The Amish Life Of Lizzie Mast 366g2m

THE AMISH LIFE OF LIZZIE MAST

DEIDRA SCOTT

TABLE OF CONTENTS

THE AMISH LIFE OF LIZZIE MAST WHERE THE AMISH HEART LIES AMISH PARADISE AN AMISH SUITOR AN AMISH BEAU FOR BEA A SEASON FOR AMISH ROMANCE AMBER & ABEL LOVINA’S HEART

Chapter One Lizzie Mast reached up to rub her eyes, wishing that she could wipe the pain out of her heart as easily as she was wiping the tears off her face. Sitting in the group of Amish women, she tried to make sense of all that was happening. Her mamm and daed...dead? How was it possible that they had been taken so quickly, so unexpectedly? Never would Lizzie have guessed that the day they headed off for town together was the last time that she would ever see them. Buggy wrecks were not infrequent in the community; however, Lizzie had never expected one to happen in her family. Now, the funerals were over and relatives had come pouring into the Mast home in droves. Despite their attempts to be helpful, Lizzie wished that they would all simply leave. She needed to be alone – she needed time to collect her thoughts and to finally allow the pain to pour out of her heart and onto her pillow. “Lizzie,” Aunt Miriam sat forward in her rocking chair and took Lizzie’s hands in her own, “Ach, child. I know that this is hard on you, but we need to talk about what we should do next. Your uncle and I are headed back to Pennsylvania tonight...we can’t take you all with us, but we can help by taking one of the boys.” One of the boys? What did Aunt Miriam mean? “We’ll give him a gut home, Lizzie,” Miriam was continuing, “We’re thinking little Simon might fit well into our home.” As the reality of her aunt’s words sunk into Lizzie’s mind, she jerked her hands free. “What do you mean?” Lizzie exclaimed, “Do you mean that you plan to take away one of the boys?” Shrugging her shoulders, Miriam looked down at the hardwood floor as she explained, “You can’t stay here by yourself, Lizzie. Ach, you’re a young woman...in the prime of your life. We’ll work things out so that you can move in with some relatives here in the neighborhood and I’ll help find homes for the other children as well.” Motioning for her husband to come over, Miriam

continued, “We’ll help you by putting this farm on the market. It’s a nice place – we can use the money to pay off the mortgage and then there will be a little extra to pay for expenses for yourself and the boys....” Suddenly, Lizzie’s sorrow was replaced with something else. These people were coming into her home taking over as if she didn’t have sense to deal with things herself. Pulling herself to her feet, Lizzie felt her brown eyes filling with fire as she clenched her fists at her sides. “Danke,” she returned, “But the boys and I will do just fine on our own. My parents would never have wanted the boys split up...and, as long as I’m alive, I don’t intend to see that happen.” Aunt Miriam cocked her head sympathetically and looked toward the other women for , “Lizzie, we can’t let you do this. How will you survive?” Jutting her jaw out defiantly, Lizzie announced, “I am twenty-one-years-old and a grown woman. I will make it work.” Deciding to toss on the final word, she returned, “And, if I can’t make things work here in the Amish community, then I’ll just leave and become English. I will do whatever it takes to keep our family together!” Looking around the room, Lizzie saw that every set of eyes was as large as saucers. “Now, now,” The controlled and yet calm voice of Bishop Nate interrupted their heated conversation as he made his way into the room, “What is all this fuss about?” Looking down at the floor, Lizzie listened as her aunt explained, “Bishop, Lizzie has lost her mind. She thinks that she can stay here with these three children and herself with this farm.” Lizzie could only hope that her aunt wouldn’t add her hastily-spoken comment about leaving the faith. Lowering her head, Lizzie braced herself for the worse – if Bishop Nate decided to force her to split her family apart, Lizzie didn’t know what she would do. Taking in a deep breath, the bishop announced, “Lizzie is a young woman, but she is still a legal adult. If it is in her heart to keep her family together, then I’m

certainly not going to stand in her way.” Obviously disgruntled with his words, the other Amish women started to file out of room, leaving Lizzie and the bishop alone. Stepping forward, Bishop Nate lowered his voice and said, “Lizzie, what you’re planning to do is a huge undertaking. But, if the Lord has put it on your heart to do this, then He will make a way. If you need any help, my wife and I are always available.” With that, the bishop turned and left the room. His kind words left Lizzie in tears. My, it certainly did seem like a huge challenge ahead of her, but she would just have to trust that God would make a way for her and her little siblings to remain together. Sitting in front of her father’s desk later that evening, Lizzie gathered her courage as she ran her hand across the polished, hand-carved wooden top. Pushing it back, she said a prayer for strength as she opened a folder and began to look through her father’s finances. Just staring at the stacks of paper made her mind spin – she had no idea what some of them even meant, let alone how to tackle them. A burst of fear hit her head-on as she realized that taking care of the farm might be much harder than she had ever dreamed. “Lizzie,” the voice of five-year-old Chris pulled her from her thoughts. Turning to look at her little brother, Lizzie smiled to see him standing at her side, a chocolate chip cookie in one hand and a pucker on his lips. Dressed in his nightclothes, he seemed so like a little angel with his curly blonde hair. “Lizzie,” Chris repeated, “Today, when everyone was here for the funeral, I overheard some of the women talking.” Pushing her chair back, Lizzie reached out for the little boy and pulled him up into her lap. “They said that there was no way that you could keep this farm going,” Chris continued, “They said that you would eventually have to give up...because you can’t take care of three little boys and a farm. Is that true, Lizzie? What will happen to us if it won’t work?” Taking his chin in her hands, Lizzie turned the little boy so that he was facing her as she seriously said, “Chris...I’m going to keep our family together. I don’t

know how yet, but I will. God isn’t going to leave us alone...He’s got a plan to help us.” Wrapping her arms around the little boy, Lizzie leaned her face into his hair, breathing in the scent of fresh soap as she enjoyed the warmth of his little body against her. Please God, she whispered into the stillness, Give me some way to make this work.

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Chapter Two Jason Matthews sat at his office desk, carefully looking over the papers spread out in front of him. Letting out a low curse under his breath, he found himself shaking his head and reaching up to run a hand through his dark brown hair. He had been crazy to ever think that he could open a business in a little town like this. Sure, he had plenty of clients when tax time rolled around but, during the rest of the year, work was certainly sparse. He had been crazy to ever think that he should start his business in such a small town where the majority of the population was Amish and the rest too set in their ways to consider accepting his services. Closing his eyes, he considered the pile of bills that lay before him on his desk. At the rate he was going, he would never be able to afford to keep his business open – the rent alone was eating him alive, not to mention the cost of electric and heating. And to think that he was a financial advisor...the entire idea of him telling other people how to manage their money seemed like a joke when he was so close to going under himself. The twinkling of the bell above his door alerted Jason that someone had entered his office. Sitting forward, he grabbed for some of his personal financial

information and tossed it in a drawer, attempting to look professional before he greeted the potential client. “Hello!” He called out as he slammed the drawer shut and then stuffed his cell phone in his pocket, “How can I help you?” Looking up, Jason found himself staring into the dark eyes of a young Amish woman. Standing awkwardly in the middle of his office, she shifted her weight from one foot to the other as she bit down nervously on her lip. “Hello,” She managed to mutter in return, “I’m Lizzie Mast.” Opening his mouth, Jason fought the urge not to ask if she was in the wrong place. The idea of anyone Amish, let alone a single woman who appeared to be so young, coming to him for help seemed incredibly unlikely. However, he bit his tongue, and pointed toward an empty chair that sat across from him. “Please,” Jason forced a smile, “Have a seat.” Lizzie looked entirely out of sorts as she sat in the office chair and looked down at her empty hands as she worked them furiously together in her lap. “What can I do for you?” Jason asked. Sitting up straighter, Lizzie gathered a deep breath before she announced, “Well, I’ve seen this office before and I’ve heard that you can help people deal with their money.” Shaking her head sadly, she announced, “I hope that’s true, because I certainly need that kind of help.” Barreling on ahead, she continued, “My parents were killed in a buggy accident a little over a week ago...leaving me with a stack of papers I don’t understand, a lot of bills, and two little boys.” Jason felt his heart soften as he listened to her share her rushed version of her story. She seemed so young and vulnerable – the idea of her being all alone in the world was almost more than he could imagine. Glancing up to meet his eyes, Lizzie whispered, “I don’t know if I have much money at all...but I sure could use your help. If you could just at least help me to understand what we have and how we can make things better, I would certainly appreciate it. How much do you think something like that would cost?”

Considering his usual fee of close to forty-dollars an hour, Jason chose to ignore her question and instead suggested, “I offer a free consultation. I can spend a few minutes looking over what you’ve got and will give you an idea of how things look. Will that help?” For the first time since she stepped in his office, Lizzie let out what appeared like a genuine smile as she nodded her head, “Oh, jah, yes, that would be wonderful.” Reaching down on the floor beside her, she picked up a plastic bag full of papers and handed them Jason’s way. After suggesting that she go do some other things in town while he worked on her papers, Jason sat alone in his office and began the tedious job of unraveling the Mast family’s financial situation. Shaking his head to himself, Jason couldn’t keep from thinking about the irony of needing more work and then taking on what was sure to be no more than just a charity case. “Oh well,” he muttered to himself, “It’s not like you’ve got anything better to do with your time.” Perusing the selection of material at the fabric store, Lizzie found it hard to keep her attention on the task at hand; instead, her mind was down the street with Jason Matthews. Ach, she was a nervous wreck to discover what kind of financial mess they might be in at the moment! Glancing at the clock on the wall, Lizzie realized that she had been in the fabric store for over an hour. Making a small purchase, she started back down the street toward the office of the financial advisor. When she stepped back into Jason Matthews’ office, he was still glancing over a few of the papers that she had brought him. Looking up to meet her gaze, he gave a rather sober smile as he pointed, once more, toward the empty chair. “You’re just in time,” he announced as he put all of her papers back in the plastic bag and handed them her direction, “I just got finished.” Sitting down, Lizzie felt like her nerves were in a jumble as she waited on the news.

“Well, Miss Mast,” Jason Matthews began, “It appears that you currently have enough money in the bank to pay the next three mortgage bills with a small allowance for other expenses such as water and groceries.” Three months...that didn’t sound so bad. Letting out a half-hearted sigh of relief, Lizzie prepared herself as she asked, “And after that...how much will I need after that each month?” Glancing down at some figures that he had calculated, Jason replied, “Around three-thousand dollars a month.” “Three thousand dollars?” Lizzie didn’t even try to hide the horror in her voice as she repeated his calculations. Her heart suddenly sinking, she felt that she might burst into tears. There was surely no way for her and the boys to survive! She had three months and then it would be over! Obviously taking pity on her, Jason handed her a box of tissue as he asked, “Is there no one who can help you? Don’t you have any family who...” Lizzie shook her head, “No. I have no one. I have relatives, but they all want to split our family up...sending my little brothers to live with different people...Mamm and Daed would have never wanted that!” Wiping her eyes on the tissue, Lizzie continued, “I just don’t know what we will do.” To her total surprise, Jason leaned forward in his seat and announced, “You know what? I don’t think that free consultation is quite over yet. How about you give me some directions to your farm and this afternoon I’ll drive out there and see if we can come up with any way for you to make that extra money.” Lizzie couldn’t believe her ears. To find someone so kind was almost unheard of. A part of her wanted to protest, to tell him that he was doing too much, but another part of her was simply too desperate. She needed his help and, if Jason Matthews was willing to give it, she wasn’t going to put up too much of a fight! Chapter Three As Jason wound his car around the tiny back roads of the county, he found himself wondering if he was truly headed in the right direction.

“You should worry about more than just getting lost!” Jason announced to himself. As soon as Lizzie had left his office that afternoon, Jason had wondered if he had gone completely insane. Although he was fairly new to his practice, he certainly had never gone out of his way to give his services for free. And yet, there was something about helping someone else that seemed almost too attractive to ignore. Jason needed that in his life. At this point, his entire existence felt so hollow that the chance to make someone else’s life a little better felt worth the cost. Maybe helping Lizzie Mast would be exactly what Jason needed to give his own life some purpose and happiness. Glancing at the directions that Lizzie had scratched on a piece of notebook paper, Jason slowed his car and studied the mailbox in front of him. Recognizing that the number matched what Lizzie had provided, he turned his car onto the gravel drive. Pulling slowly up the drive, he studied the nearby rolling farm land, the various animal barns, and the picturesque farm house in front of him. It looked just like an image out of a book. Parking his car in front of the plain white house, he prepared himself to do whatever he could to help this poor young woman. Glancing out the window, Lizzie took in a deep breath when she saw the English financial advisor park his car in their driveway. Closing her eyes, she breathed a prayer that God would let this outsider come up with some way to help her keep her farm, and her little brothers, there with her. “Is that him?” Eight-year-old Marcus asked as he peered out the window. Shoving past him, little Chris stood on tiptoes to look out as well. Ten-year-old Levi let out a humph and muttered something about “not trusting Englischers” as he grabbed a cookie out of a jar on the kitchen counter. “I want you all to be polite,” Lizzie informed them as she started toward the front door, “This man is going to try to help us and keep it so that we can all stay together.” Swinging the door open, Lizzie could not have been more surprised when Chris

came running forward and threw his arms around Jason’s legs, announcing to the stranger, “Please, sir, please help us! We don’t want to have to leave home!” Lizzie felt her face grow red as she pried her littlest brother off of the business man and directed him back toward the kitchen. “I am so sorry,” Lizzie managed to mutter as she looked up into Jason’s stunned face, “He’s usually not so bold. I’m afraid that the deaths of our parents have got us all a bit out of sorts...and Jason is just terribly worried about everything.” Rather than seeming disgusted, Jason Matthews looked almost sympathetic as he gave a slow nod. “Well,” he announced, “Let’s get started. How about you show me around the farm and I’ll try to make some suggestions.” Nodding her head, Lizzie grabbed for her shawl and led Jason back outside after instructing the boys to take care of the supper dishes. Leading Jason through the back yard, Lizzie tried to decide what she should tell this stranger about the piece of property. Thankfully, Jason led the conversation by asking questions of his own. As she started to tell him about the fourhundred acres of farm land that surrounded the house, the calf barn, and the old chicken house, Lizzie could almost start to feel the pain of the last few days start to fade out of her thoughts. “This is a beautiful place,” Jason told her as he turned and surveyed the land, smiling softly as he took in the scene before him, “This place has got a tremendous amount of potential.” Lizzie bit down on her lip and slowly nodded her head as she confessed, “Daed made a lot of improvements since we moved here ten years ago. When we first came, the place was a disaster...repairing the home and landscape was his ion.” Taking in a deep breath, she battled tears as she itted, “That’s one of the reasons why selling it seems so painful. I just can’t stand the idea of taking this place that meant so much to him and just tossing it aside like it’s nothing. I want to see it succeed.” To her surprise, Lizzie felt the stranger put a tender hand on her shoulder as he softly said, “Lizzie Mast, I promise you that I won’t let your farm go without a

fight. Together, we can make this work.” His touch and kind words took Lizzie by total shock but yet, it felt so good to have someone on her side that she found herself battling the urge not to throw herself into his arms. “Danke, Mr. Matthews,” Lizzie whispered, her voice getting lodged in her throat, “Thank you ever so much.” Chapter Four With plenty of spare time on his hands, Jason found himself spending much more time than was actually necessary at the Mast home that afternoon. There was something about the family and their simply way of life which pulled him in and held him captive. After spending far too long relaxing on their front porch and playing farm set with little Chris, Jason finally headed home with promises to return the next day. That night, he sat down at the table in his small, stale apartment and pulled out a piece of paper. Mentally picturing the Mast farm and homestead, he began to draw out plans of ways that they could make money. As he worked, images of Lizzie Mast continued to run through Jason’s mind. Although she was a good four or five years younger than himself, Jason had to it that she was a pretty girl. Not only was she pretty, but she had a sort of innocent decency about her that was hard to find in the girls that Jason was used to meeting. And she was certainly devoted to her little brothers. Something about that devotion had touched Jason deep inside. He knew that, no matter what the cost, he truly would do everything possible to keep her family together. Lizzie was busy cutting out pieces to a quilt when she heard Jason Matthews’ car pull into the drive. Although she had been trying to keep busy that morning, she had to it that she had been nervously awaiting his return. With each day that ed, she realized that the money in her parents’ bank was dwindling as she tried to cover the bills. If she wanted to keep her family together, she would need to start bringing in some money immediately. Opening the door for Jason, Lizzie welcomed him into the house and directed

him toward the table where she pushed a pile of bright green and blue material aside. “The boys are out in the yard playing, so this is a perfect time to talk,” Lizzie announced as she sat down across from Jason. She was so nervous to hear what he had to say, that she found herself clasping her hands together to keep them from trembling. Smiling a bit stiffly, Jason announced, “I’ve come up with a list of ways that you could keep the farm running and cover all your bills. First,” Jason looked up in her eyes to gauge how she would handle his initial suggestion, “Until the boys are older, you won’t be able to single-handedly farm the four-hundred acres. I suggest that you rent the land out to someone else who can pay you to use it...this will not only provide you with some extra money, but it will keep the farm up and in good shape.” Lizzie frowned and bit down on her lip. The idea of letting someone else farm their land seemed so sad and yet, if it was to keep her family together, she would be willing to do almost anything. When he noticed that she took that option with a nod, Jason went on, “There are a lot of elderly non-Amish people who are not sick enough to stay in a nursing home but do not want to live alone,” Jason announced, “My own granny is one of them. If you would be willing to open up a few extra rooms in your home, you could let people pay you to stay here. It would be better than an apartment for them and you could bring in as much as five or six-hundred dollars a month for each elderly lady.” At that suggestion, Lizzie felt her jaw drop and her eyes grow large. Before Jason could worry, she smiled and nodded, “Ach, that would be ever so nice! If we could find some gut ladies who live alone and would like to be a part of our family, that would be wonderful!” “That quilt there,” Jason motioned toward the pieces of fabric that Lizzie had laid out on the table, “I know that you make those blankets for your family, but people who aren’t Amish pay a lot of money for those. Some people pay more than a thousand-dollars for a quilt.” Lizzie let out a gasp of surprise at the high price tag.

“And,” Jason continued, “You could also sell baked goods. I know a small store in town that is desperate for cookies and goodies ever since their last baker moved away. You could bake extra goodies and then sell them to the store for a profit.” Throwing out a few extra ideas, Jason added, “You could also sell garden produce at the farmer’s market. And, while I know that your father raised bottle calves in that barn, you could convert it into a chicken house and raise cage-free eggs.” Sitting back in his seat, Jason left Lizzie to mull over his suggestions. “My goodness!” She managed to breathe, “You’ve certainly got a lot of good ideas.” Reaching a hand to her forehead, Lizzie itted, “I have to say, I feel a bit overwhelmed right now. How do I even get started?” Surprising even himself, Jason reached out a hand and placed it on top of hers as he said, “I’ll help you.” “Jason,” Lizzie felt her face start to grow warm as a multitude of feelings assailed her, “I can’t pay you and it’s just not right for you to do all this work for nothing...” Before she could finish, Jason interrupted her to say, “We’ll worry about you paying me once you start making a good profit off of the farm. Until then, a few home-cooked meals will be plenty.” Staring in her eyes, Jason assured her, “I know that we can make this work, Lizzie. Think of it as a business investment that I’m choosing to make.” Squeezing her hand a little tighter, he promised, “I’m not going to give up on this, Lizzie. We’re going to turn this into a working farm and we’re going to keep your family together.” Chapter Five Jason Matthews was certainly true to his word. Lizzie had to it that there had never been a man more giving of himself. While he still worked at his office in town, taking care of the occasional client, he spent all of his free time on the Mast farm. Jason told his grandmother about Lizzie’s decision to open her home up to the elderly and then he publicized it throughout the own. Within a week, Lizzie had

welcomed four retired ladies into her family’s home. While some of them were uncertain about life without modern conveniences such as a television and electricity, they quickly grew to love the plain lifestyle. Shy at first, Lizzie’s little brothers quickly warmed up to elderly women and worked to keep them entertained. During the day, Lizzie baked yummy goodies to share with her houseguests and Jason took the extras to a store in town, and she also worked on her gardening and quilting. Despite the fact that Jason was already making multiple trips to the Mast farm every week to pick up baked goods and transport vegetables, he found himself constantly battling an insane desire to visit even more. The initial warmth and welcoming atmosphere of the Mast farm didn’t wear off with time – in fact, it only grew stronger and stronger by the day. “You like it here, don’t you?” Granny Matthews asked one day when Jason had stopped by to deliver some magazines to her. Overcome by sudden embarrassment, Jason shook his head, “I like it because you’re here. That’s all.” Granny Matthews laughed and shook her head, “No. I don’t think that’s right in the least. You were always a sweet boy, but you never visited me more than once a month when I lived at my apartment.” Feeling like someone who had been caught committing a crime, Jason ducked his head, wishing that he could somehow hide the truth from his grandmother. “Jason,” Granny chuckled again and smiled, “Why don’t you go on and spend some time with that girl and her brothers?” Shooing him away with her hands, she continued, “I’ll look at my magazine...you go enjoy yourself.” Bending over to give his grandmother a kiss on the cheek, Jason smiled and returned, “I’ll see you later.” Pausing for a moment, he added, “Thanks, Granny.” Walking down the stairs, Jason found himself searching for a glimpse of Lizzie. Finally spotting her on the front porch in a rocking chair, he stepped out beside

her. “What are you doing?” Jason asked as he watched her break green beans into a large bucket. Smiling up at him, Lizzie returned, “Ach, just preparing to do some canning. With all the extra mouths here at the house, it will certainly take plenty to feed us all this winter.” Reaching for one of the wooden porch chairs, Jason pulled it close to Lizzie and sat down beside her. “I’ve never broken beans before,” he announced as he reached for one of his own. Laughing, Lizzie shook her head and said, “Breaking beans is gut work for any boy. Your mom should have put you to work when you were a child.” Smirking, Jason returned, “Where are your brothers, anyway?” Catching his meaning, Lizzie laughed and replied, “Don’t worry...they’ll get to break their fair share of beans later tonight. Right now they’re out weeding the garden.” Motioning toward the slowly sinking sun, she explained, “This time of day makes the work cooler.” Glancing Jason’s direction, Lizzie had to smirk when she watched his attempt at breaking beans by simply snapping the long vegetable in half. “Nee – no!” She exclaimed as she reached out to take the bean in her own hand, “Nobody can eat them that big! You have to break them into little, bite-sized pieces!” When Lizzie reached to take the bean in her own hand and show him how to do it, Jason felt her soft skin touch his. In a moment of what could only be called insanity, he grabbed her hand in his own, savoring the feel of her skin against his own. Lizzie looked up into his eyes in surprise...but it was more than just surprise. Jason also saw a sort of tender gentleness there. Rather than pull away, she seemed to lean in closer to him.

Bending his head, Jason leaned forward as well until their lips touched. Wrapping his arms around her, he pulled her close to him. Ever since he had met Lizzie, this was what he had wanted to do. “Lizzie Mast!” A loud and critical voice broke into their kiss, alerting Jason that they were certainly not alone. “Lizzie Mast!” The voice repeated. Jason looked up in time to see a rather stout Amish woman standing just below them on the bottom step of the porch, her mouth open and her eyes bugging as she stared at them. Suddenly, Jason was overcome by a feeling of embarrassment and insecurity. What had he just done? Standing to his feet, he said, “I’m sorry, Lizzie. I have to go.” And hurried away to his waiting car. Chapter Six Lizzie felt like her heart might break as she watched Jason drive away, his car going so fast that it looked like he might wreck just trying to leave the graveled drive. Becky Schrock stood before her, a critical look on her face. “Ach, what are you thinking, Lizzie?” Becky scoffed as she placed her hands on her hips, “I had decided to walk over here and check on you. I just got a letter from your Aunt Miriam and she was asking how you were...I thought I would come check to see myself. After what I just witnessed, I’m not sure what I should even begin to tell her.” Lowering her voice, she hissed, “You are wrong to have that man over here as much as you do, Lizzie...he’s not one of our own. You that!” With those words, she turned and marched away from the house, a disgusted look plastered across her round face. As soon as she was out of sight, Lizzie lowered herself to her chair, her body shaking with every breath that she took. Becky was right – what had she been thinking? Surely Lizzie hadn’t been thinking at all. Everything had happened so fast, that she didn’t have time to think. Jason had simply become such an important part of her life, that it was hard to realize the cultural bounds that separated them. She was an Amish woman, and he was a man of the English world.

Shaking her head to herself, Lizzie had to fight back tears. Over the last few weeks, she had truly come to love Jason...and now, after sharing such a special moment together, it seemed that she was going to have to give him up. Closing her eyes tightly, Lizzie realized that it was time for her to pray. “Oh, Lord,” she whispered in a ragged breath, “Oh, Lord, I am so sorry that I have not come to you sooner with my problems. I have known for a long time that my feelings for Jason have grown into more than just business associates...or even friends. I should have been praying about it all along, but I suppose I was afraid to talk to you about it at all.” Gathering her courage, she plunged forward with her prayer, “I love Jason, but I love you more, Lord. If there is a way for us to be together, then let it happen – but if there is no way, then help me to accept it. Regardless of what you choose, Lord, please know that I choose You.” Jason sat alone in his empty apartment. Somehow, the apartment seemed to grow more and more desolate with each day that ed. The more time he spent at the Mast farm, the less interested he was in coming home to his fancy place. Even the things that he used to enjoy, such as watching television, no longer seemed to hold any value or fun. Reaching up, he ran a hand through his hair and let out a deep sigh. What had he done tonight? It seemed like, with one swift and thoughtless action, he had ruined everything. How could he continue to pretend to only like Lizzie as a friend after the kiss that they had shared? “Help me, God.” He whispered into the stillness of his room. It had been many, many years since Jason had prayed. He hated to it it to himself, but God had long been a distant thought in his mind. He had become so wrapped up in seeking the next dollar and trying to become a success that he had let his faith become a thing of the past. Closing his eyes, Jason considered how far his search for riches had gotten him. Despite his best efforts, his financial business was basically a bust...and he hardly cared. The more time that he spent around the Amish, the more he realized that how truly frivolous it was to seek after earthly possessions. Families like the Masts had so little and lived so simply and yet they were so

much happier than many of the wealthy families that Jason knew. “Please, God,” Jason whispered again, “Help me to get back on the right path...help me to see what the right path even is.” A gentle rap on his apartment door made Jason jump to his feet in surprise. Hurrying over to the door, he cracked it open just in time to see his Granny Matthews standing on the front step, a knowing smile on her face. “Granny!” Jason exclaimed as he pushed the door open and ushered her inside, “What are you doing here? How did you even get here?” Laughing out loud, Granny announced, “I might live with the Amish, but that doesn’t mean I’m helpless. ...they have a phone shanty and the boys provided me with a list of several drivers. It was easy to find someone who would bring me by!” Shaking his head slowly, Jason could see that she knew the truth. “How did you find out what happened?” He managed to ask around the lump that was forming in his throat. “One of the other ladies told me,” Granny said with a sigh, “She saw everything happen from her bedroom window.” Lowering his head, Jason muttered, “I managed to mess things up really good this time.” Making her way across the floor to take a seat on his couch, Granny nodded her head slowly, “Oh, you’ve messed things up all right...but falling in love with Lizzie Mast wasn’t your mistake.” Looking up to meet his eyes, Granny continued, “Dear boy, ever since you were little, you’ve always been searching for some place that you could belong...you’ve always been on a hunt for your place in the world. I’ve watched you struggle so hard to be successful by the standards of other people....as if that will give you the fulfillment that you need.” Softening her tone even more, Granny motioned for Jason to sit down beside her. Sheepishly, he sat at her side.

“Jason,” Granny Matthews laughed gently and placed a hand on his shoulder, “Can’t you see the truth? My whole life, I’ve also been looking for a place where I belong...and I’ve finally found it. Don’t wait until you’re as old and gray as me. That girl loves you, Jason. I can see it in her eyes. And I can see that you love her, too. Don’t let her go just because you’re chasing a fancy life that you don’t really want. Maybe it’s time for you to embrace something simple.” Somehow, Granny Matthews’ words felt like they were the answer to Jason’s prayers. She was right – so right. He had spent his entire life feeling out-ofplace and struggling to find his spot in the world. Surprisingly enough, he’d found it not on the corporate ladder, but in a small and cozy farmhouse with an Amish girl and her orphan brothers. Nodding his head slowly, he looked into Granny’s face and managed to whisper, “You’re right.” Chapter Seven Although the morning was full of sunshine, Lizzie’s heart felt so heavy. So much good had happened in the last few months and she knew that she was blessed, but it was hard not to regret so many other things. Looking up, she saw a car pulling into the drive just as she began to hang up some new laundry on the line. Recognizing the driver as one of the men the Amish paid to take them places, Lizzie smiled and waved. She almost dreaded to see who might be there to visit her. Watching as the enger door opened, she felt like she would faint when she saw Jason climb out of the back and start her direction. Jason...it truly was the man that she had gotten to know so well. And yet now he seemed somehow different. Heading her direction, he stopped right in front of her and stared at her bashfully. “Lizzie,” he said her name gently.

