Friendship Contract 3cd3r

FRIENDSHIP CONTRACT BE IT KNOWN, this agreement is entered into on this day, __________ , 20___, between one fantastic, charismatic, and humble person, ______________ (hereinafter also referenced as "Friend #1"), and a generous, super cool, er-for-life __________________________ (hereinafter also referenced as "Friend #2"). Now, therefore, it is agreed as follows: ARTICLE 1: BEING THERE FOR EACH OTHER § 1.1 Friend #2 will be there for Friend #1 at all times including but not limited to: When it’s raining outside and Friend #1 gets sad thinking about the little raindrops dying painfully as they hit the pavement, when it’s not raining, and when it’s one of those days where it’s raining for a bit but then not raining for another bit. § 1.2 Friend #2 MUST Friend #1’s artistic endeavors, no matter how amateurish or unwise those endeavors are. § 1.2.1 If Friend #1 starts playing guitar, Friend #2 is required to issue frequent ive statements such as: “Now we’re grooving!” “You’re making love to those frets, best friend!” and “You sound even better than Blues Traveler!” § 1.3 If Friend #1 is going through a breakup, Friend #2 must break up with their own significant other so that both Friend #1 and Friend #2 can hit the town together looking for new love. ARTICLE 2: HELPING EACH OTHER § 2.1 Whenever Friend #1 needs to move, Friend #2 will help. § 2.1.1 Excuses like, “My back is out” or “I just helped you move six weeks ago, please find a stable apartment,” are not permissible. § 2.2 Friend #2 promises to come over any time Friend #1 spots a large bug or mediumsized shadow that might be a bug and needs help smushing it. ARTICLE 3: RELATIONSHIP PREEMINANCE § 3.1 If Friend #1 introduces Friend #2 to a third friend, Friends #2 and #3 MAY NOT BECOME BETTER FRIENDS WITH EACH OTHER than they are with Friend #1. § 3.2 Friend #2 is free to discuss the of this contract with anyone. However, Friend #2 is prohibited from introducing Friend #1 as, “The person from the contract” or “My friend who is all weird about being friends.” § 3.2.1 Friend #1’s preferred introduction is, “You wanted the best, you got the best! Ladies and gentlemen, Friend #1!” ARTICLE 4: SPENDING TIME TOGETHER § 4.1 If Friend #2 is watching a sporting event, they must invite Friend #1.

§ 4.1.1 Friend #2 agrees to provide a selection of magazines for Friend #1 to read, since Friend #1 doesn’t really like sports all that much. § 4.2 Friend #2 agrees with the statement, “It’s just not a party if Friend #1 isn’t there!” and so will hold ZERO (0) social gatherings without inviting Friend #1. § 4.2.1 Social gatherings include but are not limited to: • Dinner parties • Movie nights • Lacrosse tournaments • Bar trivia outings • Shopping extravaganzas • Ironic wax museum visits • Sincere wax museum visits • All group texts § 4.3 Friend #2 MUST attend Friend #1’s guitar recital, even if the recital is being held at Friend #1’s apartment and all of the performers are just Friend #1 and all of the songs are just Blues Traveler’s Four in order. ARTICLE 5: NONSTOP EMOTIONAL HONESTY § 5.1 Both parties agree that friendships can’t be one-sided. Friendships must be based on mutual concern and loyalty. And so if Friend #2 is being a jerk, you’d better believe Friend #1 is going to bring it up and throw it right back in Friend #2’s face. § 5.1.1 And Friend #2 is going to sit there and take it, legally. § 3.2 After any fights, Friend #2 will apologize and reflect on how they hurt Friend #1. ARTICLE 6: ENTERTAINMENT EQUALITY § 6.1 Friend #2 may not, under any circumstances, get ahead of Friend #1 in watching episodes of new Netflix shows. Even if Friend #1 is in a coma forever. ARTICLE 7: TRYING NEW THINGS TOGETHER § 7.1 Friend #2 will share all news of cool new bands, restaurants, and books with Friend #1. § 7.1.1 At this point, Friend #2 and Friend #1 will enter a one (1) month-long “EXCLUSIVITY PERIOD” in which neither Friend #1 nor Friend #2 will share their cool finds with any other friends. ARTICLE 8: INSIDE JOKES § 8.1 Friend #1 and Friend #2 will share a minimum of ten (10) inside jokes between them. § 8.1.1 If it is found that a third party did NOT have to “be there” to appreciate the inside joke, that joke will no longer count towards the minimum of ten (10) inside jokes. ARTICLE 9: GIFT GIVING

§ 9.1 Friend #1 is looking for a new sous-vide cooker. Just sayin’. ARTICLE 10: PENALTIES AND SANCTIONS § 10.1 If Friend #2 is found to be in violation of any piece of this contract, that’s okay– Friend #2 can just go ahead and destroy Friend #1’s life, as if their friendship never meant anything at all. Friend #1 agrees to be sad forever and to never forgive Friend #2. § 10.2 Friend #1 will never play Blues Traveler’s “Hook” on guitar ever again. It would be too painful. I/We do hereby affirm and declare under penalty of perjury under the laws of the Republic of the Philippines, the United States and the State of _____________, that this agreement has been entered into voluntarily, and without any threats, promises, duress and/or coercion of any type. This agreement shall be enforced with the laws of the State of _______________. Signed this ______________ day of _________________, 20__ ____________________________________ Friend #1 _____________________________________ Friend #2 Witnessed: _____________________________________________________________ The President Of The United States / Stone Cold Steve Austin / John Popper { NOTARY SEAL IF NECESSARY IN YOUR STATE }