My Life, Through My Eyes: Memories 625w41

MY Life, THROUGH MY Eyes MEMORIES

C. A. JONES

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© 2016 C. A. Jones. All rights reserved.

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Published by AuthorHouse 10/04/2016

ISBN: 978-1-5246-4367-6 (sc) ISBN: 978-1-5246-4365-2 (hc) ISBN: 978-1-5246-4366-9 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2016916546

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Contents

Chapter One The Beginning

Chapter Two Growing Up

Chapter Three Changes

Chapter Four Going Steady

Chapter Five Married Our First Year

Chapter Six The Next Eight Years

Chapter Seven My Dreams Come True

Chapter Eight Second Dream

Chapter Nine The 90’s

Chapter Ten Life is Changing

Chapter Eleven A New Me

Chapter Twelve The Confident Woman

Chapter Thirteen Challenges

Chapter Fourteen Life Goes On

Chapter Fifteen I’m 60

Chapter Sixteen 2015 My Final Year of Memories

Dedication

I WOULD LIKE to dedicate this book to my best friend, Donna, who has been my friend for most of my life. She is the one who encouraged me to tell my story. Through the years of my growing up, she has seen and heard about what had happened in my life. She just kept telling me I needed to write a book and share these things with other people. I have been through a lot, and I could possibly help others. I’d like to give a special thank you to Donna for remaining my friend all these years, and encouraging me to write down my memories. I would also like to thank another special friend, Carol, who helped me in writing this by doing the proof reading and editing.

Introduction

M Y LIFE THROUGH My Eyes is a story telling of my memories as I them. Beginning with what I was told as an infant, to what I as a child, on through my adult life. I know some people things differently than what I may have ed them. But like I said, this is my life as I it.

Chapter One The Beginning

F IRST, LET ME tell you a little about my family history before I write about myself. My father was the eldest of five children. He lived most of his teen years in White Pigeon, Michigan with his grandparents. The stories he told me were pretty colorful. One of the things that stood out about my grandfather was what my father told me. He said that when he was very young his father, my grandfather, on Sunday mornings would take him to a Brothel in town. He told my father never to tell his grandmother. My mother said that my grandfather would take me late at night to some lake, and we would go frogging. My grandfather had to work all the time to his family. He had three jobs and wasn’t home much except for Sundays. When I was very little, my Father would feed me hot peppers. I guess I really liked them. My grandfather ed on November 10, 1962. It is sad because I don’t spending very much time with him, and I was eight years old when he ed. That was probably because he worked all the time, plus my parents divorced when I was six years old. Now, my mother was the third child of four. She grew up in Chicago, Illinois. They had a tough time during the depression and my grandmother had a nervous breakdown. My grandmother then took ill during her time in the hospital and the disease went to her brain. We were told she lived in many foster homes and had the mind of an eight year old when she ed in 1986. My grandfather couldn’t raise four children alone so he took them to Angel Guardian Orphanage, where they grew up. This is a Catholic Orphanage, run by nuns. The nuns were very strict and the disciplines I was told about were extremely tough. They did give them a lot of love but at that time they had many children and couldn’t concentrate too much on just one. As I understand it, my mother met my father shortly after she got out of school and had moved to Kalamazoo, Michigan. They began a relationship and a short time later they found out Mom had gotten pregnant. So doing the right thing, my father married my mother. I’m guessing they were very happy at the time. Then

during my mother’s pregnancy, my father was diagnosed with Tuberculosis. So at that time they put him in a TB hospital. Now comes the funny thing. I was told that when my mother went into labor, my father was having pains. They didn’t know at first what was causing his pain. Then they found out when my mother walked into the TB hospital. The doctor took one look at my mother, and then said my father was having her pains. But she wasn’t having any. So the doctor examined her and told her to get to the hospital ASAP. And then I was arriving when the doctor came into the room. When it was all over, so was my father’s pain. Seems strange I know, but that is what they told me. I was born August 24, 1954 at Borgess Hospital in Kalamazoo, Michigan, at 5:37 AM. When it was time to come home from the hospital, Dad, Grandmother, and Great- Grandparents came to pick us up. They took us to Three Rivers to stay at my Great- Grandparents for a week till Mom was up to caring for me alone. My Grandmother and Great- Grandparents were all on my father’s side of the family. On the way to their house we stopped at a tavern and they all had a beer. According to my baby book, it was a very warm day. We lived on South Park St. at this time. After my father got out of the hospital we were a family again. My father had a hard time adjusting to my crying. He was used to it being very quiet in the TB Hospital. I believe we lived here till I was three years old. There is one thing I about this house. One day my mother and father went out for the evening and left me with the neighbors upstairs. I was standing in the window when they drove off and I thought they forgot me. I know I started crying. Funny what goes through a child’s mind? I had heard things weren’t too good between my mother and father at this time. I don’t these things, but I have been told this is how it was. They fought regularly and Dad couldn’t take my crying. He would lose his temper. One time he got so upset that he threw me down in my crib. I hit so hard the crib came crashing down. I don’t think I got hurt though. My mother also had a bad temper; she would throw things at my father. One day he left our apartment from an argument and looked up to see a glass coffee table coming down from above. It missed him, but he never forgot. At this time we lived above Green Radio in the Washington Square neighborhood. Four years after my birth, they had April. She was born April 24, 1958. We lived by Long Lake. Again, I don’t much about this time of our lives. I only a family reunion we had there. I’m not sure which family but I believe it was Mom’s sisters and brother. This was a small house so they set up a very

large army tent in the yard that they had rented. I’m thinking I must have been four or five. We also had a large white German Shepherd dog. There also was a ball diamond across the street. There was a lot of area to play and the lake was just down the block. Even though I was still very young, this was a change from where we had lived before. The first two places were right in Kalamazoo and had no yard. Then we moved again to a house on the corner of Cherokee and Iroquois in Kalamazoo. I was five and six years old when we lived there. It too had a very large yard to play in and we had a swing set. Now a few things I about this area were: I had gone to a public school, and one day I was walking home from school and there was a car following me. A neighbor opened her house door and hollered out at me. When she did this the car sped off. The school had a fighter jet in the playground and we got to climb all over it. Today that wouldn’t be considered safe. Also there was a girl that lived down the block who I evidently didn’t like. So I made her a mud pie with thorns in it. I was going to make her eat it. Then there was the day I had been collecting caterpillars and I had them in a jar. Well, my brother, Derick, was really little and I’m not sure who opened the jar for him, but he started to eat my caterpillars. Derick was born on March 8, 1960. Also, I didn’t like sleeping in my room and would try and sleep with my parents. My father would always say no, so I would sneak in and sleep on the floor at the foot of their bed. And I an accident we had at the end of our driveway. We were coming home from somewhere and my father was making a left hand turn into our drive when someone tried to us and my father turned right into their car. It wasn’t a serious accident, but it is one of those things I . I don’t know how long we lived there. My parents were having problems then and I my mother telling me they had a big fight. She left us with neighbors and tried to commit suicide. She said she closed her eyes and let go of the steering wheel going over a bridge. But the Lord had his hand on the wheel and didn’t let her crash. The state came and took us kids to stay the night at the juvenile home in Kalamazoo. I they had us all sleep in the same room. April and Derick had cribs and I was on a small cot. I’m not sure how long we stayed there, I think just overnight. I think my parents picked us up. Then for some reason, my parents decided to take me out of the public school and sent me to St. Augustine’s, Catholic School. I had problems with the curriculum, so being a child and not knowing what to do, when we went to morning worship, I cut out of line and walked home. Now that was quite a walk, about three miles for a seven or eight year old, but I did it. My parents didn’t know where I was and everyone was looking for me. When they found me they took me back to

school. The nuns tried to make it easier for me, but I went back a grade. Shortly after that my parents got a divorce. My mother worked at St. Augustine’s doing the nuns’ laundry for a while. I know I had my first communion in May of 1962. Then there was one day in the winter after my parents had divorced. My mother said she had all of us in the car, the road was very slick, and she was going up the hill on West Main to go home. There was a cemetery on the right and as she lost control of the car, we started spinning. She told us all to get on the floor of the car and again she let go of the wheel, and the Lord took over. We ended up backwards in the cemetery driveway. No damage was done to the car and nobody was hurt Then we moved to Elkhart, Indiana, so my mother could be closer to her family. She had her two sisters living there. We were in a large house on the corner of some road. It was a two story home with a large wraparound porch. We didn’t stay there long, a year or so. Then we moved back to Kalamazoo, to a street called Normal Court in downtown Kalamazoo. I don’t much about this time, just little things like playing stickball with the neighborhood kids. We were also close to Western Michigan University and there was this huge hill we would go sledding on in the winter. The house was kind of cool, a two story, and I thought it was cool we had a sunk in bathtub. There also wasn’t any yard to play in, so the kids that lived on this alley would have to play in the alley. Our house was the second to the last house and the alley was a dead end. I do my mother wasn’t a very happy person and as a child, I must have wanted some kind of affection that I didn’t get. My memory was, I would hold my mouth open till she would come up and kiss us goodnight. I’m thinking I wanted that, but didn’t get it much. I don’t know what type of work she was doing at this time. Then one day she was pregnant again. I was nine years old. I don’t know who the father was, but she never married him. The story was she didn’t want to get married. She also never asked for child or any help with this new baby. It couldn’t have been easy for her because she was raising three children alone with one more on the way. I don’t my father coming to get us or seeing him at all during this time. Sometime during this time, I staying the night at one of my mother’s friends. I think they were sitting us for the night. Anyway they had a few kids also and one of them was an older teen boy. We got there early in the afternoon and we played outside for a while. It wasn’t much of a yard. There wasn’t any

grass, just dirt. And there seemed to be a lot of junk. Then we went inside for the night. I know we were sleeping on the floor in the living room. When everyone was asleep, and the house was quiet, the teen son came downstairs and carried me upstairs to his room. I had to be eight or nine at the time. I’m not sure if anything actually happened. I’m blank on the rest, but then I was back on the living room floor not being able to go back to sleep and just waiting for my mother to come get us. I never told my mother this. I’m not sure why I didn’t say anything. I’m thinking she wouldn’t have believed me. I also don’t going there ever again. Now as an adult, I know this wasn’t right. I should have said something. Then we moved to a house in Portage, on Westnedge. My mother worked at Sunset Lanes bowling alley bar as a waitress. This is about the time I our lives growing up. I was nine years old. The house was a large two story farm house with a large yard and a big barn. At the time, Westnedge was a two lane road. But while we lived there, they turned Westnedge into a four lane road. We had a four-bedroom house, one bedroom downstairs that was Mom’s, and three bedrooms up. One of those bedrooms was so large it reminded me of a hospital room. We could fit four beds and dressers in it with no problem. And when we were sick, that is what Mom would do. We were all in one room. We also would get on top of a dresser and fly down to one of the beds, saying we could fly. Then there was the day my mother woke in the morning to find Derick on a chair in front of the stove making eggs for breakfast. He was around three years old at the time. It’s kind of amazing because now as an adult, he is the best cook. One of my favorite memories was in the hot summer my mother would let us sleep on the living room floor and pretend we were camping. I a lot of good times there. I still don’t my father coming around much, but I know he did a couple of times. One of the silliest memories I have is we had a very large tree in the back. There was a rope we would climb to get up in the tree and one day April held the rope back so I couldn’t get out of the tree, and I peed my pants. I also Derick getting sick one day, and Mom took him to the doctor. Because I wasn’t acting right, she asked the doctor to take a look at me. The doctor told my mom she had to get me to the hospital quick. I had appendicitis and by the time we got to the hospital, it burst. After that happened, Mom said the doctor told her that I would have my menstrual soon. It was when we lived in this house that I became a young woman, as they say. I woke one morning for school and was bleeding. I didn’t know what it was and my mother was sleeping so I went to school with no underwear on. I really can’t if someone caught me like that, or if I went the whole day like that.

I had a friend that lived down the street named Jane. Our mothers wouldn’t let us spend too much time together because if we did, we would fight. My Uncle came to visit one time and we walked all the way to my school, so I could show him where I went to school. That had to be a couple miles away. All the time spent in this house seemed to generate great memories, like playing in the barn. Down the road at the fence company, we would walk on the top rails of the fences and pretend we were in the circus. Mom worked evenings, but we were always cared for. We had a large black woman watching us at night, while my mother worked. I don’t what her name was. We would play hide and seek in the house. She would hide one of us in the oven. It took whoever was looking for the others a long time to find that person in the oven. We also roller skated around the lower level, through the kitchen, around the table, and back to the living room. One time I was going around the table and hit my hand on the table just right and broke my finger. I also that one night we had a peeping tom. I don’t know how long he was doing that, but they found out it was a guy that worked or owned the gas station next door. Mom also would take us out to breakfast on Sunday mornings. We would go to a restaurant down the road named Dirks. It stayed there for many years. As a matter of fact, they tore it down in 2010. This house is where we lived when Richard was born on June 27, 1964. It seems like we lived there a long time, but it must have been only a year or a little more. Mom was pregnant when we moved there. Richard was less than a year old when we moved out. Life wasn’t too bad here, in fact as I look back at what I have written, we had a pretty good life.

Chapter Two Growing Up

L ET’S MOVE ON to the next chapter of my life. We moved from Westnedge into a house on Nevada Street in Portage. This house was a two story home also. It had two bedrooms down- stairs and two bedrooms upstairs. We also had a fairly nice back yard, but there wasn’t much of a front yard. There were a lot of other kids in the area, but I believe it was still a pretty quiet street. Mom was buying this home and I think we lived there longer than any other home we lived in. It was off of Milham Road, just seven blocks from Westnedge. Mom worked on the corner of Milham and Westnedge at Studio Lounge. I must have been ten years old or almost eleven years. The reason I believe I was this age is Richard was only a baby, and I was ten when he was born. By moving day, I became in charge of Richard. Right away, one of the neighborhood girls came over to meet us and see if there were kids to play with. This was Alice. She lived two houses up, and we became friends. Even though she was two years older than me, we became best of friends, and to this day we are best friends. It is because of her I am writing this book. She tells me I have so much to share. Another side to these stories is my sister’s and brothers’ sides. My sister has very bitter feelings as to how we were raised. She tells me all the horrible things she re. My brothers also have their memories. But I’m not telling their stories, I am telling my memories. I feel that even though we had a tough time growing up, I became the person I am today because of all the things I experienced growing up, and even after I became an adult. Now back to the story. I was eleven years old and we had moved to Nevada Street. I went to Milham Elementary School. While going to school there I recess time playing on the playground. We would have races on the monkey bars. I there was a school fair and we went. They had a cakewalk game at the school open house and we won a cake. I also worked in the kitchen lunch line for free lunches. I felt all grown up working there. Then I moved on to the middle school. Wow! What a difference, changing classes, having a wood working class, and a home economics class. We also went to

battle of the bands after school hours. We only lived a couple of blocks from the schools. This is the time you could say I really grew up. Mom worked at Studio Lounge and she switched shifts every other week. One week she worked days and on that week she had a sitter take care of Richard. The following week she worked nights and then after school, I had to care for April, Derick and Richard. Because she worked in a bar, she would work till 2:30 a.m. I had to make dinners, keep the house clean, and care for us kids. Mom did other things with us to make up for her absence. When she didn’t work, she would take us to the lake swimming. We would go camping at a primitive campground in the Yankee Springs area, called Deep Lake. We did tent camping and those weekends were great. Most of the time, another friend of Mom’s who worked with her would go also. She was single and had four kids of her own, who were our ages. Still on Sundays, we would go for drives. Mom didn’t work Sundays at all because the bar was closed. These drives were so much fun; Mom would let us each take turns and tell her where to turn. We never knew where we would end up and Mom never got worried that we wouldn’t find our way back. Again we would stop and have lunch somewhere. I do that we would eat at a restaurant in Schoolcraft a lot. And I just noticed that that restaurant is still there. Then there was this day, probably a Saturday, we went to Chicago with one of my mom’s sisters and her family. We went to visit the orphanage where they grew up. I know it was Christmas time, and I think it was 1965. The orphanage was celebrating its One Hundred years. We toured the orphanage and some of the nuns that were there when Mom and her brother and sisters were there, were also still there. They even ed Mom and her siblings. Then we went downtown to see the stores all lit up for Christmas. It was evening but the store displays were so lit up, it looked like daytime. All the stores had animated displays. I had never seen anything like that before. I thinking just how cool that was. Also sometime during this time frame, my mom let me go and visit my Aunt. I’m not sure if I stayed a week or a weekend. It was only me and I we had such a good time. But then one of the days I was there, a huge storm rolled in. I was sitting in front of their large picture window. I seeing the funnel cloud form in the distance; it was headed to the town. I don’t if we headed for cover or not. I just seeing the funnel. I believe it was after that I started being afraid of storms. I did hear it was a tornado that destroyed the town of Elkhart, Indiana. Our neighborhood had lots of kids to play with. April and Derick had many friends. They made friends so easily. I was shy, and my friends became friends

because they looked me up. Derick was a tough kid. I it seemed like every school picture he had taken, he had a black eye. One day on his way to school, he got into a fight with another boy and they were actually rolling around in the middle of Milham Road. The crossing guard had to stop traffic as they were fighting in the street. He also was a fire bug. He loved to see the flame. Mom tried many things to get him to stop, but he didn’t. Then one day we weren’t in school, I’m not sure why. I think Derick was sick, so I had to stay home with him. Well, I had fallen asleep and woke to smoke filling the house. Derick was playing with matches in the upstairs bedroom and had caught the mattress on fire. A neighbor had come running, grabbed the mattress, and carried it down the stairs, then threw the mattress in the back yard. The fire department came. They took Derick somewhere and taught him about fire and I don’t think he ever lit another fire. I don’t much about my sister’s friends or what she did. But there was this one day she decided to skateboard on our sidewalk in front of the house. Now you have to picture this. Richard was just learning how to walk, April was seven years old, and she decided to give him a ride on her skateboard with her. So she held him in her arms as she skateboarded on this very short sidewalk. She lost her balance, began to fall, and threw Richard to catch her balance. Well, Richard hit the ground and broke his leg. So now he had to learn to walk with a cast on. Then I’m guessing two months later, the cast came off and he had to learn to walk all over again. April and Derick always gave me a hard time about me being in charge. One time Derick and I were arguing about something, I’m not sure what, but he stabbed me in the hand between my thumb and pointer finger with a com. You know, one of those things that helped you draw circles with. It went all the way through my hand. Mom gave us all chores to do and it seemed April and Derick never wanted to listen to me or do their chores, so I did theirs also. If our chores didn’t get done, I was the one that got in trouble because I was in charge. Now maybe it wasn’t that bad, but at that age I thought it was. So I did their chores to keep peace in my life. Mom was really strict and things had to be done her way. Like if a dish wasn’t clean, she would empty the whole cupboard of dishes and I would have to wash them all. If the towels weren’t folded her way, she would mess up all the towels and make us refold them all. One of her punishments if things didn’t get done right was she would remove the television cord and took it to work with her so we couldn’t watch television. Now we really didn’t watch much television, but it was a privilege to be able to. But most of the time she would spank us, if you called it spanking. She would grab whatever was handy to spank us with, whether it was her tennis shoe, a ping pong paddle, or a belt. I used to say,” You didn’t want to cross my mother. She may be short but she is mean.”

One day I she was home and we had to really clean the house. She was yelling at us saying, do this, and do that. I talked back at her asking her why she wasn’t doing any of it. She took her fist and punched me so hard, I hit the wall behind me. I never talked back again. Now here I am giving you a picture of the tough Mother I grew up with, but there were many good times we had, like I wrote earlier, drives, camping, and swimming. I always felt it couldn’t have been easy for her to raise four children on her own. She had to work. I know my father paid her money for a while, but I that when the Friend of the Court stepped in and said he had to pay through them, my mother said not to do that. But they did, and he stopped paying. This did cost him when he retired. When he filed for social security, a red flag went up stating he was a dead beat dad. During the next few years, he had to work part-time because they took his social security check to pay them back. He would take us once a year before school started, and would spend one hundred dollars each for new clothes. Now that was a lot of money back then. He also spent more time with us then. He had found a girlfriend and was going to marry her, so he got more involved with our lives. He had a big church wedding and we were part of the wedding ceremony. This was Mary’s first marriage, so she wanted the big wedding thing. I’m not sure how long they were married, but they lived in a house on Crooked Lake. We would go visit on weekends. In the summer I Dad had a speed boat and he would try to teach us to ski. April got up on the skis the first try, but I never did conquer skiing. I also thinking Mary didn’t like me because she never let me do anything around the house. I would ask to help and she always said no. Now that I’m an adult, I see that wasn’t the case. In reality, she was trying to get us to like her by not making us do chores. They never had any other children. And during this time Dad did the dad thing, picking us up every other weekend, taking us to family dinners with Mary’s family, and also family holiday events. One time we went to a party on Christmas Eve in this old house. It was very large and us kids went exploring and found a secret age, at least I think it was a hidden age. Being a kid it may be just my imagination. Anyway, it also was very late when Dad took us home and I swear I saw Santa on a roof with his sleigh and reindeer. So at that time I became a real believer in Santa, and no one could tell me any different. After all, I had seen him with my own eyes. I must have been twelve years old at that time. I think this is the only childish thing I held on to at this time of my life. And at this time, I used to go for walks to downtown Kalamazoo and see my father. He worked at the Kalamazoo Gazette. He would give us free movie es, so we never had to

pay to see a movie, indoor or drive-in. I never walked downtown alone. Usually Alice was with me. But that was a really long walk, as we lived in Portage on Nevada and walked all the way to downtown Kalamazoo. This is about five miles one way. As I look back, I realize how dangerous that was. I was only twelve years old. Then there was the time my father came to visit or take one of us for a visit. My brother, Richard was only two, maybe three years, and he climbed into my father’s lap all excited. You see my father wasn’t his father so he didn’t get to go with us when we did things with my father. Anyway, he climbed into my father’s lap, and said “Daddy will you get me???” and my father snapped at him and said, “I am not your father, and don’t EVER call me your father.” In turn, I snapped and told my father to leave this house and never come back. My mother was in the kitchen at the time, but never came in to intervene. My father told me I was not to talk to him like that, to which I replied that Richard was too little to understand and I ordered him out. Mom never stopped me and at that point, I didn’t want anything to do with my father. I was very protective of my brother, I guess because I was responsible for him since birth. And it did affect Richard for a while. Even though he was very young when it happened, he would wake in the middle of the night from dreams, crying. One day I we were sitting at the dinner table all together and Richard looked up at Mom and said, “Can we go door to door and get me a daddy?” Richard would also decide to ride his tricycle to Mom’s work at Studio Lounge and get the donuts they always had. Now , Mom’s work was seven blocks down Milham Road from our house. He didn’t have to cross Milham Road, but he had to cross seven side streets. When he did get there, he would actually take his tricycle front tire and prop it in the flower wall so it didn’t roll back into any cars parked in the parking lot. My dog would almost always him in these adventures, so when we discovered Richard was missing, we just started waiting for a few minutes and then Mom would call and tell us to come pick him and Laddy up. He was only three years old and rode seven blocks to Mom’s work. At other times my dog Laddy would go down there by himself. Mom would call us then also. It seemed we lived on Nevada Street for quite a while. I don’t seeing my father much after I had told him to leave our house, and really didn’t care. It was early summer of 1968. I was thirteen and my mother was still working at Studio Lounge. Life was good in my mind; at least I thought it was. I had freedoms most kids my age never had. I guess I was searching for some kind of love and acceptance. So at that age I became a pretty wild child. With my mother gone most evenings, I would have lots of friends over and we would listen to

music and party a bit. Some of these friends were a bit older so some drinking took place. Even though I never did drink, I just enjoyed having these people over. My house became known as a party house. We would call Hoejke Hall at Western Michigan University, get the guys on the phone, and ask them to come over. Funny though, my mom had spies, I swear. When the parties got pretty wild, my mom would call us and tell me to get everyone out. How did she know? She had friends at work that would drive by, then go into the bar and tell her she needed to call home. We would go for walks to Southland Mall and go to the Walgreens soda parlor. But really, what was on our minds was looking for guys. We also would go to the carnival when it came to the mall and never had to pay for rides. The carnies would ask us to meet them after hours. Of course we didn’t do that. WOW, what a life! As I look back, I wonder why I am still alive. Again what we did was so dangerous. One time we befriended a few guys that belonged to a motor cycle gang. They were called the Out Riders and anyway, one of them took to me. He would come over and visit a lot. Then one day we were having problems with our television, so he talked me into letting him take it to his uncle to get it fixed. Alice and I went with them in their car to take the television. As we were driving down the road a few blocks from our home at night, (I’m not sure how late it was) someone ran a stop sign and hit us. No one got hurt and Ben told Alice and me to get out and go home before the cops came. Looking back, I’m thinking he was an adult and we were kids. He was saving his butt. It did turn out his uncle fixed our television, and we did get it back. I don’t ever seeing him again. Then during this time of my life, I met a guy. He lived across the street from Southland Mall and his parents owned a jewelry store in the mall. He had a car and a motorcycle. He would come to our house. My friend Alice said he came to see me, but I really can’t that. Anyway, I don’t know why I did it, but one day I agreed to go to his house. He was really good looking and very popular at school. I felt really flattered. We weren’t going steady or anything, but I agreed to go there. He led me to his bedroom and this is when I lost my virginity. It wasn’t special. It wasn’t anything and I don’t think I ever saw him again. I decided at that point, that was all a guy wanted, at least that’s what I thought. Then one night I was already in bed for the night, when someone was knocking at the front door. I got up and answered the door. It was a male friend of my mom’s. I tried to pretend I was sleeping. My back was to him and I was so scared. It never went any farther. My mother pulled in the driveway. He saw her car lights on my wall and got out of my bed and went right to hers before she came in the door. Again, I never did tell her about this till a couple years later. My self-esteem became very low. I figured that I brought on all these things that happened to me because I asked for

it. So I thought if I told my mother, she would blame me also. Then one day we went to visit my Aunt, Mom’s sister. They were talking about a neighbor of theirs who had been assaulting their daughter. It seemed to be a good time to tell my mother about her friend and what he did to me. She just looked at me and said “So, that was a long time ago.” She didn’t seem to care or believe me. Now I know it wasn’t my fault. Also, two years shouldn’t have mattered. It happened. I didn’t make it up. But at the time, because she didn’t seem to care, I just tucked it in the back of my brain and forgot it happened. At the end of April, 1968, my father asked me if I could sit with my greatgrandmother, as my great-grandfather, had taken ill and was in the hospital. I said of course I would. My Great- Grandmother was my favorite grandmother. She was so cool. When we would come over she always had a big kiss for everyone that came to visit her. She also smoked cigars. So I was staying with her and in the middle of the night my father and Grandmother came knocking on the door. When I let them in, Dad asked me to get Grandma. I looked at him and just knew it. Great- Grandfather had ed. It was the evening of May 3, 1968. This day was also my dad’s birthday. I got my great-grandmother up and they talked about what had to be done. I still stayed with her till my greatgrandfather’s funeral. Like I said, she was my favorite grandmother. I would even ask my boyfriends to take me to her house in Three Rivers, Michigan to visit, she was so cool. Then one day a couple of years later she ed on January 9, 1970. I was very sad that I lost her. What was really neat I thought, was she ed on Pop’s birthday. What a gift to him. She was ing him. It was also this summer when I met my first boyfriend. One warm summer Sunday, my mother took us all, including Alice, to the lake. We had a great day and when it was time to go home, we were walking up to our car. There were these two guys sitting on the hood of one of the guy’s car. They started talking to Alice and me and asked if they could follow us to our house. My mother said yes and that is when it all began. His name was Pete and he lived in Comstock. He drove a 1957 Chevy and he was a couple of years older than me. Let’s see, here’s a little about my life with Pete. I was thirteen, almost fourteen. He was sixteen years and had a car; I thought he was quite handsome. He was blond and tall and had such a nice attitude and a great sense of humor. I fell in love instantly. He lived just behind the railroad tracks that ran behind Comstock. We went out to the drive-in theaters on dates, except I had to take my baby brother, Richard with us. We’d go for drives to South Haven and swim in Lake

Michigan. I would go for Sunday dinners at his family’s house. He had a sister my age so we also became friends. He loved working on cars and we would go to the drag races and also the stock car races. One Christmas he bought me a new dress. It was beautiful, maybe a little dressy for me, but I loved it. It was red silk with lots of lace. I bought him an ID bracelet, cologne, things like that. We went steady for a couple of years off and on. He was my first love. After a while my mother would let me go out at night without my brother ing us. I would also go stay the night at his house with Brenda. That way I was able to see him. We did some crazy things then also. One night I was staying the night with his sister and we snuck out the upstairs bedroom window and went walking all over Comstock. I’m not sure where Pete was at that time, but we had a blast. It may have been one of those times we were broke up. Brenda also had a couple of horses and we would go riding all over the back hills of Comstock. One time riding out by the gravel pits my horse got spooked and I couldn’t get it to stop running. Then all of a sudden we came to this cliff with a straight drop down several feet and my horse came to a sudden stop. I almost went right over his head, but I was holding on tight. It really scared me, but I still rode him back to her house. I’m sure if I wouldn’t have been able to stay on him. I would have been hurt really bad or maybe even killed. Then there was the time Pete and I had broken up and a girlfriend of mine was saying some things that upset me. So I swung a punch at her, but missed. She doubled her fist and nailed me right on. I actually saw stars and went down. I ended up with a black eye. So what I did next was really nuts. I decided to walk all the way to Pete’s house from our house in Portage. This is about six miles one way. I figured he would feel sorry for me and we could get back together. At first when I got there no one was home and I began to think how foolish I was. But then he came home, found me there, and asked me to him and his friends. They were going to Lake Michigan. I agreed, we had a great day, and we were back together. Every time he broke up with me, I thinking how bad he broke my heart and never figured anyone else would ever want me. I guess that was my low self-esteem. During this time we were together, he ed the armed forces. He went off to boot camp in Kentucky. When he was graduating from boot camp his family asked me to them on their trip to Kentucky. I we stayed in a motel and he ed us. His parents even let us sleep in the same bed. Anyway Pete left for Vietnam and was a tank driver. We wrote to one another for a while, and then one day he broke up with me. This was sometime in 1970. I had heard he had another girlfriend.