“I didn’t expect to see you,” she managed to whisper, “Especially not with an Amish driver. Where’s your car?” Jason paused for a moment before he itted, “I’m not sure...I sold it.” Lizzie felt her eyes grow large as she repeated his words, “You sold it?” Nodding, Jason looked down at the ground and ran the toe of his shoe against the soil, “For a long time, I’ve been trying so hard to make it in the world...I’ve turned my back on God and I’ve sought things. Money and success, those have become my gods. But I’m ready for that to change. I need a big change, Lizzie. And I’m ready to do whatever it takes to get back on the right track.” Looking up to meet her eyes, obviously gauging her expression, he announced, “Last night I went to Bishop Nate’s house and I talked to him for a long time. I’ve decided that I want to embrace the plain lifestyle. I want to the Amish church.” Lizzie felt like she must surely be in a dream. Everything seemed to be happening so fast. Surely nothing this good could be true! Reaching up to run a hand across her face, she tried to listen as Jason continued, “Bishop Nate explained that I can use my business knowledge to help other farmers in the community make the most of their land...and I can maybe take up a job working some land of my own with time.” Obviously noticing her discomfort, Jason added, “Don’t worry, Lizzie. I’m not just doing this because of you...you don’t have to love me. I’m just trying to do what is right.” Turning, he seemed dejected when she said nothing, and he finished, “Well, I will see you in church on Sunday...” Lizzie didn’t even wait for him to get the words out of his mouth; instead, she quickly bridged the distance between them and threw herself into his arms. “I don’t have to love you?” She repeated his words with a laugh as tears of joy streamed down her cheeks, “Ach, Jason...it’s too late for that, because I already do! This has been the best news that I have ever heard.” Staring down at her, Jason seemed to choke on his emotions as he wrapped his arms around her. “So,” he managed to whisper as a tear trickled down his own cheek, “Once I

the church, you’ll let me see you?” “Jason Matthews!” Lizzie laughed as she stood on tiptoes and gave him a peck on the lips, “When you the church, I’ll marry you!” As the truth of her words sunk into his mind, Jason wrapped his arms around her a little bit tighter. Apart, they might have been a sad orphan girl with too much responsibility and a business man who was faltering at his profession...but God had brought them together for a bright new future. Things could not be any better!

WHERE THE AMISH HEART LIES

ELIZA BAKER

Chapter One: “Miriam, did you hear me?” Miriam glanced up at her husband, Isaac. He was looking at her expectantly, and she realized that she had clearly missed whatever it was that he had asked her. She felt a flush rise in her cheeks, and she mumbled, “No, sorry. I didn’t hear you. My mind was wandering again. What did you say?” Isaac frowned briefly, but then his features relaxed, and he said, “I asked you if it was okay if my parents come over for supper this weekend?” “Oh, of course,” Miriam said. “I’ll make a roast.” When Isaac gave her a pleased smile, Miriam felt a prickle of guilt. She hadn’t been listening to him, and he hated that. It made him feel small and unloved. The worst part was that she had been congratulating herself on not thinking about Matthew for a change. And now that she was thinking about it, she realized that she had indeed been thinking about him, even in the act of not thinking about him. “Are you feeling okay?” Isaac asked her. Automatically Miriam’s hand went protectively to her belly. She nodded. “Fine actually, although I expect by the end of the day I’ll want to sit with my feet up for a bit.” “Of course,” Isaac said as he smiled at her. She cringed, feeling the flood of guilt that normally followed thoughts of Matthew, even though she hadn’t really been thinking of him. Not really. “I’m going to get the baking done today, as well,” Miriam said quickly, hoping that Isaac hadn’t seen the telltale flickering on her face. Changing the subject seemed to work, and Isaac smiled at her again. She knew she didn’t deserve the kindness he repeatedly showed her. Her heart yearned to love Isaac the way he deserved to be loved, but Matthew still had too strong a hold on her heart. “Well,” Isaac said, drawing out his words, “I suppose I’ll go check to see if Michael and Thaddeus have finished the milking.”

“Okay,” Miriam said as she pulled a smile up on her face. “I actually think that I might have a rest now, and bake later.” Concern flickered across Isaac’s face. “Of course,” he said. “You need to do what you need to do to keep you and the baby safe.” She both loved and hated how genuine his concern was for her and their child. Sometimes, with great effort, Miriam could see her future with Isaac. He was a good man, whom she did care for greatly. Settling herself onto the armchair near the front window, Miriam sighed, and rested her hand on her belly. She was still not far enough along to feel the baby move, but she liked to imagine that she could feel each little kick and squirm. More often than not, though, when she sat like this she imagined what would have happened if Matthew had settled down after their Rumspringa, gotten baptized, and proposed to her. Would they have a baby now? Or maybe more than one? She could picture how their children would have looked, even as she couldn’t picture what this baby—this very real baby that she was having with Isaac—would look like. Miriam squeezed her eyes shut as her breath caught in her chest. She had to give Isaac a chance to win her full heart. He was a kind man who had been willing to take her at her most damaged and vulnerable. That was why she had chosen him, wasn’t it? She could see how he was lovable, how he would love her and any children that they brought into the world. Still...she couldn’t stop the part of her heart that would always love Matthew. Her heart beat hard when she thought about him, her blood racing, singing through veins as she recalled his deep blue, nearly violet eyes. She wondered where he was now, right now at that very moment. Gas bubbled in her stomach and for a moment she stilled wondering if this was her first time feeling the baby move. Nothing followed, and she sank back into the chair with disappointment. Sitting around thinking about the former love of her life couldn’t be good for her. She should take a walk, she decided, straightening in her chair. Perhaps she could go for a stroll down the road, and drop in on Matthew’s maemm. There was nothing wrong with her maintaining that friendship, was there? She had always looked up to the older woman as a mentor of sorts, someone she wanted to model her life as a wife and mother after. Besides she hadn’t seen Mrs. Yoder

in months. Feeling happier than she had in a long time, Miriam hurried to collect her shawl, and write Isaac a note before leaving the house. As she walked down the driveway to the quiet country lane beyond, Miriam felt like she could breathe for the first time since she had gotten married. Chapter Two: When she got to the Yoder farm, her step faltered. Miriam didn’t know what she was doing or why she had convinced herself that coming here was okay or good for her. Regardless, she was there now, and she knew that going home would make her feel worse. Taking a deep breath, Miriam started up the driveway, familiar to her as her own from childhood. Every step took her closer to her memories of what she shared with Matthew. By the time Miriam got to the front porch, she had been spotted. Two of Matthew’s younger sisters had burst out of the house, and wrapped their arms around her. Miriam laughed, all the weight she had been carrying with her evaporating as she hugged the girls back. “Be careful, little ones,” she said, patting her stomach. The girls’ eyes grew wide, and they looked at each other. “Did you and Matthew get married?” Susan asked. The laughter died on Miriam’s lips. “No,” she said more sharply than she had intended. “This is my husband, Isaac’s baby.” Mary propped her hand on one hip, and gripped Susan by the shoulder. “You shouldn’t bring up Matthew,” she told her little sister. “You know Maemm said that was rude.” Susan shrugged. “I don’t think that’s true. I don’t Maemm ever saying anything like that to me. Besides why is it rude to talk about Matthew. He came home, didn’t he? Daed said that almost made up for all his bad behavior.” The words filtered through Miriam’s baby dazed brain, and she blinked at the girls. “Did you say that Matthew came home?” she asked, barely daring to believe or hope that could be the case.

Both girls peered up at her and then looked at each other. “You stay here,” Mary told Susan. “Don’t let her fall over. I’ll get Maemm.” With that the little girl took off into the house, yelling for her mother as she went. Susan looked up at Miriam, concern all over her face. “Are you going to be sick?” she asked. “If you are, can you puke in the bushes over there. I don’t want to have to clean up a vomit mess on the porch. And it would probably be my job since I’m the youngest.” Susan made a face, and Miriam choked on her laughter. By the time Mrs. Yoder appeared at the doorway, Miriam was starting to feel faint. Questions pounded at her temples. When had Matthew come home? Was he in the house right now? How was she going to tell him about Isaac? About the baby? What could she even say to him? Was she still angry with him? “Miriam, dear, I think that you should come inside,” Mrs. Yoder said gently. Miriam let herself be led into the once familiar house. Sitting in the front room, Miriam felt someone press a glass of water into her hand, and she obediently drank it in one greedy gulp. Only after she finished the water did she realize that Mrs. Yoder had sat down on the sofa next to her. “Are you okay, dear?” Tears stung the backs of Miriam’s eyes, and she wasn’t sure if she wanted to answer or not. Finally she asked, “So Matthew really has come home?” “Just for a visit,” Mrs. Yoder clarified. There was an edge to her tone that Miriam ed all too well. Matthew’s parents had never approved of his wayward lifestyle. “Oh,” Miriam said, looking down at the nearly empty water glass in her hands. She wasn’t sure why this news devastated her this much, but it did. What did she think would happen if Matthew came back for good? She was married, for goodness sake, and she had a boppli on the way. She suddenly felt like the worst person ever. Maybe she even was the worst. “Did you need to see him?” Mrs. Yoder asked, and the edge was still there. “I’m sure I can set up a visit. He’s helping his grossmammi right now, but later...” As Mrs. Yoder let her voice trail off, Miriam looked up. “No! I can’t see him,” she exclaimed, panic taking over her body. From the top of her head to the tips of her toes, Miriam began to shake.

“Okay, dear,” Mrs. Yoder said as she reached out to put her hand on Miriam’s arm, but Miriam quickly pulled away. “I—I don’t know why I came here,” Miriam said, standing quickly. The room swam before her eyes. She swayed slightly on her feet, but she knew that she needed to go. She wasn’t sure what she had expected coming here, and knowing that Matthew was home again changed everything and nothing. “Miriam, dear—” Mrs. Yoder said, but Miriam didn’t stay put to listen. Instead she clutched her shawl around her shoulders, and rushed outside. She was still shaking as she ran down the driveway. When she got to the end of the lane she hesitated a moment before turning in the direction of home. She had her arms wrapped around her burgeoning belly when she heard the sound of hoofbeats on the road behind her. Something deep down in the pit of her stomach told her that if she turned around she would see Matthew clopping toward her in his buggy. And she knew that once she saw him there would be no telling what she would do. Where Matthew was concerned, she couldn’t judge what she was capable of doing. So instead of turning around, Miriam did the only thing that she could think to do, and she turned off the road, and hurried down across the ditch into Old Tom King’s field. His cow barn sat away from his house, and she knew that she could hide out there for a while. Even when she heard Matthew yelling her name, Miriam didn’t turn around. Chapter Three: “Miriam?” The sound of her name coming from his lips made her heart squeeze painfully in her chest. Pressing herself into the corner of the empty stall she had found, Miriam tried to stem of tears leaking from her eyes. A fluttering feeling in her belly made her pause, and she wondered if she had finally felt the baby move. Isaac would love to feel the baby move when she got home. Thinking about her husband while she was hiding from her ex-boyfriend sent a flurry of feelings rushing through her, causing the tears she was crying to flow harder. As the sobs wracked her body, Miriam couldn’t keep herself quiet any longer.

“Miriam?” She pressed her hand to her mouth hoping that he hadn’t heard her, but then suddenly there he was, Matthew, her Matthew, was peering around the side of the stall. “Are you hurt?” he asked, and without waiting for answer, he was kneeling in front of her. “Miriam?” “Leave me alone, Matthew,” Miriam said, tears running down her cheeks. Her throat constricted around a lump the size of a chicken egg, and she turned as far away from him as possible. “Are you okay?” he asked, clearly ignoring her words. Miriam could feel her chest constricting as she finally forced herself to look up at him. Breathless, she said, “Do you think I’m okay? Seeing you after all this time? After you abandoned me?” Matthew flinched at her words, the movement so slight that she might have missed it, but she knew him too well. He sat back on his heels, and regarded her. “I didn’t abandon you,” he said. “If anything you abandoned me.” “What?” Miriam stared at Matthew in disbelief. The anger that stirred in her helped her regain her composure. Pushing herself up, Miriam scrambled to her feet. “You abandoned me. What choice did I have but to come home and get married?” Matthew was quiet as he stayed crouched low to the ground. Finally he swiveled, and looked up at her. “You could have stayed with me in the city,” he said in a low tone. “We could have found jobs.” Tears stung Miriam’s eyes. “But would we have gotten married?” she asked, even though she already knew the answer. Matthew rubbed the back of his neck, and averted his gaze. “Eventually,” he said. “That’s a lie!” Miriam cried. “You never intended to marry me, no matter how much I loved you.” Jumping to his feet, Matthew gaped at her. “It’s not a lie. I always thought that

we would get married, but I didn’t want to come back here yet. If you had just given me more time...” He trailed off, and it was Miriam’s turn to gape at him. “I gave you years,” she whispered. Shaking her head, feeling stupid and ashamed for her reaction to him, and wanting nothing more than to go home and nurse her bruised ego, Miriam turned to leave the barn. “Please don’t leave, Miriam,” Matthew said in a voice laced with emotion. She paused, rebellion warring in her stomach as she realized that she was going to stay. Was she betraying Isaac by talking with Matthew? The question pulsed in her brain. Miriam felt the little flutter of movement from the baby again, and she wondered if she was betraying the baby. If she was painfully, brutally honest with herself she had to it that she had never fully given her heart to Isaac because Matthew still lived in such a large part of it. “Why?” she asked, adding as much hardness to her voice as she could before turning around. When she looked back at Matthew she could see the intensity in his gaze, feel the heat emanating from his eyes, and she shivered. She couldn’t help herself. No matter how hard she tried, she would always have a physical reaction to Matthew. Matthew shook his head as he stood. “Don’t you know?” he asked. The lump in Miriam’s throat swelled again. “I wouldn’t be asking if I knew,” she said. The baby moved again, and Miriam’s hand reflexively went to her belly. Just today it seemed that the baby was determined to move, to remind her of its’ existence. The smell of hay and horses suddenly overwhelmed her. She knew that she was overly sensitive to smells due to her pregnancy, but she couldn’t believe she hadn’t noticed the pungent odor until now. Dry heaving, she turned away from Matthew once again. What was she doing here in this barn with him? This wasn’t the kind of person she was. Besides, she had grown fond of Isaac, and she was certain that one day that would turn into love. Their baby deserved that. Her baby deserved a mother that was fully invested in the relationship with the child’s father. No matter how hard it would be to walk away from Matthew this time, she had to. “It doesn’t matter,” Miriam murmured, glancing over her shoulder at Matthew.

“I have to go. It was interesting to see you again, Matthew.” “Miriam, wait!” Matthew called, and she could hear him coming after her. “I love you. I’ve always loved you. How can you run away from that again?” Miriam whirled around, anger coloring her cheeks red. “How dare you?” she yelled. “You don’t get to tell me that you love me, and I never ran away from you. The one doing the running? That has always been you. I have to get home. I have a husband. And a baby on the way. There’s no room in that scenario for you.” With that she continued to storm down the aisle of the barn toward the door. Matthew scrambled after her, and as he rounded on her he knocked into one of the gas lamps burning on the post near the door. Instantly flames began to lick the wood. Miriam stared at the fire in horror until Matthew grabbed her hand. “Come on,” he said. “We have to get out of here.” Chapter Four: Miriam pulled back against Matthew’s hand, but he continued to pull her forward. “We have to stop and go back,” she insisted. “There could be animals in there. We have to tell someone what happened!” Matthew paused mid-step, and stared at her with a hard expression on his face. “No,” he said. “We need to go before anyone sees us here.” With that he continued to pull Miriam toward the road. “Please, slow down,” Miriam pleaded. She could feel her head growing light, dizziness threatening to overwhelm her. The baby kicked, and Miriam panicked. What was she doing? She had a baby to think about now. She needed to go home. “My car is just down the lane,” Matthew said, ignoring what she had just said. Miriam’s mind whirled as she allowed herself to be led along. Hadn’t she gone to Matthew’s with the intention and the hope of seeing him? If anything happened to the baby, then it would be her fault, her punishment for living in the past. For letting Matthew stay in her heart when she should have been doing everything she could to fall in love with Isaac. Isaac. The thought of her husband made her stomach clench. What was he going

to think when she showed up at home later after being out with Matthew in his car? Miriam tried to pull her hand away again, but Matthew held firm. Behind her she heard the sound of timber crashing as the fire engulfed the barn. She tried to turn to look, but again Matthew yanked her forward. He seemed determined not to let her take responsibility for what had happened...but why? Was he concerned for her or for himself? Even as she asked herself the question, she knew the answer. “Matthew, please, I have to go back. I have to get home,” Miriam said, raising her voice to a near shout. That seemed to get Matthew’s attention. He paused mid-stride and looked at her. She shivered under his hard stare. There was a moment when she knew that he was seeing her as she was now, not as she had been in his memory. “You wanted this,” Matthew said in a hard voice. “You came to my house looking for me. I didn’t seek you out.” She wanted to tell him that he was wrong, that he had come after her, but she bit her lip. In the distance, she could hear the wail of sirens. The fire must be bad enough that they had to call the Englischer fire department. That meant that it was really bad. Miriam felt the ache of guilt threatening to swallow her, and she said, “Matthew, we need to go back, and tell them what happened. Then we need to atone for our sins.” “And what do you think will happen if we go back, Miriam?” Matthew asked, spitting the words out sarcastically at her feet. “That they’ll just forgive us and let us go on our merry way?” “Well...yes,” Miriam said. She was confused by his anger. They hadn’t meant to cause any harm, so why shouldn’t they go back and tell the truth? “You’re being a fool,” Matthew snapped. “Now come on.” Miriam contemplated how she would be able to explain this whole mess to Isaac when she went home. She was so lost in though that she barely noticed when they cut through a hedge, and ended up in front of a red sports car. “Get in,” Matthew said, pushing his key fob. The headlights blinked twice before he pulled open the enger side door for her.

Miriam slid into the seat, and buckled her seat belt. Matthew stayed outside for a moment, and looked back toward the barn. ing how Matthew had been as a driver during their Rumspringa years, Miriam felt more than a little nervous about his impending driving. Fast and reckless were both words that her daed had used to describe Matthew, but Miriam had never wanted to hear it. Now she realized that he might have been right. As Matthew peeled out from behind the hedgerow, his tires squealing on the cement of the road, Miriam squeezed her eyes shut to keep the tears from coming. There was no way that she could explain it to Matthew, but she needed to get home. She needed to shut Matthew out of her life, truly this time. “Can you take me home?” Her voice came out in a breathy squeak. She wasn’t even sure if Matthew had heard her. He was staring straight out the front window, his left hand gripping the steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles turned white. “We need to get out of here,” Matthew muttered. “We could go to my place in the city. I doubt anyone would look for us there.” “I need to go home,” Miriam repeated. “Now.” “How are you going to explain all this to your hubby?” Matthew asked, sarcasm dripping in his voice. That’s when it hit her that he was jealous. Though the thought made her feel a little pleased, but it also left her feeling hollow. “I don’t know,” Miriam itted. “But Isaac is a good, fair man, and he’ll hear me out before he makes a judgment on the situation.” “I suppose it helps that you’re carrying his baby,” Matthew said. “Stop it, Matthew!” Miriam snapped. “I’m married. It’s the choice I made, so stop trying to make me feel bad about it. You had your chance, and you blew it.” Matthew was silent for a long time, but then he said, “And yet you came to find me today, didn’t you? You heard that I was back and you came to find me.” “I wanted to see you, yes,” Miriam said. “There’s nothing wrong with wanting to see an old friend.”

“Is that really how you feel about me?” he asked. “Yes,” Miriam said, and as soon as the words were out of her mouth she knew that they were true. “Now, take me home so that I can rest for a while before I need to make supper. You know, Matthew, you’ll always be my first love, and that will always be special, but I think that it’s time for both of us to move on. Again, please take me home.” Miriam’s words fell on deaf ears as Matthew sped down the road. To her dismay, he only turned up the radio while they left the cozy little hamlet behind. Chapter Five: Miriam sat in stunned silence as the miles blurred by. Matthew hadn’t said anything for a long time, and she had stopped asking him to take her home. At first she had kept thinking that this wasn’t the Matthew she had known all those years ago, but the more she had thought about it, the more she wondered if he had always been this way. Back when they had dated during their Rumspringa years, Matthew had a mean streak, and he’d always been rash with his decisions. He’d had a short fuse as well, and on more than one occasion that had gotten him into trouble. Today was no different. Even though Miriam hadn’t thought about it at the time, she knew now that was one of the biggest reasons that she had eventually made the choice to break up with him and marry someone else. Isaac. “We were never going to get married, were we?” Miriam asked. Silence filled the car until Matthew said, “Well, I don’t know about that.” “Don’t lie, Matthew,” Miriam said softly. “I was just thinking that sometimes God knows where we need to be better than we do.” Matthew cut his gaze at her. “That doesn’t sound like the Miriam I know,” he said. “But that’s the thing,” Miriam said. “You don’t know me now. And maybe we never really knew each other, I don’t know. But I need you to take me home.” Instead of answering her, Matthew pushed his foot down on the gas pedal and

the car jumped forward. A stormy look crossed his face. “I don’t know where any of this is coming from, Miriam,” he growled. “We belong together.” “No, we don’t,” Miriam replied. “Slow down, Matthew! And take me home! I swear to you that if anything happens to my baby, I will never forgive you.” She hoped that her bluster would be enough to shake him out of his mood, but she also meant what she said. She wanted him to know that this wasn’t acceptable. The mention of the baby seemed to be what brought Matthew back to reality, and he eased his foot off the gas. Just as he did that, however, a siren blared behind them. Miriam twisted in her seat to see a police car flashing its’ lights at them. Matthew cursed, and pulled the car over onto the shoulder of the road. As the police officer exited his car, Miriam felt a jump of hope. Maybe, somehow, Tom King had figured out that they were responsible for the fire, and had sent the police after them. Miriam knew that wasn’t the best case scenario, but at least she would be able to go home. As the police officer ambled up to Matthew’s window, Matthew turned to her, and said, “Don’t say anything.” Miriam frowned at him. She was seeing a side of Matthew that had only been hinted at her before, and she didn’t like it one bit. “How can I help you, officer?” Matthew asked as he rolled down his window. The police officer knocked his hat back onto his forehead with the knuckles of his left hand as he leaned on the car with his right. “Well, now, son, do you know how fast you were going back there?” Matthew shrugged, and Miriam could see him transforming himself from angry, jilted ex-boyfriend, to innocent Amish boy. “No, sir,” he said. “I don’t drive that often.” That was the wrong thing to say as the police officer’s face darkened. “I need to see your license and registration,” he said. Balking, Matthew said, “Well, uh, sir, I don’t have my license on me, but I do have my registration. Is that enough?”

“No, it’s not enough,” the police officer said. “Don’t go anywhere.” Once the officer had walked away from the car, Miriam turned to Matthew with wide eyes. “This isn’t good,” she said. “Why don’t you have a license?” “Please, Miriam, not now,” Matthew said, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose like he was getting a headache. “You should have just taken me home,” Miriam said. “I said not now, Miriam!” Matthew shouted, slamming his hands against the steering wheel. Miriam yelped, and scrambled to get out of the car. She had the door open before Matthew could stop her. Hurrying back toward the police car, she saw the officer looking alarmed, and he got back out of his cruiser quickly. “Miss, I have to ask you to remain in the car,” he called. Instinctively, Miriam raised her hands in front of her. “Please,” she pleaded. “There was a fire back in the country about twenty or thirty miles from here. This man and I were in a barn we shouldn’t have been in, and he broke a lantern. I need to go home. Can you take me home? My husband will be waiting for me. I’m pregnant, and—” With that Miriam slumped to the ground in front of the police car, unable to keep going. Fatigue washed over her, and she buried her face in her hands. She sobbed, for herself, and for her baby, and her marriage. “Miss?” the police officer asked as he approached her slowly. When Miriam looked up at him, she realized that he was taken aback by her display of emotion. “Why don’t you come sit in my car? I’ll take you home as soon as my back up arrives.” Miriam accepted his hand, and allowed him to lead her to the enger seat of his car. She was grateful for the kindness, but she couldn’t force her mouth to form the words. Once she was in the seat she closed her eyes as she tried to block out everything that had happened. Her mind raced as she thought about the fact that she would need to explain it all to Isaac. There was no easy way to do it, and Miriam squeezed her eyes tighter. Finally exhaustion overcame her, and she

slept. Chapter Six: “I’ve been praying about this,” Isaac told her as tears continued to stain her cheeks. “You’ve hurt me, Miriam. More than you can possibly know, and you’ve made me question everything that I knew about my life.” “And for that I am truly sorry, Isaac,” Miriam said. She scrubbed at her cheeks with the palms of her hands, and pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes. No matter what she did, however, she couldn’t seem to stem the tide of tears that continued to flow even as she said her apology. Days had ed since the police officer had brought her home. Isaac had already heard the rumors that she had run away with Matthew. From the look on his face and the silence ringing in her ears, Miriam had known that she couldn’t stay with him. Not at that moment anyway, so she had packed a bag and run home. The next morning, Miriam had woken early and gone to see old Tom King to apologize for her part in his barn fire. He had been gracious, and when she had volunteered to coordinate the barn raising, the man got tears in his eyes. “I have a question for you, Miriam,” Isaac said quietly. Swiping at the tears on her cheeks, Miriam sniffled, and said, “Yes, ask me anything. Please, I have no secrets from you.” “Why? Why did you go with him? How could you put yourself and our boppli in harm’s way like that?” The pain in Isaac’s voice made Miriam’s heart squeeze. Fresh tears pooled in the corners of her eyes. “I didn’t go with Matthew willingly,” Miriam said. “After the fire started, I wanted to go find Mr. King, and talk to him about what had happened in the barn, but Matthew grabbed my hand, and insisted that we leave. I begged him to bring me home. But he wouldn’t.” She knew that the explanation wasn’t the full one that he wanted, but it was all she could give at the moment. The rest of her reasoning couldn’t be verbalized yet. She just needed him to listen to her first before she could put the rest of the

why into words. She needed him to understand that she would never put their baby in jeopardy. Isaac stepped toward her, but he hesitated, and Miriam’s heart sank. She pushed herself to say the words that she needed to say but that felt impossible. “I did go to visit Matthew’s family yesterday. I wish that I could tell you why I needed to go see them, but I’m not even sure I know. I was lonely, and feeling nostalgic, and I think that I needed closure. Matthew was such a huge part of my youth, and now he’s not. Do you understand?” Miriam knew that she sounded overly eager, like a child even though she was insisting that her youth was behind her. Shaking his head, Isaac said, “No, I really don’t understand. I have lots of things from my Rumspringa years that I left behind when I was baptized into the faith, but I don’t feel a need to revisit them.” Miriam reached up to fix her kapp. She was distinctly aware that her sisters were most likely listening on the other side of the front door, so she tried to keep her voice even, though why she did not know since they would have already seen her tears. She slipped her hands into her apron pockets, and rocked gently on the balls of her feet. “Matthew and I were supposed to be married, but when it was time for us to come back here, he refused. He preferred his fast life in the city to me. He abandoned me,” Miriam said in a shaky voice. “And I think that’s what has impacted me the most. That’s why I had to go back to see him. To find out why I have never been enough.” Her words hung in the air, buzzing in her ears, as shame crept red up her neck. itting what had been at the heart of hanging on to Matthew filled her with self-loathing, and she had never spoken her fear out loud. Deep in her heart she hoped that Isaac realized how much she was putting on the line, how vulnerable that she was trying to be with him. “You are more than enough, just as you are.” The soft, yet intense tone in Isaac’s voice, along with his sudden proximity, startled her. She looked up at him, unable to hide her surprise. As their gazes met, Miriam was overwhelmed by the flood of emotion that washed over her. Everything that had still been confusing to her suddenly became clear. In the blink of an eye, she had more understanding about herself than she had ever had before.

“Then why wasn’t I enough for him?” Miriam asked, feeling naked as she spoke the words. “Because God meant for you to be with me,” Isaac said, the intensity still making his words feel urgent. Miriam let out a little gasp. There was so much emotion in his voice, and he clearly meant everything he said. “I believe that too,” she said slowly. “It seems as if God wants to put me to the test before revealing His plan for me.” “But that’s how it is for all of us,” Isaac said. “We will never know exactly why the good Lord leads us where He does, but we always know that His Will is infinitely better than our own so we have to trust that it will all work out.” “I think that I have been so caught up in my own selfishness that I haven’t been able to be open to what He has in store for me, for us,” Miriam said. The two of them stood together on the porch, contemplating this new turn in their relationship. Miriam took a step closer to Isaac as the baby kicked in her belly, she was ready to put everything on the line. “I love you,” Miriam said. “I can’t believe it has taken me this long to open my heart, but I have, and I hope that you can open your heart to me.” Isaac smiled at her for the first time since he had arrived at her parents’ home. “I opened my heart to you the moment we met, and I’ve been praying that you would do the same ever since. I love you, too, and our boppli.” With that Isaac swept her into his arms, and kissed her. Miriam sighed happily, grateful for the second chance, just as the good Lord had given her, given them, given all of humanity. She didn’t know what the future held, but she knew who held their future.

