Journal Of A Last Hurrah 3sv6d

Journal of a Last Hurrah Angelica Kate

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To everyone who has lost someone to a terminal illness, this book is a reminder of the memories that help us carry on!!

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Cover by Liz Seils

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Angelica Kate © 2020 Angela K. Naff

Table of Contents

PROLOGUE CHAPTER 1 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 3 CHAPTER 4 CHAPTER 5 CHAPTER 6 CHAPTER 7 CHAPTER 8 CHAPTER 9 CHAPTER 10 CHAPTER 11 CHAPTER 12 EPILOGUE

PROLOGUE

The boat was pulling away from the shore. He could feel it moving underneath himself. Unlike the hoards pushing their weight toward the railing to wave goodbye to loved ones, he decided to beat the crowd and make his way to his cabin. He wanted to get settled in before planning for the remainder of the day. That, and he had no one to wave to and no desire to get caught up in the ocean of human bodies crammed along the railing. Pulling the suitcase handle up from its nestling spot within the luggage, he started in the direction that the crew escort had indicated he could locate elevators. His cabin, based on the map he looked at alongside the elevators, was located several floors below where he currently stood and on the opposite side of the boat. He squared his shoulders and started the journey to his cabin, his home for the next week. This was his mother’s idea to get him to cut loose and have some fun, a weeklong cruise by himself. He knew that she was hopeful he would meet someone, bring her home, and live happily ever after. The slight sarcastic twist of his lips was the outward expression of just how likely that was to happen. Being an Oncology Research Scientist, a career that had originally been thrust upon him by fate, he was fortunate to enjoy the work he did these days. The satisfaction of helping solve some of the world’s greatest medical challenges gave him a feeling that nothing else competed with him and left little time or room for a woman in his life. Unfortunately, it also came with a huge downside, in that more of his patients died than went on to happy endings in the clinic his family founded and ran. By the time that patients qualified for one of his clinical trials, they had few or no options left to treat their given disease. They were seeking one final hurrah, one last glimmer of hope that they could continue living. Willing to do anything to leave a legacy or a whisper of optimism on their bedside for future patients, many made heart-wrenching choices. He worked behind the scenes and not face to face with the patients, as dealing with the emotional side effects of disease and death was not a forte he had ever mastered. His mother was fortunate to work on the side of the same industry that saw more wins than losses, and she was still able to hold onto her sunny personality. She was a favorite among the patients, whereas he avoided any personal interaction whenever possible. His bedside manner was clinical and unemotional and was why his mother rode him about getting a more robust social life. On the other hand, she loved to interact with the families and make them part of the “clinic

family” and often held the hands of those left behind in the final days. She maintained that one patient walking out of her clinic to continue their lives cancer or disease-free made it all worthwhile, and he seldom saw her not radiating her optimism to any who needed it. It had been after a particularly dismal round of clinical trials that she had booked this “surprise” birthday cruise and guilted him into the trip. He was observant enough to recognize that she had chosen a vacation from which there was no escape for seven days, probably another smart move on her part, he acknowledged. She was the one woman who knew him best and the only one he had ever found that could get him to do things he wouldn’t have without her pleading. Pushing the button to draw an elevator to his current position, he reached into his pocket to pull out the document that would confirm the information regarding his specific cabin number. When the ding announced the vehicle's arrival, he moved forward, neglecting to look for other guests who might impede his advancement. Running smack into another body, he was jarred from his introspection. “Sorry,” he muttered as he glanced up at the offended party. “It’s okay,” a woman about his age mumbled back as she continued moving into the elevator. “What floor?” He asked, not taking his eyes off her. She wasn’t overtly beautiful, but her chocolate brown eyes, auburn hair that danced with slivers of red, and ridiculously long lashes held his attention. She didn’t appear any more comfortable than he was and fiddled with her bags as she read the paperwork that she held. “Seven,” she finally responded. “Is this your first cruise?” he asked, surprising himself at the sudden urge to socialize. “Yeah, my sister talked me into it,” she said. It was obvious from her expression that there was more to the story. “If it makes you feel better, my mother booked my vacation and demanded I take

it.” “Do you still live with your mother?” she asked and then gave a slight shake of her head. “Sorry, I don’t always have a socially acceptable filter.” He chuckled, “I have the same issue. And no, I don’t live with my parents, but I do work with my mom. I’m a...,” he stopped when he saw her hold up a hand. “Don’t tell me. Make something up.” “Excuse me?” “Haven’t you ever wanted to be someone you aren’t?” “I guess,” he said through the wrinkled brow, wondering where that had come from. “So, make something up,” she shrugged, extending her hand, “Hi, I’m... Scarlett.” “I’m Asher,” he said, taking her hand. “Nice to meet you, Asher,” she smiled up at him. Her perfect full mouth sliced into two halves of the prettiest smile that he had ever seen. That radiating happiness was the best gift he had received in quite some time. “Well, Scarlett...since we are pretending to be people we aren’t, are we going to act like different people also?” “Absolutely! I think we should do it up right. Don’t you? I mean, no one knows us on this ship; we can be anyone we want for one week. And I, for one, know I could use a trip away from my reality...how about you?” He thought about that for a minute. She had a point. Channeling someone else without any names, repercussions, or guilt...that could get him into some.... FUN! “Agreed. With that in mind, care to me for dinner?” He could see the indecision flitter across her face, and then she closed her eyes

briefly and took a deep breath. Pinning him with her glorious eyes a moment later, she said something no woman had said to him, ever. “I would love to have dinner with you.” Maybe this vacation thing wasn’t going to be such a bad idea, he thought, grinning to himself.

CHAPTER 1

Six Months Later Zane was having an extraordinarily stressful day. More like a week. It was how things went when researching only the most critically ill. Sometimes you made baby step advances, and many times, there were numerous backward steps strung together. He scowled as he looked over the results from the latest study. The numbers were not optimistic, and without a break, the latest grant would run out by the end of the year, and without any return on investment, that would make it a bad bet to renew. He decided that after sixteen hours straight in the lab, he needed some fresh air. Taking a quick look down at his shirt, he determined that a shower and fresh clothing would not be completely without merit. Rubbing his eyes from the frustration, he shrugged out of his lab coat and grabbing his cell phone and keys, heading for the door. “Just the son I was looking for,” his mother’s overly cheerful voice penetrated the fog settling over his brain. “If you were looking for the other one, I would recommend a séance,” he quipped. “Zane,” she said in mild chastisement. “What’s wrong? How are the numbers looking?” “Not good,” he sighed. “I’m hoping this next round gives us a better baseline. The first group was all over the place, and I’m having a tough time figuring out how to present a medium.” “Would it be easier to pick a single cancer, metastasized scenario? I know we are trying to reach a cross-section, but unfortunately, we also need to consider that at the end of the day, we need to justify further funding.” He could feel her stop and stare without having to look up. She was the optimist amongst them, but pragmatic also. When you were attempting to cure the most advanced cancers, you needed to continue the journey over any length of time. They lost more patients than most, but still, they were considered the place to go when all other avenues dried up. He wondered at her ability to appear so upbeat in the face of such dire diagnoses of her patients. The families and patients alike adored her, yet she ran the clinic with a firm eye on the budget. She lived as he did, to ensure that they could continue to find new cures and allow future

families not to suffer losses from these same cancers. “If you could give me just another day with fresh eyes in the morning, I will give you my final recommendation.” “Fair enough,” she said, moving closer to him, which caused him to look up finally. “How long since you had a decent meal?” He glanced at the watch on his wrist, and with a grimace, he tried to soften the news, “twelve or so?” “Sweetie, you were never a good liar,” she said, giving him that look that told him she knew he was fibbing. “Okay, eighteen, but I’ve only been in the lab a bit over sixteen.” “Which means you went boxing this morning?” “Yeah. Ted met me when he got off work.” “Honey, neither of you is going to meet a nice girl and settle down with the hours you keep.” “Price you pay for trying to save the world, but just FYI, Ted has a girlfriend. A resident who is working in pediatrics at the hospital named Aubree. She’s quite a bit younger, but it seems to work,” he shrugged. He had met her a couple of times, and while she was a bit flighty and too talkative for his tastes, Ted was obsessed with her. “Wow, I didn’t know. Maybe I need to renew my efforts to find you, someone who works here,” she teased. “Mom, we had a deal.” “Yep, but the cruise only got you off the hook for a year.” Mention of the cruise he had taken earlier in the year made him conjure up Scarlett’s face. The elevator ride had been just the beginning. They had spent every waking minute together, and by day four, even the downtime was spent in his cabin. He ed how uncomfortable she had appeared in that bikini,

but how turned on the tiny scraps of blue had made him. Six hours in the sand and surf, and they hadn’t made it to dinner in the main dining room that night. He had never done anything so reckless or free in his life. He wryly smiled, ing the best week of his life, bar none. He had known that it wouldn’t last forever, but he had kicked himself every day since for not at least getting her real name. That would have made finding her at least a possibility. “You going to ever tell me what happened on that cruise?” “Why? Nothing to tell.” “Really? Every time I bring it up, you get this sappy look on your face I’ve not seen before. Don’t tell me there wasn’t a girl?” she asked, hope written clearly across her face. “I won’t. Did you come down here for a reason, Mom? Otherwise...” She interjected, “Yes, we have three new patients this week, and I would like you to stop by to meet them when you have a minute.” “Is it necessary? You know patients, and I don’t mix.” “I understand and will keep it brief, but sometimes they need to know all the players helping in their battle. Besides, that big science brain of yours helps them to understand what goes on behind the scenes. Some like to know that side of it also.” “Okay,” he looked down at the calendar. “I can make it up on Friday, say 11 a.m.” She pulled out her cell phone, and after a few clicks, looked up at him. “Works great. I have you down. Meet me in my office at 11 a.m., and we can make the rounds together.” “Will do,” he flung the messenger bag over his shoulder and started for the door. “I love you,” his mother said. “And I love you,” he dropped a kiss on her forehead.

It was an aged but necessary routine they went through whenever they said goodbye. He knew the reason, and even 17 years after that fateful night, he never could forget. It was the reason for everything he did and the small amount of affection he allowed in his structured world. He loved his parents more than anything and would give everything he had to heal their wounds. He had only said those three little words to one other human outside his immediate family, and he had ensured that Scarlett was asleep that last night before uttering them into the stillness. You couldn’t truly love someone after only one week, he thought, but in the heat of that break from reality, his heart had been telling him something different. It was a secret he would never share with his mother...or anyone else for that matter.

Scarlett hated hospitals. She understood better than anyone the necessity of such places but wished that she could finally see the last of them. It was beginning to look like her five-year battle was not going to end the way her family had always hoped, and more than anything, she wished she could change that for them. Her twenty-ninth birthday was just two days away, and she was grateful to have made it so far, but realistically understood that it was more than likely her last. She had been fortunate, and between a couple of setbacks in her treatment, she had been blessed with long periods of respite. Numerous friends along the way had already gone on ahead, having lost their battle. She had been given the gift of time and memories with her family, and despite how it was headed felt blessed. Looking over at her mom, busy trying to settle her into another hospital room and “make it look homey,” she felt an unusual melancholy come over her. She wasn’t afraid to die anymore. She had been gifted with a great family, along with wonderful memories, and knew that she had fought this disease like a champ. She feared the damage her ing would inflict on her family, though, the one constant in this tumultuous sea of hospitals and specialists. She didn’t want them to end up paying a heavy toll for this road. Her mother tried to be strong, but Scarlet had heard her give way to her grief sometimes at night when she thought everyone was asleep. Her father worked hard to ensure that they could travel and seek whatever treatment was needed. When things got rough, he always flew to her side. She was one half of his heart, and her sister, Talia, the other. She was glad they would still have Talia after leaving them to see them through to old age. Talia was the older of the two of them by three minutes and six seconds, but those ticks of the clock had bestowed so much on her. She was “the smart” sister, the one who graduated valedictorian, never had a boyfriend to corrupt her, graduated early and with honors from college, and held a great teaching job at her alma mater. She was steady, smart, and loyal. The opposite of her flighty, carefree, and outgoing sister, but when it counted, the two of them always had each other’s back. “Honey, do you want me to set these books out somewhere?” Scarlett looked over to her mom to determine what books she referred to and

saw the journal and romance paperbacks. “No, just put them down by my bed where I can reach them.” “Anything else you need from me?” she said, wiping her hands on her pants and gazing around. “I need to go settle into the hotel.” “No. The doctors aren’t due to meet with us until eleven, so why don’t you go now.” Her mom walked over, opening her arms as the distance shortened. She walked into them, wrapping hers around her mom, soaking in the warmth. “I love you,” she whispered. “And I love you,” her mom reciprocated. “This much,” she said, indicating her two crossed forefingers. It was an expression they had shared for as long as she could , and it meant around the world and back. “Hey, when you come back...think you could sneak me in a burger and shake?” “Absolutely,” her mother looked taken aback. “Are you feeling okay today?” “Yeah, you wouldn’t know the cancer monster was eating me from the inside,” she said gaily. “Scarlett!” her mother chastised. She never appreciated the biting, off the wall comments. The sarcasm was what got Scarlett through, and maybe, truth be told, shocking her mom a bit now and then. She grinned and walked toward the bed as her mom slipped out the door. Glancing at the television, she thought better of it when she saw the journal she had not read recently. She flipped through the port, which had new stamps on the eighth page. She dropped it into her purse and opened the envelope she knew had all the glorious pictures. They were breathtaking, pictures of beaches at differing times of the day. Wideopen expanses of water, and many of the boat itself. She closed her eyes and

could picture it all. Looking at the final five pictures, she inhaled. It was her, just not her. With the tropical backdrops and the sunset in the last one, she could feel her heart gasp and the ocean play when she closed her eyes. Picking up the journal, she read the first entry past the bookmark where she had left off: Arrival

I survived the flight, the scariest thing I’ve done in a long-time. All those people, and not one willing to help as I struggled to get my luggage, ascertain my next gate, and make my way through an ocean of unknown faces. That was before I saw the boat. It was majestic, sitting there patiently in the ocean, waiting for us all to board.

I can smell the sea air, feel the heat on my skin, and sense the excitement swirling around me now. For the first time, I will it I’m glad that I’m stepping outside myself and my life for a moment to partake in this grand adventure. I can’t wait to see my room, taste all the fabulous food, shop, swim, shop, maybe drink some luscious alcoholic drink, and of course shop. ☺

I decided to forgo the sending off ceremonies, as I don’t have anyone that will miss me waving to the crowd. Mom and Dad would kill me if they knew what I was doing. Oh well, I am willing to risk it.

I finally was able to get someone to direct me to the elevators and provide me some paperwork to find my cabin. As I once again struggled to lug my weight in luggage, I found the glass-encased box that would deliver all this to my home away from home for the next seven days. And then it happened. When I got on the elevator, I jostled the most handsome man I have ever seen. He had these intelligent blue eyes, was so sweet, and he had a smoking hot body under his starched shirt open at the collar.

I told him that this week was about living not in reality but rather getting away from it all and introduced myself only as Scarlett. He called himself Asher. No last names, no life stories exchanged. I could feel the goosebumps climbing my flesh when he shook my hand. He smelled so good. I’m not sure what the cologne was or if he was even wearing any, but I wanted to lean in for just one long deep whiff. I seriously caught myself wondering what he looked like under his business casual, slightly ruffled clothing that looked a bit stiff for a vacation. His hair was dishwater blonde and slightly curled at the collar it brushed. He was well built and taller than I by about five inches. He seemed distracted and not aware of the impact he was making on me. Once we made , it was like...I don’t know what it was like, but he focused on me! Completely on me, and for the first time, I was certain I could carry this off.

Have to run for now, as I’m meeting him to explore the ship—details to follow.

Scarlett closed the book with a huge grin on her face. Staring at the pictures again, she lay back against her pillows and drifted off to visions of oceans and gorgeous hunky blonde men.

