It's Your Life......own It! a4g3r

It’s Your Life…… Own It!

Christie Bakeman

Copyright © 2016 Christie Bakeman.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Balboa Press A Division of Hay House 1663 Liberty Drive Bloomington, IN 47403 www.balboapress.com 1 (877) 407-4847

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the

information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only. Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

ISBN: 978-1-5043-4948-2 (sc) ISBN: 978-1-5043-4949-9 (hc) ISBN: 978-1-5043-4947-5 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2016901569

Balboa Press rev. date: 02/09/2016

CONTENTS

Preface

Chapter 1 Changing Paths

Chapter 2 Work and Your Job

Chapter 3 Life Partners/Spouses

Chapter 4 Health and Feeling Good

Chapter 5 Raising Happy Children

Chapter 6 Your Most Important Relationship—You

Chapter 7 Your Worst Enemy—Your Subconscious (until you make it your best friend)

Chapter 8 The Oneness

About the Author

Notes and Inspirations

To Brent: thank you for being a ive partner in this endeavor. Although components of this book have been floating around my head for years, I did not have the courage—nor did I create the opportunity—until we explored life’s possibilities together.

To my children: Cody, Ryan, and Laren. Thank you for inspiring me to love, dream, and create.

PREFACE

The purpose of this book is to help you take control of your life. No matter what your circumstances, I want to show you—even prove to you—that you are in control of what you experience and the results that have become your reality. We’ve all heard, at one time or another, that you get what you think about. This book will provide examples and specific thoughts that show you that what you are experiencing is a direct result of what you have been thinking. The good news is that you can make immediate changes to achieve a more desirable outcome. Is it easy? Sometimes. However, most of us have been thinking and operating the same way for so long that we have some habits to break. For these circumstances, you are going to have to put forth some mental effort. Change is a funny thing. If someone else changes in a way that benefits us, oh boy, we like that kind of change. However, if we discover that we are the ones who need to make changes, well, that’s a different story. The fact is that some of you will get angry with me for making you take an honest look at yourself. Fine with me, and here is why; if your emotional tone is anger, you have much more ability to take action than if you are feeling despair. My goal is to help you no matter what your emotional state is at this moment in time. This book became available to you for a reason. Merely being in possession of it means that you are open to its ideas and the knowledge contained within. Thank you for being willing to open up yourself to the possibilities ahead of you. I promise you won’t be bored, and—who knows?—there is always the possibility that your life will improve. That’s my goal, and just a heads up—I have great intentions for you.

Sometimes it’s the smallest decisions that can change your life forever. —Keri Russell

Deciding to read this book certainly qualifies as a small decision, but it will be up to you whether or not it changes your life. I simply want you to know that you can. To get the most out of this book, I suggest you actually do the exercises it contains. when you were in school and how you retained or learned more when you used more than one of your senses? The reason you were asked to take notes then is that it helped your mind assimilate the information better when you read it, heard it, and took notes. Simply reading the exercises may give you a little spark of intuition about your life, but actually doing the exercises will provide you far more insight. So break down, get a spiral notebook or composition notebook, and plan on doing the exercises. After all, you did decide to read this far. How about a bit more of a commitment to yourself?

CHAPTER 1

Changing Paths

Y ou must have been living under a rock the past few years if you haven’t heard of or talked about the law of attraction. Maybe you read the book The Secret , or you tuned in to Oprah and heard a stimulating conversation about attracting everything you want. Maybe you’ve read the teachings of Abraham or listened to talk radio. Whatever the catalyst was, you at some point thought about how cool it would be to attract everything you want. Then reality set in, along with thoughts about how this crap doesn’t work—at least not for you. I understand that feeling, because I’ve been there. I was so excited when I read The Secret that I bought two dozen copies so I could give them away. After all, I wanted all the folks who were important to me to have the same information. I gave a copy to each of the fifteen managers who worked for me. One of those managers, Julie, called me the day after I gave her the book to tell me how excited she was because she had stayed up all night reading. This information was new to her and created an increased level of excitement for life in her. I also gave the book to one of my youngest son’s friends, Liam. He was a teenager who’d experienced more trauma in his life than most adults, and I wanted him to know that he could control his life. He was so grateful to be introduced to concepts that he’d never heard of that he couldn’t stop reading the book. So here I am, all excited about this book and about a universal law referred to as the law of attraction. I read the book, set some goals, and shared what I was thinking about with others—and my life didn’t change. Damn! Okay, I said to myself, maybe you haven’t really absorbed the true meaning of the material. I bought the CD set of The Secret, and I also bought a couple of Abraham CDs. Most folks don’t know that the basis for The Secret began with the teachings of Abraham delivered by Esther Hicks. I spent a great deal of time driving for my job, so I figured I’d put all that drive time to good use and really absorb the material. Guess what happened? My life didn’t change much at all. There were

small victories in my attempts at manifestation, but nothing anyone else could recognize. Right now, you might be saying, “See? It didn’t work for her either,” but you’d be wrong. It may have taken years, but once I finally got it, I was amazed. My intention with the book you are currently reading is to share enough examples and exercises with you that your journey into believing that you are in control of your life and happiness is a shorter one than what I experienced.

As above, so below. As within, so without. —The Emerald Tablets

In May of 2011, I was riding in a Jeep with the top off on some unknown road in Ohio. My oldest son, Cody, was driving. My youngest son, Ryan, and their friend, Taylor, were in the back of the Jeep. It was a beautiful, sunny day, and the warm wind was blowing against my face and through my hair. I spent fifteen minutes trying to identify a feeling that came over me. Seriously. Okay, I’m blonde but not dumb, and it took me nearly fifteen minutes to identify that I was feeling happy. Wow! What a wake-up call. How freakin’ sad that it had been so long since I had been happy that I didn’t even recognize happiness when it showed up. Not to bore you with the details of my misery, but let’s agree that whatever circumstances we become accustomed to become our normal. It is just how life is for us. Maybe it is a coping mechanism for the human race that we become complacent and accept life as it is without much thought as we go about our lives—until something occurs that wakes us up. My wake-up call was that Saturday afternoon, and it made me realize that I had to change something. I wasn’t sure what at that point; I was just absolutely positive that I had to change something, because I wanted to be happy. It wasn’t until 2013, when I read the entire Emerald Tablets, that the above quote made sense to me. It took several more months for me to realize why I thought the law of attraction didn’t work for me those many years ago when I was so enthused about it. You see, my perception was off—way off. What I didn’t understand was that how we feel inside affects how we perceive the world, our relationships, and basically everything in our lives. As within, so without. I

could only perceive or receive what I believed. It took years for me to actually realize that the reason the law of attraction didn’t seem to work for me was simply because my thoughts were all coming from a place of lack. I wanted abundance—hell, I would have been happy with a little extra cash after all the bills were paid, but my focus was on the bills and how little was in the bank . I wanted my marriage to be better, but I focused on all of the negative aspects of my mate. I wanted my job to be less stressful, but my focus was on all of the things I had to do. My complete focus was on what wasn’t in my life, so the affirmations I wrote or said or the desires I had couldn’t show up, because I didn’t truly believe they were available.

If you wish to find the secrets of the universe, think in of energy, frequency, and vibration. —Nikola Tesla

So let’s cover some basics. You may know these or have had thoughts about them before, but until you accept them, it is going to be a bit difficult to change your circumstances. You are energy. You emit a vibration. People and things that vibrate at the same frequency are drawn to you. You are a creator. Life doesn’t happen to you, but rather is created by you. Let’s take these three truths and make sure that you understand the wonderful guidance system you were born with: your feelings. The true you, that source energy that is you, knows only your well-being. The true you is wise, healthy, happy, and continually vibrating at the best version of you. Think about a time when you felt really happy. Maybe it was a family event (where everyone was getting along), maybe it was when you achieved a goal that you’d been working toward, or maybe it was as simple as playing with your pet and being totally in the present moment. That happy feeling occurred because you were in alignment

with the true you. Life was good—really good—at that moment. When you feel any type of negative emotion (frustration, anger, depression, etc.), you are out of alignment with the true you. Your feelings are simply alerting you that you need to change how you are thinking. I realize that I’m making it sound simple, which it is and it isn’t—at least, not until you have a conscious, working understanding. The first step is really more about being aware. We go through life on automatic pilot so much of the time that most of us aren’t really operating at a conscious level. So how are you feeling right now? Are you close to your natural state of joy, feeling physically well and happy inside? If the answer were yes, you would be in alignment with the true you. If you are feeling something like hostility, then you may be experiencing discomfort in your abdomen and tension in your neck and shoulders, thus being out of alignment with your true self. Simply being aware of how you feel can get you on the right path. Oh dear, here’s the point where you may get your feathers ruffled. Everything— every relationship, every circumstance, everything that has shown up in your life —is because you created it. Now, I know you are immediately thinking about all of the things that you didn’t want that have shown up. Humor me. There may be things in your life that you didn’t consciously attract; however, you did attract them because of the frequency at which you were vibrating. Like attracts like. Just as I couldn’t attract a better marriage by focusing on what was wrong with mine, you can’t put your attention on what you don’t want or what is unsatisfying to you and expect that the opposite is going to show up just because that is what you desire.

A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step. —Lao Tzu

The most wonderful thing about this whole concept is that you can create something different. If you are happy with how your life is moving along, great! Keep doing what you are doing because it is obviously working for you. However, if you are interested in changing an area or two of your life, then

please allow me to assist by providing some opportunities for you to view your life as you want it to be. I would love for you to come on this journey with me with the knowledge that my intention is for you to be happier and far more satisfied with your creation than you previously thought possible. Let’s get started. First, let me tell you that if you are the type who prefers to read books cover to cover, certainly do that; but if there is a specific area of your life that you want to focus on first, check out the table of contents and go straight to that chapter.

CHAPTER 2

Work and Your Job

Y ou may wonder, Why start with a chapter on work instead of family, marriage, friends or spiritual growth? Aren’t they more important than our jobs? Well, of course they are, but let me ask where you spend the most time: is it your job? Unfortunately, the majority of us spend the greatest portion of our lives chasing the dollar or “working so we can live.” We ask small children what they want to be when they grow up, and the answers usually involve a job. They say, “I want to be a nurse” or “a football player” or “a fireman.” In high school our children are given aptitude tests to provide them with the list of careers that are a good match to their personality and skill set. As adults, when we meet someone new we ask what they do, and what we mean is what do they do for a job. Our society has put a huge emphasis on what we do for a “living”; therefore, there should be something in this chapter that everyone can relate to.

Let us realize that: the privilege to work is a gift, the power to work is a blessing, the love of work is success! —David O. McKay

Let’s identify some people or situations that we’ve dealt with during our work life with the purpose of raising our own awareness. As you read these stories about real people I have known, see if any of them are similar to people in your own life. I’ve changed the names to prevent the inevitable excuses and backlash that will occur unless these folks become truly aware of their own thinking and behavior. The fact is that situations are a result of our thinking, and nobody knows the truth about what you are thinking except you.

Amber has had eight different jobs in an eighteen-month timeframe, none lasting more than two months—so most of the time she’s been unemployed. When you ask her what happened at any of these jobs, this is what you get: “My boss was unreasonable, they wanted me to change my schedule, the boss is crazy, the work is beneath my abilities, they fired me because I didn’t work a few of the shifts I was scheduled, that company makes it impossible to go from temp to permanent, my boss always is telling me what to do, they want to control my life, and the pay sucked.” Maybe it is easy for you to see that Amber plays the role of victim, but let me assure you that she doesn’t see it that way. In Amber’s case, her thoughts or beliefs about herself continued to bring her similar circumstances. She had never learned to take responsibility for her own behaviors, let alone her thoughts. Amber would tell you that there are no jobs in the major city she lives in, and when she does find a job, her boss is always unreasonable regarding the job requirements. Ever have a boss that likes everyone to be on edge and in fear of losing his or her job? Susan was a manager of thousands of employees in multiple locations. She had a habit of requesting information at the end of the day or calling her employees during dinnertime or on weekends to ensure they were focused on their jobs. When someone wasn’t seeing it her way, she would bully the person into changing his or her opinion under the guise of trying to be helpful. When an employee survey showed that her people didn’t trust her, she acted surprised. Hello! When you are trying to control everyone else’s behavior and thoughts, you just might find out that you are creating resentment. Susan was an intelligent woman by all s, but she was operating in an unaware state of mind. Rather than tackle the universal law of oneness, let’s look at the oneness of a company. Presumably it could be understood that all employees in a company are working toward a common goal, such as sales, higher profits, market share, and so forth. If the majority of employees are focused in the same direction as the company, results are usually more favorable. Susan’s management style created more of an us-versus-them mentality—or, more specifically, a me-versus-you mentality. She attracted exactly what she sent out vibrationally. One would assume that the micromanaging of her team was due to a lack of trust in their decisions, so she shouldn’t have been surprised that she received a lack of trust in return.

Work is love made visible. And if you cannot work with love, but only distaste, it is better that you should leave your work and sit at the gate of a temple and take alms of those who work with joy. —Khalil Gibran

Elaine was in many ways the opposite of Susan, but she scared me much more. When you meet Elaine, your impression is that she is intelligent, caring, and a social individual. People like her. She was always polite when addressing someone directly and listened to what they were saying to her. Sounds like an awesome person to work with, right? Unfortunately, covert hostility is where her emotional tone was. Covert means hidden, and what you saw was not what was really happening behind your back or behind the scenes. Working with someone like this can make you feel like you are crazy or like your imagination has gone into overdrive. Elaine would say one thing to your face and then would go to someone else and make an off-handed comment that would plant the seeds of doubt. JJ was one of the most interesting and versatile people I’ve ever had the pleasure to meet. After a career working in technical for an incredibly popular singing group, he moved to Atlanta and became a floral designer—and a very good one at that. JJ was easygoing and friendly. The surprising thing was his lack of confidence. When a promotion was available, he didn’t want to try for it; he would say he didn’t think he had the abilities needed to perform the job. Although he was a creative designer, teaching others from a supervisory role scared him. I believed in him so much that I insisted he take the promotion and learn as he went. I saw potential beyond his obvious talent that he simply didn’t recognize in himself. Six months after he’d been promoted he came to me to say thank you. He was grateful that I pushed him and forced him to confront his fear.

