If Only For Today 585t6

Table of Contents

Excerpt

Praise for Gabbi Grey and…

If Only for Today

Copyright

Dedication

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Epilogue

A word about the author…

Thank you for purchasing

Also available from The Wild Rose Press

A soft knock brought him from his brooding. He rose and answered the door. Damn, should’ve put on a shirt. Oh well, at least he was wearing shorts. Usually he slept nude. Jared was taller than he ed, even though he barely reached Xander’s shoulders. His light-brown hair was close cropped, and his blue eyes were wide. And they were staring. At Xander’s bare chest. Is he…? Nah. But maybe. “Like what you see?” Jared’s tongue darted out before a light blush settled high on his cheeks. Oh yeah, he’d been checking Xander out. “Well, uh…” Jared held a bundle against his chest like a shield. When he finally looked up to meet Xander’s gaze, the actual reason he was staring hit Xander square in the throat. “It’s no big deal.” Gruffer than he intended, but he didn’t want sympathy. Never that. Jared nodded. “I would say it looks painful, but if you say it’s no big deal, I accept that. It is, after all, none of my business.” He indicated the room. “May I come in?” Xander stood aside and let him in. And exactly how old was the guy? Older than a kid, but doubtful he’d seen thirty. Scooting inside, Jared dropped his bundle on the bed. “I’ve brought a blanket that you can put under the sheet but over the mattress. That might soften things up a bit.”

Praise for Gabbi Grey and… CATCH A TIGER BY THE TAIL: “Happy: That’s how I’m going to end this review. I was honestly so happy with these guys that I cried happy tears. THIS BOOK MADE ME FEEL GOOD! This book is going to the top of my comfort read list. I know that I’m going to reread it over and over.” ~Wendy, Rainbow Gold Reviews ~*~ “This is the first book I’ve read by this author, but I hope it won’t be the last. I really liked the writing style and sense of time and place. Recommended, particularly for those who are fans of coming-out stories and mutual second chances stories.” ~Sadonna, Love Bytes ~*~ “I’d recommend CATCH A TIGER BY THE TAIL to fans of low angst romances, especially readers who like pairings between celebs and non-celebs. If you’re looking for a quick, enjoyable read that keeps the conflict to a minimum, this is a great pick!” ~Annie, Bayou Book Junkie

If Only for Today by Gabbi Grey Deerbourne Inn

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales, is entirely coincidental. If Only for Today COPYRIGHT © 2021 by Gabbi Grey All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission of the author or The Wild Rose Press, Inc. except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews. Information: [email protected] Cover Art by Diana Carlile The Wild Rose Press, Inc. PO Box 708 Adams Basin, NY 14410-0708 Visit us at www.thewildrosepress.com Publishing History First Edition, 2021 Digital ISBN 978-1-5092-3565-0 Deerbourne Inn Published in the United States of America

Dedication To Brandon Witt for sharing your painful journey so publicly and honestly. I hope I did you proud. ** To Louise Auty & R.L. Kenderson for Mephistopheles. ** To Laurel, Ellie & Sadie for Marshmallow. ** To Aidan for Lady. ** To Wendy the Best Beta Reader. ** To the other Deerbourne Inn authors and editors for taking such good care of Jared until it was time for his story to be told. ** To Josette for keeping me on track— a better editor I couldn’t ask for. ** To Janee, Michelle, and all the other

of the Motivation and Mastermind group in The Creative Academy for Writers— this book would not exist but for your encouragement and great suggestions. ** To Donna, Ivy, Stacey, MaryAnn, and Jeanine. HEA all the way, ladies.

Chapter One Xander

Peace and quiet and open air—it was going to be torture. Xander Fortier examined the brochure from the social worker that described the quaint inn in the picturesque and charming town of Willow Springs, Vermont. He squinted at the old building in front of him. Yes, it did have charm—if one was into buildings well over two hundred years old. Of course, he’d seen buildings over a thousand years old in his travels. Despite his globe-trotting ways, he’d never made it to Vermont. None of the New England states, in fact. His trip to Mass General in Boston had been his first foray to the northeastern part of America, and now he was firmly entrenched. Quaint. Yes, Deerbourne Inn fit that description. The real question was whether he’d find the solitude he desperately craved. Right now he wanted to be left alone. Also, he worried about going stir-crazy in a town where he had yet to see a single person. He was accustomed to the bustle of the city. It being six in the morning probably didn’t help. He glimpsed two joggers rounding the corner. Okay, just masochists out at this early hour. He’d originally planned to leave Boston around this time, but after a sleepless night, he decided he might as well hit the road. He’d packed his car and made the trip in just over three hours. One hundred and fifty miles, and what a striking difference between the energy of the city and the tranquility of this bucolic town. Seeing as he made the trip in the dark, he’d missed the countryside. Oh well, he could make up for that later. Now he was tired. He could rest later. No surprise, the front door of the inn was locked. Ah, according to the brochure, the Sunnyside Café opened for business at six. His stomach clenched at the thought of food, but his body still required sustenance, so he followed the directions to the quaint diner. Was everything in this town quaint? The tinkle of bells as he entered the café assured him that, yes, he was in a small

town. Several early-morning souls swiveled their heads to see him. Slowly, one by one, they turned back to their meals. “Good morning.” The cheerful voice came from an attractive, dark-skinned woman whose name tag read Tiana. Her wide smile and bright-brown eyes warmed him from the inside in a way no cup of coffee could. Returning the smile took effort, but he managed. “And good morning to you as well. Amazing the sun is already out.” “This close to the summer solstice, the sun is a companion in the morning. Come winter and it won’t appear until around eight. Needless to say, I love this time of year.” No fault in that logic. Funny, he hadn’t noted the time of year. He probably couldn’t even the date. Was today a weekday or a weekend? His head hurt just thinking about it, so he was grateful when the lovely woman showed him to a booth. She placed a menu before him. “I own this place, so I’m supposed to say everything is delicious—which it is. But on a morning such as this, and for a big guy like yourself, I’d recommend a stack of pancakes with real Vermont maple syrup. I can add fresh strawberries and a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice. Do you want to start with coffee?” Despite his headache intensifying, his stomach rumbled. “Ma’am, that sounds delicious.” Hopefully she wouldn’t be offended if he didn’t finish it all. “I’ll bring that coffee right over. And please, call me Tiana. Ma’am reminds me of my mother. Cream? The sugar is already on the table.” “Just black.” “Somehow that doesn’t surprise me. I’ll be right back.” She bustled away, and before he could collect himself, she was back with a steaming cup of black coffee. As soon as she departed, he took his first sip. He loved nothing more than coffee, and this cup was a decent one. Pretty good, actually. Not as good as the Turkish coffee in Cairo, but darn close. Of course,

that’d been before the revolution. With the chaos there these days, who knew if such delicacies were as integral to society? He’d been green when they’d sent him to Egypt. A lifetime ago. “Here you go.” Tiana placed a heaping plate of pancakes before him, steam still rising. Three strips of bacon, strawberries accompanying the flapjacks, and a little container of maple syrup completed the picture. “I’ll be right back with your OJ.” He held up his hand to stall her. “I think this will be more than enough.” Acidic drinks didn’t sit well these days. She nodded slowly. “Well, you let me know what you think. And be honest.” She started to move away but then turned back. “And if you need to bend someone’s ear, I’m a good listener.” Without waiting for a response, she made her way to the where a patron had her wallet out. Well, didn’t that beat all. How had she known? Was it written on his face? If so, he’d have to be more careful in the future. He didn’t need anyone poking around in his business. He’d have to dig deep and pull out his hardened exterior. He’d grown soft since coming stateside. Okay, he wasn’t here for a vacation. He had work to do, and chitchatting with the locals wasn’t going to get that accomplished.

Chapter Two Jared

Jared Langford hummed as he unlocked the front door of the Deerbourne Inn. The drop box was empty, so he headed over to his desk, placing his satchel underneath. He went into the back room and flipped on the computer, then turned on the coffee machine. Nate would have coffee going in the Red Clover Café, but Jared liked to have his own pot brewing. If any guest’s nose twitched, he could direct them to Nate. The strains of “Oh, What a Beautiful Morning” played through his mind as he sat at the computer and reviewed the registrations for today. Three guests checking out and one arriving. That room had been empty last night, so it was ready. X. Fortier. The name was familiar, but Jared couldn’t place it. A former guest? Oh, maybe someone famous. That’d happened a few times in town, and although he played it cool, celebrity spotting was fun. He was switching over to “People Will Say We’re in Love” when the door opened. He exited the back room and stopped short. Holy hell. Playing it cool was going to be a bit of a challenge. This was Xander Fortier. The Xander Fortier. The photojournalist. The winner of the Prix Bayeux-Calvados two years in a row. The man who’d been shot in Syria and, if rumors were correct, had stitched himself up and kept searching for the perfect shot to show the horrors of war. That Xander Fortier. A throat clearing brought Jared back from his hero-worshipping ruminations. He indicated Mr. Fortier should approach the counter. Should he acknowledge

knowing who the man was or pretend to be ignorant? “I’m here to check in.” The deeply resonant voice hit Jared square in the chest. His fantasies occasionally featured a deep voice. The reality was so much sexier. “Of course.” Did he just stammer? Damn. “I know I’m early, but I’m hoping it might be all right—” “It’s fine.” Jared ran a hand through his hair. “Uh, the room is empty, so once I confirm your information, you’re free to go up and have a shower. Or a nap. Or whatever it is you’re going to do.” Ramble much? “A shower sounds nice. I left Boston early and could use a refresher.” “Early?” Although he knew the time, Jared checked his watch. “Like the middle of the night?” An easy shrug. “I don’t tend to respect the clock much. I go whenever the fancy takes me.” And Jared might’ve believed that if not for the twitchy eye. Something wasn’t right. Of course, that was none of his business, so he held out his hand. “Is it the credit card on file?” Xander pulled a wallet from his back pocket and within moments handed over his card. “Don’t you need to see my driver’s license as well?” It was on the tip of Jared’s tongue to say he already knew who Xander was, but he caught himself. “Yes, Mr. Fortier, of course.” “Call me Xander.” His hazel eyes had little flecks of gold, visible in the morning light. A man could get lost in those eyes. Or a woman, Jared supposed. Focus. He verified the credit card number against the printout from the system. “What’s your license plate? Not that we’ve ever towed someone, but we like to keep it for our records.” Xander rattled off the combination of letters and numbers, followed by

“Virginia.” To Jared’s raised eyebrow, he offered, “I live near where I work. When I’m around, anyway.” Hah. The first chink in the armor. Should I pounce now or let him open up to me bit by bit? “How long will you be staying?” “My reservation’s for a week, right?” Before Jared could respond, he continued. “That should be enough time. Maybe another one or two beyond that, but I’ll let you know. I may go back to Boston once or twice, but I’ll mostly be hanging out in my room.” His room? Well, that wouldn’t do. “Sounds dull to just hang around in your room. There’s a music concert with all the local students tomorrow night. Would you like to come?” One perfect eyebrow arched. “A music concert? With students?” The disdain wasn’t masked well. Right, the man probably attended concerts all around the world. “Well, we have a violinist from New York playing a solo, and one teacher is from a rock band. We’re not as pedestrian as you might think.” Defensive much? “Let me think about it.” Which wasn’t an outright no but wasn’t an enthusiastic yes either. Jared returned the credit card and placed a piece of paper on the counter. “If you could sign here.” Xander’s signature was closer to chicken scratch, but it matched the license. Good enough. Jared pulled a key from the desk drawer. “Room three-oh-nine. If you need anything, just call or come down. I’m here from dawn till dusk—as the expression goes.” Holding the key aloft, the man scowled. “I haven’t used a key since Juba.” He palmed it. “Not much for security.” South Sudan, eh? The man probably thought Jared didn’t understand what he

was talking about. A little too condescending. “We don’t have a lot of crime in Willow Springs. In fact, Sheriff Burke spends more time writing parking tickets than hunting down wanted criminals.” “Can never be too careful.” Xander muttered the words as he hefted his rucksack over his shoulder and picked up his laptop case. He pointed to the stairs. “Up there?” “Yes.” Jared smiled, but the tall man’s back was already turned as he headed up the staircase. Despite his tall stature—the guy was well over six feet—his shoulders were rounded. A hesitancy Jared wouldn’t have anticipated marred his gait. That black hair was overlong, hanging down to his shoulders, but it was limp. Xander appeared almost wilted. Perhaps because of his early start. Or maybe the guy was just exhausted. **** Call me Xander. The enigmatic photojournalist’s words still resonated in Jared’s mind. The other guests had all checked out, and Liz was cleaning the rooms, so he had time on his hands. The other inn residents were all out and about in Willow Springs, enjoying the beautiful weather. Jared had consumed his coffee while taking a break to sit on the porch, but now he was back at the computer googling Xander. Was he looking for nuggets or just being nosy? Perhaps it was mostly curiosity. Why was the man in Willow Springs? What were his plans? And, most importantly, how was Jared going to catch Xander’s attention? The offer of the music recital hadn’t gone over well, but it also hadn’t been a flat rejection. Did that leave a bit of room? Try again? Xander didn’t have a personal website. That was curious. Surely a place to collect all his photographs would make sense. A Washington, DC, newspaper’s website had a biography page. As Jared made his way through the stories and photographs, they showed the man spent little time in the States. Xander seemed

to be at every hot spot, war, or even just a minor conflict. He’d been to Syria repeatedly over the past eight years, even before the formal civil war began. Nigeria, Ukraine, Libya, Iraq, Bangladesh… Jared’s head spun. Although his own preference was nature photography, he stayed current with all the major prizes. If memory served…yep, Xander had bagged a Pulitzer a few years back as well. A child soldier in Niger holding a gun almost as big as himself. The hollowness in the boy’s eyes was chilling. The deprivation and poverty were clear in the ratty clothes. Man, Xander had talent in spades. Wait. Where was his camera equipment? Sure, it might still be stowed in the car, but Xander’d been very safety conscious. If he had a camera in his rucksack, it wasn’t being treated well. If Jared had a choice, his camera would be permanently attached to him. Since that wasn’t possible, he kept his cell phone close. Instead of all the bells and whistles, he had chosen it for the best resolution he could find. Some of his candid shots managed to look professional. Still, nothing like holding an SLR and making the manual adjustments to take the perfect shot. And although editing software these days was amazing, he missed spending time in the darkroom, as he had with his grandfather when he was little. Before the man had died. Before Cora had gotten sick. Before life had gone to— Nope. Not going to go there. Happy thoughts only. Humming a decidedly upbeat tune, he scrolled down the archived list of Xander’s stories. Iraq again. Afghanistan. Turkey, Madagascar, South Sudan. More recently Yemen. A hand on his shoulder had him nearly shooting out of his chair. His boss’ chuckle brought him back into the present. “Are you feeling pretty?” “I might’ve been.” Jared’s propensity to hum show tunes under his breath wasn’t something most people knew about. His boss? Yeah, the Deerbourne Inn had few

secrets. Except maybe the ghost on the third floor. But that was a whole different story. Whoops, Nate was gazing at the screen. The image of a dead body was stark in black and white. Quickly shutting down the page, he put on his best smile. “What can I do for you?” “I was going to check when our supplies were due to arrive. Liz said we’re running low on liquid soap. We can buy some from Brady’s.” “No need.” Jared clicked on another screen, typed a few words, and the order popped up. “Delivery is due within the hour.” He minimized the screen so his background appeared—a photo of Sugar Bush Mountain that he’d snapped in the forest last winter. He regularly swapped out pics to keep his work close to his heart. “I’ll put away the supplies when they arrive.” Nate clapped him on the back. “I figured you were on top of things.” Figuratively, if not literally. “We’re in good shape, boss. School will be out soon, and our bookings for the summer look amazing. We’re full most weekends and busy many weekdays as well.” “That’s good news. And I like good news.” Doesn’t everyone? Gesturing to his desk, Nate headed that way. He pivoted back. Jared held his breath. “Not that it matters, but why were you looking at those photographs? This is me being curious, not your boss.” Nate waved his hand. “You know I’m not a stickler.” Jared did and had always been grateful for his boss’ easygoing nature. It matched Jared’s temperament. So…tell the truth and reveal Xander’s identity, or leave things the way they were

and pretend ignorance? Jared was good at keeping secrets close to his chest. “I blanked for a moment over who won the Pulitzer for photojournalism this year. I went looking, and that took me down a rabbit hole of skimming through photos. Sorry, I got caught up.” Nate’s smile was genuine, little lines crinkling around his eyes. “I’ve been known to go on an adventure or two myself. The internet can be addictive.” Jared was curious but wouldn’t push. The other man would share, or he wouldn’t. “I found a great recipe for spinach and gouda-stuffed pork cutlets, but I wasn’t sure about one ingredient, so before I tried it, I wanted to see what other chefs had to say. An hour later I was still skimming through all the advice and controversy.” “Over one ingredient?” Jared was baffled. “Oh, no. That debate was solved easily. No, there were several discussion forums about Roquefort cheese and whether it should still be banned in the States. You know I had to weigh in.” Okay, that he could see. His boss was ionate about food. “Well, I’ll be doing some paperwork. Like I said, let me know if you need a hand with the order.” Jared acknowledged the offer with a wave and exited the office, closing the door. Rare were the times his boss closed his door, but sometimes it was nice to take a break. Just like you were doing before you got caught. You’re lucky you have such a great boss. Humming about defying gravity, he waited for the order to arrive.

Chapter Three Xander

The pillow was too soft. The mattress was too hard. The sheets were…well, the sheets were just right, but that didn’t negate the other problems. Also, the drapes didn’t close completely, and sunshine spilled into the room. Xander longed for his blackout blinds. Could he ask for some to be installed in this room? God, he sounded like the diva he’d always sworn he’d never become. He’d camped out in Ukraine, lived rough in Afghanistan, slept on the streets in Mosul. A bit of sunlight wasn’t going to kill him. But the pillow might. It didn’t hold its shape and had no . If he’d only thrown his orthopedic pillow into his car before his hasty journey from Virginia to Boston, he wouldn’t be in this predicament now. And what was his precise predicament? Unable to sleep despite exhaustion. Wired despite being tired. Grouchy despite being… Yeah, nothing for that one. He was in a grouchy mood and couldn’t do anything about it. Except maybe he could. He rolled over, took a moment to orient himself, then dialed reception. “Front desk, this is Jared. How may I help you?” Could you be any more cheerful? Better not ask the question because Little Mister Sunshine probably could. Well, Xander was about to rain on the parade. “The pillow is too soft. And the blinds don’t close properly. And the mattress is too hard.” A pause. Okay, maybe he’d been too gruff. “I may be able to solve all of those problems, Mr. Fortier. Give me a few

minutes, and I’ll be up.” Before Xander could remind him to use his first name, the line disconnected. Well, it served Xander right. He’d been downright rude. He’d displayed none of his usual fortitude and cordiality. And now he had to wait. Again, something he usually did with aplomb, but these days his patience was in short supply. Time. He needed more time. A soft knock brought him from his brooding. He rose and answered the door. Damn, should’ve put on a shirt. Oh well, at least he was wearing shorts. Usually he slept nude. Jared was taller than he ed, even though he barely reached Xander’s shoulders. His light-brown hair was close cropped, and his blue eyes were wide. And they were staring. At Xander’s bare chest. Is he…? Nah. But maybe. “Like what you see?” Jared’s tongue darted out before a light blush settled high on his cheeks. Oh yeah, he’d been checking Xander out. “Well, uh…” Jared held a bundle against his chest like a shield. When he finally looked up to meet Xander’s gaze, the actual reason he was staring hit Xander square in the throat. “It’s no big deal.” Gruffer than he intended, but he didn’t want sympathy. Never that. Jared nodded. “I would say it looks painful, but if you say it’s no big deal, I accept that. It is, after all, none of my business.” He indicated the room. “May I come in?”

Xander stood aside and let him in. And exactly how old was the guy? Older than a kid, but doubtful he’d seen thirty. Scooting inside, Jared dropped his bundle on the bed. “I’ve brought a blanket that you can put under the sheet but over the mattress. That might soften things up a bit.” He put the blanket aside and indicated a pillow. “We keep a couple of very hard pillows in stock, but we don’t pull them out unless requested. It’s not much softer than a rock, but I suspect that won’t bother you.” “What?” His eyes widened. “Sorry, nothing.” He pulled several clips from his pocket. “I’ll secure these to the drapes. That should keep out the light for today. Tomorrow I can move you to a northern-facing room. That way there won’t be any direct sunlight.” “This is fine. I… Thank you. For everything.” Gratitude hurt more than it should. He hadn’t meant to complain. He just needed a way to express his frustration, and this clerk had borne the brunt of it. Said man grinned, despite there being little light in the room to illuminate him. “Part of the service. We want our guests to be happy, and if it’s in our power to fix something, we’ll gladly do it.” He waved his hand, encoming the room. “This is nothing. We had a woman who swore she saw a ghost. Or the guy who was convinced a bat was hiding in his room.” In comparison, Xander’s requests didn’t seem unreasonable or demanding. But his demand for assistance had been unnecessarily rude. “Well, look, thank you.” He reached for his pockets. Whoops, his wallet was in the back pocket of the jeans at the bottom of a pile of clothes he’d dropped unceremoniously. A quick glance around revealed the mess he’d made in the scant few hours he’d been here. So unlike him. Usually he was regimented in hotels as he needed to be ready to go at a moment’s notice. Guess I am settling in for the long haul. Jared held up a hand. “I’ll leave you to get settled in. The Red Clover Café serves dinner tonight from six to ten, but it’s by reservation only.” “It’s part of the inn?”

“Yes. The owner of the inn, Nathan Harte, is a chef. His cuisine is well loved in this town. They’re usually full, but I could probably get you a table.” Was the kid just being nice, or was he fishing? Not a kid. No, likely early to midtwenties. Why was Xander so obsessed with knowing the guy’s age? Not like they were going to get to know each other better. “Will you have dinner with me?” Holy hell. “I mean, you might have somewhere else to be. Or, you know, someone else to be with. Like a girlfriend or a wife or…whatever.” Even in the darkness, Jared’s blue eyes sparkled. “It would be a boyfriend—if I had one. And since I don’t, I’d love to have dinner with you.” “It’s not like a date or anything.” Crap, did I just say that? He was losing it. Pure and simple. “What is it like, then? Two guys hanging out? Two men getting to know each other better?” Nothing lecherous showed in the clerk’s expression, but the question was clear. Might as well lay his cards on the table. “I’m gay too.” Something in Jared’s expression told Xander this wasn’t news to him. Since Xander didn’t wear a rainbow flag or something so obvious, was Jared picking up on something more subtle? Something barely there but present nonetheless? Like his attraction to the younger man? Jared might not have any particular tells, but Xander’d known. Having it confirmed was reassuring. Uh, should he…? “I’ll meet you in the lobby at six. I promise the food will be worth it.” With a tip of his nonexistent hat, Jared headed out the door. Xander wanted to respond, but his mind was still fuddled. Okay, so dinner. A whole seven hours to go. As much as his laptop demanded his

attention, the bed with the newly arrived hard pillow called like a siren’s song. He removed the bottom sheet, laid out the blanket, and then resecured the sheet. He punched the pillow a few times, discovering it was, in fact, rock hard. Just the way he liked it. The drapes were clipped, so little light filtered in. Perfect. Climbing into bed, he said a quick thanks for competent staff and, within moments of his head hitting the rigid pillow, was out.

Chapter Four Jared

Okay, so he was nervous. After his shift, Jared had gone home to shower and change, racing back so he’d be ready on time. He took another quick glance at the clock in the great room. Three minutes after six. One minute later than the last time he’d looked. He replayed the conversation with Xander in his mind. Had the other man actually agreed to dinner, or had Jared just railroaded his way through the conversation? Was this a date? Just because two men who were gay had dinner plans didn’t mean it was an actual date. What if it was a date? What if Xander had taken his bold ission as an invitation to dinner and—? “Sorry I’m late.” He spun to find the man in question standing a mere foot away. Sheesh, the guy was silent. The old floorboards creaked, so either Xander was light on his feet, or Jared had been more in his head than he realized. “Not late.” Xander pointed to the clock. “Well, four minutes is still late. I make it a point to be at least five minutes early so I can keep my on their toes. Time got away from me.” ? What an odd way to refer to someone. Although if he’d said date or companion, Jared might’ve panicked, so yeah, was logical. Probably a holdover from his work. “Well, I’m on my toes, so to speak. You ready for some Vermont cuisine?” “There is such a thing?” Holding his hand over his heart, Jared feigned hurt. “You wound me. Vermont has many specialties. I believe Nate is preparing something special for tonight.” Xander glanced down at his navy T-shirt and dark-blue jeans that’d seen better days. Army boots, scuffed at the toes, completed the ensemble. “I’m not exactly

dressed for something fancy.” Jared grasped the larger man by the shoulders, spinning him in the café’s direction. Xander was obviously game because no way could Jared have moved the man on his own. Solid muscle. Impressive. And sexy as all hell. “Some patrons might be gussied up, but Nate doesn’t stand on ceremony. More than one wayward straggler has appeared at the inn’s doorstep and been allowed into the café.” “You consider me a wayward straggler?” I consider you a lot of things. “Let’s just say you’re fine the way you are.” More than fine. Way more. “I’ll take your word for it.” Xander didn’t sound convinced, but he also didn’t object when Jared laced an arm through his and directed them to the entrance of the café. No one was at the maître d’ stand, but Jared didn’t worry. He guided Xander to the table with the best view. The one with a discreet reserved sign with gold lettering. The best table in the house. Being on good with the boss definitely provided some perks. Both men hesitated for a moment. Jared smiled. Okay, so Xander was considerate. Beneath the gruff exterior lay the heart of a gentleman. Since he’d been known to hold out a chair or two for a date, Jared also pondered the situation. Finally, at length, the other man took his seat. With a sigh of relief, Jared took his. The menus were on the table, but Xander didn’t touch his. Jared cocked his head. “I put myself in your hands tonight. You know the local cuisine, so you pick.” Okeydoke. “Do you prefer wine or beer?” Something ed in Xander’s expression. “I’m just going to have soda.” He hastily added, “But you have whatever you like.” Was Xander a recovering alcoholic? Way too personal a question to ask. Nothing

wrong with not drinking, especially if he was driving. Or— “I’m on meds right now. They don’t react well to booze, so it’s better that I not have any.” Jared would have never presumed or commented. Flashing back to the nasty bruising he’d seen down Xander’s side, he was hardly surprised. Those marks had appeared painful, but the other man had brushed them off as nothing. Well, maybe nothing had been an overstatement. “I’ll have a soda as well.” “You don’t have to—” “I know.” He was quick to reassure. “But I enjoy soda about as much as wine. Don’t indulge in either often. It’s all about hydration, and that means water.” Okay, this was about as banal as it got. He wanted to be witty and urbane. To impress the handsome man sitting across from him. When Nate approached, Jared sat straighter. “Gentlemen, so nice to have you us this evening.” “I’ve heard splendid things about your cooking, Mr. Harte.” Nate cocked an eyebrow. “My employee might be biased.” In that moment, the whole evening took on a new tenor. As a member of the staff, Jared wasn’t supposed to get involved with a guest. Specific written rules didn’t exist, but the general understanding did. As if sensing Jared’s momentary panic, Nate offered a reassuring smile. “Jared’s a hard worker who doesn’t get out as often as he should. I’m glad you convinced him to you.” That sounded marginally better, right? He was just keeping a guest company. No breaking of unspoken rules there. “Do you gentlemen know what you’re going to order?”

