Single by Design A Single’s Victories, Defeats & Triumphs By ReShena Johnson

Single by Design: A Single’s Victories, Defeats & Triumphs Copyright © 2021 by ReShena Johnson

Printed in the United States of America ISBN: 9780578893167 (paperback) ISBN: 9780578893174 (ebook)

Published by: Joseph’s Ministry, LLC www.josephsministryllc.com

Unless otherwise indicated all scriptural quotations are taken from the New Living Translation of the Bible.

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

Table of Contents

Preface

Chapter 1 The Purpose of Waiting

Chapter 2 Don’t Tell Me You Aren’t Lonely

Chapter 3 Temptation to Give In

Chapter 4 He Looks Good…but God Said NO!

Chapter 5 The Stages of Singleness

Chapter 6 I’m Ready

About the Author

Preface

It is only by the grace of God that I can open my heart to you all. I am living proof that you can maintain, endure, and surrender your life completely to God in your singleness. I will not lie; this process, this journey has been an uphill battle. I fought with God; I fought with myself. I fought to get others to understand my stance, but then I had to realize this journey was mine and mine alone. I couldn’t expect others to understand when at times I didn’t get it myself. I didn’t understand why God chose me to go through this single walk. Honestly, it has been hurtful, lonely, and there have been lots of brokenness and discouragement along the way, but the fact remains; I am a success story by the grace of God. I am penning this book at the age of thirty-five years old, and I am a virgin! Yes, I said it; I am proud to be the “V” word. I am proud to be a chaste woman waiting for my proper gift to enter into my garden. So the answer to your question is YES, it can be done. How? Only by the grace and power of God. I loved God enough to say no and wait. I understood that waiting would yield tangible benefits. I understood that waiting was not a death sentence but a time of growth and maturity. Temptations are real, and things presented themselves, but writing this book showed me why God chose to keep me. Now a success story is just that! I have successfully made it over something(s), and it is a privilege and honor to share my journey with you all. I sincerely pray that you are blessed by my transparency. Please know that this book isn’t for the deep and too spiritual. It is for those who want to do it like God said to do it, with the understanding that we live in a real world, and we deal with real-life issues. So if you fall into the deep category, close the book now and walk away. My success story is one of defeats and triumphs, nights of utter despair, and mountaintop testimonies. A success story isn’t a success story without pain and growth. So as you read, I encourage you to grow and mature with me. There are many books out there that deal with singleness, and they are great

reads, and I sincerely pray that this one will be one of that caliber. Now buckle your seat belt, and let’s get down to business and see how I reached my success story. Let us pray…Father God, as we open ourselves to you through the pages of this book, bring complete revelation to our minds. Set us free from old mindsets, religious ways, and negative viewpoints. Let us see ourselves, learn and grow as we turn the pages of this book. I pray our minds are alert and receptive, and growth is inevitable, in Jesus’ name…AMEN.

Chapter 1 The Purpose of Waiting

Wait is all I have heard throughout this single process. God, why am I still waiting? Haven’t I proven my faithfulness to you yet? Isn’t my heart surrendered yet? You said in all your appointed time, “Wait until your change comes!” Well…maybe this waiting is in vain! Maybe I should just go out and make things happen on my own! Have you ever thought this? Have you ever pondered why the waiting is so extensive? Walk with me through this chapter as I attempt to explain the divine purpose of waiting. I must stress again that waiting is not a death sentence but a great time of preparation, a time to fully embrace YOU and your relationship with Christ. WAITING IS NOT INACTIVITY! Waiting is purposeful. Let’s define purpose and waiting… Purpose: the reason why something is done or used, the aim or intention of something. (https://www.merriam-webster.com) Wait: to stay in a place until an expected event happens, until someone arrives, until it is your turn to do something. (https://www.merriam-webster.com) So if we were to merge these definitions together, I would say to stay in a place of waiting in God, under his wings, until that someone arrives and my turn comes to propel me unto my purpose. I hear your concern! I am not saying you have to wait until your proper gift appears for your purpose to be revealed. What I’m saying is, the reason I wait (purpose) is to stay in a place (that secret place) before the presence of the King

until that someone arrives. Waiting means learning about self, and in order to learn self, one must learn God!

