Later In Life 2ru5m

LATER IN LIFE : AN AMISH ROMANCE OF SENIORS

MONICA MARKS

TABLE OF CONTENTS

LATER IN LIFE

Later in Life

“Kumme, Hannie. I have something to show you,” Eli whispered, his breath teasing her ear and causing a shiver to run through her. “Sneak away. No one will miss you.” Hannah giggled and looked toward the porch where her parents sat, lost in a conversation of their own. “I cannot just leave, Eli,” she laughed. “Eventually they will notice I have gone.” “Not if you hurry,” her betrothed insisted. “Quickly now. Sarah has them distracted.” Another glance over her shoulder proved that Eli was speaking the truth; her sister had her parents occupied enough for them to disappear without notice. “All right,” she chuckled and hurried after her beau, relishing in the feeling of warmth his nearness brought. Out of view of her parents, Eli slipped his hand into Hannah’s and they stole down the dirt road, her skirt almost tripping her as they moved but she barely noticed. “Where are you taking me, Eli?” she demanded, her tone etched in mock seriousness. “I have—” “Hannah?” She looked up from where she had been lost in her reverie, blinking her ancient eyes quickly at the speaker. A frown appeared on her lips. “What is it, David?” she snapped irritably. Her neighbor seemed taken aback by her brusqueness but Hannah had long since forsaken any semblance of politeness in her age. She had spent far too much of her life behaving properly and now, as she knew she was nearing the end of her life, it seemed a waste of

words to mince them. “I only came to see how you are doing,” David replied, trying to keep the defensiveness from his tone. He shifted his weight uncomfortably from one foot to the other, his eyes shadowing as he looked about the porch critically. “Is there something you need?” “Tell Maria to worry about her child and not about an old woman,” Hannah retorted. A smidgen of guilt ed through her as she spoke, knowing that the neighbors meant well when they endlessly checked on her. After all, they were a tight-knit district and a lone woman on her own at Hannah’s age was cause to unsettle anyone. “Maria didn’t send me,” David lied and Hannah’s eyes narrowed dubiously. “Hasn’t she?” David pursed his lips together and shook his head. “No,” he murmured. “She isn’t well with this pregnancy.” Concern shot through Hannah’s embittered bones and her eyes widened to stare at him. “What is it? Has the doctor been to see her?” she asked, leaning forward to wring her gnarled hands together. “There is nothing she can do but rest until the baby is born,” David explained, seeming pained that he needed to explain the personal nature of his home life. Abruptly, a cold wind fluttered through the trees, chilling Hannah to her very core as if to forewarn of something terrible to come. “How will you tend to her when you are gone so frequently to the city?” Hannah wanted to know, ignoring the fact that she had little right to pry. He came to me, therefore opening the door to these questions, she reasoned even though she could plainly see David’s discomfort. “My vedder is helping with the kinder when I’m gone,” David replied. “We will

make do until Maria is well again.” Hannah’s eyes were slits as she contemplated the words carefully. “If there is nothing you need, Hannah, I will be on my way,” David continued, suddenly in a rush to leave. “You know where to find us.” Hannah didn’t respond, watching as David hurried away, his black curls bouncing in his haste to leave. Another rush of air seeped through the thick shawl around Hannah’s shoulders and reluctantly, she rose from her rocking chair to see herself inside her home. House, she corrected herself. It is not a home anymore. It hasn’t been a home since Eli died and the children moved away. The weight of her prayer bonnet was unbearably heavy, the soft material over her crown an endless reminder of how much she had lost in such a short time. Closing the door at her back, she shuffled toward the hearth, noting that the fire had diminished substantially and with trembling hands, she closed a hand around a log to throw upon the pile before sinking into Eli’s favorite wing chair. She knew it was impossible but sometimes, Hannah was sure she could still catch the faintest hint of him when she turned her head against the material of the chair on those endless, sleepless nights that had plagued her for the years since his ing. The wind outside began to howl and again, Hannah was consumed with the notion that something grim was heading toward their district. Of course there is, she told herself, closing her eyes to envelop herself in the memories she had left. Another bitter, barren winter is coming. Perhaps, if Gotte finally heeded her prayers, He would finally claim her to his bosom so that she might be with her beloved Eli again instead of suffering another lonely winter by herself.