CHAPTER 2

Zane looked up at the clock, trying to milk every minute before he had to meet his mother for rounds with the new patients. After less than ten hours of sleep total for the week and numerous reviews of the latest grant documentation, he could use the break. Other than a cat nap, a couple of rounds boxing with Ted, and the occasional break to appease his stomach, he had not left the lab. His shoulders hurt from the hunched shoulders and nonstop stress-inducing pace; his brain was wading through facts. His insides were demanding a solid meal, while his brain was screaming for a reprieve. Trying to be social and meet families and patients did not equate to a break, but it would have to do. As he pulled the desk drawer out to pick up his badge needed for the security scanners, he couldn’t help but notice the picture lying beneath it. Glancing around to ensure that no one would catch him, he picked it up. She didn’t know that he had snapped the photo on his phone. When he got home, he had given in to the need to have a paper copy made that he could secure in his desk for those moments when he needed a respite from his work. She was so beautiful, with the sunset and beach providing the perfect backdrop. She was staring off as if something had caught her attention, or possibly just daydreaming as he had watched her do numerous times during their brief acquaintance. It was the single most breathtaking thing he had ever seen in his life, and even now, the picture made him warm and gooey inside. Not another person in his recollection had been able to elicit even half such a response from him. At first, he had thought about hunting her down, but she was too good to be true in many ways. No woman had ever been able to garner enough of his attention to stay around longer than a few dates. He was work-obsessed, and his brain never stopped, even in the spare moments he did possess. No, he thought closing the drawer on the picture, finding her was not an option. He was grateful for their time together and the lack of tarnishing the reality that continuing work on a relationship would have yielded. She was his happy place, the favorite memory to get him through each day. It was enough, he convinced himself, replacing the picture in the drawer and carefully pushing it home. Standing up from behind his desk and walking toward the door, he refocused on the tedious task ahead. It took just a few minutes to navigate the hall and a short elevator ride before he was entering his mother’s office. The secretary hadn’t blinked an eye or tried to

impede his entrance to the office. His mother glanced at her watch, “not a moment to spare.” “And I made sure to have a fresh tie and a smile in place,” he grimaced in her direction. “I appreciate the effort, Zane. You do understand that you are a world-famous oncology researcher, and people like seeing the face behind the curtain.” “I realize that you think this is an important part of my job,” he acknowledged. She laughed, coming around the desk. “Are you going with us in the morning?” He felt the twinge of pain ricochet across his heart before he could filter it. “Yes, Mom, I’ll be there at sunrise.” “He would be so proud of you,” she said, reaching out to absently straighten the tie he had thrown on. “I hope so,” he said, trying to keep the emotion in check. The he in question was his brother Asher, who had died seventeen years before of Osteosarcoma. He had been diagnosed at age thirteen. After losing his left leg to the disease early on, he had gone into remission. Unfortunately, they had all been lulled into believing they had been the lucky ones as the years had ticked by. But at his four-year check-up, the rug had been viciously yanked out from under them, and weeks later, he had left them for good. Zane had been fifteen, and every year on the anniversary of his ing at sunrise, he accompanied his parents to mark the moment on Asher’s favorite spot just outside the city. Each year, he renewed the vow to his brother to fight the total of his life to eradicate cancer and help other families know only the hope of a cure. He missed his brother daily and had not ever completely gotten over the loss. It was hardest when he investigated the faces of families currently in the middle of their daunting battles. He was not the person to tell them that it would be all right. He refused to give them false hope. He always told them that they would do everything within their power to help, and he meant it with every fiber of his being.

“Ready, Dr. Michaels,” he asked with a wry grin. “Yes, Dr. Michaels,” she said, picking up a notepad from her desk as she walked in step with him. Within a few moments, they were standing at the main desk, looking over the file a nurse had handed his mother. “This first patient checked in yesterday. Originally diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer at twenty-two, this is her second round, and we will be doing all new scans and testing starting Monday. Her previous oncologist had been treating a reoccurrence in her uterus and bladder. Before submission for our clinical trial, her final screen showed spots not yet confirmed in her right lung and liver, putting her at a stage four diagnosis. She is currently to be twenty-nine tomorrow and is said to be upbeat and direct about her situation. Her name is Scarlett Lacy, and...” “I’m sorry,” he interrupted her. “Did you say, Scarlett?” “Yes. Why?” “No reason,” he exhaled low key to not let on to his mother the distress ringing through his brain. There had to be a million women named Scarlett in the world, and the chances of his Scarlett being the one in that bed were no higher than curing the cancers invading her body, he would bet. “Ready?” He saw his mother walk toward the door just a few feet from where they stood. “Yeah.” He could feel the pace his heartbeat stumbled before racing ahead of him. Walking through the door, he looked at the small, bald, sleeping woman curled up on the bed. Hearing them enter, she turned in their direction, and he was met with the same chocolate brown eyes that haunted his dreams. “Hi, Dr. Michaels,” she said with a bright smile. “Good Morning Scarlett,” his mother said, walking forward. “I would like to introduce my son, Dr. Zane Michaels, one of our foremost Oncology Research

Scientists here at the clinic.” “It’s nice meeting you,” Scarlett extended her hand. In a daze, he walked forward, catag two oddities in the exchange. One, she didn’t appear in any way to recognize him, and two, her familiar eyes somehow didn’t have the same impact on him. Something was off, but he couldn’t put a finger on it. “It’s nice meeting you,” he said, taking her hand. Nothing! No recognition in a touch that just a few months ago could heat him to the core. His big brain was struggling with the information it was receiving, and not a data set computing. He shook his head to clear the cobwebs and focus on the words emanating from his mother. His eyes continuing to wander the woman in front of him, it wasn’t there...and yet somehow it was. He had been right. She was too good to be true. He felt nothing for this person in front of him and tried to weigh the disappointment down and participate as his mother would expect in the interactions.

Scarlett was tired but feeling better as she often did in the morning. Without the chemotherapy or radiation treatments, even with cancer taking a tour through her body, she felt relatively good starting the day. It was just the overwhelming fatigue that zapped her strength and reminded her something was wrong as the hours progressed, while sleep continued to evade her. She decided to read the next entry in the journal. The night before, she had gotten past the first sixteen entries and was now entering day three of the cruise. The first day off the boat and she wanted to savor the details. Day 3 – Time for Fun!

We stayed up on the deck, drinking and talking until 2 a.m. It was by far the best night of my life. You should see the stars out here. I don’t think I have seen a more perfect place on earth than the sea at night. It made me feel like we were the only two people on earth, simply perfect.

We arrived overnight in port. We could see the shore with all its shops and miles of sand beckoning during our morning run at sunrise. I hurried through breakfast and exercise, and before I knew it, we were off. Asher and I had decided last night that we would go exploring in the quaint shops and then go to the beach at our second stop tomorrow. That is great because the old granny swimsuit I bought will need to be replaced today with something a bit more...well, maybe less!! ☺

So, I’ve packed a beach bag, and tried to find something appropriate to wear. I am so excited my heart is physically hurting my rib cage. I love shopping, which will be a first for me to barter with some of the locals. I did a bunch of research and can’t wait! But that isn’t the real reason for my excitement; Asher is a dream. He is so smart, open to new things, and attentive. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who sees me and—at least to me appears to enjoy what he sees.

Well, need to run – details from a shopping bonanza in a strange country to follow.

Scarlett could see that picturesque blue sky as she drifted off. Not a care in the world, just those twinkling lights bouncing joyously off the still water. It was a picture straight from a magazine. She was almost fully asleep when a soft knock and the sound of her door opening brought her back to the present. Dr. Michaels, with another good-looking male doctor in tow, entered. “Hi, Dr. Michaels,” she said, stretching and smiling. “Good Morning, Scarlett.” Dr. Michaels was said to be one of the best oncologists in the country, and Scarlett was grateful to have made it into the latest clinical trial she was running. She understood that even if she lost her fight, participating in these trials meant that someone down the road might benefit from the research and not die so young. It was in a small way how she hoped her life would have meaning after she moved on. “I would like to introduce my son, Dr. Zane Michaels, one of our foremost Oncology Research Investigators here at the clinic,” the doctor said, motioning toward him. Scarlett thought the man standing there was gorgeous in that smart, brainy way that she could appreciate from afar. His hair was a bit on the long side, wheat blonde and wavy. The blue eyes gazing at her were disconcerting and mesmerizing in turn. He was easy on the eyes, but unfortunately, he also had that stuffy, smart look her sister Talia had mastered. The slightly disheveled look, as if looks didn’t matter, and staring at people intently as if assessing and analyzing rather than just enjoying their presence. It was spooky, and the look he kept giving her was making her feel a bit off-kilter. “It’s nice meeting you,” she extended her hand with a genuine smile. She had found that men ate out of her hand when she turned that killer smile on them, cancer or not.

“It’s nice meeting you,” he said, taking her hand. Zip, zilch no electricity, no fire, no nothing...and he still had that odd look in his eyes. Oh well, she thought. It would have been nice to find a man around these parts, but Dr. Zane Michaels was not that man! “So, I like Zane to meet with my patients so they can ask any questions they have? I know we won’t start all your tests until Monday, but did you have any questions he might be able to help with now?” Scarlet reached over for a notebook on the side table. “Actually, I do if you have a few minutes.” Zane didn’t say anything. He still had that quizzical look on his face. She saw him finally shutter the inquisition playing in his eyes and gather himself after his mother nudged him. “Oh...uh...yes. Ask away,” he said, focusing. She took one final look, and not being able to figure him out, looked down at the list of questions she had jotted over the last couple of weeks. “You might want to pull up a chair, this could take a minute,” she grinned at him.

Zane couldn’t get out of the room fast enough. It had been the longest and most confusing thirty minutes of his life. He was certain that he was having an out of body experience, or at the very least hallucinating. With a brunette wig on, that woman calling herself Scarlett would be the same woman from the cruise six months prior. The very same woman he had found himself thinking of regularly since they parted ways. The same woman he had shared some very personal moments during that experience. But the Scarlett lying in that bed didn’t him, he was certain of it. Nobody was that good of an actress, and he hadn’t felt anything when they touched. Scarlett had asked direct and pertinent questions about her diagnosis and treatment. She was perceptive and straightforward. All attributes he could appreciate. What she wasn’t was the smart, beautiful woman he had wanted back in his life. Cancer aside, something was different, and it was eating away at his intellect, trying to unravel the puzzle. In turn, making him angry that it was occupying him more than personal matters normally did. “Zane?” His mother came up behind him. “Yeah,” he turned to her. “What happened back there?” “Nothing, I’m just out of sorts today. Sorry.” “I’m worried about you. I understand you dislike meeting the patients, but this was...even stranger than normal,” she said, cocking her head as if she could find the cause on his face. He shook his head, and turning, placed both hands on the desk in front of him. Drawing in a long breath, he slowly released it. “Honey, you can talk to me.” His mother laid a hand on his shoulder in a rare display of public affection. “I just...Have you ever seen someone and thought you knew them from somewhere, but...” “You thought you had met that girl before?”

“Yeah. But I was wrong,” he looked back at the door. The last vestige of the hope he had clung to after that idyllic cruise vanished. “I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.” “Was she someone important?” his mom asked in a whisper. He thought about the question for a moment and realized the difference an hour can make in a lifetime. For him, the last sixty minutes had seen hope torn asunder and slip from his grasp. “I promise, I’m better...let’s move on to the next patient,” he plastered the smile in place. “Okay,” she said, walking toward the cabinet holding patient folders. Pulling one, she returned, looking him in the eye. “You know I’m always here if you need a sounding board.” “Yeah, I know. Thanks.” He took a final glance at Scarlett’s door, then rolling the kinks out of his shoulders, he went back to the one certainty in his world. His job was healing other people's bodies. He had no idea how to go about healing his own damaged heart.

CHAPTER 3

Scarlett was spending the morning getting ready for her birthday party. She refused to allow her inability to leave the clinic to impede her celebration. Her mother would bring cake and presents up to share with others on the floor in a little over an hour. She loved her birthday. It was the one day a year that sured every other holiday for her. This would be the first year that Talia couldn’t share with her, as she was knee-deep in istering and grading final exams for her students. The best gift of all would come the following weekend when Talia came to visit for the summer break. With finals behind her, she had promised to spend the next month with Scarlett. Having her sister with her at the clinic meant more than she could put in words and was enough salve for everything that ailed. For the first time in twenty-nine years, she would celebrate the momentous day without her sister, which did cause a pause in her step. She looked at the clock and was grateful that she had an hour before her mom showed up. She was winded from dressing and doing her hair. Sitting on the edge of the bed, she grabbed the journal. Swinging her legs around, she opened to the page bookmarked by the leather tassel. It was beach day; she couldn’t wait. Day 4 – Life’s a Beach (haha play on words)

After staring at my ghost white legs, midsection, and butt in the mirror, changing twice, and trying on the sheer cover I brought with me, I have decided to take a small nip of the tequila I bought yesterday...just kidding! I’m grateful that I will never see Asher again because I will go out in this tiny blue suit. And if he starts laughing or looks disgusted in any way, I’m coming back to the cabin and hiding for the rest of the cruise! I can’t believe I’m going to do this and hadn’t planned it, or I would have paid good money for a bottle tan.

We had so much fun yesterday, though. We shopped and ate at a tiny café in this quaint Mexican village. It was wonderful. I have so many gorgeous pictures to share. And then we shopped some more—so I have lots of souvenirs to along also. There was one place that made delicate animals out of sea glass. They are so dainty and perfect that I just had to have one. I bought a dolphin that is sublime.

Scarlett reached out and pulled her purse over. From the zippered side pocket, she pulled the dolphin out. It was the most precious thing ever, she thought, as the glass refracted the light, causing a tiny rainbow effect. Closing her hands around it, she continued to read.

I am so glad I’m doing this but never expected to conquer so many of my fears along the way. I love that without Asher knowing my last name, I feel free to just go with it. I mean, what are the chances we will ever run into each other again? Today, I’m hoping that he might repeat that little peck of a kiss he gave me outside my cabin last night. The man is so yummy to look at he turns me to go, yet so smart we never lack something to talk about. I like to imagine he is a rocket scientist, or math wizard, or something exotic in his real life. Anyway, I need to run, but I will make sure to keep taking lots of pictures.

P.S. I wish my sister was here, she would love the ocean. It was all she ever talked about—swimming in the sea and taking a cruise somewhere awesome. I am taking tons of pictures and writing this down to every detail, but I wish she were here instead. That would be so much better!

Scarlett wiped her eyes and drifted off to sleep. She could see that tiny swimsuit, and a smile curved her lips. Not everyone could carry it off without effort, but she always loved the itsy-bitsy swimsuits that made the boys do a double-take. She could see the ocean and smell the surf as she gripped the dolphin. Within moments she was frolicking in those waves and having the time of her life. The sun on her sensitive skin, the people with drinks dotting the landscape. It was a marvel, she thought, turning her face to the sun. Moments later, she felt the wind at her backside as she ran toward the water.

Zane finished writing some orders in the last of the files. As he turned, he was caught by one of the nurses. “Do you know where your mother is? Or Dr. Reeves?” “No, I came straight from the lab. Sorry,” his adrenaline hitched a notch at the worried look and frenzied motions. “Okay,” she picked up a phone and paged again. “Dr. Reeves or Michaels to the 3rd-floor nursing station.” “What’s up?” he asked before he could his aversion to getting involved. “Brody in four,” she pointed as if he had never been on the floor before. “His blood pressure is bottoming out.” “Let me see,” he stated on autopilot. The shocked look on her face didn’t go unnoticed. “Before my current role, I did a residency with real patients, .” “Yeah, I was just told you don’t work with them. Ever!” She said, obviously not able to bridle her shock. He grimaced and held his hand out for the chart. The sheet did show a disturbing decline in pressure over the last few readings. He had an idea and turned away, still holding the information. “What are you doing?” “If one of the good doctors shows up, send them in,” he said, heading toward the door. After a brief introduction to Brody and his family, he sought permission to examine the boy who was struggling to breathe in addition to his other symptoms. They shook their heads to the positive, granting his request, and he moved in. Surprised at how easily it all came back to him. He was only a minute into the exam, jotting a few notes down when his mother walked through the door.

“Zane, I heard you were in here,” she said, smiling at him. “Hi Brody, Mr. and Mrs. Geogg, I see we seem to be having a problem,” she said smoothly, moving to his side. Not one to interfere where not needed, Zane stepped aside as his mother perused the chart. “Thanks,” his mom mouthed to him as he headed back out the door. Determined to make good on his escape from the patient floor, he purposefully put one foot in front of another. “Dr. Zane,” sounded a chipper voice. “Want some cake?” He stopped short and braced his psyche before turning to greet the patient. “Excuse me?” he said, turning. There stood Scarlett with a tiara on her head and a gaudy boa draped around her shoulders. His brain ed his mother telling him about her birthday before the consult the day before. “Happy Birthday Scarlett.” “Thanks! Hope you don’t mind me calling you Dr. Zane, but two Dr. Michaels is a bit confusing.” “That’s fine,” he shrugged, as he doubted he would see her again. “So, cake?” she asked, holding up a slice that was half consumed. “Can I have one someone hasn’t taken a bite out of?” “Definitely. Come inside my lair,” she said, playfully waving her arm into her room. She led him past a man he thought must be her father. “How are you feeling?” he asked, quickly taking in the faces of her parents. He knew the look concerned parents got when a child was having an especially bad day. “You know,” she shrugged. “Like cancer is having its par-tay inside of me. This is my Dad Noah and Mom Lois. Guys, this is one of the badass research people and Dr. Michael’s son.” “Nice meeting you,” Noah Lacy extended a hand.

“It is wonderful to meet you,” her mom gushed, rushing over to add her greeting. For a minute, she had looked ready to hug him, and he was grateful for the redirect when she just pumped his hand up in down instead. “So, chocolate decadence or lemon?” She indicated the huge sheet cake with pieces cut out of both sides, revealing the internal flavoring. “Wow, how did you manage those two flavors in a single cake?” he asked, amused. “My mom can talk anyone into anything,” she said with pride, reaching over and spontaneously hugging the woman. “Well, I’ll take lemon.” “That’s Talia’s favorite. Mine is the chocolate. Thus, the cake split down the middle.” He nodded as if understanding the information. “Talia is Scarlett’s sister,” Lois Lacy must have seen the confusion and taken pity on him. “She had to work but will be here next Friday night and has promised to stay for a month...if I am here that long...so we had the lemon cake in her honor,” Scarlett prattled on. He found himself grinning. She was, despite the horrible illness, upbeat and the type of woman men would find captivating. She held the room in her hand, and if her sister was anything like her, he pitied her parents. They must have boundless amounts of energy. Even without hair, she had a perfect complexion, those brown puppy dog eyes, and a full mouth. Objectively, he could state without reservation that she was beautiful, but it still put him off his game when he realized that she didn’t stir him as she had when he first met her. He had never been drawn to the life of the party type. They never had much in common past the first initial spark. In this case, the spark was absent now, so history held. She handed him the cake, and he took a bite. It was heaven. He loved lemon flavoring. Bars, cakes, or candy, it didn’t matter. Something about the sweet but tart got him every time.

