with his elbow. Avery rubbed the point of on his chest. “I don’t mope. I hope you do fall head over heels and that it takes you so completely out of your comfort zone that you come crawling for advice.” “Nothing is out of my comfort zone.” Nari laughed. “We’ll see.” Nicky appeared backstage and jogged toward them, a grin stretching his lips. “You guys were awesome.” He turned to Julian. “Your girlfriend is waiting for you.” An uncharacteristic smile tilted Julian’s lips, and then it was gone. He’d started dating someone so out of the blue none of them knew what to make of it. “Catch you guys later.” He ran—yes, ran—toward the exit, his guitar slapping against his back. Becks shrugged and slung an arm over Nicky’s shoulders. “Ew, you’re all sweaty.” Nicky tried to escape, but Becks didn’t release his hold. “Now, little bro—” “I’m not your brother.” “You basically are, so listen up. I only have one month left here, but there’s so much left to teach you.”

“You’re not dying, Becks.” Nari snorted as she watched the exchange. Becks sometimes acted more like a big brother to Nicky than Avery did. Becks tightened his hold. “No, but the next time you see me, I’m going to be different. Fame does that to a person. Nari and I will both be wearing oversized sunglasses. I’ll probably have a purse dog.” Avery laughed. “You’re going to carry a purse?” “Where else am I going to put my dog?” Becks lifted a hand as if it was a serious question. “Anyway, I just want you to know you can still call me for whatever. Just tell my people you’re my brother, and they’ll put you through.” “We’re going to have people?” Nari asked with a laugh. “Of course.” He sent her a ”duh” look before turning back to Nicky. “Seriously, anything. I have a feeling I’d give the best advice about dudes.” “I’m not coming to you for relationship advice, Becks.” Nicky finally managed to shrug off his arm as they reached the exit. “But you will come to me for some stuff, right?” For the first time, Nari sensed Becks’ sadness about leaving. It wasn’t just about Nicky. She glanced at Wylder. What would he do without his sister and parents? They were a close family. Nari leaned in closer to Avery, realizing just how much she’d miss hers as well. When they stepped into the hall after all the performances ended, she stumbled back as she caught sight of her parents. They were there. They’d seen her. Ji-a and Si-Woo Won Song rushed toward her, enveloping her in a hug. They’d spent the last three months trying to understand her love for music, wanting to be ive. “I love you, Bapa,” she said. “And you, Umma.”

They released her, and her mother spoke. “We will always love you, Nari. Now go, be with your friends today. We just wanted to tell you how proud we were to see you on that stage.” They didn’t comment on her hair or tight clothing. She might hear about it eventually, but they were trying their hardest to treat her as an adult. With one final smile, she found Avery again and slid her hand into his. “What now?” she asked. His sparkling eyes settled on hers. “Now, I get to move to Nashville with the girl I love and my best friend.” He wouldn’t live with her and Becks, but the dorms of Vanderbilt weren’t too far from where they were going to live with Becks’ cousin, Skyler. They’d be together no matter what it took. “What if we fail?” she asked. His brow furrowed. “Then we fail. Both of us together. And we try again.” He bent down, his hand slipping under her chin to tip her face up. “But, Nari, what if we don’t?” His second question was unspoken, but she saw it in his eyes. What if they got everything they dreamed of? “Then we win.” His eyes flicked from her lips to her eyes and back again. “I think we win either way, babe.” He kissed her then in front of everyone they knew. Parents, friends, peers. Navery was alive and well. But they were definitely going to need a better ’ship name in Nashville.

We aren’t finished with these friends. Find out what happens with Addison and Julian next!

Dating My Nemesis

Redefining Me (Book 3)

1

Addison

Some days, Addison Parker, captain of the cheerleading squad, homecoming queen, and the ‘It Girl’ of Twin Rivers High, just wanted to disappear from the limelight, go home, put on her yoga pants, tie her hair up in a messy bun, and read a book. But this was not the kind of disappearing she had in mind. Addison fumbled her way through the cafeteria line, trying to figure out how she was going to get her tray over to her table when it seemed all her friends had forgotten about her again. “Need some help, Addie?” Addison turned at the sound of a familiar voice. “Nicky, yes, thank you! For a second, I was afraid you were that sophomore kid with the headgear always lurking around.” She gripped her crutches and followed Avery St. Germaine’s little brother through the line. “How’s your foot since the accident?” Addison made a face that had Nicky laughing. “That bad, huh?” “Stupid skiing trip took me out of cheerleading at the most important time of the year. State finals are coming up in a few months, and I’m going to miss it.” “Not just a sprain then?” Nicky stopped to grab her some napkins and a straw. “I thought it was at first, but the doctors are saying it’s worse than they originally

thought.” Addison’s accident was a ridiculous fluke that ended up on YouTube. While on the senior ski trip, she caught her ski in the ski lift and fell off her seat. The lift dragged her up into the air, and when she had the presence of mind to unbuckle her ski boots, her foot got caught again before she finally fell into the powdery snow below. It was comical, she had to it. “Somehow, I tore the ligaments in three places. I have to do physical therapy, and I might even be looking at surgery before this is over. And I don’t even like skiing.” But she was Addison, and the popular girl was expected to do these things. The timing of her injury couldn’t be worse. It was her senior year and her last chance to take the squad to finals. In her sophomore year, Addison became the youngest team captain in Twin Rivers High history. Since then, she’d worked tirelessly to cultivate the perfect team and had taken her squad to place at state finals every year. This year should have been the cherry on top of her college resume with a state finals win under her belt, but now that she was out of commission and her friend Meghan was taking over, there was no guarantee they would win. And if they did, Meghan would get all the credit for three years of Addie’s hard work. “Tough break, kid.” Nicky winked. “You let me know if you need help getting around. I can see your friends aren’t exactly the observant sort.” Nicky gestured at the table where Addie usually sat with her teammates. “Thanks, Nicky.” She dropped into her seat, exhausted from the effort. “Oh, Addie, there you are. What took you so long?” Meghan frowned. “We’re almost done with the meeting.” “Meeting?” “Yes. I called a special meeting for lunch period. Didn’t you get the group text?” “No, I didn’t see it.” Funny how that worked out. “Well, I was just telling the girls that since you’re not competing this year, and I’m in charge of the team now, I’d like to tweak our program for finals.” “Absolutely not.” Addie glared at her temporary co-captain. “I might not be able to compete, but I am still captain of this squad, and the routine is my decision. We have worked that routine to death making it perfect. We can all do it in our

sleep.” “That’s kind of the point, Addie. It’s too easy. We need to step it up this year and take a risk. Don’t you worry about a thing.” She and the other girls started packing up the remnants of their lunch. “You’re welcome to come to practice and stay in the loop, but this is my team now, and I promise I’ll do you proud.” She gave Addison’s shoulder a squeeze and left with the other girls. Addie stared down at her salad, no longer hungry. For the first time in her life, she sat alone at a lunch table. It wasn’t half bad. At least it was quiet.

The bell for next period rang, but Addie still fought a losing battle with the books in her locker. As the entire contents of her locker crashed to the ground, she thought about giving up and going home. “Ugh, can this day be over already?” She stared at the pile of books on the floor and the students rushing to get to their classes on time. Where’s that kid with the headgear when you need him? Addie didn’t want to give too much thought to how she could be the popular girl, homecoming queen, etcetera, when no one was actually around when she really needed a friend. Not that it was always that way. Two years ago, she was surrounded by the kind of friends she’d trusted with her life. At least most of them. And then that night happened, and everything changed. When people talked about “that night,” they meant the accident that took Cooper Callahan’s life and left Cameron Tucker with a prosthetic leg. But for Addie, the life-changing moments of that night happened earlier. And afterward, she’d pushed everyone away and surrounded herself with friends who didn’t expect anything from her. Don’t go down that rabbit hole, Addie. She clutched her locker door for and gingerly leaned down to grab her books. “Let me help you with that.” “Thanks, but I think I’ve got it.” After all, she was going to be stuck with these crutches for weeks, and she needed to learn to do these things herself. “You look ridiculous, Addie. Let me help.” She glanced up, and her insides seized in panic. She lost her balance and landed on her butt beside her pile of belongings, her crutch clattering to the floor. Cooper Callahan’s face would haunt her dreams for the rest of her life. She didn’t need his identical twin, Julian, haunting her during the day too. She focused on his odd eyes. One blue eye and one brown one. Cooper’s eyes were

both brown. Not Coop, she reminded herself. “Thanks, Julian.” She held her breath as he took her hand and helped her back onto her feet. “Eh, I’m late for class as usual. At least you’ll give me a believable excuse for missing Mr. Randolph’s riveting lecture on the Great Depression. I’ve read The Grapes of Wrath, thanks, I’m all caught up on the level of suck happening across the country back then.” Addie liked his babbling. It was another reminder that he wasn’t Cooper. Where Coop was the all-American Golden Boy, football god, and smooth talker, his twin was a loner and an outcast. “That’s a great book,” Addie said. “You’ve read it?” Julian looked at her skeptically. “It was required reading.” He didn’t need to know she’d read the book years before it was assigned. “I have to say it, Addison.” Julian gave her a serious frown. “Your friends suck at taking care of you. Have the assholes not noticed you’re on crutches?” He finished gathering up her books, stuffing the ones she needed into her bag and placing the others neatly back in her locker. All without pausing for a breath. “I’m managing okay on my own.” He cocked his head at her with a frown. “With a few minor hiccups,” she itted, shuffling down the empty hall beside him. “I know I’m not your favorite person. I remind everyone of Coop and not in a good way. But it looks like these crutches are going to be around for a while. So, if you need anything, you can always text me.” He took her phone and keyed in his number. “No questions or judgments. If you drop your books, get stuck in the rain, or need a ride somewhere, just ask. I won’t bite.” He handed off her bag and left her standing at the door of her fifth period class with Mrs. Fletcher.

How did he know I have History this period? Addison watched him walk away, confident like Cooper but without the arrogance. Two nice deeds in one afternoon, and none of them from her friends. It left Addie feeling like she needed to reevaluate the people she chose to spend her time with. “Take a seat, Ms. Parker,” Mrs. Fletcher said as Addie lingered in the doorway. “Sorry I’m late.” Addison lifted her crutches in explanation and lumbered her way to her back-row seat, bumping into several classmates on her way. “Sorry.” She finally dropped into her chair. Somehow, walking with crutches was more exhausting than an entire afternoon of cheer practice. Opening her notebook, she prepared to pretend to pay attention. History was normally one of her favorite subjects, but she wasn’t in the mood to even attempt following the lesson today. The buzz of her phone was too tempting to ignore. Hoping for a very special message, she dropped her phone in her lap. Her shoulders fell. It wasn’t the one she wanted, but she smiled at the name Julian saved his number under.

Errand boy: You have a ride home?

She was tempted to answer, but Addie had to remind herself Julian Callahan was not her friend. With him, conversations would always turn to talk of Coop, and she refused to go there with anyone. It didn’t matter that he had beautifully weird eyes and was a master at playful banter. Addie doodled in her notebook, making a show of copying the notes on the screen, but a No BS notification flashed on her phone stealing her attention.

Hiding in plain sight. Does anyone else do this or is it just me? I go to school. I

do all the things expected of me. I have friends. I talk. I laugh. I study. I get decent grades. Wash, rinse, repeat. But none of it’s really me. Sometimes I don’t think I know who “me” is. #AmIAlone —@Normal_Is_Overrated

@Normal_Is_Overrated I think we can all relate to this. We’re young and sometimes I think we all go through the motions of what’s expected of us because we don’t have a clue what else to do. I have faith we’ll all figure it out in college —at least I hope we will! Until then, keep your chin up and know you are so not alone in this. We’ve all been there. —@CupcakesAreMyNemesis @NoBSMod

Addison smiled at Peyton’s response. Most people knew by now that @Cupcakes was Peyton Callahan, creator and mastermind behind the No BS craze. Once upon a time, Addie and Peyton were close friends, and Addie was proud of Peyton’s accomplishments. She missed Peyton and Nari and the easy friendship they used to share. Before Addie’s world changed and she couldn’t tolerate that kind of closeness anymore. Without a second thought. Addie began to type.

@Normal_Is_Overrated I can relate. Hiding in plain sight is my daily goal. I go through the motions, but I don’t feel anything. I’m surrounded by people, but I’m closed off. I have “friends” but I don’t even know if I like them. I think it’s entirely possible that some of us just don’t know who we are yet. Here’s to

figuring it out. Someday. —@ShutUpAndDrive

2

Julian

Julian Callahan wasn’t exactly what anyone would call studious. He didn’t see how some lame history lesson would change his life. Math definitely wasn’t in his future. And science? Well, it wasn’t like he was going to be a doctor or a chemist anytime soon. Why did he have to sit through some boring teacher droning on for fifty minutes when he could learn anything he needed to know from books? That was right. Julian was a reader. No one at his stupid school would think the loner who was missing from class more than he attended spent his spare time with his nose in a book. But then, no one at Twin Rivers High thought much about him at all. That was the way he liked it. Except for one girl. He checked his phone for the millionth time that period, scrolling through his text messages. He smiled when he saw his sister’s random messages that had basically no meaning other than the fact that she was craving cupcakes. She was always craving cupcakes. Pulling up the text he’d sent when he first slid behind his desk forty-five minutes ago, he grimaced when he saw there was no response. Why did he even care? Addison Parker was not the girl she used to be. The girl who’d spent half her time defending Julian’s sister, Peyton, from her cheerleading squates and the other half drooling after his brother, Cooper.

Golden boy Cooper Callahan. Was it wrong to envy a dead man? When they were kids, Cooper and Julian were inseparable. As they got older and entered high school, they went to opposite ends of the food chain. Julian had never hated his low status among their annoying peers. He didn’t want to be one of them. But he had envied the fact that Addison Parker never hid her feelings for Cooper. And what had Coop done? Taken advantage of it. Julian hated thinking about the night the accident took his twin’s life. Not only because his brother died, but because in the hours before the car went off the bridge, he’d hated him. For the first time, his annoyance with Cooper turned into a full-blown fury that he hadn’t been able to contain. Before the party, he’d planned on that being the night he told Addison she pined after the wrong twin, that he’d do anything to show her he was the guy for her. It was the only reason he went in the first place. Images returned to him and he no longer sat in history. “Hey, Julian.” Addison smiled in that honest way she had. She wasn’t like the rest of her squad. There was something deeper in her eyes, some knowledge that she knew and no one else did. Julian fumbled for words as he always did around her. He wasn’t confident like his brother, not when it came to Addison. Addison smiled into her cup and swayed on her feet. “You okay, Addie?” He reached out to steady her. She nodded, latching onto his arm. Her fingers sent waves of heat through him. “I’m glad you came to my party tonight.” Her words slurred, and her unfocused eyes held his gaze. “I wouldn’t have missed it.”

She laughed a full-throat laugh, not the dainty giggles of the girls in the room behind them. “Yes, you would have. You never hang out with us anymore.” She wasn’t wrong. Their group—Addie, Cooper, Peyton, Cam, Nari, and Avery— had been friends since they were kids. As the years went on, Julian pulled away. Or he guessed Cooper pushed him away little by little. Julian only shrugged. Addie didn’t let go of his arm. Was Julian imagining her grip tightening? She stepped closer to him. No, he couldn’t do this. Whatever she was trying to do, she was drunk, and Julian would not let her do anything she’d regret. If he was going to make his move, she’d be stone-cold sober and in charge of her actions. “Addie.” He groaned, stepping back. “Julian,” she whispered. “Your eyes are prettier than Cooper’s.” Her words were like a splash of cold water in his face. Everyone compared him to Cooper, but her saying that just reminded Julian he wasn’t the twin she wanted. As if on cue, Cooper appeared, slinging an arm over Addison’s shoulders and breaking her connection with Julian. “Hey, Addie.” He dropped his voice seductively. Yep, Cooper was drunk too. It was a party. He wouldn’t expect anything else from his brother. “You keeping my girl company, little brother?” Julian scowled at the little part. He was thirteen minutes younger than Cooper. Addison giggled, and Julian hated how she changed as soon as Cooper neared. Where was the deep chuckling? It had been replaced with this girlish sound. She wasn’t Cooper’s girl. As soon as school started on Monday, he’d act as if she didn’t exist once again.

“Come on, Addie.” Cooper pulled her with him as he turned. “Let’s get you another drink.” The ringing bell jerked Julian from thoughts of his brother. As it always did, guilt swirled inside him. He’d been the reason Cooper got behind the wheel that night. There’d been a fist fight after he… “Mr. Callahan.” Mr. Randolph stood looming over Julian’s desk. Julian lifted his gaze, realizing his classmates were already heading out the door. “Yeah, teach?” “When you are in my class, I expect you to actually be in my class. Did you hear a word I said today?” Julian shrugged. “I’ll just read it in a book later. No big deal.” Mr. Randolph studied him as if trying to decipher the joke. Julian, read? How ridiculous did that sound? Julian almost laughed at his expression but held it back and slid out from behind his desk. He picked up his books and stepped around Mr. Randolph, who turned to follow him. “Be ready for the test on Friday,” he called after Julian. “Sure thing, Mr. R.” Julian waved a hand behind him and stepped into the hall. He was always ready for tests. It was one of the things that annoyed his teachers to no end. Julian skipped half his classes, yet he managed to ace all their lame tests. American literature was his final class of the day, but they’d just be discussing Of Mice and Men, which they were supposed to have finished. Julian wasn’t a fan of the classics, preferring either books with a history bent or his guilty pleasure, romance novels.

He chuckled to himself thinking what his classmates would say if they knew the truant of Twin Rivers had a thing for sexy love stories. He considered walking out the doors, getting into his car, and heading home. His parents would both be at the family diner, and Peyton usually headed there straight after school for the dinner shift. It was his night off, and he’d have the house to himself. But he couldn’t leave. Not when Addison might need him. It was stupid how he hadn’t gotten over his insane crush. After the accident, he left town, returning eighteen months later. He wasn’t the same kid who’d once watched her every move. Now, he was darker, both physically and mentally. He’d lost his brother, yet couldn’t stop hating him. The bell signaling the start of class rang and students ducked through doors. Julian kept an eye out for the hall guards as he opened his locker and stuffed his books inside. He pulled out his Kindle and slammed the door shut. The sound echoed in the empty hall. Ducking into a stairwell he knew they didn’t patrol, he sat on one of the lower steps and powered on his e-reader. The seventh Outlander book was open. Peyton recommended the series to him after she’d borrowed his Kindle—without asking—and saw the kind of books he’d been reading. To her credit, she didn’t laugh. Peyton was good like that. The next hour flew by as Julian lost himself in colonial America. Five minutes before the end of class, he walked back into the hall and toward the other side of the building where Addison had Spanish. People would probably think it was creepy he knew that, but Julian was just observant. Meaning, he observed everything Addison did. Even now, when she’d turned into everything she’d always said she hated, he could sense her presence in a crowd as if she called to him. He shook his head, almost laughing. Addison Parker would never call to him. Not when she saw Cooper every time she looked at him. Julian saw the ghosts in her eyes, the desire to attach herself to people who didn’t care about her rather than the ones who once had.

That night—Cooper’s drunken actions—haunted her. Students rushed into the hall as the final bell rang. Julian leaned against the wall by the door, acting as if he was meant to be there. No one spared him a glance until her. Addison appeared in the doorway, struggling to carry her messenger bag as she leaned on her crutches. Helplessness crossed her face, and Addison Parker was never helpless. Julian kicked off the wall as her eyes found his, relief shining in them. She might have a bite to her now, but she knew Julian would help her, anyway. He couldn’t stop himself. She ignored him, yelled at him, and compared him to Cooper, but he wouldn’t let her fend for herself. He wasn’t her. He couldn’t just write people off. Before he reached her, Meghan skipped out of the room, her cheerleading uniform leaving little to the imagination. Long, toned legs, fake tan, blond hair. She was half the male student population’s wet dream. But Julian saw her distaste for anything and everything. He’d watched her belittle Peyton and Cam and Nari. She even treated Avery like crap until he’d finally dumped her. Meghan walked quickly, and Addison tried to keep up. She stumbled, and her bag slipped from her shoulder and crashed to the ground. Julian jumped to help her, but another set of hands, large hands meant to hold a football, reached for the bag. A smile spread across Addison’s face as she gazed up at Beckett Anderson. He returned her grin, tossing her bag over his shoulder as he straightened. “Can I help the lady?” he asked, gesturing for Addison to walk beside him. Julian rolled his eyes and turned in the other direction. He couldn’t even hate Becks for his charm. They were friends…sort of. Becks was the lead singer of Julian’s band. At school, it was as if they didn’t know each other. But on stage… they fit. And Becks was a good guy. Better than Cooper, at least.

“Julian.” Nari appeared at his side. He raised a brow at the fact she was hanging out with him in the hall. They didn’t do that. Julian wasn’t really the kind of guy people wanted to associate with. Nari shrugged. “I wanted to practice tonight, but Becks just texted me he was with Addison.” She mimicked gagging. There was no love lost between the two even if they occasionally looked at each other like they wanted nothing more than to regain the friendship they’d once had. “He wanted to bring her to practice, but yeah… Not ready to have the entire school know about the band.” “Me either.” He didn’t say he also didn’t relish the thought of seeing Becks and Addison flirt all evening. “Sooo … diner? I know Peyton is working, but she said you’re off. I thought we could work on some new songs.” Julian suppressed a grin. “I thought you and Avery would be hanging out.” That earned him a punch to the arm. The entire school thought Avery and Nari were dating over break. Julian had seen the picture of them kissing, but he also knew Nari. “I am never hanging out with Avery again. I can’t believe he told everyone we’re dating. Today has been the weirdest day of my life.” “Whatever you say, Nari.” They stepped outside. “Come on. The Main it is.” She gestured to his Kindle. “What are you reading?” “Oh.” His face heated up. “Um … it’s um … historical fiction. Yeah, just Revolutionary War stuff.” “Have I heard of it?” He always forgot Nari was as much a reader as him. She’d recognize any info on Outlander if he gave it to her. He shook his head. “Probably not. It’s … bloody. Yeah, a bloody, manly book.” He cringed at his own words. Nari scrunched her face in distaste. They’d gotten into many discussions about

books, and she was always clear about what she didn’t like: Blood and sex. Nari was an innocent who even refused to curse. It was one of the things he liked about her. She slid into his Honda. “I don’t know why you read that crap.” He tucked his Kindle in the glove box, out of sight. “So, what kind of songs are we working on today?” “Angry ones.” He almost laughed. Nari was not an angry person. “Angry songs?” She nodded. “About castration.” He choked. “Castration?” The word wheezed out of him. “I may have issues.” “What did Avery do to you?” He really wanted to know if there was an ass to kick. He’d been friends with Avery once, but Nari was too good for the football star who’d dated Meghan Lewis of all people. If Avery hurt Nari, he’d pay. She sighed. “Nothing. It’s nothing.” “You promise?” She nodded, leaning her head against the cold glass of the window, a firm set to her jaw. Julian didn’t believe her, but he let it go, realizing if she wanted to confide in someone, it wouldn’t be him. They were bandmates, nothing else, because Julian knew becoming friends with people only led to disappointment.

3

Addison

“All right, gimpy girl, I gotcha.” Becks shouldered Addie through the back door of her house. “These crutches are killing me.” She wanted to throw them across the room. “So, stop trying to do everything yourself, Addie.” Becks guided her to the couch in the living room. “That’s how you get hurt.” “I don’t like depending on other people,” she muttered. “At least stop trying to navigate the steps by yourself.” Becks made himself at home, getting her an ice pack for her foot. He’d yelled at her the whole way home after finding her at the bottom of the concrete steps into the school parking lot. It was just a few steps. She thought she could manage them on her own, but she stumbled down the last two steps and landed on her ass. She managed to hurt her already injured foot in the process. “Where are your pills?” Becks asked. “Just grab the ibuprofen on the counter.” “You don’t have a prescription for pain?” “I do. I just don’t like to take it.” “I think this counts as an occasion to take it,” Becks insisted.

“It’s in the cabinet to the left of the fridge. I’ll just take half.” “You should take a whole one.” Becks sat on the couch beside her with a water bottle and an ice pack. “What are you, a nurse in training?” she teased. He draped his arm behind her and handed her the bottle of pills. Addie cringed at his nearness, instinctively backing away from him. “Can you help me with this?” She loosened the Velcro straps around her knee, eager to get the stupid boot off. “Sure, just call me Dr. Beckett.” He kneeled on the floor in front of her to loosen the straps and ease her foot out of the contraption. She wanted to take the compression socks off too but they were too hard to get back on. “That looks painful, kid.” His hand slid over the swollen mound of her ankle, and she jerked away from his touch. “Sorry. It’s still tender.” But her reaction had nothing to do with her injury. “How about you lay down and get comfortable with this ice pack, and then I’ll leave you alone.” “Could you grab the yoga pants and T-shirt folded on the dryer in the laundry room? I want to change out of these clothes.” “Sure.” He darted down the hallway to the back door where the laundry room door stood open. “Uh, can you manage this on your own?” He looked at her, terrified he might have to help her change. “Just go grab yourself a snack and don’t peek.” “I can do that. I’ll make you some toast or something. Just, uh, call out if you need anything.” “Thanks, Becks.” She shrugged out of the simple dress she’d worn to school and tossed the soft, fuzzy T-shirt over her head. Struggling into the yoga pants wasn’t

so easy. By the time she collapsed back on the sofa, she was exhausted and ready for Becks to leave. “All covered,” she called out. “What are you doing in there?” Something smelled heavenly. “I made you some salsa and ranch avocado toast.” He came back carrying a tray with the toast and a tall glass of her favorite strawberry-infused water. He set the tray down. “Eat that while I make you a place to lay down. And don’t be a hero, take your dang pill, woman.” He plopped the pill bottle on her tray and proceeded to pull all the couch cushions off, stacking them on one end so she could lie against them. “This is the best thing I’ve ever eaten.” She munched on the toast and popped the top off the prescription bottle to fish out a pill. After she finished her snack, Becks took her empty dishes to the kitchen “Okay, stand up, and I’ll help you get settled.” Addison managed to get up, putting her weight on her good leg, but she wobbled and almost fell again. “Put your arms around my neck,” Becks instructed. Addison hesitated but did as he said. She groaned as he eased her back onto the pile of cushions and moved to prop her feet up on a pillow. “Thanks, Becks,” she said. “You’re a lifesaver.” He wrapped her foot with a dish towel and pressed the ice pack to her injury. “Let’s finish tucking you in.” He draped a fuzzy blanket over her. “Now, before I go, do you need anything else?” “My bag, please?” She smiled, already feeling the effects of the medicine starting to warm her insides. “Here you go.” He placed her messenger bag on the floor beside her and moved her drink within reach. “And you’ll call me if you need anything?” “Sure, Becks.”

“And the next time you’re standing alone at the top of the steps, you’ll text me or ask someone nearby for help?” “Sure, Becks.” “All right. Take a nap, girl. You look exhausted.” He flashed her a brilliant smile and let himself out the back door. Addison breathed a sigh of relief when she was finally alone. After such a long crappy day, she wanted nothing more than to curl up with a good book and relax. She leaned over and pulled a paperback from her bag. Wizard’s Empire. Definitely not her normal reading material, but the book was a recommendation from her secret BookBoy friend. They met on the No BS app weeks ago. She still didn’t know his name since they both preferred to remain anonymous. They were obviously from different social cliques, but they talked every day, and Addison looked forward to their lively conversations. In reality, she knew he was probably someone she would normally never talk to, and that made her ashamed of herself. Just as she got back to the part where the two main characters were about to kiss for the first time, her phone buzzed.

—@DontTouchMyBooks: Does Beth die? I have to know if Beth dies??

She laughed out loud, her mood lifting immediately.

—@ShutUpAndDrive: Keep reading the freaking book! I promised you would love it.

Addison smiled at his enthusiasm for Little Women—one of her favorite books of all time. They were pushing each other out of their genre comfort zones. Addie liked classic literature and contemporary literary fiction, but he liked historical fiction, epic fantasy, and cheesy romance—the more romance, the better. She knew he’d love the will-they-or-won’t-they of Laurie’s relationship with Jo March. And she had to it, she was really enjoying the fantasy adventure element of Wizard’s Empire more than she thought she would. The romance between Charles and Kaitlyn was already killing her. The gaming nerds at school would probably have a conniption if they knew she was reading this.

—@DontTouchMyBooks: I will never speak to you again if Beth dies.

—@ShutUpAndDrive: Kaitlyn was just about to kiss Charles when you texted.

—@DontTouchMyBooks: Don’t get used to it. There are fifteen books, plus the novellas. And then there’s the Andrea Chronicles… but you haven’t met Andrea yet.

—@ShutUpAndDrive: Fifteen books? I hate you. Are they all a thousand pages?

—@DontTouchMyBooks: Did I forget to mention that? Oops.

—@ShutUpAndDrive: You’re reading the Anne of Green Gables series next.

—@DontTouchMyBooks: it it, you’re hooked on Charles and Kaitlyn.

—@ShutUpAndDrive: Maybe l’ll just read the books till they get together.

—@DontTouchMyBooks: Bahahahahaha, yeah do that ;) Smart plan.

—@ShutUpAndDrive: Ugh, it takes fifteen books to get them together?

—@DontTouchMyBooks: Just read the book lol. Then you can decide if you’re in it for the long haul.

—@ShutUpAndDrive: Fine, I’m going back to read about this kiss now TTYL

—@DontTouchMyBooks: Beth is going to die isn’t she? I just know it.

—@ShutUpAndDrive: Grab the tissues ;)

Addie quickly lost herself in a crumbling world of magic, evil kings, and the hopeless love of the two main characters. Reading always gave her an escape from her reality. In many ways, it saved her life after Cooper Callahan died. For so many years, she’d idolized him, waiting for him to see her as more than his little sister’s best friend. He would flirt with her, knowing she was in love with him, but it never came to anything. Until that night. When it seemed like he finally saw her. And then everything went wrong, and her love for him died with him at the bottom of the river. “Addison Parker, you’re supposed to be at practice,” her mother’s shrill voice echoed across the silent living room, pulling Addie away from her happy place. “I’m sorry, Mom, I had a bad day with my foot. I had to come home and get some ice on it for a while.” “You could get off your foot while you’re at practice leading those girls from the bench.” Nancy Parker slid her designer sunglasses off her face, setting a pile of bags and boxes on the coffee table. She’d spent the day shopping. Again. “You can’t relax now, honey.” She collapsed into the plush high wingback armchair that might as well have been her throne. Black with silver gilt around the edges, it was a throne fit for a modern queen. Or the perfect trophy wife. “I needed a pain pill and some peace and quiet,” Addie insisted. “We have worked too hard to get you where you are, Addison. You were the youngest captain the squad has ever had, and you’ve taken them to state finals every single year. This is our year, sweetheart.” She crossed her legs and leaned toward her daughter. “This is the year we win state finals, and if you loosen the reins on that team too much while you’re injured, don’t think for a second that Meghan and Ashley won’t attempt to take over.” Addison didn’t want to tell her they were already trying to push her out. She never cared as much about the squad as her mother did. But Nancy Parker raised her daughter to be the popular, pretty cheerleader with every advantage. She

wanted Addison to follow in her footsteps, go to college, find a rich husband, and have it made for the rest of her life. It didn’t matter if that wasn’t what Addison wanted. But Addison really didn’t know what that was anymore. “I want you to rest up tonight, but no more skipping practice. We’re going to keep a firm hand on that team until that trophy is ours.” She leaned forward to grasp her daughter’s hand. “Yes, ma’am.” Addie sighed. She hated the way her mom talked about her accomplishments as ‘theirs’ when Addie was the one who did all the hard work. “What’s all this?” Addison gestured at the packages spread across the coffee table. The easiest way to get her mother onto a new subject was to talk about whatever was in those bags. “I got the most adorable new traveling outfits.” She beamed, sorting through the bags to find what she was looking for. “Traveling?” “Yes, your father has another business trip coming up next week.” “How long will you be gone this time?” Addie put the right amount of disappointment into her tone, not wanting her mother to know she lived for these business trips that left her alone for a much-needed reprieve. “Three weeks this time,” her mom said. “We’re going to Australia. I’ve never been, and I’m so excited!” “Bring me back a koala bear.” Addie smiled. “And not one of those stuffed ones either. I want the real thing.” “That’s my silly, sweet girl.” Nancy leaned down to press a kiss on Addison’s forehead. Her mother drove her insane most of the time, but no one could say Nancy Parker didn’t adore her daughter. She just didn’t know her as well as she thought she did. “Listen, while we’re gone, you should have a party. It’s been a while since

you’ve hosted your friends here, and this is the perfect time for it. I’ll leave you enough money to throw a big parents-out-of-town bash, and you can just call the cleaning service after. That will remind everyone exactly who you are. I want you to stay on top of your social game, darling. Especially while you’re down with your injury. This is your senior year. We want you to get into the right college that will give you all the advantages.” As if her social game had anything to do with getting into college. What her mother really meant was she wanted Addison to go to her alma mater and pledge her sorority as the legacy student she was. As a Kappa Alpha Theta, Addison would meet all the rich eligible boys her mother would consider husband material. Nancy believed a well-bred lady went to college to get an MRS degree. Sure, it was a good idea to better her mind while she was there so she could keep up with her smart husband and his smart friends, but the bottom line was that college equaled husband shopping. “Wait, who’s going to take me to my physical therapy while you’re gone? I can drive most places, but they don’t want me driving after.” “We’ll arrange for a car service to take you.” Her mother gathered up her bags. “When are you leaving?” “Friday afternoon. But don’t worry darling, we aren’t leaving you all alone and injured. Mrs. Culpepper next door is going to come check on you a couple of times a week.” “Okay. Uh, thanks, Mom.” The introvert inside her loved having the house to herself, but the injured teenager was more than a little nervous about taking care of herself for three weeks when she couldn’t navigate the stairs very well on her own.

