Sweet Surrender 6o5452

Sweet Surrender Dominated By The Billionaire BBW Erotic Romance

Copyright © 2013, Adriana Hunter All Rights Reserved. Published by Tangled Press

Adriana Hunter http://www.AdrianaHunter.com

Connect via Twitter @ http://twitter.com/spicytales Connect on facebook @ http://facebook.com/AuthorAdrianaHunter Adriana’s private mailing list at http://www.SpicyTales.com This is a work of fiction. All names, characters, locations and places are solely the product of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, including events, areas, locations and situations is entirely coincidental.

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Table Of Contents

Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Six Chapter Seven Chapter Eight Chapter Nine Chapter Ten Chapter Eleven Chapter Twelve Chapter Thirteen Chapter Fourteen About The Author

Chapter One

I set the book aside with a deep sigh. It was a rainy Sunday afternoon and I’d just finished the final book in the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy that my friend Chelsea had recommended. The Texas twilight was deepening outside my apartment window; another weekend spent indoors and alone, this time with my nose in a book, dressed in sweats and cocooned on the couch in an old afghan. Where’s my Christian Grey? I sighed again. Do men like that really exist? Or was he just a fantasy of the book’s author? I knew there was a whole BDSM scene out there, people who enjoyed tying up their partner, spanking them, whips, chains, all that. Honestly, it all intrigues me —quite a bit, in fact. And it scares me as well; the idea of giving up complete control in return for boundless pleasure. But how can someone learn to trust a man enough to surrender to him completely? It made my head hurt thinking about it, and my body quiver both with desire and in pure white-knuckle fear. It wasn’t so much the wealth and power of the Christian Grey character that appealed to me—although I’d never walk away from a millionaire—but that a man would enjoy dominating a woman so ionately, and in doing so, could provide so much pleasure to her, but not crush her spirit in the process. It was a completely foreign idea to me. I’m never been one to willingly ask for pain, or ever wanted to be dominated by a man, but there was something very deeply arousing about the thought that pain could be pleasurable, that giving control of yourself in such a vulnerable situation over to someone else could intensify the whole erotic experience. What kind of man would be able to do that? Would he be that way all of the time, or just in the bedroom? Would it mean that I was placing myself beneath a man? That I was belittling myself in some way? The feminist in me wanted to scream that it was disgusting, humiliating and absurd, yet another part of me, a darker, animalistic part of my very core ached to be taken so fully, with or without my full consent. I couldn’t believe the delicious rush of heat that washed over my skin at the thought of giving my body for a man’s total and completely selfish use. To let him position me however he chose, to bind me so that I was

nothing more than his possession to play with and discard at his desire. My body was always my greatest obstacle when it came to truly enjoying sex. I was always a heavier-set woman; “full-figured” is the term that most people use though I always just feel fat. It doesn’t matter what fancy terminology or trendy wordage is currently appropriate, when I find myself in bed with a man I’m instantly on high alert, careful not to let him explore my body too much, fearful that I will turn him off…and turn him away. I wonder if other women of my size feel that way and then I think of the countless magazines, reality television shows and celebrities; all plus size, who claim that they love their curves and wonder if it’s really just me. A vague thought runs through my head before surfacing as a concrete idea. I know there are dating sites for almost every type of persuasion; gay, Latino, Christian. There had to be BDSM dating sites. Would ing one, even out of curiosity, be such a bad thing? What did I really have to lose? My cell phone interrupted my thoughts. I fumbled for the phone as the book slid to the floor. I glanced at the caller ID; it was my friend Leslie. “Hey, Leslie. What’s up?” “Abby! Where have you been? I’ve been texting you for over an hour. Have you got something going on with some guy that I don’t know about?” Her laughter floated out through the phone and I found myself growling at her timing. “No such luck. I just finished the last of the 50 Shades books. I think I must have just zoned out there for couple hours.” “Over a book? You? I doubt that. Were they really that good?” “I don’t know if I’d say that they were the best books that I’ve ever read or anything, but they really make you think about things. Like why I keep going out with the same kinds of guys, the ones who like me fine until things get serious and then they bail. Or the ones who tell me I’m really nice, but not someone they want to date. Pretty face, but that’s it. Which translates into, I’m fat.” “Abby, don’t start with the fat comments again. You’re not fat. There’s just more of you to love.”

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, if I had a nickel for every time I heard that I’d get liposuction.” I heard her sigh on her end of the line. “Listen, Leslie, there’s some stuff I’ve got to do tonight. I’ll call you tomorrow, or better yet; do you want to do lunch? I’ve got only one client in the late afternoon.” Leslie worked in the same marketing firm I did, in the Human Resources department. I handled clients out in the field. We try to grab lunch together a couple times a week, but my schedule sometimes made that hard. “Yeah, okay. Sounds like a plan. I’ll call you and we can pick a spot.” We ended the call and I dropped the phone on the table. Spotting the book on the floor, I picked it up, running my fingers over the cover. You’re out there somewhere, my Mr. Grey. I just need to start looking. Throwing off the afghan, I went to my office and turned on my laptop. A quick online search gave me several sites to pick from, one with what looked like many in my area. I clicked the link to sign up. What do I have to lose? My cat jumped up on my desk, probably attracted by my mumblings at the laptop. “Hey, Big Guy. You want to help me set up this profile?” The cat didn’t answer; I was on my own. I’d done this on so many other sites, but this time my hands were trembling as I typed. Get a grip, girl. It’s not a life or death situation here. It’s just a dating site. “Okay. So, first up: name. Um…Abby Phillips?” Not so original. The site, thankfully, had an autosuggest feature. One immediately caught my eye: Miss Venus. I worked through the sign up page and the member profile page opened up. I scanned the choices. Some were pretty straightforward. “Well, I’m female. I’m straight.” But the rest made me stop. Orientation? Dominant? Submissive? Slave? Switch? What the hell?

I pick submissive. Not sure slave is in my nature. And I’m not even sure what a switch is. Age, okay, I know that; 26. I cringe at the next couple boxes: height and weight. Okay. Five foot seven, no problem. The other box I look at for a long, long time. I finally enter a number, backspace the last two digits and then re-enter them, minus twenty pounds. Maybe it would look better if I entered it in kilograms. I sighed and hit enter. After much thought I compose a profile that I hope sounds able, not as unsure or insecure sounding as I feel inside. I searched through the picture file on my laptop and found the least embarrassing picture I could and ed it. After the profile is complete, I sit back, marveling at what I’ve just done. “Well, Big Guy, it’s up to fate and the internet gods.” I absently scratched the cat under his chin, looking at the screen, not sure if I wanted a guy to me or not. What would I say? Was I really ready to go through dating hell again, to set myself up for all the trauma and heartache? As much as I didn’t want to go through all that, this time seemed different. There was something deeper, some other level I wanted to explore and I sincerely hoped this site would give me that. The cat bumped against my hand, bringing me back to the present. “Okay. Dinner for two coming up.” The cat followed me to the kitchen and we shared dinner; kibble for him and a salad for me, with a nice glass of Chardonnay. After cleaning up the kitchen, I ran a hot bath, shedding my sweats and sinking into a wealth of lavender scented bubbles. I let my mind drift, the steam and hot water relaxing me. I didn’t want to think about my past dating experiments, but some of them rose up, unbidden. The guy who, after one date, took me to meet his parents and announced we were getting married, without having mentioned anything to me. Or the guy who spent our first date explaining the meaning of each and every tattoo on his body. It was the first date I ever walked out on, feeling like a failure for even going in the first place. He later told me my photo was outdated and I should use a different one; I didn’t ‘represent’ well in real life. I blocked his profile and then switched to a different dating site. But there had been one or two guys with whom I’d hit it off, at least at first. The

construction guy with the most beautiful blue eyes and huge biceps who I’d spent a weekend with in a cheap hotel, only to find out a few days later he was married. I thought about Jack West, the guy with the blue eyes, and the weekend of unbridled sex we’d had. I’d felt sexy and confident; an equal partner in that encounter. I didn’t think it was true love, but I felt we had a serious connection, on more than just a sexual level. All an illusion, as it turned out, but the memory of the sex still sent a wave of heat through my body. The warmth of the water and the memory of Jack lit a fire that spread slowly through my body. I let my hands drift lightly over my body, my skin silky smooth from the bath oils. I closed my eyes, my hands sliding over my breasts, skimming over my stomach, finally moving between my legs. They relaxed, falling open, my fingers finding my clit, already swollen and sensitive from the memories of Jack, of his hands and mouth and tongue on my body. With him, everything had felt so natural. He had been the first man I’d truly enjoyed having him watch me as we had sex. Normally the thought of the lights on during sex had sent me sinking deep under the covers for shelter, but with him I’d been unashamed of what I considered as my less than perfect body. The image of him on the rumpled sheets, lying beneath me as I straddled his hips, his thick cock buried to the hilt in me came flooding back, sending ripples of pleasure through my body as my fingers teased my clit. I’d ridden him hard for a long time, circling my hips, grinding my body against his. He’d finally pulled me down so my breasts were in his face, sucking and licking each in turn, pulling hard with his mouth - and occasionally his teeth - on my sensitive nipples. The sensations were incredible. I came hard, crying out, my body shaking from the intensity as I fell onto his muscular chest, his arms wrapped around me, my orgasm drenching him and the sheets beneath. He’d rolled me over then in one swift movement as the aftershocks still wracked my body, bracing his knees on the bed, thrusting into me hard and fast, his eyes locked with mine as he held himself above me, as I ran my hands over those wonderfully strong arms. He came quickly and just as hard as I had, each thrust accompanied by everlouder grunts. With his head tipped back and those startling blue eyes finally closed in ecstasy, he came, his orgasm sending an amazing flood of wet heat

washing through my body. Instantly I came again, my hips rising to meet his final penetrating thrusts, as his cock pumped the last of his orgasm into me. My hips were moving now as if Jack was there with me, the heat of the bath water splashing against me, mimicking the sensation of his hot load shooting into me. The water sloshed over the edge of the tub as I brought myself to an intense orgasm, my body jerking in diminishing spasms as my body gradually relaxed. My fingers finally slowing their frantic pace, still rubbing and stroking my clit, but now more slowly, languorously, lingering currents of pleasure still flowing through me. The water had cooled and I climbed out of the bath, pulling the drain, drying myself slowly with a big fluffy towel. I went through my Sunday ritual of using my most expensive body lotion, rubbing the exotic smelling liquid over my skin, imagining a time when I might be going through all this not just for myself, but for someone else’s enjoyment. Closing the door on the bathroom cabinet, I took a moment to look at my face in the mirror. Same old face; green eyes, shoulder length blonde hair. No wrinkles, yet. Pulling my hair up, away from my face, I toy once again with the idea of cutting it short. But I’d had a pixie hair cut in grade school and the memories of being mistaken for a boy still haunted me. I let it go, watching as it tumbled down around my shoulders. You’re safe from scissors once again. Dressed in my nightgown and robe, I walked past my office. The desk light is on, the laptop dimmed but still powered up. I hit the touchpad and the screen brightened. The page for Collar Me is still open, right where I left it. And blinking in the upper left corner is a tiny red envelope icon; someone had sent me a message. I swallowed hard. I pulled my office chair closer, hesitating just a moment before clicking the icon. The messages—there’s more than one—opened on my screen, and I held my breath as I read through them. The first one was so disgusting I deleted it before I even finished reading the first sentence. The next message was pretty bland, but the photo enclosed was of a man wearing a wig, fishnet stockings and not much more. Um….not what I was looking for. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. I clicked on the last brief message,

thankfully with no additional photo included. To: Venus247 From: Dom Meyers ‘Hello Venus247, I saw your profile tonight and it interested me a great deal. If you’d like to chat, please reply. I’m new to this site, and new to the BDSM world as well. I get the sense you are too. “Oh, holy shit.” I clicked on the link to his profile. There was something vaguely familiar about him, but I wasn’t sure why; he wasn’t a client at least. His profile listed his height at 6’ 3”, with black hair and blue eyes. Oh, blue eyes and tall. So far, so good. He had several photos available in his profile, all highlighting his chiseled face and those impossibly blue eyes. The first was of him in a tight black t-shirt and low-slung jeans, leaning against a wall. He looked lean and rangy, not skinny, but not all big muscles. As much as I like husky guys, his body was very appealing to me. And I certainly liked the way he looked in his jeans. But the next photo I opened took my breath away. He was looking directly into the camera, blue eyes so piercing they seemed almost unreal. His dark hair was just messy enough to keep it from looking too perfect. The smile undid me though; boyish and charming, but with a hint of something dark lurking around the edges. No innocent boy here at all; that’s a real man behind those good looks. At first glance, he was almost pin-up pretty, but there was an edge to all that prettiness that made me suspect being dominant would be quite enjoyable for him. I could imagine him shirtless, barefoot, wearing the tattered jeans Christian Grey had worn—and nothing else—wielding a whip, while I was restrained, naked, begging him to use it on me, again…and again. I realized I was breathing heavy, my heart pounding, my palms damp. Holy shit, just from a photo? And no fishnet stockings or no women’s wigs in evidence in any of the photos, thank God. And below his photo was a line of green text: Member Is Online

Now. “I’ll be damned.” I went back to his message, read it again. Nothing offensive, he seemed normal so far. It took a long time for me to decide what to say. Finally I just said I was interested in chatting. I hit send. Almost instantly Mr. Meyers replied back. To: Miss Venus From: Dom Meyers Hi Venus, Thank you for replying back. I’m really glad you did. To be honest, I was beginning to think I’d made a mistake in ing this site. While I know BDSM is not the norm, some of the replies I’ve gotten had me a little spooked. Tell me a little about yourself and let’s see if we have anything in common. (And my name is Jake…)

*

For the first time in years, I was late to work. It had been well past two o’clock in the morning when Jake and I had finally said good-night. His final message had kept me awake for a long time after we went off line; he’d asked if I wanted to meet in person. Leslie finally called to remind me of our lunch plans. I’d spent the morning in a daze, robotically working through my emails and other tasks, going over in my head the conversations with Jake. Leslie said to meet her in the lobby of the building; we could walk around the corner to the Italian deli for a roast beef sandwich.

“So, what’s up with you today, Abby? You’re a million miles away.” We were in line, waiting to place our order. Leslie was making eyes at the counterman, like she always did. I usually teased her, claiming she only flirted to get extra sautéed mushrooms on her sandwich for free. But not today. “I did something last night.” I wasn’t sure how to explain this. “I signed up on a dating site.” Leslie rolled her eyes. “You’re kidding. Again? Which one this time?” We were at the counter. I placed my order, paid up, grabbed my soda and moved out of the line to grab a table. I heard Leslie rattle off her order and then she was right behind me, practically stepping on my heels so she could pry the gory details out of me. “Okay. Spill the story. What have you done?” She took a sip of her San Pellegrino. “Promise you won’t say anything until I’m finished, okay?” Leslie nodded. I took a deep breath. “I ed on a BDSM website. I met a man on the site and we chatted most of the night.” Leslie was watching me, her mouth open, totally shocked. “He’s asked to meet me in person.” I hesitated. “And I think I’m going to agree to meet him.” Leslie was silent for a long time, staring at me. “You are nuts. A BDSM site? Since when do you like pain?” She sat back suddenly. “It’s those damn books, isn’t it?” “It’s hard to explain, I guess. There something there that intrigues me. Not so much the pain, or not only the pain. But the whole control thing, giving up control to someone else in return for pleasure. It’s confusing, but it’s something that I want to try.” Leslie shook her head. Our sandwiches arrived and we were quiet for a minute, trying to divide and conquer the behemoth sandwiches. We chewed in silence for a while when she finally spoke. “You know I love you, Abby, but I’ve got to say, I think you’re making a big

mistake.” She looked at me, her brown eyes serious. “But I know you, when you get something stuck in your mind, there’s no talking you out of it.” I laughed. Leslie knew me better than I knew myself sometimes. “So, now who is this mystery bondage guy? What’s he look like? Does he have a name?” Leslie finally gave in and attacked her sandwich with a fork, winding sticky globs of mozzarella cheese like spaghetti around the tines. “Well, he’s over six feet, black hair, blue eyes….” Leslie grunted through a mouthful of sandwich. “…on the lean side. Not skinny, but wiry, maybe? Hard to tell in the picture, but not a really muscular guy. Nice looking. His name’s Jake.” “Jake. Hmm, so you’re going to really do this?” I nodded, wrapping up my sandwich in its paper. Suddenly I was nervous, my stomach fluttering. I took a deep breath. “Yeah, I really am.”

Chapter Two

When I got home, I immediately opened up my laptop, clicking on the website. There was a message from Jake waiting for me. I opened it gingerly, almost as if it were a ticking bomb. Somehow, safe in the darkness last night, lit only by the screen on my laptop, it had all seemed exciting and fun; in the harsh light of the fading afternoon Texas sun, it seemed silly and scary. What the hell am I doing? It reminded me I hadn’t given him an answer to his question: if I’d like to meet in person. I took a deep breath, clicking the message icon.

To: Miss Venus From: Dom Meyers Hi Abby, I enjoyed talking to you last night; I hope you did as well. I don’t want to rush you into meeting in person; I’m willing to let you make that decision. But I think we really have a connection. So, the ball is in your court (although I’m rushing the net). Jake

I put the cursor in the reply box, watching it blink. Closing my eyes, I typed ‘Yes, I’d like to meet you too.’ I looked at the words on the screen and then, before I could change my mind, I clicked send. My first reaction was to close the laptop and leave the room, but that was foolish. It was also foolish to watch the laptop screen, waiting for a reply. It

brought back uncomfortable high school memories of sitting by the phone on a Saturday night, waiting for it to ring. I was just pushing myself away from the desk when the soft chime of an incoming message sounded. The little red envelope was flashing. I clicked on the icon and a message from Jake opened on the screen.

Hi Abby, I’d put a smiley face emoticon here, but I’m technically challenged when it comes to things like that. So I’ll just say that I’m very happy you’ve agreed to meet me. How about Georgia’s? If you’re free tonight, how about a drink, say, 8:00? Just casual, nothing too intense. Jake

I knew the place; it was upscale, nice…some place I’d driven by but never been inside of. And tonight. Go…do it. Either you’ll enjoy yourself, or you’ll get it over with and be done with this.

Hi Jake, Georgia’s sounds fine and so does 8:00. I’ll see you then. Abby

*

The bedroom was a mess, clothes strewn everywhere. I’d taken a shower, tried to eat something, gave up on that and then tried to decide on something wear. ‘Something casual’ may be easy for him to say, but it sent me into a panic. I resisted the urge to call Leslie, simply because she would tell me I was crazy. Finally I decided on a black silk tank and jacket and a pair of dark jeans. I added my favorite heeled boots, happy I could wear the four inch heels and not tower over Jake. Hair was another issue. I brushed it out, put it up, curled it, brushed it out…and finally just let it curl around my shoulders. Jewelry was easier; black onyx bracelet and earrings, an assortment of silver chains and I called the outfit complete. The only sure thing was the perfume; I splurge on a custom blend containing something called Dragon’s Blood. It’s exotic, indescribably floral and absolutely wonderful. I dabbed it behind my ears, at the base of my throat and my wrists… and for good measure, my cleavage. Just the scent alone makes me feel confident and beautiful. Hopefully it would have a positive effect on Jake. As luck would have it, I was late to Georgia’s. Traffic was snarled and by the time I parked, I was fifteen minutes late and growing flustered. I pulled open the door, the sounds of the bar spilling out into the cool night air, and slipped inside. I scanned the bar, looking for a tall man in a white t-shirt, which Jake said he’d be wearing. My heart sank. There was no one there in a white shirt. Great. I make the commitment and I miss him by minutes. I was turning to leave when I felt a firm hand on my elbow. Startled, I turned, looking up into the bluest eyes I’d ever seen. “Hi, Abby.” His voice was low, but clear, husky without being raspy. I don’t think I’d ever heard my name sound quite so beautiful. I started up at him. “Sorry to startle you. I met someone I knew at the other end of the bar. It took me a minute to get away.” I continued to stare, unable to speak.

Speak, Abby. Drop the deer in the headlights act. I shook myself out of my embarrassing trance. “Hi, Jake. Sorry, but you did catch me a little off guard. I hope you haven’t been waiting long.” “No, not at all. Come on, there’s more room in the back; it’s not so crowded there. We can find a private banquette.” Jake continued to gently hold my arm, steering me with easy grace through the crowd. The long mahogany bar was crowded with a loud mix of young business professionals, but as we made our way through the brick archway into the depths of the room, the crowd thinned out. Jake found a small banquette in the quiet back room. As I slid onto the black leather, Jake asked what I’d like to drink, disappeared towards the bar, and soon returned with a glass of Chardonnay for me and what looked like a glass of bourbon for himself. “It’s domestic. I hope that’s okay with you?” He looked at me expectantly as he set the glass on the small table. “I’m sure it will be fine.” I’m way out of my league here. I took a tentative sip. I’d been far too nervous to eat dinner and now was afraid any alcohol I drank would go straight to my head. But the wine was excellent and I took a larger swallow, the soft warmth of the wine spreading through my body, quelling the butterflies in my stomach. Georgia’s is large but still manages to seem intimate. The brick covered walls, Oriental patterned carpet and soft lighting conspire to make it cozy, even though the place was packed. We sipped our drinks in silence for a few minutes, watching the crowd as it ebbed and flowed past us. I realized there was still more rooms beyond where we sat; peering past Jake I saw through another series of arches several pool tables, each glowing green beneath its own set of lights. Once we started talking though, the nerves faded away. Jake put me at ease almost instantly, avoiding the usual litany of first encounter questions: where are you from, what do you do, read any good books lately? He told stories, good stories. I found myself laughing more than I thought I would. Jake had a good sense of humor, gently poking fun at himself as he told stories about growing up on a ranch in Texas.

“…and so I ended up flat on my face, being dragged through a pile of horse dung, with one foot caught in the stirrup. My horse was looking down at me and I swear, if he could have spoken, he would have called me a damned fool. I never tried that again.” I laughed. “It’s amazing you survived your childhood.” I took another sip of my wine, stealing a glance at his face in the subdued lighting of the back room. His chiseled features, in this light, were beyond handsome. Part of me was a bit intimidated; I’d never been anywhere near anyone so good looking. His lips alone were enough to make my heart beat faster. They were sensuous, full and he had an almost, but not quite, pouty lower lip. I could fully imagine being kissed by him and loving every second of it. Rising, I excused myself to the ladies room. I really needed a moment to catch my breath and remind myself why I was here. Once there, I looked at my face in the mirror. I was flushed, high color in my cheeks. Calm down, girl, you’ve only just me the man. And this is different. It’s not what you’re used to. Jake was not remotely like any type of man I’d met in the past. And that was good. I wasn’t going to give my heart away again; that’s not what this was about. Leslie had read me the riot act about getting hurt…again…and I’d tried to tell her this was different. It wasn’t about a relationship, or at least not a traditional sense. Underneath all the nerves and butterflies and flushed cheeks, I didn’t really want to be interested in Jake in a romantic way nor him in me. I don’t want hearts and flowers and long walks in the twilight, holding hands. I wanted to learn my limits, explore this deep and probably dark side of my sexuality. That Jake was drop dead gorgeous certainly didn’t hurt in any way. But I’d be damned if, when this ended, I’d cry myself to sleep over him. And there was that yet-unspoken aspect of our relationship: the bondage or domination or whatever it was going to be. We’d skirted the edges of that topic but had yet to address it head on. Jake was watching me as I walked back across the room to our table, and for a moment I was that same self-conscious girl I was with most men I’d met, feeling judged and found lacking. And I kicked myself for feeling that way.

But then I saw his eyes moving over my body with something closer to frank iration, a seductive smile playing about one corner of his mouth, and not the derision I had expected. My heart did a little hand spring. “I took the liberty of getting you another glass of Chardonnay and ordering us a plate of appetizers. I’m not sure about you, but to be honest, I was a little nervous about this meeting and I ed on eating dinner. But now I’m finding my appetite has returned, with a vengeance.” I slid into the banquette, nodding my head. “Same here. I mean, with the nerves. And the appetite, I guess. Something to nibble on will be nice.” The food arrived shortly and over the delicious spicy bits of food the topic turned to our relative employment. I explained where I worked and what I did and talked a bit about the clients I had. Then I asked him where he worked. Jake looked at me, an unreadable look on his face, that enigmatic half-mile curling at the edge of his mouth. “I didn’t think you knew who I am,” he said finally. He had told me his last name was McNamara, but there was nothing in that name that rang any bells for me. “I’m the President and CEO of McNamara Oil.” I blinked, staring. I tried to formulate some kind of reply, but I was speechless. McNamara Oil was one of Houston’s—probably one of Texas’s—largest oil companies. My palms suddenly grew damp and my throat went dry; I was sitting in the presence of one of the wealthiest men in Texas. I took a large swallow of my fresh Chardonnay. “I hope that’s not going to be a problem for you.” Jake was looking at me, a slight frown creasing his forehead. “It can be hard for some women, being seen with a fairly well-known figure. It can be…uncomfortable at times. I’m occasionally in the public eye. And sometimes I’m a target I guess you could say, for unwelcome attention from a certain type of woman. Being who I am and being a bachelor is hard sometimes.” He gave a rueful laugh, shaking his head. “It’s had its darker moments.” Dark moments? As much as I wanted to pursue that remark, I let it . I

mentally shook my head. “No, I mean, yes…I mean…” It finally dawned on me that a fairly steady stream of people, including quite a few gorgeous young women, had waved or smiled a greeting to Jake, even in the secluded corner where we were seated. I took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. What I mean to say is that I apologize that I didn’t recognize who you are. I should have, but nothing clicked with the name.” I looked down at my disarrayed plate of food, poking a discarded shrimp tail with my fork. “To be honest, I think I was a bit overwhelmed by all of this…” I waved my fork around “…the whole domination and bondage aspect of all of this to even make the connection.” He still looked concerned. I pushed on with my bumbling explanation. “But no, I don’t think that it’s going to be a factor in taking this relationship wherever it’s going to go. It’s more about who you are than what you do.” A look of relief ed across his handsome face, the frown lines fading. He grinned, a charming boyish smile that lit up his eyes, and sent a distinct wave of something warm coursing through my body. “Good. I’m glad.” He picked through the plate of food in front of him for a moment, finally looking up at me. “If you’re ready, I think I’d like to talk about what we expect from this relationship going forward.” I swallowed hard. This was the part of this meeting I was dreading the most. I had no frame of reference for this type of conversation, but it was the reason we were here. I nodded, not really knowing what to say, letting him take the lead. “First I’d like to say that I find you a very attractive woman, Abby. I think we have a great chemistry already and you’re very easy to talk to. I think a large part of what’s going to make this work for us is good communication, both in and out of the bedroom.” The word bedroom set my heart to pounding. This is really happening. “Going back to who I am, I’d ask that our relationship be kept confidential.”

Something in my look must have alarmed him. He reached out, taking my hand in his. It was the first time he’d touched me intimately, with intention. His voice was soft, intense. “I misspoke, I’m sorry. I’m not saying that I don’t want to be seen with you; I do. I’d be honored to be seen with you anywhere; I’d be the envy of every man who saw us.” I felt myself blush to the roots of my hair. He went on, a serious cast to his voice. “There may be times when I would want you to accompany me to public events, maybe even as part of your submissive role. I do want to show you off. But for the rest, what we do in private, stays private. There are too many people who would fall on that part of our relationship and tear us to shreds.” He squeezed my hand again. “And I wouldn’t want that for you. I can handle myself, but it’s not something I’d expect you to handle.” He hesitated, still holding my hand. “So, are you okay with this so far?” He was looking at me intensely. I nodded. “Good. I’m glad.” He released my hand, his face relaxing. The absence of his touch was almost as palpable as the warmth I’d felt from him. I left my hand on the table with the hopes he’d take it in his again. “Alright. So the basis of this relationship, for me, is exploring bondage and domination in a sexual relationship with a willing partner. I’m not really into the sadistic, masochistic part of BDSM, or at least I’m not interested in pursuing that now. But I’m very interested in the other aspects.” He took a swallow of bourbon. “As I said, this is all new to me. I haven’t been in a place in my life before, I guess, where I felt comfortable pursuing this.” He looked at me, a calculating look in his eyes. Then he smiled. “And you’re still on board with this? You’re very quiet. I don’t want to dominate the conversation…” He broke off, grinning at his word choice. “What’s your motivation for being here? What are you looking for in all this, Abby?” I took a deep breath. “I guess I’m interested in the same things as you are, only from the other side.” I toyed with my wine glass, twirling the stem between my

fingers. Time to be honest here, Abby. “I haven’t had very good luck with men. Nothing ever works out. But there are things I want to explore in myself, the relationship between pain and pleasure, how I can give up control in return for something…hopefully something more, exciting? More intense? I’m not sure. I’m not a girl that enjoys either pain or not being in control. But in this case, it’s different…” My voice trailed off. “It’s complicated.” Jake smiled. “It is, isn’t it? And I guess it’s something we’re going to learn along the way, and learn together. This is all new to me as well.” He broke off as a stunning redhead sauntered past our table, waving at him. He gestured briefly in return. His gaze returned to me. “I was told it’s not wise for an inexperienced Dom to choose an inexperienced sub, that I’d be asking for trouble. But somehow, to me at least, it seemed like it would be, well, not so much easier but more comfortable learning and exploring with someone who was just as inexperienced in this as I am.” Jake’s voice had grown low. I leaned forward to catch his words. “I have all the confidence in the world in my ability to run a multi-million dollar corporation. But here, I’m not quite as sure of myself.” He sat back suddenly, a startled look on his face. “It just occurred to me. Maybe that’s part of this too, that I’m looking for an arena where I’m not master of all I survey; I’m starting from ground zero here. Perhaps I’m looking for a challenge, something else I can master.” Jake smiled, that boyish charming smile that seems to do funny things to my stomach. “I don’t want you to think you’re a project or an experiment. I want you to enjoy this, to learn and grow with me and, hopefully, make this a mutually beneficial experience, for as long as it lasts. How does that sound?” He touched my hand briefly. “And I interrupted you. I’m sorry about that.” “No, you’re fine. You’re much clearer on your motivations than I am.” I sat back against the leather of the banquette. “I want to challenge myself as well, see how far I’m willing to go with this. And I read some of the forum posts on the website; I should be picking an experienced Dom as well.”

Jake laughed, a wonderful sound. “I guess we’re going about this all wrong, but it seems like the right approach for me.” The rest of the evening ed easily and very quickly. We were still talking when the bar closed. Jake walked me to my car, both of us quiet in the dark. I was shivering in the cool air but I thought it was due more to Jake than the spring air. We were at my car far too soon. “Well, Abby…” Jake hesitated only briefly before pulling me against him, looking down at me. I could see his eyes in the semi-darkness, hooded, almost black. Gently he bent his head, his lips brushing softly against mine. I may have moaned a little then. He slowly increased the pressure of his lips on mine, capturing my lower lip in his, caressing it briefly with the tip of his tongue. Releasing me, he looked down into my eyes. His voice was low, seductive and very arousing. “I think we’re going to be good together, Abby. Very good together.” He pulled me back into his arms. This time his kiss was anything but gentle. His lips claimed mine fully, his tongue seeking entrance—which I granted—probing, searching, setting a fire alight in my stomach. I know I moaned then, and loudly. When he finally released me, I staggered briefly, reluctant to open my eyes. His hands still held me and kept me from falling. I heard his soft laugh, his warm breath, still carrying the soft scent of good bourbon, washing over me. “I’ll call you tomorrow…give us the night to think about what we’ve talked about.” He ran a finger down my cheek, catching a wind-blown strand of hair and tucking it behind my ear. He leaned forward, kissing my forehead. He waited until I’d pulled out of the parking lot before leaving. I saw him in my rearview mirror, hand raised in a brief wave. And then he turned away, heading to his own car. It was a long, long time before I fell asleep. My mind was whirling, much of it going over everything we’d talked about, but a large part replaying our kiss, the feeling of his lips on mine, his hands on my body. Even though his kisses had been brief, they had been powerful, but in different ways. The first hadn’t been tentative or hesitant, but soft, asking rather than demanding.

There had been a latent force in his second kiss that was hard to pinpoint, but in it I felt the potential Jake carried to dominate, to carry me along with his will. To make me submit, willingly. It was a heady combination, the gentleness of his first kiss followed by his outright claim to my mouth with the second. I finally drifted off wondering how these opposites would play out in the bedroom. *

I managed to be on time to work. Leslie had already left a voicemail message, demanding the details of my ‘date’. I had already started punching in her extension number when it occurred to me I couldn’t really tell her much of anything. Jake had asked that we keep the dominant submissive aspect of our relationship confidential. But I had already told Leslie that I was meeting someone from a BDSM website; I just hadn’t told her who. I hung up the phone, trying to figure out just what I would say to her when I saw her. The phone had no more than left my hand when it rang, making me jump. I snatched my hand away as if I’d been burned by the sound. The call went to voicemail. As soon as the message light began blinking I punched in the access code and listened to the message. It was Leslie. I deleted the message, deciding I would deal with her later. There was a client meeting to prep for and as distracted as I was over Jake, I didn’t think I could afford to spend any time right now thinking about Leslie. By the time I finished with meetings, emails and making client phone calls, it was well past my usual lunch time. There were a few more messages from Leslie, one from late morning asking if I wanted to grab lunch. With a stab of guilt, I deleted them all. I grabbed my purse, intending to head down to the commissary in the basement of the building. The food was stale and tasteless, but I was in too much of a rush to care. And I wanted to avoid Leslie.

But best laid plans often go awry. Leslie was just coming out of the elevator on my floor. There was nowhere to hide so I put on a big smile, intercepting her before she could start in with her questions. “I was just coming to get you. I’ve been tied up all morning with clients. You have time for lunch?” She made a disgusted noise at me. “Yeah, I know you. You’re avoiding me. , I’ve known you forever. But I’ll ride down with you to the lobby.” We grabbed the nearest elevator. As soon as the door closed, Leslie turned to me. “Okay. Spill the details. Who is he? What’s he like? Is he cute? Did you make out?” I scowled at her. “Leslie, really, slow down. ‘Make out?’ We’re not in high school.” I smiled at her. “But, yeah, we did kiss.” I rolled my eyes. “It was horrible. He’s got bad breath and snaggle teeth. Ick.” She burst into a fit of giggles. “Really? No, you’re kidding. But who is he?” Why the obsession with who he is? The elevator chimed, announcing it had reached the lobby. We stepped out, the lobby full of the crush and rush of people. I pulled her off to the side. “If I tell you, you can’t tell anyone. Promise?” I looked at her, the perplexed look on her face almost comical if this wasn’t important. “Seriously, promise.” “Promise. Is he in the witness protection program?” She was serious. I rolled my eyes again. “No, not that.” I dropped my voice to a whisper. “He’s Jake McNamara.” Saying his name made my heart skip a beat, from excitement or guilt, I wasn’t sure. Jake, I’m sorry. Leslie’s eyes went wide. “No! Really? Geez, Abby, nothing like hooking a big fish first time around.” And then her eyes went wider. “You met Jake McNamara on a bondage sex site?”

It seemed the lobby had gone completely silent and Jake’s name was echoing off the marble walls. I shook my head, looking around. The lobby was just as noisy and no one was even within earshot. But I pulled Leslie behind a potted plant. “Leslie, you need keep this quiet. He didn’t want me to tell anyone about that part of our relationship.” The skepticism on Leslie’s face was obvious. “He wants to keep your relationship a secret? Is that some bondage fetish rule? Why can’t you talk about it?” She was standing with her hands on her hips, looking like a stern librarian and I’d been caught giggling in the stacks. I expected her to pull out a rule and wrap my knuckles. “Not me, not the public relationship, but the BDSM part. He’s a public figure; your reaction should be enough to know why this can’t really be public knowledge.” Leslie relaxed. “Yeah. Okay. I get that part.” She looked closely at me, skepticism replaced by concern. “Are you sure this is good for you, Abby? Secrets and whips and handcuffs? All for a fuck or two?” Leslie’s use of the word fuck was rare but always well placed. I sighed. “Yes, it is…or it will be. And it’s not just for ‘a fuck or two’. I think there’s going to be a whole lot more to this.” I took her arm, pulling her out from behind the ficus tree. “Come on, I’ll buy you lunch and tell you all the gory details. But only this once. No more after this.”

*

I was puttering around in the kitchen that evening, cleaning up after dinner, when the phone rang. Snatching it up, I glanced at the caller ID; Private Caller. Discreet guy. “Hello?” My voice sounded breathless, even to me. “Hi, Abby. Am I catching you at a bad time?” My heart did that flip-flop thing again. Maybe I have a medical condition. “No, this is fine. I’m done with dinner and not really interested in doing the dishes.” I sat down on the couch. Something poked me in the back. Reaching behind me, I fished 50 Shades of Grey out from between the cushions. I smiled to myself as I held the book in my lap. “I really enjoyed last night, Abby. Very much. I’m hoping we can get together fairly soon. I’m very anxious to have a session with you.” I heard him laugh softly. “I’m really interested in seeing you, period, truth be told.” I smiled into the phone. “I’m anxious to see you…to have a session with you.” “We talked about last night about this, Abby. But I want to make sure we still agree, before we go any further.” His voice had gone serious. “We agreed our interaction wouldn’t stray away from the rather strict confines of the dominant and submissive relationship. Outside of that relationship, there may be times when I will ask you to accompany me to public events. In those instances, unless we’ve agreed on anything different, I would like you to be my guest, under no constraints or conditions. Do you agree with this? Is that how you’ve understood what we’re doing here?” I hesitated. This was what I wanted, above all, to not become so entangled with a man that I got my heart broken again. Some deep part of me wanted to use Jake, to take from him what pleasure I could and explore my own desires. A tiny part of my heart sank though, the little bit of the incurable romantic in me wanting to view Jake as my romantic partner. I held back that part, shoving it far away from what was being presented to me now. “I do understand and I agree. And I appreciate your honesty. I think we’re totally

on the same page.” “Great. Let’s see…it’s already mid-week. Should we start on Friday? I have the sense I’d like this first session to be relaxed, no worrying about work the next day. You may need some aftercare, some recovery time, depending on what we do. I want to make sure to make you feel as safe and cared for as possible.” My heart was racing. Aftercare? Like medical care? I think there was some research I need to do before Friday. My throat was suddenly dry, my voice coming out as a small croak. I tried again. “Yes, Friday is fine.” Jake gave me his address and private cell phone number, along with his currently blocked home phone number. I was familiar with the suburb where he lived; it was outside the center of Houston, the land of million dollar homes on huge lots. I swallowed hard. After the phone call, my mind was numb. Was this what I wanted? Yes. And did I want this with Jake? Absolutely. Then why was my heart pounding and my palms damp?

*

The Internet is a wonderful place; sometimes it’s also very scary. I found a good site devoted to the BDSM lifestyle. There was a great deal to take it. I did learn what aftercare entailed, relieved to learn it would be Jake’s reasonability to see that I was okay after a session, that I wouldn’t just be sent home to deal with… whatever I had to deal with. My Internet searches led me through a wide variety of sites, the most fascinating having to do with elaborate knot tying. I tried to imagine being restrained by Jake in this way, patiently sitting while the rope was looped and tied into intricate knots and patterns. I got panicky now when I got tangled in my sweater

sleeves or the bed sheets. I wasn’t sure I could tolerate being so firmly trussed, even if the knot work was so beautiful.

*

I left work early on Friday. I wanted to take my time getting ready for my first session with Jake. We had talked late Thursday evening. Jake had called to see how I was, telling me again how excited he was to see me the next evening. “Don’t worry, Abby,” he said, again in that voice that made my heart flutter. I’d assured him I wasn’t worrying, but my voice gave me away. “Do you want to back out? You can if you want. You’re under no contract or obligation.” I could hear the change in his voice. “Just be honest. That’s all I ask.” “No, Jake. I don’t want to back out. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous. Maybe that’s what I feel and what you’re hearing in my voice.” I realized I was had picked up the 50 Shades book again. I had been worrying the cover between my fingers; the corner was almost torn off. I tossed the book to the other end of the couch. “We’ll start slow. Nothing will happen that you don’t want to have happen.” “I know, Jake,” I whispered. “I’ll be fine once we start. Nerves, and anticipation are getting the better of me at the moment.” We’d said goodnight and I’d spent another restless night, fighting with the bedcovers, dreaming of serpentine knots and snakes.

*

Jake had given me the code to the gate at the end of his driveway. I punched the number into the keypad and the tall iron gates swung open. I had clients who lived out here, but I’d never actually been to their homes. I drove up the long sweeping drive toward the cream colored Italianate villa. In the soft spring twilight the building was colored almost the same pale pink as the inside of a shell. Jake had said to drive to the right of the main entrance and park beneath the portico. I did as instructed. Already being a good submissive, Abby. Good girl. The huge wrought iron trimmed glass door to my left opened as I stepped out of the car and Jake walked out, bathed in the glow from the lights beneath the portico. He was dressed in jeans and a soft white shirt, open at the collar. The whole image was relaxed and sexy, including the smile on his face. That charming smile that I bet had gotten more women out of their clothes than I cared to know about. He stopped in front of me, close enough that I could feel his body heat, smell him. Not the scent of cologne; I didn’t think he was wearing any. But it was his smell, rich and masculine, warm and inviting. I drew in a deep breath. “Abby, welcome to my home.” He seemed to hesitate and then bent his head to kiss my lips. I must have looked puzzled when he stepped back. He smiled. “Come on it. Let’s get comfortable and we can talk a bit.” He took my hand, leading me through the door. I heard the deep clunk of the latch sliding home. For some reason, I thought of castles, knights in armor and lady’s virtues. The image slid away though as he took me through a maze of rooms, none of which seemed to have a square corner. I saw a kitchen, what looked like a butler’s pantry, a dining room, another room I couldn’t really identify, and finally to a relatively small room down a short hallway This room was gorgeous, darkly ed, and vaguely Gothic but extremely comfortable looking. One wall was dominated by a fireplace, a small fire crackling on the hearth. The opposite wall looked out through floor to ceiling windows on a large expanse of grass and trees, which resembled a park more

than a suburban backyard. The furnishings were all inlaid wood pieces, several chairs, a sofa and a loveseat, all covered in a masculine mix of deep reds and olive green fabric, along with an apparently lovingly worn leather chair by the fire. The carpet was an Oriental, creams, reds and greens, echoing the colors of the furniture. It looked inviting, cozy and rich all at the same time. Jake let me take this all in, finally pulling me down to the floor in front of the fire. I realized he’d been holding my hand ever since I’d arrive. And I also saw he was pulling me down onto a thick fleecy rug. “I want us to work on trust tonight, Abby. I need you to trust me and I need to learn to trust myself.” He waited for me to get settled, sitting directly across from me. “I thought I would start by giving you a massage, something to allow you to get comfortable with me, allow me to explore your body in a safe way, before we move into anything too heavy.” I nodded. He seemed to want to control this evening and I was willing to go along. But my inner voice was busy explaining to me about my insecurity at being naked, without the benefit of bed covers or sheets or darkness. And again, my face gave me away. There’s a reason why you always lose at poker. Everything you think flashes on your face. “What is it, Abby? You need to tell me or this isn’t going to work.” He took my hands in his. “And I want this to work, for both of us.” Taking a deep breath, I looked him in the eye. Spill it, Abby. “I have some insecurity about my body, about my weight. I’ve always been on the heavy side and sometime it’s made me hold back, especially in settings like this.” I looked around the room. “You know…daylight, lights…fire light.” Jake smiled. “I thought as much.” He took one hand, holding it in his, slowly tracing his finger over my palm, between my fingers, sending goose bumps up my arm.

“That’s part of the reason for the massage.” He looked up at me, a dreamy look in his eyes. “You’re a beautiful woman, Abby. I’ve told you that and I’ll tell you again, many times. I knew from your photo that you aren’t a stick figure; you’re a real woman. You have curves, all in the right places. I don’t think when you take your clothes off I’m going to find you less attractive. I think when you take your clothes off and you’re naked here, beneath my hands, it’s going to take all my control to not just fuck the hell out of you.” His voice had gone low, the last words practically a growl, so unexpected I recoiled as if I’d been struck. His eyes were locked with mine, fueled now with ion and heat—with naked lust. And there was that smile, no gently charming smile now, but something edgy, almost feral. His smile alone had taken my breath away once before and it did it now, but for a different reason. This one promised something powerful, something dark, something that lit a fire in me like no smile had ever done before. My heart was pounding and Jake knew it. His fingers were on my wrist, reading my pulse as if it were Braille. I knew what it said; he did as well. We held each other’s gaze, stayed in that moment for a long time. The intensity held, but something unspoken had ed between us. I was ready for whatever he had planned for me, totally under his spell, in his control. I was ready to be his submissive.

Chapter Three

Jake reached for me, pulling me slowly toward him. The kiss he gave me was uninhibited, full of the lust and ion his eyes promised, but it was all too brief. He broke away with a harsh noise. He sat back, watching me. I was practically panting, my body on fire. I’d have gladly let him take me there, on this rug, no questions asked. But I saw he was struggling to get himself under control. He closed his eyes briefly, drawing a deep breath, holding it for a moment before blowing it out. When he opened them, the fire and ion was still there, but I saw restraint as well. As much as I wanted him, then and there, I knew I needed to respect his decision as how to move forward. “There’s a bathroom across the hall where you can change. There’s a robe you can wear. I’d like you to tie your hair back for me, so it won’t get in the way.” He stood gracefully, pulling me up from the rug. His face was still flushed but something in his eyes had changed; some kind of restraint was in place. I nodded and made my way on shaky legs out of the room. Once in the bathroom, I leaned back against the door. I took a deep, shuddering breath. I wasn’t really sure what had just happened, but it had hit me deeply. There was much more going on here than just a man who wanted to tie me up and spank me. I wasn’t sure if that restraint I saw in his eyes was in place to protect me, or to protect himself. The robe was a plush affair, generous and cozy. I found an assortment of hair ties on the counter, chose a pretty blue ribbon and managed to corral my hair. Before leaving, I took a look around the bathroom. It boasted a full steam shower and jetted tub, all covered in creamy marble. It also seemed to have no square corners. Each angle was sharp, each wall at an odd angle to its neighbor. Again the image of a castle rose up. Maybe there’s a secret tower in the center of the house. I shook my head, laughing at myself.

While I was gone, the room had been transformed. Jake had turned down the lights and lit dozens of fat white candles. It was completely dark outside now and the candle light was reflected in the beveled edges of the floor to ceiling windows. Jake was by the fire, adding another log. He straightened and turned toward me when he heard the click of the door, walking toward me in the softly lit room. He’d taken off his shirt and shoes and I let my eyes slide over his chest, the dark nipples against his tawny skin. I resisted the urge to lick my lips. His jeans hung low on his narrow hips, revealing that delicious landscape below his navel, something that always makes me weak in the knees. I gave in and ran my tongue over my lips. He took me gently by the hand, guiding me toward the fireplace. The firelight cast a glow over the rug and I had a fleeting image of myself lying naked, my skin burnished to a golden hue by the fire. And I was amazed to find that image didn’t really bother me in the least. “Here, let me take this.” Jake undid the tie of the robe and I turned as he slid the garment down my arms. I hesitated just a moment before turning to face him. His eyes moved slowly over my body, taking in everything, lingering here and there, finally traveling back to meet my eyes. All I saw reflected there was iration and desire. I smiled, holding his gaze. He nodded and smiled back. “You are beautiful, Abby. And I think you know that now.” He reached out, softly stroking my cheek. “But I’ll continue telling you that anyway, because I enjoy saying those words, and I think you should hear them often.” He helped me down to the floor, kneeling beside me. “On your stomach, please. Arms down at your sides.” There was a low table set near the end of the rug. A small bowl of steaming water held a bottle and several small neatly folded white towels lay beside it. Jake reached for the bottle, wiping the water off with a towel. He disappeared from my view. The rug was wonderfully soft, thick and springy. I could sense the heat of the fire brushing against one side of my body; the other side was deliciously cool in

contrast. I sighed, closing my eyes, letting my body sink into the embrace of the rug. The flickers of candle light made patterns on the inside of my eyelids. Even without the massage… But I was eagerly anticipating the feel of Jake’s hands on my body. “I want you to relax, let me do the work here. Nothing is required of you at the moment other than to let me do this. I want you to trust me, to learn the feel of my hands on your body. There are no expectations for either of us tonight; it takes us wherever it will. I just want us to learn to be comfortable with each other.” His voice was hypnotic, the cadence soothing. I could feel him moving beside me and then the air was filled with the most wonderful scent. I breathed deeply and then my eyes flew open. I twisted my head to look back at him. The corners of his mouth twitched in a hint of a smile. “Yes, it’s scented with Dragon’s Blood oil. I noticed you wore it the other night. I thought it might relax you, make you comfortable.” I returned his smile, closing my eyes, resting my head on the rug. “Ready?” His voice was very close to my ear, almost a whisper. I nodded my head. His hands were slippery and warm as he made several sweeping es across my upper back with the palms of his hands, before his fingers beginning to massage my shoulders. I shouldn’t have been surprised by the strength in his hands, but it took me by surprise. I shifted beneath his touch. Immediately the pressure lessened. “Let me know if anything hurts. This isn’t a session—there’s no domination or bondage tonight—and we don’t need a safe word here. If something is uncomfortable, just say so.” I nodded. “I always have tense shoulders. You’re fine. Keep going.” His fingers dug deep into the tense muscles at the base of my neck, across my shoulders, making me exhale with release as he hit those twin spots on my shoulder blades that were always knotted. Slowly he massaged the tension from my upper back. He moved to my feet and I

thought I was truly in heaven. I moaned softly as he firmly kneaded the soles, working each toe briefly. With long strokes he began working his way up the calves of my legs, slowly stroking the skin from the ankle to the knee. Until now, the unknotting of my muscles, the lessening of tension, had been the main sensation I’d felt. But as he touched the tender skin of my inner knee, other parts of my body began responding. I felt my legs relax, realizing I’d been holding them together. So far all I’d felt were Jake’s hands on my body. But as he moved to my arms, I felt his leg brush against my body. For some reason, that small touch of rough denim against my skin brought a wave of emotions and sensations cascading through me. This was a real man here, his hands all over my naked body, by his own ission very much attracted to me. And even though there were no overt expectations here, the subtle—or not so subtle—under current was pure lust. And not just Jake’s lust, but mine as well. My breath caught in my throat; I wanted him as much as he wanted me. Jake must have sensed a change; he’d moved to my arms and even though he was just as thorough in working his way from my hands to my shoulders, I sensed an urgency to his movements that was absent earlier. Moving away from me for a moment, his hands returned to my legs, long strokes working up the outside of my thighs, moving to the inside. With soft pressure, he traced a line from the inside of my knee up the tender skin of my inner thigh, over and over, unlocking some formerly unknown erogenous zone. I felt a swift contraction of the muscles deep in my body; my hips jerked forward, my hips pressing into the rug with a most un-lady like grunt. There as a breathless moment when I wondered just how intimate this massage was going to be as his hands moved higher, but he only brushed them quickly over my ass as they circled up to my lower back. For a brief moment, his hands left my body completely. Then I felt the roughness of denim on my outer thighs as he apparently was straddling my legs, leaning forward to massage my lower back. His hands spanned my waist, thumbs digging into my muscles. I let out an

audible sigh as his thumbs found some magic spot buried there, sending another hard jolt to somewhere deep inside me. For a long moment we stayed like this, his thumbs moving in ever-widening circles. Every breath I exhaled ended in a sigh, my hips now rhythmically pressing into the rug. Jake shifted back, denim sliding along my thighs. His hands moved over my ass, this time with purpose, pressing hard, kneading my flesh. His thumbs ran along the crease at the tops of my thighs, up my ass, pulling my cheeks apart, sliding up the cleft, sweeping down to start over. With each , his fingers slid further between my legs, finally brushing against the soft outer lips of my pussy. I shuddered at his touch, my breathing shallow, waiting for—longing for—the next of his hands over my ass. Above me I could hear Jake’s breath coming in slightly raspy gasps. His legs moved against mine, sliding down, his hands leaving my body. I resisted the urge to beg for more. Suddenly I felt the heat of his body above mine as he pressed his chest against my back. I did open my eyes, saw his hand on the rug next to my shoulder. I stopped breathing; the nearness of him was intoxicating. Slowly…so very slowly, he rocked back and forth, his naked chest rubbing lightly against my back, his breath in my ear as he held his head just above mine. I wanted to squirm but his legs kept mine pinned together. He shifted slightly and I felt the rough touch of denim on my ass. And beneath the feeling of the material was the heat and hardness of his cock, obviously very erect. He began slowly rubbed himself against my ass. I did squirm then, but the pressure of his legs on mine increased, holding me tight. “Shh…” I felt more than heard him speak. “Lay still.” The pressure of his body on my ass increased as he pressed against me, forcing my cheeks apart. My hips were moving on their own, rising and falling in time with Jake’s body. That bit of squirming he didn’t seem to mind. His breath was growing harsh in my ear when he finally pulled away, sitting back, the subtle weight of his body on my legs, my back suddenly chilly in the absence of his warmth, even in with the heat of the fire and the flush of my arousal.