“Thank you,” he said, turning to go then stopping suddenly when something caught his eye. He moved forward as if in a trance and looked down at the tiny dolphin. “Where did you get this?” he asked. He ed the day in Mexico when he had watched the gorgeous brunette fall in love with it. She had made cooing noises as if it were a baby. He felt the corners of his mouth turn up at the memory. “Mexico,” Scarlett said, “isn’t it exquisite?” He turned and looked at the open face. There was no guile in those depths. “Yes, it is. Thank you for the cake,” he headed to the door. “It was nice meeting you,” Lois mimed as he ed. “And you,” he said to her, nodding to Noah. Walking from the room, he was lost in his reflections. Something was seriously off. Maybe he was dreaming, and he would wake up soon. Pinching his arm unobserved, he determined that theory faulty. Maybe cancer had affected her memory. But why did he feel nothing around her? Maybe it just hadn’t been that memorable of a time together on the cruise. He thought back. That was not the case, he allowed, as his pulse hitched into a full trot ing those last few nights aboard ship. Whatever he was missing, he figured he was better off not knowing and headed back to the safety of his lab. Some of life’s mysteries were not meant to be understood, and this for him appeared to be one of them.

Scarlett needed to rest. It had been a trying but wonderful day. Sharing her special day with the staff and her parents had made it just about as perfect as it could be. The only thing better was to be able to talk to Talia. She glanced at the clock and knew that she needed to wait ten minutes for the last class to end for her sister. She reached for the journal and picked up where she had left off that morning. Day 5 – Next Stop Scarlett turned the pages to and fro; somewhere between the morning of Day four and this page, some details had gotten left out. She grinned. That might be a good thing, she thought, returning to the page.

Okay, I’m not even certain what I should write down here. I must be quick this morning, as we are at another port, and today we are going snorkeling. I have never thought those words would come out of my mouth, but there they are...I’m going snorkeling! In the ocean! With fish! I’m so excited I can’t sit still.

Yeah, yeah...I know... What happened to the rest of Day four?

Here’s what I will say. The bikini was a hit, and we had the time of our lives. However, I might have had a bit too much of the “famous rum punch” and mixed it with the sun. I was not acting myself. We swam, kayaked, and then I gave myself a cheap pedicure, burying my feet in the sand. It was pure heaven. Everything is brighter, more laid back, and smells divine here. Either that, or it’s the company I am keeping. I know that you can’t fall in love with a man after four days, especially when you know nothing about him, but believe me, Asher is the perfect guy.

We discussed global warming patterns, natural cures from the sea, and statistical modeling, all in one afternoon. He is considerate, never once looked

at another woman—even when several much hotter women kept trying to draw his eyes. And I know it might be the rum punch, but good god, that man has a kiss that makes me weak in the knees. Anyway...that is all I can say about day four of my excursion. But I will say I only made it back to my cabin to shower and prep around six a.m. this morning. ☺

I have about two hundred pictures at this point and made sure that they have underwater cameras. I know that snorkeling is on THE LIST, and I will make sure that every nuance is documented so it can be relived and ed for years to come. I need to run now...but I will be sure no matter what, I document today better than National Geographic has ever done.

Scarlett felt the tear escape under her lid. She reached into her purse and unzipped the side pocket. Taking out the tattered list, she looked at the list of ten items. #7 snorkel in the ocean and get a poor girl’s pedicure on a cruise somewhere warm. She crossed through it. So many items and only the final three remained now. No matter the news this week, she vowed she would see them through to number ten.

Zane sat nursing a beer at the bar table, trying to tune in to the game about to start. “What’s up with you tonight? You seem edgier than normal?” “It’s nothing,” he said to Ted, trying to deflect. “Seriously, I’m your best friend, and shortly two gorgeous women are going to us. I need you out of this funk. So, spill...now!” Ted hit Zane on the arm. “I still can’t believe I agreed to let you have Aubree bring a friend,” he chuckled, taking a swig. “Me neither. You will like Gail. She’s a trauma nurse and super smart. Not bad to look at either, I promise.” “I’m good. What’s the worst that can happen, dinner, game, and then we part ways if she wears on me. If not, we will see.” “That’s the spirit, now spill.” “Okay, you that girl Scarlett that I told you about, the one from the cruise?” “How could I forget? I was almost ready to hunt her down for you. You, my friend, were smitten when you got back...no... have you found her?” He sat forward in his seat, suddenly interested to see where this story was going. “Not exactly,” Zane ran a hand over his face distractedly. “I know this is going to sound nuts but hear me out. My mom has a patient named Scarlett, who checked in this week.” “Oh god, that means she’s dying,” Ted said, with horror tracking his face. “NO...well, yes. Stage four ovarian cancer reoccurrence. But that’s what’s so weird. She looks like the Scarlett from the cruise and even has this little dolphin she keeps with her that looks like one we purchased in Mexico. But she doesn’t know me at all!” He stopped and looked at Ted, who just sat in silence for a moment.

“Are you sure?” “Positive. It’s the most bizarre thing. And it’s not her...I mean, she doesn’t make me feel...,” he rubbed a hand over his chest. “She’s flightier, and cheerier, and just not...something.” “That is weird. Have you asked her about it?” He laughed. “What am I going to say? Excuse me, are you the one I fell in lust with on a cruise ship six months ago? She’s a patient, Ted.” “So, what’s the problem? Just let it go.” “Yeah, I guess. I just really thought....” “Seriously, you never even got her full name, where she lived, what she did for a living...zip. Did you think she was going to walk back into your life, and you were going to live happily ever after?” Having his best friend say the words out loud, he could hear how ridiculous they sounded. “You’re right.” Ted waved toward the entrance. “Forget her,” he whispered to Zane. “Meet Gail,” he said as a cute little blond nurse sidled up to the table with Ted’s girlfriend, Aubree. Zane plastered on a smile, determined to make the most of his one night away from the clinic. He wouldn’t allow his current puzzlement to destroy a possibility with the beautiful Gail. Besides, he owed Ted, who deserved a night out as much as he did.

CHAPTER 4

“Talia,” Scarlett whispered into the phone. She hurt all over, and not even her mother’s ministrations could help. It had been a long day of poking and prodding. It was something that she had gotten used to undergoing and was part of her existence for patches of her life. It never made it easier, and to make things worse, she was feeling weaker today than in previous days. The weakness always made her more emotional, and she just wished that Talia was here to climb into bed and comfort her. “Hi. How are you?” Talia asked, and suddenly it was just better. She never was able to tell someone in words what her sister meant to her, but Talia was Scarlett’s superhero. She was everything that Scarlett wasn’t, and somehow that made her the half she couldn’t be. When they were separated, sometimes the emotional toll was harder on her than the physical. “I’m making it... I just needed my sisterly pick me up.” “I’m sorry. I wish I could be there. Just three more days and I promise I won’t leave for a month. You will kick me out by then.” “Doubt it,” Scarlett said, moving around, trying to find a comfortable spot. “So, what are they saying?” “Nothing. We have a meeting tomorrow to review the initial tests and determine a plan of action. Still telling me, I have cancer...so there is that.” “Scarlett! That’s not funny. How is mom?” “Good, hovering as usual. She seems to like the city, though, because she has been getting out and meeting people. Holding to our agreement,” she added, trying not to let the pain be heard through the phone lines. Her mother had always agreed to be near to her when needed, but she could no longer sit in a hospital room all day. Scarlett wanted her out, enjoying the sunlight, finding activities, and having some measure of fun rather than always coddling. It had made their relationship stronger, and her mother much less stressed and tired all the time, as she had been the previous year. “That’s good. She wouldn’t make things better just sitting there staring at you all day.”

“Dad was here for the weekend, which was nice. He left late Sunday and is hoping to make it up the week of the Fourth of July. Mom is researching activities here in the city and hoping I will feel up to a family outing that day.” “He told me the new guy is working out great, and he is hoping to relinquish more and more of the day to day to him over the next few months.” “Tally, you think he and Mom will be okay?” She whispered the question. “I just want to know that they are going to be okay.” She heard the exhalation across the phone, “Scar...you just need to worry about getting better. But yes, I promise they will be okay after...should it come to that. We all will because we are worried about you coming back to haunt our butts if we don’t carry on happily.” “Good. I worry about that. So, how is the semester finishing up for you?” she asked genuinely, wanting to hear about anything outside of the pain and misery of her existence. An hour later, after getting one hundred percent up to speed on each other’s news, they signed off. Scarlett felt better, and after a minute, picked up the journal. She was ready for bed and needed some fuel for her dreams.

Day 5 – Recapping Heaven

I am not certain there are words to describe today. The experience of being completely one with the fish and creatures below the sea was mind-blowing. The water was so clear that I could see in so many directions as we explored the underworld. It was amazing, the colors of the fish and how close they let us get. It felt like floating and being in a science fiction movie at the same time. It was also sort of surreal, as there wasn’t any noise. So quiet, and yet all this activity around you...felt sort of out of body-ish (not sure if that is a word).

The water was a clear, crystal blue, a color such as you would draw, but one

which I would never have believed if I hadn’t seen it in person. The instructor who showed us how to work the snorkel equipment was very patient with me, as I tried to panic the first time or two, learning how to breathe through the mask. You know me and water—not a natural fit. The fact that I was even able to be talked into this and didn’t require medication says I must be getting braver or perhaps just dumber in my old age. ☺

After we swam for so long that my arms and legs felt like overcooked spaghetti, we flopped out on the sand, and they served us lunch right on our beach blanket. It was amazing, but I did come away with a shade of red that I’m certain will not feel wonderful in the morning. I’ve lathered it up with the cream that my sister gave me before I left, and I’m going to hope that it fades rather than darkens overnight.

I’m getting ready for dinner, and we decided to do formal tonight. I’m so glad that someone loaned me a rather daring silver dress, and I can’t wait to see Asher’s face when I come out wearing it. Today has been the best day in so long I can’t even tell you! This living out a fantasy has its perks.

Must gorge myself on ridiculous food – later!

Scarlett closed her eyes, leaned back, and inhaled as if she could take in the smell of the saltwater. Looking forward to dreams that would feature a glorious underwater world, she opened her eyes and picked up the packet of pictures. As she looked at the spectacular underwater snapshots, she traced the fish, seascape of reefs, seaweed, and other structures all in the blue space. She felt sleep trying to overtake, lying the pictures around her, and could feel the peaceful haze of sleep taking over.

Talia sat in silence for a few minutes after she disconnected the call on her cell phone. She was in her office at the university. It made her day hearing Scarlet’s voice, although it also added a touch of melancholy. She refused to fully acknowledge that these calls might soon be a thing of the past, as her sister often reminded her in that blunt manner that was uniquely Scarlett. They had been fighting a long time, and this latest move was the furthest both logistically and medically speaking. They had been seniors in college the first time Scarlett had been diagnosed. At first, they just thought her normally harsh time of the month had escalated, but due to a diligent doctor, the diagnosis had been made, and cancer had been caught early. She stubbornly refused to drop any classes that the first year, she had undergone surgeries, chemotherapy, and radiation treatments. Talia ed with perfect clarity the night they had held Scarlet’s remission party. She had needed about a week to recover fully from the drunken celebration. Scarlett, always the life of the party, had given her such a hard time about being a lightweight. That party had been the happiest she had ever seen all their friends and family, barring not a single Fourth of July, birthday, or other events to that point. Scarlett had graduated the following year and dashed off into the world to find her path. Talia had stayed behind and worked toward her higher-level degrees. Scarlett had taught English in China and Japan and backpacked through Europe with two girlfriends. Steady Talia had finished her doctorate and immediately accepted a teaching role in the Mathematics Department. She had lived vicariously through pictures, emails, and letters from her sister. She loved how different they were; somehow, they just seemed to be the perfect whole. Talia picked up the picture of the two of them. So similar and yet so different, she thought. Scarlett had been born to light up every room she entered. Everyone loved her easygoing spirit. She embraced people just as she attacked life, with her heart wide open. Talia envied her that. Talia was a brilliant math mind and loved teaching others about her chosen field. But she just didn’t have that spark that drew people in, as her sister did. She had a handful of fabulous friends, a dream career, and a family she adored. Not for one second had she realized how much she was missing until the past few months.

The call that changed it all for her had just recently been made. The entire family was determined to surround Scarlett with the best doctors and care possible and fill her days with joy and love. Life seemed to be moving in slow motion for her now, and this last month of school had dragged. When the hospital that had been treating Scarlett finally itted they had nothing else to offer, she and her parents didn’t blink an eye in pooling resources to send her to the AM Clinic for Oncology Research six states away. Without Scarlett’s knowledge, most of Talia’s savings and a good portion of her salary were used to ensure that her mother could remain close to her sister. She realized that they were the fortunate ones; they would pay the bills for the best care available between their father and her. She hoped it would be enough. As they had talked, she had heard the glimmer of defeat in Scarlett’s voice that had not been present in any of their previous conversations, and it weighed on her like a cement block. She had acknowledged only recently in the dark of night that her sister might not be around much longer. She still couldn’t say the words out loud; she just needed her to keep fighting. No matter what, she desperately needed to be by her side. Together, they were always stronger. Talia looked down at the test in front of her. She didn’t have the heart to finish grading. Stashing the stack of papers in her bag, she grabbed everything she needed and headed for the door. She would stop and have dinner with her dad. See what news he had; maybe that would help. At the very least, the two of them would be together. Tomorrow was a girl’s night out, and Friday she would be headed to Atlanta for the next month. She could cheer Scarlett up and relieve her mom for a while. With a plan firmly in place, she walked to her car. Her functional shoes made loud, clacking noises on the now-abandoned pavement. Her phone jingled in her pocket, distracting her from her thoughts. Reaching into her pocket, she looked at the caller id, “John” was reflected at her. “Crap,” she said out loud. She had forgotten dinner again. She slid her finger across the screen to connect the call. “Hi, John. Sorry, I got caught up at work.” “Are you still able to make it tonight?” he asked, and she could hear the hope in his voice.

John was another professor at a neighboring university in the Physics Department. They had good conversation when they got together and enjoyed each other’s company. While friendly for the last five years, recently, the tenor of their dinners appeared to be turning romantic for him. Early on, she felt that there was a possibility there, but now she knew that she needed the real thing. She knew when it had changed for her but pushed the thought away before she could ruminate on it. That was a memory she was better off leaving unexplored. She didn’t want to have a tough conversation with John before she left. “Sure, I can be there in five.” “See you then,” he said, disconnecting. Sighing, she stashed the phone in the side pocket of her purse. Maybe a good dinner, stimulating conversation, and a glass or two of wine, and she would feel better. A girl could hope.

Zane looked at the sample again under the microscope and back at the x-rays. He was certain she would have been a great candidate, but he needed some additional information. He picked up the phone and rang his mother’s office. “Hi Zane, did you finish Scarlett’s evaluation?” “Yes, and I have a last-ditch possibility. Low invasive, and it might garner some great data, even if it doesn’t work. Did she sign the waiver?” “Yep, so how bad is it?” “Stage four. Metastasized to her abdomen and right lung, with involvement of several lymph nodes. I want to try the M3Z protocol on her, though. I don’t have her full file; it looks like it isn’t all scanned in yet. I need to know if she has a healthy, close family match...maybe her mom.” “Well yeah,” she said as if he was missing something. The tone had him popping his head up and tuning in. “She has an identical twin sister. Best match possible, and she’s perfectly healthy.” He almost dropped the phone in his stunned state. There were two of them? He wasn’t even certain what to do with that information. And his errant heart kicked his chest cavity before he could apply logic to the situation. “The lemon cake,” he whispered. “What?” “The lemon cake the day of Scarlett’s birthday, I didn’t put two and two together and realize they were celebrating two birthdays.” “Yeah, and the sister will be arriving this weekend for about a month. I think Lois, her mom, is going to go visit with her sister and husband for a week, and then the entire family will celebrate the Fourth of July here.” “That’s nice. Is the sister willing to help?”

“Definitely. She has gone through blood work and other tests to ensure that she can help out in any way needed.” “Okay, when she gets here, could you discuss getting the necessary samples from her?” “I think you need to be there also, as it is your project.” “You can handle it.” “Zane...” she gave him the disapproving inflection. “Fine. Schedule it as soon as possible after she arrives.” “I will schedule with them first thing Monday morning. You are coming to the party on Saturday?” “Yes, mother. I will be there only because I know if I don’t, you will come to drag me kicking and screaming. Ted and Aubree are coming, too.” “That’s wonderful. Can he maybe find you a date for the evening?” He rolled his eyes heavenward. Never very subtle was his mother. “Mom, it’s a party for the staff and patients. I think I will be good for the evening. But just so you can rest happy, Ted did bring a date out when we watched the game. A nurse at the hospital named Gail. But she didn’t find me nearly as interesting as the waiter she left with. So, see? I am trying.” “She doesn’t understand superior intelligence and what a catch you are. A waiter, really?” came the snobby response. He had to chuckle. She might drive him crazy, but he always knew where her loyalty lay in a fight. “Night, mother. Let me know when you firm up an appointment time for Monday with the Lacy family.” “Will do. Night son,” she hung up without lingering. He pulled up Scarlett’s computer file. At least it had a photo and the orders since

she arrived at the clinic. The older data a clerk would get scanned in the next week, he was certain. He stared at her picture, and doing a quick glance to ensure he was alone; he pulled open his drawer. The picture he pulled out was almost a mirror image of the one staring back from the screen. The difference was that he felt the instant tug of awareness when he looked at the one from his desk. He had heard of patients who had memory loss through chemo and radiation, so he hadn’t blamed her for not ing him. What he couldn’t figure out, though, was why he no longer reacted to her, even when they were in the same room together. It was a different story completely at night in his dreams. He considered destroying the picture but couldn’t bring himself to do it. Carefully, he placed it back in the empty spot, face down, and closed the drawer. Maybe her sister would be an ally that he could get some new information from. Maybe she would the cruise and possibly tell him what happened afterward to alter Scarlett’s memory.