Xander gestured to Jared. Okay, I can do this. “I’ll have a bison burger while Mr. Fortier will try the venison.” Handing over the menu, Jared met his boss’ gaze. “And two sodas.” If Nate thought that was odd, he said nothing. In fact, having soda made tonight less like a date. Just two guys shooting the— “I’ll bring the sodas right away and then make the perfect meals for you. Have to keep the customers happy.” With a grin, Nate departed. “Why are you nervous all of a sudden?” Okay, not so good at hiding things. Though Jared never had been, so why he thought he could start now was a mystery. “I’ve never come here before with…” “A date?” “Well, but we agreed this wasn’t a date?” “Oh, did we? I don’t specifics being discussed.” Xander fingered his cloth napkin. “Look, I’m not here to get you in trouble. I assume there is a nofraternization policy of some kind?” Jared nodded. “Of some kind. It’s never been explicit but kind of understood. I mean, we don’t have tons of staff anyway, and it’s never come up.” “So assure your boss tomorrow you were just keeping an out-of-towner company. Or I can say something.” “No.” Jared was quick to reply. “You don’t need to say anything.” Although the disappointment at hearing this wasn’t a date stung more than it should. Xander laid the napkin across his lap. “What do you do when you’re not holding down the fort around here?” Jared didn’t consider his job as holding down any fort, but sometimes he was instrumental to the smooth running of the inn. “I enjoy nature and landscape photography. Nothing like your photos, though.”

Drat. Did he just say that out loud? His guest’s expression of amusement brought some relief. Not much, though. “I wondered if you knew.” “What gave me away?” Xander reached for Jared’s hand resting on the table, only pulling back at the last moment. “You’re very expressive, as I’m sure you know. You hide nothing. I like that. I’m tired of artifice and people hiding their genuine feelings. My best work is when people are at their most vulnerable. When they’re raw.” Jared cocked his head. “Isn’t that taking advantage?” The other man glanced out the window. The sun had lowered to below the trees, but the light still shimmered. It illuminated Xander’s face but also hid part of his profile in shadow. When he turned back, the expression was nothing short of haunted. “I suppose you could say that, if you were so inclined.” Before Jared could respond, he continued. “I take two kinds of photographs. The first are the spontaneous, heat-of-themoment shots. In the midst of a battle or the immediate aftermath. The photos capturing the urgency and danger of the moment. “The second are the more intimate shots. Showing the toll human suffering takes. Laying bare people’s souls. Sometimes I have permission, and sometimes obtaining it is impossible. Many of those people want their pictures taken because they want the world to see their plight. To see the suffering wrought by conflict. To see the injustice and the depravity. Man’s inhumanity to man, if you want.” Talk about raw. “Your work is amazing.” No point in hiding his awe. “My work is necessary.” Jared hesitated before nodding. “Doesn’t say much for the state of the world,

does it?” Xander swiped his hand as if swatting a fly. As if trying to push a memory away. “I’m a downer tonight. Sorry about that. You didn’t ask me here to opine about the state of geopolitics.” “Maybe I did.” Jared met the raised eyebrow with a quick grin. “I knew who you were, so I was prepared for any range of topics. Truth be told, things are a little boring in Willow Springs. I don’t mind excitement now and then. Not at the expense of your enjoyment of the evening. If you want to talk about something else, that’s fine by me.” “Then let’s talk about you.” Should’ve seen that coming. “There’s not much to see. Not much to tell. I’m twenty-seven years old. I’m a clerk at an inn that is frequented by fascinating tourists. I live vicariously through them. I don’t travel except to go to New York occasionally, and my life is pretty boring. But I’m happy—that counts for a lot.” “I can see you’re happy. You’re incandescent when you talk about Willow Springs and the Deerbourne Inn.” Incandescent? Huh. He’d never thought of himself that way. Happy? Well, yes, of course. He had a steady job, a great boss, a bunch of friends, and a neverending rotation of guests. But was that enough? He’d always thought it was. Now he wondered. “Okay, so something just triggered an unhappy thought. What was it?” Xander leaned forward, eagerness in his expression. “Nothing.” Liar. “I was thinking about how lucky I am. Not everyone has everything they could ask for.” “But do you?” The man’s brow quirked. “A few trips to New York? Never leaving this town?” “I have everything I could ask for here.” Liar. Xander looked ready to argue, but Nate arrived with their food. Their heavenly smelling food. His eyes shone when he offered his thanks.

Nate, accustomed to gratitude and praise, beamed. “You haven’t even tasted it.” “And yet I suspect it will be amazing. Jared sings your praises.” Said employee squirmed under his boss’ scrutiny. Wasn’t it natural to say something positive? To encourage guests to try the genuine Vermont cuisine? Nate squeezing his shoulder assured him it was. The chef gave a slight bow and headed back to the kitchen. Phew. As Xander took his first bite of venison, Jared bit into his burger. As always, the meat was savory, the taste delicious. For a few minutes they ate in companionable silence. Oh, Jared would glance at his guest whenever he could get away with it. The man’s presence demanded attention, and yet he was humble. A master photographer who saw his work as important, but not his part of it. “You going to ask a question or just keep staring?” Busted. “Sorry. Just…well, you know. You’re Xander Fortier.” “That’s the name my parents gave me.” “They must be so proud of you.” Xander’s expression darkened before he tried for a smile. A smile that faltered. “I think my mom might’ve been, but she took off when I was young. My father…” He speared an asparagus but didn’t eat it. “He didn’t take well to having a son who was gay. Booted me out when I turned eighteen. Fortunately, I had a full scholarship to NYU. I got a part-time job as a photographer’s assistant to help pay for expenses and poured everything I had into doing well at college. Graduated near the top of my class, and I was certain of what my profession would be. I’d been loyal to my boss, and as a graduation present, he bought me my first real camera. I was freelancing in New York when I happened to get some good footage of a protest turned violent. My work caught the attention of someone down in Washington, and they offered me a job. Instead of staying in New York, though, I pushed for overseas assignments.

“The higher-ups were skeptical, but I was young and ambitious. They told me not to get killed and sent me off to Egypt where it looked like some sh—sorry, stuff—might be going down. I was in Tahrir Square when the revolution took place, and those shots got picked up, not just by my paper, but by the AP. From then on, I was golden, able to write my own ticket.” Burger long forgotten, Jared tilted his head. “That must’ve been amazing. Oh, and you can swear with me. No biggie.” Biggie? Seriously? What are you, like, ten? “Maybe, but I like to keep my language clean when I’m stateside. Well, not at work, but at other places, you know. I want to come across as classy.” “They say people who swear have a larger vocabulary and are more intelligent than people who don’t.” Xander grinned. “I read that study. Not sure I believe it, but whatever.” This time he popped the asparagus into his mouth. Jared would do anything to see that smile again. Something darker always lurked just below the surface with his companion. Something indefinable. He wanted to take away that pain—whether physical or emotional. What was Xander hiding? Oh, the bruises on his side were an indication that something bad had happened. A fight? That was the usual cause of those purple, green, and yellowish splotches. Xander had been embarrassed, but that was hardly surprising. Even if he’d come out of the fight as victor, his opponent had gotten in a few licks. And if he’d lost? Nah, couldn’t see it. This man had the stance of a fighter. He looked like someone ready to pounce. And why was Jared hoping Xander’d pounce on him? “I would ask if you enjoyed your food, but I think the almost-empty plates are a clue.” Nate’s appearance startled Jared as he’d been so engrossed in his contemplation of the man across from him. “You are a talented chef.” Xander’s answer came smoothly, quicker than anything Jared could say.

“And, if you’ll indulge me, I’ll bring your dessert in a few minutes. Would you like a refill of your drinks?” Both men shook their heads as Nate removed their plates. He headed back to the kitchen, leaving silence in his wake. “I’m glad you weren’t a vegetarian or vegan.” Okay, lame. Xander cocked his head. “Oh, I understand the principles behind those choices. Might’ve even considered them a time or two. Truth is there were times I had to eat what was put in front of me or what I could forage. Principles are nice, but with a hungry belly, you’ll eat just about anything.” Another thing Jared hadn’t considered. So many variables. So many possibilities. He wanted to hear them all. To know what it was like to get out into the world— to not be confined to one small town in Vermont with the occasional trips to the Big Apple. “I love being out there. I’ve been doing it for more than ten years, and I can’t imagine doing anything else.” That shadow was back. Darker than ever. “Excuse me for asking, and you can tell me to butt out, but is something wrong? I mean, is there a reason you might not be able to go back out?” “Maybe I don’t want to. Maybe I’m tired of it.” Belligerent much? He sounded like a whiny two-year-old who didn’t want to do something his mother was insisting on. “I can understand being tired. The adrenaline rush must be intense. Are there things you can do stateside?” Again, Nate’s arrival prevented Xander from having to answer. Well, having was a strong word. He was under no obligation to explain himself or the shadows clearly visible. Everyone had their right to privacy. Jared knew that better than most. Nate put the plates in front of them, but Xander held up his hand. “I’m full. Is there any way I can get this to go?”

Unperturbed, Nate took the plate back. “Of course.” He eyed Jared, silently asking for direction. Uncertain, but knowing he didn’t want to sit alone under the watchful eye of all the pitying patrons, he plastered on a smile. “I’ll take it to go as well.” After Nate was gone, Xander grimaced. “You could’ve stayed.” Jared wanted to petulantly point out he didn’t want to be the object of pity, but the argument fell flat. People might not judge him. They might not even notice. Yeah, right. “It’s fine. I don’t mind.” He fingered his napkin. “I need to be home soon anyway.” “Someone waiting for you?” He shot a sharp glance at Xander. “No, nothing like that. I had a cat, but he died a few months ago.” “I’m sorry.” Xander winced. “That’s always such a lame thing to say.” “If you were sincere, I appreciate it. He was feral, and by the time they caught him, he had serious medical issues. I agreed to take him, knowing our time together would be short. I made his life as comfortable as possible, and he… eventually showed some affection and gratitude. I knew the end was coming, but it didn’t make it any easier. I’ve thought about adopting another cat, but I’m not sure I’m ready to put myself out there again. It hurt, you know?” Xander tapped his finger on the table. “My mother took off when I was young, so I barely her. Other than that, I’ve had no great losses in my life. I’ve lost a few sources, and some of the people I photographed have since died, but nothing personal. Nothing that hit me so hard. I suppose if I put myself out there, it might be different.” Uncertain of how to respond, Jared held his tongue. Losing Mephistopheles had been tough, but that wasn’t close to the most devastating loss of all. The one he could never—would never—speak of.

“See, there you go. You have something that weighs on you.” Xander pointed an accusing finger. “There’s something in you, and I don’t think it’s just the loss of a cat.” True, but unable speak about it, Jared simply held the other man’s stare, willing himself not to show weakness. “Two slices of strawberry rhubarb pie to go.” Nate placed the cardboard boxes in front of each man. “Your bill is taken care of, so I hope you have a nice evening.” He met Jared’s eye, gave him a questioning glance, and then began to move away. Xander held out his hand. “I can’t ask you to do that. Please, let me—” “I was the one who invited my guest, so it’s only right I should pay—” Nate shook his head adamantly. “I’m the owner, so I get to choose whose meal I provide for free. Having a phenomenal employee means I get to treat him now and then. You gentlemen have a wonderful evening.” As if oblivious to the tension, he headed back to the kitchen. Pulling out his wallet, Xander scowled. He was fingering a few bills when Jared placed his hand over his, stilling the other man. “It would be an insult for you to do that. He’s right, it’s his restaurant, and he gets to decide whom he bestows his largesse upon.” Clearly disgruntled, Xander put his wallet away. “I don’t like feeling beholden. I like to make my own way in the world.” “Don’t we all.” Jared’s words were barely audible, but apparently Xander had excellent hearing. He gave the man a pointed look. “I love working here. But I’ve never asked for preferential treatment or favors.” “How many dates have you brought here?” Date? Was that what this was?

“ittedly very few.” To Xander’s raised eyebrow, he clarified. “Okay, none.” “But obviously your boss knows your sexual preference.” “I told him straight out the first day we met. I’ve never hidden who I was.” Xander leaned forward, clearly interested in this tale. “So how did your parents take it?” Crap. “They were, uh, fine with it. I never even had to come out because they’d pretty much already suspected.” And had been so wrapped up in their own grief that it never occurred to them to reassure their surviving child that he was accepted—that he was loved. “You were lucky.” He was. He knew he was. Should be grateful every day not to have suffered alienation because of his sexuality. Except his parents’ indifference was a kind of rejection. “I was.” Simple and accurate. “There’s more to it, though, isn’t there?” “Isn’t there always?” Appearing to ponder that for a moment, Xander again tapped his finger on the table. “My job was to capture emotions—those on the surface and those hidden.” “Was?” Had he misheard? Misunderstood? “Is. Was.” Xander grabbed his dessert, and his face twisted. “Or whatever. Thanks for dinner.” He rose jerkily, almost knocking over his glass. Jared moved to rise, but the other man indicated he should stay where he was. Not wanting to make a scene, he held himself still. If only he could reach out and soothe whatever ravaged Xander, but he had no place doing it—no ability to step outside of his comfortable life and touch that kind of pain. He’d tried before and been rebuffed. Lesson learned.

Watching Xander leave was tough enough, but having to exit the restaurant alone was almost as bad. Just before he left, he caught his boss’ gaze. He managed a nod of thanks, then headed out. The walk home was short, and normally he loved making the trip. Early evening had set in, the warmth of the day slipping away. Main Street was no longer crowded, but Jared saw Samantha and Jed as well as Fiona and Ray. Knowing these couples had found companionship and love usually brought him solace, but tonight their joy emphasized his loneliness. With so many friends, he was hardly ever alone. If he wanted to, he could head to the Stone Hearth Tavern where he was bound to run into several people he’d recognize. He’d be invited to in for a pint and would hear all the gossip of the day. Tonight, though, the idea didn’t appeal. It just wasn’t the same. He walked up the stairs in his building and let himself into his apartment. Mephistopheles had been gone six months, and Jared still expected to be greeted at the door. Glancing at his calendar, he made a mental note to head over to Montpellier on Saturday to find a cat at the shelter. Stray or surrendered animals were always in need of a loving home. Heck, he might even consider getting a dog. Unfortunately, he couldn’t bring the little guy, or girl, to work, but he could find someone to walk him or her during the day. God knew he had lots of love to give. The thought of helping another damaged soul was a balm to his own. He might not be any good at comforting adults, but he could sure pour his love into a smaller and helpless creature. Humming about better tomorrows, especially those brought to little redheaded girls, he set about making a cup of tea and planning for his next day.

Chapter Five Xander

Well, that couldn’t have gone worse if he’d set his mind to it. Xander flopped on his bed. Just as he ed his bruises wouldn’t like it, white-hot pain shot through him. Serves you right. For the first time in years, he’d been out on a real date. With a super nice man— who was clearly loved by all those around him. A man who’d only wanted to show a stranger a nice time. A man he’d embarrassed by abandoning him at the table. Damn. Could nothing go right? Seriously, how complicated was it to have dinner? Make a little chitchat, discuss innocuous things, maybe a good-night kiss and… Nada. Nothing. Just alone in a strange room and with as much energy as a thunderstorm. Too much napping today left him feeling enervated. He should get up and do something, but that thought overwhelmed as well. What precisely would he do at this hour? There was still light, so going outside was a possibility. Running, or any strenuous exercise, was out. But he could walk. Or he could get on the computer and actually write a damn chapter. Or a paragraph. Or a sentence. Hell, a word would do. Something. Anything. Time was slipping away, and the pressure was getting to him. He eyed the laptop case with anger. This deadline was self-imposed. He didn’t have an editor to answer to. No audience needing to know the truth. No single person needing this from him. But he needed it. Right?

He covered his eyes with his bent arm. Two weeks ago, everything had been crystal clear. His path determined, his direction steady. Now? Nothing but chaos. And, despite his choice of profession, he didn’t like chaos. He liked knowing where he was going and how he was going to get there. Could he change midstream? Of course. That was what made him so good at his job. Still, the difference between a missed connecting flight and having one’s entire life turned upside down was vast. He pressed his hand to his side, eliciting a hiss of pain. A reminder that, at least for the moment, he still breathed. Life still flowed through him. His heart still beat. His heart still bled. He hadn’t meant to bring up his mother’s desertion and his father’s rejection tonight. Keep it light. Ask engaging questions. Make witty banter. Except…was he capable of any of those things? He could count on one hand the number of dates he’d been on in the past five years. Could count on the other hand the number of hookups he’d enjoyed. Going from danger zone to danger zone didn’t lend itself to happy times. He’d sought solace from a few guys he knew, but it was never serious. They weren’t looking for more, and he hadn’t been either. Had he missed out? Had one of those guys been the one, and he was too busy to see it? He tried to picture himself being in a relationship with each man on that small list. Definitely not. But tonight? Jared was different, no question about it. All the guys Xander had hooked up with had been…tough. Rough. All angles and edges, no rounded corners. Nothing soft and sweet to hold on to. But his companion tonight? Undoubtedly, something about the man appealed. Despite the inherent naiveté that came from small-town living, he had some miles on him. He also had a darkness in his past he spent all his time pushing down, out of the daylight. Did anyone else see it, or was Xander the only one who noticed? Was Jared really that good of an actor, or did he not have people in his life who looked deeper? Maybe Xander projected his own sorrow—his own pain—upon a man who didn’t deserve it. Damn, he’d been rude tonight. Uncharacteristic for him, he’d abruptly abandoned his date at the table. Classy.

Maybe that was the actual reason he didn’t want to go for a walk. Didn’t want to put words to paper. Guilt. A well-earned bout of guilt. So how to fix that? How to make things better? Was there even a way? Somehow… Tomorrow night. Jared had invited him to a recital at the local music school. Xander had considered and rejected the idea, because who wanted to listen to music students play…whatever it was they played? If Jared had gone through the trouble of inviting him, it had to mean something to him, right? Hmm. He rose from the bed—carefully—and made his way over to the antique desk. Sitting on the chair that was at least two hundred years old, he searched the drawers until he found a pen and notepaper bearing the inn’s logo. ittedly composing the short missive took him longer than it should have, but he was happy with the results. The sun had dipped lower, and dusk had set in. Grabbing his jacket, Xander then rummaged through his rucksack. He’d tucked one of his smaller work cameras inside. He strung it around his neck, nabbed the letter, and headed out.

Chapter Six Jared

Recital sounds like fun. What time? Bold penmanship? Check. Straight to the point? Check. Any indication what the man was thinking? Uh, heck no. Was this Xander’s way of apologizing for last night? Because as a grand gesture it…lacked something. Yet his attempt held charm. If it was an attempt. I’m overthinking it. Maybe this was one lonely guy asking another obviously lonely guy to go out for the night. Two guys just hanging out. Right? Or he wasn’t thinking about it enough. If last night had been a date, did that mean tonight was one as well? “Good morning, Jared.” Whoops, Nate was in. “Good morning. How are you this morning?” Cocking a brow, Nate pointed to the letter on Deerbourne Inn stationery. Jared’s cheeks heated. He folded the letter and shoved it in his pocket. “Private correspondence.” “Oh really? That sounds interesting.” Nate leaned against the registration desk. “The night at the restaurant went well. We were full, and people seemed to enjoy their meals.” “The food was great.” Was he still blushing? “You appeared to have enjoyed it. You didn’t look so happy as you left. Did you

eat the pie?” “Honestly, it’s in my fridge waiting for the right moment. I didn’t feel like eating it last night.” He almost said his stomach had been acting up, but Nate might interpret that as having something to do with the food rather than any emotional turmoil. “It’ll keep for a day or two, so no worries.” Nate straightened, standing at his full height. He rarely used the power differential of his extra few inches of height, but Jared suspected this was going to be one of those times. A boss-to-employee chat. “You know I keep things casual here.” “I do.” And he appreciated his boss’ willingness to be flexible. It’d helped when he was grieving for Mephistopheles. Nate had been okay that he couldn’t manage his usual sunny disposition, and his boss had allowed him to spend more time in the back office for a couple of days until his equilibrium returned. He hated that he’d been so public in his distress. He was normally a private person, so the remembrance of his behavior during those dark couple of days still embarrassed him. Yet he hadn’t lost any of Nate’s respect. “You might be wondering about a fraternization policy—between guests and staff.” Honestly, Jared hadn’t really gone there. When he invited Xander to dinner, his intention had been just a considerate gesture. And mentioning the recital hadn’t been asking the other man out on a date. Right? Or was he kidding himself? “Is there a policy?” “We haven’t needed one. Liz’s involved with Jack Douglas, and I don’t have anyone special in my life.” And why was that? When Nate first opened the inn, Jared had spotted a woman hanging around, but he’d seen no trace of her or any other female in his boss’ life. Did Nate even have a social life? He was dedicated to the inn, but was that

to the detriment of potential romantic relationships? Suddenly Jared was very curious. Nate’s gaze was intense, but Jared held his ground. “I’m very much in favor of not interfering in my employee’s lives.” Well, that was a relief. “That being said—” Malarkey. “—if I see someone getting hurt, I will speak up. If I see someone I care about being taken advantage of, I won’t hold my tongue.” Okay, then. “I won’t ask our guest what his intentions are. None of my business, of course. Will I caution you about getting involved with someone who’s just ing through? You can make your own decisions about how you spend your spare time and who you keep company with.” His brow furrowed. “But I will pull the boss card and say whatever happens, it has to be outside of here. I trust you to keep your personal life separate from your job.” “I can do that.” Simple, right? Nate nodded, solemnity clear. Then his expression lightened. “That being said, you can always come to me. No matter what. We clear?” “Crystal.” “Then watch your heart, but having fun isn’t a bad thing.” He pointed to the office. “And on that note, I have to check my food order for next week. We good?” Jared swallowed. “Yeah, Nate, we’re good.” Nate gave a final nod and headed into the office, closing the door. Had Jared just been given a reprieve or missed an opportunity? He could’ve

asked his boss about Xander’s note and what he thought of it. Could’ve gotten another perspective. Someone who wasn’t so entangled in the whole thing. But he’d just been told to keep his personal affairs to himself, so that probably precluded oversharing and asking advice. Pulling out the letter, he proceeded to read it one more time. Nothing to be gained by obsessing over it. Time to get to work. **** His solution to logistics had been to slip a note with the time of the recital under Xander’s door. Jared again had time to go home to shower and change. Scruff looked good on rugged guys like Xander. For Jared, it looked…awkward. He’d tried growing facial hair, but the patchy result was not attractive. Now, even on his days off, he shaved. A little hair gel, his favorite burgundy shirt, and a pair of khakis completed the ensemble. He wasn’t trying too hard. Respectable but no need to show off. He was probably trying too hard and overthinking this. Still, as the time neared, little butterflies fluttered in his stomach. Walking back to work took little time, and as usual, he was early. He needn’t have worried, though, because Xander sat on the front porch waiting for him. Mmm, the man was handsome in his jeans and button-down forest-green shirt. Mustn’t touch, so he waved. Lame, but it was the best he could do. Xander waved back, rising from the chair. The man was all long limbs but still had an irable elegance. His black hair was pulled back and tied with a leather band. He had a vaguely roguish look to him. Sexy as anything Jared had ever seen, and his senses went on high alert. He could fall for this man with very little effort. And not just because of his physical appearance. Xander had a depth that Jared didn’t often see. Or didn’t get to see, since he rarely opened himself up to the possibility of more with anyone. “It starts soon?” Jared inclined his head, nodding in the direction of Willow Springs Community Center. “Yes. There aren’t reserved seats or anything like that. I mean, it’s just a recital.” Lame. Make it sound exciting.

“I like the idea of watching young people performing. In truth, I have little time to spend enjoying the arts. It’s something I should make time for.” Again, a shadow ed across Xander’s face as he spoke. Did he realize he was so expressive? Probably not. That type of man didn’t like to show vulnerability. Or so Jared believed. He liked to keep things to himself as well, but that didn’t always work. “Well, Haynes Music Academy has been a fixture in this town for years. Dylan and his brother and sister have taken over from their parents. Next generation, as it were. Dylan’s girlfriend, Erica, is a newer arrival in town. Although these days that could mean anything from last week to ten years ago. There’s a lot of history in this town.” “How about you? Were you born here?” Should’ve seen that one coming. “No, I grew up on the West Coast. I graduated from high school and traveled a bit before settling here six years ago.” “West coast like LA, or west coast like Seattle?” “Somewhere in between.” He pointed to the street and indicated they should start walking. This topic was too painful to touch. Hopefully Xander would get the hint. “Yeah, I grew up in Louisiana.” Jared stopped. “You…the South? You don’t have even a trace of an accent.” Xander grinned. “You noticed. When I was in journalism school in New York, I took diction, elocution, and speech classes. Spent almost the entire four years ridding myself of the accent. Then tried hard not to pick up a New York one. I found a voice coach who worked with me to get as neutral as possible. Do I slip now and then? Yes. Especially when I’m…” Were his cheeks pinkening? “In the throes of ion?” Jared suppressed the giggle, but it was a near thing.

The man’s scowl was more for show, he was sure. “I was going to say angry. If I get really mad, I slip into old southern boy. You’ve been warned.” Now the corners of his lips turned up. “I’ll watch my p’s and q’s.” Xander frowned. “Something my mother taught me when I was a child. To watch my manners.” He grinned. “If I didn’t, my father would warn me what might happen when my mother got home.” He ruthlessly thrust down the flash of pain. “Watching p’s and q’s, huh? That’s an odd expression. We used to say ‘I’ll knock you into next Tuesday’ or ‘I’ll give you something to cry about.’ ” “Well, that would definitely make me watch my behavior.” Jared pointed toward the Willow Springs Community Center where the recital was being held. Silently they fell into step beside each other. Companionable. And charged. Jared wanted to take Xander’s hand. Wanted to have that so often missing in his life. He found other ways to connect with people. And his friends were quick with greeting hugs. It just wasn’t the same. He wanted more. He wanted Xander to acknowledge they were together as a couple. It’s just a date. Or not even that. He had to be careful what he wished for. ing Trinkets and Souvenirs, he waved through the window at Annette Landis. Next came Brady’s Foods and Pharmacy where Bethany was locking up for the night. She was on her cell phone, so Jared didn’t try to engage her in conversation. Nodding to him, she continued on her way down the street. Willow Springs was his home. He tried very hard not to think about Portland. About where he’d come from. About where he never intended to return. They turned to head down Church Street. Soon enough, they were at the entrance to the community center.