*******

At this point you may be wondering how any of these stories can help you in the workplace. Well, let’s start by talking about awareness. How aware are you of

yourself and your capabilities? How aware are you about what your coworkers are thinking, feeling, and doing? What’s real can certainly be up for debate—as quantum theory has proven that the observer can and does impact the reality—so I’m going to approach this from some common ground that most individuals can come to some agreement on. Let’s delve into Amber’s situation a bit more. Think of someone with whom you’ve worked who always places blame on someone else and fails to take responsibility for what happens. Maybe this someone is you, and that’s okay because only you know what you are thinking. When someone is working with us who continually plays the victim, the office becomes a nest of negativity. Those individuals who behave responsibly get frustrated, making negative comments, rolling their eyes, and pretty much making it known that they think their coworker is an idiot. But what about Amber? Notice I didn’t say she didn’t care; she just doesn’t take responsibility. So how can that change? Some of you may be thinking that a Dinozzo-type head slap would be appropriate, but in today’s workplace that may not be acceptable. Trust me; I know this from experience. Do you think anyone gets up in the morning and says, “Let’s see how complete a victim I can be today?” Of course not, so Amber needs her awareness level expanded. This could be done in a gentle and loving way, but it has to happen or she will never improve. Let’s say Amber is late for work (yes, again) and her manager pulls her into the office and tells her she needs to get to work on time because others are relying on her. When Amber begins to give her excuses, her manager has to stop her there. It doesn’t matter what the excuses are; she has let others down, and in order to remain part of the team she needs to step up and take responsibility for her actions. I would ask her what she needed to do to get to work on time, putting the ball in her court. Whatever answer she gives doesn’t matter, as long as she understands it is her responsibility. Believe it or not, some adults have never had the opportunity to have someone tell them what is acceptable and what isn’t. Keep this in mind when you find yourself getting frustrated with this type of person. Maybe they don’t know, or maybe they grew up in a situation where giving excuses and playing the victim got them out of trouble. So what the hell does this have to do with you and the law of attraction? Let’s go through this situation with Amber from a different perspective. If you are

Amber’s coworker and you continue to notice her faults, you will continue to observe the behavior that you find aggravating. Whatever we focus on is what we will attract. Put a bit differently, your thoughts plus your emotion is what will manifest. So, if your thought is, Amber is never on time, and your feelings are making you feel negative about the situation, then the law of attraction can only bring you what is in alignment with your thoughts and emotions. Therefore, you are manifesting Amber continuing to be irresponsible. Not exactly what you want to attract, is it? What if you try a different approach? , we only have control of ourselves, so we aren’t going to change someone else until they want to change. But you have control over your thoughts, so what do you think would happen in this situation if you did this instead? First, stop paying attention to the behavior you don’t like. Next, find things about Amber that you do like and compliment her for them. Maybe it is something like, “Amber, I really appreciate how organized you keep your desk.” Each time something occurs that you don’t like, focus your thoughts on something you do like. Look at this as reaching for the thought that makes us feel better. Criticizing or complaining makes me feel one way, but complimenting or noticing the good things make me feel another way. Which one feels better to you? If nothing else, you will have a more positive day. In the paragraph above, I said we can’t change others, but the approach can create a stimulus for Amber to want to change. After spending over thirty-five years in a supervisory role, I believe in my heart that people want to do well, and they want to enjoy their work. Unfortunately, I didn’t always manage the victim in a positive way. There was a time when I thought the best approach was to fire them and remove them from my space. Not a very helpful-to-society type of approach, I will it. However, when I learned that I could influence how they felt about their performance by focusing on the positive—thus encouraging them to want more positive —a funny thing happened. The “Ambers” would get to a point where they would ask what they could do to improve. Whoa! The people who used to blame everyone else sincerely wanted to know what they could do differently to be an asset to the team. The difference is that when someone is open to , they are more likely to hear it. At the beginning of this book, I promised you exercises to help you learn—and therefore believe—that you can attract what you desire. The first exercise is below, and you will find them dispersed through the chapters to help you master your thoughts, feelings, and thus what you manifest. Do yourself a favor and

actually do the exercises. I don’t care if you write it on a piece of copy paper, but I suggest you instead start a notebook to keep track of how you are doing, and later you can go back to see your progress.

Work: Exercise #1

1. Think of a time that you—yes you—blamed a mistake or a result on someone else or the circumstances rather than taking responsibility for your own actions. Come on, we’ve all done it. Just write down what happened. 2. Read over what you wrote, and then write down the feelings that accompanied the situation. If you can anything else—like what your specific thoughts were—write those down, too. 3. Now rewrite the situation the way it would have happened if you had taken responsibility. How would you feel? What would you have learned?

Work: Exercise #2

1. Pick out someone with whom you currently work who behaves similarly to Amber. Write down that person’s name. I only want you to focus on one person. 2. Write a list of that person’s irable qualities or behaviors. This needs to be written on a piece of paper you can put in your wallet or purse, because you may need to refer to it. 3. Write down the date, and for the next week focus on the list you wrote whenever you work with this person. Refer to your list if you need to. Anytime that person does something that gets on your nerves, change your thoughts to something positive about him or her. 4. After the week is over, write down how things changed between you and the

person you selected—as well as any other thoughts you have about the situation.

*******

Susan? Most of us have worked for a boss at some point who could accurately be labeled as a jerk. (Yep, that’s being nice.) Those supervisors who use fear to motivate are severely out of touch with how to truly get things done through people. Knowing that doesn’t help much if you are currently working for this person. In today’s society, most people have the mindset that they need their jobs; they have bills to pay, families to , and they rarely have enough savings to be able to quit, unless they have another job. When a “Susan” is on a rampage about a result or is demanding more than you think is fair, it produces a feeling of helplessness. Maybe, if you are lucky, you aren’t quite that low on the emotional tone scale—so maybe you are just frustrated or angry. Wherever you are, it sure doesn’t feel good. Nor are you highly motivated to do well. You may spend a good bit of your time thinking about ways to not deal with this boss. I have an intimate knowledge of this feeling, because I worked for a “Susan.” There was a particular week that I’d forgotten everything I knew in how to deal with people and spiraled downward. My boss had asked for a report late in the day. I sent it to her close to five o’clock. Shortly after that, she sent me an e-mail that she was tired of telling me the format to follow. I had plans that evening, so I decided it could wait till the morning to be redone. The fact that I’d been working since 5 a.m. and had put in twelve hours of work didn’t matter. I woke up the next morning to another e-mail stating she couldn’t believe I didn’t redo the report immediately. You should know that we had a long-standing disagreement on the value of the report she was asking for, and the ing documentation she wanted took hours to compile. My opinion was that all of this was useless and wouldn’t make any difference to future operations. Her opinion was that the extensive reports about what had occurred would prevent a repeat performance. After receiving the second demoralizing e-mail while I was redoing the report, I lost it. I called my husband screaming and crying. Now, you

don’t know me, but I’m not a crier, so my husband knew I had already jumped over the emotional cliff I’d been perched on. Although I didn’t want to hear his advice, it was accurate for the situation. My husband told me to just do what I had been asked to do and completely take the emotion out of it. When I began justifying how stupid it was and how it was a waste of time, that dear man of mine told me that if that was how I felt, call up the woman and quit. Well, I’m too responsible a person for that, so I got out of my emotional state and did the report as requested in the exact format she wanted. Now, you might be thinking, Duh! No magic bullet there, but there is more. I decided that I couldn’t continue to feel that bad about anything, so if I was going to stay at that job then I needed to change how I thought about my boss. You see, when I was focused on what a jerk she was—coupled with my complaining about her and the negative feelings that accompanied all of that—I was attracting more of the same. I was manifesting exactly what I didn’t want, because I couldn’t see past my anger toward my boss.

Instead of being critical of people in authority over you and envious of their position, be happy you’re not responsible for everything they have to do. Instead of piling on complaints, thank them for what they do. Overwhelm them with encouragement and appreciation. —Joyce Meyer

So here is what I did, and it made a huge difference in my work life. First, I just accepted the fact that if my boss asked for something, I was going to do it and not argue about it. This might not seem big, but we’d spent the previous two years arguing about stuff. Next, every time she said something I didn’t like or that I disagreed with, I thought of something that I loved. You may be thinking, Hey, you had me write a list of good things about my “Amber” so why didn’t you do that? I had done that in the past, but it wasn’t working—so I used what I knew would work. You can always feel better when you think of something or someone you love, and my goal was to feel good, to be happy no matter what. I want you to understand the difference between simply ignoring something and replacing it with something you love. Love is usually the highest vibration we

can achieve, and that is what I was going for. Thirdly, when my boss let me know she was going to be traveling with me, I visualized positive and short visits. This included visualizing other things that she would feel the need to pay attention to. I was amazed at how well this worked. In a two-month period, I spent less than two hours with my boss, even though she’d scheduled multiple visits, which could have totaled spending forty or more hours together. Visualization has been talked about for years. Back in the 1980s, Denis Waitley discussed how Olympic athletes were hooked up to bio equipment, and they would visualize their events. The same muscles responded in the same order as if they were actually physically performing their event. How incredible is that! We visualize all the time, but not many people use it as a tool to improve their lives. Our cells have memory. Think I’m crazy? Okay, I might be, but I want you to think of a time you heard a song that you hadn’t heard in a long time. Maybe it reminded you of a high school dance, maybe you heard it when your favorite aunt was with you, or maybe it was the song that was playing when you experienced your first kiss. So we hear this song that we haven’t heard for a while, and it transports us back to that time. We can smell the smells from long ago, or we can taste something we , and most importantly we feel the way we felt then. It’s as though we are transported back in time, and we are in that place again. Maybe it’s just for a few seconds or even minutes, but our entire body and mind are in that place. Yep, your cells have memory. The cool thing about visualization is you don’t have to just visualize what has already happened. You can use visualization to create what you want in your life. If I asked you to visualize yourself eating a spaghetti dinner, you could do that. Some of you would visualize long spaghetti pasta, and others might think of angel hair. Some of you would visualize meatballs in sauce, and others might see a meat sauce with lots of mushrooms in it. You may be thinking about Parmesan cheese on top or garlic bread sitting on your plate. The fact is you can visualize whatever you want. The thing about visualizing is you need to be able to truly believe it. You had no problem visualizing that spaghetti dinner, so use that same technique regarding other areas. You are creating the picture that you want, so fill in all the details. These details could include how the space looks, how it smells, who is there, what the conversation is about, and—most importantly— how you feel about it. Our feelings confirm the truth about things in our minds. When someone says “I love you” and you feel that love, you believe it. When someone lies to us, we can feel that something is off; even if we don’t know what is off we have this wonderful guidance system of our feelings to alert us or

confirm what we know to be true.

Work: Exercise #3

1. Think of a situation in your workplace that you would like to be different. Write down what the current situation is. 2. Now close your eyes and visualize that situation as you would like it to be. 3. Once you have a clear picture of what you would like to create, write it down. Put in all the details of who is involved, where it happens, what is said, and most importantly, how you feel about it. I’m asking you to write this down so you can refer to it to keep your focus on what you want to happen. 4. Visualize this scene often enough that you truly believe it. This is your reality. You must believe that it is not only possible, but that it is happening the way you have visualized it.

When I do these types of visualizations, I put dates on them. I will refer back to them at later dates and add notes. I’ve found that if I try to visualize anything without also believing it, I end up disappointed. However, when I believe it is happening (even if it hasn’t shown up yet), the speed with which things change amazes me.

*******

Oftentimes it is our self-talk that holds us back at work. Those thoughts that we have about our own skills and abilities sabotage our efforts. Why is it so difficult to believe that we are worthy of good things like a promotion, more money, a corner office, or even a stimulating environment? We can present a level of

confidence when we deal with others, but if we are not vibrating at that frequency, we’ve set ourselves up for a stalemate. Your true self knows that you are valuable. Your true self knows anything is possible because you are a creator. When you are in alignment with your true self, you feel awesome, full of energy, and excited about life. That is when those good things happen. Many believe that they will feel better when this or that occurs. When I get that promotion, I will be happy. When I change departments, then I will feel good about what I’m doing. The complete opposite is true. The law of attraction can’t bring you what you aren’t in alignment with. Like attracts like. You must be in alignment with what you want to happen before you will manifest it. JJ? In his case, he had someone else who was telling him how wonderful he was. It took months of positive to get him to change his self-talk. He was more than capable of doing the job, but until he believed it himself there wasn’t a big change. Once he got into alignment with himself— leaving the self-doubt behind and believing that he not only could do the job but could do it well—things really changed for him. He felt confident, he brought more clients into the business, and he was happier. The happier he became, the more creative his personal designs were, and those brought more compliments and clients.

There is joy in work. There is no happiness except in the realization that we have accomplished something. —Henry Ford

It would be great if all supervisors and managers were focused on providing an atmosphere that encouraged their employees and created a happy workplace. Maybe you work in such a place, but in case you don’t, you need to understand that you can be happy and feel good about the work you do if you are in alignment with the true you. That may mean you end up leaving your current place of employment, but I would caution against changing your job until you have put the mental work into changing yourself first. Believe that you make a difference, believe that you can get satisfaction from the contributions that you make, and become happy for yourself. When you do that, you will find that great

things occur. Maybe you will be moved to a department that you wanted to work in, or your boss will be transferred, or maybe you will be recruited by a competitor because of your expertise. I can’t tell you what will happen, because I don’t know what it is you want to create. What I am sure of is that your thoughts and feelings being in alignment with the true you will manifest your desires.

Work: Exercise #4

1. Identify the self-talk that is not benefiting you. Be honest with yourself. How can you tell if it isn’t benefiting you? How do you feel when you say it in your head? Things like I’m so stupid or I can’t do anything right don’t feel very good, do they? Statements like I did well on that project or I’m proud of myself feel good. 2. List the negative self-talk statements in pencil—yep, pencil. You know that #2 yellow stick you had to use on tests when you were in high school? Leave several lines of space between each statement. 3. In the space you left below your first negative self-talk statement, write in pen what your new truth will be. For example: I’m so stupid. (in pencil) The replacement (in pen) might be: I learn new things easily or I make good decisions. 4. After you’ve written your statements of truth that will put you in alignment with the true you, find a big eraser and erase all of those statements that you wrote in pencil. You don’t need them anymore.

CHAPTER 3

Life Partners/Spouses

W e humans aren’t meant to be alone. Some would argue that they are much happier being alone. I would certainly agree that being alone is preferable to being in a bad relationship, but all of the opportunities for growth and experiencing life expand when we involve others. If people didn’t want to be in relationships, then companies like Match, EHarmony, and Our Time wouldn’t exist or have prospered over the past couple of decades. You are welcome to disagree with me, but I’m sticking to my belief that people want to share their lives with a significant other.

A flower cannot blossom without sunshine, and man cannot live without love. —Max Muller

For most people, staying with one person for years— let alone a lifetime—is a difficult task. How many are divorced or on a second or third marriage? When we begin a new relationship our focus is usually on compatibility. Do we think about things in a similar fashion? Do we like the same activities? Do they have similar religious beliefs? Do they get our sense of humor? And the all-important question: is the sex good? Honestly, this is all pretty surface stuff. People rarely take a look at whether or not the growth of their spirit will bring them closer to that person or push them away. Don’t get me wrong; the surface stuff is also important, but my intention for you is to create the life you want, and merely focusing on the physical won’t necessarily get you there. Whether we are with someone or not, we are constantly creating what we will experience in the future. Life causes us to expand. Even if we are going through

a challenge that shows us what we don’t want, we are expanding—because we are creating a desire of what is wanted merely by noticing what we don’t like. This is especially true in our relationships. That expanded version of you and your desires is the true you. The more in alignment you are with the true you, the better you feel. Much of how we view relationships is based on what we experienced as a child. This could be what we observed in our family and that of our friends, or it could be the advice that a well-meaning adult felt the need to share with us. Those ideas about marriage that were implanted became our truth, and worse, those turned into the thoughts in our head that are so much a part of us that we accept them without question, not recognizing that they don’t need to be part of our reality. At the age of fifteen, I made a choice based on what I had observed in my mother’s life. My mother had divorced my father when I was in sixth grade and married again the following year. This would be a bit difficult for any child, but kids are resilient to change, right? Oh, did I mention she married the junior high principal, and I was in seventh grade? The school counselor felt obligated to let me know he was available to me. I digress. You see, the important part of this is that my mother felt the need to get married again because she couldn’t her children. My stepfather was a sweet and wonderful man, but they shouldn’t have gotten married. It ended by the time I was out of high school. So at fifteen I made the decision that I would never have to rely on a man for my financial or that of my children. At the time, I didn’t think I wanted kids, but just in case, I covered them in my conscious decision to be self-ive. You may be thinking, Wow, good choice to always be able to yourself. That’s very responsible. Think about how that might turn out for a spouse, though. To have a wife who has to be in control, who works long hours to create her own sense of security, and who refuses to rely on anyone else. Does that sound like a good partner to you? Financially, yes, but not from an emotional standpoint. Depending on the husband’s strengths, this type of behavior in a wife can be emasculating, especially if he was brought up with the notion that he should be the head of the household.

Life Partner: Exercise #1

The purpose of this is to take a conscious look at your attitudes or thoughts about marriage or relationships from an aware point of view. Once you are conscious of what may be affecting your thinking and feelings, it will be easier to create the relationship you truly desire. To assist with the first task below, here are some possible thoughts or ideas that you may have adopted as your own when you were growing up.

• Marry a man with money so he can take care of you. • When you marry, your wife will replace your mother. • Never be more successful than your husband. • Life is a struggle, so find someone to ease the burden. • You have to marry someone who practices the same religion. • Never get involved with someone you work with. • No man wants a divorced woman; she is damaged goods. • Marriage should last forever, till death do you part. • Gays shouldn’t have the right to marry. • A good man/woman can fix the other person. • Once children arrive, the wife should stay home with them.

1. Leaving a margin on the left side, write down what your thoughts are about relationships or marriage. It doesn’t matter if you believe them to be true at this point in your life or not; the purpose is to identify your thoughts. 2. In the left margin, write down whose thought this is. Did it come from a parent or family member? Or is it yours?