During the years of 1968 and 1969 on Nevada so many things happened in my life. My mother had me take guitar lessons. She bought me a new electric guitar and I went to lessons every Saturday and would practice every day. One day another male friend of mine came to my house and stole my guitar. I don’t know why he did it, but my mother did get it back. I played for a while, and then one day I stopped. I’m not sure if Mom couldn’t afford lessons, or I lost interest, but I stopped. I also did crazy things, like I collected street signs and had them hanging on my bedroom wall. A friend of my mothers, who was a cop, drove by and could see one of my signs through my window. He told my mother I needed to do something about it, that it was against the law to have them. Then one day I painted a very large daisy on my bedroom ceiling around my light. It was really cool. I adopted a dog from the humane society, and named him Laddy. I only had him for a year or so when he caught distemper from some neighbor’s dogs. I also used to take my mom’s car for joy rides. She let me drive when she was with me. At night she always let me drive because she had problems driving at night. They called it night blindness. She told the police one time she taught me how to drive in case there was an emergency. Then one day I was out joy riding and a neighbor called the cops. She told them I was out driving and I didn’t have a license. When they came to the house, I had just got home with the car. But I said I hadn’t been driving, so they felt the hood and said I had. BUSTED, but they didn’t do anything. One night I waking up to a lot of commotion going on in the bathroom. It was my mother. She was flaying her arms and crying out. Someone else was there but I can’t who it was. I’m not sure if she was having a breakdown or too much to drink. Someone asked me to get her Richard and it may calm her down. I got Richard and when I handed him to her she threw him. Someone did catch him and he was okay, but it didn’t calm her. Someone also called an ambulance, but they wouldn’t take her to the hospital because she was conscious and said she wouldn’t go. They had to follow her wishes. Then there was another evening I found her on our front porch crying. When I asked her what was wrong all she said is maybe our dad would come back home. I believe it was around this time that my dad divorced Marcy. I would have friends like Alice, Cory and Riley stay the night and we would stay awake as long as we could. Alice would always fall asleep first and we would get the biggest bang out of her. She talked in her sleep. We would ask her questions and pretend we were her boyfriend Tony, and she would answer us. She never would us doing this, but one day we taped the conversation

on our recorder. Alice was better friends with Riley at that time. She was Alice’s age, and Cory was my age. I also enjoyed spending time at Alices’ house. Just a few of the things that I is Alice loved to make Chef Boy RD Spaghetti from the box. And when I would go over to her house, her mother would always have peanut butter cups in the cupboard and would let me have one. She also made the best cinnamon rolls from scratch. Her parents were very strict though, so if it was after Alice’s curfew, Tony would call my house and I would go to her bedroom window to give her the messages. We had one neighbor between our houses, so I would have to cut across their back yard to get to her window. Then one day I had to go to my doctor for my yearly physical. Mom told me I had to ask for birth control. I became very defensive, and asked the doctor in a very upset attitude. He asked if I was having relations and when I said I was, he said it would be better if I did get some. My mother used to tell me if I ever got pregnant I could keep the baby, but I couldn’t get married. I also remained friends with Jane. She was the girl who lived on Westnedge. I would go to visit her by crossing this very large field and swamp, which is now the Cross Roads Mall. I also did a lot of babysitting for other people. Two families I well was a divorced lady who had four children. The youngest was only three or four, and he was always so dirty. He would drag his blanket everywhere he went. They really called him Pigpen, like the Charley Brown character. Then there was this other baby. He was so cute. Sometimes I sat him at my house and other times I went to their house. His parents did some sort of direct sales selling food and kitchen items. One time they went to a convention and I was asked to sit for the whole weekend. They said I could bring Alice, but we also invited our boyfriends to us. After that weekend they took us home. I thought they didn’t know about our boyfriends, but a neighbor told them and they called me and confronted me. I never sat for them again. I really did take very good care of their baby, but I understand their fear. I would have done the same thing. During the summer of 1968 these guys were driving down our road looking for this house that always had parties. They came across my friend Alice walking home and asked her about this place. So she directed them to my house. There was this one guy, Don, who was very good looking. But again he was a few years older than me and I had a boyfriend anyway, on and off. He said he was interested in Alice, but she also had a boyfriend, Tony, who was off to college. Anyway, he started stopping by my house in hopes Alice would split with Tony. We did many things together, like going for long rides in his car and going to a few concerts. We even went to the Kalamazoo Country Club to see the Fourth of

July fireworks. Don worked there at that time. I also we went to the school parking lot and he tried to teach Alice how to drive a stick shift. During these visits at my house we would just sit and talk for hours. And then one day I was home from school for some reason and Don came over. We began horsing around and one thing led to another. We ended up in my room and we made love. I was fourteen and he had just turned eighteen. Now I never thought I stood a chance with Don. After all, he was after Alice. He was four years older than me and he didn’t even go to our school. He lived on a road at the top of Westnedge Hill in a very nice neighborhood, well above our family income level. He did continue to come around for a while and even invited me to his house and I helped him paint some room. But then soon after that, he stopped coming around. I never knew what happened to him. Years later, Don came back into my life, so I will continue with that part of my story later on. Now, I’m looking back at what all happened in this chapter of my life and it all looks pretty cool. Like I said before, I had many freedoms that most kids my age didn’t get. But another side to all this is I had real problems also. I had very low self-esteem. I tried to slice my wrist once, I did a lot of cutting of my arms, and I even took a bottle of aspirin, all in hopes to end all my suffering. One day they called me into the school counselor’s office and they started having me come to talk to them once a week. Looking back, the Lord had to be with me then also. I never cut deep enough to go to a hospital, I never got sick enough to go to the hospital, and my mother never knew. I really don’t know why the Lord was always with me. I never went to church, or even knew much about the Lord, but he was, and is always with me. And now I’m thinking that by sharing my story, maybe I can help someone else.

Chapter Three Changes

I BELIEVE MOM lost our house. She wasn’t working anymore, and we moved to an apartment on S Avenue. It had four units, and was owned by a judge at that time. It looked like a house on one side. It had three apartments one up and two down on one side with a three car garage in the middle our apartment was on the other side. There was another unit under us like a walk out basement, but it didn’t have anyone living there. The garage was full of trash and so was that lower unit below us. This was a real change. We were in the country with no close neighbors except for who lived in the other units. It was a real rat hole. The apartments were nice; it was just all the junk in the garages and lower unit. But I’m guessing that’s all we could afford. As a matter of fact, we had a two-story, as the three bedrooms were upstairs. I had the largest and it was shaped like an L. The back dining area overlooked all the land behind us, and it had windows on three sides. It was here that we met Chris and her four children and Ruby and her two boys and a baby girl. I don’t who the person was that lived in the other apartment. It was here that my mother became friends with these ladies. They were also single, raising children alone. They formed this bond and really cleaned up the place and the judge had to pay for it all. He was a slum lord as they call it, but my mother was determined not to live this way and he couldn’t fight all three women. I know we didn’t stay there long, but while we lived there, I went to school at Climax-Scotts Middle School. It was in the town of Climax and we had to ride the bus there. For some reason, the bus driver asked me to sit in the front and count kids as they got on. I had to check off their names to be sure everyone was on the right bus. Plus, he would have me write down the names of kids that misbehaved and turn those names into him. He would then take action. I think we were the last stop going home and the first stop on the way to school. It took about an hour each day to get to school and back home. My friends and I used to be able to leave campus at lunch time and walk to the corner store for a snack and sometimes we would go into the restaurant for our lunch. Then there was this time we were allowed to invite a friend to school. I had this guy friend, I’m not even sure where I met him or what his name was, but he lived up north in Leroy, Michigan. Anyway I invited

him and he came and stayed the night, then went to school with me. Life here was so different. There were no parties, because my mother was home all the time. I think that is when she decided to go to college and get a degree. We would play in the cornfields across the street, walk down the road, and swim in this lake. It had no access, just a path, and there was a raft to swim to. The lake was really deep and had lots of weeds, but it was a body of water to cool off in. Then there was this other lake that my mother would drive us to. It had a small park and a swimming beach. It wasn’t very far from the apartments, but too far to walk. Anyway, one day this man had his horse there walking around. I loved horses so I approached him, and asked if I could have a ride. He let me ride the horse all alone and I was able to give Richard a ride on it also. Then this man asked my mother if she would let me come to his house. He had a couple of horses and wanted me to come and ride them, so they could get exercise. He told her he thought I was a good rider and could handle his horses. That was so cool. I would go to his house on Saturdays and ride his horses on this track he had in the field behind his house. One of the horses was a Tennessee Walker. It didn’t run but it did walk very fast. It was such a smooth ride and I loved riding him. When I was done riding, I had to brush down the horses and put them in the barn. I never got paid for this. I just loved doing it. Then every Saturday evening I went to J & D Roller Rink skating. For a while there was this guy from England who skated there also and we would skate till the place closed for the night. I loved his accent and he was really good looking. It’s funny what we think at fifteen. I also had gerbils as pets and one day I found a snake. I used to love going to Ruby’s apartment to visit her. I was more interested in adult conversation than doing what most kids did. So one day I took the snake to her apartment and scared her with it. She climbed on a chair and then on the kitchen table. She got so mad at me, but I thought it was really funny. My mother used to let me sit and listen to them visit all the time. We didn’t live there very long at all, less than a year I think. We were moving again, back to the city. Mom was still not working, but was going to school. We moved to Alcott Street around the end of 1969. We were back into a house, in a neighborhood with lots of neighbors. But I don’t too many kids on the block. I went to Milwood Middle School. It wasn’t that far from our house so I walked to school. I didn’t meet very many new friends, but these two girls I . One was Julie and the other was Stacy. It still wasn’t like the life I had on Nevada. I still remained friends with Alice, but we weren’t as close. She was with Tony and had all her friends in that neighborhood. She had lived there all her life until she married Tony. But she would babysit for her sister on

occasion and I would go and visit her there. It wasn’t very far from where I lived. During this time living on Alcott Street my mother did get a job working for Olan Mills Studios. So again I became responsible for my brother Richard. I had to make sure he got up for school and that wasn’t easy. I I would have to throw water on him to get him up in the mornings. Then I would actually have to walk him to school, to be sure he made it there. Or my sister April had to walk him. I know my mother had a real bad time with him then. He was always fighting the teachers. One day he broke a chair over a classmate’s head, and he told me he used to crawl through the celling ducts and turn the clocks back and spy on other classrooms. He was something else. So then the school recommended that Mom take him to a counselor and they recommended they put him on the drug, Ritalin. So she put him on the drug and all he did was sit around like a zombie and did nothing. I’m not sure how long she kept him on the drug, but one day Mom decided to take him off of it. She said he needed to be a boy. During this time I was also having some health issues. It was the winter of 1969, and they decided to do an exploratory surgery of my kidney. They found a growth on my kidney, but said it wasn’t serious so they closed me up. I I was there a couple of days and for some reason, my mother never came up to visit me. It may have been because of the weather. If I right, we had a big snow storm. But there were these twin brothers that did come up to see me. They were friends with Don, and I’m not sure how they knew I was in the hospital or even why they came to visit, but I really was glad to have them visit. After my surgery, I returned home and was helping my mother with her job. She was still working for Olan Mills and they asked me if I would be interested in standing in this store front to give away free Florida vacations. I would ask people to fill out an entry form for a drawing. Then one day while I was working, Pete’s family asked me if I would like to go to Alabama with them. Mom said I could go. Pete was still in the service and I wasn’t going with him, but I was good friends with his sister Brenda. And still, I always had hopes we would get back together. We went to visit family that lived there. They lived on a large farm and I believe they raised cattle. They lived in this farm house with the most beautiful scenery I had ever seen, surrounded by mountains. Brenda and I went exploring and found this great waterfall and stream. I have never seen anything so beautiful. Anyway while we were staying there, I went to the store with an uncle. On the way back to the house, it was dark. They lived on

a private road and he stopped the car and began coming toward me. I told him to stop and pushed him away. He just told me it was okay no one would know. Well, again I can only guess the Lord was with me then too. Because on this private road all of a sudden a car appeared and not wanting to get caught, he drove back to the house. That whole night all I could think about was why this happened. What did I do to bring this on? I worried that he would come down the stairs and try more while everyone was asleep. Also, I figured they would blame me, so I didn’t tell anyone. I never told anyone about this except my best friend Alice. I didn’t even tell Pete, because I thought he would blame me. I now know that is not the thing to do. Keeping quiet was wrong. It only added in my low self-esteem. I graduated ninth grade from Milwood Middle School, in June of 1970. My mother gave me a small party and gave me a set of luggage for a gift. I thinking she wanted to get rid of me, or maybe she didn’t think I was going to graduate from high school. Sometime during this year, Brenda got married, and I was her maid of honor. It was a small wedding at her aunt’s house and they only had a few relatives there. Pete was still in the service. I did a lot of babysitting for people then. I also sold Avon products and cleaned houses for people. At this time I had to help my mother pay bills, so I would pay the phone bill and the electric bill. It is still 1970; we are still living on Alcott. I dated a few different guys, but no one seriously. I went out with this one guy a few times. He was married. We would go for rides, never any place where someone might see him, and then we would end up parking. This isn’t something I’m very proud of, but it is part of my life that I feel I should mention it. , my way of thinking at that time was that was what a man wanted, and that was the only way I could be loved by a man. Again, I used to walk a lot of places. One day I don’t know what was going on that day, but I was out walking I think for hours. It was summer and very hot out. Anyway, I got back home and was so tired and really didn’t feel well. I went right to bed and slept for hours. I know I woke a few times, but I couldn’t stay awake. No one was home at the time and I couldn’t seem to wake up. It really seemed strange at the time, but again the Lord was with me. I believe I had a heat stroke and no one knew it. The next day I woke and was really weak, but continued on with my day. I started going to Loy Norrix High School. I had to take a bus again to school.

This is the year I took driver’s education and was able to get my driver’s license. I this day like it was yesterday. We had the worst snow storm in history, but my mom didn’t cancel my road test, and the Secretary of State’s office was open. So we went and I was the only person who showed up that day, they told us. This gentleman had me drive around town. When we got back he said I ed with flying colors. He was amazed at how well I handled the icy roads. Now I could take my mother’s car legally. After getting my license, I used to take my mother’s car and go for joy rides. I it was a stick shift and at stop signs I would burn rubber. That’s what they called it when you sped up the engine and let go of the clutch real fast. The tires would spin and burn the rubber. I think most kids go through this stage. They think nothing will happen to them. I really only did it a few times, but it was cool. There was this one day though just before I got my license. I was backing out of our driveway and backed up into the neighbors’ car across the street. Their car was parked right across from our driveway. Talk about scared. I had to tell my mom when she got home. The neighbors and my mom worked things out. No one called the cops. In the summer of 1971, I was still doing a lot of things with Brenda, even though she was married. One Saturday evening we went roller skating out at J&D Roller Rink. Afterwards we went to Bimbo’s Pizza. We met these two guys and were having a great time. They asked us to come home with them. One of the guys lived out at Long Lake. His wife had left him and he was out looking for a good time. Well, we stayed the night. I can’t the name of the guy I was with. It really isn’t important, but it leads up to the next chapter of my life. That morning we left and went home. After I had gotten home, I discovered I had left something at that house. So I asked my friend Stacy if she would go with me to get it. We got to the house, and neither of the guys was there, but this other guy was. This is the first time I met Jack. He was really good looking and seemed polite. But I never thought anything about him. He was just another friend of the guys we went home with. Anyway, I got my stuff and we went home.

Chapter Four Going Steady

A COUPLE WEEKS ed and one day Brenda asked me if I would like to go camping with her. At first she didn’t tell me we were going with these two guys, but then it came out. The guy from Long Lake had asked her if she wanted to go, but he had another guy for me. That was Jack. Well, we met them at Jack’s brother’s house. He lived in Parchment at the time, in the house Jack had grown up in. Then we went to Allegan Forest to camp. We really had a good time, but the funny thing was we didn’t have a tent. We slept in their cars. When we went home the next morning, Jack was driving me home. We were a block away from my house and we spotted the cops at my house. So I had him drop me off at the corner and I walked the rest of the way home. As it turned out, Brenda told her husband she was staying at my house which I didn’t know. And I had told my mother I was staying with Brenda. Well, her husband had called my house looking for Brenda. Ma said I was staying with Brenda. So this is how it all began. They didn’t know where we were so they were going to start searching. I believe I got grounded for a week or two. Anyway, shortly after that, I started going steady (as they called it in those days) with Jack. This was the summer of 1971. I had a class ring I gave him and he gave me his. That is what kids did then when they were going with one person. Shortly after I had given it to him, we were playing catch in our front yard. When he threw the ball to me, the ring went flying off his finger. We never did find it. That’s probably why kids don’t do that anymore. Class rings aren’t cheap. Jack still lived at home with his mother in Richland. At the time, his mother had a boyfriend named Rodger. Jack and Rodger didn’t get along very well. Rodger was a bit of a drunk. Jack and I didn’t really do much when we were dating. We would go spend time at his mom’s, or go to his brothers’ places and visit. He had three brothers and they were all married. Jack was the youngest. Some of the other things we used to do when we were dating were to go to auctions, refinish some of the pieces of furniture we would buy, and resell them. We also went to the drive-in theaters once in a while. But mostly we would go to one of his brothers, or hang out at his mom’s house. His father lived in Bloomingdale,

Michigan, which wasn’t too far from his brother, Dan. His other brother, Troy and his wife, Pam had moved from Parchment to the country in Allegan, Michigan. We would spend most of our time there. On October 19, 1971, Alice married Tony. Even though we didn’t spend much time together, she invited me to her wedding. Jack and I went. She had a nice church wedding. I thinking how special that was and that she was so beautiful. I didn’t know at the time that she was expecting their first child. I was a little put out at the time, as I thought we shared everything. She was, and still is the only person I have shared everything with. She is my best friend and always will be. This is just how I felt at the time. Truth is, we had drifted apart by that time. And we were kids. I don’t know too many people who have remained best friends from childhood. I we went to visit her and Tony one time in their upstairs apartment in Portage not far from her childhood home. She had her first child then, a beautiful baby girl. I thinking wow, she really didn’t like kids. She used to say she didn’t want kids, but here she was a mother, and a good one. She and Tony seemed so happy. I hoped one day I could have that too. My mother didn’t like Jack and she even told him that once. She said she wasn’t impressed with him, but he could always change her mind. She thought he was lazy and worthless. I really don’t know why she felt that way. He had a job at the time and his own car. But then again, shortly after we met he wasn’t working and we were using my mother’s car to go places. I know another time Jack’s brother, Dan, called my mother and told her to break us up because I was too good for him. I don’t know why his own brother would do that either. One of the other things about Jack was that he was extremely jealous. If I even looked down a road that an old boyfriend lived on, he would threaten to stop the car and let me get out right there. He always mistrusted me and I always had to be careful how I looked at other men. But despite all these things, I stayed with Jack. I loved him. At this time Jack did do a little drinking. Not much when he was with me, but more when he was with his friends. There was this time when he was out with his friends and he definitely had too much to drink. On his way home he had a slight accident and walked the rest of the way home. Well, when he got home he dropped his house key and couldn’t find it. His mother wasn’t home so he kicked in the door. Then he called me. He was really drunk. He told me he had gotten into a fight and he had been shot. Then he ed out. It really scared me because I thought he had gotten hurt or something, but I couldn’t raise him by

hollering in the phone. Because he ed out and the phone was lying next to him, I couldn’t call him back to be sure he was okay. So I got my mother’s car and drove out to Richland to make sure he was okay. Well, his Mother had gotten home before I got there. And when I walked in the door, this is what I found. Rodger was also very drunk. He was sitting on this kitchen chair, legs crossed, slurring his words, looking down on Jack ed out on floor, telling Jack how worthless he was and calling him all kinds of names. If you can picture this, Rodger couldn’t even keep his legs crossed. One kept falling down to the floor. And Jack, he was ed out, and couldn’t even hear what Rodger was saying. He didn’t even what happened that night. I had also dropped out of school during this time. In 1971 the government ordered that the school bused from other sides of town. No one had their own school district anymore. So Loy Norrix had to bus kids from Kalamazoo Central. Kalamazoo Central had a lot of blacks at their school and we had very few blacks, primarily whites. It was a very scary time, at least for me. I was quiet and shy, and when we would arrive at school there were blacks lining the halls on one side and whites lining the halls on the other side. All the while the teachers would hide out in the classrooms. The blacks didn’t want to be there and we didn’t want them there. So one day with Jack helping me make the decision, I told my mother I was dropping out. I said I didn’t need school; all I wanted was to get married and be a baby factory. Then one day my mother and I had a terrible fight and she kicked me out of the house. I then moved in with my friend, Julie, and her mother. Her house wasn’t the cleanest and her mother didn’t work. I her mother would just sit at the dining room table and smoke her cigarettes. She didn’t clean house or anything. I did the housework, as that was a condition for me to live there. Jack was also able to stay the night there on occasion. One night Jack went to the bar next door. While he was there he got into a fight with some guy. It was winter and they were outside. Jack threw a punch and lost his balance and cut his hand on this fence. When he came to Julie’s house he was bleeding really badly. So we took him to the hospital and he got stiches. During this time of living at Julie’s, I tried to get my father to give permission for me to marry Jack. He turned us down. Then one day I asked my mother if I could come back home. She said I could so I moved back home. I had a bedroom in the basement and Mom would let Jack stay there also. I don’t know why she let him stay. Maybe because she knew we were sleeping together at Julie’s, but we slept together almost every night.

Then there was the time April and Derick wanted to go visit our dad, who lived in Minnesota. Mom said Jack and I could drive them there. So we took a road trip and dropped them off at Dad’s. We didn’t stay the night there. We just visited for a short time and then headed home. I still didn’t have much to do with my dad at that time. He was married to my step-mother, at the time. I refused to attend that wedding. And this time he stayed married to her till his death. Anyway, we came home and stopped to see a few sites on the way. It was such a cool trip. It is 1972 and Jack and I are still together. The Vietnam War was going on and the draft was in effect. Jack knew his number would be coming up shortly for the draft, so he decided to sign up for the Navy. He figured if he had to go, he may as well go in the branch of service he would rather be in. He signed up in the Navy, for the 180 day delayed enlistment program. So it looked like he would be leaving soon. He had a job at the time and he had to quit because he was leaving. They canceled his health insurance because he was going. Now this is what happened. He ed his first physical but he was in the delayed enlistment, so he got to come home for 90 days. During this time he had appendicitis, and had to have his appendix removed. So during his recovery time, he was to report for another physical. They sent him home again. There was not enough time since his surgery to be well enough to go to boot camp. After 30 days, he went again and the physical showed a heart murmur. He went back home. That went on four more times. His heart was not right, but they didn’t know what the problem was. Finally Jack said, “Look. Either take me or discharge me. I’m not trying to get out of serving. I signed up, so I can’t get a job. I have no health insurance because I was going to be in the service. Do something.” So they did. They gave him a discharge. And because he wasn’t in the service completely when he had his appendix surgery, he had to pay the whole hospital bill. We never did find out what was wrong with his heart, but he didn’t seem to have any problems to further investigate. Time ed. We stayed together and we decided to get married. We decided to have a small church wedding and we decided to marry in the church that Jack’s brothers got married in. It was in the small town of Alamo. Ben was going to have the reception at his house. My mother couldn’t afford to pay for our wedding so we did it all. My mother bought my dress and my Aunt bought the flowers. We didn’t belong to any church so that is why we decided to use the same church Ben and Dan used, but the minister had changed, so we had to look up the same minister that they used. We found him, they gave permission to use

the church, and we went to a few meetings for him to agree to marry us. All was falling into place. We only invited family and a very few close friends. I had invited Alice and Tony but they were unable to attend. That was okay, because I was marrying the love of my life. My dad and Step-Mother came and my dad was giving me away. So the day is April 28, 1973. I am at the church all nervous, waiting for Jack to arrive. He was a little late and had a little to drink. But he was there and we were doing it. It was wonderful and nothing else mattered. His brother, Ben, and wife, Sarah, gave us a great reception.