“Turn over, Abby.” His voice held a roughness, barely restrained. I rose up on my elbows, shifting on the rug, lying on my back for Jake, looking up at him. He was still straddling my lower legs, his spread wide, allowing me to roll over. My eyes strayed down his chest to his crotch, even though I willed them to stay focused somewhere else. But the sight of his erection straining against the front of his jeans was almost too much for me. I watched as his hands moved to the buttons on his fly, undoing the top three, pulling the denim away from his body. The head of his was cock clearly visible, along with a couple inches of his thick shaft. There was a corresponding wave—more like a physical thump—deep within my body. I let out an involuntary noise, halfway between a gasp and a moan. I met his gaze. He eyes were blazing, the wild and barely controlled Jake clearly visible. This time I gasped loudly. The change was subtle but the wildness receded, again, but barely. I held my breath. The overwhelming sensation was of being in the presence of a wild animal: if I moved, or breathed, he would bolt and I’d lose him. Or, he’d attacked and I’d be at his mercy. And I really wanted to be attacked. Jake reached for the bottle of massage oil, squirting a stream into the palm of his hand, rubbing them together. With measured strokes, he worked his way up my legs, gently spreading them, tracing the same triangle on my inner thighs he had earlier. My body responded on its own, my thighs tensing and relaxing beneath his hands. He moved up, kneeling between my knees, his own legs spread, holding my legs apart, gently but firmly restraining me. If this is dominance, I’m on board. In a swift and graceful motion, he leaned forward, his hands sweeping lightly over my breasts, down my stomach, over my pubic bone and down my thighs. He repeated this over and over, the feather-light sensation of his fingers sliding over my skin driving me slightly wild.

His eyes were focused on my body, watching his hands as they slid over my skin. I let my gaze drift over his shoulders, back down to his hard cock. It was visible when he straightened, hidden by his body when he leaned forward. But I could sense the nearness of it, the heat from his body as he held himself above me. He arched his back as he leaned forward, his exposed cock coming closer and closer to touching the apex my thighs. As he pulled away, he rolled his hips forward, slowly thrusting his cock upward, exhaling through his mouth, the sound changing from a sigh to a softly drawn out groan. My hips were still moving on their own, rolling slowly up and back in time to Jake’s shifting movement over my body and it brought us in , the head of his cock grazing my lower stomach. Jake hesitated briefly, his eyes closing as he slid his cock along my stomach. He slowly pulled back, resting his hands on the rug beside my arms, his body again held above me. Jake stopped, his cock resting just above the tops of my thighs. Slowly he began thrusting forward, the oil between us coating his cock, the head rubbing against my skin. I watched his face, his eyes closed, his lips parted. The head of his cock slipped lower, catching on my body, sliding against my clit. I jerked involuntarily, a small cry escaping my lips. Jake opened his eyes, looking down at me. Wordlessly he straightened, his fingers undoing the finally buttons of his jeans, pushing them down his narrow hips. And then he was between my legs, his elbows resting on the rug, my face in his hands. I spread my legs further, sliding them up his waist, feeling weightless, my skin slick with the oil, its fragrance filling the air. “Now, please, Jake.” My voice was low but startlingly clear in the quiet room. Wordlessly he shifted, the head of his cock sliding between my legs, brushing against my clit again and then sliding into me. I exhaled, a long sigh of release, of relief, rolling my hips up to meet his initial thrust. Jake held himself inside me, looking down into my eyes. I held his gaze, the firelight dancing over his chiseled features, my hands on his chest.

“Abby…” His voice was a low whisper, my name more a sigh of breath than a word. He began moving, slowly, pulling his cock back, sliding it back inside me with more force each time, his eyes locked with mine, so very blue and so very intense, but at the moment almost unreadable. We stayed with this dance for a long time, slowly savoring the intense heat that had built during the massage, staying on that plateau of pleasure for what seemed an eternity. But our bodies wanted more and gradually Jake began thrusting with more purpose. More noises were added to each thrust, low grunts and moans from Jake, higher pitched sounds from me. We reached the point of no return fairly quickly then, each of us now intent on the impending release of our climax. I was there first, my body arching beneath Jake, closing my eyes as I threw my head back, my sharp cries growing louder as my body shook with the force of my orgasm. Muscles contracted all over my body, my hips flexing, rising off the rug, grinding up against his body. I could feel myself squeezing Jake’s cock, my body molding to the contours of him inside me. Everything else diminished except for the powerful sensation of him thrusting hard into me, and my body’s reply, waves washing through me. I let myself come back, to focus again on Jake. I opened my eyes, watching his face as his own orgasm swelled and peaked. His breath was ragged in his throat, his eyes closed. The steady thrusting of his cock into me was replaced by a series of jabs, erratic and sharp, short spaces of time where he held himself deep inside, completely still. Time seemed suspended and I realized I was holding my breath in anticipation. With an explosive thrust and a loud hoarse cry, Jake came, every muscle taut. I was instantly filled with an amazing heat, his cock moving in a series of jerks and shudders that I knew Jake had no control over. I spread my legs as far as I could, rolling my hips up, allowing him to flex his hips, to force himself as far as he could into my body. With one last grunt and fierce thrust into me, Jake began to relax, slowly, limb by limb. He rested his head on my shoulder, breathing very hard against my neck. I ran my hands over his shoulders and back, the slickness of his sweat now

mingled with the oil from my bodies. Without lifting his head, he shifted his hips, pulling his cock out of me, letting it rest on the inside of my thigh. I cradled his head against my shoulder as he brought one hand up to gently stroke the round fullness of one breast. After a long time he rose on one elbow, looking down at me, tracing a forefinger along my cheek. “Abby…that was more intense than I could have imagined.” He leaned down, slowly brushing my lips with his. I looked up at him in the fading light of the fire. “Do you need aftercare?” He laughed, a rich sound. “I should think so, but aftercare would only get us back to this…” He looked down at our intertwined bodies. He held my gaze for a moment. “You know, this is not how it’s always going to be.” His voice was serious even though his lips carried a hint of a smile. “This wasn’t a session, in the sense of what I want to explore.” He rolled onto his back, resting his hands on his chest, not touching me. “This can’t become a romantic relationship. We’ve agreed. And this may have crossed a line.” He turned on his side, looking at me, that unreadable look in his eyes. “We’re clear on this, aren’t we, Abby?” I turned to face him. “Yes, Jake. I’m clear on this. We agreed and that’s what I want as well.” “Good.” He rolled onto his back again and was quiet for a long time. I thought he’d fallen asleep. When he spoke his voice was almost a whisper. “It’s important that you that.” I frowned. I wasn’t sure exactly who he was talking to. Me. Or himself.

*

After I’d gotten dressed—and after taking Jake’s generous offer of a shower in the luxurious guest bathroom—I met him back in across the hall. “What exactly is this room?” He’d poured me a glass of Chardonnay and I was curled up on the sofa, bare feet tucked beneath me, enjoying the fire, which Jake had brought back to life. He’d changed into a soft gray sweater and black jeans, apparently having had a shower of his own. His dark hair was still damp, curling just a bit around the nape of his neck. He looked relaxed and calm…and incredibly sexy…holding a cut glass tumbler of bourbon, sitting next to me on the couch. Turning to me, he draped one arm across the back, his fingers idly brushing a strand of hair behind my ear. I felt a tingle where his fingers touched my skin and as much as I liked the feeling, I drew back, reaching for my Chardonnay, settling back against the cushions, just out of his reach. Jake was looking around the room. “It was originally a library for this wing. There’s a guest room with an en-suite bathroom; the bath across the hall and then this room. It’s meant to be a self-contained long-term guest suite. But I had the bookshelves removed. I use it now as place to enjoy the evenings, with a good book and a glass of bourbon. But I keep my books in the main library.” He looked at me, tilting his head. “Would you like to see more? I can give you the grand tour.” He set his glass on the table in front of the couch, holding out a hand to me. I took it and let him lead me out of the library. The house was massive, stretching off in all directions from a central core of open rooms that included main entrance, a formal dining room, the aforementioned library and a grand sweeping wrought iron stairway that curved along one wall to a second floor. Jake took me up the stairs, our bare feet making pleasant noises on the cool marble, down several halls with twists and turns, to a massive dark wood door set into what looked like a gothic arch. I felt like I was heading toward the dungeon of some mythical creature. Or the attic room where Mrs. Rothschild

had been kept, in Wuthering Heights. Jake pushed the door open, revealing a large space, with windows on all sides. There were heavy drapes, currently pushed to the side of each window. Otherwise, the room was relatively bare, save a scattering of Oriental rugs on the hardwood floor, and the odd small table or chair. I turned to Jake. “And this is?” I had a suspicion, but I wanted to hear him say the words. “This is a room above the garage wing and part of another guest apartment. Here, look.” He pulled me toward one of the full length windows. I looked down on the portico roof below, the nose of my car just visible. I looked across to the rest of the house, dark against the starlit sky, only the lights from the front of the house visible and a smattering of lights in the back yard. “It’s reachable from either the house or the guest apartment.” Jake turned to me, a thoughtful look on his face. “I’m considering using this for our sessions.” He looked around. “It’s large, offers privacy, it’s separate from the main house…” His voice trailed off. “I guess I wanted your opinion, if you liked the space.” I walked around the room. “I’m not really sure what a space like this should be like.” I turned to face him. “For some reason I thought this would all happen in your bedroom.” Jake jerked back in surprise, but quickly recovered. “Oh, well…no. I want to keep this part of my life separate from…whatever happens in my bedroom.” He took a step toward me. “It’s part of keeping this relationship clear, not muddying the waters. I’d hate for you to get the wrong impression, to feel this was going in a different direction.” He looked around the space. “Here, what happens here won’t cross over into any other aspect of my life.” He looked back at me, his eyes opaque and unreadable. “Or yours.” I nodded my head. “That makes sense. And I agree. Did you have any idea what

to put in here? I’m not sure if they’re called supplies or instruments or paraphernalia, but do you have any?” He smiled. “Like I said, this is my first real attempt at this. I have a small collection in the house. There are some things I need moved in here from storage. To be honest, I really wasn’t anticipating finding someone—finding you —quite so quickly.”

*

Jake had asked that I come back on Sunday afternoon. He wanted a day to get the room ready. So I had Saturday to myself, or so I thought. Leslie called, looking for details. I’d been purposely evasive about what had been planned with Jake, but since the cat was out of the bag and she knew where I was going, there was no way to keep anything a secret from her now. We’d met for lunch at a little sushi place close to my apartment. I was still feeling the after effects of my evening with Jake. My body was relaxed, from both the massage and the sex. I’d played the whole thing over in my mind endless times. There were things happening that I didn’t really understand but I chalked that up to the newness—and the unconventionality—of our relationship. “So, can you tell me anything or did he make you sign a blood oath of secrecy?” We’d just gotten seated and given our order to the smiling waiter when Leslie started in with the questions. “No blood oath.” I held up my wrists. “No knife cuts, no secret oaths under the dark of the moon.” Leslie took a sip of her tea. “Okay. Funny. So what did happen? Did he tie you up? Was it fun? Did it hurt?” I realized I was going to have to rein Leslie in pretty quickly. “Leslie, there’s not that much I’m going to tell you, or can tell you. Sorry if that’s going to hurt your

feelings, but this is different…this relationship is different.” I took a drink of my own tea, pungent and aromatic. “There’s a lot of it I don’t think I want to talk about, yet.” I saw the confusion… and hurt in her eyes. “You don’t trust me not to tell anyone?” Her voice was full of hurt. I sighed…I’ve been doing that a lot since I’d started this whole thing. I placed my hand on top of hers. “It’s not that, Leslie. This is complicated and I can’t even explain half the stuff I’m feeling. And it’s only been one evening…it’s only going to get more complex, I think, rather than less.” She nodded her head. “Okay. Fine. Deny me the whole story.” She leaned close. “But can you give me some juicy detail? Anything? It’s been a long time since I’ve had a date…I could use a little bit excitement, even from someone else’s sex life, you know?” I laughed. “Alright. Just the parts where we fucked then.” I sat back, enjoying the momentary look of shock on her face. Then she broke into giggles. After lunch…after recounting what I could of my evening with Jake, enough juicy details to make Leslie happy…I went home, did domestic things, tried to read but my mind was distracted. I wondered what Jake was doing, was he working on the room above portico? I tried to imagine him in that huge house all alone. Did he have a housekeeper, a cook? Staff? Finally I just gave up. This is how you get in trouble with men…you obsess over them. Jake was not someone I wanted to obsess over, not someone I wanted to let occupy my thoughts when I wasn’t with him. The phone rang late that afternoon. It was Jake. “Hello, Abby. How are you?” My heart did that little flip-flop thing; there was no denying his voice did things to me. I brushed it aside and took a deep breath. “I’m good, Jake. How are you? How’s the room…or is it called something else?”

There was a soft laugh. “Sometimes it’s called a dungeon, but I’m not really comfortable with that word. Plus it’s on the second floor. It’s more of a tower than anything.” The castle image flashed in my mind again. “I think the tower is better than a dungeon. It sounds a little less damp and dreary, more like princesses and knights in shining armor.” I heard Jake exhale on the other end of the line. “I want you to come tomorrow for a session.” His voice had changed, had that edge to it; Jake the dominant had taken over the conversation. “You’ll need to wear clothes that are easy to remove. Nothing fancy. Please be showered, your hair tied back. Eat something before the session. I don’t want you to get hungry if this runs long and I don’t want you to feel faint or weak.” I closed my eyes. Feel faint? What the heck? “I know this seems like a set of rules, but I want you to be comfortable and safe. I have no idea where this is going to go. This may sound like over-kill, but I’d rather this be well thought out ahead of time.” I nodded my head. “I understand. It’s just…well, so clinical.” There was a beat of silence. “Abby, I need things to be like this…we need things to be like this. Trust me.” Now it was my turn to be silent. “You’re right. It’s fine. It’s new for me, for both of us.” “Yes, it is.” His voice softened. “It’s all new, Abby. But you’re the one I want to explore this with, and I want to be the one to help you explore your limits. I still think we’re going to be good for each other. We just need to go slow, keep talking and relax.” I smiled. “I know. It’s all good.” We ended the call. I sat down on the couch, going over our conversation, images of last night ri in my mind; Jake’s hands on my body, the first glimpse of his cock as he’d unbuttoned his jeans, displaying himself for me.

I was getting all hot and bothered, ing every detail. This is no good. I settled back, looking out the windows on the skyline of Houston. Something poked me in the thigh. Reaching down, I fished a book out of the couch; 50 Shades. “I really need to put you on a bookshelf, you know?” The book didn’t reply, but my cat did, jumping up, seeking attention. I scratched his head, thinking about castles and princesses in distress and knights in shining armor coming to the rescue. But in this case, I had the nagging sense I wasn’t the one needing rescue.

*

“We’ll need a safe word. You know what a safe word is?” We were in the tower room, now transformed into Jake’s version of a session room. There was a large bed at one end of the room, set away from one wall, a lovely Jacobean monstrosity, carved and ancient looking, currently sporting a fitted black sheet, but no pillows. There was a large cabinet, which matched the bed, set between two windows, which matched the bed. The heavy deep garnetcolored curtains were pulled shut. The room was lit by fixtures set between the windows, along with some indirect lighting in the ceiling. The overall effect really was of a tower room in a castle. And it’s the only room so far that’s actually square. True to his word, this whole event was removed from his “other” life. I’d been instructed to park beneath the portico again, but today Jake had greeted me from the other side of the drive, through a large door set beneath the tower room. He’d taken me up a narrow stair to a separate entrance from the big door we’d used on Friday. He pointed out a small bathroom I could use, complete with a robe I could wear.

I nodded my head. “Yes. If I feel uncomfortable or…unsafe, I say that word. I don’t say ‘no’ or ‘stop’ or anything else. I say whatever word we’ve decided on.” My mind kept getting hung up on the word unsafe. He smiled. “Yes. The word is usually something totally unrelated to anything we’re doing, so there’s no confusion. Your safe word is ‘pineapple’. Despite the seriousness of his tone, I giggled. Jake lifted an eyebrow at me. “It’s a good safe word. I’m allergic to pineapple.” He smiled. “Okay. Just it.” The smile faded and he grew serious. “Are you ready to start, Abby? From this point on, you don’t ask questions. We…I don’t stop, unless you use the safe word.” His eyes locked with mine. “Do you understand?” I nodded, not trusting my voice. With a detached sense of calm, I began following Jake’s directions. I’d arrived in jeans and a t-shirt, for a time feeling woefully underdress for a date. But this isn’t a date, that. In the bathroom, I removed my shirt and bra, sliding my jeans off, hanging them on hooks in the bathroom. I’d left my panties at home, after a long debate, finally deciding they’d just be something I’d probably lose. I slipped into the robe, feeling an odd sort of comfort in the familiar garment. Jake was dressed in just a pair of loose gray cotton sweats, again hanging low on his narrow hips, clearly outlining the taut curves of his ass. Those sweats left little to the imagination and I wondered how I was supposed to go through a session of any kind, knowing what he possessed, having it covered by only a thin layer of cotton. Jake had his back to me when I came back to the tower room. “You can hang the robe on the back of the door,” he said over his shoulder. I slid the robe off my body, hanging it on a hook. He was standing at the cabinet, the doors now open, the only sounds the soft

clink of something metal, the whisper of his bare feet over the rugs. I stood silently, waiting for his next direction. He turned, saw me, and drew in a sharp breath. His eyes flicked over my body, then traveled up to meet mine. For an instant, that look I’d come to recognize as lust was there, unguarded and intense. It made my heart thump and my skin flush, set off a low jolt deep inside me. And there was something else, that unreadable look I’d seen before, fleeting, something he fought hard now to get under control. In that brief instant, I got a glimpse somewhere deep inside Jake, an instant of naked, vulnerable emotion; a scary emotion. It was something almost like love. You’re projecting, girl. Back it up here. But then he was walking toward me, a pair of silver handcuffs in his hands, long silver chains brushing against his long legs, his eyes hooded, the look gone. He stopped in front of me. I could smell his scent; clean skin and beneath that, something rich and masculine. “Come with me.” He walked to the bed, snapping the cuffs to the posts at the foot of the bed, the chains coiled like silver snakes. “On your back, please.” I climbed up on the bed. The mattress was on the hard side, but not uncomfortable, the sheet stretched taut, soft and silky on my skin. Must be high thread count. I mentally shook my head at the errant thought. Jake held up one cuff, the metal catching the light. “One cuff is attached to each corner of the bed. The other end will be attached to your ankles. Your wrists will be held together above your head by a single set of cuffs.” He pulled one cuff toward my foot, the silver chain spiraling out across the sheet, whispers of sound as the links clicked together. “You will have enough chain to bend your knees a little, but that’s all.” The cold metal snapped around my left ankle. I flinched. Jake raised his eyes to mine, an unspoken question there. I nodded my head.

“I’m fine.” My heart was fluttering in an unexpected, but not totally unwelcomed, way. I licked my lips. “Go ahead.” Jake attached the other cuff to my right ankle, had me lay flat on my back and gently raise my arms over my head, fastening the cold metal around each wrist. Somewhere behind me I heard the sound of chain sliding against metal and then my arms were pulled above my head. I gave an experimental tug against the restraints at my head; I was held fast. My ankle restraints gave me enough freedom to pull my knees up slightly. There was a moment of breathless panic, complete and total; I was alone, naked and chained to a bed in a stranger’s house. Jake came back into my field of vision, and the panic faded. He stood by the side of the bed, looking down in a rather detached way, I thought. I turned my head; my eyes sliding down his smooth naked chest, past his taut navel, lower still. I saw that not all of him was viewing this in such a disionate manner. There was an unmistakable, and quite arousing, bulge at the apex of his thighs, his growing erection pushing easily against the thin material of his sweats, lifting the fabric out in front of his body. I wondered how I was going to handle whatever he was going to do to me while watching his physical reactions. Just seeing his cloth-covered erection had started a tingle in my body; tingle wasn’t the right word. It was an all-out throbbing between my legs. Jake looked down at me, a hint of smile playing about the corners of his mouth, almost cruel looking. As if reading my mind, he pulled a piece of black silk out of his pocket. “Lift your head.” I raised my head from the mattress and with infinite care Jake blindfolded me. I felt his fingers brush my temples as my world went dark. I sensed his body over mine, his heat and scent very close for a moment. There was a brief tug and the blindfold was snugged over my eyes. “Is that too tight?” His voice was low, not as close as I wanted it to be. There was a dry clicking in my throat when I tried to talk, so I shook my head.

“Again, safe word?” “Pineapple.” I managed to croak out the word. “Good. I’m ready to start. Time seemed to spin out forever as I lay there, briefly interested in the lights behind my eyes. But my ears quickly became attuned to every sound in the room. It was very quiet, almost too quiet. The panic tried to push its way back; logic said I had not heard the door open or close, so Jake was still in the room. Was he watching me? Was he getting ready to do something? My breath was coming in short gasps, my heart beating fast. I was on the verge of calling his name when I felt movement and a soft rush of cool air against my skin, sliding down my right side. I turned my head, breathing deeply, sniffing the air, trying to catch Jake’s scent. There was a brief noise at the foot of the bed and then a subtle pressure on the mattress. The pressure increased; Jake must have climbed on the bed between my feet. My legs tensed; I tried to pull away and move toward him at the same time. I wanted something to happen but I was afraid of what that something might be. Suddenly there was a light touch along the inside of my inner thigh, along the same area that Jake had touched with his hands before, that same erogenous zone I never knew existed until then. I jerked even though the touch was so soft I thought I might have imagined it. But it returned, this time on the other leg, something brushing against my skin, sending shivers through my body. It’s a feather. I had the insane urge to call out what I thought it was. The stroking continued, increasing in intensity and speed, moving higher up my thighs. The muscles in my legs were tensing and relaxing, moving in concert with the stroking of the feather, my hips flexing upward with each stroke. I could feel arousal growing between my legs, a subtle throbbing deep inside. Suddenly the stroking stopped. My legs kept moving for a moment, seeking with something I couldn’t see. There was a long pause, then movement, a shifting of weight between my legs and the right side of the mattress depressed slightly.

A slight breeze floated over my skin and then there were quick flicks of something across the nipple of one breast. I yelped in surprise as I felt that nipple contract and harden, immediately sensitive. The flicking then moved to the other nipple, with the same result. I could feel Jake’s warm breath on my arms as he moved between my breasts for several minutes, teasing each nipple repeatedly. And then it stopped. I held my breath, waiting, trying to imagine where he’d touch me again. I felt warmth on my breasts and then Jake’s lips were on my nipple, the flick of the feather replaced by the flick of his warm tongue. I cried out, lifting my head from the mattress, straining against my chains as he circled my hard nipple with his tongue. He moved to the other nipple and I felt a wave of warmth flood through me, a curious feeling of ten and letting go at the same time. This particular delicious torture went on for many minutes as he moved between my nipples, never doing more than flicking his tongue across them. I was pulling against my chains now in earnest, arching my back, seeking more with his mouth. And then he was gone. I cried out in despair, my body thrumming, suspended, aching for more. The cool air on my wet nipples made them contract painfully and I was helpless to keep quiet, driven by desire to speak. “Please don’t stop. Jake, please…” I thought I heard a sharp intake of breath, but I couldn’t be sure. It was a long time before I felt any movement on the bed, just a subtle shifting of weight. When the feather finally came back it moved across my upper thighs, lightly stroking from hip to hip. It circled down between my legs, brushing the crease along my inner thigh, sliding dangerously close to my clit and then skittering away. It reappeared where it started, repeating this path, over and over. My hips were writhing on the bed now, ri, playing tag with the feather. It circled back between my legs once again, but this time it stayed, tracing the

outer edges of my pussy, flicking over my clit. I was moaning now, my body craving more . The feather continued for a moment, flicking back and forth, tickling and teasing. And then even that was gone. The shifting between my legs was more pronounced now. I felt Jake’s warm breath on my legs and the first flick of his tongue against my clit sent a shudder coursing through my body. Finally, oh, god…finally. He played his tongue in lazy circles over my clit before sliding it down my pussy, tracing the edges, working back up to circle around my clit again. My body was building to its peak and I was rising on a current of sensations, spiraling upward, my hips pumping rhythmically as Jake did his magic with his tongue. I was crying out, pulling against my chains, poised on the edge of release. And then he was gone. “No!” There was no shifting of weight on the bed this time, just a steady exhalation of warm breath against my inner thigh. In frustration I twisted on the bed, willing myself to let go. But I couldn’t. My body was aching for release but I had no way of achieving it. The room was quiet for a long time. I knew where Jake was but there was nothing I could do, except beg. “Please, Jake…” He was back, his tongue probing now, insistent, flattened against my clit, lapping at me before moving lower, working between the folds of my pussy, sliding inside me. Almost instantly I was twisting on the bed, pulling against my chains, moaning like a wanton creature beneath the onslaught of his tongue and mouth. Because now, besides licking me, Jake had begun sucking my clit, pulling it into his mouth, tugging it briefly before releasing it. I was hanging over the edge cliff again, relief and release so close I could taste

them when Jake pulled away with a harsh noise, almost as painful sounding as my cry. “Damn you!” I pulled against my chains in vain. “Fuck you, Jake. Stop doing this!” There was silence and no movement from Jake for a long time. I was breathing hard, my head lifted from the mattress, tugging at my wrist chain, making it clank against something metal behind me. Between my legs I finally heard noises, the soft sound of cloth moving and harsh breathing. Then there was weight on the mattress near my head and Jake’s warmth was against my body. I felt his legs push against my inner thighs and I suddenly knew where he was, what he was going to do. And then he was there, his body pressed against mine, his cock sliding up the inside of my thigh. With one hard thrust he entered me, hard enough to push me up the bed until the chains on my ankles stopped me. Our cries mingled then, his a long desperate moan, mine a cry of triumph. I was powerless to move beneath him, praying he wouldn’t take this chance of release away from me. But I knew once he began thrusting into me that there was no turning back for him. He buried his head against my shoulder, each thrust accompanied by that same sound, a combination of need and desire. There was no gentle building of arousal, no infinite time spent on a plateau of pleasure, only primal fucking. With no other physical outlet for what I felt, I bit down on Jake’s shoulder. I expected him to cry out or pull away, but he didn’t. He only said one word: “Again.” And I bit again, tasting blood on my tongue. With a strangled cry, Jake bucked hard into me, grinding his body against mine. It was the my body sought and I cried out, pulling hard against my wrist restraints, my body contracting in the center. The orgasm that swept through me seemed to go on for whole minutes. I shuddered and twisted beneath his weight,

crying out, tears streaming down my face. Jake had held himself still inside me, either allowing me to finally experience my release or trying to hold back his. I really didn’t care at that point. But as my body began to relax, he began to thrust hard, with those same quick jabs, erratic and sharp. I felt the peculiar sensation of his cock growing even harder as he reached his orgasm. And then he was coming, his body completely overtaken by his release. He wrapped his arms around my body, not so much in ion, but I think to keep hold of something solid. After a long time his body stopped shaking, his muscles relaxing. I felt his cock growing soft, but he stayed inside me, kept his arms around me, his face buried in my neck. “Jake?” He was quiet. “Pineapple?” He lifted his head from my shoulder, unwrapped one arm from my body. I felt his fingers pulling the blindfold up over my face. He tossed it off the side of the bed. I blinked, even though the light in the room was dim. Jake pulled away from me, sitting up and groping for his sweat pants, which were in a heap at the end of the bed. He fished in the pocket, finding a small silver key. He undid the cuffs at my wrists and then unlocked my ankles. I sat up, looking at Jake as he sat on the edge of the bed. He turned to me. “Are you okay? How are your wrists?” He took my hands, gently chaffing my wrists. There were red marks around them. I was surprised how deep the marks were, how painful they were. The marks on my ankles weren’t as red or deep. “You’re shivering, Abby.” I looked up at him; suddenly I was shaking uncontrollably. Jake got off the bed and pulled open a drawer in the large cupboard, coming back with a soft blanket.

He wrapped the blanket around my shoulders, climbing up on the bed and leaning back against the head of the bed. “Come here.” He pulled me up against him, wrapping his arms around me, holding me tight. I rested my head on his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart, my body comforted by the warmth but still trembling. We were quiet for a long time, Jake softly stroking my hair. “Do you want to talk about how you feel now, Abby. I want to…I’d like to know what you felt, how this experience was for you.” He was stroking my hair. I’d more or less stopped shivering but I was quiet, trying to put into words the whole experience. “It wasn’t what I thought it would be. I guess I really don’t know what I thought it would be like, but I didn’t think I would have been so frustrated or so mad at you. I couldn’t…or didn’t want to…let you have control. I wanted to have some control myself.” “It’s not easy being a submissive. But you can’t speak to me, other than to say the safe word. Your outburst wasn’t appropriate as a submissive, Abby. I should have istered some kind of punishment.” He took a deep breath. “We’ll talk about that before our next session; we can negotiate what happens if you step outside the protocol that we agreed on.” I frowned: he was right but I didn’t want to it it, at least not at that moment. He was quiet for a time before speaking in a low growl. “Did you enjoy any of it?” Did I? I thought about how I felt. My orgasm had been the most intense I’d ever experienced. “Yes, I did. It was…pretty amazing…whatever it was you did to me. With whatever it was you used.” “It’s called edging.” Jake reached down, picking up what looked like a minifeather duster, a plume of black feathers at the end of a long handle. “I knew it was a feather!” I laughed. “I really wanted to call out that I knew what it was. But I managed to keep quiet…at least then.” Jake smiled, then grew serious. “You could have used the safe word at any time, Abby. You know that. If it got too intense, you could have stopped me.”

He looked down. “Don’t ever feel like you can’t stop something. This isn’t just about me; it’s about your comfort too, about your enjoyment of this experience, to learn to enjoy being a submissive.” I sat back up, kneeling next to him, holding the blanket around my shoulders. “I know. But I really didn’t want you to stop. I wanted that…edging…to continue. It was amazing. But a tiny part of me wanted to be mad at you, to feel that frustration somehow.” I paused, trying to put words to the feelings swirling through me. Jake was watching me intently, his blue eyes never leaving mine as I groped for words. “When you finally took me, it was like I won, I was getting what I wanted. And that was intense. I don’t think it would have been nearly as intense if I’d have said ‘pineapple’ and you’d have just made love to me.” Jake looked down at me. “Do you think that’s submissive behavior, Abby?” I frowned. “Well, no… His voice was soft, questioning. “I’m not criticizing you here. I want you to think…about your actions and reactions…and how you think that fits into this relationship, about your role as a submissive. Were you submissive today?” My frown deepened. “No, I wasn’t. I wanted to be, at first at least. I wanted you to control everything, to give myself over to you. But when it got, well, frustrating, I got mad at you.” Jake smiled. “I sensed that,” he said wryly. “It was pretty clear you were frustrated. But did you ever stop trusting me, trust that I was going to somehow make things better, give you something in return? Something beyond what you could have had in other context?” “Maybe I did. Maybe that was the tipping point: I stopped trusting that you would take care of me. I thought you were just being mean.” Jake made a non-committal noise in his throat. It was a long time before he spoke, as if weighing his words carefully. “You’re not ‘winning’ anything; it’s not a contest. You’re submitting willingly and taking pleasure in the outcome…and in being a good submissive.” He

hesitated, looking up at me. There was pain in his eyes. “I’m not trying to be cruel, Abby. I hope you know that.” I reached out, touching the back of his hand. “I know…I know that now. But then…” I waved my hand. “I wasn’t really thinking then. I was going off pure emotion, or past experiences.” I made a face. “I made a mistake today. My goal in this session was to withhold your orgasm until I wanted you to come, until I gave you permission, not until you won it from me. There’s a difference; I’m not dominating you if you feel you’ve gotten one over on me. There’s no power shift if you feel you won. And I’m sorry I wasn’t clearer in my expectations today. It won’t happen again.” His gazed fell on my hands, still clutching the edges of the blanket. He took them both in his, running his fingers slowly over the angry red marks. “We should wash these off. You can put ice on them later; it will help with the pain.” I sat up suddenly, a flash of memory coming back, of Jake’s shoulder against my mouth, the taste of blood on my tongue. “Oh! But I bit you.” I looked at his shoulder, a tiny drop of dry blood visible. My hand flew to my mouth. “I didn’t …I’m sorry.” I reached out to touch him, but stopped, my fingers held above his skin. Was this aftercare or just caring? I pulled back in confusion. He glanced down at his shoulder, frowning, then looking up to meet my gaze. A smile played around the corners of his mouth. “And good submissives don’t bite.” He slid off the bed and left the room. I could hear water running and then he returned with a damp washcloth and towels. He took my hands, lightly pressing the cool wet cloth against my hot wrists, dabbing gently. Silently he handed me the cloth and I sat up, the blanket slipping from my shoulders. I dabbed at the marks, wincing inside. I really did that?

Jake offered me a shower and food, but I refused. I wanted to be home, in my own bathtub, eating my own food. We dressed separately and he walked me down the stairs to my car, holding to door as we stepped outside. I blinked, expecting the bright sunshine of mid-afternoon. But I’d walked into the soft light of early evening. I spun around. “What time is it?” Neither of us was wearing a watch and it dawned on me there had been no clock in the tower room. “I really don’t know, Abby. I wasn’t paying attention.” He was looking down at me, a slight smile playing around the corners of his lips. “I told you sessions can sometimes run long or that we’ll lose track of time. It’s why I want true sessions here…” he gestured up at the tower “…to just be on weekends.” Just on weekends? My face gave away my thoughts. Jake took a step toward me, his fingers on my face. When he spoke, his voice was low. “There are other things we can do during the week, Abby. It’s not just sessions in the tower room. If you choose, you are my submissive all the time, in every way. It’s up to you how far you want to go with this. ” I nodded. Something clicked in my head. This really was more than just occasionally being tied up and tickled; this was a lifestyle choice. Or could be, if I was willing to go that far with Jake. “I’ll call you later, to check on you.” He pulled me to him, his mouth claiming mine in a gentle kiss. He was wearing just the gray sweat pants and his body was warm under my hands as I slid them over the smooth skin of his chest, winding them around his neck. We stayed like that for a long time in the fading light. After a while I was aware of a not so subtle pressure against my stomach, a shifting of Jake’s hips as he pressed his growing erection against my body. I slid my hands down his lean back, my fingers working beneath the waistband of his sweats, aching to cup his ass in my hands. But Jake pulled away, reaching behind his back to grab my hands, pulling them to his chest. He held them, bringing them to his lips, kissing my fingers. That

seductive smile was playing around his lips, his eyes were hooded and dark. “Okay, Abby. I think it’s time you headed home.” He released my hands, reaching for the car door. I watched him in my rear view mirror, standing beneath the shadow of the portico, as I drove away.

*

The phone rang later that night while I was checking my email, trying to avoid those from Leslie, along with her texts and voice mail messages. I scooped it up; saw Jake’s cell phone number. My heart skipped a beat. “Hi, Jake.” “Hello, Abby. How are you? How are your wrists?” I looked down, the marks were fading a bit but still visible. “They’re a bit tender, but they look better. I think I’ll have to wear long sleeves to work tomorrow.” There was a smile in his voice when Jake spoke. “It will remind you of our time together, your first session as a submissive.” There as a pause; Jake’s voice was almost stern when he spoke again. “I want us to have dinner tomorrow night. Some place casual, quiet…some place where we can talk. I think we need to go over some of the protocol for you, Abby. To make sure you understand this relationship.” I was nodding. “Yes, I’d like that. There are things I think I need to talk about.” “I want you to come as my submissive, Abby. That means you’ll do as I say, be under my control, during the entire evening. I want you to wear a skirt and shirt

with buttons. And no panties. You can wear a bra; it should be lacy or sheer.” I swallowed hard. Am I ready for this? “Yes, Jake.” “Abby, part of that protocol is calling me Master.” Oh. “Yes, Master.”

Chapter Four

Jake chose a little five-star restaurant, close to my apartment. I’d spent far less time agonizing over what to wear this time, only pulling half the clothes out of my closet rather than all of them, even though I had clear direction from Jake as to what he wanted me to wear. I’d finally chosen a pretty green skirt and matching blouse, complete with buttons. The bra was easy; I love lingerie, so there were several to pick from. I pondered the no panty protocol for a long time. I’d never knowingly gone out in public sans underwear. Going to Jake’s for the session didn’t count, I reasoned. That wasn’t public. To know that I’d be walking down the sidewalk, sitting in a restaurant, with nothing between me and the world but a thin summer skirt was a little out of my comfort zone. Who was I kidding; it was way out of my comfort zone. But it occurred to me as I was getting dressed, or rather, not getting fully dressed, that I was only going to get out of this relationship what I was willing to put into it. If Jake was going to put himself fully into this relationship, then the least I could do was respect that—and him—and give myself fully to being his submissive, even if it was difficult. Especially if it was difficult. And I had no doubts, after our first session that being a submissive was going to be far harder for me than being a dominant was going to be for Jake. He’d picked me up at my apartment, casual and elegant at the same time, dressed in a pair of black dress pants and a sport coat over an impeccable white shirt. He managed to take my breath away just standing in my living room. The man would look good in anything…or nothing. Jake’s eyes traveled appreciatively over my outfit, and my body, taking in all the details of both. His mouth curved into a slow smile. “I trust there are no panties beneath that skirt?” His voice was light, teasing. I smiled up at him.

“Yes, Master.” I had the overwhelming urge to turn around and flip up the edge of my skirt but held myself in check. Probably not considered good submissive behavior. Jake had a reservation, and we were efficiently escorted to a tiny booth in a secluded corner, candles set in glass holders casting soft flicking light over the table. I slid behind the table, Jake sitting close to me, his thigh brushing mine. I was excited to be out with him, but also nervous, unsure of my role as a submissive in public. This was almost like a first date, although we weren’t dating. Everything felt new and somehow Jake felt almost like a stranger, even after what had happened in the tower room the day before. The waiter came for our order, raising an eyebrow in my direction. I started to speak, but Jake interrupted smoothly, ordering for both of us. I gave him a look, waiting until the waiter had turned away before saying anything. “I can order my own meal, Jake.” I toyed with my water glass. “Yes, I’m sure you can.” He leaned forward, his eyes dark and intense, his face very close to mine, holding my gaze. “But I asked you to be my submissive tonight.” I felt his fingers on the back of my hand, gently stroking my skin. A frisson of electricity ran up my arm. “Oh, well…sorry.” I dropped my eyes. His touch intensified. “I don’t want you to be sorry, Abby. I want you to think, to be part of this. Can you do that?” I looked up at him. There was a challenge in his eyes, but something else. A longing, perhaps? The desire…or the need…to dominate me. I wasn’t sure. I took a deep breath. “Okay. Yes. I’m willing to try.” I took a drink of water. “But do I really have to call you Master in public?” Jake sat back, his hand still caressing mine. “We can negotiate. I’ll accept Master in private, Jake in public. Will that be acceptable?” I tilted my head, considering. “I’ll agree to that.”

Jake smiled. He took his hand away from mine, moving it beneath the table to my leg. “Do you what I told you my goal had been for our first session?” His eyes were locked with mine. I nodded. “I wasn’t supposed to come until you gave me permission.” My breath caught in my throat. Jake nodded. “I think we should try that again, give you some practice.” He rested his hand on my thigh for a moment. Just the weight and heat of his hand sent a thrill through my body. Very slowly he began moving his hand beneath my skirt, his fingers sliding to the inside of my thigh, gradually increasing the pressure against my skin, circling that sensitive spot just north of my knee. “How was work today?” The banality of the question caught me off guard, contrasting sharply with the teasing fingers working their way beneath my skirt. I could feel cool air against my naked skin as he slowly pulled my skirt higher on my leg, the warmth of his fingers on my skin amazingly erotic and arousing. I shivered, my thigh muscles tensing briefly. There was a corresponding pinch from Jake, gentle but firm. “Um…well, fine. I have a new client.” How was I supposed to have a conversation about work with him doing whatever he was doing to me under the table? “Nice. Big ?” Jake’s voice was like velvet over fire, low, seductive and entirely too sexy to be discussing work. Submissive…you’re a submissive. Play the role. “Too soon to tell.” My breath caught in my throat; his hand rested on my upper thigh now, gently pulling my leg toward him, opening me up beneath the table. I panicked, looking down to make sure the tablecloth actually obscured anyone’s view. My muscles tensed again, straining against his hand, holding my legs together. The pinch this time was long and slow, making me gasp. Jake leaned toward me,

his lips against my ear, his breath brushing against my skin. “Let go, Abby. Trust me…” I felt the briefest brush of his lips on my skin, soft and firm at the same time. I took a deep breath, a long drink of water and relaxed. Jake’s hand resumed its pressure, and I allowed him to manipulate me as he wanted, my legs spreading open beneath the table. With gently strokes he began caressing the inside of my thigh, circling higher and higher, edging closer but not quite touching my pussy. It seemed to go on forever, this seductive dance of his fingers over my skin. When his fingers finally brushed slowly and deliberately against the outside of my pussy, I jumped, a surprised sound escaping my lips. He pulled his fingers back and I tensed, leaning forward, aching for his touch, wanting to apologize. But I remained silent. Slowly, his fingers moved back, like an animal circling its prey. He slid them into me then, slowly, over and over, probing deeper and deeper. My gasp this time was loud enough to make Jake cover the sound with a cough and for me to bite the inside of my lip. I glanced at him; his smile only aroused me more, that smile that held all kinds of dark promises. His deliberate touch on my skin, into my most private recesses, had set off a cascade of feelings in my body. I felt a flush ri my cheeks, my palms were damp and I knew damn well if he probed any further he find out just how aroused I was. My insides were throbbing, somewhere deep, a low pulsing that made my hips move imperceptibly in time to his inquisitive fingers. I closed my eyes, breathing shallowly through parted lips. I felt him shift next to me; his mouth was at my ear, his lips brushing my skin. “Look at me, Abby.” I turned my head, his face just inches away again. I met his gaze and held it, the intensity in those blue depths drawing me in. His fingers were sliding between the folds of my pussy and I knew he’d discover how wet I was. There was no hiding anything from him now, not that I really wanted to. I discovered with a bit of a shock that I wanted him to do this to me, to take me on this little wild erotic ride in public, drive me over whatever cliff he

choose, and I’d go willingly. My eyes were locked with his, my breath coming in short gasps when the waiter arrived with our first course. Jake sat back, completely relaxed, in control of not only me but himself, chatting easily with the waiter, asking for a bottle of some wine I didn’t recognize. I was a quivering mess, held on the edge of something, poised there, waiting, unable to do anything about it. And I didn’t want to; I wanted Jake to take me further. “Well, Abby. How are you enjoying dinner…so far?” I looked at Jake, that Cheshire cat smile on his lips, his eyes practically twinkling, looking urbane and sophisticated in contrast with how I felt inside; a wanton disheveled woman on the edge. The last thing I thought I wanted was dinner. I wanted him, but I knew that wasn’t what was on the menu. I needed to be patient, to let him control this, and me, and trust him. And damn, that was hard. “I’m anxious for the main course…or maybe dessert?” I took a bite of the food placed in front of me, the rich, complex flavors distracting me briefly from the fire raging through my body. Whatever Jake had ordered, it was sublime. I moaned a little as I chewed. “What is this?” I was industriously working through this creamy little thing I’d been presented with. “Goat cheese flan.” He was watching me eat, an open smile of amusement on his face. “It’s nice to see a girl who enjoys her food. It’s something I like about you, Abby. You enjoy sensual things, like eating. Or enjoying the scent of your own perfume.” He leaned over, his nose near my neck, inhaling. He sat back, his fingers brushing the hair behind my ear. I leaned into his touch, seeking more , like a cat rubbing against an outstretched hand. We finished the first course quickly. I wanted Jake to continue his erotic play, but he leaned forward, elbows on the table. “Let’s talk a bit about protocol, okay?”

I nodded. I started to pull my skirt back down, but a little voice said Jake had not given me permission. Oh, yeah…that’s how it is. Got it. “Okay.” I squirmed a little, the heat still throbbing low in my belly. “We need to talk about punishment, for the times when you disobey me.” Jake took a swallow of wine, turning the stem of the glass with his fingers. “Oh. You mean like yesterday.” I looked down at the wine in my glass, something deep and red and wonderful. I took another swallow. “Yes. I can’t punish you in retrospect; that’s not right. But I can tell you that in future sessions, you don’t speak unless I ask you a question or ask you to speak. We can discuss what that punishment will be before our next session.” He looked over at me, his eyes icy blue. “Do you understand? And, do you agree?” I nodded my head. While he’d been talking, his hand had slid back under the table. I felt the warmth against my skin before I felt the pressure of his fingers. They were back where he’d left off, stroking me softly, slowly. My body responded with a surge of heat, a whole body tremble that didn’t go unnoticed by Jake. I heard a sharp intake of breath to my right and the hand on my leg clutched me briefly, hard and insistent. I longed to reach over to his lap, to disturb that cool exterior, to grope and fondle him beneath the table, to see just how aroused he was by this whole thing. As if reading my thoughts, he spoke, his voice husky, a bit rushed. “You’re driving me wild, Abby. And you’re being a very good girl tonight. A very good girl.” There was a moment there when the restaurant faded away; the sights and smells, the sounds of the other diners, everything disappeared except the touch of Jake’s hand on my skin and the sound of his voice in my ear. ‘A very good girl.’ I wanted to be a good girl, wanted to please Jake. I relaxed my legs as far as I could without sliding down on the leather seat. In all honesty, I wanted to melt right onto the floor, but I did my best to remain upright.