3. If you are in a relationship, write down a list of beliefs you think your significant other has. If you are really brave, ask them to make the same type of list you made in #1 above.

Set this list aside as you will refer to it later. Of course if you are so inclined, you can make some notes to yourself or write down any epiphanies or feelings that arose during this exercise. Please know that there are no right or wrong answers. This is about you creating the best life for you and being in alignment with what you want.

*******

We often hear about couples who divorce after twenty, thirty, or more years together. These folks realize after they raised their family that they no longer have anything in common, or they want different things from life at this point. When I was young, I overheard my parents talking about the neighbors who were obviously unhappy but were staying together for the children. I thinking that I would never do that. Then I did. Even though I was unhappy, I stayed married until my youngest son graduated from high school. This is a good point to talk about the law of attraction and what we focus on. In my case, I said I would never do that. If I had had that thought one time, no big deal—because if the thought didn’t reoccur, then clearly I had no attention or intention on it. However, I had the thought I would never stay in an unhappy marriage multiple times. The universe doesn’t recognize negatives like never and don’t. The universe gets that you are focused on an idea, a concept, or an action, and that is what the law of attraction brings to you. The more emotion or feeling you have surrounding the thought indicates your alignment with it. This is a universe of inclusion, meaning anything that has your attention and focus is what will be brought to you, so the use of don’t want turns into want. The true you wants only good things for you. At your core you are energy, and those thoughts—or what you put your attention on—determines the frequency that you will vibrate at. Your feelings let you know if you are in alignment with

your true you. If you feel good, excited, or vibrant when you are thinking something, then you are in alignment with yourself. Typically, when we focus on something we do not want, we are also experiencing some sort of negative emotion. Although difficult, when this happens you must turn your attention to something that makes you feel better. This may be someone or something you love, or it may be turning your focus to an activity you enjoy. As you notice yourself feeling better, you are becoming more in alignment with the true you. We often get caught up in the habit action of living life; we fail to focus our attention on what we desire, because we are so busy living life and taking care of the details. This can be especially true in a long-term relationship. It’s pretty easy to start taking the other person for granted, either due to the amount of time together or the level of comfort in the well-being of the relationship. My own marriage experienced this when we had been together about fifteen years. I wasn’t really ignoring my husband, but I was focused on the children, my job, and keeping up with household chores—all the normal take-up-your-time stuff. I was having a discussion with an old friend, and I guess I was complaining because then he asked me a fundamental question. “Are you fun to be around?” Fun? Jeez, I got offended. After all, I was taking care of all kinds of things to keep the household operating. Then I thought about it and realized I wasn’t any fun at all. I thought back to the beginning of my marriage and realized that we had had fun being together. I’m not sure when that stopped, so I took my friend’s subtle advice and began to create some fun in our lives. There was the benefit of our marriage being better than it had been, but more importantly, I felt better myself. An unhappy relationship is never about you and the other person. Discord is about not being in alignment with yourself. If you aren’t feeling good about yourself, how is it possible for another person to feel good about being with you? Think about what happens when we get upset with our spouses. Something —usually something stupid—sets us off on a path of criticizing them, and that attracts another similar thought, then another, and before you know it you are feeling pretty bad about them. Maybe this feels like disappointment, or maybe it is anger, but whatever negative emotion it is, you project it onto them. It isn’t them. They were your thoughts! Those thoughts are energy, and they gained momentum. You create a downward spiral all by yourself, which means you can also create the opposite.

Life Partner: Exercise #2

Even the most successful relationships could be better. This exercise is a good one no matter what stage your relationship is in. I personally did this one while riding in the enger seat on a trip. My husband, Brent, said something that I didn’t like, and all of a sudden I noticed I was attracting other thoughts that were similar. I usually keep a composition notebook with me in the car, which was good—otherwise I would have had to write this on a napkin.

1. Make a list of all the traits, characteristics, and behaviors that you love about your significant other. These can be one word, a phrase, or even sentences (if you aren’t writing on a napkin). 2. Go through your list reciting this phrase in your head, inputting the word(s) from your list: I’m so grateful and thankful that (his or her name) is in my life, because he/she is (item from list) .

Extra credit: Share the list with your significant other so they know what it is you appreciate about them.

*******

In the enriching of marriage, the big things are the little things. There must be constant appreciation for each other and thoughtful demonstration of gratitude. A couple must encourage and help each other grow. Marriage is a t quest for the good, the beautiful and the divine. —James E. Faust

Gratitude is one of those things that falls by the wayside after we are comfortable in a relationship. Think back to when you first met and were excited about this new person in your life. Did you say things like, “I’m so grateful I met them. I need to thank Susie for introducing us” or “My life is better with you in it”? Aren’t those things still true? Yet how often do you now express it? Studies done on couples that have been together sixty years or more showed a common denominator; they continued to express gratitude for and to their partner. Interestingly, they also continued to use good manners with their partner. “Thank you” is a high vibration phrase and makes both the person saying it and the hearer feel better. Sure, it might just be a little better, but compare “Thank you for making dinner” to “It’s about time you got dinner on the table by six.” Those two statements have quite different emotional tones and very different possible responses. I understand that life gets busy, and we simply forget to continue a practice that helped cement our relationship. But what could possibly be more important than ensuring the continuation of a relationship that we want? You see, you attracted that relationship because you were on the same frequency. Whether you believe it or not, the universe—through the law of attraction—is bringing people into your life that are a vibrational match to you. When people talk about couples that grew apart, what do you think that means? They are no longer a vibrational match to each other. But that doesn’t have to happen. Those couples that focus on growth together and are truly grateful for their relationship not only stay together happily but also become a benchmark for those who know them. Being grateful as an individual and as a couple strengthens their bond. In Rhonda Byrne’s book, The Magic, she takes you through a month of exercises based on gratitude. This is another one of those books that I purchased multiple copies of to give away, and if you struggle with gratitude, I would highly recommend it. Beginning our day with what we are grateful for raises our vibration. How do you start your day? Do you hit the snooze button on the alarm multiple times and then rush off to work? Maybe you could hit that snooze once less, or set the alarm ten minutes earlier and begin your day with a positive tone of recognizing the wonderful people and things in your life.

Life Partner: Exercise #3

1. On an index card, small piece of paper, or even a Post-it note, write down why you are grateful for your significant other. 2. Put this paper in your wallet so you have it with you at all times. Of course there is also the option of making the list on the note app on your phone. I know people who forget their wallets all the time, but that phone is stuck to their hand! 3. For one week, read over this list three times per day. At the end of the week, write down your observations.

You may have discovered that you experienced more joyful moments in your week. This exercise may have resulted in you getting angry less often, or you may decide that you were one smart puppy when you married that person!

*******

When we enter into a marriage or a relationship that we see as being long-term, we understand that we are creating something new. Engaged couples spend time talking about and visualizing their future. They discuss whether or not they want children and how many. They discuss where they are going to live. They share their dreams for the future. For many couples, this time prior to a witnessed commitment is the most creative in their relationship. At this point, whether they call it that or not, they are cocreating. That never ends. We are always creating our future. As we get engaged in our careers or start building a family, lots of things seem to take priority over our focus on our dreams. What folks have told us about “reality” sets in. We forget that we are in charge of our future. Whether you’ve been together two months, ten years, or forty years—you and your partner are still cocreating your future. As life presents challenges and new experiences, the true you expands to the most grand version of you, based on the desires that you created. Every moment, the universe is providing you the

opportunity to match that vibration. In the beginning of a marriage, people are usually happy because they are living what they manifested by sharing their dreams and being in alignment with those dreams. In other words, they were a vibrational match to what their true selves had become. That possibility, that feeling of exhilaration and being in alignment, is still available no matter how long you’ve been together.

Life Partner: Exercise #4

1. Schedule a two-hour time slot for you and your partner to focus on your dreams and what you want to create. I would suggest this be early in the day so you are alert. Ship the kids to grandma or the neighbor, and let the caregiver know that you will have your phones off. Yep, do away with all distractions— and that means your phone. 2. Go over the list of beliefs that you made in exercise #1 earlier in this chapter. Openly discuss your expectations, especially if those beliefs arise in your daily life. 3. Reconnect with your partner by discussing what your dreams are and what is it that you want to accomplish as a couple. Be honest. Agreeing to something that you don’t feel good about will only cause resentment later. Cocreate your future the way you want to see it. 4. Both of you (even if your partner isn’t reading this book) need to visualize what you came up with as if it already happened.

Brent and I began this practice shortly after we were married, and now—without planning it—we find that we go through this process nearly every month. We incorporated our financial discussions into this, and once we both were on the same page, it was amazing how our debt disappeared quickly. It took honest discussion and agreement on what we wanted to create for the future. Let me tell you that I’m so grateful for those discussions and for my husband, because those planning sessions resulted in me quitting my stressful—I mean corporate—job,

and allowed me to spend my time researching and writing.

*******

This next section is not for everyone, but I felt obligated to include it for those individuals who are looking for a new life partner due to a marriage ending, death of a spouse, or for those who have never found that special person they wanted to make a lifetime commitment to.

At the beginning of this book I told you a story about taking fifteen minutes to identify the feeling of happiness. That afternoon was a catalyst for me. I knew something had to change. I had been married for twenty-seven years at the time, and although I’d made the commitment till death do us part, I began reevaluating that. For many reasons, we were no longer a vibrational match, so after over a year of soul searching I filed for divorce. I knew I needed to be happy, so for the first time in my adult life, I put myself first. You should be able to tell from most of this chapter that I believe couples can grow together and cocreate something wonderful, so please realize I don’t advocate throwing in the towel—at least not until you do the work needed on yourself.

You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. —Buddha

We take ourselves everywhere we go, so simply leaving a relationship without working on yourself is only going to bring you another similar circumstance. The most important thing we can bring into any relationship is an aligned self. If

you are thinking about ending a relationship, I urge you to work on getting into alignment with the true you. It’s easy to know if you are on the right path, because you feel better and your emotions let you know if you are using “right” thinking. Sometimes feeling better may be as simple as feeling relief. , you have a guidance system that is always looking out for you. Relief might not sound like a positive emotion, but it can be. When you are trying to make a decision, take a look at it from at least two sides. Which one makes you feel better? The one that makes you feel better brings you closer into alignment with the true you. I was able to identify what I wanted because I had plenty of examples of what I didn’t want. The trick is to focus your attention on what you do want. For me, that took some time. I had been part of a couple for so long, I had to identify the things, activities, and pursuits that were important to just me. I had to figure out what was fun and what brought me joy. Most importantly, I needed to learn to love myself for who I was. What I noticed was that if I could keep my focus on the good things, more of them kept coming to me. Thoughts + feelings = manifestation.

If you can learn to love yourself and all the flaws, you can love other people so much better. And that makes you so happy. —Kristin Chenoweth

At this point, if you are not involved in a relationship, learn to relish this time by yourself. Focus your attention on the things that make you happy. Rather than sit in front of the television, do something for yourself. It doesn’t matter if you learn something new, make new friends, catch up on your reading, or go for a walk in the park—as long as it is something that makes you feel better than you did prior to doing the activity. You are in charge of your happiness, so take responsibility for your thoughts and focus your attention on feeling good. Work on being happy yourself. There’s a later chapter on this topic if you need more assistance in figuring this out. When you focus your attention on being happy in the present moment, you will be amazed at the opportunities and people that come into your life.

Although I was enjoying living alone and spending time with others when I chose to, I knew that I wanted a partner to share my journey with. I began to compile a list of the characteristics that I wanted in my future partner. I worked on this list over a period of months. Simply enough, I started with some of the character traits that I liked about my ex-husband. It is very easy for us to focus on all the things we don’t like when a relationship ends, and I’d learned not to give those any attention to prevent them from coming to me again. I wrote down different qualities that I liked and appreciated about men I had dated. There were some things that many would have on their list, such as shows kindness to others or demonstrates physical affection or intelligent. I also wrote things on my list that were important to me, recognizing that others didn’t see value in them. But I was working on manifesting the most important relationship of my life, so I knew I had to be specific. One of these qualities was good communication skills; I wanted to be with a man who was an excellent communicator, both verbally and in writing. You see, the romantic part of me wanted someone who would write me love letters. The whole time I was working on my list, I was dating without much commitment to anyone, because not one of them got above 80 percent of the things on my list. I honed this list over seven months. When I knew it was complete, I added one more thing that was honestly kind of a dare for the universe. I wrote down that I wanted my future partner to have a very specific training in his background. The fact that not one person I’d ever met had this specific experience was part of the dare. I didn’t travel in those circles, and I knew that less than half of one percent of men over the age of forty-five would have had this experience. It’s funny how the universe works. Brent ed me on January 1, my beloved grandmother’s birthday. Over the next few days—in both e-mails and phone conversations—he proved that he was an excellent communicator. Not only that, but he also had that specific experience I’d added to my list. I felt as though the universe was throwing my dare back at me saying, “Okay, you asked for it. Now what are you going to do?” On the day we met face-to-face, Brent and I ended up spending seven hours together. It wasn’t planned to be that long of a first meeting, but neither of us wanted to end our conversation. When I drove home from the park we met at, I was in a state of disbelief. It appeared that this man was everything I wanted and more. I immediately ended all other relationships, because I knew I needed to give this one my full attention. Less than eight months later, I was blessed to marry Brent, the perfect man for me. Looking back on these events, I see how I raised my own vibration as I became happier with myself, and I convinced myself that the right man was out there. Even

though we’d lived in the same areas earlier in our lives, it wasn’t till we were on the same frequency that we could be brought together. Yeah, I know it sounds like a fairy tale—and maybe it is. But it’s a fairy tale that I have the blessing to be living.

Life Partner: Exercise #5 (Only for those currently looking for their mate)

1. Make your own list of the characteristics and qualities you want in your mate. I shared a little of my list above, but let me give you some things to think about. Of course it is your list; I just want you to be as specific as you can. Take your time. This isn’t something to do in one sitting.

• body type or physical characteristics • emotional openness • affection level (some aren’t comfortable with PDA) • preferred activities • location (you don’t want them showing up in another state) • sex drive • financial (if this is important to you, be specific) • race or ethnic background • religion • political beliefs • family

• prior marital status

At the end of your list, add this sentence: This is what I want in a partner, and I ask that the universe bring me this person, exceeding my expectations.

1. Now that you’ve created what you desire in a mate, take an objective look around your physical world. Is there room for your mate? Do you park in the middle of your garage, or is there room for your partner’s car? Is it your habit to sleep in the middle of your bed? What about your closets? Is there physical space for your mate’s clothes? Part of believing that the mate you desire already exists must include ensuring that there is space for this person in your life. 2. Simply believe. Know that your true self is already connecting with this person, and it is your job to be in alignment with the true you. Be happy, feel good, and keep your attention on how wonderful your life is with this person in your life, as if it’s already happening.

Whether you’ve been with your life partner for years or are just beginning your life together: many blessings to you. Consciously cocreating a life together with love provides an increase in the planet’s vibration, which we all will benefit from. Thank you!

CHAPTER 4

Health and Feeling Good

T he more you talk about anything, the more you operate at the frequency of that thing, and the law of attraction brings you more of that thing. As you observe this thing in your life, the more you talk about it; this strengthens the vibration at that frequency, and the more of that thing you get. This is as true for your health as it is any other area of your life. No matter how you think about your health, you will get more of what you are focused on. If your feathers haven’t been ruffled already, this chapter may cause you some discomfort, because people talk about their health all the time. Think over the past week and how many times you’ve heard about someone’s health or been part of conversations about health. We ask how someone is feeling as a greeting of sorts. “I’m feeling a bit under the weather.” “I just got over the flu.” “The kids brought something home from school, and we keep ing it around the household.” “I always have headaches.” “Don’t go out in the rain and get chilled because you’ll catch a cold.” “I’m sick with worry.” Does any of this sound familiar? Let me say this again: what you put your attention on is what you send out to the universe vibrationally, and you can only get back something on the same frequency. As I was writing this chapter I pulled up the newsfeed on my Facebook page. A full 80 percent of my friends had a posting about a health issue that they or someone in their family were going through. I know that health issues are a part of life, and for many folks—especially those going through scary experiences— it helps them to talk about it. In today’s environment of social media, talking about it often includes posting the information online. I bring this up to wake you up to what you are attracting. If you are talking about the flu and how bad it is, then obviously your attention is on the flu and how bad you are feeling. If you feel the need to post comments about your health, how about stating you feel revitalized or healthier than you have in years? Think about it. What are you really attracting? And how are you feeling when you put something online for

the world to have access to?