4

Julian

Fact: Julian’s dad thought he was cool. Brian Callahan, with his short-cropped hair, button-down white shirt, and khaki pants looked the perfect image of a dad. And dads weren’t cool—at least not in the eyes of their moody teenage sons. “I’m not moody, Dad.” Julian opened the door to his bedroom, hoping it would be the end of the discussion. It wasn’t. His father followed him in. “Julian, I know you like to think your mother and I are clueless, but give us some credit. We know our son.” Julian stopped in front of the guitar standing in the corner of the room. It wasn’t the electric guitar he used for gigs. No, this one was a beauty of an acoustic that he’d owned since he was ten and his father taught him the magic of making music. Lifting it from its stand, Julian moved to sit on the corner of his bed, ignoring the way his dad stood watching him. He strummed a few chords. His dad cleared his throat, and Julian stilled his hands. “Really, Dad, I’m okay.” In the months since he returned to Twin Rivers after a year and a half away his parents had kept a close eye on him as if waiting for him to fall apart all over again. His twin, the boy with the same face, was dead, and the entire town looked at

Julian as if they didn’t know how to handle seeing him every day. After the accident, he’d seen the same look in his parents’ eyes. It was why he’d left, not wanting to cause them any more pain. Yet, here he was, back home and still the cause of the tension in the house. His parents tried. They really did. But it wasn’t easy being around someone who shared a face with their dead son. Cooper was the golden child, always succeeding at anything he attempted. Julian was just … Julian. He started playing again, relief rushing through him when his dad walked out. It was short-lived, however, because Brian Callahan didn’t give up so easily. He returned a few moments later with his own guitar. Julian just shook his head, a smile coming unbidden to his lips. He couldn’t the last time he’d played with his dad. Other than band practices and gigs with Becks, Nari, and Wylder, Julian preferred to enjoy his music alone. Yet, he couldn’t help the comfort he felt having his dad sink into the chair across the bed and begin a riff of his own. His dad grinned as he worked his fingers rapidly over the strings, playing a rendition of a Zeppelin song. Julian picked up the notes, sliding a hand down the neck of his guitar as he changed chords. Before long, he found himself battling with his dad for supremacy. The song ended, but they kept playing. Julian’s dad leaned back but didn’t stop. He played a riff, making up the tune as he went. Julian copied him, adding his own flare and trying to top it. By the time his dad stopped, both were laughing. “The student has become the master.” His dad plucked a few strings absently. “It has been way too long since we’ve played together.” Over two years. Julian ed the last time he’d had a guitar battle with his dad. The night before the accident, they’d spent all evening going back and forth until Coop got home, pulling all attention toward himself. He’d needed their

parents to love him more than anyone else, getting jealous whenever Julian and their dad spent time together. Julian hadn’t minded … much. Even then he’d preferred to be alone. A great future used to stretch before him. He’d been a model student, one of the best in his year, and colleges were lining up with their scholarships. Now, he was a senior year repeater who couldn’t care less. Cooper would’ve enjoyed seeing his brother’s fall. “Julian.” His dad’s voice brought him back. “Where’d you go just now?” Julian brushed brown hair out of his eyes. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” “Kid.” His dad sighed. “I know you’ve never needed much parenting, but maybe I need to parent.” What? When did his dad get the impression he didn’t need him? Julian only distanced himself from his family because they made it so dang easy. They hadn’t wanted him around. “I’m not Cooper, Dad.” He regretted the words as soon as his dad flinched. Cooper’s name still caused pain whenever spoken, but none of them understood. They didn’t know how it wasn’t only Cooper’s death that ate at Julian but his life as well as his actions. And the accident… Julian had never told them everything he went through trying to save his brother in the icy water before tumbling over Defiance Falls. When his dad spoke again, his voice was quiet. “We know you’re not Cooper, son.” “Do you? Because sometimes I think you expect me to be him. That you wish I was the one trapped in the car that night.” “Oh, Julian.” His dad set his guitar leaning against the chair and moved to sit beside him on the bed. “Have we really made you think that?” Julian shrugged. He wasn’t the emotional sort, but when it came to Cooper, a

thousand different feelings stabbed through him. Anger. Guilt. Hatred. Love. Everyone missed Cooper. They ed the football star who would bring fame to their small town. The boy with the charming smile and easy confidence. Julian tried to see that brother. He tried to miss him. That was the worst of all. Not the grief or the feelings of tension from his family. It was the not missing him. What did that say about Julian? “Julian, look at me.” “I think I’m done playing for today.” He didn’t move to set his guitar aside. His dad gripped his chin and turned Julian’s head so their eyes met. “You’re my son, Julian. Cooper was too, and his loss left a hole inside this family that will never be filled. But you, you’re alive. You’ve come home to us, and we love you.” He released Julian, his shoulders falling. “You and your brother couldn’t have been more different from the day you were born. You looked like the same person, but it was like you went out of your ways to distinguish yourselves.” They had. Cooper and Julian wanted to have very little in common. His dad continued. “He was the athletic one. So talented. He knew exactly what people wanted and how to give it to them. He took up a lot of this family’s energy with his constant needs, but we gave to him willingly.” He rested a hand on Julian’s shoulder. “But you … you were always stuck in your own head. Your books and your music, you knew how to make yourself happy.” He swallowed. “You didn’t need us, Julian. Not like he did. Growing up, you wouldn’t take what we’d give you. Help with homework? You could do it better on your own—your words. Advice about girls? You were zipped up tighter than a parka in an Alaskan winter. Your mother and I, we never knew what was going on in that head of yours.” Julian kept all emotion out of his voice, acting as if nothing affected him as usual. “I saw how much Cooper depended on other people. I didn’t want that.” “Oh, we know. You didn’t depend on anyone other than yourself. Even as a kid.

When you left to stay with my brother after the accident, your mother was sure you’d never come home. It nearly killed her losing both sons, but we knew you needed to figure out how to be in a world where your twin no longer existed. I don’t think any of us can truly understand what that feels like. You were a part of each other.” Julian scoffed. “Cooper was not a part of me. He was selfish and reckless. He hurt people, Dad, people I care about.” If any of that surprised his dad, he didn’t show it. “One day, you’re going to have to forgive yourself for not being able to save him, kid.” He shook his head. “Cameron and Avery would be just as gone as Cooper if it weren’t for you.” Julian could recognize the truth in those words, but he couldn’t feel it. He pushed out a shaky breath. “Can we … uh … go back to playing?” The only thing that ever took his mind from his pain was the music. His dad smiled and moved back to the chair, pulling his guitar across his lap. He strummed out a few chords. “Do you know why I always looked forward to our jam sessions?” Julian grimaced. “Don’t call them jam sessions, Dad.” His dad laughed. “Guitar was one of the few things you’d let me help you with. Teaching you how to play was like being let into your life just a little.” Julian never expected to feel guilt for his independence. He’d closed himself off from his family long before Cooper died, never knowing how much hurt it would cause his parents. His only response to his dad was to start playing a familiar Skynyrd song his dad taught him years ago. He didn’t know how long the two of them had been playing when he lifted his eyes to catch Peyton in the doorway watching them. A smile slid across her face as she met his gaze. Their mom walked up behind her, sliding her arms around Peyton from behind and resting her chin on Pey’s shoulder as she watched Julian and his dad.

The song ended, and the four of them were silent for a few moments. Julian couldn’t the last time they were all together that didn’t revolve around mealtime or working at the diner. It was late on a Friday night. The night manager was in charge of the late shift at The Main. Peyton was home instead of out with Cameron. For once, no one had anywhere else to be. When he held his guitar, Julian could forget about the awkwardness. He didn’t think about how another year of skipping school might lead to another failure. Even thoughts of Addison faded to the background. His mom sniffled. “You boys.” She released Peyton and wiped her face. It was then Julian realized both women had heard their conversation about Cooper. Peyton leaned against the doorway while their mom walked in and sat beside Julian on the bed. She lifted his guitar away from him, pulling the strap off over his head, and set it aside. “Julian, the day I met you and Cooper, I knew you were meant to be my sons.” They’d been five years old when Sofia Callahan and four-year-old Peyton entered their lives. Julian’s birth mom was long gone, and it took him a while to warm up to his stepmom. She smiled. “Cooper accepted me right away, but you were wary. You didn’t trust easily even at that age.” She looked to Peyton. “The only person you didn’t keep at arm’s length was Peyton.” Julian’s connection with his new sister had been instant. He shot Peyton a grin. She shook her head with a smile of her own. His mom gripped his hand. “Your dad says you didn’t need us as much as Cooper, but I always knew that wasn’t true. You just didn’t let yourself it how much you needed. You let him stand in the spotlight, leaving very little for yourself. We didn’t see it, though. Not until the accident when we lost you both. I know coming home hasn’t been easy for you. This town can be difficult at times. But we wouldn’t change having you with us for anything.” She wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “You are not your brother. You’re Julian Callahan, and we love you for you not because you remind us of Cooper.” Peyton walked forward and sat on his other side, winding her arms around him.

“Family hug?” Their dad released a booming laugh. “We haven’t had one of these since the kids were too young to be embarrassed by their parents.” He wrapped long arms around the three of them, squeezing them together. “Hate to break it to you, Dad,” Peyton said. “But we’ve never been too young to be embarrassed by you.” Julian laughed, the tension in his chest easing. He hadn’t realized how much he needed to hear that his family loved him, that they didn’t see Cooper when they looked at him. “Can’t. Breathe,” Julian wheezed. They all released him. A smile sat on his lips, and his dad fist pumped the air. “See? The Callahans must be full of magic if we can make even Julian smile.” He put his hands on his hips and puffed his chest out. “Just paint a C on my chest and let me fly.” Peyton covered her eyes with a groan. “Dad, that talk about how you’re embarrassing? Case and point.” “Then my job here is done.” He lifted his guitar and walked toward the door, pausing as he reached it. “Love you, kids.” Their mom followed him out, leaving Julian alone with Peyton. She eyed him for a moment before launching herself across his bed toward where his Kindle sat on his nightstand. “No, you don’t.” Julian lunged for her, tackling her before she could reach it. “Come on! I just want to see how far you are! You cannot read Outlander and then not let your sister talk to you about it.” He shoved his Kindle under his pillow and released Peyton. “No way. All you’ll want to talk about is Jamie and his—and I quote—‘hot knees.’ What are hot knees anyway? That’s so ridiculous.” Peyton smirked. “Have you been looking up Jamie Fraser knee porn?” A laugh

rolled through her. “You have!” He sighed. “I saw someone post about his knees on Facebook and was curious how someone could find knees hot.” She laughed again. “It’s a kilt thing. Jamie has plenty of other sexy parts.” Julian stuck his fingers in his ears. “Ew gross! Do you want me talking to you about Claire or Brianna that way?” Peyton shrugged. “They’re both very beautiful.” Julian grabbed a pillow and launched it at his sister. “We are not talking about this.” She dodged another pillow attack. “Okay, I’ll save my badgering for the next romance book you read.” She launched herself from the bed as he threw a third pillow and hit the floor with a thud. Sticking her hand into the air, she laughed. “And she’s okay, folks.” She was ridiculous, but she succeeded in making him feel lighter than he had in a while. Between Addison spending time with Becks and the heavy conversation with his parents, Julian needed Peyton’s brand of crazy. He rolled to the edge of the bed and looked down, freezing when he saw what she’d pulled from under the bed frame. As she lay there, she flipped through a thick stack of papers. “What is this?” she asked, her brow creasing in confusion. Julian had never told anyone what he did when he was up late each night, unable to sleep. In his time away from Twin Rivers, he’d started writing, falling in love with it as much as he loved reading. But he was Julian Callahan, bad boy of Twin Rivers. If anyone knew he read romance books, let alone was writing one, they’d laugh him out of town. “Julian,” Peyton whispered. “Did you write this?” Panic raced through him. “Uh … no.”

“You did.” He didn’t know how she knew, but there was confidence in her tone. “Can I read it?” He reached down, snatching the pages from her. “No. Just… Peyton, please. Don’t tell anyone. It’s nothing. I was bored and couldn’t sleep. I’m not a writer.” She picked herself up off the floor and stood looking down at him on the bed. “I don’t know if that’s any good, Julian, but I do know that if you write you’re a writer no matter what happens next.” She studied him for a moment. “And in a weird way, it fits you. I hope you’ll let me read it someday.” She didn’t pry any more than that. Peyton was good at knowing his boundaries. It was why they were so close. She cast one more look his way before walking out and shutting the door behind her. Julian fell onto his back, the pages of his secret writing project still clutched in his hands. He flipped through them, wondering if he’d ever get the courage to be who he was. Cooper would’ve shown people what he’d accomplished, knowing they’d accept it because they accepted him. Julian could just imagine Coop learning his brother was writing romance. Are you gay, bro? he’d ask, not like he had anything against gay people. Nope, not gay, but he couldn’t quite explain what drew him to romance. Maybe it was the fact that reading gave him the opportunity to feel the emotions he’d guarded himself against. The emotions he’d lost when his brother died right in front of him. Julian couldn’t save him from the rising waters, but in his writing, he was always the hero. In his worlds, there were always happy endings.

5

Addison

“Don’t worry about this party,” Meghan said. “You just sit back and have fun, and I will play hostess for you.” “That’s okay, Meghan. I’m still on crutches, but I’m getting around a lot better now.” Addison stood to slide her uninjured foot into her red high-heeled shoe. “I can host my own party.” “Well, if I can help with anything, just let me know. Are you seriously wearing that awful boot thing?” She frowned down at Addie’s feet. “Yeah, I kind of have to.” Addie arched her brow at her idiot friend. “It’s protecting my foot, Meg.” “Oh, well, if it was me, I’d squish my foot into those sexy red heels no matter what. You have pain pills, right?” “Whatever, you girls go have fun. People are already here, but I need a minute.” Addie turned back to her makeshift vanity in the first-floor guest bedroom. Before her parents left, Addie’s dad insisted on moving her down to the first floor so she didn’t have to deal with the stairs at all. She felt much better about staying alone, but she still wasn’t feeling this party. They were all the same. Same people, same drinking games, same nonsense, and same gossip. And it all reminded her of that night. It was her party back then too. Her mom insisted she throw these legendary parties for just the most popular people in her school. Like it would buy her own popularity somehow. Her guests were already arriving when Addison left the safety of her room, locking the door behind her. She made her way into the large living room,

cleared of furniture for the night. Caterers had worked all day to set up the party per her mother’s requests. These kids came expecting a loud keg party and pizza, but her mother threw them a cocktail party with fancy Thai food appetizers and an attempt at a chic tiki bar theme. Half of them would be puking curry in the houseplants before the night was over. Addison moved awkwardly through the growing crowd on her crutches. She recognized some faces but not all, wondering which one might be her mysterious BookBoy. She’d rather spend her night chatting with him alone than endure another party with all these people invading her home. “Addie!” Meghan yelled over the sound of the blender and deafening music. Addison turned toward the bar in the dining room. Meghan had made herself at home with the handsome bartender. She was making her own daiquiris and grinning like a Cheshire cat. “Playing bartender tonight?” Addison eyed her friend. “I made you a drink.” She beamed. “Paul here helped me make it.” She bumped her hip against Paul the bartender—a man much too old for a high school senior. “You know I don’t drink, Meghan.” “Of course, silly. We made you a pomegranate pineapple punch with a shot of kale to make it extra healthy and cut the sweetness.” She handed Addie the fishbowl mocktail, waiting for her to take a sip. “Hey, that’s really good,” Addison said after she took a sip. I can taste the kale, but it’s tangy like pineapple.” “Oh wait, here.” Meghan leaned across Paul to grab a skewer of fresh fruit to top off her drink. “Come find Paul if you want another. And seriously, try to have fun tonight, girl. This is your party.” “Thanks Meghan.” Addison left, feeling sorry for Paul. Meghan would bail on him soon. Once she realized she was actually working. “Addison, I have a friend I want you to meet,” Ashley said, pulling her back across the dance floor.

“I don’t know, Ash. I’m not really in the mood tonight.” Ashley was always trying to hook her up with her former conquests. “His name is Eli Hunter. His mother’s an actress and his father is a big time Hollywood producer.” “And let me guess, he goes to Defiance Academy.” Addison rolled her eyes. She couldn’t stand those guys. “No, he’s a freshman at Defiance University.” “What’s he doing at a high school party?” “I invited him for you. I know you’re dying to get into that school. Maybe Eli can give you some tips. You’re welcome.” She grinned, steering them toward the guy himself. He was beautiful. All six feet of him. But Addie knew from experience that didn’t necessarily translate to the person behind the pretty face. “Addie, Eli. Eli, Addie.” Ashley made the introductions and vanished. “Sorry about this,” Addison said, sipping her drink. Her face flushed as she realized how stupid she looked with the enormous fishbowl drink in her hand. “Looks like I need to catch up.” He smiled, taking a sip of his beer. “Ashley told me about your accident.” He gestured at her crutches. “That has to be a bummer for a cheerleader.” “Yeah, it definitely is,” she yelled over the music. “Would you like to dance?” Eli asked. “I can’t really dance too well with this thing.” “We’ll improvise.” He took her hand, a brilliant smile on his face. “I won’t let you fall.” “Sure, why not.” Addie took a last gulp of her drink and set it aside on a nearby table. “Can you put weight on your boot or do you need the crutches?”

“I can manage a few steps without them.” “Perfect.” Eli leaned her crutches against the wall behind a seven-foot Japanese jade tree someone already puked in. “Now just put your weight on me, and we’ve got this.” “If you say so.” Addison glanced down at her feet, feeling silly for wearing one high heel. “How about we ditch the shoe first?” She slipped out of her heel, and Eli stuffed it behind the plant with her crutch. “You’re going to want to get the service to clean that.” “They’re used to it,” Addie said. “It’s always the plants, right?” He shook his head. “Like, there’s at least ten trash cans in sight.” She laughed, feeling her spirits lift, a warm, fuzzy feeling she hadn’t experienced in a long time. Interest. “Okay, here we go, Addie. Hold on tight.” Eli whirled her onto the dance floor, her feet barely touching the floor as she clutched his broad shoulders. They moved to the beat of the music, laughing and circling the dance floor together. She rested her bare foot on top of his, taking careful steps with her booted foot. “You’re pretty good at this. You must have practiced,” Addie said. “Nah, I’m just making it up as I go along. It bodes well you’re impressed with my dancing.” He steered them back to their original corner, and Eli had her back on her crutches before she had a chance to feel unsteady. Taking a grateful sip of her drink, Addie’s face flushed with excitement. “My last date was an utter asshole when I told him I couldn’t dance.” “What a jerk,” Eli said. “Right. I tore three ligaments in my foot. Give me a freaking break.” “These are from Meghan.” Ashley butted in between them, shoving a tray of

drinks on the table. Another mocktail for Addison and a fresh beer for Eli. “Thanks, Ash.” Addison attempted to climb up on the barstool by their table. “Here let me help you with that.” Eli grabbed her waist and lifted her onto the stool. “Thanks.” Addison shifted to tug her short skirt back down. “Okay, I have a confession.” Eli leaned in close so she could hear him. “I might have seen the YouTube video of your accident.” He laughed. “Oh no.” Addie groaned in embarrassment. “That was not my finest hour.” “I felt I should come clean.” “Well, at least you’re honest.” “And don’t forget chivalrous.” “Of course.” Addie took another sip of her drink, surprised by how much she liked Eli. He seemed sweet. They sat and talked for a while until she’d finished her second huge fishbowl drink and her bladder protested. “Why don’t you get us another drink? Maybe water for me this time. And I’ll meet you back here in a bit. I’m just going to the ladies’ room.” “Can I offer you an escort? Or are you good on your crutches?” “I got it.” She slipped her foot back into her shoe and set off across the living room, a little unsteady on her feet. Her house was a nightmare of loud music and people everywhere she looked, but Eli had proven to be a nice distraction. Addie let herself into the guest room at the back of the house, far from the noise. She could finally hear herself think. She stumbled into the bathroom, the room spinning as she relieved herself. “Kale, my ass! Freaking Meghan.” She groaned into her hands. She should have known Meghan would never give her a virgin drink of any kind. She’d spiked Addison’s drink and covered the alcohol with lots of fruit juice so she wouldn’t taste it.

From the way it was hitting her now, Addison had way more to drink than she was comfortable with—and with her medication on top of it, she was feeling more than a little woozy. Not that she’d never been drunk before. She had. Many times. But rarely since the night of the accident. When she was drunk, the memories flooded her mind, taking her back to the night she thought Cooper would finally tell her how he felt about her. “What an idiot I was,” she whispered to her reflection. Addison washed her hands and splashed her face with cold water, hoping she would sober up before the memories came at her like an avalanche. “Maybe I should just stay in here. It’s not like anyone would really miss me.” She patted her face dry and stepped back into her room. Her heart sank like a stone in her chest when she saw what waited for her. “What are you doing in here?” She clutched her crutches tightly in her hands. “What? We were having a good time,” Eli said. “I thought we could use somewhere quiet to talk. Get to know each other a little better.” “Why are you laying on my bed? I didn’t invite you in here.” She hated the way her words came out slurred. “Just come sit with me. I brought you some water.” He sat on the edge of the bed, facing her. “I promise, I won’t bite. I’m sorry I came in without permission. I clearly didn’t think that decision through.” Addison relaxed. She reminded herself not every guy was a total douche. Not like Cooper. Addie tentatively sat beside him, trying to recapture the mood of their earlier interactions. “That’s better.” He flashed a smile and handed her a bottled water. “I thought you could use some downtime. I’ve hosted these parties, and it’s stressful.” “Not when your mom is the one who plans them.” She shrugged. “All I have to do is show up and even then, sometimes I don’t think anyone would notice either way.” “Oh, trust me, the guys would notice. At least this guy would.” He leaned in closer, pausing as if to ask her permission before his lips brushed hers.

It was a sweet kiss. Addie let herself enjoy it, reaching to place her hand on his chest. Eli pulled her close, deepening the kiss. His warm lips pulled sensations from her she hadn’t felt in years. He leaned her back against the mattress, his hands sliding from her waist down to her hips and even lower to the hem of her skirt. And that’s when the memories came. Memories of another boy and another set of hands. Rougher hands. The sound of Cooper’s drunken laughter haunted her. “Come on, Addie. We both know you’re in love with me,” Cooper looked down at her with those warm brown eyes she could get lost in. His kiss was urgent and demanding. Not at all the kind of kiss she’d imagined they would share. The room swirled like a kaleidoscope behind him. “Slow down, Coop,” she whispered in his ear; the slur of her words didn’t even sound like her. She wanted this to happen but not when they were both so drunk. He was moving too fast, and she didn’t like the taste of beer on his lips. “I-I’m not sure...” She held her hands against his face, trying to focus on his gaze, but he moved, trailing his lips down her throat to her chest, his hand inching up under her dress. “No,” she slurred, shoving his hand away, but he’d hooked his thumbs into her panties. “Coop, stop.” She tried to laugh it off, but her heart hammered in her chest, and dark spots clouded her vision. She shoved him again, her arms like Jell-O. But it was like he didn’t hear her. Or didn’t care. She’d had way too much to drink, and the room continued to spin until she felt she might vomit. “No. St-stop,” she gasped as Cooper worked her panties down around her ankles, his body pressing her into the mattress. He hovered over her, and his brown eyes held a look she’d never seen in them before. It scared her. “No!” The alcohol fog lifted from her mind, and she shoved her hands against his chest, but he was like a rock. His laughter turned menacing as he pinned her arms to the bed. “Stop!” she cried, slamming her fist into Eli’s chin.

“Darn it. What the hell’s the matter with you?” Eli looked down at her. His brown eyes, several shades lighter than Cooper’s, held a hint of hurt along with his surprise. “I said stop.” She took in a gulp of air, looking for something to use as a weapon. “Well, you didn’t have to hit me. One no is enough, just give a guy time to respond.” He ran his hand over his chin, checking for blood. “Get out of my room!” she shrieked, reaching for the book on her nightstand, and she threw it at his head. Eli ducked and scrambled for the door. “You gave me the green light, Addie. Don’t think you can turn this into some kind of sexual assault thing. I’ve been a perfect gentleman tonight.” “Get out!” She clutched her hands to her chest, expecting to find her dress torn like it was that night. “I’m sorry if someone hurt you, but you need to get help.” He turned on his heel and left. Addison leaped off her bed and locked the door behind him, her hands trembling as she slid the lock in place. Tears filled her eyes as she sank to the floor. She wanted to run. To hide. But there were dozens of strangers in her home, and she had no one she could call. No one she could trust. She thought about calling Avery St. Germaine. He moved in the same circles she did, but they weren’t exactly friends anymore. And he was there that night. He was the one plying her with drinks for Cooper. She shook her head. Not Avery. Meghan and Ashley and all their friends were already at the party, but she didn’t want them. She knew who she wanted and she wondered if she would even come. After all this time, would she even have a reason to be there for Addison? Addie crawled back to the bathroom for her purse and retreated to the closet to hide. She didn’t think Eli would come back, but she didn’t feel safe in her own home.

She dialed the number she still knew by heart and held her breath until she picked up. “Addie?” She sounded confused, but at the familiar concern in her voice, Addison knew she’d called the right person. “Peyton? I need your help.” She couldn’t keep the tears from her voice. “Can you come to my house?” “Aren’t you having a party tonight?” Addie winced at the hurt tone in Peyton’s voice. “Yes. But I’m in the guest room. The closet actually.” “Why are you hiding in your closet? What’s wrong, Addie? You’re scaring me, what do you need?” “Can you come kick all these people out of my house? It’s all just…too familiar.” And that was all she had to say. “I’ll be there in five,” Peyton said. “I’m in the downstairs guest room. The doors are locked. There’s a key in the kitchen drawer.” “I . I’m on my way, just sit tight.” “Thank you, Peyton. I know I don’t deserve your help.” “Everybody deserves help, Addison.”

“Addie?” Peyton’s voice reached through the fog of Addison’s mind, reminding her of better days when they were all friends and it seemed like nothing would ever come between them. “In here,” Addison called, reaching for the closet doorknob. “I brought Julian with me,” she warned. Addison swallowed back a sob. She couldn’t see that face. That beautiful face that reminded her of the worst night of her life. Look at his eyes. He has kind eyes. Not like Cooper’s. She reminded herself to focus on the blue one. “Hey, you.” Peyton peeked through the closet door. “Ready to come out?” Addison nodded, feeling foolish. “Mind if I help you up?” Julian asked, standing behind his sister. She zeroed in on his blue eye. “Thank you,” she managed in a strangled whisper. “Wrap your arms around my neck.” He leaned over her. She held her breath as Julian lifted her, setting her back on her unsteady feet. He placed her crutches in front of her, a concerned look on his face. He had a kind face too. So like Cooper’s at first glance. Until you looked closer to see the subtle differences. She focused on those differences now. “Right,” Peyton said, taking control like the organizer she was. “Drink this.” She gave Addison a fresh bottle of water. “Julian’s going to go kick everyone out. I take it your parents are out of town again?” “Yeah.” She nodded, sipping the cool water. “While Julian takes care of the party people, how about you and I skip out?” “What?” Addison looked at her former friend, wondering how she could be so

nice after the way Addison had treated her over the last two years. “You’re coming home with me. Julian will lock up and see the caterer’s out.” Relief swept through Addison. She didn’t want to be alone tonight. She didn’t deserve it, but she was so grateful for Peyton’s kind heart. “Okay, but do you have cupcakes?” Addison hiccupped. “Are you kidding me? It’s the Callahan house, we always have cupcakes.”

6

Julian

Julian would give anything to have changed what happened before the accident, to have gone upstairs sooner. He rolled over in his bed, unable to close his eyes without seeing his brother bent over a struggling Addison. She hadn’t been fighting with the ferocity he knew she’d been capable of, and there could have been only one reason for that. Cooper got her drunk. Beyond drunk even. Addison was an early drinker, starting younger than any of them, but she’d learned to control how much of herself she lost at parties. And it was never that much. Her slurred “no” would be burned into his brain for as long as he heard Cooper’s laugh. Because Cooper knew Addison was in love with him. She always had been, following him around and bending to his every will. Before her Christmas Eve party, he’d never looked twice at her, dating senior girls instead. Were you allowed to hate a dead man? Probably not. What kind of guy did that make him? Julian never told anyone about Cooper’s final moments. After Cam got Avery to shore, Julian continued trying to get Cooper out of the car as they neared the falls. Cooper yelled his name again and again. At first, Julian thought his brother wanted him to work faster, but he’d only been telling him to stop. To save himself. “Maybe I deserve this, brother.” Those were Cooper’s final words. Maybe he deserved what? To drown? To be ripped from all their lives?

No, he’d deserved to live with everything he’d done, not die with it. Assault. Drunk driving. Darn it, he almost killed them all. Julian kicked at the blankets twisted in his legs. No, he didn’t hate Cooper for what he’d done. He hated him for what he continued to do. For dying and leaving them all with the scars he’d inflicted. A crash sounded from the kitchen, and he sat up, rubbing his eyes. The alarm clock read three in the morning. By the time Julian kicked everyone out of Addison’s house, let the caterers out, and made it home, it was almost one a.m. Sliding his legs over the side of his bed, his toe hit the laptop he’d left on the ground. His mother would murder him if she knew how he treated the thing. Sometimes though, when he got lost in his writing, he’d come back to the real world in such a daze he wouldn’t know what he was doing. He picked up the computer and set it on his desk when someone’s soft sobbing wound up the stairs and directly into his room. He’d know that sound anywhere. The girl’s cries haunted his dreams. Pulling on some sweatpants over his boxers, he left his room and crept down the stairs. In the kitchen, Addison stood gripping the edge of the sink, her head bent forward and blond hair covering her face. Her back shook as she cried. It wasn’t until Julian walked closer he noticed the broken glass at her feet or the blood running from one of her hands into the sink. “Addison, are you okay?” She didn’t move, and for a moment, he thought she hadn’t heard him. “Addison—” he started again. “Please, Julian, just leave me alone.” There was no venom in her words, only desperation. Julian had always been a firm believer in listening to people when they told you

to go. Most of the time, he preferred his own company, and it angered him when people saw that as weakness or depression. But this time, he couldn’t just walk away. Moving toward the large walk-in pantry, he retrieved the broom and dustpan before crouching down to sweep up the glass. Addison didn’t say anything as he picked up the larger pieces and then carried it all to the trash can. She didn’t say anything when he returned to her side. Or when he lifted her hand off the sink to look at the cut in the heel of her palm. “Addie,” he whispered. He dropped her hand. “Stay here. I’ll get the first aid kit.” After rummaging through the front hall closet for the kit, he returned and took her hand again. “Come on. Let’s sit down.” He guided her to the kitchen island, careful to go slow enough for her to walk with the boot, and lifted her by the waist so she sat on the counter. She only made a squeak of acknowledgment. Sitting on one of the stools near her, he bent over her hand, looking for tiny pieces of glass, relieved to find none. “I dropped a glass,” she finally said, her voice thick. “I’m sorry. I tried to clean it up but just hurt myself instead.” When Julian and Peyton found her in the closet during her own party, she’d been drunk. Most of that seemed to have worn off, replaced by a weariness he’d often seen in her lately. Julian rubbed antibiotic ointment on her wound and gripped her wrist. “It happens, Addie. It’s okay.” She nodded. As he pressed a Band-Aid over the cut, he met her red-rimmed eyes. “Do you want to tell me what happened tonight?” She shook her head. “Not really.”