My hips were twitching and flexing, my breath coming in little hitching gasps. I looked over at Jake, my eyes willing him to continue but begging him to stop. Something ed between us, a look that told him everything. His hand moved away, sliding down my thigh. “Very good, Abby.” He smiled. I felt a surge of something close to gratitude, which seemed an odd feeling to have for someone who was tormenting me in public. But I was actually enjoying this, willing to let Jake do to me what was giving him pleasure, and taking pleasure in not only his hands on my body, but in knowing I was doing what he wanted me to do. With perfect timing, our main course arrived. I was presented with a sea bass on a bed of greens. I’m not a fish girl, but this was amazing. I don’t know if Jake’s hands on my body had anything to do with my heightened awareness and increased enjoyment of the food, but the sea bass was indescribably delicious. We ate in silence, Jake savoring every bite of his tenderloin. He glanced over at me, sliced a small piece from his meal and held the fork toward me. I leaned forward, letting him feed me the tender morsel of beef. It literally melted in my mouth. Jake was watching me, a smile of satisfaction on his face. “I’m really enjoying myself, Abby. I think you are too.” I nodded. I didn’t really have words for how I felt at the moment. Somewhere along the line, I figured I’d have a chance to explain to Jake how I’d felt. But at the moment, I was held hostage by the sensations flooding my body and the sea bass teasing my taste buds. Dessert arrived. And again, Jake’s choice was perfect, as was his execution. He’d ordered one piece of chocolate cake, covered in crème anglaise and what looked like a cherry sauce, with only one fork. I lifted an eyebrow at Jake. The smile I got from him made me melt a little. “You said you were waiting for dessert. Well, here it is.” Jake slid the fork through the cake, scooping up the crème and the sauce. Holding my chin gently between his thumb and forefinger, he slid the fork between my lips. And then I melted a whole lot more. The cake was rich and not too sweet, the crème warm and gooey, and the dark cherry sauce giving a subtle tart cast to the

whole mouthful. “Oh, my god, Jake. That is amazing,” I mumbled through a mouthful of cake. Jake laughed, a sound almost as rich as the cake. “I thought you’d like this.” With infinite care, he fed me another bite, taking one for himself. In between feeding me bites of cake, Jake’s hand moved back between my legs. With the same infinite care he used in feeding me, he began slowly sliding one finger into my body, pulling it out, rubbing it up over my clit, repeating this path over and over. The fire Jake had lit earlier, that had been banked and smoldering during dinner flared instantly at his touch. I was right back at that precipice, hanging over the edge. I looked at Jake, holding his gaze. He slid another tiny piece of cake into my mouth, leaning forward, his lips finding my ear. “Come for me, Abby. Come for me now.” And I did, my hands gripping the edge of the table tightly, my body silently exploding, every muscle in my lower body contracting at once. I could feel my toes curl in my shoes, my hips straining forward. If it weren’t for the cake in my mouth, I would have screamed. I felt Jake take my hand, and I squeezed hard, trying to convey exactly what was happening simply through touch. I closed my eyes, letting the sensations wash over me, spiraling through my body, before slowly ebbing away. It seemed an eternity but I eventually opened my eyes. Jake was smiling at me, his own arousal at watching me clearly written across his face. “Did you enjoy dessert?” Jake leaned forward, tracing one finger down my face. His voice was a little breathless. I nodded, not sure I could trust my voice. I byed my wine, grabbing my water glass, taking a long drink, waiting for my heartbeat to return to normal. “Yes, Jake. I did. Very much so.” I turned to him, taking his hand. I held it to my

lips for a moment. “You were a very good girl, Abby. You deserve a reward.” Jake caught the waiter’s attention, got the check and paid in a matter of minutes. It wasn’t much longer before we were heading out of downtown Houston in his car. “We’re going to your house?” I turned to him, his face inscrutable in the dark. “You deserve a reward and I’d like to give you that tonight. I don’t want to delay that in any way.” We drove in silence, the city giving way to the suburbs. A soft rain had started to fall, the wipers sweeping intermittently across the windshield. I felt safe and comfortable and extremely curious about the rest of our evening. I recognized Jake’s neighborhood and then the gates to his home. We drove up the curving drive, bying the front door, pulling beneath the portico, out of the rain. Jake opened my door, helping me out of the car. He took me to the tower room side of the portico, unlocking the door, leading me up the dimly lit stairs. I hesitated, ing the last time I’d been here. It seemed like ages ago, but it had only been yesterday. It seemed like so much had changed between us, but maybe it was only my view of this relationship that had undergone a change. Jake opened the door to the tower room. I expected the stripped down bed from the day before, but instead I saw he’d made the bed with sheets and pillows, a richly colored comforter folded across the foot of the bed. “Oh, Jake. It’s beautiful. When did you do all this?” He was moving around the room, lighting fat pillar candles, turning down the lights. Soon the room was lit by the flicker of dozens of candles. He took off his jacket, tossing it over the back of a chair. “After you left yesterday. I thought it needed a little…more…for tonight.” He came to stand in front of me, looking down at me, his blue eyes soft in the candle light. “I was hoping that tonight would go well, so you could claim your reward.”

“Am I still in my sub role at the moment?” I resisted the urge to touch him, not wanting to break the spell of the moment. “No, Abby. Not now. You’re free to enjoy your reward, without restriction.” I took a step toward Jake, breathing deeply. I put my hands on his chest, feeling the warmth of his body through his shirt. “And what is my reward?” I looked up, into those eyes. I wanted to hear him say it, needed to hear him say we would make love, have sex, fuck each other’s brains out. Whatever he wanted to use, I didn’t care. But I wanted him to say it. His hands went around my waist, pulling me lightly against his body, holding me as if I were spun sugar and I’d break if he held me too tightly. He bent his head, his lips brushing not my mouth, but over my closed eyelids, down my cheek, his breath warm against my ear. I felt the flick of his tongue against my neck, in that place where I knew he could feel the pounding of my heart with his lips. “Your reward…” he murmured the words into my hair. “I want to devour you, every inch, make a feast out of you.” He pulled back, looking down, eyes dark. “And I want you to devour me.” And that’s what we set out to do. His mouth descended on mine, claiming my lips, his fingers making quick work of the buttons on my blouse. His hands slid underneath the blouse, cupping my breasts, his thumbs sliding slowly back and forth across my nipples, little snaps of electricity traveling outward from his hands, moving through my body, coalescing in the pit of my stomach. I’d managed to pull his shirt free of his pants, getting the top few the buttons undone, but I was distracted by his hands, and then his mouth, on my body. The blouse slid from my arms, landing in a silky puddle on the floor. Jake was kissing the exposed tops of my breasts, moving from one to the other, lips firm and hot on my skin. I wound my fingers through his dark hair, holding him to me, arching my back, pressing myself shamelessly against him. Better at multi-tasking than me, I felt him pull down the zipper on my skirt. It ed the blouse on the floor.

His hands moved behind me, fingers playing over my skin on my shoulders and back, and then my bra was relieved of its duties for the evening, landing with a soft sound on the floor. I was naked in front of him, in just my heels. He stood, looking down at me, breath moving through lips parted. “You are a most beautiful woman, Abby.” His voice was low, that velvet sound making my heart skip a beat or two. In one graceful movement he scooped me up, carrying me to the bed, laying me down gently across the sheets. I looked up at him, his hair a bit messy, opened shirt revealing a expanse of smooth chest. His eyes never left mine as he quickly unbuttoned the rest of his shirt, pulling it off. It fell out of sight on the floor. He unbuckled his belt, fingers working the button and zipper of his pants. I broke eye , looking down as he slid his pants over his narrow hips. I knew what he looked like naked, but the physical beauty of his body still took my breath away, maybe because this time he was all mine, in any way I chose to have him. He was all lean muscle, long and powerful looking, wild-cat graceful. I tried not to stare at his erection, but my eyes wanted to stray back. It was long and thick, curving, and at this moment very hard. I stifled a small gasp: it suddenly occurred to me Jake’s self-control tonight must have been incredible. He’d sat through our dinner, teasing me, touching me— watching me—taking me over the cliff edge, but had had no outlet for his own arousal. For some reason, that obvious fact had totally escaped me. My eyes flew to his face and I saw in his eyes the same barely contained arousal I’d felt during dinner. I reached for him then, pulling him down to me, opening myself up to him. At that moment, as much as I wanted him to rekindle the fire he’d started in me during dinner, to devour him as he’d said, I wanted him to take his pleasure in any way he wanted—he needed—with me. I held his face in my hands, looking into the bottomless blue depths of his eyes, seeing the intensity of his desire—and his naked need for me at that moment— along with that hint of something unreadable that always seemed to lurk just beneath the surface. I ran my fingers down his cheek, across those chiseled lips.

He kissed my fingertips. “I’m yours, Jake. All yours.” He held my gaze for a moment. “And I’m yours, too, Abby. But this is your reward, not mine.” There was a hint of a frown on his face. I nodded. “I know; it’s okay,” I whispered. Jake may have needed me more than I did him at that moment, but he swept me along with him, his body awakening sensations in every nerve ending of my body, his hands and mouth touching every inch of my flesh. When he finally thrust into me, it was with an uncontained fierceness, a wildness that would have scared me in any other man. But in Jake, I realized it was what I wanted; no restraint, taking me completely, giving me the freedom to give myself fully…and respond in kind. And I did respond in kind, my response to him surprising myself. I met him thrust for thrust, our bodies moving together, no matter if I rode him or he held me pinned to the bed. The edges between our bodies seemed to blur; we were truly one for a time. When he came, buried deep inside me, the power of his release was almost overwhelming. He was between my legs, body tensed above me, his hard thighs braced against mine. My hands were everywhere on his body, racing over his chest, brushing back the hair from his face, sliding down over his ass. I could feel his hips flexing in that certain way only a man’s hips can, as they hang balanced, just before that explosive leap off the edge. His cry was so primal that it startled me, the realization I’d been holding my breath, that my body was as tense as his, breathlessly waiting for this moment. But when he came, as he filled me with heat, my body went with him, surprising me with the strength of my orgasm. I arched against Jake, my cry was almost as primal as his, pulling him down to me with my arms and legs. We were shuddering, twisting and grinding against each other in mutual ecstasy, our bodies taking and giving simultaneously. Finally, Jake collapsed next to me, wrapping his arms around my body, pulling

me close against his chest. I could hear his heart pounding, feel the muscles slowly soften as his body relaxed, as his breathing slowed. He untangled the sheets from the end of the bed, pulling them up over our cooling bodies, and we stayed in the bed together for a long time. We were quiet after that; words would have been meaningless. In silence, he helped me dress, ran his fingers through my hair in an effort to restore some semblance of order to my tangled locks, smiling at his attempts. We were gentle with each other, pausing to exchange lingering kisses, taking every opportunity to touch and be touched.

*

It was very late when Jake drove me home. The rain had stopped and a moon was playing hide and seek in the clouds. We were close to my apartment when I spoke. “Thank you for tonight, Jake. I had a wonderful time.” Jake’s hand left the steering wheel long enough to caress my leg. “I had a good time too, Abby.” There was a beat of silence, then Jake spoke. “I’d like to have a session on Saturday afternoon.” I felt more than saw his glance in the dark. My heart started to thud. “I’d like that. Do you have a plan?” There was a smile in Jake’s voice. “I do, but you’ll have to be surprised.” Jake walked me to my apartment door, leaving me with a lingering kiss. I watched him walk down the hall to the elevator before I let myself into the apartment.

The cat met me at the door, complaining loudly about his missing dinner. “Sorry Big Guy. And I didn’t even bring you a doggy bag…er, kitty bag, did I?” I dumped a scoop of food in his dish, headed to my bedroom, stripping my clothes off along the way. I glanced at the clock; I was going to get maybe four hours of sleep. But I didn’t care. I wanted to think about Jake, all the different facets of this complex man I’d experienced in one evening: his complete control—of me and himself—during dinner; his primal ion—and subsequent tenderness—in the tower room. But the scent of us, of our evening together, wrapped around me like Jake’s arms. I inhaled deeply and was asleep instantly. *

I’d plunged myself into work that week, which wasn’t too hard with my new client. Leslie had been inquisitive at first and then disappointed with the lack of certain details she deemed crucial. We’d finally had time for lunch later in the week. “At least you can tell me about the non-bondage sex, can’t you?” We were back at the Italian deli, this time sharing a stromboli. Leslie was practically drooling; I wasn’t sure if it was over the spicy food or the anticipation of some juicy details about Jake. “Well, yeah. I suppose.” I chewed for a minute. What the hell. I really do want to talk about Jake. I gave her the details, leaving out the bit about the sex being my reward for being a good girl. It was fun indulging in girl talk with Leslie. And it gave me a thrill to all the details of my time with Jake. Leslie was looking at me, one eyebrow raised. “What?” I frowned at her. “Why the look?”

“You. You’re different with this guy. Normally you’d have spilled the details about the sex and then gone off on a riff about how much in love you were with him. But you have not said the word ‘love’ once. Not once.” I sat back. She was right. Whatever I felt for Jake at this point, and I did feel quite a bit, love wasn’t part of it. I respected him; I liked him a lot, and I certainly was attracted to him. And I thought I trusted him a great deal. But my usual obsessive version of love was absent. That’s good, right? Leslie was watching me closely. “Abby, are you happy with this…thing, this relationship? Really happy?” I looked at her. And then I nodded. “Yeah, Leslie. I am. Really.” And I realized that was a far better feeling than my usual obsessive love.

Chapter Five

Saturday had seemed so far away on Monday night, but it finally arrived. Jake had said I would be in submissive mode the entire time, from when I arrived at the tower room until he said I was not. I was to call him Master, not speak unless spoken to and not to indulge in, as he called it while explaining my behavior in our first session, ‘topping from the bottom’. In other words, no outbursts, stay in the session and use the safe word if I needed to. I parked in what I considered my spot now, beneath the portico, at three o’clock. Jake met me at the bottom of the tower stairs, shirtless and barefoot, wearing the gray sweats. I felt a thud deep inside; seeing him like this brought back memories of our last session. “Abby.” He kissed me deeply, pulling me against him for a moment. “I’ve missed you.” He led me by the hand up the stairs to the tower room door, which stood open. “Come in for a minute. I want to talk about this session and make sure you’re comfortable with where I want to go with this.” Jake took me to the bed, motioning for me to sit down. It was stripped down to just the black sheet, stretched taut across the mattress. The lush linens and pillows from our last encounter were gone, as were the candles. With a shock, I realized I’d had that image in my mind, but the romantic atmosphere was gone. This was Jake and me, dominant and submissive. Something clicked over in my mind. I really hadn’t been in submissive mode until now. “I want to try nipple clamps with you tonight. Nipple play; heightened sensory awareness.” For some reason the clinical description irritated me. I knew Jake needed to

control these encounters and for him, that meant the textbook description of whatever he was going to do with or to me. I swallowed, letting it go. Starting off on the wrong submissive foot here, girl. “Are you okay with this? You can stop it at any time.” He was holding something in his hand, two clamps with some black rubber attached by a silver chain. They looked wicked but intriguing all at the same time. I took the clamps, experimentally attaching one to my little finger. It pinched, but not hard. Jake took the other end, holding my hand, turning it palm up, holding the clamp above the webbing between my thumb and index finger. “They’re adjustable. We can start with the lightest pressure, like this…” The clamp came down on the sensitive skin of my hand. I jumped, more from surprise than pain. Jake looked up at me. “Okay?” I nodded. “Yeah, it just surprised me. They’re fine.” I wiggled my hand, the weight of the chain and other hook pulling on my hand. I looked up at him. “I’d like to try them.” Jake smiled. “Okay. You can go change and I’ll get set up. When you come into the session, hang your robe on the hook on the door and then stand, your hands in front of you, eyes lowered, and wait for my instructions.” He stood, pulling me up off the bed, kissing me quickly. “And it’s Master when you return.” With surprising force, he swatted my backside as I left the room. In the bathroom, I took off my clothes, this time just a shirt and jeans, no bra or panties. I slipped into my robe, pulled my hair back and secured it before padding down the hall to the tower room. Jake was waiting, the clamps in one hand and something black in the other. I wanted to ask, but ed I was now in total submissive role. I hung up the robe, stood with my hands in front of me. I dropped my eyes, but I would not lower my head. He hadn’t said I needed to do that.

“I have a collar for you, Abby. Something to help you your role. And too that there is punishment for disobedience. I will spank you if you disobey. Do you understand?” I looked up at him. “Yes, Master.” He smiled. “Good. Come here.” I walked across the room, very much aware of the feel of the rug beneath my bare feet, the gentle breeze from one of the open windows. The curtains were pulled, but it had been an unseasonably warm day and Jake must have opened a window earlier. It surprised me to think he spent time here when we didn’t have a session. What exactly would he do here alone? But then all thoughts left my mind as I stood in front of Jake. He held out a wide black leather collar with a large silver ring in the center. “Kneel, Abby.” I did, and he moved behind me, bring the collar around my neck, fastening it behind me. It was heavier than it looked, the weight settling against my skin. Jake moved back in front of me, standing just a foot or so away. I was a submissive, kneeling in front of this man, wearing a collar. A week or so ago, I’d have been horrified at the thought. Now, it didn’t seem all that terrible. There was a tiny nagging voice, way back in my mind, that still protested. But a louder voice—and my body—welcomed this. Jake was watching me and I realized I was staring at his crotch. There was no visible erection, just a sense of weight and mass. And then I realized Jake had spoken. “Abby?” My eyes snapped up to his. What’s the submissive way to say ‘huh’? “I’m sorry, Master. Could you repeat the question?” “I asked you if the collar was too tight.” There was a slight smile playing around the corners of his mouth. I wasn’t sure if he was amused by my gaff, irritated because I disobeyed or just enjoying my discomfort.

“No, Master. The collar is fine.” “Good. Stand up.” I did. The collar was actually quite annoying, wide enough to rub against my neck, heavy enough not to ignore, which I figured was its purpose. Jake had picked up something from a silver bowl on a nearby table. I saw it was an ice cube and since we were dealing with ‘heightened sensitivity’ and my nipples, I knew exactly where that ice cube was going to go. I tensed, jerking away, like a skittish horse. There was a sharp intake of breath; Jake stopped, the dripping ice cube held in his hand. My eyes flew to his face, my hand to my mouth. Oh, shit. “I’m sorry, Jake….I, just…it’s…well, cold…” I gestured vaguely in the direction of the melting ice cube held forgotten in his hand. There was more; I felt vulnerable, standing naked in this room, aware of how imperfect my body was, suddenly feeling out of my depth. I wanted the lights out, or the blindfold back on. If I can’t see you, you can’t see me. But there was no way to explain all that to Jake, not now, not unless I wanted to stop the whole session. And I didn’t want that. “Abby. You are disobeying me at the moment. You can stop talking.” He turned, tossing the ice cube back with the rest. I heard it clink against the edge of the bowl. He wiped his hand on his sweat pants. “Come with me.” I followed Jake to the other end of the room, away from the bed. There was a small table and chair set against one wall. I’d never paid attention to this end of the room, couldn’t even say if this furniture had been here before. “You’ll receive your punishment here.” I shook my head, not so much in protestation of receiving punishment but in resignation…in recognition that I had disobeyed. I did lower my head now, in disappointment and something like shame. I wasn’t Jake’s good girl at the moment and that actually hurt.

“Look at me, Abby.” I lifted my head, meeting his eyes. I was crying, tears running down my face. “I’ll spank you ten times, with my hand, on your bare ass. You don’t need to count the strokes; I’ll do that. But you do need to think about why I’m doing this and what you can learn from it.” Jake had me bend over the table. It took all my courage to crouch there, waiting for Jake, for my punishment. All the insecurities that I had about my weight came bubbling to the surface as I pictured myself from Jake’s point of view, in this most awkward and unattractive of positions. The first stinging slap across my skin made me jump, a sharp cry escaping my lips. I started counting in my head. The second slap hurt more, and then I was distracted by Jake’s voice. “You’re being punished for avoiding me, avoiding what I wanted to do. Do you understand that, Abby?” I didn’t think he’d speak; it was disconcerting to hear his voice, feel his hand on my flesh and be expected to reply. I swallowed hard. “Yes, Master. I understand.” His hand struck me again. My ass was burning, the sting of this slap adding to the heat of the first two…or three? “You’re being punished for speaking when not spoken to. Do you understand that?” Slap. “Yes, Master. I understand.” “Apologize, Abby.” His hand struck me again. “I am sorry, Master, for disobeying you.” The rest of the slaps melded into one searing sensation of heat across my ass. And then he was done, moving away from me. I was breathing hard, no longer crying.

“Your punishment is done and it’s in the past. I won’t bring it up again. If you have questions, you can ask me now. Or we can talk later. You may stand up.” Jake was standing a few feet away. I looked up at him, not sure what to expect, anger maybe. But his eyes held pain, as if he’d been struck himself. “Do you have any questions?” “No, Master.” I held his gaze. He took a deep breath, as if coming to a decision. “We can continue with the session or we can stop. I’ll leave that decision up to you, Abby. You may speak freely now.” He stood motionless, no hint of expression on his face, save the pain in his eyes. I had no way of knowing if he wanted to continue or not; his body gave nothing away. I took a deep breath, surprising myself with my answer. “I want to continue.” He arched an eyebrow at me. “You’re sure? Don’t do this because you think it may be what I want. Your enjoyment of this is just as important as mine, your comfort and safety are the most important thing to me. I would never force you to do something you didn’t want to do. I hope you know that.” I nodded. “I’m fine. I disobeyed; I received my punishment. But I still want the session.” I was amazed at my clarity. I truly wanted to experience whatever Jake had planned for me. “Alright.” He took a step toward me. “It won’t be a very long session, Abby. You’re back under silence again. Do you understand?” “No, Master.” “What do you have questions about, Abby?” He watched me intently. “Silence as in no sound, or just no speaking?” He smiled. “You can make any sounds you like, including any expletives. Just no talking to me or…” he moved closer “…no expletives directed at me. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Master.” We walked back to the other end of the room. He had me stand where I had been earlier, picking up an ice cube and walking toward me. I held still, watching, as he stopped in front of me. I could feel the heat from his body, smell that rich scent that belonged only to him. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath. When I opened them, he was looking down at me. The ice on my nipple was colder than I could have imagined. I sucked breath through my teeth, but did not cry out…or speak. I looked down, watching in amazement as the nipple contracted, the sensation of pain—but not quite pain— intense but not unbearable. There was a simultaneous thump deep in my body, centered somewhere south of my navel. Jake applied the ice cube to the other nipple. I was expecting the sensation this time but it still took my breath away. When he stepped back, both nipples were hard, harder than I’d ever experienced, sticking out from my breasts. He bent down, sucking one nipple into his mouth. I cried out then, the heat of his tongue flicking against the icy nipple an exquisite torture. He moved to the other, sucking hard, pulling the nipple into his mouth. I arched against his mouth, longing to hold his head against my breasts, clenching my hands at my sides. After tormenting me with his tongue, Jake lifted his head, his breath catching in his throat. With infinite care, he threaded one end of the nipple clamp chain through the ring on my collar, letting the ends dangle against my breasts. He reached for one, looking up at me briefly. “Are you ready?” “Yes, Master.” My voice was a whisper, my body suddenly thrumming with excitement. Jake looked at me for a moment, hesitating slightly. But whatever he saw on my face, in my eyes, made him smile; that dark smile that drove a spike of pleasure through my body. Jake pinched my nipple along with some of the areola behind it with his fingers, attaching the clamp. I cried out; the pressure was intense, the sensations coursing through my body amazing. He quickly attached the other clamp. He stood back, breathing hard, looking down at his handiwork.

I looked down as well at both nipples held by the clamps. The chain through my collar put enough pressure, pulled them just enough, to increase the electricity throbbing through my body. I knew that I was very wet; there had been an instant flush of heat through my pussy with a corresponding rush of wet warmth. Jake reached out, grabbing me by the hips, pulling me toward him, pressing my body gently against his. My nipples rubbed against his chest, sending waves of feelings through my body. I cried out, my chain making a soft noise as it slipped through the ring on my collar. He leaned back slightly, the only now at our hips, the heat of his erection against my naked skin, made all the more erotic by the thin covering of fabric. He rubbed himself against me for a moment, his eyes half closed as he watched my breasts swaying, the nipples protruding, watched his cock brushing against my skin. “Come with me.” Jake took me to the bed, instructing me to climb up on my hands and knees. He stripped his sweat pants down his legs, his hard cock rising from the apex of his thighs. He got on the bed behind me, holding my hips in his hands. My ass was still stinging from my spanking and I imagined how red my skin must be, what Jake was seeing. The uncomfortable feeling of being exposed rose up again and I struggled to fight it down. The weight of the chain tugged at my nipples, increasing the waves of pleasure coursing through my body. And then there was Jake, rubbing his cock against my ass, sliding it over my heated skin. There was a deep clenching inside me, something dark and primal on the verge of breaking loose. But he didn’t enter me. He held himself pressed against me, gently rocking me back and forth. The chain began swinging back and forth, faster as Jake increased his movement. Suddenly Jake grabbed my hair, tugging my head back. The chain pulled tight against the clamps; my cry was equal parts pain and pleasure. He held me there, suspended in that space for a long moment. He released my hair and my head dropped forward, the tension against my nipples reduced. I gasped for breath, mouth open, eyes closed.

I felt Jake reach one hand down, sliding against the fullness of my breast. He unclamped the nipple clamp, reaching down to the other, releasing it as well. There was a moment of confusion in my brain; there was a brief suspension of time where there was no sensation in my nipples at all. I thought something was wrong. But then there was a flood of something else, a wave of prickly heat, sudden and intense. I cried out loudly, almost a scream. In that instant, Jake thrust into me. And in the next instant I came, my body convulsing beneath him, my hips taking on a life of their own, bucking and twisting. My nipples were throbbing, sending jolts of electricity through my body, straight to every nerve ending in my pussy. And Jake’s cock was there, thrusting back against every part of me that was aroused, his body rubbing against the tender skin of my ass. There seemed to be no end to this. I was dimly aware of Jake’s noises behind me but I had no conscious thoughts about him at all, other than the sensations his cock was producing in my body. There was heat and a flood of something very wet and then I was lying on the bed, breathing heavily. Jake was next to me, cradling my body against his, brushing damp hair from my forehead. I opened my eyes, focusing on his face. He traced a line down my face, over my shoulder, down my arm, raising a line of goose bumps. His forearm brushed against my nipple and I cried out softly, pulling away. And then I cringed. Had I disobeyed again? He leaned forward, kissing my forehead. “You’re okay, Abby. The session’s ended. You’re out of your role now.” “Oh.” I was weak, my body and mind moving in slow motion. “You were out of it there at the end. I didn’t think you heard me.” He shifted on the bed, letting me rest my head and shoulders on his chest, my sensitive nipples safe from accidently brushes and touches. “Do you need anything, Abby?” Jake’s voice was soft, his breath stirring my hair.

“Maybe later. Something for my backside.” I closed my eyes. “Right now I’m sleepy.” “Then rest. We can talk later, when you’re ready.” He moved away, coming back to cover me with a blanket, tucking a pillow beneath my head. The soft warmth enveloped me and I was instantly asleep. The room was darker when I woke up. I was disoriented, the bed unfamiliar beneath me, the blanket not one from my own bed. Then I ed; the tower room. There was a light coming from behind me. I sat up, wincing as my tender skin came in with the bed. “Ouch. Shit.” I muttered to myself. There was a chuckle from somewhere. I turned, startled. Jake was sitting in an arm chair in the corner, reading a book, a floor lamp casting a circle of yellow light around him. He set the book on a small table next to the chair. “How do you feel?” He stood, coming to stand by the edge of the bed. He was wearing a pair of well-loved jeans, faded and worn with a few holes evident here and there, and a clean white t-shirt. I had the impression he’d had a shower. He smelled clean and looked refreshed. “I’m sore.” I got up on my knees, which seemed to be the most comfortable position at the moment. I noticed the collar and nipple clamps were gone. “I have something that will help.” Jake went to the cabinet. I was struck again by his grace; just watching him walk across the room was a sensual experience. He came back, sitting on the edge of the bed. “Lay down on your stomach.” I peered at what he had in his hand. He held it out, showing me the label. It was a tube of arnica gel. “We should have done this right away, but you were out and I really didn’t want to wake you up by rubbing your ass.” He laughed suddenly, a deep rich sound. “Actually, waking you up by rubbing your ass would be something I’d really enjoy. But on a different day.”

I giggled. “I’d probably like that, but, yeah, not tonight.” I settled on my stomach. “What time is it?” “It’s after ten. You’ve been asleep for about three hours or so.” “Holy cow. Really?” I felt his hands skimming over my skin, the gel cool and soothing, the smell vaguely green and organic. “It’s not as red as it was earlier; this will help keep it from bruising.” His hands were gentle, moving over my skin. My mind went back to our first time together, the massage he’d given me in front of the fire. I relaxed, letting my body sink into the bed. “Is there anything you want to talk about, Abby? Anything that confused your or you didn’t understand?” “Well, it’s all a bit vague and distant at the moment.” He’d stopped rubbing the arnica on my skin. I rolled onto my side, leaning on the pillow. “Did you enjoy punishing me?” Jake seemed started by my question; I got the impression it wasn’t what he expected. He was quiet for a moment, as if sorting through a complex puzzle. “Yes and no.” He looked at me, serious and earnest. “I have to it that seeing you bent over the table…” I cringed, ing my own image of what I looked like, none of them flattering. “…I thought you were the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. I got hard, really hard, really fast. If we hadn’t been in a session, I would have fucked you then and there.” He stopped for a breath. His face was flushed, his eyes bright. I waited, my heart fluttering in my chest. I hadn’t expected this. I really didn’t know what I expected. “But I knew, being in session, I couldn’t do that. I needed to remain in control, to follow through with what I’d said I was going to do. I respect you enough not to be capricious with this; if I say I’m going to do something, I’m going to follow through.

“When I started talking, explaining to you this was punishment, any pleasure I felt went away, instantly. I didn’t enjoy punishing you. It hurt.” His eyes had grown dark. I reached out for him and he climbed up on the bed, lying down next to me. We held each other for a long time. Jake’s hands began moving over my body, gently exploring as if for the first time. He leaned down, kissing me softly, his lips moving over my mouth, his tongue feather-soft against my lips. Pulling away, he looked down at me in the dim light the lamp cast on the bed. “Can I touch you here?” He traced a finger over my breasts, sliding it down toward one nipple. “Yes, but not hard.” They were still sensitive, not painful, but every brush of the blanket…or now, Jake’s fingers…sent little waves of heat through my body. Slowly he touched me everywhere, his fingers sliding over my skin, lingering here and there, stroking softly. I was moaning against his mouth, relishing the slow gentle touches, so different from this afternoon’s session. I’d reached down, undoing the buttons on his jeans, running my hands over his cock. He sighed, burying his face in my neck. “Oh, god, Abby. It’s impossible to resist you.” “Why would you want to?” I’d never thought Jake wanted to resist me. He lifted his head. “I don’t really. But sometimes I think I cross the line from our agreed relationship into something more, something I know neither of us wants.” He kissed me, something urgent and ionate in his kiss. Was this really as complicated as it seemed? Did it need to be? I was beginning to feel I was the one in control here, sometimes more than Jake. “Don’t resist, Jake, give in. It’s not going change things for me.” I kissed him, pulling him down to me. “Think of it as after care.”

*

We made love for a long time, slowly, Jake taking his time, holding me gently. There were no loud cries, no bucking and thrashing. I was carried away on a gentle current, my orgasm feeling like the stretch at the end of a yoga work out; my muscles relaxed, pliant, my body and mind at peace. Jake came with a low moan, his face buried in my neck. I felt him shudder briefly, holding himself still inside me, then a flooding warmth. He exhaled, slowly, pulling me against him, curling his body around mine.

*

I woke a long time later, shivering in the chill air. The room was dark; Jake was lying next to me, his arm loosely flung across my waist. I watched him sleep for a long time, his face just visible in the light from one partially covered window. There was no reason for me to leave. I pulled the blanket back over my shoulder, jostling Jake in the process. I felt him stir next to me. “Go back to sleep,” I whispered in the dark. And he did, tightening his hold around my waist, pulling me back against his body.

*

Jake fed me breakfast, insisting that I eat before I went home. I’d taken a long hot shower, methodically working through a vast array of scented shampoos, soaps, scrubs and other products I’d found in the bathroom in the tower. For a small bathroom in a guest wing, it was remarkably well-stocked. I took the confusing maze of hallways back to the main house rather than walking outside, making only one wrong turn on the way. The scent of food was as good as GPS though and I found Jake in the kitchen making French toast. I took a seat at the kitchen counter and a plate was placed in front of me, complete with fresh strawberries, and a dollop of what I believed was homemade whipped cream. I dove in, realizing I was famished. “Oh, my god, Jake. Where did you learn to cook?” He was leaning on the other side of the counter, watching me with amusement. “Living alone and getting tired of take-out and fast food. I’d had enough of instant noodles in college. As soon as I had my first apartment, I invested in a set of chef quality knives and cast iron cookware. And learned how to use them.” I was too busy chewing to do more than nod. Jake poured coffee for both of us, setting mine in front of me and coming around the end of the counter with his, and a plate piled high with French toast, to sit next to me. We ate in silence. I resisted the urge to lick my plate clean, instead using the last pieces of French toast to clean up the syrup and whipped cream. I sat back, sighing, relaxed and content. “Abby, there’s something I wanted to ask you.” Jake pushed his empty plate away, looking at me. “Okay. What is it?” There was hesitancy in his eyes, not quite the confident Jake I had grown use to. “I’d like us to go to a BDSM club. There’s one in Houston; I think it would be good for us to see how other doms and subs interact, maybe learn something.” He turned toward me, taking my hand. “I’m asking you…not demanding that you go. But I think it would be a good idea.” I thought about this for a minute. There didn’t seem to be a down-side. We’d get

a different perspective, see how others acted. I nodded. “I think it’s a good idea. We’re kind of in our own little bubble here. Seeing others… meeting others…yeah. I think it would be good.” Jake’s face relaxed, a broad smile on his face. “Good. I’m glad. I’ll make the arrangements. From what I’ve heard about of the club, you need an invitation. I’ll take care of it and let you know when we can go.”

*

Jake and I fell into a routine over the next couple weeks, while we waited for an invitation to the club. We’d have dinner during the week, spend the evening at Jake’s, in the bed in the tower room, and he’d drive me home later. During the week the bed was dressed in soft linens and blankets and pillows, a stark contrast from the plain black sheet of the weekend.

*

It was during one of these dinners that Jake presented me with an elegantly wrapped box. We weren’t in session so I was free to oh and ah as much as I wanted…and to question what it was. “Open it, Abby.” Jake was patiently waiting for me to untie the cream colored satin ribbon. The black wrapping paper fell away from a black velvet box. I opened it cautiously, peering beneath the cover. “It’s not going to bite you, Abby.” Jake was laughing at my trepidation. “It’s not alive.”

The box held a necklace, a length of interlocking rings that looked like a miniature piece of chainmail. It was beautifully constructed, weighty and solid as I held it in my hand, but sinuous and sensual as it flowed over my fingers. “Jake, it’s beautiful.” I looked at him. He appeared to be waiting for me to say something else. “Thank you.” After a beat of silence he took the chain, turning it in my hands until the clasp faced me. I looked closely; it was a tiny pair of interlocked handcuffs. “It’s a slave necklace. I thought it would be more comfortable—and prettier—to wear on a daily basis than the leather collar. We’ll save that for sessions.” I looked down at the necklace, and all that it represented, the weight it carried, not just in its solid silver links but between Jake and I. I closed my eyes for a moment. While this wasn’t a traditional relationship, the necklace seemed to represent a commitment of some kind. Did I want that commitment, and that responsibility? I looked up at Jake. There were so many emotions playing across his face, but the biggest one was something akin to fear. I held his gaze for a moment and then held the necklace out to him. He almost flinched away from me, but took the chain. “Would you put it on for me?” I turned on the banquette, lifting the hair from my neck. After a moment, I felt the cool silver against my skin, the weight settle on my neck. There was a tiny click as Jake fastened the clasp, a soft sound but it seemed to echo through the restaurant. I turned back to Jake. The look of relief on his face was so palpable, I would have laughed. But I didn’t think that was the right thing to do at the moment. Instead I leaned forward, kissing him gently, brushing my lips over his, my tongue catching a hint of the bourbon he’d had before dinner. Jake was attentive and gentle that night in the tower room, the sex long and slow. He approached me almost in an attitude of gratitude. I wasn’t sure, afterward, lying in the dark, if the necklace was really for me, or for him in some way. I fingered the silver, counting the links with my fingers, almost like a tiny set of prayer beads. Or worry beads.

*

“We’ve got an invitation to the club.” Jake’s voice on the phone was excited. “A week from Saturday. We’ll be guests of the club’s owner, Chase Thomas.” Even though I was expecting the news, my heart did a little stutter-step. A bondage club had never entered my mind until Jake suggested it. But I was also very excited at the prospect of going. And, as usual, I panicked over what to wear. “Relax. Chase said there’s no real dress code; you’re not required to wear latex or anything. Just be comfortable.” Latex? “Although, if you’re going to be a sub and in any party-play, you’d probably want something appropriate…you know, sexy and with easy access. Then again, pretty much anything you wear looks sexy, but I’m biased.” “What are you wearing?” I tried the typical girl turn-around; ask someone else what they are wearing to the party. It didn’t work. “I’d like to choose an outfit for you, Abby. I can, as your Dom, do that. You will be in submissive role and I’d like you to be in something of my choosing. It would be my pleasure.” I could hear the smile in his voice; almost see the glint in his eyes as he contemplated me in various types of bondage gear. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath. “You want to take me shopping?” I detest shopping. “No, there’s no need for that. I’ll have a selection sent to your apartment and then you can decide. And surprise me.” There was a definite lascivious tone to his voice. “Fine. I’ll agree to that…Master.” There was a laugh from the other end. “I know you’re nervous; I am too. But it’ll be fine. If nothing else, you’ll end up

with a new wardrobe for session play and we’ll come away with some good stories. But I think it’ll be good for both of us.” There was a large box waiting at my apartment door when I got home from work the next evening. It was appropriately wrapped in plain brown paper. I dragged it into my bedroom, gingerly opening the box, not quite sure what to expect. And I was unprepared for what was inside; some of it leather, all of it black. Much of it, as I looked at it lying on my bed, made no sense; there were straps and buckles and widgets. Nothing seemed remotely like something a human body would wear. But then I saw it, an outfit I could…would wear. It was a black leather corset that laced up the back, with a zipper up the front. Easy access, Jake. You’ve got it. And it fit. I put it on. There was a short black skirt, something shiny, very short. I cringed but put that on as well. It had a zipper that went from hem to waistband. I thought about it for a minute; I wasn’t sure if the zipper went in the front or the back. But then I realized it didn’t matter. Either way would have the desired effect. I put it on with the zipper at the back. There were at least a dozen pairs of thigh-high stockings in the box: fishnets, lace, sheer…all black. I found a garter, figured out the straps and clips, added a pair of lace-patterned stockings. My own shoe fetish provided a pair of black heels, ‘fuck-me pumps’ as Leslie was fond of calling them. They added at least four inches to my height and gave me the illusion of having longer, thinner legs… or I hoped they did. I stood in front of the full-length mirror, something I rarely did. But now, I almost couldn’t walk away. It was me, only it was more me…and in a good way. The corset pulled me in and pushed me up and out, giving the curves I had more definition. The skirt hugged my hips and ass, and somehow didn’t make them look huge. And yes, the shoes did make my legs look miles long. Covered in the black lace, they looked pretty damn good.

I wanted to call Jake and tell him, but I really wanted him to be surprised. While I was putting away the assortment of items I was confused about, the phone rang. “Did you get the box? Did you find something you like?” Jake’s voice was Christmas-morning excited. “Yes, Jake. I did. And I’m not telling you what I picked out. You’ll have to be surprised.” I was actually going to enjoy this. “Alright. I guess I’ll have to be patient.” There was a pause, and what sounded like a resigned sigh. “I have a bit of bad news though. My board of directors has scheduled a shareholders’ meeting for next week. I’ll be out of town until early Saturday morning…the morning of our club date.” My heart sank. “Oh.” Crap. “I’m going to miss you, Abby, miss our dinners and talking with you.” Miss just dinners and talking? Not miss our sessions? “I’ll miss you too, Jake. And I’ll miss our sessions.” “Yes, I’ll miss our sessions too. I had all kinds of devious things planned for you. But, they’ll just have to wait until after our club date.” “When are you leaving? Can’t we have a session this weekend?” I detected a hint of panic in my voice. Where was this coming from? “I’ll have to spend the weekend here, or at the office, prepping for the meetings. There’s some policy changes at the local and state level that’s gotten the shareholders nervous. But I don’t want to bore you with the details. It just means I’m not going to be around before the club date, except by phone.” “Oh.” There was nothing else I could think to say. My heart was tripping along in my chest, a funny syncopated beat. “Abby? Are you okay?” There was concern in Jake’s voice. “Well, yes…no, I’m not sure. This is…whatever I’m feeling is a bit scary. I’m

not sure how to explain it.” And I didn’t think I could explain it to myself at the moment. “Listen, Jake. It’s fine…I’m fine. It just took me off guard. And sometimes I don’t respond to change very well.” I forced a smile into my voice. “I’ll be fine,” I repeated. “I’ll just play dress up with all these new clothes, spank myself and think of you.” There was a brief silence and a subdued laugh on the line. “You have a really unusual way of putting things into perspective, Abby.” After he hung up, I sat down among the welter of leather and fishnet and Pleather. My panicky feelings had subsided somewhat. I tried to decide just what I was feeling. Normally, when some guy said he couldn’t see me, I took it as rejection, he didn’t like me anymore, and I’d have cried myself to sleep. But with Jake, that wasn’t it. I believed him when he said he’d be working and I had no doubt he’d be back. It was something deeper. I was going to miss him; our routine had become something stable in my life, our dinners and sessions something I looked forward to. I shook my head. Maybe it’s the submissive in me. Was I going to miss Jake as my dominant? Was that the reason hearing about his absence sent me into a tailspin? This was more than I cared to think about at the moment. I finished packing up the box of clothes and tucked it into my closet. I hung the skirt, corset and stockings on a hanger, leaving it hanging on my closet door, where I could look at it. And I did want to look at it; it was a really erotic outfit. And I was going to be wearing it. I curled up on the bed with the cat, trying to rekindle my dampened enthusiasm. I really was going to miss Jake. A week seemed like an eternity.

Chapter Six

On the Saturday of our club date, I was beyond excited. I’d booked a facial, waxing session, and pedicure and manicure. After all that attention, I felt sexy and confident, actually pretty. I wasn’t sure this feeling would carry me through the whole night, but starting out on a positive note couldn’t hurt. Looking in the mirror, I deemed myself ready. I’d used far more make-up than I usually wore, playing with dramatic eye make-up and red lipstick. Even though it was over the top, it looked pretty good with the new outfit. It may end up all over my face at some point, but at least I’d look good in the beginning. Jake came to pick me up at ten o’clock. I’d had a nap in the afternoon and managed to eat a meal, even though my nerves had destroyed my appetite. I’d even put out an extra bowl of cat food for the cat, just in case things ran late. When I answered the door, I was breathless, both from nerves and because I hadn’t seen Jake in over a week. I had a glimpse of him, in a tight black t-shirt and dark jeans, looking understated but enormously sex. But he had me in his arms before the door was even closed, his kiss full of the same longing I had felt all week. I melted against his body, letting him claim my mouth with his, settling some of the butterflies in my stomach. It was a long time before we came up for air. Jake held me, looking down into my eyes, running his fingers through my hair. “I’ve missed you, Abby.” And then his eyes slid lower, widening a bit. He held me at arm’s length, his eyes taking in my outfit, turning me in a slow circle. “Wow.” The word was barely audible, more exhaled than spoken. “At a loss for words, Jake? That doesn’t happen very often.” I smiled up at him. “I take it you approve of my choice?”

“I approve very much. You look amazing, Abby.” His hands had started roaming over my body, trying to pull the various zippers up and down. I slapped his hands. “No, no…not for you, or not now. This is for later.” He laughed, pulling me close again. “Are you topping from the bottom again, or do you want to switch roles?” He tried kissing me, but I ducked out of his arms. “We need to go, Jake. Seriously. But first I need your help with this.” I picked up the slave necklace Jake had given me, holding it out to him. “Please put it on me, Master.” I watched his face, his expression changing from his excitement at seeing me to the realization that I was now in my submissive role. I briefly wondered if that was disobedience, but I didn’t think so. Apparently Jake didn’t either. “Turn around, Abby.” I obeyed. Jake’s voice had taken on that tone he used in our sessions, the velvet-over-fire tone that affected me deeply. I felt my heart skip a beat and knew from now on, I was in charge. There was something highly erotic in knowing that, along with a profound sense of comfort. It felt right. The club was a short drive from my apartment, in a mixed neighborhood made up of industrial buildings, small stores and offices and the occasional apartment building. Overall, the area was almost deserted this late at night. Jake pulled up in front of one of the industrial buildings. It looked abandoned and I glanced up the façade, not seeing any lights in the windows. But as I was standing on the sidewalk gaping upward, I heard Jake talking. I turned to see him handing his keys to a large man, who got into the car, driving down the street. “Valet parking.” Jake was unusually laconic. He took my arm just before we reached the large door to the building. “ what we talked about yesterday. You’re with me, as my submissive. You are not someone else’s sub. If someone touches you that you do not want to touch you, or I haven’t agreed can touch you, tell me. You won’t be disobeying if that happens.” I nodded. Jake had spent a long time explaining that nothing would happen to

me that I didn’t want, including any scenes with him that I felt uncomfortable doing in public. He’d also mentioned that he might want to share me with another Dom, possibly Chase Thomas. “Is that typical? I mean, do Doms do that?” It had never occurred to me that Jake would want to share me, with anyone. But the idea had definite appeal to me. Being with another Dom, one with more experience, could only be a good thing, something that would help our relationship. “Yes, in the context of the club or parties, it can happen. But it’s something everyone agrees on. You’re not ed around from Dom to Dom. It’s all consensual.” Jake had gone on. “I’ve talked to Chase Thomas a few times over the last few days. He’s offered, if I’m willing and you are, to have a scene with you. It could be private if you like, or public.” I had said at the time I would make up my mind in the club, unless he demanded a decision right then and there. But Jake had said that it was up to me, he would abide by my final decision. But standing on the sidewalk in front of the club, my mind was racing. “May I speak, Master?” I was trying hard to stay in my role, but there was just too much in my head right now. “Yes, of course.” Jake was looking at me, but his face in shadow. The streetlights on this block seemed few and far between. “Okay. So no one touches me unless it’s okay with you, or with me.” Jake nodded. My voice dropped. “And if you want to share me, it’s still okay? I mean, with you?” This part of our conversation had left me slightly confused. I knew how I felt, but I still had this lingering sense Jake was less sure if this was something he was comfortable with. There seemed to be something lurking beneath his desire to share me. As hard as I tried, I couldn’t get a read on him on this issue. I hadn’t really given him an answer, couldn’t until I’d seen the club, gotten my feet wet, so to speak. “Yes, it’s still okay with me. Are you up for it?” There was a forced quality to Jake’s voice. But we’d always agreed on honest communication; if he was

telling me it was okay, then it was okay. “Yes. I am. I’m fine with it…now.” Jake nodded, taking my arm, leading me toward the large door. “Unless he’s ugly and has snaggle teeth.” I felt a bit giddy and a small fit of giggles escaped me. Jake looked down at me, his face now illuminated by the overhead light of the door. I saw him smile, shake his head. “Abby. What am I going to do with you?” But I didn’t need to worry about Chase Thomas being ugly or having snaggle teeth. After the doorman had verified Jake and I were on the guest list, he’d lead us to a small room off of what appeared to be a large lounge. There had been small groups of people, some couples, standing or sittings, talking quietly. Music was playing somewhere deep inside the club, but the atmosphere here was relaxed and fairly quiet. The man sitting behind a small desk was anything but ugly. And his smile was on the dazzling side; not a snaggle tooth in evidence. I hadn’t been sure what to expect, but this really wasn’t it. Chase Thomas was dressed very much like Jake, in a black buttoned shirt and dark jeans. But while they may have dressed the same, that’s where the similarity ended. Chase was solidly built, the broad expanse of his chest stretching his t-shirt tight. His jeans hugged his body, accentuating his muscular thighs and, as he came around the desk, the curve of his ass. His easy smile lit up his brown eyes, making him seem open and friendly. I had a hard time reconciling this image with knowing he was the owner of a BDSM club. Somehow I expected some dark and brooding figure, skulking around, lurking in the shadows. The men shook hands. “Jake, nice to finally meet you. It’s my pleasure to welcome you to my club.” He turned to me, his gaze resting on my face, his expression sincere. Jake spoke. “Chase, this is Abby, my sub.”

Chase extended his hand, which I shook. I nodded my head in greeting, a compromise between speaking and doing nothing. His deep brown eyes locked with mine for a moment. There was a curiosity there, that openness that drew me in. I had the strong sense this man never dealt in bullshit, regardless of the outcome. And somehow, in the context of this situation, I found that comforting. “Welcome Abby. It’s a pleasure to have you here as well.” He turned to Jake. “Let’s take a quick tour of the club. You can get the lay of the land, so to speak, and start to feel comfortable. Sometimes first visits can be overwhelming.” Chase ushered us through the lounge area. “Something to drink? We have an excellent selection of imported mineral waters, sodas, and juices here in our lounge. No alcohol, but you already knew that.” I didn’t, but I didn’t say anything. I declined Chase’s offer; I was too nervous, but Jake took a club soda. As we moved out of the room, I could feel the gazes of the men in the lounge sliding over me, along with looks from some of the women. It made me self-conscious for a moment, until I saw one of the men look at me and smile, briefly nodding his head. I turned back to listen Chase. “People usually start out here, or gravitate back here after playing. There’s no nudity in this area; people use it kind of like a quiet zone, a decompression chamber or just a place to meet friends, see who’s here.” Chase took us through a curtained archway and down a narrow hall. The sounds of music grew louder, along with other sounds; voices, some raised, a single muffled scream and then, much closer, the distinct sound of bare flesh being struck. A chill went through me, a brief flash of Jake’s punishment coming back, not a pleasant memory. I pushed it aside. We ed another archway leading to a dance floor. There was a DJ spinning on a raised platform, and a fairly sizeable group of people dancing. The room was almost pitch black, the only lighting coming from the DJ platform and the flickering light from a few candles in glass holders on tables scattered along the edge of the room. “Another popular place, although it usually is far more crowed later on. Again, no nudity in the dance area, but there’s a lot that goes on in the dark. Some

like to dance before to raise some energy; some are keyed up after a scene and like to dance to relax.” The hallway took a turn and we moved down it past a series of doors, most with groups and couples gathered around them, some covered by curtains. Chase stopped in front of the first open door. The small group gathered moved aside for us. “This is one of our scene rooms. If the curtains are back, it’s public. If they’re drawn as they are in some of the rooms down the hall, then it’s a private scene.” I peered into the room, which was much larger than I imagined from the hall. And then I gasped. There was a naked woman bent over a padded bench, her arms held out to her sides, tied to s. A man dressed in completely in black leather was using a cane on her ass, striking her over and over, her ass bright red. As I watched, the man raised the cane again, bring it down across the woman’s ass. She cried out, not in pain, but in pure pleasure. I caught a glance of her face. She looked like she was in rapture, her face wearing a blissful expression. I knew I was staring, but I was powerless to look away. The man was getting ready to strike her again when I felt Jake take my elbow. “Come on, Abby.” Jake’s voice was low in my ear. I glanced at his face. In the dim light, I wasn’t sure if he was enjoying this or not. There was something unreadable in his expression. But then Chase was leading us down the hall, past other rooms, some open, some curtained. I heard a variety of sounds, moans and gasps, stray words, Master or Sir among them. Behind one curtained arch I heard the distinctive grunts of a man fucking a woman…or maybe another man. I took a deep breath, concentrated on Jake’s hand on the small of my back and followed Chase further down the hall. He took us to a one of the small rooms, pulling the curtain aside, gesturing for us to enter. “Have you decided what you’d like to experience? We talked about me doing a scene with Abby….” He voice trailed off, his eyes fixed on Jake. I looked at

Jake as well. It seemed surreal to know that these men had been talking about me, about this, without me being there. Jake met my gaze, an unspoken question on his face. I nodded. If he wanted to share me, I was willing. “Abby is fine with doing a scene with you, and with me watching.” Jake’s voice was neutral but his body was tense. “Good.” Chase turned to me, that same easy smile on his face. “I’d like to do some rope play with you.” My heart thudded, ing the pictures I’d seen online of the intricate knots involved in rope bondage. I was excited to experience this, only a moment of panic intruding. Chase explained briefly what he’d like to do in the scene: tie me with hemp ropes, in a symmetrical manner to a table, restraining me in such a way that allowed him to penetrate me, if that was the outcome of the scene. “Sex isn’t always the outcome of a scene, although it can be. But with rope bondage, sometimes the goal is aesthetic, not sexual.” His brown eyes swept over me. There was nothing hidden in that look at all; if Chase had his way, and I believed he would, there would be sex at the end of the scene. “You can undress, put your clothes in the cabinet over there.” Chase was moving around the room, taking out ropes, placing them on a small table. Jake was standing in one corner of the room, watching intently. The curtain at the door was still pulled back and I’d noticed one or two people looking in, curious expressions on their faces. I hesitated briefly, debating whether I wanted this to be public or private. It was my choice although no one had actually asked me. But I ed my brief walk through the lounge and the frankly iring glances of the men, and women. They found me attractive; they found me pleasant to look at. There was nothing I needed to be ashamed of. I decided the scene would be public.