Nothing is ever just in your head. Nothing is ever just in your body. They are intrinsically linked—always. —Christiane Northrup, MD

There are trauma-based illnesses and injuries that are more serious than the cold you feel coming on. It may be an illness like cancer, a physical injury due to a car accident, or even an emotional wound from the past, such as child abuse. People feel a weird kind of safety in discussing their traumatic events, because they didn’t cause them, so they are not responsible. They learn to identify with the trauma. Think I’m wrong? Ever hear about cancer groups or groups for adults who survived sexual abuse? A quick Internet search will assist you in finding blogs and websites dedicated to connecting others who have suffered a similar trauma. Before you start thinking I’m a horrible person, I do believe there is some benefit to discussing the traumas that you’ve lived through, but there has to come a point when you stop identifying with the illness or experience and focus your attention on what you do want. In 1998, I read Caroline Myss’ book, Why People Don’t Heal and How They Can. It made an impression on me then and is just as relevant today. I highly recommend this for anyone who continually discusses the traumas in their lives, because it provides astounding insight into why people discuss past wounds and then offers steps for healing. Unfortunately, my mother and I were not on the same page regarding what I knew or was learning about universal laws. It wasn’t a topic that we could discuss openly, and for that I’m sorry; I could have shared more, and then it would have been up to her if she looked at it. Ironically, it was her ignoring the law of attraction that helped me to see it in action. My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer that metastasized to other areas of her body. When she was first diagnosed, she began her mantra of “I don’t want to be a burden” and “I don’t want to be incapacitated.” She vocalized these thoughts multiple times, and they guided her actions and decisions on how she would handle the disease. Others jumped on this bandwagon also, evidenced by my aunt telling me that my

mother didn’t want to be a burden on me. My mother received exactly what she focused her attention on. there is no don’t when it comes to the law of attraction. All that was transmitted was the thoughts of being a burden or incapacitated. Although I never saw caring for my sick mother as a burden, the fact was that I became her caretaker. When she became unable to walk, I moved her into my home so I could take care of her and my children—as well as continue working to my family. I’m not suggesting that the cancer would have disappeared if her thoughts had been different. What I am suggesting is that thoughts that were in alignment with her true self and her desires could and would have produced a different result. Who knows what that would have been?

No one can fix your life for you. You need to set out consciously to do it for yourself. You must trust what you know in your bones—that your body is your ally and that it will always point you in the direction you need to go next. —Christiane Northrup, MD

Everyone has times that they don’t feel all that well physically. We get run down, fail to get enough sleep, or we don’t supply our bodies with the nutrition they need— and they scream at us loudly with aches and pains or even an infection. The true you always feels fabulous. Have you ever thought that the true you might be letting you know something was off by causing physical discomfort? The true you is that source energy that is your life force, and it is always looking out for you. Sometimes we just fail to recognize when it speaks to us. My children used to laugh at me when they noticed that I wasn’t feeling well, because I would insist that I would be better in the morning. If I began to feel like I was coming down with something, I would usually take a hot bath and go to bed early. As I went to sleep, I was running thoughts through my mind about feeling well, healthy, and full of energy. I would be grateful that I was healthy. This worked for me about 90 percent of the time, and I would wake up feeling normal. This worked for me for one reason: I got into alignment with my true self. I actually believed I would feel better.

Health: Exercise #1

1. Take time to notice how you think and talk about your own health. Make a list of the things that you think or say frequently. If you are unable to think of anything to write down, notice your conversations over the next few days. 2. Make a similar list of comments about health that your family or coworkers say. You spend your life interacting with these people, and we often pick up similar thoughts to those around us. Are there any correlations between how those you spend time with speak about their health and yourself? 3. Decide what healthy, feel-good thoughts would be for you. It could be something like “I feel as strong as I did when I was twenty” or “I feel energetic.” Whatever feels right for you will work. Each time you have a thought or want to say something about your own health, replace it with your healthy, feel-good thought. In a matter of days, you will notice a difference in how you feel physically.

*******

A healthy outside starts from the inside. —Robert Urich

Our feelings about our health influence what we manifest in our bodies. Let’s examine why that might be true; you of course get to decide this for yourself. Think about the area of your body where you “feel” the strongest physical reaction to emotions. Are they coming from your brain? Let’s do a quick little exercise to determine the source. After you are done reading this sentence, close your eyes and think about a moment in time that you were overwhelmed with joy. Go ahead; do it now. You felt joy in your chest area, didn’t you?— more specifically in the area of your heart. To look at this a different way, have you ever felt something in your heart and you tried to change it with the power of your thoughts (brain), and it didn’t work? So much for the law of attraction,

right? What we feel and believe in our heart is our reality. By most people’s s, I’m a fairly intelligent person, and this wasn’t fully making sense to me until I stumbled upon some incredible research done by the HeartMath Institute. You see, I am one of those people who focuses on details (this is a great downfall of mine) and I want to understand the whys. We are made of energy, and I thought that the frequency at which we vibrated came from primarily the brain—thus, thought. how I mentioned that no matter how I changed my thoughts or how many mantras I said, my life wasn’t changing? My life didn’t change until I changed my feelings. Essentially, when the energy from my heart began vibrating at a higher frequency—in alignment with the true me—life began changing. Lo and behold, there is actually scientific evidence on why! The electromagnetic field of the heart radiates several feet out from the body and is significantly larger than that of the brain. As a matter of fact, an EKG (that fancy machine that measures the electrical power of the heart) shows that the heart has far more energy vibrating from it than the brain does, measured with an EEG. How cool is that! Don’t take my word for it, though. Check out www.heartmath.org yourself to see the incredible research and work they are doing. It is our heart that defines our world with our emotions and the feelings they generate. Whatever our beliefs, our heart is the part of us that translates how we see and react to the world around us. Any emotion that we are feeling strengthens our thoughts. This can have either a positive or negative affect on us, depending on what core beliefs we are holding. Like attracts like. If the energy from the heart is stronger than the energy from the brain, doesn’t it make sense that what we are feeling in our heart is actually transmitting information to our brain rather than the other way around? Wondering how this relates to your health? If you focus on feeling good, your brain will stimulate the chemicals in your body to be in alignment with what the heart is telling it. So what makes you feel good? There’s plenty of information out there about improving your lifestyle to be healthier. My suggestion is that you focus on what makes you feel good. We all know that exercise is good for our physical bodies, but how many of us belong to and actually go to the gym? If walking the dog makes you feel good, then do that. If riding a bike or rollerblading is fun for you and creates good feelings, then do that. Any physical activity that makes you feel good is the right one for you. Since I’ve spent exactly ten days in my entire life in a gym, I am not the one to tell you how to

exercise. What I do know is that physical activity is good for you. I also know that feeling good and focusing on the positive in your life is even better for you.

Natural forces within us are the true healers of disease. —Hippocrates

Prior to retiring I never made time to meditate. When you are working seventy to ninety hours a week, who has time to just sit around not accomplishing anything? At least that is how I thought about it. It wasn’t that I was against meditation, but any time I sat down and got comfortable, I fell asleep; that may have had something to do with it. I’d read articles about the benefits of meditation, but my exposure to it was what I read about—versus a friend’s personal experience. Once I wasn’t working those crazy hours, I decided I should investigate this topic a bit. I read some more, watched videos, and tried at least a couple dozen different guided meditations. The first thing I learned was that I was an idiot for not learning to meditate when life was much crazier. I became calmer, more focused, slower to get upset, and my intuition improved. I even started feeling better physically. There are tons of books and YouTube videos available. I’m not an expert, but I would encourage you to learn to meditate if you are serious about taking control of your life and making it better —in other words, creating the life you desire. I will share my favorite guided meditation. The heart center awakening meditation by Christie Marie Sheldon is my personal favorite, and you can find it by going to unlimitedabundance.com. I’m a fan of Christie’s Love and Above program, which is how I found the above mentioned meditation. If you want to give meditation a try, you can find a guided meditation that will work for you if you do a bit of YouTube research.

Health: Exercise #2

1. Take an objective look at what you’re doing in your life that affects your health. Yep, write those things down. You can put down the obvious stuff like

smoking or daily trips to the gym, but also think about those heart-generated emotions. If you are quick to anger or always cheerful, that should be on this list. 2. Pick one thing from your list that you believe you should change. I don’t care what anybody else tells you; it has to be what you believe should change. On my list I have half a dozen things that I should do better, but I would find that too damn overwhelming— hence, one thing. When I did this exercise myself, I decided to add meditation to my routine. Yeah, I’ll it it seemed like the least amount of physical discomfort from my list, but I’ve also found it to be very beneficial. Good luck with whatever you choose.

*******

Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life. —George Bernard Shaw

Very few people come into this life knowing how powerful they are, staying conscious about what they create, and taking full responsibility for all they experience. Most of us live our lives unaware that we have control. We think that life happens to us. It is common to use drugs or alcohol to avoid life and the circumstances that we have to deal with. We use substances to block out the pain, and—if you examine a little deeper—to help us forget, even temporarily, that we may have had some responsibility for the situation we find ourselves in. I was lucky, or maybe I just listened to the universe when it gave me a wake-up call. I grew up in a family of alcoholics. All of the adults I was exposed to as a child drank alcohol, many to excess. Alcohol was a part of every family gathering. After my father ed away, my brothers and I discussed the fact that we couldn’t find a single picture from his adult life that didn’t include a beer in his hand. It was part of my “normal” that adults drank, when they were celebrating or for no other reason than that the workday was over. I started drinking when I was a teenager. There were a few times at lunch that my friends and I would buy a milk, go out to the parking lot, pour it out, put Boone’s Farm

in the carton, and then go back to the cafeteria and drink during lunch. By the time I was nineteen, I had built up a pretty good tolerance, and there were few days that I didn’t have a drink. Life wasn’t going as I thought it should, but hey, I was young, and my attitude about my drinking was that I was only having fun. On a January evening I was driving from Cadillac to Muskegon, Michigan. Friends were meeting me so we could go party. I was completely sober at the time, but I lost control of the car on some ice and totaled my brand new Mustang. Just two weeks later I was driving a friend’s car on the 127 in Lansing where the 495 intersects, and I lost control of the car. I spun around the highway multiple times and ended up pointed in the wrong direction against a guardrail. As I looked up, an eighteen-wheeler was headed right toward me. I’m still here, so obviously he missed me—by about two inches. As I sat on that highway I telling God that he had my attention. I had to change how I was living. I started making conscious choices and taking responsibility for what I was experiencing. It’s not that I think drinking alcohol is a bad thing. I like a good glass of wine. Since moving to Arizona, where it is hot, I have developed a love of frozen drinks. What I am saying is that if you are using alcohol to numb yourself, if it is the crutch that keeps you crippled in your life or the daily habit that keeps you from being fully conscious, at least take a look at it. The true you doesn’t need any substance to recognize how grand you are. When you feel good, you are in alignment with the true you, and that is a high to get excited about. I’ve had people tell me that their use of drugs allows them to connect better with their inner selves. Okay, I listened and tried not to be judgmental, but I decided it was total bullshit. First of all, why would you begin using drugs? Was it to find your inner self? Or was it to avoid life as it was at that time? I will it that the time I spent counseling addicts when I lived in Atlanta has affected how I view such things. Seeing family addicted to prescription drugs also tainted my ability to be objective about this matter. I will it these things, but it doesn’t change the fact that I write this with the intent of bringing some answers to those who seek them. I want you to recognize what an awesome being you are. I want you to recognize that you can create a life that you desire. If that means slapping you upside the head to get you to take an objective look at yourself, I’m good with that. One more thing and then I will get off my soapbox. If you have an addiction problem, recognize it for yourself, and then find a program. The most successful addiction rehabilitation programs are ninety days

or longer. It might seem like a very long time, but in comparison to the rest of your life, it would be an investment.

*******

We are not victims of aging, sickness and death. These are part of scenery, not the seer, who is immune to any form of change. The seer is the spirit, the expression of internal being. —Deepak Chopra

Most people think that health issues, certain diseases, and loss of physical capacity are a natural part of aging. We grow up with certain cultural thoughts and genetic beliefs. Maybe you’ve heard someone talking about how heart disease runs in the family or how nobody in their family has ever lived past the age of seventy. We believe that the longer we occupy this physical body, the less useful it will be. We believe that our eyesight gets worse as we get older. We believe that sexual dysfunction is part of aging. We believe that aging is something that is out of our control. What are you attracting, my friends? What you—yes you—believe about aging has a far larger impact on your body than your genetic makeup. The life force that is the true you is ageless. Eventually you will discard this body that you inhabit, but that energy—the source energy that is the real you—will still exist. In the meantime, your cells, with the exception of the neurons in the cerebral cortex, are continually replacing themselves. The cells in your colon and stomach die and are replaced every five days, your skin cells are replaced every two to three weeks, and your liver cells are replaced about every two years. Let’s think about that for a moment. Could that mean it is possible to not inherit the family disease? Could you change thoughts and behaviors that would work with the regeneration process going on with your cells and actually get healthier? Only you can decide, because you will attract what you believe—especially when you have strong emotions about the subject.

Some cultures value the older of their society for their knowledge and wisdom. I live in the United States, and we aren’t one of those. It is up to us as individuals to decide what getting older means to us. Is it an opportunity to increase your abilities, your competence, and thus your value? All of your life’s experiences have caused the true you to expand, having a greater vision for what is and what can be. Your job is to be in alignment with that by being happy and joyful in your existence. What are your thoughts and emotions about getting older? Pay attention to the language you use to describe yourself. Pay attention to your beliefs about aging. For myself, I truly believe that I look better in my fifties than I did when I was thirty-five. Why tell people your age? Let them believe you are younger than you are. When you got the AARP letters in the mail because you had reached that age, did you throw them away? Or were you excited you could now get the senior citizen discounts? For me, those discounts are not enough money for me to feel older. Wouldn’t we all like to enjoy the last half of our lives? Think about the events and circumstances that caused you stress that no longer exist. You are no longer worried about what major your education should be in, but you could go to school again for the joy of learning something new. You aren’t trying to decide on the career that is right for you and will provide for your family, but you could start a new career in a field you love. You aren’t struggling to raise a family with all the time and energy that requires, but you could be enjoying the time with your grandchildren or great-grandchildren. No matter what your thoughts were about yourself, you now have figured out that you will survive and it is your choice on how you live. We have so much to learn from those older individuals who are living full, productive lives. They have some things in common that we can learn from and make part of our lives now, no matter what our physical age. Move—meaning don’t go through life sitting on your behind. If your job requires lots of sitting, get up at least once an hour and move around. Make exercise part of your life, but that doesn’t mean time in the gym. The right exercise for you is anything you’ll do. Walk the dog, play with the grandchildren in the park, or play golf. It really doesn’t matter as long as you are fit enough to meet the daily requirements of your life and you continue to do so. Enjoy what you do. Savor the activities you enjoy by being fully aware of how you feel when you do them. These are pleasure moments that assist you in being in alignment with the true you. What I found humorous as I was doing research is that those who reach one hundred years old have the above items in common, but also one more … they don’t like

old people! I would imagine that they just don’t like hanging out with people who act old. While doing research, I found it very interesting that we have a youth hormone. Okay, that is one of its nicknames and it is really called DHEA, short for dehydroepiandrosterone. This hormone is produced by the adrenal gland and is a precursor to fifty other hormones in the body. Apparently it is a smart little hormone, because DHEA gets converted to other hormones in the body such as testosterone, estrogen, or melatonin when levels of those hormones need to be increased. Symptoms of low DHEA include fatigue, weight gain, loss of memory, low sex drive, depression, and t pain, among others. I’m not a doctor, but when you have any of these things, you usually aren’t feeling all that great. It is so much easier to be in alignment with yourself and the universe when you are feeling good. Although there are DHEA supplements, they aren’t proven to do all of the good things that the DHEA produced by your body does. The ways to improve your DHEA naturally include: eating good fats, getting enough sleep, cutting out sugar, and de-stressing your life. When we get stressed our bodies produce cortisol, and that eats up our good DHEA. Other than feeling in control of your life, which is what this whole book is about, the best way to reduce stress is laughter. Find the things in life that make you laugh and keep doing them. Whether it is a watching a favorite comedian, seeing funny movies, or being with your best friend, keep that laughter coming.