AMISH PARADISE

Chapter 1 Winter was settling in over the small Amish community of Paradise, naked trees lined the road side that led into the small town and Annabelle’s breath rose like visible white puffs into the night air. The freezing chill of the evening air overcame the scorching heat of the day, allowing it to ebb away like a graceful ballerina, bowing before its audience as the curtain falls. That was exactly how Annabelle depicted the seasons. There was an agreement amongst them, each season making way for its successor, and now it was winter’s time to rule over the lands. Annabelle sat on the porch outside of Bishop Mulder’s house, inside her little girl Mary, only three years old, was fast asleep and tucked away from the cold. But sleep evaded Annabelle like the night avoids the light. Ever since Albert’s untimely death she had trouble sleeping. She kept getting flashbacks of that fateful day when he was busy repairing one of the many buggies that were gathered on their property. He was doing exactly what he was good at, refurbishing old run down buggies and restoring them. He had been out working as always when one of the jacks slipped and a buggy collapsed on top of him. It was one day in her life she would and could never forget. She witnessed it all with her own eyes but she was frozen in place, and by the time she pulled herself together Albert was dead. She shifted uncomfortably as she felt the baby move, she hadn’t known she was pregnant until a few weeks after Albert’s death, and now she was already six months along. And as a widow she had no idea how she would be able to cope raising two children all on her own. She won’t be able to start teaching straight away, and although she manages to get by with the bare minimum since she moved in with Bishop Mulder’s family, she knew it was only temporary arrangement. One she was eternally grateful for. Was it not for Helen and the Bishop, she would have been all on her own, trying to raise a three year old and work her way through the pregnancy. It was Helen who insisted that they move in with them until the baby is born, but every now and again she had a sneaky suspicion that she had overstayed her welcome. Of course they have never said anything, and maybe it was her own mind playing tricks on her, but she knew that people were strange creatures. They’re lips are moving, but the words do not match their actions.

Another small nudge from the baby caused Annabelle to groan and she stretched reaching behind her to give the child room to move. It felt like the baby had wedged its knee or elbow into her rib cage. “There, there, take it easy darling,” she whispered softly. This was followed by another nudge, this time making her smile, “You’re a busy one this evening, are you eager to meet the world already?” she asked her unborn child and rubbed over the bump in her stomach. “It’s cold out here Annabelle, why don’t you come and sit inside by the fire?” Helen said worriedly. She was the only one who was forever fussing over her wellbeing. She was also the only one who ever cared to help her when things at home were amiss. She adored her friend, but she hated that she had to inconvenience her with her woes. “I’ll be right in; I was just getting a breath of fresh air,” she inhaled, “Is Mary asleep still?” “Yes, she is. But you will catch a cold out here so don’t stay out too long.” “I won’t, I promise.” Soon enough Annabelle was alone again with her own thoughts. Questions flooded her mind with the why’s and why-not’s of her situation. Why would God give her a life to bring into this world when He would naturally have known exactly what the future held? It simply made no sense. She was going to raise Mary, be the God fearing wife everyone expected, and raise her daughter in the shadow of the All Mighty, but now she had a second one on its way, and she had to do this all on her own. It wasn’t fair, not by any means. Tears flooded her eyes and she quickly wiped them away with her sleeve. Loss was the side of life no one ever warns you about, the one thing that can change your entire outlook on life and rip the rug of hope that you stand on, right out from under your feet. When she first met Albert, they were still very young, and at first there was very little they had in common, but once they were married, and Mary was born, they settled into their life, and found common ground. They never needed for anything, and in his own way Albert was a good man who loved his daughter, and that was all that mattered to Annabelle.

She shook her head and let out a sigh, she shouldn’t keep harping on the past and what could have been. She had a little person growing inside of her, and she had dear little Mary to care for, if anything she should focus on them, and trust the Lord for the strength she needed to make it through these dark days.

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Chapter 2 The Sunday service was long and out drawn, Annabelle felt anxious and tired and all she needed was to get home and crawl into bed, but she couldn’t. She had to the other women of the community to finish quilts for the orphanage. With a heavy heart she let Mary go with the other children to play while she made her way to Abigail’s house. “Annabelle, can I have a word?” Joseph, one of the elders of the community said just as she made her way to the small gate. “Of course,” she said, offering a feigned smile. “I had a talk to Helen and the Bishop earlier, they are growing concerned about your current state of affairs,” he continued. “My state of affairs?” she questioned. “Indeed, most of us are worried about your wellbeing and what your future holds, raising children on your own is no easy task.” She had no idea where he was going with this but an unsettling feeling started to churn deep down. “Well then, what else is there to do, God obviously has a different plan for my life, but who am I to question Him?” “I know, I know,” he said, his tone filled with sympathy, “Do you know the town of Middlefield in Ohio?” he asked. Annabelle frowned and looked at him questioningly, “Not too familiar with it, I’ve never really been outside of Pennsylvania, but what does Middlefield have to do with my wellbeing, she asked curiously. Joseph shifted his weight and reached out to rest his hand on her shoulder, “There’s a widower in Middlefield, he’s a good and wealthy man, I’ve been thinking that perhaps it’s time you think of the future, and Bishop Mulder has already agreed to set up a meet with him.”

Annabelle tilted her head to the side and frowned, “What exactly are you suggesting Joseph?” She knew exactly what he was suggesting, but she had to hear it straight from the horse’s mouth, rather than make her own conclusions. If this was what it appeared to be, it means that none of the other men here in Paradise wanted to step forward and offer her their hand. They all knew Albert and respected him, and a lot of them blamed her for not acting quick enough when he was trapped beneath his buggy, but none of them would be so bold as to accuse her outright. “Well I think it would be in your best interest if you move to Middleburg and remarry, it will give you a chance to start anew. Brother Owen Yoder is a very well-known and respected man, he also runs a very successful business, but like you he also lost his dear wife, and would like for a companion.” Annabelle fought to keep a straight face, “A companion?” “Indeed, I have agreed to send you to meet with him, it’s half a day away. So on Tuesday morning, Amos will be taking you through to meet with him, and if things go well, you will be staying there.” “But what about Mary, and does he know I am with child?” she asked nervously. “He knows everything about you and your situation, like I said, he is a wealthy man,” Joseph said and turned to walk away then stopped and turned back, “Oh and he has five children.” Five children!? How on earth was she going to care for five children and her own? Annabelle was dumbstruck as Joseph turned away without as much as asking her what her thoughts were about being sold off to some stranger with five kids. Fine, so she wasn’t exactly being sold off, but it didn’t look like she was given a choice here either. If anything, in a roundabout way she was being shipped off with her children, because she had become a burden in her own community. Next to shunning, this was probably the worst thing she could think of. Frustrated she turned around and headed back home, she didn’t care what the others thought of her anymore, if they were simply going to post her off to some stranger, she may as well cut her losses.

~*~

At dinner Annabelle was particularly quiet, and the glances shared between Helen and her husband spoke volumes. She could also sense that Helen wasn’t happy with the decision made by the Bishop and the other elders, but she was a God fearing woman, who did not dare oppose her husband’s decisions. And she would not allow Helen to feel bad for her either. Maybe a change would do her good, and moving away from all these memories could be exactly what she needed. What’s the worst thing that can happen? She asked herself. “I’ll be leaving on Tuesday morning,” she said quietly as she laid down her fork and knife. “Annabelle...” Helen started. “It’s quite all right Helen, brother Joseph explained it all to me, and I think it might be a good thing,” she started, although in her heart she was fearful, “Besides, this way you and Liam can have your life back. I have imposed on your generosity long enough; it’s time I get my own house in order.” “Annabelle, I’m sorry, I wish they handled it differently,” Helen said placing her hand on Annabelle’s. “It was bound to happen sooner or later, I’ll be fine, I promise.” Bishop Mulder cleared his throat, and clasped his hands together in front of him, “The way of the Lord is often mysterious. We are not to question the path he lays bare before us and should be thankful for presented opportunities.” As always faithful to the end, the Bishop had to be the one to try and put things in perspective. And what he said was true, the way of the Lord is unchartered but by faith, the way ahead will be a clear path of learning and acceptance. “Thank you Bishop,” Annabelle said and scooted her chair back, “I think it is time for me to retire, I have a lot to do tomorrow in preparation for the move to Middlefield.”

“Good night Annabelle,” both Helen and the Bishop said in unison. As she walked away she could hear the whispered voices and she knew Helen was voicing her own opinion, but Bishop Mulder was not easily swayed, not even by his wife.

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Chapter 3 David waited patiently for the arrival of his new companion, and even now, he had doubts. After Eve ed away from Cancer, he thought his life was over. But after a year had ed the strain of raising five children all on his own, had become too much of a challenge and he had no choice but to consider his options. But here in Middlefield, there were no eligible women whom he would want to marry. He took weeks to decide a course of action after one of his oldest friends suggested a mail order bride. What got his attention was the fact that he did not have to go through the pain staking exercise of courtship. It would be an agreement between two consenting adults who were both in need of companionship. He needed a woman to run his household and care for his children and someone who would ultimately be his match. He had communicated his intensions with the council and had considered a few options before finally settling with his choice, an expectant mother, who according to Bishop Miller was a respectable young woman who loved children and that was all he needed. It was late afternoon when the carriage arrived on his farm, and he had to be honest that his nerves suddenly juggled around like lost marbles in a glass bowl. He had no idea what the woman looked like and other than her name and promises from the Bishop, he knew nothing. When they were close enough, he was pleasantly surprised; Annabelle was a pretty woman, not much older than thirty years of age, under her cap he could see the strands of blond hair swaying in the wind. Next to her was a little girl, who was her splitting image, and also the same age as his little Bethany. Bethany was his only daughter and knowing that she might now have a friend to play with pleased him more than anything. As the carriage drew to a halt he quickly stepped up and held his hand out to help her down. “Annabelle, I’m so glad you decided to meet,” he said as she placed her hand in his. “You must be Owen,” she said and smiled.

Her fingers were trembling but he couldn’t blame her. Even his insides were quivering with nerves. This was a big step for him and he was sure that it was just as big a leap for her. “It’s a pleasure to meet you,” he said and then kneeled own on one knee, “And you little lady must be Mary, I’ve heard a lot about you.” Her little girl was hiding behind her mother’s dress, just like Bethany was hiding behind his eldest son. “Mary, say hello to Mr Yoder,” Annabelle said in a soothing tone, but Mary stood with her thumb in her mouth. “It’s alright, I’m sure she will crawl out of her shell once she gets to know everyone,” Owen said and stood up again. “I’m sure she will. So are these your children?” she asked. “Yah, this one is Abel he’s fifteen, Abraham is fourteen, Benjamin is nine, Joseph is seven and last but not least is our little lamb Bethany, she’s three years old,” he introduced them all, and thankfully they put their best foot forward. He silently hoped that she wasn’t intimidated by the fact that he had five children. If anything he was hoping that she would be honest with him. Getting a mail order bride was one thing, but having one who did not want to be here would prove problematic. “Abel and Abraham please take Annabelle’s luggage to her room,” Owen said and then asked the other three to go show Mary the new lamb that was born a few nights ago. It would give him some time to get to know Annabelle on a more personal level. Once all the children were gone, Owen held out his arm for Annabelle, “Come, let’s take a walk, I think we have a lot to discuss.” “That we do,” she said absentmindedly as she kept looking back to where Mary disappeared. “Mary will be fine, the boys are very good with Bethany and they will be just as good for Mary,” he smiled.

“It’s just that she doesn’t know anyone,” Annabelle said nervously. “She will get to know them.” They walked in silence at first, since Owen was not sure how to engage with Annabelle, but by the time they reached the Creek that bordered his farm, he had learned that she was about six months pregnant and that she missed her teaching job, which he was sure she could do again once the babe was a year old. But if she did decide to marry him, she would need for nothing. “So tell me about your husband,” Owen asked when they sat down next to the stream, although Bishop Mulder shared what he knew about Annabelle, and outsider’s opinion was always different to that of the person in the boat. Annabelle sighed and closed her eyes, “He died before I knew I was with child, he had an unfortunate accident while repairing our buggy,” she said, “He was good to Mary.” He picked up on that instantly when she mentioned he was good to Mary, what she didn’t mention was how he was towards her. “I’m so sorry for your loss; it must have been very difficult for you,” he said with genuine sympathy, “What kind of work did he do?” “He refurbished old buggies and carriages, it was more of a hobby, and he was really good at it.” “And was he good to you?” Annabelle’s shoulder stiffened and then she ducked under a low hanging branch, “The creek is lovely it’s so peaceful here, do you come here often?” “I used, to, but not so much anymore,” he said, “I lost my wife to Cancer a year ago, but at least we had time to say our goodbyes.” Annabelle stopped and turned to look at him, “I’m sorry, it must have been so sad, but I don’t think death on any level is easy, I guess God’s will for us all is not always our own.” Wise words, he thought, at least she wasn’t bearing any grudges against God.

“So now that we have met, do you think that you could settle here?” he asked curiously. This time she smiled, “It’s a lovey place, and your children are very polite, but I hardly know you.” “That is true, but I’m not all that bad am I?” Annabelle laughed this time, “No, you’re not all that bad.” “I tell you what, you spend a week here and then we decide, I have a small house on the farm where you can live with Mary, and if you decide to stay we can consider the rest.” Her smile was really captivating, he thought. She had a dimple in her left cheek and when she smiled her eyes lit up like the heavens. She was indeed a very beautiful woman. He could only hope that he would be able to win her over. The last thing he wanted was for a woman to marry him because the Bishop insisted and then live the rest of his life with a wife full with resentment.

Chapter 4 Annabelle was quite pleased by the way the new community accepted her from day one; they were much different to the people in Paradise. Friendlier and far more accommodating, and in no time she already met a few of the other women who invited her along to help them with quilting and other chores in the community. They were also very pleased to learn that she was a teacher, and already they started to spur her on to consider a teaching job in their local school when she was ready. Owen on the other hand was a true gentleman, so much different to Albert. He was helpful and considerate, even cooked dinner for them every night since her arrival, which was rather unusual, but she figured he was used to that since his wife died. He was also handsome, with a need full beard and striking blue eyes under that mop of blond hair. Physically he was strong with big hands and she knew that he did not shy away from hard work. His children were absolute darlings, especially Bethany, who came to visit Mary all the time. The two got on so well. The only one who was a little weary was Abel, the eldest of the five, and although he wasn’t rude, he never really said much. She could just imagine how difficult it must be for him knowing that another woman was going to fill his mother’s shoes. Time was slowly ticking along and her first week was drawing to an end, soon she would have to give Owen her answer. She missed some things from home, but this new place had crept into her heart already, and already the memories of her old life started to take a back seat. She thought less and less of Albert and that fateful day, and whenever those memories tried to surface she quickly pushed them to the back of her mind. It was late Saturday Afternoon when she finally returned from the market where she acquired a few items for dinner, tonight she was going to cook dinner for the whole family and then give Owen her answer. He had made effort to see her every evening, just to get to know her and make her feel comfortable, and the more she engaged with him the better she got to know him. I could learn to love, she thought as she sat in front of the mirror, brushing her long locks of hair. Not that she knew what loving a man was supposed to be. She loved Mary, she loved Helen, she loved but she wasn’t sure if she ever love a man, the way a woman was supposed to. When she married Albert, obedience and respect were

the only corner stones of their relationship. She was married to Albert for two years when he changed from the caring youth she used to know to a controlling man who only had things his way. To those looking in, he was the perfect husband, but behind closed doors he was much different. No one ever knew just how hard I was to live under his roof. Mary shifted the sleeve of her frock aside and ran the tip of her finger across the scar that marred her smooth skin just below her collarbone. Just one of the marks left behind by Albert. Tears stung her eyes as she recalled how he used to cane her when the food she made for dinner wasn’t according to his taste, or when he found a speck of dust anywhere in the house. The day of the accident, when she heard him call out for him she thought he was in one of his moods again. She rushed to him, fearful and anxious and when she reached him and saw him trapped under the buggy with blood running from his ear and the side of his mouth she froze. She didn’t do a thing to help him, although she should have. She watched him die. “Lord, I am so sorry,” she said and slipped from her chair, to kneel, “I never meant to leave him, I beg you to forgive me for my sins.” Tears were streaming down her eyes now. For the first time since the accident, she felt remorse for what she did, and she could only hope that God would forgive her.

~*~

By the time she reached Owen’s house to cook, she felt relieved. The ghosts that were haunting her had fled and for the first time in months she felt the peace of God, and his forgiveness, and she knew that her sins had been washed away. She got started on dinner right away, and to her surprise the young ones all jumped in to help, the bigger boys were peeling potatoes while Mary and Bethany helped to dump the left over peels and off cuts in the a bucket to take to feed the animals with later. They had tremendous fun and she really started to take to the children. Abel and Abraham were out working in the fields, and by the time they returned home, they were keenly interested to see what was for

dinner. “It smells really good,” Abel commented as he lifted the lid off of one of the pots. “Thank you, I hope you enjoy it,” Annabelle smiled. “Did father ask you to cook?” he asked. “Nay, I decided it was time I helped around here.” “Yah, that’s good, he would be pleased.” Annabelle smiled, she was glad that Abel approved, and he also seemed like he was starting to warm up to her a bit more. But dinner was one thing, taking the place of the woman who brought them into the world was another thing all together. She would have to wait and see how he reacts once she accepts Owen’s offer to marry. And as she watched all the children she placed her hands on her stomach and sighed. Maybe the Lord had a different path for you little one, she thought as she felt her little baby move. She turned around and closed her eyes briefly. “Make me know Your ways oh Lord, teach me Your paths, so I may know you,” she whispered a prayer. Her faith had always pulled her through the darkest of times and she will cling to that hope now.

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Chapter 5 Owen was rather pleased when he arrived home to the lovely aroma of cooked food, and baked bread, and he knew straight away that Annabelle had taken charge of the kitchen. He left her to settle in on her own pace, leaving her to her own time to get to know the community, the children and him without any pressure. To him she was a delicate and fragile woman who’s had one too many misfortunes in her life. He wouldn’t allow his hopes to spiral out of control and until she accepted his offer, she will have the choice to return to Paradise or stay here, whether she marries him or not. “Evening boys and girls,” he announced cheerfully as he entered the house. “Daddy!” Bethany cried out and ran into his arms. The boys all greeted him and hugged him. He had to it, his children was the reason he had made it this far, was it not for them he would have given up a long time ago. But now finally things were starting to fall into place. Maybe this gesture he was presented with was Annabelle’s way of accepting his offer and after dinner he will ask her for her answer. “This is a nice surprize Anna, do you mind if I call you that?” he asked as he came to stand next to her, with his hands behind his back. “You may,” she said and smiled at him, “I thought I may as help out, you work so hard and then you still come home to see to the children.” “I thank you for your generosity, it’s very kind of you to help out,” he cleared his throat, “I believe the children enjoy your company too, especially Bethany.” “Oh she is such a dear child,” she exclaimed, “She loves to play with Mary.” “That’s a good thing; I think our children will get on very well.” Annabelle nodded and the turned to him, wiping her hands on her apron, “Now you go sit down and I’ll bring the food through.” She practically shooed him out of the kitchen, which made him laugh. The heavy burden which had been weighing him down over the past year, seemed to have

lifted somewhat and he was looking forward to enjoying a home cooked meal that consisted of more than just chicken and potatoes. After dinner, the boys helped to clean the kitchen and then retired to their rooms, while Bethany and Mary fell asleep in front of the fire place, leaving Annabelle and Owen alone to enjoy each other’s company. And although the evening went fairly well, he could sense that she had something on her mind. “Anna, you’ve been very quiet, is there something you would like to talk about?” he asked tentatively. She smiled softly and looked down at her hands, “I was thinking about your offer, and if you still want me as your wife, I would like to accept.” Owen studied her for a moment, and then reached over to place his hand over hers, “My offer stands, but something tells me you have more on your hands than a mere marriage proposal.” She worried her lip and then looked at him, “Would you mind if we sat outside for a while?” “Of course,” he said and stood up offering her his hand. She accepted without question and he led her outside to the porch, where they sat on the swing chair. “So what burdens do you carry?” he asked while he kept her hand in his. “I have to tell you the truth about Albert... you see, his death was an accident, but I fear that I did not do all I can to help him,” she started. “What do you mean; you did not do all to help him?” “He called for me, and I went to him, he was still alive when I reached him, but I froze. You see, Albert was a good father, but as a husband...” She pulled her hand free from his and he could hear the tremble in her tone. This must have been a heavy burden for her to carry, he thought as he waited for her to continue.

“... Well when he was trapped beneath the buggy, I stood and watched as he died, I didn’t raise a finger.” She turned to him and the pain and fear he saw in her eyes caused his heart to cramp. What had her husband done to her to make her so fearful, and more so, why would she blame herself for his death? What could she, woman alone, have done to save him anyway? From what he recalled, Bishop Mulder mentioned to him that Albert was a head strong man who did not accept help from others. And if it was true, then Annabelle would have not been able to help him anyway. “Anna, I may not know the entire story, but I can assure you, it was not your fault that he died. Got takes away whenever He wants, and it was Albert’s time.” Owen reached into his pocket and took out a handkerchief, and offered it to Annabelle. She simply needed reassurance that she was not at fault, and if it was for this purpose that their paths had crossed in such an unorthodox way, then so be it. They both needed healing and the more he thought about it, the more it became clear to him. After a short while Annabelle sighed softly, “Thank you Owen, you are the first one to tell me that it wasn’t my fault. All this time I had been blaming myself.” “Well I’m just glad you came to realize it, such burdens can cripple a person,” he said and brought her hand to his lips. “I know,” she said and smiled, “It just helps hearing it... oh!” she cried, “That was quite the nudge the baby just gave,” she exclaimed as she placed her hand on her stomach. “Yah? Well if the babe is anything like its mother, I’m sure it’s going to be a strong one,” Owen chuckled, thankful for the change of topic and mood. “You want to feel it move?” Annabelle asked as she rested her one hand over her stomach. “Yah, I sure would,” Owen said and placed his hand just below Annabelle’s, “Ay, I see what you mean, and this wee one is strong. Just like his mother.” They both laughed and Owen fussed over Annabelle and the baby as if he was

the real father.

Chapter 6 They day was set, and as Helen helped to plat Annabelle’s hair, she couldn’t help but smile. In the short time she got to know Owen, she had discovered that there is such a thing as love, and it was born out of selflessness. His children all adored her, and even Abel warmed up towards her and as for Mary, she loved Bethany like a sister. “I think Owen is a grand choice for a husband,” Helen said grinning from ear to ear. “He is, he’s so kind,” Annabelle smiled. “Well, he’s handsome too!” Helen said playfully and wagged her brows. She was so pleased to learn that Owen had invited them to the wedding although it was mainly a private affair, but he insisted on making sure that Annabelle also had some friends to share in her happiness. “I told Owen about Albert,” she said to Helen and Helen’s hands stilled. “Annabelle, that’s a part of your life you should have laid to rest, why worry your new life with such a petty burden?” She looked at her friend’s reflection in the mirror, “I had to let him know, that’s all.” “And what did he have to say?” “Exactly what you’ve been telling me all this time.” Helen laughed and shook her head, “I won’t say I told you so,” she said and then carefully placed the blue cap over Annabelle’s hair. A slight knock on the door drew their attention and Helen went to take a peak, and then returned with two women, she met at the local market, in tow. “Annabelle, these lovely ladies made a quilt for your baby,” she said and held it up, “Isn’t it lovely?”

Annabelle was moved by the gesture and she quickly stood up and thanked them for the quilt, but as she stood she felt a warm wash of liquid run down between her thighs. “Uh... Helen...” Annabelle said, her eyes wide, “I think the baby is coming.” “What? It’s a whole two weeks early!” Helen cried out. The two women immediately jumped into motion and one offered to go get the midwife while the other one went to call Owen. “I’m not having this baby until I have said my vows,” Annabelle said through gritted teeth while Helen helped her towards her bed. “Well now, whether you like it or not, this baby is coming, with or without vows,” Helen said as she started to gather towels. “No! Get the Bishop; he has to marry us before I give birth to this child!” Annabelle knew shew as being silly, and she knew whether she had the baby now or later, Owen will still not be the real father, but Owen would be the only father her child would ever know, and if she was going to do this, she was going to bring him into the world and into a family with vows intact. Soon enough the Bishop and Owen came rushing into the house, Owen’s complexion was most certainly much paler than her own, she thought as she braced herself through another contraction. He should be used to this, having had five children of his own. “Are you sure you don’t want to wait Anna? You should focus on the baby, and we can always get married another day,” Owen suggested nervously. “No, if you hurry it up, we can say our vows and be married before the baby arrives,” she insisted. Owen finally gave in and called the Bishop over, and between contractions and tears, Annabelle got her wish and they said their vows. Not more than ten minutes after they were declared husband and wife, Little Samuel Owen Yoder was born.

“Thank you,” Annabelle whispered as she held little Samuel in her arms. “It is you I have to thank, you’ve blessed me with so much already, and now you’ve given me a son,” he said as the little boy wrapped its tiny hand around Owens’ index finger. Annabelle smiled up into his eyes, and although no words were said, the silent declaration of love enveloped them along with the grace of God and His miracle of life.

AN AMISH SUITOR

MARISA MOORE

Chapter One:

No Secrets, No lies Sarah was content with her life. Jonah was the perfect suitor for her; he was kind, comionate and humble. He was the one who healed her broken heart and made her realize there were second chances in love. But when Caleb Yoder arrives back in town after being away on an extended Rumspringa everything is turned upside down. Confused by the sudden turmoil and conflicting emotions, Sarah tries to figure out the matters of her heart. Caleb had been her first love, but he deserted her. And through the years, she secretly held on to the letters Caleb had written her before he had left. Lying not only to herself but to Jonah and pretending she was over him. Now with the truth staring her straight in the face, she has do decide between Caleb and Jonah...

Glossary Mamm - Mum schweschder - sister Jah - yes Mudder - Mother Rumspringa – Running around Gut - Good Daed - Father/Dad Kapp - prayer cap Herr Gott - God Gute mariye - Good Morning dummkupp - idiot Ach - Oh Hallo - Hello Das is gut - That is good Vie gehts?- How are you? Vas is letz - What's wrong? Nein - No Ich liebe dich - I love you

Chapter 1 Sarah sat on the small bench in her room in front of her bed. Mamm was busy brushing her hair. Unlike her schweschder, Emily, who had silky straight hair, hers was more like a birds’ nest. She had naturally curly hair and when it came to brushing, it took a lot of painstaking patience. “Did you hear Caleb is back in town?” Mamm asked. That familiar flutter in the pit of her stomach started and she cleared her throat. “Jah, I believe so. His parents must be very pleased.” “For sure, his mudder couldn’t stop talking about it all of yesterday. She received a post card the day before.” Caleb had left on his extended Rumspringa almost four years ago when he was only seventeen. He had been determined to get his GED and study architecture. And when he had left, she had been convinced she would never love again. “Is he back for gut?” she asked nonchalantly. “Jah, he is here to run the farm and help his Daed to build a new barn.” Sarah, moved away from Mumm, wrapped her braid around her head and pinned it before putting on her kapp. She refused to fall for temptation and go see how Caleb was. Before he had left they were good friends, and Caleb had made his intentions clear that he would want to marry her someday. But those dreams all crumbled the day he had left. Now at the tender age of eighteen she had grown into a respectable young woman and she had a wonderful man who cared for her. Jonah had been her pillar of strength over the past few years. He was kind, polite and a real gentleman, everything a husband should be and she was grateful to have him by her side. But despite all of this, it was a little awkward now that Caleb had returned. Jonah and Caleb used to be best friends and although Jonah never openly itted it back then, Sarah knew he also liked her. Jonah’s sister, Hannah had told her so. It was only a year after Caleb had left, that she finally realized he wasn’t coming back in a hurry. He never wrote her letters, or even

tried; he simply vanished and left her behind as if she never mattered. *~&~* Elm trees covered in yellows and reds lined the road as Sarah walked towards the town’s local store to buy eggs and flour to bake bread. It was amazing how after four years, and only one mention of Caleb’s name, she couldn’t shake this strange feeling that started simmering deep down. Sooner or later she would end up having to face him, but only Herr Gott would know what would happen. Maybe He would have mercy on her and take away these unbridled feelings. Winter was settling in her soul and she had no idea how to deal with these insecurities. “Sarah!” a familiar voice called out to her. It was Caleb. She pretended not to hear, instead she quickened her pace. If she could get to the store before he caught up with her, she would at least have others around. She didn’t trust her emotions at this very moment. “Sarah, wait!” he called again. She trudged blindly forward, refusing to give in to the temptation to stop and talk to him. But Caleb was faster and quickly caught up with her. “Gosh Sarah, did you not hear me call?” “Caleb,” she said tersely. “It is gut to see you Sarah, it has been too long.” She didn’t stop or slow down her pace. Determined to say as little as possible she shrugged and continued on her way. “Sarah, stop,” he insisted and stepped in front of her. “You’re not still angry are you?” She pursed her lips and folded her arms over her chest, “I am not angry Caleb, I’m busy with an errand and you’re interrupting me.” He scratched his head. “You never used to be so aloof.”