~ ~ ~

Noah didn’t miss the apprehensive look his son gave him as he reached for his leather bag. “I hate to leave you like this, Daed,” David sighed, glancing at his own son in who sat, reading by the fire. “But this will be the last trip to the city for a while.” “Nonsense,” Noah growled but even as he spoke, he felt the tremors in his hands and instantly he clamped his mouth closed before the stuttering began. David cast him a sympathetic look and Noah felt his spine stiffen. Once, he would have never looked at me like that, Noah thought helplessly. Once he looked at me with pride and respect. “What is nonsense?” David asked, trying to keep the exasperation from his tone but it was evident in his dark eyes, so much like Noah’s own. “I have no choice but to stay close to home until Maria is able to tend to the house and children again.” And me, Noah added silently, knowing that was David’s biggest concern. His son had enough with which to concern himself without the unexpected arrival of his Parkinson’s-ridden father who couldn’t be trusted with the most basic of chores. “Peter, ensure you take care of your Grossdaddi and your midder, ja?” David called to his oldest child. The ten-year-old looked up and nodded, his brow knitting slightly. It was an odd request, asking a child to care for the adults but Peter was wise enough not to question his elder. “Daed, do not listen to Maria—she must stay in bed, regardless of how she says she feels. Peter will tend to Liza and Rachel. You only need to ensure that Maria does not exert herself.” “David, go to the city and do your work,” Noah grumbled. “I am not dead yet.” “Daed!” David snapped, casting his son a wary look. “Stop speaking like that. You will be fine. Gotte has a plan. You must trust in that.”

Noah didn’t respond and David seemed grateful for the silence as he bid goodbye to his son and two small daughters. Maria was asleep but David had already visited with her before she had fallen into a fitful slumber. “Be good for your Grossdaddi and midder,” David offered on his way out of the house. Noah didn’t miss the darkness in his eyes. As the door closed and David disappeared into the early morning sun, Noah turned to smile wanly at Peter who continued to read his Hardy Boys book. “Should we make breakfast?” Noah offered, rising from where he sat at the kitchen table. “I will check the hens and see if there are any eggs.” “Daed said you aren’t to do anything,” Peter said quickly, looking up at Noah with alarm. Instantly, anger and indignation shot through Noah. “What does your vedder expect me to do, Peter? Sit here and stare at the walls?” Peter looked at his grandfather uncomfortably but before he could answer, Rachel scampered out from the back hallway, her bright blue eyes wide with worry. “Mammi!” she squeaked, her four-year-old feet flying toward them bare and pattering against the wood floor as she came at them in only her nightclothes. “Mammi!” “Rachel, shush!” Peter told her, shaking his head head angrily. “You’ll wake her!” “Nee! She needs help, Peter!” the little girl cried, her face ashen. “Something is wrong with the baby!” Peter froze but Noah immediately jumped into action, rushing toward the back room where his daughter-in-law lay. “Maria?” he called gently, rapping on the door. “Are you all right?” A low moan escaped met his ears and Noah threw open the door, his face twisted in concern.

“What is it? Is it the baby?” he asked, hurrying to her side where she writhed in pain. Six-year-old Liza stood on the opposite side of the bed, her eyes huge and scared. “Get help, Noah,” Maria breathed through ragged, uneven gasps. “Please hurry!” His body was a quivering mess, the combination of concern and his unpredictable disease overcoming him in a flood but somehow, Noah managed to control himself. He ran back into the kitchen where Peter remained frozen in place. “You must go for help at once,” he told his grandson. “Quickly now, Peter. Your midder is in a bad way and the baby is at risk.” Peter stared at him, his face pale. “NOW!” Noah roared, knowing that the boy needed to regain his footing in reality. “Peter, you must go. Your midder need you.” The words finally seemed to get through to him and Peter jumped to it, rushing out the door. He paused to look worriedly at his grandfather. “Will you be all right here with Liza and Rachel?” he asked. Once again, Noah’s pride was stung but that was hardly the time to show his upset. “Ja,” he answered curtly. “Hurry to the nearest neighbor and have him send for a doctor.” Peter opened his mouth to argue but thought better of it, clamping his lips closed to rush out of the house. “Grossdaddi, is Mammi going to die?” Rachel choked, tears streaming down her face as she stared up at her grandfather. “Is our brother going to die?” “Nee!” Noah said sharply, ushering her aside to return to Maria. “Nobody is going to die.” He hoped he wasn’t lying to his grandchild. Gotte wouldn’t be so cruel as to take Maria, would He? Not when He had an old, ravaged body in Noah that He could so easily claim instead.