Chapter Five Married Our First Year

W E DIDN’T GO on a honeymoon. We stayed in our new home. There were a lot of things that we needed to take care of. So on our wedding night, our first night as husband and wife. We were going to sleep in our new home. It was a mobile home his mother had helped us buy. His brother, Troy, was selling us a piece of property to put our first home on. Now you have to picture this. The home was on the property, but not hooked up to anything, no electric, no water, no heat. It was the end of April so it wasn’t very warm. Anyway, our first night we slept with our coats on all cuddled up under the blankets. I don’t think anything went on but sleep. The next morning we got up and started to dig our drain field for the septic. Jack had a job at Parker Hannifin in Otsego, Michigan. He worked days at this time and I stayed home. He believed a woman should stay home and keep the house. He had the old fashioned beliefs at that time. I really think it was because he was so jealous he didn’t want me out there with other men seeing me. So here we are out in the country on 10 acres of land. We could see Troy and Pam’s house from ours. So after I would get my housework done, I would walk across the field and visit Pam. Troy worked at General Motors and Pam stayed home with their two girls, Abby and Gail. It was really nice having them so close. I think I would have gone crazy way out there with no one to visit. The girls were having problems at school, so I would help them with their school work. And when it came time for them to learn how to tie their own shoes, I taught them how to do that. It really helped having things to do out there. On occasion, I would take Jack to work and go see my mother. But most of the time I stayed out there. We had a lot of things to take care of. We did everything ourselves, with the help of Jack’s brothers. We dug the drain field for septic, we drove our own well, and had to get gravel for a driveway. The ground was very sandy so digging wasn’t too bad. Jack liked to refer to our property as Allegan desert land. Because of the sandy soil you really couldn’t grow much. Even our lawn wasn’t very good. But we did it, we had our first home. We were buying it, we didn’t rent some place, and we had a home.

By winter everything was done. On our first Thanksgiving, I had my family come for dinner. I prepared everything, turkey, potatoes, gravy, stuffing, vegetables, and even dessert. Now this really wasn’t difficult for me because I did most of the cooking at home when I was growing up. But this was my first large dinner for the whole family. We didn’t have too many holiday dinners at home when we were growing up because Mom seemed to always have to work. December came and we had Richard come and stay. I that we were decorating for Christmas and Richard and I stayed up and made decorations for our tree, and the tree at Mom’s house. Richard was nine years old at the time. Then this is something we did for a few years after. Derick would also come out and stay once in a while. Jack took him out rabbit hunting one day. Now keep in mind, we grew up in the city with no male around to show us this kind of stuff. So Jack and Derick went out hunting. Jack saw tracks going under a brush pile, so he told Derick he was going to stand on the brush, and jump to scare the rabbit out, and when it came out, Derick was to shoot it. Well, when it came out Derick just stood there. Jack asked why he didn’t shoot. He replied, “It was brown. Aren’t rabbits white?” We had a couple of tame rabbits growing up, so he didn’t know wild rabbits were brown. Jack did a lot of things with Derick and Richard. I thought that was really cool. He took an interest in showing them some of the things men did. In his case men that grew up in the country. April would come out once in a while and stay, but not very often. At this time she was 15 years old and she had other things to do rather than come out to our place. But at this time of her life, I think she was a bit of a flirt. I hope it wasn’t because I was jealous. You see Jack didn’t like me paying attention to males, but he was always flirting with the girls, even my sister. I never thought anything about it because I trusted him. After all he loved me, and he married me. Now, like I said, I thought it was really cool that Jack would do things with my brothers and sister, and kind of took on the male side of showing them things. Then there was the time at different Christmases he also bought April and Derick their first 6-pack of beer. They weren’t of age, but Jack did like to drink his beer. I’m not sure if it was because of the shock factor he got from my mother, or exactly why he did it. But he got them their first beer. We also had a cat named Putten. She had a really cool personality; she would play hide-and-seek with us, and especially Abby and Gail when they came to visit. She loved playing in water. We would plug and fill the bathroom sink with

water, and she would paw at the water as it was running. When the sink got full, she would stick her paw down in the water, and use her claw to pull the plug. Then she would chase the water as it went down the drain. She also loved riding in the car. If we were going anywhere she would jump in with us. We would take her with us when we went to visit Bonnie. We would bring her litter box with us so we didn’t worry about her having an accident. One day she had wandered over to Troy’s. He went into Allegan and didn’t know the cat had jumped in his car, till he had reached Allegan. Then there was also the time we were visiting Troy and Pam. They lived in a trailer at the time while they were building a house on the land. Troy said, “Look, your cat is chasing our dog.” We all thought he was seeing things, but sure enough we looked outside to see our cat chasing their dog around the trailer. We weren’t sure if they were playing, or if she just had enough of the dog. Another thing she did was she had gotten pregnant, and when it came time to have her kittens, she had them in Jacks’ underwear drawer. She somehow climbed up the back of the dresser and was able to get into the drawer that way. Anyway, we had made her a bed to have her kittens, but I guess she liked the drawer better. So one morning we woke and kept hearing these kittens crying. We looked and looked and couldn’t find them. Then one of us thought the noise was coming from the dresser. So we began to open drawers, and that was when we found Putten and her kittens. Then there was this one night we were sound asleep. It got deathly quiet out, so quiet that it woke both of us up, and all of a sudden Jack hollered, “Hit the floor!” So I rolled out of the bed and on the floor between the bed and the closet. Then Jack laid on top of me. And in a split second we heard what sounded like a freight train. The trailer just shook. It only took a few moments and we heard it by. Jack got up, looked out our window, and said that the trailer skirting we had just gotten to put on the trailer was blowing away. It looked like pages in a book blowing in the wind. The next morning we went for a ride and could see the path the tornado left behind. There were lots of trees down, but except for our skirting, everything else was okay. I have to say again, I don’t think I have ever been so scared. Shortly after that, early one evening we were watching the television. The weather was really bad. They had storm warnings and tornado watches and again the wind picked up. Jack told me to get outside and go to the well pit. Well, this is what he was telling me as he ran out the door ahead of me. The wind slammed the door back closed on me, and I had to fight to get it opened. I finally got it opened and got outside. It was really dark. The wind was whipping and Jack was hollering at me to get in the well pit. He was already in the pit and I was crawling on the ground trying to find him. By the time I found

him, the storm had ed. I thinking how bad that was, that he didn’t even try to help me except for hollering at me. I guess again, I can say the Lord was looking after me. The other things we did were to grow our own garden and even raised a cow, so we could have our own beef. I would go out daily and visit the cow. He was really friendly and loved having his head rubbed. Occasionally, he would get out of his pen and we would have to round him up. I never had done any of these things before. , I grew up in the city. Jack’s mom taught me how to can and freeze what we grew. She also taught me how to cook wild game, as Jack’s family all hunted. Living in the country was a real experience.

Chapter Six The Next Eight Years

T HE REASON I wrote this a chapter is because, like I said earlier in the book, when I dropped out of school, I told my mother all I wanted to do in my life was have children. I really did want to have kids, but it took us nine years to have our first child, and we had tried to do this from the beginning. So on with these years and the adventures we had. It was July of 1974 and we had been married for a little over a year. Bonnie was single at the time and she wanted to take a little vacation. So we went with her. Jack had the time off, and we thought it would be nice to go along. We kind of joked about it, saying it would be our honeymoon. That’s funny, when you think about it. We piled into Bonnie’s Mustang and we all rode in the front seat. Now these were bucket seats, so I sat in the middle console with the gear shift in-between my legs. We drove all the way to Copper Harbor, Michigan. I believe that is the farthest place north you can go and still be in Michigan. We would stop and stay in motels each night. That would be the three of us sharing a room. Some honeymoon! But you know we had the best time. It was so beautiful, the scenery was fantastic. I had never been any farther than the Mackinaw Bridge. We stopped and stayed in a town on Lake Superior. Our motel was right on the water front and we got to take a canoe out on the lake. It was really nice. The water was crystal clear and you could see the bottom, even though I know the water was really deep. Jack rowed so far out that the lights of the town were very tiny. It was quite late and I got a little scared being that far out, and it being dark. We didn’t know what else might be out there. So I asked Jack to please go back to shore. He laughed at me, but he did go back. Then we went to see Tahquamenon Falls. Wow! They were so neat; we could even go behind them. There was just so much to see. And it was so beautiful. But when we got to the drive that took us to Copper Harbor, it was amazing. We drove through this tunnel of trees, I’m not sure how long it was, but it was so cool. Trees were on both sides of the road, their limbs reaching over the road to form this tunnel. And since then I have seen articles talking about this scenic spot. The view

going into Copper Harbor was breath-taking, as you topped this hill, and looked down at the town and the harbor. What a view! This was one of the best vacations I had ever taken. Now this is kind of funny, because as a child I only taking one vacation. It was with my Dad and Mary and we went camping for a week in Ludington, Michigan. So I guess you could say I felt like a kid in a candy store on this great vacation/ honeymoon. But this was only the beginning of some fantastic vacations. We would go to church once in a while with Dan and Marsha. They went to a church in Bangor. Then one day we both decided to get baptized. So we got baptized at the Church of Christ in Bangor. Then we started to go to Comstock Church of Christ in Comstock. We would drive all the way from Allegan, because we really liked the minister there. We became , and I’m not sure how long we attended, but it was a number of years. At the end of 1974, Dan introduced Bonnie to Larry. Larry worked with Dan on the road commission. They began to date, and then on January 24, 1975, they got married. They had a very small wedding. I believe it was at one of his sister’s. Larry sold his mobile home and moved into Bonnie’s house. We would always celebrate the holidays at Bonnie’s. She would have the best dinners. The rule in her house was the cook didn’t have to do the dishes. So we daughters-in-law would do the clean-up. And I at Christmas time I would go shopping with Bonnie. She had a set amount she spent on each daughter-in-law, another set amount for her sons, and the grandchildren got cash. She always got Jack a carton of cigarettes and he always found them before Christmas. He would open the gift, take a pack, and reseal the package. And no matter how I disguised a gift I got Jack, he would always guess what it was. I can only one gift I got him that he couldn’t guess. I wrapped a pair of Mickey Mouse boots and a gallon jug of water in a shotgun box. He didn’t have a clue. Troy and Pam were always late for any gathering, usually by an hour. Troy would blame Pam and Pam would blame Troy. So one day Bonnie got smart, and told them we were meeting an hour earlier than the rest of us. It worked for a while. During one of these gatherings, Bonnie had a cat that would dig in her house plants. So she set mouse traps in them to scare the cat. Well, one day Dan was trying to hide something by burying it in the dirt. All of a sudden we heard a snap, and Dan jumped. He was caught.

During this year Jack was working in construction with Pam’s brother, Tom. Sometimes they would have to go out of town, or even to another state to do a job. One of those times they decided to bring Tom’s girlfriend Nancy and me. It was Jack, Tom, Tom’s brother, another guy, Nancy and me. We went to Michigan City, Indiana. While the guys were working, Nancy and I went exploring. We went to Lake Michigan and there were these sand dunes. We would have to climb them to get to the beach. We would spend the day at the beach and then we also spent time at the motel’s pool. We all shared a room and when the guys got back it just got crazy. I don’t mean sexual. Everyone but me drank beer, so you can imagine what I’m saying. There was jumping on beds and chasing each other around the room. Jack even pretended being with Nancy and was kissing on her. This didn’t bother me at the time. I thought it was all fun and games. Everyone else was just too drunk to notice or care. One morning we got a phone call from Bonnie and she told us Dan’s wife, Marsha, had been attacked. Dan had left for work and someone came in their home and attacked her. The kids stayed asleep, so they weren’t hurt. They never found the guy. But then Dan, Troy, and Jack all got Dobermans. We figured we would never be surprised again, and that kind of dog is bred to protect. So that is when we got Sha. She was such a good dog, and she would bark whenever anyone came near our place. On December 22, 1975, Jack and his dad were out hunting, when they heard some dogs running. Now you see, we had a pack of wild dogs out there. I think people would drop them off and they had to learn the way of the land. Anyway, the dogs would get into Troy’s chickens and kill and eat them. So the guys would shoot and kill them when they came across them. The dogs even one day chased Troy until he discovered he had a hand gun at his side. He fired a shot and they all ran the other way. Anyway, back to the story. Jack and his Dad heard these dogs and when they saw one Jack shot it. Soon after they heard voices, so they weren’t sure if they shot someone’s dog. Instead of finding out they ran to our trailer. They got in the back door and Jack told me to turn off the lights. It wasn’t really dark yet, but he wanted it to look like no one was home. They were peeking out the window in the back when I heard a thud. Immediately, for some reason, I knew it was Jack’s dad and I had the phone in my hand calling 911. Jack was doing R even though he never had any training. It seemed to take forever for the ambulance to come. When they did come, they said he was already gone and they took him to the hospital. Jack went with them and I called Troy and he and Pam followed. Now I’ll tell you I have never seen anything like

that. We had his funeral on Christmas Eve. After that, the boys had the chore of going through his stuff and dividing it up. That wasn’t easy either. You see Jack’s Dad, Brian, had just divorced his wife, but they were still seeing each other. I can’t how long they were married, but she felt that she had something coming. Again, this is the first time I was involved in anything like this. In my mind, the boys were very greedy. They turned on each other and accused Troy of getting more. I didn’t think it was right. I felt really bad, but it wasn’t my place to say anything. After all, it was their dad. In 1976 Jack worked at Parker Hannifin in Otsego. Sometimes I would take him to work and visit my mom or go to his mom’s. I even started to do chores and ironing for Bonnie so we could get a few extra bucks. Once a month, Bonnie would go to Jackson, Michigan to visit her step-mother and I would go along. We would always take grandma to Country Buffet for dinner. I didn’t eat much that day so I had room for the good food there. I also used to play Scrabble or Yatzee when I went to visit Bonnie. Scrabble really helped me in my spelling skills. Sometimes when Jack was with me visiting his mom he would play these games also. And I’m not sure why Bonnie liked to do this, but I didn’t care, she would wash my hair. Then there were the nights I would cut her hair and give her hair a perm. We got along so well. I think I would visit Bonnie more than my mother. The next trip we took was with Bonnie and Larry. It was in April, and I think Jack was laid off from his job at this time. Anyway, one day on a whim we decided to drive to Florida. So the next morning we loaded the car and hit the road. First we headed to Pennsylvania, and caught the Blue Ridge skyway. We were going to drive as far as it went south. The Blue Ridge is in the Appalachian mountain range. It was really slow going; there were a lot of curves and hills to climb. And there were sharp curves. Now this is another first. I had never seen the mountains before and they were beautiful. There was this one curve that had a spot to pull over so you could see out over and down the mountain. Well, Larry thought he would be funny and pulled up on the sidewalk, and as close to the edge as he could. I was on that side of the car in the back; it scared me so much I literally jumped into Bonnie’s lap on the other side of the car. They all had a good laugh on me. But wow! I was scared. We followed the skyway for the whole day, stopping, and seeing some of the sites along the way. But when evening came we got off and went into a town to stay the night. The next morning we decided it would take us too long to follow it all the way, so we hit the highway going south. Then we drove into Gatlinburg, Tennessee. We spent

the night and the next day there. This town was so cool. It is nestled in between the mountains. So when you’re in the town you can look around and there are mountains on all sides. The town itself is so crowded with shops and people; you are elbow to elbow and bumper to bumper. Traffic goes very slow. There were all kinds of shops, souvenir shops, blown glass shops, clothing stores, museums, wedding chapels, restaurants, and just all kinds of specialty shops. We stayed in a motel right downtown. It backed up to a stream right out our window and you could see the mountains. Then at night it was even busier. Things were lit up with colored lights and you could see the houses on the side of the mountains all lit. The next morning we drove up the mountain, checked out several scenic pull overs, and went to the top. There was this structure called Clingman’s Dome. You had to hike up this steep cement path half a mile to the dome. Then you had to walk to the top of the dome itself. The tower was another fifty four feet. But when you got to the top, the elevation was 6,643 feet, and if it was a clear pollution-free day, you could see over 100 miles and into seven states. After we left there, we drove down on the other side. This was Cherokee, North Carolina. It is an Indian reservation, not crowded like Gatlinburg, but with a lot of shops and Indian wares for sale. From there we continued to head south. Florida, here we come. First we headed towards my father’s down in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. To get there though, we cut across on a highway they called Alligator Alley. For miles we kept reading these little signs saying “Eat in Clewiston.” It seemed like each sign was about a half mile apart, and I really can’t how many miles, but it went on for a long time. So when we got to Clewiston, it happened to be dinner time, so we stopped. It was pretty cool. It looked like an old wagon train settlement. They had a covered wagon, an area with an old still, and things like that. I the food was great. Then we traveled on. We got to Ft. Lauderdale and drove around a bit trying to find my dad’s place. We didn’t tell Dad or my Step-Mother we were coming because we wanted to surprise them. It was dark already and we couldn’t find it so we had to call Dad and get directions. The surprise was still there, but it wasn’t the same as I was hoping. I wanted to see the look on his face. Anyway, we stayed, visited a few hours, and headed back out. I don’t know where we stayed that night, but we headed back up to Tampa, Florida. The next day we went to Bush Gardens. We spent the whole day there. Of course Jack liked it there. You could taste the beer. There was supposed to be a limit but I know somehow he had more than that. From there our next stop was Kissimmee and Disney World. Never in a million years would I have ever dreamed I would have gone and seen all these things. I’m not sure of the date, but early summer of 1976 April got married. They were

living in Pilot, North Carolina at the time. We weren’t invited so we weren’t there. She had met her husband in Florida when she lived with our father. She was there because she couldn’t get along with our mother at that time. I understand she was on the honor roll at her school. I’m not sure what her circumstances were at school at the time, but she dropped out of school in her senior year. Somewhere during this time, she met her husband and fell in love. She moved in with him in Florida, and they stayed there for a short time. Then they moved to North Carolina. In the summer we made a trip back to the Upper Peninsula, with all three brothers, their families, Larry and Bonnie. Dan, Jack and I even brought our dogs. This time we camped. The weather there was still a bit chilly, so at night we wore our jackets. The lakes were really cold. The campground we stayed at was right across the street from Lake Superior, somewhere close to Houghton, Michigan. That was our home base. From there we went to Copper Harbor, Pricket Dam, and so many more places that I can’t their names. Looking back at my photo albums, I must not have taken any pictures. I do this one place we went to see; we had to climb these stairs to the top. Anyway, when we were going back down the stairs, there must have been a bee’s nest somewhere under the steps. All of a sudden our dog Sha, had a swarm all over her. Jack let go of her leash so she could try and get away. When we reached the bottom, Sha was there and the bees were gone, but she had many stings all over her body. We figured the bees thought she was a bear, because she had the same colorings as a bear. We treated her wounds and she seemed to be alright. Later on that summer Jack was working for this company in Plainwell. He made a few friends there and they would go out to the bar after work. Well, one day after the bar he went to this guy’s house, had a few more beers, and then convinced this guy to let him take his motorcycle out for a ride. He promised that if he damaged it in any way he would buy it. I wasn’t there but this is the story I got afterwards. Jack was driving the bike in a field. It had just been plowed so there were these furrows, and he was jumping them. He was coming down from one and another was closer than he thought. He hit it and ended up doing a handstand on the handlebars, looking down at the front wheel. He did a flip over and then the bike ran over his upper body, and he ended up with a burn on his neck. I’m not sure if the burn was from the tire or the exhaust pipe. He didn’t feel anything at that point, and he had to walk the bike back to the guy’s house. As he promised, he bought the bike.

Then there was this time, we had been somewhere, I don’t where. But whenever we were together, we would take Sha. Jack decided to stop at the bar for a drink. We left Sha in the car, and one drink led to another. We were there much longer than we thought we would be. It was a hot summer day and even though we had a window down a bit, it wasn’t enough. We came out to find Sha all sweaty, panting and almost dead. I was so upset. She was our baby. We took her to a vet and he said it was a heat stroke. He gave her something, and told us to cool her down gradually, and take her temp hourly. It was a very long night; I didn’t think she would make it. I was up all night with her, and I found myself thinking this is what it would be like with children, if we had any. She did come through it, but it was a lesson I would never forget. Jack’s drinking seemed to cause a lot of problems. I didn’t like it, but I didn’t dare say anything either. He would get too upset and I didn’t like conflict. One night we went out with a few friends. The place we went to had a live band. I love music and I loved to dance, but Jack didn’t like to dance. Well, Jack’s best friend asked me to dance and I thought it would be okay. He was Jack’s closest friend, so I said yes. It was a fast dance, nothing where we held each other in each other’s arms. It was just a dance. Then a short time after, Jack kind of disappeared. Then we saw him up to the bar talking to this waitress. The next thing I knew, he had her in his arms and he was kissing her. Oh wow, this was the first time I was threatened by his flirting. It was more than flirting. He kissed her, and right in front of me. I went out to the car and waited. He didn’t come out for quite a while and when he did he said it was my fault, because I had danced with his friend. That was the first time I lost my trust in him. I told him I was never threatened by him always flirting with other girls, because I thought he loved me. I said there was nothing between his friend and me; we just danced. But like I said, I couldn’t even look at another man without being accused of wanting to take him to bed. Jack was also very controlling of my weight. He didn’t like that I was putting on a few pounds. He used to say a woman’s weight was a reflection on the man. That if the man didn’t care, then the woman would be fat. He cared how I looked. One day he offered me one hundred dollars in new clothes if I would lose ten pounds. I did, and he got me those new clothes. I used to go across the field and Pam and I would work out together. We tried to stay healthy and control our weight together. This did make it easier for me. But you know Jack was never happy with how I looked, and I felt very self-conscious. It didn’t help that his brother was always asking me if I was pregnant. I always seemed to have

this little puffy belly. Now I didn’t think we argued much. Like I said, I would avoid conflict. But one night we were doing something at home and Jack said something about my mother. I can’t even what he said, but it made me so mad that I blurted out “AND YOUR MOTHER IS A BITCH.” In turn, that made him so mad that he threw a hangar at me. It missed hitting me, but I believe that is the first time I really got that angry and expressed myself. I didn’t mean it. I loved Bonnie so much, but he hurt me by running down my mother so that was the only way I thought I could make my point. Then later that year in November of 1976, we went to Gatlinburg, Tennessee for the second time. And sometime in 1977, we sold our mobile home, gave Troy back his property, and moved in with my mother in Portage. Jack worked at Humphry Products at this time, and it was just around the corner from where my mother lived. So we thought we would look for a home near his work. Then on February 3, 1977, April had a baby girl. On February 19 we drove Mom, Richard, and ourselves to Pilot, North Carolina to see Angie, Mom’s first grandbaby. We only stayed a couple of days, but Mom had to meet her first. It was kind of funny. When we got there or even when we were driving there, we had to go through some mountains, and Mom was terrified. Now the reason I found this funny was Mom loved to fly in a plane, she loved to ride on rollercoasters, but she was terrified to ride in the car in the mountains. She actually crawled to the floor of the car so she couldn’t see out. When we went sightseeing to Pilot Mountain she wouldn’t leave the car to see the view. Jack had to park in the middle of the parking lot on the top of the mountain, so she couldn’t see the edge. While living at my mother’s, I would watch a little girl who belonged to a friend of Mom’s. I bought the groceries, cleaned the house, and always had dinner on the table when Mom and Jack got home from work. We still had Sha, our Doberman. Richard would love to take her on her leash, and he would skateboard with her pulling him. Derick modeled for Judd Knapp’s clothing store the summer of 1977, and was one of their sales persons. I used to go to Mom’s softball games and watch. Jack worked second shift at this time. One night he got out of work early and decided to check up on me at the game. He said he looked everywhere and he never saw me. So he said I wasn’t there and I must have been off with some guy. I wasn’t, and I was at the game

the whole time except when I went to use the restroom. But I could never convince him. It wasn’t easy living at Mom’s, but it was a great help. Around the end of January, 1978, we stayed at Bonnie’s house while she and Larry went to Florida. It gave us time alone and at the same time, we took care of things there. But during our stay Jack and I both got really sick. I’m pretty sure it was the flu. The really bad thing was that on the night of the 27th, we had one of the worst snowstorms in history. The snow kept coming down, no cars were going anywhere, most stores were closed, and the snow just kept getting deeper. We couldn’t see our car anymore in the driveway. Jack went out and marked it with a shovel, so when we could get out and shovel, we could find it. The really, really bad thing was we had no medicine or food we could eat for our illness. Jack happened to have a pair of snowshoes and Hardings in Richland was open, so he strapped on the snowshoes and across the field he went. It took him a while, but he made it back and we both survived the blizzard and the flu. We didn’t stay at Mom’s too long. One day in 1978, we found a small one bedroom house on 34th Street in Scotts that we bought. It was only on a lot surrounded by farm land, so we didn’t have any close neighbors. It also only had a crawl space under the house, no basement. But it was perfect. We didn’t have any children yet and there were many options to add on. It was really small, but it was like living in a cottage. The living room had knotty pine walls and floor to ceiling cabinets on one wall. The kitchen had a metal cabinet with a double sink and no other cupboards. The bedroom didn’t even have a closet. It did have a one-car attached garage. Jack was really good at making things, so he set to work building a closet in the bedroom and built cupboards in the kitchen. We also got a wood-burning stove for the kitchen and to help heat the house. That was part of our decorating, but the stove did work. I even did a little cooking on the stove and in the oven which was really cool. I loved this little house. Most people that came to visit said they thought it was really homey; it just had that cozy feel like a cottage. The neighbor let us put a garden in on part of his property that ran across the top of the hill next to our driveway. We met Dean and Kathleen who had a house down the road a piece. They were our age and we became good friends. They had a small farm and raised goats, chickens, a couple of cows, and a couple horses. Once when they went on vacation, I would go over and milk their goats. We got to keep the milk. Now you’re probably wondering why I mentioned this, but if you think about it, I was a city girl. Taking care of farm animals was something again very new to me. Dean and Kathleen were