“No? Well things have changed. I grew up,” she said pointedly. A smile curved at the corners of his mouth. “You sure did, and you are still the most beautiful girl in Ephrata.” Sarah fought against the blush that slowly spread from her neck to her cheeks and she averted her gaze, “Flattery will get you nowhere Caleb Yoder, now if you will excuse me.” She shoved past him and headed to the store. On the outside, she was calm and collected, but on the inside a war was waging. Her heart was fighting against the confinement of her chest and threatening to leap out of her throat. She should be angry, in fact, she was angry, but the thrumming of her heart had nothing to do with anger.

Chapter 2 Jonah worked vigorously at sanding down the oak slats. The orders for park benches and picnic tables were rolling in but it wasn’t the looming deadlines that troubled him. It was Caleb’s unexpected return to Ephrata. He was the last person Jonah had expected to see. When Caleb left all those years ago to pursue his dream and experience the Englisch life, he not only left their friendship behind, he left Sarah behind. Sweet, loving Sarah spent weeks crying over a boy who couldn’t care two pennies about her heart. And he had been the one to pick up the pieces. He always fancied her, even when she was madly infatuated with Caleb and when he left; he had been convinced it had been Herr Gott’s will all along. Finally he stood a chance with the girl of his dreams. But now, it may all be in ruins. “Jonah!” Caleb called as he came walking up the small path to his workshop. “Hallo Caleb, what brings you here?” he said politely. Caleb hurried up the road hands tucked in his pockets and an uneasy feeling settled in Jonah’s stomach. He shouldn’t feel guilty; for pursuing Sarah after his best friend left, but he did. Caleb promised he would be back. “I’ve been visiting old friends and catchin’ up. In the next fortnight, the Bishop agreed to baptize me too.” Johan tugged his workman gloves off and tossed them on the bench. “So you’re staying for gut this time?” “Jah, the Englischers have a lot to offer, but this is my home. I’ve missed this life.” Jonah wished he was more excited, after all, Caleb was his best friend, or he used to be. Now with him back in town, he was concerned that he might lose Sarah. “So I saw Sarah today,” Caleb said and Jonah went back to sanding the oaks. “She’s even more beautiful than what I .”

“So she is,” he simply said. “I can’t believe she’s not married yet.” “Jah, I don’t think she’s in much of a hurry to settle down.” “I think she’s still mad at me, and I can’t blame her. But if I can convince her that me leaving, was purely out of bettering myself and making it possible to provide for a family, she might forgive me.” Jonah’s blood ran cold. Gott don’t let jealousy cause me to sin, he prayed silently before saying, “That will be a long shot; she was very hurt when you left.” Caleb picked up a sanded slat, aimed it straight in front of him and peered along its length, dragging his palm over the grain. “It’s worth a shot though. I saw it in her eyes; she still has feelings for me.” The sound of crashing wood and tools emitted a cacophony and Jonah muttered something under his breath before reaching down to clean up the mess. Just the thought of Caleb pursuing Sarah drove anger into his soul and it wasn’t like him. He didn’t have an unpleasant or angry bone in his body. *~&~* Later that same day, Jonah sat with a few of the young men who gathered at the Fischer’s property, ready to work on fixing the broken fence. “So I see Caleb’s back and he’s already got his eye on Sarah,” Peter said, chewing on a helm of straw. Jonah shrugged, “And so?” “You’re not going to let him are you?” “Let him do what?” “Take your girl?” “She’s hardly my girl Peter, we are gut friends, and yes I like her, but I can’t make her like me.”

“Oh come on Jonah! She adores you and you know it. Everyone is talking about it; you should put Caleb in his place.” Jonah stared into the distance. Peter was right, he should put Caleb in his place, but what if he did and Sarah got upset with him. What if it ruined things for him anyway? Across the field he spotted her, casually strolling towards the house. She would also be here today, and that meant Caleb would have more reason to seek out her company. “Go talk to her,” Peter urged him. “You should warn her about Caleb.” Jonah never did, instead he buried himself in the task at hand. Even when Sarah came to offer him lemonade, he didn’t dare mention Caleb. Caleb on the other hand had made it no secret, at every given moment, when he had a chance, he would talk to Sarah. And every time she laughed, or casually touched his arm, Jonah’s dream of a happily ever after faded like the day at sunset.

Chapter 3 The pond’s surface was like a mirror, the geese had already migrated south and the water was still and untroubled. It was so peaceful here, especially in the early morning whilst most people were out milking cows and collecting eggs or getting ready for the day ahead. Ever since Sarah could , this had been her personal ritual. She would wake up, stoke the Donkey Boiler for warm water in the house and then come here to pray or contemplate life in general. Today was a day of deep contemplation. She had never been this confused. Since Caleb’s return she couldn’t stop wondering what would happen between her and Jonah. He had never officially asked her to be his girlfriend, but he didn’t have to. It was the normal order of things, a natural assumption. Even the community saw them as a couple. Her heart was officially torn in two pieces and she had no idea what to do. She retrieved the small pile of letters and notes, and tugged at the blue ribbon that kept it all together. It was letters from Caleb before he had left. He used to tell her how much he cared for her and how he would one day want to marry her. What struck her the most was that after all these years she still clung to these memories. And it was a sure sign that she never really got over Caleb. She never told Jonah how she had felt, but back then it was no secret, he knew. It was only after Caleb had been gone for some time that Jonah started visiting her and the two of them grew closer. At first it was awkward, they had both known she was in love with Caleb at the time, but the handsome red haired young man with the soft smile and sincere eyes was patient. Jonah never pushed her; he let her decide on her own. It had been one spring morning when she was busy hanging out the laundry. The line had snapped and godsend Jonah was there to save the day. He fixed the line and despite being a man, he helped her hang up the rest of the laundry. It was that defining moment when she saw, in a man, the kindness and comion Herr Gott would expect of his children. Since that day everything changed and she knew that she would be loved and cherished for the rest of her days. There was no need for words, or proclamations of love, it just happened. Not once did she expect Caleb to surface again. The handsome strong man, with a blonde mop of hair and a smile that could make a girl weak at the knees, had been every girls dream. But he had chosen her, he wrote her secret love letters. Unlike Jonah, Caleb knew that he was popular and he often enjoyed the attention

he got from the other girls. Mamm always warned her that his heart was too adventurous, and how right she was. It shouldn’t have been such a shock when he eventually announced that he would be going on an extended Rumspringa, but it was. She spent nights soaking her pillow with her tears and during the day, she was like a walking dead person going about her chores on autopilot. Was it not for Jonah, she would have withered away like the roses in winter. “I thought I would find you here,” Emily said as she came to sit next to her. Sarah smiled and quickly tucked the letters under her. “Gute mariye, what brings you out to the pond this early?” “I’m worried about you,” her sister itted and tossed a pebble into the pond, “Since Caleb’s arrival you’re different.” She regarded her sister, on the brink of denial but it was true. She was different, she was confused. “I didn’t expect him to come back,” she whispered solemnly. “No one did, but the question is, how do you feel about him now?” A frown drew her brows together and she worried her bottom lip. “Honestly, I don’t know. Do you think it’s possible to love two people at the same time?” Her sister turned to her and raised a curious brow. “You mean Caleb and Jonah?” She nodded, “When Mamm told me he was back in town I was angry at first, but after talking to him again, it’s like he never left.” Her sister rested a hand on hers, and squeezed it gently. “Caleb is a dummkupp, he should not have left in the first place and he broke your heart. Jonah has been here for you every day, he loves you.” “Does he?” she sighed. “Or is he just comfortable with the notion?” “I doubt that is the case, Jonah liked you even before Caleb left, but I think he respected you both too much to try and interfere.”

Sarah sighed and flopped on to her back in the long grass. Above her a few clouds were scattered across the blue sky. “Jonah is a gut man, he’s kind and humble, but ach, I don’t know. There’s that spark I feel when I’m with Caleb, I get butterflies whenever he looks at me, with Jonah, it’s security.” “So you’re running after fleeting emotions that will let you down in the end. How certain are you, Caleb won’t leave again?” Sarah closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She had no guarantee. Caleb had always been a very impulsive person, and him leaving four years ago, was proof. *~&~* It was much later that afternoon, after leaving her friend Mary when she ran into Jonah. Instantly her heart skipped a beat, but not from excitement but rather nervousness. “Hallo Jonah, what a surprise,” she smiled. “Hallo Sarah, um, I was wondering if I could have a moment.” Sarah’s palms felt sweaty and her heart was beating frantically in her chest, she knew what this was about and was terrified of the outcome. “Of course,” she whispered and they started in the direction of her house. With his hands folded behind his back, keeping her pace, there was a moment of silence before he spoke. “How are your mudder and schweschder?” “Ach they are fine, Mamm is almost finished with the new dress she is making for me.” “Das is gut,” he simply said but she knew he had more to talk about. “And you? Vie gehts?” There it was Jonah was probing to see how she was. “I’m gut, really I am. Why vas is letz?”

“Nothing’s wrong, I was just wondering. You’ve been a little distracted lately. Is it because of Caleb?” She stopped and turned to him; “Jonah, I don’t know to be honest...” she started. No secrets, no lies – Mamms’s words echoed and she sighed. She couldn’t keep a secret from Jonah, it would simply make things worse and it wasn’t as if she had decided to dump him for Caleb. But he had to understand that she needed time to make sure about her future. “I didn’t expect to see him, after so long, you know?” “I know,” he said fiddling with a twig and breaking it into smaller pieces. “I don’t think anyone expected him to return.” “Before he left, I always thought we would marry, but then he ran off, and you were there for me. I do care for you Jonah, believe me. I just need to...” she paused, searching for the right words. “I just need to figure things out.” She could see the hurt in Jonah’s eyes and her heart shattered into a million pieces, but she could not hide from the truth. Caleb had asked her to go out with him and she really wanted to, but she couldn’t do it behind Jonah’s back either. Unexpectedly Jonah took her hand in his. “I hope you find true love.” Her eyes shot full of tears and she quickly looked away. She was a cruel heartless wench and knowing how she was hurting a man who was so gentle and so in love with her made her feel awful.

Chapter 4 Melodic voices of young men and women rose up to the rafters in the barn as they all sang. Benches lined the walls with adults keeping a watchful eye. It was the Friday night youth singing event and as always every young unmarried person was present. It is one of the few events where the youth get to enjoy a social evening of eating, playing games and singing. But most of all socializing with the opposite sex and almost every time, it would be the place all long term relationship would be born. Across the room from where Sarah stood were Jonah, and a few benches down was Caleb. Both of them with their eyes pinned on her. Emily stood next to her and kept elbowing her, it had been that obvious. Sarah couldn’t dare look up, because she had no idea which one to look at first and she would hate ruining anyone’s evening. Right this moment, she would rather be at home knitting or quilting. Who would have thought, a love triangle would be so emotionally trying. She was tired, both physically and mentally and with every ing day, she felt worse. Gretchen Fischer who stood on her left was also well aware of the predicament she found herself in, but only because she made it her business to know every detail of every other person’s life. And she knew all too well how much Gretchen had fancied Caleb, and when she so boldly started to sing Das Loblied, boasting her angelic voice, Sarah felt like screaming. Instead she raised her eyes, and as inconspicuously as possible she looked to where Caleb was. His gaze had shifted to Gretchen and it almost looked as if they were singing a duet. She raised her head further and moved her gaze to where Jonah stood. His face expressionless at first, but the moment their eyes met, he nodded and smiled. Jonah was not like Caleb, in fact, he was not the type to chase after idle dreams and seek out fame and fortune in an Englisch world. He was steadfast, reliable and content with what he had. He was a skilful carpenter who took pride in his work and always rejoiced in the goodness and mercy of Herr Gott. His unwavering faith was a true sign of Godliness. *~&~* Caleb stood with his thumbs hooked in his suspenders, singing as loud as the next person, but the words to the songs were a blur. He only had eyes for Sarah, but the sullen glare from her sister did not go unnoticed. She made her

displeasure no secret. He was the one who broke her sister’s heart four years ago. But he was back now, and ready to pick up where he left off. The girl next to Sarah drew his attention only briefly when she started singing one of his favourite songs before he turned his attention back to Sarah. She wasn’t looking at him so he could openly ire her. He noticed a tendril of blonde curly hair had escaped her kapp stroking her cheek. He would do anything to brush it away and feel her soft porcelain skin. Finally the singing stopped and everywhere in the barn groups formed. Giggling girls on one side, and hopeful boys on the other, it had been too long since he had experienced this, but he knew exactly what he wanted. He wasn’t willing to wait until after everyone had eaten. With clear intention he sauntered over to where the two sisters were seated. “Emily,” he nodded and then turned to Sarah, who looked at him with eyes wide and he half hoped her expression was one of anticipation. “Sarah, I was wondering if I could take you home afterwards.” There was a silent pause; Emily sat with her arms folded in her lap and a halfsmile tugging at the corner of her mouth and Sarah glanced down at her feet, but the blush that flowed up to her cheeks like an ink run didn’t go unnoticed. “I have to see Emily home,” she whispered and then looked up at him. “I promised Mumm I will see to it.” This time Emily looked up at him and raised a curious brow. “It is truly such a pity; I should have stayed home instead.” He could sense the sarcasm in her voice. She was a feisty lass, and none too shy too. It was very obvious that Emily didn’t approve of his affections towards her sister. “Maybe you should have,” he bit back jokingly and then laughed. “Not to worry, I can always offer to pick you up for church on Sunday?” he diverted his attention to Sarah again. Emily opened her mouth to speak but Sarah shushed her and said, “I’m sure Sunday would be fine, but I’ll let you know for certain by tomorrow afternoon.” Caleb grinned, finally he was making headway, if all went well, could take her to

church and then next to the prayer meeting. Once everyone else notices the two of them together, it would be a done deal. “Glad to see you are getting back into the swing of things,” Jonah said as he came to stand beside him. “Emily, Sarah are you enjoying the evening?” he asked. “It is lovely, thank you Jonah,” Sarah said, but her voice had a different tone. It was almost endearing. Caleb looked from one to the other, and when he caught Emily smiling bemusedly at him, he realized almost instantly what was going on. Jonah liked Sarah. What he wasn’t so sure of was how she felt about him.

Chapter 5 Sunday arrived soon enough, for some really silly reason Sarah had agreed to let Caleb take her to church. There was simply too much at stake. Just because Jonah was a gut man, didn’t mean he would be right for her. And she was willing to give Caleb the benefit of the doubt. “I really think you’re making a mistake,” her sister said while getting dressed. Sarah rolled her eyes and looked at her sister’s reflection in the mirror. “You can’t know for certain. Just because he came back a changed man doesn’t mean he’s a bad man.” Emily tugged her kapp on and tied the strings under her chin. “It’s not about that Sarah... ach you won’t understand.” Sarah’s eyes widened as she looked at her sister. “You like Caleb!” she exclaimed cupping her hand over her mouth. She should have known from the start. Every time Caleb came around Emily was close by, when they went to the sing, Emily made a point to keep him from taking her home. “I do not!” Emily retorted, “He’s insufferable!” “No he is not; you want him all to yourself, you’ve wanted him from day one.” Instead of disbelief and betrayal, Sarah was amused. Her sister, two years younger, was in love and that with a boy six years older. “You’re talking nonsense; I’m looking out for you,” Emily said and clicked her tongue. “I have no interest in him.” “Is that so?” she laughed. “I have an idea, what if you tell Mamm I have a terrible headache and instead of me going to church with Caleb, you go.” “That would be telling lies! You are not sick Sarah, now stop this foolishness.” She wouldn’t stop. Having come to the realisation that Emily had feelings for Caleb all along was too much of a relief. Now if only she could make Caleb see that Emily would be a much better match for him.

Her sister had always been curious about the Englisch life, and that was one thing she and Caleb never had in common. Although it was not permitted, Sarah knew about Emily’s book collection she hid under the floor boards in her room and she was almost certain Caleb had his secret stash somewhere. Four years in the modern world, had to change a person somehow. “Sarah, Caleb is here!” her mudder called form the living room. She grabbed her sister’s hand and looked at her pleadingly. “Please Emily, I beg of you. You must tell him I am unwell...” she started to undress, splashed some water from a glass in her face and crawled into bed. “Please, you go with Caleb.” “You’re impossible,” her sister muttered. But instead of convincing her to go to church, she skipped out of the room. A few minutes later her mudder entered. “Emily said you were unwell, vas is letz?” Emily groaned and turned on her side, “It’s just a headache.” She lied, and at the same time shot up a silent prayer of repentance. “I will go and get some Honey and Apple Cider vinegar...” Mamm started. The last thing Sarah wanted was to sit over a bowl of hot honey and vinegar to steam away a non-existent headache. “Nein, it’s fine, it’s ing already.” Her mamm narrowed her eyes, placed the back of her hand against her forehead and then shifted on the bed, “You didn’t have a headache, did you?” She lowered her eyes, “I did, but it was fleeting. I think I am just tired.” “I will bring you some honey water,” her mudder said. She mumbled, “Denki,” and then turned on to her side. She shouldn’t have lied, but she had no real option. *~&~*

Caleb was puzzled when it wasn’t Sarah who came to his buggy, but nonetheless, he walked up to Emily and greeted her with a smile. “I’m sorry Caleb, but Sarah is unwell,” she said I can go to church with you. “Is she ill?” he asked. “Just a headache, she needs to rest. Would you mind if I go along?” He glanced toward the house, half hoping it wasn’t true, and then smiled at Emily. “Sure.” After helping her into the buggy he got in and tugged at the reigns. He couldn’t help but notice her, really notice her. Emily was pretty, although almost six years younger than him, she had changed a lot from the twelve year old girl he knew four years ago. Instead of the freckled-face, scrawny girl who ran barefoot in the fields she had turned into a beautiful girl. For a while, the only sounds were the horses trotting along and dirt grinding under the buggy wheels. It was Emily who broke the silence. “Why did you come back?” she asked unexpectedly. He looked ahead and mulled her question over. He too had asked himself the same question over and over. He had always thought he would return to his roots once he finished studying, there was no question about that. What he didn’t expect was to feel like a complete foreigner. His parents were happy about his return, but they treated him differently and if he had to be honest with himself, Sarah had been the only thing that remained constant. She was still beautiful and he still liked her. “I don’t know,” he conceded. “I thought I wanted to be back here, but things have changed so much.” “It has?” Emily piped up and laughed, “I’m glad you can see change Caleb.” Her sarcasm didn’t go unnoticed, in fact, she seemed good at it. “You don’t like it here?”

She rolled her eyes at his question, “Let me ask you this, why did you leave for such a long time?” “Because I wanted to go see the world,” he said. “Exactly, you got to see the world. And when you were studying, did you use mobile phones? Did you drive cars?” She pummelled him with question after question, he could hardly keep up and eventually he asked, “Are you thinking of going on your Rumspringa soon then?” She folder her hands on her lap and stilled. “Jah, but I might not come back.” “Emily, that’s a very big decision you’re making there,” he said and looked at her. Concern etched on his face. She didn’t answer him, and as they pulled up behind the other buggies that lined the side of the road and she clobbered out. He looked after her as she skipped away, and a slight smile tugged at his mouth. Emily was an adventurer, just like him. Caleb finally brought her sister home, and only once he was gone, did she go to see Emily. She could quickly tell her sister was walking on clouds. Emily couldn’t stop talking about how nice he was. According to her, he didn’t even bother asking about her wellbeing and Sarah wasn’t sure if she should be disappointed or happy. “He waited for me after the service; oh you should have seen the look on Gretchen’s face!” her sister exclaimed. “Even when we arrived I thought she was going to faint.” Her mother laughed and shook her head, and she simply smiled. Why, now that Caleb might be showing interest in her sister, was she feeling like she had lost the love of her life all of a sudden? Perplexed, she excused herself and headed back to her room. It felt as if a piece of her heart was busy dying. She had been in love with Caleb for years and now he may never be hers. Frustrated she started cleaning her room, moving her bed out of the way and tidying her wardrobe. Whenever she was angry or frustrated she jumped in and cleaned everything she could lay her hands on. She pulled out the pile of letters she had

kept all these years, and one by one she read them again. Caleb had been very upfront with her about his feelings, and in his letters he expressed himself like no boy had ever done in her opinion. She got to the very last letter and her heart faltered; this was the letter that ruined everything. She looked down at the folded piece of paper, ing the day like it was yesterday. But as she started reading the letter, realization swept over her. It didn’t quite have the impact it had when she first read it. In fact, she felt nothing. She didn’t love Caleb anymore, she was only in love with a dream that ended four years ago, and all this time she had been clinging to that.

Chapter 6 The babbling simply wouldn’t stop. All the women from the community had gathered in the Bishop’s house for the annual quilting event. But all Sarah wanted to do was run. It has been a week since Emily and Caleb started seeing one another. And although this should have been perfect it was all but perfect. She could finally be with the man she wanted to be with, Jonah, but she hadn’t the nerve to face him. All this time while she struggled to make up her mind, she had kept him on the side line and treated him so unfairly that the mere thought of asking his forgiveness pained her. Not to mention his embarrassment and pride left slain on the battlefield of love. She didn’t deserve his forgiveness, nor did she deserve a second chance. Her heart cramped painfully as she held back the tears that threatened to spill. “Are you alright?” her mudder asked and she nodded, plastering on a fake smile. She gathered her parts of the quilt and moved to another seat in the corner simply to get away from knowing eyes. But her mudder followed. “You should go talk to Jonah,” she said softly. Sarah covered her eyes with one hand, “And tells him what?” “The truth,” her mudder said. “No secrets, no lies. Jonah will understand.” Sarah looked at her mudder, “I don’t know what the truth is anymore.” Her mudder cupped the side of her face and leaned closer to her. “The truth is, you lost your way for brief moment, but you’ve found your way back home.” “What does that even mean?” she asked desperately. A commotion at the door drew both women’s attention. It was Emily and Caleb at the door asking for Sarah. Confused she excused herself and met them on the porch. “What’s going on?”

Caleb grinned and stood aside and under the Oak tree across the street from the Bishop’s house, stood Jonah. Her heart nearly stopped and she looked at Emily and then at Caleb. “It’s time you set things right Sarah,” Emily said. “Yes, he deserves to know how you really feel,” Caleb nodded. Sarah swallowed at the lump in her throat. She told her brain to tell her legs to tell her feet to move, but she was glued to the spot. Eventually Jonah crossed the road and came to her. “Jonah...” she breathed. “Sarah, I have a confession.” Taken aback she frowned, what would he possibly need to confess? The first thing that came to mind was that he had met someone else and now it was payback. “Jah?” she said tentatively. “Liebchen...” he started and instantly her heart raced. “I confess, when Caleb came to town I was very jealous, and I ask your forgiveness. I was hurt because I was worried that you would choose him over me. Now I know you don’t feel the same way I do, but...” “Wait,” she interrupted. “There is something I want to say first.” Behind her the room full of woman were hushed, and all attention was turned on her. This was her last chance to make things right. “Jonah,” she looked up at him, “I was so wrong, and I didn’t do right to you. You were there for me over the years, and I think, I took it all for granted. But the last two weeks have taught me something.” She looked back over her shoulder and caught her mudder smiling at her, and she looked back at him.

“Without secrets, there are no lies and the secret I have harboured is the fact that I never got over Caleb, I thought I did, but then he showed up.” She reached into the pocket of her apron and pulled out the pile of letters,“I clung to these all these years, and now it’s time to let the past rest.” Caleb wrapped one arm around Emily’s shoulders and nodded at her. “Jonah, I don’t want any more secrets, and truth be told, I do love you and I hope you can forgive me.” Her words faltered as she held back the tears, and gasps, ooh’s and ah’s resounded behind her. She had put her heart on the line here, knowing all too well that Jonah could and most likely would reject her, but she couldn’t carry these secrets around any longer. They were poisoning her. Jonah’s face was obscured behind the brim of his hat at first, but as he met her gaze she noticed his eyes were misted up and his lips wobbled. He cleared his throat and blinked a few times then stepped forward and reached for her hand. “Sarah, there is nothing to forgive. I just hope it’s not too late for me to redeem myself and tell you that I should never have let you go and should have fought for you from the start.” He reached and took both her hands in his. “I was such a dumkupp, but now I know there will never be anyone else for me.” Sarah held her breath, as did everyone else. And as Jonah reached to take off his hat he said, “Ich liebe dich, Sarah. Will you marry me?” Her hands flew to her mouth and the floodgates opened as tears streamed down over her cheeks, and between the mix of laughter and tears she flung herself at him and buried her face against his chest. “Jah Jonah, I will marry you. Ich liebe dich.” Cheers erupted and everyone applauded. Somewhere in the crowd her mudder started planning her wedding and everyone started clucking like hens in a pen, from sheer excitement. Finally, all her secrets were laid to rest and she would be able to look ahead and focus on a future with the man she truly loved.