A scream of pain reverberated through the house and Noah shoved past Rachel as Liza stumbled out of her mother’s bedroom. “Grossdaddi, do something!” Liza whimpered, the terror on her small face almost palpable. But as he did more and more those days, Noah stood helplessly, knowing that there was little he could do. Gone was the able-bodied farmer who had raised four children and grown a thriving farm. Gone was the young, strapping man who had once been the most eligible bachelor in the district. In that man’s place was another, feeble-bodied shell. It is all in Gotte’s hands now, he thought miserably. If He is paying attention at all.

~ ~ ~

A snow had begun to fall in light, pretty flakes against the bare trees but that was not the movement which caught Hannah’s eye when she looked out the window. Stumbling toward her house was the unjacketed form of Peter Bontrager rushing across the field, his boots untied. The boy tripped several times before Hannah moved away from the window and toward the door. “Mein Gotte, Peter!” Hannah snapped in irritation. “Who sent you out in this cold so poorly—” She didn’t have a chance to finish her question, the boy cutting her off in midsentence. “Mammi! It’s Mammi. The baby is coming!” There was no happiness in the child’s words, only a deep, resounding panic which Hannah could feel in her bones. “It isn’t time yet, is it?” Hannah wondered aloud but the question was rhetorical.

“Please, Hannah, will you go for the doctor? I can’t leave Grossdaddi alone for long and...” He trailed off as if he had said too much but Hannah shook her head. “Nonsense,” she retorted, reaching an arthritic hand toward her cloak hanging off the coatrack. “I have delivered dozens of babies in this district. I will go to the house and you can go for the doctor.” Peter stood uncertainly but Hannah had already started across the yard toward the road, heading the short distance to the Bontrager house on the other side of the field. “Hurry along, Peter. I am only one woman.” She didn’t wait to see if the boy obliged and with a renewed sense of purpose, Hannah marched forward. She was almost at the house when she heard the cries radiating out through the intensifying snow to meet her ears. It didn’t sound good and Hannah moved as fast as her aging body would carry her toward the front door. She didn’t bother to announce herself, entering without so much as a knock. As she did, her eyes immediately fell upon the tear-stained cheeks of Liza and Rachel who cowered in the living room, their chins quivering. “Where is your midder, Rachel?” Hannah asked crisply, not betraying a note of the alarm she was feeling. Without a word, the older girl pointed toward the back of the house and Hannah headed toward the sound of low moans. The door was ajar and Hannah entered, unapologetically, barely acknowledging Noah Bontrager as he stood uselessly at the side of the bed, sweat beading his brow. “Hannah!” he gasped. “What are you doing here?” “The girls need you,” she told him without glancing in his direction. “Peter has gone for the doctor. Step outside please.”

He seemed relieved at the instruction but as he headed toward the door, Hannah caught his trembling form in her peripheral vision. It is a good thing I came. He wouldn’t know what to do if I wasn’t here. “How long is David in the city?” she called out to Noah before he disappeared. “One week. The baby...he isn’t due for a month.” Hannah nodded curtly and gesture for him to close the door. “Tend to your grandchildren,” she told him. “I will look after Maria.” The door closed and Hannah turned her full attention back to Maria who seemed to be in a state of half-consciousness. “Is the baby coming, lieb?” she asked gently and Maria stared up at her, complexion waxen as she nodded slowly. “I think so, Hannah,” she whispered. “But it’s too soon!” “Shh,” Hannah told her softly. “You relax now. Let me have a look.” Wincing, Maria sat back and Hannah rose to wash her hands and call out for hot water. A moment back, she returned to the bedroom where Noah stood, holding a bucket of steaming water. Hannah looked at him in surprise. “You had water already?” He shrugged, his body still quaking as he extended his arms to give her the basin. “I from my own children,” he confessed. Hannah didn’t smile but secretly she was impressed with his quick thinking. “Fine,” she said, snatching the water from his shaking hands. “You must calm yourself. The children shouldn’t see that you are in a panic.”