“You don’t have to.” He paused. “I just know what it’s like not having anyone to talk to.” She sniffled. “I have friends, Julian. I’m not—” She stopped herself before saying what Julian knew she wanted to. He jumped off the stool and paced away from her before turning. “I get it, Addie. You’re not me. You have everyone in school willing to fall at your feet. But you walk around each day with some strange underclassman carrying your books instead of a friend. You hide during your own party, a party full of people who are supposed to care about you. Me? I know who I am. I like who I am and the few people I choose to spend time with. Can you say the same?” By the time he was done with his rant, Addison’s shoulders fell. She buried her face in her hands and released a sigh. “I can’t do this anymore, Julian. It’s exhausting. Don’t you find it exhausting?” “What are you talking about?” His exasperation had him dropping into one of the chairs at the table near the kitchen island. Addison didn’t move from her perch on the counter. “Hating each other. For two years, I’ve tried to forget that night, which meant I had to forget all of you. I’ve told myself hating you and Peyton and everyone is just easier, but that’s a lie. I can’t keep blaming any of you for that night.” “Addie.” Julian stood and walked toward her, stopping when her boot grazed his stomach. “What do you about the party before the accident?” She slid down, forcing him back, and stepped around him with a shake of her head. “I can’t talk about this. Especially with you.” “Why? Because I look like him? Because every time you see me, you only see the boy you crushed on until he broke your heart?” She turned as fast as her boot would let her, its plastic bottom scraping against the floor. She lumbered toward him, forcing him back against the counter. “You think Cooper broke my heart? You think that’s why I have to remind myself you aren’t him every time I see you? Screw you, Julian.” She tried to back away, but he reached for her hand. “Addie…”

“No.” She jerked her hand free and crossed her arms. “You want to know the truth?” “I’m not sure you even know the truth.” “What is that supposed to mean?” “I saw how out of it you were that night. You don’t much, do you?” She sighed, all the anger leaving her tense posture. “No.” She ran a hand through her wild curls. Julian never wanted to talk about what happened. He’d always been afraid no one would believe him. Cooper was revered not only in Twin Rivers but in his own family as well. Yet, standing in front of him was the only other person who knew the darkness inside his twin. Blowing out a breath, Julian began. “I spent most of the night watching everyone like I normally do. The football players were making fun of Peyton, and Coop stood up to them. He seemed okay then. Avery was mixing everyone drinks, and you spent a big part of the night flirting with him. But I knew it was only to make Cooper jealous.” He sighed. “I lost track of how much you drank when I went to hang out with Nari. I just…couldn’t watch you fawning over my brother any longer.” Addison flinched. “Sorry.” “No,” she said. “You’re right. That’s what I did back then.” He went on. “After a while, I went looking for Coop. We were obviously the same age, but I always looked out for him even when I couldn’t stand the guy. He was my brother. I found Avery ed out in the living room and woke him up. He only pointed to the stairs. By then, I knew something wasn’t right. I don’t know how. Call it a twin thing, but I knew he was up to no good.” “What did you find upstairs, Julian?” Addison’s eyes bore into him. This story belonged to her as much as it did Julian.

“You and Cooper.” Addison hiccupped back a sob. “I rushed in and punched Cooper in the face. That’s when I saw you on the bed. Addison…I’ve never been able to get that image out of my mind. He’d forced himself on top of you, tearing your clothes. By the time I got him off, you looked so helpless.” “I’m not helpless.” “I know! God, I know that. But that night, I wanted to kill my own brother after what he did to you. I shoved him out of your room and chased him out of the house. Once I caught up to him, he took a swing at me.” “The fight Peyton talks about… The reason Cooper decided to leave and got in the accident. It was because of me? Because he… he…” Tears streamed down her face, and she didn’t bother to wipe them away. “No.” Julian reached for her hand, not letting it go this time. “Addison, you listen to me. It was because of him. You are not to blame for his actions. Cooper made his own choices that night.” A sob shook her and without thinking, Julian pulled her against his chest. She sank into him, taking whatever comfort he was willing to give. When she spoke again, his skin muffled her words. “I don’t want that night to have power over me anymore.” “Cooper is gone, Addie,” he whispered into her hair. “I wish he was still here so he could make it right, but he’s not. You’re the only one who can give yourself that power back.” She nodded against him, her soft hair brushing his chest. “And for the record, Addie. I never hated you. Even when I couldn’t understand your infatuation with my brother, I couldn’t hate you.” “Thanks for saying that, Julian. I don’t think most of the kids at school would feel the same.”

He laughed. “Maybe not. But who cares what they think?” For a long moment, neither of them spoke. Julian rubbed circles on Addison’s back. Before the accident, he’d dreamed of getting to hold her one day. Now, as he felt her shudder against him, he knew this wouldn’t last. They could form a truce in the middle of a deserted kitchen at three a.m., but come Monday morning, Julian would once again become the boy Twin Rivers wished hadn’t returned. The one who caused the entire town pain with a single look. Addison’s finger traced the ridges of Julian’s abs as if she couldn’t help herself. “Julian,” she whispered. “Hmm?” He closed his eyes and rested his chin on her head. “Why don’t you have a shirt on?” She laughed, leaning away to look up at him. Hearing Addison’s laughter made any embarrassment fall to the back of his mind. He shrugged. “You’re the one wandering my house in the middle of the night in nothing but short shorts and a tank top.” She stepped away to appraise him. “I know you think we all just see Coop when we look at you, but you’re missing one key thing, Julian.” “Go on then. Tell me what I’m missing.” One side of her mouth curved up. “Cooper will be forever frozen in time, perpetually seventeen. But you… You’ll grow older, you’ll change. You already have. Nineteen-year-old Julian has a different look than seventeen-year-old Cooper. You two were identical twins until the day he died. Now, there’s only one of you. I have to believe I’m not the only one who sees it. And one day, maybe you’ll look in the mirror and Julian will be staring back at you, not your brother. I want that for you. We may not be friends. I don’t know if we ever were. But I wish you could see what I see now.” “What do you see?” He swallowed. “Just Julian. The boy who has always been floating in the background of my life, playing second fiddle to his twin. The one who comes when he’s needed even

when I don’t deserve him. You’re good, Julian. You are not your brother’s mistakes. I’d really like to be your friend, but I’m not sure I deserve a friend like you.” Julian couldn’t find the words to say to her. The truth was, she deserved everything, but he wasn’t the type to be a friend. Addison came from a different world, liking him for the simple fact he understood her pain, a pain she didn’t share with anyone else. And Julian wanted to be in her life. He wanted her. Always had. But the Addison Parker in this kitchen didn’t exist in the real world. He offered her a smile she could take any way she chose and put a hand on her shoulder. “Need help back to your room?” She shook her head, gathering up her crutches. “These things keep me pretty steady.” He only nodded and left her staring after him, wishing he had it in him to turn around and tell her they could be whatever she wanted them to be.

7

Addison

“Garrett, you don’t have to follow me around anymore,” Addison said patiently. “I’m off my crutches.” After her last physical therapy appointment, Addie happily ditched her crutches, but she was still trapped in the boot, and would be for a while longer. Addie shuffled down the hall where Garrett waited by the gym doors, eager to hold them open for her. “I don’t mind.” He gave her a goofy grin, nudging his glasses back in place. “It’s been a long day, and it’s your first day without crutches. I’m sure you’re tired. Just go put your feet up, and let me do the running around for you. Then I can drive you to physical therapy.” “Fine.” Addison sighed. Instead of helping Addison herself, Meghan had assigned Garrett “Addie duty” so he was her perpetual shadow. “You can be my cameraman.” He was so sweet and so eager to help she didn’t have the heart to tell him she was capable of taking care of herself now that she was just on the boot. With a deep breath, Addie charged into the gym, Garrett trotting along behind her, his phone out, filming her entrance. “Not now.” She glared at him. He was sweet, but he also grated on her nerves most of the time. “Shape up, girls! If we’re going to win this, we have to be better than good. That’s where Addie made her mistake with her routine.” Meghan’s shrill voice echoed over the squad’s cheering.

Addie watched from the sidelines as the girls attempted a 2:2:1 360° pyramid—a level-five stunt. She rolled her eyes when they tumbled to the mat halfway through it. Of course, they could do it with lots of practice. But the stunt was too much for an already difficult routine. Addison clapped when they all got back on their feet, unharmed. “Good try, girls.” “You’re here.” Meghan’s brow tried to climb up to her hairline. “And you’re off your crutches.” “I’m still stuck with this stupid thing, though.” Addie hobbled across the room to address her squad. “Take the mat, girls. We have to discuss the routine for state.” “I’m sorry you’ve been injured, Addie, but we’ve changed the routine, and we’re not going back. I’m in charge now. The squad needs a captain who can compete.” “Well, you’re not it until I say you’re it. Sit down, Meghan.” She tried not to smile when the other girls followed her instructions and sat in a circle on the mat for a team meeting. “We took a vote, Addie.” Meghan stomped her foot like the spoiled child she was. “That’s fine. If the girls want you to lead them in the routine if I can’t, then that’s up to them, but there are rules, Meghan. You’ve always wanted to be captain, but you’ve never bothered to learn the rules.” “Fine.” Meghan crossed her arms. “Bore us with your rules if you must.” “They aren’t my rules. We are a competition squad, we do not get to make up a dangerous routine without following the competition guidelines. You go to state with that stunt and you’ll be disqualified. Now sit down, and shut up for once in your life.” “You’re making that up.” Meghan fumed. “Oh, sit down and let her talk already,” Veronica said. “You won’t get a single vote from us if there’s even a chance we could be disqualified.”

Addie eyed the mat where she would normally sit, but her boot made that impossible. “Your throne, madame.” Garrett placed a folding chair behind her. “Thanks, Garrett.” Addie sat down, smiling when Garrett propped her foot up on a stool. “Geekett!” The girls cheered. Garrett’s face went bright red as he smiled at their attention. “Bring us water, geek,” Meghan ordered. “Geekett!” The girls called again as he retreated. It was their new thing. Every time they saw Garrett the Geek, they cheered for him and sent him scurrying like their own personal errand boy. It seemed like he loved the attention, but Addie thought it was mean. “We can cheer at games as a level-five squad.” Addie sat back in her chair. “But we have to compete as a level four. It takes time and patience to move up to a five, and unfortunately for the seniors, we are not there yet. A 2:2:1 360° pyramid is a level-five stunt we cannot add to our level-four routine. If Meghan had bothered to ask or even stopped to consider the rules of the sport, she wouldn’t have wasted your time changing our routine.” The girls groaned and shot Meghan more than a few death glares. “Coach Perry asked about that, but Meghan said Perry didn’t know what she was talking about.” Coach Perry was the girls’ basketball team coach. She stood in as cheer coach on paper, but she didn’t know much about the competition circuit. She was more or less adult supervision during away games than an actual cheer coach. Their team’s talent grew from a series of brilliant captains that came before them, each leaving the team with their legacy. “Our routine is packed with level-four stunts we can do in our sleep,” Addison said. “It’s one of the highest difficulty ratings in our level. But there is room for improvement. We could add one new stunt, but we have to go about changing it through the proper channels. We still have time to submit an altered routine to the championship board, with Coach Perry’s approval, but we have to file the

paperwork by next week. And we’ll need to submit a video of the new stunt as well.” “I didn’t realize there was paperwork involved,” Meghan said, shrugging it off like it wasn’t her fault. “It’s the state finals, Meghan, you can’t just show up with any routine and wing it.” “Geekett!” the girls shouted as Garrett returned with a dozen water bottles he kept dropping as he made his way across the gym. “You’re such a klutz.” Ashley laughed. “I love it.” “We should make him our mascot!” Leslie clapped. “We could dress him up like a total freak-geek and give him pom-poms and his own routine!” “He already has the headgear,” Veronica added. “It would be so hilarious.” “Then he could be our errand boy while we travel,” Meghan said. “I only have to wear the headgear for a few hours a day,” Garrett said. “And my orthodontist said I won’t need them by next year.” The squad ignored him, still chattering about Geekett the mascot. “Girls. Focus,” Addison said. “Leave Garrett alone. I want to see what you’ve been working on. Garrett’s going to record your stunts, and then I will decide which move—if any—should be added to our existing routine.” “Agreed,” Meghan said, like she was still in charge and granting her approval for Addie’s adjustments. “Form up, girls.” Addison moved to the bleachers, batting Garrett’s hands away when he tried to help her sit. “Move the chair,” she barked, gesturing at the folding chair he’d left on the mat. “Oh, right, sorry.” He ran to retrieve the chair. Taking out his clunky phone, he started to record the girls warming up.

“Not now and not with that thing,” Addie snapped. “It’s a satellite phone like the Navy Seals use. The video quality is superb.” “Just use my phone, Garrett.” Addison rolled her eyes and handed him her iPhone. She watched with a critical eye as the girls performed a series of complicated basket tosses, supermans, pop-up tucks, and Team USA–worthy tumbling exercises. It was a great routine, but they’d never make it past the initial judging. Part of her wished she had one more year with this team. They were so good, and after four years of hard work, she would never have a chance to compete as a level-five squad. They would probably make it to level five next year if they won state this year. And if she chose the right captain to follow in her footsteps. She watched Veronica, one of their best flyers. She was just a sophomore, but she’d ed the team her freshman year. She had the best potential to step up as captain after Addison. “Brilliant!” Garrett whooped after the girls pulled off a flawless 2:2:1 pyramid stack. Now they just needed to hold it through the 360° march, and it would be a beautiful video clip to add to their growing portfolio. If Garrett would shut up. “Zip it, Geekett,” Addison said, the nickname just slipping from her tongue. Guilt immediately shot through her. No one deserved to be called names. She looked to Garrett. “I’m sorry, Garrett. I just don’t want to have to edit that video, so we need to be quiet.” In the end, after two runs through the routine, Addison calculated the difficulty level of each stunt and how it might fit into their level-four routine. “Okay, girls, gather around,” Addison called. “This is how it’s going to work. We’ll put it to a vote, and everyone has to agree or we won’t change anything. Deal?” “Deal.” The girls voiced their approval. Except Meghan, of course. “Do we have a deal, Meghan?” Addison demanded. “Whatever.” Meghan shrugged, sitting on the bleachers below Addison.

Garrett still filmed, fascinated by this deeper look into the politics of cheering. She wondered briefly if he’d turn this whole thing into a documentary. He seemed to be making short video clips and sending them to himself. “Our current routine is a 4.72 in difficulty. We can add one superman stunt to take it to a 4.87, but that gives us very little wiggle room if the judges decide to score us any higher in difficulty. My calculations are based on the recommendations of the championship board, and I’ve triple-checked it, but once we’ve submitted this addition, they will calculate the difficulty, and if we scale too close to a 5.0, they won’t approve the addition. And even if we are approved, if the judges at the actual event think we’ve scaled too close to a level five, we could get disqualified.” Several girls murmured their concerns. No one wanted to put themselves through such hard work only to get disqualified on a technicality. “However, as long as they score our difficulty level below a 5.0, we will qualify for our level, and we’ll probably have it in the bag as long as we don’t make any major mistakes during the performance. No one else is going to come to finals with anything over a 4.82 in difficulty. If we pull it off and we win, the team will move up to a level-five squad next year.” “Who cares about next year?” Meghan scowled. “Um, we do.” Veronica scowled right back. “Three of you are graduating, but there are nine of us who’d like to have another chance at state next year. And maybe even nationals.” Nationals? Addison thought about the possibility, and she liked it. Leaving her squad with a chance at nationals was exactly the kind of legacy she wanted to give them. “I will take myself and the other seniors out of the vote,” Addison said. “Those of you who will be here next year get to decide. Do we keep it safe, or do we push the boundaries? It’s up to you.” “Why don’t I get a vote?” Meghan snapped. “Oh, shut up, Meghan,” Garrett shouted, his face red with anger. “It’s not your squad or your decision.”

“Ohhhh, Geekett’s got backbone.” Veronica laughed. “You tell her, Geekett.” “Watch it, geek boy, you don’t want to cross me.” Meghan snarled. “I will end you.” “Everyone, shut up and vote. Hands in the air to keep it safe?” Addison asked. Three sophomores tentatively raised their hands. “We agree.” Meghan and Ashley raised their hands too. “Ignore them,” Addie said. “Those for pushing it?” The rest of the team shot their hands in the air. “All right then, we have a new stunt to work into this routine, and we have a week to nail it. Let’s get started with another practice tomorrow evening after I’ve had a chance to clear it with Coach Perry.” Veronica started clapping and hopping in place, revving the girls up. “All right! We’ve got this, girls.” “Phone, Garrett.” Addison held out her hand. “This is so exciting.” He dropped down on the bench beside her. “You can go.” “Are you sure? I can stay to help you to your car. And what about physical therapy?” “I’m sure. I appreciate your help these last few weeks, but I’m good now. And I’m cleared to drive myself. Besides, I’m sure you have better things to do than follow me around.” She turned her attention back to her squad. The gym door slammed shut a moment later. Her phone chirruped with an alert from No BS, and Addie smiled. That sound was quickly becoming her favorite sound in the whole world.

—@DontTouchMyBooks: When does Anne Shirley get her head out of her ass and fall madly in love with Gilbert Blythe?

Addison laughed, her attention fully on BookBoy as the squad finished and cleaned up for the day.

—@ShutUpAndDrive: How are you done with Little Women already?

—@DontTouchMyBooks: It got really good so I finished it. I ugly cried when Beth died. I challenge any man to read that and not shed a tear. But I’m already on Anne of Avonlea. How many books are there?

—@ShutUpAndDrive: Nine ;) But you read hella fast and I didn’t give you gargantuan tomes to read like you and your epic fantasies.

—@DontTouchMyBooks: Nine? Just tell me when they get together?

—@ShutUpAndDrive: Um, well Gil gets sick.

—@DontTouchMyBooks: Woman, did you give me another book where someone dies? I hate you.

—@ShutUpAndDrive: I’m on Stone of Mercy and you have a lot of explaining to do. Charles and Kaitlyn can’t be together? At all?? Ever? This is a terrible series.

—@DontTouchMyBooks: Her magic would kill him. Sorry not sorry. But how much do you love Ned?

—@ShutUpAndDrive: He’s my favorite wizard ever.

—@DontTouchMyBooks: I can give you the Cliff Notes version of book three. It will just make you mad because it’s not really about Charles and Kaitlyn as much. Book four is amazing though.

—@ShutUpAndDrive: Heading home now to do some reading. I’ll be ready for those Cliff Notes soon.

—@DontTouchMyBooks: You read hella fast too. Those books are huge. TTYL and drive safe.

Addie walked to her car with a huge smile on her face. Talking to BookBoy was the best part of her day. With him, she could let her walls down and be herself.

And there was nothing Addie loved more than talking about books with someone who really got it. But what did it say about her that her favorite person was an anonymous voice on the other end of a text message?

8

Julian

She didn’t realize what he saw in her. It wasn’t her beauty—though there was plenty of that. Something deeper existed behind those crystal eyes, something he had to explore. He wasn’t ready to give up on her. Julian pulled his hands back from the keyboard as he repeated his own words back to himself. Yeah, that was good. He lifted his eyes from the dim screen, blinking rapidly as he adjusted to the too-bright sunlight. Grass bent around him as a faint breeze lifted the hair on his neck. He sat atop the hill looking down at Defiance Falls. From his vantage point, he couldn’t see the tumbling water, but in the distance, the river feeding it sparkled like the diamond he knew it wasn’t. Why did a place of tragedy bring him so much peace? He wasn’t the only one. Peyton and Cam spent an odd amount of time at the falls too. He never understood their fascination with the place until today. Until he stood in the middle of the school hall, students rushing around him. Addison didn’t avoid his eyes anymore, but she didn’t make an effort to speak to him either. He’d done that when he ended their conversation in the kitchen. He closed his eyes, ing how she’d breezed through the hall, graceful even in that awful boot. The crutches were gone, but that poor underclassman continued to follow her like a puppy as she slipped an arm around Becks’ waist, convincing him to walk her to class. Julian couldn’t dislike Becks. There probably wasn’t a person alive who could.

But it made Julian regret the person he was, and that wasn’t him. He didn’t let anyone else make him feel bad about himself. And now, unable to sit in a class full of his peers, he’d missed another day of school. Instead, choosing the solitude of the river. Few people entered the park near the falls during the weekday, so he had the place to himself. Julian looked back down at his laptop, realizing he’d gotten three thousand words written in the past two hours. That was a record for him. He smiled. Few things gave him the satisfaction that getting words into a book did. He scratched his jaw, his eyes focusing on the river in the distance. Cooper would be hysterical if he knew of Julian’s hobby—that writing this love story was the only thing keeping him sane most days. It allowed him to put everything he felt into the words, draining him of emotion so he could get through the day. Backing up the book file, he shut down his computer and closed the lid. Leaning back against a tree, he closed his eyes, imagining his next scene. The big kiss. Julian always told people he didn’t need friends, but he was wrong. He needed his book friends, the characters who didn’t judge and listened when he needed to talk. No, he wasn’t crazy, though some days he wondered. His phone dinged, the sound specific to the No BS private messenger. He opened his eyes, a smile tugging his lips when he saw a message from LitGirl.

—@ShutUpAndDrive: Is it graduation yet?

—@DontTouchMyBooks: Bad day?

—@ShutUpAndDrive: Ugh, is there a good day at this school?

—@DontTouchMyBooks: Yep, the ones you skip.

—@ShutUpAndDrive: Touche.

He laughed. If there was someone at Twin Rivers High he wanted to know more about, it was LitGirl, but she never let him know anything that could reveal her identity. Part of him was glad for that, because he feared if they knew who each other was, these conversations would stop. And he definitely didn’t want that to happen. Checking the time on his phone, he realized he had an hour to get home, change, and head to the diner for his shift. As if on cue, his stomach growled, reminding him he’d missed lunch. He patted his stomach. “Soon, little buddy.” He slid his laptop into his backpack and jumped to his feet. His car was the only one in the lonely lot. Once inside, it only took a few minutes to get home. As he walked in the door, his phone buzzed again.

—@ShutUpAndDrive: Are you working tonight?

—@DontTouchMyBooks: Always.

She didn’t know where he worked, just that it was basically his life. He wasn’t a complainer. The diner provided their family with a very nice life, and most of what he made went into his college fund—at his parents’ insistence. They didn’t know he questioned the whole college thing. Cooper had been Big Ten bound. Peyton was the family genius headed on scholarship to MIT. And Julian? He tested well—very well—and had some offers because of that, but he just wanted to graduate. He’d done five years of high school and had no desire to sit inside a classroom for another minute after walking across that stage. He thundered up the stairs, wanting to change quickly and grab a snack before heading to the diner. Forty-five minutes later, he walked out the door. Peyton stood behind the counter when he entered. Of course, she was early. Julian loved his sister, but it didn’t mean he was blind to the fact she was basically a parent’s dream. Julian shoved his backpack in the cubby under the counter, hoping he had time when they got slow to work on the homework he’d neglected. Peyton turned to face him. “Warning, Mom is on the warpath.” Julian sighed. “What is it this time? Did dad eat all her cupcakes again?” True

story. When their dad got stressed, he ate. One day, their mom came in to work to find all the cupcakes she’d made to sell gone. She blamed Cooper and Julian until their father finally fessed up. Peyton laughed as her eyes found their dad at the kitchen window, peering out at them. “No. She got a phone call from the school and her face got all stormy like it does. I’m perfect, so it must have something to do with you.” Julian wrapped an arm around her neck and ground his knuckles into the crown of her head. “Perfect, huh?” She laughed until someone cleared their throat. Their mom gestured to the line of customers waiting to be seated. Peyton ducked away from Julian to help them while Julian approached his beckoning mother. She put her hands on her hips and regarded him coldly before nodding toward the back room and following him in. The door was still swinging shut when she started in on him. “I got a call saying you missed school today.” She pursed her lips, letting her statement sink in and waiting for Julian’s answering excuses. No use lying, so he shrugged. “They’re not teaching me anything new, anyway.” “Oh, they’re not? Hmm.” She lifted an eyebrow and gave him a look that reminded him so much of Peyton he wanted to laugh. He didn’t though. “Well, I’ll just call the school and tell them you’re ready to take your finals now if you know all the material. For heaven’s sake, Julian! Kids need school.” “I’m not a kid, Mom. If you’ll , I wanted to get my GED instead of going back to that school, and you said no. I was eighteen. I didn’t have to listen to you and come back.” She sighed, but it wasn’t a giving-up sigh like most people would assume. Sofia Callahan didn’t give up. Especially when it came to her kids. “I thought it would be good for you to get back to normal.” She flinched at her own words. “Or at least a new normal. You couldn’t hide out at your uncle’s place forever. And if you want to go to college, you need to graduate.” “What if I don’t want to go to college?” His voice grew quiet. “Mom, why haven’t I said yes to any of the schools who’ve sent me letters? They’re ignoring my average grades because my test scores were high, but what if the grades are

more me than the tests? I’m not smart like Pey. What if I’m average, Mom? If I never get a college degree, are you going to be disappointed in me for the rest of my life?” Her eyes welled up as she crossed the room to hug him. “Of course not, sweetie. We only want you to be happy.” “Is it okay that I don’t really know what will make me happy yet?” “Julian.” She pulled back to meet his eyes. “You’re nineteen. No one expects you to have everything figured out.” “Okay, Mom.” He didn’t quite believe her, but he knew it made her feel good to say it. “I should get to work.” She patted his cheek and nodded. “Sure, son. But no more skipping school, okay?” He didn’t get a chance to respond before the door flew open and his dad rushed in. He waved a spatula. “Oh darn, did I miss the punishment again?” He turned to Julian. “Jules, I hereby sentence you to lawn duty every weekend this spring.” “Dad, I already do the mowing, because the last time you did it, half Mom’s flower bed ended up shredded, and she threw a trowel at you.” He rubbed his shoulder as if ing where the small shovel hit. Julian’s mom hadn’t meant to actually hit him, but no one would ever choose her for their baseball team. Not if they wanted someone with any kind of aim. “Fine,” his dad said. “Then, son, I know you feel bad about what you did—” His wife cut him off by putting a hand on his chest and forcing him out the door. “I’ve taken care of it, honey. Go back to your grill.” Julian walked back to the front, freezing in his tracks when he saw the familiar notebook open behind the . Peyton was running food to a table, and he was still standing there when she returned. “You took that out of my bag,” he growled, feeling no guilt when she flinched.

“I…” Peyton tugged on her ponytail and stepped toward the notebook. “It was right there…and you’re always so secretive.” “Ever wonder if there was a reason I’m secretive? Maybe I don’t want you in my business.” He snatched the notebook, thankful it looked like she only saw a few pages. “Is that related to the pages under your bed?” “Stop going through my stuff, Peyton.” “Did that ever stop you from snooping at my No BS stuff? It’s not fun when your secretive sibling sticks their nose where it doesn’t belong, is it?” “Well, the difference is I was helping you, Pey. You know all that marketing I’ve been doing for you? For free.” “Well, maybe I want to help you with this?” Her jaw clenched stubbornly, and Julian knew she wouldn’t back down. Not his sister. “Are you writing a book?” The question was out there in the universe now. Was he writing a book? He hadn’t told anyone yet, as if saying the words made him a bigger fool than he thought. Who was he to think people would want to read his words? He wasn’t a writer. He couldn’t be. Could he? He tried to see judgment in Peyton’s eyes, but once again, that wasn’t who she was. If there was anyone he could tell, it was her. Yet, something held him back. He stuffed the notebook back in his bag. “Stay out of my business, Pey. I mean it.” He walked around the counter. “I’m going on break.” “But you just got here!” she called after him. He didn’t turn back when he spoke and wasn’t sure if she heard him. “You’ll figure it out.”

As the door chimed and slid shut behind him, he sagged against the outer wall of the diner, gulping fresh air. Across the street, Becks strode toward his family’s hardware store. He stopped and lifted a hand in greeting to Julian. Julian didn’t know how he managed a wave or how he stayed upright. Peyton was too close to his truths. It had been on the tip of his tongue, and now that the thought was out there, he couldn’t call it back. He had to tell someone, the only person who might understand that part of him.

—@DontTouchMyBooks: Do you ever feel like your family is just one big comedy of errors?

He breathed a sigh of relief when she responded immediately.

—@ShutUpAndDrive: My family would have to be funny for that.

—@DontTouchMyBooks: I think the only funny one in my family is me, and not in a Ha Ha kind of way.

He leaned his head back against the building, waiting for the ding that reminded him there was someone out there listening.

—@ShutUpAndDrive: Did something happen? Who do I need to go kung foo on?

—@DontTouchMyBooks: Nice knowing you’ll protect me, but even when they aggravate me, I like my family too much to unleash the book nerd on them (Book nerd is said with the utmost affection).

—@ShutUpAndDrive: You’re the first person to ever call me a nerd. I kind of like it.

—@DontTouchMyBooks: Weirdo.

—@ShutUpAndDrive: You still haven’t told me what happened.

—@DontTouchMyBooks: My nosey sister.

—@ShutUpAndDrive: I’m going to need more than that.

Julian lifted his eyes to the sky as a couple ed him and entered the diner. He really should go back in. The dinner rush wasn’t far off. But he couldn’t make himself move until he got it off his chest.

—@DontTouchMyBooks: She went through some of my things and asked me if I was writing a book.

—@ShutUpAndDrive: Well, are you?

He breathed slowly. He could do this.

—@DontTouchMyBooks: Yes.

The three little dots saying she was writing appeared before going away. This was it. She now thought he was some delusional boy, writing bad fan fiction.

—@ShutUpAndDrive: So, let me get this straight. You’re mad at your sister for being interested in what you’re working on? I would straight up kill for my family to show interest in anything I actually cared about. Sounds like you’re a spoiled brat, honestly.

Julian opened his mouth as if to speak like she was there in front of him. He snapped it shut, wanting to type a million things back. Instead, he slipped his phone into his pocket and went back inside the diner. Peyton had the decency not to look angry with him as she tossed him an apron. “I need some tables cleared before I can seat anyone else.” He nodded and got to work. It was late by the time they locked up and he got a chance to look at his phone again. LitGirl sent him another message hours before.

—@ShutUpAndDrive: I’m sorry, that was harsh.

—@ShutUpAndDrive: I have foot in mouth syndrome. Please don’t hold it against me.

—@ShutUpAndDrive: I hope you’re not mad. Please don’t be mad.

He started typing when he slid into his car.

—@DontTouchMyBooks: Not mad.

She responded right away as if she’d been waiting for him.

—@ShutUpAndDrive: I have a question…

—@DontTouchMyBooks: I have an answer.

—@ShutUpAndDrive: Can I read your book?

That was the million-dollar question, wasn’t it? When Julian began writing, he never imagined sharing it with anyone. The closer it got to being finished though, the more he wondered what others would say. And this girl was safe. He’d never know who she was and vice versa. An anonymous book friend. It was perfect. Once she told him he wasn’t cut out for writing, he could push it from his mind and decide what he wanted his future to look like. He sent her one final message before pulling out onto Main Street.