I undid the zippers on my skirt and corset, peeling them away from my body. I undid the clasps on the garter, slowly removing my stockings, tucking everything away into the cabinet. Chase was done arranging the ropes. I stood off to the side, eyes lowered, waiting for instructions. He came to stand in front of me. “I know you have a safe word you use with your Master, but for tonight we’re going to use green, yellow and red. I’ll ask you for a color, and if you’re fine, say green. If something bothers you, at any time, you may say yellow and tell me what it is. And if you want to stop, for any reason, any at all, you say red, any time you need to. Do you understand?” “Yes, Master.” It felt distinctly odd, but also strangely arousing, to call someone other than Jake Master. I glanced over at him but he didn’t return my look. A smile played across Chase’s lips. He looked very pleased with himself, and with me. With a jolt, I realized I wanted him to say ‘good girl’, like Jake did. But he went on. “Good. I’ll ask you periodically if you’re okay, if something’s too tight or if your arms or legs are getting numb or cold. Rope play has its risks. Be honest and tell me exactly what you feel. Ropes can cut off circulation or pinch nerves. If anything starts feeling unsafe, speak up. Say the color word or just tell me what’s happening. I’ve never had anyone be hurt in my club, and you’re not going to be the first. I take this very seriously and your safety is my responsibility. Do you understand?” “Yes, Master.” “Good. Let’s get started then.” His smile deepened, lighting up his eyes. There was a waist-high table in the center of the room and Chase guided me to it, helping me up to sit on the end. The table was narrow, with two extensions on either side near the other end, making it look somewhat like a cross. I shifted my weight and suddenly had the panicky feeling I was going to fall off the table. “Breathe, Abby. You’re fine.” Chase was looking down at me, still smiling. I managed a smile in return.

I heard him moving around behind me. He reappeared holding a white rope, doubled, in his hands. “Okay. I’m going to start with your waist.” He wrapped the rope around me, gently straightening the rope, making it lay flat against my body. He wound the rope round my waist and up my torso several times, eventually tying it in front of me in a complicated looking knot. He ran the rope up my body, making more wraps beneath my breasts and then above them. From the back he ran one strand down either side of my shoulders, threading them beneath the ropes that ran around my chest. The sensation of his warm hands contrasted with the slightly scratchy feeling of the rope. His fingers brushed against my breasts periodically, sending little frissons of pleasure coursing through my body. With gentle but continuous force, he pulled the ropes tight. I could feel them pulling against my breasts, tugging them up and apart, squeezing them. I made a small noise. “Are you alright, Abby? Give me a color.” Chase’s voice was instantly in my ear. “Green, Master.” “Are the ropes too tight?” “No, Master.” Chase tied the two ends of rope together in front of me. He then helped me lie back on the table. “I’m going to tie your arms next.” My outstretched arms were tied to extensions, in a series of wraps and elegant knots. I could see them by turning my head and they were extraordinarily pretty. Chase asked me again if I was okay and I said that I was. But this time there was something different in his voice. He’d moved to the end of the table between my legs and I glanced at his face.

“Your legs are next. Just relax.” He took one leg and then the other, bending and manipulating them, pulling them up and out, wrapping them with white rope. I was completely open and exposed, nothing hidden from anyone. I could feel cool air on my pussy, but the heat that had been building slowly in my body as Chase had been doing his magic with the ropes suddenly blossomed. I knew I was wet, knew Chase could see. And at that moment, I wanted him to see, wanted him to know how aroused I was. He disappeared from my field of vision periodically, moving methodically through his tasks. I caught sight of his face at times and there was a rapt expression, as if he were meditating or in prayer. The occasional question to me came in a voice that had grown softer, lower. I wondered what effect this process had on him, how binding someone in a series of complex knots made him feel. And then he was done. I was asked again for a color, I again said green. I closed my eyes, allowing myself to mentally examine each part of my body, to feel the ropes against my skin, to tense and relax my muscles, testing my bonds. They were restrictive, but not tight. There was enough give in the ropes that I felt comfortable. I smiled at that thought; I was bound on a table, unable to move but was comfortable. There was warmth against one breast and I opened my eyes as Chase began flicking his tongue over my distended nipple. There was an instant of profound sensation, bordering on pain, as he bit down lightly. I cried out, watching as he pulled the nipple with his teeth. He held it for a brief instant and then let go. He moved to the other side, repeated this and elicited the same response from me. Bending his head, he licked and sucked his way across my breasts. The pressure of having them bound made them almost excruciatingly sensitive. Each breath, each flick of the tongue was more intense than the last. It wasn’t long before I was crying out with each brush of . There seemed to be no relief from Chase as he continued with this play. And I found I didn’t want relief. I wanted more. But there was no way to arch against his mouth. I was totally under his control. At length he moved away. I could hear movement and feel an occasional cool breeze across my heated skin. I knew he was there and I knew Jake was behind me somewhere, watching.

Then Chase was standing between my bound legs, looking down at me. With a start I realized he had taken off his clothes. I let my eyes travel over what was visible to me: a broad, heavily muscled chest covered in auburn hair, trailing down to a thatch at the apex of his thighs. Just visible was the head of a very erect cock, ri from Chase’s body. And poised between my bound and spread legs. There was no doubt the outcome of this scene and my body responded instantly with a flood of heat that only increased the wetness I felt between my legs. My breasts were throbbing, both from the ropes and from Chase’s attention to them. The look on Chase’s face told me everything; that he knew exactly how I felt at that moment. His eyes were hot, so brown they almost looked black. He was breathing hard and fast, not gasping, his face relaxed, totally in control. In this moment, this was exactly what he wanted; I was exactly what he wanted. And he was going to take me, but on his own and in his own good time. I felt his hands on my legs, caressing my thighs. Each brush of his fingers sent searing heat through my body, making my muscles twitch and contract. I strained against the ropes, felt the pressure of them digging into my skin, adding a counter-point of sensation to Chase’s fingers. The tension in my body had me thrumming, almost vibrating. I was poised on the edge and all he’d done was tie me up and touch me. My eyes met his and with all my will I begged him to take me, silently urging him to fuck me, now, hard, release the tension my body held. Chase leaned forward, his eyes never leaving mine. “You may speak, Abby.” Given permission, the words tumbled out. “Oh, please, Master…oh, god, please…take me now! Please…please…” my words trailed off into incoherent pleas, ending in what sounded like a sob. I realized I was crying, tears running down my face. Chase stood for a moment, watching me, his look telling me everything he was going to do. Then he was in me, thrusting hard, his suddenness taking me by surprise. I cried out…I screamed. My body was held captive by the ropes; I couldn’t push back or away, twist or thrash. I had no choice but to give up any last illusions of

control I thought I had. I stopped tensing against the ropes, let my body relax, let my mind stop focusing on what I was supposed to be doing or feeling. And when I did that, everything changed, for the better. I let Chase have complete control, let him dominate me…trusted that he would make everything right. And it put me at the center of it all. I wasn’t able to move, to actively participate in this, but all of Chase’s attention was focused on me. The rush I got from that realization that was amazing. The touch of the ropes on my skin faded away. I stopped focusing on Chase’s cock inside me although it was the center of everything I was feeling. But it was more than that now. Something shifted in my body and while I was aware— acutely aware—of each pounding thrust into me by Chase, it was no longer just my body that was responding. My mind stopped trying to each physical sensation, to put a name to it. I just accepted it and felt it. And then I felt everything, not individually but as one giant sensation. I stopped feeling the ropes on the surface of my skin but felt them on some deep cellular level. That melded with the pounding and thrusting of Chase in my body. And all that suddenly changed into just wave after wave of pure pleasure, with no apparent beginning or end. My mind went blank and my body took over. I hearing my name being called from a distance. Chase was asking me for a color. A color? Um… “Purple.” It was the color I was seeing splashed across the insides of my closed eyes. “Abby, honey, give me a color.” It was Jake, close to my ear. I opened my eyes. “Oh, green. Please, dear god…green.” I closed my eyes as the sensations started to fade away. I slowly came back to my body, felt the ropes biting into my skin. I realized Chase was no longer between my legs. I tried to look, to turn my head, but my body felt like someone else was controlling it and it wouldn’t respond. There was a tugging at my arm and I realized Chase was untying me. As each limb was free, I moved it, experimentally at first, wiggling my fingers and toes, tensing and releasing my calf and thigh muscles, forearms and shoulders. Finally they sat me up, Jake holding my arm, Chase undoing the knots with swift

fingers. I closed my eyes, leaning against Jake, his solid warmth, his familiar scent in this strange place acting like an anchor for me. When I was free of all the ropes, Jake helped me down from the table. My legs were shaky and I was starting to shiver, just as I had after my first session with Jake. Then I was sitting in an oversized armchair, wrapped in a blanket. Jake was crouched at my feet, gently chafing my hands. He looked worried; a frown creased his forehead. I reached out and stroked his cheek. “Hey…” my voice was a hoarse croak. I tried again. “Jake…” “Shh…” he took my hand, kissing my fingers. “Don’t try to talk. You’re probably going to be hoarse for a while.” Hoarse? For a while? “What happened?” Jake’s looked changed to one of mild surprise. “You really don’t , do you? Chase said you’d gone into subspace…” I shrugged, not knowing what that meant. Jake reached for a glass of juice from a nearby table and handed it to me. I drank greedily, the sharp tartness cutting through the residual fog in my mind. “It’s hard to describe. Some people say it’s like an out-of-body type feeling, or they can’t what happened.” He was still holding my hand. I’d stopped shaking and now was intensely curious about what exactly had happened to me. “What did I do? What happened to me?” Jake reached the glass, which I realized was empty. “You went somewhere, Abby. Your body went limp, then you had some kind of huge orgasm that went on for the longest time. Chase asked you for a color, you know, green or red…and you said purple.” He smiled. “That’s not one of the safe word colors. I panicked for a second, but then you told me green.” I nodded. “I hearing your voice. That’s all. But, my voice? Did I make

noises?” Jake’s smile broadened. “You sure the hell did. Like none I’ve ever heard.” I laughed. And then I yawned, suddenly exhausted. “Can we go home?”

*

Jake took me to his house. I had fallen asleep in the car and woke up as he pulled up beneath the portico. On autopilot, once he’d opened my door, I headed for the tower room door. But with his arm around me he gently steered me toward the door for the house. He guided me upstairs and into a large bedroom with a kingsized bed. Nice guest room. He pulled back the covers, sitting me on the edge of the bed, taking off my shoes, gently undoing the zipper on my corset, kneeling in front of me briefly as he slid my skirt down my legs. I was dimly aware I was missing my stockings. “Lay down, Abby.” I may have fallen asleep standing up. Without opening my eyes, I let Jake help me beneath the covers, pulling them up around my shoulders. I was aware of movement on the bed and then the dim light that had been the only light in the room went out. Jake’s arms went around me, pulling me against his body. I snuggled against him, then struggled awake for a moment. “You can sleep in your own room, Jake. You don’t have to sleep in here with me.” There was a pause and I heard him laugh softly. “Abby, this is my bedroom. Go to sleep.”

*

I woke up to bright light and a large expanse of sheet between Jake and I. This bed is almost bigger than my apartment. He was still sleeping, clutching a pillow to his chest. I slid across the bed, gently pulling the pillow out of his arms and replacing it with myself. Jake stirred briefly, then opened his eyes. There was a slow dreamy smile on his face. He reached out, brushing what must have been a tangled mess of hair from my forehead. “Hey, you.” He kissed my forehead. “How do you feel?” “Tired, still. But better…rested, I mean. My muscles feel sore, like I’ve been in the ring for ten rounds.” He nodded, pulling me close. “I can imagine. You went through a lot last night.” There was a moment of quiet. I could hear birds singing outside. “Did you enjoy yourself, Abby?” His voice was light, his question innocent enough, but there was something underlying it that made me tense up. “I think I did. It’s too soon to tell.” And it really was. There was a great deal to think about, to try to understand. “Did you enjoy yourself, Jake?” I tried to look up at him, but he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me against his chest. There was a long pause, as if he was choosing his words with care. “Let’s say I learned a lot.” His voice was tense. I pushed away from Jake, sitting up next to him. “What do you mean? What did you learn? This affects both of us, not just you.”

Jake looked up at me for a moment, then pushed himself up to sit next to me. He took a deep breath but wouldn’t look at me for a long time. When he finally spoke, his voice was low, hesitant. This wasn’t the Jake I was used to. I waited. “When I saw you last night with Chase, when he was fucking you…I realized I didn’t want that…didn’t want to share you with another man, even in the context of a scene at a club.” He looked at me. There was vulnerability in his eyes. Something had changed tonight in Jake, something important and vital, and I wasn’t sure where this was headed. “I was jealous. Very jealous.” “Jake, you could have stopped the whole thing. You were there; you could have stopped Chase.” He took another deep breath. “I know. But you were so…you were enjoying it so much I didn’t want to take that away from you.” He turned to me. “Abby. You asked me what I learned.” He took my face in his hands. “I learned that I love you.”

*

I let myself into my apartment, tossing my keys on the coffee table. I’d been gone less than twenty-four hours but it seemed as though a lifetime had gone by. My relationship with Jake had changed. For the better, I wasn’t sure, but it had been irreversibly changed by our visit to Chase’s club. Jake loved me. And deep down, I realized that I quite possibly loved him as well. Although in

the moment, I wasn’t brave enough to it it to him. But he didn’t seem to need me to say the words. I realized he still needed to control the situation, to be the one to take the lead, even in showing his vulnerable side. Even itting he loved me. And for now, I was okay with that. Jake was a puzzle; it seemed there would always be something deep and inscrutable between us that I couldn’t quite reach, something he held deeply guarded from me, maybe even from himself. I didn’t know. He’d hinted in our first meeting at a ‘dark period’ in his past. Did it have something to do with being a Dom? There was something so tightly controlled about Jake. It was almost as if he had secrets or experiences that made it impossible to just let go, to be vulnerable, even when still in full control. And at every session, I couldn’t help but feel as though he hid another side of himself from me. That he took his memories, his secrets and put them – and the fear they created in him – away in a box, locked it tightly and then pushed it away. From the tortured look that I’d seen in his eyes, I had no doubt that he always knew where that box was, knew how to find it, even in the dark. I wasn’t sure if it was the secrets he was afraid of…or the fear itself. And I realized with a start, it really didn’t matter. We all had secrets, carried baggage, kept things hidden. Who was I to make Jake reveal what he didn’t…or couldn’t…tell me? And in understanding that, I realized I could love Jake for who he was, right at this moment. I may come to regret not knowing whatever his secrets were, but for now, I was happy. On the way to take a shower, I saw there were a couple messages on my answering machine. Probably Leslie. I sighed, hitting play. The first was a hang up, but when the second one began I froze. It was Chase. His voice sounded strange in my apartment, almost like an intrusion, but one that made my heart thump and my stomach muscles clench in memory. At first his words made no sense so I hit replay.

‘Abby, this is Chase. I just wanted to let you know that I have your collar. I took it off during our session for safety reasons and forgot to hand it back to you.’ My hand flew to my bare neck. There was a pause during the message and I thought Chase had simply hung up until I heard his voice again. This time it rumbled through the speaker in a low, deep growl. “I had a great time with you last night Abby. If you’re ever interested in coming back to the club as my guest, I’d love to see you again.” My finger hovered over the erase button for a long time, as I found myself lost in the memory of the previous night. I finally turned away. Jake may have his secrets; I realized that I now had one of my own.

Chapter Seven

My mind was racing, my heart feeling heavy yet light all at the same time. To say that I was stunned and confused was an understatement. I felt as though my scattered thoughts were trapped behind a thick wall, unable to penetrate the barrier, muffled and strained, leaving me feeling breathless and weak. I was a complete and absolute wreck. I’d just returned home from a BDSM club, having been taken there by my dominant partner, Jake, as his newly trained submissive. While I knew what was planned, nothing had really prepared me for what happened. It had been determined that I’d be shared with the club’s owner, Chase, in a rope play session that sent me into some altered state, I found myself caught up in a powerful wave of pleasure, that was only matched by the crescendo of pain that immediately followed. All that remained now were a series of splintered thoughts, broken memories coming together all at once in an attempt to make sense of every emotion that ran through my heated body. That, and an angry pattern of red marks spread across my torso, arms and legs; the evidence of Chase’s incredible expertise with ropes. I was certainly a changed woman, barely recognizing my former self, a plus size woman ashamed by her curves yet wanting desperately to be claimed…and I was. They had both made sure of that. It was shocking to think that I’d allowed myself to be tied down, arms to the side, legs spread open and my most private parts exposed, by someone I’d just met, and more amazing, that I’d enjoyed every minute of the experience. The session had ended in one of the most explosive sexual encounters of my life, my body and mind being thoroughly claimed by the aggressive Chase, while Jake watched. The parts that were still vivid in my mind, the scenes that played over and over, were of Chase’s meticulous attention to the knots he tied to restrain

me, the almost trance-like state he fell into while he tied beautiful and complex knots in the white rope. His soft voice as he asked me periodically how I felt, the care with which he restrained me. The last clear image of him, the one I held in my mind’s eye, the one that still caused a resounding thump deep inside of me, was Chase standing between my legs, naked, his muscular body tensed, his cock ri from the thatch of lightly dusted hair between his thighs. And the look of untamed lust in his eyes. The final coherent thought I had before he claimed me was that he was going to break me like a wild stallion and that I would love every minute of it. I’ve only been a submissive for a short time, and I know that I have a lot to learn but I am willing to go the distance, and to do all that my Masters requests of me. With Jake, our few sessions, for the most part, had been highly controlled. I struggled at first with being a sub; disobeying twice, disciplined once by Jake, much to my shame. But with Chase, I’d had no desire to disobey. I wanted to give myself completely, submit totally to him. I don’t know if it’s Jake’s inexperience or his own tight control on himself that made being with Chase so different, almost easy. I was still thinking about it all when Jake called late Sunday night, as he’d promised during the car ride back to my apartment after our session at the club. Jake had told me this morning, after I’d spent the night with him, that the session with Chase had made him realize that he loved me, and that he’d crossed a line both of us had agreed on: our relationship, no matter how intimate, existed for only one reason – to explore the boundaries of our own limitations and to face our own darkest desires together. Neither of us had wanted this to go any further than the context of a dominant, submissive relationship. Jake’s declaration had shifted that balance in our relationship and I still wondered just how much it would affect our sessions, or how I really felt about his truth. I still wanted Jake as my dominant; we’d come a long way together, and I wanted to explore that dominant, submissive relationship further, with him. But, at what cost? Jake had told me that business required that he attend a series of meetings throughout different cities and that he’d be away for a few weeks.

“I’ll miss you, Abby. Not just our sessions, but spending time with you during the week.” I’d told him I’d miss him as well, and I meant it. Jake had become an important part of my life in the few short weeks I’d known him. He’d changed me and I treasured that, and him, for making it happen. But after I’d hung up, I wandered around my apartment, a restlessness running up and down my spine. Jake was going to be out of town. Before we’d visited the club, before Chase had entered the picture, I had been anxious at the prospect of a week without Jake. But not anymore… Then it hit me: I wanted to see Chase. And I wanted to see him alone. I shouldn’t be surprised, but did I really want to it that to myself? There was something magnetic about Chase; he was an undeniably primal and aggressive man. And I wanted to experience that again, explore where he could take me, as a submissive, and as a woman. Chase had left a message on my phone after the session, ostensibly telling me I’d left a necklace behind, but also telling me he wanted to see me again. I hit replay, my breath catching in my throat at the sound of his voice. I jotted down the number and then impulsively dialed. It was answered almost instantly, Chase’s smooth voice rumbling in my ear. “Hi, Chase, this is Abby.” I stopped short of saying ‘we met last night’. I was pretty sure Chase would me. “Hey Abby! I’m glad you called. How are you?” His voice was just as I ed it, deep and sexy, open and sincere. It settled over me, soothing some of the tension that consumed my body. It also brought back a rush of heat at the thought of his hands squeezing my breasts, the soft bite of the ropes that he’d tied around my body, the feeling of his thick cock buried deep inside of me. I quickly gripped the edge of the kitchen counter, a brief wave of vertigo washing over me. “Abby? You there?” “Um, yeah…I…the phone cut out for a minute.” I took a deep breath. “I

appreciate you calling to let me know that my collar was at the club. I’d like to come by and pick it up if that’s okay?” “Absolutely. It’s a really nice piece, that’s for sure. I’m assuming it’s from Jake?” I closed my eyes; the sound of Jake’s name drove a tiny sliver of guilt through my heart. I shook my head; this wasn’t fair. We didn’t have that sort of relationship. So, why did I feel so damn guilty? “Yes, it’s from Jake. I guess it wasn’t such a good idea to wear it to your club.” “It’s actually my fault. I apologize for not ing to give it back. I slipped it in the pocket of my jeans during our scene together.” There was a pause. Chase spoke again and his voice washed over me, that hypnotic, low growl that carried so much power, such delicious control. “You enjoyed yourself, didn’t you? You surprised yourself as well.” It wasn’t a question, but a statement of fact. I closed my eyes, images of last night washing over me. “Yes, I…had… it was intense, Chase. Really intense.” I barely recognized my own voice; it had a broken desperation in it that I’d never heard before. There was quiet breathing on the other end of the phone. “I’m glad. It was quite…enjoyable for me as well.” The image of Chase between my bound legs, his cock thrust into me, the rapt look on his face before I gave in to the experience came back to me with a rush. A deep jolt hit me, low in my belly, a sucker punch of arousal. I wasn’t expecting that. There was another pang of guilt that wound itself around me. Until now, only Jake had made me feel this aroused. I shook my head, opening my eyes, focusing on the view outside of my window. Focus on the sun, buildings, anything but the images of desire that floated around in my mind, dominating my every thought. The spell was suddenly broken. “I’d like to get my necklace back, Chase.”

“And I want to see you again, Abby.” That wasn’t what I said. “You can drop by the club Monday night. The club is closed, but I’ll be there doing paperwork, there’s minimal staff doing cleaning. We’ll have privacy. Just give me a time and I’ll meet you at the street door. Do you need the address?” After I hung up, I wandered around the apartment, that restless feeling back, stronger this time. My muscles were still sore; the fading rope marks on my forearms and thighs a visible reminder of everything that had happened the night before. I found myself unconsciously rubbing them, touching them, and ing the feeling of them holding me down, restricting me but freeing me at the same time. ing the intense sexual feelings Chase had elicited in me, rekindled at the sound of Chase’s low, husky voice. It had been Jake’s idea to visit the club; he’d thought it would bring us closer. In a way it had; he’d told me he loved me. But it had also opened a new door for me, an unexpected door. I wanted to step through that doorway, to find out just how far I wanted to go as a submissive. How far I really could go. And in my mind, waiting in that doorway was Chase.

*

Just like I had imagined, there he was waiting for me, in the doorway of his club on Monday night. I pulled to the curb at the appointed time and the door opened instantly, Chase’s frame silhouetted by the light shining behind him. He greeted me with affection, depositing a kiss on each cheek. The sensual of his soft lips grazing my skin sent a violent shiver of desire through me and I trembled in the frame of his heated gaze. “Come on in, but you’ll have to excuse the mess. Monday is cleaning day, if I hadn’t mentioned it on the phone.” The club was brightly lit, almost garish

looking. Chairs in the lounge were pulled away from the tables, trash cans and other cleaning items were scattered about. I could hear talking and laughter from down the hall, the occasional sound of furniture moving, a vacuum running. “I have your necklace in my office, safe and sound. Follow me.” Chase led the way, guiding me through the lounge, heading towards the back rooms. I couldn’t keep myself from scanning his muscular frame, taking in his strong, broad shoulders and the way his jeans rested low on his hips. He wore a simple cotton shirt, open at the throat and dark brown cowboy boots and the attire was so incongruous with his surroundings, so completely different from the Chase I’d seen the other night, that even though he looked like he was born wearing these clothes, it made me curious as to what he was really all about. As if sensing my thoughts, he looked up at me with a smile as he rummaged in a desk drawer. “I run a ranch during the week; the club is my home on the weekends. Or at least the city is; I have a condo nearby. It saves me the long drive in the middle of the night back to the country.” A rancher and a BDSM club owner? Really? “How did you end up here?” I waved my hand around his office. He motioned to a chair pulled up in front of his desk. “Well, that’s a long story.” “I have time,” I replied without hesitation. Nodding, he waved to the seat in front of me. “Well then, take a seat.” I sat; there was no way I’d up learning how he came to own a BDSM club. “My family’s had the ranch for decades,” he began. “I was supposed to take over the estate, actually ran it for a few years, but then things happened here…” he waved his hand absently. I wasn’t sure if he meant Texas or the club. “Anyway, I left it all…decided to go to college; New York, if you believe that. It was as far as I could go in my attempt to escape it all and get as far away as I was able. I was pretty determined that I wasn’t going to spend my life on that ranch.” He hesitated briefly, his eyes growing dark. “There are always reasons why kids grow up and leave home; I guess I had more

than my share.” He was looking past me, caught up in his memories. Then his eyes met mine and the darkness faded a bit. Chase rubbed the side of his nose, a sheepish grin on his face. “I almost flunked out of college my first semester. I spent all of my time partying and meeting as many pretty girls as I could. I was just a hot-blooded country boy caught up in the high energy of the city lights. I couldn’t get enough of the club scene. It got pretty crazy there for awhile.” His voice dropped, and his face grew serious. “During my senior year, my parents were killed in a car accident. Both of them. I’m an only child and so I inherited everything. I forced myself to finish up school, managed to graduate and then came back here. I thought I’d be a rancher for life, but then this club came up for sale a few years ago and well, as they say, the rest is history.” Chase sat back, his expression less guarded. “I breed horses during the week and run this place Friday through Sunday.” He smiled. “You’d be amazed at the similarities.” He leaned forward. “Now it’s your turn. How did you become a submissive?” He looked genuinely interested but the blunt question caught me off guard and I found my throat grow dry as I frantically struggled to maintain composure. Holding nothing back, I found myself recounting my bumbling adventure on the BDSM site, after reading the 50 Shades books. Chase laughed, a deep sound that I quite liked. “If you only knew how business increased after those books were published. I almost think sometimes I should send a thank you note to the author.” He shrugged, still smiling. “She really didn’t do that a great job of giving an accurate picture of a dominant submissive relationship, but she sure as hell got everyone interested in being tied up with silk neckties and getting spanked. We had…still have actually…a few couples come in who want to give the whole scene a try. Some leave before they get past the lounge, some stay and watch a few play scenes and decide this isn’t really for them. But we do have a few couples who’ve become regulars.” Chase came around to sit on edge of his desk. I was conscious of his body, his legs, how muscular they were, just inches from mine, the denim stretched tight across his groin. I tried so hard to focus on his face, meet his gaze, but my eyes

were drawn down to the open neck of his shirt, a few light hairs visible. And then lower, ing what lay between his thighs, the feeling of his cock inside me washing over me. I willed myself to look at his eyes. And I saw him smiling at me, the knowing look in his eyes telling me he knew exactly what I was thinking. He looked at me appraisingly for a long moment. I shifted a bit under his gaze. Even though I’d been naked and spread for him, bound with ropes and forced to accept every inch of him, I still felt embarrassed to be analyzed in such close scrutiny. “I didn’t realize you were that new to the scene. I know about Jake, that he’s had some experience as a Dom, but you seem to have taken to this quite well for someone so new to the role. You’re a very willing student. I like that.” He rose, my necklace dangling between his fingers. I held out my hand. But he moved behind me. “Here, let me.” He gently moved my hair aside and slipping the necklace over my head. I heard the snap of the little cufflink clasp, the heavy weight of the silver against my skin. Jake’s face flashed briefly through my mind. I pushed that image forcefully aside. Chase rested his hands lightly on my shoulders, his thumbs brushing against the bare skin of my neck. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath. His fingers were warm against my skin, his touch sure and strong. I shivered involuntarily, heard his laugh. “I meant what I said, Abby. We’ll be good together. Trust me.” His voice was mesmerizing, his breathe warm against my neck. “We could start here, right now, in the club. I can show you things that you’ll love.” His hands moved up to my neck, his fingers traveling beneath my chin, over my lips. I opened my mouth and he slid one finger inside, and I sucked on it briefly before he removed it, tracing a damp line down my neck, over the top of one full breast.

“Visit the ranch; get out of the city for a day. You’d like it there. I have horses; all girls love horses.” He laughed, his breath teasing the hair near my ear. I felt the brush of his lips on my neck, firm and insistent. I tilted my head, my hair falling to the side, giving him more of me, inviting him further. His teeth brushed against the soft skin at the nape of my neck, slowly nibbling down toward my shoulder, pulling my shirt aside, lips and tongue and teeth teasing me, lighting a fire inside. “Take me up on my offer.” Again, not a question; a statement, a foregone conclusion. I closed my eyes. I did want to take him up on his offer, more than anything. I wanted him to dominate me, take me to that place he had the other night. I wanted him to fuck me, hard. “Yes.” He kissed the top of my head. “Come with me.”

*

Chase led me down a different hall than he had the other night. These rooms had doors and these doors had locks. Chase used a key on one and let me into a small room, flicking on the lights, which actually did very little to illuminate the space. Now I know why they’re called dungeons. I turned to look at Chase, watching as he moved around the room. It was immaculate, everything neatly arranged. I realized with a start I was looking at a wide variety of whips and paddles and other instruments designed to inflict pain. “What are these rooms?” “These can be booked by the club’s elite clients for an entire evening. They’re extremely private; there’s even a private entrance to this wing, from a separate

door on the other side of the building.” Chase stood in front of me, looking at me critically, as if deciding between paint colors. “I’d like to spank you, maybe try a whip or a flogger. Are you interested in that?” I felt my face flush and I must have made a face at the word ‘spank’. Chase cocked his head, a curious look on his face. Then he broke in to a big grin. “I’d have thought you’d like spanking. Have you experienced any spanking, anything with pain?” I shrugged. “Only as discipline. Spanking was the discipline for disobeying…” My voice trailed off. I couldn’t bring myself to say Jake’s name here. It seemed wrong somehow. “Spanking is more, far more than just discipline.” He moved toward me, closer, his hands caressing my shoulders, his eyes locked with mine. “Done correctly and for the right reasons, it can be quite pleasurable. And with me, it would be for all the right reasons.” His voice was low, honey smooth. “Let me show you.” Chase’s fingers moved slowly over my body, unbuttoning each button on my shirt, pulling the fabric aside. His eyes moved over my breasts, his hands following, cupping them, his fingers hot against my skin. He ran his hands over my stomach, undoing the button and zipper of my pants, letting them fall to the floor at my feet. I stepped away from them, kicking them unceremoniously to the side. A tiny voice in my head said I was lucky I’d decided to wear such nice matching lingerie. A second traitorous voice said it wasn’t as much luck as careful planning that had paid off. I tried to ignore both voices. But I couldn’t ignore the rapid beating of my heart nor the shiver that ran through my body at the touch of Chase’s fingers. Chase left me for a moment, pulling a straight-back chair into the center of the room, sitting down and facing me.

“Come here.” His voice was low, that same meditative tone I ed hearing as he had tied me up. I stood in front of him, looking down into his eyes. No one had said anything about calling him Master or being under submission and I found myself reaching out, running my fingers through his auburn hair. My breath caught in my throat at the feel of his thick hair running through my fingers. Chase ran his hands up my legs, slowly, up over my hips, watching his fingers as he traced the faint rope lines that were still visible on my skin. He seemed entranced by the subtle evidence of his handiwork. When he spoke, his voice was dreamy, his eyes faraway. “Do you know how erotic it was to tie you up, Abby? How hot it made me? The rope, when it’s pulled just so against your flesh, hugs your skin, biting in so delicately. It’s as if the rope becomes one with your body.” His fingers were circling my thighs, higher and higher, following the faint red lines. “You’re a perfect size for rope play.” His eyes met mine. “I like my women to be real, to have some curves. I like for the rope to have something to hug. I enjoyed the feeling of your soft skin beneath my fingers, beneath the rope as I wrapped it around you. Watching it bite ever so slightly into your skin when you pulled against it…it gives and moves, almost as if it’s alive.” He leaned forward, kissing my stomach, running his tongue briefly around my navel, moving down to kiss the rope marks. I could feel his hands on my ass, gently and rhythmically squeezing my cheeks. After a moment, he looked up at me. His eyes had lost the dreamy look; they were blazing now with unbridled lust. I felt his fingers slide beneath the elastic of my panties, pulling them down my legs. I stepped out of them. “Come here; let me show you how it’s done.” Chase laid me down across his lap, adjusting me until my ass was where he wanted it. I was very conscious of his erection, brushing against my hip. It seemed impossibly large; I thought I ed what he looked like; standing between my bound legs, but much of that night was still a fuzzy blur of images and sensations.

There was a long pause and then Chase began slowly, softly rubbing the bare skin on my ass. His hands were a strange combination of soft and rough. A thought about callouses from breaking horses never fully formed; it was interrupted by the sharp pain of Chase slapping my ass. I cried out, loudly, in shock and pain. Chase’s hand was back, rubbing the spot he’d just struck. “It’s better if you’re not expecting it. Relax. Being tense makes it hurt.” I wasn’t sure how it could hurt worse. My mind went back to Jake’s spanking, the shame I’d felt, and the hot tears that ran down my face. I didn’t want to feel that here; I wanted to experience whatever this was going to be, from Chase, with an open mind. There was another sharp slap, this time on the other cheek. The pain was just as intense, but at least my mind was prepared. Chase’s hand was softly caressing me again. And then another slap. And other. The heat of arousal I’d felt earlier, as he’d undressed me and kissed me, during his lovingly detailed explanation of the ropes on my body, suddenly blossomed into a full-on fire. My skin was burning, but the slaps lost their individual sting, melding into a heat that sank directly into my loins. There was something wild and uncontrollable about this feeling; it went straight to my core, unlocking something deep and primal, something I’d never felt before. I tried to relax my muscles, not tense my legs, but my body was clenched in the middle, my hips flexing forward, my back bowed. Each slap made me contract more, drove the breath out of me in a whistling grunt. I realized after a time I was hearing an echo; Chase was making the same noise in concert with me, his hips rising with each slap, his erection pressing hard against my hip. I could feel the heat of his body through his jeans, his thighs tensing beneath me with each slap, with each movement I made in response. Each slap sent waves of heat spiraling through my body, each caress between slaps teasing me, making me hot and wet. I was consumed by a continuous wash of heat, fueled by Chase’s hands on my ass, either the sting of a flesh on flesh or the soft touch between them.

But the soft touches stopped, the slaps continuing, arriving faster, one after another. Chase was breathing as hard as I was now, whistling breaths between his teeth in the pauses between hitting me. Then everything stopped for a brief instant. I hung my head, gulping air. But suddenly I was moving as he picked me up, less of a push off his lap than a controlled drop to the floor. I was surprised by his strength and at unexpectedly finding myself on my hands and knees on the rug. I looked behind me, just as Chase was stripping his jeans down his muscular thighs. His cock seemed enormous from this angle, long and thick and hard, but I didn’t have time to much else before he dropped to his knees behind me, his hands on my burning ass, his cock driving home into my pussy. I came instantly, hard, with a tearing scream and a shudder that bordered on a convulsion. There was no subspace this time. I was acutely aware of every sensation in my body; Chase’s hands on my stinging ass, his cock thrusting hard into me, the pulsing waves of my orgasm as they crashed through my body. Chase’s orgasm followed on the heels of mine, as he thrust himself deeply into me with a series of loud cries and grunts, primal and masculine. I wanted to turn around, to watch his face, see this progression but he pressed down on the small of my back, forcing me down onto the rug, my arms giving way. As he pulled away, he gave me another sharp crack across the ass, my burning flesh receiving this one with less grace than the rest. I pushed myself up, spun around, arm raised, breath tearing from my throat. I’m not quite sure what I intended to do, but Chase easily caught my wrist, pulling me hard against his chest. “Whoa there, tiger. Easy.” His laugh washed over me as he looked down into my eyes. “You’re a little spitfire, aren’t you? I can see why you needed discipline.” He held me against him, his mouth crushing mine, still holding my upraised arm. I realized this was the first time he’d kissed me. And I kissed him back, hard. I wanted to devour him. After a long time, he broke away. “Abby…holy hell.” He brushed an errant strand of hair from my face. “You’re

insatiable.” He kissed my forehead, then stood, pulling me to my feet. “As much as I’d like this to continue, I have other commitments.” He pulled up his jeans, doing the button and zipper, then bent to retrieve my panties from beneath the chair. With a flourish he handed them to me, a playful smile on his lips. “My lady, your panties.” I had no choice but to laugh. He handed me the rest of my clothes. There was a small bathroom adjacent to the room we were in and I got dressed, taking a minute to try to control my hair. Chase led me back through the club, down to the street to my car. He pulled me hard against him, pushing me against the car door, his mouth giving me one last bruising kiss. “Come out to the ranch this week.” He spoke the words into my ear, slow and hypnotic. “Fresh air does a body good. Come out on Thursday. Give that backside a chance to stop stinging.” He attempted another swat on my ass, but I dodged his hand. I nodded, not really capable of speech, my breath catching in my throat. “Good girl. I’ll call you with the directions. It’s not hard to find.”

*

I’d gone to the club straight from work and on the drive home, my cell phone rang. I fished it out of my purse, hoping against hope it might be Chase, just maybe asking me back to the club. Stop being silly, Abby. It was Jake. My heart leapt into my throat, as if he could see me, or know where I’d been.

“Jake. Where are you?” “I’m in Minneapolis. Are you okay? You sound upset.” “I’m in the car.” My heart was thudding against my chest. “I’ll let you go then. Just wanted to check in and say hi. I’ll give you a call tomorrow.” And then he was gone. Guilt flashed through my mind; the last thoughts I’d had of Jake were of him spanking me in punishment, the shame I’d felt, the pain but no pleasure. And now, I’d been spanked hard, and enjoyed every minute of it. My ass still stung, the pain brought back all the memories of Chase, of his thick cock inside of me. I wiggled hard against the car seat, the heat from my sensitive skin making me cry out, not only from the pain but from the arousal that it triggered. I realized that I wanted Chase, not Jake, to be the one to give me release.

*

Leslie found me on Wednesday afternoon. I looked up from a proposal I was working on to find her standing in my doorway. “Come on in. Have a seat.” She hesitated, taking a step into my office but not sitting down. “Is something wrong, Leslie?” “No, well, yes.” She finally sat down. “Are you mad at me?” I frowned. “No. Why would you think that?”

“I don’t see you anymore, you don’t answer my messages or voicemails or go to lunch with me.” There was obvious pain in Leslie’s voice. “You’re not the same Abby.” It felt like she’d slapped me. I sat back in my chair. “Oh. Well, I don’t think I am the same person either sometimes. This whole thing…experience… relationship…has changed me.” I looked at her a moment. Leslie knew me better than anyone. “Do you think it’s changed me for the better or for the worse?” “I can’t tell. I don’t see you enough to know. And when I do, you don’t tell me anything anyway.” “You know why that is. Look, these relationships are complicated…” “Relationships? As in more than one?” Leslie sat forward in her chair. “You really have been holding out on me, Abby. Who’s the other guy…or is it guys? Are you into group sex now?” I sighed. When Leslie got the scent, there was no getting her off the trail. “No group sex. I’m with Jake as a submissive. He’s told me now that he loves me. I met another man at a bondage club…he’s the owner. We’ve…um, I saw him Monday.” The words spilled out in a rush. There was no other way than to just say them. Leslie’s eyes went wide. “Abby! Two men? You?” There was a beat of stunned silence and then she broke into peals of laughter. I looked at her in disbelief. I really didn’t think my life was a laughing matter, but then again, I’m not Leslie. Eventually she regained the powers of speech. “Oh, I’m sorry. But you finally sound like the rest of the girls I know. Too many men, too little time. And for you, who always fell in love on the first date, I’m rather impressed.” She leaned forward. “Now, I want as many details as you can give me. I’m sure between the two guys, there’s something you can reveal. You don’t even have to tell me the other guy’s name.” She leaned back, pushing my office door closed.

“I’m not leaving until you spill.”

*

Thursday was bright and warm, a perfect day to spend in the country. Chase had given me complete directions, even though the ranch would have been easy to find, and I was there by lunchtime. I turned up the long driveway toward a sprawling house, big and rambling, a combination of wood siding and impressive stonework across the front. A porch ran the length of the front of the house and as I pulled up, I saw Chase sitting in one of the many chairs arranged on the deep, shady porch. He walked up to my car, opening the door for me. “Welcome to my humble abode, Abby. I’m glad you’re here.” His friendly manner put to rest the few butterflies of doubt that had grown in my stomach on the drive out. I’d wondered, not a few times, exactly what I was doing. But seeing Chase’s warm sexy smile made me very glad I’d made the decision to take the day off from work and come see him, and a thrill of anticipation stirred the butterflies briefly. I’d barely gotten out of the car when he had me in a big hug, almost crushing me against his chest. I was laughing when he let me go, slightly breathless. Before I could speak, he brought his lips to mine, warm and soft, in a long lingering kiss that left no room for any doubts about his intentions for the day. His body radiated sex appeal, sent out signals to my body that were immediately picked up and answered. When he finally let me go, I was a bit dazed, and pretty much speechless. “Like I said, I’m glad you’re here.” The voice was honey over gravel. He looked down at me, his brown eyes glinting, his lips curved in a sensuous smile. “You want the penny tour? Most of the place is presentable for company. You’ll see a few other people wandering around. There’s ranch hands, plus a housekeeper here most days and the ranch foreman, of course.”

Chase led me up the wide steps, across the deep porch and through the open oak double doors, into a foyer. Beyond that was a massive wood-beamed living room, complete with a two-story stone fireplace. There were several groupings of large over-stuffed chairs, covered in leather and geometric patterns, all in browns and reds and leather. The overall look was upscale but comfortable and gently worn. “This is the main room. There have been so many wings and additions to the main house over the decades it’s sometimes hard to keep it all straight.” Chase pointed to the left, past the big fireplace. “The original house was this room, the small wing down there with a few guest bedrooms and out back, the kitchen. The original kitchen building burned down sometime a couple generations ago.” He turned me by the shoulders, facing me toward an open kitchen area, dominated by a large industrial-grade cooktop and another fireplace. The walls were covered in cream-colored stucco. Even though the room was large, it still managed to look warm and cozy. “So they built this wing, which eventually was upgraded not too long ago to what you see here. There’s a dining room that way…” Chase gestured to the right of the kitchen, where I could see the end of a long, rough-hewn wooden table “…and a smaller den that way.” He pointed to the left, down yet another hallway. “It’s quite a place.” I was a little awed by the size of the room I was standing in. It could have comfortably held fifty people, with room to spare. “There’s more. The master bedroom is a separate wing upstairs, but we’ll save that for later. But not too much later.” With a wink, Chase led me into the kitchen. “Are you hungry? Rachel left us some of her amazing pot roast and potatoes. There’s enough for two and fixings for a salad. I think I can manage to put that together myself. She trusts me with things she thinks I can’t make a mess of, like lettuce and a bowl.” Chase parked me on a stool by the wide marble counter. He dug into the refrigerator, coming up with an armful of salad greens, tomatoes, cucumbers and a wedge of Parmesan cheese. With seemingly minimal effort or mess, a salad appeared in front of me, dressed with a simple balsamic honey mixture that

made my mouth water. I realized I was hungry and dove in. We made our way through Rachel’s pot roast and oven-roasted potatoes, exchanging stories, me telling my life history, brief as it was. “It’s a pretty boring story. I’m just a girl on her own in the big city, with a BA in English Lit and a cat, nothing as exciting as owning a ranch and a bondage club.” Chase laughed. “I have a feeling there’s far more to your life than just an English Lit degree and a cat. And owning all this...well, sometimes it’s more trouble than it’s worth. Except for the horses. I don’t think I would have stayed with it if I hadn’t started raising horses. The cattle pay the bills, but the horses are my love.” He pushed his plate away, tossing down his napkin. “Come on. Let’s go out to the barns. There are a few friends out there I’d like you to meet.”

*

The first friend turned out to be a beautiful chestnut horse in a paddock near the house. Chase whistled and the horse’s head came up instantly. He made those throaty noises horses make and came up alongside the fence, his body shining in the sun. Chase had an apple for him and he bit into it, snapping it in half with his big horse teeth. I took a step backward as he thrust its nose over the top of the wooden fence, curious to see if I had any apples, or if I was edible. “Don’t be afraid. Chisholm is a big pussycat. Unless you’re a mare in season.” “I’m a city girl. These things are bigger than my car. And I don’t know what ‘in season’ means.” “It means receptive for breeding.” Chase took my hand, holding it against the horse’s nose. It was velvety smooth. I gave an experimental pat and the horse made a pleasant noise in response.

“He likes you. He’s got good taste in fillies.” He patted the horse’s neck. “Let’s go see my favorite girl.” Chase took me into the barn. It was a dim, dusty cool, smelling of hay and horses. We walked down the center, stalls on either side. Most seemed empty, but down at the end I heard horse noises, saw a sleek black head pop over the stall door. “This is my baby. Celeste, meet Abby.” The horse wasn’t the least interested in me. She nuzzled Chase, looking for the apple he had in his pocket. He patted her neck and scratched her ears while she chomped on the apple. “Celeste and me go way back.” He was looking at the horse with affection. “She’s my best mare. She was the first horse born here, the start of the whole thing.” He scratched her neck for a moment longer, then looked at me. “She’s the only female in my life who’s never broken my heart.” Said by anyone else, without Chase’s easy grin, it would have sounded like a bad country western song. We wandered out the other end of the barn, away from the house. There was a maze of fences and gates, and several more barns. The furthest away seemed to have some kind of activity involving horses. There were several pickup trucks parked beside it and I could see various men coming and going, one holding the lead of a brown and white horse, who stood placidly by a fence. “They’re breeding one of the fillies today. First time.” Chase looked at me. “You want to watch?” I wasn’t sure. But Chase had already started down the lane that led between two fences. We stood at the fence, watching as a man led a huge gray stallion out of the barn. As soon as he was near the filly, he began tossing his head, rearing and pulling against the lead. The filly turned her head, watching as he approached. “He smells her; he can tell if she’s receptive by how she smells.”

I nodded, too engrossed in what was going on to reply. There was an air of anticipation among the assembled men, a general movement aimed at getting the two horses together, and a strange undercurrent of excitement. Or maybe it was just my excitement. And then I watched in jaw-dropped awe as the stallion went through his paces. It came to me with a jolt that I’d never seen any animals mate. To say it was primal would be an understatement. One of the ranch hands had come up to talk briefly with Chase after it was over and the horses had been led back to wherever they go, I hoped for aftercare. I thought they’d certainly need it. The stallion had, at one point, sunk his teeth into the filly’s neck, his hooves thrashing against her back. Chase took my elbow. “Seen enough?” He was laughing gently. “It’s always interesting to see the reaction on someone’s face the first time they see a horse bred.” “It’s…well…he’s really big.” “Yes, ma’am. He’s a big boy. He stands sixteen point three hands at the withers…that’s just about your height, I guess, at his shoulder.” Chase looked down at me, a glint in his eye. “But I’m thinking you didn’t really mean how tall his is, now did you?” I hadn’t, but wasn’t going to it that now. Chase took me back through the barn where Celeste had her stall. He stopped in the cool shade inside, pulling me toward him, his arms around my waist, holding me hard against his body. His shirt was warm from the sun, the smell of hay and horse in the barn mixing with his own scent, something spicy, pleasantly sharp over deep warmth. He held me a moment, his eyes traveling over my face, and then he claimed my mouth with a fiery kiss. There was nothing tentative, no questioning that I wanted what he did. The kiss, and his body, said it all. And my body agreed. I returned his kiss with a strength that surprised me.