AN AMISH BEAU FOR BEA

MEGHAN MASON

As Bea stared into the evening sky, she knew only one thing would make her heart whole again, and that was if Jackson were to court her instead of her best friend, Amy. It had begun on a night such as this. Bea and Jackson were attending the winter barn celebration, when her best friend, Amy, had waltzed over to the pair who were merely engrossed in conversation. She had loved Jackson since she could , but she had hoped that this party was the moment when he too would realize that love and return it in kind. However, as he looked up and spied the beautiful Amy, he did a double-take. Jackson had not met Amy formally, and after all the years they had spent in the Amish community of Haven’s Ravine, Indiana, it appeared the time had come for introductions,

“Bea! Who is this girl you’ve been keeping from me? You must do me the honor of an introduction,” Jackson insisted. “Certainly,” expressed Bea, not knowing that this would mark the end of Jack’s attentions to her. “Jackson Clark, this is Amy Albertson. She had been my closest friend since childhood. Surely you have seen one another around town?” Jack replied with, “I have seen you from afar, Amy, but we have never been introduced. I am very pleased to make your acquaintance.” He held out his hand to her, and Amy took hold of it in greeting, “Why, Jackson, of course I have seen sight of you, but our paths never crossed till now. It is a pleasure to meet you as well.” That introduction had spawned a new relationship between the two that bordered on courtship for many months now. Bea had been heartbroken to see this advancement in their friendship, and felt that she had been conveniently forgotten in favor of the prettier and more exciting Amy. Whereas Bea was traditional Amish, spending her days and nights at her parents’ farmhouse, Amy was much more progressive. She had a real job at the bed and breakfast that was run by her aunt and uncle just at the outskirts of town. The bed and breakfast house was very small, but offered up room and board for curious travelers that came through the larger, more bustling Englischer towns. The inn offered a simpler view of life, the Amish way, and the visitors appreciated the novel experience away from technology and modern conveniences. Albertson’s Inn employed their niece as a baker. Amy also made a living selling handicrafts such as embroidered aprons and table linens in the Inn’s front room. This life was only afforded to her because Amy’s parents had perished years ago, and her Uncle Willie Albertson had taken over her care. The other Amish in their community tended to avoid the Inn because they felt it reeked of the Englischer ways, and they found their own way of living much preferable. Hence the reason Jackson and Amy had not made one another’s formal acquaintance till that fateful evening social. Due to Bea’s sad feelings about their courtship, Bea came up with the idea of inviting Amy out for an afternoon picnic just as they had always done as small girls. The way the girls had always done it would be best, Bea thought to

herself, “I shall prepare all of our favorites! Sweet bologna sticks, Amish sharp cheddar cheese wrapped in special cloth, and an assortment of fresh veggies from the garden. For dessert, I’ll let Amy do the cookie baking, just like old times!” Her excitement began to overtake her with feelings of innocent nostalgia for the girlhood friendship that was once so simple. She asked Amy to the picnic that very day, and Amy seemed quite excited about the idea as well, “Oh, what a fun idea, Bea!” she exclaimed. “I will make my famous snickerdoodle cookies!” They settled on meeting up at noon by Harper’s Mill. From there they would wander leisurely through the flower-covered meadow, and then stop for their delicious picnic. Bea knew what she must say to Amy, and she was beginning to feel a bit nervous as to how well it would go over as she prepared the rest of the bologna sticks. However, Bea was resolute that Jack had been hers first, because of their childhood history together, and the fact that Bea believed that they were destined for one another. Amy, on the other hand, would most likely not feel the same as Bea, and Bea knew it. Her mamm walked into the kitchen just as Bea was packing the basket full of goodies, “Bea! Where are you girls going today? It is a fine day for an outside lunch. to bring a comfy blanket to sit on, and a thermos full of fresh lemonade.” “Yes, mamm. I thought it would be a good time to go up to Harper’s Mill for a get together with Amy. It’s been ages since we went, and now that we’re older now, we don’t get to spend as much time together. Mamm?” she inquired, “don’t you think I should be with Jack, and that Amy should look for someone else?” “Oh no, Bea! Tell me you’re not planning ulterior motives for your lunch today,” said her mother, and waved a finger back and forth just as she did during mild scolding as a child, “this is sure to cause problems. If they are fine together, do not destroy it, Bea. There are plenty of nice young men available, and who think you are a perfect catch.” “I’m not looking to be someone else’s perfect catch! I’ve liked Jack since we were wee ones, and I do not think it is very nice of Amy to trudge all over my

dreams!” “Let it go. If Jack was meant for you, then it would have gone that way instead. Why not take Amy out for a nice afternoon, reminisce on old times, and start setting your sights elsewhere. Otherwise, you are bound to argue, and Amy will tell you to go away, ‘Is fattgange!’” “Mamm, you are being dramatic, but I understand what you are trying to tell me. It is so hard to turn your heart inside out to dump old feelings away,” and she began to weep into her mamm’s arms as she dwelled too much upon how she felt rejected by both Amy and Jack. Mamm did her best to comfort the lovelorn girl, as she understood unrequited love all too well. Most young girls went through similar experiences while blossoming into womanhood. It was just a fact of life and part of growing up. Bea freshened herself up from her bout of crying, and went to meet Amy at the arranged spot. What she did not anticipate was seeing Amy already waiting there with Jackson! That was the last straw! Bea was furious that her best friend would invite someone else on their special outing, let alone Jack! How could she do such a thing? Bea made her way up the slight hill, dropped the basket, and hurriedly spat out, “How dare you, Amy! Haven’t you done enough to meddle? And you, Jack!” Both Amy and Jack were flabbergasted, as they did not fully comprehend the extent of Bea’s heartache. Bea threw the blanket and thermos down, told them to enjoy their lover’s lunch, and stalked off towards home. Tears streamed down her face. She felt betrayed and upset, and simply wanted to hide away in her bedroom. Mamm was right. She should have dropped the idea of loving Jack. He was no good for her, especially since he was obviously so smitten with Amy. If Bea could have been more honest with herself in that moment, she would have had to it that they made a nice-looking couple, and that they did indeed seem happy together. But today was not that time. She rushed home, ran to her room, and hid her face amongst the bed clothes till she cried herself to sleep. She did not stir till she heard the sound of her mamm’s old Pennsylvania Dutch from the other side of the room, “Guder mariye schlofkopp!” “Good morning, mamm. I’ve overslept. I’ll get up now and begin my choring,”

answered Bea. Bea lumbered out of bed, straightened her dress that she had fallen asleep in, and hurried out to the coop to feed the hens, and complete her overdue chores. As she mindlessly attended to her responsibilities, she recalled the empty and sad feeling that seeing Amy and Jack had caused her yesterday. She must figure a way out of this terrible emotional mess before it completely consumed her. It had done enough damage already, and it was high time that she acted her age, and dealt with the fact that her two friends were together and were happy. She could not stand in their way, or she would turn into a cold-hearted and bitter girl. She resolved to forget about the unrequited love, and concentrate on helping her mamm and dadd with the farm. On Monday, Bea sat with her mamm at the table and made a list of all the errands that would have to be run in time for her boppli bruder’s birthday. Although celebrations were simple affairs, family, close friends and villagers were usually invited to attend a small banquet to honor the birthday boy or girl, “Bea, you must visit Farmer and Mrs. Frank to pick up the butter order, as well as ask to borrow the extra tables and chairs from their barn. Ours won’t be enough for the many who will be coming to Ezra’s birthday.” “Yes, mamm. I’ll make sure to do all these things, and to tell you the truth, I am more than grateful to have something else joyful to occupy my mind.” “That’s a good girl, and Ezra will be proud of his industrious schwester. Now off you go, and don’t dawdle.” Bea grasped her bonnet, took the basket she was to carry the butter in, and set off towards Farmer Frank’s home. It was set up above most farms overlooking a great pasture area where cattle and horses roamed the land. Bea looked forward to stopping to watch them frolic after her duties were completed. Bea finished the visit, collected the butter, and requested the delivery of the chairs and table, and then set off towards home, but not before she made the stop at the edge of Frank farm, so she could enjoy the beautiful view. There was just enough daylight to watch Farmer Frank call in the cattle from pasture. From behind her came a soft rustling of leaves, but she dismissed it as a light breeze blowing through the trees. However, light breezes do not often say,

“Die sunn is am unnergeh...” Bea jumped and whipped around to see who was invading her time on the hillside. To her surprise, there stood a tall, blonde-haired young man whom she had never seen before. He seemed old-fashioned, speaking the Old German that her parents spoke, “Yes, you are right! The sun is indeed setting, but there is still light enough to appreciate Gott’s grandeur. Don’t you think?” replied Bea. “Ah, Gott has certainly blessed this land with grandeur. You are right! Just before sunset is the best time to partake of it, too. Where do you come from this late in the afternoon?” “I have just come to visit Farmer Frank for my mamm. I’m from down the road a piece. And you? I have never seen you around here before,” inquired Bea. “Ah yes, I am from a more traditional Amish settlement beyond these two counties,” and he gestured wide with his arm spreading across to the west, “I come for visiting Bruder Frank myself. I am his nephew, Jonathan.” Bea held out her hand in a welcoming, and extended a warm welcome into their village, “Hello and nice to meet you. On behalf of Granger Village, I welcome you to our community,” and they both gave a slight laugh. They both stood and watched the sunset over the pasture, and Bea decided to try her hand at Pennsylvania Dutch in order to make Jonathan feel more at home, “Please feel comfortable here, though only the older folks speak in the old way, but listen to my Pennsylvania Dutch! I’m going to try to speak it just for you, so no laughing allowed, ok?” “I would never mock your respect for the old ways,” and Bea noticed what a bright, friendly smile he had to match his youthful yet handsome face. “Ok, here goes; Es gebt viele schwatze kieh, awwer sie gewwe all weissi millich! There, how’d I do?” she laughed at herself, and how the words felt funny in her mouth.

“That was wunderbaar! You said it perfectly; ‘There are many black cows, but they all give white milk.’” “Wunderbaar!” she repeated, and continued to tell Jonathan why she had chosen that specific phrase, “that’s a phrase my mamm says sometimes, and I it along to you as a gesture of goodwill! Though the Amish sects be many, we are all of the same family! I hope you come to like Granger Village as much as I do,” she smiled. “Danka, thank you, Bea,” said Jonathan, “I do hope to see you on this hill again sometime soon. I come up each evening to watch the sunset.” Bea blushed crimson, as she took the invitation rightly as a compliment and a clear desire that Jonathan desired her company again. She answered in the affirmative, and bade him farewell for the time being. It was getting late, and mamm would wonder what was delaying her arrival back home. Bea happily hiked the short distance home, all the while smiling at the thought of her new-found friend. Jonathan was a breath of fresh air amongst all the other young men in Granger. He was quite good looking to match his engaging personality, and he appreciated the rare older ways that most modern Amish youth decided to forego. That was something to his credit! She told her mother all about meeting the nice young man on the hill, and she decided that she would most definitely enjoy returning to watch another sunset with Jonathan. That had been the first time in many months that she had actually not thought about Jack and Amy. Given time, Bea would soon come to appreciate the others in her life, and be graceful towards her best friend and her beau. Though Jackson had initially hurt her feelings, she was not the kind of young woman to hold a grudge or be vindictive. Bea decided to return to the hill after two days. She figured that was enough time to to be proper, and not to appear too anxious with Jonathan. She donned her bonnet after carefully adjusting her braided bun, and walked outside into the cool afternoon. The autumn was promising cooler weather than summer, and she took a deep, refreshing breath of clean breezy air. She felt better than she had felt in a long while, and as she rounded the crop of trees at the end of the path, there was Jonathan sitting, staring off into the sky. He was sitting on a quilted blanket this time, and there was a small basket next to him. She alerted him from behind, as not to startle him with her arrival,

“Good afternoon, Jonathan. I’m glad to see you here today.” “Yes, me too,” he smiled, and offered her a place on the blanket. Bea accepted the innocent invitation, and sat down a respectable distance from Jonathan. He opened the wicker basket, and handed her a bottled sarsaparilla that appeared to have been purchased at the general store, “Thank you! I haven’t enjoyed a sarsaparilla in ages. I see you’ve been up to the store then?” “Ah, yes, there are many things there that I am unused to, but I have a new favorite in this bottled drink with bubbles in it,” and they both laughed at his sudden new discovery of the sweet, carbonated beverage. “Glad you made it back to enjoy the sunset. Wasn’t sure if you’d be back, but I had high hopes, so brought the basket,” Jonathan said. “It was nice of you to think of me,” answered Bea, and they both drank from the bottles and looked over the pasture with the light and clouds dancing as the sun slowly faded. She could smell the scent of hay and cows emanating from his shirt, but it was not an unpleasant smell. Rather, it reminded her instinctively of hard work and masculinity. In turn, Jonathan was pleased with the sweet aroma of cinnamon and sugar wafting towards him, as Bea had undoubtedly been baking something delicious. Maybe an apple pie, he thought, or some flaky cinnamon buns. The scent was heavenly, and made his thoughts drift to home where he fondly ed his mamm’s excellent baking. That had been when his folks were still alive, and the house was always bustling with activity of all his bruders and schwesters. He looked over at her, wispy bits of chestnut colored curls falling from underneath her bonnet. She was a lovely sight, “Bea, you smell divine. Were you baking just now?” “Yes, I was indeed baking up a batch of fresh cinnamon apple tartlets for my bruder, Ezra’s, birthday celebration. Would you care to attend? It’s tomorrow at eleven in the morning. Just a simple brunch to mark his special day,” she explained. Jonathan looked pleased at the invitation, and nodded vigorously that he’d love to come, “Is there anything I may bring to help out?”

“Oh no.” she replied, “everything is well in hand, and I know everyone in town would love to meet you. Is your stay permanent,” she worked in. “Yes mam, it is for the long haul. Uncle Frank needed a hand with the cattle, and my family is all dispersed. I am the youngest of six children, and my mamm and dadd are long gone, sadly. But, thanks to you, I feel like Granger Village just might be the perfect place to start a fresh new chapter in life. May I ask you a question?” he offered. “Yes, you may. Ask away!” “I would be honored if you’d be willing to accompany me to the social after services next week. I hear that Pastor Ned gives a goodly sermon,” said a somewhat nervous Jonathan. “I’d be happy to,” Bea replied, and a date was set just as easy and simple as that. She was excited and happy that Jonathan felt similarly to her. She’d had quite enough of unreturned affections for one lifetime. In fact, she had just heard through the grapevine yesterday that Amy and Jackson were to be married come summertime. She could honestly say that she had come to with this situation, and had made great strides to get on with her own life. Much to her delight, and unbeknownst to Jonathan, Bea felt that she had perhaps found someone new and worthy to attach her affections to. Of course, unbeknownst to Bea, Jonathan was thinking the very same about her. Tomorrow morning came rushing in with very little time to make the last-minute arrangements to chairs and tables and food placement changes. Bea’s mamm, dadd, bruders and schwesters all chipped in to ensure that little Ezra had a proper birthday. The yard was nicely mowed, and groups of tables and chairs were situated in shady spots for the comfort of guests, and some simplistic decorations of ribbons hanging from tree to tree were hung. Little Ezra frolicked in the front yard with Bea as they tossed a new ball back and forth to one another. Just as Bea went to catch the incoming ball, she spotted someone ambling up the walk, and she completely missed the catch. The ball landed squarely on her nose with a thud, and she fell to the ground. The person ambling was none other than Jonathan, who ran quickly towards her to help her upright. Bea was not only red with embarrassment at falling in front of

Jonathan, but her nose was now cherry red with a flowing, steady stream of blood. Jonathan called out for assistance, “Help! Bea has been injured and has a nose bleed!” To which her mamm came running over with a gingham tablecloth. They staunched the bleeding with the help of the tablecloth, and Jonathan helped her over to a chair close by. He held the cloth to her nose, while her mamm ran to fetch some ice for the swelling that was sure to be present once the cloth was removed. All the while, poor Bea sat trying to stifle her weeping so as not to look more foolish in front of Jonathan. He was being so gentlemanly, but she wished with all of her might that it was under different circumstances. By this time, Ezra had happily found a new playmate, and did not know any better at his tender age that he had just clonked his schwester in the nose with his new baseball. Bea knew it was her own doing, as she was too interested in who had caught the corner of her eye on the walkway, to be bothered to pay proper attention to the flying ball. Now her nose would be as big and swollen as a gooseberry, and Jonathan would see her in such an unattractive state! As if on cue, Jonathan slowly and gently removed the tablecloth stopping her nose, and laid it down upon the ground. He took the ice pack her mamm had put together, and placed it ever so softly upon the bridge of her nose, “Now Bea, the same thing happened to my older schwester two summers ago! Nothing to be too concerned about, after all. Noses will mend, and the red in your cheeks only makes you look more pretty. I’ll go fetch you a nice lemonade.” Bea felt so embarrassed, but he was being so gallant and sweet, that any other thoughts about her swollen nose were fleeing rapidly, all the while being replaced with tender feelings towards Jonathan. He had called her pretty despite her injury, and she knew better than ever that he was now the object of her affections. With the nose bleed stopped, and cold lemonades in hand, Jonathan guided Bea off to sit in the shade. With her injury, there would be very little activity and choring anytime soon, especially until Doc Watson could take a careful look. She did not think it was broken, but one could never be too careful. As they sat, both Amy and Jack came by her chair to see to her well-being. Once the girls

were alone for a few minutes while Jack and Jonathan went in search of sandwiches, Amy peppered Bea with as many questions as possible in a short period of time. She wanted to know all about the nice young gentleman who helped during the baseball incident, “Are you smitten with this Jonathan fellow? It sounds like you are!” exclaimed an excited Amy, “it’s about time you found the right man. I am sorry about Jackson, but it’s what’s meant to be.” Bea considered Amy’s eyes, and thought about what she had just said. She thought she felt a hint of bad sportsmanship in her voice and in her words, but it mattered very little to Bea now. Jonathan was a far better catch than a man like Jack who couldn’t be bothered with a lifetime worth of loyalty and friendship. If she had to live the experience all over again, Bea would choose the same exact outcome, despite the heartache involved in getting there. Jonathan and Jackson reappeared on the scene, and Amy walked off with her arm hooked in Jack’s. Jonathan remarked on what a nice young couple they made, yet flattered Bea with compliments on her good looks and silken hair. This was especially poignant since her nose was so swollen she could now see it from the corners of her eyes, “Really, now Jonathan, I resemble Rudolph, the Red Nosed Reindeer! I appreciate your attentions all the same. Thank you for coming to my rescue. Ezra will probably recall this birthday with much relish as the day his older, annoying schwester got bopped by a flying baseball,” and they shared a chuckle at the thought of years of stories to come. Ezra’s special day came to an eventual end, and by that time, Bea was so exhausted that she fell right into bed. Her nose was pulsating with pain, but she felt happy despite it. Jonathan proved to be a good care-taker, and a loyal friend, having sat the entire day with her at his side. He had fetched drinks, sandwiches, and whatever other trifling thing he deemed necessary for her comfort, and did not show the slightest hint of boredom. She pulled the quilt softly to her chin, and said a prayer to Gott, thanking him for sending her such a blessing in disguise. Gott really did know what was right after all, and she should never have felt otherwise. A little broken heart now and again was just an expected part of life and growing up. Bea felt all was turning out for the best for Amy and Jack, and allowed herself to look forward to their wedding day in June. That

was a long way off, and she had her own life and happiness to attend to, so she closed her tired eyes, and tried not to turn her head while she slept for fear of starting a new nose bleed. With a new day dawning, Bea forgot about the pain in her nose, and bounced out of bed just a tad too quickly. The room began to spin, and she felt the renewed throb in her face. She grasped the corner of her four-poster bed frame, and thought a bit while she recovered her balance. It was just a few days away until church services, and she prayed that her face would look a bit better before her date with Jonathan. Her mother called to her to set the breakfast table, so off she went with renewed purpose, “Mamm, what does my nose look like this morning compared to yesterday?” “Dearie, that nose of yours is making you far too vain. Today, however, it is turning a lovely shade of purple and deep blue. That’s quite a bruise you got forming there,” said her mother, and that is when the entire household came to the breakfast table. All of them looked straight at Bea, noted her big, puffy, discolored nose, and tried to stifle good natured laughter, but Bea felt the sting of the insult all the same. They hadn’t meant to laugh, but she did look rather funny. Ezra was now feeling a bit sorrowful about throwing the ball that hit her nose, and was the only sibling that refrained from giggling, “Poor Bea!” he cried to the others at the table, “now she’ll look awful for her new beau on Sunday. What if it never goes back to normal?” Ezra said this with all innocence, but the worry it instilled in Bea was enough to send her fleeing to the icebox to press a new cold pack to the injury. The night before church service, Bea finally looked at herself in the mirror, and her nose looked a bit better. The profuse swelling had gone down thanks to several hours of icing, and the discoloration was now slightly yellowish with a green tinge. Not beautiful by any stretch of the imagination, but way better than the black and blue number she’d been sporting the last week. There was nothing to be done about it, besides hold her head up high at service, and hope that Jonathan would not be repulsed. “Morning, Bea,” offered Jonathan, careful not to set his eyes on her nose for too long, “the nose looks much better today,” but Bea knew he was just being kind. She knew she looked horrid. After all, she thought to herself, Jonathan was a

very handsome, eligible young man, and today at the service and after social, he would be surrounded by the prettiest girls in town that were looking for a courtship. She probably stood little chance at keeping him. Bea, again struck by her own vanity and self-consciousness, gazed about the room at all the other lovely young women. Their faces perfect and all the right shade of ruddy pink that came with the lovely fall weather. Service ended, and Bea chanced to see Jonathan headed towards the back of the room to the social with a throng of girls in his wake. She abruptly turned away, and decided she would not make good on her promise to Jonathan. It would only embarrass him, and he would feel obligated to spend time with her instead of talking with all the other pretty young ladies. Bea headed home with a heavy heart. She hated to flake on Jonathan, but at the same time did not think it fair to force him to pay attention to her in her current state. Not when there were so many others he could choose from. As she thought these irrational thoughts, she heard footsteps come up behind her, and at this time of night she suddenly felt wary. She needn’t, because it was Jonathan, “Hey now, Miss Bea! I thought you had agreed to accompany me to the social? I turned around to see you, but you were gone! Are you not feeling well?” “Yes, Jonathan, I feel fine, but my face does not. I could not help but notice all the fine girls lined up to make your acquaintance. I’m sure you’ll have no problem replacing me. There are lots of wonderful girls to choose from.” “Are you crazy?” said an exasperated Jonathan, “I invited you because you’re the girl I want. Who cares for all the others when I have already found the one I want to someday make my wife? Do you not feel like I am a good fit? Please tell me if you do not feel the same,” he said with faltering voice. It was quite apparent that he was completely smitten with Bea, swollen nose and all! “Do you really think I am so shallow that a little bump on the face would change my mind, Bea?” “Well, yes, I did think it possible. After all, I spent a long time with Jackson only to have him leave me for Amy. Why would you not do the same?” “One reason is that I am not disloyal, and another reason is that in the very short time I have known you, I have learned what a kind, warm-hearted girl you are. However, Bea, if you think I am of such low moral character as to abandon you

for a blemished facial feature, then perhaps you do not know me after all!” Jonathan was perplexed, not understanding a woman’s vanity, and was feeling rather exasperated at this point. He was at a loss as to what else to say. He could say he loved her, which was true, but he did not want to scare her off by declaring this too soon. “Oh! My goodness, Jonathan, you are such a wonderful person, and I apologize for running off on our date. I let my own insecurities cloud my vision of what is truly important. I’m afraid I have misjudged you. Can you ever forgive me?” Bea was humbled and felt ashamed of her choice to leave the social. Her reasons had been flimsy at best, and she should have judged Jonathan to be a much stronger man than she was accustomed to. Poor Jonathan, she thought. He must really think her a goose now. “Of course, I forgive you. Not that there is much to forgive. The way I see it is you’re just upset that you’ve got a big ol’ bruise and nothing more. I just wish you would have been honest from the start. But I am not wavering in my choice to court you, Bea. Please allow me the courtesy of calling upon you. You are the best part of Granger, and to lose you would send me straight back to my village. Why stay if I cannot have the girl who so welcomed me, and witnessed Gott’s glorious sunsets alongside me when I did not know another living soul in town? I choose you,” declared Jonathan. Bea’s face broke into the biggest smile she could muster without causing additional pain in her nose, “I choose you as well! Thank you, Jonathan, for showing me what really matters in life, and reminding me that some people are very true to their word.” It was then that Jonathan first gave her a kiss, took her by the hand, and decided to walk her back home. If she felt uncomfortable in a social setting, then he could not have cared less about the social. It was just an excuse to ask Bea on an outing anyway, and here they were already together. What words probably would not have been spoken this night were not a secret any longer! If this experience had taught the two lovers anything, it was that the length of time you knew someone mattered little, as long as you had mutual respect and iration for one another. They walked arm in arm along the pathway lit up by evening fireflies and the

sounds of crickets by the stream. It was far more lovely and romantic a setting than any social could have provided, and they were in nature, just as they had first met. Ever after, sunset would be their most favorite time of day! It was only fitting then, that two months later they did wed under a starlit sky in her parents’ meadow. The scene was rich with fairy lights and bits of ivory silken ribbon draped from the trees. Pastor Ned officiated the ceremony, and Amy served as her maiden of honor. Jonathan had chosen little Ezra to be his best man, as he was credited with gracing his schwester with a big bruise on her nose. After all, that was a key component in their burgeoning relationship. It was only fair that bruder Ezra get to be an important part of the event. As a special part of the ceremony, Pastor Ned asked both Bea and Jonathan to choose a meaningful piece of scripture to exchange to mark how unique and beautiful their marriage was. True to form, Jonathan presented a lovely verse from 1 Peter 3:3-4, “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit which is of great worth in God’s sight.” It was a truly fitting verse that assured Bea that even though her nose was bruised and purple, Jonathan loved her for herself, and gave no care for outward appearances. Bea, in turn, chose an equally beautiful verse for her new husband, which served to highlight what she valued most in his character, which came straight from Proverbs 3: 1-3, “My child, never forget the things I have taught you. Store my commands in your heart...never let loyalty and kindness leave you! Tie then around your neck as a reminder. Write them deep within your heart.” And with this special gift to one another, Jonathan and Bea both tied simple string necklaces with each of their bible quotes round the other’s neck, just as it suggested in Proverbs. It was on this winter night that two souls became one, and Bea’s fears of being rejected and alone in favor of another that was prettier or grander in whatever way left her for good. She vowed that she would tell her story to her future children, helping them to understand the value of true love and friendship.

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THE END

A SEASON FOR AMISH ROMANCE

MARTA LANCASTER

Chapter One Amos Lapp stopped the horse and buggy and dropped by Sweet and Glazed Pies. It was a beautiful spring day in the small town of Chestnut Falls. He recognized her almost immediately, the late Jonas Fisher’s oldest daughter, Esther, standing behind the counter in her dark blue cotton frock. She’d been away for a while. If he ed correctly, she’d been in high school, which caused plenty of gossip at all the barn raisings and quilting gatherings. For a young girl to continue her schooling into high school was mighty unusual. He ed seeing her briefly at her father’s funeral two years ago but then she’d disappeared again. “How can I serve you today?” Esther’s light hair was braided and coiled at the back of her head and her cheeks dimpled when she smiled. Amos wondered whether he’d even known the definition of the word “pretty” before. “I’m getting some pies for my great-grandmother, she’s too frail to do much cooking nowadays. I got a list here somewhere.” Amos reached into his overalls’ pocket. “That’s right, here it is.” He read off the list. “One apple pie, one pumpkin cranberry and one rhubarb.” He put the list down on the counter. “It’s nice seeing ya again, Esther.” Esther studied the list. “That’s a good list. Only that’s a mistake.” She went to warm up the pies. Amos frowned. “What’s a mistake?” “That’s not how you spell ‘rhubarb’,” Esther said, coming back. She dried her hands on her apron. Amos frowned. It bothered him to see her standing there criticizing the spelling of people that he knew, for a fact, were smart as a whip. “I think my greatgrandmother knows how to spell ‘rhubarb.’ She’s read plenty of cookbooks.” “Guess they were written by people who can’t spell either,” Esther said. She punched some numbers in the cash . “12.95 please.” Amos pulled some change out of his other pocket. “You used to be a polite girl,

Esther. You never corrected your elders.” He’d meant it as a joke but it came out sounding like a scolding. Esther stared at him. “You’re hardly my elder, Amos Lapp. I had boys in my class your age.” Amos winced. “I’m one of the ministers in this community. So you studied with the English?” “Mennonites, a lot of them,” Esther said. “Not as plain as us and not as fancy as the English.” “Plain and fancy don’t come in degrees,” Amos argued. Now he was getting riled up. “You’re either Amish and dedicated to serving the Lord, or you’re not. There is no in between.” “Yes,” said Esther. She smiled again. “Kinda like spelling. You can either spell or you can’t. Here are your pies.” Amos took the pies. He was halfway to his horse and buggy before it occurred to him that he hadn’t even said ‘thank you’ he was so taken aback. What young girl talked like that? No respect, no manners...And to him? He going to be the bishop next autumn, just finishing up his studies. How did you spell “rhubarb” anyway? And why did the girl who spoke to him so rudely have to be pretty as a picture?

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After a twenty-minute walk home, Esther opened the door and hung her apron up on a hook. She’d need to wash it tonight to have it ready for tomorrow morning. She could smell the potatoes her mother was frying up in the kitchen but she just wanted fifteen minutes to herself before going in there to help her. She glanced towards her bed. Underneath it, on the floor, she had her flute. The one she had bought up in Beaver Falls where she had stayed with her grandmother while going to high school. But the sound of flute music would hardly be welcome by anybody in this house. Nobody would want to hear it

tomorrow morning before church either. No matter how early she got up, everyone would be busy, washing up and getting ready and it was considered sinful to play the flute. “But I only play church songs. Isn’t that all right?” Esther had asked. Her mother had sighed. “Jeremiah wouldn’t be likin’ it. And he’s a quiet man. He might not say so but he wouldn’t be likin’ it.” To Esther, that made things so much more frustrating. If she was making someone unhappy, she liked to be told straight-out. But Jeremiah was a man who just looked grave without saying anything. How was she supposed to know if he hated the flute with a deadly hatred or if he was willing to overlook it? When she had left to high school four years ago, she had left her dat’s house. But her dat ed away and she returned to a stepfather she had never gotten the chance to know. She straightened her bedcovers and her mind went back to their encounter with Amos Lapp that morning. The way he had stared at her...he must have considered her a perfect heathen. Esther chuckled. She’d probably scare away all the boys in this county with her sharp tongue. But she couldn’t help it. That was just the way she was. She left the flute in its’ spot and walked down stairs. “Shall I make apple dumplings, mama?” Ach!” Her mother put her arms around her. “It is good to have you home, Esther. And if you learned one useful thing up in Beaver Falls, it was how to make good food.” “Yes, grandmother showed me how to cook all right,” Esther said. She sighed. She personally believed she had learned quite a few interesting things up in Beaver Falls. But here, nobody really cared about the learning of the English.

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Amos looked through his notes. The bishop was letting him speak for ten minutes this morning. He generally slept badly the night before he had to speak to the community and today was no exception. His stomach was in knots. It was such a responsibility to be telling people about God and telling them how they ought to live...he prayed about it, sure, but he still shook every time. When it was his turn to go up to speak, he noticed Esther, sitting with her mother and sisters in the third row, her flaxen hair pulled back into a bun at the back of her head. She fixed her eyes on Amos and Amos felt a bead of sweat trickle down his back. What did she have to do with his nervousness? Absolutely nothing, Amos told himself. She was quarrelsome. And the Bible warned against such women. He spoke from his heart. He stood next to the bishop at the end, shaking hands with the parishioners who were filing out. When Esther saw him, he extended his hand to her as well. “Glad to see you coming to Sunday meeting, Esther Fisher.” “Thank you,” Esther shook his hand. She had small hands for a girl who had to pound dough into pies all day. Amos turned to the next visitor, Becka Yoder, a lady in her seventies. “It is wonderful to see you here, Becka. Shall I be takin’ you home in my buggy?” Becka Yoder chuckled. “Thank you, young man. I’ve had six offers to be brought home today. I reckon you’re all achin’ to get a sample of my blackberry jam.” “Well.” Amos laughed too. “So you’re going to be the next bishop soon?” Esther asked. “Bishop Daniel Stoltz is going to be overseein’ my work for some time,” Amos said. “But yes, I was voted next bishop at the last community meeting.” “Oh.” Esther’s green eyes sparkled. “Can I ask you something then? As the next bishop, you must have an opinion.” Amos felt his hands going to his pockets, the thing he always did when he was

feeling just a bit uncertain. He restrained himself from that. It didn’t look respectable. “Did you ask Bishop Daniel Stoltz first?” “I’m asking you,” Esther said. “The English in this area are havin’ a country fair. They’re doing games and rides and raisin’ money for some sick kids down at the hospital in Beaver Falls. Do you think I should donate some pies to their pie-throwing game?” Amos frowned. “Fancy games don’t really go well with the way the Amish live.” “I’m not interested in games, I’m interested in helpin’ the kids.” “It’s hardly your pie shop though, is it? How would you donate anyway?” “I’d pay for them out of my salary. They’d be my pies to do what I like with then. What I want to know is whether you think that’s a gut thing to do.” Amos hesitated. It was unusual. A bit crazy really to do a thing like that. “Ask the bishop.” Esther looked at him and then looked down. When she looked up again, her interest was gone. “Well, that was a disappointing answer. But thank you.” Amos reddened. She thought he was a coward. “Esther, wait...” But Esther had already turned around and walked away. As Amos greeted of the congregation, he kept glancing over to where Esther stood with her five little brothers and sisters, her mother and stepfather. He wanted to somehow explain that a minister wasn’t supposed to have his own opinions about the conduct of young men and women in the community. That was what the Ordnung was for, a set of rules to make things clear and easy. And the Ordnung said that they were to keep themselves separate from the world. But only...Esther’s idea sounded wonderfully reasonable and comionate. Which failed to make things clear and easy at all. Chapter Two Esther finished milking and patted the cow on her brown velvet back.