very different people also; they lived a very rustic life. They heated with only wood. He ran a saw mill and their vacation was going on a wagon train out west. They dressed as people in the old west would dress, traveled across on horseback, and a mule pulled their covered wagon. They cooked over an open fire, as no modern conveniences were allowed. Dean actually looked like a mountain man all the time. I thought their lifestyle was really neat and realized that it took a lot of courage to live like that. In October of 1978, Jack decided to quit drinking. He did this all on his own. I believe he had decided it was causing too many problems. Then one day we went on a camping trip up north with Bonnie, Larry, Dan, Marsha, and their kids. While some of them were out fishing, Marsha, Jack, and I were in the camper visiting with Larry and Bonnie. All of a sudden Larry collapsed and fell to the floor. Instincts took over and Marsha and I ran across a field to get help. Jack performed R again while we waited for help to arrive. Sadly, Larry didn’t survive. Bonnie took care of arrangements and we had to drive back home without Larry. Even with all this happening Jack didn’t go back to drinking. Bonnie didn’t seem to stay alone long. Sometime in November, Ben introduced Bonnie to Ray, who worked with Ben. Then in 1979 she married Ray. A lot of other things happened that year. Richard had gotten in trouble with the law, so to keep him from going to a court-ordered school, we took custody of him. He moved in with us in our small one-bedroom home. We made a bedroom in the laundry room in the back. We told the court that we would take him, as long as my mother couldn’t tell us what to do. April had another baby girl in February of that year, and then she left her husband in April. At the time she was living in North Carolina, so she came back to Michigan and moved in with Mom. Her husband had made several threats so Mom kept a ball bat handy. She never had to use it, but one day Gary came over and Mom told him to leave. She had the bat in hand. He left with no issues. April got a job, moved to a place of her own, and I watched the two girls while she was working. April met her new boyfriend at her job. They dated a while, continued to stay together for a while, and her third child was born a year later. I was a bit jealous at that time. Here I was the oldest and really wanted kids. She already had three, and her life didn’t seem too stable to me. It is now 1980. Dan and his family moved to Kalkaska, Michigan, and ran a Christian foster home for kids. We would go there on many occasions. We used to love going there camping and just visiting. Then we bought a camper so we

had a place to stay when we did go on trips. Dan used to say we did it so we had a doghouse for Sha. , we took her everywhere. There was this time in the winter we had gone to visit Dan, and Sha was in the camper while we were visiting inside the house. It was really cold so Sha had pulled her blanket on the to sleep and stay warm. Well, her blanket covered the heat and it started a fire. We had come out of the house to see smoke coming from the camper. Evidently, it didn’t smolder too long. We were able to put out the fire and there was little damage. Sha was just fine. I’m looking back on these years as I’m writing this, and they were really happy times. They are probably nothing new for most people, just special events that had happened to me. They are just memories that stood out in my mind. I was happy, I was in love, and life was pretty cool. I look back, and I have done so much I never would have thought I would ever do. We had a great life. Now to get back to a few more events that happened during these eight years. Kalamazoo had a tornado that went right through downtown Kalamazoo. We were at home at the time, and , no basement. Jack stood in the front yard and was watching toward town as the funnel cloud formed. I stayed in the house. It didn’t come toward our house, but Jack saw it hit town. It turns out my brother; Derick and his girlfriend were working downtown in the Kalamazoo Center building. Derick was running around trying to find Bree, and he said he looked up at the skylight and saw a tree fly right over it. They were okay, but their car got blasted with dirt and debris. It was pretty scary and it is in the history books. There was little warning for this storm; one minute sunshine, then this dark funnel formed just west of town. They say what is unusual about this is Kalamazoo was built in a valley. Kalamazoo has never had another storm like that one. During these years I didn’t have much to do with my father. I was very bitter. Then I started to talk to him on the phone from time to time. We had nice conversations, and I became less bitter. One day I as we were ending our conversation, he said to me before his good bye, “I love you.” WOW! My father never said that to me before. It still brings tears to my eyes when I think about it. Well, I wasn’t working anywhere and I had the time, so I asked Jack if we could go to Florida and visit him. I wanted to forgive him and I needed to get to know him. Jack said we could go, but I really wouldn’t get to know him in a short visit. He said my dad would be phony, but pleasant. But I was determined to get to know him. It was something I had to do. So we made airplane

reservations and were going to go. But a week before we were to leave, Jack decided not to go. He tried everything to get me to change my mind, but I was going. So he drove me to Detroit to catch the plane, and the whole way there he tried to convince me not to go. He even said the plane might be hijacked to scare me. You see, I had never flown before. But I was determined I was going. I one of the people that checked your bags asked Jack why he wasn’t ing, and he just said he couldn’t. I got on the plane alone, very nervous, but I was going. I arrived three hours later in Florida and when we got to my father’s place, I called Jack to say I was safe. He said he had purchased a ticket and would be in Florida the next day. I know he didn’t think I would go alone, but when I did, he realized he had to be with me. He also had accused my dad of setting me up with a friend of his when we went out to dinner. I think that was the first time I went against what he had told me to do. Plus, he didn’t trust me without him. While we were there visiting, one night we were out in the screened in porch enjoying the beautiful weather, when my dad decided to come out and visit us. This probably doesn’t seem strange to you, but all he had on was his tightie whities. I was so embarrassed. He just laughed at me and continued to visit. I just kept from looking at him. In 1981 life was pretty normal. We still lived in our house on 34th Street and Jack still worked at Humphry Products. We were still attending church. Still no children, except for taking care of April’s girls on occasion. I started to see a doctor to see why we weren’t getting pregnant, but he never came up with any answers. I went through doing a thermometer test. Every morning before I got out of bed I had to take my temperature, then I would have to write down what it was. Then the next month I took this paper with me to my doctor’s appointment. He said he would evaluate it and tell me what we were going to do at my next appointment. Well, my next appointment came, and he had lost my paper. So we just decided that it would happen or not, whatever God had planned for me. People would tell me God had a plan for me, we just didn’t know what it was yet. In October of 1981 trouble came into our happy life. Jack became very depressed. He stopped going to work, he stopped eating, and he just sat around. He started to look like a zombie and lost lots of weight. His face became very pale and his eyes were sunken in. Dan tried to help with money and food. I don’t what brought this all on, but it was a very scary time in our marriage. He wouldn’t get help with a psychiatrist. Finally, someone convinced him to see his medical doctor and he put him on some antidepressants. Jack didn’t believe

in seeing a psychiatrist. He said being crazy would follow him the rest of his life. I don’t how long he was off work, but finally he started to get better. During this time Dan suggested we take a trip to Florida. So, on a whim we packed up our little car. Dan, Marsha, Jack and I headed out on a road trip. Dan covered most of the cost and it was good therapy. We stayed in Gatlinburg, Tennessee on our way and a few other towns. One night on our way to Florida we were staying in this motel for the night. We shared rooms to cut cost. Well, Jack was in the shower. I had already had my shower and was all tucked in nice and cozy. Marsha was ready also, when all of a sudden Dan thought he would be funny and pull my covers off. Well, I held on to the top covers so tight that he pulled the bottom sheets out from under me. The Robinson boys were all jokesters, and he thought it was pretty funny. But what happened next was the real funny part to this story. I just looked at Dan and told him, “I don’t get mad, I get even.” When Jack came out we remade the bed and I fell sound asleep. I had a great night’s sleep. Dan and Marsha didn’t. When we awoke, Marsha was in her robe and Dan said he didn’t sleep at all, because he didn’t know what I might do. This wasn’t my intention, but it was a great ending. I guess I got even without any effort on my part. The next morning we continued on to Florida. We visited Disney World, Bush Gardens, and stayed at a beachfront hotel in Ft. Lauderdale. This was a great vacation. We came back home and things got back to normal. I started selling Watkins products for a few extra dollars. That was kind of interesting. We had talked to someone about selling the product. Jack could his mother having some of the products, mostly the petro carbo salve and a liniment they carried. So we talked about it and decided it would be a good thing for me to sell. I got on the phone and called all the people that lived in Scotts, Michigan. At that time we had land lines, and our phonebooks had each small town listed in its own section. So I would call a number, give my name, and explain that I was just starting out selling Watkins Products. Then I would ask if I could I set up an appointment to come by and share what we had. That way I didn’t get doors slammed in my face and a person had an opportunity to say yes or no. I did pretty well that way. Very few people said no. About half didn’t know what Watkins was, but wanted to know, and those who did know wanted the product. Then I also hit up family and friends. This is how I got started, and it took off like a wild fire. Soon I was a direct distributor and had people selling under me. I guess I had a knack for direct selling. It did help that the product pretty much sold itself.

Then there was the day we decided to go visit Bonnie in Richland. Anyway, we took Sha with us. She was riding in the back seat and our windows were all down, enjoying the beautiful day. Well, Jack turned on this road and a bucket in the back seat rolled under Sha. She jumped to avoid it and jumped right out the window. Her legs were actually running in midair as she went flying. She landed on her feet and she didn’t seem to get hurt. So we stopped the car, got her back in, and away we went. In November of 1981, Derick and Bree came back to Kalamazoo to get married. They had a really nice ceremony and reception afterwards. The reason they came to Kalamazoo was that is where they both grew up and graduated from High School. And besides, that is where Bree’s parents and Derick’s mom lived. Then they went back to Florida to live. A few months later I found out I was pregnant. I believe it was February, 1982. I had missed a couple of menstruals. And I just knew that this time I was finally pregnant. So I made a doctor’s appointment to confirm it and he said yes. I was so excited and couldn’t wait to tell Jack. I was finally going to have the family I always dreamed of. Dan used to tease and tell Jack it was during our vacation I got pregnant, insinuating that he had something to do with it. I think at this point we both finally relaxed and quit trying so hard. Plus Dan had told Jack about a supplement that would make him more potent. So he bought some and gave them a try. Well, something worked and we were having a baby. As I am writing down these events in my life, I before I got pregnant that we would ask friends out to do different things and they would say no, they had kids. And I Jack would reply back that sounded like they had some kind of disease. Maybe that is the reason people weren’t sure if Jack could handle being a dad.

Chapter Seven My Dreams Come True

I HAD A pretty good pregnancy; I never had morning sickness or any depression. I was on top of the world. I people asking if I thought Jack would be a good parent. I always said I thought he would be a great dad. The months went on and I got pretty big. Again, people would say I looked like I would have twins. Back then they didn’t do scans unless there was a health issue. I didn’t think I was carrying twins, but I did get really big. The one thing I also is I said I was going to have a boy. I just knew he was a boy. Then everyone worried that if I was wrong, I might be upset. But you know, I knew when I got pregnant, and I knew it was a boy. I did say that if it was a girl I would still love her just as much. After all, I always wanted kids and now I was finally going to start that family. During these months, I had made many friends and they were all so helpful. One of my friends threw me a baby shower and invited all my family and friends, even the friends I had made selling Watkins. I had never had anyone do something like that for me before. I never had a bridal shower and our wedding was pretty small. But now here I was, nine years waiting for this to happen, and so many people were so ive. The one sad thing that happened, at least I was sad, my mother had gotten a job on Mackinac Island at the Grand Hotel for the summer. So she really wasn’t around for me to talk to during my pregnancy. We did drive her up to the Island and we even stayed for the day. She got settled in and then we went exploring. It was a beautiful sunny day and we walked all around the Island. That night we left Ma and went back home. She stayed there for the whole summer season. So she wasn’t even there when I gave birth. One of the funny things that happened during my pregnancy was just before I gave birth. We were getting ready to go somewhere. It was slippery because we had some ice or snow the night before. Anyway, I was getting into the car and I lost my balance and slid right under the car. I landed pretty hard on my bottom and then under I went. I wasn’t hurt, but I really felt like a big klutz. I wasn’t due till the middle of November, but here too, I said I was going to have

him early. I said the doctor was wrong and I conceived a month sooner. Guess what folks, it’s October 10 late at night and we were both sleeping, when all of a sudden I had this warm flush of water soak our bed. Yep, that’s right. My water broke. Jack called the doctor and he told him to get me to the hospital. I wasn’t having any labor pains, but we had to go to the hospital. When I got there they checked me out and made me comfortable in a room. So here we sat bored, and nothing happening. I wanted to go all natural with no pain killers. We had even gone to what they called Lamaze classes to show us how to deliver without pain medicine. So far, that was easy. I wasn’t having any pain. They had all kinds of monitors hooked up to my belly and kept checking on the progress. Then for some reason, I don’t know why, the doctor ordered them to induce labor. So here I am now having pain. The pain got really bad and I decided I wanted something to ease it, so the doctor came in and tried to give me something in my spine. I mean it when I say he tried. He poked my spine three times and missed each time, then blamed me for moving. So needless to say, I was in full labor ready to deliver, and it was all natural. We are in the delivery room and I am pushing. The doctor decides the baby needs help, so he uses forceps and pulls my son out. Now during all this, they had asked me if I minded if some students watched. I said I didn’t care. Now my son is born, all seems healthy, and we were both so proud. The first thing I said when I saw it was a boy was, “Bonnie will be so happy.” She had four sons and really wanted us to have a boy also. Then I guess when Jack had gone out in the hall, one of the attending doctors told him that we shouldn’t have gone through all we did. It wasn’t necessary. I guess we could have sued or something, but I was okay and so was my son. So we just decided to let it go. All was well. At this time, they kept you in the hospital for three days, to be sure all was good and to teach you how to care for your child. So the next morning, Bonnie came up and got to hold him. At that time, people weren’t allowed to come into your room; they had a separate visiting room. Anyway, Bonnie was so excited and Joe and Bonnie formed an unbreakable bond at that point. My mother wasn’t there. She was on Mackinac Island, so I called her to give her the news. Later that day they brought Joseph to me to feed. As I was feeding him, I noticed he was orange and I called him my pumpkin. The nurse took notice and had them check him out. Well, he was jaundiced and until his liver count went up they had to keep him in a special incubator that had light bulbs in it to help him. So the only time we could hold him was when I was breast feeding. Another thing the hospital did at that time was to give us a steak dinner the first night. It was a pretty good steak too. So Joe had to stay in the hospital till his liver count went

up, and I wasn’t going home without him. Because I was breast feeding, they let me stay. We were there for a week. We also did a baby pool. That was, people gave one dollar and guessed the date the baby would be born. A friend of my dad’s won the pool. We still lived in our one bedroom very cozy house when Joe came home from the hospital. It was a little crowded, with having a Doberman and now a new baby, but it was still very cozy. At this time you didn’t need much room, just a place for the crib. So again, we made a room in the little storage/ laundry room off the kitchen that Richard had stayed in when he lived with us. You know, it actually took us a few days to name Joe. Jack had a girl’s name picked but didn’t know what to call a boy. So the hospital tagged him Baby Boy Robinson. Then one day I said to Jack, “You wanted to name our daughter Jo, but we have a son, so let’s call him Joe.” So we named him Joseph. It wasn’t easy the first year of Joe’s life, at least not for me. I breast fed and Joe was always hungry. He would eat every two hours; it seemed he would just get done eating, sleep for a short time, and then be hungry again. Then there was the constipation and the gas, things I never thought about. But as I , he was a happy baby, when not hungry, and I loved him so much. After a short time being home, we figured the house was just too small for a Doberman and a baby, so we found a nice home for Sha. That was really hard for me. Sha was my baby for so many years and I had to give her up. It wasn’t because she was mean or anything like that. There just wasn’t enough room in our little one bedroom home. Now we didn’t do much traveling after Joe was born, but we did take him to Deer Park in Coloma, Michigan. We also went with some friends to Michigan Adventure in Muskegon. Michigan Adventure had just started up in 1982 or 1983. Troy’s oldest daughter got married in 1983. Here we were just starting a family, and Troy’s family was growing up and moving out. Okay now it is 1983, six months after Joe was born, and I stopped breast feeding. We talked about going on birth control, but I hadn’t had any for the first nine years of marriage so why risk the health issues that went along with birth control. Besides, we weren’t getting any younger. So we decided not to use birth control and I stopped breast feeding. And guess what? I got pregnant right away. Yep, it took nine years for me to get pregnant the first time and now eight months after giving birth to my son, I was pregnant for our second child. This time I didn’t know when I got pregnant and I didn’t know whether the child

would be a boy or a girl, but we were going to have a second child. Wow, talk about being excited. Again this pregnancy was a breeze, no morning sickness, no ill feelings at all. I was a bit tired, but my son was only eight months old, still wanting to eat every two hours, and was always in my lap. I guess I spoiled him; he was definitely a momma’s boy, as they say. But I was on top of the world. I was finally having the children I always wanted. My husband had a good job and I was making a little extra cash selling Watkins. And if things got tough financially, we had land to have a garden on. We had a wood stove to heat with and cook on, the mortgage was small, and so life was good. The house was a bit small to raise two children in, but we had time to figure that out. So here we are in July of 1983. I am pregnant for number two. We don’t do much, but many things happen in the next few months. My mother decides she wants to move to Florida where Derick lives. So in October just before Joe’s first birthday, we pack her car and a U-Haul trailer, and drive her to Florida. You have to picture this in your mind. We have Joe in a car seat almost one, I am three months pregnant, and yes, I am showing already. My mother’s car is a Nova so it is a bit small. We are on our way to Ft. Lauderdale, Florida driving across a stretch of highway they call Alligator Alley. We are in south Florida. It is very hot and humid and we don’t have air conditioning in the car. This stretch of highway has nothing but everglades and sugar cane on both sides. Towns were few and many miles apart. It is after dark when all of a sudden, the car breaks down. We pull over to the side of the road, but the car won’t even start again. Jack tries to get cars to stop and help, but no one will help. They just fly by us. Now it’s getting very late and very hot. We have to open the car windows for air, but then come the mosquitos. No one would stop, Joe is crying, I am miserable, Mom is ornery, and Jack doesn’t know what to do next. Then finally a semitruck stops to help. Turns out he was from the Kalamazoo area. He told Jack no one stops on that stretch of road especially at night. There is a prison out there and no one will risk it. But the Lord must have been there again, because he stopped, took Jack to the next town, found someone who had a garage and tow truck, and they towed us to that town. We got a motel that night because they couldn’t do anything to the car till the next morning. It’s funny as I write this. I back then we didn’t have cell phones, only land lines, and we didn’t even have a cb radio, so no one knew we had a problem. But it did work out and we were safe. The next day we get up, the car gets fixed, and we are back on the road. We arrive at Derick’s. Mom is staying with him till she gets a job and a

place to stay. We stay at my dad’s for a few days. Mom was going to pay for us to fly back home. So while we are there, Joe has his first birthday. We have a party at Dads. Now while we are staying at Dad’s another funny thing happens. We slept on a hide-a-bed couch, so during the day we would fold it up so people could sit and visit. Well, one afternoon I wanted to take a nap, so I only opened up the couch half way. I climbed in to get cozy and the couch tried to fold closed. Now picture this, me fat with baby and stuck. I holler out and Jack comes running. He stops, and all he can do is laugh at me. Then he goes and gets the camera so he can take a picture. We had a great time. We leave Mom there and fly back home. Again, Mom wasn’t there for this pregnancy or birth of her grandbaby.

Chapter Eight Second Dream

I T’S NOVEMBER, 1983, and I’m half way through this pregnancy. Everything is going great. I’m still feeling really good, getting bigger, and extremely happy we are expecting our second child. My dreams of having my own children are coming true. Bonnie was still with Ray and she decided to take early retirement from Eckrich. Then they decided to sell us her house in Richland. They decided to get a fifth wheel trailer and spend the winter in Florida. We sold our home in Scotts, and just before Christmas, 1983, we moved into our new home, Jack’s old home. Now we had room to grow. Jack’s brothers weren’t very happy buying the house. They told their mother that we were spending their inheritance. She just said to them she wasn’t dead yet and she could do what she wanted with her money or property. The one thing that she kept at the house was a salt and pepper collection that was her mother’s collection. She had a friend build a floor to ceiling glass cabinet, covering one whole wall to display all the shakers. There were over 500 shakers and people could see the whole collection and be amazed. Time got closer for our baby to arrive, and because we didn’t have our parents close by to help when I had to go to the hospital, we asked my very good friend, Chris. She was single at the time, and she didn’t have any children at home anymore. So she agreed to come running when we called. Then she would also stay at our house to care for Joe and help Jack while I was in the hospital. Things were all arranged and now it was just the waiting game. We had always been smokers, but in February 1984, Jack decided to quit smoking. This was the second time he had decided to quit. The first time we both quit at the same time, but he didn’t last long and when he began to smoke again, he would smoke in front of me and blow his smoke in my face, and tease me by saying how good it was. So I ended up giving in and began to smoke again. So this time when he quit I told him I wouldn’t quit until I was certain he was done for good.

The New Year is here, and it is the end of February, 1984. I don’t the actual due date but I seem to be on schedule. I am very large and very uncomfortable. Then one day I had these pains and thought it was time, so off to the hospital we go. Well, it was a false alarm. I was not ready yet, so back home to wait some more. If you , I never actually had labor pains with Joe except the ones they induced, so I didn’t really know what to expect. Then the night of March 4, 1984, I was feeling really funny, kind of like my cramps I got during that time of the month. This happened to be a Sunday, so Jack wasn’t working. You see Jack worked the second shift at this time. Then we called Chris, and she came to watch Joe. Off to the hospital we go. This time it was real and I was coming along naturally, but this time from the very start I said I wanted something for the pain. They gave me a shot and I was in heaven. Then in the early morning hours of March 5, 1984, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She was perfect. Now talk about two children not being anything alike. They were as different as night and day. Lynn slept through the night from day one. Joe was demanding every two hours. As a matter of fact, that first night in the hospital when the nurse brought Lynn to me to feed her, we had to wake her and force her to take the breast. But not too long, and she was fast asleep again. The nurse looked at me and we decided she would let us know when she was hungry. Once home, it seemed like she slept all the time. I actually began to feel guilty. She was so quiet and good. Lynn was a real daddy’s girl. He would go to her crib every night after he got home from work, and get her out so he could hold her. They would cuddle up on the couch, and watch a little television before he would call it a night. Joe was a momma’s boy. He would climb on my lap and cuddle with me while the whole time he would twirl my hair in his fingers. Then Bonnie and Ray came back from Florida. At first they stayed at Troy and Pam’s, and then they moved their fifth wheel to a campground in South Haven. They were only a couple of miles from the swimming beaches. They also bought a nice boat that they could take out on Lake Michigan and fish. We would go out there most weekends. We would go and feed the geese in the park in town and then drive down to the beach so the kids could play there. They would keep Joe there with them many of the weekends and take him out on the boat fishing. Bonnie and Joe got really close. She taught him how to fish and even would cook with him. Lynn didn’t get to stay there much. First off, she was a bit young,

and sadly, Bonnie preferred boys. She raised four boys and didn’t care for girls much. She used to say that girls did too much whining. Ray would try and compensate for what Lynn didn’t get from Bonnie, and he would spend time with her. When Lynn grew out of her bassinet, we moved her in the bedroom with her brother. You see Bonnie’s house was only a two bedroom, but it was large enough for our family. Later when we needed to, we would make more room. We would celebrate Easter in Allegan with Troy and Pam. The kids really enjoyed doing it there. We had an Easter egg hunt outdoors. Abby would hide all kinds of things in the wooded area in the back yard. They would hook up a tractor with a wagon, and off we would go to seek out the treasures. We would have dinner there and just spend the day. They also started to do the Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners for the family. Most of the time Bonnie was around for Easter, but they started to go to Texas for the winter and weren’t around for Thanksgiving or Christmas. We spent a lot of time at Troy’s most weekends. Now I look back, and really feel for them having to entertain us all the time. We would stay and play a lot of games. The only thing I had to be careful about when we visited Troy’s is how I looked at Troy because I would be accused of giving him bedroom eyes. But you know, despite Jack’s jealousies, I still loved him very much. I knew I never did or would do anything against him. I was very happy most of the time. During one of our weekend visits, Troy’s oldest daughter Abby and her husband were there also. She was expecting their first child. Well, we thought she was going into labor and our car was the only one available, so I offered to drive her, her husband and Pam to the hospital. It turned out to be a false alarm, but I spent the whole night there with them. The next day I was super tired, but it was so cool for me to be a part of that. June 2, 1984 I decided it was time for me to quit smoking. Jack hadn’t smoked for four months, so I figured he was done for good. So, the two of us were no longer smokers. I have to confess after a couple of months ed I did try one puff from Bonnie’s cigarette. Just one puff did it for me I was sick to my stomach for the whole day. I said to myself it wasn’t worth it. I was done for good. My dad and Linda started to visit in the summers. They would come up for about

a week and stay with us. That was really nice. And about every other year we would go down to Florida and visit everyone there. We started to make our trips there in October till the kids got a little older, and it would affect their school attendance. October is the best time of year to visit Florida. If you’re driving, the trees are turning colors and they are especially beautiful in the mountains. And it is the slow season for Florida, so prices are more reasonable for lodgings and tourist attractions. The 80’s were pretty normal. There were a few things worth noting. On January 1, 1985, we had a bad ice storm. Chris came over that New Year’s Eve to play cards and it began to rain and then freeze. It was dark but we could hear the trees and electric lines popping as they began to freeze. I can’t if Chris decided to go on home, or if she stayed the night. I do know that when we awoke in the morning the power was out, and there were tree limbs and trees down all over. Our back yard looked like a disaster zone, limbs and ice all over. The devastation was terrible, but the glistening of the ice on everything was beautiful. Then in 1985 I decided I would like to earn a few extra dollars. So I asked Jack if I could watch kids while he was at work. He said go for it, but I couldn’t watch anyone under one year old. I did some checking and found out I had to be licensed to watch other people’s children in my home. I had to go to a seminar to learn about the state rules and how our home had to be to be set up to be safe to watch children. At this time, if you had to discipline a child you were allowed to give one swat on a clothed bottom, providing the parent agreed. Then we had to have TB tests, physicals, and a doctor’s note stating we were mentally and physically capable of watching children. They would do surprise inspections every two years, to be sure your home was still safe and you were not over your number of children allowed. I started to watch a couple of kids whose mother worked second shift. They were a brother and sister. Their mother was working for the post office and had gotten divorced, so she needed someone to care for her children while she was at work. Turns out, before she had gotten a job at the post office, she ran her own daycare in her home. Well, things took off and I was making a few extra dollars. Then sometime in 1986, Lynn decided she wanted to cut her own hair. I believe every parent at one time or another had that happen to them with their child. Anyway, Joe had gotten down a pair of scissors for her to use. All of a sudden she came out of their room so proud of herself, big smile on her face. I took one