Brenda Haynes was handing out programs. “Good evening, Jared, so glad you could make it.” “Hello, Mrs. Haynes. I’ve been looking forward to this all week. This is Xander Fortier.” Skipping the relation or potential thereof might bring speculation, but so might using friend. “Nice to meet you, Xander. I’m so glad Jared brought you here tonight. We’re quite proud of this group of students.” She glanced toward the room where the recital was being held. “Of course, I say that every year.” “You have every right to be proud. Your school has produced some talented musicians over the years.” “And a few who needed more lessons, but it’s the effort that counts.” She handed each of them a program. “I hope you enjoy your evening. We’ll have refreshments after the show.” Jared doubted they’d stick around that long, but he’d leave the decision to Xander. As they made their way into the large auditorium, Jared pointed to some seats about halfway back and on the aisle. Xander nodded and sat on the end while Jared took the seat next to him. The stage was empty, but instruments were being tuned behind the curtain. “What do you do during your time off?” A fair question, if a little personal. But wasn’t that what dates were for? To discover things about each other? “I get every other weekend off. Tomorrow I’m going to the animal shelter in Montpelier. I’m considering getting another cat.” Xander turned to face him. “That’s a big decision. You said you were still grieving for your last cat.” “I know. But I think it’s time. I want to honor what I had with him, you know? I think the best way to do that is to open my house—and my heart—to another cat. Or a dog. I might get a dog.” Jared waved his hand. “But they’re a lot of effort, and I won’t see him or her while I’m at work and—” “Plenty of dogs have owners who work. They survive.”

“I know. I surfed the internet for a couple of sites about how to take care of a dog when you work away from home. I wish I could bring my dog to work, but Nate’ll never go for that. Guests might be allergic.” “There’s a hotel down in Louisiana where you can be paired with a shelter dog while you’re staying there. Anyway, needless to say, they have a high adoption rate.” “I’ve never heard of that.” Jared’s excitement grew visibly. “Some people are so creative. I’d stay at that hotel for sure. Have you been there?” “I haven’t, but my paper did a feature story. I think some other small hotels are looking to follow suit. If anything, it gives the dogs time away from being in a kennel at the shelter all the time.” “I also saw a story about a hotel in Canada that has a mascot dog. A golden retriever. She greets all the newcomers and keeps the kids company while their parents check in. I’d love a dog with that kind of gentle temperament.” Jared pressed a hand to his heart. “Or a diffident cat whose affections I have to bribe. I’ll take any of them. Just…I want it to be an animal who needs me.” “Most shelter animals need someone.” “That’s true.” Jared was about to say more when Dylan stepped out. A hush swept across the audience. “Thank you all for coming out tonight for the Haynes Music Academy year-end recital. We’re proud of our students and grateful you’ve come tonight to hear them play. And without further ado…” The curtain rose, revealing Dylan’s girlfriend, Erica, at the maestro’s stand. As he ed her, he leaned in for a kiss. She gave him a mock look of annoyance, and laughter rippled through the crowd. He scooted off the stage. Erica raised her hands. The students, in turn, raised their violins to their shoulders. After a moment Erica moved her hands, and the students began to play.

The melody wasn’t one Jared recognized, but he wasn’t surprised. He streamed pop rock from the eighties or listened to musical soundtracks. This song was beautiful, though, lilting and gentle at some points, stronger and forceful at others. When it ended, the audience clapped enthusiastically as the young students took their bows and headed off stage. Next came the woodwind instruments. Although Jared could carry a tune, he was hopeless at playing an instrument. He’d been taking piano lessons before Cora got sick. After her illness was diagnosed and treatment began, everything else had fallen to the wayside. Not that he resented what happened to him, of course. Just that he wished he had the ability to play his own accompaniment. He could always take lessons. Dylan would happily take on an adult student. But somehow too much time had ed. Too much had happened. No, he couldn’t go back now. Focus on tonight. Tonight was all that was promised to him. Everything beyond this was a crapshoot. Life was like that. Applause brought him from his musings and back to the present. A young girl stepped onto the stage and made her way to the piano. Once the audience hushed, the girl began to play. This piece he recognized, and although he should check the program for confirmation, he was unable to look away. Each note, each chord, each moment held the tenuousness he feared and yet often embraced. Tears welled, and he blinked to keep them at bay. He was not going to cry. Yet as time ed, dark emotions kept washing over him. Irrationally he was angry at Dylan for having selected such a ionate and painful piece. A small part of him resented the young girl who played it flawlessly. And the rest of him mourned the life he’d long left behind.

Chapter Seven Xander

The first inkling Xander had that anything was wrong was the sniffing. Was that Jared? A surreptitious glance showed, even in the dark light, shimmering bright eyes. He might not be the most sensitive guy, but even he recognized his date valiantly fighting to hold back tears. The music washing over him now felt wrong. Loud. Discordant. And not because of anything the young pianist did. No, she was perfect. But the music was making Jared sad, and that flayed Xander open in a way he never would’ve expected. The simplest solution would be to usher his companion out of there. Take him away from the cause of such suffering and pain. Reality set in. Such a move wouldn’t work and might, in the end, embarrass Jared. So what if he was moved by the piece? Several other audience were clearly enraptured by the performance. This little dynamo had talent to spare, and he could see her continuing on to make this a profession. She was just that good. Okay, so what now? He didn’t carry a handkerchief. That’d always seemed silly to him, but now he saw the benefits. Still, maybe he could do something. Surreptitiously he slipped his hand over Jared’s clenched fist resting on the other man’s thigh. Jared startled but rotated his hand so he could hold on tight, allowing some connection between them. As the piece ended, silence descended upon the room. The first person to applaud was quickly followed by another, and soon the auditorium erupted. En masse, the crowd rose to their feet. Reluctant to let go of Jared’s hand yet wanting to follow social conventions, Xander disentangled their hands and stood. Jared did as well, applauding as loudly as anyone else.

The young girl held her composure through the adulation, making Xander wonder if this wasn’t the first time she’d done this. To handle such pressure and perform brilliantly took poise and confidence. Dylan came on stage to escort the young girl off. With a final wave she headed out of view, and the audience resettled. “Want to leave?” Xander kept his voice pitched low so only Jared could hear him. Jared didn’t meet his gaze but shook his head. Whoa, he linked their hands again. Xander didn’t withdraw, instead allowing the touch to linger—to warm him from the inside. When was the last time he’d touched another human like this? He let the feeling of rightness settle. If only for this moment, he could offer comfort and allow himself to soak up some of it as well. **** The final performance of the night was a duet between Erica and another young student. The young man might have missed a note or two, but the combination of violin and clarinet mesmerized. Xander was again transported into another world where only joy existed. No pain. No medical appointments. No doctors. Nothing but the music. The audience rose at the end of that song, although probably as much due to the fact the show was over, and all the students were parading across the stage. The young pianist got an extra loud cheer, and she waved as she headed out of sight. “That was…” Words failed him in a way they so rarely did. He counted on his photographs to tell a story, but he was often required to provide context and backstory. Even if everyone had a cell phone, they didn’t have his ability to provide clarity to the story. “Yeah, that was.” Jared continued to hold Xander’s hand, even as the crowd dispersed. “Do you want to go for cookies and lemonade? I mean, I’ll understand if you don’t—”

“I do.” If only because obviously Jared wanted to. These were his friends, and this was his community. He’d want to share his experience with those around him. Well, perhaps not the intimacy of his near-breakdown, but the rest of it surely. Jared released his hand and encouraged Xander to lead the way out of the room. The loss of irrationally made Xander want to grab the other man’s hand and hold on. Make some kind of claim. Let people know they were together. Wait…what? That wasn’t him. He wasn’t one to get all possessive. He’d never gotten riled up about anyone before. He was in town for mere weeks. This was only a second date. They barely knew each other. Yet even as he enumerated the excuses in his head, that didn’t alleviate his gut inclination to grasp and hold tight. As parents descended upon their offspring, Jared navigated them to the refreshments table. “Wanted to get us here quickly.” He handed Xander a paper cup of lemonade and indicated he should grab a cookie. Despite the risk of a sugar rush, he selected the maple sugar and oatmeal. Jared did the same, and they moved out of the way. So much for having eaten dinner. He was ravenous, consuming the cookie in three indelicate bites. Okay, yeah, that was sweet. A sip of the sour liquid helped quench his thirst. “A little sweet?” You’re sweet. Where the hell had that thought come from? Maybe the desire to lick the crumb of sugar from Jared’s lip? Or the need to see if the other man would come apart in his arms? Perhaps the craving to feel a solid body against his? Okay, so he was hornier than he’d let himself acknowledge. And when precisely had been the last time he brought a man to his bed? Well, not his bed because he never invited his hookups over, and wasn’t that pathetic?

“You look very serious.” Jared’s tone was light and teasing, but his brow was furrowed. Dylan and Erica’s arrival provided a distraction. Erica squealed and pulled Jared into a hug. Dylan extended his hand to Xander. After putting the cup on the table, he shook hands. “I’m Dylan Haynes.” The musician rolled his eyes. “Although I suspect you already knew that since you’re here.” “Xander Fortier. Jared invited me, and I’m glad he did. Your students are very talented.” Dylan beamed like a proud papa. “I like to think so. Some will move on while some won’t return next year. The June recital is always a little bittersweet.” “I understand.” Perhaps now more than he might have in the past. Jared extricated himself from Erica and put his paper cup on the table. Impressive that he hadn’t spilled it. Erica held out her hand to Xander. “I would hug you, but that’s probably a little forward. Still running on a bit of adrenaline from the show.” “I thoroughly enjoyed it.” Bestowing a matching smile on this lovely woman was easy, as her enthusiasm was infectious. The two made a handsome couple. Although now, up close, Dylan looked familiar. “You’re—” “Yeah, I am.” “I loved your last album. I was bummed to hear you’d left the band.” Dylan pulled Erica to his side and kissed her cheek. “I have zero regrets. I loved my time with Fortune’s Glory, but I was meant to be here, in Willow Springs.” “The prodigal son returned.” Erica tapped his nose.

“And if I hadn’t, you would probably still be stuck on the side of the road waiting for a rescue.” “Or I might’ve been picked up by someone more handsome.” Xander felt more like an interloper than he had in a while. He spent his life observing people, but this felt intimate. Like something not meant to be shared. “You two are adorable.” Jared scooped up Xander’s hand. “But I think we need to be going. Thanks so much, we had a lovely time.” Erica grasped his other hand and squeezed. “Thank you for the donation.” Jared’s cheeks pinkened. Xander raised a brow. “We have scholarships for underprivileged children who wouldn’t be able to afford lessons. I mean, we give out plenty of free lessons, but there are always more children than spots. Generous donors ensure we can teach more kids.” Erica smiled. “Next time I’m doing it anonymously.” Jared mumbled the words, but he put no heat behind them. He was embarrassed, not upset. “I’d like to contribute also.” Given he’d just watched a free performance, a small contribution was the least he could do. Erica’s jade-green eyes sparkled. “That would be generous, Xander. If you go to the school’s website, there are instructions.” “I’ll do that tomorrow.” He squeezed Jared’s hand. “Thank you both.” A parent waited, so Dylan and Erica waved goodbye. Holding hands, Xander and Jared exited the building into the warm night. Darkness had descended while they watched those amazing performances. Somehow Xander felt like the world should have waited for them. Should have held herself still while such magic was woven.

Fanciful. “What did you say?” Did I say that out loud? Damn. “I was just wondering what I’m smelling.” “Well, it could be lily of the valley, or it could be yeast.” What? “Okay, it must be lily of the valley because I’m pretty sure I’d recognize the smell of yeast. I’m assuming you mean beer?” “That I do. Finnigan’s is a block from here. Do you want to grab a drink?” Beer sounded divine, but he was flagging. He’d spent the entire day hunched over the keyboard, and he was more tired than he ever ed. He hadn’t felt this exhausted even after three days without sleep in Helmand Province. Of course, he’d been running on adrenaline that time. When he crashed, he’d slept around the clock. Being safe had allowed him to sleep like the proverbial baby. “I appreciate the offer, but I’m going to take a rain check. I’m tired.” “Of course, I understand.” Jared didn’t meet Xander’s gaze, instead continued walking toward the inn. “What’s that tune?” “Sorry?” Jared stopped walking and pivoted. “That tune. What are you humming?” Under the streetlamp, Jared’s pinkening cheeks were clear. The man blushed easily. Prettily. Endearingly. “I, uh, well…” Jared gazed up at the streetlamp. “I was humming about dancing all night.” Oh really. That was interesting. “Tell me more.” “Well, I love Eliza Doolittle, and I was thinking about, you know, the end of a nice evening.” “Eliza…? Oh, right, George Bernard Shaw.”

“And Lerner and Loewe.” “Ah yes, the musical.” Jared’s gaze sharpened. “You don’t like musicals?” “I don’t not like musicals. I don’t do musicals, if you know what I mean.” “I do know what you mean.” The hurt was obvious. Jared appeared to try to school his expression, but he was definitely frowning. Damn. “You know a guy can be gay and not love Barbra Streisand, right?” Those blue eyes flashed. “Of course I know that. Just because she starred in several of my favorite shows doesn’t mean I expect everyone to like her. To like Broadway.” “Your trips to New York?” Jared tilted his chin. “I go at least five times a year. Musicals are my favorite. I’ve also enjoyed a few plays.” Something more was afoot, though. Xander didn’t spend a lot of time reading people. He’d get the shot and moved on, but he knew when there was more. “You hum show tunes.” “I might have also starred in a few shows. Just local stuff.” Ah, so that was the nerve Xander’d inadvertently hit. “Such as…” “Billy Flynn, Henry Higgins, Seymour Krelborn, Frank Butler…and you have no idea who any of these men are.” Xander rubbed his forehead. “Higgins is Shaw, and Flynn is…wasn’t he played by Richard Gere or something?” Jared grinned. “See, you know some of them.” “Catherine Zeta Jones was hot, but Gere was hotter.” Xander grinned as he congratulated himself on knowing at least some of the characters.

“He was. Is,” Jared quickly corrected. “He’s gotten sexier as he’s aged. I don’t have such aspirations.” Xander cocked his head. “You don’t think you’ll get better looking as you age?” Trying to picture the man as he might age was a challenge. Heck, he still looked even younger than he was. Except his eyes. Wariness and wisdom were evident in those baby blues. And the occasional sadness. It made Xander want to reach out—to demand answers to questions he had no right to ask. “Well, I look exactly like my dad, and he…well, he hasn’t aged gracefully. He’s got a paunch and a bald patch. He was even trying a comb-over the last I saw him. I suppose he has a right to look older than he is, but it’s sobering. I don’t expect to keep my youthful looks forever, but I want to age with dignity.” “So no comb-overs.” Xander said the words in jest, but Jared’s sudden sobriety affected him. Hit him in the gut. This story had more to it than just gaining a paunch and perhaps going prematurely gray. Suddenly Jared did a twirl, extending his arms to the sky. He hummed another more familiar tune. If he wanted to push past the pain, Xander had to respect that. “I want a man after midnight.” “Okay.” “One of my favorite ABBA songs. It was in Mama Mia. I hope to be in it one day. But I’d be playing one of the fathers. I’m too old to play the boyfriend.” Xander snapped his fingers. “Okay, Meryl Streep.” “Exactly. Women on the prowl. I obviously prefer men on the prowl. I’d love to be a man on the prowl.” “That’s a lot of prowling.” Xander snagged Jared’s hand and pulled him close. Their bodies came flush against each other, and Xander’s heart rate kicked up as Jared breathed against his neck. “I don’t mind being the prey on occasion.” Of course, he never played that role, instead usually being the aggressor. Submission in that moment was the least he could do, given Jared’s obvious

happiness. Kiss me. He wanted to utter the words—wanted to grab Jared and rub their bodies against each other. Generate a little heat from all that friction. Was he expected to make the first move? A romantic walk in the dark was very different from his normal hookups. He wanted to do the honorable thing. To do the right thing. His instinct was to drag Jared back to his bed for the night, but he wouldn’t, because that was all he could offer—one night. And one night would never be enough. Jared rubbed the stubble on Xander’s jaw. “Scruff is sexy.” Okay, not what he’d expected. But then little about Jared was predictable. “Kiss me.” This time the plea came from Jared. Xander was happy to oblige. He hooked his fingers under Jared’s jaw and tugged him closer. Such smooth skin. He must’ve shaved before their date because no man went the entire day without a trace of hair. Angling his head, he lowered his lips and pressed them to Jared’s. So, so smooth. He hadn’t spent a lot of time kissing. Was he doing it right? Jared threw his arms around his neck and pulled them closer. The other man opened his mouth, demanding reciprocation. And, okay, this was…intimate. As Xander swept his tongue into Jared’s mouth and their tongues parried, he closed the distance. Xander reacted to the deliciously close . What redblooded man wouldn’t when he held the perfect partner in his arms? Jared was everything he’d wanted but never allowed himself to dream he might have. And that realization had him slowly backing away. He ended their intimate exchange and placed a soft kiss to Jared’s forehead. “What…?” Jared’s blue eyes were unfocused, and his lips were plump from their kisses. His cheeks were pink—either from arousal or whisker burn.

Unable to resist the urge, Xander pulled him into a tight embrace. “I really like you, but I need to let you go. I have to get back to my room.” Jared’s body stiffened, and when he pulled back, Xander released him. Reluctantly. Pressing his fingers to his lips, Jared whispered, “It was just a kiss.” A kiss that meant everything. Words better left unsaid. “I’ll walk you home.” The least he could do. Jared shook his head. “Not necessary. Willow Springs is a safe town, and I can manage on my own. I’m quite capable of taking care of myself. Thank you for the offer.” He pointed down the street. “Two blocks that way, and you’ll be back at the inn. Don’t forget you’ll need your key.” Without another word he pivoted and headed back in the direction from which they’d come. Was his home even in that direction, or was he just trying to put as much distance between them as possible? Xander shook his head. Distance is good. Distance was necessary. Because he was about five seconds away from asking Jared to come back to the inn with him, and that wouldn’t do. Jared deserved more than Xander could ever give him. He deserved tomorrow and tomorrow and forever. Things Xander didn’t have.

Chapter Eight Jared

During the week Jared jumped out of bed the minute the alarm sounded. Instantly awake, he couldn’t wait to start his day. Weekends? Those were for lazing about. He was tempted to post on social media he was headed to the shelter, but if he came back empty-handed, that might invite too many questions. No, better to keep this to himself. For him to bring home a dog, they’d likely call his landlady. Jared was a model tenant. He always paid his rent on time, he did the odd chore to help with the upkeep, and he was unflaggingly positive. His reputation for cheerfulness was well-earned. Except last night. His cheeks burned with humiliation at the memory. He’d thrown himself at Xander. Had begged for a kiss. And he’d gotten one. Man, that kiss had been… epic. The kind poets wrote sonnets about. Xander was solid muscle, and his embrace had been comforting. Reassuring. Then he’d ended it and sent Jared on his way. Jared hadn’t asked for anything more. Should he have been so bold as to invite Xander back to his place? No. He wasn’t that kind of guy. For kissing and making out? Maybe. For anything more? No. And since he didn’t want to be perceived as a tease, he chose not to make the offer. Xander hadn’t even given him the opportunity to contemplate it, instead shutting the whole thing down without a second thought. Okay, enough wallowing. Time to head to Montpelier. After hopping into the shower, he took mere moments to scrub down. He contemplated shaving, but what was the point? The shelter attendants weren’t likely to care. Maybe a little stubble would make him look more mature. He didn’t have a baby face, but his face didn’t have the gravitas of a man who’d put in some time. Nate looked distinguished. Even Dylan, who was about Jared’s age, had some mileage on him. Being in a rock band was likely to do that to a man. What had Jared done? Certainly, he hadn’t traveled to multiple countries and put his life on the line to tell the stories of the poor and disenfranchised. Nor had he risked life and limb to

show life in a war zone. He’d worked retail for five years before nabbing the job at the inn. He had responsibilities but no true investment. His apartment was nice, but he merely rented. Among his friends and acquaintances, he had no lasting and abiding connections. In some ways he didn’t feel tethered. Oh, to the outside world he had his stuff together. But on the inside? Somehow, he was still a small boy seeking his parents’ attention and love. Damn. Drying himself off, he avoided looking in the mirror. He’d thought more about his parents in the last couple of days than he had in the past year. Most of the time he kept them tucked away. Out of mind and out of sight. He owed them a phone call and put it on his list of things to do. Maybe after he adopted an animal. News to share with them. At least that’d be less awkward than the frequent silences. What to wear today? Yeah, like focusing on the mundane will stop your mind from going to the dark place. God, he missed Cora. What would she say if she saw him? Big brother, get a grip. Jared, move on. I miss you too, but you need to get on with your life. Enough wallowing. A cat or dog out might be out there needing him. He liked being needed. Oh, Nate relied on him, and Liz teased him that she wouldn’t be able to survive without him, but that wasn’t true. He was replaceable. Blue jeans, navy T-shirt, dark-blue high-tops, and his shades. Jacket? No, it was already in the high fifties and was expected to get up to the low eighties by the end of the day. If he was cold, he could jack up the heat in his car. The drive wouldn’t even take an hour. After locking his door, he palmed his keys and headed down the stairs. And stopped in his tracks. A tall, handsome man leaned against his car with two thermoses in his hands. “Cream with two sugars, right?” “How did…?”

“Tiana. She knows everything about everyone, right? I took a leap and asked. She grinned and said of course she knew what Jared drank, and what were my intentions?” Jared had begun to move, but those words stopped him dead in his tracks. “And what did you say?” “That I was hopefully going to get to spend the day with you—if you forgave me for my abrupt departure last night.” “You didn’t—” “Oh, I did. And I’m more sorry for that than I can say.” He pointed to the white paper bag on the hood. “Fried donuts. Your favorite.” Such confidence in the statement. Jared didn’t indulge much, but Tiana knew the way to his heart, so to speak. And he was moved Xander had gone through this much trouble. “Uh, how long have you been waiting?” Xander’s gaze shot upward as he appeared to contemplate the question. “Well, the coffee’s still warm, and so are the pastries. We going to head out? Those puppies and kitties aren’t getting any younger.” A silly thing to say, but a way to melt Jared’s icy resolve. He’d planned to be professional and aloof the next time he saw the guest. Instead he was getting all mushy inside. “You sure you want to spend your day looking at furry creatures?” Xander’s smile was quick and devastating. “Oh, I can’t think of anything I want to do more. I need a break from what I’m doing anyway, so this’ll be a nice treat. Tomorrow will be time enough to get my project done.” His grin dipped when he said tomorrow but was back by the end of the sentence. Any time the future was mentioned, Xander shied away from it. He appeared as uncomfortable with it as Jared was when the past was brought up. That made them an odd pair. An endearing pair? A couple? Well, at least for today, odd companions. Jared stepped forward and took the proffered coffee mug. “You’ll have to feed me the donuts while I’m at red lights. I don’t eat and drive.”

A guffaw escaped Xander. “Why does that not surprise me? I’m good with handfeeding you. I’ll make sure you’re safe.” About his safety, Jared believed him. His heart was a whole other thing. **** “That drive was quick.” Xander got out of the car and looked around. “And the countryside was idyllic.” “You should see it in the fall. The leaves change in DC, right?” “They do, but it’s not as spectacular as the Northeast. We have the cherry blossoms in the spring. I love going out and shooting tons of shots. Not of the trees, though. For me, it’s the people—their looks of wonder and excitement. Especially the kids. They haven’t developed the ability to hide their true feelings. “All that being said, I want to pick the tunes on the way home.” Jared snickered. “You didn’t enjoy my choices?” Waving his hand in a so-so motion, Xander shrugged. “You have an amazing voice. The songs, though? A lot of them made little sense.” “You’ll just have to watch the movies or videos of the performances. Oh, even better, you should see the actual shows. I’m playing Riff in West Side Story next month at the regional theater.” The change in Xander’s expression sent a chill down Jared’s spine. One moment they’d been joking, and the next his companion’s whole demeanor changed. All color drained from his face, and what looked like pain replaced the previous smile. Damn, why had he made the comment? He’d known Xander wasn’t likely to still be around next month anyway. “Is Riff the lead?” The color hadn’t returned to Xander’s face, but apparently some of his composure had.

“Nah, that’s Tony. I would’ve loved that role, but there’s a guy who truly looks the part—tall, dark, and handsome. And brilliant. Ian is the whole package.” “You’re handsome.” The words warmed him. “Thanks, but Tony is, like, movie-glamor. Richard Beymer played him in the movie with Natalie Wood, and that set the bar pretty high. Plus, I enjoy playing a character who dies at the end of the first act. I sit around backstage and watch the rest of the show.” The truth was he’d love to play Tony, and he was the understudy. But Ian was a consummate professional. Nothing short of laryngitis or a broken limb would fell him. “I, uh, well, yeah. Maybe. I mean, if I’m around then…maybe.” As ominous sounding as anything Jared had ever heard. Around as in still in New England or around as in…still living? Somehow, he got the feeling being in Vermont wasn’t the issue. “This the place?” Xander pointed to the clapboard building. Located near Montpelier, the animal shelter was an unassuming building on acreage. Several other cars were scattered in the lot, but the place didn’t look busy. Jared was grateful they were open Saturdays. “Yeah, this is where I adopted Mephistopheles.” “Might as well go in.” A bell chimed when they entered, and a young woman grinned. “Welcome, gentlemen. My name is Dana. Are you here to adopt?” “Yes, I think so. I adopted a feral cat about a year ago. I knew he wasn’t going to make it long—” Swallowing the lump in his throat, he continued. “—and Mephistopheles made it six months and ed quietly. I miss him, though, you know? I think I’m ready to open my heart again.” “I Mephistopheles. He was a favorite around here, only we weren’t sure we’d be able to place him. It’s touch and go with feral cats. I’m sorry, but your name escapes me. I’m good with the animals, not so good with people.” “Jared.” He waved. “I wouldn’t expect you to me. A year is a long

time, and I suspect you get many people coming through here.” “We are one of the busier shelters in Vermont.” She glanced at Xander. “Are you here to adopt as well? Or are you with—?” Xander coughed. “Uh, no. I’m here to keep Jared company. Help him decide on a new companion.” Unruffled, the young woman smiled. “Another cat?” “Yeah…or maybe a dog. I…I don’t know.” “Well, we can help you with that. As you know, cats are fairly independent while dogs are needier. A great source of companionship, and you’ll get plenty of exercise. Winter or summer, they need to go out at least three or four times a day. Did you have a dog growing up?” As if. “Uh, no. I always wanted one, though.” He’d wanted one so badly it hurt, but he’d known it was not in the cards. Never had been a possibility. “My best friend had a dog, though. I think she was a corgi.” Without missing a beat, Dana smiled. “Corgis are great dogs. Do you have a weight or height restriction? Or do you own your own home?” Oh snap. “I have to text my landlady and ask. Sorry, I should’ve known that.” He held up his hand. “Let me do that first off. No point falling in love only to find out it won’t work.” Dana offered a sympathetic smile. “Yes, that would be wise.” Jared texted the request, and within a moment little bubbles appeared. No weight restrictions. Can’t wait to meet your new companion! Okay, so no worries. He approached the desk, finding a beaming Dana and a smiling Xander. A reserved smile but there nonetheless. “My landlady said there are no restrictions.”