—@DontTouchMyBooks: It’s not done… but… Okay.

9

Addison

“Earth to Addie.” Ashley snapped her fingers in Addison’s face. “I asked you a question.” “Oh, sorry,” she muttered. They were supposed to be working on a group lab project in chemistry, but Addie wasn’t feeling it. “Where were you just now?” Meghan asked. “Thinking about hot boy Becks? You two have been spending a lot of time together lately.” “Becks? No.” Addison shook her head. “We’re just friends.” “Then who were you daydreaming about so hard you didn’t hear me ask what you’re wearing to the club in River tonight?” Ashley gave her a playful shove. “No one,” Addison said. “I’m just not feeling great today.” She couldn’t tell her friends she was obsessing over a guy. A guy in a book. A guy in a book BookBoy wrote. The same BookBoy friend she might be crushing on. “You do look kinda crappy today,” Meghan said. “Uh, thanks,” Addison said. “Your eyes are puffy like you didn’t sleep well.” Ashley checked her forehead for her temperature. It was kind of sweet. “I’m okay, guys. Just tired.” Probably because she’d spent every waking moment of the last three days poring over the manuscript of one of the most beautiful love stories she’d ever read. Even now, she itched to go home and finish it.

She’d written tons of notes for BookBoy, and it awakened something inside her. Like maybe she might want to be an editor someday. She couldn’t imagine a more rewarding career than helping authors make their books into something truly amazing. “Maybe you should cut out early and go rest?” Ashley said. “You want to be fresh and beautiful for the club tonight.” They were going to Down Under in River to flirt with Defiance Academy boys. Meghan was on the hunt for a new boyfriend, and she liked them with fat wallets. The last time Addison was around Academy boys was a few weeks before at a party she’d been invited to. It wasn’t a fun night. “Maybe I will.” Addison thought about going home to squeeze in some editing time before Meghan would pick her up. She might even have time for a nap if she left now. “We need more Borax,” Ashley said. “Our crystals aren’t forming.” She picked up the string suspended in their solution with a frown. “I don’t think we mixed it right, nothing’s happening.” “We should probably start over,” Addison said with a sigh. “I’ll grab the Borax while you clean up and reheat some fresh water. Use the filtered water maybe? It’s probably better than the tap water for this.” Addison stood in line for the supply closet. It felt good to be on her feet again, but she couldn’t wait for the day she could take this awful boot off. Soon. Physical therapy was killing her, but the harder she worked at it, the sooner she’d be back to normal. “Addie,” Nari whispered behind her. “You don’t have to pretend we aren’t talking.” She turned to face her one-time friend. “Keep your voice down, I have a favor,” Nari hissed. “I heard Meghan talking about going to Down Under in River tonight.” There was a hint of desperation in her voice. “Are you guys playing there? Tonight?” She knew Nari’s band, Anonymous, was anonymous for a reason. They didn’t want Twin Rivers students to know about

them. Becks in particular didn’t want the added attention. She couldn’t blame them for it. “I don’t know if I can talk them out of going, Nari.” Addison only knew about the band because they’d played at the Defiance Academy party. “We’re just opening the show with a short set. We go on at seven.” “Got it.” Addison nodded. “I’ll make sure we’re super late.” “Thank you.” Nari breathed a sigh of relief. “I know we can’t keep it a secret forever, but Meghan will make my life a living hell.” “More than she already does since you and Avery made it official?” “Exactly.” “I’ve got your back, girl.” Addison returned to her seat with their ingredients. “Took you long enough,” Meghan snapped. “Well, there was a line.” “Whatever, let’s finish this crap so we can talk about tonight.” Addison searched through her bag for her phone. She’d had enough of Meghan for one day, and she had to get home to find out if Adele and Jackson would finally get together.

Addie: I’m not feeling well. Would you call the office so I can head home early?

Mom: I’m sure you can make it a few more hours. You shouldn’t miss any

social opportunities this close to graduation. You never know when you’ll have an encounter you’ll be able to use for your Kappa Alpha Theta interview. You only have so many opportunities left.

Addie: We’re supposed to go out with some Defiance Academy students tonight and my eyes are all puffy and gross.

Mom: Well that’s a different story. Go home and take a nap, sweetie. Put some green tea bags on your eyes so you’ll look beautiful as always tonight. I’ll call the secretary now.

No one could ever deny Nancy Parker’s priorities were legit messed up.

She didn’t know how lovely she was. Adele surrounded herself with people who adored her for her beauty and the things she could do for them, but they didn’t truly know her. Jackson doubted whether she knew herself. She surely didn’t know how he felt about her. And he feared the opportunity to tell her was quickly slipping through his grasp. But could a woman such as Adele ever love a man like him? With a fire in her soul every bit as lovely as her face, he was nothing in her shadow. “Yes! Oh my gosh, yes! She loves him, darn it. He just has to tell her.” Addison had tears in her eyes, all the feels turning her into a complete wreck. Jackson was just like Adele, too caught up in his own mistakes and self-loathing to see he was just as beautiful as she was. Just one more chapter. She was almost done with the book and couldn’t wait to tell BookBoy how amazing it was. How she would die to have someone love her the way Jackson loved Adele. “Addison? What are you doing?” her mother demanded. Addie was so caught up in her reading she didn’t realize how late it was. “Just doing a little reading before I get ready.” She wiped her eyes and closed her computer, sure she looked a mess. “You were supposed to come home and rest. You’re a wreck, sweetie.” Her mom stepped into her room to sit on the bed beside her. “Are you sure you should go tonight?” Addie wanted nothing more than to stay at home and finish the book, but she’d promised Nari she would make sure they were late to the club. She couldn’t let her down for something this big. “I’ll be fine. And this is more Meghan’s thing tonight. I’m just along for the ride.”

“You never know, Addison. You might meet a wonderful boy tonight.” “Is that all that matters to you?” Addie blurted. She clapped a hand over her mouth. “I’m sorry, that was awful.” “What do you mean?” Her mother frowned. “You know I want only the best for you, sweetheart.” “I know… But.” “But what, darling? Talk to me.” “What if the best for me isn’t what you’d choose for me?” “Addison, I don’t want to make your decisions for you. I always thought we were on the same page about your future.” “Mom, you’ve been planning my future since I was seven. I’m not that little girl anymore. I don’t know if going to your alma mater and pledging your sorority and marrying a rich guy is the path for me.” “You make it sound frivolous. Like I want you to be a trophy wife. Like you think I’m a trophy wife.” “I just… I want more than to be someone’s wife someday.” “Ouch.” Her mom clasped her hands in her lap. “I never saw myself as just your father’s wife. I’m his partner. In life and in business. I helped your father build his thriving law firm. I went to law school too, you know.” “I know, but didn’t you ever want to take the Bar exam and have your own career?” Addie asked. “Who says I didn’t? I ed the Bar with flying colors, but I wanted to be more than just another attorney. I’ve spent my life using every bit of my education to help advance your father’s career and our business. I just never cared for the demanding schedule of a lawyer. We thought we could be better parents for you if we both focused on building the firm. Addie, do you know how many nights I’ve researched legal precedents for your father’s cases so he can spend time with you? Did you even realize I’ve had the final decision in every person we

have ever hired? I am still a licensed attorney and a silent partner in your father’s firm.” “I never realized you were that involved.” “Why do you think I travel with him so much? We’re a team.” “I’m sorry, Mom, I had no idea.” “The last thing I’d ever want is to see you waste your talent and potential. Yes, I want to see you marry the right kind of man with a solid financial background, but that doesn’t mean that’s all I want for you. The sky is the limit for my sweet girl. I’ve always pushed you to be more social because I know how important it is to build a network of s. It’s always about who you know, darling. But I’ve never pushed you academically because I didn’t have to. My girl is smart.” “So, if I pledged your sorority and focused more on school and less on husband hunting, you’d be okay with that?” Her mother threw her head back and laughed. “Of course. But do you even know what you’d want to do for a career? You’ve never seemed ionate about anything in particular.” “I think I want to be an editor someday. Or maybe even a literary agent.” “Books?” Her mom grinned. “I should have seen that.” “You’re not disappointed?” Addison asked. “I could never be disappointed in you, Addie. Just don’t kill your momma and decide to be a librarian, okay? You’re too pretty to wear glasses.” “You’re so ridiculous.” Addie laughed, secretly thinking she’d love being a librarian surrounded by books all day long. “I love you, Mom, and I wouldn’t change you for the world.” “I love you too, sweet girl, and I want you to know I believe in you, and I know you can do anything you set your mind to.” “Thanks, Mom.”

“You better get ready. I’ll give you my eye cream, it’ll work wonders for those red-rimmed eyes. That must be one hell of a book you’re reading.” “It is. I just need to grab a shower and maybe a little concealer and I’ll be good to go. It’s a dark club anyway.” “Well, you better hurry, it’s almost six o’clock.” Perfect. They would definitely miss the opening act.

10

Julian

“This thing on?” Julian shook his head as Becks tapped the microphone. For the last few Anonymous shows, he’d thought it was cute to start the show this way, as if everyone wasn’t already obsessed with him enough and he had to let out his “aw, shucks” good boy singer impersonation. The thing was… Becks was a good guy. That was the problem. He was friends with everyone, and it was too hard not to resent his friendship with Addison. Becks went on, speaking to the packed crowd at Down Under, an underage club frequented by the highschoolers of River. It was rare people made their way here from Twin Rivers, but every time Anonymous played, they kept their eyes peeled for anyone they knew, not wanting word of their band to reach the halls of their school. Tonight, they were only opening the show, playing three songs. And Julian was okay with it. He wasn’t feeling it anyway after sending the completed chapters of his book to LitGirl and hearing nothing back for days. Was she mad he hadn’t written the ending yet? Or maybe she just hated the book. Nervous didn’t begin to explain the emotions inside him. Where was she? Why wasn’t the girl on the other end of that No BS chat thread talking to him? As Becks’ sister, Wylder counted out a beat on her drums, Nari pounded out notes on her keyboard. Julian waited ten beats before plucking his fingers against the guitar strings, melding perfectly with them. Music was easy, brainless, to him. People, on the other hand, they were hard.

As Becks sang, all the possible responses to Julian’s book ran through his mind. It was terrible, wasn’t it? He didn’t expect anything to come of it and never planned to show it to a single person. So, why had he? How could he trust someone so completely when he didn’t even know her name? What if he arrived at school one day to find the pages of his book plastered to the walls? It wasn’t unthinkable. Only months ago, someone printed private e-mails Peyton sent Cam and littered the halls with them. But she wouldn’t do that, right? One song drifted into the next. The crowd danced, clearly enjoying their music, but that didn’t give him the same joy it did Becks or Nari. The two of them were headed to Nashville together to make something of the music. To become something special. Julian loved playing guitar, but it wasn’t life to him. It didn’t bring him the same sense of accomplishment writing did. By the time the third song ended, beads of sweat dotted Julian’s brow. The heat of the lights bore down on him, sending his heart rate into overdrive. He tried to calm it by breathing deeply. Becks took a bow, facing the loud crowd of privileged teenagers as if none of it mattered. Julian pulled at his collar and slid his guitar strap over his head. The instrument belonged to the club. He set it on the stand. Peyton stood to the side of the stage with Cam and Avery. Julian never thought the three of them would be his lifeline. He’d barely talked to Peyton since their argument at the diner, but right then, he rushed toward her, needing to get off the stage. As if sensing something in his face, Peyton put an arm around Julian’s shoulders. “You’re okay, bro. Come on.” She led him to a massive circular booth at the back of the club, hidden from view of the dance floor. As he sank into the sticky red leather, he released a sigh. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” Peyton slid in next to him. “It’s okay to get a little antsy up on stage.”

“But that’s just it. I don’t think the stage was the problem.” He checked his phone for the millionth time in the last week, hoping for a notification saying he had a message. “What’s wrong, Julian?” He slid his phone back into his pocket and avoided his sister’s stare. He wasn’t ready to share LitGirl with anyone. Cam saved him when he appeared with three water glasses. Julian took his gratefully and gulped it back. Becks ed them, claiming his sister found some friends. Nari walked toward the table, her hand wrapped tightly in Avery’s. That would never stop being weird. They all managed to squeeze into the booth. Chatter resumed, and before long, Becks had everyone laughing. Julian pretended along with the rest of them. He laughed when he thought he should and listened to Becks’s stories. The entire time, his mind was on his own story. Who was he to think he could write a romance? He took the lemon from his water and sucked it between his teeth. Peyton made a face at him and he flicked water at her. “Julian,” she half-yelled, half-laughed. The second band started up, and Cam stood. “Okay, okay. Stop messing around. It’s time for my girlfriend to dance with me.” He held out his hand. Peyton grinned and let him pull her up. They rounded the corner to the dance floor just as a familiar high-pitched whine reached their ears. “I can’t believe we missed the first band,” Meghan said, flipping her hair over her shoulder. Addison shrugged. “Who really wants to see a band called Anonymous, anyway?” Her gaze found their table, and she sent a wink to Nari.

Becks leaned in. “Please tell me Addison delayed them on purpose.” He grinned, rubbing his hands together. Nari shrugged. “We may have had words about it.” Julian rubbed the back of his neck. What world was he living in that Nari was dating the football star and Addison was doing them favors? Not the real world, that was for sure. It took a moment to realize Addison and her friends were coming their way. Behind them, a heavy base pulsed through the club. Meghan reached their table first. “Ew, don’t you guys have better things to do? Like something antisocial?” Her eyes flicked from Julian to Nari before noticing Avery and Becks. “Boys.” She sighed. “I know Avery has been brainwashed to think nerd is chic, but what’s your excuse, Beckett? Why don’t you come sit with us?” Becks’ smile fell—a big feat for a guy who always smiled. “Nah, I think I’m good, Megster.” Meghan laughed. “We all know you and Avery can’t live without each other, but you really shouldn’t let him drag you down.” Before anyone could respond, she turned to Nari. “Do you enjoy ruining people’s social standing? I don’t think your little nerd brain can comprehend just what it takes to be on top in this school. If you did, you wouldn’t subject Avery to nothingness. Because that’s what you are, you little boyfriend-stealing nerdling. Nothing.” Avery stood, red creeping up his cheeks. Julian prepared to step in and force Meghan away from them, his hatred of her burning in his gut. But it was Addison who spoke first. “Nari didn’t steal him, Meghan.” Surprise flashed across her face as if she couldn’t believe she’d said that. Her jaw tightened. “Like you said, you’re at the top of this school. Why are you so threatened by Nari and Avery?” Her chest heaved as if she’d just run a mile. Meghan’s eyes narrowed, and her nostrils flared as she faced Addison. “Maybe you need some time to who you are, Addie, dear. I’m going to forget this night, forget your words. Because you’re Addie and I love you.” Addison

almost laughed at that. Meghan didn’t care about anyone but herself. Meghan turned on her heel, addressing the girls huddled behind her. “Come on, girls. This place blows. Let’s get out of here.” She threw Addison one final look over her shoulder. “We’ll see you on Monday. Maybe by then you’ll where you belong.” They left Addison standing on her own in front of the table, looking as if she’d finally lost the chains holding her back. She ran a hand through her hair. Her breath shook as it ed her quivering lips. Julian wanted to reach out to her. He wanted to get back to the moment they’d had in his kitchen weeks ago, but he sat frozen, not knowing what to do. “I’m gonna go.” Addison glanced toward the exit sign. Becks slid from the booth and wrapped an arm around Addison. “Come on, Addie. Not yet. Forget them. Let’s dance.” “I’m not really in the mood, Becks. I just want to go home.” She looked over her shoulder and sighed. “Meg was my ride.” “Just one dance, and then I’ll take you home. You can even stomp on my feet with that fancy boot of yours.” He led her away, and Julian tried not to hate him for it. If Julian couldn’t be there for Addison, Becks was the best option. He watched them disappear from view, realizing the few moments she’d stood there had been the only time all night he’d forgotten about LitGirl and the book he’d sent her. Lifting his eyes, he found Nari watching him, her head cocked to the side. Her pink-highlighted braid hung over one shoulder. Avery slung an arm around her, seemingly content to just sit there. “What?” Julian asked. He wasn’t used to spending this much time with people. After most gigs, they went right home, and it wasn’t like he had a social life to speak of.

Nari shrugged. “It’s just curious is all.” “What’s curious?” “Julian, all night you’ve been somewhere else. Even while we played, your heart wasn’t in it.” “I didn’t mess up.” “No, you played technically well, but I’ve been playing with you for a while now. I can tell when something isn’t right. It’s like the life has been drained from your eyes.” “That’s dramatic.” “Stop deflecting. You’re worried about something. I won’t ask what it is, but, Jules, the only time tonight I have seen any kind of interest in you was when Addison gave her little speech.” One side of his mouth curved up. “See.” She pointed to his smile. “You’re proud of her, and no one is proud unless they care about the person.” “What’s your point, Nari?” Avery leaned forward. “I think she’s trying to say you like Addison, dude.” Nari nodded. “I know before the accident you had a thing for her.” Julian shook her head. “And it disappeared when I realized back then she’d only ever want Cooper. Now, I just want to get through this year, graduate, and hightail it out of this town.” Nari didn’t look like she believed him, but she let it drop. “Okay, well how do you feel about dancing? If I correctly, you’re pretty good. Avery here has like four left feet.” She jabbed her boyfriend in the ribs. Julian considered her for a moment, realizing he’d do anything to take his mind off the two girls he couldn’t have: LitGirl, who would forever remain

anonymous, and Addison. Nari stood and pulled his arm, guiding him to the packed dance floor as the band started up a fast song. They found a place next to Cam and Peyton, and for a few minutes, it felt like this could be his life. Having fun. Caring about people. Friends. As if he could ignore the pull inside him that said he wanted to be alone. He jumped to the beat, a grin stretching his lips as Peyton knocked into him. Before the song ended, Avery appeared, wrapping his arms around Nari from behind and lifting her off her feet. “Stealing my girlfriend.” He kissed the side of her neck. He pulled her away without apology, unable to keep from touching her. Julian watched them, something akin to jealousy slicing through him. Their relationship was so new. Only weeks ago, Nari wanted to write songs about castrating Avery. And now, they seemed as if they needed each other to breathe. He shook his head at himself. He didn’t want what they had. He didn’t want to be so completely reliant on another person. It wasn’t him. The song faded out, transforming into a slower tune. Wanting to be just about anywhere else, Julian turned, prepared to escape the dance floor, only to come face to face with Addison. Cheeks flushed from dancing, she stared at him. One thought made its way past the thumping of his pulse in his head. Growing up, he’d thought Addison Parker was the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen. He’d thought he was a different person after the accident, but some things never changed.

11

Addison

“Care to dance?” Addison wasn’t sure what made her ask Julian to dance. Maybe it was the way he looked at her, one corner of his mouth twisted into an uncertain half-smile. Or it was the heated spark that lit his beautiful eyes, one brown, one blue. Or maybe because it was the first time she’d looked at him and not immediately thought of Cooper. Julian Callahan was nothing like his brother. Addison smiled when he cast a glance over his shoulder to see who she was talking to. “Come on, Julian, I know you have some smooth moves somewhere under that loner façade.” She stepped closer, letting a teasing tone into her voice. His half-smile turned into a full grin as his hand drifted to her waist and they began to move to the slow, steady beat of the music. The song’s sultry lyric was intoxicating, and Addison found herself content in the silence that stood between them. She didn’t feel the need to fill the silence with small talk. Julian didn’t do small talk, but his gaze spoke volumes. She studied his face. The graceful lines of his jaw. The fullness of his lips and the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled. She used to think he looked exactly like Cooper. Their features where the same, but Julian’s face exuded kindness and concern, the opposite of his brother’s arrogance. “Are you thinking about my brother?” A frown creased his brow. “It’s okay if you are. I know it isn’t easy for people to separate me from Coop.” “I like how you always remind me you’re not him,” she said. “I used to need that reminder, but I don’t think I do anymore. You’re just Julian, and I don’t think you could be like Cooper if you tried. And I mean that as a compliment.”

“I’ll take it as one.” He tugged her a little closer. “But I have to ask. Are you burning all your popularity bridges in one night? Telling the mean girl off and dancing with the scourge of Twin Rivers High? Risky move, Addison Parker.” “You are not the scourge of Twin Rivers.” She laughed at his roguish smile. “You’re more like your old self.” Julian stared down at her. “Ever since your encounter with that ski lift and then Christmas Eve at The Main, it’s like you woke up and you’re you again.” Christmas Eve was the anniversary of Coop’s death and this year, one by one, they’d all ended up at the Main together. “I think we’re all waking up, Julian.” She glanced at Avery and Nari and Cam and Peyton. Both couples so happy it stirred a longing in her that she once thought died with Cooper. “Like maybe we’re all finally healing and finding our way back to ourselves.” “I think maybe I still have a little more healing to do.” Julian moved effortlessly with the music. “Me too,” she whispered. Addison still had a lot of anger she needed to deal with. Anger with Cooper for what he did to her. And for dying before she ever had a chance to confront him and make him pay for taking advantage of her. Addison glanced up at Julian. The way he looked at her took her breath. She’d known he’d had a crush on her years ago when they were just kids. She wasn’t very nice about it then, preferring his brother instead. Now, when she looked at Julian, she wasn’t sure why she’d been drawn to Cooper over him. He held her close as they danced to a new slow song. His breath warmed her face as he murmured in her ear. “Do you even realize how everyone around you takes you for granted, Addison?” His question caught her by surprise. “I think you might be biased, Julian.” Her cheeks flushed under his intense scrutiny. He had her on a pedestal, and she didn’t think she could ever live up to the way he saw her. “You have a fire in your soul, Addie, but you don’t let anyone see how breathtaking you are. We’re all mere mortals standing in your shadow.” His words were a low whisper in her ear, and they made her shudder.

“Julian?” She tilted her face toward his as he captured her lips in a slow, gentle kiss that was over far too quickly. They stumbled back, bumping into other dancers, and Addison jerked away. “Addie,” Julian whispered. She shook her head. “I’m sorry. I can’t.” Panic flitted through her gaze as her eyes sought someone else. She whirled around to grab Becks’s arm. “Can we go?” Becks looked from Addison to Julian before putting an arm around her shoulders. “Your chariot awaits, my lady.” “Goodnight, Julian. Thanks for the dance.” Addison turned and darted out of the club as fast as her boot would carry her. He probably thought she was upset about the kiss. The kiss was perfect. Julian was amazing, and she would relive those few moments again and again when she got home. But his words… She’d never been more certain of anything. Julian Callahan was BookBoy and the author of the book she couldn’t get out of her head.

“Want some company?” Becks asked when he pulled up in front of Addison’s house. “Not tonight,” she said. “But thanks for the ride home. You’re a good friend, Beckett.” “Any time, sweetheart.” “Well, goodnight.” She reached for the door. “He’s a good guy, Addie.” “What?” “Julian. He’s a good guy. He might act like a loner who doesn’t care about anything. And he might be broody and handsome, and a hell of a guitar player too, but behind all of that, there’s a lot more to Julian Callahan. Don’t dismiss him before you get to know the real guy under the mask. I have a feeling you’d miss out on a good thing, Ads.” “Good advice.” She smiled. “You might be right about one thing.” “Just one?” He arched a perfect brow at her like he was offended. “He’s definitely handsome and broody. Night, Becks.” She hopped out of his car and headed inside, eager to get her hands on BookBoy’s manuscript again. As she waited for her laptop to power on, Addison replayed Julian’s words. “Do you even realize how everyone around you takes you for granted, Addison?” “You have a fire in your soul, Addie, but you don’t let anyone see how breathtaking you are. We’re all mere mortals standing in your shadow.” “It has to be a coincidence.” She drummed her fingers on the keyboard, impatient for the file to load. His words tonight were so familiar; she was certain

she’d read something just like it in BookBoy’s manuscript. She didn’t stop to consider what it might mean if Julian turned out to be BookBoy. Addison scrolled through the chapters, looking for the place where she’d left off. “There,” she murmured, scanning the paragraph. She didn’t know how lovely she was. Adele surrounded herself with people who adored her for her beauty and the things she could do for them, but they didn’t truly know her. Jackson doubted whether she knew herself. She surely didn’t know how he felt about her. And he feared the opportunity to tell her was quickly slipping through his grasp. But could a woman such as Adele ever love a man like him? With a fire in her soul every bit as lovely as her face, he was nothing in her shadow. “It could be a coincidence.” She sat back in her chair, staring at the screen with the familiar words. She only had a few more chapters left. Addie kept reading where she’d left off, looking for anything else that reminded her of Julian. In a matter of moments, she was sucked back into Jackson and Adele’s heartbreaking yet bittersweet story. The pages flew by as she gasped, laughed, and cried for the characters she’d grown to love and root for. When she came to the end of the manuscript, she froze. That was it? The story wasn’t over.

—@ShutUpAndDrive: I finished what you sent. I’m dead. You killed me.

Addison smiled at the three dots on her screen, grateful she didn’t have to wait long for his reply.

—@DontTouchMyBooks: That bad?

—@ShutUpAndDrive: What? Are you kidding? That GOOD. I’m wrecked. I sobbed my way through the last two chapters before getting mad at you because I realized you didn’t send me the freaking ending!! Where’s my ending?!

—@DontTouchMyBooks: Will you be upset if I say it doesn’t have one yet?

—@ShutUpAndDrive: YES! Well, I can forgive you. I’m too broken for hatred right now. Feel good about that? You’ve broken me.

—@DontTouchMyBooks: Why the hell did you leave me hanging for FOUR DAYS? I’ve been a wreck waiting for your opinion, woman. Don’t ever do that to a writer again, it’s just mean. But I’m glad you liked the book :)

—@ShutUpAndDrive: Oops, that was probably a dumb idea lol. I just wanted to read it and make notes for you before I said anything. And shut up! You’re an author. Not just a writer.

—@DontTouchMyBooks: You made notes?

—@ShutUpAndDrive: Tons of notes and suggestions. Most of it’s just my reaction as a reader, but I wanted to give you as much as I could. I hope that’s okay.

—@DontTouchMyBooks: No, that’s great. I need all the constructive criticism I can get. I have so many questions for you. I’m kind of a mess at the moment. You know… This might be easier if we talk on the phone. Maybe tomorrow? I don’t want to put you on the spot or anything, but I doubt we’d recognize each other’s voices anyway.

Addison stared at his message, not sure how to respond. If she was right and she was talking to Julian about his novel, a part of her was afraid this friendship would fall apart, and she didn’t want it to end.

—@ShutUpAndDrive: Maybe. Let me think about it. I’ll send you the file with my notes for now, and maybe we can talk soon.

—@DontTouchMyBooks: Whatever you decide. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. I’m just so grateful for your , and I’m stunned you liked the novel so much. Are you sure you aren’t messing with me?

—@ShutUpAndDrive: I don’t joke about books :) Your novel is brilliant and I can’t wait to see it in print someday soon. Once you get me an ending, of course. ;>

—@DontTouchMyBooks: That thought makes me a little nauseous. You’re my first reader, and I can hardly handle it. I can’t imagine putting it out

there for the whole world to judge.

—@ShutUpAndDrive: Why don’t you start by giving it to your sister? And then maybe we can talk about giving it to the world ;)

—@DontTouchMyBooks: I can do that. You have all the best ideas. Talk to you soon. You know, on here. No pressure ;)

—@ShutUpAndDrive: Get some sleep BookBoy--or, you know, write because I want more. TTYL

12

Julian

Julian stared at the document open on his computer, cringing at the line of comments down the right-hand column. When LitGirl said she’d made notes, she wasn’t joking. Some of them were just excited moments showing him what she felt throughout the book, but others…

Expand this scene.

This character is unnecessary.

WHY WOULD JACKSON DO THIS?! Please don’t make me think less of him. If he really loves Adele, he’ll be completely honest with her.

That last comment struck a nerve, and Julian pushed his computer off his lap. Honesty. Had he ever been truly honest with a single person in his life? The one girl who knew about his book didn’t even know his identity. And the other people he cared about… If they didn’t know about his writing, did they really know him at all? With a sigh, he rolled onto his stomach, stretching out toward the computer on his bed, and scrolled down the page. LitGirl liked it. That much was obvious. She must have spent hours and hours making notes, and he had to it her ideas would make the story better. When he’d been writing, he’d never imagined the story could actually be… good. He shook his head, realizing it was just how he was. Julian Callahan never truly succeeded at anything. Cooper had been the one to rise to the top. Sports. Grades. While Julian skated by under the radar. He’d never wanted to be seen. But writing a book and actually showing it to people… That would shine a big old spotlight right on his shadows. Was he ready for that? He sighed again and rubbed his eyes. He’d been working on edits all week whenever he wasn’t at school or the diner. Adele and Jackson became his life, sucking him into their world where a kiss meant something and a look held a hidden meaning. Not the real world where you finally kiss the girl of your dreams and she runs away before avoiding you for an entire week. Yep, that was right. Julian Callahan kissed Addison Parker. God, he was an idiot. Years ago, he’d have given anything to have her look at him the way she saw Cooper. And seven long days ago, in the middle of a packed club, she had. She’d seen him. Not his twin. Him. Julian. He blew out a breath as his phone dinged.

—@ShutUpAndDrive: BookBoy, where’s the new chapter you promised me? The one I told you to write.

Julian smiled. She’d demanded a chapter where Jackson and Adele got a bit more steamy. Not on the page sex but pretty darn close to it.

—@DontTouchMyBooks: It’s my book, woman.

—@ShutUpAndDrive: Yes, and I’m your editor, so you have to do what I say.

—@DontTouchMyBooks: I don’t think that’s how that works.

—@ShutUpAndDrive: Give me the heat!

He laughed as he tried to think of a response. How could his best friend be a faceless person he met online? Sure, they went to the same school, but they’d never talked face to face. Yet, he thought about her almost as much as he thought about Addie, and that was saying something. A throat cleared from the doorway, and he looked up to find Peyton watching him. “Hey, Pey. Didn’t know you were home from work.” She glanced at the screen of her phone. “It’s almost eleven, Jules. The late shift picked up at ten.” As if on cue, voices drifted up the stairs followed by the closing of the front door as their parents got home. Julian sat up, LitGirl’s words from the week before rolling through his mind. She’d said maybe it was time he told his sister. A faceless girl online couldn’t be the only person he let in. Ever since their argument at the diner, things had been strained between the siblings, and he wasn’t used to fighting with Pey. Cooper, yes. They’d constantly warred but never with their sister. She leaned against the doorframe, her arms crossed and her phone dangling from her fingers. He lowered his eyes to the computer, needing the confidence just seeing LitGirl’s screen name gave him. Blowing out a breath, he motioned to the door. “Shut the door.” “Julian.” Peyton scowled. “You can’t keep pushing me away.” Julian’s lips tilted up into a wry smile. “I meant come inside and shut it. I want to talk to you.” “Oh.” She shrugged and closed the door before crossing the room and perching on the corner of his desk. “This seems kind of ominous, bro. Talking isn’t really your style. Grunting is more you.” He lifted his middle finger, and she laughed. “Look, okay…um…” How did he say it? I’m writing a book sounded dumb.

Check out my romance novel made him seem like a delusional idiot. But this was Peyton. No matter how he said it, she wouldn’t judge him. He lifted his computer and held it out to her. She raised an eyebrow but took it and scanned the open page, her eyes widening. A few moments of her reading ed before she looked up at him. “Jules, is this what I think it is?” He breathed deeply, pushing the words out on his next breath. “My book.” “Your book?” she said, her words slow as if she couldn’t quite comprehend them. Excitement sparked in her eyes. “You wrote this? I thought maybe you’d started writing one, but this is a full book.” She stared at the screen again, a slow smile spreading across her lips. “Except the ending,” he mumbled. Standing, she moved to sit beside him on the bed to get more comfortable with the laptop resting on her legs. “Julian,” she whispered. “This is…” He waited for her to finish the sentence. Crazy. Too ambitious. Not like him. “This is incredible.” “Incredible?” He tested out the word on his tongue, never having imagined such an excited reaction. He cared about Peyton more than anyone else in the world. For many years, he and Coop were her protectors, shielding her from anything ugly in the world. They hadn’t been able to shield her from themselves though and their stupid decisions that led to the accident. Somewhere along the way, Julian went from looking after Peyton to having her look after him. Her opinion meant more to him than anyone else’s. “Pey.” He ran a hand through his hair. “You really don’t think this is stupid? I mean…I’m writing a romance novel.”