look at her and freaked. She had cut one side of her hair all the way to her scalp. There wasn’t much we could do to fix that except cut the rest super short to match somewhat. And one day we were going shopping, Lynn got excited when she was exiting the car, and fell on her face. Of course she started crying, and as I picked her up to comfort her, she looked up, and blood was coming out of her mouth. She actually knocked out both of her front teeth. What a mess. We looked for her teeth, only found one. Then we tried to take her to the immediate care office right there next to Meijers. But it wasn’t open. So we called her dentist. He had us take her to the hospital. They couldn’t do anything about the lost teeth, but stopped her bleeding, gave her Tylenol for the pain, and told us what to do for the night. The next morning we were to take her to our dentist. Jack was working that night, so he didn’t know anything about what had happened. When he got home, Lynn was still awake, and she ran across the kitchen floor, and jumped into his arms. She looked at him with this huge smile, and he just about dropped her in shock. I think it bothered me and him more than it ever did her. Like I said, Lynn was a daddy’s girl. I how she would climb on his lap, and they would press their noses together. They would see how hard they could press. You’d swear they would break their noses, they smashed them so hard. We also took a couple of trips during the 80’s. One trip was to Florida with Alice and her family. The first night in Kissimmee, Florida the motel room that Alice’s family got had bedbugs. So we had to get another room for them. Then we had to wash everything they had to be sure we didn’t spread them. My dad, StepMom, Mom, Derick and his family got a motel in Kissimmee also. They wanted to us seeing, Disney World, Bush Gardens, Lion Country. Then we were going to follow them back to my dad’s place. Alice’s family didn’t go on to my dad’s because they had to get back home. But it too was a great vacation. It was the first time for the kids to see all these sights. We didn’t go out to eat very often. But when you’re on vacation, you pretty much have to. Turns out Joe really liked the idea and when he got the chance, he would order steak or a lobster. He always had the largest meal. But Lynn was always falling asleep at the table. You see, she would get car sick, so I would give her Dramamine and it would make her tired. So needless to say, I got blamed for drugging her. Then when we got down to Dad’s we took the kids to feed the wild monkeys that lived in the wooded area at my dad’s trailer park. You see, there used to be some testing lab in the area that got closed down and instead of selling or disposing of the monkeys, someone turned them loose. People in the trailer park would put

out food for them, so they stuck around. So there was this one lady that could get right up close and feed them from her hand. She had the kids stay still, hold out the food and they also could feed them. That was so cool, but the city said no one could feed them anymore for fear of disease or someone getting bit. The family of monkeys had become quite large and bothersome. Without anyone feeding them, they finally disappeared. We also took a trip to Gatlinburg, Tennessee with just Alice and Tony. This time we stayed on the strip overlooking the main road. We would sit on the outside patio overlooking the strip and watch the cars go by till the wee hours of the morning. That was the highlight of that trip. We did all the other things that Gatlinburg had to offer. This was in October, so the trees in the mountains were all changing color. It was so beautiful. Then in 1987 Jack had the opportunity to buy an old pole barn from the credit union in Parchment, Michigan. He planned on tearing it down and putting it back up on our property in Richland. In the beginning of the destruction of the barn, he had banged his knee and had to stay off it for a period of time. So he recruited his brother, Troy and sister-in-law, Pam to help us. It turned out we, not Jack, tore it down, and he sat in his lawn chair supervising. Then we hauled it to Richland where we could reassemble it. Michael had also gotten married. Lynn was his flower girl and Joe was the ring bearer. Lynn was so beautiful in her white dress that the bride’s dad had made. Yes, Richard’s bride’s dad made all the dresses, including her wedding dress. I found that quite amazing for this factory worker to be able to sew such beautiful, intricate dresses. Lynn was only four at the time and a bit shy, so we had to coax her down the aisle. In 1988, we decided to go down to Texas and see Bonnie and Ray and where they lived. Troy and his family decided to us. We piled into our car and took a road trip to Texas. Now our car at the time was a Datsun wagon. It only seated five and there were seven of us. So the extra people sat in the very back luggage area. We didn’t have the seat belt law then. It was kind of crowded, but we had such a good time. This was a new place we had never been before. On our way we stopped and saw some of the sights, like St. Louis, Missouri, and the Arch. The kids were really fascinated with the height. Me, I was really nervous. I didn’t like heights. But I still went up and didn’t show my fear to the kids. While we were in Texas we saw things like road runners, a large red headed

woodpecker, and learned about cattle being in open ranges. The only thing that kept them from crossing a road were these metal rods that went across a drive they wouldn’t go over. There were a lot of these homes that seemed to be split in half. One side had the kitchen and living area and the other side that was separated by a porch-like area, was where the bedrooms were. I found this really interesting. Bonnie and Ray had bought a mobile home in this small park-like setting. There were only a few neighbors that lived there. In July of 1989, we took the kids and Bonnie to Kentucky to see Mammoth Cave. Now again, this was a first, seeing the caves. We were deep inside this cave and it was pitch black with darkness. The guides had turned off the lights and you couldn’t see your hand in front of your face. They only kept them off for a short time, to show us how dark it was and how easy you could get lost. We had to wear raincoats and hard hats with lights on top. I was a bit nervous. But I have always been a bit nervous doing new things. The rocks were cold and wet, and there were other types of insects that lived in the dark. The kids loved it!! Also this summer, we went to Muskegon with Troy’s family and Pam’s dad, and step-mom to tube down the river. This was an all day trip floating down the river. We took food and drinks in a separate tube and then stopped along the way to eat lunch. Everyone had put on sunscreen to keep from getting burned except Jack. He was sure he wouldn’t burn. Well, he did, and it was bad. He didn’t go to the hospital even though he probably should have. He missed the next few days of work. The sunburn was so bad it even made him sick to his stomach. My mother was still living in Florida. One night I got a phone call from my brother Derick. He said “I have good news and bad news.” I said tell me the good news first. He said that he and Bree were going to have a baby. The bad news was that Mom had been in an accident. She was in the hospital. It wasn’t good, but he would keep me informed. Then later that night he called me again and said Mom’s blood pressure had dropped dramatically. So I told Jack I wanted to go and be with her. He wouldn’t let me go. He said there wasn’t anything I could do by going. I would just be sitting in a hospital room watching, or I wouldn’t get there in time and she might . Then we would have to do what was necessary for that. I got really upset, but I couldn’t fight him. Then he proceeded to tell me that my parents deserted me, I didn’t desert them. My mother ended up being okay, but from this point on I decided no one was ever going to tell me I couldn’t go. In October of this year, my brother Richard and his wife Jackalyn had their first

child, a girl. My baby brother, the one I practically raised, had his first child. He was so excited. Also, my brother Derick and his wife Bree had their first child, a girl in December.

Chapter Nine The 90’s

I N THE SUMMER of 1990, we again took a trip to Gatlinburg, Tennessee, this time with a friend of Jack’s that he worked with and his family. While on this trip we were traveling up the in the Smokey Mountains that cut across from Gatlinburg to Cherokee, North Carolina. On this road are several lookout areas, so you can see different views of the mountain side. Along one of those pullovers we got out of our car to see what all these people were looking at over this stone wall. Jack had sat Joe on the wall with his legs hanging over each side. You have to picture this in your mind. Joe was eight years old and what the people were watching were a couple of cub bears and their mommy wandering around on the other side of the wall. We were up a small hill so it should have been safe. But then all of a sudden, this momma bear reached up and touched Joe’s foot. You never saw someone jump up so fast. WOW, a bear touched my son’s foot and it wasn’t in a zoo. It was in the wild. Then later that year in October, we went to Florida. We saw family and the many sights again that Florida had to offer. We would always drive there, because it wasn’t practical to fly. It would cost us too much. The kid’s rode so well, we never had any issues with them. The one thing we did was leave at night so they would sleep part of the way there. The year 1991 was a tough and busy year. On January 27, 1991, we got a phone call late that night. Bonnie wasn’t feeling well. She and Ray were down in Texas for the winter and she was sicker than she had ever been. She said her chest hurt like it had never hurt before. Finally Jack convinced Ray to get her to a hospital. So he did, but the little town they lived by didn’t have much for a hospital. They said it was her heart and were transferring her to a larger hospital. By the time they transferred her, she had gotten worse. Jack and Dan decided they had to go down and care for her, so they left. Now no one had much money, and the Robinsons didn’t fly anywhere. So Dan came from Kalkaska with his van, picked up Jack, and they drove down to Texas. When they got there they found out Ray had gotten into an accident coming home from the hospital that night. He wasn’t hurt, but his truck was totaled. So they all drove to the hospital.

Bonnie was hooked up to all these tubes and machines. The boys said she looked terrible. So they bent down, gave her a kiss to let her know they were there, and told her it was okay. Well, shortly after, she was gone. It was as if she waited for them to say good bye. This was January 29, 1991. I this time like it was yesterday. I loved Bonnie like my own mother. As a matter of fact, I used to say if anything would ever happen to Jack and me, I wouldn’t go live with my mother. I would go live with Bonnie. It was really hard. I kept my childcare open and I hid my hurt so well, people said they didn’t even know there was a problem. Then I also knew Jack would need me to be strong. He was the youngest, and to be honest, he wasn’t very strong. He was the closest to his mother and he needed me to be strong to bring all of us through this. I told my best friend that one day it would be my turn, but right now I couldn’t fall apart. Okay, so on with the story. A lot of people wouldn’t understand, but if you knew Bonnie and her kids, you would. Bonnie wanted to be buried in Richland. She already had a plot, so the boys ed the funeral homes and found out what they had to do to bring her home themselves. Well, Ray’s truck was totaled and the casket wouldn’t fit in the back of the van. Jack told Dan he wasn’t putting her in the seat next to him, so they rented a U-Haul trailer and put Bonnie in the back of it. There were a couple of stories the boys told us when they got home. One of them was Dan had forgotten to take the keys out of the trailer lock when they went in to eat at a restaurant. They laughed about it thinking what if someone had tried to steal the van and trailer. When they got to where they were going, what a surprise they would find. It didn’t happen of course, but what if. So they got to Troy’s late at night and couldn’t take Bonnie to the funeral home till morning. They parked the trailer in the garage, and opened it up to check on things. Everything was good except they had put the casket in backwards so they joked about this. Bonnie rode home backwards. Now like I said, most people wouldn’t understand, but this was the Robinson sense of humor. Plus, it was a way to deal with their grief. As far as bringing her home the way they did, this also was the Robinson way, thrifty. Bonnie wouldn’t have minded. Time ed, the grief became less, and we began again with our lives. The beginning of the 90’s were pretty rough, to say the least. I started getting sick. I was having stomach issues. So the doctors started running all kinds of tests. So as not to go into too many details on my health, I ended up having three major surgeries in one year. The worst one was that I had to have one third of my kidney removed. This was also the biggest surprise to my doctor. Tests and past

records showed I had a growth on my kidney that had to be removed. I asked the doctor if it had anything to do with my stomach issues. He said no way. But once they got in to see what was going on, he said it definitely had something to do with my issues. As a matter of fact, I had so much infection backed up, it was a wonder I was still alive. It had to come out somehow. Now this surgery was at the end of 1991. But during this year, a couple of other things happened that I feel are worth noting. We also raised a baby raccoon that was given to us. You see, a friend had a barn and a family of raccoons had made themselves at home in the loft of the barn. He went out to get rid of them and had to shoot the mother. Then he found the baby. He was so small; he must not have been very old. Anyway, he called us, and asked if we could come over and help him. I fell in love with this little guy. So we brought him home with us, got a baby bottle, and took care of him. I checked with the Nature Center on what I could do. They said first off, it was illegal to keep him without a permit and two types of rabies shots were necessary. But if they took him, they would destroy him because there were too many raccoons in the area. I couldn’t have them put him down, so I decided to take the chance and raise him myself. We named him Jimmy and the kids helped to feed and care for him. Jack built a hutch back by our barn and that is where we kept him when he was old enough to eat on his own. During the day when my childcare wasn’t running, we would open the cage door and let him run free. The kids played games with him. It was like they had a dog. They would play hide and seek and a tag type game. At night we would close him up in the cage so he wouldn’t get into any trouble. We would feed him dog food and scraps from the table. Soon he had gotten very large. He loved to play tag. The kids would run from him and he would catch one, usually Joe. He would run up the back of his leg, nip at his bottom, and jump back down, so Joe would chase him. Then one day in January, 1992, we decided it was too dangerous for the kids to keep him. He was getting too large and we hadn’t gotten those shots they said he needed. So we took him, his cage, and a large bag of dog food to Troy’s and let him go in the back of Troy’s forty acres. We opened up the cage door, but left the cage there so he had a place that was familiar to him, and then we walked away. One day I decided to have a mom and son day. So we decided to go roller skating. During our time together, Joe and I were skating around the rink when all of a sudden I lost my balance and down I went. I hit my elbow hard. I knew I did something to it, but I didn’t want to ruin our day. I also was too embarrassed to report my fall to the employees. So I continued to skate. At the end of the

skate time my elbow was shooting pain all the way to my head. I couldn’t even move it up or down. Somehow I got my skates off, got in the car, and drove home. But it hurt so bad the tears were rolling and every move of the steering wheel was sheer agony. Joe said he thought he was going to have to drive home. Now he was only ten or so, and had never driven anything, so I must have really scared him. I got home and told Jack he had to take me to the emergency room, but not till I showered. I know this all sounds so silly, but it happened just like that. We got to the hospital, they x-rayed it and said I had cracked the elbow where the bones ed at the bend. Because it wasn’t a break, they didn’t cast it. I just had to wear a sling for about six weeks. That was tough because it was my right arm and I was right handed. The doctor said if I wasn’t careful, I could really break it and then they would have to do surgery to repair it. I was careful, but a couple of times I stumbled and I had to catch myself from falling because being right-handed, that is the arm I used. Fortunately, it healed and I was back to normal. Jack and I also decided to go back to school. Jack took classes to help him take the GED test. But I checked into seeing how many credits I needed to get my actual diploma. It was doable, so back to school I went. I started taking classes at Galesburg, with kids that were much younger than me. But it was fun. After I had earned my credits, I was able to go through a graduation ceremony like I would have done if I had finished school like I should have years before. I had earned a couple of grants to go on to college if I chose to. I was also asked to give a speech at the ceremony. I felt so proud. I told the crowd how hard it was for me to go back to school, but I wanted to get all my school credits and have a true diploma. I hoped I had influenced the kids at how they should stay in school and don’t drop out, because it is too hard to go back. I was so glad to have this opportunity to improve myself. After I had graduated I decided to use those grants, and took a couple of semesters of college classes that I thought would help me in my daycare business. Speaking about my daycare business, I now was watching children during the day. It was going really well too. I had made many friends with the parents I sat for. When they or even neighbors had children that went to school, they would put my name down for the emergency person to call. I really enjoyed watching these kids. I think it was my calling. Jack still wouldn’t let me watch anyone less than one year of age, but if I had to stay home for our kids, I may as well add a few others and earn a few extra dollars.

One of the trips we took in 1992 was a trip up to northern Michigan, well into winter, with Alice’s family. We got a cabin and the guys went ice fishing. This trip stands out in my mind because one of the evenings the guys went out to fish, and on their way on the ice to find a place to drop their lines, Joe fell into an old hole that someone left. Jack said they were walking across the ice ahead of the kids when all of a sudden Joe was down. He had only fallen through with one leg, but he was up to his waist in the hole. I was so upset. I couldn’t understand how he could be so careless by getting ahead of the kids. They came back to the cabin with my son all wet and told us the story. All I could think about was I could have lost my son that night. But I didn’t and the rest of that weekend was great. They caught a lot of fish, so we had a nice fish fry and we had a great time. Also during this year, besides Jack teaching Joe to ice fish, he also started teaching him how to hunt. This trip also reminds me of another trip we took with Alice’s family. This time it was in the summer. We rented another cabin on a lake and did summer fishing. Now I know these were only long weekend trips, but they were still adventures we had. As I look back at my pictures, I realize that we seemed to take an average of two trips a year. My children and I have seen so much of the United States and most families have never had that chance. We were really lucky. In 1992, we decided that my childcare should have a fund raiser so we could build a gym set for the kids. I checked into the best fund raisers and decided to go with the World’s Finest Chocolates. How it worked was I had to purchase the candy ahead of time. I decided how many I thought we could sell and paid fifty cents per bar. The actual price we sold the bars for was one dollar, so it was a 50% profit for the childcare. A semi-truck delivered the bars and then my childcare parents would take what they thought they could sell. It was a great success. With the money we got, Jack bought the supplies we needed and he built a great gym set from scratch. It had a fire pole, a slide, and four swings for the bigger kids, two baby swings and a monkey bar to go across. All of these were attached to two platforms for climbing on and around. He planned for safety, security, and for the kids to enjoy. During this time of building the gym set, I decided to take the kids to the old middle school to play on their playground. So we walked to the school. Really, it wasn’t much of a playground anymore. All they had left were these monkey bars, but the kids really liked climbing and swinging from them. So they were playing and Joe decided to jump from the top of the bars to swing down to another one. You have to picture this. He was standing on the top and went to

dive downward to catch himself on another bar. As he was preparing to dive down I hollered, “No, you’re going to get hurt!” But he did it and hit his arm on the bar instead, then hit the ground and began screaming, holding his arm. Now , we had walked, so I’m in a panic. I had a couple of daycare children with us and no car. This was an emergency and I didn’t know what to do. All of a sudden this lady who was Lynn’s old preschool teacher came running by. She was out enjoying the nice weather and getting her daily jog in. She stopped and watched the kids as I ran home to get my car. Then I took everyone to our house and asked the neighbor if he could watch the kids while I took Joe to the hospital. He did and off we went. Joe had broken his arm in two places. It was bad. He said I jinxed him when I said he was going to get hurt. So here we were in the beginning of summer and he had a cast on and couldn’t do anything. I felt so bad for him. Jack did so many things with and for our kids and the childcare kids. I he had also started baking and decorating the kids’ birthday cakes. In the winter he built igloos in the snow. In the summer he would take them fishing and we took a few fieldtrips to different parks. One time we decided to get rid of our waterbed, so Jack took it outdoors and filled it with water. The kids had a ball jumping on it till it finally burst and lost all its water. By this time Jack was working the first shift, so he was home in the evenings. He had told his bosses when his kids started school they had to put him on days, because he wasn’t going to be a weekend dad. If they didn’t, then he would find another job. Well, they did and he was home at night. This is just another thing that showed what a great dad he was, just like I said he would be. We even started to go to church and got pretty involved with the church and the people. I had even taught some Bible classes to six-year-olds and younger. I only did a class every other week, as I didn’t want to miss too many services. I love kids and loved doing it, but I took care of kids five days a week and I needed adult time. In the summer of 1993, we were selling a product called Reliv, a nutritional supplement. Troy had gotten us involved in selling this product. We really liked the product and had begun g up other people to sell it under us. We were making a little extra cash. The company held monthly meetings that we attended. One day the company was having a big convention in St. Louis, Missouri so we decided to go. It was really cool. We stayed in a very nice hotel just across from the Arch. Besides going to the meetings the company was having, we also toured the Arch, and one night we rented a carriage and toured the town. This was the first time I had stayed in such a nice, elegant hotel. The pool was on the roof. I

can’t how many floors it had, but we could see the Arch from our room. It was beautiful all lit at night. Then there was the time Dad and Linda came to visit. When they were going home he said he was stopping in Gatlinburg. Well, you know this is my favorite place to visit. So Jack took some vacation time and even decided we needed a better car to go. Silly I know, but we went down to the dealership and bought a new car. The dealership did everything they needed to do for us to drive it home the next day. Then we packed and off we went following Dad south. You know we did a lot of things on the spur of the moment, and they were the things that turned out the best. The reason Gatlinburg is my favorite place to visit is because the mountains are covered with vegetation, yet it has very high elevation. There are all kinds of trails to take, rivers, and waterfalls, and you also can see several kinds of wildlife. When in the town there are so many different kinds of shops, restaurants, and many attractions. This is the year we decided to do a haunted barn. We had that pole barn in the back, so we put up plastic black sheets to make hallways and made our own scary characters. We put up lighting and fans to move things and we had a tape recording of scary sounds. It was so cool. I started to have Halloween parties for my childcare kids and we would do tours through the barn. It took us about two weeks to set it up. And from that year on, we did it each year. The kids always looked forward to our parties. We also took another trip to Florida at Christmastime. This time we decided to make a stop in Nashville, Tennessee and see a friend of ours who had moved there. While we were there, we took the kids to see The Grand Old Opera and a place called the Parthenon. This was the first time any of us had seen these places. Now the Grand Old Opera was all lit up and it was so beautiful. , it was Christmastime and the Christmas lights were awesome. Now I’m ing another funny time. It is Christmas, 1994, and Mom came to visit and meet her new grandson, Brian. Brian was Richard’s second child. We had all gone to the hospital to meet him, so when we left we decided to take a walk through Bronson Park and see all the Christmas lights they had up. When we left to head home the kids were all excited and were singing silly Christmas songs. Mom became annoyed, looked back at them, and said, “If you can’t sing them right, then don’t sing at all.” Well, they both looked at each other, and at

the same time started singing “Grandma got ran over by a Reindeer.” Oh my, mom was so mad she couldn’t even speak, and Jack and I just looked at one another and chuckled. Joe and Lynn were in school now, but both of them were having problems mostly with reading. I tried to help as much as I could, but they began to dislike school and didn’t want to go. So we entered them in an outside educational program to help with their reading. They didn’t like that either, but it did help. In the meantime, I had found out the school didn’t have a full-time reading teacher on hand. So I began a crusade to get a full-time teacher. I went to board meetings, and then wrote letters to each board member stating it was a shame that early elementary students didn’t like to go to school. I also had the kids’ kindergarten teacher going to these meetings and trying to help me. I pointed out that reading and math were much more important than sports and they needed to correct this issue. I don’t know for sure if it was because of my persistence, I would like to think it was, but they hired a full time reading teacher. In 1994, we decided to turn our basement into living space and make it a space for my daycare. We had gotten a little tired of sharing our living space with my business. Moving down to the basement would give the house back to our family. Jack had someone dig a hole at one end of the house for an outside entrance. He put in a large barrel with a drain top, so water would have a place to escape. Then he built a wall with a stair-like feature and planted lots of flowers. He did his own cement work with stairs leading up and out. This way the parents could use the outside entrance to drop off and pick up their children. Then came the inside work. He put in a bathroom with a shower, sink, and stool and then started to make a playroom. We planned on putting in a small kitchen area, so I wouldn’t have to go upstairs to prepare meals. It was 1997 when he decided he wanted to change the whole idea of a childcare down in the basement. He started saying he was going to put in a bar and pool table instead. This was very upsetting to me. When Jack decided to do something, no one could change his mind. So the building came to a halt for a time. Jack had taken the small area by the dining room and put up a wall to make a bedroom for Joe. We got a wardrobe closet for him so he could keep his clothes in his room. It wasn’t very big, but it worked. After all, he usually just slept there. Then one day Lynn, who was thirteen at the time, decided to move downstairs so she would have her own room and privacy. She was in her own room upstairs, but she wanted more privacy. Anyway, as I said, Jack stopped the

basement project and let Lynn move down there. Joe moved into the bedroom upstairs that Lynn moved out of. We used to make this joke stating that whatever Lynn wanted, Lynn got. And she did seem to, like the time she decided she wanted to play a guitar. Jack went down the next day and bought her a new guitar. She hadn’t even played one before, but he got her one anyway. Well, then we tried to find someone to give her lessons. This wasn’t easy because she had to have a female. We couldn’t find a female guitar teacher, so she never took lessons. She kept the guitar for a while, but she just tinkered with it. From 1996 to 1998, we took three more trips. This time we headed west. We went on our first trip with Troy and his family. We went all the way to the Grand Canyon, stopping along the way to see many cities, towns, and all the sites the west had to offer. The next year we went by ourselves, just Jack, Joe, Lynn and me. We traveled to Colorado and Utah. The funny yet scary thing that happened on this trip was we were driving in the mountains, and pulled over at this scenic turnout that overlooked this great view. I was afraid of heights and wouldn’t get too close to the edge of a cliff. Joe and Lynn thought it would be funny to play a trick on me. They were standing on this edge looking down when all of a sudden they jumped down to a ledge beneath them. All I knew was they disappeared and I panicked. I started crying hysterically, and I couldn’t stop shaking. Then they popped up laughing like crazy. Jack was really upset that they scared me that bad, plus the fact they didn’t know if the ledge they jumped on was even safe. Then our car’s brakes went out going up Pike’s Peak. I had them stop at the ranger’s station halfway up, because I got really nervous driving up that high on the mountain. So I’m waiting for them and they seemed to take forever. Then I could smell something hot and Jack and the kids came around a corner coming down. The brakes got too hot, so they had to call a wrecker to take the car the rest of the way down. So we ended up staying in Denver for three days until our car got fixed. After we got back from this trip, things began to change. There was a time when we were going somewhere in the car and the person behind us was riding too close to our bumper. Jack got instantly angry and slammed on the brakes. This person didn’t hit us but when Jack sped up, so did this person. I was hollering for Jack to quit because we had the kids in the back seat and someone was going to get hurt. Fortunately, no one got hurt. Then Jack decided to get a German Shepherd dog to keep us safe. We couldn’t keep him in the house with the childcare, so we had to put him out back in a kennel next to our Dalmatian, Tinker, which we had gotten a couple of years