Transparency moment…

When I reached my adult years by age only, I was still a broken little girl that didn’t understand my worth. So insecure and broken, thinking that God had made a mistake when he made me. Living two lives, this Christian woman that others thought had it all together, and this little girl that wanted to end it all. Dancing in this masquerade ball, but it came to the point where I couldn’t play both roles anymore; it was stressing me out! I found myself being “too deep” on one end and screaming out silently on the other end. Crying for help but feeling as if no one heard my cry, so in my waiting, healing had to take place. I mean true healing, not shouting to cover the pain, not burying myself in things of God, but never dealing with the issue at hand. When I began to see myself, it hurt. I was literally dying in the church, serving God but dying? Praising, but broken! How did I find healing? How did this broken little girl become a confident woman in the graces of God? It was truly a journey; I had to take a trip down to the Potter’s house, and I saw myself on the wheel, and this lump of clay was marred and disfigured. There was no real life in this clay. As I lay lifeless, I still fought. I was kicking against the pricks. Why? Because I was mad at God. Very disappointed. But then I yielded to the Potter’s hands, and He worked lovingly with me. He hadn’t given up on me, and as I watched, I found myself yielding to the wheel and to the will of the Potter. Why? He showed me that He could be trusted.

I had to look into the mirror of self. I had to confront the hurt. I had to be completely naked before God. I couldn’t hide from him. I had to acknowledge I was a wretch with no strength of my own. As God pulled back the layers like an onion, I winched and jumped, but I had to yield to the cutting back because my desire was to be healed, and honestly, I didn’t know I was that damaged. But as I look back, I shake my head because

how dare I question the Potter! How dare I question his authority when he does all things well.

But the little girl couldn’t see past my insecurities. I know you are wondering when we are going to get to the living single life. I promise you, we will get there; we have to build the framework first. I couldn’t find the contentment in my singleness until the little girl in me was restored first. Therefore, I would boldly exclaim that waiting while single is a journey back to self. A lot of times, we tell God we are ready, and that is said only because of desperation, not from a heart that has fully yielded to God. In a nutshell, the purpose of waiting is YOU! We have coined the phrase, “waiting on God.” But actually, He is waiting on us to get into a position. That position is a spiritual one as well as a natural one. But let’s remain with the spiritual one right now, and then the natural will come. If you can’t get back to you, how will you be able to entreat any relationship in your life? If you are a broken little girl like I was, you will in no way be able to handle God’s ordained mate for you.

Here is a commercial; we have bought into the lie that two halves make a whole. That is a lie because two whole people make a whole relationship. Please understand there is no formula or magic remedy to finding you. It is a journey that only you can take. No one’s process to self is the same. But we all must find our own way.

I see a lot of women attempting to create another “self,” another identity when trying to find “self.” But what many fail to realize is self is within. For the Bible says God has given us everything that pertains unto life and Godliness. So, the real you is within; the process begins when you sift through others’ opinions, self-doubt, insecurities, hurt, etc.

I’ve seen women begin attempting to “put themselves out there” in search of self, going places and doing things you typically wouldn’t do. Drastically

changing the outward appearance but still not finding any satisfaction. Why? Because you can’t just paint the house, and the inside is still a mess! Looking good on the outside, but the inside is yet damaged. That’s when you have to stop and examine yourself. Let me add this in the search of “self.” If you are not careful, you can find yourself in compromising positions, compromising your self-worth, because you still haven’t found your worth in Him.

Again, stop and examine the why! I’m searching for me in all the wrong ways. Time to go back to the whiteboard of your life, erase what you think you know, and hand God the dry erase marker. Stop trying to write your own story. Say, “God, I need you. I can’t find you. I am lost with no direction. I am tired of doing all the wrong things and expecting positive results. Show me how to get to me.” And his gentle response will be, “You have to find Me, to find you. I was your first love, ? Somewhere along the way, you forgot me, but no condemnation, just come back to me to find purpose. It’s not out there! It’s in you, for that is where I dwell. I’m waiting on you, daughter.”

Chapter 2 Don’t Tell Me You Aren’t Lonely

I used to be so deep. I am a woman; hear me roar! I don’t need a man to complete me. Being submissive, yeah, right! I will never do that. All that ranting and raving, and what it all boiled down to was that I was extremely lonely and didn’t know what to do about it. I wore a cover well; I was painted up just right. No one could really see the decaying of me. But I was so lonely and refused to let anyone know. I had to hold up this false sense of self because I had an image to uphold. The fruit of loneliness can manifest in so many different ways. For me, it manifested through my weight. I tried to eat the loneliness away. I took comfort in food, and the result of that was pushing almost three hundred pounds. Loneliness was killing me in more ways than one. Others lean to sex with multiple partners, pornography, and even lewd acts with self. Loneliness unchecked can lead to disaster. So, I encourage you to get real with yourself, and if you are haunted by loneliness, just it it. One of the ways to get back to you is honesty. You can’t find yourself hiding from the real issues that are plaguing you.