“Thanks for the milk, Hattie,” she said. She set the milk jug down and glanced at the door of the barn. Perhaps, she could sneak a moment in now...she carefully pulled her flute out of the pocket in her button-up coat. She brought it to her lips and played. It was an old Mennonite song that she’d learned last year, a psalm from the Bible put to music, and it sounded like the sunset. When Esther played, she forgot about everything. Half an hour later, she emerged from the barn, carrying the jug of milk, and helped her mother set the table. It was almost six in the morning and she’d be heading over to work soon. Her stepfather, Jeremiah, came in and sat the kitchen table. “Good morning, Esther.” “Good morning, stepfather Jeremiah.” “Do you...enjoy working at the pie shop?” Esther stared. What an unexpected question. “Oh, I truly do.” Her mother, meanwhile, began breastfeeding the baby in the armchair in the corner. She had a shawl spread over her shoulder for modesty. “Hmmm.” Jeremiah looked grave as always. “Does that trouble you?” “It’s possible you might be troubled by the English folk stopping by the shop. I just want you to know...you don’t have to work there. You’ve got me to watch over you, provide for you, just as your dat did, ‘till you marry.” “Oh!” Esther felt warmth spreading through her. “I like to work, I really do. And since I’m a bit outspoken...” She heard her mother laughing from the armchair. “A bit?” “Not sure I’ll be marryin’ anyone anytime soon. So I’d prefer to stay where I am.”

She spoke frankly, but the words “just as your dat did” echoed in her mind and made her feel welcome. She began her early morning walk to the pie shop. Halfway to the shop, she saw a horse and buggy standing there. Who in the world could be there this early? She hadn’t even baked any pies yet. In the next moment, Amos Lapp came out of the buggy. “Esther.” Maybe it was her cheerful mood but today, he looked even more strong and handsome than yesterday. She blinked and looked away. Too bad Amos Lapp wasn’t much of a person. He was kind of fearful, really. “Good morning.” “I’ve been thinkin’ about what you said about the pies. I think you should donate them after all.” “Oh?” Esther looked back at him. “Well. That’s a nice bit of advice. I think I will.” “Will somebody be pickin’ them up?” “I was hopin’ that the English lady who told me about the country fair might drop by again. I’d give her the pies and ask her to take them over.” “How do you know she will?” Amos asked. “You don’t know, do you?” “What can I do?” Esther unlocked the shop with her key. “I can’t take the pies over myself and I won’t be botherin’ my stepfather about it.” “Let me do it then,” Amos said. “I’ve got to help dad on the farm some but I’ll be back around three.” “I...” Esther’s cheeks flushed pink. “I was sharp with you last time you came here, Amos. May I tell you I’m a bit sorry?” “Oh?” A playful look came into Amos’s eyes. “A bit sorry? Or truly sorry?” Esther put her hands on her hips. “Does it matter?”

“It matters very much.” “Fine! I’m truly sorry.” Esther stomped into the shop and reached into the icebox for the butter. By the time returned, she had baked and sold sixteen pies, a fine day’s work. Amos had a wooden box with him to put the pies in and he smelled like hay and wood shavings. “Shall I take them over?” “I’d like to come,” Esther said, wiping down the counter. “Uh...do your parents know about this?” “Does that matter so much?” Amos leaned against the wall and folded his arms. “What rebellious ideas did they teach you in that Mennonite school?” “Actually, they taught us that girls were to always ask our parents about everything. I was a bit strange even for the Mennonite school.” She washed the rag she had used for the counter in soap and hot water as she talked. “But strange or not, I could always make the other girls laugh.” “Do you miss going to school?” Esther paused. Nobody had asked her that since she came back. She believed her mother saw the whole thing as a waste of four years’ time and her stepfather probably agreed. “I miss...I miss the freedom. I lived with my grandmother. She let me walk places by myself. She let me play my flute.” Amos tried to speak softly even as his voice betrayed his surprise. “Your flute?” Esther nodded. “Yes. But I’ve just told you this because I trust you, Amos. Please don’t take it to other people.” The rode in the buggy in silence.

Esther was reflecting on what she had said and she was already beginning to feel red-hot anger at herself rising inside. Why had she told Amos so much? All he had to do was bring the information to Bishop Daniel Stoltz or to one of the other ministers. Then, she would be ordered to repent of her music. Why didn’t she keep her mouth shut? When they reached the fair, they saw a few tents and tables being set up by English men and women. They began to smell mysterious scents in the air. One of the smells was definitely corn of some kind, but there was also something sweet. A man in a wide-brimmed hat, wearing English clothing, was setting up what looking like a water-shooting game with small dolls attached to poles. The dolls had brightly painted faces and Esther turned away uncomfortably. The Amish never drew human faces on their dolls and she found the sight in front of her jarring. “I’d like to donate a few pies,” she said. “There’s a pie throwin’ game, I believe.” The man studied her curiously. “Thanks,” he said. “But we’re not doing the game.” Esther stared. “Why?” “Our target didn’t show up.” “Your target was a living person?” “The whole fair is run by the Parent Teacher Volunteer Society from the school over on the hill. Our target was a parent. He called me up today and said he was ill. In bed with a fever. We’ve got a lady running the game but nobody to throw pies at.” Amos rubbed his beard. Well. That was it then. They’d tried. He turned to Esther, who stood still, arms folded and eyebrows raised. “Why can’t someone replace him?” The man chuckled. “Nobody’s willing to do it. People will sign up to be in charge of throwing and shooting games, to sell popcorn and cotton candy, but nobody wants a pie in their face.”

“But the kids up at the hospital need money. See...my dat had cancer. That’s what some of these kids have. If we don’t help them, who will?” Esther stopped talking because she realized her voice was beginning to shake a bit. The man shrugged. “What do you want me to do? I got a game to run. Want to play it and donate some money?” “I haven’t got any!” Esther snapped. “I’ve only got pies to give.” Amos stood still a moment. Then, he took off his hat. “Here, hold this.” “Why?” “I don’t want it covered in pie. Now, where’s the game? I can be the target for a couple of hours.”

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Esther Fisher was in a daze. She had thought Amos Lapp cowardly. Now, she could not understand how he got the pluck to do what he did. After all, she was just an ordinary Amish girl. Her donating the pies might cause some talk. It might even get her into some trouble at home. But Amos was a minister, about to become bishop. If people found out, his act might cost him his position. She had watched him at the game for a while, as Amos peeked through a cardboard cutout of an English farmer and let children and teenagers throw pies at his face and drop change in the box. He seemed pretty good natured about it but Amos Lapp did not seem like the kind of person to enjoy the humiliation. Why’d he do it anyway? She couldn’t understand it. As she stood by the buggy, Esther offered the horse some of the pink fluffy sweet desert she’d bought for a dollar at the stand nearby. What had the man

called it? Cotton candy? It was a funny name. Amos showed up finally, his collar smeared with crumbs and pie filling. “Well,” he said. “I think I’ve lost my taste for pie for a good month.” “I...I hope you’ll come by the shop anyhow. Even if you’ve lost your taste for pie.” Amos broke into a wide smile. “Thank you, Esther Fisher. I accept the invitation.” They rode back quietly. Esther looked up at Amos several times, noticed him watching her and quickly looked away. She felt her face burning. Had she really invited him to come by the shop? “Is your stepfather a good man?” “Yes,” Esther said. “He is. He isn’t my dat but...he is a righteous man.” “How –“ Amos hesitated. “How does he feel about your flute?” Esther bit her lip. She’d rather not talk about it but she had only herself to blame for telling Amos about it. “I haven’t been home for that long. For now, he is saying nothing. I only play when I am alone.” “Is it a secret?” “Mama knows. And she must have told Jeremiah because mama doesn’t keep secrets.” “Don’t you think you’re being rather deceptive when you keep your flute but don’t tell anybody outside the family about it?” He had reached Esther’s home and stopped the horse and buggy. Esther felt tears beginning to fill her eyes. “I started playing my flute when my dat died. It helped me in my grief. It still helps me when I am downcast. My music...it heals my soul. I cannot give it up. If I have to keep it a secret, then that’s how it’ll be.” She stood up and stormed into the house.

Chapter Three Amos was sitting at the table, across from Bishop Daniel Stoltz and two other ministers. “So you were seen riding your buggy with Esther Fisher way into town where the English live. Would you be wantin’ to say why?” “Uh...” Amos tried to think of a way to summarize it. “The hospital needed some money and we were taking them...pies. Yes, we were taking some pies to them.” Bishop Daniel’s long face got even longer as he furrowed his brows. “Why pies?” “Esther Fisher wanted to take them some pies.’ Amos cleared his throat. “They can sell them and get money. There’s sick kids over at the hospital.” “Riding with a young, unmarried girl? We let young men take girls home after Sunday night singing. But not into town and not where they can interact with the English. They might be corrupted by the world.” “You’re correct. I should have just taken the pies myself. I promise you that it will not happen again.” “Hmmm,” Bishop Daniel smiled a little. “If you wish to court the girl, Amos, why don’t you do it the ordinary way, the way the Good Lord meant it? Center your courtship around church and family.” Amos sighed. “She doesn’t want me to court her in any sort of way. But thank you.” He walked out of Bishop Daniel’s home. In fact, he had been in a difficult mood all day. Before their conversation about the flute, he had felt sure that Esther was beginning to warm up to him. After all, that was half of the reason he had stood there for hours getting raspberry filling splattered all over his face. He had wanted to impress her. But now, there was clearly a distance between them. He had stopped by the pie shop the other day and the pie shop’s owner was there, old Mae Yoder. And Esther had simply refused to come out. Mae Yoder had served him his pies, which he could barely stand the sight of.

He was riding past the schoolhouse, still lost in thought, when eight-year old Jacob Fisher (Esther’s brother) got his attention. The little boy was sitting right outside the schoolhouse on a bench next to his teacher, who had her arm around him. He seemed upset, and Amos slowed down the horse as he rode by. “Everything all right?” he asked. As minister, he was getting in the habit of taking an interest in people’s affairs. The schoolteacher smiled. “He doesn’t want to walk home by himself. He’s used to his mother pickin’ him up and walking with him. See, Jacob, even little Katie’s willing to walk home. She knows the way.” “I’ll take Jacob and Katie home. Why isn’t their mother picking them up today?” “She had to go over to the clinic down in Beaver Falls,” the schoolteacher said. “Jacob couldn’t quite explain why.” “Esther took ill,” Jacob said. “They took the horse and buggy and went together.” “Esther?” Amos felt a chill through him. For Esther to go into the clinic... “Did she say what was wrong, Jacob?” “Mama said it was some disease,” Jacob said. “And then she named some fruit, like orange or lemon or somethin’.” “Lyme,” Amos said. “Jacob, Katie, hurry up and climb up here. I’ll take you home and then, I have to go to the clinic. Now.” It couldn’t be. Not Esther. There must be some mistake. But all he knew was that he had to be there. An hour later, he was looking at the entrance to the English clinic and trying to figure out what to do with his horse and buggy. Could he leave them where the English left their cars? Or would one of them spook the horse into bolting? He wanted to see Esther. He needed to see Esther. Finally, he found a spot that was a bit separated from the parked cars and left the horse and buggy there. He entered a room with light green walls, full of English folk, waiting to see a doctor. He saw Esther and her mother sitting on the left side, talking to each

other quietly. They looked up at him and Esther’s eyes widened. “Amos! What are you doing here?” “Amos walked towards them. “Do you have Lyme disease?” Esther swallowed. “We don’t know yet. I have to give some of my blood, and then, I think, we have to wait. But we needed to check because...” she lifted up her sleeve and showed Amos her arm. There was a red dot, looking like an insect bite on her shoulder, and a rash going all the way down to her wrist. “There was a tick there a couple of days ago,” she said. “We removed it but I’ve had the rash since before yesterday. So...” she took a deep breath. “It’s possible.” Esther’s mother still had her apron on and was twisting it in her lap nervously. “Did Jeremiah tell you where we were?” “Little Jacob did. I thought Jeremiah was with you. I took Jacob and Katie home and just let ‘em run into the house because I figured you had a friend staying over with the baby.” “Rush, rush, rush!” Esther’s mother sighed. “You young people rush everywhere. First, Esther grabs the horse and buggy and insists on ridin’ to the clinic herself when she could have waited only an hour until Jeremiah could take her. Now you. Did you even think to peek into the house and ask what was goin’ on?” “I couldn’t wait an hour,” Esther said. Her hands were folded tightly across her chest and her face was pale. “I had to go and find out as soon as possible.” “Esther Fisher,” announced the woman at the desk. Esther stood. “I hate needles. I dat getting shots for a little while and I could never watch it.” “I’m coming,” Jeremiah said. “No point in me sitting out here, is there?” Esther smiled a little. “You might as well. See me acting like a scared kitten over a few shots.”

“I think you’ve been mighty brave so far.” The doctor that examined Esther asked her if she’d noticed any symptoms. While he was talking, he felt her neck and Esther drew back a little. For a man to touch a girl so among the Amish was unheard of. “Just the rash on her arm,” Esther’s mother said. The doctor examined the rash. “That’s a possible indicator. You were right to come. So many Amish try to fix things themselves and wait until it’s too late.” “We pray and hope for the best,” Esther’s mother said quietly. “If she does have it, is it going to kill her?” Amos asked. Esther drew in her breath sharply at the question. “Sometimes, Lyme disease can be cured completely. Sometimes, if too much time has ed, it can’t. Then, it’s a lifelong disease and you take medicine regularly your whole life. So let’s pray and hope for the best, huh?” The doctor turned to Esther. “Now, honey, you’ll feel a small prick. If you’re feeling nervous, just keep talking to your family, that might help.” “Amos,” Esther said. “You enjoy the pies you got the other day?” Amos wrinkled his nose. “I can’t stand pies still.” “So why’d you get them?” “Why do you think?” “Do you know what I want to do while I’m here at the clinic?” “What?” “I want to watch that television over in the corner of the room.” “Esther!” Her mother gasped. “You will not be watching worldly things. How do we know what they’ll be showin’ on that television?” “Now you wait for the results,” said the doctor. “You can come back around

noon tomorrow and if you’re positive, then you’ll be prescribed pills.” “Tomorrow?” Esther gasped. “I suppose I’d better go on home. There’s chores to be done and I have work tomorrow - ” Esther’s mother shook her head. “You won’t be able to go to work if you have to come back around noon anyway. I think you’d best be stayin’ with your grandmother overnight. I must go home today. Nobody’s going to feed baby Abram. I should have brought him along but it never occurred to me that this would take so long.” “Grandma Ruth? That’s a mighty good idea.” Amos frowned. “If your mother takes the horse and buggy back home, how will you get to the clinic from your grandmother’s?” “Um...get someone to drive me from the English?” She laughed at Amos’s startled look. “I’ve seen the Amish do it before. It isn’t a sin to ride in someone else’s car. And it’s fun once in a while.” “I’m not letting you ride in a stranger’s car,” Amos said emphatically. “Who knows what kind of person is behind the wheel?” “Oh, are you giving me commands now?” Amos didn’t feel like laughing. “I will stay overnight too. Then, I’ll take you over to the clinic tomorrow.” “I’d greatly appreciate that, Amos Lapp,” said Esther’s mother. She gave Esther a kiss. “I’m guessin’ you’ll be coming home some time tomorrow either way.” She sighed, her forehead creasing with worry. “Try not to talk to too many English while you’re here. And get some rest.” “I’ll try, mama,” Esther said. Chapter Four Esther’s grandmother welcomed them heartily. “I wish I’d known ahead of time you were coming. But that’s all right, we can get some eggs and potatoes in the pan and dumplings for desert.” She peered at Amos over the top of her glasses.

“Amos, is it? You can fix the broken step on the porch since you’re here.” After the hearty dinner, they played dominoes by the light of the gas lamps. Esther had let down her blonde braid from its’ customary bun and let it lie over her shoulder. “I wish they’d tell me if I’m ill right away,” she said, while putting down a tile. “It’s vexing having to wait.” “But you feel all right, don’t you?” Amos asked. “The rash itches some. Are you so very worried about me?” Amos studied her. She was teasing again. “I’m more worried about the ideas you get in your head. Can you imagine the trouble you’d get into, riding in an English car with a person you don’t even know? I heard some of the English drink wine and then get behind the wheel. You’d be trusting your life to a complete stranger.” “I’d have a mighty good time. I never got to ride in an English car.” Esther’s grandmother stood. “Well, I reckon I’ll be going to bed. Now, Esther, might I have a word with you alone?” Esther followed her grandmother to the kitchen. “First, I’m showin’ you that the cornmeal is in this cupboard. Might as well make breakfast tomorrow morning for all of us. And second...is he your sweetheart?” “Esther blushed. “He’s a good friend, grandma. He’s also one of the ministers, so he is helpful to people.” Her grandma chuckled. “I suppose we can all use a good friend in our lives. Does he have land of his own?” “He’s only a friend.” “He doesn’t look at you like a good friend. Looks at you like he’s your beau. I know the difference.” She kissed Esther good-night. “I assume you’ll be retiring to your room around 11, yes?”

She left Esther alone in the kitchen. Esther returned to the room where Amos was fiddling with the dominoes. “When I was a child, I used to line them up and then tip one over just to watch the rest fall.” “When I was a child, I used to cheat,” Esther confessed. “If I didn’t like the ones I got, I’d switch them with the ones in the pile when my dat wasn’t looking. He and I played a lot, just the two of us, cause the other kids were too little.” “Why is it that you have this tendency to break rules all the time?” Esther considered. “Not all the time. Just once in a while, when it doesn’t hurt anybody.” “You say you only break rules once in a while. But you probably play that flute right about every few days.” Esther threw up her hands. “Is it so important to bring up my flute just now?” Amos took a deep breath. “I’m taken with you, Esther Fisher. You’re lovely and smart and I’m getting used to your outspoken manner. Actually, I kind of like it. But I’m a minister. To me, the flute is important.” Esther colored. He liked her. This kind and handsome man that let Englishers throw pies at his face actually liked her. And it felt so wonderfully pleasant, being called “lovely.” But he was trying to make her understand something. “Why don’t you speak plainly and say what you mean then?” “Well...” Amos stuck his hands in his pockets, as he always did when growing uncomfortable. “Never mind. I’ll have to think about how to say what I mean.” “No, don’t think about it. Just tell me what you’re thinking!” “I don’t know if you know. The Ordnung in this community is against musical instruments. We think they have no place in the holy church.” “Do you think so?” “It doesn’t matter. As bishop, I will need to defend the position of the church.”

“So...you will keep your personal thoughts to yourself,” Esther said. She was beginning to feel the ache of disappointment grow within her. “You must court a girl who will be a good and obedient wife and do the same as you do. And I play the flute.” “You don’t have to. If I courted you for a bit...and...you came to like me after a while....and if we got married someday...would we not have enough affection between us to make up for the loss of your flute?” Esther stood. “I’ve told you before. My flute is my way of reaching for joy when it’s hard to reach for. If you really wanted to court me, you’d not be tryin’ so hard to take that away. Good night!” She turned around and left the room. Once in her old room, the one she’d had for four years, she let herself quietly sob into her pillow. She was angry at Amos, vexed at herself, scared about tomorrow. What if she had an illness for life? She wished she could have stayed up with Amos a bit longer. He had a way of making her feel braver. But he also had a way of making her feel absolutely miserable.

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Early that morning, Amos stepped out of the house and walked about. He’d seen a lake while driving by yesterday and wanted to take a look. He hadn’t slept very well. He kept thinking about Esther. If she was ill, he’d be helping her out no matter what. As a friend, if nothing more. The lake was a translucent blue and there were swans swimming on the surface. He’d heard somewhere that swans were faithful to each other their whole lives, that unlike many other birds, they didn’t go from one to another partner. He’d always wanted a marriage like that for himself, a woman who would be a and a help to him for life. And he knew that Esther had that loyalty in her. But the problem of the flute remained. He didn’t see why such a wonderful girl, such a beautiful girl, had to be so unreasonable. He had a sudden image in his

mind of taking Esther in his arms and kissing her, while the flute fell to the floor and snapped into two pieces. Then, he felt his face heat up with shame. It wasn’t a decent thing for a man to imagine. And it wasn’t going to happen. He returned to the house to find Esther’s grandmother, Ruth, hanging up clothes on the clothesline outside. “Just look at this lovely morning that the good Lord has given us!” “Good morning.” “You seem out of sorts, Amos Lapp. Much like my granddaughter. She seems out of sorts too. She’s not seeking any advice though. Are you?” “Um...thank you kindly. I’m not seeking advice.” Amos prepared to go into the house. “Wait.” Grandmother Ruth took a few steps towards him and put her wrinkly hand on his shoulder. “Just , strength of character is going to see you through a tough time where lots of other nonsense you used to rely on just drops away.” “Strength of character has nothing to do with my predicament.” Grandmother Ruth smiled. “You’re still a bit naïve, though you may be a minister about to become bishop. Strength of character has to do with everything.” They rode to the clinic silently. When Esther’s name was called, the doctor didn’t come out to see them. A nurse explained that the test results were negative, which meant that Esther was fine. “It was wise of you to come in and make sure. And you might want to put some calamine lotion on that rash.” “Thank you!” Esther closed her eyes and exhaled softly. She would need to thank the good Lord in her prayers that night. But somehow, she still felt a sadness underneath her relief. Chapter Five

Soon, they were home. After speaking to her mother briefly, Esther threw herself into the household chores. She swept and dusted, wiped counters and peeled potatoes with vigor. She worked for three hours straight and finally, walked into her room, ready to reach for the flute. She began to play the notes of “The Lord is My Shepherd” but she kept hearing Amos’s voice in her mind. Would we not have enough affection between us to make up for the loss of your flute? First, came one sob, then another, as she pictured Amos standing next to her, his hand around her waist, his golden-brown eyes fixed on her. Yes, she wanted that, affection, and laughter, and working together on things. She even liked the idea of talking over the problems of the community that he, as bishop, would be expected to confront. She studied the red dot on her shoulder from the tick bite. It had seemed to her when she had thought she might be in danger of illness, that she would give up anything to just have the assurance of heath, anything, including her flute. Why couldn’t she do it for Amos then? Because it seemed so unnecessary. Giving up her flute just because those were the rules? Surely, she wouldn’t be sent to hell for playing music for her own personal peace of mind. She had made friends with Mennonites back in high school and they played musical instruments. They used English electric lamps and drove fancy English cars, and they were kind, God-fearing people. “Esther!” her mother called from downstairs. “There’s someone here to see you!” “I don’t want to see anybody. Please explain to them that I don’t feel well, I’ve just returned from the doctor.” “Esther, he wants to see you very much.” He? Esther felt her chest heaving. It was Amos, of course, here again, to have the whole conversation that they’d already had and to try to convince her to change

her mind. It was unbearable to keep stretching out the pain when her decision remained the same. “I have nothing to say to Amos Lapp.” “He gave you a ride back from the clinic and you have nothing to say to him?” Esther felt ashamed. Her mother was right. She did owe him common courtesy. She opened her door and walked downstairs. Amos was standing in the doorway, a fresh light in his eyes. “Walk with me?” “I’m tired. I’ve been cleaning all day.”

“Come for a ride with me then. I’ll carry you to the buggy in my arms.”

Esther glanced at her mother, who was keeping herself occupied in the corner of the kitchen.

“Are you crazy?”

“I thought you didn’t care about people’s talk.”

“I’m not going to ride in your buggy. If you have something to say to me, say it now, so I can go back upstairs,” Esther said tightly. “I was just about to play on my flute for a bit.”

“May I see it?”

“No!” “One year, Esther, that’s all I’m asking. Just one.” Amos came closer and took both of her hands into his. “If we get married, one year without playing your flute.” Esther loved feeling his hands around hers, loved the way he was looking at her. “That’s completely not logical. What’s going to change in a year?” She made an effort to pull away but Amos drew her close and then, she was sobbing into his shoulder. “I was looking at the Lancaster County Business Directory today. There’s Amish businesses there, advertising different things. They sell musical instruments. There are some Amish communities where it’s allowed.” “Of course, there are but what does that matter? We live in this one.” “For a year, I will be under Bishop Daniel’s observation. He will be watchin’ every move I make and scrutinizing every sermon. After that, he will step back and let me and the other two ministers have the final authority. I’ve heard he’s moving up north in a year. He’s ailing and he and his wife will be able to live with his grandson’s family. Then, it will be understood, I am the new bishop. If I speak to people, little by little, we can make changes to the Ordnung. That’s when you can start playing your flute at home. You’ll play while I prepare for my sermons. You’ll share your music with me and I’ll share my studying with you. I know you’ll want to take part.” Esther held back. “What if the people vote against it? You could get into trouble.” “Not if they approve of me. Not if I work towards it.” Amos held her tightly. “Let me court you. Pray about it. If eight weeks from now, you feel inclined - ” “I don’t need eight weeks,” Esther said. She took a deep breath. “I’m fond of you now.” “You are?” “I think I am.”

Esther’s mother came back from the kitchen. “Go for a walk with him, Esther,” she said. “Go. You’ve had a tiring few days and you need some fresh air. I suppose, next you’ll be tellin’ him about the novels...” Amos stared. “Novels?” “Just three novels that I brought back from Beaver Falls. But maybe I can give one of them up.” Esther winked at him. “Maybe.” And they walked down the path hand in hand, enjoying the sunshine and talking. Talking about everything.

AMBER & ABEL

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MONICA MARKS

Amber and Abel Milan, Italy “No! No! No!” Amber cried, throwing her hands up in dismay. “How did this happen? How could this happen?” The others in the hung their heads in unison, no one willing to accept the blame for the most recent catastrophe. “Giuliana is to wear the taffeta number, Gia the silk and Corina the leather and lace. Who screwed this up? Come on, speak up. Time is money, people!” Again, only mollified silence met the designer’s question. Amber stifled a groan, knowing that she would not get an ission from the group. “Never mind now,” she sighed. “Twenty minutes to curtain. Get the models redressed at once. Keep an eye on the rotation! It’s simple reading! It’s not that complicated!” A chorus of “yes ma’am” filled her ears and she spun to deal with the next mishap as someone shoved a clipboard in her face. It doesn’t matter how many years I’ve been doing this, I have yet to see a fashion show go as planned. It was not for lack of excruciating planning of course. Every detail had been mapped to the last second months in advance and yet inevitably, someone impetrative would call in sick or a top investor would want to bring his six grandchildren backstage. Invariably, a model vomited on the runway or a makeup artist and hair stylist got into a fist fight. It was what kept Amber’s blood pressure skyrocketing and her heart rushing in her ears. “Amber! Amber, you have an urgent phone call!”

Her assistant, Dana appeared, holding out one of the three cell phones she carried but Amber waved her away. Every phone call was an urgent phone call. It was an occupational hazard. “Not now, Dana. Can’t you see we’re T minus nineteen minutes?” “Amber, you need to take – “ “Dana! I am up to my ears in disasters right now. Can you please deal with whatever it is? Is that not what I pay you the big bucks for?” For a timeless second, a hush seemed to fall over the bustling backstage and inexplicably, Amber felt the hairs on her arms raise as she lifted her head. She looked at Dana who shook her head quietly. “What is it?” Amber breathed. “What happened?” Dana visibly swallowed, lowering her kind, brown eyes through the lenses of her glasses. She extended the phone further. “It’s your mother.” And Amber’s world stopped. Brooklyn, New York “I’m looking for Leah Colville,” Amber told the nurse. She drummed her fingers anxiously on the counter as the woman punched in the information and nodded. “Room 717,” she announced. “Just follow that hallway to the end.” Amber barely heard the last words as she flew down toward her mother’s room. It was slightly ajar and she pushed it open, her stomach flipping nervously. “Mama?” she called softly. “Mama, are you awake?”