earlier. Now this was really strange because Jack hated dogs. Shortly after I agreed to get the Dalmatian, he decided he didn’t want her, but I had gotten attached to her. The only way I could keep her was for us to put her outside in a kennel. Now really that was cruel and selfish on my part. Dalmatians weren’t outside dogs. They didn’t have the fur to be kept outside. Then he wanted this German Shepherd? Keeping him out in a pen away from the house wasn’t using him to protect us or our house. That was why Jack said he wanted to get him. Anyway, I took him for obedience training and worked with him daily. He was a beautiful Shepherd and had a great personality. The next trip we went on was with Dan and Marsha. No kids. They stayed with friends and we went all the way to California. Dan’s daughter lived in L.A. so we stayed with her and saw that area. It was so busy and different from what I was used to. We went to Venus Beach. What a trip. We had seen so many strange people there. There were weight lifters, snake charmers, and belly dancers. As a matter of fact, one of the belly dancers must have been at least eighty years old. There were also flame blowers. It was a real circus on the beach boardwalk. During this trip we also went to the San Diego Zoo. On our way there we saw Seal Beach. That was its name and it was because there were hundreds of seals all over the beach. And then there were four or five lanes of traffic going one way on the highway at speeds of eighty miles per hour and faster. When we got back from this trip, I noticed the house down the road was for sale. Since Jack wasn’t doing anything else with our house, I suggested we go look at it. It was perfect for our family and my childcare. It had three bedrooms, one for each of us, and a family room in the back of the house, which would be perfect for the childcare. Plus, it had a large yard and a built-in swimming pool for the kids to enjoy. It also had an extra garage in the back for Jack to have a workshop for whatever he might like to do. We talked about it and decided we would buy it. So in August of 1998, we moved into our new home. We put our other house up for sale and sat on pins and needles till it sold. Our realtor was so glad to get it all taken care of because Jack was very difficult to work with. He argued about everything and got fighting mad at the drop of a hat. The new house was great. Jack moved the gym set to our new yard, and the kids loved the pool. Jack put the gym set on boards like skis, and pulled it down the road in two pieces behind his jeep. Now I should have suspected something wasn’t right, but I was blind. You know when we moved into our new house, Jack made the statement he wasn’t doing

anything to this house. He got really angry and said I couldn’t put anything on the walls, like pictures to decorate. My mother spoke up and said it was my house also, that I could decorate and should. Jack became more and more discontented with things. For instance, we got a new kitten. I had a litter box in the living room behind a chair. Then one day Jack decided to take the litter box to the basement. The kitten didn’t know he moved it, and when he had an accident behind the chair, Jack took the kitten down to the basement, shot it in the head with a pellet gun and killed it. There was a lot of tension going on and I started having migraine headaches. I really did start to have these migraines in the other house but they were happening more often now. The headaches would wake me in the night and get so bad I didn’t eat or drink. By the third day, I was so sick Jack would have to take me to the hospital so they could do something for me. But during these episodes, I would still get up in the morning and run my daycare. I didn’t like inconveniencing my families. One day I had one of these bad migraines. It had already been three days and Jack refused to take me to the hospital. I ended up asking one of my friends to take me. In July of 1999, we took one more trip west. This time we took the kids and went with Dan’s family. We spent three weeks out there and saw everything. It was great. We even went back to Pike’s Peak and I rode in the car all the way to the top. It was really cold and there was a lot of snow there. This was summer, but the elevation was so high there was snow. The many trips we took out west were really great. Some of the places we saw were Arizona, which is where I tried rattlesnake as an appetizer. California, I talked about earlier in the book. We went to the Grand Canyon, Las Vegas, Mesa Verde, Colorado and the Indian ruins. We also went to Moab, Utah, one of my favorites. This small town has two National Parks. There is Canyonlands National Park also Arches National Park. Now Canyonlands is a small version of the Grand Canyon, then you go down the road toward town and you see Arches National Park. This park is totally different. There are many sizes of arches carved by the winds. They are like a sand stone. When you go through the entering the park it is amazing. The land formations and seeing these arches, there are so many. We also went to Salt Lake, Utah, Mt. Rushmore, and Custer National Park. This, too, was one of my favorites. The mountain elevation wasn’t that high so you had plenty of vegetation growing. The animals run free. You see buffalo, wild donkeys, deer, and antelope. Then we saw the Grand Tetons, Yellowstone, and finally, the Bad Lands in South Dakota. This is also a very cool stop. As you’re driving across the open plains, you see prairie dogs

popping out of their holes. All of a sudden you come to this parking lot and it looks like you came to the end of the earth. You walk over to a ledge and you can see miles and miles of bare rocks and carved canyons that look like sand stone but it’s really lava rock. It looks like it’s never ending. When you drive through these canyons, you can stop and climb on these rocks. But as you’re climbing, it may be a short drop, but then you go around a corner and it is hundreds of feet straight down. Then too, there are many colors in the rocks. It is an awesome place to visit. You know, one time I someone asking Jack why we never did anything alone, just me and Jack. His answer was, “She is boring. I wouldn’t do anything with just her.” That really hurt. I also he never would walk with me, hold my hand, or any of that. He was always walking ahead of me. This bothered me also, but I said nothing.

Chapter Ten Life is Changing

O NE OF OUR friend’s daughters would come to visit. We would play cards or just sit and talk. She was having troubles in her life and enjoyed coming to visit us. Jack was always ready to entertain our female friends. When we went on vacations, he would have the camera and take pictures of female strangers’ rear ends. I still never thought anything about this. Then all of a sudden, this female friend of ours stopped coming over. And then one day I ran into her at the store. She told me that she felt uncomfortable around Jack, the way he flirted, and the comments he would make. I told her he was harmless and that was just the way he was. Another female friend of ours started to come and spend time with us. She spent more time in the summer because she liked the pool. A few years earlier, we had the same female friend come over to our house that we sold. Jack did a lot of flirting with her. But she was a bit younger than us. She would even watch the kids once in a while. She used to really enjoy Jack flirting with her. One day I told him he should stop because she was too young and she could get hurt. Well, I think he stopped. At least she didn’t come around as much anymore, until we got our new house. He then decided to quit Humphrey Products and get his own business. This was at the end of 1999. He rented this large building that had an antique mall in it to begin with. He felt he would like to have a business of his own like that. This mall would have other people pay for a space to display and sell their antiques. He also started to take our antiques and sell them at his mall. Naive as I was, I just thought he was starting a business and this was a way to start. It was really quite a nice feeling. We had a new home, my daycare business was doing well, and he had a new start with his own business. Things were going along great, at least which is what I thought. Then one night Jack was working out in the back garage, and I went out to see what he was doing. Out of nowhere, he said to me that he didn’t think Joe was his son. WOW! Where did this come from? I fought back and said he was. He insisted he wasn’t and that there was no way I could convince him otherwise. Now I was so angry and hurt. For the first time in my married life, I wanted out. I got into our car and sped off. I didn’t know where I

was going but I had to get away. I drove down the road crying and didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to go to my brother’s and cry on his shoulder, and my mother didn’t live here anymore. I sure wasn’t going to go to his family. What could I do? God, it hurt so badly for him to deny his own son! So what else could I do but turn around and go back. So I went back home, then straight to our room and cried myself to sleep. The only way I could prove that Joe was his was to pay for a DNA test. But why should I have to do this? I knew who Joe’s father was. Lynn told me later that she was so scared. She thought I was going to leave for good and she didn’t know how she would choose who to live with. Then there was the night he got into a huge fight with Joe. I was taking a shower and heard a bunch of screaming going on. So I got out of the shower and came into the dining area to find Joe had his dad in a headlock. As I understand it, Jack took a swing at Joe. So Joe ducked and then put Jack in the headlock. Joe looked at me and said he would let go if his dad stopped. So Jack stopped. Joe let go, and Jack proceeded to tell Joe that the next time he wouldn’t give him another chance. He said he would throw his ass through the front windows, and he was to leave the house now. Before Joe left, he told me that he was afraid that his dad was going to have a heart attack if he continued to get that worked up. And then he left. Wow, I didn’t sleep for days. My first born was gone and my husband was being an ass. Joe said he wouldn’t come back as long as his dad was there. Again hurt, heartbreak, and confusion. How could Jack do that to his son? Why was he acting like he was? Joe left and went to live with a friend and his family. Joe did end up coming back home to live. I think it wasn’t for a couple of months though. Jack began staying late at the mall. I thought he was setting things up and making business connections. I was so happy he seemed to find his nitch. Next thing, he decided to stay in the spare bedroom, saying he didn’t want to disturb me when he came in late at night. I just never thought anything about it. One day, a very close friend of mine said she felt something was going on. I still didn’t see it. She said he has taken anything of value out of our home, he is sleeping in a different room, and he isn’t spending much time with us, his family. I justified it all, saying he had to get the mall started and make some money so he could do that. So selling our antiques was a part of that, and he didn’t want to wake me when he came in at night. I had to get up early in the morning to watch my daycare kids, and staying late was all a part of starting a new business. His birthday came and I got him a mag flashlight. He said he wished I hadn’t done that. Again, I thought he didn’t want me to spend the money.

Then one day, he announced he was going to move his mall to Allegan. The people that owned the first mall were going to sell the building. So Jack found a place right in the middle of town in Allegan. I helped him move. So did his brother, Troy and his family, and one of the women that rented the spaces in the mall. She was one of the venders that was willing to move her things to the new place. Now it’s the start of summer. We opened the pool. I used to keep it all clean each day. One day I was out cleaning it, and Jack’s brother and sister- in- law had come to visit for the weekend. His brother came out to the pool area and was talking to me when all of a sudden he said to me, “How long are you going to take this?” I never caught on to what he was talking about. I thought because Jack was always short tempered with me and would say mean things that was what he was talking about. Turns out, he knew what Jack was doing and it was his way of trying to help me. But he never told me exactly what he meant. So my life goes on. It is the summer of 1999. I’m in my blind world knowing nothing. After all, we have been married for 28 years. Even as I write this and reread it, our life seemed good. I figured the bumps we had were a natural part of a relationship. Reflecting on these years, we have seen most of the United States, had great vacations, and my children got to see more than most kids. He was a great dad when they were young, doing things with them and for them. It wasn’t until Joe became a teenager that he started to get really tough on him. I think he thought he should act like an adult, not a kid, but he was still a kid. Lynn was still Daddy’s little girl, and she could do no wrong. It is August, 2000. The daycare was done for the day. Jack was still at the mall, so I decided I would barbeque something on our grill. But the burner was broken, so I decided to go get the part we needed. Jack came home and I asked him if he could please put the part on. He did and then went back into the house. He was taking a couple of clocks and putting them in his truck. I had this really strange feeling. I didn’t know for sure, but something wasn’t right. I said to him I would have dinner ready soon. He said he wasn’t staying. So having this sick feeling in my stomach, I looked him in the eyes and said, “You’re calling it quits, aren’t you?” He looked at me, said yes, and walked out the door. WOW! My life just came crashing down. What happened? What did I do, and what was he doing? I have never hurt as bad as I did at that moment. I cried, and cried, and cried. Then I called my mom and two of my friends. One of them came over and tried to help me. But there really wasn’t anything she could do,

just help me stay alive. I had to get through all this. I had to think what was I going to do? I didn’t want any of my parents to think anything was wrong, so I lived each day as if nothing was wrong. I had one of my parent’s husband change all my locks. But still, what was going to happen next? I didn’t want to lose my home or my business, but I didn’t know how I could keep them. As the days went on, my hurt became anger. I started making plans. By now I had told all my friends and parents what he had done. I found out he had been sleeping with this other women who had rented a booth from him at his mall. When he finally confessed to me about the affair, he actually had tears in his eyes. Wow! Things started coming out. Friends told me he was making es at them, that he had a short affair with a girl at Humphreys. It started being very clear to me. Here he never trusted me and accused me of being with other men, yet he was the one cheating. He was trying to have me do things that were not natural because he had no respect for me and needed ammo to justify him doing what he was doing. In twenty eight years of marriage, never would I have thought we were over. Then came the day, there was a knock at my door. This man was standing there and as I opened my door, he handed me this piece of paper. It was divorce papers. Jack had filed for a divorce. So the next day I started to get his things packed for him to take. I let him have most of what he wanted. I went to the bank, opened an in my name only, and closed our t . We never had a saving and pretty much lived paycheck to paycheck, so that wasn’t much money. And I felt that what was in the was what I budgeted each week for the bills that would come due. Then one day in early September, actually the day before school was to start, I let him come over to fix our daughter’s car. She was having problems with it and needed it for school. Having him out back in the barn was hard. My heart ached so badly and I was still in shock. He finished working on her car and I went out to the barn to discuss something with him, when he started an argument with me. So I turned around and went back toward the house. He was following me and screaming at me. I told him to leave me alone, but he just kept on. I was screaming, he was screaming, and he wouldn’t let me go in the house. Then all of a sudden I turned to look at him. He was sticking his finger in my face, still screaming, and said he was going to move his girlfriend into our house. Without thinking in that instant, I pulled up my hand and slapped him in the face. Then I went running in the house crying. He followed me in the house, picked up the

phone, and called the police. Then he went out to the front porch, and Joe and Lynn were standing out there talking with him. The police pulled in and started to talk to Jack. After the officer finished talking to him, he came in and asked me my side of the story. So I told him what had happened, that he was sticking his finger in my face and telling me he was moving his girlfriend into our home. So I said I slapped him. Right at that time the officer’s face dropped and he said to me, “I’m sorry I have to take you in.” I said in great surprise “For slapping him?” His reply was, “You shouldn’t have hit him.” And really at that time, all I could think about was that is what I tell my kids all the time. So he has me put my hands behind my back, he puts handcuffs on me, and then puts me in the back of his car. I didn’t know what I was going to do. School started the next day and I always had everything ready for the first day of riding the bus. Let alone, who was going to watch my childcare, or at least call my parents and say why I couldn’t be there for them. I had no control. I couldn’t even call anyone from where I was going. We arrive at the jail, the officer leads me inside, and I am terrified. He takes me in this small cell across from a computer, instead of putting me in a holding cell that held other people and was filthy. He sits me down in a very small cell, but doesn’t close the door, and he begins to ask me all kinds of questions. All the while he was typing my answers on a computer. When he looked up at me and said, “You haven’t even ever had a traffic ticket.” I said no. He proceeds to ask me more questions when another officer walks by and starts to close my cell door. My officer tells him to leave it open. After he gets done with his paperwork, he leads me down the hall to another cell. This was a very large cell; I’m thinking it was to hold a lot more people than just me. But I was alone. It had a solid door and wall where he took me in. Then across the room was a wall of bars and a hall on the other side of them. The toilet was in the open except for a block wall part way up, so anyone could see you use it. Then there was a table with benches on each side and bunks against the wall with a thin pad to sleep on. I was so scared, I had a really bad migraine come on, but they said I couldn’t have anything but a Tylenol for it. I needed to go to the bathroom, but a male guard would walk past my cell about every five minutes. No way was I going to go with that happening. So I didn’t drink anything, for fear I wouldn’t be able to hold it. They gave me my phone call, so I called my divorce attorney. She called a criminal defense attorney and told me to plead not guilty. It was a long night as I listened to others crying. I had nothing to eat or drink, didn’t go to the bathroom at all, and I had a terrible headache. But I made it

through the night. As I think back, I believe they put me on suicide watch, which is why the guard went by my cell so much. Then the guard comes and takes me and a few other women out to a van, so they could drive us to the courthouse in town. That was an interesting ride also. I’m in this van with four or five black females, when one asked me what I was there for. When I told them the story, one of them said, “He did what?” That pansy ass called the cops because you slapped him? I would have done much more than slap him. But first off, I’m not a violent person, and secondly, if I did more I may have lost my business. I watched other people’s children and a domestic charge against me could shut me down. That is why I hired a criminal defense attorney. That cost me dearly, but thanks to my mother, I was able to do that. When we got to the courthouse, they put us in a holding cell in the lower level of the building. It was horrible, filthy with urine and fecal matter, and stunk so bad. I never want to go through anything like that again. I’m sure Jack never thought I would fight it, let alone stand up to all that he put me through. I should mention that Jack never pressed charges, but with domestic abuse cases, the prosecutor’s office charges if the plaintiff doesn’t. The other part of this story was. What was I going to do about the daycare? As it turned out, Lynn was furious that the cops left Jack there alone with Joe and her. She said she was afraid that Joe might kill her dad because he was so angry. Instead, Joe ordered his dad off the property. Then he called one of my friends and asked if she could open the daycare the next morning and get the kids on the bus. Then he asked if one of my neighbors could come and help, as he and Lynn had to go to school also. My friend came to the jail the next afternoon to pick me up and take me home. They had it all under control. I was so proud of them. The bus driver wondered where I was and was worried. I guess it was a bit chaotic, but it all worked out. Now my defense attorney started to gather information on the incident. He was calling several of my friends and asking what kind of person I was. One of my friends said this was all crazy. I wasn’t a violent person at all and that I wouldn’t even let a mouse drown in our pool. Time es and I am trying to live a normal life, not knowing what is going to happen for sure. Will I be able to keep my home? If Jack doesn’t get it, will I be able financially to keep it? I was waiting to go to court on the domestic violence charge and Jack was fighting for everything in the divorce. He had put a price on

everything we owned from things that were gifts to me to even our used paint that we stored in the basement for future use. As for the paint, I set it out for him to pick up and said he could have it. I didn’t want it. We had to go to a meeting in Allegan about how we were to act with the kids. We had to go to Allegan because he filed for divorce in Allegan. He threatened me and I was always watching my back. I had told friends of mine that if I had an accident and was killed, to make the authorities check it out. Jack was sneaky and I knew how he thought. He would make it look like an accident. One night after a threatening phone call, I had all my neighbors on all sides of me watching for him. One of them wasn’t thinking, walked around my house, and then came to my front door. I screamed so loud I think the whole village heard me. She had to calm me down. Nothing happened, but I’m sure if Jack knew how scared I was, he would think he won. Then there was the night Lynn and Joe decided to sleep out in the front yard in our tent. I’m not sure why the front, but that is where they put it. Well, one of Joe’s friends thought it would be funny if he let off fire crackers at the tent. My heart stopped I’m sure. I thought someone was out front shooting a gun. I got so mad at this friend for scaring me like that. It was late afternoon one August day. My childcare was still open when the phone rang. It was a call every mother hopes not to get, let alone me. I was already a nervous wreck. It was Joe, The first thing he said was, “Mom, I’m okay.” I could hear crying in the background and he proceeded to tell me he and his friends had an accident. He was using some person’s phone that stopped to see if she could help. The ambulance was on its way. So I say, “If everyone is okay, then why is the ambulance coming?” Before he could answer me, he said he had to go and the phone went dead. Right away I called my brother, told him what happened and that I needed him. He came right over. I told him I wasn’t sure where they were, but had a general direction. My daycare was still going so I couldn’t go with him to find them. Then I ed Joe used someone else’s phone. So I hit redial and this woman answered the phone. I told her who I was and asked where the accident was? She told me. Then I called my brother’s phone. I was still talking to this woman and she proceeded to tell me what a fantastic son I had and that he had done everything right in this situation. She was a nurse, but she let him handle it all. She said I should be proud. Then I got a call back from my brother, saying he had found the spot. The tow truck was there, but everyone else was gone. The tow truck driver said to my brother that it was a wonder no one was killed. You see they had rolled the car. It had landed

between two trees, and was on its roof in a swamp. Joe had kicked out the back window to get everyone out and up to the road to safety. My heart just sank and I was shaking so badly. I almost lost my son. The Lord really was watching over us. Then Jack talked Joe into having the car towed to our house so Joe could get parts off it to sell. That never happened. Joe didn’t know that much about cars. He was a teenager and he wasn’t going to put too much work into it. But it did get a lot of people coming over to see the car and telling their teenagers how lucky they were, and how easy it is to have something like this happen to them. Back earlier in the story, I told you having two dogs, one Shepherd, and one Dalmatian. They were kept in our back yard in a pen. Well, shortly after Jack left, our Shepherd started having seizures. I took him to the vet, and they put him on some medicine to help control the seizures. A few months went by and he kept having them. Then one day he wouldn’t come out of one. I called the vet and she came here, but said we should put him down. She loaded him in her truck and took care of what needed to be done. That was a very sad day not only for me, but also for our other dog. She just lay in her pen and cried. I never saw anything like that. It was because of her barking that originally got me out to the pens to see what was going on. I wondered if Jack put something out there for the Shepherd to make him sick, but the vet said it was common for Shepherds at that age to have seizures. Without running tests that I didn’t have the money for, we would never know. At that point I brought Tinker in the house to live. She belonged there anyway. She became quite the watch dog and she loved the kids. I had always felt guilty about leaving her outdoors and since Jack didn’t live here anymore, it was my decision to make. Now it is October 31. I got a phone call saying the prosecutor’s office would drop the charges. But I had to keep out of trouble for one year and never do anything like that again. Then they would take it off my record for good. That was no problem, since I had never done anything like that before. So Halloween night I had reason to celebrate. We were still not divorced yet. That was another battle and Jack was still fighting everything. So come November I decided to go to Florida for Thanksgiving. April and her husband were going and they were going to have a small burial service for my grandmother. This was my dad’s mom. You see, she had taken ill in late February of 2000 and ed on March 3, 2000. My dad couldn’t stay in town

any longer to take care of the final business. She had wished to be cremated and that took a few extra days. So he asked if I could pick up her ashes and send them on to Florida. There wasn’t anyone except her one son who lived in the Kalamazoo area and my father had made arrangements to bury her ashes in a small garden at his church. He and his sister lived in Florida. With everything that happened with the death of Grandma, my father and his sister were on the outs with their other brother. So I picked up the ashes packaged them, and shipped them through the mail to Florida. I don’t know if that was legal or not, but I didn’t ask. I just boxed them up and when they asked if I had anything hazardous, I said no. It was during this time of Grandma’s illness that we noticed my dad’s hand kept shaking. He would try to hold it and make it stop. He couldn’t, so we convinced him when he got back home to have it checked out. He did and found he had Parkinson’s disease. This was very sad news for my father. You see, he had another sister who lived in Chicago who ed from the disease. Then in April of 2001, it was prom time and Gull Lake High School did a mock accident to show the kids the dangers of partying on prom night. Joe was asked to participate in this mock accident. He was to be the teen that was killed. They had a wrecked car and a real helicopter plus fire and police officers playing their roles. There were a few other kids that were involved also. Then they had the rest of the senior class watch this act. Well, I think I forgot to mention that it was a girlfriend of Joe’s that was driving his car that day they had their accident. It was she who had lost control in loose gravel and rolled Joe’s car. So as I heard it, when she saw Joe lying on the ground pretending to be dead, she freaked out and got a bit hysterically. The thought about what could have happened to them was too much. Now it’s June 2001 and Joe is graduating. We had a nice open house to celebrate him making it through high school. My dad, Linda, and my mom came to town, all from Florida, to be a part of his special day. There were many friends and daycare parents, past and present, to help us celebrate. I really wasn’t sure he would make it. He was a half credit behind what was required to be able to graduate with his class. But he took a class from Delton Kellogg High School to get that credit. It was really stupid that he had to go to another school to achieve this. You see, Gull Lake said since he was working a co-op credit, he couldn’t use that time frame to go to the school and get the credit. He worked in the evenings and not during school hours, so it didn’t make sense then, and it still doesn’t make sense to me now. But he did it and it ended all right.

Also during this summer, a bunch of us daycare parents and Troy’s family decided to go to Muskegon and go tubing down the river. We all rented tubes and we had a large one to hold our supplies like lunch and sun screen. I’m not sure how many of us were there, but there were quite a few. This is just a small part of the things I did during this first year of Jack being gone. In the first part of August, one of my friends, Lynn, one of her friends, and I decided to go to Cedar Point for the weekend. We had a great time during this weekend adventure. My friend and I decided to go out for dinner and the girls did whatever they wanted to do. Well, on our way back to the motel, I asked my friend if she wanted to play a joke on the girls. She said sure, although she didn’t know what I was going to do. We were at our room door and I pretended to be drunk. First, I fumbled with the key in the lock and then when I got the door open, I stumbled in, hung on Lynn, and slurred my words. I kept this act up for the rest of the night. My friend and I decided to go down to the hot tub and I stumbled all the way there. I was loud and laughing a lot. When we got to the hot tub, I got a bottle of Richard’s Hard Cider and still acted silly. I had seen that Lynn and her friend were behind the bushes watching us, so I continued the act. I guess I was so convincing, my friend started to think I had been drinking. To this day Lynn swears I was really drunk and it wasn’t an act. I guess I’m pretty good. It’s almost a year since Jack placed a value on everything. We still owned a piece of property across the street from our house. I agreed to let him have the property, which we owed nothing on, and I would keep the house. That meant I would have to finance the house in my name. Because I couldn’t show that much of an income with just my business, my mother came to my rescue again. She cosigned the loan. Everything else was split fifty-fifty. Now I never did have him take an inventory of his store or try to get any part of his business. By that time we seemed to be making headway on the divorce and I decided it wasn’t worth the fight to go for that. I just wanted it over. So On August 29, 2001, it was final. And on September 11, 2001, as the World Trade Center buildings were being destroyed by aircraft and everything came to a halt, he was in Las Vegas getting married to the woman he was having the affair with. You know, during this year and the time it took to get the divorce, I went through so many emotions. You would have thought that I had cheated and asked for the divorce with how angry Jack was, and all the things he did or tried to do to me. My eyes really opened up. Then all I could think about was how blind I had been for twenty eight years.

I changed; I was no longer that scared, naive person I used to be. Now starts a new chapter in my life.