CHAPTER 5

Scarlett watched as her mother reorganized the small number of personal items on the other side of her room. They had finished a memory board with snapshots from the cruise and other events for a wall. The nervous energy was palpable as she waited to greet her sister. Talia’s evening flight had been delayed, and she had been forced to wait for early morning to start her trip. It was only four hours until the big party for staff and patients, and she knew that her mother would be on pins and needles worrying. Scarlett knew that to make it through the evening, she needed to rest. When she mentioned it to her mother, the drapes were quickly drawn, and she was left alone. Deciding to amp her efforts for sleep, she reached for the journal. She had almost attained the final page over the last week. She liked happy endings and so picked up to read how the trip had concluded.

Day 7 – Back to Reality

I am sitting here in the airport about to head back to the reality of my life. It has been a spectacular experience, and I’m grateful for the opportunity to have stepped outside of my normal routine, and just for a week, lived someone else’s life. The memories and pictures will remain with me for years to come.

Asher and I parted ways just inside of security, and his flight departed moments ago. I almost told him my full name. I considered giving him my phone number. I wrote it on a tiny slip of paper, but at the last moment realized how foolhardy that would be. We got to enjoy one spectacular moment in time, amongst the sea, surf, and sunsets, away from everything that makes up an ordinary life. I didn’t want to ruin this perfect story with the real details of my mundane life. So... I kissed him and waved as he walked through the door to his waiting plane. Then I walked toward my gate, knowing that I had done the right thing.

I checked my digital camera as I was sitting here, and there are 841 pictures! I guess I did document everything! Several of them I think would make great presents to be framed, just kidding! If they turn out clear and can help punctuate this story, I will be grateful. AS you know, my picture taking skills are dismal usually.

I am tanned and feel wonderfully relaxed. Surprisingly, I didn't add a pound to my frame with all the activities, all the good food, and drink. Not that I have anything to worry about. A bit of extra padding wouldn’t be bad in our Denver winter. I am so, so grateful for this experience, and I hope I did its justice. Have to run, plane’s landing.

Scarlett frowned, not the ending she had hoped for, but all things considered, it was the one that probably had to be. She closed the journal and allowed it to fall on her chest as her heavy lids granted her sweet serenity.

Finally, Talia thought to herself, getting into the cab idling at the curb outside the airport’s bustling terminal. Almost twenty-four hours after her first attempt at leaving a thunderstorm saddled Denver International Airport, she was finally moments away from her family. She was grateful that she had brought plenty of books to read and her laptop to work on so that the layover stretches had not tried her patience as much as other engers. The time, while slow in ing, had been fruitful and well spent. She pulled the mirror out of her purse and checked her hair, which she had originally pulled back in a messy bun for traveling. After so many hours in transit, it needed a refresh. Reaching up, she undid the rubber band and smoothed it back as best as she could. Not overly concerned, she checked her face and realized that the dark circles were still firmly in place under her eyes. Make-up wasn’t going to improve that; she knew from experience. With a slash of lip-gloss to the mouth, she closed the mirror and sat back for the ride the taxi driver had told her would only be a few minutes. He wasn’t kidding, she thought, when barely five minutes later, they pulled up in front of the clinic. After settling her fare and gathering her messenger bag and luggage, she stood facing the clinic. This would be her home for the next month, not as nice as her tiny apartment, but hopefully, this time next year, they would all be at her parent’s house with extended family, celebrating Scarlett’s better health. She walked toward the front door and ran into a row of uniformed personnel unloading a truck. They looked like waiters, which made her double-check the location to ensure that she was in the right spot. “I’m sorry, sweetie, it is crazy with the caterers setting up for the party,” a voice said in front of her. “No problem. I was just concerned that I was in the wrong spot,” she smiled at the elegant middle-aged woman. “You’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Michaels.” She extended a hand to Talia. “And you must be Talia Lacy.” Talia was taken aback.

“I’m Scarlett’s lead oncologist here at the clinic, and minus the hair, you are her spitting image.” “It’s nice meeting you, Dr. Michaels,” she said, taking the kind woman’s hands. “It appears I barely made it to the party. And I have Scarlett’s dress. She would be so upset missing what looks to be a fabulous soiree.” “These events are my favorite time of year at the clinic, and you are far from late, my dear. You and your sister have over an hour to prepare,” she smiled at Talia. “Thanks. Can you direct me to her room?” “The elevators are on your right, just inside the doors. Go up to the fourth floor and past the oval desk, room 405.” “Appreciate it,” she said, hurrying away without a backward glance. The clinic’s four stories made it one of the smaller hospitals Scarlett had been in and surprisingly inviting, she noticed, stepping into the main entrance. Everywhere there were homey touches and photos of smiling patients and doctors. Great effort had been made to keep the hospital sanitary feel out of the main areas, and Talia found herself iring their handiwork. She clicked the elevator up arrow and waited. The butterfly flutter of nerves began to take flight in her stomach. She hated seeing her sister sick. And she hated fancy parties with lots of strangers. She took a deep breath and plastered a happy smile on her face. She also knew, without a doubt, that whatever her reservations, she would face them for Scarlett’s happiness.

Zane grimaced at the clock blinking the late hour. He couldn’t hide in the lab a minute longer, or one of his mother’s lackey residents would be sent to fetch him. He straightened the bow tie at his throat and, without consulting a mirror, buttoned his jacket and headed to the elevators. He despised these events for the effort it required to talk to so many people with whom he had nothing in common. ing the last time, he had dressed formally, he felt even more morose. He ed the elegant dinner that evening and how having a beautiful effervescent woman on his arm had changed his entire attitude about such an event. She would be present at this one, too, but didn’t even who he was. He would be spending a fair amount of time with her and the sister over the next two weeks if he knew his mother. The protocol they were going to seek permission for had little chance of saving Scarlett, but the information would propel the research forward. So often, when delivering the bad news to a patient near the end of their fight, the nobility of helping others was all they had left to cling to, and he ired so many staking their claim on history, knowing that they wouldn’t be there to see rewards for the effort. It was those courageous humans that always humbled him and kept him doing the research. As he exited the elevator, the party was in full swing. It was nice to see all the patients dressed to the nines and enjoying themselves. Several were wired to carts of medical equipment, but it wasn’t slowing any of them down. It had become a tradition many years ago to host two such parties at the hospital every year and allow everyone to attend. Yet, as these were some of the sickest patients, they ensured that medical care was on hand, should it be required at a moment’s notice. It gave donors and others a chance to mingle and see the clinic's work and the patients something to get dressed up to celebrate and forget the drudgery of their daily lives. He looked around, searching for his mother when a silver dress across the room arrested his attention. The brunette hair was a wig done in a chick French twist style, but the dress...he knew that dress. He was transported back to the dinner on the cruise. She had stopped his breath coming down the staircase, and throughout the night, every time he looked at her, he had felt the same tightening in his chest. The body-hugging shimmery material had highlighted her perfect tan and every scintillating curve she possessed.

His body even now was responding to that stupid garment. He was grateful that Scarlett was facing the other direction and didn’t see the confusion painted on his face. The dress hung looser around her frame, and she was gaunt, causing the curves to look more pronounced and sicklier. He was certain, though, that if she had any memory of their time together, sick or not, he would be glued to her side. He wondered if comion for her illness explained the lack of ion he now felt for her. No, the response had been involuntary on the ship and remained so now. He finally saw his mother across the room and nodded when he caught her attention. Heading toward her, he greeted several staffers and made small talk en route to her side. “Zane, my man,” a huge slap on the back brought him upright. “Ted, glad you could make it. Aubree,” he said, turning to Ted’s girlfriend. “You look radiant tonight.” He leaned over to give her a friendly peck on the cheek. “Get your own woman,” Ted teased, wrapping his arm around Aubree. “Yeah, I think we know what a bust that is after the other night.” “I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize Gail was such a...well...I didn’t think she would just walk off with someone else,” Aubree said apologetically. “No harm. I have that effect on women,” Zane said pragmatically. “So maybe there is hope for you and this patient you were telling me about,” Ted waggled his eyebrows at Zane. Zane punched him hard, “Keep your voice down. There is nothing between us. She just reminds me of someone that is all!” “Which one is she?” Aubree asked, ing the fray. “Silver dress, nine o’clock...be cool,” Zane said when Ted’s neck craned to see Scarlett. “Oh wow, she’s pretty.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Zane said, not feeling the truth in the words. “Zane, sweetie,” his mother crowded in. “Glad to see you could make it.” “Thanks, I told you I would.” “I made the appointment we talked about. 8:30 a.m. Monday.” “Great. Did you discuss details with the sister?” “Nope,” she chucked him under the chin. “I thought I would leave that up to you. So, bring the charm with you, and leave the disdain in the lab that morning.” “I’ll try.” “Ted, nice of you to come tonight,” she said with an open smile and a brief hug. “I never miss a good party; you know that Dr. Michaels.” “I thought for sure your parties were going to get Zane thrown out of college a time or two,” she laughed. “But I’m glad you have changed your ways. And this must be your lovely girlfriend, Aubree?” She reached out a hand. “Nice to meet you, Dr. Michaels,” she said, returning the greeting. “I have guests to attend. Zane, please mingle and greet everyone. Your father had some foundation work tonight but expects to be getting here in half an hour if you could keep your eyes open.” “Will do,” he said as she sashayed off like the Queen of Egypt. “She never changes.” “Nope,” Zane said. “I need a drink,” he looked around for the refreshments and was drawn to the auburn hair. It was nearly a match for Scarlett’s wig tonight, but with fire red strands dancing with the lights. He couldn’t help feeling vexation climb, just what he needed, a matching pair to tweak his conscience and to keep him guessing with each encounter. Even from the backside, it was obvious she was the twin sister. Might as well get the introductions over with, he

thought to himself. He needed her to agree to a highly untested protocol that would require her help come Monday. It would be better if they were acquainted before that time. “Do you need anything?” he asked Ted and Aubree. “Nope,” they lifted matching wine glasses still over halfway filled to him. “I’ll catch up with you later.” He turned and walked forward until he was within a foot of his intended target. She turned just as he was about to tap her on the shoulder. In that instant, the world stopped turning. The shock in her eyes would have been comical as they ed his, except that he, too, felt the sudden impact. If she had reached out and slapped him across the face, the impact of those eyes couldn’t have been more palpable. “Asher?” she whispered hoarsely. He wanted to reach out and kiss her. Maybe throttle her first. He wasn’t certain of anything or how to react in a situation such as this, but one of them needed to do something. “Dr. Zane Michaels,” he said, benignly extending a hand in greeting. The greeting was a far cry that seemed lacking, compared to the overwhelming urge to drag her off to a dark corner and give her a proper welcome. She was a patient’s sister, though. Karma really was a bitch, he thought. She hesitated just a moment before laying her hand in his, “Talia Lacy. You are Scarlett’s doctor?” He nodded, never breaking . The sheer joy, electricity, and pain radiating from the had him rooted in place. He didn’t understand what was happening, the lies they had told, but he wasn’t certain that he cared. He wanted to haul her into the nearest patient room and reacquaint himself with every inch of her. She looked different tonight, the dress she wore much less provocative than Scarlett’s, and she had glasses on. While the rest of the world would dismiss her, the glasses just made her look like a naughty librarian to him. Those eyes melted away any doubt in his brain that the seven days on the cruise had been a mirage of his imagination.

“Sis, you met Dr. Zane?” Scarlett broke in without either having heard her approach. Talia yanked her hand from his. “Yep, and I got you a drink,” she swallowed hard and extended the glass she held. “Awesome, you are coming?” Talia never said another word as her head lowered an inch, and she followed Scarlett. “Night, Dr. Zane,” Scarlett said, waving cheerily. He raised a hand, not certain what to say or do. His brain had quit on him when he laid eyes on Talia and had yet to start functioning again. Turning in a haze, he ordered a beer and tried to return his overwrought body to a normal rhythm. He couldn’t allow anyone to see him in this state and ask questions. He wasn’t sure what to do with this new stream of information. Right now, he just needed to get through the evening.

CHAPTER 6

Scarlett could feel her energy waning. She looked across the room again, seeking her sister. She spotted her talking to Dr. Zane and headed in that direction. The paleness of Talia’s face even across the distance had tiny nervous sparks running through her body. Something about their interaction was peculiar, but they both masked whatever had been flitting between them as she approached them. She could feel the tension as she looked from one to the other, and both attempted to act as if nothing was wrong. Once they made their getaway from the good doctor, she steered her sister into a small sitting room off the main area. Closing the door behind her, she turned on Talia. “What’s the deal?” Talia put that “I don’t know what you’re talking about” face on that never fooled Scarlet. “What do you mean?” she asked quietly. “Tally, you need to tell me now. Did he tell you something about me?” “No!” she exclaimed. “No, I would tell you.” Scarlett looked at her sister’s face. It was the truth. Talia was a horrible liar, and she always knew when she was attempting such a feat. “So, what is it? I saw the way you looked at Dr. Zane. You looked like you saw a ghost.” “Something like that, but it’s nothing that you...,” suddenly something behind Scarlett caught Talia’s eye. Scarlett watched her sister walk over and stand in front of a picture that had a small gold plaque at the bottom. She moved over to stand by her and figure out what had so fully caught her attention. “Asher Michaels was the son of ...holy crap!” Scarlett said with a gasp. “Asher was the name of the man you met on the cruise!”

Talia turned to her with a wry chuckle, “I went as Scarlett, my sick sister, and he used his dead brother’s name. Aren’t we a pair?” she whispered. Scarlett’s brain took in the information, and the shock at the major plot twist of fate radiated to every nerve ending she possessed. What were the chances that one of her doctors would be the man her sister fell for on a cruise? A cruise that Talia had only agreed to because Scarlet had begged her to finish number seven on her bucket list and document it, so it would be almost as good as doing it herself. “I have no words,” she said, trying to formulate a response. “Scar, you can’t tell anyone,” Talia turned on her. “It was a stupid vacation thing, and he is the one person who can help you. Mom, Dad, and everyone here at the hospital can’t know.” “Tally, I read that journal. You fell hard for him. What if he felt the same about you?” “Seriously, you have seen him, and you know me. He’s so far out of my league.” She sat down on the chair with a thud. “Tally, you are gorgeous, smart, and successful. Any man would be lucky to have you.” “Scar, he’s your doctor. And I didn’t get the feeling that my reappearance in his life was a good thing tonight. Please swear to me that you won’t tell anyone.” Scarlett could see the distress her sister was in, “Okay, I promise.” She sat down on a chair next to her. “I just...what are the odds,” she said absently, trying to refocus her fuzzy brain. “I don’t know. I was stunned to see him here.” “Maybe you could do one of those statistical things you love to do and figure out the probability of this happening,” Scarlett teased. She didn’t understand her sister’s math gifts, but that didn’t put her above using them to try to lighten the situation. Talia rolled her eyes at her, “You are incorrigible.”

“I know, but I’m cute, and you love me,” she said with a grin as she moved to wrap an arm around her sister. “Kind of have to, been stuck with you my entire life.” “So, you ready to get out there and have a bit of fun. I won’t last much longer, but I want to get a dance or two in.” “Lead on Cinderella,” Talia said, rising. Scarlett compulsively reached out and hugged her twin again. “Thanks for being here,” she said. “No place else I would rather be,” Talia said, hugging her back. Scarlett did not doubt that her sister spoke the truth. She had gone so far above and beyond in the things she did to make her feel better that facing down, Zane would just be chalked up on the growing list. As they walked back toward the party, Scarlett stole a look at her sister...maybe they would leave this clinic happier than when they arrived, she thought. It would be awesome if she got to see her sister genuinely happy...before...well, for tonight, she refused to think about anything but dancing. Tomorrow would hold its mysteries to solve.

Zane helped his mother roll the last of the carts into the storage closet. “Another great party, Mom.” “Yeah, I love watching everyone just having fun, and for a little while, they all forget about being sick. I think everyone enjoyed themselves tonight.” “Sure, it looked like it. I had several families stop to thank me. I told them I didn’t have anything to do with it,” he said matter-of-factly. His mother chuckled, “Such a charmer,” she wrapped an arm around him and squeezed. “I still love you, my stuffy son.” “And I love you,” he returned the embrace. “So, you met Scarlett’s sister tonight...?” she looked up at him. “Uh-huh.” Bringing Talia Lacy to mind started his blood to boiling again. He still wasn’t sure if he wanted to scream at her or pull her into his arms and kiss her. With indecision playing in his head, he had opted for avoidance, which didn’t make sense. She had told him no stories, histories, or anything beyond that single week. Why her appearance had shaken him as badly as it had was still a mystery, he needed to work out for himself. “She seems very close to her sister.” “That happens with identical twins.” “Do you think she will help if needed?” “Yes.” “You okay?” his mom stopped and stared up at his face with her knowing look. She was trying to see what was going on in his brain, and he schooled his features, hoping not to give her a bread crumb to follow. “Yeah, just tired,” he replied, turning from her, still not meeting her eyes as he kept busy straightening the supply closet. “Me too. I think I am going to head out.”