“Amber?” She hurried inside the semi-private room, sliding the separating curtain aside. Leah was the only one in the room but Amber knew that could change at the drop of a hat. Oh mama, why didn’t you say anything? Her breath caught in her throat as she stared at her one virile mother, sunken in the bed, her face as white as the sterile sheets in which she lay. Amber threw herself into her mother’s arms gently. “Oh mama,” she whispered. “Why didn’t you tell me it had gotten so bad?” Leah made a dismissive sound with her tongue. “You are a busy girl, Amber. The last thing you need is your old, sick mom crying in your ear about chemo treatments and hair loss. It’s nothing you haven’t heard a million times before.” Tears filled Amber’s grey eyes but she hid them. “I am never too busy for you,” she scolded tenderly. “How long have you been like this?” Leah sighed. “Three weeks. The doctors are shocked I’ve hung on this long, kitten. It’s only a matter of time...” A stunning bolt of guilt almost brought Amber to her knees. How could I not have known for three weeks? What kind of daughter am I? “Don’t talk like that!” Amber cried. “You’re not going to...” She trailed off as her voice caught in her throat. “Shh, kitten. Don’t cry now. We have both known that I have been living on

borrowed time for a long while. God has been gracious enough to let me see you become successful and now I can go to the other side knowing you are secure.” Amber pursed her lips together, squeezing her mom’s frail body. “But I need you to do something for me,” the older Colville woman continued and Amber raised her head. “Anything, mama. Tell me what you need.” Leah studied her beautiful daughter’s face for a long moment, reaching up to stroke her short, layered hair. “Two things actually.” Amber stared at her expectantly. “First, when I die, I need you to go to Pennsylvania and find my sister, Ruthie to let her know I’ve ed.” Amber stared at her uncomprehendingly. “Your sister Ruthie?” she echoed. “Since when do you have a sister Ruthie?” Leah offered her a weak smile. “I have always had a sister, kitten.” Amber waited for her to elaborate but Leah seemed to have lost her strength suddenly. “I’m tired, Amber,” she murmured. “I would like to rest now.” “Yes, mama, of course,” Amber replied, sitting up. “I will be right here when you wake up.” Leah patted her daughter’s hand and smiled lovingly. “The second thing I would like you to do it grow your hair long again. I miss those golden locks of yours.”

Amber forced a smile through the tears in her eyes. “I will do that mama. I will grow my hair and find Aunt Ruthie in Pennsylvania.” Leah nodded slowly, her eyes growing heavy. “Just Ruthie, not Aunt Ruthie. You can find her in Eden, Pennsylvania. Ruthie Miller.” Amber watched with a trembling chin as her mother’s eyes fell closed knowing that it was the last time she would ever see them open again. Eden, Pennsylvania Amber looked at the woman embarrassed. “I’m afraid I don’t know much more than what I’ve already told you,” Amber itted, wishing away the clerk’s scornful scrutiny. “My mother asked me to find her sister here in Eden and I have no idea where to start.” The clerk gave her a look which was half bemused, half annoyed but she turned back to her computer. “Ruth Miller,” she sighed, shaking her head. “There has to be at least two dozen here and that’s only the ones we have one record.” Amber blinked and stared at her. “This is city hall, isn’t it? Why wouldn’t you have them on record? Do you have a lot of illegal immigrants here?” Amber’s question was sincere but the clerk’s expression turned sardonic. “You really are not from around here, are you?” Amber swallowed her annoyance and forced a smile. “No, ma’am. I am not. That is why any help you can give me would be greatly appreciated. Why would you not have someone on record?”

“This is Amish country, honey.” Amber suddenly felt foolish and she grinned sheepishly. “Of course. Well, can you see if any of the Ruth Millers you have there have a sister named Leah?” The clerk’s red eyebrows rose almost to her hairline. “Ruth and Leah Miller? Are you kidding me? You’re definitely looking for an Amish family, sweetie.” “That can’t be,” Amber said shaking her head. “My mom wasn’t Amish.” “Well, I can check but if it quacks like a duck...” Again, her fingers flew over the keyboard and she raised an eyebrow. “I have two Ruth Millers with a sibling named Leah.” She scrawled their telephone numbers onto a piece of paper for her. “But I wouldn’t get your hopes up, honey,” the clerk told her as she held out the sheet. “My guess is that your Ruth Miller is somewhere in the countryside.” Amber stared at her helplessly. “What do I do then?” “If neither of these women is who you’re seeking, I would start combing the districts.” Amber opened her mouth to ask what that meant but the older woman seemed irritated enough. She closed her mouth and vowed to find someone else to help her find answers. Instead, she thanked her and hurried out of the building, into the windy autumn day. As she stood on the steps, looking down at the phone numbers in her hands, a

memory flittered through her mind. She had been about four years old and her mother pulled a long dress from a hope chest at the foot of the bed. It had been just after Amber’s father had died and Leah had been so melancholic, digging through old photos and keepsakes. “That’s an old dress, mama,” Amber said, looking at the homespun fabric in awe. “It is, kitten, yes,” her mother agreed. “Would you like to try it on?” “Yes please!” Amber cried and Leah had laughed, slipping the too large garment onto her small daughter. The older Colville dug into the chest and removed a small white cap, placing it on the base of Amber’s head. “You look like a proper Amish girl now, Liebchen.” “What is an Amish girl, mama?” “Greta!” The voice was loud and almost directly in her ear, smashing her reverie into a million pieces. Startled, Amber turned to look. An Amish man stood behind her, his green eyes alight with hope as she met his stare. “Greta, you’ve returned!” he said excitedly. “When did you come back to Eden?” Amber shook her head. “I’m sorry,” she said kindly, still awed by the green of his irises. “You have me confused with someone else.”

To her surprise, his brow furrowed and he scowled slightly. “Are you playing a game?” he asked gruffly, his eyes narrowing. “You don’t need to worry; I won’t tell anyone I have seen you.” Amber’s eyes widened and she wondered if she was in the middle of a gag. She looked around for cameras but nothing seemed out of the ordinary. “I really am sorry,” she said again, continuing down the steps. “You have me mixed up with someone else. My name isn’t Greta.” She hurried away before he could respond, leaving him staring after her. As she made her way toward the street where her rental car waited, she glanced back uneasily at the attractive man, her heart racing. That was strange, she thought, sliding into the driver’s side. But as she pulled away from the curb, she wondered if it was less strange and more fate. Perhaps that man was God’s way of telling her that she would find her long lost aunt inside the Amish community after all. I guess it’s time to start combing the districts, Amber thought wryly. Whatever that means. She could not help but take one last peek at the man in her rear-view as she drove away. He remained standing on the steps, staring after her as if he expected her to return. I hope he finds Greta, she thought wistfully. He certainly seems to love her. “Abel, who was that?” Levi demanded, rushing up the steps of city hall to meet his brother. He peered in the direction which the car gone. “Apparently no one,” Abel muttered as he watched the small sports car zoom away from the center of town. “From where I stood, it looked to be Greta Shetler and – “

“It was not,” Abel snapped, cutting off his brother before another word could leave his lips. Levi eyed him warily. “You seem upset,” he commented. “Hasn’t that woman done enough damage to you without having you pine for her?” “Let’s not speak about her,” Abel said between clenched teeth as he hurried down the steps. “We have errands to run.” Levi chuckled dryly. “Well whoever she is, I would not mind seeing her again,” Levi commented. Abel paused to give his brother a scathing look. “She is an Englisher,” he retorted. “You would do well to stay away from her.” “Why? Are you interested?” Levi mocked. “And I thought you were going to die longing for the shunned and shamed beauty of the district.” “You are speaking nonsense now, Levi,” Abel chided. “If you can’t speak normally, don’t speak at all.” Abel didn’t have to look over to know his brother was leering at him. It seemed everyone in town had been ogling him since the day Greta had run off with the Englisher, leaving him at the altar after declaring she was pregnant with the Englisher’s child. And now she was back, pretending that she did not recognize him. It was just another slap in the face after her ex-communication, almost two years earlier. Has she come back to humiliate me further? “Who was she if not Greta?” Levi demanded, obviously unwilling to leave the topic alone. “You know you should not even be speaking her name,” Abel snapped. “I don’t

know who that woman was.” “Then why did you run after her if you don’t know her?” Abel was growing angry with his brother’s interrogation. “Let us go our own way today. We can accomplish more that way.” Without permitting Levi an opportunity to answer, he rushed away, trying to leave his brother in his wake along with the painful memories of Greta. After finding a quiet spot to park her car, Amber picked up her cell phone. She tried both the phone numbers given to her by the clerk at city hall but as the woman had predicted, neither was the woman Amber sought. Now I have to venture from district to district, she realized. She was not looking forward to the task; it seemed daunting but she knew she could not rest until she had honored her mother’s wishes. Instinctively, she reached up and touched her hair. It had already begun to grow out some in the two months since Leah’s ing and Amber was determined not to touch it. As she drove the rental into the outskirts of Eden, the lush Pennsylvania hills fell into a smaller settlement of land and soon, she could see that she was inside the Amish district. Almost immediately, a feeling of peace overcame her and she had to stop the car to ire the almost surreal beauty of the landscape around her. She grabbed for her cell phone, snapping pictures as the horizon as the sun began to set over the lolling dales. Suddenly, she heard the clopping of hooves as a wagon approached and Amber lowered her camera, watching in awe as a horse and cart ambled toward her. In the front, a man and woman dressed in traditional Amish attire rode primly and Amber offered them a nervous smile, not knowing if she would be received

with distain. To her relief, they both returned her beam and the man slowed the beast. “Are you lost, miss?” he asked politely and Amber shook her head. “No...well maybe,” she replied sheepishly. “I stopped to take a picture of the beautiful landscape but...” She trailed off, suddenly embarrassed. “I am afraid I’m on a bit of a wild goose chase,” she confessed. They peered at her with curious eyes. “Are you looking for someone’s home?” the woman asked. “Perhaps we can direct you.” Amber opened her mouth to answer and then closed it. “This is going to seem ridiculous,” she muttered. “But I am looking for a woman named Ruthie Miller. Do you know her?” The couple seemed slightly amused by the question and Amber was beginning to realize that was going to be a common response to her inquiry. I wonder what it would be like to live in a place where everyone knew everyone else? I imagine there is a sense of security that accompanies that knowledge. “I fear that we know several women by that name, miss. Can you tell us anything else about her?” “She had a sister named Leah but they have been estranged for – “ Suddenly, Amber found it difficult to speak and she swallowed quickly as her voice broke. “Have you had supper, miss?” the woman asked quietly. “Our farm is not far from here. It would be our pleasure to have you as our guest.” Amber looked up, terrified and shook her head.

“Oh no, I couldn’t,” she gulped. “But thank you.” The man smiled. “It is considered very rude to refuse a supper invitation in Amish country,” he informed her and Amber could see he was teasing her but all the same, she found herself nodding. “That would be lovely,” she breathed. “Thank you.” “You may follow us,” the woman said, smiling. Amber nodded and allowed them to before jumping back into her car. What lovely people, she thought, her heart warming. The man on the steps of city hall had made her nervous and so far, he had been the only interaction she had with anyone in their culture. But he did have lovely green eyes. Amber steered the Chrysler into up the long drive of the pretty farmhouse, keeping a safe distance behind the kind strangers. Slowly, she exited her car, suddenly aware of how strange was what she was doing. Would I ever accept such an unexpected dinner invitation from random strangers in New York or Milan or Paris? Of course not. So why am I doing it here? The answer was obvious; it felt right. She was nowhere near any major city, deg clothes and fighting with stage hands or arguing with models. It was like she had entered another world, another planet even where Amber Colville didn’t exist and she was just a lost little girl, looking for the last family relation she had left in the world. Does my Aunt Ruthie have children? Maybe I have cousins out there. Or should I say, in here.

“Come along, miss. It’s growing cold without the sun shining down on us,” the woman urged. “My name is Amber,” she volunteered as she was led into the house. “Amber Colville.” The wife smiled and nodded. “That is a lovely name. I am Beth and that is my husband, Jeremiah Troyer.” “Pleased to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Troyer,” I said politely. She smiled softly. “We do not use such formalities here. You may call us Beth and Jeremiah,” she said softly. Amber blushed lightly and nodded. “Only if you call me Amber,” she agreed. “Please, come and sit. Our boys should be along shortly. They have been commissioned with supper as Jeremiah and I were in town today.” “I see,” she said, nodding. “But you are farmers?” “Yes,” Beth replied. “We grow wheat and barley. Our boys have recently acquired chickens but between you and I, Amber, I am rather fearful of their pecking beaks.” Amber chuckled with Jeremiah. “There is no shame in having fears, Beth,” her husband said, reassuringly. “I am certain even the English have fears.” Amber’s smile broadened. “Oh yes,” she assured them. “More fears than I care to it.” A sudden warmth flowed between them as they stood in a comfortable silence.

“Come along inside,” Jeremiah said, shooing them from the foyer. “I will see about some cider. It is cooling in the shed. Abel just made a fresh batch.” “He’s a good boy, our eldest,” Beth murmured but Amber noticed a dark cloud cross over her eyes as if something occurred to her. She stared at Amber, her mouth parting slightly. “Is something wrong, Beth?” Amber asked, immediately concerned by her change of disposition. The older woman shook her head. “I will help Jeremiah with the cider. The barrel can be difficult to manage. Please, sit by the fire until we return.” She was gone before Amber could reply and she was abruptly filled with a small fission of alarm. That was strange, she thought but she was ashamed of her suspicion. Things are just done differently here than they are in the city. There’s nothing strange about it. “Mamm! Daed?” She turned her head as a man called out, poking his head into the sitting room where Amber had sunk into a wing chair. He seemed to freeze as he looked at her. “Hello,” Amber volunteered. “I’m Amber Colville. Your parents have invited me for dinner.” A small smile appeared on the young man’s lips and he stalked toward her, extending his hand. “Levi Troyer,” he announced. “You were in Eden today, were you not?” Surprised, Amber nodded. “Yes, I was at city hall, looking for information.”

Levi’s eyebrow raised. “What sort of information?” he asked curiously, placing himself into the chair facing her. Amber swallowed and shook her head. “It’s not really important,” she said quickly. “I would rather not get into it right now.” Levi’s blue eyes narrowed slightly. “I can be a wonderful source of information,” he told her. “If you ever feel like talking.” His meaning was unmistakable and Amber found herself amused and slightly intrigued by the forward speaking man. “Thank you,” she replied, laughing. “Perhaps after dinner. It’s not a very cheerful supper conversation.” “Levi, why did you leave me alone to finish supper. I have – “ Amber turned toward the doorway again and her jaw dropped. “Wh -what is she doing here?” the man gasped, looking accusingly at his brother. Levi jumped to his feet, grinning. “It appears as thought Mamm and Daed have invited her over for supper. Amber, this is my brother, Abel.” Cautiously, Amber rose to her feet, unsure of how Abel would react to her as she recalled their previous encounter. “Hello Abel,” she said quietly. “Pleased to meet you.” She wasn’t sure if she should extend her hand or not but she found herself once more staring into his impossibly green eyes as if hypnotized. He did not immediately respond and Amber felt her heart sink slightly as he continued to stare at her.

“Forgive my brother,” Levi interceded. Amber turned questioningly to him. “He seems to think you look like someone he knew once a long time ago,” Levi offered and Amber nodded slightly. “I never said that,” Abel grumbled but Amber felt that his gaze betrayed his words. He could not seem to pull his irises from her face as if trying to memorize every feature. “There you are,” Beth said, hurrying into the front room, a concerned expression on her face. She held out a glass for Amber. “This is apple cider from the Bachman’s orchid,” she told Amber, smiling briefly. The older woman seemed to sense the tension in the room. “I see you have met our sons, Abel and Levi,” she continued as Amber accepted the cup. “What have you made for supper, boys? I am sure our guest is as hungry as your father.” “What did the doctor say, Mamm?” Abel asked suddenly, diverting his attention to his mother. Beth’s face turned pale and angry. “Abel, that is hardly an appropriate question to ask before visitors. Go tend to supper,” she snapped with a harshness Amber was sure was not customary. Abel seemed contrite but he disappeared, bowing his head somewhat shamefully. Amber felt a spark of apprehension in her stomach as she cast Beth a sidelong look. Why did she go to the doctor? Is she ill? Does she have cancer like mama? Amber bit on her lower lip and tried to push the image of her mother from her mind but it was more difficult than she wished. “Are you all right, Amber?” Beth asked, her brow furrowing deeper as she watched the blonde’s face crumble.

Amber tried to nod but a tear escaped her and slid down her cheek. “I’m sorry,” the younger woman told the others, quickly wiping the streak from her face. “I recently lost my mother and I was just thinking of her. Forgive me for my display.” Beth and Levi made a commiserating noise. “Levi, go help your brother and leave the women to talk,” Beth ordered. Levi rose without protest, leaving them alone in the front room. “It is difficult to lose a parent,” Beth said comfortingly. “I have lost both of mine.” Amber sighed. “I am so sorry, Beth. My father also died when I was very young.” Beth leaned down to pat her hand soothingly and Amber found the gesture heartwarming. I am a perfect stranger to her and yet she feels the need to comfort me. This place is like a television program. This isn’t real life. This is a place where daughters would know that their mothers have been dying for weeks, not off running fashion shows in Italy. “Supper is ready, Mamm, Amber,” Levi called from the dining room and the women rose to the others at the dinner table. “We pray before eating, Amber. You are not required to us,” Jeremiah told her as she took a seat across from the Troyer brothers. “I would be happy to in your prayer if you’ll have me,” Amber replied. She pretended not to notice the look of appreciation shared by the family as she hung her head. Jeremiah lead the prayer in Pennsylvania Dutch but Amber could catch some of the key words from the time she had spent in Munich. “You still have not told us what you are doing in our district, Gre – ah, Amber,”

Levi piped up after they had loaded their plates with meat, vegetables, potatoes and bread. Beth and Jeremiah looked up sharply while Abel’s jaw tightened. “Were you going to call me Greta also?” Amber asked, her eyes widening. Levi seemed embarrassed. “You do bear an uncanny resemblance to her,” he confessed. “I did not notice,” Beth interjected, eyeing her older son. “Nor did I!” Jeremiah agreed and there was a finality in his tone. It was clear that the subject was to be dropped and Amber did not want to push the issue. Nevertheless, she was fascinated by the fact she might have an Amish twin. “I have come here looking for my mother’s sister but I’m afraid I don’t have much to go off. I don’t even know if I’m looking in the right spot but my mom only told me about her before she died.” Beth looked up and smiled. “We told Amber we would happily help her find her aunt but we would need to narrow the search somehow.” “What is her name?” Amber was surprised it was Abel who asked the question. “Ruthie Miller. Her sister, my mother, was Leah.” The table fell silent as the family appeared to rake their memories. “Well, I can think of four women by that name. One is far too young to be your aunt, one is much too old and the other two have lived in the district all their lives without a sister named Leah,” Jeremiah volunteered, chewing his fried steak pensively. “Have I forgotten someone?” “No...I do not believe you have,” Beth replied. She gazed at her boys.

“Any suggestions?” Levi shrugged his shoulders. “As Amber has said, there is no guarantee that this Ruthie Miller is from this district. Perhaps I could take her to the neighboring districts tomorrow and we could investigate further.” He beamed at her and Amber smiled back but she could not help her gaze from falling on the older Troyer brother. He seemed to glower into his plate, unspeaking. “That would be lovely,” Amber said reluctantly, realizing that Abel was not about to volunteer his help. Is he always so brooding or is it because I remind him of this Greta? “It’s settled then. Tomorrow I will take you in search of your aunt!” Levi said jovially. Amber could not help but notice that he gently jabbed his brother in the ribs and she wondered if she hadn’t put herself in the middle of a sibling rivalry. Abel could not sleep and he lay on his back, arms folded across his chest. “I can feel you breathing fire over there, Abe,” Levi called mockingly through the dark. “Why are you so upset?” “I’m not!” Abel denied but Levi only laughed. “Why don’t you just it that you want to take Amber on her search tomorrow?” “I do not,” he replied hotly but as he said the words, he knew they were a lie. He couldn’t seem to get over the remarkable likeness Amber shared to Greta. It was as if Gotte had sent him a chance to get things right with Greta. That’s ridiculous. They are two different women. If Levi wishes to waste his time with an Englisher, let him do it.

“You truly are a fool,” Levi sighed, sitting up. Abel turned his head to scowl at his brother in the moonlit room. “You would know a fool to see one, brother,” he snapped. “Stop talking and let me go to sleep.” Levi groaned. “I only offered to take Amber tomorrow because I knew you wouldn’t. You will pick her up at her hotel in Eden and take her.” “I will not!” Abel was insulted at the idea of stealing his brother’s date. “She has agreed to go with you, not me.” “But she wants to go with you,” Levi insisted. “She could not stop staring at you all through dinner. Didn’t you notice?” Abel had not. “Of course you didn’t notice. You were too busy sulking about Greta to notice the lovely woman yearning for you to look at her. I think Amber is Gotte’s way of telling you that it is time to move on.” “What do you know?” Abel growled but in his heart, he felt a sliver of hope. Is he just telling me that because he believes I have spent too much time pining over Greta or did Amber find me interesting? “I know that if you don’t act on this opportunity, I will give you no more second chances. I will pursue Amber myself.” Abel didn’t answer but his heart sank at his brother’s words. Maybe this is a sign from Gotte. What harm can it do to take her tomorrow? Amber felt a spark of happiness when she saw Abel at the reins the following morning in front of the Eden Resort and Suites. “I hope you do not mind that I have come in my brother’s place,” Abel said, somewhat gruffly but Amber was already learning that it was shyness, not

rudeness. “I am very happy it was you,” she replied earnestly, catching his eye. A shiver coursed down her spine as he helped her onto the wagon and they made their way out of town toward the districts. She found herself studying his handsome profile, taking in the fine shape of his nose and delicate bone structure. “I hope that you will not be disappointed,” Abel told her as they started their ride in silence. Amber glanced at him in surprise, thinking that he had caught her staring at him. She blushed and shook her head. “I’m not disappointed in the least,” she replied, lowering her eyes. He shot her a sidelong look and gave her a lopsided smile. “I meant that I hope you find your aunt,” he explained. Amber turned bright red and cleared her throat in nervousness. “Of course,” she muttered, doubly ashamed. She had almost forgotten the reason for their drive as if they were merely on a date. Focus on the task at hand, she told herself. Soon, they were in one of the neighboring districts and Abel proved to be a wonderful guide, finding a minister to question almost immediately. They did not find anyone to match their description in the first two districts they visited but as they made their way into the third, it was growing late in the afternoon and Amber was growing disheartened. “I’m beginning to think this is a lost cause,” Amber confessed as they searched for the home of the deacon as directed by a young girl playing hopscotch.

Despite her mounting disappointment, she could not shake the idyllic beauty of their community. I would give it all up to live here, she thought as they found Deacon Roth tending to his herb garden. “Hello, Deacon,” Abel called. “I am Abel Troyer and this is my friend, Amber. We have some questions for you if you have a moment.” The deacon looked up and nodded, smiling welcomingly. “Of course,” he agreed. “What can I help you with?” “Deacon, have you a Ruthie Miller who lives here? She would be in her forties or fifties with an estranged sister named Leah?” The elderly man’s mouth parted and he stared at Amber for a long moment. “Indeed,” he murmured. “Are you Ruthie’s daughter?” Amber shook her head. “No...I am Leah’s daughter,” Amber replied, glancing nervously at Abel. “Do you know them?” The man nodded thoughtfully. “Of course, I Leah. She never was baptized. She fell in love with an Englisher and married him when she was nineteen or so.” Amber nodded excitedly. “Yes! Alexander Colville. That was my father,” Amber gushed. “Is Ruthie still here?” “No, child. Ruthie was married to a man named Samuel Miller but he died in a terrible accident not two years after the wedding. That was about a year after Leah had left the district.” Amber found her palms sweating and she wiped them on her jeans.

“Where did she go? Did my aunt leave the community too?” The deacon chuckled. “No, no. She eventually remarried and moved on to another district.” “Nearby?” Amber pressed, her excitement mounting. I’m so close to finding your sister, mama! She thought, her heart racing. “Yes, two districts across.” Abel’s face turned confused. “Closest to Eden?” he asked and the older man nodded. “But that’s our district,” Abel murmured. A look of understanding crossed his face. “Who did she marry when she moved?” he asked. The deacon thought for a long moment, digging into the depth of his swiss cheese memory bank. “Ah yes. David Shetler. As far as I know, they still live there but I confess, I am out of touch sometimes,” Deacon Roth chortled. Abel’s face turned grey. “Do you know these people, Abel?” Amber asked excitedly. “Do you know where I can find them?” He looked at her, his face aghast. “Yes,” he whispered. “I know them. They are Greta’s parents. You are Greta’s cousin.” The ride back to Eden was long and quiet as Abel tried to gather his thoughts. To his relief, Amber did not push him to speak as if she could sense he needed the quiet.

Is this a cruel joke? Sending me a cousin of the woman who broke my heart? One who looks so much like her? But as they continued the journey back, Abel suddenly realized that he had been blinded by Amber’s outward appearance. True, she looked like Greta with the solemn grey eyes as sunny blonde hair but how similar were the two really? Greta could not seem to run away fast enough, sacrificing her own values to do so while Amber embraced her mother’s home and heritage in tribute. Greta was selfish and hurtful while Amber was kind and loving. Greta was gone and Amber was right there beside him, waiting for him to speak, to make the next step. “It is getting late,” he finally told her. “I don’t think it is wise to interrupt your aunt at this hour although I am certain she will be happy to see you, regardless of the time.” Amber nodded but he could see the sadness in her eyes. “That’s fine. I can find my own way there tomorrow,” she replied, trying to sound cheerful. “But I appreciate all your help.” She turned her head quickly but he knew it was only so he wouldn’t see the tears in her eyes. He paused, searching for the next words to say. Opening his mouth, his perfectly concocted statement flew into the air. “I am hungry,” he said instead. Amber turned to glance at him. “You’re hungry?” she repeated. “Oh.” She wasn’t quite sure what to make of the statement.

“Me too,” she replied suddenly. Their eyes met and they smiled. “May I buy you dinner, Amber?” he asked her sweetly. “Like a date?” she teased. His smiled faded and he nodded solemnly. “Exactly like a date,” he replied. END

LOVINA'S HEART

DEIDRA SCOTT

Chapter One Lovina Miller took a deep breath as she reached up to pull a piece of laundry from the clothesline and put it in the basket at her feet. Above her head, a pair of bluebirds danced through the bright June sky, reminding her that summer was quickly approaching. Summer. It was a time full of fresh starts and new beginnings. Looking across the yard, Lovina watched David Yoder working with one of her brothers. Together, the two young men were struggling with their task, trying to break her daed’s new horse. Ach, just watching David sent a thrill of excitement through Lovina’s heart. Although she had known him most of her life, there was something about him that could still put a spark inside of her, giving her the feeling that they had just met. Growing up, Lovina had always dreamed of marrying David. It had just seemed natural to her. With their two houses located side-by-side, they had spent all of their childhood hours playing together in the creek that wound between their properties and climbing the big apple tree like little monkeys. Lovina had decided early on that she and David would grow old together, spending their adult days raising babies and making a life within their Amish community. Now that Lovina had turned eighteen-years-old, she felt like she was stuck in the midst of a waiting game, simply counting down the hours until David came forward to begin their relationship together. Smiling to herself, Lovina basked in the realization that, as an adult, it was now time to watch her childhood dreams start to unfold. “Danki for the help, David!” Lovina heard her father call out from the barn and looked up in time to see David waving goodbye to her family as he started across the yard. Lovina felt her heart go aflutter when, rather than take the path back to his own

parents’ house, David veered closer to her own home and made a bee-line right for the clothesline where she was working. “Gut afternoon, David!” Lovina called out, her voice seeming somewhat weak to her own ears. Watching him come closer, Lovina couldn’t help but marvel at how handsome her childhood friend had become. With a head-full of dark red hair and sparkling blue eyes, David had always looked like a cheerful storybook character; however, as he aged, he grew tall and muscular, his boyish looks transforming into that of a good-looking man. “Hello there, Lovina,” David called back, rolling down his sleeves as he walked along, “I tell you, that horse of your daed’s nearly got me down this time!” Lovina smiled as she pulled a pair of her brother’s pants off of the laundry line and tossed them in the basket, “I guess we should consider ourselves glad to have such a good horse-breaker living so near-by.” To her surprise, David’s face suddenly seemed to darken. Taking a deep breath, he reached up and put one hand on the clothesline, “Actually, Lovina, I wanted to talk to you about that.” Although Lovina had hoped that David would want to talk to her alone, she could already tell that his news wasn’t going to be what she had wanted to hear. “Lovina,” David looked out across the fields, “Ever since you had your birthday, I’d been hoping...” his voice trailed off and he gave a shrug, “Well, nothing I’d hoped for is going to work out this summer.” Standing up taller, he announced, “My uncle from Indiana wrote telling about the need for a good horse-trainer in his community. I agreed to go help for the next three months...I’ll be home in time to help my dad get started on the harvest.” Lovina felt her heart drop in her chest. The idea that David would leave had never entered her mind. Even though it was only for three months, it felt like it might as well be three years. “Ach, Lovina, don’t be so sad,” David reached out and placed his hand on her arm, “I’ll be back – I promise. Kentucky is my home...I sure don’t have any plans to run off for good.”