Noah’s face tightened. “I am not in a panic,” he denied. “I am worried about Maria, of course.” “Then why are you shaking? Collect yourself before Liza and Rachel notice.” He opened his mouth to retort but Hannah had already closed the door in his face. Maria struggled to sit up, her hands splayed across the soaked cotton of her nightgown. “Sit back, Maria,” Hannah urged kindly but firmly. “Peter will be back with the doctor soon but I am here now. Let me see what I can do to help.” Maria grunted loudly and fell back against the pillows, raising her legs to permit Hannah to look. “It isn’t his fault,” Maria mumbled, half-delirious from the pain. “David? Of course not. He needs to travel to the city for work,” Hannah agreed, wondering why Maria would think otherwise. “He is doing his best to provide for this brood of yours. How could he know the baby was growing restless and wanted to come into the world already?” She paused and frowned. “What is it?” Maria gasped. “Is the baby coming?” Hannah shook her head. “Nee,” she replied slowly. “I don’t think so.” She sat back and lowered Maria’s gown, pressing her hands to Maria’s stomach. The woman sighed and Hannah’s frown deepened. “Rest,” Hannah said. “I’m sure the doctor will be here soon.” She went to rise but Maria grabbed Hannah’s arm with surprising strength. “It isn’t Noah’s fault,” she said and Hannah peered at Maria, perplexed.

“What are you saying, Maria?” she asked, wondering if the younger woman wasn’t in the throes of a fever. She lay her hand on Maria’s forehead and realized that she was burning with heat. “Noah. He has Parkinson’s Disease,” Maria managed to rasp out before her eyes fell shut. Before Hannah could react to this alarming change, she heard the rush of footsteps outside the door. Dr. Miller appeared, his brows raised in concern. “She just fell unconscious,” Hannah explained, stepping back to let the doctor do his job. “But I don’t think she is about to deliver. She is also running a fever.” “Danke, Hannah,” the doctor said, waving her aside. “I will call on you if I need you again.” She knew he wanted to be left alone but Hannah’s instinct was to stay at Maria’s side. Dr. Miller cast her a quick but serious look. “Leave us. Stay with the children...and Noah.” Hannah nodded, swallowing the lump in her throat as she reluctantly backed out of the room, her pulse racing. Noah is ill as is Maria. There are three small children here. I must see to them. But as she shuffled out of the bedroom, her heart was in her stomach, Maria’s words still echoing through her head. “He has Parkinson’s Disease...it isn’t his fault.” Shaking her head, Hannah went to meet the family at the front of the house where they anxiously awaited with news. Nee. This isn’t Noah’s fault nor David’s, she thought with a woeful anger. It’s Gotte’s plan, whatever that might be.

~ ~ ~

Resentment oozed from Noah as he watched Hannah bustle about the kitchen. Well, as much as a woman of her age can “bustle”, he thought dryly but he was quickly reminded that he and Hannah were the same age. And she has the ability to care for her own household while I have become a burden to my already over-worked son and his family. “Peter, take your sisters and go outside,” Noah instructed his grandson. Peter looked up from the hearth in surprise, his eyes blinking in confusion. “Grossdaddi, it’s snowing,” he protested. “It will not harm you to make a snowman,” Hannah said before Noah could reply. “The air will do you good. You have been cooped up too long inside.” Peter scowled and Noah knew he wanted nothing more than to read his book in peace but he didn’t argue. For three days, he had learned that Hannah’s word was as good as gospel when it came to the management of the household. “Come along,” Peter mumbled at his sisters. The girls squealed with delight and scurried to dress themselves for the cold December weather. Not another word was uttered between the adults until the three children had gone into the afternoon sunlight, leaving Hannah to continue preparing supper. “You do not need to stay this evening,” Noah barked the moment he was sure the children couldn’t hear. “I am perfectly capable of tending to my grandchildren.” Hannah didn’t slow her movements but Noah saw her cast him a sidelong look. “I find it difficult to imagine you making bread, Noah,” Hannah replied lightly, her hands kneading the dough before her. “If I correctly, you almost burned your mother’s house to the ground trying to bake her a cake for her birthday.” Noah tried to frown but he couldn’t help but snort at the memory. “You that, do you?” he asked, begrudgingly amused. “That was over sixty years ago.” “How much excitement have we really had in the district since then?” Hannah