“That’s great.” Dana’s enthusiasm couldn’t be overstated. “Plenty of landlords have restrictions, so we have a harder time placing the larger dogs. Now were you thinking puppy or more mature dog? We’ll be overrun with puppies in a few weeks but don’t have any right now.” “A mature dog would be fine. Or I can wait for the puppies.” He wasn’t working on a deadline, although he might chicken out if he didn’t find a furry friend today. “Puppies are certainly fun, although they are lots of work. Strict training is necessary. Sometimes older dogs come trained. They may not always have the best habits, but don’t believe the adage that old dogs can’t be taught new tricks. Most dogs want to please their owner and will work hard to get praise.” “I praised Mephistopheles, but I’m not sure he appreciated my efforts.” “He was an old curmudgeon, wasn’t he? But a loving guy.” “We reached an understanding. Near the end he wanted to be petted a lot.” Damn that lump in his throat. “Knowing time was against us made everything more special.” And just like that, a warm hand rested on his back, between his shoulder blades. Without batting an eyelash, Dana nodded. “I have someone I want you to meet. She’s not a puppy, but she’s not a senior, either. Lady’s well trained and will be easy to manage.” Jared cleared his throat. “I’d love to meet her. What’s her name?” Dana laughed. “Lady. Her owner was a lovely woman who died suddenly, leaving Lady bereft. The woman’s sister had a daughter with severe asthma, so having a long-haired dog wasn’t going to work. Lady’s been…lonely.” She set aside the clipboard. “We can do paperwork later. Let’s see how you like our girl.” Xander’s hand slid to the small of Jared’s back and remained firmly there as they followed Dana through a door. “We don’t usually bring prospective owners to the back, but I want you to get to spend some time with Lady before you take her out of her kennel.” Dana pushed through another door, and a cacophonous roar

erupted. As they walked down the line of kennels, each dog yipped at the door, looking for attention. When they arrived at the last door, Jared peered cautiously, surprised when instead of a cocker spaniel with dark-brown eyes, he faced a husky with dual-colored eyes. One blue, one green, they met his gaze briefly before dropping down. She was huddled in the corner, as far from the door as she could get. Dana opened the door and frowned. “Hey, who put Marshmallow in with Lady?” Not a sentence Jared had ever thought to hear. “No idea” came drifting across the sea of noise. Noise that slowly receded as the previously excited dogs realized they weren’t getting attention. Dana crouched in front of Lady, holding out her hand. “I need to take Marshmallow back to his cage.” Lady emitted a low growl. “You said she was friendly.” Xander’s contribution. “She is,” Dana quickly assured them. “Just a little overprotective when it comes to the kitten. He’s not supposed to be in here, but someone—” She muttered a name under her breath. “—keeps putting the kitten in here.” “Why?” Jared wanted to know. “Well, frankly, Lady was depressed and had stopped eating. We were worried about her. Someone thought giving her a little companion to care for might help.” “She might have eaten the kitten.” Xander frowned. “Doesn’t look like more than a morsel.” “Lady’s not built like that. There are some dogs we’d never let around cats, but we knew Lady’d be gentle. This breaks all the rules, but sometimes you need to be creative.” She slowly backed out of the kennel. “Lady, I want you to meet Jared.”

Lady’s glance shot first to Xander, then to Jared, and then back to Xander. Jared held up his hand. “I’m Jared. It’s very nice to meet you.” If possible, Lady pushed herself even farther back. “I’m not sure—” “It’s fine.” Jared cut Xander off. Not unkindly, but firmly. He turned to Dana. “May I sit with her?” She nodded and moved aside so Jared could squeeze in. He sat in the corner most distant from the wary canine and held himself still. He had all the time in the world and infinite patience. This was Lady’s choice, of course, but his heart was already gone. The pain was palpable, but so was the love. This huge dog, who had to be close to a hundred pounds, was gently cradling a little black-and-white kitten. Jared didn’t know much about animals, but he guessed the little one was about eight weeks old. The kitten poked his nose out from under Lady’s paw and sniffed the air. Upon spotting Jared, he squirmed. Lady tightened her grip. “I won’t hurt him, I promise.” Jared kept his voice low and steady. “I’d like to meet Marshmallow.” The little one’s ears perked. Did he already know his name? Man, Jared knew so little about animals. He’d been educated on how to care for an elderly, curmudgeonly cat with kidney failure. A tiny kitten and a heartbroken dog? Not in his wheelhouse. But he was a quick study. If this was meant to be, he’d read all the books he could. He’d scan blog posts and websites. He’d ask questions. He was good at that. With a burst of energy, Marshmallow squeezed under Lady’s paw and scampered over. He was unsteady on his feet but adorable all the same. He barrelled into Jared’s lap and started crawling up his shirt. Tiny claws dug into his skin before he could blink. “Okay, little fella, slow down.” He managed to extricate himself from the kitten’s grasp, holding him away.

“You can cuddle him, if you want. Or just ease him away and say no.” Well, cuddling sounded much better than putting the kitten back on the floor. Jared carefully twisted the wriggling body into a secure hold and tucked him in the crook of his arm. Claws came out, but as soon as Jared rubbed the tiny belly, the loudest purr he’d ever heard erupted. Even Mephistopheles—who was easily twenty times the size of this pint—had never made that much noise. “He’s loud.” “That he is.” Dana laughed. “He’s also available for adoption.” Xander snickered. Slowly Lady rose, stretching out each limb, never breaking eye with Jared. Hold steady. She approached, each large paw touching the concrete floor with grace. Finally within reaching distance, she sniffed Jared’s knee. Then his thigh. And his chest. She nudged Marshmallow and licked the top of the head. The kitten purred louder. Still holding Jared’s gaze, Lady lay down, placing her head on Jared’s thigh. In that moment everything became crystal clear.

Chapter Nine Xander

As they drove back to Willow Springs, Xander chanced a glance into the backseat. The massive cat tree wouldn’t fit into the trunk—the trunk stuffed with paraphernalia. No, the tree had barely fit into the backseat. It had taken him, Jared, and two sales associates to load the damn thing. Yet he couldn’t complain because the look of pure pleasure on Jared’s face would carry him through many a dark night when they parted. Wrong thought. “You’re awfully quiet. You think I went overboard, don’t you?” Xander pushed away his negative musings, focusing on the man beside him. “I don’t think so at all. I think you’ll have everything you need to make a great home for Lady and Marshmallow. Although…” He grinned to himself. “I think two dog beds might’ve been excessive.” “But I need one for the living room and one for my bedroom. I mean, I’m not leaving her out in the living room at night. Although I suppose I could just carry it between the two rooms. Do you think I should go back?” “No.” Xander’d been kidding, but obviously Jared’s insecurity was stronger than he’d perceived. The jovial man had been so confident in the store, but that strength appeared to be waning. “I was teasing, Jared.” He paused, searching for the right words. “But I think it’s great you bought a crate big enough for Marshmallow and Lady for when you’re at work. The trainer said that’ll make them feel safe, right?” “Dana said Lady was crate trained because her last owner worked away from home.” He eased the car onto the road that would take them back to Willow Springs. “That was so sad. I mean, finding out she had cancer and dying just a month later? Not even having time to find a home for Lady?” Xander’s heart stopped. He hadn’t caught that part of the conversation. He’d

been playing with an older Maltese while Jared completed the paperwork. The little guy had been cute and loved company. Wouldn’t be long before he found a home, no doubt about that. “Yeah, sad.” Time to get away from that topic. “Now you the trainer said the dog shouldn’t sleep on the bed or hang out on the couch.” “I heard.” Jared’s indignation was clear. “You think I won’t be able to resist the urge to let Lady break the rules.” “No, I don’t think, I know. You’re softhearted, Jared. If Lady leaps on the couch, you’ll praise her for being a good girl and encourage her to cuddle close. Then you’ll scoop up Marshmallow and hold him like a baby while you rub his belly. You won’t want to move, even if you need to go to the bathroom.” Silence descended upon the car. After enough time elapsed, Xander poked. “You know I’m right.” The corner of Jared’s mouth turned up. “It would be great if she wanted to cuddle. My sofa is distressed leather and several years old. I mean, I’d prefer Marshmallow not use his claws to get up, but I won’t stop him if he wants to hang out. After all, he and Lady are bonded. I never want to come between the two of them.” Xander kept the snicker to himself, but it was a near thing. He totally saw the three of them cuddled together while watching television or listening to some Broadway soundtrack. Jared had selected eighties pop music for the trip home. The music was okay, but silence would’ve been fine. Apparently his companion needed a continuous soundtrack. “I have an apartment big enough for all of us to stretch out. Two bedrooms, in fact. Plenty of room.” Yet Xander still pictured Jared and his new companions on the couch. “I also have all hardwood floors, thank goodness. Easier to clean up all that dog hair.” “The trainer said huskies shed a lot.” That nice young woman really seemed to know what she was doing. “Are you going back there for training?”

“I’ll consider it, but I’m hoping to find someone closer to home. I’ll check out the ads to see if there are any within Willow Springs. If not, there’s a kennel close to town on one of the farms. If I ever have to go away, I can leave Lady there.” Xander didn’t miss the hitch in Jared’s voice. “Or you can hire someone to come and stay with her. There are plenty of dog-sitting services.” “Oh, I hadn’t thought of that. And I need to find someone to walk her during the day.” “The trainer said she’d be fine for the day, Jared.” “I know, but she’ll get lonely. I should see if one of the kids from the high school would do it on their lunch hour.” With Jared’s mind going about a mile a minute, Xander leaned back to enjoy the ride. The bucolic landscape did something to his soul. It brought a calm, a tranquility. He’d spent most of his life running from one disaster to another. How much time had he lost over the years? Not seeing the joy? Only finding the tragedy. He hadn’t been lying when he said he was a glass-half-empty kind of guy. One didn’t witness what he saw every day and not become cynical. And here he was. Today was about happiness. About new beginnings. About finding the good things in life and celebrating. About bringing comfort where only pain had existed. When Lady placed her snout on Jared’s thigh and looked up at him with such trust, Xander’s heart had squeezed tight. Breath had escaped his lungs, and for a moment he’d become light-headed. He’d almost whipped out his cell phone to snap a picture and capture the scene, but the moment had been too precious—too tenuous. Interrupting would’ve been sacrilege. His breath hitched. He wasn’t going to get emotional over this, right? Because one lonely dog finding one apparently lonely man wasn’t worth that much energy, right? He had bigger things to worry about. Things he’d set aside so he could enjoy today. Things waiting for him to return to. Things demanding his attention in the short time he had left to get them done. A pain shot through his chest. Damn, that hurt. Really hurt. Not as bad as the pain from when he’d had the appendicitis, but bad nonetheless. He pressed his

hand to his breastbone and tried to take in a deep breath, but now his lungs were being squeezed. Crap, crap, crap. “Are you okay?” They were ing the sign welcoming them to Willow Springs, and Xander hadn’t even noticed. “I, uh…” Damn, even speaking hurt. And drawing air was increasingly difficult. “A doctor. I think…” Nope, no more words came. Jared floored the gas as he pulled into town, far exceeding the posted speed limit. “Doc White has a clinic. If he’s not open, then we can call emergency services, and they’ll rush you back to Montpelier.” He parked in front of the Quick Care Medical Clinic and leapt out of the car. He ran into the building, leaving Xander to figure out what to do. Unclip your seat belt. Okay, yeah, that he could do. Open the door. His breaths were short, sharp pants, but he forced himself to focus. Pulling on the handle wasn’t so bad, but pushing open the door took entirely too much effort. “Hey, buddy, you okay?” Gazing up, Xander looked at the kind brown eyes of a middle-aged gentleman with gray in both his hair and his moustache. “I, uh…” Nope, no words. Just a vise around his chest, squeezing the air from his lungs. His vision swam. “Is it okay if I help you? My name is Redmond. I’m the fire chief.” Not intending to turn down any help offered, Xander nodded. The man placed his hands under Xander’s arms and guided him out of the car as if he weighed nothing. Strong was an understatement. “Oh, good.” Jared was suddenly there, breathing hard. “Doc wanted to help, but

he’s too old for that. Thanks, Redmond, I really appreciate this.” So did Xander, but he was light-headed and feared pitching over. Every breath was an effort, and his heart beat so fast it was liable to burst from his chest. Sweat trickled down his back and broke out across his brow. Too much. Just too much. “Jared, scoot under his right side, and I’ll take his left.” Within moments Xander was completely ed. The progress was slow and steady as they made their way into the clinic. An older man with a shock of white hair and a slight stoop held open the door and ushered them in. “First door on the right. You know which one, Jared and Redmond.” They made it to the appointed room, and the two men helped Xander sit on the table. Doc was there within moments, stethoscope at the ready. “You two scoot and give us some privacy.” “Okay, you’re sure?” Redmond’s brow creased. “Well, of course you’re sure. If he needs a ride to Montpelier, just give us a holler.” With that, he left. “I’m staying.” Even through his double vision, Xander couldn’t miss the stubborn set of Jared’s jaw. At any other time it might be sexy, but now the mutiny was too much. “Young man, I’ve got this. If I need help, I’ll ask. I’ve called Anne, and she’s on her way in. She’d only just left, so it won’t be long. You go to the waiting room.” “No.” Jared’s voice was firm. No echoed in Xander’s mind. He wanted to howl it, but speaking was absolutely impossible. With fumbling fingers he managed to extricate his wallet from his back pocket. His hands shook so badly pulling out what he needed was impossible. Jared took it and rifled through the billfold. He extracted a folded piece of paper and looked at Xander with brow raised, asking for confirmation.

Xander managed a nod. Doc took the paper and scanned it. “Well, that helps.” He put the paper on the counter and pivoted to Jared. “You staying breaks all the rules, especially HIPAA.” “I want him to stay.” Possibly the hardest five words Xander’d ever said. Scowling, Doc sighed. “I could lose my license…” He glanced between the two men. “Ah, what the heck. I’m old and close to retirement. But I’ll need to get something in writing when this is all done.” He straightened. “Now I need to hear your heart and lungs. Jared, since you insist on staying, you might as well make yourself useful as we need to get this young man’s T-shirt off.” Having never felt less like a young man, Xander let Jared and the doctor guide his faded black T-shirt off. Thirty-five was not young, and if he could, he’d point that out. But damn, he couldn’t catch his breath. “Doc, I’m sure you’ve noticed, but his lips are turning blue.” Jared’s blue eyes were full of worry—the exact reason Xander didn’t want him in here, witnessing this. “I did, but let’s not worry about that right now.” He pressed the cold stethoscope against Xander’s chest. He hummed. He pulled Xander forward to lean on the older man and then listened to one side of his back. Then the other side. “Blood clot.” Getting the words past his lungs was excruciating, but it had to be done. The doctor pushed him so he sat up. “Jared, hold him for me?” The man was right there. The doctor rummaged in his drawer and pulled out a paper bag. He opened it, folded down the edges, then put it in Xander’s hand. “Breathe into the bag. The longer the breath, the better.” Was he serious? Xander had a blood clot in his lungs, and this quack thought breathing into a bag was going to help?

“Just humor this old man. I’ll take some X-rays to be certain, but I think I know what the problem is.” “What?” Barely a croak. “I think you’re having a good old-fashioned panic attack. If this doesn’t work, I’ll consider putting you on a nebulizer, but there’s no wheezing. There’s no constriction, and the airway isn’t obstructed, so it’s not an asthma attack, and you’re not having an anaphylactic reaction.” He placed a firm hand on Xander’s shoulder. “Trust me. We’ll get to the bottom of this.” He squeezed. “I hear Anne. I’ll get her to set up a pulse ox and the X-ray machine. We’ll know for sure in no time. Now breathe into the bag.” What did he have to lose? The first exhalation was barely any air, but he breathed the air back into his lungs and tried for a bigger inhalation. A hand pressed to his back, and Jared was there by his side. “Keep going, okay? For me?” Those soft fingers kneaded into his shoulder. “You can do this, Xander.” Another breath in, another push out. Were things getting easier? Was his heart rate slowing? He couldn’t tell. His mind kept circling to the blood clot. Or maybe a dozen or more things that could be going wrong. With his health these days, it could be a pile of things. Most of which he couldn’t even name at the moment. “Keep going, baby, okay?” The endearment ed, and in any other circumstances Xander would’ve rebelled, but right now, in this moment, it felt right. Someone was in his corner. If only for today, he wasn’t alone. “How are we doing?” Doc reentered the room with a sturdy-looking, attractive woman in her fifties. Her hair was in tight curls framing her face. Her name tag read Anne. She

pushed a wheelchair. “I think he’s a bit better.” Was that optimism in Jared’s voice? Xander could hold on to that. For now, at least. “Help me get him into the wheelchair.” Xander slid off the exam table and, with Jared’s assistance, dropped heavily into the chair. “Keep breathing in the bag, young man. We’ll do some tests, and then we’ll bring you back here.” The doctor turned to Jared. “You need to wait in the waiting room.” “I want to stay.” “irable sentiment, but not practical. We’ve already broken about a dozen regulations in letting you stay this long. We won’t be long, I promise.” “It’s okay, Jared.” Anne put a hand on Jared’s shoulder, guiding him out the door. “We won’t let anything happen to him.” Just before he got to the door, he pivoted back and put a hand over Xander’s. “I’m not going anywhere.” The ferocity in the man’s voice brought a warmth to Xander that he hadn’t expected. Somehow, he believed him.

Chapter Ten Jared

We won’t be long, I promise. We won’t let anything happen to him. Doc and Anne’s words were meant to reassure him—and they did to a certain extent—but nothing short of seeing Xander in person would alleviate his anxiety. Xander’d been so convinced it was a blood clot. And blood clots killed people all the time. Did the other man believe he was dying? Hell, was he? The vividness of the bruises on Xander’s side flashed to Jared’s mind. Had they been lighter than two days ago? Were they fading? Were they the reason Xander was convinced something was wrong? And, finally, what if Doc was right? What if it was a simple panic attack? That’d bring tremendous relief to Jared, but how would Xander take it? Reassurance or embarrassment? Nothing to be ashamed of, naturally. People had panic attacks. They had anxiety. What had triggered Xander? He’d been teasing Jared about the two dog beds and about the fact he was going to let Lady and Marshmallow on the couch. Okay, that brought a smile to his face for the first time since Xander had started breathing shallowly. Because the other man was right—Jared was going to totally encourage Lady and Marshmallow—if that was what they wanted. Jared would never force affection. But he’d offer it freely. Breaking through Lady’s pain and reserve was going to take time. A bunch of tiny steps forward and probably some serious ones back. But he was in it for the long haul. Lady would see his commitment, and hopefully, she’d respond. They’d form a bond. Maybe not as strong as the one Lady had shared with her previous owner, but something strong nonetheless. That thought buoyed him. The rightness of the situation settled over him. Scooping cat litter and dog poop was no big deal. He’d wanted this so badly as a child, yet it’d always been beyond his reach. Portland. His parents. Cora.

Those memories were enough to bring him to his knees, but thankfully they were distant enough they didn’t stress him out as much as they used to. And they were preferable to worrying about Xander. The wall clock showed barely half an hour had ed. He needed to get a grip. He needed to be calm and cool for Xander. Caring and comionate, but detached and concerned. A balance, right? Yeah, he called BS. He’d been invested from the moment he saw the bruises. His worry had been out of proportion, given he hardly knew the man. And said man had been whining about all the things wrong with his room. Jared had a strong constitution, but he disliked people who complained. The inn wasn’t perfect, but all efforts had been made to make it a warm and inviting place. Had the mattress really been too hard, or had Xander been uncomfortable because of his side? Jared didn’t have a lot of experience with injuries. As he’d grown up, because of Cora, his parents had been overly cautious. And when her illness demanded all their attention, Jared had been old enough to understand getting into scrapes might take their focus away from his sister. Had he longed for their attention? Of course, what child didn’t want their parents to notice them? Had he understood their need to focus on Cora? Yeah, he had. More now as an adult than he had as a child. He should call his parents. The card they’d sent on his birthday had been nice. As had the gift certificate for a chain restaurant. Fortunately, there’d been one in Montpelier, so he’d asked Brock, Dylan, and Lloyd to him for a night on the town. They’d had dinner and watched a movie. The whole time Jared had been thinking about his parents, and in the end, he hadn’t enjoyed himself. Next time he’d donate the card to a charity for a raffle or something. In Cora’s memory. His parents had called a couple of weeks ago. They did regularly, wanting updates on his life. He had nothing to tell them. Well, he could’ve mentioned nabbing the role of Riff in West Side Story. He could’ve mentioned missing Mephistopheles. He could’ve told them about the Fourth of July celebration planned in town. Yet he’d done none of those things. He’d been monosyllabic, and his parents had little to add to the conversation. They were both busy at work but made it clear they would love to come east to visit him. Or would love it even more if he made

the journey back home. He was always welcome, they quietly insisted. Cat tails. He should put in a greater effort. Not their fault things had gone so badly off the rails after Cora’s death. Not their fault things had been so difficult. They were orbities. Parents who’d lost a child and suffered great bereavement. He’d found the word when he was younger, searching for some explanation. The word stuck in his mind. Cora had been gone almost twelve years, and he still missed her like crazy. He’d been fourteen when she died just after her ninth birthday. And so many of those few years had been a battle. She’d been sick more than she’d been healthy. Everyone assured Jared the cancer wasn’t genetic, and he wasn’t likely to get anything like it. That reassured but only went so far. He’d watched her suffer for so long even he’d understood her ing was a blessing. “Jared.” Anne’s soft voice pulled him from his reverie. He was on his feet in mere moments. “How is he?” “He’s fine. Because of HIPAA, I can’t say much except that Doc’s comfortable sending him home. That’s a good sign. If you can watch over him for a few hours, that’d be great, but there shouldn’t be any lingering issues.” Her smile reassured. “And if there are, call the answering service, and they’ll page Doc.” “Just like that?” Could things be that simple? “Yes, just like that. You got him here quickly, and Doc got him treated right away. You did good, Jared. Now the rest is just a bit of time and a bit of TLC. Something tells me you’ll be good at that.” He would. He would give the best TLC he was capable of. “Yeah, I’ll watch him.” “Great. We’ll bring him out in the wheelchair, but once he’s in the car, he should be fine. Give me a minute.” She left him alone with his thoughts. This was good. Xander would be okay. Jared didn’t have any plans for the afternoon and evening, so hanging out with the sexy man should be fine.

Okay, more than fine. He’d make it fun and entertaining. Something to take Xander’s mind off all the bad stuff. Anne was pushing the wheelchair, but he only had eyes for Xander. The blue tinge was gone, replaced by a blanched white with two points of color high on his cheekbones. “I said I can walk.” “And Doc said I was to escort you out in a wheelchair. Guess who I’m going to listen to?” Jared half expected the stubborn man to get out of the chair, but he slumped dejectedly, not making eye . Xander mumbled, “Whatever,” under his breath. Grouchy. Out of sorts. Put upon. Yeah, his big lug was going to be fun to be around this afternoon. Jared held the door while Anne pushed the wheelchair out to the street. “Oh, Jared.” Spinning, Jared turned to respond to Doc, who held out the paper Jared’d seen. “Xander will need this.” Without a thought he took the paper. Doc gave him a quick squeeze to the shoulder, then headed back to the exam room. Jared fingered the folded paper. Reading it would be wrong in so many ways. Except he was expected to watch over Xander, and knowing what was on this paper would make it much easier. Or maybe it wouldn’t. No way to know unless he opened the paper and read it. Mom taught you better. Yeah, she had. Despite all that’d been going on in his parents’ lives, they’d taught him manners, civility, and respect for someone’s privacy. As curious as he was, he wouldn’t read the contents of the paper. Doc trusted him not to. Tucking

it into his back pocket, he exited the clinic. Anne had pushed the wheelchair to the door of Jared’s car. He unlocked the doors remotely and was there within moments, ready to lend a hand. The glare on Xander’s face indicated that his help was neither needed nor appreciated. Fair enough. The photographer was a grown man. Jared knew when to argue and when to back off. “I’ll go get in the car.” He gave Anne a quick nod. “Thanks for coming in.” She waved him off. “That’s my job, and you know I love my job. Just hoping Doc finds a replacement soon.” “Crazy old coot.” Jared’s eyes widened in dismay at Xander’s muttered words. Anne didn’t blink. “I think he’d see that as a compliment. You young men have a nice afternoon.” Lunchtime had long come and gone. The sun still hung high in the sky, and heat radiated off the pavement. Jared got into the car but didn’t start the engine. “Well?” Xander’s impatience was clear. “I’m debating.” “On what?” Petulance worthy of a pouting teenager. “I’m thinking we need to eat.” “I don’t want to go to a restaurant.” Duh. “That hadn’t been my thought at all. I’m thinking pizza or Chinese. Or I can do takeout from Finnigan’s. They have great Irish fare as well as good old American. Their burgers are to die for.” “I just want to go back to the inn.”

“Oh, I know you do.” Jared turned the key, and the engine turned over beautifully. He glanced behind his shoulder before pulling back out into traffic. A few perfectly executed turns and he was back on the road, then soon pulling into his driveway. “This isn’t the inn.” Was that a growl? It spoke to Jared in a way no whine ever would. “No, we’re at my place. Doc suggested I watch over you for a couple of hours. And as much as I love Deerbourne, your room is on the small side. I mean, I can sit on the chair, but I don’t think it’s that comfortable.” “Trust me, it’s not.” “See? So why not hang at my place? I have a dual reclining couch so you can put your feet up. I’ll order us two burgers—” “I want pizza.” Score. “Okay, we can get pizza. I’ll even let you pick the toppings. Although I have to put my foot down at anchovies. Those are gross no matter what.” “Little fricking fish do not belong on a pizza.” Xander ran his hand along his jaw. “I want meat lovers’.” “Also one of my favorites. You okay with mushrooms and extra cheese?” “Isn’t a good pizza if you don’t have extra cheese.” “See, more agreement. This won’t be so bad.” Jared exited the car and popped the trunk, keeping a close eye out for Xander. Within moments the man exited the car and was rounding the side. “What do you want me to carry?” Xander reached for the dog food. “Uh, let’s on that for now. How about you carry Marshmallow’s food and the bags with the treats, collars, leash, and all the toys?” Xander didn’t look pleased, but he grabbed the bags.