She met his gaze unflinchingly. “Julian Callahan, don’t you start thinking less of yourself for what you choose to love. I think it’s beautiful you’d choose to write a love story. But even if it was some slasher book, I’d love it. You think of yourself as a boy who cares about nothing, but I know you better than anyone, and the truth is, you care more than you’ll ever it. You have ion, Jules. Why is that something to be embarrassed about?” She paused. “Now, the more important question is, who the hell did you tell about this before me?” “What?” “The notes. Someone has read this. I don’t know who it is, but I kind of like them. Look at this one. You’re a dick. I’m never speaking to you again.” Julian laughed. “She thought they were going to break up.” “She? Who is this girl who is obviously more important than your favorite sister? I promise I’ll try not to be offended you trusted her more than me.” With a sigh, he leaned back. “It’s not that I trusted her more than you, Pey. But you have to understand, none of this is easy for me. I don’t…let people in. And LitGirl kind of just happened.” “LitGirl?” She raised a brow. “I met her on No BS.” “My app?!” Peyton clapped her hands together. “Oooo, this is good. Is No BS matchmaking now? When I created the app, I didn’t see that potential.” “No matchmaking. I don’t even know who she is.” “Oh, well, that’s easy. Tell me her screen name. I can look her up in my database.” “Peyton… I can’t. If I found out who she is, I’m not sure she’d keep talking to me, and I can’t lose her.” “So…she’s like an anonymous friend? What do you know about her?”

“Just that she goes to our school and loves books. We tell each other what to read and talk about it. It was easier for me to send her my book because she doesn’t know who I am. She doesn’t have all these preconceived notions of just what Julian Callahan is capable of.” “I get it.” She grinned. “This has the makings of a Hallmark movie. Boy falls for anonymous girl. Boy gets everything he ever dreamed of.” Her smile dropped, and she leaned in to whisper. “What if she’s really a dude?” A laugh burst out of him. “I don’t think she is. But…” He shrugged. “We’ll only ever be book friends, so it wouldn’t really matter, would it?” “Yeah, besides…you have Addison.” She wiggled her eyebrows, and he threw a pillow at her head. She caught it with a laugh and closed the laptop. “I don’t have Addison.” “I saw you two at the club last week. After all these years, my big bro finally kissed the girl.” “It doesn’t matter. I haven’t talked to her since.” “Jules.” Peyton shifted so she faced him and crossed her legs pretzel style. “I have watched you pine after Addison Parker since you were old enough to realize girls were pretty cool.” “And for most of that time, I watched her follow Cooper around.” He gritted his teeth at the memories, wanting to feel anything but anger for his brother. Peyton sighed. “Cooper never saw her that way. You guys were a year older than us, and he went after older girls. But you… None of that mattered to you. Julian, I’m going to ask you something I’ve been asking all year, and this time, I want an answer.” He swallowed and nodded silently. “Cooper did something that night. Something that caused you to fight him. I know it had to do with Addison. You once told me I didn’t know the real Coop, but he was my brother just like you are. I need to know what happened.”

Julian averted his eyes. Did Peyton have just as much right to Cooper’s secrets as Julian? It wasn’t only Cooper’s secret but Addison’s too. Yet, if anyone could help Addie, it wasn’t going to be Julian. Peyton would be there for her in a way she’d never let the boy who shared Cooper’s face. He leaned his head back and stared at the ceiling. “That night… Cooper was pretty messed up but nowhere near as drunk as Addie. He and Avery had been feeding her alcohol all night. I don’t think she even knew how strong the drinks were. I had this feeling, I just knew something wasn’t right. I can’t really explain what made me go upstairs at the party.” He stopped speaking, and Peyton reached out to grip his hand, giving him the strength to continue. “I found Cooper and Addie in Addie’s bedroom. She was on her bed with her skirt pulled up, and Coop kneeled between her legs. I almost walked away. As much as it hurt, it wasn’t any of my business. But then I heard it.” “Heard what?” Peyton asked. “A muffled no. I ran into the room, and Addison was struggling under Cooper, trying to push him off. He wouldn’t budge and kept touching her. I yanked him back and punched him. And then I chased him down the stairs and outside. That’s where the fight started.” Tears shone in Peyton’s eyes. “Cooper assaulted Addison?” She covered her mouth with her hand. “What if you hadn’t been there?” Julian had thought about that same question a million times. If he hadn’t found them, Cooper wouldn’t have stormed from the party. “He’d still be alive.” Peyton shook her head. “And Addison may have been raped.” She swallowed heavily. “By our brother. Is this what you’ve been carrying around, Jules? Is this why there’s been a cloud of darkness following you since you returned home?” “I can’t miss him, Pey. I try and I try, but the part of me that was once connected to my twin is broken. I hate him for what he tried to do that night. But hating a dead man has only made me hate myself.” She scooted forward and wrapped her arms around him, resting her chin on his

shoulder. He relaxed into her arms. “It all makes so much sense now,” she whispered. “After that night, after the accident, Addison became a different person. For so long, she wouldn’t even look at me. She hated me because she hated Cooper.” She pulled back. “Oh, Julian.” The widening of her eyes told him she finally understood. If Addison hated Peyton for merely being a Callahan, it was much worse for the guy who shared Cooper’s face. “I can’t stop these feelings inside me.” He shook his head. “I wish I could, but Addison has always been that girl who’d never feel the same way. And now… She can’t look at me without seeing the boy who attacked her.” Peyton placed a palm against Julian’s cheek. “Jules, anyone who truly knows you would never see Cooper when you’re in front of them. I loved Coop despite what he may have done, but he’s gone. While you, Julian Callahan, are still here, and you have a full life ahead of you. I don’t want to see you haunted by our brother. You might be his twin, but you have always been one of a kind. I don’t know if Addison will ever see that, but if she doesn’t, then maybe she isn’t the right person for you.” She dropped her hand. “Maybe this LitGirl is good for you. Part of me thought you’d be hopelessly in love with Addison for the rest of your life. But now you’re talking to someone else who lights you up on the inside. I can see it. Even if you never find out who she is, she’s good for you.” She leaned forward and opened his laptop. “What are you doing?” he asked. “E-mailing your book to me, duh.” She grinned, pushing her hair over one shoulder. “You can’t tell me you’re writing a romance novel and not let me read it. That’s like dangling a carrot in front of a horse and never letting them catch it.” She finished emailing it and slid from the bed. “Pey?” Julian called after her. She stopped as she reached the door. “Yeah?”

“I’m sorry.” “For what?” “You’ve deserved a better brother than me over the last couple years.” She shrugged. “All that matters is who you are right now, in this moment, Jules.” “Who am I?” “I guess I’ll find out when I read the book.” She opened the door. “I’ve got a long night of romance ahead of me.” Shooting a final grin over her shoulder, she disappeared into the hall. Julian couldn’t contain the smile spreading across his lips and he pulled his laptop closer. He felt lighter than he had in a long time.

—@DontTouchMyBooks: I did it. I told my sister.

LitGirl took a few moments to respond.

—@ShutUpAndDrive: Proud of you. How did it go?

He thought about that. How did it go?

—@DontTouchMyBooks: Better than I imagined it would.

—@ShutUpAndDrive: See? You should listen to me more often. Now, about that steamy scene…

He shook his head. LitGirl wanted steam, so he’d give it to her. Adele and Jackson didn’t know what was coming for them. Julian’s fingers flew over the keyboard as if they had a mind of their own. And for the first time, he thought he could do this. He could publish his book. He could show the world just who Julian Callahan was. He laughed at himself, knowing how ridiculous it was. But, as he disappeared into his characters’ lives, feeling everything they felt, he was happy. When had that happened?

13

Addison

You have a fire in your soul, Addie. Addison couldn’t get Julian’s words or his kiss out of her mind. His kiss surprised her. She hadn’t expected it, but she hadn’t freaked out either—and that surprised her even more. He wore Cooper’s face, but he was all Julian. And she liked it. He was everything younger Addie had wanted Cooper to be, but younger Addie was an idiot too blinded by Cooper’s golden boy façade to see there was very little beneath it. Julian had much more substance. But was he BookBoy? You’re reading way too much into this, Addie. It was a coincidence. There was just no way Julian Callahan was writing a romance novel. “Hey, Addison.” Garrett pulled her away from confusing thoughts of Julian and his perfectly kissable lips. “You ready for the state finals?” He shoved his glasses up on his nose. “I can get your bags to the bus for you.” He offered eagerly. “I’ve got it, thanks though.” She gave him a hesitant smile, enjoying finally being able to regain some of her independence. At the doctor’s the day before, she’d gotten to remove her boot for good. She didn’t want to be mean to Garrett the way the other cheerleaders were, but she didn’t want to encourage him either. Heading out of town for finals was honestly the last thing she wanted to do right now. She couldn’t find the excitement she once had for the competition, and she couldn’t even compete. Her doctor wouldn’t clear her for the complexity of the routine, so she was going as captain in name only.

“You want some coffee?” Garrett asked, shuffling beside her. “I saw Meghan handing out lattes earlier.” “I’m good right now, but you should go get yourself one.” “I can’t handle caffeine, it makes me jittery. You want a donut?” “You know, could you get me a bottle of water?” She smiled. It was clear he wouldn’t rest until she gave him something to do. “And if you wouldn’t mind, could you grab us some seats toward the front of the bus? I don’t know if my foot can handle climbing over a bunch of girls on this trip.” “You’ll sit with me?” He lit up at the prospect. The girls had adopted him as a sort of assistant to the team. The poor kid was thrilled to have so much attention from the squad, but she worried he’d only get hurt. I should keep an eye on him while we’re gone. The girls could take their hazing too far. “Sure.” Addie shrugged. She’d have a better time sitting with Garrett and his endless questions than with the girls who were supposed to be her closest friends. “Okay, great. I’ll see you on the bus.” He bounded away to retrieve her water just as Addison’s phone beeped with a new message.

—@DontTouchMyBooks: You said you wanted steam, right?

Addison grinned at her screen, eager to hear how BookBoy’s venture into sizzling romance was going. She had every confidence the chemistry between his two main characters would explode off the pages. Was it wrong of her to continue their online relationship when she still wasn’t sure if he was all that anonymous anymore? Probably not. But she couldn’t bring herself to stop.

—@ShutUpAndDrive: Give me the heat. I want all the feels.

—@DontTouchMyBooks: You asked for it ;) I went a little nuts, though. I have a couple of new chapters for you and several revisions I’d love your opinion on if you have time this weekend.

—@ShutUpAndDrive: Gimmie! I can’t wait to read more. Have you thought about a sequel?

—@DontTouchMyBooks: Are you crazy, woman? Let me get the first one finished. Sending the updated file now.

—@ShutUpAndDrive: Do I at least get an ending yet?

—@DontTouchMyBooks: Not yet, but soon.

“You’re always so distracted these days,” Meghan said, shaking her head in disgust. “I don’t even know why you want to be here anymore.” “What?” Addie frowned, slipping her phone into her pocket. The only thing she wanted to do was run home and dive into a weekend of helping BookBoy with his edits. The thought of the long weekend of policing her squad, making sure they slept and were prepared for the competition didn’t appeal to her at all. Maybe I’ve just outgrown all of this. “I’ve been trying to get your attention, Captain. We’re getting ready to go in a few minutes, and you should probably give some sort of pep talk before we get on the bus.” “Oh, right,” Addie said. “Why don’t you do it?” Meghan’s face went red with anger. “Why are you holding this squad with such a death grip, Addie? You’ve completely checked out, but you’re just too stubborn and selfish to bow out. It’ll be a miracle if we win this thing with you running the show.” Angry tears shone in her eyes. “And you know the worst part about all of it? You don’t even care.” She was right. Addie couldn’t care less about the championship. She was ready for whatever new chapter awaited her next. But the one thing she hadn’t realized was how much Meghan did care. And that was what the squad needed now. “You’re right,” Addison said. “I’m sorry I’ve been so absent.” “Whatever.” Meghan turned to their team waiting in a circle for them. “Come on, let’s just do this.”

“No.” Addie didn’t move to follow her. “You take the team. You care about all of this more than I ever did.” “You are so confusing sometimes. Just a few weeks ago, you read me the riot act about the routine and how unprepared I was to be captain. And you were right, I would have gotten us disqualified because I didn’t read the rules. And now, what, you’re just giving me the team?” “I think I am, Meg. You were never great with the rules, but you’re good with the girls. I’ve already submitted the paperwork explaining my injury and that you’ll be leading the team for me. You don’t need me anymore.” She smiled. “All the paperwork is done. Go win this thing, and bring home that big-ass trophy for the girls.” “Are you serious right now?” Meghan’s smile brightened her whole face. “Or are you messing with me?” “Cheering was always my mom’s thing, and I just went along with it. I think I’m done with that now. I’m going home to curl up with a good book and a cup of hot tea. Just do me one favor, will you?” “Sure.” “Take care of Garrett? He’s a nice kid, and you guys are so mean to him.” “He likes the attention.” Meghan rolled her eyes. “You worry too much.” “No one likes to be publicly humiliated. Just keep the hazing down to a minimum, and don’t make him a spectacle. And stop calling him Geekett, it’s so mean.” “Fine. I’ll babysit the little guy.” “Have fun, Meg.” Addie turned to leave. “I’ll never understand you, Addison Parker,” Meghan called as she walked away. “Back atcha, Meghan Lewis.” Addie hurried across the parking lot, eager to get home to her new chapters.

—@ShutUpAndDrive: You shattered me. Your new chapters are so smoking hot I can’t even handle it. And the revised chapters were good before, but the improvements just make it perfect. Have you thought about the cover? You should hire a cover designer… and like a real editor.

—@DontTouchMyBooks: I think I just threw up a little bit. Where does one even find a cover designer? Glad you like the new chapters, I didn’t know I had it in me.

—@ShutUpAndDrive: I knew anyone who could write such believable, flawed, and beautiful characters could take it to a new level and you totally pulled it off. I need that ending before we even think of designers though.

—@DontTouchMyBooks: We? LOL. Okay, okay. I’m trying. The end is the hardest part. I’m not really sure how to give them their happily ever after. As for all the publishing stuff I bet I could find some guidance for all the stuff I haven’t even thought about yet. I still can’t believe I’m doing this. And I think it’s your fault. If you hadn’t come, along this book would

probably have ended up in my dresser drawer for the next decade.

—@ShutUpAndDrive: Oh, you are publishing this book if I have to steal it from you and do it myself! Crap, we need a title and a synopsis too. Any ideas?

—@DontTouchMyBooks: I have to write all that too? I think writing the book might be easier than coming up with a title.

—@ShutUpAndDrive: I’m sending you my notes. Have you thought about the issues with the first chapter?

—@DontTouchMyBooks: What’s wrong with the first chapter? You know what, don’t answer that. I’m starting to have a panic attack so I’m going to go not think about this book for a little while.

—@ShutUpAndDrive: Sorry :( You know I think you’re brilliant, right?

—@DontTouchMyBooks: You do know I’m already looking at your chapter one notes, right? I couldn’t do this without you. And you’re right, chapter one needs a better opening paragraph. I’ll send you the new version tonight. Later.

Addie sat on the rear deck at home, organizing her notes for BookBoy/Maybe-Julian when she heard her mother park in the driveway. She so wasn’t in the mood to tell her mom about her decision not to attend the championship finals. Addie was in a happy bubble with Adele and Jackson, and she wanted to keep it that way. So, like the coward she totally was, she waited for her mom to close the front door, and then she grabbed her laptop and her bag and tiptoed down the steps to the driveway. She wasn’t sure where she was going, but she wasn’t staying here. Addison ended up at The Main after she drove past it three times and her stomach wouldn’t let her stop thinking about chili cheese fries. It was her favorite guilty pleasure. One she indulged in too many times in the past. She’d fallen into some bad habits trying to maintain the perfect figure her mother demanded of her. Binge eating and purging was her go-to quick fix at her lowest points in recent years. She didn’t do it often and hadn’t in months—and now that she was finally feeling more like herself and more in control of her future, Addie knew she would never do it again. Some ideal notion of perfection wasn’t worth her health or her self-worth. It felt good. Redefining herself. Addie walked with a lighter step as she entered The Main and immediately saw Peyton’s smiling face. “Hey, stranger, aren’t you supposed to be on some bus to the cheer finals this weekend?” “Yes, but I decided—a few years too late—I don’t really like cheering. So, I skipped it.” “Good for you, Addie. But your mom is going to kill you, girl.” “Why do you think I’m here? I’m hiding.” Addison laughed, enjoying how easy it was to talk to Peyton. “She has no idea I didn’t go, and I’d like to maintain that lie for a little while longer.” “Come hang out with me while I work, and then if you’re still scared, you can come stay with us for the weekend.”

Addie felt guilty for ditching her mom, but she couldn’t take the nagging, not tonight. “One condition.” Addie hopped onto the bar stool where she used to sit with Nari every single afternoon when they were all friends. “Chili cheese fries are already headed your way, Addie.” “And, oh, how I’ve missed them.” She just hoped Peyton realized how much she had missed her too.

—@DontTouchMyBooks: Okay, I rewrote the whole first chapter. It was crap. I think it’s much better now that I know Adele and Jackson so much better. That sounds so ridiculous. They’re not real people. I know that, just in case you think I’m crazy, I’m not.

—@ShutUpAndDrive: Um, idk about you, but my book friends are real. Maybe you should take a break? You’ve been going at it pretty hard lately. I know you have to be stressed.

—@DontTouchMyBooks: Funny you should mention that. After I finished chapter one rewrites, I forced myself to stop. Now I’m reading The Thorn Birds. And do not tell me you’ve never read it. I’ve read it at least five times.

—@ShutUpAndDrive: Shut UP! That’s my favorite book of all time. Meggie and Ralph break my heart.

—@DontTouchMyBooks: The romance is epic but the book is so much more than just the romance.

—@ShutUpAndDrive: Right? And I love how Australia is as much of a character as any of the Clearys. The old TV miniseries was good—Richard Chamberlain was hot back in the day—but nothing touches the book.

—@DontTouchMyBooks: The mini-series was bad! But Meggie was hot.

“I have never seen you let chili cheese fries sit in front of you for longer than ten seconds.” Peyton pulled Addison away from her conversation with BookBoy.

“Oh, sorry, I was distracted.” Addie popped a fry in her mouth. “So good.” “Seriously, where were you just now? And who is making you smile like that?” Peyton leaned forward, trying to peek at Addie’s phone. What would Peyton say if she knew Addison was having secret conversations with Maybe-Julian? “No one,” Addie said, flipping her phone over. “I know that alert, Addison Parker. I listened to a million alert sounds before I picked that one for No BS. Who’re you talking to on my app?” Peyton’s smile had Addison laughing with her. “He’s just a friend,” she itted. “We talk about books. That’s it. We were discussing a favorite classic novel we both love. You know how it is when you meet someone who loves the same books.” Peyton slammed her pitcher of iced tea on the counter, almost dropping it. “You all right there, Pey?” Addie gave her a half-smile. “Sure, yeah. I’m good. I, uh, I just miss talking books with you, Addie. I’m reading Outlander right now, and I always think about how much you would love it.” “I love me some Jamie Fraser. What book are you on?” “The Fiery Cross. It’s a little slow, but I still love it.” “The next one is amazing. I finished the series over the summer.” “That’s right, you’re like a ninja fast reader. Julian’s like that too, it makes me crazy when he es me up.” Peyton paused to refill Addison’s tea glass. “So, when are you going to meet your mystery book friend?” Addison almost choked on a sip of tea. “Um, I’m not sure. I don’t think he’ll want to meet me.” It was the truth. If Julian found out he’d been sharing secrets with Addison, he’d never look her in the eye again. “Well, if you’re good enough friends, you’ll figure it out, and then think about how much better it would be to actually talk to this person? Oh! We could totally

start a book club.” “Good lord, Peyton.” Addie laughed at how quickly Peyton jumped from one subject to the next. “I’ve missed you so freaking much.”

14

Julian

—@ShutUpAndDrive: I wish someone saw me the way you see this character. It’s beautiful.

Julian sat on the edge of his bed staring down at his phone and wanting to tell LitGirl everything. His book wasn’t just some made-up story about two inconsequential characters. He’d written it for the girl he’d always wanted and knew he’d never have. Adele was Addison. Julian poured everything he felt into making her a great character, one who thought better of herself than Addison did. What had Peyton said? I thought you’d be in love with Addison for the rest of your life. He’d told her he wouldn’t. She saw his conversations with LitGirl as him moving on, but she didn’t know he spent every free moment working on a book proving just how not over the sad cheerleader he was. Peyton knew about the book now, of course. But she didn’t see his inspiration for the story. How could she? No one wrote seventy thousand words about a high school crush, especially a one-sided one with such a tragic history it made a future nearly impossible.

The question Julian hated himself for continued to haunt him. If Cooper hadn’t been there that night, if he hadn’t assaulted Addison, if he hadn’t died, would she have gotten over him enough to see Julian? Could they have ever worked? Probably not. People like her—golden people with perfect looks, perfect lives— didn’t fall for loners who weren’t welcome in their small town because of the memories a single look evoked. Yeah, he was screwed. I wish someone saw me the way you see this character. No, LitGirl. You really don’t. Feelings like the ones in that book only caused pain. Addison wouldn’t want to know he’d written about her. She wouldn’t want to see his kind words. A muffled cry drifted through the wall separating his room from Peyton’s, and he dropped his phone as he jumped to his feet. The sound sent a wave of panic over him as it was so familiar. The night he’d found Cooper with Addison, he’d heard her try to scream. Throwing open his door, Julian ran into the hall. Peyton’s door was cracked open, and he pushed it open slowly. Peyton and Addison both slept in Pey’s queen bed, but only one slept peacefully. Nothing short of a hurricane could wake Julian’s sister. When they were kids, the twins had to launch themselves onto her bed to wake her each Christmas. Every year, it ended in her yelling turning into a fit of giggles. But there’d be no giggles tonight. The moonlight filtering through the window illuminated Addison’s pale face as her head thrashed from side to side. Her lips parted as if she wanted to scream, and she lifted an arm into the air, punching at some imaginary force. “No,” she cried. “Cooper.” His brother’s name jolted Julian into action. He crossed the room in two long

strides and crouched down on Addison’s side of the bed. “Addie,” he whispered. “No.” A tear slipped down her cheek. Julian wiped it away with his thumb, feeling her smooth skin beneath his fingers. At his touch, Addie’s eyes snapped open, fixing on him in the dark. Silver reflected in her irises as they dilated and her nostrils flared. “Coop.” Her eyes slammed shut. “No. This is a dream.” Julian could have kicked himself. In the dark, she couldn’t tell the difference. He pulled his hand away from her, careful not to touch her again. “Addie, you’re okay. It’s Julian. Cooper is gone.” “Gone.” She said the word on a breath. “He’s gone.” Her eyes slid open once more. “Julian.” He smiled. “Hey.” Her lips twitched, but she didn’t return his smile. Instead, she kicked the blankets off her legs and sat up. Julian moved so she could get out of bed. “I need…” She paused at the door. With a shake of her head, she stepped into the hall, not finishing her statement. Julian followed her through the silent house to the kitchen where they had their last serious conversation. Before the kiss they never spoke of. Addison opened the fridge, letting the light chase her shadows away. Julian didn’t want to flip on the overhead light for fear that as soon as he did, she’d realize she wanted to be anywhere but with him. Instead, he watched her as she hung her head. Her shoulders shook, but when she pulled back, bottle of water in hand, there were no tears on her face. Because Addison Parker thought she had to be tougher than the rest. It was a trait he’d given Adele, letting Jackson pull the vulnerabilities out of her tough persona. But Julian wasn’t Jackson, as much as he wished he could be. Addison went to the sink and switched on the over-the-counter lights. Their yellow glow allowed Julian to see her more without fully lighting the room.

“What do you want from me, Julian?” Addison didn’t turn to face him. Julian ran a hand through his disheveled hair. “I… Nothing, Addie. I don’t want anything from you.” She whirled around, pinning him in place with hard eyes. “You watch me. All the time, you’re watching me. I can feel it. I don’t need your pity, Julian. You don’t have to feel guilty for what Cooper did to me. I relieve you of whatever duty you think you have. So, stop waiting for me to fall apart. I won’t.” Julian stepped forward, wishing he had the guts to tell her the truth. “I don’t feel guilty.” “No? Then you have some hero complex. The minute I dreamed of that night, you were there wiping my tears. I don’t need you to save me. I’m perfectly fine saving myself.” “Addie, I know that. I know you’re capable and you don’t need me. Ads, you’re the strongest person I know.” She froze. “Don’t lie just to placate me. I don’t need false compliments.” Julian approached her like one would approach a wild animal—with loads of caution and also wonder. “I don’t just tell people what they want to hear. You know me, Addison. When do I ever speak without meaning what I say?” She studied him as he stopped in front of her. “Look at my eyes. I’m not him. Cooper was an asshole.” A tear slid from her eye. “He’s dead.” “And you think that means we can’t say how we really felt about him?” She shook her head. “No… I just… Julian.” Her eyes shifted between his one moment, and the next, she moved toward him, claiming his lips with hers. Julian only grunted in surprise before pulling her against him. Addison sighed into the kiss as she parted her lips, giving him full access to her.

Julian tried not to overthink it. He tried to enjoy the moment, believing it wouldn’t last. His hands skimmed down Addison’s sides and under the edge of her tank top, finding smooth skin. She shivered against him. “Addison,” he whispered against her lips. It was as if hearing her name broke the spell. Her eyes widened in panic, and her balled hands pounded against his chest pushing him away. She breathed heavily. “My eyes, Addie.” Julian stepped toward her, but she moved back. “Focus on my eyes.” They weren’t Cooper’s, and he hoped that was enough. “It’s too dark.” Tears slid over her cheeks. “I can’t see them.” She wiped furiously at her face before swiping her bottle of water from the counter and rushing past him. “Please, Julian. Just leave me alone.” Long after she disappeared up the stairs, Julian sat in the kitchen thinking of how cruel life was that the one girl he wanted was the one he could never have.

Julian would never get used to Avery coming to all their band practices. It made sense because he was dating Nari and best friends with Becks, but his friendship with Julian was still tentative at best. He swept into Becks’s basement as if he owned the house. Nari and Nicky walked behind him talking excitedly. “What’s up?” Julian asked them. Wylder collapsed onto the couch beside Julian. “They’re just talking about their plans.” She raised her voice. “It’s so not fair that my brother and Nari are leaving me for Nashville this summer.” She turned to Julian. “Guess it’ll be just you and me left. Maybe we’ll replace those suckers and start a new band.” Perfect, Julian thought. He’d stay in Twin Rivers, a town he hated, and continue a life he didn’t want. Wylder nudged him. “Dude, I was just kidding. I know you won’t want to be in a high school band. I’ll make Nicky do it.” Nicky threw himself down on her other side, snuggling against her. “The gay kid and the rocker. We’d have a cool-ass band name.” Becks scowled at the two of them practically laying across each other. “Nicky, if you’re going to distract my sister, you can leave.” “Whoa.” Wylder held up her hands. “Bro, Nari and Avery are over there practically making out, yet me and Nicky are the ones bothering you? Who peed in your Cheerios this morning?” Julian watched Becks. It wasn’t like him to talk to anyone that way, let alone Nicky who he’d always seemed to treat with kid brother gloves. Even Avery stopped whatever he’d been doing with Nari and stepped toward Becks, ready to defend his brother. Becks stood, not looking at any of them, and walked up the stairs. Avery went to follow him, but Julian beat him to it. He might not be part of Becks’ group at

school, but he liked to think they’d developed an odd kind of friendship that existed in this basement or on stage. When Julian reached the kitchen, he shivered as a blast of cold air reached him. The porch door stood open. Becks sat on the back steps, looking as though the late February air didn’t bother him. Julian stepped into the cold and dropped down beside Becks. Neither spoke for a long moment. “You want to talk about it?” Julian asked. “Not really.” Becks rested his arms on his knees, letting his hands dangle between them. “Yeah, me either.” Becks shook his head with a laugh. “I think I can guess what’s bothering you. Cheerleader. Blond. Terrible taste in friends.” “Funny, you read me so well, yet I have no idea why you snapped a few minutes ago.” “Julian, we don’t really do this. The talking stuff.” “Because you’re usually not biting people’s heads off, especially Nicky. That’s like kicking a puppy. No one likes a puppy kicker.” “I don’t know what’s going on with me, man. Have you ever thought one thing of yourself and then had it completely challenged?” “For a long time after the accident, I thought I was the brother everyone wished had died on that night.” Becks looked to Julian in surprise. “I don’t want to be a dick, Julian, but Cooper wasn’t a good guy. I didn’t even become friends with Avery until after the accident because Cooper wouldn’t let him be close to the rest of the guys.” That didn’t surprise Julian. Coop had been controlling when it came to his

friends too. Becks continued. “But you… I’m glad I got to know you. This band has been the best part of high school. Hanging with you and Nari and even my sister helps everything make so much more sense.” “What doesn’t make sense to you?” Becks sighed. “Everything. I have all these feelings I can’t control.” “Feelings?” He nodded. “And it’s not like any of them matter, because I’m leaving in a few months. I can’t change who I am when it might not even mean anything.” “Who is it?” Julian met his gaze. “In my experience, someone who challenges everything you thought you knew is worth it.” “Sounds like you need to take your own advice. Does Addison know how you feel?” “If she doesn’t, I don’t know what else to do. We’ve had two kisses that… Let’s just say they confirmed everything I thought I felt, yet changed nothing for her.” Becks stood and patted Julian on the shoulder. “Don’t give up on her. Addison is struggling, but she’s a good person. And so are you. She may not see it yet, but I think she needs someone like Julian Callahan. Don’t let Cooper get in the way of that.” “I’m trying. God, I’m trying.” Becks gestured to the house. “Come on. We have some music to play.” He stopped with his hand on the sliding glass door. “And thanks. For talking.” Julian nodded. “Yeah, you too. Sometimes, I forget it’s nice to not be alone.” “You have friends, Julian. Get over it. You’re no longer the loner. Not when we’re around.” No longer a loner? Julian didn’t know if he’d go that far, but hearing Becks say

he wasn’t alone meant everything. He only wished he could show Addison she didn’t have to be alone either.

15

Addison

“Honey, I wish you would talk to me.” Addison’s mother crossed their immaculate kitchen with a breakfast of fruit and yogurt, setting it in front of Addie. No matter how many times she told her mother she hated yogurt, she just didn’t listen. Like with most things, Nancy Parker only wanted what she thought was best for her daughter. “If you’re this upset, why in the world did you give up the squad to Meghan Lewis? I still can’t wrap my mind around your decision to skip finals.” “Finals?” Addison frowned at her mother. “Oh right.” She raked a fork through her breakfast hunting for the fruit with the least amount of plain, nonfat, no-taste yogurt on it. “I am perfectly happy to let Meghan have the team.” She’d thought they’d hashed this out weeks ago, but clearly, her mother wasn’t listening. “My heart just isn’t in it anymore. And it’s not like I need cheering to get into a good college. I have decent grades and tons of extracurriculars.” “But sororities, darling, they will naturally gravitate toward pledges with a record like yours, but you can’t just throw it away. You took your team to state finals, but you let someone else reap the rewards. They won without you.” Nancy shook her head. “I’m just trying to understand, Addie.” “I have to get to school, Mom.” Addie grabbed her keys and her messenger bag. “We’re not done talking about this, Addison Parker.” Addie whirled around on her way to the back door. “While I’m at school today, I need you to do me a favor, Mom,” Addison said.