A wise man should consider that health is the greatest of human blessings, and learn how by his own thought to derive benefit from his illness. —Hippocrates

Health: Exercise #3

A belief is only a thought that you continue to think. When you believe something, then you see evidence of it; this, in turn, confirms your believe, strengthening it. It is a cycle, but it is a cycle you can control.

1. What are your beliefs about aging? Are these your thoughts? Or just ideas that you’ve adopted from others? Examine which of these thoughts serves you. 2. Visualize yourself ten years from now, and write down how you expect your life to be. What activities will you participate in? How will you spend your time? Now go twenty or thirty years into the future and write down your expectations for that time frame.

CHAPTER 5

Raising Happy Children

The world we knew as children is still buried within our minds. Our childlike self is the deepest level of our being. It is who we really are, and what is real doesn’t go away. —Marianne Williamson

A s parents there is nothing more important than providing for our children. Rarely do parents do anything they think will be bad for their children. We often raise our children with the same rules and behaviors with which we were raised, rather than utilizing all we may have come to know. ittedly, it can be confusing for the new parent who is getting advice from family, coworkers, and impersonal sources such as books and the media. My oldest son recently called to tell me he thought his girlfriend was pregnant. Since this wasn’t planned, he was freaking out. Through multiple phone conversations I was able to share my perspective, which I was planning to include in this chapter. The fact that I had raised Cody to understand that everything was energy certainly helped him refocus his thoughts on what he wanted, thus making him feel better in the process. It’s kind of funny that people can accept that they are energy projected into this vehicle we call a body for themselves, but when we think of babies, we tend to focus on the physical biology. Although I will it I had a different picture in my mind for the event of becoming a grandmother—like my children being in happy marriages first—I realized that the lack of a marriage didn’t change anything. How awesome that a being of source energy made the conscious decision to

come into a body and chose who would be his or her parents. In other words, a God source energy decided to express itself in physical form, and with everyone on earth to chose from, it chose a specific woman to be its mom. (Okay, the dad was also part of the choice.) How can you feel anything but joy about that? Think about times in the past when you were chosen for something—a team on the playground, a big project at work, or being the person someone wanted to commit to spending his or her life with. It felt pretty good, didn’t it? Actually it felt great to be chosen. How awesome that a soul selected those individuals who arguably will be the most influential in the beginning of their new journey on earth. Let me address the naysayers who will bring up the babies born into what would be considered horrible—or at the very least, difficult—circumstances. Every experience causes us to expand. It could be that we want more of what we have been experiencing, or it could be that we desire something different. But it is the experiences we have that create the thoughts and feelings about what we desire. All experiences cause our true self to expand and grow. If you believe the story of Jesus being born to an unwed mother in a stable, one could argue that the son of God could have selected a better circumstance to be born into. Yet, more than two thousand years later, his words and actions still have an effect on the world. No matter the situation, that small baby has an opportunity to create the life he or she desires.

Raising Happy Children: Exercise #1

1. The purpose here is to get you to look at what your beliefs are about the children in your life. Write down anything that comes to mind. Include why you think your child chose you as a parent. I understand that if you don’t believe they chose you, it might be as simple a reason as having sex in the back of that Chevy. Think about the circumstances that your child was born into. 2. Discuss your beliefs with your partner. Use this as an opportunity to find the points of agreement and points that both (or either of you) may want to consider another point of view about. If you believe that the way you were raised was the “right” way to raise your child, ask yourself if and how those patterns of

behavior served you.

*******

Each relationship has, at its heart, a holy purpose. —Doreen Virtue

As parents, we think it is our job to teach our children everything they need to know to get started in their lives. It is difficult for us to believe or that they are spiritual beings with all of the knowledge they need. Those children, and you for that matter, had to agree to a couple of things before they could enter the body they now inhabit. First, they had to agree that they would forget— forget that they were source energy, forget who they were before this body, and forget all of the universal laws that govern life here on earth. Secondly, they had to forget that we are powerful—as in we have the power to create whatever it is that we choose to experience. No wonder that as parents we think we need to teach our children everything! OMG, the pressure that we put on ourselves with that thought is enormous. So is there a better way? What if we examine what we instinctively know, even if we aren’t necessarily living it? Let’s start with the idea that we are meant to be happy and live joyful lives. The thing is, as parents we think we know best about what will create that happy and joyful life for our children. However the same thing doesn’t make every person happy. When my sons were both under the age of five, we bought something that came in a big box. Here I am all excited about my boys and their new toy, but do you know what they paid the most attention to? The box! Now, I ittedly was pretty disappointed at their lack of excitement over the toy, and within that disappointment was a lesson for me. I couldn’t decide what would make them happy. That box became a fort, then a truck, then a boat, and finally a spaceship. That box was anything and everything that their imagination decided it was. We’ve all heard parents joke about similar occurrences of kids liking the box better than the gift, so I know many of you will relate to this story. It took me awhile to understand that the box represented

their creation. Those boys created what they wanted to experience. As a funny side note, I used this learning experience at work. I did all the buying for a retail company I operated, and when I came across the Brown Box Toy company that sold cardboard forms that were nothing more than shapes that folded into a car (with cut out windows) or a spaceship—in other words, big boxes—I ordered several shipments. We sold every one of them. Happiness isn’t nearly as elusive for children as it is for adults. It is a natural state of being. Children play for the pure joy it brings them. So as parents why do we try to stomp that out of them? Oh, I’m not saying that we do it intentionally, but we do it. This is a universe of inclusion. We get what we put our attention toward. How can we say we want our children to be happy when we fill their precious little minds with our worries, our fears, and our prejudices? We insist that they learn to behave the way we think is best, and when they don’t we make sure they know it isn’t okay. This is the tough part, because we want to protect our children, yet we tend to do it in such a backwards way. We tell them what we don’t want them to do, completely forgetting that you get what you focus on. Then we wonder why they don’t seem as happy anymore. The best thing parents can do for their children is to remind them to trust their feelings. Whether you have a toddler or a teenager, they can always rely on their internal guidance system, how they feel about any given situation. If your fiveyear-old is on the playground and another child is being mean, he or she probably isn’t feeling too good about that child. Teach your child to trust himself or herself to make the decision to go play with another child or even alone. Oftentimes we try to get our children to do something that feels off to them. What are we teaching them by asking them to go against what they are feeling? How do you feel when someone invalidates what you are feeling and tells you that you should feel a different way? If your child is told that his or her feelings aren’t correct, why would you believe he or she would interpret that any differently than you would interpret it? I wish I would have understood this when my children were young, because I could have avoided many unhappy moments—for myself and for my sons. I feel the need to apologize to Ryan, my youngest son, for not getting this sooner. If I had, his teenage years would have been more enjoyable. I was focused on what I thought Ryan should be doing, including how he spent his time. Ryan loved to skateboard and spent all of his spare time at the skate park—several parks, actually. Both his father and I thought he should be focused on other things. As a

mom, I wanted him to clean his room, help more around the house, and spend more time studying. I would suggest other activities. It wasn’t that Ryan was disrespectful, but he would tell us that he did what made him happy, what made him feel good. He stuck to his guns most of the time. There was a constant bumping of heads (not physical, so don’t freak out). The funny thing is that when he was young, I taught him to trust his feelings, and—being the little debater that he is—he pointed out that he was doing just that. Don’t ya just love it when your kids throw your own words back at you? I can honestly say that at twenty-one, Ryan is one of the happiest people I know, and life just seems to flow for him—meaning he continues to manifest what he wants because he trusts his feelings to guide his decisions.

Raising Happy Children: Exercise #2

1. Make a list of the things you can say to your children to help them learn to trust their feelings. 2. Play a game with your children (no matter their age) asking them which statement or activity makes them feel better. Here are some ideas, but you can come up with things that apply better to your children. a. When you want to go spend time with a friend, how do you feel when I say yes? How do you feel when I say no? b. Which activity makes you feel happier, soccer or baseball? c. When you get a good (this is relative) grade on a paper, how do you feel? Does it make a difference in how you feel depending on the effort you put forth?

The goal for this exercise is for your children to recognize what makes them feel better. Then you can have a discussion about how they can use this when making decisions. This is especially important when you aren’t around for them to rely on.

*******

Most people would agree with the idea that people, plants, and animals contain energy. For many of us, that was proven in a science class. connecting a light bulb to a potato and seeing the bulb light up? Pretty cool stuff. Taking that next step and recognizing that everything is energy and that we are connected to all of it can be a bit daunting. If we accept that concept, then we also need to accept responsibility for how our actions affect our family, our home, our community, and our planet. Whoa. That is a bit heavy to put on your children, and we are talking about raising happy children not freaked out children. Let’s define normal to begin with. What is normal to you is whatever you grew up with and experienced in your life. Until our children begin spending time with others outside the immediate family, what occurs in their household is what they think of as normal. For example, if Sarah is invited to dinner at a friend’s house and it is chaotic with everyone grabbing food and going to different rooms, this would seem very odd to her if she is used to the family sitting down at the kitchen table and saying grace prior to eating. Whatever occurs on a regular basis in our children’s lives is normal for them. Imagine my children’s surprise when some of their friends commented on how their mom was weird. When my children were young I wanted to teach them that everything was made of energy. We had a young tree in our backyard that we planted when Cody was born. I imagined my children climbing that tree. One of the things I taught them to do was ask the tree for permission before they climbed it. It wasn’t something I said once. Every time I saw them headed for that tree I reminded them. If they were already in the tree, I asked if they had asked the tree for permission. I explained that as a living thing, it was made of the same energy that they were and that climbing the tree was an agreement between two forms of energy. Did they get it then? Nope. Years later, however, Cody thanked me for that because it allowed him to see connections to other concepts that life was bringing to him. We teach our children the golden rule, “Do unto others as you would have them

do unto you.” Usually we relate this to manners, kindness, and other behaviors that are easily identifiable. Even if you’d never heard of the law of attraction, if you were exposed to the golden rule, then you recognized at some level that we get to experience what we do to others. This is often related to behaviors versus thoughts, but isn’t it the same? As parents, I think we find it easier to address behaviors rather than teach our kids about something we can’t see. But children do understand that their thoughts affect their feelings, so it isn’t much of a jump for them that their thoughts would also affect their home, their school, and their planet. It’s important to be conscious of what we are teaching our children. It’s not just what we say to them but what they pick up listening in on our conversations or what they observe as we handle what life is throwing at us. By age seven, children have developed the belief systems that they will carry with them into adulthood. that this is a universe of inclusion, and that means that anything that is getting your attention and focus is what your children will pick up on. You can’t on one hand tell them that the world is abundant and then expect them to believe that if they are hearing you arguing about money or continually saying, “We can’t afford that,” whatever that may be.

The greatest gifts you can give your children are the roots of responsibility and the wings of independence. —Denis Waitley

The issue for most parents is that we haven’t taken the time or effort to figure out what our beliefs are about lots of topics, because we are also conditioned to believing that what we grew up with is normal. I grew up with a father who was racially prejudiced. Fortunately for me, my mother and grandmother were the stronger influences, and from them I learned that all people—no matter their skin color—are the same. It didn’t matter that their skin was different than mine; I believed that people were just people, with similar thoughts and feelings to mine. My younger brothers were more influenced by my father and his beliefs. I didn’t realize how much until I attended community college. I came home from school one day and one of my brothers asked me who the black guy was I was

having lunch with. Evidently someone who knew my family thought this was information they should share. My brother was pretty upset with me, and I got just as upset at his demonstration of prejudice. So just in case either of my brothers ever read this; I’ve dated men of different skin colors and even some from different countries. Please get over it. I love you. The point for all of you is that different children can grow up in the same household, and—depending on who is influencing them the most—they can end up developing different beliefs. Those beliefs stick with them and influence how they see the world and live their lives.

Raising Happy Children: Exercise #3

We need to be aware—consciously aware—of what we are teaching our children through our words and our actions.

1. Please write down the phrases that you say directly to your children. These are things that you are consciously trying to teach them. 2. Next, take some time to notice and write down those beliefs that your children are observing. They could be vocalized or demonstrated with behavior. 3. If you are a two-parent household, this step should be done with your partner, if that doesn’t apply, do it by yourself. Examine the items listed for both #1 and #2 above and decide if that is really what you intend to have your children believe as they grow up. 4. If you decide that you need to change what you are saying or demonstrating to your children, then be clear about the message you want to send and write it down. Then practice saying it or changing your behavior so it becomes not only the truth for your child but also for you.

Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children. —Charles R. Swindoll

I understand that this exercise is the most difficult for any parent. Let me repeat that I am aware that all of us raising children are doing the best we can, and we usually have the best intentions. The fact is there are lots of screwed up adults in the world because of the beliefs they developed as children. My goal for you is to be conscious about your choices, so I’m going to give you some examples to get you thinking (just in case you’d rather just skip over this little exercise).

a. “You’re so clumsy.” Although this might be said as a joke, if a child hears it multiple times—as with anything else—it will sink in. b. Discussions about bills with negative emotion attached. When children witness these discussions it does with them that there is a shortage of money. c. Telling your child that hitting isn’t the way to solve a problem might sink in better if you suggest talking about the disagreement. the inclusiononly universe! You must demonstrate what you want them to learn. d. “You are such an awesome daughter!” Make sure that when you are talking to others (within earshot of your child) that the sentiment is the same. Speaking negatively about your child to others, especially if they can hear you, will overshadow whatever you’ve said to their face. e. Any family behavior that lets your child know you want to spend time with them makes them feel more important. This could be game night, playing catch, or even watching a television show that they like. (Record yours if you are worried about missing it.)

*******

As strange as this may sound, the most critical element of raising happy, wellbalanced children is for you to focus on being happy yourself. Well-aligned parents, meaning parents who are happy most of the time and feeling good, set up a child for success. If you demonstrate that life is joyful, that there is abundance, and that loving and caring for others is the most noble of pursuits, then your children will learn from your example. When you say no to something they desire and explain that it feels off to you or that you don’t feel good about saying yes—and you trust your feelings about your decisions—they will learn to trust themselves. Granted, they might not be happy about you saying no, but knowing that something doesn’t feel right and that you are sticking to your decision provides consistency for them. With consistency comes security and the sense that you are always looking out for their best interest.