chortled. “I’m not likely to forget that story.” She paused and looked at him speculatively. “But that did catch the attention of many girls at school,” she offered slyly. “I used to think that was why you did it—to catch Edith’s eye.” A pang pierced Noah’s heart at the mention of his deceased wife and he looked down at his hands. The tremors were not as bad today as they had been. The doctor had said it would take some time for the new treatment to work and it seemed that perhaps it was finally happening. A glimmer of hope shot through him. If this treatment does work, maybe I can reclaim my farm again and go back to the life I had before. Yet Noah knew it was a foolish thought. The farm had been sold to pay for his medical bills and whatever money he had remaining had gone to his sons. I’m fortunate that none of the children chose to stay on the farm or they would have lost everything with my diagnosis. “Edith was a good woman,” Noah conceded, realizing that Hannah was still watching him. “But she was far too wise to fall for my antics.” “Clearly not wise enough if she married you,” Hannah snickered. Noah’s head raised and his lips firmed. “We had a good life,” he said stiffly. “Like you and Eli.” A heavy silence fell between them, each one lost in the memory of their departed spouses. “What did Maria tell you about me?” Noah asked after several minutes of quiet. “Tell me?” Hannah asked. “About what?” She cocked her head curiously to the side and stared at him expectantly. It was difficult to know if Hannah was privy to his medical history or not.

“She must have said something that has made you come here every day since she was taken to the hospital or else why would you be here?” Hannah’s face paled slightly and she lowered her eyes. Upset washed over Noah. I was right! She does know. She’s only here because she feels sorry for me. The shame was deeper than Noah could take. “Maria has come to check on me every day since Eli died,” Hannah said before Noah could spout forth his defensive claim. “She knows I have no one now and despite her busy life, she manages to make room for me in her life. The least I can do is help with the children until David returns from Chicago from his sales.” Noah wasn’t sure what to make of her confession but in his heart, he had to it that he was grateful she was coming around. While it was true that Peter could likely care for his sisters just fine, Noah was constantly afraid that something might happen to the children on his watch. “Maybe tomorrow, you can take Peter to see his mother,” Hannah offered, wiping her floured hands on the apron around her waist. “He is melancholic without her and I’m sure they’re all worried.” Noah swallowed quickly. “Maybe,” he replied but he knew he wouldn’t do that. He couldn’t. Staying home alone with the children was scary enough but to take a cart and go into Arthur? He couldn’t guarantee their safety if something was to happen. But she’s right. Peter needs to see that his mother is fine. I can tell he worries that something terrible has happened. His jaw tightened and as he raised his head, his eyes locked with Hannah’s. “I could come too. We could bring the girls,” she continued and for a moment, he wondered if she wasn’t reading his mind. “Y-you would do that?” he heard himself ask before he could stop the words from falling out of his mouth.

“As I said; Maria has been a good neighbor and I’m sure she would like to see her children too. There is nothing more soothing to a mother’s soul than being around her children.” Noah nodded, his eyes alight with gratitude. “Ja,” he agreed. “You are right. I will tell the children. They’ll be overjoyed.” Hannah nodded and dropped her eyes back toward the counter. “Hannah?” “Ja?” “Danke.” She jerked her head up, a look of confusion coloring her face. “For what?” He shrugged slightly, feeling embarrassed. “For being here when we needed you.” A warm smile overtook her somewhat sullen face and she chuckled. “That is what neighbors are for.”

~ ~ ~

Maria was still very pale when they arrived at the hospital but her eyes lit up the moment her children surrounded her, just as Hannah had predicted. “Mammi!” the children chorused, throwing themselves onto the bed in a pile as Maria reached to stroke their fine curls. She looked at Hannah appreciatively. “Danke for bringing them, Hannah. I’ve missed them so much!”