“What do you need, honey?” “I need you to hear me. Like really listen to what I’m about to say. I don’t know what my future is going to look like—and I’m okay with that—but I do know it’s not going to involve a sorority, cheering, or any of the things you’ve planned for me. It’s just not me, Mom, and I need you to get on board with that.” Addison stepped out the back door before her mother could respond. Addison dreaded going to school. She couldn’t face Julian after that disaster of a kiss in his kitchen. Addie had to stop putting herself in his way. As much as she liked him, she was beginning to think she would never get past her issues with Cooper. In the light of day, she knew Julian was nothing like his brother. She no longer saw Cooper when she looked at Julian. But in the darkness of night, she couldn’t tell them apart, and he knew it. When he’d told her to focus on his eyes, he knew she was caught up in the memories of the worst night of her life, and Addison didn’t want to associate Julian with that night. He was too good for that. Too good for her. Kissing Julian brought her to life when she’d thought she was cold and dead inside. She craved his boyish half-smile and the smoldering looks he gave her when he thought she wasn’t looking. To the rest of the world, Julian Callahan was a loner and a bit of a bad boy, but to her, he was this quiet, beautiful person she desperately wanted to know. But maybe she was just too damaged for any kind of relationship. What kind of person fell for their rapist’s identical twin brother? Addison shoved all thoughts of Cooper and Julian and that awful night back into the depths of her mind where they belonged. Slamming her car door, she squared her shoulders and headed across the student parking lot for another day of pretending she was okay. “Were you in on it?” The angry voice caught her by surprise. “Is that why you left me on the bus, saving you a seat when you had no intention of even going?” “Garrett?” Addison glanced around the senior hallway at everyone staring at him. He was furious, his face flushed bright red. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m so sorry I left you on the bus. I made a last-minute decision to stay home after I talked to you.”

“Right. You just happened to change your mind four seconds after you sent me to save you a seat. Whatever.” He shook his head, his eyes blazing with fury. Addison rushed to his side. A sinking feeling hitting her stomach. “What happened, Garrett? “Like you don’t know?” He jerked his shoulder away when Addie tried to touch him. “Meghan was supposed to watch out for you. I asked her to make the girls stop treating you so bad.” “Yeah. Well, when has Meghan ever done anything nice?” He shoved his hands in his pockets and started to walk away. “What did they do?” She followed him. “You haven’t seen?” He gave a humorless laugh. “Just Google Geekett and you’ll see it all on YouTube. I’m a sensation.” Something in his eyes scared her. She’d never seen anyone so angry. Addie pulled out her phone and quickly found the video. Her heart hammered in her chest when she saw the video was over six minutes. What did they put him through? Addison sat down on the concrete steps to watch. Dread filled her when she saw Meghan in a skimpy bikini dragging a skinny Garrett to the hotel hot tub. “Come on in, Geekett,” Meghan said from the hot tub—discarding her bikini top once she was in. “It’s the least you deserve after helping us win today.” Addison knew they’d won, but how in the world did Garrett help them win? “You guys did that all on your own.” Garrett’s smile lit up his face as he stepped closer to the hot tub. “I just cheered you on.” “Lose the shorts, Geekett.” Meghan laughed. “I won’t look, promise.” I can’t watch this. Addie closed her eyes, feeling responsible for Garrett’s public

humiliation. The video had more than ten thousand hits already, and the hateful comments were rolling in. Garrett nearly tripped as he shed his shorts, trying to hide himself from Meghan’s lecherous gaze. “That’s better.” Meghan scooted closer to his side, letting her fingers comb through his hair. “I’m, uh...happy to help.” Garrett’s voice went up an octave as Meghan’s hands wandered under the water. “You have the sweetest smile.” Meghan ran her hands up his pale chest and back down again. “And the cutest freckles. You know I have a thing for geeks.” She nibbled on his ear. The sound of the other girls behind the camera sickened Addison. She knew it was Ashley and her little sophomore minions hiding in the bushes. Meghan took it too far when she kissed Garrett, guiding his hands to her waist. While he was otherwise occupied, Ashley darted from the shadows and grabbed Garrett’s clothes and towel, leaving him with nothing. Poor Garrett didn’t know what to think of his good fortune as he made out with the cheerleader in the hot tub—so far out of his element he didn’t know what to do with his hands. Abruptly, Meghan pulled away. “Night, Geeket.” She shoved him back and left him in the hot tub alone. “Wait, Meghan. Don’t go. We can just talk if you want.” “Talk?” Meghan’s laughter rang out with scorn. “My kind doesn’t talk to your kind.” She cinched the belt of her robe around her waist. “Wait, where are my clothes?” Garrett glanced around frantically. “Maybe now you’ll think twice about ever telling me to shut up again.” Meghan stood with her hands on her hips.

“What? That was weeks ago.” His look of confusion turned to anger as his face flushed bright red. “I told you not to cross me, Geek. Now stay in your lane where you belong.” Meghan walked away, her hateful laughter echoing behind her. But Ashley still hid in the bushes, recording Garrett’s humiliation. He sat on the edge of the hot tub with his back to the camera, his shoulders stiff with rejection. When he finally stood, looking for anything he could use to hide his nakedness, Addie’s heart broke for the poor guy. No one deserved this. But that was when Meghan upped the ante. Pop music played in the background while shots of Garrett, desperately trying to make his way back to his room, ran on a loop. Somehow, Meghan had talked hotel security into giving her the footage that followed Garrett down the nearly deserted halls, clutching a magazine to his front until he finally found a discarded newspaper he wrapped around his skinny waist like a towel. Tears of frustration rolled down his face when he realized she’d taken his room key too. As Garrett approached the front desk, he lifted his chin, asking for a replacement key to his room. The bearded guy behind the desk took one look at Garrett’s newspaper and laughed his head off as he coded a new keycard for Garrett’s room. But the asshole dropped it, making Garrett bend over to catch it, tearing his newspaper. Red-faced, he ran to the elevator, frantically pressing the call button. When the doors finally opened, Ashley and the other girls waited for him, snapping photos of him, screaming, “Geekett!” at the top of their lungs. Garrett fled to the stairs where Addie hoped he finally made it to his room. But a montage of the girl’s elevator photos ended the horrible video. Addison wiped the tears from her eyes with the heel of her palm. Shoving her phone in her back pocket, she stormed into the school. She was going to kill Meghan for this. No one deserved that kind of humiliation. Addison didn’t get a chance to confront Meghan until after first period, but by then, the whole school had lost their minds. As alerts rang out up and down the hallway, Addison glanced down at her phone. At first, she thought it was a message from BookBoy—who she’d decided

couldn’t possibly be Julian—it was too much of a coincidence, but she quickly realized everyone was reading the same message. She read it twice before it finally sank in. When she reached the list of names at the bottom of the webpage, she couldn’t stop herself. The No BS names and their owners were listed in orderly rows, completely oblivious to the chaos their truths would cause. This was bad. By the end of the day, the whole school was going to know everyone’s secrets. Even now, Addison saw a sea of angry faces and spurts of arguments erupting around her. They would be at each other’s throats before much longer. Addison stood frozen in the hallway, ignoring the bell for second period. Gazing at the list of names, one jumped out at her like a flashing red beacon.

name: @Don’tTouchMyBooks - Julian Callahan

Thoughts of finding Meghan faded from her mind as the gravity of the situation hit her. Julian was BookBoy and he now knew he’d spent the last months talking to Addison. And he hadn’t shown up for first period, which meant he was avoiding her. She wasn’t ready to face this. Addison had no idea how to reconcile Julian and BookBoy as the same person. She didn’t know if she even wanted to try.

16

Julian

Maple syrup could cure anything. That was The Main Street Diner’s slogan. Or, at least, it should have been. Julian could totally get on board with that. His mom slid a plate in front of him, eyeing him skeptically. “You don’t look sick, Julian.” She wiped her hands on her apron. Julian slouched down in the vinyl booth. “I never said I was sick. I said I couldn’t go to school. You made the assumption all on your own.” She lifted an eyebrow. “And why, pray tell, can’t you get your butt out of this booth and behind a desk? Three months, Julian. That’s all you have left in that building. Can’t you make it through without continuously skipping class?” He shrugged and hunched forward over his plate as he poured syrup over his breakfast. “At least I didn’t lie to you this time.” That made her smile. “Yes, a mother is always okay with her son missing school as long as he’s honest about it.” She shook her head, looking so much like Peyton in that moment he almost laughed. Julian’s dad appeared behind her. “Julian, do you not have school today?” Julian stuffed a forkful of pancake in his mouth. “Nope, teacher work day, Dad.” “Cool.” He slid into the booth opposite Julian. “Want to do something fun? We could go fishing down at the river. I just need to call in one of the other cooks.” He lifted innocent eyes to his wife and fake coughed. “Honey, I’m sick.”

She rolled her eyes. “Sorry, boys. One cook already called in sick, and the other is on vacation. Tell you what, I’ll give you both Saturday off, and you can go then.” Julian appreciated that she tried to be cool about this. Compared to most kids he knew, he was pretty lucky in the parent department. His dad gave him his patented “sorry, kid” shrug and stood. “May as well go to school, huh, Jules?” He whistled as he walked back to the kitchen. Julian looked to his mom. “He already knew we weren’t going fishing today, didn’t he?” She followed her husband with her eyes. “Yes. That was an elaborate ruse meant to make me agree to give you both Saturday off.” “Isn’t he part owner, Mom?” Julian laughed. “He could just move the schedule around.” She placed a hand on her chest in mock horror. “He’d never touch my carefully constructed calendar. Your father is smart enough to know who the real boss around here is.” She turned back toward the kitchen, glancing back over her shoulder. “Get to school, Julian.” He sighed as she walked away. He’d already missed first period. As he took a bite of pancake, his phone dinged. After wiping sticky fingers on his napkin, he picked it up and stared at the screen. A number he didn’t recognize texted him a link. If Peyton were here, she’d yell at him for even considering clicking on an unknown link from an unknown person. But Julian never claimed to be smart, and curiosity killed cats for a reason. Well, Julian was a cat. Pressing down on the link with his thumb, he waited as the “circle of death”— Peyton’s term—swirled and swirled. Finally, the white screen turned to black as the website came into view. Across the top was the title “Shamed”. Julian’s brow creased as he read the description. Are you tired of being stomped on every day you enter Twin Rivers High? The golden people rule our halls, acting as if they’ve never faced the same

insecurities as the rest of us. Well, guess what… They aren’t perfect. They hide behind screen names on No BS, itting to the same emotions the rest of us suffer with every day. They aren’t better, they only act like it. Not anymore. No BS can’t hide them. A group of us downtrodden kids have hacked the now infamous app. We’re revealing to you who is really behind these names. Below that were columns of screen names and the people they belonged to. Each screen name was hyperlinked. Julian scrolled down the page, unable to stop himself for looking for the one he knew by heart. Somewhere in this list was LitGirl. As he scrolled, a text popped up.

Peyton: Have you seen it?

He didn’t have to guess what she meant.

Julian: Just looking now.

Peyton: STOP! Please, don’t try to find her. It’s only going to hurt you both.

My app is going to destroy so many people.

He imagined his sister sitting in the bathroom at school crying. She’d have Cam with her, no doubt, but she’d need her brother too. Peyton created No BS. Whoever these hackers were, they’d gotten past her security. She’d worried endlessly about something happening while the program was still in beta, before the final app with upgraded security was opened to schools in all the surrounding counties. Would that happen now? Or would his sister’s project come to a crashing halt? Julian raced out of the diner without finishing his pancakes or saying goodbye to his parents. Throwing his backpack in the enger side of his car, he jumped in and drove the short distance to school. After parking, he ran into the building. Second period would be ending soon. He sent Peyton a text.

Julian: Where are you?

Peyton: Bleachers.

Julian turned on his heel and ran back outside to cross the parking lot between the school and the football field. He opened the chain-link gate and skirted the

track before seeing his sister hunched over near the top of the metal bleachers. Cam sat beside her with a protective arm over her shoulders. The morning sun did little to chase the cold away. “Pey.” Julian reached his sister and sat on the bench in front of her, turning to peer into her face. Black tracks streaked from her eyes down her cheeks. Peyton was so strong that seeing her cry made Julian want to find the guy that did this to her. “Why would anyone do this?” Her voice was so small. Julian put a hand on her jean-clad knee. He’d thought about this very question the entire drive there. “They wanted to be seen.” Cam snorted. “Wrong way to go about that.” Julian offered him a shrug. “People at this school are tired of feeling like they don’t matter.” He pinned Peyton with a look. “This wasn’t about you, Pey. I doubt they really considered you or your app at all when they hacked it. You know better than anyone how hellish this place can be. Some people will do anything to feel like more than an ant beneath someone else’s boot.” “How are you not more upset, Jules?” Peyton leaned toward him as if he had the secrets to life. “I’m here crying about my stupid app, but you just found out the girl you’ve been talking to and sharing everything with is the one you’ve been in love with forever.” Julian froze, stuck on her words. “What are you talking about, Peyton?” His words were slow, measured. Peyton’s eyes widened. “You didn’t see it?” He shook his head. “As soon as I talked to you, I raced here.” Peyton sniffled and pulled out her phone. She scrolled down and handed it to him. But the words on the screen made no sense.

name: @ShutUpAndDrive-Addison Parker

“I’m sorry.” Julian barely heard Peyton’s words. Addison? He’d been talking to Addison this entire time? She was the girl he could say anything to, the one who fell in love with his story, a story she hadn’t known was about her. He dropped Peyton’s phone, and it skittered to the edge of the bleachers. Cam lunged for it, grabbing it before it fell off the edge. But Peyton didn’t chastise Julian. Instead, she watched him, probably expecting some kind of big reaction. In truth, he didn’t know how to feel. Almost betrayed? But that wasn’t right. Addison hadn’t known it was him. This was neither of their faults. There was a reason they’d never revealed who they were. Now that he knew, he replayed the things he’d said to her. He’d never spoken to anyone like that before, not even his sister. Addison now knew things about him that would change how she looked at him. Julian bent forward, burying his face in his hands. Peyton put a hand on his shoulder, but he didn’t look up. “Julian, I’m so sorry.” Her entire body shook. “When I made the app, I never saw this possibility. Everyone in school is going to hate me. They’re all humiliated.” Julian lifted his eyes, meeting hers. “Whoever said the truth will set you free was a liar.” She laughed humorlessly. “I don’t know how to fix this.” Julian didn’t either. He couldn’t help his sister fix her app or her reputation, but there was one thing he could do.

He had to talk to Addison; he had to try to reconcile her with the girl who’d become his best friend over the last few months. If anyone asked yesterday, he’d have said he never wanted to lose her. But now, he didn’t know if he wanted to hold on.

The first time Julian saw Addison was at lunch when she sat surrounded by false friends who leered at him as he approached. Meghan Lewis lifted her chin. The cheerleading squad won their tournament without Addison, and Julian knew Meghan wouldn’t let her forget that fact. He wanted to reach for her, to fold her in his arms and pretend they could still be Bookboy and LitGirl. How could he have been talking to her for months and not known? He focused only on the back of Addison’s head, ignoring the cheerleaders and football players around the table, but when she turned to acknowledge him, he wished he could just walk away; he wished this girl didn’t have such a hold on him. “Addie.” A pleading note entered his tone, and he wanted to take it back as her eyes glassed over. “I can’t talk to you, Julian,” she whispered. “Please, just…” She sniffled. “Get lost, Callahan.” Meghan reached across the table and took Addison’s hand, acting as if she actually cared about her. “My girl would never have talked to you on that ridiculous app if she’d known who it was.” Her hard eyes cut through Julian. “Run along and tell your sister to stop ruining everyone’s lives with her mere presence.” Addison jerked her hand out of Meghan’s. “Meg, don’t talk about Peyton like that.” Meghan raised an eyebrow in surprise. “Why not? She’s the reason everyone in this school is so humiliated today. If she’d just do us all a favor and slit those chubby—” Before she could finish spouting her horrid words, a crack rang through the lunchroom as Addison’s fist slammed into Meghan’s face. There was nothing dainty about the hit. It wasn’t a girlish slap, but a full-on black-eye-inducing

punch instead. Julian swore his jaw fell all the way to the floor. Addison stared down at her still-closed fist as if she didn’t recognize it. Meghan blubbered about something Julian didn’t hear. He scanned the room, watching for any teachers coming their way. “Time to go, Addie.” When she stood, he grabbed her bag and hurried her into the empty hall. Her breath wheezed in her chest as her wild eyes darted around the empty space. She started pacing. “I’m so dead,” she muttered. “Dead. Dead. Dead. They’re going to find my body buried in Meghan’s garden after she dies of old age, and no one will know I at least died for a good cause.” Julian gripped her shoulders, forcing her to stop moving. “You read too many books, Ads.” The mention of books made them both look away, and Julian’s hands dropped. He rubbed the back of his neck. “I guess we need to talk.” She nodded. “Not here.” Turning on her heel, she marched down the hall. Julian followed her into a small janitor’s closet where they wouldn’t be interrupted. Many of their classmates used this very closet for activities way more fun than talking about how two people who could barely be around each other were somehow anonymous online friends—or not so anonymous anymore. “This is messed up.” Julian leaned his head back against a metal shelving unit that held various cleaning chemicals. “Why is it messed up?” Addie pulled the string attached to a single bulb overhead, and the dim yellow light illuminated her wry smile. “Because you sent me schmexy scenes in a romance book the loner of Twin Rivers is writing? Or is it because I know you read Little Women and cried?” “Schmexy?” One side of his mouth curved up. She laughed. “Of course, that’s the part you’d hear.” “You punched Meghan.”

She covered her face with her hands. “I’m so suspended.” “You punched her for my sister.” Addison only nodded at that. Julian blew out a breath. “Thank you.” He paused. “Now…the elephant in the room.” “Are you calling me fat?” He chuckled, his next words escaping before he could stop them. “No, you’re perfect.” Addison froze. “I’m not perfect, Julian. That’s a ridiculously high standard to hold someone to.” She bit her bottom lip, considering him. “Do you know why I liked Cooper back before everything happened?” He shook his head, hating how the conversation always turned back to Coop. “He didn’t expect anything from me. Most of the time, he thought I was just a silly girl. But you… With you, I’ve always felt this pressure to live up to the image you have of me in your mind. It’s exhausting, Julian. I knew you liked me. Even back then, I knew. But I couldn’t handle it. The intensity… You’re too much.” A tear fell from her eye. “No one should like me that much.” “Addie…” He pushed away from the shelf and approached her. She took a step back. “No, please. Julian, BookBoy was my escape. He wasn’t supposed to know this Addison with all the problems and scars. It was easy, fun. But you…you are not easy. I can’t be who you want me to be. The first time I realized I was talking to you online, I almost stopped, but I couldn’t give up the person who’d become my best friend. I tried to pretend it wasn’t you who wrote such beautiful words and made me feel so much with his book. But it was you. I couldn’t change that.” Julian’s breath caught in his throat, and he couldn’t force it out. Addison’s words made no sense. “You knew?” He stumbled away from her. Before, when he felt betrayed, it hadn’t been justified. Now? Now, he couldn’t

even look at Addison’s face. He turned away, unable to gaze at the eyes he’d once stared at as if they held all the magic in the world. Addison Parker was his favorite person even after she changed, even after she became this vapid version of herself. His feelings remained the same after Coop died and their lives tumbled down different paths. Yet, two words changed everything. She knew. She lied to him for months, convincing him to share his biggest secret with her—his book—the one thing in his life that made sense to him. “Julian.” She reached for him, but he pushed open the door. “Please.” Whipping back around to face her one final time, he met her teary gaze. “You don’t get to plead with me, Addison. For years, I have been here waiting for you to see me. I’m done. I get it now—what you’ve been trying to tell me for so long. This—us—will never be anything. I won’t bother you again.” He turned without another word, ignoring her muffled sobs, as he left her standing in the empty hallway. A teacher walked past him, going directly for Addison. “Ms. Parker,” the teacher said. Addison sighed. “I know. Principal’s office. There’s no fighting at school. Yada yada. It’s not like there’s anything to fight for anymore.” Julian forced himself to keep going, Addison’s words burning into his mind. “It’s not like there’s anything to fight for anymore.” She was right. Maybe there’d never been anything worth fighting for in the first place. There was one thing he knew. He may have written his book based on Addison, but Addison Parker was not Adele, and he was not Jackson. If they were, they’d still have a chance to be something more.

17

Addison

Suspended for two days. For fighting. That was going to look fantastic on Addison’s permanent record. The snooty sororities her mother was always so worried about probably wouldn’t take a second glance at her now. But Addie would do it again in a heartbeat. Meghan’s venomous words had gone too far. It was about time someone put her in her place. And Addison was thrilled to be the one to do it. She should have stuck up for Peyton a long time ago. Meghan wanted to blame her for all the trouble with the app, but Meghan didn’t have a clue how hard Peyton worked to keep No BS a safe place for everyone. For the first time in her life, Addison Parker was alone. No friends. No boyfriends. Even BookBoy—Julian—wasn’t talking to her anymore. Addison couldn’t take sitting in the silent house. She drove around town for most of the morning running errands for her mom just to have something to do. She ed The Main several times, wanting to go in but afraid she would run into Julian. She couldn’t get the look on his face out of her mind. Once he realized she knew it was him before the hack, she knew she’d lost him for good. “It’s for the best,” she said, staring at the empty park near Defiance Falls. She’d sat in her car for nearly an hour now, trying to work up the nerve to get out. This place brought it all back—the night that changed everything. A tear splashed on her hand. She hadn’t even realized she’d been crying. “Darn it, Coop.” Addison slammed her fists against the steering wheel. “You ruined everything!” And then he died. Never taking responsibility for the crapstorm of hurt and ruined lives he’d left in his wake.

Addie sniffed back her tears and stepped out of the car. The fresh mowed grass crunched under her feet and the sunshine flooded her face. It was one of the first warm days they’d had this year. A beautiful, clear blue sky stretched into the distance, and the roar of the falls drowned out the sounds from Main Street. Addison walked toward the edge of the river, surprised not to see anyone running or walking along the trails. It was a quiet, perfectly peaceful day, but Addison’s emotions raged inside of her like a tempest. Her house was just down the road from here. She could see the falls from her bedroom window. Cooper had left her there that night. After he’d raped her, he left, and within minutes, he hit the patch of ice that sent them over the Defiance Bridge and into the icy waters that night. She felt bad that Avery and Cam had to experience such a horrific accident. And Julian. He’d tried to save his twin, but Cooper was trapped in the car and went over the falls. They’d pulled the car from the rough waters at the base of the falls that night and retrieved his body from the wreckage. The whole town mourned the loss of their golden boy. The beautiful boy who could light up a room. But they didn’t know he was a monster. Everyone knew Addie was in love with Coop, so she’d had to listen to the condolences for months after the accident. “You got off easy, Cooper.” She sat beside the river with her back to the trails, watching the turgid waters rush by, the occasional spray of the falls reaching her. Tears filled her eyes again. “You should have faced what you did to me. The whole town should have known you were nothing more than a rapist. I mean, Coop, how many girls were there? How many did you laugh at when they said no?” Rage blossomed inside her chest; like now that she’d opened Pandora’s box of memories, it all had to come out. “Not many, right? No one says no to Cooper Callahan.” Addison gave a mirthless laugh. “But I did.” She jabbed her finger into her chest. “I said no, Coop! I begged you to stop, but you just laughed at me and pinned me down. I was so drunk.” She shook her head, trying to stop the flood of memories. “And you took advantage of that.” Addie slammed her fists into the ground beside her, working her fingers into the rich, dark soil. “Maybe it was a good thing I was too drunk to much, but I will never forget your glazed eyes as you pulled at my skirt. Then you just left me there,

and I wanted to kill you with my bare hands.” She curled her fingers, clawing at the ground. “And then you died.” A laugh burst from her lips. “And I felt bad! You son of a b—! You got what you deserved, and I felt bad because I wanted you dead not an hour before you went over those falls. I wanted you dead so bad,” she growled, her voice like gravel in her throat. “At first, I thought I was to blame. Can you believe that?” Another fit of hysterical laughter flew from her lips. “And your face!” She threw her head back to scream at the sky. “Your stupid face and that monstrous laughter haunts my dreams, and I can’t move on! I’m stuck, Coop. I never got to confront you. You died, and I had to sweep the whole thing under the rug and let this town mourn you. You were gone, like that.” She snapped her fingers. “And for two years I’ve been dying inside, a little more each day.” “And what do I do? I go and fall in love with your brother. The one who wears your face. The one who stole my heart with his beautiful words. He was always the better man. And I think you knew it, didn’t you, Coop? That was why you always put him down. You pushed him out of our circle, telling us he was just a loner, and we let you do it. You didn’t deserve a brother like Julian.” “I don’t deserve him either.” Addison hung her head. A trickle of sweat slid down her back, and her shoulders shook with sobs. It felt good to shout at him. To get it off her chest. Like maybe if she left it all here next to his watery grave, she could finally leave Cooper behind. “Peyton, what are we even doing right now?” Nari’s voice drifted through the trees, bringing Addison back to the present. She quickly wiped her eyes, taking big gulps of air into her lungs, shoving all thoughts of Cooper from her mind once and for all. “We’re blowing off steam, Nari. Keep up.” Peyton came charging up the incline toward Addison, but she hadn’t seen her yet. Peyton was angry. Peyton turned around, jogging in place until Nari could catch up. “Someone hacked my app, Nari, and I can’t do anything about it while Katie and her mom try to get us offline. So, we’re running. We’re running so I don’t do very bad things to whoever did this.”

“Pey—ton.” Nari gasped for breath. “You’re doing very bad things to me.” She leaned over, huffing and puffing. “I’m a skinny toothpick for a reason. And that reason is I don’t exercise, and I don’t have muscles.” She collapsed on the side of the path, lying back in the grass. “Oh, see, now this is a lot better.” “Addison?” Peyton spotted her sitting by the river. “Oh, Addie!” Nari sat up. “I love Addie. Let’s go sit with Addie.” Nari stood up with a groan and dragged Peyton away from the jogging path. “Have you been crying?” Peyton frowned, sitting beside her. “What did my brother do? He said something stupid, didn’t he?” “Oh, you know, I’m just sitting here having a minor meltdown.” Addison couldn’t seem to stop the tears from flowing. “Seriously, what did Julian do? He has a habit of saying stupid things.” “Peyton.” Addie sighed. “No matter how much I like Julian, it’s just never going to work. I will always see Cooper when I look at him.” “Oh, Addie,” Nari said. “It’s been two years. We know you loved Coop, but he would want you to move on.” An inappropriate fit of giggles hit Addison just then. “Not the right thing to say, Nar,” Peyton said. “No, it’s okay. I’ve been out here exorcising my demons, screaming at Cooper.” Addie wiped the tears from her face with the heel of her palm. “I missed something, didn’t I?” Nari said, looking from Peyton to Addison. “So…that night, before the accident. Cooper raped me,” Addison said, her tone flat and lifeless. “It’s why Julian and Coop were fighting. Julian found us right after.” “Oh, Addie,” Nari reached for her hand. “I’m so sorry. I had no idea. Oh my gosh, I…I’m just sorry.”

Addie stared across the rushing river, ignoring the silent conversation and headshaking happening between Peyton and Nari. They didn’t know what to say or do. She couldn’t blame them. There was nothing they could do. “It’s okay, girls. Well, it’s not, but it was a long time ago. I pushed you both away because I couldn’t face telling anyone what happened. Especially you guys. But it’s time I move on. It’s time I leave Cooper in his grave and get back to being me. I’m just so sorry I turned my back on my two best friends. Please forgive me?” “Oh, Addie, there’s nothing to forgive. You were hurting and you needed to take care of yourself the best way you knew how.” Peyton wrapped her arms around her. “Besides, you already made it up to me when you punched Meghan in the face. Cam got it on video so I can watch it whenever I want. You’re my hero, Addison Parker.” “I love you guys.” She wrapped her arm around Nari, a feeling of peace settling over her at last. “You have one thing wrong, Addie,” Peyton said, leaning back to meet her gaze. “Julian couldn’t be like Cooper if he tried. Sure, they looked a lot alike, but you only have to listen to Julian’s voice and the kind words he says to know he is not Cooper. Next time you feel overwhelmed around him, just close your eyes and listen to him, and you’ll know you’re safe with Julian.” “I know, you’re right, but I don’t think Julian wants anything to do with me anymore.” “You two have had more than your fair share of heartbreak, but dear Lord, for two people who’ve been talking online for months, you have got to learn to communicate better.” “Wait, what else did I miss?” Nari glanced back and forth between Peyton and Addison. “It’s Avery, isn’t it? He has me so distracted I’m not seeing anything happening around me. Avery ate my brain. I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to catch me up to speed. You and Julian have been chatting online for months? How did I miss this?” “We didn’t know we were talking to each other. At least not at first. I kind of figured it out recently, but I wasn’t sure. And then the hack happened, and it’s all

just a mess now.” “Well, we’re just going to have to fix this, then,” Nari said. “We are not missing out on spending the last few months of our senior year all back together again.” “She’s right, Addie. You have to talk to Julian before this spins out of control.” Peyton looked down at her phone in her lap. “Oh, we have to go now!” She hopped up. “Katie’s mom finally has us offline, and she knows who hacked No BS. If I’m pressing charges, I have to go make a statement now so the police can build a case against the douchebag who did this.”

18

Julian

The blinking cursor was going to be the death of Julian. A blank white page taunted him from his laptop screen. Who needed an ending anyway? Right…every person to ever read a book. He sat back in his desk chair, running a hand through his unruly hair. How was he supposed to give Adele and Jackson their happy ending when he wasn’t so sure he believed in them? Cynical? Yes. Julian never tried to hide his cynical nature. Sometimes, it made him a jerk. Times like this, it made him a writer who managed to fly through seventy thousand words only to hit a wall on the final five thousand. Well, he’d tried. That’s what he could tell people. How many others said they wanted to write a book in their lives and never came close? It was freaking hard, and Julian reached the home stretch. So what if he never finished? No one would read it, anyway. Not even LitGirl. Julian clicked out of the Word doc and pulled up No BS. An error message popped up on his screen. He smiled despite his need to scroll through the messages he’d received on the app, needing LitGirl’s—Addison’s—words to inspire him. But he was happy his sister managed to get the app down. She’d have a lot of damage control to do over the next weeks if she wanted to save No BS.

But that wasn’t his current problem. He had two characters who’d been through hell and back and deserved some kind of resolution. Unable to stand staring at his computer any longer, Julian stood and paced across his room. The nervous energy burned a savage path inside him. He sat on the edge of his bed only to shoot to his feet once more, unable to still his mind or body. An ending. How was he supposed to write an ending to a story that finished so poorly? He could have lied to himself and said this story wasn’t about Addison, that she didn’t inspire every word he’d written. But that was over now. He’d never really had any hope with her, but he’d been okay with that. He’d understood it. And then, he did have hope. She gave him a look behind the perfect makeup and styled hair. She let him see her, the real person she’d hidden since the accident. When she let her guard down, she was more beautiful than anyone. Swiping his phone from his desk, he tapped it against his leg, imagining he could hear No BS’s distinctive alert. He needed his friend. It made so much sense now —her true identity. Without the accident between them—without Cooper— Addison Parker and Julian Callahan could talk for hours. That was the amazing thing. But she’d known it was him. How long? How long had she lied to him? A soft knock on his door had him whirling around. “Yeah?” “It’s me.” Peyton opened the door, sticking her head in. “Can I come in?” Julian shrugged and threw himself on the bed. “Sure.” Peyton dug her hands into the pockets of her jeans and rocked back on her heels before nudging the door shut with her shoulder. “You okay?” Julian sat up, studying his sister’s tense expression. Everything she’d built was falling down around her, but she was the strongest person Julian knew. She’d get through it. Peyton sighed. “I don’t want to talk about No BS.” She dropped onto the bed

next to him. “There’s…” She blew out a breath. Julian’s brow creased in worry. His sister wasn’t one to hold back her words. “What’s wrong.” “Jules…did you tell me everything that happened at the party before the accident?” “Yes.” The answer was immediate, because he had. He didn’t want Peyton’s mind plagued by those thoughts of Coop like his were, but she’d deserved to know. That wasn’t the real reason he’d told her though. Addison needed someone like Peyton in her corner. Peyton kicked her shoes off and pulled her legs up onto the bed as she turned to face him. “When you told me Cooper assaulted Addison, I thought you were able to stop it in time, but Jules…” She closed her eyes, not opening them until her next words struck Julian right in the chest. “Did Cooper rape Addison?” Julian’s heart kicked up a notch. Why would she think it got that far? Julian liked to believe Cooper would have stopped before it did, but he’d started to think he hadn’t known his twin, that he’d been blind to his darker side. Peyton’s eyes glassed over, and Julian couldn’t take the brokenness on her face. “No. It didn’t go that far by the time I found them.” Peyton’s shoulders shook as a sob escaped her throat. “Then why would she…” “Why would she what?” Lifting teary eyes to meet his gaze, Peyton pushed her hair back behind her ears. “Julian, Addison thinks she was raped.” The next few moments were like a crash in a rainstorm. On a sunny day, the cars ahead would have been visible. But with sheets of water pounding the windshield and thunder drowning out all sound, everyone was blind. No one could see what was coming down the road. The last two years had been Julian’s storm. He hadn’t seen Addison parked ahead of him or thought she’d be just as blinded.