“Night,” he finally turned. “See you Monday bright and early.” “I’ll be there,” he said. That gave him a little over twenty-four hours to work out his emotional response to Talia before having to be in the same room with her again. “Night,” she slipped out ahead of him, walking toward the back entrance and her office. When she was gone, he stood listening to the noises of the clinic. The beeping machines, and eeriness of the space that just hours before was alight with merriment, was a bit disconcerting. After a moment, he turned to the stairs to go down through the main floor entrance. He had parked in the public lot across the street, not wanting to take any spots from families that needed them closer to the clinic. The small exertion of three flights didn’t prepare him for the encounter with the lady he had thought of often this evening, as he turned the final corner. She was standing, arms crossed, looking at the portraits lining the main lobby area. Reading the tiny plate on one, and then moving on to the next. He paused for a minute, just watching her and giving his shattered ego time to recharge for the coming interaction. He waged a tiny battle with himself about turning back the way he had come and avoiding her, but his feet started moving forward of their own accord. “Hey,” he said mundanely, observing the way she stiffened slightly before she turned to face him. “Hi.” The silence stretched for a moment as he tried to think of something to say. “Your clinic does a lot of good,” she said finally, indicating the wall of pictures, stories, and memory scrapbook style items lining it from almost the ceiling to the floor. “We try. Not all of them make it, but in some way, they all make a big

contribution.” He meant every word. Each patient on that wall increased the chance that one coming after them would have the hope of a better outcome. “So, Asher was your brother?” He gave a small grunt of agreement. “Yeah.” “I was in one of the little sitting rooms on the floor upstairs and saw the information card,” she said by way of explanation. “He was the driving force behind all of this,” he nodded to include the building at large. “I guess we both had our reasons for being on that boat,” she said softly. “I’m assuming you were helping your sister live out some fantasy?” He wanted answers, but on the other hand, he was scared they would tear open the wounds he had endured when she had so easily walked away from him at the airport that last day. “Number seven of her bucket list, snorkel in the ocean and get a poor girl’s manicure on a beach in Mexico. We got through number six together, but then she got sick so fast, and so...well, you have met Scarlett. It’s hard to argue when she sets her mind to something,” she shrugged and smiled in his direction, not raising her eyes to make . “She is very outgoing.” “We are the polar opposite identical twins,” she itted ruefully. “So, how did you end up on that ship?” “I haven’t vacationed, not a day...since I started college. My mother...you’ve met her...is also a force to be reckoned with. She gave me the trip as a present, but...it was more of a command. I was to go and have fun. Period.” “I read your bio,” she said, pointing to the staff wall. “You appear to be exceptional in your field. Asher would be proud of you.” He found no guile in her face. It was the best thing someone had ever said to him out loud, and he hated that she seemed to understand him in such a brief

acquaintance better than anyone he had ever met. “Thank you. So...Talia...what do you do...in real life?’ He stumbled over the question. “I’m a mathematics professor at the University of Denver.” “That might explain the statistical modeling conversation that day on the beach, regarding grains of sand and erosion,” he grinned at her. “Sorry, sometimes I just can’t help myself,” she gave a soft chuckle. He looked around and finally decided he just needed to know the answer to the question burning holes in his psyche. “Was it all a lie?” The red splotches on her cheeks would have been endearing except for the fact that he still didn’t know what the answer would be. She hesitated and looked around wildly for a moment before he saw her physically square her shoulders. “No, it wasn’t all a lie. But you are my sister’s doctor, her final hope, and I need to focus on her. So, I think we need to agree that it was...one of those...things, and...and leave it at that.” At least he knew he wasn’t crazy, and her discomfort at the situation mirrored his anxiety. She had a point about their reality, though. For the sake of the clinical study, it would not suit to get tangled up with memories and what-ifs? He needed to remain objective, detached...if that was possible at this stage. He extended a hand, “Hi, I’m Dr. Zane Michaels, Chief Oncology Research Resident here at AM Cancer Clinic.” She smiled somewhat sadly at the proffered hand, finally reaching out and making . “Dr. Talia Lacy, Mathematics professor, and sister of one of your patients. Glad to meet you.” “I’m on my way out, so I will see you and your sister Monday morning?” He said briskly. “Yes, your mo...Dr. Michaels said you would both be meeting with us Monday. I didn’t tell my mother because she is leaving tomorrow. Is there any reason she

needs to stay?” “That is a personal decision. Does she have a pressing reason to leave?” “It is a deal we made when Scarlett got sick the first time. Mom tends to hover and made her crazy, so, when I’m here, everyone gets a break.” She shrugged. “We encourage her to find volunteer activities and other things of interest to keep her busy, and it helps to keep her somewhat balanced, and my sister from becoming homicidal due to Mom smothering her.” He laughed, “I see. Well, I’ll let you make the call.” “Mom just wants her little girl, and Scarlett wants to be an adult and make her own decisions. I think we let her go. She will come flying back if needed.” “Sounds reasonable.” He hesitated. He normally couldn’t stand the small talk, but something about her tugged at him. It had been the same from the first time he had laid eyes on her in the elevator on that cruise ship. He couldn't explain it for someone driven by science and so refused to dwell on it. “Speaking of Scarlett, I should go,” she said, waving a hand to the side of the hall where the elevators were located. “I just wanted to give her a bit of privacy.” “Well, goodnight then.” He headed for the door, and as he pushed it open, he treated himself to just one backward glance. She was about to step into the elevator, and she looked up at just that moment and caught his gaze. One small reciprocated wave later, she stepped into the elevator. He stepped outside, unable to keep the smile off his face. One mystery solved, an even bigger one on the horizon, he thought.

CHAPTER 7

Talia tried to keep the bile from rising. The news this morning was far from what they had hoped for. Scarlett was gripping her hand with white knuckles; no words were needed. The news on a scale of one to ten, with ten being the worst possible, was a two hundred. “So, this final test on Scarlett, what does it entail?” She tried to hold the emotion back and stoically gather the needed information to formulate their next step. “We will need to do a localized scan and then biopsy her lymph nodes, and we need to determine the extent that the liver is engaged. Also,” Zane spoke slowly, sitting in a chair on eye level with her, “we need you to agree to a spinal tap— which can be painful—and a full lab . If everything looks favorable, we can try the protocol. As I explained, this is highly experimental, so some risk and legal issues are to be considered. First, however, we need to determine if you are a candidate,” he reached out and squeezed Scarlett’s hand. She watched his face and realized that the action had taken him a bit off guard as he gently pulled the hand back to himself. She glanced over at his mother and saw the senior Dr. Michaels had a puzzled look on her face taking in the scene. “Okay, when do we need to let you know...” “No, I’m good...if you are,” Scarlett interrupted her, staring her in the face. “I want to know sooner rather than later.” “We can schedule it for the morning, as you can’t eat for 12 hours. As we can process all the data on-site, we expect to have the final answers by mid-week.” Talia felt ready to lose her breakfast. It was the news she had always feared and thought she had been prepared to hear. Unfortunately, her heart had taken the news especially hard. There were no further conventional methods to help her sister. The cancer was spreading throughout her body. She wasn’t even eligible for the two clinical trials they had hoped to qualify for due to the aggressive nature of her illness. The protocol they discussed was new, experimental, and had little or no chance of success, but it was all there was. Besides, it would help them learn more for the next patient. Helping others was all Scarlett had left at this stage, and it had remained important to her.

“Do you have any questions?” Dr. Michaels asked gently. She had remained silent throughout Zane’s explanation. “No, I think we have it,” Scarlett said steadily. She was scared yet had not wavered in her resolve, a fact tearing at Talia more than screaming would have accomplished. Scarlett sat up as if to dismiss the doctors, and Talia slowly stood following her lead. “You will let us know when you have everything scheduled?” “I will personally come by this morning with the details once we have everything worked out?” Zane said, reaching out a hand to cup Talia’s elbow. “If you need anything, the staff knows how to reach me.” “Thank you,” Scarlett murmured, and Talia mumbled something he could not understand. Scarlett stood as if to vacate the room behind the doctors, “I want to go for a walk. Are you up for it?” Talia just nodded, looping her arm through the crook of her sister’s pale limb laced with an IV. No words were spoken as they traveled down the floors on the elevator and toward the front entrance. Once the fresh air hit her face, Scarlett turned and met her sister’s eyes. There was nothing to say. They both knew it. It’s going to be okay was a lie. Things are going to get better, an even bigger one. There was nothing left but one final gamble with the odds even farther farfetched than buying a winning lottery ticket. There were no tears. Tears wouldn’t change a thing. They just walked in silence, each lost in her thoughts. “I want ice cream,” Scarlett said suddenly. Talia couldn’t help but laughed, “Okay, let’s go find ice cream.” “Ooohh...with candy topping?” “Sure, because that is going to be simple at,” Talia checked her watch, “9:15 in the morning.”

“Do you when Johnny broke up with me junior year, and we snuck out of school and went to that awesome ice cream shop?” “Yeah, and we got caught,” Talia said in mock horror. “But those sundaes were worth it,” Scarlett said with a huge grin. “That they were. We’ll find you ice cream with any topping you want,” Talia said. At least that was a request she could fulfill.

“How do they seem to be doing?” his mother asked from the doorway of his office. She didn’t have to tell him to whom she was referring, as he had only interacted with a single patient today. And her sister, the voice in his head reminded him. For the first time, he had become personally involved in a case. “As good as can be expected. At twenty-nine, she is going to die, and her sister is not sure how to process that yet.” “Did they call the mother back?” “No. Scarlett said she wanted to know the final prognosis. She wants to wait until the tests come back later this week.” “I can’t believe she left.” “I have a feeling Scarlett can be convincing when she wants to be. Besides, they have a deal, something about her mother not hovering or putting her own life on hold due to this.” He shrugged. “It seems to work for them. Besides, they have been battling this disease for seven years. That’s a long time to suspend life.” “Wow, you seem to know this family pretty well. For the son who never gets involved with patients, I’m a bit surprised.” “You asked me to get involved.” “You personally made the appointments and revisited them to check on their well-being and answer questions. Know how often that has happened, despite my requests to the contrary, in all your years here?” She sat down in the chair across from him, waiting for a reply. “Don’t make too much of it,” he said, trying to put her off by returning to the report in front of him. “You also reached out and touched, comforted, and offered your moral to them. You ever going to tell me what the deal is with her?” she asked quietly. “She is a patient, nothing more.” “What about the sister?”

Bull’s eye! His ever-observant mother never missed anything, so he shouldn’t have been surprised that she picked up on that. He continued to stare at the report in front of him. Making direct with those laser beam eyes of hers spelled certain doom. “I don’t know what you mean. You told me to interact with them.” “Zane,” she said patiently as if she was speaking to a stubborn child. “You spoke to both and then did all the follow-up. That was odd. But then I saw the way you looked at Talia when you delivered the news to her sister. I’ve never seen that level of concern from you.... since Asher.” He felt the tightening in his gut. Deciding truth would be the best course as she didn’t seem prone to retreating, he leaned over and opened the drawer of his desk. Withdrawing the frame, he gently touched the picture before handing it over to his mother. He watched as she took the picture and knew the minute all the pieces fell into place. Her dazed eyes traveled to his. “She was on vacation with you when you took that cruise earlier this year? Did they purposely come here, or is this a huge cosmic coincidence?” “The latter. We had agreed to enjoy the vacation and then go our separate ways. She told me her name was Scarlett, and I told her mine was Asher...we exchanged zero other details about our lives. We spent the week together, and then...we parted at the airport. When she saw me the other night, you can’t fake that level of shock.” “Zane! I never knew you had it in you,” she said, grinning back at him with a proud glint in her eyes. “So now that you both know the truth...about what the other does for a living, family, etc....what does she do, by the way?” “She’s a Professor of Mathematics at the University of Denver.” “So well educated.” “Doctor also...just not the medical kind.” “This is wonderful,” she clapped her hands in glee. She made to stand up with such a grin of contentment he hated to take it from her. She just couldn’t leave with the wrong impression, for fear she might say something to Talia.

“She doesn’t want us to pursue a personal relationship of any kind. And you forget the little fact that we just delivered a death sentence to her sister.” “Yeah, I can see that being a problem. But every relationship has its obstacles,” she said, turning to him, a bit less obvious in her happiness but still radiating, nonetheless. “Mother! Those are insurmountable dilemmas to overcome. I just told you this because you know what a miserable liar I am, and even I can’t deny there is some...strange...energy between us,” he hesitated to put the difficulty into words. “Well, I’m happy to know that you’re not gay!” “Mom!” “I was beginning to get concerned. Your last relationship was in high school. It was the only explanation I could come up with.” “No, not gay. Busy trying to save the world, .” She moved another step closer to the door. “Well, let’s see how the tests go tomorrow, and then we can go from there. It’s kind of karma-like that she is here...maybe there is still hope,” she shrugged. “Night.” She handed the picture back to him. “I love you.” “And I love you,” he said absently, staring at the picture. His very ordinary, organized life had become a melodrama. The easy solution would be to go back to avoiding patients and their extended families. As he placed the photo back in the drawer, he knew that wasn’t going to happen.

Scarlett pulled her legs up and nursed the cup of tea she had just padded out and convinced the nurse to help her make. She stared out the window and down at the journal in her lap. She had once again gone over all the pages from bucket list item #1—Travel to China, through to #7—snorkel in the ocean and get a poor girl’s pedicure on a cruise somewhere warm. The book and accompanying packets of pictures and other mementos were what had gotten her through. She was grateful for a life well lived and the people who had made it wonderful. She looked over at her sleeping sister curled up on the bed she had just vacated. When she had gotten so sick, Talia, with some prodding, had handled #7 for her and more than done the documentation justice. What she hadn’t told anyone was that the lovely box containing all the little mementos and her journal was to be her final gift to Talia. She hoped it would fill her heart with all the humor, joy, and life they had enjoyed and shared. In coming years, she hoped Talia would pull it out from time to time and find nothing but happiness and warm memories inside. Tomorrow, she would draw for the final straw of hope. Even if the tests came back a go, Talia would need to undergo several painful and invasive procedures to give the healthy tissue and marrow needed for the protocol. Scarlett had been willing to fight this disease with all her strength, but putting her sister in harm’s way, knowing it would only prolong the inevitable, suddenly seemed unreasonable to her. She wanted to have fun and go out on top. She was tired and thought maybe it was time to have a tough conversation or two with her family. She needed to fully understand her options and make some decisions without her family around. There was one person who didn’t believe in sugar-coating, but he would already be gone. Delicately laying the cup on the side table, she checked to ensure Talia was fast asleep. Walking to the door, she decided to ask the nurse to make an appointment for her in the morning. “How would I go about finding out if Dr. Zane Michaels would have some time to meet with me?” “Dr. Zane?” The nurse seemed bewildered. “I can just look on the...I think he is still here...is it important...?” “Yes, but why is he here? It’s eleven at night,” she said, checking the clock on

the wall. “I just thought I could make an appointment for tomorrow with him?” The nurse shrugged. “His office is down by the labs on floor two if you want to go check in with him. Or I can make an appointment...” “Thanks.” Scarlet glanced back at her sleeping sister. “Can we please keep this between us?” She nodded at her door to indicate who she was hiding the truth from. The nurse made a zipping motion across her lips and went back to the screen in front of her. Following the nurse’s directions, Scarlett found the lab easily. Zane was sitting behind a desk, holding a file, and staring out the windows when she entered. She looked at his profile for a moment. Her sister had superior taste; the man was gorgeous in the sexy, smart model way she couldn’t help but appreciate. The fact that someone had grabbed and held her sister’s attention past the first meeting was newsworthy. She had to say, she didn’t think she could have made a better pick. He jerked to attention at her soft knock. “Scarlett, what are you doing up?” “What are you doing here, Dr. Zane?” “I got caught up in some reports. What can I do for you?” He put the file down, tuning in to her completely. “My sister does that too, gets so caught up in some math problem she is working on that she stays awake for hours...once it was two days straight.” She walked forward and dropped into one of the comfortable chairs across from him. He waited, not adding anything else to the conversation. He sat, giving her time to enlighten him on the reason for the visit. “I wanted to talk to you about my diagnosis,” she said, drawing in a hard breath. The walk had sapped the last of her strength, and she held her hands in her lap to keep them from shaking.

“Okay,” he stood and walked around the desk, sitting just a couple feet away in the other guest chair, turning the chair, so they were facing each other. “I know your brother was sick, and he...died,” she could feel the tears welling. “Yes, many years ago,” he acknowledged gently. “Did you ask him to keep fighting, or did you get to a point where it was just time to stop and enjoy what you had left?” He sat back just a bit, and from the pinched features on his face, she knew she had hit a nerve. “I’m sorry, maybe that is too personal,” she hurriedly added, trying to give him a way out. It was a painful subject if his face was any indicator. He waved a hand, “No, you are in a unique place of needing this information, but I don’t know what to tell you. I’m a doctor treating you, and I believe in fighting this horrible disease, whatever form it takes, for as long as possible. But with Asher, we...we fought too long...we just wouldn’t...couldn’t let go. He wanted to go home, but...he died in a hospital hooked up to machines...” She nodded as she felt the tears well up and threaten to spill over. “I’m tired, Zane. I want to go home,” she whispered. He reached over and laid a hand over hers. “You are the only one who knows when it is time, and you also know what you are willing to do and how you feel. We know your symptoms, but we can’t truly know how you are feeling.” She nodded and sat, contemplating. He didn’t rush her or say anything else for a few minutes. “Are they going to be okay?” she whispered. Looking up at him as a single tear rolled down her cheek. He looked at her with glistening eyes, “They are going to miss you every day for the rest of their lives, but you will have changed their outlook on life. Not for a minute will they regret everything they did for you or forget everything you meant to them. And yes, they will be okay,” he said, reaching out to pat her hand.