God, I am lonely, and I don’t know how to deal with it! Having someone isn’t going to cure your loneliness. Just to have someone in bed next to you isn’t an effective way to master loneliness. You are using a topical cream when antibiotics are needed. Many times in life, we only deal with the fruit of the root but not the root itself. We will never heal from loneliness if we don’t deal with it head-on. Let’s be clear; there is a difference between being lonely and being alone, that.

My remedy for loneliness was to enjoy life. Stop sitting at home stewing in your

loneliness. Stop club-hopping, looking for the next great thing. Stop watching every sappy love movie, wishing and hoping that will someday be you. (Even though I really like love stories). Life is ing you by! Resurrect some ions, awaken a dream, go back to school, travel, and experience life. Ask God what to embrace in your single life. Ask him how to maximize your single life. In doing this, you aren’t masking your loneliness. You are finding ways to adjust to it. Even now, I still have times when I feel lonely, but I don’t have time for that, too much life in me to waste. I know there are things God has birthed in you about ministry. In your local assembly, in your own personal ministry, what are you waiting for? Get busy! Life stops for no one, and if you are waiting until you have a mate, you are missing out on so many joys of life. The devil is a lie… get up and move around. Do something you have never done before. There is more life to live!

Chapter 3 Temptation to Give In

Temptation lurks around every corner, or should I say every good-looking man? Enticing you, bidding you, attempting to take over you, temptations will never stop. But God has given us the power to subdue and overcome every one of them. I would be foolish if I were to say that I was never tempted to give up and forfeit God’s promise. I couldn’t understand why the wait was so long. God must have forgotten about me, so I might as well make things happen on my own! Let me share a testimony…

I telling God I was through! I was tired of everything. Tired of going to church, tired of the church hurt, tired of praying, tired of waiting for my “promise.” I it like it was yesterday. I was on my knees at church, and I told God, “I’m done.” I am walking away from it all. I had completely given up. After I “let God have it,” He whispered so gently as only He can. He said, “Price your fall.” Then my life without Him began to play like a movie, and instantly, I was jerked back into reality. I repented and started the process of healing. I shared this because yielding to temptation is nasty, and the results can be devastating. I am not going to say that it is easy; it is a daily struggle. But what happens when you lay up with that person that isn’t your mate? We don’t even have to go that far; let’s deal with emotional soul ties. This is where temptation got the best of me! These soul ties are just as real as sexual soul ties. These ties are silent leeches that wrap around your heart and crush the life out of you. I have found that in the church world, we don’t deal with issues such as these, and because of it, some of our young people, even our “seasoned” saints, are living lies within the church. Because they are bound to others, not knowing how to break the tie!

Let me throw this disclaimer out there. I can only speak from my experiences. That is what this book is all about, the wisdom and understanding that I have gained through the process of my single journey. So, let me share this with you, returning back to emotional soul ties. Your girl got caught up, and it was a hellish experience, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. For my experience is someone else’s hope, and I learned a lot about myself and truly how far I really was away from God, but there is always hope. Here we go. I met this gentleman years ago at a church function (go figure), we locked eyes, and for me, there was an instant attraction. The flutters started, the wishing and hoping started. Now, these feelings seemed to lie dormant at times, and then when I was in his presence, they all came rushing back. I tried to contain them, but soon they consumed me. We became distant friends, and get this, nothing ever happened between us, but these emotions were unshakeable. About three years later, I found out he was married (he wasn’t wearing a ring the first time we met). You would think that upon finding out he was married, the feelings would have disappeared. NOPE! They greatly increased. I couldn’t have him, and that made him even more desirable. Now here come the dreams! I dreamt about starting a family with this man. I began to think that he was going to divorce his wife and be with me. I began to pray for this man like he was already my husband. Delusional, I know! But many women deal with this very issue. For one, we think long-term. So typically, we met a guy, and our minds instantly jump to marriage. That is just how our minds are wired!