Whether it was watching the horses or the fresh air, or more likely, just Chase, I was instantly hot, my body vibrating with arousal. Chase felt all that. Like the stallion; I bet he can smell it on me. He broke away, turning sharply, pulling me with him, through a nearby door. There was a distinctive smell, horse-like but something else: the pleasant smell of leather lay heavy in the air. The door slammed shut behind us and we were instantly pulling at each other’s clothes. Chase had the snap and zipper down on my jeans in one swift movement, pulling them down my hips, helping me strip them off my legs. His big hands clutched my ass, pulling me against his erection, hard and insistent, straining against the front of his jeans. I could feel the heat; the hardness and I knew if he ran a hand between my legs, it would come back wet. My fingers were busy with the buttons on his shirt, finally getting enough undone to expose a broad expanse of chest, lightly covered in auburn hair. My hands roamed across his skin, finding his dark nipples with my mouth, licking and sucking, feeling them grow hard beneath my tongue. Chase finally pushed me away with a gasp, reaching out to tug my shirt over my head. He made quick work of my bra and then his hands were on my breasts, squeezing them together, palming them hard, his eyes hot as they watched the nipples grow hard at his touch. We were both breathing hard and fast as Chase stepped back from me, undoing the buttons on his jeans, pulling them down his legs. My hands reached for him but before I could get my hands on his hard cock, he had me around the waist, lifting me up, setting my ass on the long bench that ran the length of the room. “Spread your legs, Abby. Let me fuck you.” His hands were on my thighs, pushing them apart, before he grabbed my hips, pulling me to the edge of the bench. The rough wood made the still sensitive skin of my ass burn and I gasped, loving the feel, the reminder of my time with Chase at the club. I leaned back, my pussy exposed to Chase, knowing I was wet enough for him to see. With one thrust he entered me, burying his cock to the hilt. I cried out, the

suddenness of his entry surprising me, his length and girth stretching me. He wasted no time in setting a pounding pace, thrusting hard and fast, one hand around my back, the other holding one full breast to his mouth as he sucked hard, his mouth and tongue matching the intensity of his thrusts into my body. I was helpless to move, held tight by his strong arms, by the position I was in, with my legs wrapped around his waist. Chase was in total control; I was at his mercy, bound without ropes this time, and I let him use me as he wanted. My body responded to his every touch, whether mouth or tongue, hand or cock, with a visceral response, starting deep inside, spiraling upward, until I felt I would explode. We were melded together, our bodies and our voices…our noises…echoing and repeating in the confines of the small room. Chase abandoned my breasts, gasping against my shoulder, his breath hot and harsh against my skin. There was a new urgency to his thrusting and my body responded, muscles contracting, my legs gripping him hard, pulling him toward his climax. And when it happened, it was a noisy affair. I expected to be bitten, much as the filly had been, gouged and torn by sharp hooves, and it was pretty damn close, for both of us. Chase almost pulled me off the edge of the bench, holding me so hard I could feel each finger digging into my flesh. His mouth was pressed against my neck, the edges of his teeth grazing my skin. His thrusts had taken on that random quality, erratic and sharp, but so erotic, something far beyond his control. His cry of release was muffled against my shoulder, his cock rammed as far as he could force it into my body, pulsating warmth filling me. I felt my muscles contract around him, my cry loud and clear, head thrown back as I raked my fingernails across his back, my heels dug into the small of his back, holding on for all I was worth. Long minutes ed. Chase still held me but we’d stopped making our respective noises, only our loud breathing filling the room. I became aware of a distant thudding, like someone knocking on a door. Chase lifted his head, perspiration darkening the hair along his forehead and temples. The smile on his face was full of his satisfaction and I knew mine looked the same way. But the thumping distracted me. My body stiffened at the

thought of being discovered, locked in Chase’s arms, naked and exposed. “It’s only Celeste. She’s probably jealous; she knows what we’re doing.” With a gentleness that surprised me, he released me, helping me down from the bench. We got dressed, moving slowly, recovering the feeling in our limbs. “You want to come up and have a drink at the house? I think we earned a cold one and a long sit on the porch.” He took my hand, leading me out of the tack room and through the barn. I could see Celeste’s head thrust over the stall door as we left the barn. We did have a cold one, many cold ones, sitting in the shade of the porch. Talk was easy and rambling, interrupted by long stretches of comfortable silences. The view from the porch was beautiful, rolling fields full of wildflowers. I finally turned to him, a bit emboldened by alcohol, the questions I’d been mulling over in my mind finally tumbling out. “You’ve made some references to Jake, that you know him, that he’s had relationships at the club. What can you tell me about those?” It was late afternoon, the sun sending slanting rays across the fields. Chase was squinting into the sun, looking off across what must have been acres of his ranch. He turned to me, one eyebrow raised. “Jake didn’t tell you? Not surprised. He’s a man of many secrets.” He took a long pull on his beer. “I guess we all are, come to that.” Chase sat forward, resting his elbows on his thighs, holding the neck of the beer bottle between his knees. His gaze was focused on the porch floor in front of him. His voice was low, not the sexy voice that sent a thrill down my spine, but with an edge to it. It sent a chill through me, and not a chill of arousal. “Jake…Jake’s good at keeping secrets. And he’s got some pretty dark ones. As much as I’d like to be the one to tell you, I can’t. Not now. You should ask him. I can say though, if he hasn’t been honest with you before now, I’m not sure he’s going to suddenly come clean.”

Chase turned to me again, his eyes intense, almost amber in the setting sun. “But if you’re going to continue this relationship with him, as his submissive, I think you better get him to tell you. As in any relationship, trust is vital. And in your type of relationship, it’s more important than you realize.” I was quiet, the pleasant buzz of the alcohol suddenly gone. While I wasn’t sure what I expected Chase to say, I know that wasn’t it. He stood, setting his beer bottle down, reaching for my hand. “Come on. I still have one wing of the house to show you.” I followed willingly, pulled in the wake of Chase’s unspoken but all too obvious desires. I wanted what he wanted, as much of it as I could get before I headed home. The master bedroom was as comfortable and rustic as the lower level, the hard edges of wood and stone softened by overstuffed chairs and a bed covered in a handmade quilt. There was a fireplace in this room, although not as massive as the ones downstairs. Chase spun me around, his hands on my arms, fingers digging in to my upper arms. He looked down at me, his eyes dark with arousal. My breath caught in my throat at the strength of his grasp. There was an instant where I wasn’t sure what he was going to do. But he pulled me against his chest, his mouth on mine in a now-familiar kiss that bruised my lips against my teeth, this tongue thrusting into my mouth. I received him fully, opening my mouth to him, my tongue meeting him thrust for thrust. His hands were roaming restlessly over my body, pulling at my shirt, sliding his hands beneath it to grope my breasts. I stepped away from him, struggling out of my shirt before he pulled me back to him. His erection was pressed against my stomach, hard and hot. My fingers found their way to the buttons on his jeans, pulling and tugging them open, sliding my hand down to cup his cock and balls, making him grunt and push against my hand. I was impatient to get at his body and, surprising myself, I reached up, tearing

the front of his shirt, buttons popping off, clicking on the hardwood floor. I felt more than heard Chase grunt against my mouth, felt his lips curve into a smile. In one swift movement, Chase lifted me, tossing me on to the bed. I’m not used to being tossed by anyone and it caught me off guard. Chase laughed, his eyes glinting, sensing my discomfort and apparently enjoying it. “Don’t worry. I’m not going to hurt you.” My eyes widened. I wasn’t afraid of Chase, but the wildness and unpredictability of him startled me. But it was that same wildness and unpredictability that lit a fire inside me like no one else ever had. His uncontrolled ion was what drew me to him, making me the clichéd moth to his flame. His hands were pulling at my jeans, tugging them down my legs. He stripped his jeans off, taking his ruined shirt off, leaving him naked, standing at the edge of the bed. Chase’s strong hands pushed my legs apart, his eyes traveling hungrily over my body. He climbed on the bed, kneeling between my outstretched legs. I knew exactly what he was going to do and my hips began twitching in anticipation, and I heard myself making small whimpering noises. Chase smiled down at me, a roguish glint in his eye. “I can’t wait to taste you, Abby.” I shuddered briefly as he ran his tongue the length of my pussy, stopping to flicker over my clit. With consummate skill, he began his assault, licking and sucking, his tongue seeming everywhere at once, probing deeply, and skimming the edges, his lips brushing against my soft folds. At one point I felt his teeth graze my clit, catching my breath at the sudden sharpness as he bit gently, tugging and pulling, before sucking it into his mouth. I was clutching the sheets, my head thrashing from side to side, wanting this to continue but wanting more, wanting to touch Chase, feel his body beneath my hands, to have his cock in my mouth. Sitting up, I squirmed away from him, his startled look making me smile. I didn’t think many women, or me, managed to startle with Chase.

“Come here. It’s my turn.” I pulled him by arm and he came willingly, a knowing smile replacing his surprise, kneeling beside me on the bed. Sitting up, I grabbed his cock, pulling it toward my mouth, licking the head, running my tongue over and over the slit in the end, down the sensitive underside of the head. I pulled his length into my mouth, bobbing my head, swirling my tongue around his shaft. He was looking down, watching every move I made as his cock slid between my lips. He reached one hand down between my legs, rubbing my clit, thrusting his fingers into my wet pussy. I moaned against his cock, briefly closing my eyes as his fingers pulled and rubbed my clit, my hips arching up in response. Before long, Chase was moaning, rocking his hips back and forth, his eyes still watching intently, his breathing harsh. His fingers were still aggressively thrusting into me, harder, just on the verge of being uncomfortable. But my body was responding, my legs spread far apart, hips rolling, bucking against his hand. And then it was all too much, for both of us. With a cry that sounded almost desperate, Chase pulled himself away from me, climbing between my legs. He grabbed the backs of my thighs, pulling me up, pulling my legs further apart. He was on his knees between my legs, his spread wide, his cock wet with my spit. There was a fierce, almost savage, look in his eyes. He paused, looking down at me, breath rasping from his throat. A small part of me recoiled from the intensity of his gaze, but the rest of me, the wild part, wanted him so badly, wanted whatever he was going to do to me. I rose up on my elbows, meeting his gaze, breathing hard. “Do it, Chase. Now.” I was breathing just as hard. “Oh, god…take me…use me. Do it now!” And he did. He thrust into me and kept going, driving himself into me at a merciless pace. His hard thighs were hitting the backs of my legs, pushing me across the bed. Chase roughly grabbed my hips, fingers digging into my flesh, pulling me up his thighs, slamming his cock into me over and over.

I braced my arms on the bed, arching up, helpless in his grasp as he took control, using my body, taking his pleasure while giving me mine. I was, again, at his mercy, under his dominance. And I loved it. When I came, there was no stopping it, or Chase. He drove right through my bucking and thrashing, my desperate cries. All I could do was arch up against him, let my body take control and ride the ever-increasing waves of ecstasy. But Chase wasn’t finished with me. My orgasm peaked and then held, as he continued his frenzied thrusting. I was shaking, my arms tired, my legs quivering, my mind, I realized, heading to that place I’d gone when Chase had bound me with rope. Everything was too much…but I wanted more. Chase’s cry, his almost-scream, brought me back. His head was thrown back, his hips thrust forward, eyes tightly shut. I could feel every nuance of his cock inside me, feel it harden even more, the first pulses as his orgasm broke, the hot rush of fluid as he ejaculated. He made short sharp jabs into me, grimacing with each, his cries finally softening as he came down from the peak of his orgasm. We collapsed, Chase covering me, my body exhausted. I drifted off, and then became aware of Chase moving me, lifting my arms and legs, covering me with sheets and the quilts, pulling me against him. I felt his gentle kiss on my neck and then I was asleep.

*

It was very late…or very early…when I woke. The room was dark; Chase a darker shape in the bed next to me. I leaned over him, looking for an alarm clock. The one on the bedside table said seven-fifteen. My cry of dismay roused Chase. “What’s wrong?” His voice was groggy with sleep, low and husky. And utterly sexy. Damn.

“I’m really, really late. Why is it so dark in here?” I was struggling to untangle myself from the sheets. “Black out curtains.” Chase’s hand reached out, stilling my efforts. “Stay. Call in sick.” His voice was less groggy but no less sexy. My breath caught in my throat, my heart doing a little double beat. The warm scent of us rose up, reminding me of yesterday. “I can’t…” “Yes. You can.” There was a fumbling on his side of the bed and a cell phone was thrust into my hands. After I handed the cell phone back to him, he rolled toward me, pulling me against his body, his erection already there, hard, pressing against my stomach. There was that familiar, and oh-so-welcome, thud deep inside of me in response. I moved closer, my hand sliding down between us, my fingers wrapping around his thick shaft. “You’re turning me into a bad girl, Chase.” I whispered my words over the top of his head. He was already kissing my breasts, his fingers playing with my nipples. He looked up at me, his face just visible in the dim light. I thought he was probably smiling. “No. I think you’ve been a closet bad girl all along. I just opened the door.”

Chapter Eight

It was sometime Friday night when I got back to my own apartment. I’d at least had the presence of mind to leave a very large bowl of food for the cat, but he was clingy and needy for the first hour I was home. He followed me everywhere, even to the bathroom when I took my ritual Sunday evening bath, two days early. I stayed in the bath a long, long time, adding more hot water. My muscles were sore; there were fingerprint bruises on my arms and the backs of my thighs. It made me wonder, now that I was away from Chase, exactly what I had been doing and why. The what was easy. I’d been having mind-blowing sex, wild and ionate, with an unpredictable man who lit a fire inside of me. That sent me out of control, made my body not only sing, but scream with pleasure. I’d never come away from being with any man feeling as desirable and alive as I did with Chase. The why was a bit more complicated. I guess, in simplest , because I could. He excited me and I apparently excited him. We got along well; we enjoyed each other’s company, in and out of bed. We had kick ass sex. But every so often the little voice in my head spoke up, reminding me of Jake. And I felt bad, guilty, torn…disloyal. Jake is important to me, but he’s not my boyfriend. We don’t have that kind of relationship. That he loves me is his responsibility, not mine; he knows that and so do I. I’m still abiding by the original rules of engagement for our relationship. No strings attached. I don’t want to intentionally hurt Jake; I do care for him. But I do get to live my own life. Chase is important, or I’d like Chase to be important, but in a different way. I could have a relationship with Chase. All possibilities are on the table right now with Chase, including being his submissive.

I thought about that as I added more hot water to the bath. What would it be like, having Chase as my Dom? Would we have scenes at the club? Or his house? Both? I shook my head. This is how you get in trouble with men, Abby. Back off. Eventually the water got cold and I drained the bath. I wrapped up in a big terry bathroom and slouched around the apartment, thinking vaguely about dinner. Chase had fed me lunch before I left but it was late now and I was hungry. I was rummaging around in my empty refrigerator when the phone rang. The caller ID wasn’t one I recognized. “Hi, Abby.” Jake’s voice surprised me, caused my heart to thud, made my palms sweaty. And made me very happy. “Jake! Where are you? Are you home?” “No, not yet. Still on the road. Seattle, Washington, to be exact. I’m just calling from the hotel to see how you are. I’ve missed you.” It was so good to hear Jake’s voice, to have him tell me about the meetings he had, all those little details of his day. We talked for a long time, about nothing really, me omitting where I’d been for the last two days, and with whom. When I hung up I had a nagging voice in my mind, that I was somehow betraying Jake by being with Chase. But another voice, Chase’s voice, was there; telling me Jake had secrets, secrets with the potential to hurt me. It made whatever this was all the more confusing.

*

Chase called late Sunday night from the club. I almost missed the call, diving for the phone on the last ring before it went to voicemail. “I want to see you this week, Abby. Monday, for dinner. I assume you like steak.” There was no wasted time or words with Chase; he was direct and to the point. I told him I wanted to see him too. “Of course you do. I’m irresistible.” I heard the smile in his voice. “Wear something sexy. I want to ravish you with my eyes during dinner.” He was coming from the club and I was coming from work, so we agreed to meet at the restaurant. He told me to park behind the place he’d picked, off of Texas Avenue at Capital. The restaurant was crowded so I took a seat at the bar, ordering a bourbon and branch. I didn’t have long to wait before Chase arrived, looking sexy and casual in a black shirt and dark jeans. He gave me a hearty kiss on the lips, pulling me hard against him. He finally let me go, keeping one arm around my shoulders. He looked down into my eyes, his easy smile making me smile back. Everything seemed to be right when he held me, no matter where we were. “You’re a sight for sore eyes, Abby. I’ve missed you.” We talked for a bit at the bar before the waitress led us to our table. I’d had a second drink and was feeling nicely relaxed, maybe a little too relaxed. “I like the dress, Abby. Very sexy.” As we walked to our table, the hand on the small of my back had slid lower, giving my ass a squeeze. Dinner was steak for two, perfectly done and delicious. And another drink. Slow down, Abby. But everything felt so good, dinner, being with Chase, letting loose and having fun. We discovered there was music next door and before I realized it, we were out dancing, one song after another.

“I can’t the last time I did this.” I was winded, sitting at a small table off to the side, another drink waiting for me. “Feels good to get out of your routine, doesn’t it?” Chase had undone a button or two on his shirt, just a bit more of his broad chest visible. It did things to me that shouldn’t be allowed in certain states. A slow song started and the lights dimmed. Chase took my hand, pulling me up to his chest. “Come on, Abby. One more.” He held me against his body, every inch of him possible pressed against me. We were the perfect height; his erection caught me just on the bone above my thighs, making it easy to grind against his hard cock with just the slightest pressure. When the song ended, we were both breathing hard, eyes locked, bodies still locked together. When the lights came up and the first notes of the next song started, we broke apart. Unspoken, I grabbed my purse and he pulled me out the back door of the place, into the parking lot, to his car. It had been a long time since I’d fooled around in the back seat of someone’s car, longer even than since the last time I’d danced, and my heart thudded in my chest. Chase’s car, a little red convertible, was parked in the far corner of the lot, bordered on two sides by a chest high brick wall. A rush of giggles spilled out as I imagined him and me in the back seat, which was almost non-existent. But he pulled me toward the front of the car, turning around, grabbing me by the shoulders. I winced; it was the same place he’d grabbed me Thursday, and probably Friday, and my arms were covered with tiny fingerprint bruises. But he had me pulled against him, his mouth on mine, his hands moving down to cup my ass, thrusting himself slowly against me. The bourbon made me relaxed, pleasantly fuzzy around the edges. The air was warm and soft around us, the twilight deep purple, almost, but not quite night. His mouth was working all kinds of magic on mine, his tongue probing every recess in my mouth.

Lost in all this erotic play, I was only dimly aware of his hand sliding between us, moving with purpose, the soft sound of his zipper being tugged down. His mouth was no longer on mine. His hands were on my shoulders then, gently pushing me down. I opened my eyes, looking up at him in the dim light of the parking lot. “No…we’re in public. Someone will see us.” But as I looked around, I realized we were hidden in the darkest corner of the lot, the car behind me blocking any view of what I would be doing. “Come on, Abby.” His voice was low, so very seductive. “Do it for me. You’re so fucking sexy in that dress. I can’t go home with this.” He looked down; I followed his gaze. His erection was huge, standing away from the open flies of his jeans. The sight of it made me gasp, a hard thump of arousal hitting me low again, another punch, not unexpected this time. The pressure of his hands on my shoulders grew. I felt my knees giving way slowly, as I slid my hands down his chest, looking up at his face against the darkening sky. The parking lot was rough under my knees as I took him in my hand, wrapping my fingers around the shaft of his erection. I ran my tongue over the head of his cock, flicking it along the sensitive underside. Chase’s hands were on my head, tangling in my hair. I took him into my mouth, swirling my tongue around the shaft of his cock, feeling the softness of the skin over the heat and hardness. My hands had moved to his balls, caressing each one, rubbing them, teasing him as I pulled his cock from my mouth. I kept this up, bobbing my head, working him further and further into my mouth. With a groan Chase suddenly pushed my head down on his cock, thrusting himself hard into my mouth. It took me by surprise, made me gag briefly. I pulled him out of my mouth, stroking him slowly while I caught my breath. I looked up at him, his face barely visible in the dark. I couldn’t read his expression. His hands were still holding my head, but I felt them relax. I took him back into my mouth, licking and sucking, pulling him out to stroke him hard and fast. If he

wanted it rough, I’d give it to him, but on my . The thrill of being outside, with the ever-present potential of someone seeing us, made me hot, turned me on. I was moaning against Chase’s cock by now, my own hips thrusting forward in time with Chase’s body. When he came, it was with brief but loud cry and an explosive thrust, his hips thrusting forward. His fingers dug into my scalp and I let him take control as his orgasm peaked. When it was over, he pulled me up, offering his handkerchief. I wiped my lips, hearing the sound of the zipper on his jeans. He grabbed me, pulling me back against his body, kissing me hard. “That was amazing, Abby.” He broke away, looking down at me in the dim light, brushing the hair away from my face. “Are you okay to drive home? You’ve had a few drinks tonight.” I nodded my head. “I’m fine. I don’t have that far to go. I’ll be okay.” “Call me when you get home so I know you got home safely.” I drove home with the window down, pushing the speed limit, the wind in my hair. I felt alive, reckless. Chase answered his cell on the first ring. After he was assured I was home, safe and sound, he asked if I wanted to go on a road trip with him on the weekend. There was a horse he was interested in buying a couple hours north of his ranch. We would leave on Saturday; ride up early to see the horse and then take a leisurely ride back, enjoying the day and the countryside. I thought it sounded like a wonderful idea. Chase suggested I come up Friday after work and we could get an early start on Saturday. “But what about the club?” “This is why they invented assistant managers. Stacy will be there; she’s my right hand in most things club related. No one gives Stacy any problems; she’s tougher on staff and guests than I ever am. It’ll be in good hands for the

weekend.”

*

The week dragged. I had lunch with Leslie on Wednesday, feeding her seemingly insatiable desire for details about my sex life. She was alternately fascinated and horrified by my encounter with Chase in the parking lot. “Abby! Really? How cool…and weird. He made you give him a blow job in the parking lot?” We were at the sushi place, a plate of California rolls in front of us. “No, not made me…not really. He was forceful, but he didn’t force me. There’s a difference.” I speared a roll with a chopstick, dunking it in tamari sauce, coaxing a blob of wasabi onto the roll. “There is? Well, okay. Semantics I guess. When are you seeing him next?” I told her about the weekend road trip to see the horse. She laughed. “You hate big animals. They scare you.” “I know, but I’m not riding the horse. I’m just looking at it, not buying it.” “When’s Jake coming back?” I shrugged, pretended to be busy with my wasabi, pushing a tiny green bit around on my plate. There was a pang of guilt mixed in with my excitement over Chase. Leslie picked up on that right away. “Don’t you like Jake anymore? I thought you and he had some type of mystical relationship there that transcended logic or something.” She took a sip of tea, watching me through the curling steam. “I like Jake just fine.” I realized I was fidgeting in my chair. “It’s complicated.”

Leslie laughed. “That’s a Facebook status update, Abby. Spill it, what’s really going on?” I sighed, looking up at her. “Jake and I don’t have a traditional boyfriend, girlfriend relationship. It’s a no-strings-attached relationship, by mutual agreement.” I laid my chopsticks across my plate. “Neither one of us wanted any romantic involvement.” “Yeah, but Jake already broke that rule, by telling you he loved you, right? So now what, are all bets off? Did you dump him because of that? And does Chase fit in with all of this? Do they know about each other?” Trust Leslie to get right into the nuts and bolts of things. “I care about Jake; he’s my dominant. That relationship I want to continue. His professed love for me is his responsibility. He knows how I feel, or don’t feel. And as far as he’s told me, he’s okay with that.” I took a deep breath. “Chase, well, Chase is the complication. He’s wild, unpredictable…and I like that. A lot.” “And? You’re avoiding that one last question, Abby. Do they know you’re seeing the other?” “Chase knows about Jake, of course. He knows the whole relationship.” I poked at another roll, dissecting it with a chopstick. “And by your continued avoidance, I bet Jake doesn’t know about Chase, does he?” There was a glint in Leslie’s eyes. She knew the answer, but she was going to goad me into saying it. “No, Jake doesn’t know about Chase. Not that I’m seeing him outside the club… or in the club.” I cringed. It sounded bad, even though I knew it wasn’t. That twinge of guilt came back. “I don’t know how you’re managing to do this, keep these two guys straight, not get things all mixed up.”

I winced. “Well, Jake’s been out of town, so it hasn’t been all that difficult. And I really don’t know when he’s coming back. He’s never given me a date.”

*

I left work early on Friday, driving straight to Chase’s ranch. I’d packed a bag before I left work. And planning ahead, I’d bought the cat an automated feeder and watering gizmo and pronounced myself guilt free in regards to him and his care for the next few days. I got to the ranch a little after dark. The porch lights were on, and the house looked warm and inviting. Chase was out the door and down the porch steps before I was out of the car. “Welcome. How was the drive? You made good time.” He had me against him, arms around me, kissing me before I had a chance to even answer. He took my bag from the car, leading me up to the master bedroom. “You’ll bunk with me, if that’s okay with you.” He winked. I laughed. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.” “Are you hungry? Rachel’s left some of her rosemary chicken and mixed vegetable something or other. I don’t know what it’s really called, but it’s excellent.” Chase served me another amazing plate of food, complete with cherry cobbler for dessert. After we finished, he took me out to the back porch. There was only one soft light burning, casting shadows over the rough-hewn log siding. He took me down to the end of the porch, to a swing suspended by chains from the ceiling. We sat for a long time, nursing the beer we’d brought, swinging slowly back and forth. Eventually Chase spoke. “I love this place at night. It’s quiet, except for the crickets. But even those are better than cars and trucks and city noises. I may have wanted to run away from

this all, but I’m a country boy at heart.” I took a swallow of my beer. “I’m always amazed by how dark it is away from the city. You never get this kind of dark with city lights.” He laughed softly. “This kind of dark? Is there another kind of dark where you come from?” I tried kicking his leg but only managed to set the swing moving in an elliptical arc. Chase toed the porch floor with his boot, slowing the movement, setting us on a smooth course once again. “You know what I mean. It’s never dark in the city. There’s always light coming from somewhere.” Chase chuckled, taking another swig of his beer. “I’m glad you decided to come out for the road trip.” He wrapped an arm around my shoulder, pulling me against him. His lips followed, softly caressing my neck, up to my ear, his tongue tracing lightly over my skin. Hands followed, gently moving over my body, leaving trails of heat along my skin. After a time he rose, silently taking my hand and leading me through the darkened house, up the stairs to his room. With gentle fingers he undid the buttons on my blouse, slowly pulling it away from my body. He bent his head to my breasts, his lips brushing across the round fullness. I watched as he moved from one breast to the other, his hands sliding around to my back, expertly undoing the clasp of my bra. He pulled it away, nuzzling my exposed skin, rubbing his cheek slowly against each, raining soft kisses over them. My fingers threaded through his hair, holding him against me, breathing in his scent; smelling faintly of leather and hay, spicy and wild. And totally arousing. I felt that deep throbbing start low in my body, my breath going shallow, heart beating faster. Chase lifted his head, taking my lips in a deep kiss, slow and ionate, his

tongue lingering in my mouth. I responded to his slowness, his gentleness, surprised by this side of him. He guided me toward the bed, shedding his shirt along the way, his fingers undoing the snap and zipper of our jeans, sliding them down my legs before removing his. “No buttons on the floor tonight?” I looked at him in the low light of the single lamp in the room, his face soft, his eyes hooded. His laugh was a gentle rumble. “It’s early. We have all night and I want this night to last, to be one you’ll .” Chase pulled the covers back on the bed, slowly lowering me down onto the cool sheets, stretching out alongside me. And he was good to his word. We spent hours slowly exploring each other’s bodies with fingertips and hands, lips and tongues. Chase spent what seemed like hours kissing my breasts, tracing circles on my skin with his fingers and tongue, sucking my nipples until they were hard, until I was arching up against his mouth. I ran my hands down his chest and over his flat stomach, the muscles rippling beneath my fingers. My hand brushed against the head of his cock, eliciting a low groan from Chase. I held his cock in my hand, rhythmically squeezing and releasing him, moving down from time to time to fondle his balls, rolling them slowly between my fingers. We were moving against each other, hot bodies barely touching but that touch just enough to light a searing fire inside of me. By the time Chase took me, I was ready, my senses heightened from his prolonged attention to my body. I was almost vibrating at a high pitch, but my limbs languid and slow moving. He entered me slowly, his first thrust filling me completely, making me draw in a long breath, exhaling in a soft gasp. In the dim light, as he held himself above me, I watched his face, the wild edge in his eyes I’d come to expect softened, mellowed.

Our bodies moved as one, long slow strokes from Chase, as I rocked my hips up to meet him. This pace carried us for a long time, fueled by ionate kisses claiming my mouth and Chase’s renewed attention to my breasts, sucking them greedily now as he thrust into me. Chase lifted his head, holding my face between his hands. His eyes traveled over my face, the curve of my lips, taking everything in. “You are one beautiful woman, Abby. I’m so damned lucky to have found you.” He kissed me again, his body moving faster, his thrusts harder. We built to a crescendo quickly, desire flooding through me, my body no longer languid, but insistent, wanting more, the intensity of our movements increasing. Chase broke away from my mouth with a gasp, burying his head in my shoulder, his breath rasping in my ear. I ran my hands over his back, feeling the muscles taut beneath his skin as he thrust into me. When I came it was with a force that surprised me, took my breath away, made me arch up against Chase in a silent scream. He lifted his head, watching me, taking in every nuance of pleasure that ed across my face. When I finally took a deep ragged breath, I heard him exhale, as if he were holding his breath with me. In that exhalation, I felt him release, felt the pounding and pulsing of his cock as he came inside me. His next breath was a cry of pleasure mixed with something dark, the wild side of Chase coming out in the end. He pounded into me feverishly for several seconds, his body taking control, hips lost to his control in that delicious dance. I wondered if that felt like subspace for him, that uncontrollable thrusting, that moment of release when there was no more holding back, just leaping forward. We relaxed slowly, letting our bodies adjust, shifting arms and legs, like water finding its own level. I was on the verge of sleep, Chase’s arms wrapped tight around me, my back nestled against his chest, when he spoke. “I really like that you’re here, Abby.” His voice was dreamy and I wasn’t sure if he was on the edge of sleep.

“I like being here too. It’s nicer than driving up early in the morning.” I snuggled closer. “No, I meant I like having you here, period,” he murmured into my hair. “You should be here all the time.” I shifted in his arms, suddenly awake. But Chase was already asleep. That was just a random thought, on the edge of sleep. But it was a long time before I fell asleep.

*

It was pitch black in the bedroom when the alarm went off. Chase stirred beside me, fumbling briefly with the alarm before collapsing back onto the bed. I burrowed under the covers, curling up next to his chest. He wrapped one arm around my shoulders, pulling me close. “Don’t get too comfortable. We need to leave as soon as it’s light. I want to get to the Paradise Ranch early, before anyone else gets a look at this filly. She’s supposed to be something special.” Eventually I managed to get out of bed, after much cajoling from Chase. I’d have preferred another long session of love making, but he was insistent that we needed to get going. I decided if there were horses involved, he was impossible to derail. Chase had gone down to the kitchen to start coffee and breakfast while I took a shower. There were a modest selection of soaps and shampoos, all masculine and spicy scented. I stayed as long as I dared under the hot water, conscious of Chase’s desire to get on the road. I finally pronounced myself clean, got dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, grabbed a jacket and headed downstairs. “Rachel’s down at the bunkhouse making breakfast, so you’re at the mercy of my culinary skills again.”

I could smell eggs and bacon, and a steaming mug of coffee was waiting for me on the counter. “It’s just a quick omelet with cheese and bacon. The eggs are from the neighbor to the south; the bacon’s from the neighbor to the north. Can’t get much closer to home than that, or much fresher.” I took a sip of coffee, blinking at its strength. Chase caught my reaction and laughed. “Not used to cowboy coffee? You’re a city girl; I forgot. I tend to make it strong. In the future, I’ll to cut back on the grounds and increase the water. Here, this might help.” He pushed a ceramic creamer toward me. I added a generous amount and took another tentative sip. “Oh, much better.” And it was - smooth and creamy, and tolerable. “How far is this Paradise Ranch?” Chase had his back to me, finishing the eggs. He slid them onto a plate, adding a dash of salt and grinding of fresh pepper, before setting the plate down in front of me. “About two hours north of here. It’s a small place but they turn out some great little fillies. I’m going to need to add some depth to the stock some time and I think this might be my girl.” Chase sat next to me, digging in to his eggs. I did likewise. “These are really good,” I said through a mouthful of cheese and crumbly bacon. I’m not a breakfast girl, but I’d gladly eat this on a daily basis. Chase was done with his eggs before I was and piling dishes in the dishwasher while I hurried to finish, draining my coffee cup. I got the distinct feeling there would be no second cups of coffee this morning. “Come on, get whatever you’re taking and I’ll meet you outside. You’ll need a jacket and probably a scarf. Otherwise, we’re traveling light. Lunch will be

somewhere between here and there. There are a couple diners along the route back home that serve up good food. My treat.” He winked, his roguish smile making me laugh. And then he was out the door. By the time I got outside, I could hear the throaty roar of a motorcycle. Chase appeared around the corner of the house on something large and shiny, chrome winking in the morning sun. I was speechless. Motorcycles ranked right up there with large animals on my list of things to avoid. “You don’t look too thrilled with your chariot for the day, my lady.” Chase turned off the machine, swinging one long leg over it as he got off. “I have no idea how to ride that thing.” I was still standing on the top step of the porch, hesitant to even approach it. Everything about it looked loud and dangerous and I already felt exposed, just standing on the porch. “It’s easy. You just climb on behind me, hang on and let me do all the work. You follow my body, lean when I lean, straighten up when I do and just hang on.” Chase stood at the bottom of the stairs, holding out his hand. “Come on, Abby. It’ll be fun. The wind through your hair…or over your helmet. It’s a great feeling.” He twitched his fingers and I had the impression he used the same gesture with horses that were reluctant to do whatever it was he wanted them to do. “Okay. But go slow.” I walked down one step. Chase smiled, taking my hand. He helped me into a helmet that seemed very fragile but which he assured me would keep me safe. He donned his and then showed me how to get on the beast. He sat in front of me and I instantly wrapped my arms around his waist. “Abby, I need to breathe. Loosen up a little.” He looked at me over his shoulder. “Ready?” I didn’t have a chance to answer. The big machine roared to life and we were off down the driveway and out on to the road in front of the ranch. I had no idea how fast we were going but we seemed to be flying over the blacktop. Once we hit the main highway heading north I finally relaxed my death grip on Chase’s body. I found once I relaxed, the ride became much more enjoyable. The fields were green, ranches visible in the distance at the end of long driveways.

There were pastures full of horses and cattle, all of it under a cloudless blue sky that seemed to stretch for miles. We stopped once for a break, my body a bit stiff but otherwise unscathed. I took off my helmet and Chase burst out laughing. My hand went immediately to my hair, thinking it must be a mess. But Chase was shaking his head. “No, darling, it’s not your hair.” He took a deep breath, finally gaining control. “You have the biggest grin on your face. If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were enjoying yourself on the bike.” I had to agree; I was enjoying myself and I did have a huge grin plastered on my face. “Okay. I can it when I’m wrong. I’m having a great time.” That got me a big hug and kiss and then we were back on the road. We got to Paradise Ranch well before noon. The sun was hot, hotter than I realized once we were off the bike. Jake Rodgers, the owner of the ranch, met us, shaking hands with Chase, tipping his hat to me. He led us out to a nearby paddock with several horses grazing in the lush grass. “She’s the chestnut there, on the right.” Rodgers pointed and I followed his direction. I have no idea what makes good horse flesh, but she sure was pretty. There was a long discussion between Chase and Rodgers, much of which I did not understand. I wandered down the paddock fence, watching the horses graze, idly pulling the seed heads from a blade of grass. I was still standing there, gazing off into the distance when I felt hands on my hips. Chase nuzzled my neck, arms wrapping around my waist. I leaned back against him, breathing in the warm air, scented with grass, horse and Chase. “How’d the negotiations go?” I asked.

“Good. She’s mine. Comes from a long line of good stock, she’s got all her papers…and the price was right.” I turned to face him. “That’s wonderful. What’s her name?” Things like that seemed just as important to me as papers and lineage. “Well, Rodgers calls her ‘Mary Jo’, after his wife.” He shook his head. “She’s got a nice proper name that reflects her lineage, but I’m planning on calling her ‘Abby’s Smile’…‘Abby’ for short.” He was looking down at me, his eyes dancing, that roguish grin on his face. For the second time that day I was speechless. “Cat got your tongue? I like you, I like your name and I want to that smile you have on your face.” He pulled me close. “Although it was a huge grin, but ‘Abby’s Grin’ just sounds silly.” I pulled him down to me, kissing him hard. I think there were tears in my eyes when I finally let him go. There was a surprised look on his face. “What was that for? Not that I’m complaining…” He smiled. “No one’s ever named a horse for me before. I’m touched.” Chase brushed a strand of hair from my forehead, then ran his finger down my nose. “You’re getting sunburned.” He kissed my nose. “It’s cute. But I think we should be heading back. All this wheeling and dealing has given me quite an appetite.”

Chapter Nine

The storm clouds began gathering while we were eating lunch. We didn’t see them until one of the ranchers at the diner came in complaining the rain was going to keep him out of the fields for the day. “We need to get going then, if there’s rain. One thing about riding a bike, you don’t want to do it in the rain. And you don’t have any rain gear.” He paid up and we were on the road, headed south. The big ugly clouds to the west were growing at an alarming rate. Chase was pushing the speed on the bike, or at least it felt like he was. We seemed to be going faster than on the trip up. The first lighting strike made me jump, squeezing Chase hard. The sound of the thunder was lost in the roar of the bike. The second strike was accompanied by a smattering of raindrops. Chase pointed off to the right; there seemed to be a wall of dark gray hanging down from the clouds with flashing lights embedded in its depths. Almost without slowing Chase turned down a dirt lane, heading away from the storm. I could feel the wind change, the smell of ozone on the air, a chill that made the hair on my arms stand on end. I peered over Chase’s shoulder, just able to make out a small barn at the end of the road. Chase pulled up to the barn, had me get off and get inside, and then maneuvered the bike through the door. There was enough room for the bike and us, pushed up against several hay bales, well back from the opening. Once we were inside, we realized the barn had no door to close. Within seconds the walls shook as the first waves of wind-blown rain and hail lashed the building. The world grew dark, the wind very loud. Lightening flashed, followed by the distant rumble of thunder. “Well, looks like we made it here just in time.” Chase was looking out the open

door of the barn, watching the waterfall in sheets, the hail bounce on the ground. “Nothing about this was on the weather forecast. Must have blown up pretty quickly. Hopefully it’ll blow over just as fast.” Chase turned back to me. “Hey, you’re shivering. You’re all wet.” He pulled me close to him, against the warmth of his body, rubbing my arms. I could smell the rain on his shirt, the musty hay smell of the barn, the engine smell of the motorcycle. “Let’s get this off, maybe it’ll dry before we leave.” He tugged at the hem of my t-shirt, pulling it over my hair. With great ceremony he draped it over the handlebars of the bike. I reached out, touching the sleeve of his shirt. “You’re wet too. You should probably take this off.” I winked up at him. My fingers reached for the buttons, slowly undoing them as Chase watched, his eyes dark, as my hands brushed against his warm skin. My breath caught in my throat as I uncovered him slowly, his broad shoulders and chest, muscular arms. I stripped the damp fabric off of his body, spreading the shirt over the back of the bike. When I turned back, there was a fire in Chase’s eyes, a fire that matched my own. We came together in a rush, hungry for each other, as we were new to each other. Chase’s mouth found mine, insistent, devouring; his arms wrapped around me, pulling me hard against him, hands moving over my back. “Jeans, off. Now.” Chase growled the words against my mouth. We broke away from each other with a gasp. Chase’s eyes took in every movement I made as I stripped the damp jeans down my legs. “Jesus, Abby.” He reached for me, almost blindly, pulling me against his naked body, his hands sliding down my back, cupping my ass, fingers pulling and tugging at my panties. “What you do to me.” With one abrupt motion, he tore the panties; the remnants sliding down my legs. His hands slid up to my bra, tugging at the straps. My hands followed, holding his, stopping them from destroying all my lingerie in one fell swoop.

“Don’t tear the bra, please.” I reached back, undoing the clasp, letting it slide down my arms. His hands were on my breasts, cupping them, pushing them together, watching his dark hands move over my pale skin. He slid his hands back down to my ass, clutching, groping, his lips nuzzling my neck. Suddenly he picked me up. I slid my legs up his thick thighs, wrapping them around his hips. He took two steps forward, setting me on a hay bale. I was momentarily surprised by the prickliness of the hay against my skin, but Chase was pressing me back, his body between my legs. He took one nipple into his mouth, sucking hard, sending little frissons of pleasure through my body. But I wanted him inside me, more than I’d ever wanted anyone, it seemed. The wild storm outside, the rushing wind and hail, the flashes of light followed by the crack and peal of thunder, I felt like all of that was inside of me, building to an impossible crescendo. I needed Chase to release it, to let me be swept away by it, to let me be wild with him. “Now, Chase. Please…now!” He raised his head, looking at me a moment, his face shadowy in the dim light. “What do you want, Abby? Tell me, say the words. Don’t be afraid of what you feel.” His voice was low, seductive. “I’m not afraid. I want you…I need you to take me, Chase. Hard.” I was panting, my heart racing. There was no way he wouldn’t do what I wanted, but he seemed intent on teasing me. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say ‘fuck me.’ Have you ever said that, Abby?” His cock was brushing against the inside of my thigh, so very close. I wiggled beneath him, the hay scratching my back, seeking . “Say it, Abby. Say what you want. Tell me.” He smiled, a very wicked gleam in his eye. “Say all those dirty words you’ve never said out loud. Say them to me, Abby.”

I struggled up on my elbows, blood pounding in my head, matching the thunder and drumming of the rain outside. “Oh, Chase…fuck me, please…” I was breathing hard. “Is that what you want?” He was breathing as hard as I was, our eyes locked together. “Yes.” I grabbed the back of his head, pulling him to me, his face inches from mine. Chase’s hungry smile was smothered against my mouth as I pulled him close, my kiss as brutal as any I’d had from him. He did fuck me then, and hard, just as I asked. Something was unleashed inside me, something just as wild as what I sensed in Chase, and I screamed and cried out, raked my nails across his back, thrust my body against him as hard as I could. I came quickly, unexpectedly, and it was almost overwhelming. My body arched up against Chase, as he pulled me hard against him, one arm braced on the hay bale. He held me while I shook, my body lost to the sensations that swept through me, carried me some place far away, crashed and tossed me about and then ebbed away, leaving me limp in his embrace. I opened my eyes, looking up at Chase. He was watching me, a look of wonder on his face, frowning slightly. “You okay, Abby?” I lay back on the hay, breathing hard, my heart still hammering in my chest. “Yeah. Wow…” I was aware Chase was still inside me, not moving, but still hard. I placed my hand on his chest, feeling his heart beating just as hard as mine. “Chase….” I caressed his face with my fingertips, slowly rocking my hips, feeling him move inside me. He gave me a questioning look. I nodded my head and he began moving inside

me, whatever restraint he’d been exercising now gone. He thrust fast and hard, coming quickly with a loud tearing cry, his body shuddering beneath my hands as I held him to me, cradling his head on my shoulder. When he was done, he stayed flung across my body, breathing hard, his back slick with sweat. I realized that it was quiet outside, the rain had stopped, so quiet now that I could hear Chase breathing. He pushed himself up from me, groaning theatrically, pulling me to my feet. Smiling, he plucked a stray piece of hay out of my hair before pulling me close, holding me against his chest. “You know, you look so beautiful with you are coming, Abby. Sometimes I wish I could follow you wherever it is you go.” “You can’t follow, Chase…because you’re leading me.” I looked up, embarrassed by the warmth of my words, running my fingers down his cheek. He took my hand, kissing my fingertips. “I’ll take you there anytime you want, Abby.”

*

The sun was brilliant on the ride back, the world all shiny and clean after the rain, the dust settled on the back roads. We got back to Chase’s ranch in the late afternoon. “You want a shower before dinner or after?” He’d put the bike away; we’d come in to the kitchen through the back porch door. “I want one now, with you.” I caught Chase off guard. He turned, smiling. “So, now it’s like that, is it?” He pulled me against him, lips on mine in a

lingering kiss. “Drop everything and do as you say?” I looked up at him, laughing. “You asked. And I answered.”

*

The shower turned out to be an invitation to a bath in the most amazing tub I’d ever seen. Chase had taken me upstairs to his bedroom, stripping me of my damp and dusty clothes, apologizing for the torn panties. “I’ll buy you new ones, lots of new ones, enough to tear one off of you every day of the week.” The bathroom off the master bath was a huge affair, with a steam shower large enough for more than two. But the centerpiece was a raised tub at least seven feet long, wide enough for two side-by-side and deep enough to bathe a horse. “Chase, this is huge.” He was filling the tub, adding something bubbly and wonderfully scented, fresh and citrusy. There were a few candles lit on the counter and the edge of the tub. “Do you frequently take bubble baths? With scented candles?” It seemed such a contrast to the rough and tumble rancher image I had of him, to imagine him soaking in a tub of bubbles by candle light, and despite my best efforts, I giggled. He straightened, giving me a scowl. “There’s nothing better than a long soak in hot water after an afternoon of breaking horses. We used to use the horse trough out behind the barn when I was growing up.” He nodded at the tub.

“This is a far cry more comfortable, especially for two.” He took a step toward me with such purpose, I backed up. “Unless you want me to dunk you in the tank out behind the barn? I’d be more than happy to do that, if you’re not happy with the current accommodations.” Then he burst out laughing. “Abby, you should see your face. Never play poker, that’s my advice to you, first and last. Never play poker. You’re holding a deuce and a seven, the hammer, and wondering if you should bluff.” He pulled me against him, kissing me hard. “I’m calling your bluff and we’re taking a bath.” The water was silky smooth, almost too hot, but not quite. Chase hit a switch somewhere and the water gently swirled around us. He settled back in the tub, nestling me between his outstretched legs, my back against his chest. His arms rested comfortably on the wide edge of the tub and I rested my head on his shoulder, my body floating gently in the water. If I shifted just right, I could feel his cock poking me in the back, or along my thighs or brushing against my ass. There was no rush, neither of us feeling the need to do more than just let the water swirl around us, warm and soothing, our bodies touching in the warm water. There seemed to be all the time in the world for the two of us to be together, to do whatever was going to come next. Eventually Chase began running his hands across my breasts, the water making them deliciously slippery. One hand slid lower, cupping itself between my legs, slowly rubbing and touching, his fingers drawing lazy circles around my clit, slipping lower every so often to slide deeper into me. I let my body relax, let my legs fall open, gave him all the room he needed. I watched his hand for a little bit, entranced by the motion of his fingers, the bubbles that were left in the tub moving away from the motion of hand. Then I leaned back, closing my eyes, letting him have his way with me. He was patient and slow, starting a fire that slowly built, the heat rising through my body. It soon became impossible for me not to feel his erection touching me or his hips moving beneath the water. And I wanted to feel him, inside me, surrounded by all this warmth.

The tub was wide enough for me to turn around, facing Chase, my legs wrapped around his waist. I settled myself down on him, his cock slowly sliding into me. He drew a breath, looking up into my face. I rocked my hips back and forth, tiny movements that seemed just enough. The light outside had grown dim, the candles the only light in the room now. In the soft glow I saw such tenderness in Chase’s eyes, something I hadn’t seen before. It made my heart swell, something I’d only read about in romance novels, but that’s what it did. There were sudden tears in my eyes at the raw emotion I saw on Chase’s face. He came quietly, his face against my chest, arms tight around my body, the only sounds a soft exhalation that might have been my name. I held him a long time after that, rocking slowly in the water.

*

We ate the dinner Rachel had left, sitting down at one end of the long dining room table. I was beginning to think the woman was a ghost, leaving behind delicious food before heading back to the spirit realm. “No, she’s real. But she’s got a sixth sense about when I’m here or not. I rarely see her. We get along great, but she’s territorial about her kitchen when she’s in it, so I give her a wide birth and she cooks when I’m out. And she’s got the men to cook for, out in the bunkhouse kitchen. So she’s a busy woman.” “Does she live here on the ranch?” I was devouring a small plate of casserole, something creamy and delicate, with what I suspected were homemade noodles. “No, she’s from town. But she’s here early, stays late and doesn’t complain. Or, rarely complains. But when she’s got something to say, you’ll know it. She’s never been one to keep her peace if she’s got something she thinks needs saying. And she rules the roost out in the bunkhouse. Those men toe the line she draws.

I’ve told her time and again I have a place for her at the club; she’d make an excellent dominatrix.” I laughed. “Do you miss the club? You don’t talk about it much.” He chewed in silence for a moment. “You know, I haven’t thought about it much, at least not when you’re around. You’re a good distraction.” There was another moment of silence. “You know, I meant what I said last night.” His voice was low. “Last night?” I looked down at my plate, knowing I was blushing. “When I said you should be here all the time. I meant it.” He was still watching me. I played with my food, my mouth suddenly dry, heart thumping wildly. Calm down, Abby. Take a breath. He reached across the table, taking my hand. “I don’t say these things on a whim, Abby.” I looked up at Chase. “I don’t know what to say.” “Don’t say anything. I’m putting it out there. It’s what I do. You should know by now I don’t hold back, in anything. When I want something, I go after it. When I like something, I buy it. When I find a woman that does to me what you do, makes me feel like I do, I want her around me, as much as possible.” “How do you feel?” My voice was barely a whisper. I managed to hold his gaze. “Do you want a declaration of love? I can’t give you that…yet. My heart isn’t easily given away; it’s been trampled too many times. I can tell you that in the short time I’ve known you, I’ve grown to like you quite a bit, for a city girl. I enjoy our time together. You’ve become an important part of my life. I look forward to seeing you and I miss you when you’re gone.” He rubbed his nose, a sheepish grin back on his face. “To be honest, I wouldn’t let Marie change my sheets after you left last week. They smelled like you…like us…and I didn’t want to give that up. She finally got them off the bed when I wasn’t paying attention.”

He stood suddenly, holding out his hand, smiling down at me. “Come on, let’s dance.” “Who would have thought that you were such a romantic,” I teased, my eyes lit up with desire. I took his hand and he led me down the hall to the living room. There was a collection of electronics on a bookcase and he punched a few buttons. Music filled the room, apparently from some artfully hidden speakers. “Oh, Robin Hood. I this.” Chase took me in his arms, holding me close, my head resting on his shoulder. I let him slowly dancing me across the floor to the raspy, sexy voice of Bryan Adams. “You’re right. I am a romantic. I just hide it well from the rest of the world.” “You hide behind whips and chains?” I closed my eyes, inhaling his scent, the citrusy smell of our bath still lingering on his skin. “Sometimes. It’s an easy way to cover up a lot of things I’d rather not think about.” We were quiet, Chase humming softly with the song, expertly guiding me. I felt comfortable and content. The song ended. I sighed, not wanting to move. Something I didn’t recognize began playing but we didn’t dance. I lifted my face, Chase’s lips soft on mine, his kiss as gentle and slow as the music.

*

It was late Sunday when I got back to my apartment. The cat was needy, but well fed.