She stood and hugged him quickly before stepping back. The look of pure shock on his face was worth the energy it cost her. She swiped away the tears and turned to go. “So, you and my sister... think there is any hope for another cruise?” She tried to change the subject with humor. “I think it’s time you go back to bed, Ms. Lacy,” he grinned and stood towering over her. “I just happen to have a chariot at my disposal,” he said, walking over and pulling a wheelchair out of the closet. “Thank you.” “My pleasure,” he said as he held it steady for her. She felt lighter as they made their way to the elevator. She had thinking to make her decision before getting the last group of tests back, but she knew the decision had already been made in her heart.

CHAPTER 8

Zane was working in his office two evenings later when a knock sounded. He couldn’t help but momentarily wonder when he had become so popular. The brief flash of irritation faded as he raised his head to see Talia outlined in the doorway. His very next thought was how beautiful she looked. It was odd that his response to her belied the physical similarity of the sisters. While they were physically identical, minus the ravages of disease on the one sister, there was something about this sister that always caught and held his attention. “Hi,” she said tentatively. “Hey, come in. Are you okay? Is Scarlett feeling okay?” “Yeah, she’s just tired,” she said and twitched her cheeks as the tears gathered in her eyes. It felt perfectly natural to walk around his desk and gather her into his arms, taking in the sweet smell that was uniquely hers. He held her close as she sobbed into the front of his shirt. She needed his strength, and he was willing to give it. They stood for several minutes, entwined until she exhaled and appeared to gather herself. Stepping back from him, she appeared to need some distance from him and was no longer openly crying. “I...I’m so sorry,” she said on a small hiccup. “I didn’t know where else to...to go.” “I’m glad I was here,” he said, leading her over to a small couch on the other side of the room. “Sit down and tell me what’s going on.” He sat down next to her and studied her face. “It’s just.... she’s really bad today. The tests are taking what little energy she has left. In the past, she has always bounced back...but... this time...” He nodded, “I know. The tests are over, and hopefully, she will regain some strength over the next few days. But Talia....” “I know,” she interrupted. “I’m smart enough to know what is coming, but...I haven’t called Mom or Dad. She keeps telling me not to, and I don’t want to upset her...but...” She shook her head.

“Talia, I’ve been where you are...but let me assure you, they know your sister well enough to not blame you for not calling. Besides, before we have concrete information, what can you tell them for certain?” He moved closer and put his arm around her, and she relaxed against him. It was amazing to him that after years of avoiding entanglements, this woman had the power to march past his defenses so quickly. Even the other night's meeting with Scarlett would never have happened if she hadn’t been related to Talia. They just sat in silence for a few minutes before she raised her head. As he looked down, she was so close and smelled so good that he couldn’t resist the urge to bend the few inches and brush his lips against hers. Gently he explored, and she returned the sweet kiss, shutting out the world for the moment. As he slanted his head for even deeper exploration, he heard her soft encouragement, much as the purring of a contented kitten. The throat clearing from his doorway had them jumping apart. He could feel the heat along his jaw and saw a reflective blush on Talia’s cheeks when he glanced at her. It was his mother in the doorway. “I was just going,” she said, jumping up from the couch and trying to hurry away. He reached for her, “Talia...” “I’ll see you later,” she said. “Nice seeing you, Dr. Michaels,” she murmured when ing his mother. He finally focused in on the Cheshire cat grin on his mother’s face. “What? We were just talking about her sister...and I was comforting...do you need something?” he muttered as his words continued to dig him deeper past a viable explanation. “I’m a bit surprised,” she teased. “If that is how you comfort upset women in this clinic, you should have a more robust social life.” “Mother...please do NOT make a big deal out of this.” “Zane, I’m grateful to see there is a woman alive able to drag you away from

your research. And I like her. She’s smart, loyal to her sister, helpful, and the staff has nothing but praise for her. But her sister is a patient...” “I will be careful and doubt it will happen again. Did you come up for another reason?” She handed him a file. “I’m sorry, son.” He gave her a questioning look before dropping his eyes to the file. His heart plummeted when he saw the patient’s name and knew what it held.

Talia didn’t know what had overcome her the night before or why she had gone to see Zane. Okay, she knew why. It just hadn’t turned out the way she expected. She was powerfully drawn to him, as she had never been to anyone before. He made her feel safe and cherished amid so much stressful grief. For someone, she had met briefly, and under pretenses, it seemed illogical, but it was the truth. When Scarlett had fallen asleep early, and she needed comfort, she had sought him out. The trip to his office had happened on automatic pilot. His mother coming in and finding them in a compromising situation, had prickled at her conscience. It did not escape her notice that she might have to say good-bye to him for good and soon should her sister’s tests not turn out as hoped. That fear, mixed with anxiety over the sheer complicated nature of her relationship with Zane, had her deciding to distance herself for the rest of the time at the clinic. She needed to be there for Scarlett and getting mixed up with one of her doctors was not a good idea. A noise at the door broke into her thoughts, and she turned to see the object of her musings standing there with his mother. The look on their faces made her want to throw up. She reached over and touched her sister. “I see them,” Scarlett said, struggling to get into an upright position. Talia capably tucked pillows behind her while working the controls to bring the bed to an upright position. She tried to focus on Scarlett and getting her emotions and breathing under control. No matter what the news was, she needed to be calm and ive for her sister’s sake. Dr. Michaels and Zane appeared to understand and stood silently until Scarlett was settled. “So, I know we wanted to wait until my tests were back, to do any on Talia. From your faces, I’m assuming she won’t need the tests,” Scarlett’s voice was level, but the grip on Talia’s hand bruising. “No, she won’t. Scarlett, I’m sorry...but the cancer it’s...we could try to shrink some of the tumors, and it might elongate...”

Talia felt the worst kind of dread. In her mind, she had known this moment would come. Somehow her bright, cheerful, and ever-optimistic sister had lulled her into a false sense of bravado and hope. The rock-like weight of finality was forming in her stomach. “How much chance...? Statistically...that is the language I can understand,” she blurted out, looking to Zane for something, anything that she could hold on to. Scarlett squeezed her hand, drawing her eyes back to her. She shook her head, and with a small smile, she told Talia the details would be futile. “I am going home,” she said softly for Talia only at first. The look that her sister had gotten all their lives when she dug her heels in for a battle was present in her sweet brown eyes. She didn't have to raise her voice. “I will call Mom and Dad and look into flights...” “No, I...I want to finish the list...” Talia looked at the doctors and back at Scarlett. “No, Scarlett, that’s not possible...you need to rest.” “That’s coming...but I want to finish the list.” Scarlett turned to the doctors, “What are the chances that I would not survive a road trip at this stage?” “How long are you thinking?” Dr. Michaels asked. Scarlett leaned over and pulled the paper from the bedside and read her notes. “About 2,500 miles.” Zane looked at Talia, and all she could do was shrug. “There are no guarantees, but I would recommend getting oxygen and some prescription pain medications before you go. Also, we would need to talk to your caretakers.” Dr. Michaels was making notes. “I can get Mom and Dad here within a day,” Talia heard herself interject.

“No, you need to take me. Mom would cry the whole way, and Dad would try to be stoic...it just wouldn’t be any fun...I need you to do this. And you,” she said, looking toward Zane. “NO!” was his immediate response. “I can’t...I...why 2,500 miles,” Talia watched the emotions playing across her face. The pure horror on his face would have been humorous in any other situation. Scarlett pulled the crumpled paper from her bag, “Because number 8 on my bucket list is to feel the spray of Niagara Falls on my face, number 9 is meet my goddaughter Hailey, and number ten is going home for one last spectacular Fourth of July family picnic. This is my last hurrah...and I thought everything left would be easy to attain, but my body didn’t hold out long enough.” “I’m sorry, I’m needed here...,” Zane said, dismissing the invitation. “I just thought...you have the skills, my parents wouldn’t need to do this...and...well maybe it would help you see me on my , not in a hospital bed...besides I know someone who wouldn’t mind the...,” she said with a mischievous grin toward Talia. Talia just glared at her. “I...I just...” he turned suddenly and exited the room. Talia whispered to her sister, “Scarlett, you don’t even know that man.” Scarlett looked at her and smiled. “I will let the nurses know what needs to be done to get you ready to go. It might take a day or two, I’m terribly sorry, and if you change your mind...,” Dr. Michaels interjected into the sisterly interplay. “I won’t,” Scarlett responded. “I’ve thought of nothing else for a while now. Thank you for trying though,” she smiled at the good doctor as Dr. Michaels slipped from the room. “Please don’t tell Mom or Dad yet. Maybe just tell them we are coming home or some other platitude until we get there.”

“Scarlett, I’m not sure I can do all that driving.” “Susanne said she could come out and help.” “She has a two-month-old, and” Talia stopped, realizing her sister had been plotting for a while, “When did you call her? And when did you figure out it was 2,500 miles from this location?” “Is that important? Let me know if I need to call Susanne?” “Give me just a couple of hours to adjust to all the information. I need to go for a walk and think things over. I’ll have answers when I get back.” She kissed her sister’s head. “You are sure about this?” “Yeah, it’s our last big holiday together, Mom will be so happy...think of all the planning and baking she can do,” Scarlett feigned a smile up at her. “Tally, I want to go home.” Talia just nodded and leaned over to hug her before walking out of the room. Walking as quickly as possible, she got out of the building. Her chest felt like an elephant had sat down on it and refused to budge. She slid down the wall of the clinic directly onto the pavement and let the tears flow.

Scarlett watched her sister grimly pivot and exit the room as if a fire alarm had sounded. She knew that she was damning up her feelings until she could get clear of her, so she didn’t watch her fall apart. She expected the uncertainty to grip her now that the words had been spoken, but a calm such as she had not known settled on her. The end of her story was just a chapter away, and with the certainty came a grace she hadn’t felt in years. She could still have some activity and wanted to finish the bucket list she had written a year ago when her shocking reoccurrence had been caught. Dear Journal,

The final diagnosis is in, and I will not see my thirtieth birthday, of this, I am certain. I am ending all means of prolonging my life to finish out with a bang. I want to take one last road trip with my sister, see Niagara Falls, visit Susanne and Hailey (my sweet goddaughter), and be home with my family for the Fourth of July.

I was so blessed in this life. I refuse to have a moment of self-pity. I want to make the most of the time I have left with those who matter most. I want my sister to have memories to hold on to, and while she will miss me, I hope it is with a smile and not a heavy heart. I want to feel the sun on my face and that glorious spray every tourist magazine talks about.

My bucket list took me to China, Japan, and so many great adventures. It’s funny. I never had a family or children on my list. I wonder if I always knew that would not happen somewhere deep down and hoping for the impossible is DEPRESSING.

I am looking forward to the next couple of weeks, and I pray I stay strong enough to enjoy it.

P.S. Between you and me, I intend to plan a few well-timed stops along the way. I want some fried pies, saltwater taffy, and some odd tourist attraction or two along the way. I’m dizzy with excitement.

Scarlett put the book down with a tiny grin, and for the first time in a long while, was excited about the weeks ahead. She wished Dr. Zane would come; first and foremost, it would mean not inconveniencing her Mom, Dad, or Susanne. But the request had ultimately been made for her sister and Zane. He seemed to retain regret over his brother’s ing and seemed so uptight all the time. This would be a chance to unwind and maybe put some of that behind him. It would also prolong the time he could spend with Talia, something she feared they might not do if left to their own devices. She was certain Talia and he would have a splendid time and get to know each other even more. She was worried that should they leave now, Talia might never make her way back to him with what lay ahead. That was a regret she didn’t want any part of, and so she had thrown out the hair-brained request on a whim. She closed her eyes. It was past time to catch some sleep. She needed to refresh her batteries for the trip ahead. She was confident that everything would work out how it was meant to once everyone had their quiet time to ponder.

Zane was strumming his desk in a soothing pattern. He had read the same page of protocol s three times and still couldn’t under duress regurgitate what the page said. He couldn’t believe she was just going to leave. He stopped himself, knowing he wasn’t certain if he was thinking about Scarlett or Talia. He hadn’t been surprised after the other night that Scarlett had called the game and decided to go home. Her path home, now that had been a bit of a shock. Why not, though? What did she have left to lose? And faced with a certain finality, he hoped he would have the wherewithal to make a few less career and many more personal decisions. Her sister had not taken the news as calmly as Scarlett had delivered it. He had known her long enough to know the strain it had caused her to keep it together in those early moments after Scarlett’s announcement. As a doctor, he could acknowledge twins had even more depth to their relationship than most siblings. He could not fully fathom the pain she must be in, facing the imminent separation from her twin. He had flashed back to the moment when they had received similar news. It had broken his family at first, but they had come together united in the fight. Even all these years later, that diagnosis still controlled all their destinies. Talia would be no different. “So that was...unexpected...,” his mother interrupted his musings. He just shook his head. “Yep!” He was suddenly angry. Therefore, he didn’t work with the patients. People were messy, unpredictable. He hated that instead of work, he was focused on something that was none of his business. Even angrier that everyone around him seemed to tell what he was going through these days. “Zane, I need to ask you something?” “Mother, can’t this wait?” “No. Time is no longer on our side,” she sighed and sat in the chair across from him. He looked up, confused, “What?” “Scarlett said it might help you to see her on her , not in a hospital bed. I know after Asher...well, we maybe didn’t do the right thing there. Do you still

think about that?” He sighed, “I think Scarlett is going the way she is for her and on her . I don’t think Asher got that...but I am pragmatic enough to understand that we did it because we believed it was the right thing to do. If given the opportunity...would you do the same again?” He watched the pain, the memories, the love, and the uncertainty play across the face he loved most in this world. So quiet he thought he imagined it came the monosyllabic, “No.” He nodded. “We do lots of good here...but when our job is over, the patients we can’t help...well until ten minutes ago, I always avoided THAT conversation with them. I always thought we failed, but that woman doesn’t feel that way .” “No, she doesn’t.” They sat silently, absorbing comfort, facts, and the enormity of the lives they had chosen. “You know they make those big SUV’s that have the seats that fold down. She will be able to rest most of the trip, and...” “Mother,” he looked up incredulous. “I already gave my answer.” “Zane, this can’t be another regret you someday look back on with indecision. You have been responsible, driven, and singularly focused since fifteen...maybe you need to take a leap of faith and do something spontaneous.” “The cruise wasn’t enough for you?” “Look what good things that brought. We will still be here when you get back. And there will be new battles to fight,” she stood and walked to the door, “Don’t you dare slip out without saying good-bye.” She didn’t give him time to respond. He sat back in the chair, his mind spinning, for the first time, not certain what to do next. But just as certain, his next move would define the remaining years of his life.

CHAPTER 9

Scarlett hadn’t felt so giddy about anything in a long time. As the large SUV they had rented pulled away from the clinic's front. She checked to ensure her water bottle, journal, purse, and bag were close at hand. Zane and Talia had purchased a blow-up mattress secured in the back of the vehicle, comfortable sheets, blankets, and pillows so she could rest whenever needed. “I talked to Mom,” Talia interrupted her busy work. “She said to be prepared because they were calling everyone to come home for the holiday. We have exactly seven days to make it home before she sends out the military and police to find us.” “Thanks. I’m not sure how you talked her down, but I appreciate it.” “I didn’t, Zane did,” she grinned at the man in the driver’s seat. “Wow!” Scarlett said in an appreciative breath, “You must be a miracle worker.” “You both seem to be able to talk me into whatever you want,” he chuckled at her, catching her eye in the rearview mirror. “The least I could do was talk your mom out of coming out here and ing this road trip.” “I think I will leave it up to Talia to talk you into...anything,” she enunciated the last word to make it sound dirty. “Scarlett!” Talia turned in the enger seat and swatted the air in her direction. Talia and Zane both saw the detour sign on the road ahead and launched into an animated conversation about avoiding complications in the route. She shook her head. It was going to be an exceptionally long trip, with the cerebral ones leading the charge. Leaving them to their discussion, she withdrew the journal from her bag and wrote. Dear Journal,

We made our getaway at last and are on our way for my last hurrah. Zane talked Mom away from ing us, and apparently, she has been tasked with greeting us with an epic Fourth of July celebration in seven days when we reach home. I feel

so free—no more hospitals, testing, needles, or worries. Honestly, I’m not scared. I can’t wait to see the sites that I wasn’t able, spend this time bickering with my sister, getting to know my future brother-in-law (yeah, let’s keep that between you and me. You should see how happy he makes Talia and how he looks at her when he doesn’t think anyone will catch him. I’m glad that he came along to fill the void I was afraid would be too big with me going.)

I am feeling great today and slept over the last two days in preparation. I have one of the best cancer doctors in the world tagging along this trip, and I’m confident we will make it without any major hiccups. This is going to be awesome. I loved road trips as a kid. Mom and Dad would pack us up several times, and we would take off, stopping to see everything that caught our eye along the way. Once, we went to the Grand Canyon and one-time Arizona. It was horrible being cramped with everyone in a car, but great because of the creative things you did to fill the time. Airports are so rushed, and well, I never did get to the boat, but Talia said it was kind of impersonal and big (unless you have the right person with you).