On the surface, I would tell myself this isn’t right, but in the back of my mind, I would be like, well, it just might happen. Years and years of unhealthy thoughts and emotions created this deadly soul tie. The Bible says that a double-minded person is unstable in all their ways, and I felt that way. I felt like I was going crazy. I loved God immensely, but on the other hand, I wanted this temptation so bad. I wanted it, craved it! Not realizing that this thing already had a hold on me. I cried out to Lord several times for deliverance, but that is what I was supposed to do. My heart was far away from my cry of deliverance. I was giving God what I thought He wanted to hear but not allowing deliverance to come.

This thing had consumed me that every idle thought was about him. I was waking up thinking about him, ending my day thinking about him. Where was

God? I needed deliverance and healing. These soul ties needed to be broken. But how? I had to get to the point where I questioned, was this thing greater than my salvation? Was I willing to lose my life because of a man? I couldn’t afford that fall. That was a price I wasn’t willing to pay. God meant too much to me. So I had to put some physical action to my spiritual declaration.

One New Year’s Eve, a friend of mine had a small gathering for the ladies, and we were encouraged to write things we wanted to let go of. So I wrote it all out and went by the fireplace. I stood up and threw him and all my emotions into the fire, thinking I would be instantly healed. Why did I want to dive into the fire and retrieve that letter? I felt I had thrown away a serious maybe…what if… what if…what if…bounced in my mind, but I couldn’t dwell there; I had to let it go, and I meant it this time. The emotional soul tie that I yielded to took several years to break. I can only imagine the things that were delayed in my life because I held on so long. But I thank the Lord that today I am free. I can entreat him with nothing but friendly love. I’m free. I know someone else’s story is probably juicer than mine, but it was real to me. The torment that I put myself through was terrible, all because I yielded to my unhealthy thoughts. God will even provide a way of escape with every temptation, but we can’t be so engrossed that we fail to see the door of escape. I encourage you to not give in. God knows when, He knows how, and He knows who. But God is not going to bless us with anything we place before Him, and when we constantly yield to temptation, we are telling God through our actions that He is not good enough and He doesn’t have enough power to keep us. That revelation hit me like a ton of bricks. Through my actions, I was telling God He wasn’t enough. I was telling Him I couldn’t find satisfaction with Him and Him alone. WOW! That brings tears to my eyes just reliving that moment. I quickly repented and said, “God, let’s start over.”

, the sin is yielding to the temptation, not the temptation itself. It may sound cliché, but you have to learn to turn to God when temptation presents itself. Trust me that other temptations did and will continue to present themselves unto us all; this is the one God urged me to share because of the emotional soul tie. It is a scary position to be in, but know that deliverance is still

available, and the blood still works. Don’t give in!

Chapter 4 He Looks Good…but God Said NO!

I know that cologne, that suit, the way he swags down the hallway. His open display for God, he has to be the one! No doubt, right? He fits the description of that Godly man that you have been praying and interceding for. His credit is good, oh, and he loves his mother. He is the answer to all your prayers. Does this sound familiar? The picture is perfect. You can already see yourself with this amazing man by your side. The wedding is already planned in your head, two kids and a dog, right? Why do we desire things we can’t have? Why do feelings intensify when God has given us a no? It all boils down to human nature. We are drawn to what we can’t have. The unknown intrigues us. It is like being a kid and your parents telling you not to touch the iron because it is hot, and because they said don’t touch, you automatically have an overwhelming desire to touch it, forgetting that they told you it was hot. But you are yearning to feel the burn, just because they said no. We have to learn to take God at His “no.” Stop trying to figure out why He said no, and just trust His “no” is for our protection.

Have you ever driven by a house, and the exterior got your attention? The porch was laid out exactly how you dreamed it up to be. The siding was perfect, the color was perfect, and the yard was immaculate; it even had the wrap-around porch you have always wanted. So you go through the necessary protocol to see the inside of the house, and you just know from the outside that it’s a winner. This has got to be what I’ve been looking for. So excited until the front door swings open, and your dreams are crushed. It was a counterfeit, all fixed up but a disaster inside. A good friend of mine told me it is easy to get a well-dressed mess! Now listen, this is not a man-bashing chapter; that isn’t in my character. I know and have learned how important it is to uplift, , and encourage men. They hurt and suffer just like us. What I am stressing is everything that

glitters isn’t gold. We may not understand why God is screaming no, but by and by, you will see why God said no. Not every man who smells good, dresses good, has a good job, and goes to church is for you. There were times that I wouldn’t even let a visiting male into the church get good and settled into the pew before I began to think, God, is he the one? Silly me!