There were several messages on the machine. I was sorting the mail, listening with half an ear, hearing Leslie’s voice, then my mother’s. The next voice made my hands freeze, the mail falling back on the desk, now forgotten. It was Jake. “Abby, where are you? I’ve been trying to reach you since Friday. I’m back home and I want to see you. Call me.”

*

I fished my cell phone out of my purse. It was turned off. I didn’t doing that. Flicking it back on and there were three messages from Jake. I didn’t bother listening to them. I didn’t want to hear the worry in his voice; that was clearly evident on the message on my home phone. My fingers trembled as I dialed Jake’s number. It rang just long enough that I thought I could hang up, but then his voice was there. “Abby? How are you?” “I’m fine. Sorry about not getting your messages. I was out of town and my cell phone got turned off somehow.” There was silence for a moment. I pictured Jake, tall and dark, so handsome it almost hurt to look at him. And I realized how much I’d missed him, and how much I’d enjoyed being with Chase. “I want to see you, Abby. I’ve missed you.” “I’ve missed you, Jake. More than I thought I would. Can we have dinner tomorrow night?” “Absolutely.” There was a smile in his voice. “I’ll pick you up at eight.”

*

I was ready an hour early Monday night, pacing back and forth. I was really excited to see Jake, to hear how his trip had been. But most of all, I wanted his reassuring presence, the comfort of his arms around me. There was something in Jake that made me feel safe, cherished…loved. Chase made me feel almost like a horse…one of his fillies. Loved as a possession, not necessarily for myself. But Chase had unlocked something deep and primal in me, led me down some dark paths to experiences I’d never had with anyone. Jake was my dominant. I turned that relationship over in my mind, wondering how I felt about that now. Did I still want to explore relationship that with Jake? To be his submissive, to give control to him in return for a different kind of wild ride? I didn’t know if Jake had it in him as a dominant, the way Chase did, to take me to those places. I was certain thought that Jake, as a lover, could take me anywhere I wanted to go. Jake had the ion, if he’d let himself go and he fueled my ions in a different, but no less exciting way, than Chase did. The doorbell interrupted my swirling thoughts. Jake was there, tall and dark, blue eyes sweeping over me. Without hesitation, I pulled him against me, winding my arms around his neck. My mouth found his, my kiss urgent, my body suddenly needing him in a way that startled me. I pulled him into the apartment, pushing the door shut with a slam. He broke away, looking down at me. “Abby…”

I didn’t let him continue. “The hell with dinner, Jake. Make love to me. Now.” I pulled him down the hall to my bedroom. He had the sense not to argue but I could see a shadow of confusion cross his face. But that left him as I pulled at his shirt, undoing the buttons with eager fingers. His hands reached for my blouse, pulling it over my head. We made quick work of the rest of our clothing, falling onto the bed. Jake pulled me against his body, my fingers running eagerly over his chest, loving the feel of his lean frame, my hands running down the familiar contours of his body, over the flat plane of his stomach, the rise of his erection. We were a tangle of arms and legs, Jake’s hands squeezing my breasts, reaching down to cup my ass. Our lips were seeking, tongues probing each other’s mouths, reclaiming forgotten territory. I pushed Jake over on his back, straddling his hips. His hands reached up, pulling me down to him, his lips finding my breasts, running his tongue over my skin. I could feel his erection pressing against my inner thigh, hot and hard, and suddenly I wanted him inside me. Pulling away from Jake, I sat back, ri on my knees. Jake was watching me, eyes taking in every part of me. “God, Abby, I think you’re more beautiful than ever. You look amazing. I really have missed you, not just this…” he waved his hand “…but you. I’ve missed you, Abby.” “I’ve missed you too, Jake. More than I thought I would.” I reached down, taking his erection in my hand, stroking him slowly, sitting back on his thighs for a moment, loving the feeling of his hard cock in my hand. Jake shifted beneath me, his hips rising in time with my thrusts. I rose up, rubbing the head of his cock against my pussy, circling my clit with it, sliding just the head into my body. I held him there a moment, watching his face, feeling him pressing against me, seeking to thrust into me. I took a deep breath, letting myself down on him, feeling him thrust up, meeting me. We both exhaled at the same time.

“Oh, god, Abby. I’ve missed this, to be inside you. God, how I’ve missed this.” I leaned down, my mouth on his, my tongue flicking over his lips, brushing against his, moaning softly against him. Jake began moving beneath me, his hips rising and falling, the delicious length of his cock filling me. We were moving faster, each of us now urgent in our desire to return to the familiar, to the feeling of our bodies working tougher as one, the delicious melding that we’d experienced before. I sat back at one point, riding him hard, my hands on his narrow waist, loving being in control, grinding down on his hips with my body. Jake was holding my hips, his fingers digging in slightly, as his hips rose beneath me. Eventually, he shifted, bracing his feet on the bed, changing the angle of his thrusts into me. I could feel his thighs brushing against my ass, his movements making the bed shake. He was grunting with each stroke, almost a sound of frustration. “Abby…oh, god.” There was a subtle shift in momentum between us; I was ready to let him take over, have control. I rolled over, keeping Jake inside me, wanting him to use me for his pleasure and take me along for the ride. I pulled my legs wide, letting him thrust as hard as he wanted, needed, into me. He spread his legs, bracing his thighs against mine, arms on either side of my shoulders. He was breathing hard, his eyes locked on my face with that intense and penetrating gaze I loved. I reached up, stroking his face and he turned his head, kissing the palm of my hand, closing his eyes. Jake came with such suddenness I think surprised both of us. There was a brief moment where he hung in the balance between holding back and letting go and then he was making short sharp jabs into me, his hips pivoting from side to side, his warmth filling me. He buried his head on my shoulder as his body continued moving, spurts and twitches inside me. I rolled up to meet him, my body pulling at him, wanting him deeper inside me. My hips were grinding up against him, my legs almost wrapped around his shoulders when I came. I felt like I could be split open, taking him so far inside

me. There seemed no end to the waves of pleasure that ran through me. The blood was pounding in my head; my ears filled with the sound of it, of my voice and of Jake’s, his muffled against my neck. It was a long time later when Jake lifted his head, brushing the hair back from my forehead. He kissed the end of my nose, smiling down at me. “So much for the dinner reservations.” He rose up on one elbow. “Your nose is sunburned. You must have gotten some sun over the weekend.” I felt myself blush, hoping the dark would hide it or it looked like the flush of ion. “Um…yeah, a little bit. Are you hungry? We could order pizza, if you like.” We did order pizza, sitting cross-legged in my bed, seemingly unable to leave the comfort of the tangled sheets and blankets. It was a long time before we slept. Jake took me again, slowly, our initial appetites sated, but a deep lingering hunger was still there. It seemed we couldn’t get enough of each other, and we spent most of the night locked in some kind of embrace. We eventually fell asleep in an exhausted tangle of arms and legs. My alarm went off much too soon. I couldn’t afford to miss any more work and this was Jake’s first day back in the office. We took a brief but highly sensual shower together, got dressed and parted ways on the street. “I’ll call you later.” Jake kissed me hard, leaving me at my car, sprinting off down the street to his, parked at the curb. I saw him pull a parking ticket from under the wiper and stuff it in his pocket. Lucky he didn’t get towed. I was in a foggy state of sleep deprivation and general confusion at work. I stumbled through several client meetings, managed not to upset my boss too badly and finally collapsed in my office chair after lunch. I was just attempting to sort through my email, listening to voice mails. There was one from Jake which made me blush, asking me for a session on Saturday. I was just picking up the phone to call him when it rang. I pulled my hand back, startled. “Hello, beautiful girl. How are you today? I’ve missed you.” Chase.

“I’m fine. Busy. It’s been a hectic day. You know, Monday and all.” Chase laughed softly. I could imagine what it sounded like, when I had my head on his chest, the way it rumbled beneath my ear. “Abby, you do realize today is Tuesday. You must really be having a bad day if it’s a Monday all over again.” I cringed, shaking my head. “My brain is all scattered today. Yes, it’s Tuesday. I know that.” Stop talking, Abby, just stop now. “I’d like to see you again this weekend. Come up on Friday, stay until Sunday. That old tom cat you’ve got can do without you for the whole weekend, can’t he?” I had the fleeting thought that he was talking about Jake, but realized he actually meant my cat. But I also ed Jake wanted a session on Saturday. Oh, crap. But I wanted to see Jake, wanted a session with him. I missed that part of our relationship, not just him. I took a deep breath. “I have plans for this weekend, Chase. I’ll have to take a rain check.” I closed my eyes, hoping he wouldn’t ask me for details. I wasn’t awake enough to do any mental gymnastics at the moment. There was silence on the other end of the line. “I see. Okay. How about dinner at my condo on Friday, say seven? If you like, you can come to the club with me, not as a sub, but as my guest. You might enjoy the surroundings a little more this time. Take in the ambience, so to speak.” I let out a mental sigh of relief. The thought of going to the club was interesting, something I thought I’d like now that I’d gotten my feet wet, so to speak. “Yes, that’s a great idea. Dinner and the club.” “You’ll be home, safe in your own bed by Saturday morning. I promise not to tie you up and leave you there, as a captive.” There was the briefest pause, in which my mind leapt to all sorts of wild conclusions. And then he laughed again, Chase’s warm laugh, making me smile. “You’re only allowed to tie me up in public, Chase, not in private. I don’t think I

trust you enough yet.” There was a smile in his voice. “I agree. You never know what I have up my sleeve.” He left me again with explicit directions to his condo. After I hung up, I rested my head on my desk. What the hell are you doing? You’ve never managed one relationship successfully, much less juggling two men at the same time.

*

I called Jake back, setting a session for Saturday afternoon, late. We talked a bit about what we’d explore this time. “Do you have anything you want to try? Something you’ve been wanting to experience?” My mind was still foggy. “I’ll think about it and let you know. Right now, I’m sleep deprived.” “Same here. But it’s for a good reason. When I was traveling I didn’t sleep well. I thought about you, wished you were there with me.” I blinked. “I missed you too, Jake.” But I couldn’t tell him that I hadn’t thought about him at night. That tiny fractured piece of guilt still resided in my heart, that I had something I didn’t want to tell Jake. I hung up the phone. All I wanted was a hot shower and my bed. As luck would have it, there was a knock on my door. Leslie was standing in the doorway. “Hey, Abby. You look like three kinds of crap.” “Thanks, Leslie. I feel like three kinds of crap.” She sat down. “Late night with Chase?”

I shook my head. “Late night, early morning with Jake. He’s back in town.” “Oh. Wow. And? Did you tell him about Chase?” I shook my head. “No, and I don’t have a reason to. We have this no-stringsattached relationship…but...” I sunk my head into my hands. “I feel guilty.” Leslie nodded her head. “Yeah, I’ve heard that. So if you have this open kind of thing, why the guilt?” “I don’t know. Maybe because Jake’s the first guy in a long time who seems to love me? I mean really, truly loves me. And I don’t want to hurt him.” Leslie sat forward. “You feel guilty because you love him back, don’t you?” There it was. Did I? I didn’t know. I dropped my head onto the desk. “Or…do you love Chase?” Without lifting my head, I answered. “I don’t know. Chase asked me to live with him at the ranch though.” I heard Leslie exhale. “No? Really? Holy shit. When it rains it pours. Did he tell you he loves you, as well?” I looked up from the desk. “No. That he did not.” “Well, thank God for small favors, right?” Leslie smiled. I said nothing. Her smile immediately faded. “Oh, no. Him too? You love both of them, don’t you.” It wasn’t a question; it was a statement. “Leslie, right now I’m too tired to even know my middle name. Ask me on a different day, after I’ve had some sleep and maybe I’ll be able to make sense of it all.” I dropped my head back onto the desk with a thud. It wasn’t just my mind that was exhausted from running through the countless thoughts that refused to let me rest. Every scenario imaginable, every choice, every ending; every string of thought played out like a line of paper dolls, whispering through the air, pulled by invisible strings in an unstoppable charade

of shadowy figures. These players in my life, the two men that now dominated much more than my body, they controlled my every thought… I couldn’t run from them. I had to make sense of all that I was feeling once and for all. Even if it meant finally losing all control and surrendering my heart.

*

Dinner with Chase; date at the club. My mind, as usual, was overwhelmed with what to wear. On Thursday night, I dug out the box of clothing Jake had sent over for our first time at Chase’s club. I didn’t want to wear the same outfit; for one, I’d have felt ridiculous having dinner in a leather corset and crotch-length zip-back leather skirt. Besides, the lace-patterned stockings never made it back home with me. I dumped the box out on my bed. The cat sniffed cautiously at the strange collection of man-made fibers and then curled up on top of a pair of leather pants I’d discarded. After much rummaging and muttering, I found a black dress, long, with a slit up the side that ended somewhere near my waist. The sleeves were loose and flowing, but the bodice and torso fit me like a glove. Standing in front of the mirror, with my highest heels on, I was actually pleased with the look. The leg that was visible looked eight miles long. The only problem was what to wear underneath. All my lingerie showed, except for one tiny black thong hidden in the bottom of my lingerie drawer. That would have to do. Part of me felt totally exposed, a good gust of wind and I’d have no secrets. But a bigger part of me liked that feeling. Daring is not a word usually found in my vocabulary, but I really wanted to wear this dress. I wanted to wear it for Chase. It would take me through dinner without feeling like I was in costume and it wouldn’t look out of place at the club. I didn’t think Chase was going to strip me down and tie me up again, even though the memory of him doing just that sent a

tingle down my spine. It seemed more like I’d be playing hostess to his host. I shook my head. You’re thinking for other people, Abby. Just relax. Chase’s condo was in an upscale part of the city. Again, he’d given impeccable directions and I arrived unscathed, but very early. I rang the buzzer, waited and rang it again. There was a muffled curse on the other side of the door and then Chase was there at the open door, shirtless and barefoot, in just jeans. His hair was damp along the edges, a bit unruly, totally sexy. “Abby, sorry. I’m running late. Come in.” He held the door, ushering me inside, reaching for my coat. “One of the fillies is due to foal any minute and she looked like she was going to drop it today. But, as fillies are prone to do, she didn’t. I wanted to…” he stopped in mid-sentence. He was holding my coat in his hands, forgotten, his eyes traveling over my body, lingering on certain parts…cleavage, long legs, back to cleavage. “You wanted to? What did you want to do?” I took a step forward, my hand on his chest. I could feel his heart thudding beneath my fingers. “I have no idea.” His voice was low, that honeyed-whiskey voice that drives me wild. He pulled me against him, coat discarded on the floor. His lips found mine, all single-minded ion. His hands were at my back, sliding down to cup my ass. His fingers moved to the side of the dress with the slit. I felt a hesitation in his kiss as his hand found the edge of the dress, moving beneath to explore the naked skin of my leg, heading further inside, heading toward my ass. He looked at me, one brow cocked. “Abby, you’re not wearing any panties.” His smile was slow, sensuous. “I’m shocked.” He was looking at me as if I were the appetizer before a full course meal. “You? Shocked? Never…and I am wearing some. See if you can find them.” I pulled him back down to me, renewing our kiss. His hand continued exploring beneath the dress, fingers skating over my skin, his fingers sliding into the cleft, briefly snapping the elastic of the thong. I jumped.

“Ah…bingo.” He smiled down at me. “You really are full of surprises, aren’t you?” He attempted to kiss me again but I held him at arm’s length. “Don’t you have a club to get to? And dinner?” I pretended to pout, trying hard to look put-upon and not as aroused as I really felt. He sighed dramatically. “Ah, yes, my lady.” He bowed, waving me toward the dining room table. “Just let me finish getting dressed. I’ll be just a minute. Make yourself comfortable. Drinks are over there…” he waved his hand at a bar in the corner of the dining room before disappearing down the hall. Chase’s condo was a surprise. I’d expected a version of his ranch; warm woods, stone, maybe brick. But this was all sleek gray walls, dark cherry-wood floors and lots of deep blue fabric at the windows and as pillows on the cream colored furniture. It all looked new and shiny. I ed Chase saying he only was here on the weekends, when he was at the club. I found a bottle of wine among the liquor, pouring myself a glass. The view from the living room windows was beautiful, the setting sun casting long shadows, the lights of the high-rises looking like stars set in the glass and steel buildings. Chase’s reflection in the glass caught my eye. He was standing behind me, looking out over my shoulder. “As beautiful as this is, I’d trade it any day for the view from the back porch.” His hands were on my shoulders and I leaned back against him. He smelled clean and spicy; I inhaled deeply. “Come on. Let’s eat. I am really making us run late. Stacy will open the club, but I like to be there to greet some of the guests in person.” He led me to the dining room, holding out a chair. The table was some kind of black stone. “What is this?” I ran my hand over the surface. It wasn’t marble, but not hewn stone either. “Industrial concrete.” Chase set a big salad bowl on the table, brimming with

tomatoes and spring greens, peppers and slices of purple onion. He continued talking as he moved back and forth between the kitchen and the table. “The previous owner had it made in place and it’s too big to get out the door. Apparently that wasn’t well planned by the designer.” Poached salmon appeared next, along with a bowl of new potatoes. He pulled out a chair and sat down. “Here, give me your plate. I hope you like salmon; it’s one thing I can make by myself.” “I do. It smells delicious.” Chase served me a portion of salmon, adding potatoes and salad, handing me back a heaping plate. “So I ended up decorating around the table. It was easier than trying to have it demolished and removed.” “It’s very different from the ranch.” I bit into the salmon, done to perfection, buttery and delicately seasoned with dill and lemon. “It is, but it suits me when I’m at the club. I like to keep the two parts of my life a bit separate. I dress differently, this place is different. I don’t feel quite as homesick for the ranch if there’s nothing here to really remind me of it. It’s like having an office. It’s nice, you like it, but you wouldn’t want to live there, at least not all the time. Still, it’s better than a hotel room. And Rachel sometimes sends care packages of food from home.” We ate in silence for a time, enjoying the food. “Chase, can I ask you a question?” Something had been buzzing around in the back of my mind. “Sure, darling. Always. Anything you want to know.” “Do you have a submissive now?” I took a drink of wine, amazed at myself. Direct and to the point tonight, aren’t we? He raised his eyebrows. “No, I don’t. I haven’t had one in, oh, maybe a year or more.” He was quiet for a moment, his eyes faraway. It took him a minute to

come back from wherever that memory had taken him. “Are you interested in being my sub?” He looked at me over the rim of his wineglass. I hesitated just long enough to make Chase smile. But I shook my head. “No. I want to stay with Jake. I wondered though, if you didn’t have one, why? Or, if you did, where you had play scenes.” “I see. Jake’s still interested in being a Dom then? Good for him. I don’t have a sub right now for a lot of reasons. For one, I don’t have time to devote to a relationship.” He stood, gathering up the dinner plates, taking them to the kitchen. I had the sense I’d crossed a line, but if I wanted to know what potential this relationship had, I wanted to know it now. He came back to the table, pulling his chair around close to me, swinging one long leg over the seat, straddling the back. “The rest of the story: I had a sub, someone I really cared about. But something happened…and the relationship ended.” He took a drink from my wine glass. He swirled the pale liquid around in the glass. “You picked a nice vintage here. I like this one. Fresh, but with a bit of bite in it.” He swallowed the rest. “It’s a lot like you, Abby. You’ve turned out to have quite a bit of bite in you as well.” He stood, pushing the chair to the side. He pulled me up to him, his lips on mine, insistent and hard. Almost too hard. I knew he wasn’t drunk but he was rough, holding my arms tightly. I responded to his kiss, but struggled in his grasp. There was a sound of tearing fabric. “Enough Chase.” I pulled away, breathing hard. “Enough.” Chase was looking down at me, a strange mixture of emotions on his face, with guilt eventually overshadowing the rest. He ran a hand through his hair, mes the thick strands. “I’m sorry, Abby. I’m not sure… I guess bringing up old memories isn’t that

easy for me. Let’s leave the rest of this conversation for a different time, okay?” He pulled me toward him. I stiffened, but he murmured some comforting noise against my hair, one I suspected he used on recalcitrant fillies. I let him hold me against his chest, his head resting against mine. We stood like that for a long time, his hands gently rubbing my back, me listening to the steady beat of his heart. “We really should go.” His voice was soft, the words spoken over my head. He held me away from him. “How much damage did I do to the dress?” He turned me around. I peered over my shoulder as he inspected the fabric. “Here, there’s a little tear at the back of the sleeve. It’s not noticeable. I don’t think you’re going to lose the sleeve.” He turned me back to face him. “Unless I suspend you by your wrists, which I wasn’t planning to do. And if I did, I’d undress you first anyway.” He kissed my forehead. “I really am sorry, Abby. Are we okay?” I nodded. I thought we were. Or at least I hoped we were.

Chapter Ten

The club was open by the time we arrived. Chase took me in through a back door, down a warren of narrow hallways and through the lounge area. The music from the dance floor was already pounding through the wall and the lounge held a smattering of couples and groups. “Chase! About time you show up.” A female voice boomed across the lounge from the direction of Chase’s office. I expected to see a giantess, some flaminghaired Amazon striding across the room. But the woman attached to the voice was a diminutive blonde, barely five feet tall, if at all, with lively blue eyes set in a pixie face. Chase leaned down to kiss her cheek. “Midnight Lace is due any minute and I wanted to watch the birth…” “But she’s not cooperating? Typical female.” Her bright gaze turned to me, an open look of curiosity on her face. Chase’s arm was around my waist, and now he pulled me closer, jostling me with his hip. “Abby, I’d like you to meet Stacy, my right hand everything. She’s the glue that holds me together on the weekends. Stacy, this is Abby. She’s my guest for the evening.” Stacy extended a delicate hand and I took it, expecting an equally delicate grip. I was surprised when my hand was engulfed in a grip that would have made a rig worker flinch. When she let go I resisted the urge to check for broken bones. “Nice to meet you. If you need anything and Chase is busy, just find me. Or ask at the bar if I’m not riding herd out here.” She glanced around the room. “I’d better make a tour through the back. We have several of the private rooms booked tonight. The schedule is on your desk. None of those clients are here; I

think the first is due in about an hour.” “Thanks, Stacy.” Chase kissed her cheek again. She moved off through the crowd, her gazed focused on a couple on the other side of the room, waving a greeting. Chase watched her as she made her way out of the lounge. I wondered what the history was between them, surprised by a sudden pang of jealousy. “She’s amazing. I’d be lost without her.” “How did you meet her?” I seemed to have no control over my mouth tonight. “Stacy? She was a dancer at a different club. I liked her spunk. She takes no guff from anyone.” Chase laughed. “I saw her drop a six foot six, two hundred fifty pound guy to the floor once at the dance club. She told me later he’d been ‘inappropriate’ with her during a lap dance. I decided then, if I had a club, I’d want her as the muscle. It’s been a match made in heaven.” Chase turned to me, cocking an eyebrow. “I think I see a bit of the green-eyed monster in your very green eyes, Abby.” He leaned down, kissing me quickly. “Don’t worry. It’s only the horses you have to be jealous of right now.”

*

I hadn’t really known what to expect from this evening, but it turned out to be very interesting. Chase knew everyone of course, introducing me to people, chatting with many of the . We stayed mostly in the lounge until almost midnight. The noises from the hall with the public rooms had grown louder. I could hear a crescendo of screams and moans, the smack of something hitting flesh and the definite sound of a whip cracking. Chase had left me to go greet one of his private clients. He planted a kiss on my forehead.

“I’ll be right back. These are very private people. I’d like to get them settled, see what they need. Stacy’s around if you need something. Just ask Jack to find her.” He nodded at the man behind the bar. “I’ll be fine. I’m going to wander down there.” I pointed down the hall where I’d gone with Jake the last time I’d been here, following Chase to my first bondage session with him. It seemed like an eternity ago. The noises I was hearing were making me intensely curious; I hoped some of the rooms were public. “Okay. I’ll find you when I’m done. Just don’t get invited in to a session. You’re mine now, not to be shared with the rest of the clients.” He ran a possessive hand over my back. “In that dress, you are totally fuckable. And that’s my job now, no one else’s.” And then he was gone. The first few rooms I went past had the curtains pulled. I could hear noises, had a vague idea of what was happening. In some cases, I longed to twitch the curtain aside just enough to see, but I knew that was bad manners. There was a small group outside a room ahead and I stood at the back so if I ended up staring open-mouthed, no one would notice. And I was staring open-mouthed as soon as I figured out what was happening. A pretty black-haired woman was strapped to a huge X-shaped cross, naked except for nipple clamps and a thick spiked dog collar and a coat of red lipstick that made her lips stand out against her pale skin. She was covered in a film of sweat, red marks on her thighs and stomach. As I watched, a naked man came into view, a black leather whip in his hand, trailing behind him like a lightly coiled snake. He asked her a question; she responded. My mouth dropped open further as he turned and I got a look at his erect cock, standing away from his body, hard and long. He held her chin in his hand, kissing her roughly. I could see her leaning after him as he pulled away, obviously hungry for more. It made me think of Jake, my dominant, so obviously aroused during our sessions. And I thought of myself during our sessions, how I hungered for his touch, even the sting of pain, aching for more.

The man stepped back and paused. Then the whip flashed out, the tip striking the woman with a loud crack. She jerked, and I yelped. The man standing in front of me turned, his finger to his lips. I nodded, chastised. I looked at the woman closely; her head was back, mouth open, a look of pure ecstasy on her face. The whip cracked again, hitting her in a glancing stroke at the top of one pale thigh. She cried out, her hips thrusting forward, pulling against her wrist and ankle restraints. Again and again, the whip cracked, lashing against the woman’s body, inching higher and higher on her legs. My own body jerked with each crack of the whip, imagining what it must be like for the woman: wondering how high the whip would strike, the pleasure experienced from each bite of the whip against her tender flesh. “Martin is an expert a whip.” The soft voice in my ear made me jump. I felt Chase’s body behind me, his hands on my ass. I pushed back against him and he slid his hands around to the front of my body, caressing the tops of my thighs, the very same places where the woman on the cross was being hit with the whip. I could feel his erection pressed against my ass and I shamelessly arched my back, my hips undulating against Chase’s body, rubbing my body hard against him. “Gets you hot, doesn’t it?” He nuzzled my ear, his tongue flicking along my neck. His lips pressed against my skin; I was certain he could feel my pulse pounding against his mouth. I nodded. More than anything, right then, I wanted Chase, hard. I turned my head, looking up at him. “Is there some place we can go?” “Follow me.”

*

The room was small and dark, up a narrow set of stairs at the back of the club. I had my arms around Chase’s neck before he’d thumbed the lock, hands tugging at his hair, my tongue against his lips, body pressed hard against his. As I pulled him closer I felt the rip of fabric as the tear in my dress grew bigger. But I didn’t care. Chase had his hands beneath my dress, pulling the material aside, fingers working beneath the edges of my thong. There was another rending of fabric and my pussy was exposed, the thong disappearing into the gloom and from my mind. He pushed me hard up against the wall with a resounding thud. I slid one leg up his body, wrapping it around his waist. In the tight space between our bodies, he made quick work of the zipper and button on his jeans, grunting as he freed his cock from the confines of his pants. There was no ceremony; he was in me quickly, holding me against his body, thrusting hard and fast. Our mouths were locked together in a vicious kiss, breath rasping between our lips as he drove himself into me over and over. I came so quickly, pulling Chase against me as hard as I could, clinging to him as my hips thrust forward violently, my head hitting the wall as I broke away from his mouth, a harsh scream coming from somewhere far inside me. Chase dug his fingers into the soft flesh of my ass, pulling me even closer, thrusting deeply into me as he came with me, the urgency of his thrusts spurring on my own climax. Our eyes were locked and even in the dim light I could see the raw animal ion in his eyes. It brought on a fresh wave of something inexplicably primal from deep inside. We stayed locked together after we were finished. I didn’t want to let go of Chase and when he tried to pull out of me, I clutched at him. We finally slid to the floor, where he cradled me on his lap, stroking my hair. “Oh, Abby. What am I going to do with you?” I heard the rumble of his soft laugh against my ear.

“You drive me wild, like no one ever has.” He tipped my face up to his, his kiss tender on my bruised lips. “Let’s go home, Abby.”

*

Chase took me back to his condo. In his bedroom, he undressed me slowly; taking care with what little was left to remove, in the dim light filtering through the curtains. He laid me gently on his bed, planting soft kisses on my body, lighting a fire with each brush of his lips against my skin. The rest of the night with Chase was heaven. It was a long slow dance, led by Chase, me following willingly, everything slow and easy, every movement giving immense pleasure. Never had anything felt so good, so right. “Chase…” We were lying in shared bliss, tangled in the sheets and each other’s arms and legs. My head was resting in the now-familiar spot on his chest, his arm around my shoulder, his body warm beneath my hands. Our mingled scents rose from the sheets, warm and sensual. “What, darling?” His fingers lazily stroked my hair, brushing damp tangles away from my forehead. “What is this we have? Where do you see this going?” I knew I was playing with a different kind of fire. But I knew it was Saturday; images of Jake had risen unbidden in my mind. Lying in Chase’s arms, I felt torn and I didn’t like the feeling. My mind was looking for the logical, the facts of the matter. How did Chase feel? Was I deluding myself, again, that he might love me? God knows you’re capable of making things up, Abby. His fingers hesitated, briefly tensing against my hair. Then they resumed their lazy movement.

“You’re looking for something I don’t think I can give you, Abby. I told you, the only filly who has my heart right now is Celeste. You’re a close second.” He shifted, rolling me on my back, propping himself on one elbow. The look in his eyes was serious, but soft, distant memories clouding his gaze. If they were storm clouds, I couldn’t tell. “There’ve been very few women I could say I loved. I’ve liked a hell of a lot of them, some quite a bit. But the one who I loved the best, didn’t love me back. Or didn’t love me enough, maybe. Hard to know. She’s not around anymore to ask.” Chase rolled on his back, one arm flung across his eyes. I leaned over, watching his face as best I could in the shadows. “There are memories from my past that I’m not ready to face, even with you. You asked me once if I hid behind whips and chains and you were more right than I wanted to it. I hide at the ranch. I can be busy there, wear myself out riding horses, breaking them, taking care of them. It keeps me from spending too much time in the past.” Chase turned to me. In the dim light I thought I saw the glimmer of tears in his eyes. But I didn’t touch him, didn’t think that’s what he wanted. “When I asked you to come to the ranch, to stay there, I mean, it was that for the first time, I was able to relax, not constantly try to work myself to exhaustion so I would be so tired I couldn’t think.” I did reach out a finger, tracing the contours of his cheek. I felt the dampness of a spilled tear. And in that moment, my heart went out to him. “I love you, Chase, even if you’re not ready to say the words to me.” The words escaped from my lips without thought and I couldn’t take them back though to my surprise I really didn’t want to. The usual panic that followed closely behind those ionate words was missing and instead I felt relaxed, confident, certain. When he pulled me close, I felt a ragged sigh escape his lips. “Abby… You’re as close to hearing those words from me as anyone, in a long time. But not just yet. I can’t.”

“That’s okay,” I replied with a smile and I meant it. The warmth in his eyes, the heat in his gentle touch – it was enough for me. At least for now. We lay in each other’s arms, the fading night replaced by the brightening dawn. But it was a long time before either of us fell asleep.

*

I desperately needed a shower and really wanted a nap, but had time for only one and a shower was a requirement before a session. Jake was expecting me late Saturday afternoon and as tired as I was, I didn’t want to cancel. My night with Chase had confused me deeply. In the cold light of day, I wasn’t sure what my declaration of love to Chase really meant. Was it the intensity of his emotions that triggered a spontaneous outpouring from me? Did I just feel sorry for him and had that confused with love? Or did I really love him? I didn’t know and couldn’t think about it now. As confused and swirling as my emotions were, I was looking forward to my session with Jake. I missed my role as his submissive, the mental energy it took, and the emotional and physical rewards I got from his dominance. The tower door was open when I pulled up beneath the portico but Jake wasn’t there to greet me. I got out of the car, walking down the driveway, looking out over the expanse of backyard visible past the end of the house. The bright sun earlier in the day had vanished beneath a lowering bank of clouds. There was that peculiar electric feeling in the air before a storm. It reminded me of the day on the motorcycle with Chase, being caught in the thunderstorm. I shivered involuntarily, hugging myself. “Hey, there you are.” I turned. Jake was walking down the drive, shirtless and barefoot in faded blue jeans, tall and confident, his dark hair mussed and sexy. I felt a swell of emotion in my chest, my eyes filling briefly with tears. Turning away, I nodded toward the horizon, at the dark clouds building.

“Looks like something pretty big out there.” I blinked rapidly, hoping Jake hadn’t noticed. My emotions seemed just a bit too close to the surface, too raw from my night with Chase. Maybe tonight isn’t such a good idea. Jake wrapped his arms around me, his chin resting on the top of my head. “Yeah, it looks to be some pretty intense weather.” We watched the boiling clouds for a moment, moving closer, blotting out more of the sun. “The tower room’s one of the best places to be during a storm. You feel like you’re inside the clouds, with the wind and rain all around. I used to sleep out here during really big storms, just for the experience.” He kissed the back of my head. “Unless you’re afraid of them, then it’s pretty terrifying.” He turned me around, pulling me against his chest. “It’s good to have you here, Abby. I’ve missed you, and this.” His hands were warm and strong against my back, and I felt safe in his embrace. I wasn’t sure what I had to be afraid of, but standing here, with storm clouds on the horizon, I didn’t want to leave his arms. Jake held me away from him, looking down at me with those beautiful blue eyes. I couldn’t the last time I’d looked up into them. “Have you decided what you want to do tonight, Abby? Anything you want to play with?” I shook my head. “Not really.” I hesitated, biting my lip. The memory of the black-haired woman at the club flashed through my mind, the whip biting into her skin. “Unless you have experience with a whip…” Jake laughed. “Sorry, I don’t have any experience with whips. They’ve always frightened me a little. But, I think I can unearth a riding crop. It’s the same, but different. You might find you enjoy it.” He cocked his head at me. “Can I ask why a whip?”

Why indeed? “Just a thought.” I knew I was blushing to the roots of my hair. You’re pushing it here, Abby. “I see.” Jake was watching me. “Whip work takes a lot of practice. Guys who are really good spend years perfecting their technique. I don’t have that experience. But I think I can handle a riding crop, if that will make you happy.” He kissed my forehead. “Are you ready to start?” I nodded; it was safer than opening my mouth. Jake led me up the tower stairs, leaving me at the bathroom door. He pulled me to him, his skin warm beneath my fingers, his deep rich smell washing over me, kissing me hard. The tears came when I was alone in the bathroom. And the guilt. I’d told another man I loved him and here I was, preparing to let a different man use a riding crop on me. You’re losing yourself, Abby. “If you don’t want this, then just tell him.” I spoke to my reflection in the mirror. “This is a no-strings attached relationship; you can get out of it anytime you want.” But I didn’t want to get out. I wanted this relationship, and I wanted it with Jake. I splashed cold water on my face, tying back my hair, putting on my robe. The stairs to the tower room seemed to go on forever. Jake was waiting inside the door, looking out the nearest window at the blackening sky. The rain had started, long streaks slashing across the glass. Lightening was visible in the distance, but no sounds of thunder yet. “We can leave this curtain open; it faces the house. We can enjoy the ambience of the storm if you like.” He turned toward me, his hand on the edge of the curtain. “Are you okay, Abby? If you’re not up to this, we don’t have to have a session.” I shook my head. “I’m fine. I want to do this.” Jake crossed the short distance between us. “Okay. We’ll keep it short then. Are

you ready? You’re in submission now.” I nodded my head, never quite so glad to not be allowed to speak. There was still a slight frown on Jake’s face as he reached for my robe. A gust of wind-blown rain outside caught my attention. I looked toward the window; saw Jake’s reflection in the glass. He was standing behind me, not moving, staring at my back. “Abby.” His voice was cold steel. A crash of thunder made me jump. I turned around, looking up at Jake. But I didn’t speak. “Abby.” His voice was sharp. “Turn around and look at me.” I did as I was instructed. I wasn’t sure what this was, if it was part of the session. I wanted to ask, but didn’t want to disobey. “What is this?” I felt his hands on my arms. I shook my head, both because I didn’t know and I couldn’t speak. He took me by the arm, pulling me across the room to the far side of the big cabinet. There was a mirror hanging on the side, something I’d never noticed before. He turned me so my back was to the mirror. “Look. Tell me what these are.” I looked in the mirror. Along the backs of both arms and along the backs of my thighs were bruises, many bruises. All of them were the size and shape of someone’s fingers. Of Chase’s fingers. “Oh.” “Oh? That’s it?” Jake spun me around to face him, his own fingers now digging into my arms. “Who gave you those bruises, Abby? Are you seeing someone else? Are you someone else’s submissive?”

Anger flashed in Jake’s eyes. Seeing that in his eyes lit a corresponding spark of anger in me. “And if I am? You said this is a no-strings-attached relationship, Jake. Your words, your arrangement.” “Who, Abby? Who is it?” He was still holding me, almost lifting me on my toes. I struggled in his grip. “You’re hurting me, Jake. Let me go.” He did, stepping away from me, breathing hard, color rising in his cheeks. “It’s Chase, isn’t it.” Not a question; a statement. “Yes.” I brushed past Jake, grabbing my robe from the back of the door, pulling it on, tugging the sash tight. Jake ran his hand through his hair. “Why, Abby?” “Why? Why not?” “Isn’t this enough for you?” He spread his hands, gesturing around the tower room. Outside the storm was intensifying, rain pelting the windows, thunder booming in the distance. “I’m not seeing Chase as a sub, Jake. He called after our session, had my necklace…I went to see him…and it just happened. You were gone.” My voice was ragged, anger and tears competing, making me gasp. But I refused to give in to the tears. Not now, not here. “So the minute I’m gone, you run to Chase?” “No, not like that. I went to get my necklace…and things just spiraled out of control.” My voice dropped. “But it got to be more…” I looked down at my bare feet. “You’re seeing Chase, as in a relationship?” Jake sat on the edge of the bed, looking up at me. He was quiet for a long time. “Do you love him? Is that it?”

I looked up at Jake, tears spilling down my face. I swiped at them angrily. “I don’t know. Really, I don’t.” I took a step toward Jake. He looked up at me, the pain in his eyes obvious. “For what it’s worth, he hasn’t told me he loves me. He can’t…or won’t.” He shrugged, shook his head. I knelt on the floor at his feet, my hands on his knees. “Jake, I never meant for this to happen and I never meant for you to get hurt. I can’t explain why this happened. All I know is I have never stopped thinking about you.” Tiny white lie, Abby. “This relationship is important to me. I cherish this, what you’ve given me. I would never have tried this, come this far, experienced what I have if it weren’t for you, Jake.” I took one hand in mine, kissing his fingers. “You’ve shown me things I could never have known.” “But that’s not enough, is it. Do you want a relationship? More than this, I mean?” Jake’s voice was low, still with an edge. I realized he was still very angry, holding himself so tightly controlled. He could never let go. I was exhausted, from my time with Chase, and from Jake’s inability to let go. It sent me over the edge. I stood abruptly. “What I want from you Jake is complete honesty.” I flung the words at him. He looked startled, before frowning at me. “I’ve been honest. More so than you, I’d say.” “No. I mean with whatever it is in you that keeps you from just letting go. You start…you’re so angry now you’re barely holding it back. But you don’t let it out. Why? What’s making you hold it back? Chase said things that make me think there’s a whole side of you that I don’t know. He said if we were to have any kind of relationship, I should ask you what your secrets are. I thought he was just saying things at first…for whatever reason. But now I think he’s right.”

I was breathing hard, hands on my hips. I realized I was rambling, words bubbling up from some deep well of emotion, fueled by my exhaustion and by Jake’s stubborn ability to let go. He looked up at me, the anger back in his eyes. “You want the truth? You want to know why I ‘don’t let go’.” He stood, striding across the room before abruptly turning around, his eyes blazing with what looked like pain and anger fused into bright blue-white. “Her name is Jane. She was my ex-girlfriend. I have no idea where she is right now, or even if she’s still alive.” I sank down on the bed, my legs suddenly shaky. “We met here, in Houston, while I was in college, sometime right before I graduated. She seemed the perfect girl; we were inseparable. It was Jane who introduced me to this whole damn thing…” he waved his hand around the room. “She was an experienced submissive, but her dominant had moved away. She wanted me to take his place, but I was in way over my head with her.” He was pacing in front of me, the words coming out slowly at first. “I didn’t have any idea what to do, I told her that. She threatened to leave me; I guess she manipulated me into becoming her dominant. It wasn’t that I didn’t have an interest…I did. But it was all or nothing with her. I loved her so much, and she knew it. She made it clear if I wanted her, she wanted me as her dominant. “She knew about Chase’s club so she took me there a few times, to ‘learn the ropes’ as she said…” His smile was bitter and it scared me. I pulled my knees up, wrapping my arms around them. I was suddenly cold, as if the temperature of the room had dropped ten degrees. “It wasn’t until we’d had a few serious sessions together that things started going badly. Our sessions were always very intense, exhausting for both of us, right from the beginning. She wanted me to be…forceful, aggressive. And I was. I held nothing back, not emotionally, not physically, even verbally. But she started ending the sessions abruptly and then leaving, with no reason. Not that she

needed one, but she would leave with no aftercare, no explanation. I didn’t know what to do, but then I’d see her the next day and she’d be fine. Or she’d be back, asking for another session. I should have asked someone, anyone, for advice. But I believed her when she said she was fine. And I loved her; I didn’t want to lose her.” Jake had stopped pacing. He lowered himself to the floor, sitting down a few feet from the edge of the bed. He wouldn’t meet my eyes, staring somewhere over my left shoulder. “One night she showed up for a session and it was clear that she was high. I told her I didn’t want a session if she was drunk. But she insisted, threatened—again —to leave me. So out of desperation I agreed. We started, I don’t what we’d planned…I don’t think we even got past getting her on the bed. She disobeyed me purposely. So I told her she needed to be punished.” Jake took a ragged breath. “She’d never disobeyed me before. She was always in her submissive role, no matter what. I told her she would be spanked, like we agreed on. So I undid the handcuffs, took her down there…” Jake pointed to the table where he’d spanked me. I was shivering, but too afraid to move, not wanting to interrupt his story. Jake’s voice dropped even lower, his eyes fixed on the far end of the room, as if whatever he had experienced was playing out in the shadows. “I spanked her once, maybe twice, before she started to scream…kicking, hissing, just totally out of control. I thought I’d hurt her, hit her too hard maybe, so I stopped. But she kept screaming. Then seething with anger she pulled away from me and slapped me across the face. She tried to hit me again but I caught her wrists to try and calm her. She wouldn’t listen, she kept fighting against me, hitting me so hard it felt as though she were someone else entirely.” He looked down, rubbing his wrist. “I slapped her. She looked at me, but this time it wasn’t Jane. She started screaming again but as though she was speaking to someone else. She just kept saying ‘You’re not going to hurt me anymore Jim.’ She twisted out of my arms, ran out the door and was gone before I could get down the stairs. That was the last time I saw her.” Jake finally looked up at me, his eyes haunted, distant. “Jim was her step-father. I found out later, from her sister, that he had abused both girls from the time they

were young until their mother divorced him, sometime in their teenage years. Her sister said Jane refused any kind of counseling. She’d left home as soon as she graduated high school, went to college for a few semesters, but ended up dropping out. She said the abuse always happened after a spanking for some imagined infraction of a ‘house’ rule.” Jake dropped his head into his hands. I slid off the bed, crawling across the floor to him, pulling him against me, rocking him gently. His shoulders shook silently for a moment but he remained strong, unshaken. When he spoke his voice was muffled against my shoulder. “Her family never heard from her again. Her cell phone only went to voice mail before it was disconnected. She moved, left no forwarding address. She’d been working at a club downtown, some sleazy dance club. They had her last paycheck, held it for her for months, but she never came to get it. To this day, I don’t know what happened to her Abby. I don’t know where she went.” The tears I’d been trying to hold back spilled down my cheeks. Jake sat up, looking into my eyes. “I’m so sorry Jake,” I replied unsure as to what I should say. My heart ached for him and I could feel the incredible guilt that weighed down on him like heavy chains with every word that spilled from his trembling lips. “The first time you disobeyed me, it reminded me so much of Jane that I couldn’t bring myself to punish you. The second time, when I did, it was the hardest thing I’d ever done.” He tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear, his fingers absently wiping away my tears. “I was so afraid I’d break you somehow. That I’d change you in ways you just weren’t ready for. Just like I did to Jane. I was convinced for the longest time it was my fault, I’d pushed her too hard. I couldn’t control myself and it sent her over the edge.” “No, Jake. It wasn’t your fault.” I meant it; even as I felt the sadness invade my mind at just how much pain Jane must have been in. Jake had likely triggered memories of her abuse that she couldn’t handle. Like him I wondered where she was, what had become of her. Watching Jake hurt so badly, his fingers weaved tightly against his scalp, cradling his head in his hands, I could see the torment that swirled in his eyes. He hadn’t known of Jane’s darkness and because of that

he had taken her into the shadows of her own pain, brought her nightmares to life. It wasn’t his fault. Jane shouldn’t have played with the ghosts of her past, and I wondered why she would have ever become a submissive in the first place other than to torture herself. Perhaps it was her way of coping with what had happened. Her way of taking control of the pain and living through it once more but where she would determine how it ended. Only it ended at a loss. If she could only see Jake now she would know that it wasn’t just a loss for her. She had changed a man forever, and I wondered if he would ever be the same again. “Jake…I’m not Jane.” I touched his cheek. He took my hand, holding against his face for a moment. “But why, Jake? Why did you look for another submissive? If this was so traumatic, why seek out another relationship?” “Because I knew there had to be more to this than just the pain. I wanted to seek out the pleasure. And with you, I have, Abby. You’ve shown me that this type of relationship can be more than it was with Jane, that the pleasure and pain can coexist.” His eyes were bright, intense, as if he needed me to understand this, not just for my own sake, but for his. “Jake, I know…I understand that part of this…our relationship. But after so much pain in losing Jane, why would you do it all over again… with me?” He smiled, a genuine smile, not the bitter smile that had frightened me earlier. “I wanted to experience all that intense pleasure I know comes with this. And I found that with you.” The smile faded. “Jane didn’t trust herself, didn’t trust that she could share her darkness—her secrets—with me. I don’t know that I could have helped her, but I hope to God I would have tried.” He looked down at our clasped hands, his thumbs rubbing across my knuckles. When he spoke, his voice was barely a whisper. “Maybe I would have let her leave. I couldn’t have hurt her if she left.” “Jake, you didn’t intentionally hurt her. You would never have done that. I know you…” I tilted his face up, my fingers beneath his chin. His eyes met mine,

sadness and loss so visible it tore at my heart. “What happened wasn’t your fault. It was beyond your control. You have to know that.” He shrugged. “Sometimes I do…sometimes I think I could have done things differently, that things would have ended up differently…for Jane and me. “But in the end, here with you, I did the same thing Jane did. I didn’t trust you… I wasn’t honest with you, Abby. I tried to control what I thought hurt Jane, the aggressive side that came out in our sessions.” He leaned forward, kissing me softly. “But I couldn’t control falling in love with you.” The room had grown dark, the storm at its peak outside, the wind driving sheets of rain against the glass. I took Jake’s hand, pulling him up with me as I stood. I led him through the tower room door and back to the main house. Somewhere along the way, he took the lead through the maze of hallways, leading me to his bedroom, the destination we both wanted—needed—at that moment. We treated each other as if we were fragile vessels, words whispered in the darkness, touches soft and gentle. We held each other for a long time in Jake’s big bed, while the storm raged outside. Love making was just as slow, just as gentle. There were no words, just the two of us coming together, our bodies moving in perfect concert. When he came, Jake buried his face in my neck. I felt the dampness of his tears on my shoulder and I held him hard against me, trying to absorb his pain, to take it away although I knew it wasn’t mine to take. After a long time Jake rolled away from me, holding my hand in the dark. “I can’t ask you to choose between me and Chase. That’s not fair, to any of us.” He took a deep breath; I held mine. “But I’m changing the rules of engagement for our relationship. I won’t—can’t —share you, in any way. I want you, all of you, for myself. There won’t be a

dominant submissive relationship if you’re involved with Chase in a romantic relationship. I love you too much to do that…to myself.” I exhaled. “I know.” My voice sounded choked and tiny in the big room. He rolled over, pulling me against his chest. It was my turn to cry quietly, emotions and exhaustion finally catching up with me. The last thing I before succumbing to sleep was Jake’s voice, somewhere close, soothing words washing over me, his warm scent even closer, comforting in the dark.

*

Sunday was rainy and cold; the aftermath of the previous night’s storms evident, the streets covered with a little of leaves and branches. I felt as battered as the trees, my mind numb. I came home early from Jake’s with tentative plans for dinner on Monday night, with the promise from me I’d made some kind of decision, his promise to be patient. We’d both agreed to no more sessions. My exhaustion was taking its toll. The shower beckoned, as did my bed. The bed won; I stripped off my clothes, crawling naked beneath the covers. The cat curled up against the small of my back and I was asleep almost instantly. The phone woke me sometime later. The sky was still gray; I had no idea what time it was, nor did I care. I pulled the blankets over my head, cursed the phone and went back to the depths of sleep. It was dark when I finally surfaced to some semblance of wakefulness. The cat grumbled his way to the kitchen and watched me as I made dinner. I carried on a one-sided conversation with him, feeding him bits of chicken to make up for not being home. It seemed to satisfy both of us. The answering machine light was blinking, a reminder of my interrupted sleep. I pressed play and heard the usual litany of Sunday afternoon messages: my

mother, Leslie. And then Chase. Three times; three messages. He wanted to see me. He’d actually wanted me to come see him at his condo Sunday afternoon. I glanced at the clock; it was past ten o’clock. I’d been asleep over twelve hours. That’s not going to happen. I hit redial and Chase answered on the first ring. “Where have you been?” His voice was tense; I could hear club noises in the background, making it hard to hear him. “I was out.” All I heard were club noises. Chase was silent. I heard the sound of a door slamming and the background noises were abruptly cut off. “You were with Jake.” Chase’s voice was just as tense, but now crystal clear. I took a deep breath. “Yes, I was.” There was a sharp noise on the other end of the line. I frowned at the phone. “Are you okay, Chase?” “No, not really. I decided I don’t like the idea of you fucking around with Jake.” I was instantly angry. “That’s not fair. We don’t have an exclusive relationship, Chase.” “I don’t feel like being fair right now. And why don’t we?” “Chase, I’m not having this conversation over the phone. It’s late and I’m tired.” There was a pause, his voice softening. “I wanted to see you today. I miss you. Come to the ranch tomorrow.” There were things I wanted to talk about with Chase, little things that were bothering me. Along with the big white horse in the room; the fact Chase was unable to tell me he loved me. I agreed to meet Chase at the ranch late in the day. The phone call to Jake was painful; I could hear the pain in his voice.