The walk up was easy, and Jared kept a sharp ear for each of the other man’s steps. They didn’t falter. Good. He slid his key in the lock and turned the bolt without difficulty. Once he entered his apartment, he dropped the food in the nook where he left his shoes. “Corn nuts.” “What?” Xander ed him. “Where do you want me to put these?” “Oh, in the living room, straight ahead.” The open floor plan had the living room visible from the kitchen. He cocked his head, looking at the bag of food. “I need to get a container for the food. To keep it fresh.” A low whistle drew his attention. Since the view from his balcony over the grassy area wasn’t likely to garner much attention, the whistle had to be because of the artwork. With a grin, he headed past his kitchen and into his living room. His smart television hung on one wall across from his recliner couch. Surrounding it were ten photographs. Some were black and white, and some were color. All were of landscapes and nature. “You took these, didn’t you?” No hint of accusation, just awe. “Yes, I did. I’m pretty proud of them.” Proud was an understatement. He’d given them pride of place, on the wall he looked at most. Whether he watched television, curled up with a book, or simply sat and listened to a soundtrack, he’d always ire his photos. When friends came over, he was happy to show them off. He didn’t preen in public, but sometimes a little pride was okay. “Good goddamn, you’re talented.” He wanted to cheer at the iration in the other man’s voice. “I…yeah, I guess I am. Although my reject pile is massive.” “Hey, for every great shot, there are dozens of mediocre ones. I get that.” Xander placed the bags on the floor and stepped forward. “The mountain?” “Sugar Bush.” Jared pointed to another shot. “And I took that one from the top of the mountain.” “And I like it as well, but this one…” Xander pointed to the landscape of snow

and ice. Dusk had been falling, and the sky was pink and purple. “That was quite a sunset. I lucked out. I was walking out of town when it happened. I could’ve snapped a shot from my balcony, but wires obstruct the view. Just beyond the town boundaries are some lovely fields. The view of Sugar Bush is unobstructed.” Xander nodded. “And this one?” “I heard the owl, and it took me about five minutes to locate her. I got one shot before she flew away.” “Well, you nailed the shot.” Damn, Xander Fortier was complimenting his photographs. Didn’t that just beat all? “I need to order the pizza.” Time to get the focus off him. “We should bring in the cat tree.” Xander pivoted and did a complete circle of the room, a frown on his face. “I was thinking…that corner.” Jared pointed to the wall next to the sliding glass door. “Okay, but what are you going to do about the plant?” “I can move that into the second bedroom. I love the plant, but Marshmallow needs somewhere to play.” “And so it begins.” Jared scratched his elbow. “And so what begins?” “Those two will take over your life. In a few days you won’t recognize yourself.” “Is that a bad thing?” If Xander wasn’t going to be around anyway, what difference did it make? As if sensing his unspoken thought, Xander waved his hand. “Yeah, it’s probably not a bad thing. I mean, if you had kids, it’d be even more extreme.”

And there it was. The longing so visceral it almost brought him to his knees. Jared wanted to be a father more than anything else in the world. He loved Liz’s kids but longed for a couple of his own. Or one. He’d take one. He wouldn’t be greedy. As a single gay man, though, his chances were almost nonexistent. He’d gone so far as to investigate being a foster parent or adopting, but so many hurdles existed. Vermont was progressive, but things were still slow to evolve. Whenever he heard about the children in the foster system, his heart broke. He could provide a good home. He could be a loving parent. “Hey.” A gentle hand cupped his elbow. “What did I say?” Shake it off. “You didn’t say anything. I was thinking I should order the pizza, and while we’re waiting, we can bring the cat tree in. If you’re up to it, you can help me move the ficus tree.” The glint in Xander’s eye assured Jared his ruse hadn’t been successful. “Okay, your call, and I’m going to use your washroom. Then cat tree and, yes, food, please.” Easy enough. Although he preferred to cook for himself, when he had the guys over, they occasionally had pizza. And some days he didn’t feel like cooking. Nothing a piping hot pie couldn’t fix. By the time Xander was back from the washroom, Jared had ordered. “Okay, so that is the most amazing shot of a monarch butterfly. I have patience, but I’m not sure I could’ve sat around waiting for that shot.” “How do you know I waited? I might’ve gotten a lucky shot like the owl.” Xander’s eyes narrowed. “But you didn’t. You sat and waited for the perfect moment.” “Well, it took about an hour and a half. I also got a great picture of a hummingbird, but the butterfly was…”

“Spectacular?” “Well, I was going to say cool.” Xander smacked him playfully on the shoulder. “You need to be more boastful. Some of these shots are incredible. Have you ever been featured in a magazine?” “Featured? No. But the local paper has printed a few shots, and the Vermont Lifestyle Magazine usually puts one or two in each edition. Problem is I don’t leave this corner of the state, so my range is tiny compared to, like, photographers who go all over the world.” This time the smack was less playful. “That’s bull crap. Local is so important. Local is a microcosm of the world. Each person wants to see themselves reflected in the world around them. Your photographs of Vermont bring comfort and joy to your friends and neighbors. And to everyone else who gets to see them. Tell me you at least have a website.” Finally, something he’d done right. “Yes, I have a website. I also run the website for the inn and about another dozen businesses in Willow Springs. I have good internet skills, if I say so myself.” “Great. First cat tree, then food, then I want to see your site.” “I like how you prioritize things.” “Yeah, fur babies first, then sustenance, and finally entertainment.” Xander rolled his eyes. “I have to wonder about my sanity.” **** “I thought we could watch a musical.” Xander groaned as he sat on the couch. With a push of a button, his legs were up, and he wiggled his ass to find a nice, comfortable spot. Jared had noticed that ass a time or two and then had shelved the thought. Sighing, Xander picked up one of his slices and examined it. “We are in your home, so I guess you get to choose.”

“Such enthusiasm. How about Les Misérables with Hugh Jackman? I mean, if for nothing else, you can watch a beautiful man.” “A very straight man.” Yet the corners of Xander’s lips curled. “Okay, I suppose I can endure it. It’s short, right?” “Uh, yeah, short.” Almost three hours wasn’t that long, right? And the time would fly by. Using his remote, he turned on the television and accessed his digital recordings. Within moments the first shot was up. To resist the urge to sing along as he normally did, he bit into his pizza. Man, amazing didn’t begin to describe it. He settled in to eat and enjoy the movie. As Fantine welcomed Valjean, Jared heard a noise. The sound was so faint he almost wasn’t sure he’d heard it. Slowly he turned his head, just a few inches. A lone tear streaked down Xander’s cheek. Uh, son of a goat, he hadn’t meant to make the man cry. He was so solid and strong. His only moment of weakness had been the mini-breakdown in Doc’s office. But this…? This was unexpected. Um, how to react? Ignore it? Play it off like it was normal—which it was. Or show Xander that grown men crying wasn’t an awful thing—which it wasn’t. Embrace him and pour the love he felt for the man into that gesture or hold back? What? Love? No, not love. Way too soon for love. Caring? Yes. Affection? You bet. But love? No way. Jared was just lonely, and here was a gay man, in his home, and he wanted to bask in it. Not to have sex—too soon for that as well. But to soak up some warmth. To make a memory he could cherish on the cold, lonely nights ahead. Xander wiped at his cheek as the closing credits rolled. “Okay, not going to lie, that was amazing.” He still didn’t turn to Jared. “I didn’t always understand what they were singing, but it was incredible.” His eyes still shimmered. “Would you like a hug?” Talk about putting himself out there. Not everyone liked hugs. Not everyone wanted to be comforted. Yet when Xander nodded, Jared was up in an instant, crawling over the center seat. Sitting on his knees, he had a height advantage. He opened his arms, and the other man sagged into the embrace. Xander wound his arms around Jared’s waist and allowed his head to be tucked under Jared’s chin. Tears seeped into Jared’s T-shirt, wetting it. He didn’t care about the garment,

but he worried about Xander’s mental state. Obviously today had been more impactful than he originally thought. He ran his hand through the man’s soft hair. The loose style today had looked roguish, and he’d almost commented several times but suspected Xander wouldn’t want the attention. Of course, he’d undoubtedly worn his hair that way out of expediency rather than any plan to kick Jared’s libido into gear. Yum, longer hair. More to run his hands through. More to grab onto. Finally, after what must have been about ten minutes, Xander pulled back. Jared let him, still holding him close. Their gazes met. Like a punch to the gut, he saw the naked desire. And the distress still lining the other man’s face. “I want to kiss you.” In the past he might’ve just done it, but consent was vital. He wanted the sexy man to want to be kissed. Xander tugged him to straddle his lap—a more intimate position than anything Jared had ever been in. The other man grasped his hair to bring him down for a kiss. The first press of lips was gentle, but mere moments later, he opened his mouth, and Jared mirrored his actions. He grasped that lusciously soft hair and pulled Xander in close. Tongues parried, and his arousal kicked into high gear. How often had he dreamed of this? With some faceless stranger? And then, in the past couple of days, that stranger’s face had been replaced with Xander’s beautiful one. Rubbing his hands up Jared’s back, Xander then yanked him closer. As with the previous night, barely a whisper of breath could between the two of them. The intimacy filled Jared’s head with what ifs, but it was too soon. They hardly knew each other. The world traveler wasn’t sticking around, and Jared wasn’t built for one-night stands. Or one-week affairs. He longed for permanency and forever. Even for Xander, he wasn’t willing to give up those dreams. As Xander ended the kiss, Jared pressed their sweat-slicked foreheads together. Seemed they were both hot and bothered. “That was…” Xander’s words trailed off. “Yeah, I would say it was.” Jared didn’t need to finish the sentence because they were both clearly on the same page. With regret he pulled back. “Do you want ice cream?”

Xander’s smile was both rueful and radiant. “I would love ice cream. Something to cool me down.” “Cool us down.” Jared risked one more press of his body against Xander’s before extricating himself. “I’m sorry, but I only have marionberry ice cream.” “Really?” Xander’s confusion was clear, his hazel eyes wide. “It’s a great flavor.” “They named an ice cream after the disgraced mayor of DC? Whose dumb idea was that?” “What?” Jared scrunched his nose. “Oh, I someone saying something about that, but I wasn’t paying attention. Marionberry is hybrid blackberry.” “Yet unsurprisingly hardly found in the Northeast.” Xander stood as well and followed Jared into the kitchen. “Where did you say you were from?” “I didn’t.” Jared removed the ice cream from the freezer and got two bowls while Xander rummaged through the cutlery drawer, coming up with two spoons and the ice cream scoop. Removing the lid, Jared took the scoop, purposely brushing his fingers against his guest’s. “Fair enough. But I told you I came from Louisiana. You should, given polite conventions, return the favor.” Jared dug the scoop into the ice cream. “Portland.” “Maine?” “Nope, other coast.” Xander whistled. “That’s right. I you said that. Well, you’re a long way from home. You come out east for college?” “Never went to college. I’ve taken a few classes through the university in Montpelier, but that’s about it. Everything I know about computers is self-taught. Same with photography. I decided some English Lit classes might supplement my education, as well as a couple of beginner business classes so I could

contribute more to the inn.” Without meeting Xander’s gaze, he handed over the first bowl, then studiously began scooping out his own. “Are you embarrassed about not going to college? I mean, college is expensive and not for everyone. Plenty of people do very well without formal postsecondary education.” Jared put the lid back on the ice cream with more force than necessary. “I had a college fund if I wanted to use it. Heck, I could’ve picked my school with the money sitting in the . Plus my inheritance from my grandfather—” Mother Goose. Too much talking. He was doing entirely too much talking. Xander took the ice cream container from Jared’s limp hands and put it in the freezer. Then he scooped those hands into his own. Both sets of hands were chilled. “You don’t have to tell me everything, you know. I mean, you don’t have to tell me anything.” He released one of his hands so he could tip Jared’s chin up to meet his gaze. “You can also tell me everything. Somehow I think this pain isn’t something you share with everyone.” Xander’s perceptiveness disconcerted him. He blinked several times. “I’ve made a good life for myself.” He pulled back and freed himself but immediately missed the . “This ice cream will melt.” “I agree.” Xander picked up his bowl. Jared grabbed his, and they made their way to the dining room table. After taking a mouthful, Xander moaned. “Okay, this is amazing.” He laughed. “I keep saying that.” “Hugh Jackman is amazing. Marionberry ice cream is also amazing. I stock up when I go to New York.” “It doesn’t melt?” “I take a cooler with plenty of ice packs. It melts a bit but refreezes as soon as I put it in the freezer. I enjoy a scoop now and then to make it last.”

“Man, I’d eat a pint at a time.” For the first time in a while, Jared laughed. “I can see that about you. That being said, you don’t look like you eat ice cream by the pint.” Xander slapped his flat stomach. “No, ittedly I don’t. I swim when I’m stateside and run when I’m out of this country. If it’s safe.” He added that line quickly, even before Jared had a chance to process how many countries existed in the world where going outside to run might be dangerous. Xander continued to expound. “Heck, I’ve jogged in place for an hour while streaming news on my phone. There are days when I have to keep moving, you know?” Jared did know—all too well. He nodded. “I’m a walker. I’ll listen to an entire soundtrack while walking around. I really love early morning or late at night. And I usually have my camera with me in case I come across something I just have to snap a picture of.” “And the world should be grateful you do. Does Nate know about this?” He gestured to the photographs on the wall in the living room. “Of course.” “Then why aren’t your pictures hanging in the inn?” “Doesn’t fit with the nineteenth-century aesthetic.” Xander chuckled. “Yeah, I guess I can see that.” He scraped the last of the ice cream. “I would lick the bowl if it wasn’t rude.” “If the host does the same thing, then it would be expected you follow suit.” Jared picked up his bowl and licked every last bit. “When in Rome.” Xander did the same thing, and they grinned at each other when they finished. “You, uh…” He pointed. Before Jared could react, the other man was leaning in and licking the ice cream off the tip of his nose.

Okay, so that was sexy as hell. Xander placed a chaste kiss to Jared’s lips before grabbing the two bowls and heading to the kitchen. “I need to be taking off.” “I’ll walk with you.” “It’s unnecessary. This town is so small I’m pretty sure I can find my way without needing GPS.” “Maybe, but I haven’t walked all day, and a nice stroll is just what I need.” Jared grabbed his coat from the hall closet. “You might be a little chilly.” “I’ve endured far worse.” No doubt. Once they were outside, Jared headed down the steps. Wait, why wasn’t Xander following? He turned. “You’re not going to lock your door?” “Uh, no. I’m only going to be gone for an hour or so.” Xander shook his head. “Man, if I left my door unlocked, I doubt there’d be anything left when I came home.” “Maybe that’s one of the reasons I love Willow Springs.” They’d locked their doors in Portland, but when he was just going out for a short time, Jared didn’t bother here. Maybe it was risky, but it also wasn’t likely someone could just drive up and load his stuff into a truck. Too many people in town were too nosy. Dusk had set in, and several other couples were out for post-dinner strolls. Some families as well. “You’re very pensive.” Xander squeezed his hand. “Is this okay? I probably should’ve asked.” “I promise you I would’ve said something if it wasn’t. I just… This isn’t the norm for me. I like it.” He added that quickly, lest the other man wondered.

Xander brought their hands up and brushed a kiss to Jared’s knuckles. “I like it too.” Don’t blush. Don’t blush. Don’t… Okay, too late. A bit too late to prevent some other physical reactions as well. Good thing he wore a coat. The rest of the journey ed in companionable silence. When they arrived at the front door of the inn, Xander let go of his hand. “Today was one of the best days in my memory.” No way to Xander’s statement, but something in the presentation rang true. To keep his hands off the man’s hot body, Jared stuck them in the back pockets of his jeans. One hand encountered his wallet, and the other crinkled the paper. Part of him wanted to keep silent—to let the night spin out and finish with another breath-stealing kiss. The other part of him—the rational and logical part, dammit—pointed out he had to return the paper because Xander might need it. Reluctantly he pulled it from his pocket. “I’m sorry, it got a little squished.” Xander took the paper, then stuffed it into the front pocket of his jeans. “Did you read it?” He didn’t meet Jared’s gaze. “I did not.” This time Jared snagged Xander’s chin and tugged him so their gazes met. “I respect your privacy. You can tell me anything, but I understand if you can’t. Maybe not today, but I’m hoping that might change in the future. I’ll be here. Listening is something I’m good at. Just ask the guests. Or my friends.” “Or your boss.” Xander’s dark eyes pierced Jared. “I can see clearly, Jared. I see how people respect you. How they care about you. What you mean to them. If circumstances were different, then maybe…” He cleared his throat. Jared released his hold. “Circumstances can always change, Xander. You might think things are headed in a certain direction and they can’t be stopped, but detours happen. Whether you can give me a day, a week, or even an hour, I’ll take it. I’m greedy. I’ll take whatever I can get.” “Maybe…how about Monday night? I have to get some work done tomorrow, but perhaps after work Monday?”

“Sounds perfect. We can go to Finnigan’s, or I can cook at my place and subject you to another musical. You survived tonight’s, right?” Xander cupped Jared’s jaw and drew him in for a kiss. “I enjoyed tonight. It meant more to me than you’ll ever know. And since ravishing you in front of your place of business might not be the best way to go, I’m going to say good night. I’ll see you Monday.” Jared yanked his wallet from his back pocket and extracted a business card. “For my computer business, but my cell number is on it. Text or call or, you know, whatever.” Ramble much? He wanted a ionate good-night kiss, but Xander’s logic was sound. The restaurant was open tonight, so Nate could wander out and see them. Taking the card, Xander tapped it to his lips. “I’ll see you Monday.” With that, he slipped away, entered the inn, and quietly shut the door. Turning to wander home, Jared fought the loneliness threatening to overwhelm him. Today had been amazing. Heck, even Xander had thought so. He could hold on to the memory for the rest of his life—a life he freely itted he didn’t want to spend alone. His cell phone was home, hooked up to the charger. He could research dating apps, right? Everything from hookups to permanent relationships. If he had to go beyond Willow Springs, that wouldn’t be so bad. Would that ease the pain of right now? He’d laid out his intentions to Xander and hadn’t been completely rebuffed. They were seeing each other Monday, so that had to be worth something. Deciding to hold tight to the memories from today, Jared headed home—the one place he could always find solace.

Chapter Eleven Xander

Deerbourne Inn didn’t have internet in the guest rooms, so Xander used his unlimited data and pulled up Jared’s website. Well, first he did a quick view of the inn’s website. Excellent quality—not that he’d expected anything less. But Jared’s personal page of his photographs? The tiny phone screen didn’t do the pictures justice, but he could still ire them. Shot after shot. Nature in all her beauty. He’d have a tough time picking a favorite. That being said, the vista of Sugar Bush Mountain with her snowcapped peak was spectacular. And the sunset photo called to his innate love of beauty. Damn, he hadn’t spent enough time enjoying nature. And now it was too late. Well, he could at least enjoy Jared’s work. The man had talent. Wasted, really, working as a clerk at the inn. Yet Jared belonged here. He was part of the fabric of the place—part of the charm. Today had been a revelation. Jared had a wicked sense of humor but also a deep well of emotion. When he showed such empathy at that clinic, Xander had nearly broken. And the tenderness after his crying session? Most men would’ve ignored the tears. Or maybe even ridiculed him. Not Jared. He’d understood. Maybe not the real reason for the pain, but he’d recognized it and acted instinctively. That urge to soothe and comfort. A few times Xander’d witnessed people in such distress that he had to fight the urge to help. The children still haunted him. Those times, he’d witnessed pain but had to shelve the empathy to do his job. The job that’d meant everything. The job that now brought him no solace. He frowned. Huh, no option to buy any of Jared’s prints. No buy now button anywhere. Obviously, he wouldn’t buy them for himself but for a couple of people in his life back home to whom he could gift them. Something to him by. You’re getting maudlin.

I have the right. Perhaps he did, but that didn’t make the emotion productive. He glanced at his watch. The witching hour had come and gone. Sleep beckoned, but the computer summoned louder. A siren’s song, begging him to tap out another chapter or two. In truth, he was a weak man. Closing his browser, he then attached his cell phone to its charger and rose to sit in the uncomfortable chair. One chapter, he promised himself, just one. He put his ass in the chair, but the words didn’t come. Should he struggle and push through or take a break? What time was it? Ugh, ten minutes later than the last time he’d checked. After pushing up from his seat, he hesitated, then grabbed his coat and phone, pocketed the key, and headed out the door. As silently as possible, he descended the stairs and exited the inn, mindful of those sound asleep. Granted it was only ten o’clock on a Saturday night, but Willow Springs was no New York. Music came from the tavern Jared had pointed to, and although Xander longed for a beer, that wasn’t going to happen. Goddamn meds. He stumbled. Was the pavement uneven, or was he clumsy? Probably him. He’d been off his game for several weeks now, and the expectation he’d be back in fighting shape any time soon had been snuffed out by the oncologist at Mass General. Cancer. Terminal cancer. Like his-life-ending-sooner-than-he’d-planned cancer. He’d always been a realist. One was born, and in that instant one began the slow process of dying. Every day brought one closer to the moment of your death. Morbid? Definitely. But that fatalism worked for him. He tried to dress it up as realism, but he knew the truth. Given what he witnessed every day, he understood mortality. Being in the wrong place at the wrong time. One bullet. One missile. One IED. One car crash. One devastating illness. Everyone was just

one catastrophe away from death. He considered Lady’s owner. A young woman diagnosed with cancer who died within a month without even enough time to rehome her beloved pet. Xander had been given more time, but specifics had been scant. He’d done his research. He faced an excruciating death. The appendix pain would be nothing in comparison. Nothing he’d ever faced would compare. And that was if an unexpected side effect didn’t take him earlier. Pulmonary embolisms were rare, but they did happen. In the doctor’s office earlier today, he’d honestly believed it was the end. He was dying. No one could save him. Then Jared had been there. A beacon of hope. A reason to live. Jared. If ever a man deserved permanence and happiness, that man did. His kindness of spirit uplifted. Everyone around him was made better for knowing him. Xander should walk away. No, run far away. Leave Willow Springs and never look back. He crossed the street and ed by some more houses. Yet he wouldn’t. Something about Jared called to him, and as long as he was working on his memoir, he had a reason to stay. More like an excuse to stay. How far had he walked? He was at the edge of town, so the time to head back was upon him. He pivoted and began the return journey. He’d keep writing and keep seeing Jared. Maybe someday soon, this would all make sense. **** Monday morning dawned early. The summer solstice. The longest day of the year. Somehow that was fitting. Xander had worked through Saturday night, napped fitfully for most of Sunday, stayed up way too late again, and had crashed hard at about three in the morning. A glance at his watch told him he needed to get his ass in gear if he was going to get breakfast at the Red Clover Café.

Bright sunshine greeted him when he stepped into the café. A waitress made a sweeping gesture for him to sit wherever he liked. Blaming it on sentimentality, he took the table where he’d sat Thursday night. Felt like an eternity ago. His behavior at the end of the night still galled him. Yet Jared had forgiven him. Then he’d fallen short again after the monumental kiss. And Jared had forgiven his behavior yet again—which had led to the amazing day they’d shared on Saturday. Good memories to hold tight. The waitress, whose name tag read Becca, handed him a menu and held up the pot of coffee. He gripped his mug in supplication. “You need cream?” “No, ma’am. Just black. And please keep it coming.” “I can do that. You need a minute to decide what you want?” He didn’t. “What’s the largest item on the menu?” “Well, it’s not on the menu, but we have a lumberjack special. Two pancakes, two waffles, two eggs, four slices of bacon, one thick slice of ham, two sausages, and hash browns.” Since his last decent meal had been pizza two nights ago, he bestowed his most grateful smile. “Perfect. Can I get my eggs scrambled?” “Any way you like.” She gave him a wink. “Be right back.” **** He shouldn’t stop by the front desk to say hi to Jared. It was unprofessional. It was unnecessary. It reeked of desperation. Yet he did so anyway. Jared’s blue eyes lit the moment he saw him. His grin was as wide and welcoming as any Xander’d ever seen.

“How was your weekend? Did you get lots of writing done?” “I did.” Xander scratched at his stubble. “I got a little involved.” “Involved is good as long as you took care of yourself. I wondered if I should bring you some food, but then I figured if you wanted something, you’d get it.” Jared’s gaze cut away for a moment before returning back. “And you said we’d see each other tonight.” “You didn’t want to appear too enthusiastic.” Jared pressed his lips together, although his smile didn’t diminish. “A little over the top.” “I think I would’ve welcomed the interruption. Truth is I pretty much worked straight through.” He patted his belly. “This morning’s lumberjack breakfast was the first real food I’ve eaten since the pizza.” As he expected, Jared scowled. “Well, you know I won’t let that happen again. The health of our guests is of the utmost importance.” Xander chuckled. “Oh, you do welfare checks on all the guests? Make sure they’re eating properly and getting enough rest?” Jared’s cheeks pinkened. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Xander moved closer and put his hand on the counter. “It’s the thought that counts. And I’m looking forward to tonight.” He managed to keep the lascivious tone in check and his libido under control. But it was a near thing. “I think I’m going to cook for us tonight. No need to go out, you know?” Oh yes, he knew. A nice intimate dinner for the two of them. The perfect reward for having accomplished so much in the past few days. “What time do you want me at your place?” “Meet me here at five, and we can go to Brady’s together. I’ll need your input to

select the freshest ingredients.” “Happy to be of service. Of course, then I’ll know what you’re making.” “I might still have a few surprises up my sleeve.” Be still my beating heart. Two could play at this game. “Then I’ll just have to up my A game and bring a surprise.” Jared’s eyes widened, and his breath came out in a loud exhale. “I can’t wait.” “Just a few more hours.” He was about to say more when the door to the inn opened. He stepped back, leaving a decorous distance between the two of them. Two men stepped through the door. One was a tall redhead wearing glasses, and the other was a striking Black man, several inches shorter than his companion. And little doubt they were together—the hand-holding was a good clue. Jared squealed. Actually squealed. He came out from behind the desk and threw himself into the taller man’s arms. The man’s companion grinned. Upon noticing Xander, his grin widened. “My husband doesn’t mind being attacked by cuter younger men.” “Oh. My. God.” Jared pulled back, reaching for the men’s left hands. He squealed again. “Seriously? I mean that’s so amazing. Wow. And you’re here. In Willow Springs. Aren’t you having enough fun in Scotland?” “Slow down, aye?” The redhead ruffled Jared’s hair. “You’re going too fast. Yes, Elijah and I got married. On a spur of the moment, we decided to come back to America. Willow Springs was the first place we wanted to visit.” What a nice Scottish burr. Jared’s smiled dimmed. “We’re full. From now until after the fourth. School’s out, and we’re bursting with families.” “It’s not a big deal.” The Black man’s smile was still wide. “We knew it was a

last-minute thing and you weren’t likely to have room. We’ll wander around town, have dinner, then head back to Montpelier. Plenty of rooms there, I’m sure.” The look of disappointment alone on Jared’s face would’ve propelled Xander into action. “I’m happy to give up my room.” “But where will you go?” Jared’s confusion was both complete and adorable. Then, slowly, a blush crept across his cheeks as realization dawned. “Uh, well, of course that would work. Second bedroom and all.” The Scotsman stepped forward with his hand extended. “Callum MacLarenFreeman. This is my husband, Elijah MacLaren-Freeman.” Xander shook each man’s hand. “And how precisely do you know our Jared? Guest at the inn, are you?” “Well, obviously, if he’s giving us his room.” Elijah bestowed a measured smile. “We appreciate the offer, but we don’t want to put you out.” “Jared’s spare room will be just as spacious as the room upstairs.” Xander wasn’t lying. The room upstairs wasn’t large while Jared’s spare bedroom held a queen bed, a dresser, a large desk, and a lovely ergonomic chair. He could already feel his glutes relaxing into the cushioned seat. No more uncomfortable, ill-fitting antique chairs for him. Nope, luxury all the way. Plus, the bonus of having Jared just down the hall. Even if their relationship remained chaste, the opportunity to spend more time with the man held appeal. Be careful. Yeah, yeah, whatever. He was entitled to a bit of enjoyment. As long as he got his project finished, it was allowed. Right? “I’ll go upstairs and pack.” “I’ll ask Liz to clean the room.” Jared’s smile warmed Xander. Okay, so he hadn’t stepped in it. Good to know.