“I need to find her,” he whispered. Peyton nodded, tears still dripping down her face. Julian leaned forward to wipe the moisture from her face. “Pey…I love you. You know that, right?” She nodded. “But it isn’t like you to say it.” “It’s just…the last couple years have been hard. Before the accident, I don’t think the three of us Callahan kids ever told each other how we felt. We may not be blood siblings, but you’re my sister. You always have been. Whatever Cooper did, it doesn’t change who you and I are. You get that, right?” She wiped at her face. “He was our brother, Jules. And I still miss him despite everything. Why do I still miss him? He did something awful, and I can’t stop wishing he were here.” “I wish I could explain any of this. I wish I knew why Coop did what he did. Sure, he was drunk, but anyone can still choose not to be a dick when they’re drunk. Assaulting someone is a choice, not something you do because you lose control. That’s what I can’t wrap my head around, Pey. The brother we knew and loved chose to hurt our friend and I can’t help but hate him for that.” Peyton sniffled. “Addison needs you, Julian. I don’t quite understand it—or maybe I do. She needs you like I need Cam. And I think you need her too.” Julian shook his head. “I don’t think Addison and I are written in the stars, Pey. I’m going to be here for whatever she needs, but right now, that’s probably just a friend who understands.” Peyton stood and reached a hand down to him. “Come on then. There’s a girl waiting.”

How did you tell a girl the worst night of her life didn’t happen? Well, at least it didn’t happen like she thought. Julian thought back over the words he’d said to Addison. He’d never told her exactly what Cooper did to her. She must have woken up the next morning with only memories of a struggle. He walked up the long stone walkway to Addison’s beautiful house. If he turned around, he’d see the two rivers and the bridge where his life changed forever. How did Addison wake up every morning with that view and make it to school without breaking down? Checking the time on his phone, he cursed himself for showing up at dinnertime. Addison would probably be busy, if she was home at all. Who was he kidding? She was Addison Parker. There was no way she was just sitting at home. He should have called. Sliding his phone back into his pocket, he turned, ready to leave and come again when Addison said it was okay. They weren’t even speaking. She wouldn’t want him there. He paused at his car, unable to make himself get in and drive away. Addie needed him. He pulled out his phone again, preparing to text her when the front door opened and Mrs. Parker walked toward him. “Julian Callahan.” Confusion flashed across her face. “It’s been a long time since we’ve seen you here.” Relief quickly replaced the confusion. “Are you here for Addison? Maybe you can tell me why she has spent the past two hours in that dangerous treehouse, refusing to come down.” Julian let his eyes drift out over the yard to the treehouse they’d all played in as kids. Now, it looked as if it would fall out of the tree at any moment. There was no way Julian would tell Addison’s mom anything. “I’m sorry, ma’am. I need to see her.” He walked away without another word, crossing the expansive lawn. Large oaks lined the perimeter. As kids, Cam, Avery, Julian, and Cooper spent their time

climbing these same trees while Addison, Nari, and Peyton played in the treehouse. Those had been good years. Now, Julian looked up at the treehouse, taking in the broken ladder—broken by Cam and Peyton the night of the accident. So many memories existed in this place. “What are you doing here?” Addison’s face appeared at a small window. The look she gave him was more resigned than unfriendly. “ing.” That had her mouth twitching into a small smile. “Yeah, me too.” “Can I come up?” Her smile dropped. “Um…sure.” Julian climbed the ladder, avoiding the broken rung, and pulled himself through the hole in the floor of the treehouse. No one ever claimed entering it was graceful. It required a person to basically sprawl across the floor before sliding into a sitting position as they tried not to bump their heads on low beams. Yep, definitely made for small kids. Addison curled in on herself, pulling her knees into her chest as if to protect herself. From Julian? He rubbed the back of his neck, trying to find the words to say. “Addie…” “Julian, let me stop you. If you’re here to try to make things okay between us, that’s fine. We’re okay. A lot has happened, and I think it’s better if we just agree to be friends…but friends who don’t spend a lot of time together. It’s too hard to be around you.” She rested her chin on her knee and stared at the ground. The words sliced through Julian, but changing her mind wasn’t the reason he’d come. As much as it hurt to let her go, he would. He just wanted her to be happy.

“Ads, I need to tell you something…about the night of the accident.” She sighed. “I have spent too long talking about that, too long stuck in this same cycle of hating myself and hating Cooper. I don’t want to keep putting myself through this. I—” “He didn’t rape you,” Julian cut her off. Addison’s mouth snapped shut. Her nostrils flared. “Julian, are you defending your brother? To me? Is this some sort of revenge because I don’t want to be with you?” Hearing what she truly thought of him felt like a knife flaying all emotion from him. “You think I’d defend him?” His voice rose. “When have I ever chosen Cooper over you? He was my brother, Addie. My freaking twin. But you… He was awful to you. He assaulted you and tried to do more. You told me yourself you don’t much.” “I fighting him and being unable to get him off.” “I stopped him.” He had to keep himself from yelling. She didn’t deserve the anger he felt for Cooper. “I pulled my own brother off you and tried to beat the hell out of him. And then he left and got himself killed.” Addison’s entire body deflated. “I… He didn’t rape me?” Anger was like a spool of thread. As it unwound, Julian tried to grab the end, tried to hold on, but it slipped out of reach, leaving only emptiness behind. “No, Ads.” She ran a shaky hand through her hair. “But…but…” Shaking her head, she released a breath. “No, I won’t cry this time. I have spent so much time crying. I need to be stronger than that.” Julian met her gaze. “Crying doesn’t make you any less strong.” “But letting one night control my life for two years does.” Her entire body shook. “Julian, I felt like it was my fault. Like he’d violated me because I was too drunk, too friendly, too in love with him.”

“No.” Julian got to his knees and scooted forward. “Addie, no. Coop may not have raped you, but he still assaulted you, and not a single second of it was your fault. Every bit of blame lies with him. He made a choice that night, and he took away yours. I don’t care if you stripped naked and laid on the bed in front of him. He wouldn’t have had the right to touch you, not if you didn’t want him to.” A single tear trickled down her cheek. “I didn’t want to cry, Julian. Stop. I don’t want to feel this. Can’t we all just move on?” He folded her into his arms and she sank against him. “We’re all trying, Addie. But you need to feel it. You need to feel everything. That’s who you are. It’s why I lo-liked you so much. The Addison Parker that existed before that night felt every emotion openly. I envied that in you. But that girl disappeared after the accident.” “How would you know? You left for eighteen months.” His shirt muffled her words. “Because the boy I was disappeared as well. When I came back, I didn’t recognize you, but I didn’t recognize me either. And then I met a girl.” “A girl, huh?” He nodded. “This girl encouraged me to keep writing my book. And day by day, she found me—or at least, she allowed me to find myself.” She pulled back. “Sounds like some girl.” “She is.” “Tell me, Mr. Writer, will this girl ever get an ending to the story?” “I’m not sure I have an ending in me.” “You do. You just need to have more faith in yourself.” She slid on her butt to the opening and dropped onto the ladder. “Julian?” He followed her until they were both standing in the grass below. “Yeah?” “Thank you. For coming to tell me. I’m not sure you even understand what this

feels like for me. It’s like the worst night of my life has lost some of its power. Maybe I can finally put it behind me. Well…eventually.” She gave him one final smile before walking toward her house. Julian lifted his eyes to the setting sun, knowing he did the right thing. He got into his car and drove the short distance to the river. It would be getting dark soon, but he needed the inspiration for his final scene. Taking his laptop from the back seat of his car, he walked down the grassy incline to where a railing separated Defiance Falls from the public. He sat on the wooden bench, his fingers skimming over the names people carved into it over the years. How many stories took place right here? How many memories? The blinking cursor no longer looked like a taunt. Instead, it signaled hope of the finish he now knew was close. Adele and Jackson would have their resolution. Adele leaned over the rail, looking into the dark waters crashing below. The falls always held a resemblance to her tumbling emotions. She hadn’t seen Jackson in a week, not since their last argument. The glimpse of life without him was darker than she’d imagined. Footsteps sounded on the pathway behind her, and she turned, her eyes going wide as she took in Jackson’s disheveled appearance. “Thought I’d find you here.” Jackson’s voice had a gravelly edge Adele had loved about it. She shrugged. “If you’re here to try to make things okay between us, that’s fine. We’re okay. A lot has happened, and I think it’s better if we just agree to be friends.” “I don’t want to be your friend.”

Adele’s shoulders deflated. “Then what do you want?” “To tell you I love you.” She opened her mouth to respond before shutting it again. Jackson closed the distance between them, stopping when he was about a foot away. “Adele.” He pressed his forehead against hers. “I’m sorry. I was losing myself so completely it scared me. But I realized something.” “What was that?” she whispered. His gaze burned into hers. “Getting lost in you, in us, is the best thing that ever happened to me.” “I’m a mess.” He nodded. “I love you.” “I’ve done some terrible things.” “I love you.” “I’m not the perfect girl you see.” “I never said you were perfect, Adele. Only perfect for me. I love you.” He leaned down, pressing his lips to hers. “I love you.” This time, his kiss held more force. When he pulled back again, he cupped her jaw with both hands. “I’m going to love you for as long as you’ll let me.” “Forever,” she whispered. “You can love me forever.” She didn’t tell him how she felt, because he already knew. Some things didn’t need words. Julian leaned back against the bench, lifting his eyes to the darkened sky. He’d done it. Adele and Jackson got their happily ever after. Without a second thought, he sent the final chapter to Addison, this time knowing she was at the other end of the email, that the girl he’d loved for years

would read his words. And more than anything, he wanted that. He had one last chance to show Addison just how much he cared. She had yet to figure out the truth about his book and his inspiration, but she was a smart girl. Hitting send was both the easiest and hardest thing he’d done in a long time. Yet, it felt dang good.

19

Addison

“Stop staring,” Addison snapped at a trio of juniors glaring daggers at Peyton. The hack wasn’t her fault, but everyone seemed to blame Peyton for airing their dirty laundry. “It’s fine, Addie,” Peyton said. “They need someone to blame, and No BS is my responsibility. Addison linked her arm through Peyton’s as they walked to lunch together. “Well, I’m not letting you shoulder this alone. They’re building a case, right?” She lowered her voice. “Yeah. It’s supposed to be resolved today.” Peyton bit her lower lip. “Principal Stevens asked me to prepare a statement to the student body about the status of No BS.” “You’re bringing it back, right? Peyton, your app has helped more people than it’s hurt.” “I have some exciting news about that, but I’m not allowed to share it yet. You’ll just have to wait to find out about it with everyone else.” “Pey, that’s not fair.” Addison followed her to Peyton’s regular lunch table. “You’re sitting with us?” Peyton eyed her with a goofy smile. “Ms. Parker is gracing us with her presence?” She sat down next to Cam. “She’s not missing anything at that table she’s been sitting at for the last two years, let me tell you,” Nari said, sitting next to Avery.

“Come on, Ads, have a seat.” Avery kicked a chair out for her. “It’s about time you moved your scrawny butt over here.” “Nari has a point.” Addison took the offered seat, thinking she should have come back here ages ago. “After cracking Meghan’s nose, I think I am persona non grata at the cool table.” “This is the cool table now,” Avery said. “Not hardly.” Nari laughed, shoving her glasses up on her nose. “So says the resident rock star.” Avery leaned in to kiss her cheek. “Peyton?” Cameron grabbed her hand. “What’s going on over there?” He nodded across the cafeteria where three policemen stood addressing Garrett. “It’s happening.” She gripped his hand, her knuckles turning white. “Geekett!” The shouts of outrage made their way across the cafeteria. Several students stood on their chairs to get a better look as the officers read Garrett his rights and handcuffed him. When the officers began to escort Garrett from the cafeteria and students started throwing food at him, Peyton buried her head against Cameron’s shoulder and sobbed. She wanted Garrett to face the consequences of his criminal hacking of No BS, but the students’ reactions went against everything she’d wanted No BS to accomplish within their school. “Peyton.” Addison rested her hand on Peyton’s back. “It’s okay. It’s all going to be better now.” But Addison wasn’t sure that was true. Nari and Avery grabbed Peyton’s hands as the four of them huddled together to comfort her. But they were still missing one. Addison searched the sea of faces for Julian but couldn’t find him anywhere. The cafeteria was a madhouse after the police perp-walked Garrett from the school, but when Principal Stevens walked in with a bullhorn, everyone quieted down. “Everyone will report to the gym for fifth period. Anyone not there will be

suspended, no excuses. If I hear one more slanderous word or vicious verbal attack, those involved will be suspended, no excuses. We have a hate problem in this school that will end immediately. Now, clean this mess up and get to the gym. Peyton Callahan, come with me.” “Will you be okay?” Cameron asked. “Maybe she’ll let me come with you?” “No. I’ll be okay. I need to do this on my own.” She squeezed his hand and left with the principal. Addison walked with the others to the gym, looking for any sign of Julian. “He’ll be here,” Cameron said. “He’s avoiding me.” Addie frowned. “He won’t leave his sister to face this alone. He’ll show for Peyton.” But Addison wanted him to show for her as much as for Peyton.

“The hate has to stop, you guys,” Principal Stevens addressed a near silent student body, sitting quietly in the gymnasium. “High school is hard enough. I get it. The labels we get stuck with as kids are stifling, but in the real world they don’t mean anything. Whether you’re the all-American jock with a bright future, struggling alone with family problems, and just trying to keep it together. Or the wealthy cheerleader who’s smarter than she thinks, but her violent home life makes her feel insignificant so she turns that vitriol on others because it’s all she knows. Or maybe you’re the popular girl with the bad reputation who just has trouble trusting the right people. Or you’re the nerdy girl with a heart of gold and one hell of a singing voice but not the best GPA. Or the It Girl who fell in love with the loner, crossing the social barriers keeping them apart.” Addison reached for Nari’s hand. Principal Stevens wasn’t sharing their secrets. With Garrett’s hack, everyone knew everyone else’s business. “Or maybe you’re the girl who created something beautiful to help us bridge the barriers tearing us apart. “Peyton Callahan is not at fault for the unfortunate events that led to the broadcasting of everyone’s most private thoughts and fears. Her app, No BS is a wonderful tool that has helped every student in this school feel a little less alone. “Garrett is not to blame either. Yes, he took matters into his own hands when he should have asked for help. He will pay for the crime he committed. But the true culprit of this mess is hate. And right now, hate is winning. “I watch over all of you. I’m like the mom you didn’t know you had. I’ve watched friendships blossom among you, and I’ve seen quarrels break you apart. I’ve seen what you guys go through. And this year, I’ve seen some of you grow and heal in ways that are astounding. Don’t let what Garrett did in a desperate moment set us back. Let’s keep moving forward. And I, for one, believe we still need No BS. So, I’ve asked Peyton to share some wonderful news with you.” Principal Stevens stepped aside for a nervous Peyton to address the student body. “Um…hi.” Peyton waved, her tearstains still evident. “So, it’s been an emotional

day for me. I hate what Garrett did, but I understand that kind of desperation. I hate that I wasn’t—” Peyton’s voice shook with tears as she covered her face. “I’m sorry. I just hate that I wasn’t able to protect you.” Her tears fell, and Addison wanted to go stand with her just so she wouldn’t be alone in front of all these people. “I promised you anonymity, and I wasn’t able to keep that promise.” Peyton took a deep breath and choked back her tears. “I created No BS at one of the lowest points of my life. My brother Cooper had just died. My other brother, Julian, Coop’s twin, left town to mourn our brother in his own way. And my best friend left for reasons I didn’t understand at the time. When Coop died, my whole world fell apart, and it’s only just now starting to make sense again. I was just so alone. So, I created No BS because I knew there had to be others right here at Twin Rivers High who felt just as alone as I did. But I had no idea how many of you there were or how many ways No BS could help you cope with the shi—stuff we all deal with every day—sorry Mrs. Stevens.” “You get one,” Principal Stevens said. “I’m proud of what I created,” Peyton continued. “But I have to earn your trust again. I never wanted to sell No BS. I wanted to keep it small enough so I could continue to manage it. I just didn’t want to give up control to a bunch of strangers. But if No BS is going to continue to help the kids of Twin Rivers High and so many other schools across the state—and as recent events have revealed, the whole country too—we need better security. I can’t guarantee we will never have another security breach, but I can promise you that, moving forward, No BS will have the highest security measures available for networks of its kind. I haven’t sold the app, but I have taken on investors who have arranged a partnership with Google, Apple, and Android to take No BS to the next level. When you update the app from the beta version, you will find No BS has a great new look with the same level of security as Facebook and Instagram. I hope you’ll stick with me and keep sharing your stories so we can empower each other, lifting each other up rather than tearing each other down.” “Thank you, Peyton,” Principal Stevens said. “I’m sure everyone here is anxious to the new app.” She draped her arm around Peyton’s shoulders. “Moving forward, all the drama caused by the hack will not be tolerated. Find a way to move past this. Any arguments, fights, or excessive drama will result in severe punishment. Now get back to class, and let’s put this business behind us.”

Addison sat in her car, parked in the driveway at home. She stared at the phone in her lap, so tempted to open Julian’s email. He’d sent her the final chapter of his book, and she was desperate to read it, but she didn’t know where they stood now. She’d thought she was done with him. That it was all just too difficult. And then he changed her entire world with just one sentence. Cooper Callahan never raped her. Part of her was afraid to believe it could be true. Addie hadn’t let herself think about it all day at school. It was just too much with everything going on with Peyton and the hack. But she’d looked for Julian all day. Either he was avoiding her or he’d skipped again. “Loving someone shouldn’t be this hard.” She closed her eyes, letting her thoughts drift back to that night. She could still feel Cooper’s hands on her. The way he’d pinned her down. His laughter. The way he’d shoved her dress up—the dress she’d selected with him in mind. He violated her with his touch and assaulted her with his intentions, but Julian stopped him before he acted on those intentions. He’d saved her from the worst thing that could happen to any woman. Had she been sober, Addie had no doubt she could have saved herself. But Cooper had poured her drinks all night, making them stronger each time. He’d set out to take what he wanted, one way or another. “How could I have been so blind not to see the better man was Julian all along?” Making up her mind, Addison gathered her things and opened the car door. She had a chapter to finish reading and a future she needed to figure out. A future she wanted with Julian Callahan. “Addie! I’m so glad you’re home.” Her mother rushed to greet her at the door. “Hi, Mom, why so excited?” Addison set her things down on the kitchen counter. Her mother was positively giddy. “You have some acceptance letters to open.” She held three fat envelopes in her hands.

Addison stared at the envelopes containing a part of her future she really wasn’t ready to consider yet. “Open the good one first.” Her mother shoved the envelope from her alma mater into her hands. The sigil for the University of South Carolina stared back at Addison. With shaking hands, she opened the letter. “Congratulations, you have been accepted —” Her mother’s ear-splitting scream of triumph interrupted her. “Oh, Addie, I’m so proud of you. I’m going to call the sorority alumni tomorrow, and I’ll twist some arms to get you an early interview. Oh, honey, you’re going to love rush week. And you’ll make so many new friends you won’t ever want to come home to visit your crazy mom.” “I have two more letters to open.” Addie sank down on the barstool. “You don’t need those others, you got into your top pick.” “Mom, we talked about this. Your plans might not mesh with my plans. I’m still not sure what I want yet.” “Oh. I didn’t realize you didn’t want to go to USC.” Addison couldn’t handle the disappointment on her mother’s face. “Let’s just see what the others say.” She reached for her mother’s hand, giving her a gentle squeeze. “I didn’t say I don’t want to go to USC, I just want to see what my options are.” “I didn’t even look at the other two. Where else did you apply?” “NYU.” “New York? Lord, Addie, are you trying to give your momma a heart attack?” Addison smiled as she tore into the envelope. “Oh, wow. I’ve been accepted to NYU and they’ve offered a partial scholarship too.” “Honey, you don’t need a scholarship. We can send you wherever you want to

go. But why New York?” “I looked into their creative writing program. It’s one of the best in the country, and New York is the hub of the publishing industry. If I want to pursue a career in publishing, that’s where I need to be.” “Okay, then, where was your third choice?” She stared at the third envelope like she feared her daughter might end up going to Mars for college. “This one wasn’t my third choice, Mom.” Addie held the envelope in her lap, the first twinges of excitement bubbling up inside her. The thought that she might actually get into her dream school had her hands trembling in earnest now. “Oh, this one’s your top pick?” Addie nodded as she slit the envelope open. As her eyes scanned the first few lines, she saw her future unfold. She hadn’t let herself want this, not until this moment. “I got in!” She leaped out of her chair. “Mom, I did it—I didn’t think I was good enough. My test scores were just within the margins.” “Where, honey?” Her mother smiled, catching her daughter’s excitement. “Do you know how hard it is to get in? Their acceptance rate is only twenty-five percent, one of the lowest in the whole country.” “Where, Addie?” “Right here in Twin Rivers, Mom. I’ve been accepted to Defiance University.” “Defiance University?” Addison’s mother grabbed the acceptance letter, reading the news for herself. “Sweetheart, that’s where all the smart people go!” “I know!” Addie threw her arms around her mother. “Are you disappointed? I can’t say no to this, Mom.” “Disappointed? Heaven’s no, Addie.” Her mother held her at arm’s length. “I always wanted what was best for you. I had such a wonderful college experience at USC I just wanted the same for my daughter. I don’t know why I didn’t see you were destined for much greater things than your silly old mother. My girl is smart and so capable. And you’re right, you can’t say no to Defiance University,

it would kill your father.” “It’s expensive.” Addie scanned the acceptance letter again. “We will handle it.” “Shut up!” Addie slammed her hand against the marble countertop. “I can’t believe it. I got a scholarship offer too. It should pay for about half of the tuition, and I can just live at home so we can save on the cost of a dorm.” “No, you won’t. You’re going to get the whole university experience, darling, and that includes living in a dorm on campus.” “I love you, Mom.” Addie flung her arms around her mother. “I love you too, Addie. Now go tell all your friends, and I’m going to go tell all of mine. My girl is going to Defiance University.” Addie retreated to her room, floating on a high. For the first time in years, Addison Parker was looking forward to the future. But before she called the one person she was desperate to tell, she had a chapter to read.

20

Julian

“Want a cold one?” Becks walked out onto the deck, stopping feet from where Julian sat with his legs hanging over the edge and his guitar perched in his lap. “Becks.” Julian laughed at the armful of sodas and snacks his friend carried. “Did you just raid my fridge?” Becks bent to set his haul on the deck. “The way I see it, Ju Ju, is that fridge belongs to all of us Callahans.” “You aren’t a Callahan.” “Yet.” Becks grabbed his own guitar and sat next to Julian. “Dude, I’m not going to marry you just so you can eat for free at the diner. I know that’s all you really want.” “It’s not all about the food, Julian, baby.” He reached over to touch Julian’s face. Julian swatted his hand away, and Becks laughed. “Okay, totally about the food. But it’s fine. Peyton will marry me.” “Before or after Cam beats you to death with his robot leg?” “I have my own weapons.” Becks kissed each of his biceps. “Don’t do that.” “Why not?”

“It’s weird.” Julian plucked the strings on his guitar. “Why am I stuck with you today, anyway? Doesn’t Avery usually babysit?” Becks let out an offended gasp. “Babysitting?” His voice grew louder. “Babysitting? We babies take great offense at that term. There will be no sitting on babies. Take that back.” Julian shoved him with a laugh. No matter his mood, he always found himself smiling around Becks. Life would have been a lot easier if he’d known him before this year, if he’d had the band to distract him from the rest of life. Julian sighed and Becks lifted an eyebrow. “What’s wrong? You thinking about me leaving? I’d be upset too.” “Well, it’s not the greatest thing in the world. It seems like everyone has a plan. You and Nari are headed to Nashville. Even Avery is going with you. Peyton will be at MIT with Cam nearby. Addison is going off to do the college cheerleading and sorority thing. And then there’s me.” He shook his head. “What am I doing, Becks?” Becks plucked a complicated tune on his guitar, one Julian could never hope to imitate. Their skill levels were in different universes. That was why music was Becks’s future and not Julian’s. An uncharacteristic pensive look came over Becks’s face as he continued to play. “Julian, have you ever thought you don’t have to have it all figured out yet?” “Says the guy leaving in a few months to chase the only dream he’s ever had.” Becks shrugged. “I’m lucky, I guess, but I’m not normal. It’s okay to be a little lost.” That was the thing, though. He wasn’t lost on what he wanted to do. Julian knew with every fiber of his being he wanted to be a writer. He just didn’t know how to make it work. He’d never been interested in college, but everyone around him was. All they talked about at school was how great the next four years of their lives would be. And Julian saw the next four years as lonelier than the past four had been. He finally had people in his life, friends, he cared about. But they’d all be gone come August.

“It’s going to be weird not playing music every weekend.” Julian ran a hand down the familiar neck of his guitar, settling it in the deep curve of the wood. Becks stopped playing. “You could find other people to play with. As weird as that feels for me to say, you could have a new band.” Julian shook his head. “When you leave, I think it’s time to put the band behind me.” “But not music, I hope.” “No.” Julian smiled. “That will always be a part of me.” A cold spring breeze whipped through the back yard. He pulled his fleece jacket tighter around him and strummed a few chords. Becks ed in, and the two of them played as they’d done so many times before. Soon, this would be over, and Becks would head on to bigger things. He was made to be a star, and Nashville wouldn’t know what hit them. They finished their third song, and Becks leaned back, lying flat. “Break time.” He tilted his head to let the sun hit him square in the face and closed his eyes. His hand reached blindly for the pile of snacks, latching on to a can of Coke. Julian was watching him in amusement when a throat cleared. He jerked around, almost falling from the edge of the deck as his eyes met Addison’s. He opened his mouth to speak but stopped when she held up a stack of papers. “Why didn’t you tell me?” Julian finally found his voice. “Tell you what?” “That you’re in love with me.” “Ohhh, crap.” Becks sat up, letting Addison see him for the first time. Her cheeks reddened. “Well, I guess this is my super large, planet sized cue to leave.” He hopped from the deck, guitar slung over his shoulder. Before turning away, he reached out, stuffing as many of the snacks into his pockets as he could. He turned to Addison, leaning in to kiss her cheek. “Go easy on him, Ads. Julian’s not the most open of books. You know how he is.”

“I do.” She crossed her arms over her chest, never once taking her eyes from Julian. As Becks rounded the house whistling, Julian shrank back as if facing the firing squad. They stared at each other for a long, tense moment. Finally, he pushed out a breath. “I thought you knew.” “I knew you had this obsession with me, but I didn’t know you actually cared. Half the guys in school see me as this goddess who can make all their problems go away just by looking at them.” “I never wanted you to make my problems go away, Addie. You’re not God.” She slapped the papers down on the deck. “I’m not this either. You wrote about me. Adele. She’s me. I can’t believe I didn’t see it before. But she’s also not me, Julian.” He set his guitar to the side and stood to face her. “You don’t get to decide how I see you.” “So, you’re not denying it? You’re saying Adele really is me?” “Addison, I’ve never denied anything about my feelings for you. And I won’t apologize for them. I know you think I put you on a pedestal and it’s too much pressure, but, Ads, I see you. You’ve read the book. Can you honestly tell me Adele is perfect?” Addison hugged her arms across herself as her lips tugged down. “No. She’s pretty flawed, actually. But you can’t write about your dream girl and then expect me to be her. That’s not how this works.” “You’re impossible.” Julian put his hands on his head and stepped back to get some space. “Yes, Addie, you’re flawed. Truth time. So is everyone else in this God-forsaken world. But you’re not broken like you think you are. You don’t need to change for me or for anyone else. I don’t want a perfect version of you. I just want you!” His heart hammered against his ribs as he turned his back on her. “Darn it, why is this so hard?”

When he got control of his breathing and turned toward her once more, he cursed himself for the tears rolling down her face. She didn’t sob. She didn’t say a word. But they kept coming as she watched him, silent proof that his words affected her. “Addie, don’t cry.” “Why couldn’t you just leave me alone?” Her voice was so quiet, so small, he could barely hear her. “I was fine before you started caring.” Julian stepped toward her, softening his voice. “One, I didn’t ‘start’ caring, Addie. I’ve always cared. And two, you weren’t fine. You were hiding behind this other version of yourself.” “Does that matter? Does anything matter, Julian? You and I… Do we matter?” She gestured to the stack of paper—Julian’s book. “Or are we just characters in a story people forget soon after reading the last page?” “Ad—” “I’m sorry.” She cut him off. “I don’t even know what I’m doing here. I should go.” She tried to turn away, but Julian grabbed her arm, spinning her back around to face him. “No one could forget us, Addie.” He pulled her against him, pressing his lips to hers like he’d done twice before. Only this time, there was no turning back. He couldn’t let her go and pretend it hadn’t happened. Addison only stayed frozen for a moment before she let out a tiny whimper and kissed him back, her soft lips taking control. She tasted of salt from her tears, and Julian imagined he was taking every bit of sadness from her in that moment. He’d do anything to prove to her she was wrong about them. “You matter,” he whispered against her lips. “We sure as hell matter.” Her eyes searched his, shifting between the two different colors. For once, there was no fear in her expression. She wasn’t looking to make sure he was Julian and not Cooper. Coop no longer stood between them as some impenetrable barrier.

When Addison’s hands splayed on Julian’s chest, her fingers gripping his shirt, he knew he never wanted their moment to end. But if there was one thing writing his book taught him, it was sometimes endings are only the beginning of something great. “Julian…” She sucked in a breath. “I think…” “You think what?” “I fell for an anonymous guy I met online. A guy who talked to me as if my opinion was important to him. He listened, truly listened. But he wasn’t real, not until I figured out he was you. Do you know what my first reaction was?” “Disappointment?” She shook her head. “Relief. Because I felt this”—she gripped him tighter —“between us for months. I didn’t want it to happen. Hell, I’m still fighting it, but I think I feel…” Her voice trailed off. “How do you feel, Ads?” Julian dipped his head to meet her gaze. “I need you to say it. Please.” “I think I’m in love with you. I tried so hard not to be.” He brought his lips to her ear. “Stop trying.” His heart jack hammered in his chest, wanting to break free as his hands slid up and down her back. He’d never imagined getting to hold Addison like this, and it was better than any dream. “I’m not going to be a very good girlfriend, Julian.” He smiled, pressing another kiss to her lips. He loved that Addison assumed they’d be dating when they hadn’t discussed it. It was the first sign she was accepting what he’d known all along. Just like Adele and Jackson, they deserved their happiness. Addison deserved happiness. “Why don’t you think you’ll make a good girlfriend?” He tried not to laugh.