Learn to go to God about everything and everyone, and believe me, it will save you some heartache and pain. I telling someone in my family that I prayed about a certain somebody entering into my life and God plainly said no, and that family member couldn’t understand that. They didn’t believe me that God would say no, knowing that I’d been praying for companionship, but of course, by and by, all revealed itself.

Listen, ladies, let’s be real. Some men know how to talk a mean game, they give you everything you want to hear, their goals and ambitions magically line up with yours, and of course, they love God. Now, I would never judge anyone’s relationship with God. God knows the heart of all his people, but if they only get real deep when they are around you, it is time to pull out your spiritual antennas and tune in to the voice of God. God is not in the business of setting us up for failure. He will not throw us into a bunch of dead-end relationships just for fun. He is the keeper of our gardens, and His desire is that we are well-kept gardens, only to be entreated by the one that He ordains. I am a firm believer that you don’t have to date all the wrong ones to find the right one! God doesn’t operate like that. He desires for you to be hid in Him, and the man of God that He has ordained for you must find God first to find you.

Don’t allow people in your ear. If I would have listened to that family member, there is no telling what I would have gotten myself into. He may be picture perfect, but he isn’t for you. While I am in this vein, I want to address something else as well. God knows what we need. We think we know what we need. But typically, what we think we need is only what we want. Trust me, wants and needs are two totally different things. Wants typically stem from selfish desires, but needs are what we need to be sustained. What we need is to build our

character, what is needed is to mature in life, what we need to bring our highminded selves out of the clouds. I had a dream a few years back, and the meaning of that dream has stuck with me, and it comes up often. I am not going to detail the dream, but the meaning was simply, you may have to love him up. Again stressing the point that God knows what we need. If God sent you a man already put together, no cracks, no dents, nothing to grow into, would you forget about God? Because he is there and “perfect,” would you forget that you cried and prayed for his arrival, and soon what you prayed for becomes your God! Again, God knows what we need! He knows what is going to keep us on our knees. He knows what is going to keep us in His face. He knows what we need to keep us broken, grounded, and humble. This is the part where we have to get out of ourselves and yield to the plans and purposes of God. God is smart enough. God is intelligent. So please don’t tell God who to send; just let Him send him and know that he will be the fit for you. The man will be exactly what you need. Hand-picked and ordained by God, so don’t get caught up with the exterior because it very well may be a mirage.

Chapter 5 The Stages of Singleness

Infancy

Did you know there are stages in your singleness? What’s funny is that I have asked several people about their single experience. I have asked them about the different stages of their singleness, and they had no clue as to what I was referring to! I went on to explain that there are indeed stages, but most people go through the stages blindly, not taking notes, not learning and gleaning. So through this chapter, we are going to slow down and expound on these different stages. It is vital that you know what stage you are in during your dating process if you are there. It is dangerous to attempt to get married when you are still on Similac. There has been no time for preparation, no growth; therefore, the results could be disastrous for all parties involved. Again, sit back and enjoy that ride with me. As we break down these stages and whatever stage you are in, continue to ask God for growth. We never grow up in God; we just mature. I believe you will find yourself in one of the three stages; just be honest with yourself, and maturity is inevitable.

The first stage that I will be addressing is the infant stage. This is the stage that a lot of women don’t like to see themselves in. When in the infancy stage, it is all about you and what you want. What you must have, and when you need to have it. The world tends to revolve around you, and when you don’t get what you want, when you want it and how you want it, you shut down. I don’t need a man to complete me. All the men out there are dogs. Once a cheater, always a cheater, so you say. You never stop to look in the mirror and say, is it me? Could I be my own worst enemy? I am still sucking on a bottle, but I want him to provide steak! Come on, now; we have got to be realistic!