“They have missed you too,” Hannah assured her, watching the scene with a long-forgotten warmth in her heart. It was impossible to her own children so small. “What has the doctor said, Mammi? Will you come home soon?” Peter wanted to know as he raised his head to look at her hopefully. Maria gave him a tired smile. “Ja,” she replied. “Maybe in a day or two. I have a condition which needs to be monitored carefully. If it is not, the baby will be born too early.” A jab of fear touched Hannah and she exchanged a worried look with Noah who seemed as stricken by the news as she felt. “What condition? What is it?” “Don’t worry, Hannah,” Maria told her quickly. “The doctor says everything is fine for now but he would like me to stay to make sure.” She chewed on her lower lip and Hannah knew what her worries were. “How are things at home?” she asked quietly. “Noah, how are you?” Noah bristled at the question but before he could respond, Hannah answered. “I have been spending the days at the house. Peter brings Rachel to school and we remain at the house with Liza until they return. David will be home in a few days and everything will return to normal.” Maria didn’t seem convinced but she offered Hannah a lovely beam of thankfulness all the same. “Danke for all you have done, Hannah. I feel much better knowing you are there to help but perhaps you should call on the Beacherys or see if Bishop Mailer can’t find someone to stay until David comes home.” “I am perfectly capable of remaining until David returns,” Hannah replied haughtily. “As you can see, the children are cared for. I haven’t been a terrible caretaker, have I, Peter?”

“Nee,” Peter answered quickly, darting his eyes toward her and Hannah smiled. “I don’t want to take you away from your chores, Hannah. You have matters of your own to attend.” “The ground is frozen, Maria and I have no one to go home to at night. I assure you, I am happy to help.” She could feel Noah’s eyes boring into her and when she lifted her head, she caught the unmistakable look of pity etched in his face. Her jaw became tight and Hannah turned her head away. He doesn’t need to feel sorry for me. I have had a good life. I am ready for when Gotte is ready to to take me to my Eli. Yet as she studied the family before her, eyes resting on Noah’s creased but still handsome face, Hannah suddenly didn’t feel as alone as she had before. Don’t get too comfortable with the Bylers, she warned herself. When David returns, your life will return as it was. You will be back in your house, praying for Gotte to take you home. But for the first time, the thought filled her with dread, not comfort. Maybe she didn’t want to leave this earth quite yet after all.

~ ~ ~

Maria returned home two days later where she was instructed to remain in bed. Hannah still came every day from dawn until dusk to cook and clean. Noah found himself growing to ire her tenacity. Am I envious of her? He wondered. Her ability to tend to us without the worry that her body might fail at any second. In the past few days, his tremors had been almost obsolete but Noah didn’t dare

to hope that they were gone. The neurologist he had seen in Chicago had told him that the effects of the drugs could fade, given their newness on the market. He couldn’t plan for a future he wasn’t sure he had but for the first time since his diagnosis, Noah didn’t feel fatalistic about it. Could Gotte have really heard all my prayers? Did He find it in Him to steer me back to health? Or was his about face a result of the tireless neighbor who seemed to relish in caring for his family? On Friday evening, just as Hannah finished washing the supper dishes, the sound of a buggy approaching caused the family to run to the window. “Mammi! Daed is home!” Peter screamed. “Peter! She might be asleep!” Hannah scolded him but the boy didn’t seem to heed her warning as he tore out of the house into the snow to greet his father. “He is going to catch his death if he keeps running around like that,” Hannah huffed but there was no anger in her tone. Noah could see that she was happy David had returned. Now she can return home and not be bothered with our problems. A moment later, David rushed into the house, his face gaunt with concern. “Where is Maria?” he demanded, looking at his father in a panic. “She is fine, David,” Noah assured him. “The doctor is monitoring her very closely and she and the baby are fine.” David looked hopelessly at Noah before sprinting toward the back of the house. He returned a minute later, looking crestfallen. “She’s asleep,” he murmured. “I didn’t want to wake her.” “Gud,” Hannah said. “She needs her rest. Let me make you a kaffi, David.” He looked at his surly neighbor, clearly shocked by her kindness and nodded