CHAPTER 6

Your Most Important Relationship—You

You do not have a soul. You are a soul. What you have is a body. —C.S. Lewis

T his may sound like a simple message, but it is actually pretty tough to wrap your mind around. It is our body that makes us feel real. We describe ourselves by our physical features. We associate our feelings with how our body is reacting. When we talk about our health, we are referring to what is going on with our body. Our sense of survival is connected to our body and protecting it. When we get that fight or flight feeling, isn’t it our body that we feel is in danger? Yet somewhere deep inside us we recognize that we are so much more than this body. We have moments of enlightenment that bring us closer to the greater sense of what we really are—a soul, an eternal spirit that continues to exist no matter what is going on with our body. That relationship we have with ourselves is the one that impacts every other relationship that we have had, currently have, or will have in the future. Do you realize how perfect you are? I don’t mean this in an egotistical way like that vain guy you met in college. Wherever you are in your life, no matter your circumstances, is perfection. Ready to jump up and down disagreeing with me? I totally understand, because when someone says something I disagree with—or if I can’t see any way to agree with that person’s point of view, I go into debate mode and work very hard at resisting any change in my thinking. Just ask my husband; he will confirm this statement. Let me take you down a path to demonstrate how perfect you are. You are God source energy. Your soul—or the true you—was born of the light of creation. That alone should be enough, but we humans don’t think that way. First, many

believe that to claim that they are in any way part of God is committing blasphemy. God is this deity that is far greater and more powerful than anything we could hope to be. What if God wanted to experience himself? How would he do that? Is it possible that he would send part of his energy into human form to experience the yin and the yang, the lack and the abundance, and the range of emotions that different life experiences would bring? How perfect to place yourself on a planet where you can create your life experiences. When you throw in a guidance system such as emotions to let you know how you’re doing, the situation is simply astounding. Wherever you are in your life is perfectly in tune with the vibration that you have offered up to this point. Let’s forget spirit and vibration for a minute. The decisions you’ve made have each brought a result. When you break it down to a single area of your life, it is easier to accept. Let’s say you met your spouse because you decided one Sunday to go to a different church. Or you got behind the wheel after drinking alcohol and you were in an accident. Those types of situations aren’t too difficult to explain why we got the result that we did, because we can see a clear correlation between a decision or action and the result we received. These are also situations that are somewhat easy to take responsibility for, in part because we see the connection or the path from decision to result. For most of us, however, it is far more difficult to accept that we are responsible for where we are in any area of our lives, let alone the whole darn thing. The fact is that you are living at the frequency that you were chronically vibrating at in the past. If you continue to operate at that frequency, then you will get more of the same. You have the power to change it. Let’s look at this in reverse because sometimes looking at the opposite of what we desire helps us to gain understanding. In the beautiful mountains of Tennessee, Harold lived at a middle class income level, owned a home, had a happy family, and was gainfully employed. Harold was injured and became unable to work. His attitude about everything started a slow decline. He felt sorry for himself because of his physical situation. He began exhibiting more anger. His family struggled financially, which brought on more stress. His wife became frustrated with his lack of willingness to change himself and the situation. Within a few years, their home was foreclosed on, his wife divorced him, and his children communicated with him less. Those who knew Harold could see that he was attracting these negative situations by his continual focus on what he didn’t want to happen.

Habitual patterns of thought are the reason we continue to get similar results. A belief is just a thought we continue to keep thinking, thus reinforcing it. When we continue to do anything—smoke, drink coffee every morning, or think about something the same way—we are creating a habit. Habitual thinking results in habitual behaviors, causing us to make similar choices. If your reoccurring thoughts are benefiting you, that’s great, but most of us don’t even notice that habitual thinking is occurring. In Harold’s case, he continued to think of himself as disabled, and in his mind this meant he required assistance. He applied for disability benefits, but his claim was rejected multiple times, and he exhausted the appeals available to him. The whole time this process was going on he continued to have thoughts about not being able to work. This focus was so dominating that when his life was falling apart, he held onto the thoughts about being disabled and therefore unable to work. Harold didn’t change his attitude until he reached what most of us would call rock bottom. Eleven years after he was injured he began working again, and as his attitudes about what he could do improved, so did all areas of his life. It’s certainly common for us to not recognize our own habitual thinking; it’s just the way we think—until we don’t.

You: Exercise #1

This is, in my opinion, the most difficult exercise in this book. You may not want to do it, but frankly it will be the most beneficial to you, so suck it up! If you really—and I mean really—want your life to improve, then it is all about changing what you believe about yourself. In order to do that, you have to recognize what you believe and take responsibility for your own circumstances. Be honest with yourself.

1. Let’s begin with physical habits, because we have an easier time identifying those. Draw a line down the center of a piece of paper dividing it into two columns. On the top of the first column, write habits to keep or habits that are beneficial—whatever wording you want to use is fine. On the second column, write the opposite: habits to change or habits that don’t benefit me. Write down

the physical habits that you recognize about yourself, and you are the judge of which column they go in. Let me be clear: it doesn’t matter what someone else thinks about your habits; it only matters what you think about them. a. Examine your physical habits that are in the second column and pick one (just one) that you want to work on. b. Thinking about the physical habit that you want to change, decide on an action plan on how you are going to change it. In other words, what behavior are you going to replace this habit with? Each time you catch yourself performing the physical habit that you want to change, replace it with the behavior you decided would be better.

2. Now the tough part. Get another piece of paper and draw two lines, dividing the sheet into thirds. a. In the left column make a list of all those things that you say to yourself that are not beneficial. You need to dig deep for these, because they aren’t the types of things you want to it to anyone, but you do need to recognize what your current self-talk is. Here are some examples: I’m ugly; I fail at everything I try; I’m stupid; I’m not worthy; I’ll always struggle with money; I wish I was smarter; if people really knew me they wouldn’t like me; I’m not lovable; I should give up instead of wasting any more energy on this; my life isn’t worth living, and so on. b. In the middle column, write who first brought you this idea. I can tell you that it absolutely was not your true self, so who was it that started that negative selftalk regarding a specific subject? People often assume that the negative things they think come from their parents, and although some of them might, others may have come from a friend, a respected teacher, a spouse, or even a boss. Recognizing that a thought was implanted by someone else, then accepted by us can be liberating. Most of us don’t take time to even examine where a thought may have originated. There may be a few thoughts that you believe to be your own. If that is the case, identify what was happening in your life to create that thought. c. This column is for your replacement thoughts. A belief is just a thought we continue to think, so we will use that principle to establish new beliefs about

ourselves. These replacement thoughts need to be something that you can believe. For example, if my thought in column A is I’m not worthy, here are some possible replacement thoughts: I’m a kind person. I always do my best. I make a positive difference with my family. I’m a unique and talented human being. I have a life purpose. I enjoy helping others. For each of those nonbeneficial thoughts in column A, write your replacement thought. d. In the future, when one of those non-beneficial thoughts pops into your head, you must immediately replace it with a thought that makes you feel better. This is about forming a habit of reaching for the best thoughts about yourself. Those thoughts that you continue to use to overwrite previous self-talk will eventually become your beliefs, because a belief is only a thought you keep thinking.

*******

Love is the crowning grace of humanity, the holiest right of the soul, the golden link which binds us to duty and truth, the redeeming principle that chiefly reconciles the heart to life, and is prophetic of eternal good. —Petrarch

We love to put labels on everything. It helps us categorize what is happening in our lives. I suppose that you could look at our need to label people, things, and events as a way to keep them organized, so they will coincide with our belief systems. Think about how we respond to life events in our lives or the lives of others that we are part of. The fact is no event is good or bad until we assign it a label. It just is. Let me say that again differently. Any event is just an event, just a circumstance or just a situation that occurred. You don’t get a text that says “Hey, by the way, some bad crap is going to happen today at work” so you can label it ahead of time. It is our thoughts about the event that create our feelings; then we label it. Fear in all of its forms separates us from our true selves. When we label a situation as bad, it is because in one form or another it has caused us to

experience some type of fear related directly to our beliefs. Fear is also sometimes difficult for us to identify, because it exists in so many different forms. Fear is the opposite of love, and when we focus on it, life seems to spiral out of control. When we worry about our children, it is out of fear that something bad will happen to them. When we are feeling despair over a health situation, it is because we are scared or fearful over a possible unwanted outcome. When we look at our bank s and wonder how we are going to pay this month’s bills, we are experiencing fear. Have you ever experienced that feeling of panic in your chest? I certainly have, and at the time I couldn’t think clearly enough to see that I was creating these moments with my thoughts that were fear-based. I’m not saying it is easy to overcome the emotions that we feel when we are experiencing fear, but I would encourage you to think about whether or not these thoughts and feelings are moving you closer to who you truly are or farther away. A spiritual master might suggest that you reach for a loving thought and focus your energy toward what you want. The fact is most of us just aren’t at that point. I would suggest that you acknowledge your fear; don’t ignore it, but really examine what it is. What are you afraid of? That thing that you are afraid of isn’t what is stopping you from living a joyful life. It is your thoughts about that fear and your attempt to hide it that debilitate you. Come on, we all put on a brave face when life seems to be handing us lemons, and we attempt to hide what we are afraid of; in essence we attempt to ignore it. What if you acknowledged that thing that is bringing you the feeling of fear and you named it? Is it possible that you might gain some control over your thoughts by doing this? Once you’ve named your fear and examined it, notice what exists right now, in the present moment. Has anything significant changed since that fearful thought came into your mind? You are still alive, you live in the same place, and you have the same friends and family as you did just moments before you let fear overtake you. Throughout this book I’ve included personal stories to make my points more real. As I was writing about fear I was trying to think of the perfect story for this chapter, and you know what? I came up with a whole bunch of stuff that I’ve been afraid of, and with that fear came thoughts and emotions that caused me to react in a way that was not to my best advantage. Not to mention that operating from a point of fear knocked my internal guidance system (my emotions) into negative overdrive. Here’s part of my “fear list” so you can see if any of these

relate to your life. Not being liked. Not being loved. Sexual abuse. My son getting hurt playing football. My mother dying. Losing a job. House being foreclosed on. Being yelled at. Failing a test. Not being loved. Traveling to a strange city. Being robbed. Not being worthy. A relationship ending. Not being able to pay bills. Disappointing a spouse, parent, boss, child, or friend. Being thought of as stupid. Hurting someone’s feelings. Embarrassing myself. Being a bad mother. Dating. Being alone. Not growing. Children moving away. Lack of money. Not being loved. Not being good enough. Not getting a promotion or job. Getting my feelings hurt. Not having enough money to retire. Spending too much on an expensive purchase. Not giving the help someone needed. Giving bad advice. Moving to a new state. The dentist! Did I mention not being lovable? Here’s my point: we should not allow our fears to dictate our lives, and too damn often we do. As I look over my list I realize that most of it happened, and you know what? I survived it and eventually prospered in some way because of the experience. Sure there are situations that we would prefer to not experience again; when you think about it, you have the choice. We attract what we focus on, especially when we have strong emotions about the subject. This is especially true regarding what we fear. When I participated in a Dale Carnegie class in the eighties there was one principle that I used to handle my fears, and it worked well on my what if fears. Decide what the worst possible thing was that could happen, and come up with how to handle that. Once you’ve got an action plan for the worst thing, the variations of what really occurs seem much easier to handle. I include this for those who don’t believe they can tell a different story to create new beliefs. They may find this a step in the right direction for overcoming their fears.

You: Exercise #2

1. Think about and then write down those times when you made a decision at a time that you were fearful. a. Looking back at the situation now, were there other possible things that you could have done? Rewrite the situation from an objective viewpoint, meaning without reacting to fear, so you can see a different outcome.

2. Make a list of what you are afraid of at this point in your life. a. Describe each fear in detail. b. Write down the actions that you could take that would eliminate this fear or how you could lessen its impact on your life. 3. Think about a person who has hurt or harmed you in some way. When people hurt others they are not doing so from a clear conscious, but rather they are operating within their own fears or wounds. Identify what their fear is. This will allow you to better understand the person. Then you can decide how to deal with them (or not) in the future.

*******

To change is to be greater than your environment. —Dr. Joe Dispenza

Not getting along with another person or having negative thoughts about them is only our separation from the light within. The discord that you feel is not between you and that person. It is between you and the true you, that loving spiritual self that only knows good and harmony. When we pay attention to what we don’t like about another person, it separates us from who we have expanded into. You can’t fool your true self by saying something that doesn’t align with your feelings about the person or subject. The contradiction of your feelings with what you say or think keeps you straddling that manifestation fence, and when you fall off the fence it will surely be to the side that your feelings represent. Sure, it might be easier to blame our circumstances on that other person. If they would behave this way, I would like them more. If they would just do what I want, we wouldn’t be having this issue. You might have heard the saying “You can’t change a leopard’s spots” from an elder as you were growing up. Did you ever give any thought to this saying? We have no, zero, zip, nada control over

another person’s thoughts and therefore their behavior. What we can control are our own thoughts. Let’s be honest with ourselves. If we took 100 percent responsibility for our own thoughts and actions, how different would our lives be? Holy cow! It’s difficult to even imagine, because it is a rarity for someone to take 100 percent responsibility for their thoughts—let alone their actions. The fear exercise earlier in this chapter was to prepare you for looking at the level of responsibility you take for your life. The reason we don’t take full responsibility for our thoughts and our actions is often that we are afraid of what someone is going to say or do. If our boss knows that screw-up was ours, we may lose our job. If I downplay my part in a situation, then I can’t be held able for the whole thing. Hey, marriage involves two people, so the disintegration of our relationship isn’t all my responsibility. I did exactly what you told me to so it isn’t my fault it didn’t work. Knowing what we are afraid of and recognizing it will assist you in being more able in your life. Each time we blame or complain, we are failing to take responsibility. We push ourselves away from our goals and desires by making it someone else’s fault. We label it as a bad or undesirable situation. Then there is that pesky little concept about our beliefs. If we truly believe a situation is someone else’s doing— meaning they have done something to us—we are giving up control over our lives, our thoughts and our emotions. I ask you: how will that get you closer to your desires? Your true self knows that whatever the situation, you can benefit from it. When we make excuses, we are pushing away abundance. I’m not just talking about financial abundance. I’m talking about abundance in all things: love, joy, happiness, peace of mind, and all of the stuff that you think of when you imagine your life filled with abundance. We live in a society that continually brings us news on what others are doing. We talk about the latest celebrity divorce. We talk about who is likely to be drafted by a particular team, now that they are free agents. We buy magazines and watch entertainment television shows so we can be up on the latest gossip. All of this focus on what others are doing might be a nice pastime, but I would ask if it is really helping you in any way. We talk about our coworkers and our neighbors and what we think they should be doing or not doing. Wake up! None of this is going to improve your life unless your job is representing that person of interest. All this time and energy focused on someone else is just a diversion from focusing on you. You are living with your results. Take ownership of them, please.

You: Exercise #3

Before we can take 100 percent responsibility, we need to be aware of the times that we aren’t doing so. That is what this exercise is about. It will sound much easier than it is. I still haven’t mastered this, although I’m getting better. That is what this is all about—just getting better than you were before.

1. Make a list of all the things you complain about or blame others for. When I did this personally, I used far more paper than I had anticipated. 2. Chose a timeframe that you will avoid blaming or complaining about anything. Personally, I’d start with a day and then work up to a week. Once you’ve mastered your time frame, extend it slightly. 3. Don’t bother with this part until you’ve been able to not blame or complain for at least a week. Take a look at the list you made for #1 in this exercise and choose one item that you are going to take 100 percent responsibility for. When you feel that you’ve achieved this, choose a different item on the list and take full responsibility for that.

*******

Have you ever noticed that some people maintain their “normal” state of being when something significant occurs and others are devastated? Those who remain true to who they are know that it is just a thing that happened and they have the choice of how to react. These are the folks who drive others crazy with their positive outlook or their seemingly unflappable exterior. I a conversation I had at work with Erika. We were dealing with a bit of a crisis, and she commented that I never seemed to not be able to handle what was going on. She asked if I ever let anything bother me. Since I was Erika’s supervisor, I

wanted her and my entire team to believe that I was consistently stable, no matter what was happening. Of course, that wasn’t the truth. Lots of things bothered me, but I discovered that it was only if I labeled them as bad (my opinion) that I started feeling negative emotion about them.