Chapter Eleven A New Me

I T IS AUGUST 30, 2001. I am single again for the first time in twenty eight years. But also, I am on my own, with no one but myself to tell me what I can do or can’t do. Joe is still living at home. Lynn is still home and working hard in school. They have many friends that stop by and hang out. Lynn gets involved with a youth group in one of the churches here in Richland. For a short time, I let one of Lynn’s friends move in. She was having problems with her parents. So she moves in with us; and her parents give me a little money to help pay for her room and board. Actually, Joe was going steady with this girl’s sister at the time. I didn’t mind all the teens hanging out here, because it kept me from being too nervous about being alone. In October of 2001, the house needed to be reroofed. So I called a bunch of my friends, Troy’s family, and Richard to help do the job. That way it didn’t cost me as much. I know I could have hired someone to do it, but money was a bit tight at the time. It was kind of funny at the time. It seemed whenever something needed to be repaired like the car, the pool, the hot water heater, I could call on one of my parents from my daycare and get them to help out. It was such a blessing. I started saying that I accepted families based on what their job titles were. At this time I had a car mechanic, someone that had an in-ground pool, a plumber, and a snow plowing dad. How blessed was I at this time of my life. These parents looked out for me and best of all, they became my friends. I increased the number of kids I accepted. Also I accepted infants, because Jack wasn’t there to tell me I couldn’t. I had to hire help because my numbers were up. But I also had to make more money so I could continue to pay all my bills that I was now responsible for. Now it is 2002 and Lynn is a senior in high school. For the last two years, she had been taking college classes at KVCC in law enforcement. This was a high school credited program for a job that she might be interested in after high school, but it also gave her college credits that we didn’t have to pay for. She did

really well in those classes. What she said at the time was she wanted to be a criminal defense attorney. But the more time she studied law enforcement and did on-the-job training, the more interested she became in police work. She asked me one day, would I be upset if she changed her mind and went into being a cop? I told her at the time I would worry more for her safety, but no matter what she decided to do with her future, I would her. She graduated with a good grade point average plus some college credits. My dad, mom, and my niece came from Florida to see her graduate. They flew into Detroit. Instead of renting a car, my dad made arrangements for a limo to drive them here and surprise Lynn with a ride around town. Then we had an open house to celebrate her achievements. The Fourth of July came and a friend and I went to the Battle Creek Balloon Fest. They had an air show fireworks, and we stayed to watch the balloon glow. That is when they fill the balloons with air and as they do, they glow, because it is a flame that fills the balloon with gas. It was so beautiful. Then July 22, 2002, I took my first cruise. Lynn and her boyfriend at the time ed us. You see, it was like a family reunion cruise. Only half of us went, but it was a really special time. There was my mom, dad, Linda, Derick, Bree and their girls, Richard and his family, and us. It was only a four day cruise but it was my first. The ship was so cool and the crew did everything for you. All the food you could eat and drinks were all part of the cost. Joe couldn’t us because he had to work. The most memorable part to this was, at midnight they had an all-you-can eat buffet. My dad, brothers, and I would all go, and then stay up till the wee hours of the night. We would just sit and talk. I mean really talk. It was so nice to have that special time with my dad and brothers. I will always treasure those nights. It was also the first time I had seen a Broadway show. It was so cool. The dancers were all decked out in glittery outfits. The dances were fantastic, the jumping, twirling, and spinning. They were so flexible. After the cruise was over we stayed in Florida with the family. We had gotten rooms at the beach. Richard had one for his family, Lynn and her friend stayed at my mom’s house, and my mom and I got our own room at the beach also. It was the first time I had taken a vacation without my husband, now ex. A year later in July we had booked another cruise. This time Joe and his girlfriend at the time were going. We had our flights booked. Then a week before we were to go, we were told the cruise was canceled. As it turned out, the

voyage before ours had come into port and the ship had an explosion. Fortunately, no one was hurt. The ship was the last of its kind. It ran on steam and a boiler had blown. So that ended its cruising days forever. We couldn’t make any more reservations for a later date and everything was booked for the week we planned on going. So we took a cash-back offer and still stayed in Florida for our vacation. After we got back home I had to replace my pool liner. There was another expense I had to handle. This was all a part of owning my own home. I found some guys that did things on the side. So I hired them because they were going to save me a lot of money and I really needed that. I was managing things really well. Never in a million years did I think I could do this all alone. But with my mother’s help and most of all, the Lord’s help, I was doing it. I am sure Jack never thought I could handle it either. I think most of what happened in the beginning was what he planned. Let’s look back; it has been two years since Jack left. I had to hire a divorce attorney. Then because of an argument, I went to jail for twenty four hours. Then I had to hire a criminal defense attorney, so I wouldn’t lose my daycare license due to a domestic abuse charge. I had to put a new roof on the house and I had to get a new pool liner for the pool. These are some of the expenses I had to take care of. But on the plus side, I went on a few vacations, one being a cruise, and started to have parties for my childcare. Halloween, Christmas, and several pool parties with the kids and their parents. I also started taking in infants which is something Jack would never let me do. I expanded my childcare numbers so I could meet the extra expenses. I was really happy for the first time in years. The migraines I used to have stopped and I no longer had dizzy spells. I never felt I was stressed in the years before Jack left but I must have been, and this was the way my body was telling me. I didn’t like being alone, but being alone was really the best thing to happen to me. I grew up, faced my fears, and became a much different person than what I was before. I hadn’t dated anyone since Jack left. But I also wasn’t sure how I would meet anyone. I didn’t attend church. Besides, I didn’t feel it was right to go there to find someone. Now that’s not saying I wasn’t a Christian, I was and still am. I just didn’t go to church. I wasn’t about to go to the bars to find someone. That wasn’t the type of person I wanted to have. I wasn’t going to do the dating stuff on the computer, because I didn’t trust people enough to do that.

I wasn’t that loose young girl like I was in my earlier years. I used to tell people the only way I was going to find someone was through a friend.

Chapter Twelve The Confident Woman

I T IS 2003. At this point I still hadn’t dated anyone yet. Then one day, the husband of a friend of mine that had ed away, stopped by for a visit. We went out to dinner, but that was all. He was in town and just decided to stop by and say hi. Then there was the time some daycare parents who were also friends of mine decided to line me up with someone. We went out to dinner and then went back to these friends’ house to play some cards. It was really a nice evening. The gentleman gave me a ride back home, we said our good byes at the door, and I never heard any more. I’m sure he felt my uncomfortableness. Or he was the type of man that expected more than a good bye at the door. Either way, it wasn’t meant to be. Really, I think I had forgotten how to date. I was scared of getting some type of disease and wasn’t sure how to approach the subject of protection. After all, it had been 31 years since I had last dated. At this time, Joe no longer lived at home and Lynn had moved into the basement with her boyfriend. So I was really pretty much alone. But I was okay with that. I often thought how nice it would be to go to dinner and a movie with the opposite sex and maybe even have some cuddle time. But my life was pretty complete. I owned my own house, I had my own business, and my kids were no longer little, so I didn’t have to call in help if I did want to go out. Also, I had my dog Tinker to protect me if I needed protecting. My daycare had grown. I had twelve kids and Lynn became my helper. I was managing all the bills myself and things were going really well. The divorce papers said that Jack got to have the kids every other weekend. I didn’t keep them from seeing him at any time. They did have their driver’s license and their own transportation to go see him. They chose not to go see him at any set time. Joe got a job at Hardings in Richland. Actually, that was his co-ed job he got when he was still in school for class credit. Then when Lynn turned 16, she got a job at Hardings also. Our kids had turned out to be pretty responsible people. Months , and I’m going on with my new life, when one day a friend of mine (past parent) had invited me out to her place for dinner. Joe went with me, since

he was going to set up hunting blinds so he could hunt deer there. It was in October, so it was a bit chilly, but the sun was shining and it was a pretty nice day. Dinner time had come, and they had a couple other guests that were there helping her husband. We all sat down at the table and her husband’s brother, Jim sat next to me. He kept looking at me or should I say staring at me. He had the bluest eyes, and was looking at me with awe in his eyes. He never really said anything, but he just had that look, with his baby blue eyes. I was really flattered. We did end up talking and he asked me if I had a computer and an email . I said yes, and gave him my e-mail address. He said he would chat with me that way. Well, I went home that night really excited. I had met a man that made me feel wanted with the way he looked at me. So days and nights ed and I never heard anything from him. So I figured he wasn’t interested. Joe said to me one day that he could see good things happening with me and Jim. I laughed and said I didn’t think so. He hadn’t even got back with me after the first Je we met. Then I decided to invite my friends and Jim here for a dinner. I believe it was the end of November. They came to dinner and we played a game of Sequence. Tim told me he had some kind of eye infection and it hurt to read. That is why he didn’t chat with me on the computer. After that evening, we began chatting on the computer. It was New Year’s Eve. He called me and asked me out. I told him no. I didn’t like going anywhere on New Year’s Eve. I didn’t like risking being out with the drunks. So we planned a date for the next day. He was going to take me to dinner and a movie. Another friend of mine gave me a couple of coupons, one for a restaurant and one for the movies. So it ended up being rather inexpensive. He came to get me, but he had his brothers’ truck, so he asked me if we could take my car. He was so cool. He opened my car door and then as he is driving, he held my hand. Really, men just don’t do that anymore. I was impressed. First we went to the movie. It was a comedy and the coupon was buy one, get one free. After the movie, we went to dinner. We had some really nice conversation and learned a bit more about each other. He had two children, a boy and a girl, was divorced, and had been for about as long as I had been. He had a job, but worked four, ten hour days, so he had a three-day weekend. We got back to my house and he came in for a bit. We talked some more and then it was time for him to go home. He lightly kissed me at the door and we said our good byes. Then I called one of my friends and told her what the night was like. How he opened my car door every time, how he held my hand, just talked, and didn’t expect anything else out of me. He was really a gentleman.

The next weekend he asked if he could come over. It would be a Friday evening, as he didn’t have to work Fridays. I prepared dinner, a chicken and rice dish, with broccoli and we stayed home and watched television. He went home that night and came back the next day. This went on for a few weeks. Then one evening we made love. I was really nervous but wanted to so bad. Again, he took it so slow. I didn’t feel I had anything to fear. This began a whole new chapter in my life. One Friday night I said he could stay the night if he wanted. He accepted. He would come sometime Friday afternoon and stay till Sunday afternoon. It just didn’t make sense that he went home each Friday night and return on Saturday. I was falling in love with those baby blues. He didn’t seem to mind the kids I sat for and he would help me on the weekends to do whatever chores I had to do, so we had more quality time together. He had custody of his kids every other weekend, so we would meet his ex on the north end of Grand Rapids to pick them up on Friday night, and then meet her again at the same place on Sunday afternoon to drop them off. Lynn still lived in the basement. She wasn’t too thrilled about my house guest, but she didn’t say much to me. One weekend I was going to go on a girls’ weekend with a friend of mine, Betty. This is the same friend that went with me to Cedar Point. We decided we needed to take at least one weekend a year and do something different, just us girls. I asked Tim if he cared if I did this. He said it was no problem and to have a good time. He was picking up his kids that weekend and they could have some quality time also. The weekend came and we went to Detroit. What an experience. The motel Betty reserved was in a shady part of town. The last time she had been to Detroit it was a nice place, and the blocks surrounding this area used to have all kinds of gift shops and lots of different kind of restaurants. We decided to stay even if we weren’t real comfortable. That night as we were in our room, we started hearing someone screaming and then gun shots rang out. We didn’t dare open our door for fear they might be right out in the hallway. So like the brave ladies we were, we stayed close to the floor and didn’t get much sleep. The next morning we had breakfast and went exploring the area. Turns out, the area was one giant casino, I think for three blocks. We spent the day exploring the casino. She had given me a few dollars to try in the slots. I wouldn’t spend my own money for that. I really am not much for that kind of thing. It didn’t take me long and her money was gone. That’s why it’s not for me. If I didn’t have money to throw away, then stay

away. This was a Sunday so we called it a day and headed back home. On the way, we stopped at a couple of antique malls. When I got home, I found out Lynn had gone through the roof at Jim’s kids. You see, they were sleeping in the room above hers, and when they got up, they decided to play video games on the television I had in that room. They weren’t very quiet. They woke up Lynn and she came up and let them have it. One night in May, we went to play cards with Jim’s brother and sister-in-law. On a spur of the moment, I looked at Jim and asked him to marry me. He right away said yes. Then to top it off, we planned on a July 17 wedding. Okay, okay, I know if you look back, we only met in October of 2003 and I decided to marry him not even a year later. During this time, he had asked me several times, but I said I wasn’t ready. So he quit asking. I was planning on going down to Florida to visit my family in June and Jim asked if he could me. He had never flown and had never been to Florida, but he wanted to meet my family. He was like a kid on the plane. He was taking all kinds of pictures of the clouds from the window of the plane. Here it is June 2004, and we went to Florida together. This too was a very good time, maybe a little hot, but that’s Florida in the summer. One of my best memories was when I planned on us taking a day cruise so I could see if Jim would like cruising. I had fallen in love with cruising and planned on taking more. We walked all over the ship and enjoyed a great lunch. We were in a dining room and a band was playing. So we listened for a while and then Jim asked me to dance. He was singing to the song the band was playing. So we’re dancing, and all of a sudden I look around and no one else was dancing. They were all standing in a circle around us, watching. Here he was singing to me, the band had quit, we were still dancing, and he was looking right into my eyes. WOW! What a feeling, so romantic. The cruise was so wonderful. Tim made me feel so good I wanted more of that. Back up a little bit. You’re thinking not even a year has ed and I asked him to marry me. Well, this is what I saw. He didn’t mind moving into my house, so I didn’t have to change jobs, let alone give up my house. He was very helpful around the house, helped me do the lawn and even some indoor cleaning. He had a job. He didn’t smoke or drink much, and didn’t care if I was heavy, unless it affected my health. All these things were completely different from my last husband. Even him having two children didn’t bother me. My life was all about taking care of kids. He had asked me one day if I was I sure about having someone else’s children since a lot of times, that doesn’t work out. But I

was sure I could handle it. Then there was the fact that he was seven years younger than me. My comeback for that was, and then maybe he could keep up with me. Now starts the wedding plans. It is the end of June and the wedding is the 17th of July. For some reason, I felt the need to have a large wedding in my back yard. As I look back, that was kind of silly. Anyway, we had to find a minister who would perform the wedding in my back yard. Then there was doing the invitations and how many to invite for the wedding itself, then who to invite for the reception. We asked Jim’s brother and sister-in-law to do the food catering. Finally, we had to go clothes shopping for a dress for me and Jorden, and Jim and Bill had to have suits. We had invited most of Jim’s family, also mine. For the first time in years, all my family was coming from Florida. It is the day of the wedding; everything is going great as planned. Jim thought he’d be funny, and said he was going to wear his bib overalls. Of course I forbid that. I was happier than I had been in a long time. We were planning on taking a cruise for our honeymoon, but as it turned out, we really couldn’t afford to do that. It would have to wait for a while. So we just stayed home and lived our life as normal. I went back to my daycare, and Tim went back to working his job. His job was an hour’s drive from home. The nice thing was he didn’t have to work Fridays. He was still working four, ten hour days. He also was working a day shift, so he was getting up around three am. For a while I would get up with him, so I could make his lunch. He would leave and I tried to go back to sleep for an hour or so, before I had to open up my daycare. He would go to bed before dark, because he felt he had to have at least eight hours of sleep. Then after a couple of months of me getting up to make his lunch, I had to say I couldn’t do it anymore. I was feeling totally drained. Time es and we are picking up his kids every other weekend. Some of the times we have to drive all the way to their mom’s house to get them. More times than not, she had difficulty with transportation to meet us in Grand Rapids. Jim was not going to let that keep him from seeing his kids. On the weekends that we had to drive all the way to their house, it made it a shorter visit. But he wasn’t about to give up his time. So we’re doing okay and getting the kids every other weekend. My job is going great and Jim works hard. We started to keep a record of the things we noticed about the kids’ living conditions and how often she couldn’t meet us for visitations. Jim was thinking he wanted to get them out of the situation and I was fine with that. After all, what could be wrong with having his two children living with us full time? My kids were gone. Lynn had moved out shortly after Jim

moved in, and as I said before, kids were my life. This first year of marriage was good. We took the kids to Binder Park Zoo with Joe and his new love. Then we went up north camping for a weekend with Jim’s brother and sister-in-law, and it was the start of going to the Hillsdale Fair every fall. Jim always went to the fair. When he was younger he was in 4-H, plus his family showed livestock and sold them. The one thing that was different was that Jim wasn’t helping much around the house any more. Seems he would go to work and when he got home, he disappeared down to the basement to play video games. I started to call it the dungeon. I thought okay, he was tired from working the hours he worked and needed down time. Plus I still had kids till 6:00pm. After the daycare closed, we ate dinner, visited for a very short time, and then he would go to bed around 7:00pm. The weekend would come and he didn’t seem to want to do much or would take short cuts in projects. He had this attitude that it would be alright. I wasn’t used to that. My ex had a project going all the time and it had to be perfect when it was done. Now I realized that the thing I loved most about Jim was he was opposite of my ex. But I had gotten accustomed to keeping things nice, and done right the first time. This did bother me. The biggest thing I noticed was that he helped out his brother and their neighbors whenever they needed it. He seemed to be a handy man, but in reality, he was a follower. If I was doing a project with him, then he would work just fine except for the short cuts and the “it will be alright” attitude he had. Then there were the other differences we seemed to have. He liked the weather cooler, but the pool was never warm enough. He liked rock music and I didn’t, but that was probably because of our age differences. He liked a firm bed, I liked a soft bed. He didn’t like his sheets tucked in, I had to have them tucked in. He liked a warm bed and I had to have it cooler. I could go on more but I think you get the point. Then for me, I had changed since my divorce. I was not a quiet little mouse anymore. I knew how I wanted things and I wasn’t afraid to say so. After being married for twenty eight years, some of those perfections had rubbed off on me. I’m not saying Jim did not do things around the house. He just had a different way to approach them. And when he tried to explain it to me, I just couldn’t understand what he was talking about. So then, that made me fearful of how his project would turn out. Almost a whole year has ed and Joe is getting married. He decided to have a June wedding with the reception in our back yard. He asked my dad if he would

officiate the wedding. They were getting married in Crain Park, which was at the top of Westnedge Hill. In Florida my dad could officiate a wedding and sign the legal marriage license. But in Michigan, they had to have a judge marry them first. Yet my dad did the whole ceremony. He was so proud that Joe thought that much of him, that he asked him to do it. It was a perfect day, the sun was out bright, the flowers in the park were all in bloom, and of course, the bride was beautiful. It would be the first time my ex and I would be in the same place together. I was a bit nervous, but was okay with it. He wasn’t going to come to the reception, but I walked up to him at the wedding and told him he was welcome. After all, it was his son’s special day. So he came but only stayed for a very short time. Joe hired Jim’s brother to do the catering. They also had a DJ for the music and we had a dance floor. Everything was perfect. I danced, laughed, and had such a good time. There was even a time during the reception where I must have had too much to drink, and did a lap dance on Jim. I never thought I could or would ever do anything like that. I was so free to do anything I wanted for the first time in years. No jealousies, no accusing me of wanting someone else, and I didn’t have to be careful how I looked. The year 2005 ended up being a very busy year. Jim went to court to get full custody of the kids. With the records I kept on what she did or did not do and the fact that Bill took pictures of their living conditions, he did end up getting full custody of his kids. So they moved in with us at the end of that school year. We no longer had to pay to his ex. She was supposed to pay him. Now they lived with us full time and his ex-wife had visitation every other weekend. She didn’t take advantage of her time, most of the time. It seemed she couldn’t get transportation and Jim wasn’t about to help her. If she wanted to see the kids she would figure it out. Jim had also changed jobs. He got a job at Denzo Manufacturing. He was hired as a temp, still worked days, only he had to work five days a week. No more Fridays off. It was also much closer to home. It was only a twenty minute drive to work, when his last job was a little over an hour’s drive. Then there are the family dinners we went to and still do every year. You see, his family gets together four times a year. Two dinners are for his father’s side and two dinners are for his mother’s side. The mother’s side does two each year, one in the summer and one the first Sunday of December. Then the father’s side does two, one in the summer and one in the fall. This was so amazing to me and I still tell people how special this family is. Jim is one of seven children. His dad was,

as he said, the first of the second half of a dozen, and I’m not totally sure, but I believe his mother was one of eleven. So he has a very large family. And to this day, even the youngest generation still comes to these dinners. I don’t think we have ever had a dinner with less than forty people. I never had that family closeness. But I really try, to keep my family together. I do have my family gatherings here in the summer for a pool party, and at Christmas for a special family Christmas. Another thing I started to do was have a neighborhood barbeque. I titled it, “Get to Know Your Neighbor.” We have this every third Sunday in August. Each of my neighbors would bring a dish to , some would swim in the pool, but most of us just sit around and visit one another. It is such a great way to keep in touch and meet new-comers to the neighborhood. I love entertaining. I still do summer Friday swims, a Halloween party, and a Christmas party for my daycare. I also started having back yard swimming lessons. The YMCA would send an instructor to teach swimming to any of my children over three years old. We did this for two weeks in the summer. For a few years the parents of my daycare and me did a mom’s night out twice a year. I could never do anything like that with my ex. He didn’t like crowds or parties, but I do. I love doing so much with all the people I know. I guess that’s one thing about me that really never changed. I just couldn’t do it with my first marriage. Then there was this time my brother had called me and said someone in my past was trying to get ahold of me. This gentleman had called my niece and asked if she knew me. She said yes, that I was her aunt. She wouldn’t give him my phone number, but said she would along the message and his number to me if he wished to talk to me. (This is the person I said earlier in this book that I would mention again.) Well I got his number, asked Jim if he minded if I called him. Tim said it would be fine, so I called his number. I got a voice mail and I left a message that said he could call me back anytime. He returned my call the next day. Talk about a blast from the past. We hadn’t seen each other since 1968. WOW! He started his conversation by saying I was his first love. I never knew that. I always thought I was out of his league, plus I thought he liked my friend Alice. Hearing this made me feel so wonderful. I felt like a school girl again. After all these years, he ed me. And he took the time to locate me. We talked for a long time. He said he was married and had been for thirty one years. He had two daughters and three grandchildren. He said to tell my husband he was very much in love with his wife, so he had nothing to fear. It was so

fascinating to hear about what he had done in his life, and how many times we just missed seeing one another again. He also came to Michigan for a visit and asked if he could come and see me. You see, he lives in North Carolina. I said that would be fine. So he came one day while I was watching the daycare. Lynn was there helping me, so we could visit. I was so nervous to see him. But we talked like we had never parted. You see, his dad who lived in the Kalamazoo area had ed. I believe it got to him and he wanted to do things he had put off before it was too late. Or he might have been going through a mid-life crisis. We kept in touch with one another through e-mail, chats on the computer, also a few phone calls. I will it I was smitten and thought about what it would have been like. My life had taken so many changes in the past years, and I wasn’t sure if I made the right choice by getting married so soon after Jim and I met. But I looked at the pluses in what I saw in Jim, and they did override the minuses. Now Joe and Mary have been married a year and Mary gave birth to our first grandbaby. They called me when they were heading to the hospital, so I could be there also to witness the birth of my first. That was so special to me. But when the time came for the delivery, a nurse asked me to leave the room. So I wasn’t able to witness the birth. He was a boy and perfect. He was born in September, 2006. I was so proud and excited; my first-born son had a son of his own. After the delivery, Mary asked where I was. Joe told her the nurse asked me to leave. Mary was a little upset because she had wanted me to be there. The one thing that stood out about my grandson was his huge blue eyes. Everyone would comment what beautiful eyes he had. When he was six months old, Joe decided to go to Florida and introduce his son to the rest of the family. This was spring break time and he asked me if I would like to them. I checked with Jim and he said sure. Then I had to get someone to keep the daycare open and I did that. So I ed them on their trip. Joe drove there and I had forgotten how hard it was to ride that many hours in a car. After my divorce, I started flying to Florida. I survived it and everyone loved my grandson, especially my dad. Then during this summer, Lynn and her friend decided to move to Oregon where her dad lived. He had convinced her she would love living there. I was very sad to see her go because she would be so far away. That would be the farthest she had ever been from home (and me). I can’t how long she stayed there, but things weren’t going very good, so she moved back to Michigan. Then when she got back, she and her friend decided to buy a house of their own. But that relationship didn’t last and she went back to living on her own.

Chapter Thirteen Challenges

N OW I HAVE been married for three years, and we have had custody of Jim’s kids for two of those years. when I said it shouldn’t be a problem taking in his kids, after all kids have been my whole life? Well, as it turned out I had some real lessons to learn. His son was my challenge. His daughter was super good and we got along very well. But I soon learned that his son was his favorite, and it seemed Jim had an excuse for everything I thought was wrong. Besides, his dad defending him all the time (I called it the absent father syndrome). I had his mother telling him on the phone that I had no rights and I couldn’t do anything to correct our issues. It seemed to be a losing battle. Here are a few examples of what I was going through. My stepson didn’t try to do his best in school, he didn’t get homework done and fought me when I asked him to do it. One day he had gotten into an argument with his dad when they were working outdoors. Anyway, Bill did something and Jim pushed him. He didn’t even fall or get hurt in any way, but he had pushed Jim a bit too far. That night Bill went to stay at a friend’s house. You see, Jim was working nights by this time and wasn’t a temp anymore. So he wasn’t home at night when the kids were home. This left me in charge for most everything they did. The next day this friend’s mother came by and asked if Bill was all right. When I asked about it she told me he said that he was afraid of us, stating that his dad hit him. I denied it and she left. Well, the next day I told his father. He just ed it off, but I felt it wasn’t something you can just sweep under the rug. His son and I had a few disagreements by this time and I was tired of Jim defending him. So I told Jim that if the police ever came knocking at my door and accused us of abuse, then the kids and Jim were out of my house. I wasn’t taking any chances of losing my daycare license because his son lied. I knew that the State would shut me down first and then I would have to proof my innocence. That never did happen, but it forced me to make a decision about my husband and his kids or the house and job I worked so hard to keep.