slowly. “Ja. That would be gud, Hannah.” As Hannah disappeared into the kitchen, David turned back to his father. “What is she doing here?” he wanted to know. Noah laughed. “Keeping this family in one piece,” the older man replied. “She has been here every waking moment since Maria fell ill.” David’s eyes bulged in disbelief. “Why?” he asked. “She has never liked us!” “I find that very difficult to believe,” Noah replied. “If not for her...” David’s eyes darkened as if he was thinking about something. “She is alone,” he mused quietly. “Without family.” “I think she has come to think of us as her family,” Noah said softly. He did not add that he was beginning to think the same way of her. “Interesting,” David said but he clamped his mouth closed as Hannah returned with a steaming mug in her hands. “I will be going now,” Hannah announced. “Call on me if you need anything.” “Hannah!” Noah called out, aghast that she would leave so abruptly. “You can stay if you like.” A watery smile touched her lips and she shook her head. “For what?” she asked lightly. “You don’t need me anymore.” Without waiting for a response, she moved toward the door, pausing briefly to smile at the children before disappearing out the door. But before she went, Noah saw the unmistakable glistening in her eyes and he knew then that she felt just as they all did.

“Will she come back tomorrow, Grossdaddi? She promised to read a Matt Christopher book with me!” Peter asked, a look of desperation on his face. Noah looked away and shook his head. “I don’t think so, Peter,” he replied quietly, noting the stricken look on the boy’s face. And Noah didn’t blame his grandson in the least for feeling the way he did. He felt as though he had lost another part of him when Hannah had walked out that door.

~ ~ ~

Somehow, Hannah managed to keep the tears from falling over her wrinkled cheeks as she walked across the roadway toward her house but that didn’t stop the heaviness in her from weighing her down like a leaden weight. Inside, the house seemed colder than it had ever been and as she started the fire and lit the lamps, she couldn’t shake the chill that had seeped into her, filling her with a deep sadness. You are being dumkupp, she chided herself. You will see the Bylers often, just as you did before. But no amount of rationalizing could stop the ache in her heart. When she sat in Eli’s chair, she realized that she could not longer smell him there for the first time. He giveth and He taketh away, Hannah reminded herself. Just as He always has. The gentle knock on the door almost went unnoticed as she continued to slip deeper into her despair. “Hannah?” Abruptly, she sat up and looked around in confusion until she heard yet another

tap on the front door, this one not lost in her subconscious. “Noah!” she exclaimed, blinking as she opened the door. “What are you doing here?” He smiled. “May I come in?” “Ja, of course,” she said, stepping back to allow him inside. “Is everything okay? How is Maria?” “Maria is fine,” Noah assured her. “Everything is well.” She frowned. “Then what is it?” A slight defensiveness coursed through her. “Are you checking on me?” Noah laughed. “Nee. I know you are quite able to care for yourself,” he answered. “Then what?” “David asked me to come,” he replied and Hannah grunted rudely. “He hasn’t been home a moment and he is already nosing around here, is he?” Noah chuckled again. “Nee, Hannah. Put down your fists. He asked me to come and ask for your help.” An unexpected jolt of pleasure shot through Hannah but she managed to keep her expression neutral. “With what?” she asked. Noah nodded toward the fire and Hannah let him to warm himself. “It is nothing you haven’t done before,” Noah said, sinking onto the sofa, his

eyes trained on her speculatively. “He is hoping that you might come as you have to help at the house.” “But he’s home now,” she said, surprised. “Why would he want me there?” “He was planning to give up his trips to the city to stay with me and Maria,” Noah sighed, the regret in his voice almost palpable. “But if he does that, his carpentry business will take a big hit. Most of his clients are in Chicago. Money would be very tight.” Hannah felt her pulse quicken and she stared at Noah in disbelief. “And he wants me to come when he is gone?” “Not only when he is gone. Every day. Maria will need the assistance too and Peter has taken to you.” Hannah peered at him pensively. “And you?” she asked quietly. “How do you feel about this arrangement?” Noah’s smile widened and he met her eyes squarely. “I feel that it is wonderful to have a friend again,” he confessed. “And I think you feel the same way.” Hannah didn’t know what to say but the beat of her heart answered him purely; it did feel good to be a part of something again. “Ja,” she finally managed to say. “Ja, it is good to have friends.” They held onto one another’s gaze for a long moment and Hannah nodded slowly. “Well?” Noah pressed. “What should I tell David?” “You can tell David that I wasn’t going anywhere anyway.” “Oh no?” Noah teased. “Nee. Gotte had other plans.”