She swatted his chest. “Don’t make fun of me. It’s just… I haven’t dated anyone. Ever.” “How is that possible?” Her face darkened, and she didn’t need to answer for him to know. Cooper. She hadn’t gotten past what Cooper did and it held her back. “He has no more power over you.” Julian slid his arms around her back. “You see that, right?” She nodded. “And you aren’t him. You know that?” Julian shrugged. “I wish more people in town saw that.” “Julian Callahan is kind in a way I’ve never seen before. His multicolored eyes are darn sexy. And he’s the most talented person I’ve ever known.” She smiled. “One day, people will see it. It might just take them some time.” Tears built in her eyes again, and Julian gripped her chin. “What?” She hiccupped back a sob. “I’m sorry. I said some things tonight… After I read the book again, I was scared Julian. I still am. But I tried to hurt you. Not just tonight. For months. I’ve been pretty horrid when you’ve been nothing but kind.” “As Addison, maybe you’ve been a bit harsh, but I don’t think you understand how much LitGirl meant to me.” She nodded quickly, wiping away tears. “I do. BookBoy was everything. Even after I found out it was you—maybe especially then. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I was afraid you’d stop talking to me.” He might have. If he’d known it was her, he wouldn’t have revealed so much about himself. Leaning down, he pressed his lips to the corner of her mouth, amazed he got to do it at all. “Forgiven.” “Good, because I have news. I got into Defiance University, and I’m staying right here in Twin Rivers.”

“You’re staying?” He bit back a grin. She nodded. “Staying.” He let out a whoop and whirled her around. “I couldn’t have said goodbye to you.” She pulled away with a laugh when he set her down and turned toward the deck, picking up the pages of his book before whirling back around. “This book is beautiful, Julian. And that ending…” She closed her eyes. “I’ve never been so affected by words on a page.” He grinned. “Not even Little Women?” “Are you going to take my compliment or not?” His grin widened. “Thank you, Ads.” He leaned in to kiss her again, but she put the pages between them. “You have to publish this.” “What?” “Don’t you think other people should read your words?” He scratched his head. “Um…maybe? I just kind of wrote them because I felt like it.” “You’re hopeless.” “How would I even get published?” “I can probably help with that.” Becks strolled around the side of the house looking as if he didn’t have a care in the world. He held a small bag of popcorn in one hand. Popping a piece into his mouth, he chewed slowly. Addison and Julian shared a look. Becks stopped in front of them. “I’ve already been through this with Avery and Nari, so let’s save some time. Yes, I was listening. How else am I supposed to know exactly what you guys said? And yes, that’s a total invasion of privacy, but

I’m kinda cute, and you can’t be mad at me. That cover it?” A laugh burst free of Addison, and she slapped a hand over her mouth. Becks grinned. “I’m glad you two finally figured out you had to be together because no one else would put up with all the brooding you both do.” Julian started to speak, but Becks held up a hand. “And you wrote a book. Nice going, bro.” He held out his hand for a fist bump. Julian bumped his fist because he wasn’t sure what else to do. “It’s…ah…a romance.” “Really?” Becks laughed. “That is magnificent. Now comes the part where I can help. My stepmother dearest is an editor. Not for a publisher. She used to be with Random House before she met my dad, but she quit to help run the hardware store. Now she edits for independent authors in her spare time.” “Indie publishing?” Julian knew nothing about any kind of publishing. Addison smiled. “Yeah, that’s perfect. I read tons of indie books. Yours would fit so many of the tropes.” She turned to Becks. “Can we meet with your stepmom?” Becks shrugged. “She’s at the hardware store now.” Addison slid an arm around Julian’s waist. As he pulled her into his side, he realized it didn’t matter what happened with the book. He’d already gotten the ending he wanted. But publishing his words would be pretty dang cool.

Addison dropped into a seat next to Julian at the lunch table, leaning sideways to press a kiss to his cheek. “Hey,” she whispered. A smile slid across Julian’s face. “Hey, yourself.” He turned toward her. “But that wasn’t a proper greeting.” Slipping a hand around the back of her neck, he pulled her closer. A gagging sound had them breaking apart. But it didn’t come from all the stunned people around them who hadn’t known Julian finally got the girl. Instead, Becks was the one pretend vomiting all over the table. “Ummmm…” Peyton glanced between them as if unsure who she should look at. Becks started gagging again. Nicky appeared, slapping Becks on the back of the head. “Why are you the one acting like it’s a surprise? You told me about Addison and Julian this morning.” Every eye at the table went to Becks. “Dude.” Avery threw a fry at him. “You told my little brother and not me?” Peyton slapped a palm on the table. “Guys, focus. I don’t care who knew.” She turned teary eyes on Julian. “Pey, if you cry, I swear I’m going to make you eat a greasy slice of pizza.” She bit her lip. “But you two… This has been coming for years. I’m just so… I don’t even know what I am.” Addison leaned into Julian. “Is she getting more emotional about our relationship than we are?” “Relationship?” Peyton squealed, clapping her hands together. “Breathe, Pey.” Cam took her hand in his.

Julian only shook his head as he linked his fingers with Addison’s under the table. Now or never. He’d met with Becks’ stepmom the night before, and she told him the hardest part of being a writer was itting you were one. “I have something I want to tell all of you.” Addison squeezed his hand in . Understanding lit in Peyton’s eyes, but Avery snorted. “So, you finally dating Addison isn’t the news?” Nari elbowed Avery. “Hush.” She met Julian’s gaze. “We’re all listening. Whatever you want to tell us is cool.” Julian sucked in a breath. It wasn’t like he was telling his friends he was a mass murderer or kept a box of intravenous drugs in his closet. Peel off the Band-Aid. “I wrote a book. A romance novel.” Silence surrounded him for only a moment before they burst into excited chatter. Peyton and Addison told everyone how amazing it was. Becks made sure to let Avery and Nicky know he knew before them. Finally, when they were all done talking over one another, Peyton looked to Julian. “So, are you going to publish it?” He nodded. “Mrs. Anderson is going to be my editor, and she has connections with cover designers. She’s going to help me every step of the way. I’m doing this. I’m publishing a book.” As he said those last words, he caught the pride in his sister’s eyes. It matched looks given by each of his friends around that table. Finally, he met Addison’s gaze, filled with so much hope. It was then that he realized high school was almost a part of their pasts. The bullies. The disastrous parties. Mean girls and feelings of inadequacy. He couldn’t a single day at Twin Rivers High where he’d felt good enough for his classmates. But it was almost over. His eyes traveled the faces around their table. Peyton, Cam, Avery, Nari, Becks, Nicky, Addison… That was what would last. That was

what he wanted to . As they continued talking excitedly about his book—suggesting ridiculous titles —he memorized them. As much as he hated high school, he didn’t want this to end. He’d spent so long pushing people away, saying he didn’t need friends, and now he wasn’t quite sure how to let go. But letting go was a part of life. Because endings were inevitable. And so were new beginnings.

Epilogue

Addison

Three months later

Feeling nostalgic, Addison slipped into the familiar booth beside Peyton and Nari. This was where their friendship took root so many years ago when they were just young girls. “I’m going to miss you two.” Unexpected tears filled Addison’s eyes. “No, I can’t start crying again.” Peyton dabbed at her eyes. “Graduation is supposed to be fun. Besides, I’m not even leaving until later this summer.” “But Nari is leaving in a few days to go be a rock star.” Addison pouted as she reached for Nari’s hands across the table. “Country star,” Nari corrected. “And we’ll only be a few hours away. I’ll be back all the time.” “Oh no, they’re getting all weepy again,” Avery said as he scooted into the circular booth beside Nari. “Babe, we just graduated, and we’re finally free of Twin Rivers High. Let’s celebrate.” “I’m just going to miss my girls,” Nari said. Addison moved to let Cameron sit beside Peyton, but she only had eyes for Julian.

“Hey, you,” he whispered, pressing his lips against hers. “Congrats.” “Congrats to you too, Mr. Published Author.” She couldn’t help the grin that spread across her face. She was so freaking proud of him. “Did you bring it?” “Yeah, just waiting for the others to get here.” Julian scooted into the booth beside her while Nicky and Wylder moved a second table to the booth. “Where’s Becks?” Cameron asked. “Present!” Becks shouted from the diner entrance, still sporting his cap and gown. “You were supposed to return the robe, dude.” Avery rolled his eyes. “I’m keeping it.” Becks took his seat between Avery and Nicky. “I make this look good.” “You know you don’t get your diploma until you return the robe, right?” Addison laughed. “Hey now, I’m not doing the college thing, so this is my only graduation. I want to keep the mementos, besides, I have my diploma right here.” Becks flipped open the folder containing his certificate and screamed. “What kind of witchery is this?” His eyes widened in shock. “You better go find Principal Stevens before she leaves town,” Nicky said. “I’m pretty sure she’s leaving for a cruise tomorrow.” “Shut your face!” Becks stood up, toppling his chair over. “Don’t have a conniption, Beckett, I’m way ahead of you,” Principal Stevens crossed the diner. “I figured you guys would be here. Hand over the robe.” She snapped her fingers, holding Becks’ diploma hostage in her other hand. “Yes, ma’am.” Becks shed his graduation robe and grabbed Mrs. Stevens, spinning her around and dipping her like a ballroom dancer. “I’ve always wanted to do that.” He let her go.

“All right, I expect to hear great things about all of you. Now go spread your wings and fly. Meanwhile, I have a few margaritas waiting for me in the Bahamas.” Addison and the others waved goodbye to their high school principal just as Mrs. Callahan brought out the first course of their graduation celebration. “We’ve got appetizers and drinks to start,” Mrs. Callahan said. “Short rib empanadas and salmon crostinis with capers with raspberry iced tea.” Mr. and Mrs. Callahan ed around the plates, leaving the kids to enjoy their celebration. “Before we eat, I have an announcement,” Julian said. “So keep your hands clean.” “Is it here?” Peyton squeaked, clapping her hands together. “What’s here?” Avery asked. “I have copies for all of you.” Julian’s hands shook as he reached for the box he’d set under the table. Addison batted his hands away and discretely opened the box for him. She was so proud of him she could burst. “Are they signed?” Cameron asked, accepting his copy of Julian’s book. “No, um. I didn’t think about that.” Julian’s ears turned red. “Sign it, man. I want to say I knew Julian Callahan way back when.” Cameron ed his copy back to Julian. “Oh, I love the title!” Peyton held her copy up, waiting for Addison to take her picture. “A Girl Named Adele.” “I can’t wait to read it,” Avery said, scratching his head. “But it’s not all, like, sexy times, is it? I don’t know if I can handle getting that deep into Julian’s head.” “There’s some schmexy times, for sure, but it’s so good,” Addison said. “You’ll

all love it.” “It’s one thing to read about fun times with Adele,” Cameron said, “but it’s another thing when you’re reading about fun times with Adele that your best friend wrote.” Addison wanted to hug Cameron. Not for the total dude moment he and Avery were having about reading Julian’s romance novel but for calling Julian his best friend. She could tell by the look on her boyfriend’s face how that both shocked and pleased him. “I can’t wait to read it.” Becks flipped through the paperback. “I’m all about schmexy times, I don’t care who wrote it.” “Okay, guys, there’s like one or two schmexy times in the whole book.” Julian rolled his eyes. “You can skip those parts if it weirds you out. There’s still a bunch of story that should sound a little familiar.” He turned to wink at Addison as he signed each copy of the book for his friends. “But you all should know, if you don’t write a review for this book, I’m going to hurt every single one of you. I don’t care how far you wander from Twin Rivers. I’ll find you.” “Cheers to Julian and his schmexy book, now can we talk about me?” Becks tapped his glass with Nicky’s. “Guys, I think I’m nervous.” He leaned forward with his elbows on the table. “We’re leaving for Nashville in a few days, and I think I might be scared to death. For reals.” “I can’t handle it if you get nervous,” Nari said. “So, get it out of your system before we get there. We have a plan, and it’s a good one. We’re meeting with your cousin’s label next week, and we’ll go from there.” “I’m not nervous about that. We’ll be fine.” Becks waved his hand like conquering the Nashville music scene was no big deal. “I just can’t decide what I want my stage name to be.” “You’re such a jerk.” Nicky snorted, punching Becks’s arm. “I’m serious. We’ve always been Anonymous the band, but it’s just going to be the Becks and Nari show now.” “Hey, I’m just your backup, dude.” Nari threw her hands up. “I don’t need to see

my name up in lights. We are a songwriting duo. Not really a band.” “Right, so am I just Becks now? Or should I be Beckett Anderson? I can’t decide.” Addison threw her head back and laughed with the rest of their friends. Leave it to Becks not to take anything serious. “I’m sure you’ll have help with that once you’re signed to a label,” Peyton said. “But I like the sound of Country music sensation, Beckett Anderson.” “I like the way you say it, Peyton Callahan. You make me sound sexy. Maybe you should screw MIT and come on the road with us to be our announcer.” “Yeah, that’s not going to happen.” Peyton shoved Becks playfully. “But I am going to miss your pretty face.” “When are you leaving Cam to run away and marry me, Peyton? Do I have to become the world’s biggest star to win you over, because you know I’ll do it.” “Oh my gosh, I’m going to miss you guys.” Addison laughed. “Julian and I are staying right here in Twin Rivers, and it’s not going to be the same without you.” “Well, now, I’m still here,” Nicky said. “And I’m going to be bored to death at school now that you’re all graduating. I’ve still got two more years of this place.” “You’ll come visit me in Nashville on breaks. It’ll be fine, kid.” Avery mussed his little brother’s hair. “Well, don’t forget you have me too,” Wylder said. “My whole band flaked out on me, so I’m going to be bored right along with you. “And me,” someone said from behind the booth. They all turned to see Nicky’s ex-boyfriend, Kenny, standing there looking lost. “Do I?” Nicky’s brow shot up. “I was under the impression we wanted different things.” “No, we want the same thing.” Kenny approached the table. “I just can’t be as

open as you. It doesn’t mean I don’t want you. My family… they won’t understand, but I don’t want us to end.” “Well, come sit down then.” Nicky scooted over to make room for Kenny, trying to hide his smile. “You sure about this jerk, Nick-Nick?” Becks stared daggers at Kenny, refusing to make room for him. “I think maybe I am. It’s okay if he has to hide a bit longer. I get it.” Nicky stared at Kenny, ignoring the way Becks’s shoulders slumped. “Hey, maybe you three could start a band,” Julian suggested. “Wylder’s looking for a new gig. I don’t think she can survive much longer without music since we’ve all left her high and dry.” “Yeah, we’re not musical,” Nicky said, clearly enjoying the way Kenny draped his arm around him. They were so cute together, but Addison wasn’t sure they were right for each other. She’d have to keep her eye on Nicky to make sure he was happy. “It’s all right, I have a new band,” Wylder announced. “What?” Becks whirled around to face his sister, wincing at the sight of Nicky and Kenny together. Maybe Becks agreed with Addison. There was just something not trustworthy about that Kenny kid. “Yeah, I’m the new drummer for Powerplay.” “That all-girl group?” Becks asked. “They’re really good. But they’re a college band.” He scowled at his little sister “Does Dad know about this?” “Yes.” “Does he know the whole story? Those girls are pretty wild?” “He doesn’t need to know the details. It’s just a gig, Becks. A way for me to still be able to play now that you guys are gone.” “I’m going to be checking up on you, kiddo. I don’t want to find out you’re

hanging out at a bunch of keg parties.” “Whatever.” Wylder rolled her eyes. A loud sniff sounded behind them. “Oh, come on, Dad.” Julian laughed. “Get it together, man.” Brian Callahan gave a sheepish shrug. “What can I say, I’m proud of my kids. It’s graduation day, and I’ve got one daughter headed off to freaking MIT. And my son, the author.” He came to stand beside Julian, clapping him on the shoulder. “Just a few short months ago, I was afraid you wouldn’t make it out of high school. And here you are with a bright future and an amazing career ahead of you.” “Well, the book has to make money for that to happen, Dad. It’s doing pretty well so far, but don’t get ahead of yourself.” “Oh, it’s going to be a bestseller if I have anything to say about it.” Mr. Callahan puffed out his chest. “I have over three hundred Facebook friends dying to read Adele’s story.” “Dad, you’re hilarious.” Peyton rolled her eyes. “But you can go tell Mom these salmon crostinis need to go on the menu.” “I see what you did there, Pey. Trying to get rid of the old man.” “You’re a genius. Can’t get anything past you.” She grinned at her dad. “In all seriousness, guys. I can’t tell you how happy I am to see all of you back together again. Cooper will always be the seventeen-year-old version of himself in our memories, but watching you all deal with the loss in your own ways and come back together again has been like watching a miracle happen before my eyes. I’m proud of each and every one of you, and I can’t wait to see where life takes you from here. The sky's the limit, but always , you have a home here in Twin Rivers. Right here at The Main where you’ll always be welcome.” “Thanks, Dad,” Julian said. “That was one of your better speeches.” “Thanks, Mr. C,” Cameron and the others said, but Addie’s thoughts were on

Cooper. Since Julian told her what actually happened that night, a weight had lifted off her shoulders. The worst night of her life no longer had the power it once had. She felt free to begin the next chapter of her life now. “It’s weird not having Cooper here to celebrate.” Avery picked at the last of his empanada. “I’ve spent too much time missing him, not realizing just how much of a bastard he really was.” Addie winced at his words. They all knew what went down between her and Cooper that night, but they never openly talked about it before. “I want to hate him, Ads,” Avery said. “Part of me does, but part of me just can’t reconcile the guy I knew and the guy in that room with you that night.” “Neither can I,” Addison said, casting her eyes down at her hands in her lap. “But we have to forgive him, guys.” “How can you say that, Addison?” Peyton asked. “He tried to rape you.” “But he didn’t.” Addison met Peyton’s gaze across the table. “Julian stopped it before it went that far.” “But it shouldn’t have even gone that far,” Avery said, his jaw firmed to a hard line. “He was a drunk douchebag sometimes, but I never imagined he was a rapist too.” “He wasn’t, though.” Addison leaned forward to catch his attention. “He was your best friend, and you loved him. I want you to the Cooper that was your ride or die best friend. That’s the Coop we all need to keep with us.” “How can you be so forgiving, Addie?” Nari asked, pushing her glasses back up the bridge of her nose. “I don’t know if I can ever forgive him, so I don’t know how you could.” “I can because I choose to believe if Julian hadn’t been there that night Cooper would have come to his senses and stopped. We were both drunk, and that’s no excuse for what he tried to do, but the thing is, we will never know what was going through his head that night. So for me, I have to let go of the anger, and I choose to the version of Coop from our childhood. The one who would never hurt anyone.”

“You’re a good person, Addie.” Julian took her hand, kissing her fingertips. “My brother had a darker side. We all know that. Addie is right, we will never know what he was thinking. But there is one thing I’ve never shared with any of you. I was the only one in that car with him right before it went over the falls. I heard his last words, and I’ve never repeated them.” Julian’s eyes shone bright in the harsh diner lights. “My brother insisted I save myself and leave him to his fate. His last words were “Maybe it’s what I deserve.” So, in his final moments, he was remorseful. I think Addie is right, there’s a chance he would have stopped, but we’ll never know, so let’s move on. Let’s all choose to the best version of Cooper and let him rest in peace.” “Cheers to that.” Avery lifted his glass. “To Cooper.” “To Cooper.” Addison lifted her glass, thinking of the boy who used to protect his little sister and her closest friends. Julian was right; it was time to let him rest in peace. Addison was finally happy, and her future shone bright like a beacon in front of her. She couldn’t wait to see where life would take them now.

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Dating Nashville

Chapter One: Nicky

“Nicky St. Germaine.” Principal Stevens’s voice drifted over the crowd. “Finally.” Nicky stepped from the rows of Twin Rivers High graduates, eager to receive his diploma and get out of there. Grinning from ear to ear, Nicky made the short walk to the stage, and a cheer roared from the crowd—not that Nicky was popular; he just had a few really loud friends. Well, in reality, they were mostly his brother Avery’s friends, but he loved them. It was good to see their familiar faces beaming up at him. Avery and his girlfriend, Nari, Wylder, Julian and Addison, and even Beckett Anderson showed up for his graduation. Becks was dressed in the most obvious disguise. Large, dark sunglasses covered half his face, and his ridiculous blond wig was swept back into a man-bun. The people of Twin Rivers pretended to let him blend in. They were used to his antics—and they were proud of their homegrown rising country music sensation. Gah, I’ve missed him. Nicky accepted his diploma and a hug from Principal Stevens before returning to his seat. He’d missed his older friends over the last two years since they all graduated. It was strange, going back to school for his junior year without them. It hadn’t occurred to Nicky until then that he didn’t have any friends his age. The only one left to brave the halls of Twin Rivers High was Becks’s little sister Wylder, who was a year younger than Nicky. They’d bonded over the shared demise of their social lives with the departure of their older siblings. And then there was Kenny. Nicky’s eyes swept the crowd, looking for his Defiance Academy boyfriend, also a year younger than Nicky. The last two years with Kenny had been rocky at times, but they were doing well—and looking forward to their last summer together before Nicky left for Vanderbilt University in the fall. Kenny still wasn’t completely out of the closet, but he was

trying, and Nicky was patient. With his conservative politician parents, Nicky understood how much harder it was for Kenny to come to with his sexuality than it had been for Nicky. Sure, his own father hadn’t always made it easy, but that was nothing compared to Kenny’s parents. Nicky’s heart stopped when he found his boyfriend among the crowd. He somehow managed to be both adorable and sizzling hot in his suit and tie with his sunglasses shielding his eyes. But that wasn’t the source of his heart’s distress this time. It was the gorgeous brunette girl hanging on his arm. Seeing his boyfriend with a Defiance Academy girl always gave Nicky reason to freak out. This was the same girl Kenny had cheated on him with two years ago. Surprise. Nicky had trust issues with his boyfriend. It was no secret Kenny wished he wasn’t bi. He felt his life would be easier if he could be the future politician his parents wanted him to be with a smart Jackie O at his side to conqueror Washington as a power couple. But he loved Nicky. That much Nicky knew. Sometimes he wondered if that was enough. As Kenny draped his arm around the girl’s waist, Nicky knew the end was near. He couldn’t take much more of this. In a perfect world, Kenny would be the guy he wanted him to be. But this was never a perfect world.

“Trust me, Nicky, if anyone gets in trouble for this, it’s going to be me, and I’ve already been expelled, and you graduated a few hours ago, so it’s a win-win.” Wylder finished picking the lock, moving to hold the door open for him. “There’s still the legal matter of breaking and entering.” Nicky shouldered past her, carrying a huge box of party supplies. “Nothing’s broken.” Wylder shrugged. “We’re just borrowing the venue.” She darted down the main hall of Twin Rivers High where she’d already spent hours setting up the most legendary party Twin Rivers would ever see. “How did you do this?” Nicky dropped the box he was carrying. White fairy lights draped from the ceiling to cascade over the lockers, transforming the wide school hallway into a fantasy world. “It’s beautiful.” “Principal Stevens left for her annual cruise right after the graduation ceremony, and I hacked into the alarm system and changed the phone number. I disabled the alarm, but if it happens to go off, the alarm company will just call me, and I’ll tell them it’s a false alarm. I found the code word they’ll ask for the last time I was in Stevens’ office. Then we’ll lock up when we leave, and I’ll change the call list back to the way it was. When summer school starts up next week, they’ll be in for a huge surprise and think it was an epic senior prank. Come on, let me show you the rest.” She tugged Nicky back down the hall to the school lobby she’d set up for the buffet and bar area. “I can’t hire caterers, so we’re having a pizza and taco bar courtesy of Uber Eats delivery, and we’ll have a couple of kegs at the bar.” The whole lobby was set up like a sports bar, decked out in the school colors and sports team logos. “You didn’t do all of this by yourself in the last three hours?” Nicky looked at her like she might have magic he didn’t know about. “I have minions.” She tossed her dreadlocks over her shoulder and beckoned him to follow her. “There’s more?” “We have multiple forms of entertainment planned for the evening.” Wylder led

him to the junior hall, lit with tiki lanterns and unlit torches he hoped would stay unlit. “What the?” Nicky stared down at his feet covered in sand. “What did you do, Wylder?” his voice rose a few octaves. “I brought the beach inside.” The long hallway was buried in at least two feet of sand, and the classroom doors stood open. Nicky peeked inside the nearest classrooms to see they were all covered in sand too, “We’re having a sandcastle contest in the classrooms, but the hallway is for the waterslide. And the pool is in the last room on the left.” “Pool? Waterslide? Wylder, you’re insane.” Nicky ran a hand through his carefully styled hair, worried his best friend was going to jail this time. “It’s a slip and slide.” She pointed to the end of the hall where the long yellow slide of death waited for a bunch of drunken teenagers to probably kill themselves. The slip and slide ended in a kiddie pool, and a huge hill of sand would likely keep most from really hurting themselves. “It’s definitely epic.” Nicky sighed. “Come see the cafeteria. It’s the dance club for the night. We moved all the tables out and hung a bunch of disco balls and black lights. It’s going to be amazing.” “It will be a miracle if we don’t all get arrested before the night is over.” “I’ve set up escape routes for that possibility. When everyone comes in at the front, they’ll get a colored bracelet and instructions on what to do when the cops show up. I’ve already sent parking instructions to the whole student body so the lot doesn’t fill up with more than a few cars. Exit routes will take the students out in all different directions to get to their cars and out of the area before the cops know where to look.” “You’ve thought of everything.” There was no doubt this party would be legendary. Just a few weeks ago, Wylder was expelled for stealing final exam answers for all of her classes. It was a desperate attempt to improve her grades enough so she could her junior year. Not only did she end up flunking the whole year, but she’d been expelled as well.

“This party is my swan song to Twin Rivers High. No one will ever forget it.”

Nicky stuck to the lobby-slash-sports bar, waiting for Kenny to arrive. Nothing would get him back to the “beach” hall tonight. That place was dangerous. Kids in bathing suits, beer, and a waterslide were a bad combination. The cafeteriaslash-dance club was the place to be. Wylder and her minions had outdone themselves on the décor. Nicky couldn’t wait to get on the dance floor and celebrate with his boyfriend. “There you are,” Kenny said, clapping him on the shoulder. “This place is nuts.” Nicky turned to greet him, but his smile faltered when he saw the brunette clinging to his boyfriend again. “Penny.” Nicky nodded, the tension he’d felt all day returning with a vengeance. The muscles in his jaw ticked as he turned to face Kenny. “I’ll just let you two talk.” Penny darted across the lobby to get herself a drink. “Are you even serious right now?” Nicky glared at Kenny. “What, she’s a friend from school.” Kenny shrugged, shoving his hands into his pockets, refusing to meet Nicky’s furious gaze. “That girl has never been just a friend, Ken. What are you doing to us?” “Me?” Kenny returned his glare. “You’re the one leaving.” “I’m going to college, Kenny! It’s just a few hours away, and I’m not leaving for three months.” “I know.” Kenny’s shoulders sagged. “Your parents are home, aren’t they?” For the last two years, his parents had spent so much of their time in Washington DC that Kenny had moved to the dorm rooms at Defiance Academy. It was one of the main reasons their relationship had flourished. Without his parents’ influence, Kenny was free to be himself in a way he’d never had before, as long as no one found out. “Yeah. Mom’s home for the summer, and Dad wants me traveling to Washington

with him as like an intern or something when I’m not at hockey camp.” “So what, you’re straight now?” Nicky snapped, hating himself for falling into this same old argument with a boy who would likely never come to with his sexuality. “It’s not as black and white for me as it is for you, Nicky.” Kenny’s voice dropped to a hush. “You know, I still like girls. And I don’t know what that means yet.” “So we’re done? You’re going back to your old ways to please your dad and what? I’m just a casualty.” “It’s not like that, Nicky. You know I still love you. But—” “You know what, Ken. I’m done with the buts. Go be happy with Penny if that’s what you want. I just hope for your sake some day you figure out who you are.” Nicky stumbled away before the tears he choked back found their way into his eyes.

The steady beat of the bass matched the rhythm of Nicky’s heart as he sipped a bottle of water—wishing for the first time in ages it was something stronger. But Nicky didn’t drink. His father was an alcoholic who’d finally managed to get himself together. Nicky never wanted to go down that road and had given up booze after one particularly bad night a few years ago. It was an ironically similar night. After walking in on Kenny and Penny making out, Nicky had spent the night hitting the hard stuff only to arrive home to find his father in worse shape. Nicky hadn’t touched a drink since that night, but it didn’t escape him that his boyfriend’s drama was what made him want to drink in the first place. Nicky watched Wylder make her way around the dance floor, dancing with everyone and having the time of her life. But he felt like going home to wallow in misery. This should be one of the happiest nights of his life. He just graduated high school, and his life stood like an open road in front of him, just waiting for him to ride out of town and never look back. Maybe that’s what I should do. Maybe he should leave Twin Rivers now and move in with Avery and Nari a few months early to start his new life in Nashville —a single life in a city with more options. In a small town like Twin Rivers, the gay dating pool was pretty small. But in Nashville? Maybe Nicky’s real love story awaited him there? “Becks, Becks, Becks!” The crowd chanted, taking Nicky’s attention away from his personal drama. There he was in the middle of his adoring fans, the big bad country music star, and Nicky’s onetime friend. But Nicky hadn’t seen or spoken to Becks since he left Twin Rivers two years ago after his own graduation. Becks ate up the crowd’s attention, no surprise there. Nari was with him, garnering a lot of attention herself. She was just as famous, but she was a lot more down to earth about it. And Nari came home often so she wasn’t quite the anomaly Becks was. Once upon a time, Nicky counted Becks among his closest friends. Seeing him now, and how much he’d changed in some ways and how little he’d changed in others, just made him sad.

Get over yourself, Nicky! You were on cloud nine earlier today. He needed to stop letting other people dictate his happiness. It was time Nicky grabbed his future in his fist and made decisions for himself and what he wanted out of life. That was what everyone around him seemed to do. The music came to a screeching halt, and Wylder’s voice sounded over the PA system. “Party’s over, guys. The cops are on the way. Please proceed to your exit and get home safe. I have Ubers waiting in every lot to take anyone home who’s too drunk to drive.” Kids scattered in every direction, following Wylder’s instructions to the letter. But Becks and Nari stood in the center of the cafeteria, looking confused. “Come on, you two oldies. Follow me.” Nicky grabbed Nari’s hand in his left and Becks’s in his right. He pretended not to notice the warmth of Becks’s skin against his or the way his large hand engulfed Nicky’s with a firm and familiar grip. “The last thing you two need is to get caught crashing a high school party. Your fans will die of embarrassment for you.” “Lead the way, Nick-Nick.” Becks ran with him down the hall lit with fairy lights into the gym. At least a dozen other students rushed through the back doors to the small lot behind the gym. Nicky shoved Nari and Becks into the waiting Uber and sent them home to Nari’s house. “Just great.” Nicky watched them leave. “Even after two years, I still have a crush on my brother’s best friend.”

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About Michelle

Michelle MacQueen is a USA Today bestselling author of love. Yes, love. Whether it be YA romance, NA romance, or fantasy romance (Under M. Lynn), she loves to make readers swoon. The great loves of her life to this point are two tiny blond creatures who call her “aunt” and proclaim her books to be “boring books” for their lack of pictures. Yet, somehow, she still manages to love them more than chocolate. When she’s not sharing her inexhaustible wisdom with her niece and nephew, Michelle is usually lounging in her ridiculously large bean bag chair creating worlds and characters that remind her to smile every day - even when a feisty five-year-old is telling her just how much she doesn’t know.

See more from Michelle MacQueen and sign up to receive updates and deals! www.michellelynnauthor.com Want to see more books by Michelle? You can view them here.

About Ann Maree

Ann Maree Craven is an Amazon bestselling author of Young Adult Contemporary Fiction and YA Fantasy (her Fantasy fans will know her as Melissa A. Craven). Her books focus on strong female protagonists who aren’t always perfect, but they find their inner strength along the way. Ann Maree’s novels will appeal to audiences of all ages and fans of almost any genre. She believes in stories that make you think and she loves playing with foreshadowing, leaving clues and hints for the careful reader. Ann Maree draws inspiration from her background in architecture and interior design to help her with the small details in world building and scene settings. (Her degree in fine art also comes in handy.) She is a diehard introvert with a wicked sense of humor and a tendency for hermit-like behavior. (Seriously, she gets cranky if she has to put on anything other than yoga pants and t-shirts!) Ann Maree enjoys editing almost as much as she enjoys writing, which makes her an absolute weirdo among her peers. Her favorite pastime is sitting on her porch when the weather is nice with her two dogs, Fynlee and Nahla, reading from her massive TBR pile and dreaming up new stories. Visit me at Melissaacraven.com for more information about the series and discover exclusive content.

Want to see more books by Ann Maree Craven? You can find them here.