“I know you need to do this. Just don’t drag this out, Abby. Please.”

*

Monday dawned bright and clear, but my emotions were just as cloudy as they had been on the weekend. I felt torn, confused, and heartsick. My head hurt, my stomach churned and nothing seemed to make any sense. Leslie stopped by mid-morning. For once she sat quietly in the chair across from my desk as I retold my weekend adventures with first Chase, then Jake. “Oh, Abby. This is a mess. How’d you get so tangled up with two such different guys?” I shook my head. “I have no idea. My heart got away from me, I think.” She leaned forward, a scowl creasing her forehead. “So, who’s it going to be?” I looked up at her. She sat back, breathing out through pursed lips. “Oh, you have no idea, do you, Abby? It’s written all over your face.” My head found that familiar spot on my desk again. I closed my eyes. “No, Leslie, I don’t.” *

The drive to the ranch went far too quickly. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to see Chase; I just didn’t want to make a decision. Why couldn’t I just have both? Slide back and forth between the two? Not make a choice? Because they deserve better than that.

Chase was waiting on the porch, looking far too sexy in faded jeans and a tight black t-shirt, his feet bare. I pulled up in front of the house and he walked down to meet me, opening the car door for me. “You made good time.” He leaned down to kiss me. I sensed tension in his body; his eyes held a glint that made me wary. We walked up the steps into the house. Chase led me to the kitchen and I pulled out one of the stools at the counter. “You want a beer?” He turned to me and I nodded. He rummaged around in the refrigerator, pulling out two longneck bottles. One cold bottle appeared in front of me. He wouldn’t meet my eyes. “I want to understand what this is between us. No one is happy with this limbo we’ve ended up in. But I can’t make a decision without some answers.” “So it’s come to that, has it? Did Jake tell you that you needed to make a decision? Him or me?” He was more right than he knew, but I wasn’t going to tell him that. “No one makes me do anything. I’m making a decision for my own sake, Chase.” With a nod he drained his beer, setting it next to several other empties on the counter before grabbing another one from the refrigerator. This isn’t what I want here…get control, of yourself and him. “Chase, come sit with me on the porch.” I stood, holding out my hand. I twitched my fingers at him, the same gesture he’d used with me, the one I suspected he used on temperamental horses. He came out slowly from behind the counter, still not meeting my eyes. He took my hand, leading me out to the porch. We sat on the swing in the dark, watching fireflies over the meadow for a time, still holding hands. Finally Chase sighed, blowing out a long breath. “I’m sorry for being sharp with you on the phone, Abby. It wasn’t fair, you were

right. But it drives a stake through me to think of you with anyone else, even if it’s just with Jake, as his submissive.” He took a swallow of his beer. His voice was tight when he spoke. “Did you need to ask permission from Jake to come see me tonight?” I frowned at him. “Where did that come from? You know very well I’m not in a twenty-four seven role with Jake. Are you that jealous?” “Could be that I am.” He scraped at the label on his bottle with a thumbnail, lost in thought for a moment. “Look, I know that I owe you an explanation. I just don’t know where to begin.” I waited. For what, I wasn’t sure. Reassurance? To be let off the hook by him telling me that I really didn’t have to explain after all? Whatever I was searching for in the silence I didn’t get it. He let go of my hand, running it through his hair. “I told you I ran the ranch for a few years before I went to New York, to college. During that time, there was a girl here, a daughter of one of the ranch hands. Amanda…Mandy is what we called her. I loved her more than I could stand. I believed she loved me.” He watched a moth circling the porch light. “She could ride a horse better than anyone I’d ever seen; it was like she just became the horse. There was a fire in her that I’d never found in anyone else. I’m surprised we didn’t set the hayloft on fire.” He laughed softly. “I have scars from her, real scars. She bit and scratched and tore me up, in more ways than one. We came together with such force, it was all consuming, for me. I thought for her. She was all I could think about.” Chase looked down, worrying the label on the bottle again. “She left at the end of that summer. Packed up without a word, was gone before I knew it. Her daddy said she’d decided, just like that, to go back to live with her mother in St. Louis.” He paused. “I was going to ask her to marry me.” I reached out, touching his shoulder. He flinched and I pulled my hand back.

“I left for New York then, got a job, applied for college. Got accepted for the following fall. My father was so angry with me; he didn’t speak to me for over a year. We’d finally gotten things pretty much patched up, but then he and my mom were killed.” He finished his beer, setting the empty bottle on the porch floor. “College wasn’t where I belonged either, but I was damned if I would come back here as a failure. So I stuck it out, managed to get through that first year without killing myself. Like I said, it was insane. I pretty much tried to drink my way through most of it. I also discovered all those pretty girls, needing nothing more than my charming smile to come with me, let me bed them and then send them on their way. Never saw them again; can’t tell you their names, probably didn’t ask. It made me feel better, just using them like Mandy used me. But in the end, there was always this huge whistling hole in my heart.” He stretched his arms over his head. “I found the bondage clubs about the same time I was flunking out of college. There was a great deal of release for me, in being a dominant. The mental and emotional discipline helped me work through a lot of the pain.” The memory of Chase’s methodical, almost prayerful, way that he used the ropes on me in the club came back. “It helped me focus, helped me get my head out of my ass.” He laughed suddenly, startling me. “And it’s sure the hell a great way to have sex with women, with no strings attached. You know that, or you did until Jake overstepped his boundaries.” I flinched in the dark, the swing jumping erratically. “So he did break his rules.” I heard Chase’s laughter again, darker this time. “Jake shouldn’t be a dominant. He’s not cut out for the role. He doesn’t have the strength for it or the discipline.” Anger flared instantly. “You don’t know what my relationship with Jake is like. You have no call to comment.”

“I struck a nerve, I guess.” Chase shifted on the swing, setting it to rock in a sickening arc. “You’re right, I don’t know about your relationship, but I do know about his previous one. It was a failure, the girl disappeared. It wasn’t pretty, from what I understand.” “You knew Jane?” I ed Jake had said she’d taken him to Chase’s club. “I didn’t, but Stacy did. They worked at the same club. She said Jane talked incessantly about Jake, his shortcomings, his brutality, how he abused her rather than being a true Dom who is all in control at all times.” I drew a sharp breath. “That’s not true. That’s now how it happened. Jake told me the whole story.” I could feel Chase’s eyes on me in the soft dark. “I’m sure he told you his side of the story, by his lights. You know the saying. There’s three sides to every story: his, hers, and the truth.” “Jake’s not like that, not at all.” My voice was shaking with anger. “You can’t know the truth.” “Darling, you can’t either. You can only know what he’s told you.” He spread his hands. “I can only know what I’ve been told. You’ll have to make up your own mind about him. “But I can tell you, from seeing him at the club, my first impressions are usually pretty damn accurate. He’s not cut out to be a dominant. You’re going to be the one getting hurt here and I don’t want that.” My anger boiled over. I got off the swing, kicking over Chase’s beer bottle, sending it spinning across the floorboards of the porch. “You don’t need to look out for me. I can do that myself.” I was breathing hard, my voice rough, fists balled at my sides. Chase stood, crossing the short distance between us. His hands were on my shoulders, fingers digging into my skin. I twisted against him, but he only held me harder.

“Abby, you’re the most important thing in my life right now. If you got hurt and I could have stopped it, I couldn’t live with myself.” I wanted to spit at him. “You’re just jealous. You want something someone else has, like a possession, like your horses…your damn fillies. It’s not me that you want. You just want what belongs to Jake.” Chase’s face was inches from mine, his breath hot on my cheeks. “I want you because I love you, Abby.” Chase lowered his head, his mouth seeking mine. I twisted my head, trying to avoid his kiss, but he found my lips anyway. And in that instant, I was lost. I stopped struggling against him, instead throwing my body against his. He let go of my shoulders and my arms were around his neck, my fingers in his hair, pulling him to me. I wasn’t looking for the truth anymore; this was for me now. I wanted Chase, urgently, on some deep level that I didn’t really understand, didn’t want to understand. I only had need and desire. His lips raked over my mouth, his hands holding me against the length of him. We were locked in this grip for what seemed like an eternity, my body instantly heated and aching for release. Chase broke away, scooping me up in his arms. The screen door slammed against the side of the house, almost torn from its hinges as we went into the house. He turned down the narrow hallway, pushing a door open with his shoulder. He set me on my feet, my body sliding down his, every inch of me wanting with him. There was an instant where I could have run, the fleeting image of Jake in my mind, but it was gone in a heartbeat, consumed in the ion and lust that ran through my veins. My fingers tore at Chase’s t-shirt, pulling the hem from his jeans, sliding my hand beneath, over his flat stomach. He pulled the shirt over his head, tossing it in the corner and my hands moved higher, over the broad expanse of his chest, my mouth descending on his hard dark nipples, biting and sucking.

Chase’s hands were searching for the buttons on my shirt, finally just tugging it over my head. I felt his hands at my breasts, and there was no hope for the bra this time. It came away in two pieces in his hands, dropped unceremoniously to the floor. We broke apart briefly, struggling with zippers and snaps and buttons on jeans. Chase yanked mine down my legs, my panties carried along. I reached greedily for Chase’s erection, peeling back his jeans, my hands wrapped around the shaft of his cock. I met his eyes, hot and intense, his lips pulled back in a feral smile that would have scared me had I not matched the one I knew was on my own face. He had my breasts in his hands, palming my hard nipples, making me arch against him. I let go of his cock, sliding my hands up his body, pulling his face down. My mouth found his, lips and tongue and teeth teasing, prodding, biting, unrestrained. Chase’s hands moved down my back, cupping my ass, pulling me hard against his body, his erection rubbing against my stomach. In one swift movement, Chase picked me up, tipping me across the bed, my legs wrapping instinctively around his waist as he stood between them. He leaned forward, brought his mouth down on mine again, his hands planted on either side of my face, his fingers tangling in my hair. His kiss was brutal, lips grinding against mine, bruising them against my teeth. His cock brushed against my body, up my thighs, tantalizingly close. Chase stood up then, pulling me by the hips to the very edge of the bed, bracing his knees against the mattress. I looked up at him in the dim light spilling in from the open door behind him. His face was in cast in shadow but his eyes caught the light, boring down on me with an intensity that only made the fire inside me burn hotter. “Oh, Chase!” I stretched my arms up, reaching for him, aching to feel his body against mine, to feel him inside me. He drove himself into me with a hoarse cry, his body slamming into me, pushing me up the bed. His fingers dug into my hips, pulling me back to the edge of the

bed, denying me the chance to hold him, to be crushed by his body. “I want to watch you.” Each word was accompanied by a thrust of his cock into my body. “I want to see you while I’m inside of you, Abby.” I flung my arms over my head, letting him take me on his wild ride. He grabbed my legs, pulling them up his body, my heels resting on his shoulders, fingers caressing then pinching the insides of my thighs. It was hard and fast, Chase taking no prisoners. The breath tore from his throat, his face contorted in a grimace that could have been as much pain as pleasure. There was no other sound from him but his harsh breathing. My own body rocketed toward some dizzying peak. I pulled against Chase with my legs, arching my back, twisting myself against his body, his hands beneath my ass now, his fingers in my flesh. When I came it was with terrific speed, my hands pulling the covers loose, my body arching up against Chase. He kept up his frantic pace, his eyes never leaving me as I flung myself against him, against the bed, every muscle taut. I felt him inside me, my body contracting around his cock, feeling every contour as I jerked and moaned beneath his hot gaze. Only then, when I was on the downhill slide of my orgasm, my body fluid and yielding, did he lower himself to me, letting me wrap leaden arms around his neck, finally letting me kiss him. He tore his mouth away; his final deep thrust into me accompanied by a sound of release…conquest. Buried in me, he shuddered violently, his hips grinding against me, the familiar flooding warmth of his orgasm filling me. I held him against me then, his body covered in sweat, breathing hard. We stayed like that a long time, until he finally pulled away from me. He looked down, his eyes unreadable in the dim room. I saw him hold out his hand and I took it, following blindly as he led me up the stairs to his own room. We crawled into his big bed, under the sheets and blankets, arms around each

other. I thought he’d fallen asleep; his breathing had changed, regular and deep. But then he spoke. “You had other questions, didn’t you? About me, I mean. Ask if you want. I’ll tell you what you want to know, everything, no matter what it is.” I was quiet a long time, long enough for him to say my name. “I’m awake. I’m thinking.” His laugh rumbled against my ear. “Okay. Just checking.” “You said you had a sub, but something happened. What happened?” “She fell in love with me. That simple. She wanted more than I could give her, way more than I was ready to give. She came into my life at a time when I’d decided I was never going to love any woman again. I cared about her, I did. But as a submissive. I cared about her safety, her pleasure, her well being. But I couldn’t love her. I finally told her she had to leave.” He took a deep breath. “Okay. Next question.” “Did you turn my cellphone off? The weekend we went to Paradise Ranch?” “The weekend I said you should be here all the time? Yeah, I did.” There was no rumbling laugh this time. “That was a childish thing to do. I was a real prick to do that. I’m sorry.” He squeezed me briefly. “You were off somewhere and I saw it in your purse. I wasn’t sure where you were at with Jake in your sub relationship, but I saw how he looked at me at the club. He was so jealous he was almost ready to chew through the ropes to get you off the table. I knew any man who was that much in love with you was a threat. So I just reached in and turned it off.” Chase shifted beneath me. “He was in love with you then, wasn’t he?” I didn’t answer. I didn’t need to. Chase knew.

Chapter Eleven

Work on Tuesday was agony. I’d gotten home at dawn, crawled into bed and gotten two hours of sleep. Leslie brought lunch to my office, closing the door behind her. “Abby, you really need to figure out what you’re doing here.” She took a bite of her sandwich, chewing for a moment. I pushed my salad around on my plate, aimlessly trying to spear a tomato that resisted the tines of my fork. I was too tired to make the effort to eat and pushed the plate away, the tomato safe for now. “Yeah. I know. Burke asked me today if I was sick.” Leslie nodded. “You look horrible. I know that’s not what you want to hear but you really do look rough. Is this really worth it? I mean, one guy does things you can’t talk about and the other guy forces you to have sex. Are those the kind of relationships you want to have? With either of them?” I eyed Leslie over my iced tea. “Leslie, you’re not helping.” I pushed back from my desk, grabbing my purse. “I’m going home. Sick day. If I look so bad, I should probably be home in bed.”

*

Home. In bed. Covers pulled over my head. I’d unplugged the phone, turned off my cellphone and set the alarm for the next morning. The world, as I knew it, could just go away for the next eighteen hours.

But I didn’t sleep. I dozed, tossing and turning, fragments of conversations with Jake and Chase playing over and over in my mind. Both men loved me. Both men were flawed and broken in their own way, but then who wasn’t? I certainly had my own share of issues to work through. I turned over, punching the pillow, muttering to myself. The cat fled the bed for calmer seas. Images of both men rose up unbidden: my first night with Jake, the sensual massage that turned into something far more than I expected, more erotic and sensual than anything I’d ever experienced. Chase: our first time, indelible in my mind, tied and bound, with him between my legs, sending me to that place I’d never been before. The differences between the two men flitted on the edge of my consciousness as I fought for sleep. Chase, the rough and tumble cowboy. Jake, the urban and sophisticated businessman. Different as night and day, but tied together by a love of something deeper, darker, the exploration of being a dominant to my submissive. I flung the pillow away from me, only to grab it, clutching it to my chest. I was confused, so desperately confused. Nothing made sense, my emotions were as tangled as the sheets on the bed and my heart was aching at the thought of having to make a choice. I couldn’t…there was no possible way. For the first time in a long time, I cried myself to sleep.

*

I woke up before the alarm went off, but remained in bed for a long time, thinking. My head was a bit clearer than it had been the day before, even if my emotions were still incredibly tangled and my heart was still aching. Two men had told me they loved me: Jake and Chase. Two men as different as night and day. And I loved them both…or at least I thought that I did. What’s that old song, Abby? Love the one you’re with? That’s me. But when I’m away from them, they both tear at my heart. Selfishly, I wish I could love both of them, not have to choose. But that won’t work because neither man is interested in sharing me with the other. And besides, I can’t continue to carry the guilt that I feel when I am with one, and away from the other. It’s like my heart is split into two pieces, unable to be fully given to just one man. Jake is dominant to my submissive and it’s a perfect relationship, at least on the surface. No strings attached, no romantic involvement, but the freedom to explore all that comes with a dominant submissive arrangement. Pain versus pleasure. My surrender…his control. Complicated in its own way, but nothing compared to what happens when someone steps out of the boundaries of such a relationship. Like Jake. Jake; gorgeous, sexy Jake. Tightly wound and under control Jake. Jake, who has secrets…so many secrets that I feel I can’t really be sure of exactly who he is. Jake… kind, gentle yet mysteriously dangerous Jake. The first man to tell me that he loved me. And then there is Chase. Chase owns a BDSM club and I’ll never forget the first night that I met him, and just how much pleasure he gave to me. The scene was indescribable. Chase tied me up with rope, intricate knots that took a long time to construct. I was immobile on a table, arms out to the side, legs spread wide. And completely naked, the kind of vulnerable naked that would normally throw me into a whirlwind of panic and anxiety yet with Chase I felt as though I would be okay,

and that my body, regardless of its many curves, was beautiful…from head to toe. Chase had said not all rope play ends in a sexual encounter, but it was clear from the moment we started just how the night would end. The sexual chemistry between us lit up the room, washing away all concern for anything and anyone else. Including Jake. Jake said he’d learned something from our time at the club, from seeing me with Chase. He learned he didn’t want to—couldn’t—share me with anyone because his feelings were deeper than he realized. He loved me, and when a man loves a woman the last thing he wants to do is share that love with someone else. I learned something that night as well. I learned the power of temptation, the power Chase Thomas had over me. I don’t all of what happened at the club; toward the end it’s a faded blur of sensations and memories, contorted and confusing, and then it all goes black. But I ed what mattered most. Because when Chase called the next day, asking to see me—no, not asking, exactly…Chase doesn’t ask as much as expect compliance—I went willingly, anxious to see him again. So now I’m caught between two men, each with a stranglehold on my heart, each charming and charismatic…and damaged in their own way. And neither is willing to share me with anyone, especially not with the other. And now I need to make a choice. Both Jake and Chase were finally honest with me about their pasts. Each told me things that were hard for them to talk about, much less describe in such detail so that I completely understood. I know it was terribly hard for them to reveal these secrets that they had kept hidden for so many years, but they trusted me…they both knew their secrets were safe with me. And they are. I will forever guard them with my heart for the pain behind their eyes is something I never want to see again. But I still have questions, of both men…and of myself. And I need to find the answers. This limbo we’re all in is killing me, hurting them and I’m the only one who can get us out of it. I just don’t know where to begin.

* Leslie found me mid-afternoon the following Wednesday. I’d gotten to work early; sifted through the rubble on my desk that I’d left behind the day before and managed to make a dent in my overflowing inboxes, paper and email, respectively. “Hey, you. Feeling better than yesterday?” She set a large Styrofoam cup of coffee in front of me. She carried a much smaller one in her other hand, obviously meant for herself. Apparently I looked like I needed the industrialsized coffee cup. I glanced up quickly, motioning her to sit down. “Just give me a minute, let me finish this.” I typed a sentence, hit send and pushed the keyboard away. The coffee smelled wonderful, hazelnut mocha if I had to guess. “What’s this for? Do I still look like hell? Or whatever you said it was I looked like yesterday?” I’d left work early, almost no sleep the night before. The last night I spent with Chase. “ ‘Fifty shades of hell’ was what you looked like the last time you pulled an allnighter with Jake,” she replied teasingly. “Yesterday you looked horrible after your all-nighter with Chase.” She pushed the cup across the desk toward me. “It’s an apology and a gift, all rolled into one. I wasn’t really fair to you yesterday. This must be hard…this…situation.” She waved her fingers in the air. “Yeah, it is.” I took a swallow of coffee, hot, caffeinated. Just what I needed. “So, what’s next? You have a plan? Something you can share? I know how big you are on secrets these days.” She grinned at me over the edge of her coffee cup. I set the cup down, watching the steam drift from the coffee. More secretive than you know, Leslie.

“I don’t know, Leslie. It’s really complicated.” I suddenly felt awkward discussing my relationships with Leslie even though she was my closest friend. It felt like I was trading secrets. Secrets both Jake and Chase had trusted with me. Leslie nodded sympathetically, settling down in her chair. “I can imagine.” I took another fortifying swallow of coffee. The chime of an incoming email distracted me for a moment. Leslie was still watching me. “Do you think if you talked about it, it would be easier? I’m always here, Abby. You know that.” I fidgeted in my chair. Did I really want to go into all the details with Leslie? I felt a pang of guilt; for Jake and Chase and their secrets. And a pang of guilt for my best friend, because right now, I really needed her, needed to not feel so alone with this situation. “Leslie, this is hard. These guys trusted me with their secrets, some pretty serious stuff. I don’t know…” I played with my pen, drawing aimless circles on my notepad. I looked up at her. And realized I needed to talk about this, even if it was hard. To save my own sanity, maybe. “There’s someone I think I need to find. Jake had a sub before me. Her name is Jane.” I took a deep breath. “She apparently had some kind of breakdown while they were having a session, something triggered a memory of abuse by her step-father.” “What would happen in a session that would do that? I thought you said these were safe sessions?” I could see the concern on Leslie’s face. “They are safe; they should be safe. But Jane was being disciplined by Jake; he was spanking her for disobeying while in submissive role.” Leslie scowled. “Wait. He was spanking her? And she let him? I don’t get this.”

“I’ve been spanked. By both of them.” My voice was low. “Once as discipline, by Jake. And once…” I hesitated, my voice almost a whisper. “And once by Chase…at the club. The first time I saw him.” Leslie’s scowl deepened. “Oh, Abby, you’ve been holding out on me. You never told me that. Was it hard? I mean, after Jake?” I nodded. “But I want to talk about Jane now, not what happened with Chase or Jake.” I took another swallow of coffee. At this rate, I’d be up all night again. “Anyway, the spanking for discipline was apparently just like what her stepfather did before he, well, did whatever he did. Jake didn’t go into details. He said she’d never gotten help for whatever happened. So she ran out and he never saw her again. She just vanished.” Leslie let out a breath. “Wow. Heavy stuff. So what’s your reason for wanting to find Jane? Doesn’t what Jake told you sound like the whole story?” “No. Or yes…or maybe it’s Jake’s version. I was so happy he’d finally let down his guard, let me in on why he’s so controlled all the time. He’s convinced he’d hurt Jane, that if somehow he’d have been less…aggressive…she’d have been okay.” I was circling a phone number on my scratch pad. “Apparently their sessions were quite intense, on all levels. Jake wasn’t the restrained dominant I know.” “So you think he’s a ticking time bomb? Like tie you to the bed and then go all wild on you?” I shook my head. “No, not so much. Or if he did, I’d probably like it.” I felt myself blush. “Chase is a lot like that. Not the tie-me-to-the-bed part…um, but the wild part. He’s quite…aggressive in his own way.” But he did tie you to a table. In public. Don’t forget that. “Yeah, but why do you want to find Jane? Do you think she has answers you’re not getting from Jake?”

“I’m getting there. Chase knew Jane…or knows of Jane.” I waited. That was too big of a bombshell for Leslie to up. I was right. I cringed again. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. “You’re kidding? Really? Like, from the club?” Smart girl. “Actually it’s Chase’s office manager, or assistant manager, or assistant something, Stacy, who knew her. They worked at the same dance club. Stacy told Chase that Jane told her that Jake abused her, beat her and treated her badly. Something like that. Not quite what Jake told me.” “Oh, man. So you’ve got two sides but you want it direct from the submissive’s mouth?” She leaned forward, a little too intense, a little too interested. This was what I wanted to avoid. “I guess that’s it.” And it was, pretty cut and dried. “So call Stacy. She must have Jane’s number, right?” Leslie sat back, sipping her coffee. I heard the chime of another incoming message. I tapped my mouse, bringing up an email from my boss, Burke. “Well…I don’t know. I mean, Jake said Jane disappeared. Cell phone disconnected, family hadn’t heard from her. I don’t know that Stacy would know anything else, but she’s the only connection left I can think of.” “So what are you waiting for? Call Stacy.” Leslie is pretty much straight to the point on things. “I am…I will. But I don’t want to call the club if Chase is there. I feel like I’m checking his story or something.” “You are! And you’re checking on Jake’s. You have a right to know the truth, don’t you? If you’re in doubt, you need to know, Abby.” Leslie reached across the desk, her hand resting on mine, squeezing it briefly. “This has gone past just who you’re going to be fucking in the future. It kind of involves your safety in either relationship, doesn’t it?”

*

The number I’d been circling on my notepad was the number to Chase’s club. I’d written it down in what seemed like an eternity ago, on the day Jake had said we’d gotten an invitation to the club. To Chase’s club. To a club he’d been to before, with Jane. My mind went back to the conversations we’d had about visiting the club. How he’d heard that we’d need an invitation from the club’s owner in the first place. How he’d had things in storage he needed to put in the tower room. And his first message to me, on the dating site that brought us together. I clicked open the dating website, risking bringing the Human Resources department down to my office for accessing a personal site…and a personal bondage dating site at that…on a company computer. But I didn’t care. I clicked through to the first message Jake had sent me: To: Venus247 From: Dom Meyers ‘Hello Venus247, I saw your profile tonight and it interested me a great deal. If you’d like to chat, please reply. I’m new to this site, and new to the BDSM world as well. I get the sense you are too. Dom Meyers’ There it was, in black and white. New to the BDSM world as well. It wasn’t until now that I’d put all these pieces together. They didn’t fit. And it bothered me. *

Impulsively I dialed the number for Chase’s club. It’s Wednesday; the club is closed. But the phone was answered on the first ring. By a female voice, a voice I recognized as Stacy’s. The conversation was brief. I explained that I wanted to meet her. There was the briefest hesitation on Stacy’s end. I wasn’t sure if she was going to agree to see me. “I finish up here at midnight. There’s an all-night diner on I-45 South. You can’t miss it. Big red sign on the right, just before the exchange. I’ll meet you there.”

*

Stacy was at the diner before me, waiting in a booth at the very back. She had a breakfast platter in front of her: eggs, pancakes, sausage, hash browns, along with juice and coffee. I slid into the booth across from her. “Hope you don’t mind that I ordered. I’m famished.” She tucked a forkful of pancake into her mouth. “No, not at all. It’s fine.” The waitress appeared and I ordered a decaf coffee and pie. I’d be up late anyway, no use compounding it with a caffeine jag. Stacy was watching me, her blue eyes intent. “You want to talk about Chase?” She started working through the hash browns, waiting for my reply. “Actually, no. I’d like to talk about someone else. Her name is Jane.” I waited

for her reaction, not surprised that she had none. She wiped her mouth, took a drink of coffee. “Jane? What do you want to know?” Her tone was neutral but I sensed tension behind the suddenly serious blue gaze. “I was wondering if you could tell me about her and Jake…Jake Meyers. Chase told me that you knew her from working at the same dance club. I know she disappeared, had some trouble sometime back. I wondered if you could tell me a bit more about that.” Stacy looked at me over the edge of her coffee cup. “Jane had a lot of problems. I think she tried to work them out by being a submissive or something. Can’t say that’s the best route to take when you have that kind of history, but we all do what we think is right, you know?” I nodded, unsure as to what she meant exactly, but desperate for her to continue. “But between you and I, I really think she chose the wrong guy to be her Dom. Jake was completely out of his league with her. Almost anyone would have been, really. She was a handful. A real lost soul with the kind of pain that you just don’t mess around with.” Stacy set down her cup, motioning to the waitress for a refill. She waited until the waitress had left our table before speaking again. “Did Chase tell you that she had been abused?” Her question caught me off guard. It occurred to me she didn’t know Jake was my Dom. I nodded. Close enough to the truth. “He did something that sent her over the edge. She’d told me some of the things he’d done to her so I wasn’t all that surprised.” Stacy was studying me, watching my face closely. “Abby, are you okay? You got real pale all of a sudden.” I shook my head. “Yeah, I’m fine.” My voice sounded totally unconvincing, even to myself. I shrugged, fidgeted for a minute and then gave up trying to bluff my way through this.

“Jake is my Dom.” I met Stacy’s gaze, expecting some kind of negative reaction. She reached across the table, her hand on top of mine. “Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know that but you really need to rethink that decision.” Stacy spent the next twenty minutes recalling every conversation she had with Jane about Jake. The more she talked, the harder it became to listen to all that she had to say. Nothing she said sounded anything like the Jake I knew. I finally held up my hands in protest, unable to stomach any more. “Please…this isn’t…it can’t be true. Maybe it’s Jane’s version of the truth, but it can’t be right.” My head hurt. Stacy had described some very dark and intense things, things that made my heart thud uncomfortably in my chest, made me incredibly uncomfortable. Jake had said their sessions were intense, but what Stacy had just described seemed almost surreal. I looked down at my pie, pushing the half-eaten bits around on my plate, my appetite suddenly gone. “Well, you can always ask her yourself, if you want her side of the story.” I looked up, startled. “I thought she’d disappeared, that no one knew where she was?” “Yeah, she did, for a time. But she came back to the club not long ago. You’ve already seen her.” “I have?” I was more confused now than ever. “She was at the club the night Chase brought you there.” I shook my head. I hadn’t met anyone named Jane. And I certainly didn’t think Chase would have introduced me to her. “You watched her in a session.” Stacy tipped her head, her eyes bright. “She was the woman on the St. Andrew’s cross.”

*

The woman on the St. Andrews’ cross. The black-haired woman that was being whipped by a man named Martin. I’d watched her, watched the ecstasy blossom on her face as the whip bit into her skin, as the man cracked it higher and higher. I’d been so turned on by watching the scene that I’d practically begged for Chase to take me in the hall outside the session room. He’d given me exactly what I wanted, taken me upstairs, to a different room. We’d come together with such force, such incredible ion, it still took my breath away to think about it. Stacy was still watching me. “You really got it bad for Chase, don’t you?” I blinked, trying to keep from showing any emotion. But I’ve been told, repeatedly, that my thoughts and feelings are always clearly written across my face. I simply nodded. “It’s complicated.” Stacy laughed. “Most good things in life are.” She regarded me for a moment, as if weighing her next words carefully. “He’s changed, you know…Chase has. Since he met you, I mean.” Her statement confused me, caught me completely off guard. “How so?” Stacy leaned forward, resting her arms on the table. “The weekend he went away, left me in charge of the club…he was with you?” I nodded. So did Stacy. “Before that weekend, Chase brought a different woman with him nearly every night the club was open. But since then, he’s brought no one else until you. It really surprised me to see him change so much…so quickly. I’d been dying to meet the woman who finally tamed Chase Thomas.” The smile on Stacy’s face was genuine, her voice earnest. “I’ve known Chase a long time. I know a bit about his past; he’s told me some. I guessed the rest. He’s not as good at keeping secrets as he thinks he is. At least not with me”

“I see.” I replied nodding although I wasn’t sure exactly what I was agreeing to. Stacy’s words caught me off guard. The idea of Chase being such a womanizer stung my heart like a swarm of angry hornets. I suppose I was naive to think that someone as beautifully broken as Chase wouldn’t catch the attention of other women or that he wouldn’t perhaps take advantage of the fact that people are naturally drawn to him. Still, the idea that right up until he met me he had been with so many women was hard to swallow and I struggled to force the idea down my throat so that I could once again breathe. “For as long as I’ve worked with Chase at the club… hell, even before that, he’s always had a revolving door on his bedroom. He’d bring women to his club, show them off, take them back to wherever he takes them and…before you know it, they’d be gone. Next night, a new girl, same routine. I felt sorry for some of them…they were pretty taken by him. Some knew the game though and played along and those that didn’t learned all too quickly that Chase wasn’t the kind of man that would let women fall in love with him.” Stacy cocked her head again, considering me in the bright fluorescent light of the diner. “But you…he was different with you from the minute I saw you two together. He treats you like you really mean something to him, not like just another girl that he’s hooking up with for the night. For one thing, he introduced me to you.” Stacy pushed her empty plate away. “I like seeing him like this. You’re really good for him.” I didn’t know what to say. There was a voice in the back of my mind telling me something wasn’t adding up here, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. Stacy interrupted my thoughts. “How did you meet Chase?” Hadn’t she seen me with Jake? I thought back to that night we first met, when Jake had brought me to the club. I didn’t seeing Stacy. But I’d been so focused and incredibly nervous on being in a submissive role with Jake, then meeting Chase for the first time and the prospect of a public session with a stranger, I could have missed seeing almost anyone.

“I first came to the club with Jake, as his submissive. Chase…did some rope work with me in a session.” I wasn’t sure how far to go into detail with Stacy. I figured she would get the general idea without me having to spell it out. It was her turn for her eyes to go wide. “You’re that woman?” I scowled. “What ‘woman’?” Stacy burst into sudden laughter. “You have a reputation. I only heard about the session after it was done. I didn’t get to actually see it. Chase had asked me to keep an eye on the club that night, that he had guests that he wanted to spend time with. So, I was back in the private rooms with our regular clients. I had heard later that Chase had a wild session and that it was just amazing.” My frown must have deepened. I wasn’t sure where this was going. “It’s okay. Don’t look so shocked. It’s just that every once in a while a session gains a kind of mythic status…yours is one of them. And especially if Chase is involved. He doesn’t do many sessions anymore. I’d heard he’d done some fantastic knot work and your reaction; well…it was pretty intense by all s. You went off somewhere we all wish we could go. I’m sorry I missed it.” I felt a flush creeping up my cheeks. I knew darned well the session was public, but I’d been so focused on Chase and his knots I’d almost forgotten I had an audience. Stacy gave me a sympathetic smile. “Don’t worry…it’s okay. It’s what we want to have happen in the club…it’s good for business.” The waitress arrived with the checks. “Sorry if that sounded a little cold…I get into business mode sometimes without thinking of how it comes across. But the energy from a session like that just buzzes through the whole place. You know; I was there when you saw Jane and you had quite a reaction.” I blushed again. She winked. “It’s okay, it’s all so intense. Not exactly something you experience every day, you know?” With one quick gesture, she grabbed both checks.

*

Stacy had given me a number where I could try to reach Jane. I gave it a day, thinking about what I wanted to say to her so that I didn’t sound like a maniac or scare her off. It was after dinner when I finally punched the number into the phone, my heart beating in an erratic little dance in my chest. The phone rang for a long time and I realized there probably wasn’t going to be any voice mail system that would allow me to leave a message. I sighed. This wasn’t going to be easy. Just as I was about to hang up the ringing stopped. I wasn’t sure if a machine picked up, the phone had disconnected or if someone had answered. “Hello?” There was a groggy female voice on the other end. “I’m sorry to bother you. I’m looking for Jane?” You don’t even know her last name, Abby. “Who the hell is this? If you’re a telemarketer, I’ve got a police whistle here and I’m not afraid to use it.” The voice had lost its groggy tone; it sounded more like an angry bear someone woke up early from hibernation. “My name is Abby Phillips. You don’t know me…” “You’re damned right I don’t know you. And I’m not buying anything you’re selling.” I knew she was going to hang up any moment and in desperation I shouted, “I’m Jake Meyers’ submissive, so please don’t hang up!” There was silence on the other end of the line. I thought I’d lost her but I finally heard a muttered sigh…or a quiet curse. “What do you want?” I heard the sound of a match, then a long exhale.

“I wanted…I was hoping I could meet you, talk to you about…well, Jake.” Smooth. Well planned, Abby. There was a snort of laughter on the other end, followed by another long whoosh of breath. I could almost smell the cigarette smoke through the receiver. “Is he being a bad Dom?” There was another laugh, just as unpleasant. “Yeah, okay. I’ll meet you. Only because I’m curious to see who Jake’s with now.” Jane gave me an address, a small bar in a rundown neighborhood a long way from my apartment. She said she’d be there at some time around ten o’clock, when her shift started. “If I , I’ll try to be there a little early. But don’t count on it.” The line went dead. Why do all these people stay up all night? I tried to take a nap, but I was too restless to actually sleep. I finally gave up, changed into jeans and a simple tshirt and drove to the address Jane had given me. The bar was on a long block lined with other sleazy bars, a dance club and, incongruously, a church. Well, maybe they need some place to go on Sunday that’s still in the neighborhood. I pushed open the heavy wooden door. Even though there’s no smoking in bars anymore, I still felt the accumulated nicotine from decades of cigarette smoke immediately coat my skin. The bar was dim, barely lit by the neon lights of the back bar and a faded, flickering beer sign near the door with one ‘e’ missing. There was no pool table, just a long bar and a few small tables scattered in the remaining open space. A few heads turned my way, giving me a once over as I made my way into the bar. I knew Jane had black hair, but I wasn’t sure I’d recognize her face. I peered down the length of the bar, finally seeing a dark-haired woman seated on the last barstool, elbow on the bar, nursing a drink. She barely looked up at me as I sat down but she did straighten up on the stool. “So, you’re Jake’s new sub. Not what I would have pictured, but then again, who

knows what his latest kink is.” I watched as she drummed her fingers on the bar, fiddling with a book of matches. I was nervous meeting her but I suspected her nerves stemmed from a strong desire for a cigarette. “You want to know about Jake? What my time with him was like?” She motioned to the bartender, who ambled down, refilling Jane’s drink. He cocked an eyebrow at me and I pointed to Jane’s glass. He nodded and wandered down the bar, eventually returning with a glass of what I hoped was soda. I took an experimental sip; it was. “I guess I’m trying to understand what went wrong…” Jane’s snort of laughter cut me off. “What went wrong? Start with when I my mother married that son of a bitch, Jim. That’s where it all went wrong.” Jane swiveled on the bar stool, meeting my eyes for the first time. I saw how red-rimmed they were, dark smudges on the pale skin beneath dark blue eyes. She waved a finger at me. “But you’re here about Jake, not me. I get the picture.” She turned back to the bar, almost inhaling her drink. “I have my own set of problems. I’m sure enough people have told you about them so I won’t bore you with the details. Let’s just say, I’m messed up in more ways than one and it’s not something that anyone can fix.” She ran a hand through her hair, pushing it back from her face. “I had another Dom once. His name is Nick. Really nice guy. Understood me like no one else ever did, before or since. Knew exactly what I needed, how to give it to me, when to stop.” Her voice had gone soft, almost dreamy. “We were so good together. But then, his wife got a job in a different city and he had to move. I understood, although it tore my heart out.” She spun the matchbook on the bar, watching with disinterest as it skidded off the edge, onto the floor. “I found Jake…gentle, kind Jake. Or so I thought. You know, he looks like Nick. Maybe that’s what I liked, same dark hair, pretty boy type.” She looked at me, her eyes suddenly alive with a flame of inner fire.

“But you know, you’re his sub. You know exactly what he’s like. He flashes you a quick, dirty smile, turns on the charm and you do exactly as you’re told. And you love every minute of it, right?” She was right, more or less, but I wasn’t sure answering her would be a good idea so I took a sip of my watered-down tepid soda. “So we start, you know, slow. Real slow. I have a bit of experience. He has none. So I lead the way. Jake’s wants to learn everything he can, and he does. It was good, in the beginning. But I think he lost control one time too many and it frightened him. Frightened men are desperate men. And I think he viewed me as a project, something to salvage…reclamation. Told me he loved me.” That snort of laughter again. “Like I needed to hear that. I’m not meant to be loved. I’m meant to be used. But Jake’s such a romantic, or a fool. Anyway, I wanted him to be my dominant, nothing more…I couldn’t handle more.” She played with her empty soda glass. I feared it would follow the matchbook to the floor. “I bullied him, I guess, made him do things he probably wouldn’t have done. Say things he never would have said. Told him I’d leave if he didn’t. I tried to make things better in here…” she tapped her head “…by making it hard for Jake.” She turned, her eyes searching mine. “You understand? I used him. Like I wanted to be used…needed to be used. But Jake’s not a ‘’. And I’m not salvageable.” She stared off down the bar, watching the bartender as he leaned on the bar, talking with a customer. “He’s got such a nice ass. But he’s gay…too bad.” She sighed. “Anyway, one night with Jake, I showed up high on something, or drunk. I don’t . I’d been that way before and he either didn’t know or didn’t care. He had me on the bed and I said something…something stupid.” There was a pause. “I broke the house rules.” I saw a tiny shiver run through her body. Her voice dropped to a whisper.

“He took me down to the other end of the room, said I needed to be punished. That he was going to spank me. At the first touch of his hand on my skin, it wasn’t Jake anymore; it was my step-dad, Jim. It was that bastard, with his greasy hands on me.” She went silent. I waited, not sure where this was going, not sure I wanted to know. “Something broke inside me then, something fragile; maybe the last piece of my sanity. Jake broke it, but I let him, didn’t stop him.” She straightened up so suddenly she made me flinch, the glass wobbling on the bar. I reached out and steadied it. “So I left, grabbed my clothes out of the bathroom, got in my car and drove away, wearing just my t-shirt. I had to stop a couple blocks away, get out of the car and finish getting dressed. I never went back. And the prick never came looking for me, so I figured it was what he wanted too.” Jane turned to me again, riveting me with those red-rimmed eyes. “And you know the worst thing? The bastard never came looking for me. I figured it was what he wanted, too.” She leaned on her elbows as if the details of the story had exhausted her. “So, does that satisfy your curiosity? Got the information you needed?” “I only wanted the truth.” My voice was low, like I was speaking to a frightened animal, or a frightened child. “The truth? I used Jake. He either didn’t care or cared too much. Either way it didn’t work out. What I wanted…needed…he couldn’t give me. Some things just can’t be fixed, no matter how badly you want them to be. I’m one of those things.” The bartender suddenly called Jane’s name. She waved him off, sliding off the barstool. “Look, I have to go to work. Whatever you’re looking for, I hope you find it. Because I’m never going to see you again, okay? This was a one-time deal.”

She disappeared behind the bar, pulling a dirty apron from behind the counter, tying it around her hips. She turned back, looking at me as if seeing me for the first time. “You were there, the other night. I saw you. And I saw you when Chase bound you. You were that screaming bitch that got everyone all excited.” She made an unpleasant sound, somewhere between a cough and a laugh. “I didn’t realize. Huh…Jake with you.” She turned away, then looked back over her shoulder. “Better you than me.” She walked away without looking back, leaving me struggling to breathe.

*

The next couple of days all blended together in one long blur. I was sleepdeprived, restless, a disastrous combination. I wanted resolution but didn’t know what that resolution should be. I still had questions, still wanted answers…from both men. But my body and mind were exhausted. I wanted to put everything into perspective before I sought out either Chase or Jake. Jane wasn’t what I expected. Not by a long shot. She was rough and brash and a deeply troubled young woman. In my mind, there was no way I could reconcile the woman I met with the Jake I knew. But then I hadn’t known Jake all that long. I’d made up my mind that when I got home from work on Friday, I’d call Jake, to see him. There were inconsistencies in what he’d told me, things that didn’t make sense…things that upset me to think about. More than anything, I wanted Jake to tell me I misunderstood him…or Jane…or have a simple explanation that made everything make sense. That would clear up this infernal confusion I felt.

When Jake answered the phone, when I heard his husky voice, my mouth went dry. It took me two tries to say hello. “It’s good to hear from you, Abby. You don’t know how much I’ve missed you.” I could hear the longing in his voice. “I miss you too, Jake. I’d like to see you, just to talk.” “Just talk? This sounds serious.” He was trying hard to keep his voice light but I could hear the tension behind the words. “There are some things I want to ask about, that I’m confused about…things that don’t make sense.” I hesitated, not wanting to mention Jane, helpless not to. “It’s about Jane…about your time with her.” There was silence on the other end of the line. Then I heard Jake sigh. “We’ve been through this, haven’t we, Abby? I don’t know what else I can tell you. But I’ll be home in an hour.” *

Jake was waiting beneath the portico, in white shirt and dress slacks, his tie gone. I was used to seeing him like this, home after work, but the relaxed sexiness I had come to expect was gone, replaced with a tense wariness. He brushed his lips across my cheek, the warmth of his hand briefly on my back. I was curious which door he’d lead me through; up to the tower room, where we’d had our session, or into the main house. My guess was on the tower, but he surprised me, taking me to the small room where he’d given me the massage, the room where we first made love, on a big rug in front of the fire. The rug was still there but there was no fire burning tonight. There were no candles or scented oil. “Can I get you something to drink? Soda, wine?”

Jake had picked up a glass from the coffee table, bourbon by the color and smell. I nodded. “Wine would be nice.” I stood by the windows, looking out over the broad expanse of well-manicured lawn, the trees casting long shadows in the twilight. I felt Jake brush against me and I turned, taking the glass of wine he held. “How have you been, Abby? I’ve missed you…missed our sessions.” “I’ve missed our sessions too, Jake. And I miss you.” “Then why aren’t we together?” He was watching me closely. “You’re still seeing Chase, aren’t you?” I shook my head. “I didn’t come here to talk about Chase.” Jake looked at me for a long time, finally taking a swallow of his drink. “Right. You wanted to talk about Jane. I guess Chase is a forbidden subject between us.” I turned from the window, walking past Jake, sitting down on the sofa. “Talking about Chase with you…doesn’t help me. That’s not why I’m here.” Jake stood by the windows a moment longer before sitting down on the other end of the sofa. “Okay. You said you had questions. What do you want to know? What more can I tell you? Being with Jane…having her leave…was one of the hardest things I’ve gone through. But I’ll go through it all again, if it helps you, Abby. If it gets us out of this limbo and gets Chase Mitchell out of your life.” “Jake, all I’m asking for is the truth. Honesty.” “I gave you that. I told you everything.” He tossed back the rest of his drink, emptying the glass. I took a deep breath; it was now or never. “Jake, I talked to Jane.” There was a long moment of silence. I watched Jake’s face, watched the emotions play across is beautiful features: shock, confusion…finally resolving

into anger. In one startling movement, he flung his empty glass into the fireplace. It exploded in a shower of crystal shards. I tensed on the couch, holding my breath, afraid to move. He finally turned to me, his blue eyes like ice. I felt goose bumps rise on my arms. “You talked to Jane?” His voice was cold. “How did you find her?” My voice was shaking. I swallowed, struggling for control. “Someone at Chase’s club knew who she was…how to find her. She’s never left Houston. She’s been here the entire time, working at a bar on 12th Street.” I went on before I lost confidence. “She said you never tried to find her.” He stood, walking to the windows, resting one hand on the glass, not looking at me. “And you believe her? You believe Jane?” “Jake, did you look for her? Or did you just tell me that because it’s what you thought I’d want to hear?” His fingers tapped sharply against the glass. I looked at the shards of crystal on the carpet, winking in the dim light. There was a long pause before he spoke, his voice hollow. “I didn’t look for her.” He turned away from the darkening window, looking at me, pain in his eyes. “I didn’t want to find her. “I didn’t care.” I realized I’d been holding my breath. “You could have told me that, Jake. It would have been the truth. Don’t you think, after all we’ve gone through, that you could have told me the truth? Nothing else matters but the truth.” I didn’t recognize my own voice; it had gone high and thin.

“Abby, when I told you about Jane, all I could think about was losing you, the way I’d lost her. If I had told you everything…that I hadn’t bothered to look for her…it that I didn’t care enough about her to go look for her…it would have driven you away. I’d hurt you with what that revelation.” He sank into in the leather chair by the fireplace, the anger draining out of him, elbows on his knees, running his hands through his hair. “I’m losing you anyway, now that you know the truth.” His voice was muffled, his head down. I left the couch, kneeling next to his chair, resting my hands on his knee. I felt the tension in his body. “No, you can’t lose me with the truth. “But you can lose me if you’re not honest.” He lifted his head, meeting my gaze, reaching out to touch my face. I flinched and he pulled his hand back. “And now I’ve scared you.” He shook his head. “This is why I try so hard to control my emotions, my anger. I lose control and things get destroyed…people get hurt.” “Jake, this is hard, for both of us. It’s been a long time since you’ve thought about Jane, and everything that happened with her. And then I make you bring all that back to the surface…it has to be hard to deal with. I can’t blame you for how you feel, your emotional reaction to things. They’re part of who you are.” I reached out slowly, touching the back of his hand. “But you have to know why I’ve done this, don’t you? It’s not just on a whim. I think you know … I hope you do…how important this is to our relationship.” Jake nodded, his fingers softly tracing patterns across the back of my hand. “I know. I understand. That doesn’t mean it’s easy.” His voice was soft, eyes downcast. “This isn’t how I expected our relationship to turn out.” I laughed, a faint sound in the quiet room. Jake looked up, gave me a puzzled look.

“I thought being a submissive was going to be the complicated part. That was the relationship I was having a hard time wrapping my head around. Compared to what’s happening with me…with us now…that was the easy part.” Jake returned my smile, taking my hand. I let him hold my fingers to his lips, let him kiss each one. “What can I say? You can’t help who you fall in love with. I think I fell in love with you the first time I saw you.” His smiled deepened, reaching his eyes, the sadness and pain retreating for a moment. “At the bar, the night we first met. The minute you walked in, I was awestruck, frozen where I stood, just looking at you. You took my breath away. And you almost got away before I managed to get control of myself. “It took me seeing you with Chase to know the depth of that feeling, how much you meant to me. How much I loved you. And how much I stood to lose. But it’s too late now, isn’t it? To get back to that place?” I shook my head. “Jake, I don’t know. Truly. Everything inside of me is so confused, nothing makes any sense some days. I love you, but…” I didn’t need to finish the thought; he knew I meant Chase. Knew that Chase loved me and I’d fallen in love with Chase as well. “I do love you, Jake. We wouldn’t be here if I didn’t. Everything just got out of control.” My fear had receded. The Jake I knew, warm, gentle Jake, was in front of me, his eyes searching my face. He leaned down, kissing me softly. The touch of his lips sent a thrill through me. I wanted the comfort of his arms, the security I felt with him. Even for a moment, even if it might be the last time. I made a tiny noise, somewhere between a whimper and a moan. Jake broke our kiss, standing, pulling me gently up from the floor. He wrapped his arms around me, holding me against his chest. “Stay with me tonight, Abby. Please. I want you so badly, even if I’m…if this isn’t the relationship you want. Let me have one more night with you…please.”