Road trips remind me of being a kid, when the world was huge, and traveling for hours seemed like the worst thing that could happen to you. Now here I am, willingly doing this as my final wish. Well, I must go for now, as I don’t want to miss anything, and I think they figured out the GPS and a compromise. ☺

Scarlett stowed the journal in the bag and sat forward. “Are we there yet?” she asked with a grin. Zane gave her an evil glare in the rearview mirror, and Talia turned with disgust. “This is going to be a long trip,” Talia said to Zane like she was a child who couldn’t hear the remark. She grinned to herself as she settled in.

Zane looked at the woman sleeping soundly beside him. He couldn’t believe how much he loved just being with her, even in these, the worst of circumstances. If six months ago, someone had told him how he would be spending this vacation time and that he would have met someone like her, he would have laughed at them. First, this was the second week this year that he had taken off after years of zero vacation days used. Second, he was certain Talia Lacy could talk him into anything just by giving him a stare with those big brown eyes. That was a new disorder in his book. Here he was on a final vacation road trip, something he had never done in his entire life, with what he was fast suspecting to be the love of his life and her dying sister. Karma was having fun with his life these days. At least if they came through this, it was unlikely they would face harder situations down the road. He looked into the mirror and saw that Scarlett had put the seat down and curled up on her makeshift bed. She had been able to do about two hours at a time during the day before needing sleep. That was a good sign that when they were ready to explore the falls, she would be able to do so under her power. He had seen patients take drastic turns downhill, but with so much to look forward to in the coming days, he thought the euphoria would keep Scarlett moving. He had raided the clinic supplies in case he was wrong, and they did have a wheelchair, oxygen, and other medications stowed as reinforcements. He rotated his shoulders and looked at the clock. It was already midnight, and they had been on the road for fourteen hours. Although with the numerous pits stops that had been requested at antique stores, to see the world’s largest frying pan, and of course the potty breaks, they had only gained about 450 driving miles. They had originally planned to take two days to travel to Niagara Falls, but Scarlett seemed on a mission to see everything along the way. Maybe he needed to revise the original plan. He looked to Talia to see if she was awake, and seeing her drifting in and out of consciousness, decided to risk pulling her fully back to awareness. One mild nudge, and she was rubbing the sleep from her eyes and stretching like a kitten. He caught himself appreciating parts of her anatomy on full display before mentally chastising himself to remain on task. “What time is it?” she meowed in her sleepy voice.

“Midnight.” “Wow, it was a long day.” “Yeah, is it possible your sister is trying to see everything this trip?” She turned slightly to look at Scarlett and finally back at him. “Probably. We took a trip to the Grand Canyon once. I believe we stopped no less than fifty times. When it isn’t her normal terrain, she likes to absorb and take in every nuance. I appreciate your patience with her.” “No problem at all. Though, we need to do a bit more driving at night than we originally planned. That way, as she is able, we can spend time exploring during the day...maybe even spend an extra night in Niagara Falls or Olathe when we get there.” “Sounds good; with a little cat nap, I can spell you.” “With the hours I keep, I’m still good for a while.” “Hey Zane?” she said tentatively, after a momentary pause. “Yeah?” he glanced at her to determine her mood and what might be on her mind. “Why did you decide to do this trip? We hardly know each other, and...” she asked with tiny worry lines lacing her forehead. “First, we know each other pretty well,” he said, quirking an eyebrow to indicate subjects best left unspoken for the time being. “You know what I mean,” she said, rolling a sarcastic eye at him playfully. "Despite our initial week being spent under false names, I still was myself, weren’t you? Other than a few details, I feel like you know who I am...deep down.” “Yeah,” she agreed, considering the statement. “I can’t lie worth a crap...it’s kind of what you see is what you get. A fictitious name wouldn’t change that.”

“So, how appreciative are you of me helping your sister on this trip?” “Why?” she threw him a quizzical look as if not certain what was coming next. “I was just wondering if it’s enough to grab me a drink from the cooler?” “Yes, definitely.” “You thought I was going to say something else...didn’t you,” he jabbed her side. “Maybe,” she said, reaching in the back for a sports drink. She twisted the top off and handed it to him. “Thank you, whatever your reasons.” She reached over and kissed him on the cheek. “You know I will expect you to do better than that when I’m not driving a vehicle.” He watched in delight as her cheeks flushed bright red. “You are incorrigible,” she said, swatting his arm. “Go back to sleep. I’ll wake you up when I need you to drive.” “Kay,” she said, laying back the seat and wiggling her pillow around to get comfortable. He focused on the road. Yep, none of his friends would believe how different his life looked at this moment, from everything he had always preached was his comfort level.

Talia was stretching her eyelids, trying to focus her fuzzy brain on the road ahead. She had slept until just before four a.m. when she had spontaneously awakened without help from Zane. On seeing the state Zane was in at that stage, it was not a moment too soon to take over the trip's final leg. It was sunny outside, which was much more beneficial to her staying awake than the inky darkness she had started driving in. The last sign let her know that they would be entering Niagara Falls, New York, 50 miles. She was exhausted, but nothing that a good shower and hearty breakfast couldn’t fix. “Owwww,” Scarlett called out from the back. “What’s wrong?” Zane said from the enger seat, wide awake without hesitation. “My side...it’s pretty bad,” she said in between labored breaths. “What time is it?” “About nine a.m. Crap, Scarlett, you didn’t wake up throughout the night, so you didn’t take the pain medication.” “Yeah,” she huffed, causing spiders of concern to climb Talia’s backside. “Do we need to stop?” “No, I have a drink...I just,” she was almost sobbing in response. “I can’t open the bottle,” she said on another sob. Talia saw a sign indicating a Waffle House and decided that was their stopping point. “I have it,” Zane said, unbuckling and moving into the back seat before Talia fully realized he had been listening to the entire time. Within seconds, she heard him opening a bottle and instructing her sister to take the water and pills. Every sob that Scarlett let out chipped away at her resolve to push forward on the trip. She was so focused on getting where they needed to go. She had forgotten the medication situation. After a short time at the clinic, she had become fully aware of how dependent for simple energy Scarlett was on keeping the pain at bay. She didn’t allow intravenous intervention other than hydration as

needed, but the pills were enough to keep the edge off. Talia needed to be more careful now that there were not doctors and nurses to keep the timetable. No one would be able to enjoy a thing if Scarlett was in that much pain. After a moment, Zane returned to the front seat, which was a bigger feat than going back had been. As he contorted his frame to fit through the console gap in the seats, she felt his hand on her shoulder. “She’s okay. Just give it a few minutes, and she should be comfortable again.” “I should have ed,” she harshly whispered. “You and I both. I’m the doctor, ?” he squeezed the spot where his hand still rested. “And I’m a big girl and should have set my alarm,” Scarlett said from the backseat. “Did you drive through the night?” she asked, realization lacing the words without Talia having to see her expression. “Yeah, thought it would give us a chance to spend more time on the fun stuff.” “You must be exhausted,” she said, a bit more confidently than a few minutes before. Talia didn’t respond, as she was busy working her way to the exit, and moments later into a parking spot in the restaurant parking lot. Turning to assure herself, Scarlett was doing better. She noticed the dark circles that even numerous hours of extra sleep no longer dulled. Her skin was slick with sweat, and she was white as a ghost. “Hey,” Scarlet said, making Talia look at her directly. “Do not go there...I will be okay.” “Do you want to eat? We are only forty minutes away from where we thought we would stay.” “I need to let the pills work, so forty minutes and a shower before food sounds good.” Talia looked at Zane, who shook his head.

“Okay, sure you are ok?” “Yep, well, except for the cancer thing,” she said with a cheeky grin. “You have cancer?!” Talia said in mock horror. Privately, it helped to realize that despite it all, her sister was still in there. And they would get through this with humor and perseverance.

CHAPTER 10

Dear Journal,

Sorry I have been so remiss for the last day not providing you all the skinny on our travels. It has been a blast. The falls are just as magnificent as I had always heard. So loud, you can’t even hear yourself think. I caught Talia and Zane holding each other’s hands at one point as they looked out over the water on the observation deck. They are so cute together, and I’ve never seen her happier...or sadder. He provides her , though, when I’m having one of my attacks.

The pain is getting worse, and today in secret, he had to give me a shot to help finally. I wouldn't say I like that, but I don’t want anything to cut this trip short, so I have to do what I have to do. I know Talia already worries so much about me, so adding to that load is not something I’m comfortable doing. I am so grateful that Zane appears to understand and handle things to minimize her angst as much as my pain.

Anyway, back to the falls...we were soaking wet after standing there for just a few moments, and I couldn’t get enough of everything. I refused the slicker that was to provide some reprieve from the water. I wanted to feel every cold and drenching drop on my skin. We took a boat ride, and it was so blue, and we saw these amazing rainbows. I got some of the best pictures and will get hardcopies made...maybe one will be good enough to frame. After I was able to sleep, we went out to see the light show at night, and oh my god...I don’t even think I can put it into words. They light it up in these pretty rainbow colors, and with the water, it is simply breathtaking.

On our way out, we came across a couple that was getting married. I might have photobombed a few pictures, but they were so cute and in love. They just were out there in front of the falls and all their friends with them. If I had ever gotten married, I can see that this would have made my short list of destinations.

I got pretty tired after all that, so we had to head to the hotel. Then this morning, Zane had an awesome surprise before we got back on the road. A special treat for me. A helicopter ride! IT WAS SPECTACULAR! A bit scary because you feel like when you lean over to take a look, you could fall out, but then relax. It was breathtakingly beautiful. I am not a writer, so I don’t think I can do justice to that view. I have some wonderful pictures, though, and on my camera, they look spectacular. I hope when I get home and blow them up; they are just as great.

We are now back on the road headed for Olathe, Kansas, and I can barely keep my eyes open I’m so exhausted. I can’t wait to hold Hailey and see Susanne. This has so far been better than I could have imagined. I’m not sure how I will ever tell Talia and Zane how much I appreciate them doing this for me. I did have to use the wheelchair today, and both are so attentive and patient—even as I am disgruntled at this body giving out on me. I hope they know how much I love them and will always be grateful that they made this trip possible. Goodnight.

“She’s asleep,” Talia said, turning from where she had just checked on Scarlett. “She needs it. I think the last day and a half has cost her a lot, but she was a trooper.” “It was so sweet of you to do the helicopter ride. She wanted to do that the year we went out to the Grand Canyon, but Mom and Dad didn’t have anything to do with it.” “Your parents, I take it, are not the adventurous sort?” “My parents tried for years to have children and finally did the IVF route. Knowing they wouldn’t have any others, they both wanted to bubble wrap us and ensure our safety. Besides, both are deathly afraid of heights, so I had to wait until I was an adult for roller coasters, skiing, and helicopter rides.” “This must be their worst nightmare,” he said, looking into the rearview mirror. “Isn’t it every parent’s worst nightmare to have a child terminally sick?” “Yeah.” “I can’t imagine if it was my child.” “Yeah, but some of the kiddos I treat are so little they never have any life at all. With Scarlett, she has done a lot of living, and it sounds like your family will have tons of memories when she is not with you anymore,” he said, turning briefly to her. “Like you and Asher?” “Yeah, he taught me a lot. The year we found out he was dying, he convinced a friend to smuggle beer into the hospital,” he said with a grin. “He did not!” Talia had to bite her lip to keep from laughing. “Yes, he did. As well as proposition all his nurses to give him a little something so he wouldn’t die a virgin.” “Oh, my goodness, he and Scarlett would have gotten along famously.”

“Yeah, they would have. They both are a bit more extroverted than I will ever be.” “Or me. She once talked me into skipping school, and we got caught, but a few bats of those lashes, and she talked our principal into not giving us any detention. I would not have been so lucky on my own.” “Did you ever skip again?” “Are you kidding! I made sure I was five minutes early to everything after that and never missed another day until I graduated,” she chuckled. “What about that photobombing the wedding today? I couldn’t believe she did that,” Talia laughed out loud. It had been hilarious, and the couple so sweet when Scarlett had just ed in as if she belonged. “Would you want to get married at Niagara Falls?” Talia glanced at him, “You mean, hypothetically? If I ever got married?” “You will get married someday.” “You don’t know that.” He just looked at her, “Niagara Falls. Yes or no?” “No. I’d prefer the Justice of the Peace and just a few friends. Then I think somewhere warm for a fabulous honeymoon.” “Like a cruise?” he teased. “Maybe, but I think I would like to go as me.” He reached over and grabbed her hand, raising it to his lips. “I think I’d like Talia even more than Scarlett,” he whispered, kissing her palm, and causing her to feel the heat at the naughty memories he was eliciting. “Zane, behave,” she warned, drawing her hand away. “For now,” he said, winking at her. He reached forward to turn on the radio, smiling the entire time.

Zane caught himself for the second time in the last hour with a grin on his face for no apparent reason. He found that any amount of time that he could spend with Talia softened him measurably. He would find himself smiling, just thinking about her, or when they had more than one of the existential conversations. A glance in the rearview mirror always brought him up short, though. This trip was so much more than the two of them, and their time was spent alternating watch over Scarlett and driving to the next stopping point. The sheer joy on Scarlett’s face the morning that she had stood up out of the wheelchair on the edge of the observation deck was a sight. She had put arms out like an eagle spreading her wings, face back, and just letting the spray wash over her with such an angelic smile it had stolen his breath. She was so at peace, just like a small child experiencing every nuance of life with such joy and enthusiasm that he couldn’t help but be amazed by it. The helicopter ride had been a last-minute thing he had seen when he had gone for a walk the last evening, they were in Niagara Falls. It had been worth the hundreds of dollars spent to see Talia and Scarlett’s face and hear for the rest of the day their approval of the outing. As they had headed for Olathe, Kansas, to see what Talia had described as a sorority sister of Scarlett’s from college, they had been much more attentive to the precious cargo in the back. Susanne had a two-month-old daughter named Hailey that Scarlett had been named, in abstention, godmother of. It would be the first and only time for them to meet. Taking turns sleeping and maintaining the strict medication schedule for Scarlett, they had driven through another long stretch making the day into night and vice versa. Now, just minutes from number nine on Scarlett’s bucket list, he looked over at Talia and had to bring himself up short once again. She made his heart clench with just a look, and the defect wasn’t lessening with time. They had spent hours talking, getting caught up on each other’s history. They had great conversations and found common ground on religious and political alignments. He had been told both could be deal-breakers in adult relationships, but they had solidified their connection. Sometimes just sitting and listening to a tly selected radio station was enough, and that also was a new experience for him. As they neared their second to the last destination, his thoughts turned to Talia,

and he was fully away from her sister. To date, they had avoided the inevitable conversation about what happened when they reached their final destination. He had a family, career, and clinic depending on him, half a continent away. If he went home, and she stayed...which she would need to...would she call him after Scarlett ed? Should he stay? He had a job and others as sick as Scarlett, who he might still be able to help with the latest protocols being tested. He couldn’t stay in Denver, and at this point, she could not relocate to Atlanta. No matter how compatible they seemed, the elephant in the room would need to be discussed. Putting everything else from his mind, he shook Talia awake. She would need to get Scarlett up and ready; she had requested it last night so she could look as presentable as possible when she met the baby, they had traveled so many miles to see.

CHAPTER 11

Dear Journal,

Homebound! I feel the energy leaving me and am hopeful that a day or two home before everyone converges for the Fourth of July to end all holidays will be the magic cure. I understand that I am never going to be the old Scarlett, and with each ing day, she leaves me a piece at a time. I want her back, if only for a moment, to give my entire family one last big celebration to in years to come.

I got to hold Hailey, and I couldn’t stop crying. Susanne had named her Hailey because that was my “baby name” in college for my first child that was a girl. By the time she came along, it was apparent that I would not make a prodigy of my own. You should have seen all that dark hair and the bow! Oh, my goodness, it was bigger than her tiny head, and she had such rosy red chubby cheeks I just had to pinch. She was perfection in a tiny bawling human!

Seeing Susanne was wonderful but unsettling in turn. I mean, she is my age. We graduated from college together, and she now has a family, her first baby, and that perfect house. Within a minute in that warm, loving environment, I could feel all my happiness and optimism being sapped through no fault of hers, and for that reason, I made every effort to mask the anger bubbling inside.

I sometimes feel irrationally mad at people like Susanne and Talia, who are the healthy reflections of everything I am not and everything I will never be again. Their lives will roll forward, and mine is about to hit a major pause button. For all their happy smiles and graciousness, I know that wretched look in their eyes when they look at me is my fault. For this speck of time, their lives are in limbo because of me, and when this time ends, pain and grief will follow close behind. I wish I could change that for them.

It’s so hard to put into words enough love and gratitude for overshadowing their sadness and internal turmoil, but I hope that someday these memories we are making will bring them happiness and joy. When the darkness es, I will watch from afar as joy fills their lives again. It is that quandary of viewpoints that I now struggle with daily.

Speaking of Talia, you should see her and Zane together. They are just the cutest thing, more each day I spend with them. The look that Zane gave her when she was holding that baby, I just know they are going to have kids of their someday. My heart is so full of delight at the thought, as I secretly hope that one might look, and act like me. Talia would hate that...and love it in the same instant.

Zane is so attentive to both of us, but when he looks at her. You must see his eyes, and he gets a mushy grin on his face. I’ve caught him late at night looking at her when he thinks we both are asleep, and I just hope she truly knows how lucky she is. When this is over, I hope they find a way to make the distance of their current locations work. I’ve never seen her like this with anyone else, and I’m grateful to have a peek into the love that I hope will be hers fully down the road.