Then we had another incident a few months later. Bill had three of his friends visiting. Jorden had gone into Richland with a friend of hers and I was mowing the lawn. Well, I guess Jorden had called the house and Bill answered the phone. Jorden asked to talk to me, but Bill told her no he wasn’t going to get me because I was mowing the lawn. I guess she had called a few times and each time Bill wouldn’t get me. Then Jorden ended up walking home, came out to me mowing, and told me what Bill did. You see she wanted to stop by and see another friend that lived in town by where she was, but because Bill didn’t let her talk to me she, felt she couldn’t do that without my permission. I called Bill up to the house. He came and his friends came also. I asked him about Jorden’s calls. Then I told him why he was in trouble for not getting me. First of all, his sister wasn’t home and was calling for me. He didn’t know what she wanted; she could have been in some kind of trouble. And even if it wasn’t his sister, if someone called for me, he needed to get me. He doesn’t know if it is one of my daycare parents. So at that point, I asked his friends to leave and told him that he was grounded. But his friends didn’t leave and he called his mom. So I’m losing my temper, ordering his friends to go, and he is writing something on a piece of paper. He still has his mother on the phone and as he is walking out the door, he hands me this paper. The paper tells me this is where he is going so, therefore, I couldn’t say he was running away. I stopped him and said no way. He hung up the phone and continued to head out the door. He said there wasn’t anything I could do about it. I said, “Watch me.” So I picked up the phone and called the Richland police. I explained what had happened and asked if they could stop him or do anything about it. They said they could and could I meet them. So I headed out, walking toward the corner of our road and 32nd St. One of my neighbors was walking also, so she ed me. As we were going around the corner, we saw two officers standing at the side of the road with all four boys sitting on the ground. Actually, they had Bill sitting away from the other three boys. They were talking to him when I approached. So the one officer asked Bill why he wasn’t staying home as I had told him. He replied that he was afraid to go back home. He was afraid of me. When asked why, he changed it to he was afraid of his dad. The officer said what did his dad do that made him afraid of him? He replied, “Well, he pushed me once.” So the officer said, “What did you do for him to push you?” Bill said, “I talked back.” So then the officer said, “Wow, if it were me I would have done much more than push you.” The officer told him he had to go back home and he didn’t care if he stayed downstairs in his room, but he was to stay there. Then if he got any more calls from me that he would be spending the night in the juvenile home. Bill came home with me and the officers took each of the boys home. I understand one of the parents wasn’t too

happy with me calling the police, but oh well, I had to get it through to Bill that he wasn’t running the show. Another example is when Bill gave me a hard time about going to school. One morning he decided he wasn’t going to school. But of course, he wasn’t sick and there wasn’t any reason for him to stay home, so I insisted he go. He argued with me for so long that he missed the bus. Then I told him he had to walk. School was less than a half mile from my house. Again we argued, but he went ahead and walked out the door as if he was going to school. Thinking he was trying to pull something, I watched as he walked toward school. When he thought I couldn’t see him anymore, he went behind some houses and cut back. I had a helper in my daycare that day, so I asked if she could watch the kids for a minute and I got into my car in search of him. I started in the direction he had turned to and began looking behind the houses. There was one neighbor that lived down the road; he had befriended Bill so I looked very closely at his house. I also called this gentleman, but he wasn’t home. Now I can’t if this guy got my message and sent Bill toward home or if I happened to spot him behind his house. Anyway, I ordered him to head toward school, and I followed in my car. Then he got to an area where I couldn’t drive anymore, but it was behind the school. I drove home, called the school, told them what was happening, and asked them to be sure he came in the school. You see, Bill talked to his mom daily. She kept filling his head with how I wasn’t allowed to do different things, so I’m battling his dad (the absent father syndrome) his mother, and his teen behavior. One day he decided it was time to go live with his mother. We tried to discourage him but he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. So we told him if he left he couldn’t come back, and we were no longer giving him money for things like haircuts, toys, and things he thought we would give him on a whim. His mother told him and us it would be better there. She would see to it he went to school and everything would be good. So Jim went to court to give custody back to his ex. While he was talking to the judge, the judge asked him if he was sure. You see much to our surprise, Jim would have to pay child for Bill to live with his mother. The reason was because she was going to ask for state assistance. Now I felt that wasn’t fair. We had their daughter she had their son. That should have made it even but that just wasn’t how it was. Jim said fine, that Bill no longer wanted to live with us. The judge asked again if he was sure. Jim said yes.

He wasn’t living with his mother very long when we heard he had quit school. His mother started trying to talk his sister into coming to live with them. Jorden told her no and said to me, “Why would I leave what I have?” She wanted more from her life.

Chapter Fourteen Life Goes On

J OE AND MARY give birth to our first granddaughter. She was born March 27, 2008. She is beautiful and perfect. It was perfect, one boy and one girl, just like my two. My daughter starts to do some modeling. She even participated in a bridal show. Of course, I went to see how beautiful she was. The lady that got her into doing this told me that she was a natural. Also during this time, she decided to go on to college. I couldn’t afford to pay for her to do this, so she paid for herself. I felt really bad I couldn’t help, but I was very proud of her. We also took a trip to Gatlinburg, Tennessee for our family reunion of sorts. I had rented a cabin in the Smokey Mountains large enough to hold all of us. This was a very large log cabin that had eight bedrooms and two of every kind of appliance. All my family from Florida came, my dad, step-mom, my mom, my brother, Derick, his wife, Bree, and their three girls, also my sister, April, from Charlotte, Michigan with her husband, Chad, one of her daughters, Kelly, and her step-daughter, a brother and sister-in-law of Chad’s and their daughter, and then my brother, Richard, and his family, and of course Jim, and me, my son, Joe, and his family, and my step daughter, Jorden. So as you can see, we needed something very large. It was perfect, with a great view from the top of the mountain and the best weather. We took hikes, checked out site-seeing locations, and just enjoyed each other’s company. Only one scary thing happened. My brother, Richard had gotten a bee of some kind in his shirt that stung him pretty good. Now he had never reacted from a bee sting before, but this time he did. He was having problems breathing and started to swell up, so my other brother, Derick took him to an emergency care place, and they gave him meds to help. Then they came back and Richard went up to his room and slept. This was in July, 2008. It ended up being the last large family gathering with my father. Then in 2009, the State of Michigan decided to rewrite the daycare rules. There are many new things we can and cannot do. For instance, any infant under one year of age cannot sleep with a blanket or any soft toy. We, as providers, have to

have ten hours of child development courses a year, which does not include our R and First Aide classes. Then our hands are really tied when it comes to discipline. We are not allowed to put anyone under three in a time out. When you do put a child in time out, it is to be somewhere in your daycare room with a chair, table, and with a book or something to keep them quiet for a period of time. This generation of children is so different from the children I started out watching. I still love my job very much, but it is more of a challenge to handle some of the children’s issues. This makes it more stressful for me. I have had to think of many creative ways to handle certain situations. This is just my opinion, but one has to wonder why our jails and juvenile facilities are overcrowded. Could it be the Government has stepped into our business too much? Now I know kids have to think for themselves. But they have to have the understanding of right and wrong from birth. There can be discipline with love, not abuse. Then not long after the family went back to Florida from our Gatlinburg reunion, my dad got much worse with his Parkinson’s. He was having a lot of trouble breathing and his memory was getting much worse. After a little bit, My StepMother had to take him to the hospital. Just before this happened, my Step-Mom had some sinus surgery and was recovering from that. Well, she had developed a fever and her doctor said he didn’t want her at the hospital. So I got help in my daycare and flew down to Florida to be with my father. My Step-Mom would drop me off every morning and then pick me up at night. While I sat there daily, he would tell me they were messing with him. And there were a few times I didn’t like what I saw in how they cared for him. During this time, I think we were there for three or four days, then they moved him to a rehab place. I would go in the morning, help with his therapy and keep him company. Then I had to go back home. So I would call him every day and we would talk. But as time ed, he got much worse. My Step-Mom ended up having to put him in a nursing home. The last holiday he spent with family was Thanksgiving. He was able to go to my brother, Derick’s for that very special day. I still called him every day. Then one day he just didn’t understand me or know who I was. Shortly after on December, 11, 2009, I got a late night call. My father had ed. You can see after years of me not liking my father, and then after that flight to Florida to get to know him, I forgave him and we became very close. I still miss those phone calls and having him to talk to. My dad and my Step-Mom had plots purchased in White Pigeon, Michigan, so they were shipping his body here. My Step-Mom was coming to stay at our house and her son and his family would be

coming to stay in Kalamazoo. This was actually the first time I would be meeting my step-brother. Anyway, it wasn’t the best time of year to have a funeral, and my Step-Mom told Dad it would be her last time to come here in the winter. There was some snow on the ground, and it was really a very windy day. After the graveyard service, her son started crying. You see my, dad and StepMom had also had their headstones done, and their names were carved in them. When her son saw her name, he thought about the day she would be ing my dad. That thought made him very sad. In October of 2010, my mom decided to move back to Michigan. She loved Florida but felt like she had no one to talk to and visit with. My brother Derick and his family were there, but he was too busy with his job. Also, his girls had all grown up and spending time with their grandma was the last thing on their minds. So Derick packed a U-Haul with all her things, plus an extra trailer for her car. He drove it all here to Michigan and she flew here. I had found her an apartment, so she checked it out and decided to move there. Then once she got here, there were a lot of things to tend to like getting her driver’s license changed, insurance, and a bunch of little things. You see, my mom was seventy eight years old. She needed someone to help her in her senior years. After she was here a few months, we started noticing things. She would get lost easily. Even though she lived here most of her adult years, she had lived in Florida long enough that she didn’t where things were. But this wasn’t all because of that. She had gotten lost right in front of the mall that was right in front of her apartment. Then another time, she went for a walk and couldn’t how to get home. Both times people helped her get home. Then there were a lot of other things my brother, Richard and I noticed. Her memory was slipping a lot more. So, the two of us started helping her much more. She only drives to one place and back at this time. She will not get rid of her car yet because she would feel trapped. Shortly after my mom moved back here, my best friend, Alice’s husband had gotten very ill. So I would go up to the hospital after my daycare closed to be with them. We would sit and visit and watch a television program called the American Idol. He soon ed and I tried to help Alice as much as I could. Another old friend that we had grown up with, Cory, came to the funeral. It had been a really long time since we last saw her. After the funeral, I would go to Alice’s house after work to help her with whatever she had to do and help with her loss. We also finished the season of American Idol.

Cory lived in Chicago and after a bit, Alice and I decided to go and visit her. We were going to take a train, but the rail line was having some work done. So we decided to drive. I volunteered to do the driving, even though I had never driven in such a large city before. We had gotten lost when we got off the highway and it wasn’t a very good part of town. We didn’t want to get out of the car and call Cory, so we were very thankful for cell phones in this situation. Cory came to our rescue. During the time we waited for her, this black gentleman kept looking out his apartment window. We kind of made this joke that he may have thought we were narcs. Alice wanted to drive around the corner in hopes we might be safer, but I said it was best to stay put so Cory could find us. She pulled up behind us a short time after and we followed her to her apartment. WOW! She lived on the twentieth floor and had the most wonderful view of the city, also the Navy Pier. Then we walked all over the city, checked out different restaurants and shops. It was one of my best experiences. Then that December, Jim, Jorden and I went to Florida to see family and enjoy some of the southern sun. While we were there, I received a phone call. Another very close friend had ed. This was very sad news to me. You see, her husband had ed the year before. A drunk driver had hit him on his bicycle and killed him. They had a three year old son they left behind. Well, as it turned out, my friend had called me a few times needing help. An uncle of her husband’s had moved in and was keeping her pretty much a prisoner. He had her on some type of drugs and when neighbors called the cops to check on her, this uncle convinced them all was okay, so they never saw her. Well one night that December, her mother got a call that she was in the hospital. They couldn’t stop her bleeding and sent her to U of M hospital in Ann Arbor. But there was nothing they could do and she ed. If I weren’t so busy and knew the trouble she was in, I would have gone and confronted this gentleman and just maybe saved her. So now her son had no parents. Soon after, his grandmother, my friend’s mother, went to court to get custody of him. She had asked me if I could write a letter to the judge stating what type of parent she was. You see, I had taken care of her kids, including this girl that ed. We had become very close friends. I did, and I would like to think it helped her get custody. A couple more years and it is 2011. In June, Lynn graduates college and becomes a reserve officer. My step-mother flew here from Florida to see her accomplish her dreams. She was a police 911 operator also at this time. She was going to go on with her education to become a real police officer, but there were issues that got in the way and she couldn’t go on any farther. This made me very

sad, but at the same time, I was so proud of her for doing the things she had accomplished. We take another cruise. This time we take Jorden with us and she had her best friend us. Again the weather was perfect, and we had a super time. Jorden and her friend would go off and do things on their own. We kept a close eye on them from a distance. What we found amusing was the girls always had a line of boys trailing along with them. There were times I still questioned what I did by marrying Jim so soon. At times, he would frustrate me so much. I tried to talk to him about what upset me, but it didn’t seem to go anywhere. At this time, I was taking daily walks with my friend Betty and we would go on a girls’ weekend every year. Anyway during our walks, I would let off steam to her on my complaints about Jim. It did help to have someone to vent to. Then there was this one time that Jim made me so mad I almost called it quits. You see, his daughter was staying in the basement. It had a living area and a bedroom and she was supposed to keep it clean and dusted weekly. Well, I would go downstairs to get something, and notice she hadn’t dusted the weekend before. Then I looked around and saw she hadn’t vacuumed either. So I kept an eye on it for a couple more weeks. One day I asked her if she had cleaned the basement. She said she had. The next day I spoke to her dad and told him she had lied to me and the basement hadn’t been cleaned for three weeks. He told me to tell her to clean it, or she had to move out. I told him that it was his place to do that. He said he would. So that night when she got home Jim didn’t say anything to her. Then the next day he still hadn’t said anything. So after a few hours, I questioned him on doing this. Finally he told her he needed to talk. I thought everything was going good when all of a sudden things turned. She started saying that I didn’t clean it before she had to take over. My reply to that was I did. After all, I didn’t want bugs. Besides, the issue was that she was told to do something and she hadn’t, and then she lied about doing it. Next thing I know Jim says that it’s not their fault that I was anal in keeping a clean house. Oh WOW! I got so mad I had to leave the house. I went for a walk around the block. But, when I got back home, I was still pissed so I went out and sat by the pool. That wasn’t working either, so I came in the house and headed for my bedroom. As I walked ed Jim, he asked if I was over my mad. I said no and continued to go to my room. He then followed me in and started to say

something. I blew. I said that I wasn’t the one who changed. He knew what I was like when he married me, the type of house, and yard I kept nice. He changed I thought he was ambitious and so did our sister-in-law. He was helpful around here till we got married. Now all he did was spend time watching television and playing video games. He told me he was going to talk to his daughter and lay down the law. But then again it all turned around to blame me, that I was anal. His reply was, “So you’re saying I’m lazy.” I just smirked and closed my bedroom door. Now as you see, we are still together. I really had to think hard if this is what I wanted and did I do the right thing. But again, I looked at the pluses and minuses. No one person is perfect and I had to look past his faults as I saw them. I know I am not a perfect person. I just had to look past all this, and why I asked him to marry me. Time ed and I decided I was going to think about retiring. One of my daycare parents said, “You’re not quitting are you?” So I asked her why, was she pregnant? Her reply was, “Well, we’ve been trying.” I told her I wouldn’t get rid of my current parents, but as they dropped off, then I wasn’t replacing them. So wouldn’t you know it, three of my parents got pregnant. A few months ed and Joe stopped by and asked when I wanted to retire. I looked at him and said, “Why, are you guys having a baby?” He said, “Well, yes. We have an oops.” I just looked in amazement and said, “What are you guys doing to me?” Then a couple more months ed and Joe and Mary came over with an ultrasound picture and informed me the oops is a double oops. Oh my, oh my, oh my. I’m never going to be able to retire. You see they already had our first grandson and a granddaughter. Now they were expecting twins. So starting January 2012, the first baby girl was born. In March, a boy and a girl ed us in my daycare. This started our year with three new-borns. Then along came twin boys in September. We had our hands full. Half of my daycare kids were under a year. This ended up being my busiest, most stressful time since I started my daycare. There are always challenges in every group of children and I learn more and more each time. I don’t know if it was my age, or this generation of kids or exactly what it was. But it was harder and I was so tired by the end of the day. Don’t get me wrong. I loved every one of these kids and I especially loved my job helping my children and parents. It was just harder.

Comes March of 2012, Jim’s son Bill, and his girlfriend gave us a granddaughter on Jim’s side. This would be Jim’s first grandchild. But they lived in Saginaw, Michigan so we don’t get to see them much. Shortly after they had their baby, Mike, Sally, Jim, and I went to Saginaw to meet our new granddaughter. They didn’t live in a very nice place, but it was a roof over their heads. They also had three dogs running all over the place. There was hardly enough room for them, but then add three dogs. Soon after, they found a nicer place in Bay City, Michigan. And they didn’t have the dogs anymore. In June of 2012, Jorden graduated from high school. We were so proud that she was planning on going on to college. She was going to KVCC to start her studies in becoming a teacher. She was fortunate to have a scholarship to begin her first two years. We had a nice open house party for her. Her mom and grandma and a lot of Jim’s family came to wish her good luck. She continued to live here at home for a year. Then she moved out and began her own life. In February, 2013, Troy and Pam’s daughter had been in a terrible accident. Sadly, she didn’t survive. She had started going to college so she could get a better job. Her daughter had grown and moved to the Lansing area. Abby was trying to better her life but, she was taken away too young. Abby was only forty three years old. I felt so honored that Gail called and told me of Abby’s ing, as I know I was one of the first people she called. Gail also asked if I could stand up at the funeral and say a few words about her sister. Of course, I said I would. Even though I had divorced Troy’s brother, he always said, “you may have divorced Jack, but you never divorced us. Then later in June of 2013, we decided to take a three week road trip with Jim’s brother and sister-in-law Mike and Sally. We hooked up their fifth wheel and headed out west. It was just them and us. This was the first time for Sally to see the west and we decided to try and see a lot of the things I had seen before in my travels west. The weather was great. But it seemed we were just ahead of some major fires in a lot of states. Staying in a camper every night was really nice. There were a few times I was a bit nervous. The first night we stopped, a bad storm popped up and we were in a small camp area just off the highway. It was pretty open. As a matter of fact, we were in Arkansas where they have lots of tornadoes. Well, while we were sleeping, it got really windy with lots of thunder and lighting. Every once in a while it got quiet, then the wind just hit hard. Our camper was doing a lot of shaking. I don’t if anyone else felt the storm, but I sure did. I think I mentioned earlier in this story I didn’t like storms

much, especially after I had gone through three different tornadoes. Then on our way heading home, we stayed at a campground that was at the foot of a mountain. It was dark when we got there and we backed up to a stream or river. Well, again during the night, a large storm kicked up with lots of rain. With me being a scaredy cat, all I could think about was a flash flood. Morning came and everything was okay. I worried for nothing. We didn’t have to stop to eat at restaurants. We just had our breakfasts, lunches, and dinners in the camper. We did stop at a few diners and enjoyed them doing the cooking, but most of the time we did our own. We also would play cards at night, sit in our lawn chairs, and enjoy the scenery all around us. It was so nice taking a vacation with Mike and Sally. We saw a lot of my favorite spots, plus a few I had never seen. One of our first stops was in Colorado by Denver. The town’s name was Leadville and it was off the beaten path. It looked like an old mining town, with mountains all around and there was snow in the mountains. Another place was Thermopolis, Wyoming. Here they had the fountain of youth and salt ponds. Then Jim’s and my favorite was Deadwood, South Dakota. This is where they had the battle of the OK corral, and where Buffalo Bill was killed. We have become quite close to Mike and Sally and we do more with them than the rest of Jim’s family. But they do live a little closer than the rest of the brothers and sisters. Plus, it was through them that I met Jim. Joe decides to go on to college. He had lost his job and had a larger family than planned, so he decided to go for a better job. He had heard the President was offering free college for some fields. Joe had decided to take advantage of this and went into radiology. After he began this program, he found out he couldn’t get the free college, but decided to go on anyway. It was really hard for them and me at this time. Joe was in school and not working. Mary ended up unemployed for a bit. Things were really tight. They were unable to pay me for sitting. Braydon ended up in the hospital with RSV and they discovered he had a condition called Williams Syndrome, which came with a heart condition. He was able to finally come home, but he wasn’t allowed to return to daycare. We were very blessed by me having two helpers. So I asked one of them if she would be willing to sit Braydon at his house. We had to try and keep bad germs from him the best we could. She agreed to do this, but I know she was very nervous. There were many things she had to do for him that weren’t common for most children. Turns out, she was an amazing blessing to all of us.

Later in 2013, when Braydon was a little over a year old, they decided he needed open heart surgery. Due to the dangers of this procedure and with him being so young, they decided to go to U of M hospital in Ann Arbor, Michigan. I got help for my daycare and I went with them to the hospital. It was a very long and stressful day, but in the end, everything turned out good. He had to stay there for a week. I couldn’t stay with them, but at least I knew everything was good. When he came home, he still had to stay home away from the germs of the daycare. My helper took care of him at his house.

Chapter Fifteen I’m 60

W ELL, IT IS 2014 and it is the year I turn sixty years old and my mom turns eighty years old. My mom never remarries, and she is still living in Portage. Her health is really good, except for the memory thing. Also, this is the year Lynn gets married. We really didn’t do much of anything else this year, but prepare for a giant birthday party for me and a special surprise birthday party for my mother. We also had to help in Lynn’s wedding plans. She was getting married on a cruise ship. So we had some budgeting to do. There was dress shopping, dress fittings, and extra items needed for a beautiful wedding. Let’s start with my party. I was planning a large gathering and we were going to have a live band to play for it also. I had invited my family, friends, Jim’s family, and my daycare parents. I called it my just because party. My neighbors, friends, Jim’s family, and my daycare parents all made it but sadly, none of my own family was able to attend except my mom. Despite that, we had quite a lot of people. People brought a dish to , we had drinks for young and old, and the band was great. I had actually met some of the of the band before. Jim, my girlfriend, Betty, and I had gone out one night for dinner, and to listen to live music. Braydon’s therapist was a member of this band and had invited us to come listen to them. Well, turns out the band leader had gone to school with Betty and, she dated his brother. After that night, Betty and I started going to see them at different locations where they were playing at. They were a great success at my party. I sang and danced so much, I felt like a teenager again. The band leader even stepped out to the dance area, played his guitar, and danced with me. I was free to do whatever I wanted to. No waiting for the bomb to drop after the party. Jim was a very trusting man. I truly love him for that. It feels so good to have my freedom and a very loving, trusting person in my life. Oh yeah, Braydon was able to come back to the daycare. And as I mentioned earlier, Braydon had a therapist. She started coming to my house to give him physical, cognitive, and speech therapy. We worked together in these areas. We also had to work on him eating. He began to grow by leaps and bounds. Therapy

continued with other therapists two days a week for two years. Next is my mom’s surprise party. I had invited all of our family. Derick and his family was unable to us. I also invited Mom’s old friend Chris and her husband. She was the single mom we met in the apartments in Scotts and she and I have remained friends all these years. Then my friend, Alice also came. I had made a memory board, showing many pictures of Mom’s life. My brother, Richard brought her after everyone had gotten here. We had a bit of a time getting her to go toward the room where everyone was hiding, but she finally came around the corner and couldn’t believe what we had done. Then comes, preparing for my daughter’s wedding. She did most of the work herself. She designed and made her own invitations, and lined up the cruise they were going to take. She and her fiancé covered all cost for them to have this beautiful wedding. Again, I failed to have the money to help them. We did, however, have to come up with the cost of the cruise and flights getting us to and from. It was so wonderful. We were taking a week long cruise in the Caribbean. Forty friends and family were able to us. Sadly, Lynn’s dad was unable to come. Just before it was time to come for the cruise, he took ill and was in the hospital. There were many things that happened during this cruise. First off, my brother, Derick, his family and my mother almost missed the boat. As they were lifting the gangplank, Derick and everyone came running. The wedding and the reception were great and everything went as planned. But, just at the end of the reception we were all told to go to our cabins. We were told we couldn’t leave the cabin till further notice. We were in there for a couple of hours, not knowing what happened. Fortunately, we had an ocean view room, so the walls didn’t close in on us. The room stewards were going from cabin to cabin, doing a head count. Finally they said we could come out. All were ed for. As it turned out, they found blood on a railing and they had to make sure no one had gone overboard. Then one evening we were all doing our own thing. Well, I guess my son was partying with my brother and his girls when this young man tried to get Derick’s youngest to take some marijuana. She told him no but he seemed insistent. So my son stepped up and said, “Look she is only fifteen, and she said no.” Then my son went and reported the incident to someone in charge on the ship. So as I heard it, they had to go up and file a report. Now it wasn’t only my son. There were a couple other of our party that reported it also. Then the next morning we had docked at one of the islands we were visiting. As we

were disembarking, this loud buzzer rang out when Joe tried to get off. I guess they had a few more questions for him and the other . The rest of us got off the ship, not knowing what was going on. We waited on the dock for them to us. Finally, I think it must have been at least an hour, off the ship they came. Now it didn’t stop there either. When we docked at our home port, they pulled these of our group aside to question them again. Now really, they thought they were doing the right thing. But instead, they were treating our family like criminals. Now this cruise was at the end of December 2014, so after we disembarked, we stayed in Florida with family to celebrate Christmas with them.

Chapter Sixteen 2015 My Final Year of Memories

N OW COMES 2015, the end of my memories for now. Let’s start with May, and another girls’ weekend. My daughter and her mother-in-law decided to me and Betty. We decided it would be nice to check out Port Huron, Michigan. We got a nice motel close to the river. The weather was still a bit chilly and windy, but we made the best of it. We walked the river front, went to the lighthouse, checked out some museums, and also did some shopping at their quaint shops. Even though it was cool and windy, it was a terrific weekend. Troy es this year. His daughter, Gail called me as soon as it happened. They are still my family and he was a great friend and brother-in-law. I tried to help in any way I could. The most important thing was that I was there for . Again, what makes my husband Jim such a wonderful person is he never stopped me from spending time with my ex-husbands family. As a matter of fact he really likes Jack’s family. There were many times he would say to me, “We should go and visit Troy and Pam.” Then in May, my son, Joe graduated from college in the field of radiology. It was a long journey for him and his family, but he finally made it. Now the next thing was to find a job in his field. That wasn’t easy. He kept saying he was going to move to Florida where the jobs were more plentiful. It took almost a year but now he has a job in his field at a hospital close to home. The last special thing that happened was the farm behind my house held the Kalamazoo Balloon Festival. They had some one hundred hot air balloons to launch from their farm, morning and night for that weekend. The weather wasn’t perfect for this event but they managed to work around that. A couple of my neighbors and Mike and Sally set up lawn chairs in the back of my property and watched the show from there. The balloons flew so close to us, we could look right up and inside the balloon. We could also see the people in the balloons very clearly. At night when they did the balloon glow, it was fantastic.

Let’s recap on my memories. My life as a child was pretty rough, but I survived it. During my teen years, I had to do a lot of growing up, much sooner than most. And even surprisingly to me, I survived them. My first marriage wasn’t too bad. We had a lot of wonderful times. At least, that’s what I thought. But I put up with a lot, thinking it was love, for him and me, and not knowing the differences of a controlling person. When he left, I really became a different person, much more confident in myself. Now I say to people, “He did me a favor and if he didn’t do what he did, I’d still be there. Getting married a second time with two new step- children was also a new experience. Now my oldest has four wonderful children. He has a job close by doing what he went to school for. My daughter has a wonderful husband and she is able to stay home. My step-son has two great kids and one step-son. And finally, my step-daughter is still going to school in hopes of being a teacher someday. Jim and I are two different people and when I get upset with him, I just the good things. I don’t clam up when I do get upset, I tell him how I feel and try to work things out. It has been a terrific, but yet a scary adventure, as I look back on my memories and share them with you. There is one final thing I would love to share with you all. I am the person I am today because of all the things I have gone through all my life. I hope some of you can look at my life, and it helps you to get through whatever you may go through in your life. At this point, I will be starting a new set of memories. I am sixty one years old, soon to be sixty two. I am hoping my retirement years are filled with many more adventures and happy days.