You must gain control over your money or the lack of it will forever control you. –Dave Ramsey

Let’s talk about finances because that is one subject that usually gets the emotional blood boiling for the majority of us—and often not in a good way. Fighting about money is the number one challenge in most marriages. Besides the safety of your children, is there any topic that you worry more about than money? If you are telling someone quotes that you repeatedly heard during childhood, would most be in reference to money? There was a period of my life —okay it lasted about thirty years—that whenever I thought about money, bills, my checking , or my credit card balances, I got this pit in my stomach. You know what I’m talking about? It isn’t the type of feeling of being nervous with butterflies moving around inside you. It is that overwhelming sense of helplessness; you could even describe it as an extreme lack of hope coupled with worry that you can’t seem to overcome. What is money, and why do we allow it to have such control over our lives? Whether you picture money as that paper in your wallet, the number on your bank statement, or the amount you have in your investment s, it is still all the same thing. Money is merely a form of energy that we receive in exchange for something. It may be an exchange for some smart choices on the stock market. It may be that money is what you’ve exchanged part of your life for by doing a job. You may have inherited money simply because you were someone’s grandchild. Exchange is something that we don’t think about much, but it governs why we do what we do. If we do something nice for someone, that person often feels obligated to do something nice for us. We humans are wired that way. If we are unable to repay that person for his or her kindness, then our twisted minds find a way to make that person wrong. Maybe we decide that they were just performing

some kind gesture so they would look good to others, or we look for alternative motives on the part of our benefactor. The idea of paying it forward is a way for us to stay in exchange with the universe. We may not be able to repay the same person who helped us, but we can help someone else, and this will stop us from feeling out of exchange. In other words, we won’t feel as though we owe someone, because we helped another person. I had a manager named Celia who worked for me in Norcross, Georgia. She was having some financial issues, and it was really stressing her out. After talking with her I came up with a way I thought I could help her. I paid her overdue electric bill. I told her that if she could pay me back in the future that was fine, but if she couldn’t, I was fine with that, too. I’d heard about the law of exchange years before, but really never paid much attention to it. In the case of Celia, I was just trying to help someone out who needed it. Silly me. My repayment was that she quit the job without notice less than two weeks later. She saw no way to repay me, so she was feeling out of exchange and simply couldn’t tolerate the disappointment that she was feeling—so she removed herself from the situation. It was a great lesson for me. It’s not that I don’t help people because of this experience; I just go about it in a different way. I will help them figure out how to solve their own issues by asking lots of questions to get them to come up with the answers, or I will come up with an exchange that would be satisfactory to us both. Then there are times that I simply assist them without them knowing I did it. An example of this is leaving a Christmas card with a hundred dollars in it for an employee who was a single mom worried about how to provide anything for her child for Christmas morning. Sorry, although I include lots of real names in my stories, this person still doesn’t know who left her that card. This is my type of paying it forward. I totally understand why there are anonymous benefactors for charities, hospitals, and other organizations. If nobody knows you did it, there is no opportunity for that person to feel out of exchange with you. Plenty of people have very strong opinions about government assistance. Now let me state that I’m not against welfare, unemployment, or food stamps (SNAP), but I think they need a timeframe. If an event happens in someone’s life —loss of job, death in the family, loss of home, or some other loss—and that person needs help to survive, how wonderful that there are programs to provide that assistance. The reason these programs don’t work for the long-term is that the person receiving the benefits goes out of exchange. If people fail to

contribute to society while taking from it, it feels wrong somewhere inside of them. They are out of alignment with their true selves, because all of us are creators at our cores. Now granted, you could say that a person who is on public assistance for years is creating that life, and you would be right. It is very easy for us to point a finger at these people and want to blame them for the increase in national debt or even the downfall in society. However, we human beings are happiest when we are creating and contributing. You only have to look inside yourself to know this is true.

Let the beauty of what you love be what you do. —Rumi

CHAPTER 7

Your Worst Enemy—Your Subconscious (until you make it your best friend)

The key to growth is the introductions of higher dimensions of consciousness into our awareness. —Lao Tzu

T hus far the purpose of this book is to get you to wake up! So many of us go through life as if we are asleep, as if life happens to us and we don’t have any control. Each exercise in the prior chapters was geared toward increasing your awareness. As you read and completed an exercise it was about getting your conscious mind to notice your thoughts, your beliefs, and the behaviors that have landed you in the place where you are now living. Authority figures often say we have to know our history so we don’t repeat it, but whatever we are supplying energy to or focusing on will repeat itself in one form or another. That is the law of attraction: like attracts like. So if your thoughts are consumed with what has been or what is, how can you change your future? I worked with a woman named Renee in Forest Park, Georgia. Renee was smart, funny, pretty, and a caring individual. She could also have been the poster child for the saying, “That woman has terrible taste in men.” Renee told me about several previous relationships that involved men who were overbearing, controlling, and abusive. In each of these relationships, she eventually felt demoralized and worthless, at which point it would end. She actually described her second husband as a much better man than her first husband because he only verbally abused her—compared to the first one who physically abused her. After these two marriages, she decided that she didn’t want to get married again and would just date someone until she was really sure what kind of person he was.

During a two-year period, three more men who Renee dated fell into the verbally abusive category after they got comfortable in the relationship. It was very clear that Renee’s focus was on the behavior she didn’t want. The universe doesn’t recognize “not” or “don’t” or any other negative adjective we use to describe a desire. The law of attraction brought Renee what she was focusing on. Another way to look at this is that Renee was vibrating at a frequency that only could bring her someone else at that same frequency. We worked together on changing how she expressed her desires, and the language she used became about what she wanted, not what she had been attracting in the past. This was done on a conscious level, however, and subconsciously the thoughts of being unworthy were so ingrained that her self-talk could be visualized like a tennis match. She would state what she desired in positive language and then receive a volley back of You don’t deserve that! or some other opposite thought. You have an opportunity to create your future based on what you believe. If those beliefs can’t possibly bring you what you desire, why would you hold onto them? If a belief is only a thought you keep thinking, then can’t you keep thinking a thought until you believe it? In order to do this you have to change not only those conscious thoughts but also the subconscious ones.

Manage your mind. When we direct our thought and words toward the outcome we most desire, we ignite grace. —Cheryl Richardson

I know some of you are saying, I can’t even get control of my conscious thoughts, and you want me to change the unconscious ones too? Girl, you are crazy! Yes, I am—but that is beside the point. There are at least a dozen excellent programs available to help reprogram your unconscious mind. I’m aware you may not be ready for that type of commitment at this point. My goal is to get you to wake up, live more consciously, and provide some tools to assist you with your journey. If you breezed through the first six chapters not doing any of the exercises, nothing in this chapter will be helpful. If you want a better, happier, more affluent life, then, honey, you have to do a little work. I had a

regional director, Dave, who repeatedly said, “If you are going to continue to do what you’ve always done, then you are going to get what you always got.” Duh, right? When you are in alignment with the true you, it is obvious because you are living your desires. Part of the reason we aren’t living our dreams is we are unclear, maybe even wishy-washy about what we desire. We say things like “I just want to be happy.” Well, what does that look like? What makes me happy isn’t necessarily the same thing that would make my spouse, sibling, friend, or child happy. It is a rarity that someone is specific enough about what they want for the universe to bring it to them. We focus on what we don’t want, and—lo and behold—that is what shows up. Should we be surprised? That is what we were focused on, in resonance with, and having strong emotions about. By pushing something away from us—and doing so with strong emotion—we intensify our frequency for that which we do not want. When this thing we do not want is at our same frequency, it will come to us. It has to. I was in my thirties living in Duluth, Georgia. I’d had my two sons, and one of the things I really wanted was a better relationship with my mother. I’d had such an awesome relationship with my grandmother, and I wanted that for my boys. The problem was that my mother was not my grandmother, but that didn’t enter into my thinking at the time. My mother lived in Port St. Lucie, Florida and drove through Georgia multiple times a year with her husband, Max, as they would travel to multiple locations in the eastern United States. As I was focused on my desire for this better relationship I was complaining to my brothers and my friends about how bad it was. I even wrote my mother a letter telling her I wanted a better relationship, but the letter also pointed out the things I didn’t like. My brothers and I discussed how Max was controlling and didn’t want to share mom with her own children. As you know, when it comes to our mothers, the emotional charge runs deep. My mother and Max would drive through Georgia and not even me, even though they would be less than thirty miles away. Of course this just added to my frustration. I was attracting more of those negative emotions each time this happened. My wake-up point happened on Christmas Day, 1999. I was on the phone with my friend, Mira, and I told her that I knew Mom and Max had left Michigan and would be driving through Atlanta at about 5 p.m. Since it was Christmas Day, I was positive that they would stop and at least have some pie. Yes, I actually thought about serving them dessert. Anyway, Mira said something to the effect

of “I know you have your hopes up, but this is your mother we are talking about. I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but she may not come by.” I honestly thought Mira was wrong. How could a grandmother not want to see her grandsons and daughter on Christmas Day? The concept made no sense in my brain. As you have probably already figured out, my mother did not come by or even call. I was hurt and absolutely furious that Max would have prevented this family gathering. Then my husband said, “You know, in some ways you are like your mother, and there is no way I could make you do something you didn’t want to do. Why do you think Max could make your mother do or not do something?” Ouch! It took years for me to achieve a better relationship with my mother, and I used several different techniques that I will be covering in this chapter. At that time, though, the universe was delivering exactly what I was focused on.

I’m not going to put exercises in this chapter in the same format as the previous chapters, because I want this process to be free flowing in whatever way you feel it needs to be. Depending on where you are in the process will depend on what will resonate with you.

The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire. —Ferdinand Foch

It took time for you to develop the beliefs and behaviors that are currently part of you. The exercises you did earlier were to help you identify those beliefs and behaviors, and hopefully you discovered some of those were deeply ingrained in your subconscious. In some ways—especially when you are trying to change— your subconscious mind appears to be your enemy. There’s a reason for this. It exists for the sole purpose of protecting you from anything that appears dangerous. Earlier I mentioned the fight or flight response that comes from your subconscious mind. It takes all of the data of your life and your beliefs, and it reacts to anything that makes you feel uncomfortable; it wants you to stay safe. The thing is, when you are trying to change old beliefs and create new ones, the

subconscious knows you are uncomfortable. Those feelings of nervousness or being unsure can be interpreted as danger, so your subconscious reminds you that it would be better to just keep things the same, stick with the status quo, and forget about moving out of your comfortable little box. Before you begin thinking all is hopeless, please know it is possible to change those subconscious thoughts that are ruling your life. If it is relying on data and beliefs, then you need to provide it some new ones. Think about a time that you heard a motivational speaker. It may have had to do with your job or some other event you attended. Listening to that person made you feel better, more motivated, or at least more positive. That feeling only lasted for a day to a week, depending on how much it resonated with you. So why didn’t it last? Well, your subconscious mind kicked in and started providing you “your truth” that contradicted that information. Simple logic would say If I felt good for one day after hearing a positive message, what would happen if I listened to something positive every day? Hmm, it’s possible; it’s even more possible if you use the times that your subconscious mind is the most open to programming new data. When you are relaxed, such as during meditation, or just before you go to sleep and when you first wake in the morning, your subconscious mind is more open, because at these times it isn’t on the alert for identifying danger to keep you safe. The question isn’t “Can I reprogram my subconscious mind?” but rather “What am I going to replace my current beliefs with?” Once you decide that, then you can decide on the method that is best for you. Most of us want to live an abundant life. You need to define what abundance is to you. Be very specific. Often when we talk about abundance, the mind envisions lots of money, but abundance to one person might be the luxury of having maid service once a week, and to another it might be a second home in the mountains of Colorado. You need to be clear on what you want your life to look like. Abundance may be about time to enjoy life, health, or contribution to society, so when you think about your life as a whole, focus on more than just money. Write down your goals or your desires with as many specifics as you can. You need to be able to see the accumulation of your desired results with visions that are sensory rich. Here’s a personal example to explain what I mean. I live in the desert, but I’m a beach kind of girl—so when I visualize myself at the beach, I can hear the waves splashing across the beach, smell the salt water, and feel the

sun on my skin and the wind blowing through my hair. I picture myself walking down the beach and feeling the sand move under my feet as the water pulls back into the ocean. Not only are my senses involved, but for visions to be more real there needs to be movement. Unlike a photograph, which is a single moment in time, you want your desires to be more like a video. Make your visions like your own movie in which you are living the desires of your heart. Your vision or goal has to be exciting to you. I want you to feel that sense of enthusiasm in your belly. Think of it this way: your current beliefs became your reality because of the emotion behind them and the continual reinforcement that life delivered. If you want to change your reality, then there must be emotion attached. If something doesn’t excite you, why would you want it in the first place? Your true self knows what you want and is already working toward your desires. Your personal guidance system—your emotions—is always on call working to let you know if you are in alignment with your true self. Those positive emotions that are connected to your vision help reinforce your desires. the first time you fell in love? Your emotions and hormones went into overdrive. That is what you are working to achieve; you can’t just like your goal but you also have to love it. It needs to be part of your continual stream of thoughts, because you love the idea so much you simply can’t stop thinking about it. Now if we are going to convince your subconscious mind that this goal of yours is reality, than we have to believe it. Oh, this is the tough part for most of us, because we continually want to focus on what is, which makes it difficult for us to believe that our goal, which hasn’t manifested yet, is reality. That is why it is so important to have energy and excitement surrounding your vision. Your subconscious doesn’t understand the difference between created emotion and reactionary emotion; it just knows there is emotion. Frame your goals into a positive statement. “I love living near the beach where I can feel the sand under my toes every day as I walk along the shoreline.” This is an example of a present moment statement. If your mind is screaming at you that it isn’t true, then back it up a bit and work toward the present moment beliefs. I really enjoy our vacations at the beach. It will be nice when I am able to spend more time at the beach. I’m excited at the possibility of moving near the ocean. I know I’m attracting the perfect house in the perfect location. You see, there is no negativity, and the statements are a gradual change for the subconscious mind, which are easy to accept.

In order for something to become believable to us, we need to constantly be reminded of it. Another technique to achieve this is to create a vision board. Consider this a collage of the life you desire, the one that excites you and makes you happy. Attach pictures either from magazines, photographs, or print outs of things that you found online on a poster or presentation board. You want to put your vision board in a place where you will see it frequently. The first vision board that I made had a picture of a Kitchen Aid mixer on it. I love to bake, and I thought this would be something really helpful. At the time I put it on my vision board they cost several hundred dollars, and it was not something I would spend money on. We moved a couple times, and my vision board was lost. But when I received the mixer for Christmas, I ed placing it on my vision board. The funny thing was I didn’t mention to anyone that I wanted it. One of the items on my current vision board is this book, and since you are reading it, guess what? That happened, too. I don’t want you to think that simply creating a clear vision or even a vision board is going to bring you all that your heart desires. The purpose of these is to help reprogram your subconscious mind, to get you to believe in possibilities, and to keep you focused. If you can develop confidence that the life you desire is possible, then you will notice a change in your feelings when you think about your goals. Confidence is the opposite of fear. Isn’t that why we don’t step out of our comfort zone—because we are afraid? If a topic or thing is continually on your mind, you will pull more of it to you. Let’s say you have a desire for the newest Lincoln automobile, so you are thinking about it frequently. You are going to notice that you see this same car as you are driving, you will notice more commercials for it, and you will hear coworkers discussing it. This is because by focusing on this car, you are operating on the same frequency as the car, and the universe is bringing it to you in multiple ways. The true you, that God source energy, knows that you deserve all of your desires to be fulfilled. It doesn’t need to be convinced that you are worthy. It understands your power and is just waiting for you to be open enough to accept what the universe has to offer. Your subconscious may have been serving as a block, filling you with avoidance or disappointment—but once you start to change your beliefs and start believing in yourself, you open up to your true self. Now the part of you that is all-knowing sees an opportunity to help you achieve what you desire. This may come as inspiration or reoccurring thoughts. When this happens it is time to take action. Come on, you didn’t think that you could just think your way to a better life did you? Inspired action that is in alignment

with your desires produces results. Too often we fail to follow our intuition or inspiration because we are unsure. I suggest that you get used to feeling unsure and just try to follow up on those little messages that come to you. In the chapter about life partners I described making a list of all the qualities I was looking for in a mate. There is more to the story, though. I dated several men I met online, and I was discussing with a coworker how she met her husband; she told me it was on Our Time. I had not considered that site, because in my mind it was for old folks. Even though I was over fifty, I looked and felt younger than that. Well, I ended up creating a profile and I set my screener to an age limit that my logical mind thought was a good guideline. When Brent ed me, I saw that he was two years older than the limit I had believed was acceptable. It was nothing more than an intuitive thought—coupled with a specific date that was important to me—that got me to respond. My logical mind was saying no, but there was some other part of me screaming to take a chance. Needless to say, I’m glad I ignored my logical thought in this case. That single action changed nearly every part of my life over the next two years, for the better. Whatever your goal is, you need to take actions toward it. For me this was one of the key missing pieces when I read The Secret. It’s not that the book failed to mention taking action; it just wasn’t done in a powerful enough way for me to really get it. So if you think you can get clear about what you desire, know it is possible and keep your focus on it without changing your behaviors. I wish you luck. I reading (sorry I can’t recall where) that you need to decide what you are going to give up to make your dreams happen. Like a two-year-old throwing a tantrum, many of us insist that we don’t want to give up anything, and we just want more. If this hit an emotional cord with you, as it did with me, pray for guidance on how to be more open to possibilities. that your subconscious mind is trying to hold onto the familiar. Thinking and behaving the same way that brought you to this point will be counterproductive if you are trying to change your life. It may be the idea of giving something up, so I would ask you: are you willing to give up mediocrity or good to achieve something great? Are you willing to trade security for the unknown? Your old ways of thinking landed you where you are today. Is it possible that some of those old thoughts may not be beneficial at this juncture of your life? Just as you may have decided to give up some habits and beliefs that weren’t benefiting you, you also need to look at the level of action or inaction you are taking toward your goals.