Well, we are headed home now after a day and a half. It will be my final Fourth of July. Mom let us know tonight that everyone is there waiting. I will need my energy and pray that I hold out long enough to enjoy that day. Zane had to give me another shot today. I’m doing my best to use sparingly but the teeth chattering pain is more than I could have imagined.

Lots of pictures to feed you when I get home...night Journal!

Talia sat looking out the window. It was just a few miles now as they had made record time. She knew she had to ask the question, as they would be deluged with guests and relatives the minute, they pulled in. This trip had been the high and low of her life rolled up into six days on the road. “So, when we get off the road, we take the first right where the water tower is, and then two stoplights on the right is our drive.” “Okay,” he said. “We need to talk about it,” he broached the subject she still held dammed up inside. “I know you have to go home. I genuinely appreciate you doing this and could never have made it without your help.” “I did it for me as much as the two of you.” She turned and studied him. “What do you mean?” “My brother asked my parents and me to let him go home before he ed, and we talked him into staying in the hospital. We thought that just one more treatment and he was going to make it over the hill,” he exhaled and circulated his heads as if working out kinks. “You couldn’t have known,” she reached over and rubbed circles into his tense shoulders. “No, but we should have listened. You listened and never questioned her. And I knew I could help her safely do this...I just needed to do it.” She stopped her hands’ movements and ran them through his hair. “I will never be able to thank you enough,” she reiterated the earlier platitude. “I need to go home in the morning. I did promise my family to be back for the Fourth of July.” “I figured when you made sure we arrived the day before,” she said, looking out the window. “Will I see you again?”

“Of course.” “When?” “I don’t know,” he said with another exhaled breath. She felt the SUV slow and saw the familiar scenery of their hometown. “I can’t leave here until after...” “I know.” “Are we there?” Scarlett asked, forcing her to look back at her sister. “Just a couple blocks.” “Awesome,” came a very tired response. “We can talk later,” he mouthed. She nodded and hurried back between the seats. “Want some help getting ready?” she asked her sister. “Yeah, could you help with my hair, and just a touch of lip gloss would be great.” She looked so fragile. Still beautiful and worried that someone might not see her at her best, though, which gave Talia hope that her Scarlett was still with them. Working the comb through her hair, she glanced up and noticed Zane’s eyes upon her. She smiled slightly, holding her sister. She thought about the impossible choice and then corrected herself because no matter how much it hurt...there was no choice to be made.

Zane came out of the rental agency and looked around until his eyes alighted on Talia’s hybrid parked across the parking lot where she idled waiting for him. It was cold, and he hadn’t brought the correct clothing, so he hustled to the car, and once nestled in the warm interior, leaned over and took full advantage of the alone time for the first second in over a week. She grabbed at the same excuse and wrapped both arms around him for a lengthy exploration. She felt so good, and he needed to soak up every nuance he could. Finally, they came up for air and laughed. “The lot attendant is blushing to the roots of his comb-over,” she laughed. “Sorry, I’ve needed that all week.” “Me too,” she said with gusto. “Did you stop and shop?” he indicated the drugstore bag on the console. “No, it’s all the pictures Scarlett took on our road trip. She ed them last night and asked me to pick them up. Seriously it was $200! Do you know how many pictures that is?” she said with mock horror. “No, but it looks like a tidy sum from the size of the bag.” “She said I was to go through them and find a couple for you to take home. These are the ones I found that I thought you might like,” she extended him a little red and white envelope. He opened them and felt the tears in his soul, threatening to overflow his eyelids. It was terrifying that a couple of pictures could have that effect. Talia had taken a picture of her sister just as the helicopter had flown over the water. The picture had more emotions in it than any he had ever seen captured on film. He could the emotions of that moment, having lived it, and the photo captured that moment in time exquisitely. The photobombed wedding was next, and Scarlett jumping in front of the bride and groom made him laugh out loud. Also, a candid of the three of them laughing at their soaked faces, he ed the little girl Scarlett had recruited to take that one. There were a dozen or so other moments, all forever

captured in color photos for him to reminisce with. At the bottom of the stack was one he ed in Olathe. Susanne’s neighbor had taken it, with Scarlett holding Hailey, Susanne and her husband, and Talia and him all smiling at the camera in perfect unison. The look on his face and all of theirs spoke volumes. Love, grace, and a moment never to be revisited were there for the casual observer. It reminded him of what the fabulous journey was all about. Not the trip itself, or the little keepsakes they accumulated, but the people met along the way that becomes part of each person’s story. He was grateful for the tangible evidence of the memories he was taking home with him. “Thank you,” he managed around the lump in his throat. “No, seriously, thank you for the best gift ever!” She kissed him briefly again. They didn’t speak, as she put the car in drive and made the interminable drive to the airport. If her thoughts were as erratic and off as his were, he figured she needed the time, or neither of them would get through the good-byes. “American?” “Yes.” Less than four minutes later, she was pulling up to the curb. Before he could say good-bye, she pulled a latch on the floor and jumped out. He followed, trying desperately for his lethargic brain to start focusing and find the necessary words. When he got to the rear of the car, she had his bag, handle heavenward on the curb. “Talia,” he said. She walked into his arms and laid her head against his chest. They stood like that for a moment, and finally, she lifted her head. The tears that traveled her cheeks said more than words could have. He lowered his head, and she met his lips halfway. He snaked an arm around her waist and pulled her as close as outerwear would allow. Her arms up and around his neck were making demands of him for the right angle, and soon they were lost to the sounds around them. He would miss her more than he could fathom at this moment. He wondered if there wasn’t another choice but also knew in his heart that she wasn’t able to think past anything not related to Scarlett. This would have to wait. Hopefully, that was all it was...a long wait.

She pulled back at just that moment, “I have to go. I love you and maybe someday....” She turned from him. “I love you too,” he said, hoping she would hear, but she never turned around. Her car pulled away from the curb, and he was left with just the cold wind, a packet of pictures, and a gaping hole where his heart had once resided.

CHAPTER 12

No amount of preparation could protect her from the mind-numbing loss when that pivotal moment came. Talia had requested a leave of absence before classes resumed in August after the summer holidays and spent every moment possible with her sister. As she sat on the floor, trying to pick out pictures for the wake and funeral, she felt a fresh flood of tears start flowing. Fourth of July had been wonderful. Family and friends, they hadn’t seen in years had come from far and wide. The party had lasted all weekend, and Scarlett’s final party had ended with them watching fireworks at the lake. Her mother had outdone herself, planning every detail. Through a formal dinner and two days of frivolity, everyone had celebrated the birth of a nation and the ing of Scarlett’s last holiday. Everyone important to her family, and Scarlett had made it back to the celebration. All her final wishes were marked from the piece of paper tucked into the journal's creases. Scarlett had given her the Journal just two days ago. With all the pictures painstakingly slotted throughout it, it was six or seven times its original width and filled with more stories, love, and sentiment than an inanimate object had the right to be. She hadn’t been able to shuffle the pages in the last couple of days, but as she sat there, it seemed to beckon. She stretched out and pulled the monstrosity toward her with a smile. Scarlett had never done anything in small measure. She looked at the first page. It was Scarlett’s of when they had gone to the hot dog eating contest. It had been an addition to her bucket list she had blackmailed Talia into. Talia chuckled. That experience had not turned out as expected. She continued flipping pages and finally reached the handwriting that was her own. The cruise. As she combed through pictures, she was transported back to those first moments. Finally, the road trip. So many awesome pictures, the next bout of tears splashed on the pages protected by plastic. She grabbed a Kleenex and swiped at her face. She was going to look like a punching page by Saturday at the funeral. Scarlett would kick her butt if she didn’t put on a pretty face that day and represent them beautifully. Flipping through, she came to a page that she didn’t recognize seeing before. There was a picture of her and Scarlett as six-year-olds sticking their tongues out at the camera. On the page opposite, in shaky handwriting that could only be Scarlett’s, she read:

Dear Talia

My better half, the sister I had with me every step of the way. I am going to miss you until the day we meet again. I am thankful for so much in these final days, but no list could do you justice as the person I loved most in this world. We could not have been more opposite, but in saying it, I realize now that was the plan. Where you were weak, I was strong. Where I made leaps of faith, you brought the educated and thought out decisions to bear. When I got sick, you ed whatever was needed to get me help. In the end, the best of me I’m leaving behind within you, and I’m hopeful you take great care over the convening years.

Make sure Mom and Dad go travel and have some fun. Check-in on Hailey from time to time and tell her stories of her crazy godmother. Have faith that everything happens for a reason and find joy in the journey. Know that I was so blessed that twenty-nine years was enough and that I wasn’t scared of dying in the end, but only of leaving you. I will be your guardian angel, and I hope you live the biggest life possible for both of us.

GO get that man and make babies. Atlanta is so much warmer than Denver in the winter. And when those babies come, if you could name one of them Scarlett, that would be so cool, but no harm if you have only boys!

I love you around the world and back, Scar

It was going to be a while before the latest deluge stopped, she thought, as she closed the book. Allowing the cleansing cry she had denied herself, she sat hugging all that was left of her sister to her chest.

Zane made good time back to the clinic. This was the grant they needed to take his protocol to the next level, and it was just in time. He was grateful, thinking of all the people he could help. The final meeting with the committee had been a formality, it turned out, but he hadn’t known that when leaving his house that morning. He needed to check in with his mother as soon as he parked and made his way inside. As he walked, the mental to-do list was mounting. If he wasn’t certain he would run into something, he would pull out his tablet and start making notes as he walked. So much to do, he could feel the excitement surging. He had worked years to see this reality, and now that it was in front of him, he couldn’t afford a single misstep. The actual award wouldn’t happen until next summer, so he had plenty of time to organize. Hitting the door to make it revolve, he bid Dan at the front desk security a brisk hello and made tracks for the elevator. Looking down, he acknowledged that it was six p.m. and possible that his mother had left the building. He still went through the effort of heading to her office. He wanted her to be the first to hear the momentum-changing news. As he walked down the hall, he pulled the paperwork from his messenger bag and noticed the tiny box bulging out the side pocket. He had been carrying the engagement ring with him for weeks after he had found it when Ted had been out selecting one for Aubree. He had just been wandering the cases and fallen in love with the delicate filigree and diamond engagement ring. He still chuckled when he ed Ted’s face when he’d asked the woman to see the ring. The fish face Ted had given him when he purchased it on the spot had been priceless. It would have to wait, he acknowledged as he pulled the paperwork out. If he had a bow, he would have put it on top of the file and presented it to his mother. She was the one person besides himself that would be this excited by the news. Seeing the light on, he walked through the entrance. “Mother,” he said in the outer office. “Zane! Come in,” she shouted. He walked into her inner sanctum. “We got it!” he said, not able to contain it any longer. “That is great,” she said quietly. The look on her face was the one she got when

she lost a patient. “Did you lose someone today?” he asked, circling the desk and laying a hand on her shoulder. “Scarlett Lacy ed away last night.” She said the words calmly, yet he felt the effect of those six words short circuit his body. He walked back to a chair and sat down. “I’m sorry, Zane,” she said, coming around to him. “Have you spoken to her?” “No, we...it was just so hard...we left it...,” he wasn’t certain what the protocol was in this case. “I thought the two of you had the potential to be serious, but I know...well... Scarlett,” she said with a sigh, sitting down next to him. “I have to go. Do you know when the funeral is?” “Saturday at 2 p.m.,” she said. “Can we discuss the grant Monday?” “Absolutely.” “I need to see what I can do for travel.” “I understand. Let me know if you need anything.” “I will,” he said and forced his feet to rise and fall...carrying him back to the shelter of his office. He couldn’t seem to figure out what he needed to do. For such a smart man, when Talia or Scarlett was involved, he was dumbfounded. He paced, trying to get his head together enough to make the necessary arrangements.

Talia checked her skirt in the mirror. She wore a black dress suit and dark nylons —just the sort of outfit she hated. But the red scarf lying over the back of the chair, that was vintage Scarlett and an agreed-upon funeral gaffe she was going to commit for her sister. Tying the scarf, she headed to the door. Her parents needed her full today, and she had gotten the crying out of the way to be that shoulder for them. When she thought about who would be ing her, thoughts immediately went to Zane. How was she to open that door back up? What if he had moved on? It had been close to three months since she had seen him last. And why, on the day they were to bury her sister, was that thought even rattling around her mind, she chastised herself. With some coaxing, she was able to get her Mom and Dad into the car. A friend was driving them. Traditionally, she thought she should have been able to do the driving, but her mother had fallen apart more so than she had expected. She didn’t want any distractions from her ability to pay court to her parents and other needy relatives. The drive was made in silence, save for the few sniffles her mother emitted into her Kleenex. With each ing mile, Talia could feel the finality and was certain that this would go down as the hardest day of her life. “Mom, did you bring extra Kleenex?” “Purse,” was the only response. “Okay, we are just about there. Anything I can do for you?” “No, sweetie, you have been such a big help. I don’t think I could have organized all of this on my own.” Talia squeezed her hand. The car stopped, and she squared her shoulders. Someone opened the door, and she stepped out. Turning, she helped her mother, who was immediately greeted by the priest. Her mother and father went up ahead, and she turned to follow. Suddenly, she felt a hand grasping her own. She looked first at the suit sleeve,

and then her eyes traveled up to the face. The joy that streaked through her was probably inappropriate for a funeral. “How did you know?’ “Your mom called mine,” Zane said. “Thank you for coming.” “I wanted to be here for you.” “I ...I just couldn’t be there for you... until...” “Let’s go say good-bye to Scarlett.” She took his arm and followed him into the church.

EPILOGUE

Four Years Later – A Week Before the Fourth of July “Are you sure you want to know?” “You said I could find out today, and it would be a wonderful gift for the family.” “You think your mom or mine is going to spoil them more?” “Good question. They both have gone mushy in their old age,” Talia smiled up at her husband. “Well, they are the first grandkids for either of them. Maybe we should cut them some slack,” Zane said, rubbing her belly. “I can’t believe they moved here,” she said. After four years of threats that they would, the news of impending grandbabies had spurred her parent’s move to Atlanta. It was great that her mother was willing to watch over the twins when she went back to work teaching part-time after their birth. Unfortunately, the nagging was a side-effect she was already experiencing. “Talia Michaels,” the nurse called out from the doorway of the waiting room. Zane took her hand as they stood to follow the nurse. She was so excited she couldn’t stand it, even if she was getting more uncomfortable with each ing day. The last couple of years, she and Zane had focused on their careers, settling into a life together and traveling. They had taken a European Cruise for two weeks as a honeymoon the summer they got married. Toured the Great Wall. Visited Wine Country in Italy. Biked through the French countryside and several weekend trips throughout the United States. They loved seeing the oddball, world’s biggest, strangest, or wackiest tourist traps wherever they went. Talia kept a journal and pictures of their travels to share with their kids, much in the style of the beloved one she kept in her memory box. “I will need full access to your stomach,” the technician said. She moved her shirt out of the way and reached for Zane’s hand.

“This will be cold,” the technician said, squirting a gel on her belly. They had talked about baby names loosely but still hadn’t settled on any good twin names. She thought they were girls, and Zane thought them to be boys, so that debate put to rest would be a positive outcome of today’s visit. “Okay,” the lady said, “there is the strong heartbeat of baby A. We do want to know gender today, correct?” Talia looked at Zane and smiled, “Correct.” “Baby A is a girl,” she said, smiling over at them. “Scarlett,” they said in unison. “And Baby B, there is another strong heartbeat.” She moved the wand to and fro, “that one is a squirmer,” she moved again. “Ah...there he is.” “He? They aren’t identical?” “Nope, definitely a boy,” she said, pointing to the screen. Zane was mesmerized by the screen when she glanced at his profile. “Asher,” she said softly. “Asher,” he said, bending over to kiss her lips. She was so happy words would have been insignificant. She hoped their guardian angels were happy. She wondered which one would come into the world first. Would they be extroverts or a mismatched pair, such as she and Scarlett had been? No matter what, they would be spoiled rotten and loved, so loved. Life, she thought, looking at the screen, gave you some of the deepest lows so you could be even more grateful for the moments like this one. Thank you, she whispered in her head as her sweet husband blinked back his tears of joy.

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Did you love Journal of a Last Hurrah? Then you should read Curveball by Angelica Kate!

♦ Six kids

♦ A Marriage Shy Bachelor

♦Off the Charts Chemistry

Does this relationship have even a shot before it starts? Cassie doesn't have time for a man, dating, or any relationship not revolving around her children. Her hodgepodge family takes every ounce of strength and organizational capacity she has each day. They may have come to her in the darkest moment of her life through circumstances she would give anything to change, but now they are her entire world. As she works her freelance contracts, contends with a cranky elderly nanny with little English language skills, and trying to avert the next disaster the children hatch up, she completely misses the curve ball about to be pitched at her by Trent Thomson.

Trent is the contractor on her latest job. He and his tight-knit family run the construction company that will pull off a miracle turnaround on her latest project that should secure her even more lucrative contracts. He may be the oldest, and his mother's special project as the last unmarried of her five boys, but he is adamant about remaining single with no complications. When these two opposites meet, it's anything but love at first sight. Soon the lines between professional and personal start blurring when Cassie's boys a baseball team. Trent and his brother coach after hours. This sweet inspirational romance will have you cheering for a happy ending for this large blended family. Read more at Angelica Kate’s site.

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Watch for more at Angelica Kate’s site.