When one is in the infancy stage, we have these outrageous lists. I can a few years back when I was going through an old notebook, and I found “my list,” and the list of things that he must possess was ridiculous. Things that I haven’t even mastered I was demanding out of him. I, there we go with that “I” word again. I needed him to possess qualities and characteristics that I haven’t even grown into yet. I was even bold enough to take “the list” before God and tell Him exactly what I wanted. So, in a nutshell, I was telling God that if he didn’t come correct, then I wasn’t having any part in it. How selfish is that? How dare I demand things I didn’t possess? I was expecting the perfect man, but I wasn’t even trying to be a better woman. I had my priorities backward. I was limiting God. I was telling God He didn’t know what He was doing. I was telling God I couldn’t trust Him, so I brought Him a list. Listen, ladies, there is a huge difference between want and need. I can want a thing, but is it good for me? God knows what we all need, and He has our best interest at heart. So He just might send you a fixer-upper. Why? To keep you humble, to keep you on your knees, to make sure that your relationship with Him doesn’t falter. Let’s be honest in some aspects; if God gave us everything in a man that was on our “list,” how many would forget God? We would find ourselves like the children of Israel in the promised land that God promised them, but within the time they had forgotten all that God had done to get them there. The Bible says, “Woe to them that are at ease in Zion.” (Amos 6:1) We can trust God for everything else, so why can’t we trust him with our soul mate?

So, to sum up, the infancy stage is all about “me.” Putting my demands out there and expecting God to jump through loops (metaphorically), and just sitting back and waiting for it to come to without me putting forth any effort to possess the qualities of that Proverbs 31 woman the Bible speaks to us about. Again, attempting to date or marry in this stage is extremely dangerous! Why? Because selfishness leaves no room for anyone else, especially God. We want God to bring our proper gift into our lives in His timing, not from that silly “wants list.”

Young Adult

Well, we have gained a little bit more maturity. We are beginning to understand that God must do the putting together. We still struggle with ourselves in this stage, we desire to yield to God, but the pull to “make” things happen may be even stronger in this stage than in infancy. When the young adult stage of singleness comes into play, we tend to have this false sense of self-awareness. We are grown now! We have had a few life experiences; therefore, we think we have it all together. This stage is dangerous because pride rears its ugly face. We have tasted a bit of life, dabbled in a few “relationships,” so now we are experts on dating and marriage. Pride is a killer in so many ways, pride doesn’t seek counsel, pride doesn’t cry out for help, pride doesn’t acknowledge, “I don’t know it all.” Pride says, “I’m dying, but I can handle it on my own!” Pride says, “I am in this relationship, but I know it isn’t going anywhere, but since I posted all my business on Facebook, I am not going anywhere.” During this stage, it is critical to have an ability partner, someone you can confide in, and I know that fights the very nature of pride, but if you want to make it to the next stage, it is a must. That someone has to have enough confidence to tell it to you straight! “That was the dumbest move you could have made,” but not leave you there, but say, “Okay, now how can we use this and grow from it?” You typically don’t deal with a bunch of relationships during this time; it is typically the fight of self. Coming into your own, but humble enough and aware enough that you still need God, as I stated before, the desire to die, but the fight of wanting to figure it all out by yourself. Tired of waiting, but knowing deep down you need to continue to wait. Do you see the struggle, God, I know, but I want, God, help me, but I can do it! This is not the stage to linger in, and trust when you get to the end of “self,” you will graduate out of this stage. You must get tired of the fight and totally surrender. Let’s break down that surrendering and yielding part; many people get scared when those words come up! It seems daunting, and it seems like it will take a lot of effort. But that isn’t true; the effort and struggle coming with the fighting of pride and self, yielding is as simple as saying here God, I’m yours! It’s giving God a yes without all the answers, and when your life is in His hands, it isn’t difficult to do. I mean, come on, we’ve already made some major mistakes and very bad judgment calls. Why not surrender to the One that can do something about it? Again, the fight is with self, not the yielding to God.

Mature

We have finally arrived at maturity! Now don’t get too excited; there is still work to do. When one gets to this point in their single stages, the I-wants have died, pride is subdued, and now total submission comes online. I reading a book once where the young girl in the story asked to be tied down to the altar because she didn’t want to be found struggling to die, and in dying, she meant doing the will of the Master. She realized that some of her still remains, but she was closer to death than she was yesterday. For me, this stage is the most beautiful. Why? Because now you are at a point where you can boldly declare, “Not my will but thy will be done.” You are learning to leap with total abandonment. Realizing that this journey had nothing to do with someone else, but everything to do with you, accepting and embracing where you are, and yielding to the working of the ultimate King. This stage yields the greatest tangible benefits. You have gone through the refining fires, you have dealt with the harsh realities of self, you have cried and prayed. Now guess what? Your proper gift still isn’t in your space YET, but you have found contentment with you. You can now look in the mirror and love what you see, and looking in the mirror goes beyond your natural looks. It looks into the happy, content soul and finds complete pleasure with you and your relationship with God. You have come to realize that what you needed all along was to die to self and embrace that God is enough. Now, please understand God has ordained and smiles on companionship, but he desires to be your ultimate and complete companion! In this stage, you realize that nothing nor anyone is more important than the person of Jesus Christ in your life. You are now ready to step into the outer courts of the marriage chamber and begin the purification process for your earthly priest because you have surrendered to your heavenly King.