“Well, if you’re sure.” Callum tipped his head. “We’re mighty appreciative.” “No worries.” He turned to Jared. “I’ll be back down in a few.” Jared’s smile hadn’t diminished. “Take your time.” “And we’ll head over to Golden Tree Bistro for a meal.” Elijah grasped his husband’s hand. “We met in Willow Springs, so this is an opportunity to meander down memory lane.” “You know, I didn’t seeing you around town before the night you met Callum here. Funny, I thought I knew everyone.” Xander watched Elijah closely, curious because he doubted anyone in town lived here that Jared didn’t know. “Ah, yes, well, I was here and there. Until I met Callum, I didn’t have the desire to be seen.” What an odd turn of phrase, but everyone had their own motives. Until Jared, Xander hadn’t had the desire to spend time in a small Vermont town. Now he was searching for excuses to stay longer. He pivoted and headed back up the stairs. Packing took very little time as he was accustomed to being able to leave at a moment’s notice. He placed his camera in the center of his rucksack, surrounded by the clothes he’d brought. He hefted his bag, and his side twinged. Damn. He’d almost forgotten. In the quiet peace of the café, and during his excitement at the opportunity to spend more time with Jared, he’d almost forgotten. Resolutely pushing those thoughts to the back of his mind, he headed down the stairs. Elijah and Callum still stood in the lobby. What a striking couple. The contrast was clear, but they had a familiarity Xander envied. “I’m ready to go.” Jared stuck his hand in his pocket and pulled out his keys. “You know where it is. I’ll be home around six.” Xander’d never thought he’d hear those words directed at him. Palming the keys, he allowed his fingers to linger just a little before pulling back.

Twin spots of color appeared high on Jared’s cheeks. “Oh, like that, is it?” Callum’s words were teasing, but Xander decided it was time to take his leave. As he headed to his car, he reflected on the Scotsman. The man’s strong brogue reminded him of a journalist from Glasgow he’d worked with in Iraq near the end of the American incursion. A friend who hadn’t made it. How many journalists had died since he’d begun? Hundreds if not more. He’d promised to honor their legacy. An entire chapter in his book was dedicated to the comrades he’d lost. A chapter yet to be written. So little time. The drive to Jared’s took mere moments, underscoring just how small Willow Springs was. His hometown wasn’t much bigger, and he’d felt hemmed in. Now, though, he was charmed. The thought of spending more time here brought a serenity. Something he’d been missing since he lost his appendix and his entire world had spun out of control. Focus. He parked on the street in front of the house. Grabbing his bags, he then closed the car door, locking it with the remote. His own car saw little daylight as he preferred to use mass transit when he was in DC. Should’ve taken more days off to explore around him. Spent more time getting to know his neighbors. Spent less time vying for the most dangerous assignments that’d keep him away from home the longest. He went straight to the spare bedroom and dropped his bags on the bed. That bed called to him, but he had too much to do. He headed to the kitchen so he could grab a glass of water. He was still full from breakfast, and Jared was preparing dinner, so a midafternoon snack would carry him through. He glanced in the fridge and found plenty of healthy food. Ah, cheddar cheese—his favorite—and an apple on the counter. Good enough. Wandering into the living room, he eyed the cat tree. Jared would thrive with company. He deserved love.

Although he was strong, glimpses of a vulnerable man poked through when he thought no one was watching. He carried bravado no one was likely to question, but having witnessed the yearning Jared displayed when cuddling with Marshmallow and Lady, Xander figured that kind of loneliness didn’t exist in a vacuum. The man never spoke of his family. Of course, Xander didn’t either—with good reasons. A dead alcoholic father and a mother who’d abandoned her young son didn’t make for good memories. But thinking about his past wasn’t going to get him anywhere. He had writing to be done, and that wouldn’t wait.

Chapter Twelve Jared

Humming as he entered his apartment, Jared toed off his shoes and padded into the kitchen. Xander sat on one of the barstools. He had photographs spread across the entire island. Glancing up, he scooped them all into a messy pile. “I’d love to see them. I assume they’re yours.” If he didn’t miss his mark, his guest pinkened a bit. “Yeah, they’re mine.” Xander glanced at the microwave. “Sorry, I meant to have this cleared up. Time got away from me.” “No worries.” After placing the cloth bags on the counter, Jared made his way to the island and sat on the stool next to his temporary housemate. “Show me.” “Okay, but first you tell me what you were humming.” Now heat crept into Jared’s cheeks. “Uh, a song about not giving up my shot?” Xander’s eyebrow arched. “Oh really? You were thinking you’d get a shot at this tonight?” His hand swept up and down his body. Jared followed the hand, greedily taking in Xander’s entire length. “A man can dream, right?” Was that too bold? He’d been gathering his courage all afternoon. He vacillated between believing Xander was simply being a gentleman, giving his room to Callum and Elijah, and wondering if ulterior motives existed. The wall between the two rooms wasn’t thick. And the rooms were mere steps apart. How easy would it be to sneak into Xander’s room tonight? To snuggle up? To beg for more? With Xander’s consent, of course. Jared’s desire formed only half the equation. Nothing could happen if they didn’t both want it. Xander leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to Jared’s lips. “Put away the groceries, and I’ll help with dinner. Afterward, I’ll show you my shot.”

Well, that cleared up some of the confusion. Jared washed the cucumber, then handed it to Xander along with a knife and a cutting board. To his delight, his guest started chopping. He scrubbed his potatoes, wrapped them in foil, and put them on the tray along with the raw chicken. “I was going to barbeque tonight.” Xander’s eyes lit. “I love barbeque chicken.” “Great, can you grab the marinade from the fridge? The covered white bowl? I made it last night.” Since Brock Brady and Lloyd Owens swore this was his best meal, he’d planned for it. He wanted to impress Xander, for whatever that was worth. “You make your own sauce?” “Family recipe.” One of the few things he’d bothered to take with him when he left. Years had ed before he pulled out the recipe card and tried to make it himself. Again, too many memories. “You don’t talk a lot about your family.” Xander opened the door to the balcony and closed the screen door once Jared stepped through. “You don’t either.” He wasn’t deflecting, merely making a valid point. “Okay, so what do you want to know?” Without waiting for an answer, Xander rested his hip against the railing. “I was born and raised in rural Louisiana. My mama took off before I turned five, so I was raised by an indifferent, alcoholic asshole. I understood education was my only way out, so I studied my ass off and fled to New York as soon as I graduated from high school. I’ve never looked back.” Jared turned on the gas and after a moment pushed the starter. The flame in the grill leapt to life. He closed the lid and turned to Xander, a hand on his hip. “That simple?” “Pretty much. I knew I was gay from a young age and also knew I’d get my ass kicked if I came out to any of the people in my town. They used religion to bludgeon and repress any signs of homosexuality. Let’s just say there aren’t too many rainbow flags hanging on display.”

“Even today? I thought things were changing.” “I wouldn’t know. My dad died about ten years ago—an accident on his tractor.” Xander wiped a hand over his face. “I went back for the funeral and to settle his estate. I spent exactly six days, six hours, and twenty-two minutes in town. I suppose I could’ve counted seconds, but that seemed excessive. I did what I had to do. I saw him buried, sold the farm, and left as soon as I could. I didn’t the fact I was gay. Not that I think anyone would’ve cared. There were eight people at the funeral, including the mortician, the pastor, and my father’s lawyer. The service lasted about twenty minutes, and I didn’t bother with a graveside service. I’d have cremated him, but he wanted to be buried in the cemetery with his parents. Most sentimental thing he’d ever done.” “Sheesh, I’m sorry I asked.” A short shrug. “Like I said, almost not worth mentioning. I did pay a lot of attention to the poverty in that county, and that’s informed a lot of my work. I seek those less fortunate and do what I can to document their lives. To ensure they’re not overlooked. To make sure they’re not forgotten.” Jared placed a hand on Xander’s arm, grateful when the other man didn’t shirk or shrug him off. “I see the goodness in you. Oh, you put up a shield to protect yourself, but there are chinks in your armor.” Had he just mixed metaphors? Xander placed his hand over Jared’s and squeezed. “Thank you.” Their gazes held. “Now how about you?” Jared flexed his fingers, forcing Xander to let go. He turned and raised the lid of the barbeque after ing the temperature was hot enough. He positioned the two potatoes, then used a fork to put the chicken on the grill. The liquid hit the flame and sizzled. “I’m, uh, from Portland.” “You said that before. The marionberry ice cream.” Xander snickered again. “The delicacy not named after a crooked politician.” “Yeah, something like that.” He replaced the lid but didn’t immediately turn. “My mom and dad still live back there.” “You have any siblings? Like I said, I was an only kid. Would’ve loved to have a brother or sister.”

“I had a younger sister.” “Had?” Jared nodded, swallowing hard. You can do this. He turned to face Xander. “I’m guessing she wasn’t pesky or anything like that.” He shook his head. “No, she wasn’t. I was five years older than her and so excited when she arrived. My parents weren’t big on gender stereotypes, so when I asked for dolls, they’d happily obliged. I don’t know if I was destined to be gay, but I enjoyed putting barrettes in my hair and trying on my mother’s makeup. Maybe it was just a phase. Anyway, Cora arrived, and my fraternal instincts kicked in. I held her, fed her bottles, learned how to burp her. I sang to her when she cried.” “Sounds like they were almost maternal instincts.” Xander’s insight nearly broke him. “Yeah, that was the joke around the house. I’d wanted a sibling so badly, and now I had the perfect one. I didn’t care that she took up plenty of my parents’ attention because they always included me. We were so close.” He lifted the lid, rotated the potatoes, and flipped the chicken. The tang of sauce and smoke wafted through the air. More sizzle. No comfort, though, and a chill ran through him, despite the heat. Eventually he set the lid back down. “What happened?” Xander’s voice was whisper soft. Almost impossible to hear over the hissing of the gas and the regular traffic noise from outside Jared’s street. Most of the kids were inside eating, but they’d soon be out for evening games. Sometimes Jared would go down just to visit with his neighbors. More than once he’d brought treats for everyone. And every time he looked at the young kids, he was reminded of Cora. She was never truly far from his mind, as much as he tried to relegate her to his subconscious instead of right there front and center.

“She was three when I noticed something was wrong. The left side of her face drooped a bit. Nothing obvious, but I saw it. Fortunately, my parents believed me, and they took her to the doctor. The CT scan showed a brain tumor.” Xander sucked in a sharp breath between his teeth. “They determined the tumor was cancerous, but it was in a good spot. They figured they could operate with little impact on her. They did, and at first things went well. She went through some radiation to make sure they’d gotten all of it and some chemo just to be safe. Her beautiful blonde hair fell out, but that didn’t bother her.” “What did you do?” Son of a gun. He blinked back tears. “I had them shave my head as well. And did so every month until her hair began to grow back. It was darker, and the ringlet curls were gone. She was still beautiful, though, and she started in junior kindergarten the next year. All seemed great. I mean she wasn’t as hearty as the other kids. Her immune system wasn’t great, and she tired easily, but that could all be explained away because of the cancer she’d fought and beat.” “And you?” A sharp laugh. “I was her overprotective big brother. I wanted to protect her from everyone and everything. Eventually my parents sat me down and explained I needed to relax. Needed to learn to let things go. That I should spend more time with my own friends and let Cora navigate her own way through the world.” Still not meeting Xander’s gaze, he opened the lid. He flipped the chicken again and applied a layer of marinade. He closed the lid and stepped back but didn’t turn around. Here was why he never spoke about his past. Too painful, even after more than ten years. Strong arms grasped first his biceps, then banded around his chest. Firm hands rested against his sternum. A warm chest pressed to his cold back. “You don’t have to say anything else.” Xander whispered the words into his ear. Maybe. But now he’d started—well, no point in not finishing. He leaned back

into the Xander offered. “She was six when the cancer recurred. Another tumor. Another surgery. More chemo and radiation. This time she was older and didn’t understand why her hair fell out. Some of the kids at school made fun of her. I wanted to punch them all. Their teacher explained the situation, and some of the kids apologized while others kept the taunts and comments to themselves.” He rubbed his eyes, not surprised his hand was shaking. “The third tumor was in a place they couldn’t operate. Not without killing her immediately. They did more chemo and radiation to shrink the tumor. And it did for a bit, but then it would stubbornly grow again. That goddamn thing was stubborn. I believed Cora was more stubborn, but I was wrong. By then she was nine. Old enough to have some say in her treatment. Not to make decisions or anything like that, but old enough to contribute. And she asked for them to stop.” “Oh my God.” “You could say that, although I wasn’t speaking to Him by that point.” Jared took a deep breath and blinked rapidly, struggling not to give in to the grief. “She understood she was dying, and it was a matter of time. She was so tired by then, having spent more than half her life battling the disease. “That last time she came home from the hospital, my parents explained to me she wouldn’t be going back. We were to make the most of the time we had left. So we did a big trip down to Disneyland. We received preferential treatment because of how sick she obviously was, but she was too tired to enjoy it. We came home and waited for the end.” He swallowed the lump in his throat. “My parents tried to convince me to go back to school. To spend time with friends. To prepare for a life without her. I was a freshman in high school, and I didn’t care about any of it. In the end they decided it wasn’t worth the arguments, and I stayed home with her. “And as horrible as you could imagine it to be, it was. She lost her ability to speak. Then lost control of motor function. She was in constant pain, and nothing I did could make it better. I would spend hours just holding her and singing to her. My parents took turns, of course. But she only settled when she was with me. She died in my arms. She never saw her tenth birthday.” Shaking off Xander’s grasp, Jared stepped out of the comforting arms.

“Jared.” “The chicken’s going to burn.” He opened the lid and quickly flipped the meat. A little singed. Nothing some extra sauce wouldn’t cover up. He applied more marinade, but this time was slower to lower the lid. “It smells delicious.” “My mother’s recipe.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “I think it might have been my grandmother’s, in fact. Well, whatever. It’s delicious.” “Jared.” The word was a command he was powerless to disobey. Slowly he turned, finally meeting Xander’s gaze. The comion and sympathy were as clear as the view from Sugar Bush Mountain on a cloudless day. He blinked furiously. Don’t cry. He’d shed too many tears back then, and when they finally dried, he’d sworn those would be the last. He’d broken that promise a few times over the years, but he hadn’t lost it since coming to Willow Springs. For five years he’d kept the pain at bay. Now he was flayed wide open for Xander to see. “What happened after she died?” “My parents went back to work, and I went to school. I had a lot of catching up to do, but I was a bright kid. Within months I was where I needed to be.” Academically, at least. “I tried out for the school musical that year. They were doing Fiddler on the Roof. I was one of the sons-in-law. The next year it was a bigger part, and by my senior year I was the lead.” “Your parents must have been so proud.” “You’d think.” He pointed over his shoulder. Damn him for having selected a method of cooking that required so much attention. Would’ve been simpler to throw a casserole in the oven and let it bake. He rotated the potatoes and flipped the chicken. After applying more marinade, he lowered the temperature. “Do you want to eat out here?” The balcony wasn’t large, but it held a café-style table with two chairs. He didn’t have an awning, but the sun was now behind the trees. A cool breeze had started, pushing away some of the heat from the day.

“Out here would be nice. I’ll grab the plates.” “And pick some salad dressing.” He’d contemplated making some fresh but had decided his store-bought selection would suffice. “Sure. What flavor do you want?” “I’m easy.” The words hung in the air for a moment. Xander snickered. “I may just test that theory.” With that, he disappeared back into the apartment. Why? Why had he revealed so much about his life before he came to Vermont? Why hadn’t he just smiled and said he’d had a happy childhood? Because part of it had been wonderful. Every moment he’d spent with his sister had been precious. Even the stuff after hadn’t been so bad. His parents had thrown themselves back into their careers, and Jared couldn’t blame them. Both had put their lives on hold on and off for almost a decade. The resumption made sense as they wanted normalcy back in their lives after such disruption. Somehow in all that, Jared sort of got forgotten. Oh, it wasn’t intentional. Just a missed teacher’s conference here, a forgotten performance there. He’d never made a big deal of it because after everything his parents had endured, he didn’t want to add to their burden. Upon graduation, he’d decided the time had come for a change. Getting out of Portland hadn’t been a luxury—it’d been a necessity. He’d packed a bag and headed east. He’d left a note for his parents, but that was it. Somewhere along the way he’d picked up a cell phone, and with his meager savings, he’d embarked on a new life. He’d aspired to be a Broadway star, believing if he could get a starring role, then maybe his parents would pay attention. Two weeks in New York ate almost all his savings. He headed to New Jersey and wound up in Union City. Oh, he went to New York every chance he got, but knowing no one and lacking an agent, he really was hopeless. Truth was he didn’t have the fire in his belly. As much as he wanted to prove his worth to his parents, he was just as happy to sit and watch the world go by. An ment for jobs in small-town Vermont clicked with him. With little more than that same bag he’d left home with, he headed to Montpelier, and within a week was in Willow Springs. After a while, he’d broken down and sent

a letter to his parents. They wrote back immediately, asking him to come home. He’d steadfastly refused. They offered to come east to see him. He rejected that offer as well, saying he was too busy. Yet each opening night he irrationally checked the audience to see if his parents were there. Which was ridiculous, because he hadn’t told them about any of the shows he was performing in. Still a small boy wanting to get his parents’ attention. “I chose ranch.” Jared closed his eyes for a moment while he centered himself. “One of my favorites.” “Well, I love garlic, but seeing as this is a pseudo-date, I wanted to be on the safe side.” When he turned, Xander leaned in to press a kiss to his lips. “More, right?” Hell yes. “I like the sound of more.” He turned his attention back to the grill. “Can you grab the butter as well as the salt and pepper?” “And cutlery, right? Anything else?” Jared surveyed the table. “Well, how about something to drink?” “I love water, but I noticed you had beer. You mind if I have one?” “Nah. Can you bring me one as well?” Xander winked. “You got it.” And just like that, the man had turned the tide. Instead of feeling at sea, Jared felt moored. Tethered. Something—or someone—holding him in place. Like the pain wasn’t going to pull him away again.

Chapter Thirteen Xander

Dinner was companionable, but when they were cleaning up in the kitchen, Jared blurted, “Hey, I’m sorry about earlier.” He didn’t meet Xander’s gaze but instead headed to the sink where he rinsed the barbeque brush. “No biggie.” Xander held up a container. “You promised more ice cream. I’ll grab the spoons, and we can share.” Finally, Jared made eye . “And you promised to show me your shot.” “Shots.” Wiggling an eyebrow, he grinned. “I want to show you all my moves.” He held his breath. Had he gone too far? Jared’s smile assured him that he hadn’t. “I like the sound of that. I’m going to go wash my hands.” Jared could use the kitchen sink, but a bathroom break wasn’t a bad idea. Xander nabbed his folder and laid out the pictures across the island. He still had dozens more, but these were the ones bringing the most inner turmoil. After a couple of tries, he finally had them in an arrangement that made him happy. When Jared returned, he tapped the man on the shoulder. “I’ll be right back.” “Yeah, okay.” He turned to leave. Wait…the khakis and shirt had been replaced by a distressed T-shirt and sleep pants. Was that a hint? He sashayed back to the man who was scrutinizing his photos. “So it’s okay if I put on something more comfortable?” Jared looked at Xander’s T-shirt and faded jeans. “Suit yourself. You look pretty comfortable to me.” “Oh, trust me, I can do better.” With a wink, he left the room. God, winking was so tacky. And it wasn’t something he normally did, but he had the feeling Jared

was less experienced, and he wanted to put the man at ease. He snagged his sleep pants and an even older T-shirt than the one he now wore. Only after he’d brushed his teeth did he he still had ice cream to eat. And yeah, okay, mint wasn’t likely to go well with berry, but he didn’t want bad breath when he kissed Jared. And they were going to kiss. When he came back to the kitchen, Jared sat hunched over the photos. The ice cream had been neglected and was now half melted. Xander picked up the bowl and carried it over to the island, sat on the next stool over, and nudged the other man. In mere moments, Jared turned to him. “Xander, these shots—” “Ice cream first, comments later.” He held up a spoonful. Jared arched his eyebrows but leaned forward to take the spoon into his mouth. His lips puckered together as he sucked the ice cream. His lips curled. “Best. Ice. Cream. Ever.” Xander popped a spoonful. “I still think heavenly hash is a great flavor, although I think the person who named that was a secret pothead.” A snort escaped the man. “Okay, not something I’d ever thought of. I like the little bits of chocolate, and I used to scoop out all the marshmallow-tasting bits. God only knows what they were actually made of.” Making a grab for his phone, Xander grinned. “I can look it up—” “No.” Jared shot his hand out. “Let me keep my childish notions that it was actually made from real marshmallows. Oh.” His eyes lit. “The animal shelter called while I was on my lunch break today. I can pick up Marshmallow and Lady on Saturday.” “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me that first off. Or call me.” Xander put down the bowl and istered a hearty hug. “That’s such great news. I’m so proud of you.” A moment ed before Jared reciprocated. Uh-oh. Had he misread their level of physical comfort with each other?

“I’m happy.” Jared pulled back from the hug but stayed well within Xander’s personal space. “I’m just nervous, you know? I mean, what if I screw this up?” “You took care of Mephistopheles. You took care of your sister. You’re the most caring and gentle man I know. You’re perfect for those two.” He cupped the other man’s jaw and savored the way he leaned in to his touch. “The shelter wouldn’t have selected you if you weren’t the best person to love and care for those two. And sure, it’s an enormous commitment. But you’ve been lonely without Mephistopheles and ready to take on a new companion. You just didn’t see having a feline and a canine. Seriously, they’ll take care of each other. All you have to do is feed them, walk them, and clean out the litter box.” “You think so?” Jared’s blue eyes were bright and wide. Why did he doubt himself? “Of course I’m sure. You were meant to be their human. And they’ll take advantage every chance they get. Have you told Nathan yet?” “He was there when the call came in. He’s thrilled for me, and he had no problems with me coming home for lunch to walk Lady. He said either he or Liz can watch the front desk while I pop home.” Xander leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the tip of Jared’s nose. “You’re so sweet.” As he hoped, two points of color rose on the man’s cheeks. In some ways Jared wore his heart on his sleeve and was easy for people to read. In other ways—in the true depths of his soul—he was very complicated. “You said something about photographs.” With his gaze, Jared indicated the collection. “No big deal.” “Are you kidding?” His voice rose in anticipation. “I get to see some of the unpublished photographs of the Xander Fortier, and you think I’m going to up that opportunity? Uh, no way. You promised.” How could he refuse that enthusiasm? Ugh, he hated watching others scrutinize his work. Usually he was halfway across the globe when his boss decided which picture worked best with the story being told. Heck, if he was without good internet, he might not know until days later which shot had been selected. Or if

one had been used at all. Despite the importance of the foreign beat, domestic issues would always take precedence. Jared pointed to one. “I haven’t seen this one before.” A black-and-white photo of a young girl, no more than five years old, clinging to her mother’s body. “Shelling in Aleppo. I came across them after the dust had settled, so to speak. The mother, or at least I assumed she was the mother, had died, and the daughter just sat there. She wasn’t crying, wasn’t moving. She saw me and pointed to her mother. I took a couple of pictures and went looking for someone to help. I later saw her being loaded on a bus heading to a refugee camp. “I wound up there a few days later, and I tried to find her, but the place was massive. Thousands of people. I often wonder what happened to her. I mean, did she find other family, or did she simply become a war orphan? Did someone care for her? Were her needs met? So few countries take refugees, and she’ll likely grow up in that camp.” He shuffled through and found another photo. Three young children sitting outside a tent. “Their mother was inside giving birth. They sat patiently while listening to her scream.” He pressed a finger to one of the boy’s faces. “They didn’t even seem perturbed. It was like this was a normal everyday occurrence.” Jared’s face was devoid of color. “I can’t even imagine.” Xander attempted to scoop up the rest of the photographs, but Jared placed his hand down. “No, I want to see.” He shuffled more. “This one?” “The Rohingya exodus from Myanmar into Bangladesh. Ethnic genocide at its finest.” “I hearing about that. The Buddhists who turned on their Muslim neighbors, right?” “Yeah.” He held the photograph of a too-thin woman carrying an infant in a sling across her chest while wading through mud. “The woman’s husband…well, he’d

been killed, and she was escaping.” Jared shuffled more. “And this one?” “The Arab Spring in Iran. The protestors wore green. Like hope, you know? Then they were crushed, and the regime became even more oppressive.” “They jailed some journalists, right?” Xander pointed to the pile. “Most of these countries jail their own journalists who try to tell the truth. Each year somewhere between fifty and a hundred journalists are killed or just ‘disappear.’ ” “So many?” Jared placed his hand on Xander’s. “I suspected the job was dangerous, but I guess I never thought about the extent of the risk.” “All part of the excitement.” He pulled out one of his winning photographs. “Sometimes the world needs to wake up.” “Famine?” “Yeah, in Yemen. Just a short time ago. We like to think we’ve made all this progress. And we have. As a species, we’re quite evolved. And, objectively, this is the most peaceful time in the world’s history. But there’s still violence and retribution. Conflicts caused by politics and religion.” He fingered a photo. “Even in our own backyard.” Jared took the photo from his numb fingers and scrutinized it. “Here?” “Yeah, Baltimore. This woman had gotten a restraining order against her husband. This was the second time he’d broken it. And had left her with a broken jaw after he broke down her door to get in.” Bile threatened to come up. “He’s in jail, but for how long? She’ll never really be safe, you know? She doesn’t have the resources to take her kids and leave. Start somewhere else. He’s going to get out, and he’ll come for her. And she knows it. Has accepted the inevitability.” “There’s something wrong with it all.” Jared returned the photo.