If this creates frustration or fear, take it easy on yourself. Look at what it is you desire, and take baby steps toward it. If each day you could take one action that moves you closer to your goal, then celebrate! You are on your way. Our thoughts are powerful, and thoughts turn into things, but a little action in the right direction brings about change quicker. My grandmother used to say to me that God helps those who help themselves. Maybe that will ring true to you. You don’t have to know every action that must be taken to reach your goal. You just have to start with the first few in the right direction. As you progress, the next steps will come to you, just like those road signs that let you know you are headed toward your destination.

Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has plenty, not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some. —Charles Dickens

Have you noticed in your own life that when you compliment someone or say a sincere thank you, that you feel better yourself? Not to mention how the other person feels as the receiver. It is a win-win situation. Now how do you feel when someone is critical of you? Do your feelings get hurt or does it make you angry? These emotions are easy for anyone to understand, because we’ve all had these experiences in our lives. What I’d like to call to your attention is what happens to your vibration level in these circumstances. Surely you’ve walked into a room and felt negative energy. We have the expression you could cut the air with a knife to describe that negative energy in a room where confrontation is evident. We all have a chronic frequency that we are vibrating at. I mean chronic in the way of continual or normal versus how we think of diseases. Science has documented vibrational level in humans and someone operating chronically at love is about five hundred. Most of us don’t operate at that level most of the time, but each of us has a normal level. Think of a person who always makes you feel good about life and yourself. It is likely that person vibrates at a higher frequency than you do. When two people spend time together, both will temporarily adjust the frequency they are vibrating at to be closer to the other, unless one is significantly stronger—in which case the lower of the two will

move up. Let’s say you are spending the day with your Aunt Harriet. Although you love her, you notice that she is continually complaining about her health and how your cousins don’t visit her much. If Aunt Harriet is vibrating at about two hundred and your normal is three hundred, after some time with her, you may notice that you aren’t feeling as good as you did when the visit began. Maybe you are saying to yourself that you can’t wait to leave. Once the visit is over, it will take you a little time to recover and start feeling normal. Maybe you will listen to your favorite music or call someone you love (who’s upbeat). We all recognize that some people make us feel better than others. I just want you to understand the energy side of why. If you want to experience more joy, love, and happiness in your life, you will need to raise your vibration to attract those things and relationships that will bring you what you desire. The universe is going to bring you things that are in alignment with the frequency that you are emitting. We’ve covered changing your beliefs, but there is something else that can provide you instant—as in right now in this moment—relief. Gratitude. You simply must feel appreciation for what is in your life. I know this is difficult when it appears that things are falling apart.

Gratitude also opens your eyes to the limitless potential of the universe, while dissatisfaction closes your eyes to it. —Stephen Richards

I have a habit that when I’m greatly upset about something, I go for a drive. If the action of driving back roads doesn’t clear my head, I will call a friend. Not too long ago, I was extremely upset about a situation with my husband, and his response to my frustration was unacceptable, to say the least. I grabbed my purse and went driving for nearly an hour. During this time I called my friend, Kim. Kim and I have been friends for forty-seven years, so it would be accurate to say that nobody knows me better. Kim didn’t answer, so I left an “I need to vent” message. When Kim called me back, she listened and then she made a statement that immediately got my head out of my ass. She said, “Christie, you want the life you have without some of the complications. Understandable. However you

have your husband. Mine died.” Whoa. Suddenly I was feeling pretty petty. To change my attitude, I just needed to be reminded to be thankful for what I did have. The way to increase your abundance in any area of your life is to be grateful for what does exist in your life. Count your blessings. I understand this can be difficult at times. If the money in your bank isn’t enough to pay all the bills, can you be thankful you can pay the mortgage? If you have a car accident, can you be thankful that nobody was severely injured? If you have a bad performance review at work, can you be thankful you have another opportunity to improve? Or if you have a fight with your spouse, can you be thankful that he or she is still alive? Sometimes it just takes a reminder that not only is life not so bad, but it is actually good. In an earlier chapter we talked about labeling and how we decide if something is good or bad. What has occurred isn’t either until you decide how to react to it. You have the ability to change your thoughts. It is a choice. I’m not saying that there aren’t things that happen that immediately produce a negative feeling because of our beliefs. There are, and you are justified in whatever you are feeling. Acknowledge how you feel about the situation, and then change the direction of your thinking (unless you want to feel bad). Find something to be grateful for. If you can’t do that regarding the current situation you are dealing with, then think of something else you are thankful for. When I am unable to change my mind about a situation, I will often focus on my children. They always make me smile and bring me joy. If you are willing to do a little work in preparation for those times when you need to improve your outlook—thus improving your vibration in that moment— here are some ideas for you. Make a gratitude journal, simply a list of all the wonderful people and things in your life that you are thankful for. If you want your list to be more powerful, start each item with: I’m so blessed that or I’m grateful for or Thank you for … Then, as you reread what you wrote, feel the emotions that go with that gratitude, that love you have for that person or thing. Your emotions are what give the items on your list power. If you are a more visual person, try making a small photo album or scrapbook filled with pictures of those people, places, and things that you love. Who doesn’t feel better when they look at pictures of their children, grandchildren, pets, or favorite vacation location? All of us need reminders of how wonderful life truly is.

You were meant to be happy. You came here to create and experience life. When you are in alignment with your true self, you know it because you feel better than you do when you aren’t in alignment with yourself. You are worthy and deserving of all good things. If you are having difficulty believing that, try doing some of the things in this chapter and see for yourself that it makes a positive difference in your life and how you feel.

Gratitude is a currency that we can mint for ourselves, and spend without fear of bankruptcy. —Fred DeWitt Van Amburgh

CHAPTER 8

The Oneness

All minds are ed. Whatever thoughts we hold toward others we are holding about ourselves as well. —Marianne Williamson

I believe the most devastating feeling that we experience in this human body is that of being alone. The sadness of not feeling connected to other people or not feeling that anyone cares—let alone loves us—leads to desperate actions or total seclusion from life. Whether we it it or not, we are wired to be part of something greater than ourselves, because we are part of something greater— that energy of life, that light from whence we came, or that God source energy. It doesn’t matter what you call it. The fact is we are all connected by an energy that seems beyond explanation. The feeling of being separated is the reason for the high rate of teen suicide in America. We live in a time that real human interaction isn’t required to live. You can go to school, work, and have relationships online. It doesn’t matter how many friends you have on Facebook or how many people follow you on Twitter, you can still feel alone if you don’t have relationships in the real world. Those little hug symbols don’t compare to the real thing of someone’s arms wrapped around you. My heart aches when I hear about a suicide because I have an intimate knowledge of the feelings that brought that person to make the decision to take his or her life. For most who know me, this would be a shocking revelation. It was 1980. I lived alone, a couple of hours drive from where I grew up, and I had a partial ownership in a business. On the outside I appeared to have my life together, but that was so far from the truth. I felt empty inside and attempted to

fill that emptiness with alcohol and multiple sexual relationships. Okay, I’ll it that there are some pretty funny stories that came out of my behavior, but that isn’t the point. I felt completely alone, and when a traumatic incident occurred that I didn’t have the ability to deal with, I knew I had to reach out to my family. I drove three hours to go to my mother’s house. When I got there, nobody was home. This was before the days of cell phones, so if you didn’t know where someone was, you couldn’t get ahold of him or her. I drove to my best friend’s house, which was forty-five minutes away. Not home. My eyes filled with tears. I headed back home, driving west on I-96. There’s a point in the road where the highway curves to the right and the median is filled with large trees. I knew that if I just didn’t make the curve I would drive straight into those trees, and at seventy miles per hour, I would die. I could end the loneliness. I could end the sadness. The emptiness I felt inside would be no more. I asking myself who the hell would care anyway. As I reached the point on the highway where my tires were crossing the painted line, I heard a voice in my head saying, “I would care.” It was the voice of a friend, Ryan, who I hadn’t spoken with in awhile, even though there was a time when we were quite close. I turned the steering wheel, stayed on the road, and continued on my way home. I’m sure the drivers behind me thought I was falling asleep at that wheel. In some ways they would have been correct because that was a wake-up call for me. I was not alone. Our desire to be loved supersedes all else. Could it be that our true self is pure love, pure positive energy, and the desire to be loved is simply to be in full alignment with ourselves and who we really are? We have so much in common with each other, yet we spend most of our lives feeling separate from each other. Do you know a single person who does not want to be accepted for who they are? Whether you wear a suit to work or color your hair bright pink, there is some group that you want to be accepted by. Everyone wants to be appreciated for who they are—not what they do or what they say, but who they really are at the core of their being.

There’s only one of us here: What we give to others, we give to ourselves. What we withhold from others, we withhold from ourselves. In any moment, when we choose fear instead of love, we deny ourselves the experience of Paradise. —Marianne Williamson

We experience separation in many ways during our lives. Whether it is race, religion, income level, culture, or even the country we are born in, we are inundated with why we are separate from each other. Unfortunately, at a very young age many children are taught that they are different from other people. That early programming is tough to undo, as you discovered earlier when you identified beliefs that no longer benefit you. The perpetuation of the notion that we are separate from one another—or worse, that we are better than some other group—is the catalyst for many of the challenges we face. In every American city, there are gangs that engage in criminal activities causing fear to those who live or work in the vicinity of their strongholds. I’ve heard arguments that the increase in gang activity during the past quarter century is a result of fatherless homes. I would propose that it is more about youths looking for connections, someplace to belong and having no idea that they are part of the whole, as in the whole human race. The lack of respect for other people, giving their life no value, is a result of feeling separated. On a global scale, we have terrorist organizations that operate the same as gangs. They provide a purpose, a place of belonging, and they reinforce the belief that they are superior by killing all that oppose them. We human beings are all made of the same energy, and although there are individual characteristics such as skin color, shoe size, or music preferences, we all live by the same universal laws. Have you ever met a human being who did not need oxygen, water, or food? Imagine if we were encouraged to celebrate differences instead of being focused on how another is not like us. Your true self understands this. When you feel bad about another person, it is because you are out of alignment with who you truly are, a soul connected to all. Can you imagine how boring it would be if all of us looked the same, had the same preferences, and thought about every subject the same way? Where’s the growth in that type of environment? You came here to experience life in all of its variations and glory.

A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.

—Jesus Christ

We live in a universe that gives us exactly what we focus on. How wonderful is that? Whatever topic we put our attention on, have strong feelings for, and continue to focus on, comes to . Now, ittedly, most of us are focusing on what we don’t want, but we’ve already covered that. My point here is that this law of attraction works the same for every human being. It doesn’t matter what religion you practice, how much money you make, or the color of your skin. The other day I caught myself saying, “Life isn’t fair” as an automatic response in a conversation. I immediately stopped and reversed that. I’d grown up hearing that stupid statement, and it apparently is just part of those habitual responses I haven’t completely eliminated. Life is fair! The energy of the universe treats all of us the same. It responds to what we put out there, and like a boomerang it comes back to us. Thinking about the oneness or how we are connected to every person on earth can feel a bit overwhelming, but there are circumstances in our lives that help us to . We experience the same or very similar emotions to anyone going through the same experience. Empathy, understanding of another’s feelings, allows us to also understand that person. It gives us a common point with which to connect. If you are over thirty, I bet you can exactly where you were on Tuesday, September 11, 2001 when you heard about or saw the twin towers in New York collapse. With the exception of terrorists, people around the world experienced the same feelings: disbelief, outrage, grief, and comion. Americans were united; we were one people, and all of the petty stuff was temporarily forgotten. It didn’t matter if you were upset with your spouse or your children the night before, because that day you were thankful you still had them. It didn’t matter if you were late paying a bill, because on that day money wasn’t important. The only thing that did matter was the people you love being safe. All of us had heavy hearts for those who suffered the loss of a loved one. September 11 is an example of the oneness in a challenging time, but it is more than just a shared experience. When you forget about yourself and focus on others, you forget about separation. When you reach out to help or serve others, you get a glimpse of this incredible collaboration of life. You begin to see that

your contribution to the greater good brings you the feeling of connectedness that you desire deep within yourself. It is at these times of surrendering ourselves that we feel connected to the entire universe and all that is. Those happy occasions, when we share the same emotions with others, allow us to imagine a grander life. For most of us, children or grandchildren being born is an extremely happy time. If it is happening to someone you know, you can easily get in touch with those feelings of awe, joy, and an overwhelming love of wanting the best for that child. We want to share these feelings with everyone, and we want the world to be a better place. We also want to these happy times, so we take pictures and create scrapbooks so that some time in the future we can recapture those feelings.

We all need each other. —Leo Buscaglia

We are interdependent on each other, more so than any prior time in history. The way that we currently live our lives in developed countries ensures that we must rely on others, thus bringing us closer to recognizing we are one people. Think about living over a hundred years ago, and let’s just focus on transportation. You probably rode a horse or had a wagon pulled by animals. Now you drive a car, ride a bus, take a train, or use some other mode of transportation that requires fuel. Who built the car, who drilled for oil, who processed the fuel, and who worked in the store that sold you the fuel? You can claim that you are independent, but it took hundreds or thousands of other people to enable you to travel to your job. One hundred years ago it was inconceivable that we could instantly communicate with someone in another part of the world via text or email. What a wonderful time to live and grow and create, because the connections keep growing. Now that I have you thinking about all of the people in the world who impact your life, I’d like you to recognize the power you have to impact others. Everything we do sends ripples into the universe, and even though you can’t possibly know all of those who will be affected, you can acknowledge that you can make a difference with your personal contributions. Let’s say you

communicate with fifty people a day as part of your job. Whether it is in person, over the phone, in e-mail, or on social media, it isn’t difficult to communicate with that many people in a day. What can you do to make their lives better, if only for a moment? A compliment, a kind word, or simply solving a challenge for them improves that person’s day. Positive communication elicits good feelings or emotions for both parties. Those positive feelings help both of you move toward being in alignment with your true selves. If we are going to improve our lives and the situation on this planet, then we need to first be conscious of the decisions we make. We need to take responsibility for our own thoughts, spoken words, and actions. Once you understand the power that is yours, it should become intolerable to ignore what can be impacted by a small shift in your thinking. Once you have become awake, it will be difficult if not impossible to live your life as if you are asleep. In each moment, you have the luxury of making a choice of what you will think and what actions you will take. How will you know if they are the correct actions? Trust that inner guidance system, your emotions, knowing that when you feel good, you are moving into alignment with your true self. Let the state of love and joy along with a lack of separateness be your guide.

You, a person with a vision, are like a pebble in a stream, moving ever outward to infinity, impacting all who come into with the ripple. —Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

As I wrote this book I was thinking of you, the person who would find some answers to the questions these words encouraged you to ask. You deserve to be happy. You are worthy. You can gain control over your life and live deliberately. Thank you for allowing me to share in your journey.

I’d love to hear about how this book impacted you. Please connect with me at: [email protected]

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Christie Bakeman spent thirty years in management, juggling sixty-five-hour workweeks as a wife, mother, and volunteer.

A successful businessperson from a young age, she was listed as one of the ten executives to watch in 1992 by the Atlanta Business Chronicle. A lifelong journey of self-evaluation and spiritual fulfillment led to her transforming her ordinary life and creating a life filled with love and light. She is a founding partner of succeedat.life. You can connect with that community on Facebook. Christie currently lives with her family in Arizona.

NOTES AND INSPIRATIONS