The need was evident in Jake’s voice and in his eyes. And it was in me as well. I pulled him to me, holding his face in my hands. “Yes. I’ll stay. For tonight.” Jake took me upstairs to his bedroom, where he’d first told me he loved me, where he’d first broken the rules he’d established for our dominant submissive relationship. He turned on a small lamp, casting the room in a soft glow. He turned to me, pulling me against him again, his kiss tentative, his lips seeking answers to questions I couldn’t provide. My fingers found the buttons on his shirt, undoing them slowly, my hands sliding beneath the soft material, fingers on his skin. The warmth of his body, his scent…that deeply masculine scent that belonged to him and him alone, washed over me. I closed my eyes, breathing deeply, the familiar sense of security washing over me. Jake held my face briefly, looking down at me. “You’re so beautiful,” he murmured. “You take my breath away…still. Always. I love you, Abby.” His kiss was ionate, urgent, no longer questioning but claiming my mouth. I opened up to him, our tongues meeting, dancing, exciting me, starting a fire deep within me. Jake’s hands moved down my shoulders, sliding slowly down to undo the buttons on my blouse. I broke our kiss, watching as he slid the fabric away from my body, his hands moving over my breasts. I moaned softly, an answering sound coming from Jake. I met his eyes, the depths of his ion reflecting mine. I wanted him then, desperately, wanted his strength, his solidness like an anchor in this storm I’d put us all in. “Jake…I love you, too.” It was that simple. And in that moment, very clear. Our hands worked feverishly then, pulling at buttons and zippers, clothes dropping to the floor. I looked down, watching Jake’s hands as they squeezed my

breasts, sending waves of heat that coalesced deep inside me, a resounding thump of arousal making me gasp with pleasure. “Oh, Jake…I’ve missed this.” “I’ve missed this, too…and you, Abby. It’s been so hard without you.” His mouth came down on mine again, all of our pent up longing expressed in that kiss. His body was pressed against mine, his erection against my stomach, hard and insistent. I wrapped my fingers around him, stroking him slowly as he thrust his hips forward against my hand. I felt him moan against my mouth, the sound full of the longing I felt as well. We moved together to the bed, not letting go of each other. I felt the mattress against the backs of my legs, Jake wrapping an arm around my back as he lowered me gently to the bed. There was no hesitation between us then. We moved together as one, our bodies melding, swirling together, exploring each other as if for the first time, reveling in what seemed like uncharted territory. Finally Jake entered me, filling me completely, sliding himself gently into my body. I accepted him the same way, letting our bodies learn again what this coming together felt like. He held himself still inside me, both of us savoring the pleasure of just being together, of being connected again. I watched his face, felt the emotion flowing between us, his eyes mirrors of mine. Jake began moving, slowly, the delicious friction of him sliding against of me building to a rapid crescendo. We were locked together, riding out the waves of ion and pleasure that coursed through our bodies, coming together, sharing the experience until the very end. He held me then, wrapped in his arms, against his chest. I fell deeply asleep listening to Jake breathing, to the sound of his heartbeat, secure and safe. I woke sometime during the night. Jake was turned away from me, clutching a pillow to his chest. I watched him sleep, the light from the moon casting silver

shadows over his face. Curled against his back, I felt the gentle movement of his body in sleep. I slipped my arm around his chest, sliding it beneath the pillow. In his sleep, he pushed the pillow away, holding my hand, murmuring something that sounded like my name. I drifted back to sleep, wondering what I’d just done. I loved Jake. But was that enough.

Chapter Twelve

I’d come back from a long-overdue trip to the store late Saturday afternoon, laden with cat food and treats for the Big Guy to try to quell the guilt I felt for ignoring the cat, to find a message from Chase on my answering machine. He wanted to know how I was…and, as usual, where I was…and would I call him. I thought about it for a long time. My skin still tingled from being with Jake, the memory of his body against mine. My body’s response. But there were things I needed to know from Chase, questions I wanted answered. I felt like I was going into battle. And I didn’t like that feeling. The phone rang several times before a breathless Chase answered. “Did I catch you at a bad time?” “Hell no, you could never catch me at a bad time. Just got out of the shower. I’m naked, dripping water all over the bedroom floor.” In spite of myself, I pictured Chase sans clothes, his skin glistening, hair damp. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and tried unsuccessfully to banish the image from my mind. “I got your message.” My voice sounded breathy. “I want to see you, but I wasn’t sure if you wanted to see me. I’m trying to give you space here.” His voice was low, that honeyed voice that did things to me. “But I miss you, Abby. I miss you very much.” “I know.” There was a pause and when Chase spoke his voice had a different tone. There was an edge to it…the one that I’d come to realize meant that he was angry.

“Stacy said you and she had a little meeting. She wouldn’t tell me what you talked about, said she wasn’t playing middle man in my affairs.” He made a sound that could have been a laugh or sound of disgust. “I’d like to know what you talked about, if it concerns you and me.” His voice was tense. “I want to see you, Chase. When?” My voice was choked with emotion. I missed Chase, his warm smile, his arms around me. I closed my eyes again, overcome with longing, and the confusion that seemed a perpetual part of my life now. “You can come to the condo right now. Stacy can handle the club tonight. You’re more important to me at this point. You know that.”

*

On the drive to Chase’s condo I tried to get my emotions under control. I knew, if he touched me, all I’d want to do would be to fall into that abyss with him, to try to forget the confusion in my head and the pain in my heart by the sheer physical intensity of sex with Chase. Spending the night with Jake may have been a mistake. I lost all objectivity, again, my emotions tangled…cloudy…when sex got involved. It was so easy to forget one when I was with the other. Each of them drew me, each in such vastly different ways, both with a force I found hard to resist. But I’m not cut out for this kind of emotional tug of war. And neither man was willing to share me. Something had to change; I had to make a decision. Because deep down I knew neither would wait forever for me to make my choice. But I needed to see Chase, if for no other reason than to see him one last time. I owed him that much.

Chase met me at the door, dressed in jeans and a black t-shirt, his hair still damp. I longed to run my fingers through his hair, feel his arms around me. He reached for me, but I moved away. “No, Chase. Not yet.” “Why? Can’t I even kiss you?” He frowned at me. “What the hell, Abby? Am I suddenly a pariah?” He turned away, running his hands through his hair. He strode across the living room, pacing in front of the windows, the lights of the city spread out behind him. I followed him hesitantly, aching for his touch. Instead, I sat on one of the big cream sofas. “Chase, please. Sit with me. I want to talk.” He stood for a moment, facing the windows before sitting down next to me. He blew out a breath, turning to face me. “So it’s like this now? We’re going to have a civilized conversation, you’re going to tell me we’re through but we can still be friends?” “Yes…I mean, no. Yes, we’re going to have a civilized conversation; no, I didn’t come here to tell you we’re through.” I shook my head. Did I come here to tell him that? “Please don’t make this harder than it needs to be. I want to ask you a question and I want an honest answer.” Chase raised an eyebrow. “I’ve been honest with you. Ask anything you want; I’ve got nothing left to hide.” I took a deep breath. “Have you been seeing other women while you were with me? I mean, after the first time at the club?” Chase’s mouth was a thin, tight line. I knew he was angry but there was no stopping me now. “Stacy said you’d have a different woman at the club every night.”

“It’s interesting what Stacy decides to say these days.” He ed a hand over his eyes. “Yes, Abby. There have been other women. There were others after you came to the club with Jake, after you came back by yourself…there have been a lot of women.” His eyes were intense, focused on mine. “But not since the weekend we went to Paradise Ranch…not since the night I told you I wanted you with me.” He spread his hands on his thighs. “You think I’ve been cheating on you? Is that where this is headed?” “I don’t know, Chase. I’m trying to find answers. I’m so confused. And it’s hard.” I took a deep breath. “You didn’t think I should know? Or you just didn’t want to tell me?” His sudden laughter caught me off guard. “Abby, I’m trying real hard to be patient here. But considering the situation, you’re going to cross a line with me.” Chase stood, pacing again. “You were seeing Jake while you were seeing me, ? I don’t think there’s really any difference in our situations, do you?” I frowned up at him, a tiny flame of anger blossoming in my chest. “Yes, I do. I wasn’t in a relationship with Jake, he is…was…my Dom. You knew that. And that’s different. But you called me …just like you’d have called any other woman who caught your eye at the club. Isn’t that how it happens?” He shook his head. “Don’t attribute thoughts to me that I didn’t have. Don’t think for me, Abby, ever. “I called you for one reason. I was…fascinated…obsessed, I guess, with you, from the moment I saw you. And what happened between us during that session at the club, well, if it was intense for you, think what it was like for me.” I frowned. Chase had told me in great detail how intense it had been for him, binding me in the soft white ropes, tying the intricate knots, how much he had enjoyed that part of our session. But he’d never told me anything beyond that,

about how the session ended, about having sex. And that night, I had been so focused on Jake after the session, and so exhausted, I hadn’t ed anything else. He stopped pacing, standing in front of me. I looked up at him, saw he was breathing hard. “Abby, do you know what it was like, being there with you, knowing that I was the one who made it possible for you to experience all that? I don’t say that to brag, but I do say it as the humble guy who seemed to get it all right for you, to send you someplace I wished I could have followed. As a Dom, it was the most intense session I’d ever had. It’s what that type of relationship is all about… giving someone so much in return for what they give me.” Chase crouched down in from of me, taking my hands. “As a man, experiencing that with a beautiful woman…with you, Abby, it was beyond description. From that moment, I knew I wanted you.” He looked down at his big hands holding mine. There was a moment of hesitation and then he let go, standing, his long legs striding across the room again. Pacing like a caged animal. “And it only got worse…or better…or more intense, I guess, the more I saw you. And truth be told, it scared the hell out of me. Still does.” He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “It’s like Mandy, all over again. Only ten times worse.” Chase finally stopped in front of the window, looking down on the city below him. There was a long pause; his voice was low when he spoke. “My first reaction, when things scare me…things I can’t control, like my feelings…is to either drink myself stupid, or find a woman. I’m past the drinking, for the most part. But the women…well, they’re harder to give up.” He turned back, watching me a moment before coming to sit next to me on the couch. “There have been women, Abby. I slept with them. Do I regret it? Yeah, I do.

I’m not proud of how I acted. And I regret not telling you.” We sat for a moment, before Chase turned to me. There was a look on his face, something I’d never seen before. Doubt, maybe? In himself, or me, I couldn’t tell. “I’m being honest, Abby, as honest as I know how to be. No one has asked that of me, for a long time. But I need to know from you, if you’re going question me, question us…this…what does that say? About the trust between us? About your trust in me?” “Do you trust me, Abby?” In the moment I hesitated before answering, I saw something flash in Chase’s eyes. Resignation, loss…sadness. I dropped my eyes. “I don’t know, Chase.” My voice was barely a whisper. “I don’t know how to think about this. And it scares me too.” Chase reached over, taking my hand, rubbing my knuckles with his thumb. I could feel the calluses on his hands, the rough parts from being on the ranch, the soft parts that spoke of something else. “For what it’s worth, however this ends, I think I’m a better man for having known you.” He leaned over, kissing my cheek. I smiled. “Stacy said the same thing. You’d changed. She likes the new you.” We sat for a minute, holding hands. I felt a welling sadness in my chest, like I was losing something valuable, that it was slipping away as I watched it go. “Chase, you have to know how hard this is for me.” He squeezed my hand. “I do. But you have to know it’s hard for me too. And to not have you trust me cuts like a knife. I’d lay my life on the line for you. You have to know that. I made mistakes. Hell, I’ll probably be making mistakes for the rest of my life.” Chase stood, pacing again, unable to stand still. “I’m only human, Abby. You can’t expect me to be perfect.”

“I’m not expecting you to be perfect. I wanted honesty, not perfection. That’s all.” Chase threw up his hands. “I’ve been trying to be honest with you, as best I can. I’ll fight for you, Abby. But I won’t do battle with you over this relationship.” The anger I’d felt earlier came back, blooming hot and heavy in my chest. “Do you think I’m doing all this on purpose to make it hard for you? That I enjoy this?” I stood, my face flushed. “Because I don’t. I don’t want this…I didn’t ask for this.” I spread my hands, breathing hard. The edge was back in Chase’s voice when he spoke, flinging the words at me. “Don’t want this…or don’t want me?” He took two quick steps toward me, grabbing my arms, pushing me against the wall. Something close by fell to the floor. I felt his fingers tense against my skin. “Because I want you, Abby, more than I’ve wanted any woman, ever. I want a relationship with you, not just for an occasional fuck in my bed or a roll in the hay. And I’m willing to work at that, to earn your trust, whatever I need to do. You have to know that. But you can’t hold my past against me going into the future. That’s not fair.” Chase was breathing as hard as I was, his face close to mine. I could feel the heat of from his body, feel the tension, his fingers digging into my arms. “Chase…please. You’re…” “I’m hurting you? Yeah. I know. I want to get it through your head how important this is, that I think you’re about to throw something away that you really don’t want to…that I really don’t want you to. “I love you, Abby. I want you. But I can’t force you to make a choice. I can’t… as much as I want to. But I can show you what’s good between us, what does work.” His mouth was consuming me, his lips crushing mine against my teeth. I

struggled in his grasp, desire and anger fighting for control. For the moment, anger won. I twisted my head, tearing my lips from Chase’s. “Please…this isn’t…I don’t want…” But I did want, badly. And Chase knew that. I was breathless, looking up at Chase, the intensity of his gaze startling me…and stoking that fire that burned deep inside me. “Abby…” Chase’s voice was rough with anger or longing, I couldn’t tell. He buried his face in my neck, his fingers loosening their grip on my arms but his body still pinning me against the wall. I wrapped my arms around him, my face against his neck. His pulse beat against my lips, hard and fast, matching my own. His arms slid roughly down my body, cupping my ass, holding me while he pressed himself against my body, his arousal impossible to ignore. As was mine; there was nothing I could do but give in. I pulled away from him, seeking his mouth with mine, my kiss as blistering as his had been. He spun me away from the wall, walking me backward until I hit the edge of the couch. I sat down hard and we came apart briefly as I twisted beneath him, until he was lying on top of me, the length of his body touching mine, pressing his hips into me, mine ri to meet him. I ran my hands through his hair, holding him hard against my mouth. His tongue skated along my lower lip and I opened my mouth to him, pulling and sucking his lips and then, biting down on his lower lip. I tasted blood but it only fueled my desire. Chase pulled away from me, running a finger along his lip. He looked at the blood and then down at me, his eyes dark. “And who’s hurting who now, Abby?” I had no chance to answer and I suspect Chase wasn’t interested in one anyway. Our hands were frantically pulling at clothes, Chase undoing enough buttons on my blouse to expose the tops of my breasts, pulling my bra down roughly so he

could pull one nipple to his mouth. I stopped tugging at his t-shirt, gasping as his lips tugged at me. There was a rush of heat through my body as he sucked hard. Then there was a flash of pain as I felt his teeth nip my tender skin. I cried out and Chase lifted his head, his lips curved into a dark smile that held little warmth. “Had enough?” His eyes were lit with an intensity that matched my own. “No…have you?” I grabbed the front of his t-shirt with both hands, ripping it down the front, my hands sliding over his chest, around his back, raking my nails over his skin. I saw him wince and it sent a bolt of something dark through me, rocking me to the core. “Now, Chase…now!” My voice was low, no longer breathless, but demanding. “This isn’t going to be pretty, Abby. I hope you know that.” Chase abruptly sat back on his knees, yanking down the zipper on my jeans, while I undid the buttons on his with trembling fingers. I lifted my hips as Chase grabbed two handfuls of denim, stripping my pants down my legs, tossing them on the floor. With little ceremony, he shoved his jeans down his hips far enough to free his cock, before pinning me to the couch again with his body. It wasn’t pretty; Chase was right. It was brutal and hard and fast. We were both breathing heavily, Chase grunting, me making noises I’d never heard myself make. There was nothing about this coming together that seemed like it was anything but us taking from each other, the collision of two people intent on the satisfaction of animal needs. But it was so consuming, in its aggressive way…so overwhelmingly right at that moment. As brutal and primal and out of control as we were, it united us on some level I didn’t understand, connected me with Chase, somewhere deep and dark. And that scared me…it scared the hell out of me. When we were done, when I’d come so hard I thought I’d shatter, after Chase had almost pushed me off the couch as he sought his release, we lay in a sweaty tangled heap, trying to catch our breath. I finally pushed myself away from Chase, sitting up to button my shirt, searching

the floor for my jeans. He sat on the other end of the couch, his face flushed, hair damp from our encounter. “What are we doing to each other, Abby? Why do we keep doing this?” He watched me struggle into my jeans, my hands shaking as I fastened the snap. I sat on the edge of the coffee table, pushing my hair out of my eyes, looking down at my hands, clutching them together to try to stop them from trembling. “I don’t know. I really don’t.” I took a ragged breath. “I’m not sure I can keep doing it, Chase.” There was a moment of quiet in the room. “Do you love me, Abby?” Chase’s voice was low, questioning. I looked up, meeting his eyes. “Yes. I love you, Chase. I do…probably more than is good for me…for you.” My voice broke. “Come here.” His voice was soft and he held out his hand, an open invitation. I hesitated and then I saw the hurt in his eyes, hurt that mirrored mine. And that undid the tears. I crawled up on the couch and Chase wrapped his arms around me, holding me while I cried against his torn shirt. “What we do to each other, Abby, what we do. Love shouldn’t be this hard, should it?” *

I left Chase feeling betrayed…by myself. I hadn’t wanted to give in to myself, to the overwhelming attraction I have for Chase. But it’s so damned hard. He’d told me once he was irresistible and he’s right. But as confused as I still was, each man had a claim on my heart. And each claim was tearing me to pieces. I spent Sunday in bed, trying to sleep, convincing myself I needed to recharge instead of itting what I really was doing… burying my head under the covers, trying to escape the swirling emotions inside of me. Trying to avoid the

whole situation. Denial can be the perfect dominant, if you give yourself over to it completely. I couldn’t. The following week began badly and went downhill quickly. Burke called me into a meeting Monday morning, asking for updates on all my clients, something he’d never done before. Afterward, in my office, I had the nagging sense I was in trouble, although he’d never said there was anything wrong. I’d spent the rest of that day working on proposals and dealing with emails. Later in the week Burke called another meeting, this time telling me one of my clients had requested a new manager within the company. I was stunned. I’d never lost a client like this. Burke laid it on the line for me. “Abby, there’s been a real decline in your quality of work lately. I don’t know if it’s because of personal reasons, something medical, or if you’re not happy here, with the company. But something’s got to change. I’m here if you need to talk, if it’s something work related I can help you with. But if you’re not happy here, it may be time for you to consider a change.” Burke looked at me over the top of his glasses. “I really enjoy working with you Abby, truly. You’re a fantastic employee. I’d like to help you if I can. But I also need to let you know your performance has come to my attention, and not in a good way.” I left Burke’s office in shock. Burke was right; something did need to change. But he had no idea what that was. And I certainly wasn’t going to unload my personal problems on my boss. But I did need to do something. Sometime after the meeting with Burke, Leslie called to see if I was free for lunch. When I declined, she came to my office, bringing the requisite salad and large iced tea. “I won’t tell you how you look today, Abby. I’ve run out of colorful .” She sat down, pushing the salad and iced tea in my direction. I pushed them back, and her eyebrows immediately shot up in surprise and concern. “What’s wrong, honey?” “I had a meeting with Burke today and, well, things on the job are a little unsettled. I think I’m just going to work though lunch.”

As much as I love Leslie, as dear as she is as a friend, she wasn’t the person I wanted to see right now. My last conversation with her, while it had helped me put things in some kind of perspective, made me feel guilty, as if I’d betrayed both Jake and Chase’s confidences. After the weekend I’d just been through, I really didn’t feel up to the mental challenge of editing my words to avoid a repeat guilt-fest later. “Oh. Well, yeah. I heard about that.” She took a sip of coffee, not meeting my eyes. “What? You heard about what?” I pushed my keyboard away, looking at her closely. Leslie, unlike me, can play poker. I’ve seen her. She can hide her emotions if she wants. And now, she was hiding something. But she was also itching to tell me. I could see the conflict flicking in her eyes. “Oh, you know. Burke was up in HR earlier, looking through your personnel file.” Her eyes flickered up to meet mine. They were blank and unreadable, the confidentiality aspect of her job apparently kicking in, the desire to gossip momentarily quelled. “Okay. So you know something I don’t know and you can’t tell me, because it’s confidential.” That familiar sensation of anger, which seemed to always be there recently, that tight knot in my chest, rose up again. My nerves were frayed, my mind exhausted and my patience at its end. I snapped. “You know, Leslie, that’s fine. Don’t tell me. I won’t pry it out of you. But for all this time that I’ve been seeing Jake, when I told you there were things I couldn’t discuss, you managed to make me feel guilty for not telling you, because you were my friend. And because I felt guilty, I told you things I really wish now I hadn’t said.” I stopped for a breath. My voice had risen, taking on that tone I hate, the tone I get when I’m on a roll, apparently enraptured with the sound of my own righteous voice. “Abby, it’s not the same…” Leslie looked back at me with wide eyes. “How is it not the same? Confidentiality is confidentiality, whether it’s you in HR or me with a request from Jake. It’s exactly the same. But you have some deep need to get all the juicy details out of me, now that I actually have some. And I’m finally fed up with it.”

I watched as Leslie stood, silently gathering her lunch, her coffee, moving to the door. She stopped, speaking to me without turning around. “I know you’re under a lot of stress right now, Abby. I’m hoping that outburst was a result of that and not something else. Let’s just pretend we didn’t have this conversation.” She was gone before I could say anything, the only thing left behind the smell of her coffee. I massaged my temples, willing myself to push the encounter out of my mind, for now. I had enough things to drive me crazy and this, at this moment, wasn’t something I could dwell on. I was being a lousy friend, but I had to trust that my friendship with Leslie could withstand the other issues complicating my life.

*

Late that afternoon, as I was diligently working through my emails, the phone rang. I prickled at the interruption, contemplated letting it go to voice mail but decided to answer it, thinking it might be Leslie. In hindsight, I’m not sure it was such a good idea. It was Stacy. “Abby, I know I told Chase I wasn’t going to get in the middle of his personal business, and I’m not. But I am getting into the middle of yours.” “What do you mean?” “I mean I’ve talked to Jane.” There was a moment of silence. My heart was thumping uncomfortably in my chest. I closed my eyes, not wanting to hear what Stacy had to say, but powerless to stop her. “Abby, I think we should talk. Come to the club.”

*

“Chase is never here on Thursdays.” Stacy met me at the street door, sensing my hesitation. She led me into Chase’s office, pointing to one of the chairs in front of his desk. I sat down, ing the first time I’d come here, to Chase’s club. I’d sat in this same chair, immediately drawn to him, knowing then on some level I was playing with fire, just not realizing how all-consuming that fire would be. “When did you talk to Jane?” Stacy was sitting in Chase’s chair, looking even more petite behind his big desk. “She came to the club on Sunday night. We talked a little bit, nothing unusual, nothing out of the ordinary. I was busy…Chase had taken the weekend off last minute, said he was exhausted. So I was riding herd on the masses.” She made a dismissive gesture with her hand. “No big deal, but I didn’t have a whole lot of time to talk with her. But then, out of the blue, she called me at home this morning. Said she had something to tell me…almost like she couldn’t wait to spit it out.” Stacy hesitated a beat, holding my gaze. “She told me she was seeing Jake again.” I’m pretty sure the shock was evident on my face; it usually is. “You’re kidding? Or she’s lying? Please tell me it’s a joke or something… anything.” I thought back to the last time I saw Jake, leaving him on Saturday morning… after spending the night. I thought we’d come so far, he’d finally been honest with me, completely honest when he said he hadn’t wanted to find Jane, wasn’t interested in seeing her again. How had that changed?

“Did she say when he saw her?” My voice was shaky, my palms suddenly clammy. “Saturday night. At that dive where she works. She said he was waiting for her when she got there to start her shift. Stayed there until she got off work.” A frown creased Stacy’s forehead. “Abby, that’s not all. She said he slept with her…that night. And a couple times since.” A couple of times? My face felt numb, my lips struggling to form words. “It’s only Thursday.” Stacy nodded. “Yeah, I know. I did the math. As near as I could tell, from what she’s said, he’s been seeing her almost every day since Saturday night.” She leaned forward. “But you have to know that this is Jane; sometimes what she says and reality aren’t quite the same.” “Do you think she’s lying?” Maybe there was a glimmer of hope. Stacy shook her head. “No, not this time, not about seeing Jake, I mean. But she may be exaggerating a bit, blowing it up to more than it is, or have her days mixed up. I think she’s still using, which is why Chase keeps an eye on her, or has me do that, when she’s here. It’s why I knew about Jake in the first place, when she was his sub. And why I do tell Chase about her, what she said about Jake. He calls her a loose cannon and he’s not far off the mark.” I shook my head. None of this made sense. Then something else, something very ugly reared its head. “Stacy, did she say he was sleeping with her or she’d gone back to being his submissive?” Stacy grew serious. “Oh. Abby, she said she was sleeping with him. As in, just sex, not as a sub.” My heart was pounding so hard I could hear it in my head. I must have looked devastated. Stacy came around the corner of the desk, wrapping an arm around my shoulder.

“Oh, Abby. Honey, I’m sorry.” She hugged me, her tough as nails exterior slipping away briefly. “If any man did that to me, he’d be out of my life for good.”

*

I called Jane’s number when I got home from work on Friday, not really knowing what I wanted to say, other than I wanted to see her again. Why I wanted to torture myself, I didn’t know. Maybe I wanted her to tell me Stacy was full of shit. But I didn’t think that was the case. She didn’t sound surprised to hear from me. “I knew you’d call, knew you’d want to check up on Jake. You’re that kind of girl. Yeah, if you want, you can come talk to me.” She gave me an address in a dismal part of town. When I found the building, it was just as dismal as its neighbors. I climbed the narrow stairs to the third floor. It smelled of stale grease and the seemingly ever-present miasma of cigarette smoke. I couldn’t imagine Jake here, but then again, the Jake I thought I knew and the Jake I was uncovering seemed to be two vastly different people. Jane answered my knock, wearing only a short robe belted around her waist. The scarlet color set off her pale skin and raven black hair. Despite myself I instantly compared myself to her: slender legs, tiny waist, waves of black hair…high cheekbones. Of course he likes her; she’s got the perfect body. She pointed me toward the kitchen table, pushing aside a stack of magazines and newspapers from one end, begrudgingly clearing a space for me on the sticky Formica. “You want coffee? I have some made, but no creamer. Only some of that artificial sweetener crap.” I shook my head. “No, nothing. Thanks.”

“Suit yourself.” Jane sank into the chair opposite me, fishing a cigarette out of a crumpled pack. She lit a match, the smell of sulphur filling my nose, followed by the smoke from her cigarette. Jane squinted at me through the blue haze. “So, you know about Jake. Stacy told you, didn’t she?” She laughed, a rough bark of sound. “I knew she would.” She tapped the ash from her cigarette into an overflowing ashtray. “I don’t go in for deep analysis of why I do things. Too much shit in there to dig through. But in this case, as the shrinks would say, my motive was transparent.” She waved the cigarette at me, holding it between her slender fingers. “I wanted to know if you two still have some kind of relationship…have some kind of connection. Figured if I told Stacy and you called, you were still involved. And by the looks of it, I was right.” Her eyes narrowed as she regarded me through the smoke. “I suppose I should thank you. If you hadn’t been in the picture, he never would have bothered to come looking for me. Lucky me.” There was a long pause while she took another drag from her cigarette, the end glowing bright red. She blew out a trail of smoke, leaning forward, watching my face. “You’re real quiet today, aren’t you? No questions for Jane, no pitying looks for the poor damaged girl Jake screwed over. Because now I’m not the girl he screwed over…I’m the girl he’s screwing. “And I bet he’s not screwing you right now, is he?” She sat back, crushing out her cigarette. “I didn’t come here…” “Yeah, you didn’t come here to talk about Abby or Jane. You’re here to talk about Jake. I get it.” She shook out another cigarette, holding it unlit between her fingers as she went on.

“So let’s talk about Jake. What do you want to know this time about Mr. Meyers?” The match flared again, smoke rising to the cloud hovering just below the ceiling. It was hard to breath; I felt like I was suffocating, from the smoke and from the crushing weight in my chest. “When? When did he come find you?” My voice was steadier than I felt. “Last Saturday. Found me at the bar. Either you gave him the name or he ed I worked there. Either way, he was waiting when I started my shift. Can’t say I was real surprised he was there. It’s like that movie…what’s it called? Something Separate Degrees…Six Degrees of Separation, that’s it.” She exhaled another cloud of smoke toward the ceiling. “Except it’s just you and me, and Jake. Only a few degrees apart.” Her blue eyes were far sharper today than they had been at the bar, not redrimmed, no dark smudges beneath them, despite the choking cigarette smoke. Jane’s body was almost humming, vibrating at some high frequency, some frantic energy running through her. I ed Stacy had said she had done drugs…still did drugs. Those blue eyes were locked on mine now. “And that really pisses you off, doesn’t it?” “I’d be lying if I said I was happy about it.” I wasn’t sure where this conversation was going. All I wanted now was to be away from Jane, from this dingy apartment, from the stinging sense that I’d been made a fool of by Jake. But I needed one more answer. Jane gave me a catty smile. “Looks like the nice girl finishes last here, all dressed in her pretty little skirt and blouse.” “That depends.” I took a deep breath, disregarding the potential for immediately contracting lung cancer. “Are you his sub, or just a friend with benefits?” I held her gaze, saw her eyes widen just a fraction. I willed myself not to blink and for once, bluffed my way through.

Jane sat back, her intensity lessening slightly. But something else filled the gap. “I don’t think it would be good for my mental health if I went back to being Jake’s sub, do you?” She took a deep drag from the cigarette, crushing the latest on top of the still-smoldering butt of the previous cigarette. “Let’s call us fuck buddies then. That’s good enough for me and apparently it’s good enough for Jake.” She blew a stream of smoke in my face. I fled the apartment.

Chapter Thirteen

I called Chase as soon as I got home, for no other reason than to hear his voice. It was early, for him; he was still at the condo. “Are you okay? Abby, what’s happened?” “I saw Jane…” My voice cracked, tears spilling down my face. “Abby. Listen to me. You do not go see her anymore, regardless what Stacy tells you. Jane’s not stable and you’re not safe. And don’t go seeing Jake either, in some attempt to make this right, or make sense of it, or whatever you think you should do. Call him, if you need to talk to him. But don’t go see him. I’d forbid it if I thought it would do any good, but I know it won’t.” There was a pause. “I hate to think of you with him, for any reason. You know that. It drives a knife right through my heart.” I was crying too hard to reply. “Abby? Do you hear me?” Chase’s voice was insistent. “Yes, Chase. I do.” My voice was barely a whisper. “Come here, Abby. Come over to the condo. I’ll stay home tonight, let Stacy handle the club again. Serves her right for getting in the middle of this. I have half a mind…” “Don’t, Chase. Don’t be mad at Stacy. She’s only trying to help.” I sniffed a little, my tears slowing. “Fine. But come see me, please. I don’t care if you’ve decided to never see me again…you’re upset and I don’t want you to be alone tonight.” I hesitated briefly.

I did want to see Chase. This was the end. There would be no Jake and I. It was over. “I’ll be there in a little bit. There’s something I need to do first.” “Fine. I’ll call Stacy. Take care of whatever you need to, do it quick. I’ll be here waiting.”

*

When I pulled up to Jake’s house, there was a car parked beneath the portico, not one of Jake’s, but a battered and rusty car of indeterminate make. I parked behind it, running through the wind-driven rain to the door to the house, ringing the bell. I peered through the glass of the door, watching for Jake to appear, ringing the bell again. The wind was blowing in erratic gusts, fine waves of rain drifting over me, making me shiver. “Abby, what are you doing here?” I whirled around, almost colliding with Jake. He was behind me, the door to the tower room open, light spilling onto the driveway, casting his face in shadow. He was shirtless and barefoot, wearing the cotton sweat pants that were so familiar to me. I blinked in confusion. “Jake. You scared me. I…” I stopped. There was movement behind Jake. Over his shoulder, in the doorway to the tower room, I saw a flash of scarlet. Jane was leaning against doorframe, with her ever-present cigarette, thin wisps of smoke caught in the wind. Wearing nothing but the short silk robe she’d worn when I saw her in her apartment, not more than a couples hours earlier.

My eyes flew back to Jake’s face. “You have her here? Now? I just left her apartment!” I felt tears welling in my eyes. “Abby, it’s not what it looks like…” Jake took a step closer, the light from the house catching his features. I looked up at him, at the man I thought I loved, the man I had been willing to give up everything to be with. Even the love of another good man…even willing to give up Chase. Jake’s beautiful face was a kaleidoscope of emotions. I watched as he fought down fear and shock…shock, I suppose at seeing me, at being caught with Jane. Fear…of being caught in a lie? I wasn’t sure. Things were happening too fast. Then something else took over inside Jake. His face softened and he moved toward me, reaching out to touch my arm. “Abby, honey. You’re here, that’s all that matters. I love you. Whatever else you think, it’s not important. I love you, and you love me. There’s nothing else that matters.” He took another step closer. I backed up, my shoulders hitting the door behind me. “Stop, Jake. No…don’t...” I put my hands up, no idea what his intentions were, wanting to ward him off, push him away. But I ended up with my hands on his chest, the warmth of his bare skin beneath my fingers. Instinctively I clenched my hands, trying to pull my fingers away. But Jake grabbed my wrists, holding me fast, his grip like steel. “Abby, you have to understand. I love you. She’s…” he looked over his shoulder at Jane “…she’s nothing.” He pulled my hands up to his lips, kissing my knuckles. “I was scared, scared that you were gone. I was desperate, needed someone…she was the only one I could think of to use…” His voice trailed off. “You’re lying. I’ve had enough. Let me go, Jake. You have what you want. You have Jane.” I felt anger, pain…fear…welling up inside of me. But mostly anger.

Something snapped. “You’ve been with her for the past week, Jake. Or didn’t your little fuck buddy tell you that I knew that?” I craned my neck, looking past Jake’s shoulder. Jane was still standing in the doorway watching, smoking her cigarette, or her second or third cigarette. There was a smile on her full lips, something terrible that didn’t quite reach her eyes. I shuddered with the realization she’d set this whole thing up, knowing exactly what I’d do after I left her. Knowing I’d confront Jake. She’d played me for a fool. I looked back to Jake. His face had changed, something dark behind his eyes. His fingers dug into my wrists. “I talked to Jane…today. I left you here, last Saturday morning. And the next thing you do is go find her and sleep with her. And now…” I stopped for a breath. “You’ve been sleeping with her for the past week.” Something changed in Jake’s expression. A calculating look ed over his eyes. “I love you, Abby. You know that.” His voice was low, that husky sexy voice that did…had…done things to me. But now it scared me. “I’ve loved you since the first time I saw you.” He pulled me close to him, his body against mine. I felt the heat of his skin against me and then the pressure of his erection, pressing against my stomach. I pulled hard, wrenching my wrists from his hands, pulling away. I was disgusted now, angry and scared. I stumbled from beneath the portico roof toward my car, cold rain hitting my face, mixing with the tears that were running down my cheeks. Jake was right behind me, his bare feet slapping on the wet pavement. “I love you. We can fix this…whatever is wrong. I just made a mistake...I love you. You love me. We can fix this…” I spun around, my anger flaring, pushing back the fear. I pointed back to the tower room door. I could see Jane, silhouetted against the light from the portico,

watching us. “She said it…Jane said something to me the first time I met her…that some things just can’t be fixed with love. That’s us, Jake…this. Nothing can fix us, not all the love in the world. It’s over. It’s ended. You ended it, Jake, when you brought her back here. If you can’t see that...” The rain was coming down harder now, sharp drops stinging my face. I reached for the car door, had it open, when Jake reached past me, slamming it shut. “No! This isn’t how it ends. Not like this.” The rain was running down his face, flattening his hair. He pulled me against him, hard. He forced his mouth against mine in a brutal kiss. I pulled away in revulsion. I wanted to gag. “I’ll make her leave. I’ll send Jane away.” His breath was harsh against my face. “Jake, stop!” I took a deep breath, to bring myself under control. The fear was back, a panicky feeling bubbling up inside. Everything was spinning out of control. I twisted out of his grip, wrenching the car door open. I scrambled inside, slamming the door, hitting the locks, fumbling with the key in the ignition. The shower of broken glass, followed by a gust of cold wind-blown rain made me scream. Jake’s hand jutting through the broken driver’s side window, blood dripping from cut knuckles. He made a grab for me, my hair or arm, I wasn’t sure. The car roared to life and I threw it into gear, jamming my foot on the gas, careening down the circular driveway. I glanced in the rearview mirror. Jake was still standing in the rain, silhouetted against the light from the portico.

*

I rang the bell, and then knocked on Chase’s door. He opened it, took one look at

me and folded me into his arms. My knees gave out, the last of my energy draining away, and I crumpled against him. He scooped me up, taking me down the hall to his bedroom. With infinite care, he set me on the bed, fingers swiftly working to pull off my sodden clothes. “Just a minute.” He went to the bathroom, quickly back with a towel. He wiped my face, pushed the dripping hair off my forehead. “Can you tell me what happened?” The calm sound of his voice, his sure and gentle touch brought me back from where ever I’d been during the drive over. “It was Jake…” That was all I managed to get out. All the fear and anger washed away, leaving me shaking uncontrollably. Chase had my blouse and skirt off in seconds, pulling back the covers, helping me lie down, the blankets tucked around me. He lay down next to me, fully clothed. Even though I was cold and shaking, I pushed the blankets aside, reaching for Chase, wanting his warmth, not the warmth of the blankets. “Hold me, Chase, please.” He pulled me against him, his fingers smoothing the damp tangles of my hair away from my face. He held me for a long time, saying nothing, just cradling me against his body. Slowly the shaking stopped. I struggled to sit up and he shifted next to me, pushing himself up against the head of the bed. He sat up suddenly, leaning over the side of the bed. He turned back to me, just as suddenly, pulling the blankets away from my body. “There’s blood on your clothes, Abby. Did he hurt you?” His voice was low, but urgent. He held me away from him, searching my face, my body, and a look of alarm on his face. I shook my head, stilling his hands. “No, Chase. It’s Jake’s. He broke the window on my car, cut his hand I guess. He grabbed at me, but I drove away.” Anger flashed in Chase’s eyes, deep and intense. I ed the anger I’d seen in Jake’s eyes earlier tonight, anger directed at me, and I tensed in Chase’s arms. But when he spoke his voice was still calm.

“I’m not angry with you, Abby.” His arms tightened around me, pulling me back against him. I rested my head on his shoulder, taking a deep ragged breath. “Can you tell me what happened?” He repeated the question he’d asked before. “I went to see Jake, went to his house.” I heard him draw a sharp breath. “You said I shouldn’t, that it wasn’t safe. But I couldn’t just talk to him over the phone.” “I know, Abby. I know.” His hand rubbed my arm. “Chase, he was…he really scared me.” I shivered, closing my eyes. He drew me even closer. I thought if he could, Chase would somehow pull me inside of him, if it would make me stop shivering. “I parked the car and got out, went to the house door. But he came out of the tower room, dressed in…well, dressed for a session. Wearing what he wore for our sessions.” Images of Jake, the first time we had a session, wearing nothing but those thin gray sweatpants, riding low on his narrow hips, his lean body moving gracefully around the tower room…his arousal so very obvious. Before he blindfolded me, leaving me with only my imagination. Seeing him tonight, in the same sweats he wore when he was with in session with me, coming from the tower…where Jane was. The betrayal was complete; he’d taken her back as his sub, and as his lover. I sighed. “And then, well, it got ugly. Jane was there. He tried to tell me he loved me, told me that he’d send her away. “He grabbed me, held me, pushed me against the door.” Chase was still rubbing my arm. He kissed the top of my head softly. “And all the while, she was watching, standing in the doorway. Smoking a cigarette, watching us fight.” My voice had gotten loud, the anger I’d pushed down finally coming to the surface.

I turned to look up at Chase. “How could anyone do that? How could he betray us…me. Just like that? I don’t understand.” “I can’t answer that, Abby. And honestly, I don’t suppose he can either.”

*

Chase sat with me until I started to fall asleep. I felt him pull the covers over me, his hands brushing the hair away from my face. He left the room, leaving the door open, the dim light from the hall spilling across the floor. I thought I heard voices, but I was too tired to care. I drifted into an uneasy sleep. It was a long time later when I felt the bed move, Chase’s scent, leather and hay, and him, washing over me as he crawled beneath the sheets. His hands went around my waist, pulling me against him, my back against his chest. The hall light was out, the room dark. He held me a long time but I knew he wasn’t sleeping. Finally I squirmed around, facing him. “What is it, Chase?” I reached out, touching his face in the dark. “Just thinking.” He shifted, rolling on his back, pulling me to him, my head finding that same safe comfortable place on his chest. I rested my hand on him, his skin warm beneath my fingers. “It’s been hard, hasn’t it? I’m sorry, Chase. I’ve put you through a lot. I never meant for any of this to happen.” I felt him sigh, his chest rising and falling beneath my hand. “Abby, it is what it is. Can’t change that, just like I can’t change my past.” He shifted, reaching to turn on the lamp by the bed. He looked down, tipping my face up to his. “Where does this leave us, Abby? I don’t want to be the default choice here. I’ve

never liked being second in anything.” I met his gaze, the uncertainty in his eyes making my heart hurt. “Chase, you’re not. I went to Jake to tell him it was over, that his lying wasn’t something I could handle.” I sat up, reaching out to touch his face. “I love you, Chase Thomas.” I leaned over, kissing him hard. He pulled away, his eyes serious. “I love you too, Abby Phillips. But where are we with trust? Do we have enough here to keep this going?” There was hesitation in his voice. “I told you before, Abby, my past is my past. It’s not pretty. It’s who I was…not who I plan on being…not with you.” “I know, Chase.” I put my head back on his chest, idly running my hands over his skin. “I loved Jake. Or…I thought I did.” I felt him take a deep breath. “And your past is your past. It’s not your past I fell in love with; it’s the man I know now. The man who’s here with me.” I placed my palm flat on his chest, over his heart. “The man who loves me, even though I put him through hell.” His laugh was there, that familiar rumble that I felt more than heard. I smiled. “You know, the better the horse, the harder they are to break.” I swatted at his chest. “I’m not a horse!” Chase laughed, rolling me onto my back. “It was meant as a compliment. Some of my best friends are horses.” He leaned down, kissing me hard before pulling away. A smile played around the corners of his mouth.

“You know, someone’s going to have to tell Celeste that she’s not first in my heart anymore.” I returned his smile. “Well, she’s your horse. I suspect if I tried, she’d bite me.” His smile deepened. “I suppose she would at that.” I ran my fingers over his lips. “It’s good to see you smile, Chase. It’s been a long time.” “And it’s been a while since I’ve seen a smile on your pretty face.” He buried his face in my neck, still smiling, his lips warm on my skin, kissing me softly, nibbling my earlobe, tracing a gentle trail down my neck. Lifting his head, he looked at me in the soft light. “And if I have anything to say about it, I plan to put a smile on your face and make sure it stays there. Starting now.” He moved over me, his body pressed against mine. I ran my hands over his chest, looking up into his eyes. I let out a long breath, relaxing for what seemed like the first time in weeks, letting go of all the confusion and doubt that had consumed me. “I like that idea. I like it a lot.” He held my gaze for a moment longer. “So this is it then? This is us…together?” I nodded my head. “This is us, Chase. Just us.” Just us together was so incredibly beautiful. Chase was gentle and slow, his lips and fingers tracing slow lines over my skin, trails of fire that ed and blended, lighting a blaze deep inside me. There seemed to be no moment where he wasn’t attentive to what I wanted…needed…without saying a word. When he entered me, it was every coming together we’d ever had, magnified. He held himself above me, his body warm, his scent filling my nostrils. I ran my hands down his strong back, over the smooth skin, over the strong

curve of his ass, leaving my hands on the sides of his hips, in that place where I could feel his muscles moving as he flexed his hips forward, slowly driving himself into my accepting body. He held my face between his hands, his eyes never leaving mine, as he rocked himself back and forth. I was lost in the depths of his brown eyes, not really aware of anything but the heat of his body and the feel of his cock filling me. I saw him smile, and I smiled back. “What?” He kissed my forehead. “You. You’re humming. I’ve never heard you do that before.” “I don’t think I’ve ever been this relaxed before.” He cocked an eyebrow. “You’re not supposed to be “relaxed”. I must be doing something wrong.” I shook my head. “No, Chase, what you’re doing is exactly right.” And he did do everything exactly right, for a very long time. I soon gave up humming for short cries, exchanged those for screams and moans, as Chase took me on this journey with him. When I came, the first time of many, I clung to him, my body far from relaxed, every muscle taut, pulling me toward my release. He held himself above me, his own climax held back, letting me toss and thrash beneath him. I felt like my body wanted to rise off the bed, the only thing keeping me from flying away Chase’s weight. I finally opened my eyes, looking up at him. There was a smile on his face. I traced the corner of his lips with my fingers. “Hey…thank you.” My voice was soft, a bit hoarse from screaming. He kissed my fingertips. “You’re welcome.” He hesitated, still watching me. I cocked my head. “What?” “You. And this…” He shook his head. His voice was rough when he spoke. I had

the impression he was holding back tears. “This…where you go, where I send you. That I can give you this, just by being with you, by making love to you.” He shook his head. “What you do to me, Abby.” His eyes were soft. “What you do to me is the most wonderful thing a man could ask for.” And he buried his face against me then, his body tense, moving quickly inside me. And he took his release then, his body trembling, crying out as he filled me with his heat, his tears warm on my neck. It was a long time before we fell asleep, both of us unable to get enough of the other, both of us finally sensing there was nothing between us, nothing to keep us from loving one another.

Chapter Fourteen

The sunlight through the windows woke me. Chase must have pulled the drapes open after he got up. I stretched, the cat grumbling as my feet unearthed him from the covers. “Get up, lazy cat. There are things to do…mice to catch, bugs to chase…all that nifty stuff you get to do here.” He looked at me, yawned and curled up on Chase’s side of the bed. “Who are you talking to?” Chase was leaning against the doorframe, jeans and shirt already slightly dusty, smelling vaguely of hay and horse. “The cat. Why are you up so early? And why didn’t you wake me?” I sat up in bed, holding my arms out to Chase. “Come wake me up…” I smiled, but Chase stood in the doorway. “Nope, not today. I have other plans…for you.” He crossed the room, pulling the blankets off the bed. “Come on, get dressed. I’ve got something to show you.”

*

The barns were cool and shady in contrast to the blazing sun outside. I’d brought an apple for Celeste and she accepted it without hesitation. It had taken her a

couple weeks to get used to me, but she seems to have forgiven me for replacing her in Chase’s heart. Chase led me down the row of box stalls to the other end from Celeste’s stall. There was an unfamiliar whiny and stomping coming from one of the stalls. “Did you get another filly for breeding?” Chase had bred Abby’s Smile recently so it seemed odd he’d have bought another so soon. “Not quite…” Chase being mysterious drove me nuts. “What is it? Or who is it? Another stallion?” He smiled, taking me by the hand. “Come on.” He opened the top half of the door to the last stall. There was a beautiful horse, a chestnut mare, looking around at her surroundings, obviously new to the ranch. “Well, what do you think?” Chase leaned on the door, looking at me, not the horse. “I think she’s a nice horse. You know I don’t know anything about horses though.” I turned to him. “Why ask me?” “Because she’s yours, Abby. I bought her for you, to ride, to pet, to feed apples to.” He pulled a shiny red apple out of his pocket, handing it to me. “Here. See how she likes you.” I was staring open-mouthed. “You bought me a horse?” Chase laughed. “Yes, Abby. It’s what I do. I buy horses. And I buy things for you. So, I bought you a horse.” The apple was cool in my hand. I held it out tentatively toward the horse. She ambled over, sniffed the apple and then bit it in half. She chewed contently for a moment before taking the rest from me. I reached out to pat her nose and she snorted against my hand, looking for another apple.

“Well, I guess that’s a positive sign.” I laughed, the horse nosing my hand. Chase put his arm around my shoulder. “I want you to learn to ride so you’re comfortable around these things. Plus, you need something besides that mangy cat to keep you occupied.” He turned me to him. “I know it’s been a big adjustment, being out on the ranch so much. I wanted to give you something that made you feel you were part of the place, not just a guest. If you don’t like her, well, no harm done.” I hugged him hard. “I do like her. It’s just a big surprise, in more ways than one.” “You’ll teach me to ride?” I looked up at him. “You bet. Nothing will give me greater pleasure.” He kissed me, his lips on mine sending that familiar but delicious thrill through me. He broke away, looking down at me, his eyes dark. “I have an ulterior motive though. There are a whole bunch of places on this ranch we haven’t, well…“broken in”, which you can only get to on horseback.” I laughed. “Are you getting tired of having me in your bed already, Chase?” He smiled down. “Never.” He nodded at the horse. “You can name her if you like. She’s got a long pedigree name, but you can pick out something you like, something shorter.” The horse and I regarded each other for a moment. “Nawashi.” Chase’s eyebrows went up in surprise. “Really? And you know what that word means?” I nodded. “You bet. The Internet is my friend. I looked up what all that fancy knot tying you did to me is called. And the person who ties them. ‘Rope master’…” Chase laughed. “Okay. She’s your horse. It’s a rather unusual name though.”

“I’m an unusual girl, I guess. That first night was a very important one for me though, because it’s the first night that we met and I want to always it. He pulled me against him. “I’d happily tie you up anytime you need to .” His eyes held his smile, but his voice grew serious. “I love you, Abby. For many, many reasons, but right now because you’d name a horse an obscure Japanese term that reminds you of being bound and tied.” His lips brushed mine, a lingering kiss following. “And I wouldn’t want it any other way.”

~ * ~ * ~

About The Author

Adriana Hunter writes stories for those who live to dream. Her stories run the gamut, from romance, fantasy, paranormal to captivating stories of seductive medieval nights, and wild, adult fairytales.

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