Xander placed the painful reminder inside the folder and then closed it. “Not going to lie, it’s a tough job. I’ve almost broken a couple of times, but I told myself these stories need to be revealed.” He tapped the folder. “A shelter in Baltimore got more funding, so that’s worth something. Donations to aid agencies who were helping the Rohingya increased after journalists shined a spotlight on the tragedy, and the government in Myanmar was called to for what happened. Sometimes good things can happen.” “You don’t sound convinced.” Damn, Jared saw so much. “There are days when it seems futile. Like it seems the world doesn’t care. Like the world is turning its back on those who need help the most.” Jared rose from his stool. As Xander turned, his far-too-perceptive host situated himself between Xander’s thighs, then cupped his guest’s cheek. “If you’re holding a mirror up, then you’ve done your job. If people can’t turn away, you’ve done your job.” Oh, if only that were true. Life was far more complicated than that. He gently grasped Jared’s hips. “You almost make me believe.” “I have faith in you.” Jared said the words quickly and with feeling. He ran his hand along Xander’s jaw. He angled in and, when he was only an inch away, said, “Let me prove it to you.” Xander leaned forward, closing the distance. Their lips met, and at first it was chaste. Just a pressing of lips. Then came the nip at Xander’s lower lip, and it was game on. He opened his mouth and welcomed the intruding tongue. Leisurely. A mere exploration. Two men getting to know each other. To see how they fit together. When the whimper sounded, Xander drew Jared closer and deepened the kiss. Then those seductive hands threaded his hair and tugged. That sent tingles down his spine. He wanted this. Oh God, he wanted this. And that physical reaction left no doubt of the man’s enthusiastic agreement. But it wouldn’t work. So much left unsaid. And Xander didn’t have the right to take what was being

offered without being honest. The chirping of his phone yanked him from the moment of frustrating bliss. He’d love to ignore it, but he’d been waiting for this call. Reluctantly he pulled away to grab the phone. Jared stepped back and tilted his head, asking if privacy was requested. He nodded and turned his back as he hit the on button. “This is Xander Fortier.” “Mr. Fortier, it’s Aubrey from Dr. Gary Lindstrom’s office. Sorry to call so late, but the doctor wanted me to get in touch with you right away. He wants to see you. Would tomorrow work?” “Why? I’m pretty sure he’s said everything that needs to be said.” Aubrey sighed. “He doesn’t always tell me why but was quite insistent he see you as soon as possible. He has an opening at two o’clock tomorrow afternoon. Would that work?” “I’m in Vermont, but I can head out first thing in the morning. He’s sure this can’t be done over the phone? It’s a three-hour drive to Boston.” “I’m sure. I think he wants to run more tests.” Tests? He’d been poked, prodded, invaded, and examined. He had nothing left to give, yet here they were, asking for more. “Look, Aubrey, I just don’t see the point.” “Mr. Fortier, I know it seems like a lot, but I think you need to do this.” Something in her tone caught his attention. “And you can’t tell me what it is?” “I cannot. Even if I knew, which I don’t, Dr. Lindstrom would have my head on a pike.” Xander chuckled. The image of Aubrey’s head on a stick was a laugh. She was a stocky woman who appeared strong. Scrawny old Dr. Lindstrom looked like he could barely lift a one-pound barbell. “I’ll be there.” And he needed to bring flowers for Aubrey. He hit the end call button and seriously considered powering

the whole thing down. Should’ve done it earlier, but he’d thought…well, he wasn’t sure what he’d thought. He’d left DC more than two weeks ago, and no one had called. Not that he expected them to. Damn, he didn’t need this crap. He’d done all their tests. He had the surgery that had been perfect. He’d been the model patient, but the prognosis was clear. Well, clear as murky water, but the doctor had been a straight shooter who suggested Xander put his affairs in order. Couldn’t give an exact time frame, but time was not on his side. The social worker he was assigned to recommended taking a break before going back to DC. She described a quaint little inn located in this historic little town. It’d buy him time, she suggested. He itted wanting to complete his memoirs, and she agreed some space would likely help him. What would she say about Jared? She was a forthright woman who didn’t sugarcoat things, and that was good because he hadn’t wanted unrealistic expectations. He was dying. So why drag his ass back to Boston? For more tests? What was the point? “Xander?” The trepidation and question in Jared’s tone pulled him back into the present. “Yeah, sorry about that.” The other man stepped into the room. “Can you tell me?” He pointed to the phone. “I mean, you don’t have to…” He’d accept it if Xander said he didn’t want to talk. If he begged off and went to bed. But he didn’t want to do that. He wanted to spend more time with Jared. Wanted to bask in the warmth emanating from the man. Soak up the comfort being offered. “I, uh, can we talk?” “Of course. Do you want something to drink?”

“Another beer would be nice.” Dutch courage, right? Because once this was over, he wasn’t likely to be invited to partake in any more cozy chats. He tidied the folder of photos while Jared pulled two beers from the fridge. He popped the tops and handed one to Xander. “Here or the living room?” “Couch would be great.” Xander sat on one end but didn’t raise his feet. Jared sat on the other end but angled himself toward Xander, tucking his legs under his butt. Xander took one swig of beer. Then another. This shouldn’t be so hard. “Why don’t you start from the beginning?” A soft entreaty. “Okay.” Xander cleared his throat, trying to dislodge the frog that’d settled there. “I was in Burkina Faso. There’s a strong ISIS presence, and I wanted to see if peace was even possible.” Likely another dead end, but he’d heard rumors, and he enjoyed chasing things down. “I had a persistent pain in my lower gut, but I pushed through it. I just figured, I don’t know, like indigestion or something.” Jared snickered. “That’s a macho man thing, right?” “Yep.” And he was weirdly proud of that fact. “Except appendicitis waits for no man. Apparently it was within hours of rupturing. I made it to Ouagadougou where they did some scans to confirm the diagnosis, and I was rushed into emergency surgery. Several hours later I was recovering sans appendix. I figured I’d return to the States for a few weeks of R & R and then head back out.” “Best laid plans?” Xander took a swig. “They found something in the scans that concerned them. The surgeon there had done his fellowship at Mass General and knew a specialist. He could’ve sent me to Hopkins, which would’ve been closer to my home, but he swore this doctor was the best. Since I was flying home anyway, I figured I might as well make it Boston.” “What did they find in the scan?” “Funniest thing.” Well, it wasn’t funny at all, but if Xander’s appendix hadn’t

become inflamed, they wouldn’t have done the CT. If they hadn’t done the CT, he wouldn’t be sitting here today. Jared waited patiently. “They found a tumor in my lung. They did a repeat scan in Boston and decided it needed to come out. Well, they did a biopsy first, but it came back inconclusive, so they decided the prudent course was to remove it.” “The bruises on your side.” The ones that were mostly gone. He managed a nod. “Is it cancer?” Jared’s voice wobbled. Xander didn’t have the heart to look at the man. Jared didn’t need this kind of news after all he’d been through with his sister’s illness. “Yeah, it’s cancer. Advanced. But the weird thing is there were pancreatic cells.” “Huh?” Xander shrugged. “They ran some blood tests and did another biopsy and…” He waved. “I know I should have paid more attention, but they said it was bad. Beyond that, I didn’t think I needed to know any more. No point in going back to DC, and this nice social worker suggested Willow Springs. There was a pleasant inn she liked to visit when she needed to get out of the city. “And she wasn’t wrong.” “Xander.” Again quietly. An onishment. Or a plea. “Really, there’s nothing more to say. I didn’t ask for an estimate, and they didn’t give one.” “The cancer’s spread?” “Honestly, Jared, I don’t know. They said they couldn’t find a tumor on my pancreas but there was no question the cells were cancerous. They said they’d take a wait-and-see approach.”

“That…so there’s hope, right?” Damn. Another swig. “Not really. They can’t figure out what to treat. They wanted to run more tests, but frankly I tired of it all.” “Is that why you thought you had a blood clot in your lung?” “Yeah. That was one of the possible complications. Go figure, instead of that, I had a panic attack.” His cheeks burned with embarrassment at the memory. Yet Jared had been so comionate, so understanding. “You’ve been under a tremendous amount of stress. It’s hardly surprising.” He finally chanced a glimpse at the other man whose brows were furrowed in what appeared to be concern. After the story he’d told about Cora, Xander had hesitated. Jared didn’t need his crap. On the other hand, he didn’t enjoy holding things back. He’d kept his silence for almost a week, and slowly it was eating away at him. Honesty had always been his motto, but maybe he’d overshared. He could’ve just brushed off the phone call as something to do with work, pretending nothing was wrong. In his heart, though, he’d known that wouldn’t wash. The man was too perceptive, and this couldn’t be hidden. Things were too precarious. Rising, he made his way to the kitchen. He poured the rest of the beer down the sink and ran the water to get rid of the lingering smell. He was moving away when Jared pressed his chest to Xander’s back and laid his cheek against his guest’s shoulder. The shorter man wound his arms around to lay his hands against Xander’s chest. “Just breathe.” He blinked, trying to stem the approaching tide of tears. This wasn’t supposed to be hard. He’d accepted his diagnosis. Embraced his fate. Decided being strong was the right thing to do. He’d complete the manuscript and then… Crap. He hadn’t let himself think beyond that. He definitely didn’t want treatment. No point in prolonging his life by days, or even weeks, with therapies both toxic and horrendous. After all, he didn’t have anyone to live for. Or he hadn’t—until a

week ago. Then he’d met a beautiful man who made him greedy. He wanted more time. It wouldn’t be quality time, but it’d be time nonetheless. But that would be selfish. He could no more ask Jared to let him stay than he could change the course of his life. No, better to go and end things quietly. “Let it go, Xander. Let go and know I’ll catch you.” Oh, how easy would it be to follow that command? To finally acknowledge the pain that’d been threatening him for so long? Not physical pain. At least not yet. But the emotional agony of knowing this would all come to an end. He hadn’t meant to get involved. Had tried to hold himself apart. For the first time in his life, he was falling in love. Talk about crappy timing. He placed his hands over Jared’s, securing them against his chest. He’d take the comfort being offered. “Thank you.” He felt the other man’s sigh. “I want to say things will be okay. I want to ask questions. I want to demand answers. I want to change what’s going on.” He rubbed his cheek against Xander’s back. “If there’s one thing my sister taught me, it’s that I can’t fight the battles for someone else. I can , I can nurture, I can love. But I can’t change destiny.” “Ah, a fatalist.” Xander tried to inject some humor, but his words fell flat. “No, a realist. We’re all on this earth for a finite period. Some are luckier than others, time-wise, but we all end up dying. I’d have given my life for my sister if I could have. Life doesn’t work like that. Bargaining doesn’t work. Anger doesn’t work. Do I miss her every single day? Yes. Has time dulled the edge of the knife in my gut? Yes to that as well. I do my best to honor her. To be a man she’d be proud of.” No missing that catch in his voice. Xander turned and pulled the man who’d come to mean so much to him in for an embrace. Tucking Jared’s head under his chin, he then ran his hands up and down those nurturing arms—arms now encircling his waist and holding on tight. “I know Cora would be proud.” “I hope so.”

Night had fallen in the past hour. Ten had come and gone. “We should head to bed.” Jared pulled back but not away. “Will you stay with me tonight?” Xander’s breath caught. No. Not like this. “I don’t need a pity—” The horrified look on Jared’s face assured him he’d read the situation completely wrong. “I’m sorry. I didn’t—” “It’s okay. I just meant…well, I don’t want you to be alone tonight. It’s too soon, I think, to do more. I need time to figure this all out. Tonight, though…I don’t want to be alone, and I don’t think you want to be either.” He didn’t, but that wasn’t the point. He was moving perilously close to falling head over heels in love with the man in his arms. How easy would it be to give in? “Just for tonight.” Jared smiled, although his eyes shimmered. “I’ll get ready, and you can me at a time of your choosing.” **** Jared was propped up against the headboard, a pillow at his back. He had a book in his hand, and he folded over the corner of the page before laying it on the nightstand. “That’s sacrilege, you realize.” Responding to the arched eyebrow, Xander explained, “That’s what they make bookmarks for. I’ll buy you one.” Snickering, Jared patted the book. “A used copy, no less. Well loved before I ever bought it.” “What is it?” “A biography of Natalie Wood. She starred in the movie version of West Side Story, and somehow I felt compelled to buy this and read it. I suppose I could have borrowed it from the library, but Barrett’s had a copy, and I like to

local businesses. Oh, we should go in there and look. Mr. Barrett has the most eclectic collection of rare and used books. Callum and Elijah—the two gentlemen you met earlier—loved going there. Will again, I’m sure. Callum’s a history professor, and Elijah’s…” He scrunched his nose. “Well, I know he’s a reader. He always had a book with him when he stayed at the inn.” “They’re good friends.” Damn, he didn’t want to be talking about other men, but Jared’s restless fingers showed he wasn’t as relaxed as Xander wanted him to be. “Yes, they are. I don’t keep in touch with all the inn’s guests, but I have with those two. They’ve invited me to visit Scotland, and I think I might take them up on their offer. In the summer, though. I’m not interested in the dreary Scottish winter.” “Sounds like a nice trip. You said you haven’t traveled much…” Another finger fidget. “No, not like you.” He swallowed and then, while still holding Xander’s gaze, tapped the spot next to him on the bed. “ me?” “I’d like that.” Jared nodded, then took a deep breath. In one inelegant movement, he yanked his T-shirt over his head. Then he held it in front of him. Guessing what the issue might be, Xander moved slowly, holding his hands out. He grasped the T-shirt, and after a moment Jared relinquished his tight hold. “You’re beautiful to me, Jared.” He pointed to his bruised side. “I’m the one who should wear a shirt.” “No.” Reaching up, Jared placed a finger against the healed incision. Then he trailed his touch across the bruises. “That takes guts.” Finally he met Xander’s gaze. He pulled back the sheet and blanket. Xander took the invitation. He rounded the bed and eased in. His first instinct was to hold back, but he moved closer. He placed a hand on Jared’s chest and leaned in for a kiss. He kept it chaste, but he wanted the man to see how much he was wanted. How, if their circumstances were different, Xander’d be pursuing him.

Jared raked a hand across his guest’s abdomen. “God, you’re ripped.” And there was the issue. Jared was a good-looking man, but he didn’t have the same definition as Xander. Didn’t spend the hours working out. He wasn’t soft or anything like that. He just wasn’t chiselled. No, he was perfect. Pulling back from the kiss was hard, but no point in frightening Jared with his physical desire. The guy seemed inexperienced, although also clearly interested. If things were different… Alas, they weren’t. Making the best of the situation, he reached over to turn off the lamp. In the near darkness he encouraged Jared to shuffle down so they were flush against each other. “Turn on your side.” Xander was surprised by the command in Jared’s voice, but he obeyed. Within moments, surprisingly strong arms banded around him. A soft kiss was placed on his neck. “Let go, okay? Just for tonight.” Jared fell asleep soon after he’d uttered those words, but a long time ed before Xander was able to him in slumber.

Chapter Fourteen Jared

He knew. He slid his hand across the bed just in case, but he knew. Groaning, he fumbled for his cell phone and checked the time. Ten to seven. The sheets next to him were cool, as he’d known they would be. The apartment had a stillness that guaranteed he was alone. For just a moment he held out hope Xander had headed out for coffee, but he knew better. No, he was alone. He should’ve offered to go with Xander today. Mass General, had he said? He could still… But he knew he wouldn’t. He couldn’t face another hospital. Couldn’t face another loved one dying. Love? Did he love Xander? He swallowed the lump in his throat. He’d been the strong one last night. Oh, Xander had put up a good front, but he’d seen the truth. He was afraid. And resigned. Jared had wanted to rail, to argue, to fight. Xander, on the other hand, had been eerily calm. Maybe he’d blown past anger and was on to acceptance. Jared held his phone aloft, trying to decide what to do. Xander’d be on the way to Boston, so calling would be pointless. Should he send a text? Wish him well? Ask for an update? Pressing his phone to his forehead, he groaned. Easy answers didn’t exist. Neither did miracles. His family had never been religious, but after Cora’s death, he’d decided God didn’t exist. Even as a young teenager, he’d chosen science over miracles. Losing Cora had cost him his faith. But what about now? If he prayed for Xander, might that work? Not in curing the cancer, of course, but to provide solace to the man? Or peace within his own heart.

Suddenly, prompted by a compulsion he neither understood nor could explain, he dialed a number he hadn’t in months. The phone rang and rang. After eight rings he considered ending the call, but then it was answered. “Jared?” His mother’s voice was sleep-filled, and he cursed. He hadn’t thought this through. Seven thirty in Vermont meant four thirty in Oregon. “I’m sorry—” “No!” He heard rustling and his father’s quiet query in the background. “What is it, honey? What can we do?” And just like that, he spilled his heart. **** With a heavy heart, Jared pushed open the door to the inn. His eyes were still gritty from the tears shed. Guilt also weighed heavily. He should have called more frequently over the past nine years. In his mind he’d made them out to be neglectful, but that hadn’t been fair. It’d been a child’s perception. He’d lost Cora and had needed someone to blame. His parents had been easy scapegoats. He just had to make it through the day. Except eight hours of being cheerful felt like an insurmountable task. At least he’d be mostly by himself this morning as Nate was off and Liz would be cleaning rooms. As long as Callum and Elijah didn’t come by to talk, he should be okay, right? Or not. Maybe he could avoid his friends. Or at least put on a brave face. He flipped on the computer in the back room and then sat at the reception desk, trying to force all other thoughts from his mind except work. “Jared?” Nate calling his name pulled him from his reverie. A quick glance at the clock assured him that three hours had ed. Closing his eyes against the flash of pain, he held up his hand to ask for just a moment. Don’t cry. “What’s wrong?” Jared couldn’t answer because his throat was so clogged with emotion.

“Why don’t you come into the office?” Jared opened his eyes as Nate spread his arms, indicating the small room off to the side. He wanted to argue, but breaking down in the lobby wouldn’t exactly be the height of professionalism. With a curt nod, he entered the office and took the seat opposite Nate’s chair. Instead of sitting behind his desk, Nate sat next to him. “Did something happen with Xander?” And here it was. “Yes, but not what you think.” Nate nodded. “Okay, fair enough. I mean, I can guess, but something tells me I might be off the mark.” “I, uh…” Why was this so hard? He’d made up his mind, then changed it at least a dozen times since he’d finally dragged his ass out of bed several hours ago. “Do you need time off?” Jared met Nate’s gaze and saw only deep comion. Not that he’d expected anything less from his boss. “That would be…I mean, yeah, I’d really appreciate that. He needs me right now. Heck, I don’t even know if he’ll want me there, but I need to try, you know?” “I do know.” Nate tapped his thigh. “Becca’s brother is home from college. He plans to take it easy, but she made it clear she wasn’t pleased with that. He’s helped around here before, so I’m not worried. He’s good with computers, right?” “I taught him the program so he could cover for me last year.” “That’s right. I’d forgotten about that. I insisted you take a few days off. You keep racking up vacation time and never taking it.” “I was planning to.” Jared felt obliged to argue. “In November before Thanksgiving, when things are quieter.” Nate rolled his eyes. “You’re as bad as I am. Victoria’s been nagging me to take a week or two off. But what would I do? Where would I go? Deerbourne is my

home. And as much as I appreciate your dedication, you deserve to take some time off. I can handle the desk while I get things organized. Don’t worry.” “I…” Jared wasn’t sure he could make that promise. “Consider it an order from your boss.” And since Nate never gave orders, Jared decided to accept this one. “I’ll be in touch.” Nate rose and Jared followed. “If it’s convenient. You do what you need to do. You’re a good man, Jared. Xander’s lucky to have you in his life.” “He might not want me.” Nate must have heard the mumbled words clearly since he chuckled. “Something tells me you won’t take no for an answer.” “He can be stubborn.” Jared was arguing more with himself than his boss. “So be more stubborn. I know you can.” Then, in an uncharacteristic move, he pulled Jared in for a hug. “I have faith you’ll navigate through this. Or you’ll come home, and we’ll take care of you.” Damn those tears. “Thank you, Nate, for everything.” “Nothing less than what a good boss would do. Now get going.” He shooed Jared out of the office. Jared took one last look at the reception desk and realized his mind was made up. With one final nod to his boss, he headed out. **** He’d finally arrived, and it was after five. Undoubtedly most of the regular staff would be gone by now. Xander’s appointment had been at two. Likely he must be gone as well. Yet something still compelled Jared to pay the horrendous amount requested for parking and head into the building. He avoided the emergency department and

went through the main entrance. He used the hand sanitizer, then moved to the desk. The officious woman eyed him. A little wrinkled from the lengthy car ride, he still looked respectable enough. Who was she to judge? “My, uh, friend is here. He had an appointment with a specialist and, uh…” “There are hundreds of specialists here with thousands of patients. We also value patient confidentiality.” “His name is Xander Fortier. His appointment was at two o’clock, and maybe he’s gone by now, but I, you know, have to try.” Jared ed the gift in his backpack. “I have something of his. Something valuable. I need to return it to him.” Her brow arched. “Have you tried the telephone?” Not likely he’ll answer. “I, uh…” “Hey, Martha, cut the guy a break.” Jared turned to see an older Black man in a security guard’s outfit. His name tag read Darryl. He nodded at Jared. “She’s got to be like that, you know? Keep out the riffraff.” “No riffraff get past me.” If possible, her brow was arched even more. “Okay.” He stepped back but then pulled himself up. “I love him, okay? And I didn’t get the chance to tell him, and maybe he isn’t here, and maybe he’ll be too stubborn to listen, right? But I have to try. I don’t want to go through my life thinking I gave up too soon. That I didn’t fight for us. And he might not have much time left, but damn it, I want that time to be with me.” Oh fudge. “Sorry for the bad language, ma’am.” Martha snorted. “Honey, I hear way worse than that all day long.” She wiggled the mouse to activate her computer screen. “You said the name was Fortier?” “That’s my girl,” Darryl whispered. “You did good, son.”

“He’s right here.” All three of them pivoted to the man who had come up behind them. Xander held a bag from a local fast-food t. “The doctor was called into emergency surgery, so they asked me to wait. They said I could grab food, so I did.” He turned his attention to Jared. “What are you doing here?” “Seems pretty obvious to me.” Darryl arched an eyebrow at Xander. “Sounds like you boys have some stuff to work out.” Jared nodded to Martha. “Thank you, ma’am.” He turned to Darryl. “I won’t forget your kindness.” “I didn’t do anything, son, but you move along. That food’ll get cold, and that just won’t do.” He eyed the bag. “Although it’s probably better than cafeteria food.” Xander nodded to Martha and Darryl, then pointed. “Elevators are this way. The office is upstairs.” Waving to the odd pair, Jared then turned to follow Xander. The ride up in the elevator was made in silence. They sat in uncomfortable plastic chairs, and Jared watched as the other man inhaled his food. Jared’s stomach rumbled, but he held his tongue. Xander rose to toss the bag in the garbage, then came back and sat. After a beat, he reached for Jared’s hand. He interlaced their fingers and squeezed. “I’m grateful you’re here. I think you’re an idiot…but I do appreciate that you came.” “I want to say I’ll always be here, but that’s a big commitment. Do you know what’s going on?” “Aubrey”—he indicated the woman sitting at the desk—“won’t tell me anything.” A distinct chuckle emanated from behind the desk decorated with a nice bouquet of yellow roses.

“I haven’t been told much, and frankly it all seems ridiculous.” Jared squeezed their ed hands. “Well, I have a bunch of questions I want to ask, so it’s good he’ll have time.” Xander met his gaze. “You realize what terminal means, right?” “I do. But there are different ways to get there. Let’s just see what he has to say, okay?” Jared wasn’t expecting a miracle or anything like that, but he’d prepared inquiries so he could better understand the situation. Palliative care had changed a great deal over the past fifteen years, and his memories of Cora’s treatment were fuzzy. Too bad he hadn’t had time to do more research, but that would come. If he didn’t get all the answers he was looking for today, he’d come back. He’d keep coming back until things were in sharp focus. Xander hadn’t seemed clear on the details last night, and that wasn’t entirely surprising. Getting a cancer diagnosis was terrifying, and sometimes it didn’t sink in right away. Or the words coming after that didn’t always make sense. “I’m not afraid to die.” Bravado was evident but also a quiet finality. “No one said you were.” “I…” Xander swallowed hard. “I don’t want you to see me sick, you know? I don’t want you to see me as weak.” “You’re the strongest man I know, and not just physically. You’ve survived some harrowing situations and come out alive. You’ve seen some horrific things and yet have determinedly pushed on to tell the story. You’re laser focused on accomplishing the task in front of you.” He nudged the stubborn man’s shoulder. “You’ve survived live fire. And, I suspect, you’ve almost finished that autobiography.” He was taking a gamble on the last one, but his gut told him he wasn’t wrong. “Not quite.” Xander’s voice was deadpan. “How many chapters to go?” “Well, I’ve hit 2017, so not much more. I finished Mosul and ISIS. Now it’s on to South Sudan.”

The photos from last night flashed through Jared’s mind. “You’ll tell stories meant to be shared. And you’ll find a fabulous editor who will sharpen it, and then voilà, it’ll be ready to share with the world.” “In time to accompany my obituary.” Well, maple sugar. “It’ll help sales.” Might as well make light of it. “Who’s getting the proceeds of the sales? Your estate?” Xander shook his head. “There are a couple of international and DC children’s charities I’ve selected. Assuming anyone buys the book.” “Well, I’m going to buy one. So at least one child will be helped. Plus, you have to be around to sign my copy. I want it autographed.” “You realize you may be asking the impossible.” “A man can dream. And the right man might wander into an inn looking for shelter, and a dream could come true.” Was that pain squeezing his heart agony at the thought of losing this man he was coming to care for? Probably. “You told Martha and Darryl you loved me.” And there it was. They’d circled back. “I wasn’t lying.” “Jared, you’re nuts. You barely know me.” “And yet I know everything I need to know. You’re comionate. You’re caring. You’re empathetic. You’re willing to watch musicals even though you hate them.” “I don’t hate them.” Xander wiped his eyes with his free hand. They were still holding hands. “I was indifferent to them. You…have showed me the error of my ways.” Yes. “So you’ll see a Broadway show with me?” The pause was longer than Jared would’ve liked, but the nod of acquiescence made the wait worthwhile. “Another convert.”

Xander chuckled. “You might say that.” “Oh, before I forget.” Jared reluctantly pulled his hand away, and Xander released it. He rummaged through his bag before extracting the other man’s camera. “I don’t think it’s quite time yet.” “It was a gift.” Xander’s voice was gruff. Jared blinked several times. “And as nice as the gift is, it’s not time. I think you still have a few shots left in you.” He extended the camera. After a very long pause, Xander took it, then tucked it into his smaller backpack. “Where are your things?” “In the hotel down the street.” Ah. “Where I assume you’ll be spending the night because there’s no way it’s safe for you to drive back to Willow Springs tonight.” Xander glared. “Very true. Yes, I will happily invade your personal space tonight. Please tell me there’s only one bed.” Fingers crossed. Xander snickered. “A king. But something tells me we won’t need that much space.” Jared stuck his nose in the air. “I believe you would be correct. I like holding you in my arms. I’m pissed that you snuck out.” “And yet you followed me.” “You’re not the only one who can be stubborn.” Waving his hand in the air, Xander smiled. “Yeah, but I’m better at it. Just you wait and see. You’re going to regret coming to get me.” “Never.” This was a vow and a promise Jared could make. “I’ll never regret coming after you. And when you’re home and settled, you’ll see I’m often right.”