Please understand that just because you are walking towards the chambers of marriage, that doesn’t mean your prince is behind the door! The chamber is another room for process and preparation. I know what you are thinking. How much processing and preparation must I go through? Well, think of it like this; you want your marriage to go beyond a day, right? You desire that covenant that you agree to is life-lasting, right? So my encouragement is not to get discouraged in the process of the promise; it really is all working out for your good. Just like

metal is heated to the hottest temperature, when melted, the impurities of self (place your name here) will rise to the top, and God can just skim off the residue.

Again, this is the most beautiful stage to me because yielding is not a struggle; you tend to find pleasure in doing the will of the King. You have come to understand the height, depth, and breadth of the Love the Father has for you and understand that His love will never lead you astray. Maturity speaks in waiting; maturity speaks when you can now set boundaries without hesitation. Maturity speaks when you can say, “I will not settle, there is greater in store for me,” and again maturity speaks when you can boldly declare, “I see the promise clearer than ever, but at the same time, I am in a place of contentment because I am in the will of the King.” , God is a good Father, and a good Father gives good gifts, and a good Father knows when to give good gifts, and a mature single knows Daddy knows best!

Chapter 6 I’m Ready

Dom, Dom, DomDom…I know, I know! You can hear the wedding bells, the dress is picked out, and you are killing that pre-wedding diet. Colors are picked out, and the guest list is just about complete. The process of the promise is just about over, you have stood up from the outer chambers (the preparation room), and you are poised for the real wedding chambers. This is a beautiful place to be in. Your heart is pure, your motives and intentions are tied up, tangled up in the will of God. You have tuned into the frequency of God’s heartbeat. Now listen, when you arrive at “I’m ready,” mister probably won’t magically appear. But you have positioned yourself in the will of God. Please hear me; I’m ready means that you are lost doing the will of God for your life. You are engrossed with fulfilling purpose. Let me stress again; “I am ready” is not inactivity. You are now purposefully serving God. For me, I am in the season of sowing seeds where I desire to reap a harvest. What does that mean? I intentionally look for married couples that I can serve. I can sit under, I can glean from. Serving at marriage conferences, finding a focal couple (not perfect) but in God’s will. God showed me just a few months back that my scent was changing. Why? Because I’ve gone through the preparation period of washing with the different oils and perfumes, therefore the scent of self is changing to the scent of a wife. That means that the only one that can pick up my scent is the one that has gone through the process as well and has obtained another scent as well. I heard someone say, “You can be hidden in plain sight!” That makes me happy right there! I am veiled to everyone else, and only my proper gift can sense me and smell me! (Cue shouting music.) But seriously, I am ready means him and only him has the privilege of entering into your space with the intent of marriage. If you have taken the time to truly journey with me through the pages of this book, you have seen yourself, found yourself, learned to embrace yourself, and turned your broken self over to God. You have experienced many of the stages of singleness and walked through my process with me. I have learned to embrace

it all, learn from it all, and grow through it all. Do I still struggle at times? Of course! I am human, and I deal with real emotions, but God is greater than it all. I want to stress you are not alone. Your story may look different from mine, but we have all experienced life, and it is God and God only that can navigate us through the rough terrains of life. Your proper gift is coming…Just continue to process through. Trust me, your waiting will not be in vain. And this is not the end of the story…..

About the Author

ReShena Johnson, currently resides in Tulsa, Oklahoma and her life’s goal and mission is to help others become. She takes joy in seeing people master, embrace and learn themselves, so they can operate from a centered healthy version of themselves. She has been afforded the opportunity to serve in that capacity all of her life. Everyone that she encounters is a part of her journey. This book yields to that mantra, it is her attempt to give others her journey of becoming through the pages of this book. When we know better, we do better. Happy reading.