Something about having his hand on her arm made the pain a little more bearable. Looking up, Lovina met David’s tender gaze with her own. “When I come back...” David took a deep breath and kicked at a clump of grass with his foot. It was strange to see him so uncomfortable – David was usually one to be bold and daring, willing to say whatever was necessary. “When I come back, I hope we can spend more time together,” David managed to say, “Seems like we’ve grown apart over the years, and I’m ready for that to end.” Lovina couldn’t stop the smile that spread across her face, “And maybe not be climbing trees this time?” She added. David laughed, “Of course we’ll be climbing trees again!” He teased. Growing more sober, he lifted his hand and ran it gently across her cheek, “I’ll see you in three months, ‘Vina.” Three months. As she watched him walk away and back to his parents’ farm across the creek, Lovina took a deep breath and tried to still her thumping heart. Three months was a long time – she was just glad that she had those tender moments to cling to during the summer that stretched out before her. Chapter Two Taking a deep breath, David watched out the enger window as the driver he had hired took him farther and farther from his home in Kentucky and on toward his Uncle Amos’ house in Indiana. “Are you nervous about leaving home for so long?” David’s paid driver, Mr. Simpson asked, as he flipped his turn signal on and proceeded toward Uncle Amos’ house. David shook his head and laughed, “Ach, no, not nervous.” “Anxious to get away from your parents?” Mr. Simpson asked with a chuckle. “No, nothing like that.” David assured him, “Just glad to be helping my uncle and the people in his community.”

Leaning his head back against the headrest of the seat, David closed his eyes and thought about Mr. Simpson’s question. Was he glad to be getting away from his parents? Although he had been quick to assure his driver that wasn’t he case, David wasn’t so certain himself. To be completely honest, David wasn’t a bit sorry to be leaving for the summer. While he had always loved his home and his family, David relished the chance to get away. Since David had been a little boy, he had always known what was expected of him. He was going to settle down, buy a piece of property close to his parents, and marry Lovina Miller. It wasn’t a bad plan at all, but it seemed so boring and dull. Deep in his heart, David had always dreamed of excitement and adventure. Maybe his trip to Indiana would finally provide him with a chance to enjoy his freedom before he settled down for good. David’s driver took him straight to Uncle Amos’ house, helped him unload his bags, and then left him to head back to Kentucky. Uncle Amos and his entire family were happy to welcome David to their home. Uncle Amos explained that everyone in the community could use his horse breaking services and that they would be bringing their horses to his house so that David could train them. Uncle Amos also said that, during David’s spare time he could help the family out in the dry goods store they had located in a small shed next to the road. “I’ll take you out to the store now, so that I can show you what kind of work you can do out there.” Uncle Amos suggested once David had put his clothes away in the spare bedroom. Leading David across the yard, Uncle Amos explained, “Of course, I will pay you for helping in the store...and you can also have all the money for training the horses.” David shook his head, “Ach, that’s too much, Uncle Amos. I’m happy to have the chance to help out.” Uncle Amos chuckled and reached out to give David a slap on the back, “Now, now, don’t go talking like that. I’m sure a handsome young man like you should be saving back to buy a nice farm and making plans for the future. I’d dare say

that some pretty girl back home has caught your eye.” David gave a shrug, not too anxious to think about his future, “Nothing set in stone just yet.” The graveled lane ended and the two men found themselves standing side-byside outside of the dry goods store. Reaching out, Uncle Amos pushed the door open, revealing a building with shelves full of baking supplies, canned goods, and some craft items. “Hannah!” Uncle Amos called out, as he led David through the small building, “Hannah!” “I’m over here,” a soft voice returned. Turning the corner around one of the shelves, they found a young Amish woman on her knees, busy stacking bags of flour. “Hannah, I want you to meet my nephew, David,” Uncle Amos announced, “David, this is Hannah – she is my wife’s cousin and she’s helping us out in the store this summer.” Hannah pulled herself to her feet and turned to stare up at David with large, blue eyes. Wisps of dark hair had escaped her prayer kapp, making a sort of halo around her face. Just looking at her, David felt his heart give a leap. She was so unexpectedly beautiful in a dark, mysterious way. “Gut to meet you, David,” Hannah replied timidly. “David is likely to be helping out in the store when he isn’t working with the horses,” Uncle Amos explained. Giving David a pat on the arm, he motioned toward the back room, “Come on, I want to show you where I store the bulk supplies.” As David followed his uncle, he had a hard time even listening to what was being said. His mind was still mesmerized by the beautiful and timid young lady he had just met. David could hardly wait to get to know and learn more about Hannah.

Lovina sat on the edge of her bed, looking out across the fields of farmland through her bedroom window. Knowing that David was no longer in the house next-door left a hollow emptiness in Lovina’s heart. In her eighteen-years, she had never gone a summer without seeing David. Lovina tired to imagine what her sweet friend was doing at that moment. Did he realize how much she was thinking of him? Did he miss her at all? Lovina closed her eyes and took a deep breath, “Dear God,” she whispered into the darkness, “Please, bring the man that I love back to me.” Chapter Three David carefully guided his uncle’s buggy down the road. It was only his second day in Indiana and work was already starting to pick up; however, Uncle Amos had sent him to town to pick up some nails for a woodworking project he was doing in the barn. The summer afternoon sun shone down on David and the warmth of the breeze put a smile on his face. David was enjoying his time away from home and, although he had not had many opportunities to spend time with Hannah, he had hopes that would change eventually. The buggy suddenly took a lung, pulling David out of his thoughts. “Woah, boy! Woah!” David pulled tightly on the reigns, unsure of what was happening to the buggy. Carefully guiding the horse to the side of the road, he jumped down from his seat and looked over the situation. Something was wrong with the front buggy wheel. Grabbing a hold of it, David gave it a wiggle, trying to determine if it could keep going. Pulling off his straw hat, David slapped it against his leg in frustration. He couldn’t get to town on that wheel and he didn’t think he could make it back to his uncle’s house either. The clipping of oncoming horse hooves made David stand up straighter and wave desperately at the approaching buggy. The driver was a single Amish man. As soon as David caught his attention, the

other driver pulled his buggy to the side of the road behind David. “Hi there!” David greeted with a smile as he watched the other Amish man get off his buggy and start toward him, “Boy, I sure am glad to see you!” Sticking out a hand, he announced, “I’m David Yoder. I’m staying with my Uncle Amos Yoder – you probably know him.” The stranger nodded and simply said, “I’m Luke Christner.” Taking a deep breath, he walked over to the buggy and squatted down to inspect the wheel. “Looks like this is busted good,” he announced, pushing his hat back on his head and reaching up to wipe some sweat from his brow. David groaned, “I was afraid of that.” Standing to his feet, Luke continued, “I’m afraid you shouldn’t drive it any farther than just a few feet or you’ll end up wrecking or destroying your entire buggy.” With a slight smirk, Luke added, “Lucky for you, this is my parents’ drive right up ahead. And I just happen to work on buggies for a living.” David’s eyes got large and he let out a huge sigh, “Oh, gut! Do you think that you could help me out?” Luke nodded, “Sure thing. Just lead your buggy down to my workshop. I’ll have her fixed up in just a bit.” True to his word, Luke had the buggy wheel fixed within an hour. David stayed by the young man who had rescued him and worked to fill him in on all the details about his life, his home, and his family. Luke, who seemed to be more reserved, was happy to listen and donate very few details of his own. “How much do I owe you?” David asked as Luke put the repaired wheel back on his buggy. Luke gave a shrug as he secured the wheel in place, “Nothing. Consider it a welcome present. Maybe you can help me with one of my horses one day this summer.” “Ach,” David raised an eyebrow, “I can’t let you do that. I took some time you

could have been working on other projects...” Before he could finished, Luke started shaking his head, “No, no you didn’t,” he assured David as he stood up straight, “Honestly, I didn’t have any other work for today.” Sighing deeply, he announced, “As badly as we need a horse trainer in this area, we do not need any kind of buggy work. Jobs around here are scarce, David. I was glad to help.” David pondered Luke’s statement for a moment. As an idea entered his mind, a broad smile spread across his face, “Listen, Luke! You may not be needed here, but you sure would be in my community! How would you feel about going to Kentucky to spend the summer with my family? It would sure help them out while I’m gone, and you could earn money doing buggy repairs and carpentry work!” Luke was silent, obviously studying David’s suggestion. Finally, with a shrug, he announced, “Jah – I don’t see why that wouldn’t be great. Danki, David.” The entire plan made David’s face light up like that of a little boy. Grinning from ear-to-ear, he grabbed his new friend’s hand in a shake and started making plans to get Luke back to Kentucky. Chapter Four Lovina reached up to wipe some sweat from her forehead as she took a break from chopping weeds out of the row of green beans. Despite all her hard work, the weeds were quickly starting to overtake the plants. David had now been gone two weeks, and Lovina had yet to hear anything from him. His absence made her sad and she wished for all she was worth that she would receive a letter. Glancing across the field toward his house, she thought of all the times they had snuck away from their chores and played together instead. To her surprise, Lovina saw a young man approaching her. Could it be...? Lovina’s heart dropped as he drew closer. Although she had hoped that it was David, she instantly realized that her eyes had been playing tricks on her. This stranger was even taller than her dear childhood friend and slightly thinner.

“Hullo,” Lovina called out as he continued to draw closer. “Hullo,” the stranger returned, his voice deep and almost mysterious, “Are you Lovina Miller?” Lovina stood up straighter and adjusted her prayer kapp, “That would be me. Do I know you?” The stranger shook his head, “No, you don’t.” Now he was so close that Lovina was able to get a good look at him. This strange Amish man looked to be in his early twenties, but he seemed more mature. His brown hair was so dark it was almost black, and his eyes a dark color chocolate. Just looking at him made Lovina take a deep breath of surprise. Ach, it was hard to a time that she had ever seen such a gut-looking man! “I’m Luke Christner. I know your friend, David, and I’m staying with his family until he returns.” Glancing toward her house, Luke asked, “Is your daed at home? The Yoders told me that he has a construction crew and I’d like a job.” Lovina felt so out of sorts, she wasn’t sure what to do. Looking down at her bare feet, she tried to gather her composure. Taking a deep breath, she said, “Nee, my daed isn’t home from work yet, but we’re expecting him any minute. If you’d like to wait in the house, my mamm can give you some fresh lemonade and cookies.” Luke glanced from the house back to Lovina and then shrugged, “If you don’t mind, I’ll just stay out here. Looks like you could use some help.” Grabbing for an extra hoe, Luke set to work, removing the pesky weeds from among the rows of bean plants. There was something about Luke that made Lovina feel uncertain about everything. He was a good help in the garden, but she certainly would have felt more at-ease without him. On the other hand, she dreaded him leaving once her father got home from work. Just being near him made her feel things that she had never experienced – she found herself overwhelmed by a sort of giddiness that sprung up from deep within. Although Lovina had always been a talker, she suddenly seemed almost speechless. “You don’t have to do this,” Lovina assured him.

Luke simply set his jaw and turned to look at her with his brooding, dark eyes, “I don’t have to...but I want to.” Lovina felt weak in the knees, as if she might keel right over. Taking a deep breath, she tried to stead herself. Suddenly, she found herself a little glad that David was going to be gone for the summer. As quickly as the thought flitted through her mind, she pushed it away; however, just the realization that she could think such a thing left Lovina questioning everything about the future. David washed his hands in a pail of water that had been set out by the barn, preparing himself for the evening meal. Inside the house, Aunt Miriam was putting the finishing touches on a pot of homemade chili with the help of three of David’s cousins. True to Uncle Amos’ word, in the time that David had spent in Indiana he had already been so busy, he hardly had time to even think about being at home. Wiping his clean hands on a towel, David glanced across the acres of land that his uncle owned. There, in the glowing darkness of the evening, he could make out the form of a young woman walking near the pond. Hannah. David had learned to recognize her from a distance. Even though it would be hard to distinguish her from any other Amish woman from so far away, David could pick Hannah out because she was always alone. It seemed like she carried an air of sadness with her, wherever she went. Taking a deep breath, David stepped out of the barn and started the short walk to the pond. “Hi there,” David called out as he drew near to Hannah. The young woman looked up at him and gave a sad smile. “What are you doing?” Hannah gave a shrug and pulled her black shawl tighter against her shoulders, “I

just felt like a walk,” she explained. David stepped up next to her side, “It must be sort of lonely to walk all alone.” Hannah shrugged again, “I’m used to being alone.” David thought over his childhood and how little time he had ever spent just to himself. There were always siblings to play with, other Amish children to enjoy at events, and Lovina. Lovina had always been there for him. Just the thought of his old friend’s name sent a nagging sense of guilt through his mind. Hadn’t he promised Lovina that, when he got home, things would be different? Hadn’t he promised that they would spend time together? So, what was he doing, trying to get closer to Hannah? “David...” Hannah’s soft voice brought him out of his thoughts, “Are you all right, David? I’ve never seen you so solemn and quiet.” David looked up at her in surprise, his face breaking out in a broad grin, “Oh, jah, I’m fine. I was just thinking is all.” “I didn’t know you were able to do that...you know, think without saying what was going through your mind.” Although Hannah’s words were haughty, David looked up in time to catch a teasing smile cross her lips. It was the first time he had ever seen her smile and, something about it made him want to see it a thousand times more. “Maybe it’s too much time around you,” David suggested, “Because I don’t think you ever say anything much at all.” Hannah’s tender smirk turned into a broad smile and David was, once again, captivated by her charm. Reaching out, he gently took her elbow in his hand, “Would you do me the honor of letting me walk with ya tonight?” Hannah was silent for a moment, studying David for all that he was worth. Finally, she nodded slowly and said, “Jah – I suppose that might be nice.”

Chapter Five Just as David had predicted, it was easy for Luke to find work in Kentucky. He not only spent his afternoons working on buggies in the Yoder’s empty shed, but also ed the carpentry work crew lead by Lovina’s father. Lovina wasn’t exactly sure how it happened, but it seemed that she and Luke were constantly thrown in the paths of one another. Lovina tried to convince herself that it was merely a coincidence, but she had to it that it was more than that. The longer David was gone, the less she was thinking about him and the more she was thinking about Luke. When he wasn’t busy with work, Luke frequently dropped by to help Lovina in the garden; although he wasn’t a talker, there was something about his calm attitude that left Lovina yearning for more time with him. One evening, Lovina baked a plate of her famous homemade ginger snap cookies and decided to take a few across the creek as a thank you for Luke’s help in the garden. Knocking on the shed door, she cautiously pushed it open, cheerfully announcing, “Hello! Luke! Are ya in here?” “Jah, I’m here,” Luke replied. There he was, standing next to a work bench with a busted buggy wheel laid out in front of him. “Hi there!” Lovina greeted him, suddenly feeling unsure of herself and terribly bashful, “I thought I might bring you something.” Placing the plate of cookies on the work table, she watched Luke eyeball them before picking one up and putting it in his mouth. “It’s just a thank you for all the help you’ve been giving me,” she explained. Luke raised his eyebrows and nodded as he swallowed, “Danki – they’re very good. You’re a good baker, Lovina.”

Lovina felt her heart skip a beat with his compliment. Looking at the work he was doing, she added, “Looks like you’ve got quite a few talents of your own.” Reaching for another cookie, Luke gave a shrug, “I keep busy for sure....but that’s a good thing. I’m always thankful for the money.” Leaning back against the table, Lovina studied him in the growing darkness, “Saving back for a farm of your own?” Luke stared straight at his work and shook his head, “No. I’m going to give my money to help out my family. I have no need of a place of my own.” “Don’t you ever hope to get married and have a family?” Luke shook his head slowly, “I’m afraid all of my dreams are gone. I plan to be alone forever.” His words broke Lovina’s heart. Although he tried to sound resolved, it was easy to hear the pain in his voice. “Ach, Luke,” she managed to whisper with a smile, “Don’t say that. You never know what might happen.” Luke took in a deep breath and then let it out slowly. Looking up to meet Lovina’s eyes, he studied her for what seemed minutes before asking, “What about you? Do you think that you could ever love someone like me?” His question took Lovina by such surprise that she almost fell over. Her eyes growing large, she looked down at the floor, her heart flooded by a million different emotions. “I...I...Luke...” Lovina’s voice was trailing in every direction but her words were making no sense at all. “Lovina,” Reaching out, Luke put his hand on top of hers, “Would you consider going with me to the singing after church this weekend?” It felt like Lovina would not be able to breath, so many decisions were running helter-skelter through her mind. Almost a surprise to herself, she heard her voice say, “Sure. I don’t see why not.”

Although David had been staying busy with the horses, he still managed to make some time to help out in the store. With a beautiful girl like Hannah there, he had to find time to spend with her. One afternoon they had received a large order of supplies and were hurrying to put them on the shelves before it would be too dark to see, even by the glow of the lantern. “Ach, this is a job!” David grumbled as he hurried to put some bags of flour in their place on a shelf, “Of course this would just happen to be the night that Uncle Amos and his entire family went visiting...leaving you and me to do all the work.” Hannah smiled and shook her head, “David, you complain so much. I don’t mind the work. Work keeps me busy...work keeps my mind off of...other things.” Suddenly interested, David looked up in surprise. Maybe he would finally have a chance to hear some of the secrets that were hidden away behind this mysterious girl’s sad blue eyes. “What other things?” David asked. Hannah shrugged as she ran her fingers over a bag of sugar, “Disappointments...heartbreaks...bad decisions.” Hannah went silent, assuring David that he would hear no more of her story, but then she surprised him when she went on to clear her throat and say, “I had a boyfriend...a fiancé even.” As the words came pouring out of her mouth, it was easy to see that they were tearing her apart. Hannah closed her eyes and continued, “But things didn’t work out. We were engaged but...well, I was filled with so many uncertainties. I called off the wedding before it was even announced in church. I didn’t mean to end everything with him – I just needed more time to think. But I’m afraid he took it as an outright rejection. And now, I’ll never have a chance with him again,” Hannah reached up to wipe away the tears that were threatening to overwhelm her, “Ach, David, it almost breaks my heart to talk about it. I have destroyed all my chances for happiness.”

Looking at her in the light of the lantern, her face clouded over with pain and tears gathering in her eyes, David felt totally broken for her. Pulling himself to his feet, he stood up straight and stepped closer to her, putting a hand on her thin shoulder. “Hannah,” he whispered her name with all the tenderness that he had been storing in his heart, “Dear Hannah...you still have a thousand chances for happiness.” Reaching up, he took his thumb and brushed a tear off of her cheek. Hannah took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Looking at him in surprise, she simply whispered, “Danki, David.” Then she squared her shoulders and announced, “Let’s get back to work.” Chapter Six Over the next few days, David and Hannah had little time to spend together. He looked forward to ever chance he had to see her. Although their friendship had not had time to progress, David felt confident that over the rest of the summer he could easily earn himself a special place in Hannah’s lonely heart. One afternoon, David had finally found a chance to work in the dry goods store alongside Hannah when one of his cousins came rushing into the shed with a letter in his outstretched hand. “David,” the little cousin called out, “You got some mail!” Taking the letter, David quickly recognized the handwriting as that of his younger sister, Lydia. Ripping the seal open, David pulled out the letter, unsure why his teenage sister would even take the time to write him. Dear David, I don’t want to bother you while you’re gone, but I need to let you know something important. I’ve always thought that you and Lovina had something special together, although I’m not sure if you had any kind of plans for the future or an agreement. While you’ve been gone, Lovina has taken a spark to the very man you sent here to work – Luke Christner. Seems like they’re seeing each other almost every day and last night I overheard him invite her to the singing

Sunday night. She agreed to go with him. I don’t mean to stick my nose in where it doesn’t belong, but I know that you were always sweet on Lovina and just thought you should know. Your sister, Lydia “Ach,” David read over the letter and then reread it again, his heart suddenly dropping into his stomach. Lovina – with Luke? A multitude of emotions suddenly assailed David. He found himself so frustrated, almost angry at Luke for stealing his girl. How dare Luke go to David’s own home and try to take the woman he loved away from him? David was hurt, so hurt, by Lovina’s decision to move forward with a relationship with someone else. But, worst of all, David felt incredible guilt and sadness. Deep in his heart, David realized that it was his own fault that Lovina and Luke were growing close. In all the time that David had been in Indiana, he had never taken the time to even write his childhood sweetheart a letter – he had just always taken for granted that she would be there for him when he returned. While he had been busy pursing a friendship with Hannah, he had never thought that Lovina might be looking at someone else. Reaching up, David rubbed his hand across his face, trying to gather his wits and decide what to do next. “What is wrong, David?” Hannah asked softly as she stepped up next to him. David balled his free hand up into a fist, fighting the urge to destroy the letter he had just received. ing it to Hannah, he quickly explained, “I don’t know how to tell you this, Hannah, but Lovina...well, she and I have always been friends. I don’t mean to have led you astray in any way because I have liked you since the day we met but this...” David couldn’t go on. Hannah took the letter in her own hands and read it slowly, her eyes growing large as she went over the message again and again.

“David,” she managed to breath softly, “What are you going to do?” David brushed his hand through his hair as memories of Lovina ran across his mind, “I don’t know. I just don’t know.” Turning, he gave the floor a hard kick with the toe of his boot. “David,” Hannah took a deep breath and shook her head slowly, “I hate to say this, but you know that we aren’t meant to be together. No matter how happy we might have both been to pretend...it just isn’t so. You have made my summer much more enjoyable...but it’s time to get back to our real lives.” David looked down at his feet. He wanted to fight her words; he hated the idea of giving Hannah up completely. But, when he thought of his dear Lovina...he knew that he couldn’t live without her. “Go to her, David!” Hannah exclaimed, “Go to Lovina and let her know that you love her.” Taking a deep breath, David nodded his head, “I’ll go call a driver right now.” Chapter Seven David sat in the enger seat of the truck, half-heartedly listening as his driver talked incessantly during the long trip back home. Looking out the window, David watched the scenery slowly change from the flat Amish country of Indiana to the rolling hills of Kentucky. With each mile that ed, it seemed that David got even more nervous about his future with Lovina. When he first started home, he had been certain that she would be glad to see him but now...well, the closer he got to her, the less sure he became. Maybe she had truly fallen for Luke and she wouldn’t want to even see him. Maybe David had blown his one and only chance for true love with the only girl he ever truly cared for. Lovina had just filled up a bucket of water and got down on her knees to scrub the kitchen floor with a scrub brush when she heard a truck pull up in the front yard.

Ach, Lovina thought to herself as she plunged her hands down into the soapy water, Daed must have visitors. It was Saturday afternoon and Lovina found her mind plagued with thoughts of Luke and their date. Although she truly enjoyed spending time with him, there was something about agreeing to go on a date with him that put her mind entirely in a tizzy. As much as she liked Luke and was attracted to him, Lovina battled thoughts of David – it seemed so sad to be turning her back on their relationship with each other. But, she reasoned to herself, when she thought back on it, she and David had never had a true relationship. Sure, he had always been a good friend to her, but it seemed that was all things were to ever be. Since he left for Indiana, she had not heard a word from him and, as sad as she was to it it, she was starting to wonder if he would ever come home at all. “Lovina.” The voice seemed to come out of no where. Lovina looked up in surprise, wondering if she was truly hearing a person or if it was her own imagination. There, standing in the doorway to the kitchen, was David himself. “David!” Lovina managed to breathe as she struggled to pull herself to her feet, “Oh, David...is that really you?” In an instant, David had bridged the space between them. He came right to her side, nearly knocking her bucket of soapy water over in his hurry. “Lovina,” David managed to say, somewhat louder this time, “Lovina...” he seemed to want to say more, but acted as if he couldn’t find the words. Reaching out, he grabbed Lovina and gathered her into his arms. To Lovina, everything felt like a crazy dream. Pressed firmly against her old friend’s body, all thoughts of Luke vanished from her mind as she let David hold her like a little girl. “Lovina,” David pulled back only long enough to kiss her on the mouth, “Lovina, I have been a total moron. I am so sorry!”

“David,” Lovina managed to say as she tried to catch her breath, “David...what has happened?” David stepped back as he struggled to gather his composure. Reaching up, he wiped away at tears that threatened to overtake him. “Lovina,” he reached out and held her hands in his own, “I have been so ignorant. I left home, anxious to find adventure and experience new things...and I almost lost the one thing that means the most to me in the world – you.” Lovina felt her heart start to melt as David poured out his soul to her, “Lovina, I love you. I love you more than I ever realized. I thought that Uncle Amos was giving me a chance to experience adventure but I think it was actually the good Lord allowing me the opportunity to realize how much I love you. Please, Lovina...I don’t want to wait any longer. Say that you will marry me!” There had never been anything that Lovina wanted more. In that instant, it felt like all of her hopes and dreams were finally coming true. Luke. The name entered her mind suddenly and it felt like the life was drained right out of her. Oh, but hadn’t she already led him to believe that she cared for him? Hadn’t she already agreed to go out on a date with him this very weekend? “David,” Lovina squeezed her dear friend’s hands tightly as she looked for the right words to share her news, “David. I have been a foolish girl.” “And I have been a foolish man,” David was quick to add. Lovina smiled and shook her head, “Perhaps we’ve both been foolish...” Her words were cut short as the sound of an approaching vehicle brought them both from their thoughts. Glancing out the window, they watched together as a strange car stopped in front of the house and let out a enger. David felt his heart sink when he saw the visitor who was getting out of the strange car.

It was Hannah. David thought that she had understood. What was she doing...following him all the way to Kentucky of all places? Hadn’t she been the one who had said that their relationship wasn’t going to work and even pushed him to return to Lovina? What was she doing here now? David battled the urge to run forward and stop her before she could get to the house. Turning to Lovina, he struggled to find the words to explain what was surely about to come. “Lovina...” he hurried to say, “While I was gone, I was an idiot. I hate telling you this more than you will ever know, but I got involved with a girl from Indiana. We never started to court, but we were heading in that direction when I heard that you and Luke had begun a relationship....” As the words poured from his mouth, David watched Lovina’s face turn ashen and then red with shame. “You already know about Luke?” She managed to whisper. David nodded his head, “That was the wake-up call I needed. That was what I needed to bring me back home. I never want to risk losing you again, Lovina!” Lovina started to wipe tears away from her eyes, “David, I don’t want to lose you either! But what you heard is true. Luke and I have grown close and are on the verge of starting a relationship. I was so foolish, David, but I was afraid I had lost you and now I don’t know what to do...” In the other room, they could hear a knock on the front door. Wiping at her eyes, Lovina hurried to go open it with David trailing close behind. When she opened the door, Hannah was standing on the front porch, a determined look in her blue eyes. “I need to talk to David,” she announced, looking from Lovina to David. “David,” she took a deep breath, “I need to go to your house...I need to see Luke.”

Luke? David was more confused than ever. Cocking his head to one side, he tried to understand where this strange twist came into play. “You don’t have to look far,” the deep voice of Luke spoke out and they all turned in surprise to find that he had come up on the porch and was standing just out of view. “Hannah,” as he said the name, his voice seemed to fill with a strange sort of pain. “Ach, Luke...” Hannah looked down at her black shoes as if she couldn’t hold his gaze, “I have been wanting to talk to you.” Luke shook his head sadly, “I can’t imagine what we would have to say to each other now.” “Luke...you know that I am a very shy girl,” Hannah said in a shaky voice, “And I have let my fear get the better of me far too many times. I almost let it destroy what we had together. But Luke...I can’t let that happen.” David’s eyes got large as he realized that Luke must be the ex-beau that Hannah had told him about. “I love you, Luke,” Hannah announced resolutely, “I love you and I still want to be your wife...if you can ever find it in your heart to have me.” David watched Luke and held his breath, hoping that he would agree. Stepping forward, Luke reached out and took Hannah in his arms, “I love you too, Hannah!” He exclaimed as he cupped her face in his hands, “I have always loved you and I always will.” Turning to look at Lovina, he quickly tried to explain, “Lovina, I hope that you understand...” Lovina smiled broadly as she wrapped her arms around David’s waist, “It is fine, Luke. I think that things are exactly the way that they are supposed to be!” Epilogue Standing together at the kitchen sink, Lovina and David watched as a group of children played outside in their front yard.

“Look at those crazy things,” Lovina muttered as she noticed her daughter trying to climb a tree. “Just like us when we were little,” David announced. Lovina looked up at him and smirked, “Jah – and I think our little girl might have a crush on the neighbor boy, as well.” David and Lovina had now been married for ten years and had three children of their own. It had been a double wedding shared with Hannah and Luke, who decided to move to Kentucky so that Luke would continue to enjoy a steady stream of work. David and Lovina had built their house behind his parents’ place and, to their surprise, Hannah and Luke had bought a piece of farm land right across the creek. Their children played together and it wouldn’t be any surprise if someday those same children would grow up to marry one another. David smiled broadly and gathered his wife up in his arms. “I’m glad I went to Indiana that summer,” he announced as he reached out to push a strand of her brown hair back from her face, “Because that summer showed me how much I need you in my life.” Bending over, he gave her a gentle kiss. Life truly was as David and Lovina had always imagined it – and they were happier than they ever could have guessed possible.

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THE END