“Home and settled?” Jared took a deep, steadying breath. “Willow Springs is near Montpelier if you need more extensive medical treatment. Otherwise, Doc’s pretty amazing. Not the world-class care of Boston, mind, but damn good—” The words came out in a rush, and only Xander pressing a finger to Jared’s lips stopped the flow. “I’m willing—for now. I can’t promise I’ll stay, though.” “Because you don’t want me to see you suffer. Because you don’t want me to see you weak. We’ve been over this. Nothing I see will change how I feel about you.” He meant those words with every fiber of his being, now to get his hardheaded man to believe them. “Did you mean what you said?” “That I love you? Hell frickin’ yes. I do. I know it’s too soon. I know we barely know each other. I get that we’re polar opposites and that we might not have much time. I understand that you’re worldly while I’m pedestrian—” There went that finger to the lips again. “Maybe just kiss me?” Xander’s expression held uncertainty, but Jared also saw resolve in those hazel eyes. The gold flecks were prominent in the light of the setting sun. As they moved closer, Xander cupped Jared’s cheeks and tugged. He hadn’t reciprocated with words, but actions meant more than words anyway, right? Their lips touched lightly, but Jared wanted more. He opened his mouth and invited Xander in. Sure, they were in the open where anyone might see them, but the receptionist wasn’t paying attention, and they were alone. “Jared?” Oh, sweet mother of mayhem. He pulled back. “Mom?”

Chapter Fifteen Xander

Mom? Xander pulled away as Jared leapt to his feet. The astounded man stood for a moment, then strode across the room and threw himself into the woman’s arms. Mom. This didn’t make any sense. Jared had said his parents were in Portland. He said they were practically estranged. Or at least had implied as much. How had they wound up here, in Boston? At Mass General? On this floor? Jared moved into the embrace of the man as the woman ruffled his hair. Now that Xander was able to look closely, her resemblance to her son was striking. Her light-brown hair was almost the identical shade, and he’d recognize those blue eyes anywhere. The man was several inches taller and much broader. His build more resembled Xander’s. He also had a bit of a paunch, and the gray hair was thinning. He was witnessing an intensely private moment. A reunion of sorts. Automatically he reached for his camera, then stopped. He didn’t have the right. Had these been strangers, he might’ve snuck a shot. But Jared was… What was Jared to him? They’d yet to define this new relationship. He was still convinced Jared was doing this from pity. The poor guy’d been so young when his sister died, and he’d been powerless. Maybe he believed he could make a difference in Xander’s life. And hadn’t he already? The three were moving toward him, so he rose.

“Xander, this is my father, Paul Langford.” Paul extended his hand, so Xander reciprocated. A strong shake, but not overpowering. “And this is my mother, Sandy.” Xander again extended his hand. Sandy hesitated. “May I give you a hug?” In turn, he hesitated. “It’s a mom thing.” Jared’s smile was apologetic. Xander knew nothing of mothers, but the woman’s warm smile invited confidence. He stepped forward into her embrace. She didn’t squeeze but simply held him. After a moment, he sagged into the embrace. He could feel the comfort she was offering. Her demeanor was exactly the same as her son’s. When he finally pulled back, he was met with shimmering blue eyes. “I can see why my son loves you.” “Mom.” The tone was part onishment, part warning. It made Xander smile. “She’s not wrong, Jared. At least, I hope you love me.” He turned. “Because I love you.” There. He’d said it. The world hadn’t ended. In fact the knot in his chest loosened. He reached for Jared who came willingly. The kiss was light and reverential. “Why don’t we sit, and you can fill us in?” Paul indicated the chairs. “If you don’t mind sharing, that is. I understand this is personal.” Xander nodded, and they sat in a cluster of chairs facing each other. Jared took his hand, and seemingly Sandy sighed. “First, how did you find us?” Jared looked back and forth between his parents. “I mean, how did you get here so fast?”

Sandy’s look of guilt was all the confirmation needed. “My college roommate is a professor in the Harvard School of Medicine. While your father called the airline, I called Cheryl. Then we packed and headed for the airport. The airline has a straight shot, and we landed about an hour ago. Cheryl might or might not have been keeping tabs on Xander, and we deduced that where we found him, we’d find you.” She turned to her son. “We weren’t wrong.” “I’m pretty sure that breaks all kinds of patient confidentiality.” Jared’s words held no heat. “On the contrary, we received no medical information.” “Not that your mother didn’t want to ask.” Paul took his wife’s hand. “You didn’t give us much to go on.” Xander glanced from Jared to his parents. “I didn’t give him much information either. I did not foresee him following me to Boston.” “Ah, then maybe you don’t know my son as well as you think. Stubborn is his middle name.” Paul’s gaze was part amusement, part pride. “We’ll discuss that later.” Sandy reached across the breach and squeezed Jared’s knee. “He called, and that’s all that matters.” She pulled back and turned her attention to Xander. “I’m a biomedical researcher. I don’t specialize in cancer, but I have a medical background. At the very least, and with your permission, I can review your test results and help you understand what they mean.” In days past, Xander might’ve been angry for the level of interference he was witnessing. But Jared had made the supreme effort to reach out to his parents who, in turn, had dropped everything to fly across the country. For Jared, to be sure, but for him as well. He’d be a fool to turn down help. He swallowed the lump in his throat and managed to say, “I’d appreciate that.” “Mr. Fortier, Dr. Lindstrom will see you now. Please follow me.” The woman was all of five feet tall and wore sensible running shoes. Her long hair was braided down her back, and she had a no-nonsense expression on her face when all four of them rose. “He’s only expecting you.” “Well…” Xander glanced at the gathered group. “They’re my people. The last time I saw the doctor, he asked me if I had someone. Well, now I do. Several

someones.” Jared squeezed his hand. Aubrey looked ready to argue but then relented. “I’ll add another couple of chairs. If you’ll follow me.” They did, Xander and Jared leading, Jared’s parents following. Surreal. In just over the week since he’d been here, his life had changed irrevocably. For the better in some ways. But also for the worse. He was no longer alone, which was good. His dying would hurt these good people, which was bad. Paul stepped forward to help the receptionist wrangle two more chairs into the office. Somehow it felt bigger than Xander ed, even with the four of them crowded into the space. Fortunately, they didn’t have long to wait as Dr. Lindstrom arrived quickly. He wore a white coat over his green scrubs, and his salt-and-pepper hair was mussed. He stopped when he saw the group of them, then nodded and moved to his desk. Opening a file, he scrutinized it. Xander had noticed most of the doctors were high tech, but his seemed to prefer old school. “I’m glad you came back.” The man’s brown eyes were laser focused. “I received a call from Aubrey. I didn’t see this visit as optional.” The doctor barked out a laugh. “No, disagreeing with her might put you in jeopardy. Will you introduce me to your, uh, friends?” “This is Jared Langford and his parents, Sandy and Paul.” Sandy leaned forward and extended her hand. “Cheryl Jenkins and I were in med school together.” Dr. Lindstrom’s brow rose. “You’re a physician?” “Biomedical geneticist. But today I’m here to Xander.”

Sandy had planted her flag, and the doctor’d been warned. “Dr. Jenkins is an excellent professor. Well regarded by all her colleagues and students. Bit of a pit bull, though.” “We were well suited as roommates and friends.” Oh really? Xander would never have pegged Jared’s mother as being as tenacious as she was portraying herself. On the other hand, she had flown across the country. Yeah, maybe her stubbornness rivaled her son’s. “Well, well, that’s good.” The doctor turned his attention to Xander. “I understand you had an episode on the weekend.” Well, crap. “A, uh, panic attack.” The doctor waved it off. “Nothing to be ashamed of. Happens to the best of us. You’re under a lot of stress. But I wanted to discuss your blood test results.” His what? Oh yeah, the nurse in Willow Springs had drawn blood. His recollections of the entire event were fuzzy. Except the clarity of Jared’s reassurances. Of Jared’s kindness. “Okay, so what’s the deal?” “Well, I was sent the results, and I decided to run some further tests. And I had them draw blood this afternoon. I also rushed those results. Seems we can’t replicate our earlier findings.” “The pancreatic cells?” Sandy leaned forward. “Was there a mistake in the lab with the first test?” Dr. Lindstrom shook his head. “Absolutely not. The findings were so unusual I had them do a second test of those samples and take another one. Whatever cells we found back then appear to have cleared out.” “What…what does this mean?” Xander was confused. “Well, it means things are less clear. I want to run another full-body scan tomorrow, and we’ll go from there. If the results are the same, though, then we might be facing a different prognosis.” A different…?

“What about the tumor in his lung?” Sandy tapped her finger on the desk. “Well, we did further dissection of that as well. There were definitely cancer cells, and they had the hallmark of pancreatic cells. I’ve seen this a couple of times. One patient had kidney cells in the mass that was removed. But that person had no tumor or any abnormality of the kidney. We’re monitoring that person closely, as we’ll do with you. Quarterly blood tests and semi-annual CT scans for the next five years, then yearly after that. If we spot anything, we’ll treat it aggressively.” “I don’t understand.” The confusion was not clearing up. “Yes, well, as I tried to explain, cancer is a complicated diagnosis. It is not one single disease but many different ones. Your blood tests pointed us in a direction that might have been misleading. Or there is a tumor on your pancreas that’s too small to see. That’s why we need to be proactive with testing. The tumor in your lung definitely had the potential to become cancerous, so it’s a good thing we removed it. Your lymph nodes are clear, so whatever we found hasn’t spread.” “You’re not convinced he’s out of the woods.” Sandy again. “I’m an inherently cautious man. Cancer rarely acts predictably. Those previous results concern me greatly, but I can’t seem to replicate them.” “You said to put my affairs in order. You said advanced.” The doctor frowned. “I think you misunderstood. I said normally we only see those cells when the disease is advanced. As for putting your affairs in order, I might have said that was a good thing anyway, but I didn’t specifically tell you to do that. I think you misunderstood me.” Had he? Everything had been so clear. Sandy placed a hand on his knee. “I’ll review your chart and see if I can clear a few things up.” She turned to the doctor. “When can I get a copy?” He arched a brow at Xander who meekly nodded. Dr. Lindstrom rose. “I’ll prepare a release form for Mr. Fortier to sign, then get Aubrey to make a copy right now. I’ll also have her print out the latest results.

His appointment for the scan is tomorrow morning at eight.” “He’ll be here.” The doctor left the room. The room that now spun. “Close your eyes and take a deep breath.” Xander obeyed Sandy’s command as Jared grasped his hand. None of this made sense. How could he have misunderstood so profoundly? “We’ll get this sorted, Xander, I promise.” Sandy continued to hold his knee. “I have a better understanding of what happened, and aside from poor communication, I think wonky test results are also to blame.” “Wonky?” The word came out on a shaky breath that sounded like a laugh. “I upended my life because of wonky test results?” Now he opened his eyes, meeting Jared’s gaze. “I put you through all this for nothing.” Jared’s blue eyes flashed bright. “Not for nothing. Never for nothing. These results brought you to me, and if it turns out you’re not dying, I can’t see how this is a bad thing. You’ll want to return to DC, of course. To get your life back —” Was that what Jared wanted? For him to leave? He should rejoice because he’d been given his life back, but part of him mourned. He wasn’t ready to return to his former life. Because he’d met a beautiful man who had opened his heart. “There’s a lot to be sorted.” Paul checked his phone. “And it’s way too late to make any decisions. We’ll head back to the hotel and regroup in the morning.” “You’ve booked a room?” Jared looked…hopeful. “Your mother might or might not have called all the local hotels until locating the one with a Xander Fortier ed.” Paul rolled his eyes. “You might want to have a word with security at the hotel.” In the past he might’ve, but today Xander was too damn grateful. He turned to Jared. “You’ll stay with me?”

“Well, I’m not driving back to Willow Springs.” He winked. “Just try and get rid of me.” “Never.” **** Xander sat on the bed in the hotel room, but his mind wouldn’t settle. He felt like a colossal idiot. Yet, in all the confusion, he couldn’t find fault with the results. He was no longer alone. Although for how long was a whole other question. Jared emerged from the bathroom wearing sleep pants. He tossed his clothes on his knapsack, then walked over and removed the folder from Xander’s unresisting fingers. “You’ve had enough for one day.” He placed the info on the desk, then rounded the bed. He pulled back the covers and scooted under them. “You must be exhausted. What time did you leave this morning?” “About five. I got here at nine and crashed for a few hours before going to the hospital. You’re the one who’s been on the go the entire day.” On cue, Jared yawned. “Yeah, not going to argue with that.” Still, he pointed to the remote. “Want to watch television?” No, he most certainly did not. Nor was he able to articulate what he did want. Instead he just sat there, immobilized. By fear? By desire? By some overwhelming need to affirm life? He just didn’t know. “You’re overthinking it, Xander. Why don’t you turn off the light and get under the covers with me?” Jared’s open expression was reassuring. No hidden agendas or nefarious plans. Just an invitation to…sleep? Relax? Cuddle? He turned off the light, then removed his T-shirt, tossing it over the side of the bed before he lay on his back. The sheets were cool against his heated skin. The

room was temperate, but when Jared had padded out shirtless, Xander’s libido had kicked up a notch. He’d vaguely wondered if tonight might bring more. Did he want it, or was this another avoidance tactic? He wasn’t sure. He jumped when Jared scooted to his side. But the skin-to-skin was soothing. Reassuring. Calming. “May I kiss you?” The request shouldn’t have been surprising, but it was. Today had been entirely compartmentalized into the medical aspects. Oh, they’d proclaimed they loved each other, but that’d been before. Before Xander’d learned the new truth. Before Jared discovered Xander wasn’t dying. “Are you sure?” Jared wiggled up so his head lay in the crook of Xander’s arm. Only a sliver of light came through the crack in the drapes. The room was shrouded in darkness, and the silence sank deep into his bones. Even Jared’s parents being just a few rooms down didn’t affect him. He wanted this. Whatever this was. He’d take the offer and deal with the rest in the morning. “Yes, I’m sure.” Jared’s words echoed his own sentiments, so when the man moved in for a kiss, Xander was there to meet him. Their lips touched, and an electric current arced between the two of them. Jared laid his hand on Xander’s chest to lever himself forward. As their bodies pressed together, little doubt was left in Xander’s mind where this could go if he allowed it. He wanted this. Wanted it so badly he could taste it. Jared’s body was warm against him and as welcoming as anything he’d ever encountered before. How easy would it be to roll Jared under him and take what was being offered? He pulled back. “I want this.” A gentle finger pressed against his lip. “As do I. But I get that it’s too soon. I mean yesterday you accused me of offering a pity—” “Don’t say it.” “Well, I wasn’t offering it then, and I’m certainly not offering it now. I want to

be with you because it’s what we both want. I want to be with you…in a way I’ve never been with anyone else.” Okay, so confirmation. “We’ll pick the right time, and I promise I’ll make it special.” “It will be because you’ll be there.” Jared pressed a kiss to his neck. “I’ve never wanted someone like this. I thought…I thought there was something wrong with me.” Xander tightened his grip. “There’s nothing wrong with waiting until you meet the right person. I just don’t want you to regret choosing me.” “I can’t have regrets if I follow my heart. And you get that, right? That I meant it when I told those two complete strangers I love you.” Chuckling, Xander nuzzled his nose against Jared’s temple. “Yeah, that was a pretty grand gesture. I want to reciprocate, but I don’t think I can beat that.” Jared snuggled closer. “You don’t have to. Just promise me you’ll come home with me. For now, at least.” He rushed on. “I know your home is in DC, and of course you’re going to want to get back out there. I mean, there are wars, right? Conflicts that are calling to you.” “You call to me.” Xander rubbed his eyes. “I can’t think much beyond tomorrow. I do know one thing—I’m yours if you’ll have me. I can live anywhere, Jared. Yes, I’ll probably travel to do some stories, but they don’t all have to be in war zones.” “Hey, that means Lady and Marshmallow are going to have double the love. Like, you know, two daddies.” “Oh my God, tell me you did not just say that.” Xander tried for mock seriousness, but the laughter escaped. Jared stilled. “Do you want children?” Crap. Talk about getting serious. “Until I met you, the answer was an unequivocal no. I’m still not out of the woods, Jared. You heard the doctor. Semiannual scans for at least five years. There’s the chance this will come back. Or

the chance it’ll never leave.” “Or the chance it was never here in the first place. Look, Mom’s bullish on your prognosis, so embrace that. If you don’t want kids, I completely understand. I know Callum and Elijah have opted not to. Callum teaches, and that’s all the kids he wants in his life.” “Does he teach kindergarten?” “Nope. University. But he swears some of his students are just big babies. It’s okay if you don’t want to have children. It’s an option for us, though.” No missing the undertone of Jared’s words. “You love children.” “I do.” Jared rested his cheek against Xander’s chest. “When Liz brings her kids into the inn, I have the best time with them. And Cora…” He swallowed. “That cancer wasn’t genetic, so I can’t it on to my children. If we use me, that is. And I’m getting way ahead of myself.” “You want to honor what you had with your sister. And I get the feeling your parents would make wonderful grandparents.” Jared traced his finger along Xander’s sternum up to the hollow in his throat. “I think I was wrong to take off the way I did. And to keep them at bay for so many years.” “They’re here now. Maybe you all needed the time to heal. I get the feeling they plan to be very involved in our lives.” “Does that bother you?” Xander chuckled. “Oh, hell no. Your mother is free to examine my medical records any time. And your father is free to ask me about my intentions.” Jared pushed up. “He did not.” “He did. While you were in the washroom.” Pulling Jared toward him, he breathed a quiet sigh of relief when the other man yielded. “He had no right.”

“He’s a caring father. He had every right.” Xander feathered a hand through Jared’s hair. “And I told him I would do my best to never hurt you. That seemed to satisfy him.” An exhaled breath skittered across his chest. “We’ll tell them tomorrow.” “Agreed.” He didn’t try to suppress his yawn. “But for tonight why don’t you turn on your side so I can hold you?” Jared huffed but complied. Xander pulled him back into a tight embrace, spooning him with his body. If they stayed like this forever, he’d be a happy man.

Epilogue Jared

Being dead wasn’t so bad. As Maria lamented about her lost love, Jared scrolled through the myriad of messages from all his friends. He swore half of Willow Springs was in the audience for the closing night performance. Becca’s brother had volunteered to stay with Lady and Marshmallow because Nate had reserved Finnigan’s for the celebration after the show. Seemed a little silly since Jared wasn’t playing the lead, but his friends didn’t care. They wanted to share in his pride of a major role. And if they were also celebrating his one-month anniversary of being with Xander, that was okay too. One month. Time truly flew. They’d returned to Willow Springs after their time in Boston, Xander with a clean bill of health and Jared with a promise to his parents he’d stay in touch. Even now he had to swallow the lump that formed every time he thought of his parents. How they’d dropped everything to come. How they’d embraced him. How they’d issued no recriminations. No accusations. Just a reunion nine years in the making. As the final gunshot sounded, he tucked his phone away and prepared for the curtain call. This was a fun group, many of whom he’d worked with before. That being said, a two-week run was all he could take, and he looked forward to getting his life back. He and Xander had seen little of each other, between Jared’s work and rehearsal schedule. Xander had spent more time with the babies than Jared managed. Lady was now trained to sleep on her bed at the foot of their bed at night. Marsh was a whole other story. Oh, he’d start the night curled up under Lady’s paw. But by morning he always was somehow tangled in Xander’s hair. And since the man didn’t function well before his coffee, it fell to Jared to do the untangling.

Applause erupted as the band began the finale music. The curtain drew back, and each group of actors stepped out for their bows. When Jared stepped forward, the place seemed to get ten times louder with cheers, catcalls, and whistles. The actor playing Tony patted him on the back as they ed. Fortunately, Jared’s friends cheered for him as well. And Maria. Just before the curtain came down, he caught sight of Xander. And Jared’s parents. As the curtain descended, he fought to keep his expression neutral. They’d come? He hadn’t asked because they’d been here just a month ago and… Xander. The man had to be behind this. Jared couldn’t find it in himself to be annoyed, though. He went backstage to in the merriment of cast and crew celebrating. The run had been sold out, with plenty of accolades from both critics and crowds. Still, fatigue warred with excitement. He was looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow. Because Xander would get up to take care of Lady, right? Probably. So far there had been none of the it’s your dog stuff. Just a t partnership in coaxing the skittish dog into accepting her new home. Had she jumped up on the couch a few times? Perhaps. Had Jared caught Xander giving her extra encouragement and praise when she did? Probably. “You know we’re doing Brigadoon next season. You’re auditioning, right?” “Of course.” He wanted to play Tony Albright, the role made famous by Gene Kelly. But he’d take the role of Jeff Douglas, played by Van Johnson, just as happily. Any chance to do a Lerner and Loewe show made him happy. He should check with Xander, but he couldn’t imagine it’d be an issue. Xander had seen this production several times already, and Jared had caught him boasting about how good his partner was. Partners. He liked the sound of that.

Cassie, the director of the show, clapped him on the back. “You were great. Did I spot your man in the audience?” “And my parents. Thank you for this, but I’ve got to go.” She made a shooing motion. “Enjoy.” Jared emerged from the stage door into the warm July night. Several cast had already congregated in small groups with their entourages of family and friends. Xander and his parents stood off to one side, and when they spotted him, Xander strode over and pulled him into a hug. Then he lifted him off the ground and spun him around. Sandy giggled and Paul chuckled. Jared rolled his eyes. “You can put me down.” “Maybe. But give me a minute, okay?” Xander’s voice was rough, and Jared understood. He pulled Xander down for a kiss. Just before their lips touched, he whispered, “Take all the time you need.” **** Finnigan’s was packed when they arrived, but as promised, Nate had saved them a table in the center of the room. A loud, raucous cheer went up when the four of them stepped into the pub. Several people rose to congratulate him, and they were all a blur until Erica yanked him in for a hug. “I loved your performance. Dylan said you were good, and he wasn’t wrong.” “Dylan is rarely wrong.” Jared’s cheeks flamed from the iration. He should be used to this, but it always got to him. He performed because he loved it. The praises were secondary. Xander snaked an arm around his waist and kissed his temple. “Nice to see you again, Erica.” “Did I hear that you’ve been hired by the Gazette?” Her eyes shone.

“I might have agreed to do some feature work for them. But I’m still attached to my paper in DC. I…have several irons in the fire.” “Including being in the running for another award.” Jared beamed with pride, and Xander cursed under his breath. “Fair’s fair.” Erica laughed. “You might want to get to your table and order food.” Sandy and Paul were already giving their order to Stan. Xander stepped over and told him what he and Jared would have. To Dylan’s raised eyebrow, Jared said simply, “He knows what I want.” Smiling, Dylan kissed Erica’s cheek. “I understand that. Great performance.” The couple moved away as Nate stepped forward. He clapped Jared on the back. “You really are talented. Wasted in a place like the Deerbourne.” The glint in his eye assured Jared he was teasing. “I kind of love my job.” “Great, because Liz has an idea for the website. Come Monday morning, I want to sit down and look at it.” “You’re talking business?” Xander plastered himself against Jared’s back and wound his arms around his chest. Nate snickered. “I’m telling Jared how amazing he is.” Xander nuzzled Jared’s temple. “He is. I’m a lucky man.” Jared turned his head. “I’m the lucky one.” He touched Xander’s cheek. “You were the one who decided to stay.” “In Willow Springs? That was a no-brainer. I can’t think of a better place to settle.” “I suspect this town will never be the same.” His boss was probably right. Jared and Xander were in the process of buying a house and had come out as a couple. Again, a reminder of how great Willow

Springs was, no negative comments had been heard. The town had gone from accepting that he was gay to accepting he had a partner of the same sex. Not everyone was so lucky. Nate moved on and Jared turned in Xander’s arms. “Where are my parents staying?” Xander grinned. “Nate made a special reservation for them under a fake name so you wouldn’t know. Don’t worry, your parents won’t be in the next room.” “Oh, thank God.” “You have plans?” Weariness was setting in, the adrenaline from the play slipping away. “Maybe tomorrow morning?” “Sounds perfect.” Xander kissed him full on the lips. Then, without warning, he dropped to his knee. Jared froze. Silence descended upon the room. Xander pulled a ring from his pocket and held it out. “I didn’t come here looking for friendship, but I found it. I didn’t come here looking for home, but I found it. I didn’t come here looking for love, but I found it. Please tell me I can spend the rest of my time with you.” He wanted to make the man sweat a bit for putting him under the spotlight, but Jared’s heart was too full for anything like that. “Yes, I’ll marry you.” With shaking hands, Xander slipped the ring on Jared’s finger. “You realize this means forever.” “I wouldn’t have it any other way. Not just for today, but for all our tomorrows.” Sandy was there to yank Xander in for a hug while Paul pulled Jared in for one. “He asked our permission, you know.”

Jared burst out laughing. “Oh really. You knew about this?” “Your mom is big on grand gestures. She insisted Xander make this a big one so there’d be no doubt of his feelings.” Paul eyed his son. “We were right this is what you wanted, right?” “Absolutely, Dad. You and Mom being here makes it perfect.” He stepped back so his mother could embrace him. “Thanks, Mom, for everything.” “Be happy, Jared. That’s all we’ve ever wanted for you.” The popping of a cork drew their attention. Nate held up the bottle. “We have to do this right.” And so they did. The residents of Willow Springs toasted Jared and Xander. Jared felt embraced in a way he never had before. He’d made this town his home, but now they had become his family as well. At home that night, Xander wrapped him in a warm embrace as they snuggled under the covers. Lady snored lightly and Marsh purred loudly. “We might just need earplugs.” Xander laughed. “I think we’ll survive for now. When we have kids, though, that’ll be a whole other story.” Jared’s heart soared. This wasn’t the first time Xander had casually mentioned having children. “After we’ve been married a few months, we can see about becoming foster parents or even putting our names in for adoptions. There are always older kids who need a good home.” “Then it’s a good thing we’re buying a big house.” Xander paused. “What do you think about an early autumn wedding? I mean, I want to get married tomorrow, but Sandy made it clear she wants a celebration.” “My mother is a force to be reckoned with.” “Your mother loves you.” The onishment was gentle. “I know. I just…I never thought I’d see them again, and now they’re a major part

in my life. It’s an adjustment. A good one, to be sure, but something that takes time to sink in. And thank you for bringing them tonight.” “Yeah, I was hoping it’d be okay.” “It was.” Xander pulled Jared back into his embrace. He really liked being the big spoon. “Tell me we have time to fool around before having brunch with your parents.” Jared giggled. “You know, for an old guy, you have quite the sexual appetite.” “Old guy? Old guy?” Xander poked him in the ribs. “Barely ten years your senior.” “Right, so when I’m forty, you’ll be fifty. When I’m eighty, you’ll be—” “Besotted. In love. The luckiest man alive.” “Okay, see, say stuff like that, and I why I fell in love with you.” “I think we’ll do well to get fifty years together.” Jared grasped Xander’s hand and brought it to his lips. “Count on it.” His heart was full of joy as he cuddled with the man he’d never seen coming but would never regret. If only for today had become if only forever.

A word about the author… Even though Gabbi Grey is a firm believer in happy endings, she makes her characters work for it in every gay romance she writes, no matter what the genre. From sweet contemporary to BDSM, they are penned early in the morning in her home in beautiful British Columbia, as she is guarded by her trusty ChinPoo companion. ~*~ Visit Gabbi Grey at: http://www.gabbigrey.com

Thank you for purchasing this publication of The Wild Rose Press, Inc. For questions or more information us at [email protected]. The Wild Rose Press, Inc. www.thewildrosepress.com

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